#sorry i've been sitting and stewing in rage all morning

[t4tmetalsonic]

in light of recent events

[unpocowboys]

She Loves Me Part 3 (Sean 🍀 x Karen 💁🏼‍♀️ Fic)

Part three going up on AO3 and below! Enjoy! (Or don't, it's your life):

Sean had fallen asleep during guard duty again. The bounty hunters had truly done a number on him, traumatizing him to the point where he couldn't sleep soundly at night and was plagued by nightmares. His teeth and gums ached from the abuse, some of his molars gone for good. Alcohol helped to keep the worst memories away, but only briefly. The only thing keeping him from falling completely in the dark was his love for Karen, even if she never returned it.

This wasn't the first time Hosea had kicked him when he took a daylight nap, but today the old man was furious. Hosea struck him repeatedly with surprisingly forceful kicks. Sean jerked awake, yelping with surprise. 

"I'm so sorry," he barked out, whining like an injured dog. Sean quickly sat up straight. 

"Boy, your lazy ass will be thrown in a pile of shit and left to the flies if you don't quit this nonsense," Hosea growled, ready to deliver one last kick. He was interrupted by a figure with blonde curls, wrapping herself around the red head in a surprising, swift tackle. 

"No! Please don't hurt him!" Karen cried, looking like she watched Hosea kick a child. 

Hosea actually hesitated. Seeing Karen care about Sean deeply enough to risk her own bruises reminded him of how loyal Bessie was to him. He lowered his leg, but still glared with rage at the young Irishman. "Don't do it again..." Hosea growled, and walked away. 

When Sean had the strength, he finally registered who had saved him from the final blow. He was awestruck. He soaked in the feeling Karen wrapping herself around him in a protective embrace, but was also embarrassed that she intervened. Sean felt weak and less of a man. Even so, he loved her too much to completely reject her expression of concern. 

"Thank you, Derryveagh," he whispered. "But ya' don't need ta' do dat. Don't want ya' gettin' walloped by old Hosea, too." 

Karen snorted. "He ain't nothin' compared to Grimshaw." 

Sean smiled at her, pulling her into his lap. Her amused expression quickly turned back to worry as she felt his hip bone poke her side. 

"You look and feel so scrawny..." she murmured with concern, tracing her finger along his cheekbone. 

"You're a stunner too, my dear," Sean quipped back. 

"I'm serious, Sean," she insisted. "Have you...been able to eat?" 

"Not much, but I've been feasting my weary eyes on a fireball blonde..." he said, chuckling lightly. 

"Not funny," she sternly replied. "You need to eat."

"Ah been back fer a few weeks and ya' already try'n ta' fatten me up like a pig ta' slaughter," said Sean

Karen heard Grimshaw's voice hollering for her. "Coming!" she yelled back. Karen refocused on Sean for a moment. "We'll talk about this later."

"Not even a little kiss for your poor, neglected Irishman?" he teased, but only partially. Sean got his wish planted on his forehead before Karen left to do Grimshaw's bidding. 

When it hit sundown and Pearson left out a fresh batch of stew, Karen grabbed hers and watched Sean like a hawk while he was in line. He picked some up and went to sit in a quiet corner of camp. Pitifully, he took one or two bites. Karen saw him about to dump the rest of it out inconspicuously and intervened. 

"You need to eat more, Sean," she said as she grabbed his arm, stopping the dumping movement. 

"Ya' ain't gotta babysit me ya' know," Sean replied, an irritated growl in his voice. 

"Well, excuse me for trying to look out for you."

"I don't need lookin' out fer', lass."

"Oh, because you're doing such a wonderful job of it right now," Karen snarled back. 

Between the pain and the need to feel in control of his life, Sean lashed out at her. "I ain't need your pity or anything else." 

The moment he said it, he regretted it. Karen's eyes flickered with rage. "Fine. Go fuck yourself." 

Sean tried to grab her arm to pull her back to him, but she swiftly yanked it from him, turning to slap him across the face. It struck him on the side that ached the most. He howled in pain and fell to the ground. Karen almost went to his side, regretting the additional pain he was going through, but remembered he didn't need her sympathy. Steaming with bitterness, she stormed off, leaving him behind. 

As his teeth and face throbbed, Sean already planned his next moves to prove to her that he did need her. Fuck the opinion of the other men if it meant pushing Karen away from him. Sean managed to get himself up off the ground and went off to find her. 

Karen tried to think of things that he did that made her angry to avoid bursting into tears. She thought he had changed, but his stupid ego made him a bigger dick than ever. Karen found a tree stump on the edge of camp and sat on it, still hoping anger would soak up the sadness she felt. 

How long would she go on like this? Hanging on to his vague promises of being treated like a wife as a lead up towards being a real couple, a proper couple. A few tears slipped out of her eyes. Silently, she let them roll down. It felt oddly satisfying to allow them to come. She spent most of her life pushing down her real feelings, so any moment she could let her guard down was a wonderful one.  

Sean spotted Karen on the stump. She was slouched over, but barely moved. She looked like a statue with her light hair and skin, an outlaw Aprodite. He took a risk and sat on the other edge of the stump, his back facing hers, hoping that he wouldn't be hit again. 

Karen didn't move. Her tears still fell, but she refused to turn and face him, to call him out on his bullshit. She wanted to scream at him, tell him to never come near her again, permanently this time. To forget about all of their past romps and to just get the hell away from her. But the way the warmth of his back on hers stalled the raging bull in her heart. 

Sean took in the feeling of her back on his, and then finally spoke. 

"I've...felt like less than a man after..." he began to admit, but couldn't finish the sentence.  

"That's no excuse to be an ass," Karen snapped, but didn't move to hit him or physically assault him in any way. 

"Of course not," he quickly added. "I'm the biggest Irish arse ya' could find, and I ain't even weigh much."

Sean hoped his joke would make her laugh, but Karen stayed silent. She may have laughed if he didn't look so sickly now. 

"You're back here, coming back around like a damn boomerang, and yet you aren't. It's like watching you and your promises fade away. I have hope, and then you go and disappear again." 

"Whaddya mean? I'm here and back! I survived me own torture." 

"That's it. You're still living like you're a prisoner, just surviving. Barely eating anything and acting like I'm the enemy when I'm trying to be like the so-called 'wife' you want to make me into. You pushed me away like I'm nothing to you. What's next? You gonna fuck me again and act like you love me and then be an ass again by morning? Spare me, if so. The Pinkertons send a clearer message than your dumbass. At least they go through with their promises." 

Karen abruptly stood from her spot on the trunk and walked away. Sean just sat there, stunned by how cutting and venomous Karen could be when scorned. In the past, he'd make a move, she'd slap him and call him awful things, but they wouldn't affect him nearly as badly. After all, he put on a show of confidence for her, a ruse. But everything she said this time? He was just barely hanging on. He had treated her poorly and was inconsistent with her. He felt out of control, lost in the camp he thought he knew well. 

So he decided to go with the gang to meet up with the Grays in Rhodes the next morning to prove that he was still just as capable as ever. Maybe when he returned a stronger-looking man, she'd be ready to talk to him again.