#sorry for being a literal birdbrain y'all

[birdyboogaloo]

I am working on blog stuff! I just got distracted jdajsda

I, uh, may or may not have had my attention YANKED away from me haha

Yuko and Lance are still proving to be very daunting to draw, so my brain refuses to work on it.  Something about the scale of the next arc and how many big questions are going to be tackled -- and trying to figure out how to illustrate that well enough -- spooks my dumb bird brain.

SO I’ve been trying to trick it by working on self-indulgent shit as a reward.  I’m also trying to get back into writing too (it’s hard; writing is so hard).  So far it’s been working!  I AM making progress on the blogs-- it’s just slow going.

I’m gonna throw a link to my self-indulgent bullshit below

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39064881/chapters/97721337

[toshis-puppycat]

Unfortunately, I Think I Love You Too Part Four

A/n: So, uh angst happened last chapter lol I'm sorry about that. But y'all liked it so its okay. Some fluffyness will be coming soon! Also big thanks to @onyxiana-is-obsessed for letting me use a name in this!! You're the best for that truly. And I'm very sorry it took me a while to update things happened and I got stressed, but it should be all good now! Thank yall for being patient with me!

Summary: Hawks doesn't know what to do, you're semi avoiding him now and that's very difficult because you're literally trapped in the same house and you know for a fact you have no food available. Shopping with Hawks is okay at least. Too bad that gets interrupted. 

Part Four

You tried not to think about what he said. "If...if you ever need it. I'm here for you." 

It was awkward, uncomfortable. You didn't like it. Unfortunately, you noticed you had like, absolutely no real food to consume. You had to make a trip to the store. And you had to do it with Hawks.

"Hey, birdbrain. We need to go to the store." You said, walking into your living room. Ignore it. He shot you a look.

"Is that really safe to do right now?" He asked.

"You want food?" You ask, he nods in response. "Then get ready." He gives an apprehensive look, it's an odd on him. He's usually so confident and sure about his movements. You quickly got ready, and left the house together straight to the store. First, your assorted fruits, then your vegetables and now the protein and other assorted foods. First choice from Hawks was chicken, of any type (mainly asking you to make fried chicken the goddamn weird bird), apparently the discussion between you two earlier is finally being pushed aside for the time being. You hoped it'd never be brought up again. You didn't want to acknowledge it, you didn't want to remember the terror you'd feel every time you fell asleep. You shook the thoughts off, checking the assorted meats. You could make some tacos or something tonight, maybe some stew. You felt a hand at your lower back in that moment. Ah, Hawks finally came back-

"I do hope you don't think that having him nearby will keep you safe." They said, and you felt yourself stiffen, eyes widening in shock as you subtly tried looking around. Hawks wasn't near you at all and you knew this person. "It was quite easy to lead him away. Money gets people to do things, my dear." They continued.

"Toxin." You said, you tried your best not to move around. You remembered his quirk all too well.

"Awe the little one does remember." Toxin teased, you could practically feel his smile. "I'm sure you understand why we're doing this sweetheart." He purred. "Betraying us the way you did back then left a lot of scars for us. Me especially, you were my future y/n." 

"That was not a life for any child to experience. Being offered to you should have never been an option." You hissed.

He tisked at you, his arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you close. "Ah y/n. I wouldn't be so snappy if I were you. After all you are alone right now." He smirked, then kissed your temple. "It was nice to see you y/n, but I should be going now. That bird is coming back." He said, you didn't let yourself relax with him saying that though. He grabbed a strand of your hair, and lightly tugged it and sighed. "I'll be seeing you again soon though, sweetheart." And with that he left you, you couldn't move, your body felt numb and you couldn't breath. Then there were hands at your shoulders. Oh God were they back already? You couldn't do this you had to run-

"Kid!" Hawks exclaimed. "Take deep breaths, alright?" He pulled you into his arms at that. You snapped out of it at that point, gently shoving him away. You freaking out would have caught some attention, you couldn't just push him away.

"I'm fine. Let's just pay and get out of here." You said, you tried keeping your voice steady but he could hear the quiver, and basically feel your erratic heartbeat. You were right, you both had to leave. Him before a fan would try to ask him to sign something and you before you started to panic again. You quickly paid for your items and left. Your heartbeat didn't slow until the both of you were safely in your home. 

—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*

He usually knew what to do in situations where civilians were scared. But there was a catch for this time. You weren't a civilian, you were… you were a hero. A hero whos childhood was somewhat shrouded in mystery for him. The commission didn't give him anything more pertaining to your case. The only information that they had was that you were saved, and then you didn't join any hero work at all. But that was a lie. He knew it at this point that you were are a hero. Something he didn't tell the hero commission because he knew it'd hurt you. It took months of bugging attempting to get to know you and be somewhat close enough to talk outside of your hero duties. Which didn't happen the way he wanted. You were intriguing, ever since he first met you at that charity event. You also weren't really known, any information was shrouded in mystery, nothing was confirmed about you. Well one part for him was confirmed now, you were gorgeous. He always had that theory after he met you and you were soft. He remembered when you had hugged him close when you were undercover with him, you felt right in his arms. He wanted to help you. But he had to understand you. So when you forced yourself to cook dinner, he didn't argue because you would shield yourself away. Even though he was feeling a tiny bit desperate to know, he kept it to himself. And when you finally turned in for the night he made a decision that would go past this assignment. He would protect you, no matter what. Starting with not calling you "sweetheart". It was a cute pet name to you but well, hearing that villain, Toxin, call you that just… it made your annoyed reactions make more sense. Especially when he had first done it. You were more neutral when you two first spoke, but the moment he uttered that pet name you ended up annoyed with him. That ended up becoming the relationship you two had now, you annoyed with him and him slightly desperate for your attention. But now, right now you were someone he had to protect more, a victim of a criminal organization. He looked over at your bedroom door, your home was soundproof, no one would be able to hear you inside, and considering what he heard earlier it made sense. He walked over to the door, not opening it just waiting, hearing you toss and turn attempting to get comfortable. He leaned against the wall nearby, he really wished you'd trust him. 

—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*

Having Hawks stay at your home leaves mixed feelings for you. It made you relieved but at the same time on edge. Glad someone who knew about your hero life but also left you paralyzed with fear. Heros saved people, heros were strong. This… this was you being weak. You were acting like the scared child All Might saved. You were still terrified of them. Your childhood was a horror show. The amount of times you saw people killed just for existing, being there at the "wrong time" (which was all the time the damned liars), the fact that they would force you to watch them kill innocent people and laugh about you cowering away. It was no wonder you were grateful for All Might saving you, it was why you wanted to be a hero. Saving the people who weren't always seen. You pointed out Chisaki Kai to Nighteye, he looked more into it and decided it was a case he'd investigate with a few other agencies. That little girl with them, she needed to be saved. It was why you told him about what you'd noticed in the first place. You didn't want to be known however. Too many people were wary about those related to villains, all you wanted to save people. And you were. But now… now it was coming back. Now you had to rely on heros to protect you. You hated it. You didn't want to rely on anyone, you just wanted that chapter of your life closed. You felt a terrible headache coming on then heard something shuffle outside of your door. Did this… did this dumbass not see the spare bedroom? You sighed, and got up. Quickly moving to open your door as you saw something move in the corner of your eye outside of your bedroom window. You tensed, you forgot that they were watching you. God it was probably why Toxin fucking talked to you! You probably threw them in for a loop having Hawks at your home thankfully. You opened the door, finding Hawks leaning against the wall nearby, and quickly threw yourself into his arms and tucked your head under his chin, he froze at the sudden contact. "M'sorry I panicked like that earlier and pushed you away." You said, it was muffled. He was still kinda frozen but you felt his arms slowly wrap around your middle. 

"Ah, its okay kid. Are you feeling a little better?" He asked, this was so different from the Hawks you were used to, unsure of what to do almost shy like, you shook your head in response to his question before you forgot to.

"Not really, but I didn't wanna shut you out." You whispered, forcing yourself to relax in his arms. Liar. A voice whispered in your head. You're a liar and a coward. Its good they came back to get rid of you. You deserve it. 

"Hey come on kid, I'm not heartless. Why would I leave my little songbird alone when she needs me?" He said, and wow did those pet names stick out as a "long term" thing they thought you had. You felt yourself flush. He was almost being… cute. He kissed your temple and led you back to your living room. Sitting on the couch before pulling you into his lap, one hand moving to steady your waist as you attempted to get comfortable, both legs thrown over his. "I'm not going anywhere songbird." Thank god he seemed to have gotten the hint, you thought as you saw a single feather subtly fly behind him and under the front door. You two sat there for what seemed like forever, he was holding you, he moved the hand at your waist and threw it around both of your shoulders and the other cupping your cheek as you laid in his arms. It was… nice. It felt right, like nothing was wrong. All the negative thoughts that were swirling in your head a moment ago vanished the moment he properly held you, your body felt at ease for the first time in years, you were exhausted. You didn't notice the tension in his shoulders leaving as you found yourself relaxing in his arms, didn't hear the fast beating of his heart as your eyes started drooping, and finally you slumped against him. Damn, you didn't know you were that touch starved. You slightly turned your face into his neck and relaxed even more, one hand coming up to his shoulder and loosely gripping at the material of his coat, before settling again. It was like you completely forgot why you came out in the first place, which you did for sure. You never knew Hawks could be so comfortable to lay on.

—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*

Hawks was relishing in the fact you relaxed against him so easily, but there was that twinge of worry. How long have you not been sleeping well if you went lax from the bare minimum of touches (affection?) from another person? You were a private person, he knew that. It was obvious from the way you kicked him out earlier that day, to when you immediately left for your room after you two ate. But here you were, basically cuddling with him. He'd take you back to you room, but when he got up you just clutched at his coat tighter and tensed. You didn't settle until he was just holding you again. Well fuck.

—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*

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