#sorry i'm getting emotional about humanity and our never ending urge to share stories

[puddingcatbeans]

the thing about creating art is that it is fulfilling to you, and it will also irrevocably move another person so deeply that it will remain ingrained in their mind forever. that person may exist half-way across the world from you, or they may discover your work decades after you have moved on. but this connection exists, from something that was made from your own hands and the spark of creativity and story that lives inside of you that no one and no thing can replace or mimic, and that, at the heart of it, is the human experience. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[rainbowsky]

Another delicate thing about fake ships. (I'm not talking about our YiZhan. They are real. For better or worse certain (dangerous) evidence have reached public eyes. We all know it, many have seen it). But certain ppl new to c dramas might not know that actor CP is just part of the show. I didn't know when I started. Then those people invest a lot of time $ and emotion into that CP believing it's real. And get the rug pulled from under. It's unfair to those naive ppl and it harms certain ppl. Like it or not some get really invested. To hurt them is cruel and triggering. It can feel like rejection and I really wish actors wouldn't partake in this. To profit off ppl's beliefs is cruel. Again. NOT yizhan, two men in a very real situation.

These are in reference to a previous post. More under cut.

Discussion of fake ships, fandom rivalries and insecurities around whether BJYXSZD.

Anonymous asked:

Semi agree that I don't follow other CP. but when others do fake cp and claim "evidence" even when it is flimsy. It makes me question myself and I hate that. There's so much hard evidence for xz and web. When others have "evidence" too and it seems so forced and fake, not to mention copied from yizhan, idk it makes me feel bad. Like maybe we're all crazy. I wish other dramas didn't do that. Be real. Don't fake it. The other men have gf's. It's just derivative and I think that's why ppl get offended. Web and xz seem serious about their life together and for others to profit of their realness... It just makes me question it. If we have evidence and those fans truly believe they do too... Either we are all right, or maybe we are all wrong. And I hate to deny web and xz. So it's hurtful. I hope someone can understand my feelings.

Sorry for the grouping of messages but I don't want to give this too much airtime because it can lead to hurt feelings from people who support other ships, and because this isn't what my blog is about. It's about GG and DD.

I try not to judge anyone harshly when it comes to fan service and CP marketing. It's a cutthroat industry and I think we can all see that. But I feel that making a CP seem real just to profit off of people for a while and then breaking their hearts... it's not something I personally feel comfortable with. It strikes me as unnecessarily cruel.

However, we don't know what's in people's contracts so we should be careful about judging anyone or being nasty. In the end people are just doing their jobs, whether we like it or not. And some fans enjoy it. Live and let live.

As for other actors being 'derivative' of GGDD, I completely disagree. It's not like GG and DD invented the CP. The whole concept was there long before them, and will likely be there long after. Even in cases where there were similarities to what GG and DD did, I don't think it's something to get worked up about. We don't own GG and DD's interactions as some sort of IP we need to protect.

I said this back when people were fan fighting over the BL CPs, that it's ridiculous and awful to fight over something like this. We should all be on the same side. BL stories are not easy to create or air in China - we all know that more now than we did back then - and the more BL stories that get aired, the better for everyone. The better for the market, the better for fans, the better for queer people too.

History has shown that cultural shifts can lead to legislative shifts. As queer stories become more mainstream, the demand for rights - and the public's appetite for seeing those rights observed - becomes stronger, and positive change happens. It is, in fact, likely a big part of why these types of stories are being cracked down on. Some people don't want that change.

If we care about these issues we would do well to support all BL projects and everyone who is willing to stick their neck out and make those projects happen, not just our particular biases.

Not only that, but fan wars are harmful to GG and DD, harmful to any celebrity whose fans are 'out of control'. I have been preaching this for a couple of years now, but here we are in 2021 and what have we seen? Artists being cracked down on for the behavior of their fans. Rules coming out to clearly state this, hinting at harsh penalties.

So please, people - take it to heart. There is no war that you don't CHOOSE to create. This isn't a competition. There is room for everyone to have fun, be happy and enjoy their fandoms in whatever way they choose.

Everyone has the right to their perspective. I said this the other day. No one is obligated to believe BJYXSZD, and similarly, no one is obligated to disagree or debunk. If people are enjoying their CP, that's their right. Let's not get smug and dickish about things. We aren't in competition.

One other thing I want to add: We should be willing to question ourselves, question our evidence and re-evaluate things from time to time. It's just part of being a rational human. Insecurity about what is 'real' and what isn't - all of this is pointless and IMNSHO, unhealthy.

Bad feelings should never make us into bad people. Bad feelings should never make us do or say bad things.

Insecurity is understandable at times. We're all human. But I urge fans to try not to take everything so personally, and to not get our identities as human beings wrapped up in whether BJYXSZD.

Whether GG or DD are real or not - this doesn't make me crazy or stupid or naive. I believe based on the evidence I have. If I turn out to be wrong about it - ME, who has this blog and spends an enormous amount of time on GGDD - if it turns out to all be wrong, my life won't shatter. I won't curl up in an embarrassed ball and die.

I get a hell of a lot of enjoyment out of this fandom. That enjoyment is real. My love for GGDD is real. I am a person in the world. I don't live and die over whether BJYXSZD. Neither should any of you.

My love for GGDD doesn't come from them, it comes from me. It's not about them, it's about me. It's about my heart and my appetite for sweetness and connection. It's about my politics and what I stand for and support. It's about everything inside me.

If their relationship was proved to be fake, or if it was to end, that wouldn't change a thing for me. I would still be the same person with the same heart. I would still have the same values and drives. I might be sad, of course, or even hurt a bit depending on the circumstances, but it wouldn't change who I am or what I'm about.

I will never be ashamed of loving someone. I will never be ashamed of sharing my heart or letting something touch my heart.

I won't be taking any more asks on this subject unless they bring a substantially fresh perspective that hasn't already been expressed. I apologize in advance if you send me something that I don't reply to/post. This is just a boundary I have with asks like this.

[hellreads]

For anyone who saw this, i urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I'm the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun 'you' i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn't read a shit after that.

I will put all my answers under the cut because this is RoW and my emotions for this fic has no end T_T | 🍒

❤️ Rara | 🍒 Io (I decided to answer it as if we’re just chatting and not hurting rip our weak hearts for RoW Jimin, Jungkook, and OC)

[AN EXCHANGE FULL OF SPOILERS]

❤️ : For anyone who saw this, I urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I’m the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun ‘you’ i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn’t read a shit after that.

🍒 : Rara, I feel you!!! I am the type of reader who hardcore immerses herself even if the main character gets killed or is a ghost because the best way for me to relate and feel everything to the core is to immerse, I can never read something as an outsider, okay maybe there’s a few I started out as an outsider but eventually caved in (even named OC fics lol, it’s fun to be someone else), sorry to break it to you but NO FIC CAN EVER HEAL THE DAMAGE RIGHT OF WAY HAS DONE TO YOU, NO FIC CAN MAKE YOU FORGET OF THE EVENTS, THE MISTAKES, THE REGRETS, THE PENANCE, THE ACCEPTANCE, THE WEIGHT THIS FIC WILL HAVE ON YOU IS TOO HEAVY YOU NEED A SUPPORT/SUFFER GROUP. 

ONCE YOU READ RoW YOUR HEART WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

❤️ : RoW jk is childish, to me. But maybe he is just naive or confused. For him to fall for oc but still care about sohee is kind of dick move to me, but someone once told me “we cannot choose who fall in love with, and we certainly cannot choose how it will happen either”. That’s their fates. I’m pretty satisfied w the ending bcs there’s no bad person in this story, just bad decisions. What saddens me is, it seems like only OC who pays the price.

🍒 : That is true that he seems like a childish one but isn’t that the beauty of being a child? loving without limits, with all your heart? no hesitations, just trusting that love will be kind, good, untainted even, he saw something in OC that’s why he opened up himself to her and fell for her even if we cannot fully understand the set-up they agreed to have, I hated him for staying with Sohee, I could never understand that part but then again have you seen how feral Sohee was for Jungkook? the girl would kill for the boy, she snaked her way to get him and she’d do anything for history to not repeat itself, but the gods said fuck you Sohee we’ll let the boy stray, he cheated once, he’ll cheat again, what makes you think you’re special hun? you’re right nobody is a bad person here since they’re all humans, something led them to commit the sins they’ve done in this lifetime…

Sohee’s Fault was stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, she was head over heels for him she didn’t think twice, she just wanted to get him at all costs even if it means karma will find her sooner or later, she lusted after him and eventually loved him so there’s no way she was letting go, hence, she carefully planned everything so she gets pregnant with his baby, sick right? but the reality is she’s not the only one who did this thing to their partner, she just didn’t fucking care as long as she keeps Jungkook.

Jimin’s Fault was trusting and loving OC too much he shrugged every sign of her infidelity under the rug, what a libra thing to do Jimin (I am a Libra and I can attest to this Libra trait especially when in love) he was too blinded by love that he gave her every benefit of the doubt whenever she skips dates, goes home late, always tired, even asking to be fucked dog style, sigh, he lost the love of his life to his best friend (well he lost his loves twice to the same boy) she was nothing but an empty shell pre-programmed to respond to him like a lover would and that fucking hurt, I think among the four characters here he received the most damage cluelessly, what a poor loving soul, my heart shattered for him, he only wanted to give her the world but she decided to run to a different planet.

Jungkook’s Fault was being weak and not opening himself up to Sohee, if he only opened up to her the way he did to OC then this wouldn’t have happened,  she’s always been there but something is still missing but he should’ve talked things with her instead of finding solace in the arms of OC, because of the secret class they shared they had to write something together which I think could’ve been written minus their drunken state but whoops this is their fate, maybe in another universe they belonged together and they’re trying it as well in this one? (coherence fucked up my mind so I keep thinking of alternate universes) also, Jungkook did nothing to stop the sins they’re doing, he’s into deep inside her in every sense and there was no going back, he was willing to ruin relationships and friendships but fate was cruel, he only had a taste of his euphoria before everything came crashing down.

OC’s Fault was thinking she was strong enough to fight her strong feelings and urges, she thought she was not capable of doing such thing, she wasn’t a bad person, maybe the stable relationship really got to her (long-term relationships can get boring and it isn’t pretty) and having a taste of something or someone new is titillating, also, it wouldn’t be bad right? because it’s the worst, just like Jungkook she gave in to lust, god their sexual chemistry and actual chemistry off-sex is something every lover should have except they aren’t lovers but sinners trying to milk each other everything they got before the world reveals their secrets, she knew it was wrong but she always kept coming back for more, as much as she tried to stay away and forget about everything she keeps spiraling down with Jungkook, it was no longer a mistake but a choice. ultimately, she had to pay the price because that was her predicament, she got the short end of the stick, everything was ruined for her, her relationship with Jimin, Sohee, and Jungkook.

❤️ : If i could wish for a different ending i would say a happy ending but that is unreal. I would want oc to end up w jk, sohee didnt ended up pregnant. (Thats the thing isn’t it, when u’re pregnant u’re bound for life, for the sake of the child). Maybe oc can end up w jimin, she will live her whole life as jimin wife and also as a liar. Point is, the ending is “this is bound to happen, someone have to take the bullet” n i think it’s necessary rather than satisfying,

🍒 : You’re absolutely right about somebody taking the bullet and that’s obviously OC, this is why it fucking hurts, you know for a fact that she didn’t do all of this on her own, it’s not like she forcefully had her way with Jungkook, I’m just so appalled because he was a fuckboy and suddenly lost all knowledge and imagination on this exact position “It’s actually pretty shimple… The girl is straddling the guy, her back facing him while her face is turned to the side so he can kiss her.” imo, he tricked her by playing dumb, maybe it’s true they’re tipsy but he constantly bugged OC after which means he remembers everything they’ve done that one sinful night…

~ the first ending I hoped for was Jimin and OC getting back together, I prayed so hard that he’ll have the heart to forgive and take her back but this the reality of cheating and getting cheated on, no matter how much you try to mend and put the pieces back together it will never fit perfectly again, edges now cracked and torn there’s no way their perfect relationship will ever be the same, as one of my favorite songs said “with each passing day the pain still stays the same” no matter how hard Jimin tries, his trust and love for her will never be the same, he will always doubt her and be reminded of her infidelity, it will not be a pleasant ride for them so it’s better that they didn’t end up being together because even if time heals all wounds the scar she gave him will always hurt like a salted fucking open wound.

~ the second one I hoped for was that Jungkook gives up everything even if Sohee was pregnant, this is brutal I know but if he truly loved OC he would keep his promise and be with her, with or without a child growing inside his girlfriend because it’ll never be the same for them but unlike Jimin, Sohee was willing to try and forget because he loves Jungkook too much, I applaud her for trying but I believe she will never be truly happy, she will be constantly reminded of stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, forcing their child into this world as a trap to keep him, and the devastating fact that Jungkook was willing to give everything up for OC, and that for a short period of time he loved her like the world was about to end, and end it did, Sohee won in this lifetime, suffering is a small price to pay to be with Jungkook ig, they can try but reality will come checking up on them once in a while and it won’t be fun, their relationship is damaged but for Hikaru their innocent angel they will try. 

~ the last and ultimate ending I prayed for was OC ending up alone, another savage wish because I love suffering, but this was the only way for her heart to be free from all the pain and guilt, she suffered long enough by keeping secrets and coming back to Jungkook’s arms, she wasn’t a bad person, she was just weak and lost the battle in holding tightly onto her morals because love is something you can’t run away from, yes, I believe that she and Jungkook fell in love it was evident in the incriminating poem he made her “the tiny islands of your birthmark leading me to your center like a happy trail” he paid attention to every part of her and you don’t do that to a random fuck, it was hard not to love the pair despite the sins they’ve done because fuck I’m crying again, my chest now heaving from too much pain ugh, they were perfect (these lines should’ve been on my second ending but whatever I’ll get to my point) if only Jimin and Sohee didn’t exist or sure let them join the picture except they’re just random friends, but they’re not, and that’s why it sucks that she had to endure all of this losing a lover, losing a friend, and losing a soulmate (because fuck the way Jungkook loved her screams soulmate to me except he’s tied to another T_T)

❤️ : My favorite moment would be when jimin found the poems, man it went down like I’m falling from a cliff straight into the coldest sea on earth. U know when u ride a rollercoaster, on the falling part, u feel like ur heart is at ur throat? That how i feel as jimin reads the poem. Now imagine being jimin. Imagine being cheated on in the worst way anyone could possibly imagine. He was ready to propose to oc, jk is his bff, she fucked jk while he was away, on the couch next to their photo…

🍒 : RARA, I FELT THAT, I RECENTLY VISITED A FAMOUS THEME PARK AND FUCK THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE THERE TOOK MY SOUL, ALL I SHOUTED OUT WAS LOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDD AND I DIED ~ anyway, that poem part fucked me up, I was literally bawling my eyes out, I have been cheated on but if I happened to discover the affair the way Jimin did I would die, when I discovered my boyfriend of almost 8 years cheated on me my heart froze, literally fucking freezing cold and not a single tear dropped that day, the following days were hellish, that’s when I wanted to cry and release all my pain but still no tears (I knew it was coming I guess) ~ this is why the length of a relationship doesn’t really matter because it’s never an assurance that your partner will be faithful to you, maybe things got boring okay I admit to that but what I can never understand is, why stay and cheat and hurt your partner if you’re no longer happy.

no one owns anybody nor is anyone entitled to own anybody or have them as a back-up in case your mission to cheat or flirt fails, that is just fucking sick.

❤️ : I love it that I major in literature study, bcs i can keep my mind sane instead of just blaming myself (oc), i see it from each characters’ pov and god, the author deserves a standing ovation. This is so many asks hehe, i feel like i still have a lot to say but I couldn’t think straight right now, too clouded by the angst smoke, hehe p:s i love u more!

🍒 : ohhh that’s an interesting fact, my major and my profession has nothing to do with literature or anything, in fact, people who studied my major probs hate English ghasdjfghjdsagfhjsadgfjksd, I’m just used to seeing both sides of the story and trying to understand why they are like that, did something happen to them to end up in the situation they’re in? what is missing in their lives? what are they craving for? what tipped off the balance? nobody wanted to be in the predicament they’re in, Sohee, Jimin, Jungkook, and OC were victims of time and circumstance, just because things didn’t turn out the way you want them to doesn’t mean life or fate or destiny is cruel, this is the nature and balance of this universe, if they give everything to us freely even if we tried taking it in the most inappropriate or evil way there would be nothing but chaos, I just hope that somewhere out there our girl OC is happy and having the time of her life, I’m no longer wishing for Jimin to come back, I just want all of them to heal and learn from their experience, it’s sad and painful but they were just never meant to be, Jimin nor Jungkook was never meant for OC, OC wherever you are my love, I hope you’ve healed and loved yourself well and put back the pieces of your broken self together, love will find you and it will be beautiful.