#sorry for that main tag BUT the mercs are..kinda here

[meet-the-courier]

Dear B:

I saved you a plate of meatloaf and potatoes. It's in the microwave whenever you're ready. Be careful out there.

Lots of luck,

~Cook xo

Brodie: "Ahh meatloaf. Just like Momma used to make. Thanks, C! Hopefully the microwave wont explode again."

shout out to mickmundane for jack of all trades note, vacueye for hazards note and @arts-of-gjb for the actual handdrawn doodle done by her oc, Agatha!!! We LOOOVE using the fridge as a bulletin display board

[jar-of-something-else]

sleeping w/ the mercs [IT IS LIKE THAT]

these are so badddddd bro literally ignore this i just need practice and the mercs are my victims pinky promise i'll get better

yeah the title is the exact same as the tf2 headcanons from my main SO WHAT

if ur under 18 please don't interact 👍🏻

afab reader i’m sorry guys :( gender is totally neutral though

obviously this is under a cut

warnings/includes: MENTIONS OF SYRINGES/NEEDLES, SCALPELS, AND MEDICAL STUFF IN MEDIC'S SECTION!!!!!! AND KNIVES AND BLOOD IN SNIPER'S!!!! these are so bad, pyro is insane, medic is also insane, sniper is depraved, actually everybody's depraved, i'm depraved and also so so sorry

mostly what they're into/how they behave, nothing super reader specific in these ones

Scout:

-he’s got enough experience but he isn’t as good as he says he is, he’s got the spirit though and that’s what matters

-really good with his fingers but he can't find the clit half the time so help him out a bit

-absolutely an ass man but isn’t into anal

-scout usually likes positions where he can easily see/touch your ass (doggy, reverse cowgirl, etc)

-definitely says cringe shit in the bedroom, 100% refers to himself as daddy (which is canon i think?? i remember him having a voice line where he does that, could be wrong tho)

-has tried (and failed) to call you kitten on the regular but reverted back to the usual (still cringy) nicknames he calls you after demo made fun of him

-he never shuts up so the dirty talk is CRAZYYYY

-calls you stuff like doll, baby, babe, and uses pretty girl/boy/baby and babygirl/boy/doll when he's close

-even though he’s a little clumsy with it, he really does like giving oral, just give him a little direction; BUT likes receiving oral even more, sorry abt ur knees babe 💔

-definitely into semi-public sex, he won’t do anything in front of people but you bet your ass he’s finding some alleyway or storage closet to get freaky in

-does get jealous pretty easy and even though he’s usually not too rough with you he is not above manhandling when he sees fit

-the dog tags stay on, do with that what you will

Soldier:

-good GAWD

-literally so mean but mean in a hot way so that makes it okay

-absolutely nickname crazy; most of them aren't very cute or sexy (i.e. cadet, maggot, etc) but cupcake always makes an appearance

-very much into verbal degradation because of course he is, is also very into manhandling and just kinda tossing you around but he doesn't wanna hurt you too bad

-rarely ever fucks on an actual bed, usually it's the nearest wall/table/chair/couch, any surface you could lay/sit on really

-no the helmet is not coming off but that adds to it

-the honey IS going on though, maybe not his full body but it will make an appearance (he’s def into foodplay)

-tiny bit of a size kink, i think soldier is one of the taller, bulkier mercs so there's a very good chance he's much bigger than you in one way or another

-would absolutely be interested in a threesome with demo let's get real here

-very attracted to body hair bc i say so

-likes positions where he's very obviously the one in control/with the power; very into restraint either with some device (handcuffs, rope, etc) or with his own hands

-VERY loud, so good luck with that lmao

Pyro:

-man,,,,

-obviously into temperature and wax play

-the mask and suit do not come off, but pyro has a plethora of toys to use on you instead 😊

-gets off on the idea that he's some faceless person you can't really understand that has complete control over you and your body

-does occasionally lift the mask up just above his nostrils to kiss you, though, scarred lips be damned

-does babble a lot, even though it's all muffled; the nicknames he uses are surprisingly cute, he'll call you stuff like sugarplum, marshmallow, firefly, sugar cube, and other sickly-sweet names

-doesn't like showing you his bare skin/body because of their burn scars, but pyro does enjoy grinding if you wanna help him out that bad

-derives most of his pleasure from making you feel good, though, so he isn't really looking for any type of physical release on his end

-pyro's are kinda short i just can't think of any more rn i apologize 💔

Demo:

-WHAT A MAN 😍😍😍

-#1 lover out of all the mercs get fucked spy

-i think his build is very similar to soldiers, maybe an inch or two taller, so he definitely has the same lowkey size kink

-is also open to a threesome with soldier

-absolutely a service dom but he teases so much

-FAKE SYMPATHY!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!!!!

-likes when you call him by his name more than any of the cheesy titles dudes usually want their significant other to call them but he is always referring to you by any nickname he can think of; the most popular ones are lamb, sweetheart, lass/lad, my girl/boy/baby and "poor, sweet thing"

-loves talking to you and making you talk back to him even when you're literally on a different planet; makes you tell him what you want him to do even though he knows exactly what you're gonna say

-also slightly into dumbification (not to the extent medic or engineer are, though, he just thinks it's hot)

-very much into face and thigh riding

-foreplay alone could last as long as an hour if he's feeling "mean" at that particular time

-THIGH MAN!!!!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!

-makes you hold eye contact with him, sometimes the eyepatch comes off 🥴

-likes giving a whole lot more than receiving but he isn't about to turn down a blowjob if you offer

-waking you up with oral, it's his version of breakfast in bed

Heavy:

-and you thought demo was a service dom 🙄

-literally will do whatever you ask him to he does not care, as long as you feel good he's content

-very obvious size kink and it's very easy to exploit, but heavy doesn't take too kindly to teasing (he isn't about to stop you, though)

-speaks mostly in russian so unless you're fluent you can't really understand him but you get the gist of what he's saying by the tone in his voice

-outside of whatever russian bullshit he's spouting out, he calls you his "leetle bunny"

-tries to be gentle with you because of how big he is, but if he's provoked he can and will get wild

-as stated above, he can and will get wild, which includes his dirty talk; russian praise will turn into demeaning english muttered in your ear

-BREEDING KINK !!!!!!!!!!

-doesn't tease you on purpose, but he goes slow enough to where you think he's fucking with you (no pun intended)

-begging is never necessary but it is a guilty pleasure of his

-doesn't ask to receive oral often but watching you struggle with it does kinda turn him on even more

-face sitting extraordinaire, yes he does make the stupid eating sounds like in the game and yes he does it on purpose to try to make you laugh

-LET HEAVY FUCK NASTY GOD DAMN IT!!!

Engineer:

-WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN 😍😍😍

-much stronger than you'd think he is and he does use that to his advantage

-slight temperature play when the gunslinger is involved, it's just a little colder than room temperature but it's a very stark contrast

-loves conflicting his speech with his actions; he'll sweet talk and praise you while he's railing you into next week

-speaking of, he'll call you anything but your name. honeybee, honey, darlin', sweet girl/boy/baby, baby girl/boy/doll, any nickname that sounds hot in a southern accent he's callin you

-he absolutely has a daddy kink but won't tell you unless you have one too and approach him first, chances are you're younger than he is and he doesn't wanna make you think he's a weirdo

-all in all, the dirty talk is INSANEEEEEEEE

-absolutely into dumbification, he knows he's smart and he gets off on the power imbalance when you're babbling about nothing and he's still perfectly present

-also slightly into dacryphilia? it's not attractive when you're crying from pain, sadness, frustration, etc but he likes making you feel so good you're overwhelmed and all you can do is cry for him

-might forget to take the helmet and goggles off, but if you want him to keep them on then by all means he will

-would absolutely abide by the cowboy hat rule (if you don't know what that is, basically if a cowboy puts his hat on your head y'all are fuckin' later on)

-very much into bigger people, the extra chub around the thighs, chest, cheek, and stomach areas are a weakness of his

MEDIC!

-the moment we've all been waiting for

-kinda like soldier in the fact that he's mean in a hot way, but it's less bully-mean and more absolutely deranged mean

-of course he's into degradation and medical play, definitely dacryphilia and dumbification (for similar reasons engineer is), another merc with a slight size kink cause medic is big as hell

-likes to get you on the operation table and trace a syringe or scalpel (or both if he's feeling patient [haha get it]) along your body purely for the fear it evokes from you

-wants to get you scared/vulnerable and that's how he starts his foreplay; totally into the whole predator/prey thing but not in the same way sniper is, medic is more into metaphorical or psychological hunting rather than the actual thing

-FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!

-teases, edges, and overstimulates you to the point of tears and gets this stupid smug look on his face while cooing at you

-calls you demeaning names, like pet, but he's got some cute ones he uses too; täubchen, maus, schatz, and liebling (dove, mouse, sweetheart, and darling) are very prevalent in and outside of the bedroom

-if you're okay with it, medic does like to use you as a bit of stress relief when everybody else is getting on his nerves

-is 100% down for a doctor/nurse or doctor/patient roleplay let's get real here

-also into semi-public sex, sometimes he'll leave the medbay door unlocked and slightly ajar purpose just to mess with you

-though he is very rough with you most of the time, he likes to save his more tender moments for when the two of you are in an actual bedroom and not his workspace

Sniper:

-wild. like genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself when he's horny he just goes fucking crazy.

-even though he gets crazy insane, he doesn’t really know what all to do and it frustrates him; he doesn't have much experience when it comes to sexual acts with another person involved so please give him some pointers

-absolutely into knife play come on

-if you have a period, he'd also be down for period sex he does not care about blood in the slightest

-isn't all that nickname-heavy like some of the other mercs here, but he does sprinkle them into his dirty talk. it's usually the same things he calls you outside of the bedroom, like 'roo, darl', and love

-into body worship, giving or receiving. he likes making you feel beautiful and he likes feeling good about himself too

-would definitely want you to suck him off while he does target practice and i know this is such a popular headcanon but come on guys

-another popular headcanon is sniper being into predator/prey dynamics which like,,,come on. it's literally perfect. you're telling me this nutcase dude wouldn't be into scaring the shit out of you by physically hunting you down. it's basically canon idc

-likes biting and leaving marks on your neck/shoulders in very visible areas because he's kind of a possessive guy ngl

-as much as he likes people seeing the aftermath of what he does to you, sniper is a very private person so he really wouldn't be all that into sneaky sex. the closest you'll get is his sniper nest while he does target practice on cease-fire days

Spy:

-despite being an asshole on the regular, he's a very attentive lover

-into body worship but only giving, he already knows he's fine and he wants to make sure you're never insecure about yourself

-bilingual babe 😍 speaks in french so much you can't really understand what he's talking about but he's more than happy to give you a translation

-also has a daddy kink let's get real here

-KNIFE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!

-heavily into power play as well, similar to pyro because he'll keep his clothes (including the mask and gloves) on while you're completely bare to him

-likes buying you lingerie

-likes getting and giving head the same amount, he has no real preference cause it's gonna end in sex every time anyway 🤷‍♀️

-french nicknames ONLY!!!! mon cher (my dear), ma chérie/mon chéri (my darling), amour/mon amour (love/my love), gentille fille/garçon/bébé (sweet girl/boy/baby), mon ange (my angel) [currently using my basic understanding of the french language for evil]

-semi-public and public sex spy does not give a fuck he has a cloaking device for a reason 🙄🙄

-if you don't already have one he will give you an accent kink

[merc-with-the-m0uth]

Hi yeah its me, Deadpool, wade 𝙷𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝, the merc with the mouth, definitely not truthful timmy the blowjob queen of Saskatoon.

Just say whatever the fuck you want in asks, its all for fun! Even the occasional dismemberment.

My Wolvie is @wolvie-jamesloganhowlett, look in his general direction and you get gutted <3

My sister is @katherine-fisk , be nice to her she's really sweet. And if you aren't nice you'll find out that I am not.

Warning this account posts nsfw shit along, however feel free to be as sfw as you like in asks, i don't mind either, i love all types of interaction, and don't be scared thinking I'll turn every interaction nsft

If im not here, go find me over at @themercwiththem0uth

Nsfw blog🔞❤️‍🔥: @merc-with-the-m0uth-and-the-h0le I'm kinda an omega, yes from the a/b/o fanfic trope, it wasn't by choice, blame the anon who did this yo me.

I only nsfw rp on main with my wolvie

I really love my Logan and the Loki rp is an entirelyy different thing, separated from that.

My other boyfriend is @merc-with-a-mouth-69 he's adorable and I love him (editing my post sorry its gonna tag you again bbg)

By the way i also run @dogpool-puppins it was just meant to just be for funny but now you can go and roleplay with dogpool.

My main account is @drac0line1nn1t and has no connection here but just to clarify

The doodle in my intro is by the amazing @nuggetpool-hi because I love it and wanna eat it but I can't so ima keep it here instead hope it was okay to tag you

[natinkart]

✨️FEM MERCS HEADCANONS✨️ pt 3 SUPPORT

those would be mainly things directly influenced by the gender change, so like personality wise they are pretty much the same as the og

THE BIG FINALE W/ MEDIC, SNIPER AND SPY, oof this one's long and heavy...

*mentions of periods, pregnancy, conceiving and all of that, blame medic and spy, those two are fucked up, and descriptions of resentment towards ones child (it's really heavy but i dont know how to tag it help, i hope this is enough ;-;)*

medic - I like Ludwig as a surname, so she prefers to be called by that (I don't wanna search German names rn). she's bat shit crazy as og medic, so she too, didn't feel "challenged" in medical school and started doing not so legal surgeries. ok now, let's take the weird obsession that og medic has for uteruses but put it through a femminine lens. a woman with a god complex OBSESSED with the concept of reproduction and basically "creating life" is ten times more scary and menacing than the og. I firmly believe she made a procedure on herself to stop her period while keeping her ability to conceive. She just wanted to stop the pain and the bothering bleeding. so no projecting your period cramps on her, sorry 😔. she's one of the few mercs to shave, she cares about her appearance. she has a thoughtful hair and skin routine she's trying to pass to engie. medic and engie are besties. They do girls' nights in the medbay or in engie's lab in which they try to create life from scrap metal and spare body parts. Just girly things, don't worry about it. she needs 3 bottles of beer before starting to feel tipsy, she's not the best drink buddy because trying to keep up with her will most likely bring you comatose. everyone thinks she has big tits but actually, she has a big rib cage and little fat on her chest. She does not correct the others, though, she never showed her full body in the common shower. seeing the team fully naked does not bother her, she just sees future specimens, but others seeing her? that's embarrassing, that will NEVER happen.

sniper - ok, hear me out for the name, but I think Mildred would be cute, but she would prefer to be called Mindy, so her name would be Mindy Mundy. I'm a genius I know. anyway, like og sniper, she had a difficult childhood, always out of place, distant and isolated, like engie but 10 times worse. so she has EVEN WORSE care routine. no wait, correction, she DOES NOT take care of herself WHATSOEVER. she's a greasy, unkept woman with little to no care about her appearance. she has mid back length hair but she cut her front hair with scissors because they get in the way. she prefers to stay with no bra, she finds it restricting. she does sleep in the van and lived out of canned food every time she had work to do. obviously, when employed by RED she kept sleeping in the van but is grateful that heavy, scout and engie are able to cook really good meals, this kind of helped with her health. she knows how to skin animals and have great anatomical knowledge. she's neither shy or introverted, she just doesn't care about others and sometimes she's kinda of a dick, but if she actually talks to you it means that in some way she cares about you. she talks a lot with scout, even if they mainly tear each other apart, both verbally and, sometimes, physically. the fight is usually stopped by heavy or engie, the others either encourage it or do not care. she is a professional so she would never say it but she likes staying with the team, but she does say that the all have their use.

spy - uff.. ok. spy is a complicated one. an arrogant, stubborn, self centred femme fatale. she wear her mask (i'm sorry i don't remember how it's called T.T) that covers her face like og spy, but i want here to wear a neckerchief and sunglasses. she still wears a suit, but it's a woman's suit, so shorter jacket and some other small differences. the main problem with spy is that a relationship between father and son and a mother and daughter one it's REALLY DIFFERENT. if you are the one that suffered for 9 month to give birth to a human being you didn't want, you are not just gonna ignore her for the rest of her life, no, you gonna have pure hatred in you soul for your daughter… the maternal love is so easily obscured by this resentment against the child you feel ruined your life. spy's really spiteful and maybe even malicious against scout and the fact that Jenny keeps her in such high regard would only increase that love-hate sentiment. spy wants to have a loving relationship with her but she connected the very concept of her daughter to that profound hate she had for so much time that she started to loath herself. that hate towards Jenny became toward herself, but she won't admit it so she conceive that feeling behind her "disliking scout". a bond between a mother and their children is so deep that when severed in any way leaves such deep scars and may will never heal. and when your daughter sees you everyday but not her own mother, you know that wound for spy is open to the world to see. she isolates herself from the team to NEVER create a bond with anyone, she's always alone, she must know everything about others and make them scared of her, it's the only way she can keep control on her own emotion. if someone would find out ANYTHING about her she would feel vulnerable, if she bound with ANYONE she would be vulnerable, and she won't allow it. she won't never allow it again. but Jenny is the living manifestation of her vulnerability, the only time in her life in which she was happy, in love, but from where she fled the moment she had a physical representation of that. so no, she doesn't hate scout, she hates herself, she hates that she is vulnerable, that she can't be vulnerable, that she crave a loving relationship with her daughter and the consciousness she fucked everything up. her love for Jenny is so deep inside of her that is impossible to grasp, is at her very core but covered by millions of layers of hate and self loathing, all protected by the mask of a cocky and egoistic woman.

EDIT: you can find the full art line up HERE!!

pt1 | pt2

i really hope you're still here after the depression™️

[maxedes]

PSA: STOP REPOSTING MY POSTS ON TWITTER

i‘ve seen quite a few of my posts floating around on there without credit & i don‘t like that at all, i‘m sorry. if you want to use a post please ask first & give credit, thank you.

—————————————————————————

hello, nice to see you here <3

thought it was time for you to get to know me!

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ this is me ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

- my name is senta

- pronouns are she/her

- i‘m 21

- german (unfortunately)

- for more infos check out my "main" blog @sentaluise (follows, likes ect. do come from @allmyfriendsareficti0nal though)

- @/maxcedesbenz on twt

- @/sentamental on ao3

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ about my blog ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

- this is chaotic, if i have something to say i will (this is like my little f1 diary)

- mainly opinions

- sometimes drawing or textposts/edits, if i find the time

- i also try to translate/summarize things from sky germany that i think people would find interesting

- i do tag for drivers/races but the rest may be chaotic

- asks i‘ve gotten can be found under „asked & answered“

- f1 related but personal shenanigans are tagged #personal

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ my f1 opinions ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

(boy oh boy do i have fucked opinions)

- starting of with a tier list for the current grid:

(opinions aren‘t set in stone & i could write essays about my opinions on each of them, so fitting them in this thing might not be the most accurate way, but just to give you an idea. this is also not based on how i rate their talent as a driver, but how much i generally like them!)

- george is my undefeated favorite, max is a very close second

- i‘m a merc girly (doesn‘t mean i like everything they do)

- i really really hate red bull & everything they stand for (even though i do really like max & yuki)

- this is also probably not a safe place for mclaren & especially lando norris fans (i do tag all my anti stuff but just dni & block me if this bothers you)

- my favorite former drivers are:

- nico rosberg

- sebastian vettel

- michael schumacher

- jenson button

- lella lombardi

- about shipping (this is mostly for fun, all rpf „rules“ apply)

- brocedes for life

- gax

- lestappen

- galex

- side of versainz

- also kinda got on the haasband train

- others too sometimes, i ain‘t picky if the vibes are right i‘m in

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ disclaimer ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*���ﾟ

- this blog is a safe space (for more see @sentaluise )

- this blog will mainly be sfw except for some crude language but interact at your own risk

- i know my opinions are kinda controversial, please don‘t come for me. i get along well with people who may see things differently but if something here is really bothering you please use the block button liberally (or reach out to me if you feel like a line’s being crossed)

- i am a strong believer in just not liking people purely based on vibes. i don‘t own anyone liking someone, so don‘t come for me.

- my pfp is inspired by the ferrari snoopy that schumisnoopy on twitter made :)

- i do enjoy asks so reach out if you want to :)

[enchantcdstories]

The Strength Within Her

Words: 2774

Tags: Pure fluff! Some swearing! 

A/N: Here’s the Brendan/Theo fic! I tried my best to fix their ending but its a little all over the place. 

Find it on A03

V watched as Theo slumped into the plastic chair, her head in her hands after having been just told that her best friend in the whole world was gone. Something ate away at V’s stomach, the gut feeling in the back of her head gnawing at her. Do something. Fix this. V tugged at her hair, taking a few steps away to think. Think, think, think.

She could buy the vending machine, sure, she had the eddies for it. V sighed. She couldn’t fix Brendan. She couldn’t fix that kind of machinery. V stopped, realization hitting her like Jackie’s ARCH bike when she called it and wasn’t paying attention. Viktor. That man could fix anything right?

“Hey...Theo? I’ll uh.. See you around okay? Call me if you need anything?” V said, turning to face the woman. She tried not to make direct eye contact, Theo’s face just looked so sad. The girl nodded, sinking her head back into her hands as V turned away.

Pulling up Viktor’s number onto her interface, V thumbed quietly with the zipper on her jacket- waiting for the ripperdoc himself to pick up.

“V! What’s up? Everything good? The engram treating you okay?” Viktor’s voice sounded concerned and almost preoccupied at the same time. V bit at her lip, looking back in the direction of Theo as she walked to where her car was.

“I’m good, I mean..about as good as I can get with an engram taking over my brain..listen, do you know anything about uh...vending machines?” V asked nervously, this whole idea sounding stupid. The silence on Viktor’s end wasn’t any more reassuring.

“Vending machines?” His voice was full of confusion and apprehension.

“Yeah..there’s.. a S.C.S.M that..got a firmware wipe and...look it’s really tough to explain, but do you think you could help me out?” V sounded more like a child begging for parental help than a young woman at this point. The sound of metal clanging made V wince, tempted to hang up and forget this whole crazy idea. Viktor sighed.

“I mean...I know fuck all about vending machines but a firmware revert shouldn’t be too hard?....Do I dare ask what this is all for?” V sighed herself and mentally checked to see how many eddies she still had left.

“It’s a long story, I can pay ya. Meet me at the maintenance point by Megabuilding H8 in an hour?” V said, covering her eyes as she squinted over to the direction of the shop that held Brendan. Viktor confirmed, muttering about her owning him anyways and hung up. V waited for Johnny to show up, complain about this getting in the way of his plan and it was all a waste of time. V secretly thought that He felt something for that vending machine too.

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“I’m sorry...how much for the fucker?” V said, leaning on the counter of the gonk that ran the maintenance point. “We aren’t even gonna like… take him anywhere special. We’re just gonna move him back to his original spot.” The man on the other side of the counter crossed his arms.

“You heard me. You wanna change him and shit? Lord knows what fucking else? You gotta pay.” V put her head on the counter, stressed and feeling her vision starting to glitch out from the chip that was shoved into her brain. The gonk spoke again as if he felt something for this whole situation.

“Look, if it makes you feel better, I’ll throw the papers in. Legally the hunk of junk will be yours.” V groaned again. Gods that was a lot of eddies. That could pay for the ankle upgrades she’d be saving for. She’d barely have enough left over to throw something Vik’s way. Still, the look on Theo’s face when she was away from Brendan…

“Fine...here..Just, give me the papers.” V said, exasperated as she extended her hand out, transferring the eddies. The man held the papers out, some sort of legal form that was like transferring the ownership of a car. ‘I could have bought a new car with that money’, V thought. She snatched the papers up, folding them and walking over to where a powered down Brendan sat. The man wheeled a dolly over, jamming the edge of it under the S.C.S.M. V could hear Viktor outside the shop, talking on his phone to a client or something. The moment Viktor laid eyes on the machine, V could see the light just fade from them- wondering what V got him into.

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“Okay so back up, hang on- We’re doing this for a girl? Is she in love with the thing? Is that legal?” Viktor said, a screwdriver in his mouth and he worked to pry the back panel of Brendan off. V had explained the whole situation to him, but clearly, Vik was bit out of the loop on the whole ‘super-smart AI vending machines’.

“I mean, all I heard was that he was her best friend...and the look on her face! I couldn’t just do nothing.” V shrugged, leaning against the wall as she watched Viktor work. Johnny had glitched over in the corner and was smoking a cigarette, keeping to himself. Viktor chuckled.

“Always the people pleaser, eh V?” He said, dropping the back panel on the floor and peering inside. V just rolled her eyes, picking at something on her boot. Viktor grunted as he sat up, looking over his tools and grunting.

“Can you like… fix him?” V asked. She wondered if she just paid a good stack of Eddies for something that could be pawned off for spare parts. Maybe she could just..give Theo his faceplate and call it good?

“Well I’ve reversed firmware’s before, but this might take a little longer. I’m no miracle worker.” Viktor looked over to V, his voice giving her a hint of reassurance. V scoffed. “You’ve fixed me up plenty of times, even if I do got a shelf life that’s worse than milk’s.” She tried to lighten the mood, but the look on Viktor’s face didn’t look like it helped. “What I’m saying is, if anyone can do it, it’s you. Probably. I think the guy at the shop only knew how to update firmware.” V said, trying to cover up her fuck up. “And imagine the look on Theo’s face when she see’s her best friend is back!” V chirped, her voice a faux cheery tone. Even Johnny winced at that, giving a thumbs down. V flipped him off.

Viktor brought over some little machine, pulling the cord from a little compartment on it and plugging it into Brendan. V leaned her head back against the wall, her mind wandering back to Theo’s heartbroken face. That poor girl’s face was ingrained in her brain.

“Chick had a rough life. She pack-bonded to that heap of metal. Don’t blame her one bit.” Johnny’s voice filled V’s head as he walked over, flicking his cigarette to the floor and watching as it flickered away into a million little pixels.

“She said something about a breakup, right? Or at least a tough relationship..” V said, internally to her engram. Johnny moved so he was sitting down next to her, elbow propped up on his knee.

“She’s got a sentient vending machine, you got a biochip of a super famous rockstar in your head. We all need our comfort objects, huh?” Johnny said, moving his elbow as if he was gonna elbow her ribs. V felt nothing but was somehow still annoyed.

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At some point, as Viktor worked on Brendan, V fell asleep. It felt like it was the first time V had fallen asleep in days, sudden exhaustion kicking in. Viktor noticed a couple of hours ago, but chose to let her sleep anyways. The poor girl looked beat. Viktor finally wheeled away from the machine, having screwed the back panel in tightly and pulling out the electrical cord for the machine.

“Hey V, ‘bout to power this thing up, you wanna wake up?” Vik called, startling the merc awake. V groaned, rubbing at her eyes. Johnny was nowhere in sight, but Viktor was looking at her expectantly.

“What? Yeah, yeah I’m up. Plug ‘im in.” She said, moving to stand in front of the towering S.C.S.M. The vending machine lit up Vik’s entire shop, the pink of Brendan’s ‘clothes’ casting a deeper shade of pink across the walls.

“V! Boy am I glad to see you!” Brendan chirped, his eyes shifting left and right. V smiled, the same old Brendan was back.

“Hey bud, glad to see you too.” “What did I miss while I was gone? Any important drink orders I should remember?” Brendan said, his screen flickering just ever so slightly. V shook her head, glancing at Viktor. The man seemed just more confused, but sat back down on his chair.

“Nah, nothing like that. You were barely out for a day. Theo’s missing you something fierce though.” She said, hoping he still remembered her.

“Theo! Is she okay? Where is she? I hope she’s okay.” If a S.C.S.M could wag it’s tail like a puppy, Brendan would be doing that right about now.

“Relax, she’s fine. I kinda….told her that you were gone and she, well she took it pretty hard. Got the best ripperdoc in town to fix you up though. How do you uh...feel? Can you feel?” She added the last part under her breath. Brendan was silent for a moment, as if he was thinking.

“I would like to see Theo. I think I feel fine!” The machine said to her. V patted Brendan on the main screen...face-thing before moving over to Viktor. She extended her hand to him, intending to transfer some eddies to him.

“Thanks again, Vik, I know I keep saying I owe ya but this time...I really do owe ya. I got about...5k Eddies left, I hope that covers it.” She said, internally preparing to be broke for the next couple of days. Vik shook his head.

“Keep ‘em.”

“Vik-”

Viktor shook his head again. “Keep ‘em. You get to haul the thing back to Japantown though. I ain’t gonna help you with that.”

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Theo’s world felt...empty. Just the night before she had broken up her relationship, on the advice of Brendan of course. He helped her through so many rough patches and then this morning he was just….gone. She felt so powerless. The maintenance workers wouldn’t listen to her… she tried everything! Theo sat in one of the plastic chairs just in the first level of the megabuilding. Her apartment was a few floors up, she even remembers how she met Brendan. The one day she wanted a coffee from a vending machine and the S.C.S.M greeted her and asked if she was okay.

The rest was history.

He was so sweet, so caring. Knew exactly what to say when Theo struggled. Her daily routine revolved itself around Brendan now. Now? He was gone. Physically no, he wouldn’t be gone. The machine would be there still. But Brendan? His personality? Would be gone.

It was like a void in her heart, something in her life that was missing. She broke off her relationship and now with Brendan gone? Who did she have? Theo took a cigarette out of her pocket, sparking up the lighter and inhaling deeply. She wouldn’t cry over a stupid machine, yet here she was- tears threatening to spill.

Theo sat there for hours, watching the world go by as she sat in her little chair and smoked. She barely moved, barely felt. The sun eventually rose to it’s highest peak in the sky before falling back down. Night City falling under a blanket of colder temperatures as darkness fell. Theo stood up eventually. Her bones and muscles ached as she moved for the first time. She found her way to her apartment- purely on autopilot now.

Her apartment was cold, lonely, empty. It had been for a while, she realized, but now it felt more so. Theo was just about to head to bed when she heard a commotion out in the hall. Normally, especially in good old megabuilding H8, that wasn’t any cause for concern. The voice sounded oddly familiar though.

“..V?” Theo mumbled, getting up from her spot on the couch. She pressed the button for the door to slide open. V was there, standing in the hallway looking sweaty and exhausted.

And so was Brendan.

Theo leaned against the doorframe, confusion washing over her face.

“Hey uh...so listen, its a long story- but do you have space in your apartment? I was gonna put him back in his normal spot but...I’d hate to see him get vandalized or some shit.” V said, leaning an elbow on the dolly that was wedged under the S.C.S.M. Theo didn’t know what to say, merely opening her mouth like a fish. She merely moved out of the way as V struggled to haul the giant machine through the door.

“Vik fixed him up, just gotta plug him in and he’s good as new.” V said, grunting as she heaved the machine to Theo’s living room. He was angled awkwardly so he faced Theo’s bed, but no one cared at that point. She merely scurried out of the way, watching dumbly as V set Brendan down.

“He...I don’t...understand..” She said, unable to form words. V waved a hand, the cord flopping about. Theo reached for the cord, knowing where the only remaining outlet in her apartment was and plugging the machine in. Instantly her apartment was lit up with an otherworldly glow.

“That was some nap!.... Where am I?” Brendan chimed. V had leaned against the wall, watching as Theo moved to face Brendan. “Brendan?”

“Theo! Boy am I glad to see you! I missed you!” Tears pricked at Theo’s eyes. Happy ones this time. She looked over to V, rushing forward and gripping her in a bone shattering hug.

“Oh V… thank you, thank you so much!” She said, grinning up at her ‘friend’. V shrugged, not making eye contact.

“ was nothing, oh uh...here.” She said, taking the papers from her pants pocket. “He’s yours now, I guess? Your own personal uh..vending machine.” She shrugged. Theo just stared at the papers. She turned to Brendan, throwing her arms across the wide electronic.

“Oh gods I’ve missed you, B. I was so worried. They took you away I just...V tried to get you back and when she told me they wiped you… I thought… I’d never-” Theo was openly crying now, still clutching Brendan.

“It’s okay Theo, you’re strong, I believed in you all along. Am I in your apartment? You told me so much about your apartment!” Brendan chirped, his voice sounding more bubbly than usual. Theo nodded, a half sob half laugh escaping her lips.

“It is, you’re here and...you’re mine now! You don’t have to stay down on the street anymore.. No one’s gonna vandalize you!” Theo’s voice went on, about how much fun they would have now that Theo didn’t have to worry about him anymore. V rubbed the back of her neck, feeling like an intruder now.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, I guess. I’ll come visit at some point?” V didn’t know why she asked that, when she knew herself that her time was limited. Maybe Johnny would visit for her. Theo looked and nodded, before turning back to talk to her best friend. V let herself out quietly.

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It was dark now when V exited the megabuilding, her own stomach rumbling for some of the local food that filled the air’s scent. The entire day had been just a rollercoaster of emotions. She leaned down to light a smoke, one of the ones Johnny had begged her to smoke originally.

“Nothing like a happy ending, huh?” Johnny said, phasing next to her as she walked to her car. V said shrugged.

“I don’t get one, might as well give her one. She can go off and live her happy life with her vending machine. I got...a computer chip in my head that makes me smoke.” She shrugged. Johnny laughed.

“You got me. Ain’t that enough?” He said, referring to his whole body. V rolled her eyes.

“Well, out of all the engrams in the world, I’m glad I got Johnny fuckin’ Silverhand.”

[gasgiant]

this is embarrassing so im on anon but as someone who is also currently obsessed with tf2 despite never playing it. what are your opinions on those guys. i am very interested

NICE this is content i love to see!! Sorry if you dont see this post it’s probably been sitting in my inbox for a week, but i’ll tag it, so who knows?

This will mostly be about character in the comics, but I’ll throw in who i like to play as well

Scout: he gives off annoying little sibling energy. very entertaining and funny, he talks non-stop in the comics. his daddy issues go deep and it’s probably good that he doesn’t know HOW deep. Before most matches start i pick scout and run around the map, hitting as many people with the fish as I can. 6/10 cool boy

Pyro: baby. I do wish they had more of a personality besides “obsessed with fire and doesn’t live in reality”, but pyrovision is a very fun concept and makes this guy both loveable and TERRIFYING. Pyro is my second most played, because who doesn’t love not aiming and causing extreme carnage? 7/10 chaotic being

Soldier: OK HONESTLY? MY FAVORITE CHARACTER FROM THE COMICS. this poor, lead poisoned, brain dead, psychopath. only blood lust and patriotism consume the mind of this man, but there really isnt much space up there anyway. his stupidity and knack for pissing off literally anyone is fantastic. also, he ends up dating heavy’s sister zhanna and they have a FANTASTIC dynamic (ok, she actually might be my favorite but soldier is close). I don’t play him that much, but rocket jumping is hella fun. 10/10 GOOD HUSTLE, SOLDIER!

Demoman: Underappiciated and under utilized in fan content! I think he has one of the best origin stories. He’s realatively sane for TF2 mercs, and would probably be all the way there if it wasnt for his nasty drinking habit. There’s also a comic where a soldier and demoman on opposite teams become friends and that is such a good one. Valve definitely could have done better on having more characters who aren’t white, but im glad we at least got Tavish! I suck at demoman but i’m trying to play him more to get better. Kinda surprising since junkrat was my 2nd most played in overwatch. 8/10 "Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue you back together...IN HELL!"

Heavy: Due to his appearance in the telltale poker night game, this guy probably has the most complete characterization. Somewhere between a gentle giant and crazy russian, he’s a family man with a doctorate in russian literature and a strong attachment to Sascha, his favorite gun. He doesn’t say much, but he usually says the right thing. God bless him for putting up with the rest of the team, because if he didn’t, they’d all be goners. Heavy playstyle just isnt fun for me so i rarely pick him. 8/10 Legendary Comrade

Engineer: I feel like we hear the least about this dude’s personality in the comics. He’s a genius engineer in a family of genius engineers. His grandfather created a life extending machine (thats kinda important to the comics) that he later upgraded. Dude literally has 12 Phds. I enjoy his general laid-back texan demeanor. I feel like he’d be really fun at parties for some reason. I’ve been playing engineer way more recently and a lot of his voice lines are sarcastic and a bit goofy. 7/10 texas sized yee haw.

Sniper: someone give this man a fucking break. please. my god. the most mentally there of the team, doesn’t seem absorbed with killing, but does enjoy the challange and competition of sniping. has a bit of an identity crisis (in the form of his superman-esque origin story) which is quickly resolved. probably would be the most pleasant of these guys to meet in real life. i only play sniper on the 2 Fort map and I have never gotten a headshot. ever. 6/10 great shot, mate.

Medic: MY MAN LUDWIG! My favorite character before reading the comics. I’d say he’s a fucked up doctor, but thats only the half of it. He isnt even a doctor anymore (its hard to keep a medical license after removing someone’s entire skeleton). For a dude who stole all of his friend’s souls and literally outsmarted devil... he’s not THAT bad. I mean, sure he abandoned his team to fight against them just so he could commit more atrocities against nature. Sure, he only has an evil smile and demented laugh. But uh... he is... nice to his doves? Yeah ok nevermind I cant really defend this guy. Being a little evil is... kinda sexy though (look up medic cosmetic “The Burly Beast”). In game, my medigun is named “Press E To Send Me To Therapy”. E is the call for medic button. I am a medic main and I am so, so tired. 10/10 “ZHAT was doctor assisted homocide!”

Spy: french asshole. seems pretencious and unattached but he really isnt. actions speak louder than words spy, and even if you had to tell scout you were his father disguised as tom jones, at least you did it. if i play spy i get overly excited at backstabbing someone because i suck at it. 6/10 oui oui effle tower baguette i love making fun of the french

not sure if this is what you wanted anon but i had fun typing these! if you ever get steam, here’s a link to my profile https://s.team/p/kpv-bvtv/JPDMQRWV tf2 is basically the only game I play on steam so I’ll probably be doing that 😎

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #07: Second Chance

One last check. John Bishop Church and Mike McGuire stood before the vanity mirror of a makeup table. John winced slightly as he adjusted the knot of his tie so it laid flush against the collar of his dress shirt. In the silence of this prelude, John’s soft breathing was ragged. His cheeks were pale and cool to the touch despite a layer of perspiration already accumulating on his forehead. He retrieved a handkerchief from the inside of his suit jacket and dabbed away the sweat before returning it back to its pocket. He averted his gaze from Mike even through the reflection. “Okay. Let’s do this.” “Hold up. One sec.” Mike looked to their partner with furrowed brows, an expression of genuine, heartfelt concern on their face. Reaching out, they place one hand on his arm. “It’s not too late to not do this. I mean if you want to hold off for this week I totally understand, and I bet Ashley and Iggy would too. I mean, no offense, you know that… but you look kinda awful.” “They don’t make that decision.” John looked down at her hand and smirked. The expression, imagined possibly, brought a little color back into his face. “I’ll be okay. I’ll have to be.” “If you say so, then I believe you. I mean, shit. I know how bad we both want this. Like, real fucking bad, more than anybody.” “Then, let’s show them.” The camera moved through a pair of doors into a magnificent reception hall, all vibrant, lush red and gold-veined white marble. Gilded alabaster pillars line the balcony, bordered by elegant black wrought railings. It took the viewer up the claret carpeted stairway, beneath the grand crystal chandelier, through another pair of doors into a gorgeous theater in the same color scheme, the high ceiling decorated with gilded scrolling and the seats upholstered in ruby. Finally, the camera stopped, its wielder taking a seat in the front row. The stage’s ceiling was blocked in burgundy and slopes back, the backdrop also deep red and white, the wooden planks of the stage floor slightly scuffed from years of use. The house lights dimmed, and at the center of all this majesty two spotlights hit the stage, one at each side. Into these, Bishop Church stepped into the left one, Mike McGuire the right, and the lights trailed them until they met in the center. Mike slowly, deliberately slipped her aviators off, grinning a bit. “Evening, EWC faithful. Look at where ya boys are at tonight! Check these digs out. Fancy, huh? Just perfect for a big occasion, and trust me on this- this is a big fucking occasion. And we were gonna pull out all the stops for it too. You wouldn’t believe the sheer level of ridiculous hijinx we had planned for this. But…” She gave a glance over to her partner. He, however, did not remove his shades. “Better reserved for our opponents. That is, after all, their modus operandi.For fun. Remember that? Mr. Lutter assembled a group of super friends that failed to live up to that ideal. And after a purge, he seems to have it just right.” John shrugged. “Swango. Brizzie. Don’t take that as a dismissal of your talents. Your detractors will label you inexperienced, ineffectual, and irreverent. However, at Night of Champions, they could only call you winners.” The lights rose just slightly, the ambience brightened a bit. From somewhere unseen, a soft, uplifting tune began to play. Not loud enough to be obstructive or drown out the words the pair were saying, though- just audible enough to be heard clearly. “You two got magic. The same kinda magic we had when we first started out. You literally just got your kite off the ground and you’re flying like a couple’a fuckin’ pros, and that’s badass. It’s not easy to do that, y’know. Tag teaming ain’t easy. Contrary to popular belief you can’t just throw two people together, no matter how capable, and expect them to win goddamn matches if they ain’t got a drop of chemistry. Heh, ask Merc and Jerk about that.” “You won’t get a real answer out of either of them.” And then John removed his shades as well. Normally his gaze was passive and distant but at this time, blue eyes stared at the viewing audience. Perhaps at NSFW’s opponents. “But that night. The very night that we broke The Limit, the landscape of the tag team division started to change for the better. Many will attribute it to our new Tag Team champions. Some even to Mike and myself. I would say that a bit of the credit belongs to the efforts made in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity. So it is no surprise to me that you stand opposite of us. With the opportunity that we have been fighting every inch of the way for.” The lights brightened a little further. “You’re the challenge we’ve been waiting for. This division as it stands right now? It’s the division we’ve been wanting to fight in. And right past you? The chance we’ve been working so fuckin’ hard for, since day one. I’m pumped for it. Church is. We got electric in our veins, but… do you?” Mike’s brows furrowed, the lights dimming back down almost somberly, with a slight blue tinge. “Brizzie. You don’t have that For Fun mojo going on much right now. And I get it. I got nothin’ but respect for Nos, and I don’t blame you if your head ain’t in the game. But you gotta understand… you ain’t gonna beat us like that. Not by a long shot.” “As your fellow employers. Perhaps even your friends, we are deeply concerned with what has happened. But understand something.” He stepped forward. The lights began to brighten, the blue beginning to fade away. “Monday Night. Houston. The main event. Our very first main event. With the chance we’ve been asking for on the line. If your music plays. If you two walk out. If you get into the ring with Mike McGuire and Bishop Church, you are telling us one thing. That you are ready. The bell rings. Our concern takes a backseat. Losing this match means that we are deprived another chance to represent this division. This business means everything to me. It is the most important-” Mike reached out. Her hand rested comfortably on his jacket-sheathed bicep. “It is one of the most important parts of my life. I think I understand my partner enough by now to know that she agrees. I am not content to be on the sidelines however. That’s what losing that match will do to us. Losing means we sit back another night and watch other people take what we have earned with our blood. It would be foolish to make ultimatums. The world doesn’t end with one shortfall. But after all this time, it doesn’t feel right. So ask yourselves? With circumstances as they stand, what would a defeat mean to you? Chalk it up to inexperience. Momentum not being on your side maybe.” “Yeah. You guys are brand new, right out of the box. We ain't exactly old news ourselves, but we kinda got the ‘new car smell’ knocked off us by now. We got, in a way, more to gain from this than you two, and a hell of a lot more to lose. I don’t know how much you guys want the tag titles, but I can fuckin’ promise one thing. It ain’t near as much as we do.” The intensity of the lighting was almost at full house strength now, the coloring shed of its melancholy blue and, instead, tinged with gold. “We came here with two goals. Revive the tag team division, and be its fucking champions. I think we can consider Goal One met. Two? Like I mentioned. Runs right through the Rockin’ Dreamland you got going on. But we can’t stop. We WON’T stop. No Sympathy For Wifey- at least, not in between those bells. And I’m sorry if that seems mean. Trust me, I wish to fuck this thing with Nos wasn’t happening at all, much less now, but gold waits for nobody.” “So that is what I meant. You two come down and you forsake all of that strife for that moment in time. Iggy, Ashley, you took everything from two teams that didn’t give you a chance. We consider you two our greatest challenge.” He turned his head and addressed his partner eye to eye. “Mike, remember the last time we had a chance like this? We thought of ourselves to be the heirs apparent.” “And we came up fuckin’ short. Just by a hair, but you know what they say about horseshoes and hand grenades. We played it cool, y’know, ‘tomorrow is another day’ and all that positive happy crappy B.S. but you know what? It fuckin’ stung. And it’s a feeling I never… and I think I can safely say, WE never… want to deal with again. The fuckin’ feeling of seeing a golden opportunity slip through your fingers. We ain’t gonna let it happen again, no matter what we gotta do.” The soft gold illumination intensified, became sharper. “So come out. For Fun. And we’ll take everything you have and throw it back at you. No jokes. No time machines. No more silly names. No song and dance. No more platitudes about respect.” “This is our second shot for a shot. And it’ll be our last one, because after this one, we won’t fuckin’ well need another one. We’ve been put through a fucking meat grinder this summer. We’ve been table’d, chair’d, thrown off shit, beat to a fucking pulp, my partner damn near got disemboweled, and in the middle of all that, we’ve gone through damn near the entire division that WE rebuilt. Our literal blood, sweat, and tears are all over the fucking place.” More intense now. The entire stage was bathed in vivid golden light. “You guys got the magic, but you haven’t paid your dues. You haven’t earned it. You don’t have the rights to it, not yet.” “So we offer the same courtesy that we did to the Unholy Two. Sure, we’ve met. But we haven’t been formally introduced. Where it matters. Iggy Swango. Ashley Brizzie.” John put the aviators back on. “I’m Bishop Church.” Mike followed suit. “And I’m Mike McGuire.” “We are NSFW.” “And we’re the next EWC Tag Team Champions.” The golden light intensified so brightly that a bright, gilded flash was all that the camera could pick up. When it faded away, NSFW were gone. What does a team do after they rent out Heinz Hall for their own personal statement on their most important match to date? Go grocery shopping. John’s hands were ringed with the loops of plastic grocery bags. He let them slip from his fingers gently on the kitchen table. He also had a week’s worth of mail tucked under the opposite side of his wound. They fell out onto the table and unfolded like an accordion. Mike closed the front door behind them. They had all of the bags full of things that needed to be in the refrigerator so they made a beeline to it. He looked suspiciously at a party sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms that had managed to make it into their cart. But then something else caught his eye. One of the envelopes. “Hey. You got a letter.” She was a phone call or text away. Not too many miles between them. His eyebrows raised quizzically. But it was addressed to just Mike. So not really his business. “From Natalie.”