#sorry i've just seen that post on my dash like half a dozen times since yesterday and quietly rolled my eyes at it every single time.

[grimark]

unnecessarily long wall of text tag essay aside, “we all need to be nicer to men so they don’t radicalise and try to kill us” is really not a take i’m in the mood for hearing right now.

[distortedclouds]

So, I've been wanting to say this for a while now xD (read: months and months).

You may (or may not) have wondered why someone (me lol) has been interacting with you so much on Tumblr all of a sudden, but there's a reason for it.

I've been a long time reader of all the work you've written, but you've never seen me in your AO3 comment section. I also never turned up in your dash here. It's been almost two years that I've been going through crippling depression and the usual other shitty things life throws at us for fun - and I had no energy or will to reopen any of my social media, nor login into my AO3 acc. I love nights but some were so dark and scary that I had severe bouts of insomnia. What did keep me sane however, was your writing. The first work I read was "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and I still remember how much comfort it brought me. Even your crack fics, you meant for them to be crack but I was restless to read them every night after awful days. More recently ofc, BW, ah god, I have so much to say, but that's for the comment section ofc.

In short, thank you so much for all your hard work and serious effort. For me when I look back on the last 1.5 years, I think of lots of unpleasant things but also, the good things and one of them is definitely your AO3 treasure trove. A light at the end of the tunnel for me. A warm blanket that tells me things will be okay. Always will be.

So thank you once again. Everything you've written (and continue to do so) brings me so much happiness and inspiration. Things are so much better for me these days and a big part of why I began to write again is because of you. I'm just waiting for my free time so I can spam you on AO3 haha xD So happy to see you on my dash too!

(ah none of this is sensitive or private info btw haha xD Feel free to post publicly. Everyone should know how beautiful your writing is!)

I've read this message like, half a dozen times already and I still don't know what so say. I know our time on Tumblr is relatively short, but it's always nice to see you on my dashboard, especially after reading your aruani fics and I'm honored to know that I inspired you to write

I'm sorry to hear about the hardships you were going through. Times like that feel like they could go on forever and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. As much as I'd like to say "it be like that sometimes" I genuinely understand since both reading and writing fanfiction for the past 8ish years has been really healing for me, and I'm glad my work was of help for you. Especially with how feel about night, it can be the most devastating when something that we loved turns against us and becomes a place of fear and anxiety

On a more specific note, learning that "I'm begging for you to take my hand" meant so much to you is kind of making me reconsider and view it in a new light. It was my least favorite and everytime I'd get a Kudos on it and I'd internally scream 'nooooo not this one!! go to my other stuff!!' But yeah, it's already being elevated in my brains as I type this

I think in online fandoms we stress so much that fanfic is 100% self indulgent and that we write only for ourselves but choose to share with other. and while I wholly agree with that viewpoint, but I also think writing (which includes fanfic) is also meant to move others and elicit emotions in them, and I'm truly happy I could provide the same joy and comfort your fics provided for me

I look forward to reading your future works for as long as you're happy to create them and I'm honored to learn that you're anticipating more of mine <3

I promise I'll get around to updating BW soon!!