#sorry i'm really tired and i hate studying every single day for hours

[guaxinimraccoon]

I'm gonna smoke so much weed when I'm done with this test i shit you not

[headspace-hotel]

i promised myself "before I go back to school in the fall, something HAS to get better. SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER."

and i made the appointments, had the conversations, I spent hours wringing my brain out googling discussing with friends and family, thinking of SOMETHING, ANYTHING i could approach disability services about now that my previous suggestions had been shot down, and i went there with a list and i was like "hey is there ANY of this stuff you can do to help me" and basically? No

i asked "maybe i could have few extra excused absences so I can rest when i'm overloaded" but the lady was like Well we couldn't do that because you would miss the material in class

I asked "maybe i could have limited group projects so i don't have to be working on something with 4 other people every single day because social interaction is really tiring" she was like Well we can't do it if it would change the course substantially but we can ask that professors tell you if there's going to be lots of group projects so you can drop the class

I asked "maybe i can do in class writing assignments in a separate room so it will be less stressful" she was like well what if we couldn't guarantee that another room would be available where some one could monitor you

This is after the possibility of a partial course load was shot down (i could request it because of 'extenuating circumstances' but there's no guarantee it would be approved, and anyway i don't even know if it would fucking help) and several other things

Going back to school is just weighing on me crushing me. The past two semesters I have been so unrelentingly exhausted, miserable and alone. I hated my classes SO much and spent so much time crying.

All my classes are stupid busy work , just like worksheets that are like "do all these tiny little steps" that micromanage you painfully as if you can't be trusted to have your own independent thoughts" while the professor sits on their phone.

The grades are made up of a thousand tiny bullshit assignments that you have to remember at the right time, if you know the material and even care about learning it, it doesn't even matter.

I took a PLANT science class last semester that I honest to god hated so much it took all the strength in my body to even go to class. I LOATHED it and I got a C in it even though it was highschool level crap and the assignments were so restrictive that they basically punished you for being passionate about anything, I would try to be creative or dig more deeply on things and my classmates (it was always a mother fucking group project because the professor didn't want to fucking lecture, just give us something to kill time like we were fucking preschoolers) hated it because creativity or thinking outside the box would always make the assignment harder for everyone and I would fuck up the grade and it made me feel so ashamed

Same class where the professor said "you can tell this is a peer reviewed journal article because it's written in two columns along the page" like what. What. Huh. What.

There is so little flexibility too like the requirements are so specifically made to "mold" me a certain way. No one sees anything I have already learned or is interested in my potential and ability and passion and keen interest that i HAVE IN ABUNDANCE by the way, and the classes are so boring and passionless

I approached a lady in the arts department about an independent study involving natural plant fibers but she was like "no sorry i only work with seniors and you would have to take these 2 of my other classes"

There is so much more that's stupid and dysfunctional about this college that is too specific to discuss with privacy online, but let it suffice to say that it's a school that wants the reputation of being really challenging and rigorous soooooo bad but it actually just has 1000 inflexible requirements that eliminate everyone's free time and assigns metric tons of tedious busy work, because being "hard" means our academics are "rigorous" right? but the quality of the academics is not good, the classes are not engaging or encouraging you to think more deeply they are just painful.

And no one, fucking no one in these classes is engaging with the work with any energy or passion or enthusiasm, the professors can't get a discussion going, everyone is just staring like a bunch of zombies because their classes r like the equivalent of two full time jobs so of course no one can Engage Deeply with them they have no fucking energy

the food is like eating out of the garbage. they reheat the same pieces of pizza over and over until they're like dried out and leathery like something from a pharaohs tomb. they have bagels kept in a box and they're so stale you can't even bite into them. I got sour, rotten milk from the milk machine so many times my stomach eventually couldn't take drinking milk from there at all.

i hate, hate, hate, HATE that place so much i start crying every time I try to make plans for fall because there is so little fucking joy in my life when i'm there it's like being trapped underground.

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Hey, so you can ignore this but I really need to get it out and I can't even cry cause then my mum will panic and I don't want that and you seemed like the person I'd want to have in my life to talk to

I have a final tomorrow and I am so fucking scared, I am in dentistry so the details are already hard enough cause we have to study what a dentist does and what the lab does, so like every other college it is already as difficult as it can be with too much info, but the thing is my college has the final where you have to study both semesters, so I have to cram a whole year worth of info in my brain in like 3 days and like that's doable only if I didn't have an exam just before, so basically every 3 days I have a final and it's so draining to keep doing that over over, especially since I have 9 courses this year (I don't choose my courses, everything is set by the uni), the day of the exam I either go back home and sleep and then I am so burnt out for the next day that I then put myself in a really worse position of having to study everything in 2 days instead of 3.... I already got 7 out of the way the 8th one is in 12 hours and I still have 8 chapters to finish and I am so terrified that I might fail cause I don't have time to even read this much (I don't have time to memorise or anything so I just read the chapters like it's a story and hope for the best) and I can't even cry to anyone cause my mum will just panic and my friends are either asleep or they have their own studies to do so I can't just ask them to help me rn. Idk what to do, like ik I should do as much as I can but I feel like shit cause I do this to myself at some point, like if I just studied in the 3 given days I would not have to be this stressed and scared but at the same time I am so tired and I have no energy for anything I just want to rest and do nothing and it's like a never ending cycle and I hate myself for it. I don't want to have to retake my exams during summer or repeat the year again cause I failed, I hate myself so much that it reached this point

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now, and that you're doing it alone. I wish I could do more for you, but there's only so much I can do through a screen.

I know this will seem counterproductive, but trust me. Take a break to breathe. Drink some water. You're not going to retain any information if you're stressed and panicking. So breathe. Take a few minutes to not do a single thing but breathe.

Then just do what you can. Read through as much as you can, taking breaks when necessary to breathe and drink water. And get some rest before the exam so you can properly focus during it. And then kick ass !!! You got this. You're almost done and then you can relax. Don't think about what might happen and focus only on things you can control.

I'm rooting for you 💪💕

[ambrosialdesire]

Dont worry for rantingg ambro, i get that.

Idk if u want my opinion on ur friends but ive been in ur shoes but most of my friends are in relationships and they still talk to me and even for small stuff like with tiktoks and stuff. They never like leave me hanging with their partners and if they do i know which ones. Trust me Ive been there with the your always single but it is different because its more in an uplifting way because my friends fall hard like horrifically hard over people. Im sorry your friends aren’t treating you very good right now. Especially with the aroace thing because thats a little shitty ngl… especially if they know that u struggle with it. But then again i dont know ur dynamics soo :3

ARCANE IS SOO FUCKING GOOD. I could never play influenced to play League it looks not appealing to me personally.

-🌷

that's good you have amazing friends like that, i think it's just my own perception of the whole thing with that particular group of friends or that i miss what the group was before all the dating but idk i've been hopeful it'll return back to what it was even with the dating, but all those mfs are still in honeymoon phases or something 😒 /hj

NO IT IS SHITTY I WON'T LIE, i'm so sick of hearing "you'll join us soon" or "you just need to be more confident" or "you need to put yourself out there" LIKE NO BRUH, I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON MY STUDYING GRIND AND THE MEN SHOULD BE COMING TO ME ANYWAYS 😒😒 /hj nah but i'm really tired of hearing shit like that and i know sometimes it's jokes, but can any of the conversations be anything but about dating or relationships, like can we talk about stupid silly shit like before ☹️ ik their partners are important to them to maintain contact with and keep up, but what about our friendship too? it's frustrating AND I CAN'T BE EVEN BE ON A CALL WITH ONE OF THEM WHEN WE GAME EVERY FEW MONTHS OR SO WITHOUT HAVING THE PARTNER BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE, LIKE CMON YOU CAN'T STAND EVEN JUST A FEW HOURS OF NOT BEING ON THE PHONE WITH THEM??? and i can really tell when they don't want to keep hanging out with me even when we plan out how long we'll play, so either i cut the hangout short or they do sometimes.

my friends are great, they're very near and dear to me and i will always want what's best for them, but very much recently, i've been feeling real bitter about being left behind; it's kinda making me feel incomplete in a way, something i haven't felt in a while prior to my aromantic identification and i don't wanna like rush to find someone cause i don't want to regret my first relationship and i don't want to hurt that person's feelings once i realize that i rushed a relationship yk? BLAH i hate it LMAO

anyways arcane has such a nice art style ngl, riot fucking EATS with the animation cause the valorant animations are one of my favorites since i used to play that before my laptop's storage couldn't keep up with the updates, ESP when they involve omen. my mains were killjoy (MY ABSOLUTE GOAT), viper, omen, kay/o, fade, skye, and sage. i sucked at the duelists cause i never was good at doing the main confrontations, i enjoyed doing all the background support stuff instead hehe AND i actually tried out league before cause of an old friend, but i never was into the whole gameplay cause i could barely see the character and the whole thing was insanely confusing even with tutorials, so i quit after a day LMAO

ty but i'd rather stick to my open world games, otome games, and fps games with blinding ults and skills 😋

[berrieluv]

Shaving.

I'm sorry for writing this, it was a thought I had and I couldn't be in peace if I didn't write, my apologies.

Sirius Black x Plus Size!Reader. Summary: Sirius wants to help you to shave your pussy. TW. Characters are +18, modern AU, kinda sub Sirius?, mentions of pubic hair, reader doesn't like pubic hair, pussy kisses (? idk if that's a thing), mentions of Jegulus and Marlene x Lily. I was dying to use this photo.

I DO NOT SEE/DESCRIBE READER AS THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE.

Sirius found himself bored.

Even though everyone had much things to do, he would simply do what he feels like it. He wasn't dumb enough to spend hours and days studying for a test (he could get an approving grade without trying) but he sure wasn't enough of a nerd to spend hours and days studying (he knew he could never get straight A's as Lily, Remus, Regulus and his girlfriend do), but he and James were fine with just getting on the next grade.

Unlike him, James and Marlene (who parted ways with so each one could go and annoy their partner, trying to see who, between Regulus, Lily and you would get tired first and kick them out of the room) you were concentrated on your books, trying to get the best grades for every class you were taking.

"Baaaaaaby"

You heard Sirius crying, entering to the room. Your eyes were still fixated on your book and your tiny notes along side.

"Baby, please, listen to me"

You finally look up at his pleading tone of voice. You smiled when your eyes catch him, he was the prettiest boy you've ever seen (Sometimes you would tell him Remus was so you could piss him off. He would get extremely jealous, in a really, really childish way, because you used to have a crush with Remus and both of you had your fun back in your single days, which reminds unknown by Sirius or anyone. Jealous Sirius was the most adorable thing ever, but that's another topic). Sirius had cut his hair a few weeks ago, now it had started to grow and part of it was obstructing his face, like bangs, but he hated when you would tell him about his bangs.

"Yes?"

Sirius pouts at you for using that tone.

"Why do you hate me?" You sigh, knowing where this was going, and deciding not to put any more attention on him your eyes are back on your book, his reaction was pouting even more. "Looooooooove, please. Pay attention to me"

"You're such a whore attention, did you knew that, Sirius Orion Black"

He smiles and nods when you finally get up from your desk. Sirius opens his arms when he sees you walking to him, you hug him in response.

"I miss you so, so much"

"Sirius, we haven't been away for more than two hours this past days"

"Pleeease" He pleads, gaining a confused look from you. "Let me be inside of you"

You start to shake your head, laughing "No way"

"Why?"

"I'm working on my assignments" You quickly answer, going back to your desk "And I haven't shave"

Sirius pouts even more, looking adorable, he looks at you with puppy eyes and leans in your desk, his chest obstructing your book and you look at him with a smile. He wouldn't be insisting any more into you cockwarming him, he knows how much you hate to do anything sexual when you haven't shave, no matter how much he would tell you that pubic hair really doesn't bother him, you wouldn't allow anything to happen when it's too far from the day you shaved and too near from your shaving day.

Being your number one simp and fan, Sirius knew like the palm of his hand your period calendar along with your shaving calendar. So, being Saturday 13th, twenty days far from the day he knew you shaved, he knew you will have to do it between today and tomorrow.

"Let me shave you"

You look at him, now confused, and kinda disgusted. You didn't know why but to think about Sirius, your boyfriend, or any past person who was involved with you sexually, seeing you hairy would send a sensation of discomfort and disgust.

"No"

"Baby, please"

"No, Sirius"

"I knew you didn't love me no more"

"Sirius, stop"

"Pleeeeease, let me shave you, baby"

"No" You look at him, pushing him gently from your desk "Now shut up"

Sirius looks at you in silence for a second.

"I'll do all the steps you do" He pleads "I'll put your creams, your soap, everything"

Would it be that bad to give it a try? You really hated to shaved, but you hated even more pubic hair so that's basically what has got you through all this days.

"Fine"

That fine sounded more like a question than an affirmation but it was enough for Sirius, who ran to your bathroom to get all your stuff into that little car you first bough for books but ended being more useful for skin care.

"But I'm gonna keep studying"

Sirius nots and goes into the bathroom again, getting your towel to put it on the little couch you had in your room, placing it gently and instructing you to sit, you obey him, taking your book with you and getting off your pants and underwear before sitting.

You tried to not think about the hair. It wasn't an insecurity for you, you just hated it so much it was insane. So you concentrated on your book, glancing at Sirius who seemed really concentrated every now and then.

"You know how to start?" He shakes his head with a cute little smile, getting first your chemical exfoliant to start preparing the skin gently. "You ask me if you need to know something, deal?"

"Of course, love"

You smile at him and go back to your book. A few minutes later you couldn't process a single word the book has printed in it. You were totally obsessed with Sirius working on your pussy. If someone would tell you that your future and first official boyfriend would be shaving your pussy you wouldn't believe it, not in a million years. But it was Sirius Black, the boy who could make you feel comfortable with just being there, who would never say something hurtful towards you and who would never dare to disobey you because he was totally enamored with you and he hated you seeing you mad or crying.

"Love, I need you to spread your legs a little bit more open. Your skin is obstructing the sides of your pussy"

You laugh at the petition, gaining a look from him, smirking when he notices you have leave your book aside.

It was easier to just say that the fat in your tights was the one obstructing the way, but Sirius grew up with the idea that the word "fat" was bad, and insult, and the last thing he wanted was to insult you, and even though you have tell him, "fat" wasn't a bad word, and you didn't see it as one, he would still be very nervous to call you that.

He loved your fat, let's be honest. There was nothing more that Sirius loved than being trapped between your tights, or your belly when he would give you butterfly kisses, causing the extra skin on your belly to shake.

You jump a little when he tries to shave the curve between the tights and the pussy, failing on maneuver the razor and causing a little cut. Sirius looks at you totally scared when he sees the the red thread of blood going out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry, my love. I'm really sorry, I-"

"Sirius, it's fine. It was just an accident"

"But I hurt you, that was so irresponsible of me, I'm the worst boyfriend ever, I'm sorry, darling, I'm- Please don't hate me" He cries "Don't leave me away from your pussy"

You laugh at the last sentence and grab Sirius chin to pull him near to you for kiss.

"It's fine, Sirius, really. It happens too often to me"

After the kiss, Sirius looks at you with puppy eyes.

"Can I go on?"

"Did you finish already" He shakes his head slowly "Then go on, prince"

Sirius smiles shyly and goes back to his job. Kissing your tights in the place where he cut you.

"I'm sorry" He says, still looking at your pussy.

"I told you it's fine, Siri"

"I'm not talking to you" He says, incensed at your voice, going back to talking to your pussy a few seconds after. He leaves a kiss near to your clit, in the parts where he has already shaved. "Gotta treat my pretty pussy right. I wouldn't want her to get hurt, do I?" He speaks in a childish voice and you just laugh. "No, of course I don't want that, you're my favorite thing"

Almost twenty minutes later, Sirius finishes. He already applied your creams and everything.

"You need a cotton pantie, love"

"Mmh?"

"So it doesn't tickles"

"Oh, yeah, yeah" You say, getting out of your head, where your only thought was Sirius, concentrating in your pussy and only your pussy. Sometimes in you. You would jump sometimes to make him worry only for him to apologized to between your tights. "I'll go get them"

"No, my love. I'll go. I need my pussy to rest"

[chyanxrene]

One More Drink

♡ Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Y/N

♡ Summary: Y/N and Draco have a one night stand, however things are not as straightforward as they seem (I’m not sure how to describe this one)

♡ Warnings: Pure smut, female receiving (anything else let me know)

Working as a healer was Y/N's dream ever since she studied at Hogwarts. The countless hours she put into her studying did not go unnoticed. So when she left Hogwarts two years ago she was immediately offered a high position in St. Mungo's.

Her efforts in the war were appreciated by many. She wasn't fully trained, nor did she know what she was doing when she was presented with injured wizards. But she tried, her ambition, the way she tried her hardest to not let a single soul die beneath her touch was admired by almost everyone.

So for the past two years, every Friday at 8PM. After she had finished her evening shift, she headed down to her local bar. Although she was a strong individual, her mind was haunted by the blood, the injuries, and it only followed her when she went to work.

So Friday was her day, her day to drown out the horrific images, her day to let loose, because she deserved it.

She liked being alone, she enjoyed her own company. The war changed everyone, she barely spoke with her friends from Hogwarts. They all lived their own lives, the thought of them only forced her to remember everything that had happened.

So here she was, alone in her local bar. It was her second drink of the night, the alcohol yet to mix into her blood. This week had been long, gruesome and tiring, she wanted something stronger. Something to provide her with temporary amnesia.

She flicked her hand up, signalling the bartender over. This bartender was new, he was young, slightly shaky. She was sure he was overwhelmed with the amount of people in the bar.

He sent her a weak smile, sweat dripping off the tip of his nose. He rubbed it off with his forearm and immediately had apologetic eyes, Y/N couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"I'll have another Martini please" Y/N smiled, she bit the olive off the toothpick and shoved it back into her glass.

"Right away" the bartender rushed, he was sloppy with his work. Loud men, flirty women all called him in unison, wanting his attention. Craving their own taste of poison.

Y/N looked around from her bar stool, the place was rammed. There were no empty chairs, no spare tables, bodies were everywhere. This only heated up the small bar, Y/N pushed her jacket down, settling it on her lap as she waited for her drink.

She fiddled with her fingers, she would enjoy some company right now. Perhaps she should start bringing her friends, or find a lover.

She shook her head at the thoughts, men were too complicated. She didn't have time for them, besides, she was picky when it came to the opposite sex.

After a few moments her drink arrived in front of her, except there were no olives. She thought to complain, but the poor boy was already under pressure. She didn't want to add any more, she swung the drink back effortlessly.

This was the drink that done it, the gin burned her throat, she could feel the alcohol swim through her veins. Her stomach fluttered, even though her jacket had come off, she had heated up again.

Y/N went to request another drink, but something else had been placed in front of her.

Brown liquid gold in a shot glass— fire whiskey. She smirked to herself, every Friday an unknown admirer purchased her a single shot of fire whiskey.

Was she really hot, or did she just want to take off her jacket so her admirer could see her bare skin. Y/N didn't know, some parts of her wanted to find out who it was. Other parts of her wanted to keep on playing their little game.

It must've been someone from Hogwarts— in the Muggle world they done shots of Vodka, tequila even rum— never fire whiskey.

She held the drink to her lips, pressing them on the rim. Her nostrils burned, smelling the strong smell of the alcohol. She counted to three before swallowing the contents of the shot glass.

Her mind was full of memories in Hogwarts, the times that her and her friends would sneak fire whiskey into a party. Drinking after exams, before quidditch games and after, any excuse for a good time— fire whiskey was there.

Her heart warmed, that's it, she had to know who was sending her these drinks, every Friday for two years straight— she had to know.

Whoever it was, they were smart. Friday was always the busiest day, so no matter how hard Y/N tried to look for the unknown person, her mind was always cloudy by that time. So she would give up, plus the bartender would never tell her who it was.

A light bulb went off in her head, she then realised— this was a new bartender.

She called him over, he ran to her. His face was red, he looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

"Who sent this drink?" She asked, her voice was laced with excitement.

"I— I don't know."

"You must know— he obviously told you— what did he look like?"

"Oh— yes right— white hair— he's tall, wearing all black."

"Thank you" Y/N smiled, she rose from her chair. She was going to find him, whoever it was.

She checked, table after table, there was no sign of this white haired man. She almost gave up, wanting to return to her seat. She internally screamed seeing it was now occupied.

She spun around ready to head to the exit, her face then collided with a hard chest.

"Looking for me?" The male spoke.

Y/N frowned, she pushed back, raising her head. She had seen him before, she knew who he was but she couldn't pin point where she knew him from.

God he was beautiful, his face was carved sharply, his eyes a stormy grey colour. He was powerful, just by his stance, his skin was clean, like porcelain, there wasn't a scratch on it.

"I— uh-"

"Would you like to sit down? You're welcome to sit on my table" he spoke again, his voice was deep, it almost went straight to Y/N's core.

She couldn't speak, she was in awe at this beautiful man.

"If I'd had known that you were going to react like this then I would've made myself known sooner" he chuckled.

His hand wrapped around her wrist, his cold fingertips snapped her out of the trance. Before she knew what he was doing, he dragged her back to his table. It was in the corner, dim lit, her eyes went to where the bar was, she realised he had a clear view of her.

He was watching her all this time.

"I— do I know you?" She asked, her eyes met his, she was intimidated by his strong gaze.

"I don't know, do you?" He responded, picking up his drink and raising it to his lips.

"You look familiar" Y/N mumbled, watching him, his pink tongue fell out and licked the rim of his glass before he sipped on the contents.

Her breath hitched in her throat, he knew that, he had been watching her for so long.

He set his glass down and turned his body so that their knees were touching, "we went to school together."

"Hogwarts?" Y/N frowned.

He hummed, conjuring more fire whiskey from the tip of his wand. Y/N looked around to see if anyone had watched but luckily no one did.

Then she realised who he was, the annoying, pompous asshole that got underneath everyone's skin.

"Malfoy" she grimaced.

"Huh, you were eye fucking me less than two minutes ago— now you're saying my name like you hate me Y/L/N."

"Piss off— I was not— you've just changed— that's all."

"In a good way I'm guessing" he smirked, his fingers tapped the table below him. She couldn't help but stare at his long fingers, decorated with silver expensive rings.

She let out a breath, the fire whiskey had clearly taken over her body and her mind, "very good."

Draco was taken aback by her response, she had always been bold. But after the war, everyone had lost their spark, it seemed she hadn't which only enticed him more.

"So, Malfoy, you've been watching me all this time, buying me drinks— what's the catch?" She laughed, she picked up his drink and sipped a little of it. Some escaped from the corner of her mouth, due to her rushing to swallow the drink.

His finger reached out, collecting the fallen liquid. He brushed it against her bottom lip, letting it sit there before he pushed his wet finger into his own mouth.

Y/N sat there with her mouth open, her thoughts ran wild. Imagining what Malfoy would be like in bed, he was an arrogant bastard, so he must have something to show for it.

She could faintly remember him in school, however all her memories of him were negative. Him bullying the golden Trio, treating girls like toys. She had despised him, she couldn't remember him in the war— or if he was even there.

"There's no catch" he said, bringing her back to reality.

"I find that hard to believe, there's always a catch with you Malfoy."

"Call me Draco— darling."

Y/N hadn't noticed that her thong had became wet, only when she shifted from leg to leg. She felt the cool breeze travel up her skirt and right onto her underwear. She unknowingly had a blush painted across her face, which Draco had noticed.

"Everything alright?" He whispered, he leaned closer to her, his strong scent overpowering her nostrils. His hand found her knee and rested it there, Y/N secretly hoped he would move his hand further.

"I— I'm fine, it's just hot in here" Y/N nervously laughed.

"You seem flustered Y/N" Draco said in a hushed tone, he leaned even closer to her, his breath now hot against her ear.

"I'm— I'm just hot Draco" she lifted his glass to her mouth, drinking slowly, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Mmm, are you wet too?"

Y/N choked on the drink, liquid flew out of her mouth landing on the table. She didn't expect him to come out with that, how did he know, was it that obvious?

Draco picked up a piece of tissue and dried the table, "I'll take that as a yes."

She was embarrassed, more than embarrassed. She wanted to run out of the bar and never return, but she couldn't. His pull was strong, that's what kept her there.

"No— I'm not."

"I think you're lying darling."

His hand had moved to her thigh, massaging it with his hand. Her skin quickly covered in goosebumps, he left a light kiss on her cheek and pried her thighs open as they were firmly shut from her crossing them.

Draco looked in her eyes to see if there was any sign of protest, but there wasn't, her eyes were full of lust and want.

"I think," Draco paused, his index finger drew circles up her inner thigh, edging closer and closer to her wet thong.

His mouth was brushing her ear, "you should let me, clean this little mess you made."

His finger dragged along the centre of her thong, an almost inaudible groan escaped past his pink lips. Y/N's hand grabbed onto his forearm, holding it in place.

She whimpered feeling his finger slip underneath her thong, he ran his finger up and down, collecting her arousal on his finger.

He stilled and looked at her, Draco had never seen a prettier sight. He was going to enjoy this thoroughly, "would you let me do that?"

Y/N had forgotten that he had asked a question, all she could focus on was his slender finger touching her ever so carefully.

"Hmm? Answer me love, would you like that— would you like me to clean this up?" He whispered, circling her clit slowly, his eyes stared into the side of her face. Waiting for an answer, he knew she was in a trance.

He removed his finger, hoping that would force her to answer his question.

Y/N's mouth ran dry, she couldn't remember the last time she had been touched like this. She wanted to say in Hogwarts but everything before the war was fuzzy to her.

"Yes" she managed to whisper.

He nodded, he downed his drink and leaned back into the chair. Y/N frowned, looking at him, she thought he was going to move out of the way so she could exit the booth.

But he just sat there, he ran his tongue over his teeth, smirking slightly whilst he watched her.

"Ladies first."

"But you're in the way."

"I'm a gentleman, ladies first Y/N" he said, his bottom lip was caught in between his teeth as he watched her scramble and collect her belongings.

She stood up, praying silently to herself, do not fall over him. He widened his legs and allowed her to step over one of them until she was standing in between his legs.

She almost fell but he caught her by her waist, she looked down at him. His eyes were already on hers, they are dark, he looked at her like she was his prey.

"Careful love," his eyes wandered down her body until they reached her ass. His tongue ran across his lips, moistening them before he moved his hand off her waist.

Y/N managed to climb out of the booth safely, without falling on him again. She threw her coat on and waited for him to stand up, he immediately towered over her.

His hand fell to the small of her back and guided her through the sweaty bodies. He didn't need to push anyone out of the way, his presence alone made people stand to the side.

Once they had reached the empty street he held out his hand for her to take. She knew where this was going, she always hated apparating but it was the fastest way to transport to places.

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the wave of nausea run through her system. Apparating and alcohol were not a good pairing, she knew not to make this mistake again.

Finally back on two feet she waited for her body to regain its normal composure. She looked at her surroundings, a simple flat. It was modern but with dark accents to it, typical for a Slytherin she thought to herself.

The kitchen was attached to the lounge, a nice open space. Y/N wondered if he lived by himself. It was a large flat, the floor to floor windows overlooked the streets of central London. I guess he still had money even after the war.

Y/N placed her bag on the floor and stood by the window, watching the river Thames in the background, then glancing to the busy streets, full of life.

Draco stood next to her, watching everywhere she was watching.

"It's nice isn't it?" Draco said, Y/N hummed and leaned against the window. She was no longer watching the view, she was watching him. The way his eyes glowed against the moons natural light.

She couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach, his hand cupped the side of her face. His thumb brushed up and down her cheek before he leaned in and kissed her.

She welcomed his mouth with hers, instantly deepening the kiss with her tongue. Draco let out a groan, he waited two years to get her like this. He didn't know how much longer he could wait.

Y/N's arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to her. He bent down picking her up by the back of her thighs, their mouths never disconnected.

Each second the kiss became more desperate, full of hunger and need. Both of them needed this, for two complete different reasons, but neither of them knew what the others were.

Draco managed to set Y/N on top of the island in his kitchen. His hands ran up her sides, brushing past her breasts and then back down to her thighs.

Y/N tried to get his shirt off, only managing to tear the top three buttons before giving up. She instead put her fingers through his hair, tugging on his neatly gelled hair, making it a now disheveled.

She swallowed his groans in her mouth, allowing him to push her legs open, which he settled between. He removed his mouth, Y/N was catching her breath, gasping heavily.

Draco made his way down her collar bone, sucking and biting at the spot which he knew would drive her crazy.

She whimpered, feeling him lick her pulse and then bite on it gently.

"God, Draco."

He let out a laugh and pulled her legs to the edge of the table so she was sitting half on it. She fell backwards waiting for him to touch her.

Her skirt had been bunched up around her waist, Draco pushed her thighs apart, he could see everything now. Her wet underwear, so flimsy, he was almost angered seeing her wear something so skimpy to a bar full of perverted men.

But he pushed his thoughts aside and kissed along her inner thighs. Wet kisses scorched her sensitive skin, she could still feel each kiss even when his mouth had left the area.

She was in a state of bliss, her thoughts and senses were overpowered by pleasure.

"Draco" she moaned, feeling him lick a long stripe up her pussy. The friction between his wet tongue and lace underwear caused her to jolt forward.

His finger curled underneath her underwear, he pulled it down her legs, throwing it on the ground carelessly.

His face was now centimetres away from her aching pussy. If she moved closer his mouth would be touching it, but she waited for him.

He sucked in a breath, the heat from his mouth fanned against her bare pussy. Sending chills down her spine which was already cold against the marble slab beneath her.

Draco could've said a thousand words, but he bit his tongue. He didn't want to make her feel weird or uncomfortable, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

His middle finger entered her without warning, Draco shut his eyes feeling her pussy clench the single finger. He let out a breath, eyes peering up at the beautiful witch in front of him.

She was still, frozen, only her chest heaving up and down. Draco was unsure if she was okay, but the way her pussy tightened around his finger showed that she was still with him.

He pushed it in and out a few times, testing her tightness, he wanted nothing more than to replace his finger with his cock, but he would wait.

"More" Y/N managed to squeak out.

He abided with her command and added a second finger. He would do anything she asked him to do at this moment.

He used a scissoring motion, stretching her, preparing her for his cock, which he knew he had to do. After watching her countless nights, he was fully aware that she hadn't had anyone since Hogwarts.

He wanted her to be ready for when she took his cock, he didn't want her to feel an ounce of pain. Only pleasure, and he wanted to be the one that gave it to her. The only one, to give it to her.

Y/N couldn't breathe, she hadn't felt like this in a long time. She couldn't even make herself cum, she was close, the teasing from the bar and now this.

"You look so beautiful Y/N— do you like that? Do you like feeling my fingers stretch your— tight little pussy?" Draco groaned, she didn't respond, only clenching her pussy again as a somewhat answer.

"God— I can't wait to feel you around my cock."

Draco latched his mouth onto her clit, sucking on it gently. His fingers were fucking her quickly, never losing there pace even when she gripped his hair tightly.

The wet noises made Draco hard. It was painful, he didn't know how to contain himself anymore. He wanted to be inside her now, he needed it— more than anything.

But her pleasure came first, always.

She was close, her low screams partnered with her squirming beneath his touch made Draco fully aware. He moved his fingers and replaced it with his tongue— finally tasting her.

He lapped up her arousal, savouring the taste. His fingers rubbed harshly on her clit as he prodded his tongue in and out of her.

She suddenly stilled and screamed his name, followed by multiple curse words. The orgasm washed over her, but Draco never stopped. He continued licking her until she was clean before he raised his head again.

His mouth shiny, covered in her cum. He licked his lips, humming at her taste.

Y/N's head fell back onto the table, she let out a shaky breath and sat up. She watched as he palmed his cock through his neatly ironed trousers.

His movements were slow, Y/N couldn't help but become aroused again. He was teasing her, he undone his belt slowly and unzipped his trousers. All while maintaining eye contact with her.

The room was filled with heavy breaths, Y/N couldn't wait to see what he had to offer. Never in a million years did she think she would fuck Draco Malfoy. But here she was, silently begging for him to do so.

His trousers were pushed down first, leaving him in his black boxers. They hardly disguised his erection, the tip was peaking out of the top, a wet patch surrounded it.

"You want this?" He smirked, rubbing his cock through his boxers. He squeezed the base and ran his hand up to the tip, groaning at his own pleasure. Y/N felt jealous, utterly jealous.

Y/N nodded quickly, licking her lips. He laughed, pushing his boxers down to his ankles.

A gasp tumbled out of her mouth, his cock stood up, reaching his belly button. It was hard, it looked like it was causing him pain.

How was she going to take that when she hadn't had sex in so long. Thank God she was a healer, she laughed to herself.

He pulled her to the edge again, "I'll stop if it hurts."

Y/N rolled her eyes, "just fuck me Draco."

He shook his head, lining his tip up with her entrance. He didn't enter just yet, he ran the tip up and down her pussy, nudging her clit with it a few times.

She chewed on her bottom lip, watching him closely. He just stared between them, sweat was trickling down his temple. He gulped heavily and closed his eyes.

"Draco?"

"Wait" he mumbled, he pushed inside of her, a strained groan coming from his throat.

Her pussy hugged him so tightly. He didn't know if he could ever pull out, or if he even wanted to.

Draco's hand went to her throat and held onto it tightly. He composed himself before pulling out and thrusting into her again, he tested a few different paces before deciding which one to go with.

He knew he wouldn't last long, so he went with short deep thrusts. That's what Y/N received, short, deep, delicious thrusts.

His hand was tight around her throat, making it hard for her to even breath— let alone moan. Draco's eyes were fixated on where the two were connecting.

"Fuck— your cunt is so— fucking tight" he grunted. His hips moved faster, and his hand only clasped tighter.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. The coil in Y/N's stomach was about to snap again. When she closed her eyes she saw stars, her head was fuzzy, she felt disoriented.

"You're taking me so well— just like you us-"

He was cut off by a loud moan, Draco moved his hand from her neck, his thumb circled her clit leisurely. He watched her come undone for him, and that's all he ever wanted.

Y/N choked as her second orgasm bulldozed through her body. The way her pussy clenched around Draco forced him to come to an early orgasm.

It hit him unexpectedly, that had never happened before.

The two tried to regain their breaths. Draco was still inside her, currently too unstable to pull out. Y/N was desperately trying to get her normal vision back.

After a few minutes they were able to find a sense of normality. Draco raised his head, watching as Y/N gave him a lazy smile— no— a freshly fucked smile.

He pulled out of her, resulting in a wince escaping from her mouth. She sat up slowly, waiting for him to help her down from the island.

Y/N asked where the bathroom was, which Draco directed her to. She was weak, unstable, she needed help from him to find her way there. She felt uncomfortable, usually she would leave, but something about Draco made her want to stay.

But she couldn't, she didn't have time for men. After she cleaned herself up there was an awkward silence. Neither of the pair knew what to do.

Draco offered her to stay over but she refused. He put on a light smile, brushing off her rejection. But deep down the pang in his heart made him want to disappear.

"Goodnight Draco" Y/N whispered, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Goodnight darling" he smiled.

He watched as she disappeared into the night. Hoping she would turn around and say she wanted to stay but she never.

Draco shut his flat door, he sighed in content, knowing he was one step closer to being reunited with his lost love. One day he would tell her everything that had happened, why he had to obliviate her.

But for now, he would just buy her one more drink.

[sunkaashi]

— OVERTIME

↬ Pairing. College!Atsumu x Manager!Reader

↬ Genre. Fluff. A hint of enemies to lovers if you look really closely.

↬ Warnings. Mentions of alcohol. I guess nothing else? Let me know if you think I'm wrong!

↬ Summary.  Atsumu Miya is hopelessly in love with you, but how could he ever catch your attention if all you do is ignore him? Well, maybe his plan starts to work out when he finds out that whenever he stays longer for practice, you have to stay too.

↬ Word count. 1.7k

↬ tris' note: I wrote this in the spur of the moment, but I had so much fun! feedbacks are extremely appreciated! if you wanna be added to my general taglist, fill out this form.

anyways, did you know that only hot people reblog the works they like? NO? well, now you do ;) jk, but reblogs help me tons and I'm very grateful for them <3

Sweat dripped down the back of ATSUMU's neck as he jogged around the college tracks for the nth time that afternoon.

"Just one more lap." He kept telling himself over and over again as if repeating it would make it any less of a lie.

But who could blame him when this was the only moment of the day that he could spend with you? When he just knew that, by the end of that turn, you'd be there to receive him, water bottle and towel in hand? If anything, that just drove him more and more motivated to get to the finish line.

Those seconds in which your hands slightly brushed off against each other's; the way you laughed whenever he tripped over himself, too tired to carry on; the sarcastic sneer on your face every time you scolded him for wasting your time, but still wouldn't leave. To Atsumu, that was his reward, better than any shining trophy.

"Oi! Miya!" Your voice woke him up from his trance as the blonde boy finally shot up a glance at you. He rested with his hands on his knees, chest going up and down in strong and unsteady motions, legs still trembling a bit from the training. "We've been here for almost two hours! Everybody has left already, and I want to go home for God's sake!"

Atsumu snickered at the way your voice got higher with each word, deflecting from his gaze while you said you wanted to leave. He also didn't miss how you knitted your eyebrows together just before going off at him, carefully scanning his shaky body.

"Ya could've left, ya know? I never asked ya to stay!" He replied, smirking a little while making sure to stare right into your pupils.

If eyes are the windows to the soul, that must be the reason yours were so beautiful to him. As he tried to get an answer through them, he also delighted himself in such a vision. That's why he was quick to notice their slight tremble at his remark.

"And leave you to die?!" Your voice, once again, cut him off of his daydreams. "You've been running for more than an hour after a pretty rough practice, if you go into cardiac arrest who's gonna call an ambulance?! I'm the team manager, I don't want any deaths on my back!"

In his defense, he was only there because of you, but — obviously — he wouldn't tell you that. He decided to just laugh it off.

"Well, that's something you don't see every day!" He teased.

"What?!"

"Yer’ worried ‘bout me!" Atsumu said, trying to suppress the smile forming in the corner of his mouth.

Even though his tone was playful, he knew something was off when his words were left hanging in the air, no snarky comments added to the back-and-forth banter you were both so used to.

Seeing your widened eyes, he started to question if he was right or, worse, if he had crossed a line.

You gulped down as if this would prevent you from spilling something you shouldn't say. Atsumu was dying to know what it was.

This had become a little routine of yours. Staying for a couple more hours after practice as you helped him out for a while. At first, he knew you're just doing your job, after all, you were there to assist the boys, it didn't matter who they were. Still, he couldn't shake the thought that maybe, just maybe, something had changed as the months went by.

He remembered it perfectly. It wasn't that long before that you used to curse him for making you lose such precious time of your day. He knew you had your reasons! Staying overtime underneath the unforgiving sun, having to catch up on your studies while sitting beside the filthy running tracks, surrounded by sweaty and dirty athletes.

Even so, it wasn't pleasant for him either. Jogging for endless hours, the summer heat consuming him as if hell were just around the corner.

Usually, he would run only half of those miles. But how could he stop? How could he stop knowing that the minute he did, you'd have to go home, and he would only see you the next day? No, he needed more time to win you over. He needed those small talks in between his breaks. He needed every single one of the few glances you exchanged every time he ran past you. He needed to hear you giggling at his jokes at least once more.

What once felt like dragging insufferable after hours, began to seem like less and less time over the weeks. Those little details were what made it all worth it. They were his private entrance to heaven.

And he believed that you might've been starting to feel the same way too.

He'd caught the way your lips curled up into a shy smile the last time he'd offered to walk you home. He also had noticed how your irises shined a bit brighter whenever he bought you food, worried because he knew you'd be there with him for those extra periods. He'd seen the way you laughed at his childhood stories just a tad too hard, always asking for another one.

Atsumu had always been aware of how he comes off to people: the arrogant self-centered jock. He never really cared about any of those things, but he did care about how you perceived him. The man just hoped that soon enough, you'd learn he was more than what others wanted him to be. Not a pretentious athlete, albeit a normal guy as any other, just with an ambitious goal set to his mind. And whenever you shared one of those intimate moments, he thought that, perhaps, you were one of the few people that actually saw him for who he was.

Still, that didn't make it any easier to admit the feelings he'd developed for you.

"Oi! Are ya alright?" Atsumu said, trying to catch your attention, a delicate expression laying on his countenance. "I'm sorry if I overstepped in any way, ‘kay? It was a joke, I promise." You didn't answer him just yet.

"Hey!" He proceeded, lifting your chin up so you'd look at him. "Now I'm the one getting worried 'bout ya! Snap out of it and get back to hating on me before ya realize I might have a heart!" Atsumu mocked himself, but shied away from your glare while doing so.

At least he'd made you chuckle.

“I always knew you had one, Miya." You said, rolling your eyes at the man. “I just didn’t know it worked!”

“Oya! That was mean!”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” You asked, arching your brows.

“Well, maybe, but it wouldn’t hurt if ya were a little nicer to me once in a while!”

“Yeah? How so?” The words slipped past your lips without missing a beat, and Atsumu couldn’t help but wonder if the flirtatious undertone was something he had only imagined. He decided to take the bait.

“For starters...” Atsumu began, slowly making his way closer to where you were standing. “Ya could buy me a beer after we’re done here.” Was he crazy or did he really see your shoulders relaxing at his words?

“Oh, is that easy?” You responded in the same toying manner.

“Hold up!” He said, raising his hands to the air. “That’s just the first step!”

“And then what?”

“And then…” Atsumu continued, moving further towards your figure. “Then ya could let me hear that beautiful laugh of yers a few more times.” He completed, stealing a giggle out of you. “Just like that.”

“Great, so I’m halfway through it.” Your tone may have been monotonous, but your eyes told him otherwise. “Anything else or can we get this over with?”

“Maybe, while yer’ laughing, ya could finally realize that I’m not as bad as ya think I am.” He pondered, moving a loose strand of hair out of your features, clearing the view to your gaze.

“Now you wanna tell me what to think?” You scoffed, crossing your arms.

“Is just a suggestion! Take it as ya wish!” He winked at you.

“And what if I told you that I already did?”

“Ya did?” This time, he sounded soft, breaking out of the teasy character for a second.

“You’re not bad, Miya... Far from that.” 

“Well, that’s a shock.”

“You don’t look surprised.” You stated, pointing out the crescent grin on his face.

“Too much wishful thinking made me ready for this moment.”

“And what exactly is this moment… Atsumu?” The way you said his name, in a hushed voice, almost like a secret meant to be shared by only the both of you, gave him the green light he needed to go on.

“It’s when I finally kiss ya.” 

Atsumu was quick to grab your waist, pulling you closer to his chest, and finally closing the gap between you two. His gawk rapidly traveled from your mouth to your eyes, longing for a confirmation. It didn’t take a second after your subtle nod for him to merge your lips together, your body melting at his touch. His grasp was gentle, but firm, like you were something he treasured, something that he never wanted to let go of. And by the way you gripped onto his neck, the boy could tell he wasn’t alone in this.

Atsumu moved his palms all the way up your back, briefly running his fingers through your hair, but resting them upon finding your face. His tender touch cupped your cheeks in between his hands, pushing away just when he inevitably ran out of breath. 

"Do I still have to buy you that beer or is this nice enough for you?" You said, unable to repress a smile.

“Hm, I’m not sure… Why don’t you kiss me again and we'll see?"

© sunkaashi — 2021.  all rights reserved. do not repost, plagiarise it, translate it nor reproduce this post as your own.

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch- Part 11

The Darkling x Reader

I’m backkkkkkkkk besties 🥰🥰

The rest of the day was spent doused in the work the Darkling had given you earlier, so the time you would have spent otherwise mulling over his plans for the stag had to be pushed out of the way.

You had plenty of time left until the evening's dinner, where you would be formally announced as Deputy General to the Grisha of the Little Palace. You had already signed off on official letters to the camp commanders and First-Army leaders stating your position, but you doubted there would be any fuss from them.

Your own Grisha is who you had to be worried about. They didn't do well with change. Especially not when it came to a mysterious all-powerful Grisha coming and taking control of an army they'd never seen them be a part of before.

Nonetheless, this was happening whether they wanted it or not. Ravka needed to present a united front and adding another person to strengthen said front was essential. All you hoped for was a peaceful transition, no blood-baths. To hell if they whispered or rumored, you could handle that, you've been handling it.

You had a list of ever-changing priorities in your head, and on top of it was always Alina. You cared for your Grisha, no matter how much they hated you or how much you disliked them, and Alina wasn't any exception. You felt a pang of guilt flow through you at the thought of Aleksander using her against her better conscience but you shoved it away quickly. There was nothing you could do but talk to him and question him about the plan.

The plan. The stupid plan. You called it stupid because you didn't know anything about it and against your better judgment, it made you doubt his trust. Was it so bad, so cruel, that he couldn't tell me? Before you came to the Little Palace, you told yourself you wouldn't blindly trust anybody anymore. Aleksander had to be held to that standard too.

Your door was left slightly ajar, you were sick of the knocking at this point so when you heard a feminine voice call out your name you looked up instantly, ready to be hit with more reports.

'Ms.Y/L/N? I have been sent by the General to see if you wish to use any of my help' The red-haired Grisha looked at you with her bright blue eyes. Her white kefta pressed to perfection.

'You must be Genya' You stood up and welcomed her in.

'Sorry about the room, as you can see I don't have a proper desk yet' you laughed and watched her closely as she studied you. 'What do you do exactly? It's been years since I heard of a tailor and I've never had the pleasure to meet one.'

You noticed a look of surprise at your black kefta. If she had any questions, she most certainly didn't feel comfortable asking, he probably told her not to ask.

'I do all sorts of things, change the color of your hair, get rid of pesky scars, anything you don't like about yourself really..... well except your character, there's nothing anyone can do about that' She waved off and sat you down at your vanity, carefully pushing papers to one side.

'So? How about it?' She looked at you through the mirror and you pondered.

'Maybe the eye bags need to go?'

She nodded deeply, 'Definitely' you couldn't help but feel a little offended, but mostly amused.

'What do you propose then, Genya?'

'Hmmm, the eyebags for sure, put some color on your cheeks,-' She combed her hands through your hair and bit the inside of her cheek '-the hair needs something too, perhaps some shine?'

'Perhaps' You mused.

'I shall get to work then' she smiled.

****

After your pampering session with Genya and prying her open (more like soothing her) to talking about life at the Palaces and her life, you came to the conclusion that you would die for her. She was so kind and strong, no wonder she and Alina were always seen together, they were two peas in a pod. Her humor and wittiness, like yours, was refreshing, a breath of fresh air in the stiff and formal palace.

You didn't bother changing. The truth was you were tired already and a full day hadn't even passed of your new job. How did I do this for so many years? But still, you managed to put on your bravest smile and walk in the domed hall with your head held high and your black kefta on a show like a trophy.

Unlike the other time you and Aleksander dined together here, he was already sitting in his chair. Ivan was standing, ready to announce any war news and casualties. You could see Alina looking at you with a confused look on her face, but she still gave you a welcoming smile.

You sat down and cleared your throat in the deafening silence. Ivan began to speak but you heard none of it. Your head too full with thoughts on how this situation could go. You felt Aleksander move his hand to your thigh in a calming manner. You looked over to him and shot him a tight smile, before looking back to Ivan who was sitting down. Here goes nothing.

You stood up with Aleksander. The Grisha in the room couldn't understand what was going on, who was that person, wearing black nonetheless, sitting at the right side of the Darkling, on her own custom chair. The list of anomalies was never-ending.

He spoke first 'Today is a monumental day for the Second-Army, for all Grisha, for Ravka. Y/N Y/L/N has returned to the Little Palace and will be reprising her role of Deputy General, Second in Command of the Second Army.'

Nobody spoke but if looks could kill, I would be halfway into my grave by now.

'Ms. Y/L/N will play an essential part in our fight for freedom and justice. She is an outstanding leader, sometimes even better than I am, for she leads with compassion and understanding for all. She deserves nothing but the utmost respect and loyalty. If you for one second doubt her abilities, you might as well put cuffs around your own wrists, for disrespecting her is disrespect for me. I put my full faith in her.'

He turns to you and sits down, giving you all the attention.

'None of you will remember my reign as Deputy General, but I assure you I know what I am doing. The Little Palace and your lives are of most importance to me. I am here to protect and care for you, yes I will be giving commands, but rest be assured they are in your best interest.'

'I don't represent one order of Grisha, I represent and unite all of you-' You look towards the Etherialki '-I can summon the strongest of gales and light the Palace's fires-'

You turn your head toward the Materialki '-I can bend any metal, bleed fabric of its color-'

Your eyes meet Fedyor's '-I can soothe a heart and crush every bone in a body-'

You stand straighter '- and I can summon the shadows, call the darkness. With me at your side, I will make the Grisha kind loved once again, we will not be hunted or enslaved. Ravka's borders will be peaceful. I am putting my trust into each and every single one of you to help me achieve our utopia'

You sit back down and only then do you notice your shaking hands. You don't dare look up out of fear but a calming hand on your back almost forces you to. And you're glad because almost every Grisha in the room is looking, no, worshipping you. Their eyes glazed over and their mouths open in shock. Even Zoya looked astounded.

He leans in to whisper in your ear 'I'm so proud of you'

*****

You ate amongst the other Grisha that night, feeling a sense of belonging and confidence pulsing through you. It went down way better than you'd expected. Nobody threw a fit or tried your life. And you were happy. The sleep you had that night was the best you'd had in years.

The next morning, and the morning after that, was taken up entirely by work. Aleksander went away and so you were left with the runt of the jobs. But you had made yourself extremely comfortable in his quarters. At first, you only came to make use of the war room, then you sat at his desk to drink your tea and concentrate on work, and ultimately fell asleep in his bed, enclosed by his scent and those forgiving black sheets.

There was so much work to do and only so many hours in the day, and Aleksander decided to make life that much harder by renewing the search for Morozova's stag. You couldn't keep up.

You were waiting on a certain somebody. You had instructed the oprichniki to bring her here right after she was done with Baghra, no later. And so you stood there, inspecting the war table when a gentle knock echoed throughout the room.

'Come in'

'Deputy General' She addressed you with a curt nod.

'Please Alina, call me Y/N' you looked at her from your place at the table, hands resting on the map. She looked slightly uncomfortable but way less scrawny than when you'd first seen her. Her hair was filler and her skin glowed. She looked healthy now. Aleksander must see this too.

'I can see using your powers has affected you in more ways than one.'

'Oh-yes umm.. my appetite's grown so much since I got here it's rather funny' She was growing more comfortable.

'That's completely normal if you're using your powers more often' You smiled and walked around to her. 'I thought we could have a cup of tea or two, and you could tell me all about yourself Alina, and the things that are troubling you. I don't want you to feel like you're all alone in this place.'

'Dep- Y/N I assure you I am most certainly fine. There’s no need t-’

'I was once like you… and I can sense a troubled soul with my eyes closed.'

She stared at you with her defensive walls up, not letting any emotion slip though the cracks behind her eyes.

‘Alina… I mean you no harm. I’m just worried. Isn’t it nice to have someone worry for Alina and not the sun-summoner for a change?’ You cracked a sad smile and walked over to the tea the servants had brought.

‘Sugar?’

Part 12

Taglist (tell me if u want to be added!!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal @eireduchess

[kart0]

meds update plus rant: day 10

I knooow, I knowww no one cares and this is a blog just for me but I'm sorry I skipped day 7 ! I got so overwhelmed and cried a lot and I just forgot to do it, I was rlly tired

anyways, honestly I can't remember at all what happened...

I did have a pretty bad mental breakdown, because I had to do a writing for uni and it took me 6 hours to finally do it. I was sitting in my desk my notebook opened in front of me and my iPad with the article opened and I just. I just couldn't. and it's hard to explain when someone asks "well what have you been doing in these 6 hours you were procrastinating ?" because. I literally did not do anything. I was definitely stressed and paranoid tho. I kept opening twitter and closing it bc I had one thing in mind and it was "do the writing. do the writing." and it kept going on repeat and... sigh... if I at least used these hours to relax or have fun, just, no, I didn't and I didn't do anything. I don't know why, it is always so frustrating. but I was able to eventually and it took me only 20 minutes to do so.

everything was going alright. I submitted my writing ( at 3am ), then went to uni, took 2 exams which were in pairs so it went fairly well. I was really, really happy with myself cuz even tho it took me 6 hours to do it I actually did everything I had to do.

and then I had another writing to do. and it started well ! for 2 minutes

and then I procrastinated for 7 hours. at 11pm I was already sobbing because I was so frustrated with myself. it's so easy ! just do it ! just start it ! you have to do it then just do it it's that fucking obvious ! and at 1am my dad entered my room ( originally to scold me for being awake at that hour ) and he saw my red nose and puffy eyes and asked me why I was crying, and I said because I had to do this project. and he then said "do it then" and left the room and I started crying again. I really hate myself. and then, at 3am I realised i wouldn't be able to do this work, and also I had to study for the exam I'd have on that day. so I went to sleep. and I felt so incredibly defeated. I lost. I always lose in the end, no matter how much I'm working hard, or how good things are going, bc the previous day I had managed to do it, and then it all fell apart.

of course i struggled with the exam and I failed my test. and when I got back home I just laid in bed and I felt really...weird. like. definitely bad but I felt really. idk, but it was bad. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to focus on social media at least to distract myself, I couldn't sleep. I also had not eaten anything basically all day which definitely did not help at all and I think in fact it made things worse

but then now is day 10. and I am done with my exams. I went to a bday party ( that was on a bar ) and I had a bloody Mary for the first time. it was good. caught up with some old friends. I'm really proud of myself for staying alive, taking my meds and not forgetting a single day, even if I might not be able to take every time at the same hour oof. but I feel proud I think.

I definitely need to checkout on a adhd/add specialist, my current therapist is more focused on depression and grieving haha. there are some days like today that I really feel hopeful for my future. and I feel like I really want to improve. but it's rather rare, most of the time I want to die and feel like I'm condemned to live miserably forever

as for side effects, I don't remember if I said it but sometimes my hands shake pretty bad and my body feels weird and hot and I can't focus, but it usually lasts 10 minutes and then I'm alright. this only happened 3 times that I remember. I also lost basically all my appetite which... is definitely bad because uhm I have an eating disorder and body image issues so I'm like, torn. I'm happy that I'm not eating but I don't like that I'm celebrating this thoughts I don't want them to win yet at the same time I'm thinking how much weight I'm going to lose and unfortunately it excites me. I'm trying to eat properly. I also became really tired on the last two days, like really really tired and sleepy all day but when I go to sleep I suddenly get anxious and it'll take me longer to sleep. for now I think that's all.

I hope things get better for me. this update was long, and I apologize. I will try to keep up with the schedule I made. goodnight :•]

[i-cant-sing]

Hi, this isn't a request. I was just feeling really down and yes, I will admit that I actually cried till my eyes were red. My school is putting an immense load of pressure on me, and I try my best to cope with stuff. Well, I still get somewhat decent grades, but we have tests every single freaking day, every week and we even have these nonsensical periodic tests from 4-5 days. And on top of that since I'm in a class that teaches advanced Math, Physics and Chemistry, we have tests in those too. I always used to think that I was strong and capable of handling myself under pressure but.... apparently I was mistaken. I'm at that stage where I've used up all the tears in my eyes. I keep dishing out advice to people on what to do when you're feeling low, lol I can't even follow my own advice

Welp, sorry to bother you and dump my nonsensical feelings on you, love your work by the way. It's amazing as always :)

Study motivation ahead!

My dude, I feel you. Okay, story time: I used to be the kind of kid who never scored above 75% most of her life. Girl, I didn't even care about my education, just as long I passed. I didn't even know what scholarships were until I was 16 or something. When I got to highschool, my world was turned upside down. Suddenly, there was this immense pressure on my education, that my grades in highschool will determine which career/uni I get into. From barely studying an a hour a day to studying 8 hours a day(on top of school and tutitons). But I wasn't really studying if I was being honest. I was just finding loopholes and shortcuts. And as we know "there are no shortcuts to success" blah blah. Lord knows how I passed chemistry when I opened my textbook for the second time before the night if my test. Somehow, I passed with fairly decent grades (even though my prep was shit).

But then, I peaked in grades 11-12. Anon, when I tell u the pressure was on, the pressure was ON. My god, I was at school and tutitons every single day, for 15 hours. Now minus about 7 hours if sleep out of that, and I get 2 hours to myself, which I would spend on socials or Netflix to keep myself sane. I had tests both at school and at tutitons, every single day, so u didn't even have time to prepare for them. I used to study for school tests, during school hours and for tutors test, during school and omw to the tutors. I was sleep deprived af, my body was getting tired and lazy and unfit because I had no time for any extracurricular activities. Maybe I went out 2-3 times a year for lunch. My only source of happiness was my phone or the very rare grocery trips. Now, how tf did someone like me, who did not give a single shit about her education, suddenly became so invested in her studies????

Simple, I found my motivation. Now, these are 3 things that kept me motivated:

Pettiness. God, I can't begin to count the number of times teachers have undermined me, straight up told me that it'd be surprise if I got anything above a 55%. What did I do to warrant this judgement you ask? I called them out on their shitty teaching methods. It just made me so fucking happy when I would accept their challenges.

Secondly, I hated the the class topper. It wasn't anything personal really, I just really hated the favouritism she got from the teachers. (Also she used to bitch about us to them, so yeah.) When I tell you it made me euphoric to see the look on her face when I got grades higher than her, it's a feeling out of this world. Because she couldn't comprehend how someone who was as carefree and absent-minded as me, someone who had was always busy making friends with everyone and didn't have her nose stuck in her book, someone who appeared to put the bare minimum effort, got better grades than her- it was amazing. (Don't worry, we're good friends now.)

Finally, I was someone who would get adrenaline rush when I used to be under pressure. Instead if breaking down, I used to thrive under pressure (its okay if u don't.) I was addicted to the feeling of working everything at the last minute and when I would get good grades, it was like "worth it" feeling every single time.

Oh also, one more thing that got me through this stressful time was this: this too shall pass. No matter how bad things may seem right now, no matter what important test you have failed or have to retake, always remember that bad times don't stay forever. So don't worry all too much, just a worry a bit.

Now that I'm in college, the stress levels here are on a whole different level now. College studies are way different than school studies. And there's a lot of students, so teachers aren't picking on me so I can't use the petty method to study. I do like to engage in a competition with my friends from time to time though. Its super fun. And this may make you a bit envious of me, but what ive observed here is that most times, my minimum effort vs my friends maximum efforts get me more often than not, grades higher than them. But remember, I wasn't a born prodigy. I'm still the little kid who thought her entire world was about to end when she got a 3/20 on Maths in grade 3 lol😂😂😂

*pats your head* Just find the loopholes, find your motivation, don't stress too much. It all works out in the end.

Your knowledge never goes to waste.

Hope this helped!

[anonymous-swiftie]

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued  for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid  even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

D.

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub

[everafterkeiji]

Song: This Love by Camila Cabello

Summary: Love has so many definitions yet Oikawa never gave you the right ones.

Pairings: Tooru Oikawa x gn!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Tags,Genre: toxic relationships, angst, dozens of cuss words, manipulation

A/N: i promise i love oikawa- pls reblog & comment if u enjoyed!

Was it one of those nights again? The nights where everything is crumbling apart and you're holding onto someone who is broken as well.

Still, you find yourselves testing what it means to be in love.

"I can't keep watching you destroy yourself, Tooru!" You shout as he stands up from the bed then standing in front of you, his power towering over you.

"I'm doing completely fine, Y/N! What part of that don't you understand?!" He shouts back, with a tone stronger and louder one fighting yours.

I'm tired of meeting in the middle.

"Tooru- I support you but if I have to see you fucking lose yourself over a game then I can't handle it anymore!" He lets out a bitter laugh, backing away from you to stare you down. Each part of your body was trembling and his did the same. His body was drained from exhaustion and yours reeked of pain.

"Support me? Then fucking stop already! You said you'd always be there for me and now you're switching shit up?" He says, the drug in your veins fading while your hand trembles at the peak of his voice.

"I stuck to my promise Oikawa! What about you? Didn't you promise you'd always make time for me?" You asked- a slight crack in your voice remembering how tender he used to say these pretty promises.

"Well isn't that just so fucking selfish of you to assume I could make that happen."

He turns his back to you while your jaw was down to the floor, your eyes wide with tears streaming down every second and a heart snapped in half.

"You don't get to call me selfish when I was never a priority to you in the first place!"

Oikawa hesitates to look at you.

He knows what he'll see. A sight of you he's seen multiple times yet it always punches him in the gut with how he's aware that it was because of him.

How many broken pieces of your heart did you have to walk on for you to admit that he never puts you first?

If it was a battle on whose selfish, the king knows he's at the top.

"What the fuck? I tried Y/N! I'm always coming to your fucking rescue and it makes me hate the way you need me." He pities himself. He knew how low it was for him to say, your emotions are always valid to him- he treasures them because you hid them from him when you met, how hard it was to be open to these emotions with one person.

He was that person that you regretted ever being vulnerable to knowing he turns them like knives, striking you in each body part.

"Do you know how many times I had to ask myself if I needed you? God- you were so busy all the time I had to push away my own feelings for you, Tooru!" Your knees felt weak when you remembered how many times you've broken down without a shoulder to lean on. He should've been there- a call away whenever your tears came to you but knowing how he'd never let the game go, you threw away your sorrows to make sure his smile stays on.

"If you needed space, then just walk away!" He shouts, he runs a hand through his locks as he takes a seat back onto the mattress.

I did and each mile I went, I returned to you.

"Go on then- cause it's obvious we need it both!" You closed your eyes as you gripped the strap or your bag, ready to turn your heel on him.

But the flow of love in your veins insisted you to stay, to fix the relationship that was never complete.

"Tooru." You called out for him, desperate to touch him and forget everything.

But he pulls away.

"Just go, Y/N." He whispers, finally the soreness of his throat was growing on him. He still couldn't dare to look at you, he knows that his eyes would give away that he wasn't man that you wished him to be.

For the first time, loving him wasn't something you could endure anymore.

-

The next day comes in and Mattsukawa finds you in the corner of the empty classroom, with your sobs resonating in his ears.

"Y/N?" He calls out for you while he immediately rushes to your side, gripping both your arms, fearful that something happened to you on your way to school.

"I-Issei- hi." You stuttered in finding a way to replace the sadness in your voice.

"Did something happen? It's just me, Y/N." He says softly, caressing your arm as you wipe your tears with the sleeve of your uniform.

Oikawa wasn't there to walk with you in the morning.

What makes it better is that you couldn't sleep last night.

Now, you were scared. When somebody finally shows you concern, you want to cower away thinking that it'd be a waste of their time.

Selfish, is the first word that comes into your head.

"Nothing happened. I didn't get any sleep last night- I'm just really stressed out I'm so sorry." You said looking down, while Mattsukawa sighs sadly, taking you in his arms and patting your head.

"That's fine, Y/N. I can always help you with your studies if you really can't do them anymore."

What help is there for a heart covered in thorns?

"Thanks, Issei." You whispered while he pulls away from the hug, to rest his hand on your shoulder.

How easy it was to mask your feelings.

"It's nothing, I'll walk you to class." You nodded as he protectively walks in front of you knowing no one would want people to see how they broke down.

Oikawa sees you and Mattsukawa as he walks with Iwaizumi. He notices the way your orbs looked lifeless with heavy bags underneath, the paleness of your lips and how you constantly look down.

He's in it for it again.

"Did you two fight?" Iwaizumi asks, Oikawas eyes met with yours and you look away instinctively while he feels a sting to his heart because your eyes held fear.

Iwaizumi let's out a sigh, the silence was enough to give him an answer. Hanamaki meets with you and Mattsukawa while Oikawa wondered if he should even approach you.

He's reached the line of boundaries where everything was just filled with pain. Exhaustion never mixes well with insecurities. A hard working person like him makes unchangeable decisions, like last night and maybe several weeks before that.

There was just a massive difference between his love for volleyball and his love for you.

But the amount that he gives to volleyball, should be the same amount that he gives to you.

This is what he struggles with the most.

How can he juggle all the things he love to meet at one point? He can't just expect you to be on the court while his passion drives the ball, and he can't have the ball in his hands when you're in class with him.

It's possible to meet in the middle, but he chooses not to.

As classes went on, the gap between you and Oikawa grows bigger. During lunch, where were you? With Hanamaki and Mattsukawa. Even a glance from him would hurt you and now he can see a clear view of how perfection turned into wreckage.

By the time, practice was about to start he jogs up to you in hopes of talking things out, even a way to just get a response from you.

It was completely unfair. He'd call you so many names without reason while you fought and never even named him a single ugly thing. It's all his fault. For being up in the gym too late, for loosing his appetite and his energy to the point where he drowned you in his challenges.

"Y/N hey-"

"I'm gonna go, Oikawa." You cut him off before he can even say anything else. He feels his the way his breath gets caught in his throat. You didn't even spare another second before turning your back on him with the intention of walking away.

His eyes widen before grabbing your arm softly as he tries to pull you to his embrace you stood your weight to the floor.

"Y/N- c'mon love.. talk to me." He whispers, his hand shaking as it held onto you. You tried to rip him off but instead he surrounds his arms around you, his head leaning on your shoulder, tears forming as he feels the cold atmosphere of your body.

"I can't keep waiting for the time where loving you doesn't hurt me, Tooru." You said quietly while he harshly closes his eyes and holds onto you even more.

"I'm so sorry- I promise I'll be here and you don't even need to question yourself- I- just come back to me..please." He pleaded, desperation in his voice while his tears streamed down on your clothes. You too looked away as a pool of your own tears were resurfacing.

"Tooru-"

"I'll be better- no I'll be the best for you. Everything Y/N- you're not selfish, never- I'm so fucking sorry." He digs his head into your neck even more while you tried your best to not let out a sob.

"You promise?" It was so little, like you didn't even want to say it because your expectations of love never met with reality. Sadly, Oikawa heard it yet there was a second where he hesitates and you took notice of that. How tiny of a detail makes you hold back on everything you wanted to say.

He removes his arms from behind you while he stands in front of you, now opposite to the power he had last night. It seems like it was your turn to have him this intimidated by the tension.

He takes your hands, caressing them, then holding them up to his face as he places sweet kisses on them. Some of his tears fell on your hand and he let them stay, while you hated how it was a genuine sign that he could be honest.

"I do, Y/N." You stared at him while he begs with his eyes. A single tear escapes your eye as it cascades down your cheek and wipes it away with his finger leaving traces on it.

You give him a nod and this sets his heart on fire.

His lips tug into a sad smile while he gently meets his forehead with yours, closing his eyes. He was more than thankful for another chance.

"I love you." He says, still with eyes closed, only focused on the beat of his heart syncing with yours.

Once again, the drug of love leaves a reaction in your body.

"I love you too."

-

Then the next few days, there was an ounce of hope.

Oikawa's nights were full of sleepless hours and what makes him stay awake is you, or at least how broken you were.

He couldn't help but imagine how you were in deep helplessness and you couldn't even gather the courage to call him because you thought he was more important than your own emotions. He imagines how you'd rather push your screams onto the pillow instead of voicing them out or even how you chose to smile for him after heavy hours of being accompanied by stress and insecurity.

It haunts him how he called you selfish, how he made you think that it was your fault for even being his- supporting him even. He needed you- he did but this thought is always surpassed by the fact that he always wanted to be number 1, to beat his own demons and the ever mocking Shiratorizawa.

He couldn't even remember where he took off practice to stay with you. He often visits your room to rest for a while but he barely gets to do that nowadays. During the mornings was his opportunity to give you a fraction of his time but something so simple he still forgets.

So, he makes up for it.

Even with the help of Iwaizumi, Oikawa goes home by 6pm so he spends the night with you even if it's for a few hours only. If he was going to prove himself to you, he'd do with a 100% of his body.

He was on the brim of losing you and he wasn't going to let himself be the reason for you to walk out of his life.

"What's wrong?" You asked as he laid in your lap, stroking his hair.

"I'm just happy that's all." You leaned your head on the pillow as he takes your hand, intertwining it with his kissing it once again.

There it was, the bad kind of butterflies that swarmed around you.

You wished you didn't forgive him that fast, it was nearly a day when you forgave him. The space that he mentioned basically meant nothing as he also gave in to it. He struck a nerve that day yet you went and took his apology like you've begged for it.

You did wanted to avoid him at all costs because there was never a moment where his insults didn't replay in your mind. You needed for him to realize that he had caused another split to your heart, what you didn't expect is for it to happen within hours.

You thought that Oikawa would've argued with his ego before he could talk it out but it happened so instantly that it didn't give you enough time to rethink your decision of forgiving him.

Oikawa held onto his ego but he had to remember his heart or else he would've dropped yours instead.

"It's getting late, Tooru. You should go." You said sighing before planting a kiss on his forehead. He smiles before sitting up and embracing you tight like you could slip any moment now. You had your arms wrapped around him as his slow breaths rested on your neck.

"I love you, Y/N." He says, holding on to you longer.

"You need to go Tooru-"

"Why don't we go on a date on Friday?" He asks pulling away from you. You raised an eyebrow at him as he chuckles.

"I need to spend more time with you." That's when it was your turn to smile, it felt so good to lift the heavy feeling off your chest, seeing that he's genuinely trying to be the best for you.

Your hand reaches for his cheek, your heart swelling with joy as you look at him while he leans in to your touch.

"I'd love that." He grins as he pampers your face with kisses at how excited he was to see the smile on your lips return. You let out fits of giggles as he continues to cover your faces with delicate pecks.

"Tooru- baby!" You shout as he laughs before placing both hands on either side of your face.

"Good night love, hopefully you don't dream of me this time?" He teases making you roll your eyes as you sneakily land a peck on his lips.

"That isn't too bad." You said chuckling as he kisses your lips while you smiled before allowing your lips to move with his. You pull away, flicking his forehead with your finger.

"Go." You said laughing, he gives you a pout before sighing and taking his bag from the floor.

"I'll see you on Friday then?"

"You'll see me tomorrow, Tooru."

"That's even better." He leaves with a smile on his face while what remains on yours were heated cheeks.

It was good to feel how love flowed in your bloodstream again, it wasn't bad to take in some of it's harshness from time to time.

-

"Really? Oikawa hasn't brought that up." You pout as Iwaizumi shrugs beside you, it was Friday and your boyfriend decided to miss it for some odd reason.

Iwaizumi brought up the topic of an upcoming match and that Oikawa saw an article of how Ushijima takes the crowd by storm again. He's never mentioned it to you but you did notice how he'd walk you home and instead of staying, he'd leave for some specific reasons.

"Anyway, will you be there?" Hanamaki asks, biting into his apple. You nodded of course. You couldn't miss the opportunity to see him outwit the opposite team again.

"I just hope he doesn't go crazy with training again, Wakatoshi taunts him even through a photo. I don't wanna see him- forget about his health." You wanted to say how you wanted to avoid arguments but the boys seem to agree to what you said knowing Oikawa oversteps his strength all the time.

"I'll watch over him." Iwaizumi says looking at you while you smile at him, grateful that if you weren't always there- it was Iwaizumi that you can count on.

"Thanks, Haji."

"Are you not worried about my health, Y/N?" Hanamaki says pouting making you laugh while Mattsukawa flicks his forehead with a straw.

After classes, home was calling your name for you to get ready on your date. There was the familiar feeling that kicks in, how you got excited when his name on your phone lights up the dark room, or when you see his jacket on your bed- it was back. The love bug has returned, how the first bite felt like love was overwhelming but you wanted to handle it.

God, you felt so silly- acting like one of his fan girls who got noticed by him. You were lucky enough to even obtain the title of being his so of course your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when he admitted his feelings to you. Though, it felt good. After the whole argument, you were scared if that feeling can ever come back now that it did- you were more than relieved.

-

The clock goes on as you wait for him to arrive.

Sure, it had been a good 20 minutes that passed but you were assuming that there'd be a meeting since there was a match coming up so you let your patience take over for a while.

But 20 minutes grew into an hour, and an hour turned into 2 more.

You couldn't even cry because you knew, it was too good to be true. Storming out your house changing out of the outfit you initially planned, you chose to dress into something more comfortable knowing it wasn't going to happen anyway.

You knew where to go.

As your feet lead you to the Seijoh gym, your heart was growing darker with each step.

Hearing the sound of volleyballs impacting on the floor, you already knew.

"Oikawa! Go home!" Iwaizumi shouts while the stubborn setter shakes his head, spiking another ball, out of breath as he do so.

You heard Iwaizumi loud and clear, that was enough for you to run back home, to never face his lies again.

Maybe you were a fool for lovebugs- but the bite wasn't to make you fall in love.

It was for you to stop.

"Go home, Oikawa. C'mon." Mattsukawa says sighing while the first years were already bidding them goodbye. Iwaizumi waves them off and tells them to rest well while Oikawa was still spiking to no end.

"I can't- I need to beat them." He says panting while the other third years share a look, remembering your words.

"What about Y/N?" Iwaizumi asks and it seems like this doesn't hit Oikawa like it's supposed to.

"Yeah, isn't it Friday? Aren't you guys supposed to be on a date?" The moment it leaves Hanamakis mouth, Oikawa stops. Iwaizumi sighs in annoyance when he sees the way his best friends expression drop with shock.

"You forgot didn't you?" Mattsukawa asks and suddenly he's brought back to the moment where he found you crying, now realizing that it was to put up the fact that Oikawa was the only reason.

Suddenly, the silence of the gym surrounded him like a tight space while his mind went at war for his mistake.

"Fuck! I- I have to go." Oikawa stutters as he immediately grabs his bag but before he leaves, he sees how disappointed his teammates looked at him. He looks away as he runs to cut the distance between you and him.

"This isn't going to be good for the both of them." Iwaizumi says sighing before picking up a few stray balls. The other two agree sadly but they hope that you two would be able to withstand the issue.

But Mattsukawa feels like you were at the tip of the cliff already.

After a few minutes, dozens of knocks awoke you from your corner as you knew who was at the other end.

"Y/N? Let me in please.." He begs through the door as you felt the tears continue to drip down your cheeks. You closed your eyes as Oikawa leans his head on the door, praying you'd open it.

And you did.

Your heart was numb, your eyes were giving out but watching him stand there made you feel alive, because you knew this was the last time you'll ever let the drug of love fool you again.

"Y/N- I'm so sorry I just we had a project and-"

"I didn't think you'd still lie to me." You said with a dry voice as his heart was pinned by your words.

"I didn't even know there'd be a match." You added, chuckling bitterly as Oikawa bites his lip looking down. You let out another laugh, the red hue of love was fading in your system turning into a deeper shade of how you've let the toxicity slip from your notice.

"I'm so fucking sorry-"

"Tell me then, can beating Ushijima bring you everything you've ever wanted?"

He was quiet. You put him in a spot where he shows too much hesitation that you wished you didn't even ask in the first place.

"And if you won, I guess that's when you can realize to put your health first." You continued stepping forward as his eyes looked at your exhausted ones.

You surprised him by tugging onto his shirt, gripping it with every might left in your body. You held him because there was nothing else for you to hold onto.

You tried to grab the last thread of love strapped in your body but it seems to have been cut when you saw him at the gym.

He didn't know if he could hold you because this a whole other side of you he prays to never see again. He just wanted the warmth of your skin on him but why was it that you felt the coldest to him?

"So please tell me, what do I have to do for you to stop choosing me?"

You said this with every timbre of your voice trembling as you land a firm punch to his chest then turning your back to him, letting out a sob.

"I understand, Tooru. God- I always have and it fucking sucks that I know I can't do anything about it." Oikawa looks at you, adrenaline rushing to his heart when it sinks in.

"I can't choose, Y/N. You're making this hard for me because I love both." His voice cracks at the idea of choosing between you and a sport he's loved since he was a kid. His dreams that he wants nothing more then to happen, while he visualizes a possible future with you.

"I've always known what you'd choose, I just wish I fucking knew when I needed to stop believing that it could be me." You were defeated and naïve, you should've known that it would bring you to this conversation over and over again. You tilt your head, harshly gasping for air as you sniffle, the heaviness of your eyes taunting you to sleep the pain away in hopes it'd be a dream instead.

"Y/N stop fucking saying that- you're acting like I didn't try and give you everything that I could!" He yells, his own eyes brimming up tears. You were surprised to hear this but seeing how his cheeks and ears were painted red, you knew that he's been trying to release all the things he wanted to say.

"And I did the same yet you always turn it on me, Tooru! All I've been saying is that I just wanted you to make me feel like I could be at the top of your list- even for a second but I just keep getting played over and over again." You rambled on and what makes you crack under the pain was a scoff.

"You knew what game you were playing, why didn't you stop?" He didn't attempt to stare at you since his question felt like it was mocking you.

You should've left. The moment where the crowd cheers for him while your shouts became the weakest, you should've known.

Oikawa did too.

He thought you would've gone and walked away when you had the chance but what shocks him is that you stayed. There's a voice in his head that tells him that what you two had can never remain permanent but he held onto his beliefs that he could make you stay no matter how difficult the game was.

"Because I fucking love you too much Tooru! God if I could just- get it out of my fucking veins then maybe I could realize how I've gone into a trap instead." You shouted, walking towards him with both your eyes wishing for it to be over.

"What trap are you talking about Y/N! I love you just as much as you did and I tried to make things work but it- isn't working anymore." His voice fades with his ending sentence while you've gone to a corner, sobbing and sliding off the wall, sitting on the floor as every ounce of love dies on you when you hear him.

"I don't know- it's a word that I can never know what it means- I can admit that it is scary." You said looking at the night sky, with your knees to your chest as Oikawa smiles fondly at your words.

"What's so scary about falling in love?"

You look at him before answering.

"Everything."

"Maybe I can show you that it can be beautiful." He says, staring into your orbs. You smiled at his words before resting your hand on top of his while he blushes before intertwining them.

"What if it hurts?" You ask him, adjusting your position as you listened to his convincing words.

"Love always hurts." He says sadly, chuckling in order to ease how bitter it was. He sees how your reaction didn't falter because you knew it was true, so with his hand lifting your chin to meet his eyes, he speaks.

"But that doesn't mean I can't take some of the pain away."

You felt Oikawas presence beside you as he leans his head on your shoulder closing his eyes as two people were tired of ripping each others heart.

"Maybe you should set me free." You whispered, your voice gave out, like your last words. Oikawa sucks in a harsh breath as you close your own eyes and he sees the final tear fall from your cheek.

"But I really don't want to."

[mrfeenysmustache]

Some Family is Found

Summary: A collection of vignettes about the Higurashi family, from Single Dad Souta, schoolyard fights, blended family of three then four, and learning to let go and let fate take control.

"Papa Souta!"

Yanked from sleep with a harsh gasp, Souta was already half rolled out of bed and running before his eyes had fully opened. He knew that tone, scared and frail and small, and his body had become well trained over the last year to respond to it immediately.

He dashed quickly from his room to hers, throwing open the door and flinging himself inside right to her little bed where she sat wide eyed and terrified much like she had been when he'd first laid eyes on her.

"Towa! I'm here. You're safe. It was just another nightmare."

No sooner had he sat next to her had she thrown herself into his arms, shaking and snuggling while he crooned wordlessly and petted her soft, white hair.

The first time she'd called him Papa had been a night just like this one. A handful of months passed with her in his care and every night she woke in a fright, babbling about sisters and fires and someone named Setsuna. She'd clung to him just this way, rubbed her sniffling little nose into his shoulder and called him Papa with a shaky sigh that bound his heart right up.

Her nightmares came further apart from that night on, but every once in a while he was still needed to chase away the darkness.

"It's okay, it will all be alright." He shushed gently, swaying her back and forth while he scratched at her scalp and rubbed her back. Eventually she quieted down and then went limp with sleep again. He tucked her back into her bed, smoothed the hair back from her forehead and smiled at the peace that returned to her little cherub face.

He checked her alarm clock and sighed; it was early enough that she wouldn't normally be up, but his own alarm clock was about to go off, signaling his painfully early study hour. He was almost done with his degree and then waking before the sun could, hopefully, become a thing of the past. With one last look at the sweetly sleeping face of his little daughter, Souta quietly left her room to return to his own.

———

The bell chimed the end of the day and a flurry of tiny bodies rushed passed him, giggling and squealing and eager to leave the school yard behind until tomorrow. Souta gulped and straightened his shoulders before striding across the lawn and entering the doors once the last of the children had filtered out.

He'd spent enough of his own childhood here to know where he was going, and his legs carried him unconsciously to the principals office where he'd been called in for an important meeting.

He steeled himself at the door and took another deep breath before opening it dipping his head in greeting to the principal and eyeing the wilted form of the white haired toddler he'd been asked to come in to discuss.

His heart panged at the sight of her, his normally vibrant girl so small and sad and dejected, one of her pigtails drooping and a bright red scuff mark marring her round cheek.

'Oh no...'

"Higurashi-San, Thank you for coming."

"Of course." He replied, sitting in the empty seat across from the large desk.

A pair of sad red eyes shifted his way and he smiled softly, reassuringly.

The principal finally looked up from her paper work and blinked, looking perplexed before adjusting her glasses.

"I'm so sorry, there must be some confusion, I believe I requested that Towa-Chan's mother or father come in to speak today."

Souta winced internally, but kept his expression genial and placid.

"Yes, you did. There's no confusion. I am Higurashi Souta, Towa-Chan's father."

The principal blinked again and cleared her throat, looking between he and little Towa with a glint in her eye he didn't appreciate.

"My, you certainly look very young to be a father." She said crisply, and Souta bristled and struggled to keep his tone polite.

"I'm sure it doesn't surprise you to know I hear that quite a lot."

"Yes well. Let's get to the point, shall we? Towa-Chan has been exhibiting some shocking behavior of late. We are very concerned."

"As are we, she's made us aware that she's been on the receiving end of some unfair teasing."

The principal sniffed and shuffled her papers before folding her hands primly.

"Be that as it may, we can not tolerate violence against our other children, and Towa has instigated several physical altercations this week alone. Unless something drastic is done, she is risking expulsion."

His eyes widened and he sat up straighter in his seat, meeting the principal's gaze unflinchingly before looking once again on Towa. She still didn't look up, staring at her feet and making herself as small as possible. It broke his heart, and he heaved a sigh before looking back to the principal with a smile.

"I understand. I'll talk with her tonight. Thank you for your time."

He stood and scooped Towa up from her seat. She curled into him and he strode quickly out of the building. He stopped on the stairs to switch her over to his back, and after hooking his arms behind her knees she rested her head against his shoulder and sighed a forlorn sigh.

"I'm sorry Papa Souta. I caused so much trouble."

Her little voice, small and broken, tore into him, and he wondered if he might be doing something wrong.

He knew he was young to be a father, especially to a school aged child like Towa. She was barely six, but he wasn't quite out of university just yet, and was far from the ideal situation for having small, helpless people depending on you. He still had so much to learn himself.

"Don't worry about it Towa-Chan. No one wants to be picked on. You just need to remember your strength. You aren't like the other kids, you're much stronger."

"Okay." It was barely above a whisper, and Souta hated for her to sound like that.

The rest of the journey home was made in heavy silence, but Mama Higurashi swept in to lend her gentle touch and Souta watched Towa brighten a little under her attention.

Cookies and tea and an affectionate pat on the head as her grandmother helped her color a picture soon had Towa back on track and Souta sighed in relief.

"Why don't you go and study for your upcoming final and leave us girls to our own business, hm?"

"Thanks mama."

——

Mama Higurashi tearfully hung the picture she'd taken just a few nights before on the wall, brimming with love and pride.

Souta smiled back from the center of the frame draped in his graduation gown with Towa beaming atop his shoulders, his graduation cap covering her white hair.

It's not what she ever expected the photo of his university graduation would look like, but she glanced at the high school graduation photo of her firstborn daughter and grinned.

Both of her children seemed fated to walk interesting paths that twisted off from the rigid one set in place by society at large.

She couldn't say she was anything but proud.

A squeal of delight drew her attention to the window nearby and she watched indulgently as Souta scooped Towa up before falling to the ground with her, tickling her sides while she laughed and wiggled away.

A thread of worry wrapped around her heart then and she said a silent prayer that this new school year coming up for her would be easier than the last.

A new school, a fresh start, hopefully her granddaughter would fare better with the students at this school than she had before. She was such a dear girl with an unshakable sense of justice that she already couldn't help but fight tooth and nail for.

The sun glowed off her little white pony tails and her smile stretched freely across her face, and Mama Higurashi found herself wondering not for the first time if they hadn't ended up adopting Kagome and Inuyasha's child.

She looked very little like them aside from her hair color, but she certainly had Kagome's sense of right and wrong and Inuyasha's strength to back it up.

The likelihood of that was low, especially as she'd only ever spoken of someone named Setsuna.

"Well, time to call them in for dinner."

———

"I'm sorry Papa Souta. I cause you so much trouble..."

"It's alright Towa. I was thinking this other school would be better for you anyway. They have a wrestling team!"

Her eyes still held a glimmer of uncertainty and guilt, and though he was was stressed and concerned, he didn't want her shouldering such feelings all the time.

He knew she remembered her life before he'd found her on his front lawn, that she'd come from somewhere else before they'd taken her in, before he'd decided raise her as his own child, and he had a suspicion that she feared he might one day grow tired of her escapades and be done with her.

But he just couldn't. She may not have come from him, but she was his.

He was going to stick with her no matter what.

We have to go pick up your uniform next week, they have several colors to choose from, is there one you like best?"

He handed her the brochures and watched her nose scrunch up at the list of pictures of skirts with different colors and numbers of pleats, and bit his lip to keep from laughing outright.

"Um, no, I don't have any preferences."

"You're sure?"

"Anything is fine, really!"

"Alright. Well, have you been practicing with the sword you found with grandpa the other day?"

Suddenly her face lit up like the sun, and Souta sat back and listened while she detailed all the things she'd been practicing that she'd seen on various internet videos.

Her last teacher had admonished him for allowing her to peruse such interests.

'It's wildly unlady like. You should not be encouraging swordplay from a girl who already can't control her violent urges with her peers!'

She'd even thrown in a barb about her lack of a mother.

But while Souta agreed that Towa needed to be less violent while at school, he couldn't imagine discouraging her from the things she loved, even if they weren't the most feminine.

She bounced around the room, showing him some of the swings and stabs she'd nearly mastered and he couldn't help but think her Aunt would be so proud to watch her follow in her footsteps.

———-

"Grammy, when will Papa Souta be home again?"

"Oh much later I think Dear. I'll be tucking you in tonight, is that alright?"

Towa nodded solemnly but then burst into bright giggles when she saw her grandmother pull the secret stash of cookies out from the back of the cleaning cabinet.

"It's a big night Towa, what say we celebrate early?"

Mama Higurashi sat on the couch and let Towa settle in beside her before opening the box and letting her select two.

"One for each hand!" She chirped, smiling up at her, red eyes glimmering. It was their long standing tradition and she cherished how much her rapidly growing granddaughter still enjoyed it. She was now teetering on the edge of childhood, a vibrant girl rapidly approaching her pre-teen years.

"One for each hand my darling."

"So... you think she'll say yes?"

Mama eyed her granddaughter for a moment, but her face was unreadable.

"I do. She's a lovely woman."

"Yeah. She is."

"Do you not wish for her to join the family?"

Towa crunched into her cookie and chewed thoughtfully for a moment.

"It's not that. What if she doesn't like living with me all the time?"

"Oh Towa honey, Moe-Chan loves you! She's probably the most understanding person we've ever known. She's certainly taken everything in stride."

"She makes Papa Souta happy."

"She does. You know most of all he wants you to be happy though, right dear?"

"And I want him to be happy too. So yes, I hope she says yes tonight." Towa replied, leaning into her grandmother's side.

"Can we watch my favorite movie tonight?"

"That awful horror film? No chance young lady!"

Towa erupted into giggles while her grandmother put on calm, soothing movie they both enjoyed, and Towa drifted off into sleep feeling safe and content.

———-

Moe Higurashi hovered awkwardly in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, watching Towa as she sat still as a statue at the dining table, head down and pillowed on her arms. She heaved a tired sigh, and Moe's heart constricted.

She'd known before she married Souta that his daughter had many troubles at school. She was strong and sure and didn't stand aside when others were being mistreated. Thus, she was often a target for those who wanted to prove themselves stronger than her.

Towa had started another new school just this week, and already the fighting had started again. She could practically feel the stress and guilt oozing off her young step-daughter's young shoulders, and she wanted so badly to do something about it without overstepping any boundaries.

An idea struck her and she stepped quietly away to retrieve her violin from her room. Towa had not moved an inch when she returned, and in fact didn't seem to be aware of anything outside of her own troubled thoughts.

Moe hesitated for one more moment before delicately clearing her through and startling Towa out of her funk.

"May I sit here please?"

Towa nodded and watched silently as Moe took the seat across from hers and began tuning the strings of her violin. And then, without a word, she brought the instrument up, held it in place, and pulled the bow across the strings. She played something low and soothing, something that filled the room as well as all the stormy spots in Towa's mind until she felt the tension melt from her.

She put her head back down, but this time Moe noted with pride that her shoulders were noticeably less rigid. She continued to play even after Towa lifted her head and listened with a smile.

———-

There had been many times in the month since bringing his new baby home that Souta thought his heart would burst open with love and pride and happiness, and this time was no different.

Little Mei, still so small and sleepy and new, was reclined comfortably on a soft blanket his mother had knitted. She was fast asleep, swaddled tightly into a little bundle, and Towa had stretched out on the floor next to her, gazing lovingly down at her and running her fingers over the soft, wispy hairs on her head. She was whispering something, something he couldn't quite make out, but the look of devotion on her face toward her new little sister took his breath away. They were as mismatched a set as he'd ever seen. Mei's soft brown hair and eyes contrasted sharply to the burning red of Towa's eyes, or the shock of silver that grew from her head, but they both lived deep inside his heart.

Moe entered from the opposite side of the room from the kitchen with a flour stained apron around her waist.

"There are my girls! Towa, I've brought you a cookie fresh from the oven."

"Thank you Mama Moe." She whispered in return, careful not to wake her sister, and Souta watched Moe valiantly attempt to keep her own emotions in check. He knew how much it meant to her that Towa had grown so close to her.

"Let me know if you need anything."

Moe went back into the kitchen, and Souta took another indulgent moment to watch his daughters begin forging their bond.

————

Souta held his smile until the moment the shining portal winked out of existence, and then his expression fell and he grabbed desperately for his mother's hand.He squeezed it and she responded immediately.

"Souta, what's wrong my son?"

"How-" he gulped around the fear rapidly growing and choking him, watched Moe scoop up a crying Mei, silent tears tracking down her own face, and knew the dam on his emotions would break soon. "How did you do it mama? How did you... how did you let Kagome go over and over and over? How were you always okay with this?!"

Mama sighed and rubbed his back, staring off into nothing for a moment as old fears and anxieties swam back up from the recesses of her memories.

"Come inside my dears, let me make you some tea and try to ease your worries. At least, let me help you try to manage them better than I was able."

Souta hung back until the others had filed inside and looked back at the place his daughter had just disappeared without a trace. He'd watched his sister vault over the well time and again and remembered the distant fears he'd had for her as a child.

But she'd had Inuyasha, his larger than life living legend brother-in-law who he was convinced could beat any opponent conceivable.

This time, he wasn't a child anymore, and this wasn't his sister.

This was his child, one he'd practically grown up with he'd been so young when he'd adopted her.

And though he knew what she was, the very same sort of being his childhood hero was, still he worried.

For her safety, for her wellbeing, for her life.

He closed his eyes, and for a moment he prayed, that she would remain safe and unharmed, that she would find what she was looking for, that she would solve her quest, that she would return to them.

And then he wiped the tears from his face, and turned from the Sacred Tree that had taken her away, and he walked inside, trailing pieces of his heart behind him.

[blueeyedheizer]

overworking - matt (bbtl)

(hello there sexy)

A/N: so um,,, i'm only 1 week into uni and I already hate it. like. every single class bores the shit out of me. also I'm still friendless. and I hate studying. I literally, physically cannot keep my eyes on a screen and read the same thing over and over. I only get distracted and irritated. I was kinda forced into enroling to uni and fuck I genuinely hate it here, I really wasn't made for studying. honestly, writing about exams and having breakdowns and all this stuff revolving around studies made me anxious 💀💀💀oh how I wish I had a matt to cheer me up rn. 😗 anyway, enough talking

---

You stared at the screen of your laptop, eyes burning as you tried to retain as much of the informations you were reading as you could. Your hands came up to your temples, rubbing them in small circle as a headache pounded in your head. Sighing, you buried your face in your hands and let a few tears of frustration wet your cheeks before falling back against your chair, one hand moving up to grip your hair.

The semester was almost over, your exams were approaching. Stress was quickly going up, most of your days were spent in front of your laptop, and your nights were sleepless. If you did get some sleep, you would wake up early and get back to work as soon as possible. The overwhelming amount of work was crushing you, causing you to cry almost daily. Matt would come to see you every hour or so and massage your shoulders, kiss the top of your head and tell you to take a break before walking out after you tell him that you can't.

Finally, after 4 hours of intense reading and numerous breakdowns, you finally decided to take a break. Your head was pounding like mad and despite your will to keep studying you knew working with a headache could only lead to more breakdowns and tears. You shook your head and slammed your laptop shut before stretching your back and dragging yourself out of your room to the living room, making your way over to Matt. He was practicing some chords on his guitar, paying attention to every note, not noticing your presence until you sat down on the couch next to him with a deep sigh.

He turned around and gave you a small smile before setting his guitar down and leaning back against the couch. You scooted closer to him, your arms coming to wrap themselves around his chest as you leaned your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. You let out a small sigh of content when you felt him start to rub your scalp gently.

"How are you feeling?"

"My head feels like it's going to explode." you murmured against him, feeling his lips press on top of your head.

"Look, I know you don't want to, but you need to take a break. And by break, I mean a real break. Two days off, at the very least." you groaned in response and buried your head further onto his chest, holding onto him tighter as you felt the tears come back.

You were already a pretty emotional person, but when a bunch of stress was piled on top of that, the most minimal inconvenience could get you in tears. That was another thing that sucked about being so stressed. You were an emotional mess, literally.

"I'm sorry." you whimpered. "I'm so fucking tired, Matt. No matter how hard I work, I can't seem to get any of the fucking words I read inside my head." you sniffled, letting your tears soak the fabric of his shirt. He gently shushed you and pulled away so he could lift your chin up then cup your cheeks with his hand. He wiped your tears away with his thumb and placed a kiss on your lips.

"You're gonna do great, Y/N. But for now you need to rest. There's a difference between working hard and overworking yourself. You know this isn't healthy. I barely see you anymore, and when I do you're either crying or exhausted." you shrugged, making him peck your lips once more. He got up and went to get you some medicine to treat your headache before sitting back next to you, letting you cuddle against him again.

You stayed like this for a solid 20 minutes, your muscles and nerves slowly easing out of tension. You could feel the medicine begin to take effect as your headache slightly dimmed down, your boyfriend's fingertips lightly scratching your scalp also greatly helping. After a few more minutes you pulled away, opening your eyes and leaning up to kiss him.

"Thank you."

Matt only smiled in response, his thumb gently brushing over your bottom lip. He pulled you in for a kiss and slowly climbed on top of you when you deepened it, his lips soon moving down to your neck causing you to bite your bottom lip with a smirk.

"What are you doing?" you chuckled, tangling your hand in his hair as his lips traveled back up to yours.

"Just lay back and let me take care of you, yeah?"

[slytherinclaw-malfoy]

The wanted princess PART 2

Y/N Pov:

I woke up supposedly in a good mood as always, I went down the long stairs that make my feet tired... I already thought of proposing one of those chairs for the old people, look at my laziness level!

I went to the wonderful kitchen to steal biscuits from Miss Clarke...she is an incredible chef, but she never lets me get carried away when I ask...I always need to be a ninja.

After tasting my sweet biscuit, I went to the living room ... God how long it takes me to move from room to room!

Damn the palace!!! I'm already thin... but I'll be gone soon!

I sat at my annoyingly long dinner table at the other end opposite my father King Theodore Lencaster. And it was just as I was about to eat the first spoonful that my day changed from a good morning to mental suicide.

- "Y/N, dear you know that tomorrow is Christmas and you turn 18... you finally become an adult. Right?" asked my father suspiciously

- "- Ugh...Of course!"- I answered, obviously a little confused by the question, that is to say since when would I forget that I was going to turn 18 tomorrow?

- "Well...since your mother died, I had to make sure that there would be real offspring, and I know that you are stubborn and hard to love someone! So I...signed an arranged marriage contract for you"-My father said as if it was nothing special...ridiculous!!

- "You what?!" -I shouted, for as you must calculate it is not every day that ruins your plans for a life of unknown destiny, with a damned, horrible, stupid arranged marriage with a total unknown

- "I know it's difficult but... you have to understand that you didn't have any siblings and, you know that it would never be you who would rule alone". - he said with a really stupid and macho argument!

I was shocked, I just had time to get up brutally from my chair and run to my room!

Yes I know...kind of dramatic! But you have to understand my situation. I'll be subject to a life with a stranger that I don't even love, just because I'm a girl.

The next morning...I discovered the date of the wedding! In a week! My God, it only made me want to laugh, at the anger I was in.

Every day I feel more anger towards my father...which makes me really sad.

I love my father, he is the only person who really knows me, who gave me affection for him and my mother, who told me stories, who helped me in the pranks to my butler and the maids, who gave me lessons in fighting and archery, dancing...basically everything! But this was very low!

I feel a total depression every time another day passes, I feel an agony when I see the sun setting and the moon coming. I know the damn day will come and believe me, it won't stay like this!!

Unfortunately, the fucking day of meeting my fucking future husband has arrived! And I'm reading a stupid book in my god damn bed, so I don't start thinking about different maneuvers to kill that guy. I don't think I've ever thought about so much bullshit in my life...and think I was innocent as a perfect little girl!

Nah...I was never perfect! All act, to look like the little princess that the kingdom needs. Little do they know that I know how to fight a warrior, I'm capable of killing a man with a single pencil! Just thinking, it gives me the creeps...ahahah

It's time to go down and see the trash.

I'm wearing a casual outfit

(When i choose my casual dress,it's because is going to be a shitty day )

I walk down the stairs and at the entrance there he is, Prince Ethan I don't give a damn about the legacy Exacalibur.

He looked at me and you know what I felt?

Nothing! Just disgust that guy was checking me out.

Well... I'll describe the stupid figure in front of me! Brunette, with a green vomited eyes, tall but nothing special...pale skin, irritatingly perfect smile, and seems to do a lot of exercise...

The voice?! Well...nothing special, kind of annoying after talking with him for 3 minutes! He is definitely the dumbest guy i ever met and JESUS what a uninteresting person!!

I hate this guy and I feel like i want to punch my dad!!!

- "Well...I love to hear your lovely story about how you exercise every hour and how the coach makes you run every morning and how you've already bought 45 machines for weight training and how you only drink healthy shakes and how uhg...really wow! But what about your studies? You read, it's because I don't give a shit if you have a well muscled body or if you drink damn healthy milkshakes. I want to know if you have the slightest intelligence...I'll ignore how stupidly you waste money" -  If i was rude? Yup...but sorry, I was already getting sick of this guy!!! He just talk about exercise and nothing really interesting and productive.

- Uhm...What?- He asks with a face that...I swear it makes me want to laugh! He's so lost! I bet he never talked about another subject! ahahah

-You know... I want to know if you know how to approach other subjects! - I answered coldly

-Yes, I think so.-He said embarrassed

-Good!!! Then go...start!!! I said excited to finally have a casual conversation with this guy

-Well, I since I was little that... -He stopped to think

-Yes...-I said enthusiastic and curious about the story

-I was taught to cook by my mother.-He said, completing a part of the story

-Really? -I asked, shocked by the fact that this boy can cook, considering that he seems to have a brain the size of a peanut.

-Yes...but I only managed to learn how to make healthy smoothies and that reminds me of a story of the first time I used a dumbbell...- He said finishing the story and returning to the boring theme that he always argues.

And that's it, I looked at him and I just said:

"Nice to meet you!" And I turned my back, as I climbed the stairs I turned my head and finished the sentence:

"I'm kidding, meeting you was definitely not a pleasure . But rest, you'll live a worse hell than I will".

I just had time to see his scared face and headed to my room!

WHAT A DAY! And tomorrow is the fucking wedding.

[smileyoongle]

Mafia Yoongi! Mea Culpa

Requested by @floofwrites

This is my first Yoongi one shot and I'm not sure if I did it nicely. I think it's crap, tbh. But I was drowning in inspiration and I just had to write this. Hope you enjoy it!

Summary: Yoongi tries to teach you basic self defense only to have you fail again and again due to your hesitation and fear regarding his violent work. Unwanted words are thrown and regret settles in until you find yourself in an ironic situation. Time to put your self defense techniques into action.

____________________

You nodded, pretending to understand all the instructions that Yoongi was giving you. But in all honesty, you weren't the least bit interested in learning any self defense techniques and Yoongi strongly opposed you on this. He kept telling you that there were many people who would want to hurt you just to get to him which was absolutely true. You did go through something like that in the past once and Yoongi hadn't been there. And when he saw you wounded and crying, he swore he would never let anyone lay a finger on you ever again.

"Okay, now let's start with the practice." He said, bending down on one knee and fixing his shoelaces. Your eyes widened at his words since you didn't think he was actually gonna make you practice. For some reason, you had thought that he would just explain everything to you and finish it off.

Stupid Y/N.

"P-practice?" You asked, hoping that he hears the hesitation in your voice. Yoongi looked up at you and frowned. He did hear the hesitation but he didn't give any mind to it. Everyone hesitated before things like this. He did too. And since you stayed miles away from any kind of violence, it was definitely expected from you.

"Yes. Practice." He replied, making you sigh in defeat. You had no idea how you were going to practice since you hadn't heard a single thing that Yoongi had told you. He was gonna be so mad at you.

⚠️

"I said, hit my knee with your foot! Not your hand!" Yoongi scowled, slowly getting the hint that you had absolutely not paid attention to anything that he had said. With a fake sob, you lay on the ground, whining about not wanting to do this. For the past two hours, you hadn't gotten a single thing right. You did everything wrong. You hit Yoongi's knee with your hand, which according to him, would give more advantage to the attacker. You hit Yoongi's forehead, instead of his nose, which according to him, wouldn't buy you enough time to run away. "This just isn't my day." You mumbled, pushing yourself to stand up. You brushed the dust from your pants and looked up at Yoongi to find him glaring at you with his arms crossed. You gulped and glanced at the ground, wincing internally at how everything was a mess.

"You didn't really pay attention to whatever I said, did you?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at you. You immediately faked a frown. "Of course I did!"

Yoongi raised an eyebrow and took a step closer to you, making you spill the truth. "No I didn't."

Yoongi sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. All this time, he was getting excited at the fact that one day you'd be able to fight people and he won't have to be worried about you getting hurt. But here you were. Absolutely oblivious to how dangerous your life was. "Y/N, we're doing this so that you can protect yourself." He explained, placing his hands on your shoulders.

"You can protect me." You muttered, making Yoongi's heart melt. Of course, he could protect you. He would do anything to keep you safe but unfortunately, he couldn't be with you all the time. "I can't be there with you all the time, can I, doll?" He rubbed your back as you hugged him, your hands lightly wrapped around his waist and your head resting on his chest. You smiled at the smell of his cologne, snuggling closer to him. Yoongi chuckled and kissed the top of your head before resting his cheek on it. You closed your eyes and wished that he'd forget all about the training session. But obviously, that wasn't possible. Yoongi was determined to make you learn self defense.

"Maybe you'd be better with weapons." Yoongi wondered out loud, making your eyes widen as you pulled away from him. Yoongi thought for a moment before giving you a curt nod.

"Not everyone is good at hand combat so maybe I should teach you how to use a gun. Yes, that sounds good." He declared, immediately rushing to grab his gun. You mentally slapped yourself. You should have just learned hand combat. Because guns scared the hell out of you. You gave Yoongi a nervous smile as he walked towards you with his gun in hand.

"Okay let's start."

⚠️

You bit your lip harshly, trying your best to aim at the target in front of you but your hands kept shaking. A drop of sweat trickled down your forehead as Yoongi kept a close watch on you. This was your 20th attempt and you hadn't shot the target even once. It was mainly because of how scared you were but Yoongi's intense gaze also contributed to it. You clenched your eyes shut and pulled the trigger, jolting a little at the impact that firing a bullet left behind. A loud noise echoed through the basement as you slowly opened your eyes, immediately sulking on seeing the new hole in the wall while the target board stood untouched. You groaned and sat on the floor, burying your head in the palm of your hands.

Yoongi clenched his jaw on seeing you drop to the floor, his anger finding ways to come out. He had been trying to be so patient with you but it became harder with every shot you missed. It had been about 5 hours since your training started but there was no progress. You both were tired and hungry, making it easier for your frustration to grow.

"What are you doing?" You immediately looked up at Yoongi on hearing his cold voice. He looked at you with no emotions in his eyes, making you frown at the sudden change in his mood. He had been so supportive and understanding this entire time, letting you try again and again because obviously, fighting was hard. "What do you mean?" You asked, standing up with the gun in your hand. The metal felt heavy between your fingers, just like how your heart felt.

"What I mean is, what the fuck are you doing? Even after me teaching you everything so perfectly, you can't do it! For godsake, Y/N, be useful for once, will you?!" He growled, his nose flaring as he clenched his fists. You scoffed, staring at Yoongi unbelievably. Your heart broke at his words. How could he even say that?

"So you think I'm useless?" You asked, placing your hands on your hips. Yoongi had already realized that whatever he said was beyond wrong. He didn't mean to say any of it but his temper got the best of him.

"All I'm saying is, you are making it very hard for me to be patient with you and I'm so close-"

"Oh I'm sorry I'm not a trained killer like you!"

The words left your mouth before you could comprehend them, a bitter taste being left behind on your tongue. Yoongi's eyes widened momentarily before going back to being cold. In that moment, he felt so distant that you wanted to cry. "Yoongi-" you called out, stretching your hand to hold his but he took a step back.

"Save it, Y/N." He mumbled and walked away. Your eyes started watering as you gasped for air, your lips quivering as you bit your bottom lip. You were well aware that what you had said was worse than what Yoongi had said. The only person who he cherished the most, dared to say something so terrible. It broke him.

You broke him.

With a small sob, you started walking out of the compound of his house, completely disappointed in yourself. You didn't deserve Yoongi at all. He was anything but a killer.

⚠️

It had become darker and there was no sign of you coming home. Of course, Yoongi was upset but he could never be upset with you for too long. You were his everything. He planned on talking everything out with you, once you came back home. But you weren't back and he was waiting. A very unsettling feeling came over his heart. So, forgetting everything, he picked up his phone and tried calling you. You didn't pick up at the first try, making Yoongi panic. So he called again, sighing in relief when you finally picked up the phone. But his relief was short lived when he heard a whimper before the call was disconnected. Wasting no time, he rushed out of his study and called his guards, throwing directions here and there.

"Track her phone! Tell me her location, now!" He barked, running towards his car. He felt guilty for even trying to make you do something you didn't like. Yoongi knew since the beginning that you hated every aspect of his job but never once complained. Instead, you just stayed away from anything that could get you involved in it. You definitely didn't mean the words that you had said. You couldn't have. Because you were the one who kept reminding Yoongi that he wasn't a killer.

"Sir, her phone seems to be heading towards the docks at the edge of the city." Yoongi nodded at the guard in response and turned on the engine before speeding away towards where you were. He had to find you before it was too late.

You groaned at the throbbing pain at the back of your head, your eyes seemingly stuck together due to the immense amount of light that fell on your face. With a huge amount of effort, you slowly opened your eyes, blinking again and again to be able to look at your surroundings clearly.

"Finally! I didn't think I hit you too hard." A voice startled you, making you turn your head to see the source of it. An ugly looking man came into view, sporting black sunglasses that made him look blind. His hair was pushed back with gel and you wondered if he had actually ended up taking a bath in it. Your eyes widened when you remembered what had happened.

You had been walking around with no destination in mind, trying to think about all the bullshit that you had said to your boyfriend. It was already dark but you weren't ready to go back home and face him, too scared to be rejected for all the apology speeches that you had prepared. Your eyes felt hot as if they were on fire which was probably because of all the hours you had spent crying. You knew it was best to leave Yoongi alone when he was upset but at that moment, all you wanted was for him to tell you that it was okay. That he had forgiven you. Suddenly, your phone started ringing making you flinch in surprise. With a tired sigh, you pulled it out of your pocket and glanced at the screen with a bored look. That was until you had seen your boyfriend's name pop up, of course. You widened your eyes and looked around you in disbelief.

Yoongi was calling you?

A miracle, indeed.

By the time you could pick up the call, it was gone. He must have hung up. You pouted and kicked at a stone on the footpath, wondering how horrible you were. Honestly, it was surprising that Yoongi had even called you. You shook your head and took a deep breath, deciding that it was time for you to call him now. But Yoongi beat you to it again. Quickly, you accepted the call and placed the phone against your ear. Before you could even mutter a word, something or someone hit you hard from behind. You whimpered as white dots danced across your vision. You tried to stay conscious but it was too hard. With a forced attempt, you tucked your phone under your shirt because if you were really being kidnapped then Yoongi could find you by tracing your location. He would find you, right?

With narrowed eyes, you glared at your kidnapper, trying get out of the thick ropes that tied you to the uncomfortable wooden chair. You could feel the phone tucked under your shirt, indicating that no one had bothered to check you for weapons. How stupid must these people be?

"What the fuck do you want?" You spat, not wanting him to see that you were a little scared. He wasn't really worth being scared of but you were scared. Mostly because you didn't know if Yoongi would come and rescue you on time.

He would, Y/N! WTF?!

You shook your head and turned your attention back to the ugly man in front of you. "Ah, kitten's got a dirty mouth, I see. Maybe we could put it to better use when I kill your boyfriend, hmm?" He grinned, making you want to throw up.

"You know, the fact that you have me tied up while talking shit makes you look like a little weakling. So untie me and we'll see who kills whom!" You provoked, giving him a death glare. But in all honesty, you didn't have a clue as to what you would do if he untied you. Scratching his face with your not-so-sharp nails would only get you so far....

A chuckle rang through the room as you continued to glare at your kidnapper, finding yourself getting more agitated at the fact that he had the audacity to laugh when he had Min Yoongi's girl tied up in front of him. Everyone knew what happened to those who dared to touch you. This idiot was clearly oblivious.

"Okay then, I'll untie you and let you make a fool out of yourself." He simply replied and proceeded to untie the ropes, making your heart beat faster. You gulped, planning your strategies and mentally slapping yourself for not paying attention to Yoongi's training sessions.

As soon as the last of the rope was off your skin, you bolted out of the chair and stood opposite your kidnapper, frowning on hearing voices outside the rusty door.

"There are about 20 men outside those doors so don't try anything stupid." He warned and you rolled your eyes at him. As if 20 men were a match for Yoongi and his gang.

With a sharp intake of breath, you lunged at your kidnapper, only to have him turned you around and hold your hands behind you. He laughed, his breath tickling the back of your neck and you swore you felt beyond disgusted.

"So strong, kitten. I thought Min Yoongi's girlfriend would know better." He mocked as you struggled to get out of his grip.

Come on, Y/N. You must remember something.

Suddenly, gunshots echoed through the place. Your eyes lit up and you smiled widely, craning your neck to look at your kidnapper.

"He's here and you're gonna regret doing this." You said, before lifting up your right foot and kicking his leg with all your strength.

Good work.

He stumbled behind you and let go of your hands. You quickly rubbed your wrists and prepared to kick him where the sun doesn't shine, sighing on seeing him fall to his knees while clutching his crotch. The door flew open behind you but you were too busy to see who came in. With a swift twirl, you hit his face with your elbow, wincing on seeing the blood coming out of his nose as he fell back on the coarse floor.

You weren't aware that Yoongi had just witnessed every single thing that you had done. He watched you do everything that he taught you perfectly. He felt like his heart was gonna explode with all the pride he had for you.

"Y/N?" He called out, making you turn around to face him. You smiled and ran to him, throwing yourself in his arms as he wrapped them around your waist. Burying your face in his neck, you started crying. You were happy to be back in his arms but you were sad about everything that had happened previously. If you were to die without telling Yoongi that you loved him, then you weren't sure how your soul would have been at peace. Yoongi rubbed your back, trying to calm you down. It wasn't like he wasn't worried, he was beyond worried.

You were his life.

If anything were to happen to you, could he have forgiven himself?

"I'm so sorry, Yoongi. But you know me, I'm stupid and dumb and pathetic and-and I don't deserve you. I didn't mean anything that I said. I love you a lot and you mean the world to m-me. Please forgive-"

"Hush, baby, hush......" Yoongi held you tighter, feeling his heart aching on hearing your words. He knew you didn't mean anything, obviously. If anything, then he had to apologize to you too.

"You, my love, are the smartest, the prettiest and the most soulful woman I've met. I am the one who doesn't deserve you. I love you more. Always have." Yoongi said, smiling on hearing your cries die down. He continued holding you to his chest as his men filed inside the room and dragged your kidnapper out. That man was gonna pay severely. How could he even think of laying a finger on you?

"I saw you fighting him, baby."

You pulled away from Yoongi, quickly looking away on seeing him smiling fondly at you. His smile could kill people. You always told him that.

"I guess you don't need to train anymore. You were better than half my men." He stated, tilting his head and running his eyes over your face. You sniffled a little and looked at him with a slight smile. "Really?" You asked as he leaned his forehead against yours. He hummed and kissed you, his lips soft and gentle against yours.

"Let's get you home now. I also have to deal with that asshole."

And so, you both headed home as you told him all about how dumb your kidnapper was and how you had outsmarted him. Yoongi kept smiling at how proud you looked. Your eyes shone brighter and your lips smiled wider. Maybe the day wasn't so bad. Apart from the fear of losing you, of course. He promised himself that he wasn't ever gonna let anyone touch you again, no matter who he had to kill.

Isn't he just gorgeous? Please, tell him I love him ❤️

-XX