#sorry i don't like men who abuse their kids and (former) wife

[logansargey]

I will not be watching the F1 movie bc I HATE Brad Pitt and will never watch anything that has him in it.

[lbulldesigns]

Replying to Glassknife

I can't help but imagine the worst-case scenario, mate, but you're right. I need to have more faith that things will not be as dramatic as I imagine them to be. My youngest girl, I guess now second youngest, still hasn't come home and I can't help but fear that she'll think she's been replaced when she does come home. But I need to remember that she isn't that dramatic, she might have feelings about having a new little sister but she's also always loved kids and can get fiercely protective of them. I'm the most worried about my youngest son M. He's made a few strides in his behaviour since I last posted here, but he still tends to run his mouth a bit, and I'm concerned that he'll say something without thinking. As for finding out more about Kitty's needs, I've tried contacting her maternal family and even the man who raised her. Her maternal family (former Pilties) just stuck their noses up at me and started ranting about propriety and lineage, and were just borderline ableist towards Kitty, they clearly thought they were above me. The entitlement, honestly, pissed me off and I'm almost happy that they decided to not take Kitty in because the idea that she would be surrounded by those people makes my skin and bones crawl. Her former father wasn't much better, I had arranged to meet him at my pub, but he came strolling in with a couple of his mates, clearly hoping for a brawl, and balked at the sight of me, I'm a 6"7 man whose, quoting P, built like a building on steroids ??? and can shift into a humanoid wolf creature (basically a werewolf). So after the three men decided that it was in their best interest to use their words instead the former father sat down and had a chat. I managed to find out that this man had absolutely no idea how to actually raise a child and never even bothered to get to know the little girl that he was raising for, he said in his words "She's kinda r******, but at least she's quiet" he clearly was taking his anger towards his wife's infidelity out on Kitty, I still don't know the circumstances on why she ended up in the Temples care but I'll find out so that I can help her, this man actually dared to ask me to reimburse him for Kitty's care, or to set up a payment plan for Kitty to pay him back herself when she's older. I threw all three out and told her former "father" to get in touch with my lawyer if he's really that concerned but haven't heard anything as of yet. Sorry for the rant, this all happened yesterday and I'm still pissed about it.

140 upvotes

Replying to Superfly

Ripping the bandaid off is usually my go-to solution, I just wanted to be mindful of my eldest child's frame of mind. She's been having a rough time the past year. Her sister ran away two years ago and hasn't reached out, then she and her ex got into a massive fight and broke up earlier two weeks before Christmas last year and has had a hard time with alcohol abuse that she's just recently started going to AA meetings for. There's a good chance having a new little sister will either give her more motivation to get back on track or it will send her spiralling.

50 Upvotes 5 Downvotes

Replying to Wormofastring

Thanks mate I would appreciate that! Luckily communicating with Kitty isn't a problem because she uses ASL, me and the rest of the kids learned it years ago in order to speak with my SIL, who is also mute and knows about everything. She's been amazing in helping me prepare my home for Kitty. Could you dm me?

30 Upvotes

Replying to Tenclaws

Thanks for the advice mate, I'm less worried about them being mad at me, they rib me constantly and would most likely just crack jokes at me. I'm worried about how they'll be with Kitty. I don't think, in the slightest, that they'll be malicious or cruel to her but she's a very timid girl and we're all very energetic and outgoing. I'm worried about the culture shock. Honestly, she reminds me more and more of my daughter P.

15 Upvotes

r/parentingadvice

How do I tell my adult children that they'll have a new little sister?

16th of December, 2023

I (45 M) have found myself in a position I didn't think I would find myself in at this point in my life.

It has been a while since I last posted on this site but the last time, I posted I was met with some really good advice, and even made a few friends, so I'm hoping I can get some really good advice now.

The title is self-explanatory. I have four children already, all adults now, and recently, a social worker contacted me to inform me that I possibly have a five-year-old daughter, now six as I write this. To say I was surprised was an understatement, I actually sat for hours racking my brain trying to remember who I slept with in the last six years, I'm not very active in the dating scene and can only remember having a one-night stand once which lines up with my new daughter's age.

There wasn't any actual confirmation that I was the father, and the worker was asking for a paternity test to locate this child's biological parent. I readily agreed to the test, and the results came back positive. It was then that I learned that my new daughter, who I'll call Kitty because she reminds me of one, had recently lost her mother (I wasn't given any details) and the man who had been raising her up until now had learned that Kitty wasn't his biological daughter and doesn't want anything to do with her, and neither does any of Kitty's maternal family after learning she was born both out of wedlock and is a result of her mother's infidelity.

I want to put out there, that I was under the belief that Kitty's mother was single at the time, I can't even remember her name (although the one given to me by the social worker didn't sound familiar in the slightest) and the number she gave me that night turned out to be for an 80-year-old woman who managed her social groups Tupperware "store", I think I was stuck on that phone call for two hours listening to this kind old lady go through her Tupperware sales speech, forget said speech and then rinse and repeat. And yes. I bought a lot of Tupperware that day. My daughter Pow (20) mocked me endlessly for doing so but had a blast baking to fill those containers.

It goes without saying, but I decided to get guardianship of Kitty, I've already met her. She's weary, which is fair she's going through a lot of changes at the moment and is silent which is a result of her being nonverbal (I've been told that she possibly has autism but hasn't been assessed yet) and strangely enough is already confirmed to be a Shifter; usually, people don't find out they're a Shifter until they become teenagers but she's an early bloomer.

Right now, she's in the hands of Janna's Temple until the transfer of custody can be finalized, I have set up appointments to go visit her so that she's used to my presence in her life and so that her transition into my home can go more smoothly.

My biggest worry at the moment is how my kids are going to react. They're all good kids, minus a few hiccups growing up, and I trust them to act accordingly with her but I also can't help but continuously imagine the worst-case scenario.

Has anyone else been in this situation? And if so, can you offer me any advice on how to navigate it in a way where I don't end up horrifically traumatizing my new daughter?

[kathuichithouda-archives]

if you don't mind me asking, what's your opinion/idea on Fuyuhiko (and Peko)'s childhood?

I just woke up so sorry if this is rambly and like, drags or dips or cuts at specific points. (this also may like, be properly updated and together in the future) Well, for starters, Fuyuhiko had a very toxic childhood and ppl need to register that. Because he was born in a yakuza, as a runt who’s also meant to lead the future of said yakuza. He was, in multiple ways, abused and saw a lot of bad things that... a child... shouldn’t see. He “normalized” the fact his parents would fight to the point they would literally try and kill each other (or threaten to.) Allegedly, I don’t know if this is true but I heard it from somewhere, they’d also target that same kind of anger and frustration towards him. He didn’t exactly have loving perfect parents. He was forcibly molded to be something. Like, I’ll remind you, Fuyuhiko was quite the crybaby as a child (which like I would be too in that situation) and evidence from Peko that he was so sensitive that Peko would scare him just by looking at him. The fact she lacked her own opinions and emotions made him really frightened of her when they were children. I’m sure a lot of yakuza members had that intimidating aura, much like Peko (who was ALSO MOLDED INTO THAT) that would just make him burst into tears. And I would imagine his family didn’t like that too much. I mean hell, they knew he was so weak and sensitive, they didn’t give him time to grow up before they made the assumption he wasn’t going to be “good enough.” Literally, he was a child when Peko started her training to be his tool. And I would imagine Fuyuhiko is not the only one with a “tool.” Fuyuhiko has seen a lot of violence and death, so much so he’s sorta desensitized to it on a level. At least, he acts like he is, so people will respect him. Fuyuhiko only acts the way he does for respect. And the only respect he needs to worry about is that of his family and his clan; the people who have controlled his entire life and one that they expect him to carry out. Fuck, even as a kid, he went out of his way to fight a fucking king monkey just to prove he was strong-- they made him feel so pathetic. And again, his family is a literal yakuza. So that’s... a major red flag. (I don’t know a lot about irl yakuzas tho... so like,,, entirely fictionally speaking.) I think in this fictional world, the yakuza are seen as less delicate and true horrors (altho in most cases publically yakuzas are sweet?? I don’t really know do forgive me Im Not In a Yakuza so I Dont Know-- Im in the middle of research tho-- ashfasf) Fuyuhiko’s childhood was far from normal, he was constantly thrown into danger with being kidnapped and witnessing fights and deaths and god knows what else has happened to him physically. He had to watch his childhood best friend be shifted and molded into some kind of monster, some sort of killing machine that probably honestly scared him to death... Peko was the only person who treated him like he had value and yet she only did it because she was conditioned to do so. He probably doesn’t feel all that great about it... but he cares for Peko a lot. As for Fuyuhiko’s little sister, I can’t say much. I know that though she and Fuyuhiko would buttheads frequently, Natsumi was proud to be Fuyuhiko’s sister. She would gloat about how he’s the Ultimate Yakuza and how she’s his Ultimate Little Sister, and how she wants to be with him every step of the way. I don’t know how Natsumi was treated during her part of the childhood, but I would assume she got around the same treatment of not most of it. Kidnappings and such probably also involved her. Natsumi was emotionally tougher than Fuyuhiko growing up, I don’t think. She didn’t cry about too much, she was actually excited to do most things Fuyuhiko was scared of. But the thing is, she’s a woman... (hear with me for a second I will explain) (According to what I’ve researched) Most women in yakuzas are housewives. Just, simple basic housewives. Or so they appear. Who you marry is an important role, (but this is speaking for women who marry men in yakuzas not women already born into them--) especially if you marry the boss himself. Women play just as an important role in yakuzas, but it’s usually (again from what i’ve seen so far I could be wrong) from behind a man. Natsumi was a woman born into the yakuza, I feel like if she were to truly be respected or take over fully, she’d need a spouse first. BUT (by that same thing I read,) if the boss dies, usually the wife takes over. So women CAN absolutely lead the yakuza. I just don’t know how it would work for the Kuzuryuu clan specifically, especially since it’s fictional and wonky as shit-- I don’t know their rules, I’m thinking it could vary-- Anyway, main point, Natsumi is sort of a disappointment cuz they probably were trying for another son to replace Fuyu all together but got Natsumi instead. At least that’s my idea of it. Because Natsumi seems pretty close to their parents?? At least, with their father... She’s probably more favored when it comes to coming between her and Fuyuhiko. (I think she was favored because she acts like a former family member? From what Fuyu has said? I forget.) tl;dr: Fuyuhiko, Natsumi and Peko has seen Hell and normalize it as it’s all they’ve ever known but from an outside or even true point of view they probably resent growing up in the conditions that they did.