#sorry about this long ass post but it's the only way i could clarify somethings

[sieglinde-freud]

grabs ur hands dm ur reasoning rn *looks at you with my big eyes*

YOU GUYS ARE PEER PRESSURING ME WTF... but ok im just gonna post it here then hi tc thank u for the ask :) going under the read more because my initial ramblings were literally 3k but let me see if i can chop it down. cw: LONG. also pic for reference so we know what im talking about

so the placements all assume the only headcanon thats real going into this is that the morgans are siblings. no canon second parents which means no chrom!inigo or anything like that they all have single moms or whatever idk not important but just clarifying none of that is impacting their placements because i dont want to think about that

black eagle placements were the most fun because the fun thing about that route is that it splits into two more! one thing thats always bothered me is that when that route splits, the only thing that changes is that you either lose edelgard or hubert or you lose flayn. are you really telling me those are the only three students with enough free will to not let byleth pick the rest of their life for them? ferdinand would NOT go to the church i dont care!!! this is something they fixed (kind of) in warriors but in general when picking the black eagles i wanted to keep that in mind too

so kjelle was the first character i looked at and went “i know where you go.” i think she looks at edelgard and goes “you are everything i want to be and more” because what edelgard fights for and how she accomplishes it. kjelle is a very “the strong must protect the weak by any means necessary” which is kind of harsh when its presented to the player in awakening but it is literally edelgard’s whole philosophy. and kjelle is very egotistical (not hate i love her ass so much underrated fav!!) she thinks incredibly highly of herself so for her to bow down to anyone they would have to 1) echo her ideals and 2) be stronger than her. sorry shes never bending the knee to dimitri and claude i dont give a fuck she doesnt like those men. i think she’d understand edelgard’s idea of putting power in human hands and fully commit to the ends justify the means. this isnt really a gameplay rewrite thing im trying to do but if byleth picked the church she would leave. also… please. please please consider edelkjelle… okay guys… for me……..

on the opposite side nah was my second immediate “ohh i know what im doing with you” and its because if byleth picks edelgard, shes out!! granted, i could just put her with lions or deer but how is that fun. its not. nah, being a manakete, would probably be much more understanding of rhea and willing to reach out. being a manakete is probably a pretty isolating experience for her, ylisse or fodlan or otherwise, so i think her finding solace with rhea and flayn and seteth during her time at the academy would allow her to get closer to people more like her, and understand on some level why rhea is the way she is and why governs the way she does. though, still being housemates, she’d befriend edelgard and i think she’d admire edelgard’s conviction and maturity during the academy arc. but when edelgard betrays the church i think she’d take that very hard, and i dont think anything edelgard would say to her would get her to turn on what is basically the family she never got to have (theres also second gen angst potential in here somewhere…)

inigo was interesting to think about and i did almost saddle him in with golden deer but i like the potential of him with edelgard a lot more when i really sat down and thought about it. im pulling more from his characterization as laslow i think but at first i wasn’t really sure if i had a case for him picking between the empire and the church but i decided to go with the empire because i do think in the time he has with edelgard, he’d be a voice of reason for her (to hubert’s dismay). edelgard’s problem is that she has literally no outsider pov and is going based on her own sense of justice that, while its based in good intentions, has a lot of unintended consequences and failure to acknowledge how it impacts everyone else. i think inigo could take a unique role, similar to ferdinand (or lorenz to claude, felix to dimitri) in that he challenges edelgard but on a much more friendlier level. the thing about how that role normally plays out is that its formed on some personal grievance rather than genuine better interest of the people, and i think of all the lords, edelgard needs a friend the most (its why shes so attached to byleth???). and just looking at how hes able to handle xander in fates and how much more introspective he becomes, i think it’d play out similarly here. also i think with the forces of him and dorothea combined they would give ferdinand the worst bisexual panic of his life. ik i mentioned felix/inigo WHICH I STILL LIKE but imagine the layer of angst if they are on opposing sides… ok thanks

was on the fence about gerome until beloved mutual (hi woocy :3) convinced me he would be beagle and im completely down with that. for me, i struck out blue lions immediately. so after that its just a matter of do i think he fits in better with BE or GD and quite honestly. for some reason golden deer gets the rep of being the meme house but aside from lorenz looking a little funny anf claude putting up a facade YOU ALL FELL FOR this straight up is not true. the funny house is black eagles and by GOD it would piss gerome off to be there. i dont think they chose their houses, by the way. i think they got to fodlan and rhea vibe checked all of them immediately so he didnt have a say in this. not only is he stuck with inigo, hes stuck with watching kjelle—the strongest warrior ever probably the only one in the second to match him in terms of raw strength—stumble over herself over their house leader because wwaauuw women pretty LIKE COME ONNNN. though, i do think he’d respect edelgard for her strength, and theres a lot of interesting dynamics for him to explore. dorothea pissing him off, bonding with petra over their enjoyment for wildlife, he would definitely be training partners with caspar, and i think he’d actually be like. really good at talking to bernadetta? maybe seeing her reminds him of how he was when he was younger. maybe he gets her out by introducing her to minerva. much to think about. but in general he would keep mostly to himself with standard gerome “cant get close to people that i cant guarantee will stay with me” fashion i think he probably wouldnt be as close as say someone like inigo or nah would be with the house. so when the time to choose a side comes… i dont think he’d have the relationship with edelgard to pick her. i think he would oppose her ideals, and go with nah, if not flee fodlan entirely because omfg who careeesss…. WHO CAREEESS his ass is in wyvern valley (no i think he’d fight. but he’d def consider dipping)

m!morgan is here because i think it would challenge him. guy who is so cute so earnest so ready to be happy in school learning everything hes ever wanted hoping to come home and make momma proud and oh my god he got put in the most crazy house imaginable. whoever his professor is is probably like wow morgan you have a gift for tactics! why dont you try managing the class for a mission? and being morgan he’d go YES ABSOLUTELY!!! unfortunately this house has hubert. and ferdinand. and bernadetta. and linhardt. and caspar. the thing about robin and the shepherds is that most people immediately respected robin as their tactician and robin was able to connect and befriend most of them fairly easily because they were mostly all sane and normal people. the black eagles are most definitely not and have you guys seen that black eagles seating chart post? well. i just think it’d give morgan a hard time and between him and f!morgan its funnier if its him. also splitting him from the justice cabal for timeskip angst sorry. also i think it’d be cool if he took edelgards side. i dont actually know which way he’d lean thats a tossup like this is a character that i could believe would trust byleth’s judgement and go with them but if its edelgard i think that could set up fun conflict between him and nah. grima vs naga part 2!! though i actually did have him for blue lions first if only because of the three houses the blue lions probably need a tactician type the best but. i like this one better.

so for blue lions i immediately clocked owain like look at this guy. i think owain would see the house of cool knightly chivalrous types fighting for justice and being cool and having swords and i just think he’d be in heaven. i also think, to him, dimitri would be a figure to look up to similar to lucina, but with the difference that they are not family and owain might put him on an even higher pedestal because theres this sense of familiarity he had with lucina thats not really there anymore? kind of similar to ashe and dimitri. and when the timeskip comes, i think he’d be endlessly devoted to dimitri even still, never forgetting who he was before and striving to bring him back, still thinking of this idolized version of him, even if it puts himself at risk. i also think in general, owain would thrive in the blue lions house. felix, ashe, ingrid, dedue, annette— those are all prime support partners for him that have a lot of potential. the blue lion house is very… the way that they are. and something owain shows in fates is that though hes very good at using his theatrics to ease people, whether that be on purpose or otherwise, and by god do the blue lions need it. look at them… jesus.

cynthia is in the blue lion house for similar reasons but i think she has a key difference from owain. while i think owain is the type to go down with the ship, i think cynthia might actually serve as an opposition to dimitri and potentially go against him in a similar fashion to felix and annette in thats hidden in the games files and was never put in the game (WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. dimitri doesnt get enough push back in azure moon!! another post for another time though). in their time at the academy, while owain is fangirling over dimitri, i think cynthia would too at first. but fodlan is very different than ylisse, and in particular faerghus treats its knights and specifically women knights very differently than cynthia wouldve otherwise been treated. i think this would push cynthia into questioning faerghus’s ideals (especially in getting close to ingrid who im sure she’d find friendship in) and eventually dimitri in how he seemingly upholds those ideals. when he goes down a darker path in the timeskip, she’d probably take felix’s more critical approach, and i think she could turn on him. for the empire? probably not. but i dont think she’d be as down as owain or ingrid to keep following him when hes not taking accountability for what hes doing. she might find her way back once hes come back to himself but who really knows. not me (<- girl who is writing all of this)

yarnes a funny pick because lions are supposed to be brave and fearless and hes a Rabbit. but obviously yarne would be very aware of that irony and i think it could serve as a push for him to come into that bravery, and thats something i think the lion house could help him do. i think he’d look to dimitri for solace similar to how he does with lucina, and dimitri would be very happy to provide that for him. when the timeskip comes and dimitri is lost, i think yarne would have to find it in himself to abandon that anxiety for a bit to come help ease dimitri, sort of repaying him for his initial kindness (read: i want eyepatch scary dimitri to find stress relief in petting a big ass bunny). also i dont need yarne to be in the same house as petra and marianne for him to interact with them. dont worry thats a thing. also if youre a real one you recruit marianne to blue lions everytime. no i dont know how they’d handle bringing a taguel to fodlan i dont really care either

for severa i think, even if she would rather not admit it, justice and loyalty are very key parts of her character. its buried underneath her mean girl attitude and like five pounds of trauma but its there. and what are the blue lions if not loyal knights with very LOUD auras of sadness? she would be similar to felix in terms of their views on knighthood, and obviously her whole thing with cordelia would put her at odds with the whole dying for your king/for glory thing faerghus has going on. similar to cynthia she’d be very critical of faerghus and dimitri except she’d be that way to his face. she doesnt have the same personal beef with him the same way felix would, and might be a little more like how i imagined inigo would be to edelgard, criticism with the better interest of the greater good rather than formed of personal beef. in the end though, i think she would stick with dimitri. also i think she’d have insane sexual tension with ingrid like i dont think theyd like eachother but like. my vision… do you see it.

bradys in lions partially due to mutual influence (hi zorua) but also because i ended up liking his potential with the lions as opposed to the deer or eagles. he’d have a very cute friendship with mercedes and annette i think, playing violin for them and having tea party gossip sessions. i think he and dedue could bond over being kinda scary but doing what they can to ease people’s fear of them. since thats an insecurity for both of them that brady purposefully takes steps to get rid of (ex: him hunching over is so that he can be eye level with children and people shorter with them so as not to come off as intimidating or more powerful) i think brady could help with that. though if im being so real i dont think he would like dimitri. i think he would stay and stick around and help dimitri get better. but i dont think he’d approve of his bloodlust and be very open with his issues in regards to how dimitri handles and carries himself. sorry guys im not meaning to have dimitri catch so many strays here 😭 i love the guy i just also like when theres conflict here i promise

laurent is in the golden deer because i think he and claude would be very like minded people in terms of trying to discover the secrets behind fodlan and what that means and how to better navigate fodlan as uncharted territory. theyre both foreigners, as are all of the second gen kids, but thats something claude keeps under wraps that i think laurent would be able to tell very quickly (not that it was hard. claude doesnt hide it well its just that everyone in fodlan is either stupid or all the smart people are kept away from him) that claude is from almyra. i think this knowledge could help him serve as something of a confidant to claude. obviously he wouldnt tell laurent everything but when claudes supposed closest allies are lorenz (guy who hates him and prays for his downfall) and hilda (girl who is racist and from a racist family) its just like. well maybe claude should have another friend who is normal adjacent at least, and laurents not the type to go blabbing anyways. obviously both lorenz and hilda (eh. well.) get better about their mindsets post timeskip but i think in the time of the academy laurent would be a very valuable friend for claude and vice versa. in general laurent would do well anywhere because i think most of his interest would be with the technological and scientific advancements of fodlan which is flexible, but i think, with rhea purposefully halting progress and claude being the main guy who wants truth above all else, this is the best spot for him. could hear an argument for him going to edelgard (potential recruit out of house recruit fs) but i do like him with claude a bit more. gerolau angst also.

lucina is in golden deer because i dont want her in the other two houses but also because i do think, similar to laurent, she’d be very valuable to claude and vice versa. awakening world building is horseshit but from what little we do know there is quite a bit of political discourse that lucina probably knows quite a bit about. even if her timeline was thrown into war when she was young, she probably had some form of royal training and can help claude navigate fodlan a little bit. i also think coming to fodlan would just be a very refreshing experience for lucina as the burden of everything is no longer directly on her shoulders, and i think she’d be looking for a broader perspective on life and finding another purpose for herself now that grima is dealt with. i think claude would be able to help her with that and i think she’d be genuinely interested to learn of his homeland once she figures out where hes from (i do think laurent beats her to the conclusion but not by a lot. remember this is lucina aka marth aka woman her disguised her own royal status and was very successful at it. just saying). also while i did say that golden deer is in fact not the meme house, i think they are more light hearted overall in terms of character (does NOT mean meme house or funny house. look me right in my eyes and say the house WITHOUT hubert and linhardt is the meme house. fucking liar) and i think lucina would love that. i want her to get the chance to be silly and childish for a little bit. characters like raphael and marianne and lysithea might help her heal that inner child that she never really got to let out and i just think the golden deer house would be the best place for her

morgan is here because i didnt want her and marc in the same house thats too easy. but while i think claude is the least in need of a tactician type character, him and morgan would be sooooo funny so cute and i need someone who can keep him on his toes. i think he blurts out a plan and morgan goes “ermmm ackchully” and half of the time her rebuttals are complete nonsense she just wants to argue. i think they both enjoy it. i also think, similar to lucina, a light hearted house would be a little better for her. shes much more prone to mischief than m!morgan is i think and i think the deer would benefit from that if only so she can target lorenz and make me laugh. i also think separating the twins would make for fantastic angst down in the timeskip but for now shes just hanging out having fun being a piece of shit. #girl also i think its funnier if one morgan is absolutely thriving and the other is barely keeping his shit together and by god it is way funnier if its f!morgan getting away with everything

noire is here because. i. could not think of a reason for her to go anywhere else! i thought about putting her in beagles but i dont think making that choice between the church and edelgard would be as interesting for her? and i dont think putting her in lions would do anything for her. i think the best lord and the best house at helping her through her issues and being understanding of her mood changes is probably claude and the deer. i could see hilda and leonie reaching out to her, or ignatz and her getting on pretty well, but im not quite sure on the specifics of that. my least thought out placement but also it doesnt matter because it keeps the placements balanced to put her here. i’ll have to give this one more thought…

anyways if you can believe it this is the cutdown version. i know right. i hope i didnt forget anyone that would be really embarrassing

[traveler-at-heart]

What we were - Chapter 4

Posting because I’m fed up with the discussion of should Nat be forgiven blah blah, that’s the way the story is, it’s not that deep 🥹 I’m deleting all chapters at the end of the week so I’m just posting for the people who were curious about how the story ends.

The Avengers assembled.

Steve and Bucky haven’t aged, but as you look around, you notice some wrinkles around Wanda’s eyes. Tony has gray hair and a disgruntled look on his face.

Sam is the only one enjoying himself, apparently.

“Cheer up” you say, standing in front of the group.

“Sorry, last time we were all together was to put someone six feet under” Tony mutters. “Yes, well... We have some news about that. Nat?”

The redhead stands next to you, looking at the projected images.

“Helios is an international terrorist organization led by French mercenary Soizic Paire. They have targeted some major cities in the Middle East and Africa. Quickly expanding to Europe and North America”

“Eleanor Bishop has been working with them to cover their operations, setting up fake companies that look like legit businesses”

“So you think Kate was just following her mother?” Wanda says.

“Yes, and Clint tagged along as backup. They didn’t know about Helios until they found Eleanor”

“The Avengers are retired, though” Steve points out. “I’m trying to figure out what we could do about this”

“I spoke to Secretary Renfield” you announce. Tony smirks. “We have clearance to take care of this”

“Who is we?” Tony asks you to clarify.

“Everyone in this room. You’re free to go. Or not. I just thought you’d like to know that we’re doing this. I know we all have lives now and families, so there’s nothing wrong with sitting this one out”

“Well, I’m going,” Bucky says.

“I’m going too,” Wanda nods. Steve and Sam step forward as well.

“Stark?”

“Do you have an ugly beard convention or something on your schedule?” you push him, annoyed.

“Damn, when did she get so mean?” Sam mutters to Natasha.

“I think it’s hot”

Tony snickers and shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh, what the hell. For old time’s sake. But you’re explaining this to Pepper” --

Steve is leading an intense training for everyone. It’s been a while since you spar and the pain in your leg only reminds you that you’re not a 20 something agent on the field.

Still, Natasha is patient and knows how to get you back in shape. Everyone shares a sense of urgency to get on with this. Maybe it’s because Helios could go into hiding if they suspect someone is after them. Part of it is also because you all want to go back to your lives.

Yelena is happy to stay over while you focus entirely on this mission. She’s given herself the title of “cool aunt to the rescue”.

“I’m exhausted” you complain when the first week of training ends.

“Steve was a little pushy today,” Natasha agrees. You’re back home, laying on the couch while Natasha massages your feet.

“Want to relax for a bit?”

“Do we have time?” she smiles and you nod, moving to straddle her lap. You kiss her slowly, her hands cupping your ass as you run yours through her hair.

“We brought pizza-aaaah” Yelena screams. “No, Anya, don’t look!”

“You should knock,” Natasha complains.

“There” Yelena punches the door and you grimace. Bucky just replaced it. “Сучка”

“Aww, aunt Yelena, you should have let me walk in on them. That way I could guilt them into buying me a new laptop”

“Maybe next time, sweetheart” you pat Anya’s shoulder. --

The second week of training is coming to an end, and you think the team might be ready to execute the mission in a couple of days.

You’re reviewing floor plans with Natasha when a video call from Maria comes in. “Director Hill”

“Agent Romanoff... and Romanoff. I have some intel that you’ll want to review. Helios is planning an attack at Oslo”

“This is the first time they target an European city” Natasha looks at you, concerned. “How long do we have, Maria?”

“I’d say a day at most”

You sigh.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., call everyone. We leave in an hour”

“Good luck, Avengers” Maria disconnects the call. You walk away, thinking about getting changed and prepare the Quinjet.

“Hold on” Natasha asks, pulling you back to the room.

“Nat, can’t this wait?”

“I need... I need to apologize. For everything. I never did”

“You’ll do it when the mission is over” you try to get away from the conversation but she insists.

“I can’t let you leave without telling you that I love you. That you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And that... thing with Carol didn’t mean anything. It was just a fucked up way to deal with grief. But it’s still not an excuse. I’m sorry for hurting you”

“Thank you”

“You know, after I moved out I started therapy. For real. And I’m working on everything. I don’t want our family to be apart anymore”

“I’m glad to hear that. Now all you have to do is promise me that you’re not going to risk your life on this mission. Anya needs you and so do I”

“Promise” she nods, resting her forehead against yours.

“Chop, chop” Tony walks in, clapping excitedly. “We got butts to kick”

--

As everyone gathers around, you look at the empty seat on the Quinjet. Clint loved flying this thing.

Then you remember the archery lessons he gave Anya, the Christmases at the farm with all the kids. Maybe, worrying about Natasha was also a way of not facing your own loss.

A look around the room tells you everyone is thinking about Clint.

“We’ll divide in three” you begin, projecting a scan of the location where Helios is hiding. It’s an abandoned mansion on the border between Norway and Russia. “Tony will disable the communication between the guards on the gates and the towers. Once that happens, Wanda and Sam will disarm them”

“Natasha, Steve, Bucky and I will access via an old tunnel. We’ll wait for you to finish with the outside group. Then, Steve and Natasha will go to retrieve intelligence and locate Soizic while Buck and I deal with the second group of guards”

“We’re not splitting up” Natasha complains.

“Yes, we are. You and Steve work great together. And with my leg, I’m gonna need backup”

Bucky smiles at Natasha but you nudge him.

“Not now, children. By the time Steve and Natasha find Soizic, we should all be able to meet there and deal with him. Questions?”

Tony raises his hand.

“Would anyone like some shawarma after? Or is this more of a pizza type of mission?” “Shawarma’s for alien invasions. This will be a piece of cake” Sam winks at you.

--

Piece of cake, my ass.

You’ve been here for 10 minutes and everything’s going to shit.

Bucky and you had to split up when a group of Helios’ soldiers found you. You’ve been fighting for fifteen minutes, and although you’ve managed to knock down ten of their people, there are still three guards. One of them is swinging a chain, so you duck and he hits his partner.

This time, he swings to the ground, thinking you’ll go low again. Instead, you throw a punch to the other soldier, and by the time the chain man lifts his arms, it hits the other man in the balls.

“Ouch”

You almost feel sorry for him.

With only chain man left, you prepare your last widow bite. He swings the chain, distracting you from his other hand, and he throws a knife that lands straight to your stomach.

Well, shit.

Ignoring the sting, you push through the pain and wait for his attack to grab one of the guns from his fallen mates. You throw the widow bite to distract him and when he thinks he has you, you shoot him three times.

Down.

“We have a problem” Tony announces over the comms.

“Join the club” you take the knife out, grunting.

“Y/N?” Natasha speaks.

“I’m fine” you lie. “Tony?”

“There’s a record of a device that can launch a missile to Oslo, remotely. And it’s traveling, almost at the edge of the property, isn’t that right, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark”

“Probably through the tunnel we came in. I’m the one closest to it. I’ll track it” you say. “Sending Red Wing to guide you” Sam announces.

As you run through the tunnel, the robot joins you, and stops next to a wall.

“Sam, you’re thing is broken” “That can’t be”

“Unless there’s a secret... door” you push the stone and sure enough, it gives in. You walk into a garage full of motorcycles, SUVs and sports cars. There’s a man loading up a small briefcase. You lock eyes and he raises his gun.

“Shit”

As you find cover, Red Wing shoots back.

“Guys, I found Soizic” you inform the team as he drives away. “He’s on a white BMW. I’m in pursuit” you instruct them, finding a motorcycle with the keys still attached.

“We cut their power, so he must be looking for a network to connect and launch the missile. You have to get to him before that” Tony instructs.

“No pressure, right?” you rev the engine, and a second later, the cold air hits you. It feels like tiny needles digging on the skin of your face and exposed knuckles.

Soizic is having trouble with the car, as the roads seem to be frozen. You increase the speed, knowing one wrong turn could be fatal.

“Can this thing knock down trees?” you ask Sam.

“Only once”

“Then make sure it gets it right. Block the road with a tree. That way I can intercept Soizic”

“Copy, Romanoff”

“Me?” Natasha jumps in.

“The other Romanoff” Sam clarifies. “Ten years and we still can’t come up with a system to avoid this”

Red Wing flies past you and Soizic. There’s a curve ahead, with a cliff on the other side. As the tree falls, he realizes there’s nowhere to go so he stops the car, swirling.

You are face to face with the man that killed Clint.

“He could still launch it from your position, Y/N. I’m working on blocking his signal”

“That looks bad” the mercenary points at the bleeding in your abdomen.

“You a doctor?”

“Just a killer. You want this? Is that why you’re here?” He pulls the briefcase close to him. “Are you done?” you make time, asking Tony.

“Not even a little” the man in front of you replies.

“I’m trying,” Tony says.

“We’re on our way as backup” Natasha announces.

It will be too late. You have to get to that briefcase now.

“Just like old times” you mutter, running towards the man. He throws a punch to your stab wound and you double in pain. Before he can make a run for the briefcase, you pull him by the shirt, and he falls to the ground. You bash his head against the car door.

This is your chance.

But the blood loss is making you dizzy.

Soizic laughs, still on the ground.

“You should have retired. Like your friend, Barton” “I’m going to kill you”

“That’s what he said”

Come on, move. Reach for it. Run.

Soizic sprints forward at the same time you do. Instead of racing him for the briefcase, you throw yourself at him. The man realizes a second too late what you’re doing, as you both fall over the cliff on the other side of the road.

The snow softens some of the blows, but you can still feel your ribs breaking and a shooting pain in your arm.

It feels like an eternity until you land, rolling to a frozen surface.

Come on. You can do it.

Detka

Is Nat here? You listen to her voice, she’s so close.

A cracking sound on your back wakes you up.

Natasha is on the comms, asking for your location.

“Down the cliff” you drag yourself, aware that the ice is breaking due to the force of your fall. You will not be able to swim like this.

She asks you something else, but you can’t focus on her words as you feel someone pulling you back.

Fuck, why won’t he die?

Soizic punches you, and you land on your back. His own face is covered in blood and the right arm is twisted in a weird angle.

With the left arm, he’s holding a knife. You stop him mid attack, each one struggling with one arm. The ice keeps cracking, so you begin to kick it. You’d rather risk your chances on the frozen water than let him stab you.

The surface finally gives in and you both fall.

Soizic lets go of the knife as he struggles to swim. Barely floating, you know this will only give you a second to get away.

“For f-fuck’s sake” you stutter as he peaks his head. Just when you think he’s going to drown you, an arrow goes through his head.

What?

You follow the direction of the shot. Natasha.

Smiling weakly, for a second you forget you’re on the brink of freezing to death. She looks at Bucky.

“Hurry up and bring her over”

“Ah, jeez” Bucky complains, diving.

A second later, Wanda lands next to Natasha and envelopes you with her magic, floating out of the water wrapped in red threads.

“Seriously, Romanoff?” Bucky barks, but sprints out of the lake and catches you in the air, carrying you over. “You’re bleeding”

“And freezing” Natasha moves some of the hair on your forehead. She feels so warm even though she’s probably cold as well.

“Let’s get you back to the Quinjet”

“Who taught you to shoot like that?” you ask Natasha. Sam is landing the Quinjet, Red Wing by his side.

“Clint,” she smiles. “They kept his bow and arrow stored away”

“Idiots” Bucky mutters and Natasha laughs. The corner of his mouth does a thing that kind of looks like a smile.

“Hey, the funniest thing happened, Miss Day asked about you” Natasha comments and his smile fades away.

“You told her” he accuses, looking at you. “I promise I didn’t”

“All the Romanoffs are a pain in my ass” “That we are”

--

“Knock knooock” Yelena calls softly, peeking around the hospital room.

“Now you knock” Natasha opens the door, hugging her daughter. You were rushed to the OR the minute the Quinjet landed and are waking up from the anesthesia, a dopey look in your eyes.

“How are you feeling, seestra?” Yelena approaches the side of the bed. “These drugs are top notch, Yel”

“I can see that. Anya’s here, though, so we might not call drugs a good thing”

“Pfff, it’s fine. Come here, sweetheart” you wave and Anya kisses your cheek. She’s never seen you like this, mainly because you retired from missions when she was six. “Your mom killed a bad guy, it was so cool”

“Hey, we’ll be right back, Anya” Yelena says, dragging Natasha out of the room.

“What’s wrong?” Natasha says.

“So, are you done? Can you move on with your life now?” Yelena scolds her. This is the first time in months that both sisters are alone. “Because you were pretty determined to screw up everything and you wouldn’t let us help, Natalia”

“I’m done. It won’t happen again”

“No, it won’t. Because next time I’m gonna kick your ass. And don’t forget how lucky you are because Y/N forgave everything”

“You knew about...?”

“Barnes told me. We made a group chat to call you mean names” Yelena shrugs her shoulders.

“It’s not a group chat if it’s only the two of you” Natasha grumbles.

“Whatever” the blonde waves, coming back inside.

Your eyes are closed, but you’re still talking, half asleep.

“The first night your Mom and I spent together, I thought she got me pregnant. That’s how good it was, Anya”

The redhead turns around and looks at Natasha with a smile.

“I’m so getting a new laptop now”

“Not so fast, we still have to tell them about the cat” Yelena scratches her neck.

“You adopted a cat?” Natasha yells whispers as you go back to sleep.

“Momma, she is so cute. She’s a black cat and Aunt Yelena named her Liho. Please, we have to keep her”

“A cat would be nice” you mumble, and then start to snore. Natasha can’t help but smile. “It would be nice”, she agrees.

--

Six months later

Flowers are blooming.

Time keeps passing.

There are days where grief takes over. Healing isn’t linear. But you’re getting there. Natasha looks happy, helping Laura set everything up for the barbecue.

It might seem strange to throw a party instead of a service after a year of Clint’s death. But Laura thought it would be better. To have all of their friends. It was his favorite thing to do once spring came in full swing.

“Hey” Bucky sits down next to you and you move over to make space on the bench. “Fancy meeting you here. Miss Day keeping you busy?”

“Yeah” he blushes, peeling the label off his beer bottle. “I’m meeting Melissa’s parents next week”

“Wow, I’m impressed”

“How’s the leg?” he changes the subject, nodding towards the scar on your thigh.

“Better than ever. What? Jealous you’re not the only one with vibranium in their body?”

“I’ll ask them to attach a machine gun to my arm and that will show you”

“Melissa’s parents will be delighted”

“So is that why you’ve been picking me up from school so much lately?” Anya appears behind you.

“Stop sneaking around” you both say at the same time.

“Hey, come on now” Natasha steps up, hugging Anya. You realize your daughter is getting taller. “She’s a natural”

“Wait until she starts sneaking around to go to parties and see if that’s still fun” you comment and Bucky chuckles.

“Your wife is right”

“She always is” Natasha agrees and you smile.

“Ugh, I’m gonna be sick” Anya walks away and Bucky is quick to follow. “I’ll race you to the house” he says, knowing she’ll never catch up.

“You ok?” you say, as Natasha sits by your side. Part of you has been dreading this day. Even if Natasha has been better and present in your lives, it’s still hard for her to deal with the absence of Clint.

It’s simply not something you get over in a day.

“I miss him” she admits in a shaky voice. You’re happy she’s honest with you.

“I miss him too”

“He’d kick my ass if he could. For all the mistakes I made. The pain I caused you”

“Yeah, he would. And then he’d ask you to make it right and appreciate what you have. And you’ve done that ”

“I love you” she rests her head against your shoulder and you kiss her temple.

“I love you too”

It wasn’t perfect, the life you had. But there was love. And that would be enough

[circusgoth-dotcom]

You Know I'm Such A Fool For You

Ship: Dante Hicks x Bear

Word Count: 1082

Summary: Retconning my first Jay/Bear/Silent Bob fic a little bit to accommodate for the realization that me and Dante are exes coded FHHDHJDJ. The Break-Up Fic.™️ Takes place a year before the first Clerks movie. CWs for canon-typical suggestiveness, somewhat time period accurate discussions of gender and sexuality, break-up.

Tag List: @canongf @futurewife @rexscanonwife

Clarice Check and Dante Hicks had been dating for three years now; his first post-high school romance. Clarice was an arcade attendant, and Dante was a clerk at the local Quick Stop Grocery, and as Randal put it this made them “perfect losers by nature.” Clarice didn’t care, however, or at least tried not to let Randal under their skin, for as much as he stepped on their toes he was unfortunately conjoined at the hip with Dante. To date Dante was to tolerate Randal’s existence. Outside of that, Clarice could say they thoroughly enjoyed their time with Dante. Sure, he didn’t always make the best decisions, but he was sweet and easy on the eyes.

While they usually ran errands before they had to work in the afternoon, one morning Dante had convinced them to come hang out at the Quick Stop. After all, they always liked the place, and Dante promised he’d buy them any snacks they wanted. It was cozy, familiar. A place where memories could be made.

“Oh great, you invited the spooky bitch into our humble abode?” Randal commented as he came into the convenience store with the morning paper. Clarice, who had been sitting on the counter and talking to Dante, flipped him the bird.

“Love you, too, asshole.”

“Come on, it’s not like they’ve never been in here before. Besides, they have off today, so I thought I’d take advantage of the company,” Dante explained.

“And that makes me what, minced meat?”

“How are you going to keep him company if you’re manning the video store?” They then reached over and affectionately stroked the side of Dante’s head. “Besides, I don’t think you give as good of behind-the-counter blowjobs as I do.”

Dante’s face burned while Clarice grinned and Randal looked both disgusted and impressed at the quip as he tossed the newspaper onto the counter.

“I could give Dante a fantastic blowjob if I wanted to.”

“So you admit that you’re also Dantesexual.”

“No, I’m just saying that my head game is ten times what yours is.”

"You want to prove it, Scandal Graves??"

"Guys, need I remind you that you're talking publicly about my dick?!" Dante butt in, his face the same shade of the cherry slushies the Quick Stop supplied. Of any way the morning could've started, he certainly hadn't been manifesting this.

“Tell your boyfriend to stop flirting with me on the job,” Randal spoke with an air of finality as he turned to return to RST Video.

“At least show some respect, you ass!” Dante called after him. “Sorry about that, Clarice.”

They pursed their lips. They had been debating for a long time on when they would tell Dante about the self-exploration that had practically coincided with the two of them dating. It was something they had known about themself for a long time, but the world wasn’t exactly kind to people like them, so they had swallowed the feelings up until recently.

“Would you still date me if I was a boy?” They asked absently, turning around on the counter to face him. Dante’s expression became one of confusion and internal conflict.

“I… I don’t know… I’ve never really been attracted to guys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I guess… why do you ask?”

Clarice stifled a scoff. “The only real difference would be that I’d have a penis, Dante. I’d still be the me you fell in love with… assuming you are in love with my personality and not my banging ass.”

“Of course I am,” Dante caressed their cheek before quickly clarifying, “in love with your personality, yes, I fell in love with you because you’re smart, and funny, and creative…”

“Then why not date me if I had a body like yours?”

The more Dante’s brow creased, the more Clarice’s heart began to ache, and the more they wanted to suddenly be far away from this place.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t--”

“But you hesitated.” They then began to ramble, unable to stop their leaky faucet from becoming a full, pouring speech. “Dante, I don’t think I’m a girl. I’ve never felt that way. Before middle school, you don’t really think about that sort of thing, but the second I hit puberty… I’ve never felt so violent toward my own body since then. I don’t want to have tits. I don’t want to have a vag! I want to look like you, I want to be perceived as a man, respected! And I love men, so either way… if I was born a man or if I find a way to become a man now… I’m going to be targeted.” They buried their face in their hands. It was exhausting to finally put it all into words. Silently, Dante wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin atop their head.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. Even if he couldn’t understand what they were going through, Dante hated to see them in such pain. They inhaled sharply as they rose their head again, making Dante pull back. No tears had escaped them, but everything felt hot and prickly and stiff.

“Can we be done?”

Dante’s eyes widened. “What??”

“Dante, I love you, but I can’t stay here anymore, in this relationship and in New Jersey.”

“Oh. God, well…” He ran his hands over his face. He felt like he had been sucker-punched in the gut. “Where… where are you going to go??”

Clarice sniffed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.”

He sighed heavily, beginning to pace. “Why leave? C-can’t we work this out?”

They shook their head. “No, Dante. No. This is… a time in my life where I have to be alone for awhile.”

“You never have to be alone, Clarice.”

They looked away from him. “Alone doesn’t mean lonely, Dante.” They hopped off the counter and took his hands to keep him from walking away. “You’re a wonderful guy, Dante. And it’s been a wonderful us. And I will never regret this.”

Dante hugged them tightly. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“We can keep in touch… but you have to let me go.”

This drove Dante to a few, quiet tears. “Alright. Alright.” They pulled away from each other, looking into each other’s faces one last time. “Goodbye, Clarice. I love you.”

“Goodbye, Dante. I love you more.”

“And then they walked out of the Quick Stop and out of my life.” “Fuck, dude, that’s harsh.”

[stargatelov3r]

For the ship clarification - John/Elizabeth, Teyla/Ronon, Teyla/Kanaan, Teyla/John, Teyla/Kate

oh fun!

John/Elizabeth: doesn't make sense/compels me

it's funny with them because I used to be suuuch a huge shipper but in recent years I've come to believe that it wouldn't really work? i think Elizabeth needs much more than what John can give - but who am i to say that in the right moment they can't get together for a lil fling ;) ok maybe to clarify: long term: doesn't make sense. short term: definitely.

Teyla/Ronon: ooohhh, I'm kinda on the fence with them! i think they're the opposite of John/Elizabeth so make sense/doesn't compel me? I think it makes sense in that they have the connection with the wraith, who they both hate, but they handle it very differently. What connects them is the fear of the ongoing threat of the wraith, so i think there is a cameraderie that only the two of them share and that no one on atlantis can understand on that level.

they are both fighters, they both like to kick (each others) ass, they are both artistic people, close to nature. Ronon is a bit of a loner due to him being a runner but i think he craves connections but has a hard time allowing himself that? and like - allowing himself to just *stay* at one place without bringing doom to those around him, but i think as soon as he realizes that he's safe he would be the cuddliest teddy bear imaginable (and i think we partly see that). Teyla's sense of communit is enormeously important to her so i think her making ronon part of her family is not too far fetched.

HOWEVER, I mainly see them as friends. I can see them as metamours in a poly relationship with Elizabeth, and I see them as super duper close confidants, but I think their love is mainly platonic.

Teyla/Kanaan: doesn't make sense/doesn't compel me

clarification: i think in the way that the show handled the Athosians it doesn't make sense. I think it could make sense if we imagine Teyla still spending a lot of time with her people or them (and Kanaan) as being an integral part of the atlantis expedition. The relationship came so out of nowhere and honestly just confuses me. And to only bring Kanaan as the babydaddy? i dunno. this should probably be a different post about how pregancy and motherhood is handled in media. Sorry Kanaan, I'm sure you're a very sweet guy <3

Teyla/Kate: makes sense/compels me

ok, apart of the fact that Kate was Teyla's therapist which could potentially get a bit dicey i think it makes perfect sense and i am cursing the show once again for not giving us more Kate *shakes fist at the sky*. I like Kate, I like that she was part of the people who made Teyla understand how Tau'ri tick (by showing her how therapy works, how they handle emotional problems etc etc). My memory is as terrible as always, but i would have loved if there would have more of Kate trying to help Teyla cope with the whole "being part wraith" thing and if that would have led to a deeper understanding of each others cultures.

It's a bit harder to explain why they make sense to me? maybe because i'm getting a similar vibe from them at least on the base? both put a lot of stress on communication and resolving conflict, both are emotionally in touch with themselves, i feel like they both meditate and that's how they began spending time with each other. I like to imagine that there is so much more to Kate that we see from the few times we saw her, maybe she's an insane gymnast or something.

but yeah. good. I'd love to hear your thoughts on them tbh!

and thank you so much for the ask!

[muiltifandomnerd]

Hey this is me, from a backup obv. Sorry it’s really long

I just wanted to explain why I got mad and give you a proper goodbye (and apology) bc I didn’t at the time. I figured you’d need a few days to cool off, so that’s I’m doing this now and not the morning after. I usually don’t get mad at you, that was genuinely the first time that I’ve been genuinely like mad; I reacted rly badly not because you don’t like Lois Lane but bc it was just a lot of things piling up and it was just sort of the straw that broke the camels back yk. Regardless of why though it was very mean and unfair and I should’ve tried to just take a step back and find a kind/productive way to say what I wanted to. It was just in that moment I wasn’t really thinking so I’m sorry.

At first I was just kinda annoyed that you brought up Lois Lane, bc it is a conversation we’ve had multiple times and it is one that I never particularly enjoyed bc it’s hard to explain what I mean/how I feel about her. Specifically though, when we talk it feels like you don’t listen or jump to a conclusion before just asking me to clarify, which bothers me more bc I know it’s something you’ve told me not to do. When we talk I often feel like you hold me to a standard that you don’t hold yourself (for example spelling things wrong but correcting my spelling), it comes off as if you do only talk to me for reassurance or an ‘ego boost’. It also just annoyed me that we were talking about this again bc like I’ve said before one of my biggest pet peeves is not being listened to. It feels like a lot of the time you want to avoid arguments (which I agree with, arguments suck) but it seems like you only ever consider that you could be in the right ab them when often times neither of us are. Specifically ab the avoiding topics thing, I have to work hard to avoid talking ab stuff that you don’t agree with but you regularly bring stuff up that you know we disagree on and then get annoyed whenever I try to express that I do disagree; Whenever I express an opinion that you don’t rightly agree with or just try to explain, you assume I’m arguing or mad or stupid and are often times rude but if I talked to you the way you talked to me I know you wouldn’t like it. I know I’m just a not very sensitive person in general, and maybe I do come off harsh, but it feels like I have to walk on eggshells half of the time just to have a normal conversation and I just ‘snapped’. I am genuinely really sorry, it was mean and unfair and I should’ve taken the time to explain what I meant before blowing up on you. I genuinely really enjoy talking to you most of the time though, literally like five seconds before Lois Lane was brought up I was thinking ab how much I enjoyed having normal conversations with you. It does seem though, that we might be too different and after everything i understand not wanting to talk to me again. If you ever need anything or just to vent or something though, don’t be afraid to reach out.

Goodbye, and I’m sorry

If I wanted an ego chamber, I would have never been friends with you in the first place. Look I’m sorry if I made you feel like you are not listened, I do enjoy your counter arguments even though I don’t necessarily agree with your points. I already forgiven about that day but I don’t feel like rekindling our friendship. You went to far and I feel like I do have to walk around eggshells as well. Like you get angry pretty easily when I don’t agree with your thing and you just snap alot, you just always expect a debate even though I don’t necessarily have the energy for it.

I do thank you for helping me out with my pjo fanfic even though you just not into it anymore, so you did help me go though with writting my fanfic. I do like the dc and marvel posts you kept sending.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m not into supporting RFK jr anymore and I do think all politicians suck ass now. To the point I’m not even going to vote.

I do kept forgetting of not talking certain topics that you just not into (Lois, Azula, Bruce, etc), so my bad. Forgive me for my shitty memory.

I’m at a bad place now, so I don’t think I have a patience to have these argument in the first place and I do think we should stoping talking to each other for both our sakes.

Honestly I just feel like you looking for a fight and it’s a bit hard for me tell you my complete thoughts because you do jump into conclusions a lot and don’t let me explain myself. I do try to understand your answers a lot even though my replies are a bit dryer.

Look I know there are some things I fucked up on, like me jumping into conclusions a lot and me being super blunt, which could tick you off or that I can be a bit repetitive on my opinions which tick you off. Yes I kept coming to you in reassurance because Im not that confident on my opinons being valid so my bad if you feel like I don’t listen to you enough or dare I say if my opinons are offensive.

Im just done having these arguments and I just believe that maybe it’s best to move on from each other.

Im sorry for things I messed up and I hope that my apology is good enough. Have fun getting a cottegecore life.

Good luck with your life.

[manggaetteokkie]

Lmao are you like...blatantly creating strawmans for the frustrations that people have with season 7 and the series as a whole or?? Are you just That ignorant. Mere representation =/= good+responsible usage of such representation. See: excessive violence and degradation of characters of color and bury your gays trope/evil gays trope. Have some empathy for fans and children who are affected by these harmful portrayals and the real world ties and connections the issues have in society fr...

Hey anon! So first of all, I try to be as positive as possible on my blog because the world’s too damn sad as it is for me to be constantly spreading angry shit and making myself miserable in the meantime. That being said, it’s not my place to tell others how to think about something they feel strongly about (tbh I don’t think it’s anybody’s place to do so). I know my post makes it seem like I am but honestly, I was just really tired of people disregarding the other elements of the show that sent out a pretty positive message or were very well done in favour of being angry about their ships being threatened. I’m not saying I don’t have any opinions on the show, or that it isn’t flawed, because I do and it is, but I also think it’s good to not drown yourself with anger. If you disagree with the direction of the show, drop it and look for something else. It’s honestly that simple because looking at it any longer will just keep making you mad so just do yourself a service.

Now, I am not talking about the queerbaiting/poc/violence/etc. My post was very much only talking about ships because I have seen a lot of antis disregarding the good of the show to scream about their ships being threatened. It’s really not that deep and I didn’t want to make it that deep. I’m not about to start preaching to everyone what they should feel or should not feel because I know from experience that something that is okay for someone might not be for another. 

It is interesting that you say mere representation =/= good representation because that is definitely something I agree with. I will share my opinion on the following matter which has caused a lot of controversy about it: Ad@m’s death. A lot of people feel cheated about it because what we should have had is the representation of Ad@m and Shiro showing their love for each other which I can understand. But my personal opinion is that it would have been so cheap if they just. Made up. Like that. Clearly something went wrong in their relationship that could not have been mended, with each side being hurt way too deeply to just kiss and make up. Shiro’s sexuality aside, this is not something I would have wished for any pairing because it’s just such a crap way of “here, you wanted this? then have it, even thought it’s clearly not good or healthy and really just me trying to shut you up by giving you the end product”.  

I do have my own thoughts about Ad@m’s ending and Ad@shi’s story as a whole, which I think could have definitely been done in a better way. They could have given us more flashbacks about Shiro’s time with Ad@m pre-break up, just as a couple doing what couples do and honestly, that would have been better and fairer for viewers hoping for something. What the show runners failed to take into account is that the fandom watching it actually has a brain that can think independently so of course, people are going to be mad about the way it was introduced so suddenly and ended up being wrapped up so carelessly with no development whatsoever.

But I will say this: Ad@m was never supposed to be a main character or he would not have been introduced in a flashback for like 3 mins and most of it was him and Shiro having an argument. I truly do not think that ad@shi could have gone anywhere significant when Shiro returned, but I do think that there could have been some better closure. As for me, it’s no secret what I ship and it’s probably because of it that I think that there is still representation, just not the representation that some people want. Fight me on this if you will, just know that I have no patience for rude people.

As a side note, it’s also not a secret who’s the real show runner here. While the staff might be trying to get something in, if the Big Boss says no, it’s a no. You might think it’s a joke when people say that big businesses are being run by old white men but it’s actually true. Some of them have extremely outdated views and it’s not one word that will suddenly make them change. I know some people think “I’d rather there be nothing at all than have something really badly done” which I understand and can agree with. But sometimes the first step is to actually make people aware that this is even a Thing in the first place. So curse the Vld staff all you want but keep in mind who’s the real decision maker here. 

Finally, a reminder that this is my own opinion, I’m not trying to force it down your throat, I’m just sharing what I feel based on what I know. You might disagree and that’s okay. If anybody want to have a civilized discussion about the show or a matter in the show, I’m all about it so you guys can feel free to send me a message. However, I don’t think it’s fair to infer something about someone just because of something they said like “oh you must be a homophobe because you liked the season”. I can’t believe I’m saying this but the world’s not that black or white. People have different limits so something that might not be okay with you can be okay for someone else and that doesn’t make it any less wrong or right. It’s really just how you take it. You won’t be able to convince someone of something if they’re dead set on doing it their way, so just block them and move on, surround yourself with the things you love.

[harrysgloves]

Three to tango

story summary: You, Harry, and Florence have a good time in your makeup trailer.

warnings: Language // THIS IS P*RN WITH LIKE ZERO PLOT // Threesome // w|w // spitting // oral (female receiving) // i have no idea what a production company is so don't come for me.

a/n: Brushing off the metaphorical cobwebs and finally getting back into writing! Woo-hoo! Ending could have been better but... meh. Also, I'm posting from mobile. If it looks weird, blame Tumblr ✌😍

REQUESTED: by @iwannaholdyoutight- and @hazgoldenstyles

And also by all these people... sorry it took so long.. 😁

>>><<<

"Stop movin'." You grumbled for the millionth time that morning. Your focus on covering up all these damn tattoos that you loved had become one of the worst things you had to do almost every morning.

"It tickles." He whined as the makeup brush ran over the inside of his arm. He instantly flinched away from the brush the moment it glided against a particularly sensitive spot.

"Harry!" You groaned, your eyes closed in frustration when he shot you the most adorable puppy eyes.

"'M sorry, kitten." He cooed, his lower lip pouted out when you sighed loudly, grabby hands tried to enclose around your waist before you smacked them away.

"H, I gotta get this done or you're gonna miss set time." 

"Wanna kiss." Those big green eyes flashed up to you from his spot in your makeup chair and you knew there was no way you could say no.

"One kiss." You clarified, knowing damn well he'd use kissing you as a distraction from being tickled again. 

He nodded eagerly before leaning slightly up to your level. Your eyes narrowed, still not sure you could trust that he wasn't going to divert your attention but his lips. 

God, his fucking lips.

They looked so memorizing. The light sheen of chapstick he'd applied earlier was still lingering across the plush pink cushions. His tongue wetting them, taunting you to come closer, and it worked.

You were so naive to think he wouldn't do this.

You squeaked as his hands gripped the fleshy curve of your hips. His lips twitched up into a smile against your own when he pulled you forward onto his lap as quickly as he could. 

You knew you should have tried to protest a bit more. You should have attempted to keep him on track but when his thigh pressed against your clothed core, you knew you were done for. His tongue licked into your mouth as his hand got a firm grip on the round flesh of your ass.

"I see what you two do in here." That sweet voice floated through the thickening air in your makeup trailer as she opened the door. Your eyes lazily blinked open to see your smug boyfriend smile wide across his face. 

Whatever snarky come back that was sitting on the tip of your tongue was quickly choked down to the back of your throat when you looked up to see her wearing that. 

Who knew a robe could turn you on so much?

"Damn." Harry finally commented after your not so subtle shifting of your hips against his thigh. Now he completely understood why you'd suddenly gone silent. 

"Shut up." She mumbled under her breath. Her cheeks flamed red from your shameless stares. 

"You look great, baby." You smiled brightly, your hand extended out for her to take. "Mhm." Harry's quick agreement had both you and Flor rolling your eyes, but a small smile formed at the corner of her lips.

"Wait til you see what he's got to wear." She smiled brightly, her silky soft hand wrapped tightly in yours as she walked towards the both of you. 

"Better hurry up then," you practically jumped off Harry's lap, his lust filled eyes quickly turned fearfully as your eager hands reached for your set of brushes. "Hold him down for me."

"Gonna pay for this later, sweetheart." Harry grumbled as Florence's hand held down his arm. 

"Sort of counting on that, Harold. Now, be a good boy and hold still."

>>>

The rest of your day had been absolute torture. Your core ached, your underwear were beyond ruined, and you couldn't wait another minute for the both of them to finally be off set. 

Instead, the both of them casually took their time, leisurely hanging around to talk to other cast and crew while you were basically jumping out of your skin to get them back into the privacy of your trailer. 

After 30 minutes of them both shooting you sweet smiles and well disguised sultry eyes, you'd had enough. Your feet carried you as quickly across the lot to your haven, your fist clenched in your hand almost as tightly as your core.

You were dripping and the both of them knew you were having a hard time keeping your hands to yourself.

It started out innocent enough, Harry's tattoos needed to be touched-up about a million times with the edge of his suit rubbing away the makeup there. You had been practically drooling over the both of them all day but when he saw your legs tighten together, he could help but lay it on thick. His hand rested on the small of your back as he circled around you, nose pressed almost completely against your ear as he whispered a raspy thank you. 

Florence was just as bad and she wasn't ever the instigator out of the three of you. She couldn't help it when she heard a soft whimper leave your lips when she brushed a few hairs off your forehead when you were redoing her makeup after lunch. 

She smiled sweetly, too sweetly, before those plush lips pressed tightly against your own. Her hand laced around your jaw to pull you tighter into her kiss. 

She pulled away from you before you were even close to being done. "Only fair that I get to makeout with you in this chair if Harry gets to do it all the time." 

You felt like you could combust from how turned on you were and you were done waiting for them to do something about it.

You practically slammed the door to your trailer behind you, making sure to lock it before laying yourself out across your couch that sat in the corner of your room.

If they weren't going to do something about it, you would. Your hands fumbled around with the pesky pants that covered your legs, until you were finally free enough to touch where you needed.

The sigh of relief, shuddering feeling that ran through your body from the contact you were craving only lasted a moment before you heard a metal key fumbling around with the locks on your door. 

"Couldn't wait for us?" Harry chuckled, his keys to your trailer thrown on your table top.

"You two were taking forever!" You glared at him through your open legs. 

"Told you she couldn't wait any longer." Florence giggled as she pushed her way past Harry. Her hands on her hips but a smile danced on the corner of her lips.

"Are you two going to help me here or?" You were cocky, impatient, and your fingers weren't anywhere near as good as theirs was.

"Might just watch." Harry shrugged with a smug smile as he plopped down on the end of the couch. The furniture was barely big enough for the three of you to sit normally. His hands moved your legs to lay over top of his own. Your eyes could have shot daggers through him as he loosened his tie, his legs spread wide enough that your hand bumped his thigh with every slow circle around your clit.

"Baby." You whined, your pleading eyes flashing towards Flor. Who was already wearing nothing but a smile, her robe abandoned on the floor, and if you weren't so insanely turned on you would have turned to stick your tongue out to Harry. Gloating that at least one of them was nice enough to help you.

Having sex with them always seemed to be frenzied, blurs of quick paced moments that seemed to fly by.

Her thighs rested on either side of you as Harry peeled away the drenched lacy fabric between your legs. 

Her tongue dominating your own as she pulled down your top enough to free your breast. Her hands pinching and kneading across them as your back arched further off the couch.

You could hear Harry mumbling out a slur of curses, followed by the sound of his zipper. Your legs were bumped up and down in time with his strokes along his swollen cock.

"Soaking my leg, kitten." He groaned at the sight of your cunt soaking the thin material of his brown suit.

"Thought you were just gonna watch." Florence chuckled, her perfectly pouty lips swollen from how hard she'd been kissing you. The edges of them barely touching your own as she talked to Harry.

"Was gonna but she's so fuckin' wet, Flor." His voice was deeper than usual, gravelly, slow, "Bet I could jus'...." 

Your jaw fell open, your back arched off the couch when his fingers filled you. A wild moan ripped from your lungs when he curled them just right.

You could already feel the cord tightening in your lower stomach. You had been so wound up all day long from looking at them you were practically ready to snap within seconds. 

"Awe, poor thing's already about to cum." Florence cooed, her hand around the back of your neck, teasing your jaw with the edge of her nose. 

You always loved hated how well they could read you. How their teasing words made your face burn and your pussy flood with need. 

When she was harshly shifted down further into your chest, her own sweet sounding moan falling from her lips, you couldn't help your own snide remark, "who's the one going to cum too quickly now?"

She probably would have snapped right back at you but she couldn't utter out anything more than whimpers. You knew the feeling, Harry's tongue had a way of doing that, making you both shut up and he had proudly used it on more than one occasion to get you two to stop bickering about dumb stuff. 

Your hand laced through her blonde locks, her lips attached to your neck whenever she could control her mouth long enough to kiss your sweet spots. Your nipples peaked at the contact of her breast against your own, Harry's hand still pumped lazily against your sweet spot, his thumb running tight circles around your clit, and while it wasn't enough, you weren't complaining. You weren't ever sure how he managed to focus on eating one of you out while fingering the other when you knew damn well he was about to combust himself.

You knew she was close when her breathing became erratic, her chest heaving against yours. Her whole body shaking as her orgasm washed across her, her panting barely broke when you felt his warm tongue slipping through your folds.

You moaned at the feeling, your hips instantly shifted downwards, craving every bit of contact you could get from him. 

You could feel your walls fluttering around his fingers with every thick swipe of his tongue across your clit. Your eyes barely staying open when soft kisses were pressed lazily against your neck. 

Such a contrast to the harsh grasp of Harry's free hand digging into your one thigh. His gruts and groans were only muffled by the deafening sound of your soaking core.

Florence perked up her head from your chest, carefully turning herself completely around. Her legs on either side of your head as she draped herself across you to watch Harry at work.

Her sweet honey only inches from your face and fuck did you want a taste. You wet your lips, hands pushing her thighs down but she wouldn't budge.

Your huff of protest was quickly choked down when Harry's tongue ran tight circles around your clit.

"Gonna share?" That sweet voice asking that innocent question about broke you. Your walls clenched tightly trying to not get Harry to stop his fingers from slipping out of you, almost crying when they did anyway.

"Course, baby." 

You squeaked, your legs pushed backwards by your thighs, your body almost folded in half.

"Fuck, you got her soaking the couch." 

You were suddenly very appreciative about the fact neither one of them could see the embarrassment burning through your face. Your forehead pressed to Florence's leg as you whined, not wanting them to point how just how turned on you were.

You heard two simultaneous shushing sounds before your lower lips were pulled apart, the cool air licked across your slick, only making you whine louder.

When you heard and felt Harry's spilt against your core you thought you were done for. Lip tucked so tightly between your teeth you could taste the faintest hint of metallic against your tongue.

Then the softest kitten lick had you losing your mind, her tongue collecting all of his saliva on your clit before swirling around your entrance.

"Fuck," you cried, your nails digging crest moons into the flesh of Florence's thighs. "please, just fuck me already!"

"Don't think she can take anymore teasing Flor." Harry chuckled, yeah, chuckled, from between your thighs. 

"But I was having fun." She pouted, her tongue stopping its mesmerizing movements.

"Can 'ave fun with her after." Harry said as he started to shed the layers of his suit. 

"I'm literally right here!" You complained, your huff of annoyance jammed down your throat when Harry pulled up by your legs. Your face now exposed to his smirking, mischief filled eyes. 

"We know, baby," he cooed, almost too sweetly, something about the look behind his eyes made your pussy flutter but your mind anxious about how sore you'd be tomorrow. "Ass up for me."

You eagerly nodded your head, trying to roll over in your place before the tsking clicks of his tongue stopped your movements. 

"Like this." He said, pulling you off the couch. Your knees on the hard linoleum floor, your elbows resting on the seat of cushion in front of you. Giving Flor just enough space to sit pretty right in front of you.

Your arms instinctively circling around her thighs, pulling her core down to mouth. Her moans filled the small space around you. Vibrating off the walls with an echo. 

"Should 'ave done this in 'ere before." Harry mumbled more to himself than to either one of you as his tip teased your entrance. Your hips swayed instantly at the contact, slowly backing up the little bit you could to feel him slip inside of you.

He hissed, his fingers gripped the round flesh of your ass tightly before he surged forward, stuffing you to the brim with his cock.

"I ruin this pussy 'most everyday and you're still so fuckin' tight." He gritted out through his teeth, your walls clenched down around him at his words.

"Guess you're not fucking her good enough then." 

Your eyes widened in disbelief belief, disconnecting from her core so your mouth could gape in shock.

Did she hate you being able to walk?

"That so?" 

"'S what I said."

"Kitten," You squeaked when you were lifted by your shoulder, your back against Harry's chest. His hands snaked under your shirt just long enough to rip it off. "you can thank Flor tomorrow for why you won't be able to sit." 

"She'll probably be thanking me." The blonde rolled her eyes playfully teasing but enjoying the fact she was getting under his skin.

"Need me to stop, just tap my leg," his deep voice husked into your ear. Your hand tapping his leg, showing him you understood,  before you were hurled back in front of Florence's core by the back of your head. "good girl, now lick." 

You had Harry go hard on you before but when he sheathed himself fully inside of you in one go, you knew you were really going to be in for it. 

Your tongue tried to desperately get Flor off as fast as you could, your fingers slamming into her sweet spot, as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You had a hard time knowing where to focus. Her addictive taste or his marksman worthy precision thrusts into your g-spot.

Your body felt like warm liquid was being pumped through your veins. Both of them gripping onto you at different ends, his hips grinding against your ass as he sat balls deep in your pussy. Her hips dragging against your mouth, fucking herself against your face. 

The sound of their collective moans slicked through the sticky, sex filled, air around you. Your mind lost in that space of non-thinking as your body moved back and forth between the two of them.

"Gonna cum all over my cock, sweetheart?" Your walls tightened around him as her fingers dug deeper into the back of your head. Her own cord snapping only moments before your own.

The white burning light washing through your body followed by the familiar gush of fullness in your lower tummy. 

"Holy shit," Florence breathed out, her arm dropped across her forehead. 

"Why haven't we done that here before?" Harry asked through short breaths.

"'S company property." You mumbled against the couch, your head buried into the soft material as your legs gave out to lay on the heaven-like cold floor below you. "We literally just said fuck you to New Line Cinema." 

You heard chuckling from either side of you, both of them still slightly out of breath.

"Hope we don't work with them again then." 

[universalistotalis]

Stiff That You Love

Ushijima Wakatoshi (Timeskip!) x Female reader

Masterlist!!!

You never thought you'd see him again. You almost choked on the truffle pasta that you ordered in this café when a certain beautiful giant waved and made his way to you.

"Holy damn." You whispered underneath your breath as his strides made their way towards your table. You knew he was already a show stopper back then, but now???!

You were so sure everyone would drop dead at the sight of him.

"Hi." He greeted with his deep voice. "Do you still remember me?"

Surprise filled your expression at his question but you smiled politely and nodded your head. "How could I forget? How are you Ushijima?"

You swore you saw a glint of relief and excitement in his eyes but it immediately wavered as he motioned to the chair in front of you.

"May I?" He asked again, holding the back of the chair.

Is he really going to sit here with me?!

"Sure, of course." Your voice squeaked at the feeling of your heart bursting out of your chest. His greeting was enough to kick the air out of your lungs but a whole conversation?! You didn't know how long you would last in his ever- intimidating presence.

-

It was already the last year in college and you were so determined to graduate with latin honors. Every single minute of your life, you dedicated it to studies, friends and family. They were all that mattered. And so you stayed until the wee hours at certain café spots around the university or at the library inside the campus. You went to meet up with friends during the weekends only for a simple dinner or lunch. You called your family members every chance you get during free time. That was your life. And you were content.

But then this boy came in to the picture.

"You will be partnered together and I shall assign the pair. Make sure you finish the written output, video presentation, and oral defense at the end of the semester." Those were the words of your professor during one of your classes before yours and his name were called out together.

You swore it was fate. Romance was really not in the forefront of your mind but as they say, "You'll find it best when you're not looking".

AND MY GOD WERE YOU SO WRONG!

This man named Ushijima Wakatoshi who came out from nowhere, looking as good they come, had no ounce of romance nor funny bone in his muscular body. He was the most dense, most serious, most infuriating man you've ever met in your whole life!!! He was a whole perfectionist, always so blunt at his comments about the outputs that you showed him. He was also so strict with the deadlines, not considering that you had other classes than this that had much more weight and importance.

You were so close to giving up but...

"Y/n?" You knew that voice only belonged to the certain antagonist in your story right now.

Your hands trembled as you wiped the tears streaming down your face after your meeting together at the library.

"Ushijima, hey!" You pretended to be your usual chirpy self as you turned around to face him.

It was already late so the lights surrounding the university casted an unworldly glow on his face. He was always so breathtaking no matter where you put him but damn those looks! He was just as heartless.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a worried tone.

"I'm fine. I'll be going home now. See you next week." You excused yourself.

"Wait." His cold fingers caught your arm and that made you stop your tracks.

"Is there a problem, Wakatoshi?"

He bowed his head before slowly releasing you in his grip. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

"W-what?" You wanted to make sure if what your ears heard was right. He does not seem the type to apologize.

You heard another deep sigh as he looked at you. "I've always been told that I come off too much to others. I didn't realize it until recently when one of my friends told me."

"Oh, well..."

"I'll try to be better though. I'll be more careful from now on. And I'm really sorry if I ever hurt your feelings in the past." He said with all seriousness that you can't help but sigh and just nod.

"You can be really mean sometimes." You agreed and chuckled, letting a tear escape your eyes.

"You've been crying." He stated flatly as if he was reciting a trivia. "I'm still so sorry."

You giggled. "Yeah, I forgive you. Anyway, it's getting late, Wakatoshi. We have to head home."

"I'll walk you home." He said with a finality in his voice. You were again, surprised by his actions but just agreed because this was such a draining day.

And as you were nearing where you stayed, you were again surprised at how comforting his presence was.

--

You did find his presence after that night relaxing. He became more tactful and he started to insert jokes during your meetings which shocked you so much the first time that he felt a little offended. You became such close friends that his team mates in volleyball were again, shocked that he managed to get a friend outside the team. It was just a matter of getting used to, you thought to yourself. He's just so honest, mechanical, and straightforward to a fault and you got to master how to tell him off when needed. He also developed to trust you so whenever he needed advice, he would always go to you and trust your honest words.

Looking at him now, it made your heart warm at how far he'd come. It's amazing to have known him then. To have seen how he grew as an athlete, a student, and a person. He may still be a little stiff but that's just the Wakatoshi you've come to love.

"Soo..." He started while sitting back down again after claiming his coffee from the counter. "I am not disturbing you, am I?" He pointed at the laptop and papers next to you.

You laughed. "Not at all! I finished them anyway."

"How have you been then?" He asked. His elbows were resting on the table and his hands were holding on to the cup of coffee. The sight was a little funny considering his giant built was leaned onto a very small table.

You smiled gently. "I've been good! I got the job that I dreamed of having and I own some businesses too. Ho--"

"Your eyes sparkle the same way." He cut off.

"What?" You asked, surprised at his random comment.

"Your eyes..." He pointed out. "They sparkle the same way they did in college when you were talking about something you like."

"How did you notice that?" You laughed.

"I'm known to be observant." He smirked slightly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Okay, Mr. Oh-So-Observant, how are your matches going? I've been tuning in since the first tournament and it looks like you're going to the semi- finals!" You cheered not hiding your pride and excitement for the country's national volleyball team. When you searched on how to watch the live games, you insisted that you were there to cheer for the country and definitely NOT to cheer and simp for a certain brown- haired, serious player. Definitely NOT!

"You've been watching our games?" He asked, eyes slightly widening at the thought of you cheering for him. What he didn't know was that you were always watching his games since college, not missing even one match. You were always there, crying at how proud you were of him. Also, crying at how much he could never be yours.

"Of course, I have, silly!" You chuckled and pointed at your laptop. "I've been watching here and you're just so amazing and strong!"

He suddenly paused at your statement, silently raising a brow at you and smiling softly.

"I- I meant that your whole team is amazing and strong." You clarified, a blush automatically painting the whole of your face and ears.

"Would you like to go tomorrow?" He blinked, setting down his cup on the wooden surface. "To the game, I mean?"

Your eyes widened at his offer. "Are you serious?!"

He chuckled at your reaction. "Of course! We're allowed to bring spectators for the games, I'll just give you the tickets."

"Wow, Ushijima, thank you so much! It's an honor!" You chimed excitedly, jumping a little on your chair.

"The honor's mine." He replied, grinning at you.

He already knew back then that you were one of a kind. No one ever really stayed and tried to understand his demeanor and personality but you did. You were so honest and kind and you always knew what to do or say to keep him at ease. You accepted him for who he was and he's so thankful to have met such a beautiful soul. Even when you were doing nothing, even when you're just sitting across this table from him, without you knowing, you already made up his entire exhausting day. Hell, you made up all those exhausting years of not seeing each other since you two graduated. He suddenly imagined if being with you would always be like this. So peaceful and just pure bliss...

"You've got to be shitting on me! Is that Ushiwaka?" The pair sitting next to the glass walls of the café was oblivious of the red- haired tower and group of men walking past the street. All of them were wearing coats and casual attires as they're planning to go for lunch at their favorite restaurant for a little reunion. The all powerful Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team, headed by Ushijima in high school, cowered like puppies at the name of their captain being mentioned.

"Where?!" Goshiki stopped and shielded himself from an invisible force. "He said he couldn't make it!"

"I guess our baby's growing up, look!" Tendou hummed and pointed at the two of you laughing and looking at each other with heart eyes. "I bet they don't know that they're shooting hearts at each other."

"I never thought he could smile like that." Semi whispered.

"Yeah well, he's been crushing on that girl since college." Tendou filled the silent wonder of the whole group. "That's why she looked familiar! He kept sending me photos of them together studying or something..."

"Studying, my ass!" Shirabu laughed as they continued staring and hiding behind a post at the same time.

They all burst out laughing and again Tendou chuckled. "No seriously, they were studying!"

"Yeah well, they look good together. I hope he'd have the balls to ask her out. Please god!" Goshiki put his hands together as if seriously praying.

"Bet you 10, 000 yen, we'd be attending his wedding two years from now." Semi challenged.

"Nah, I'll go with a year." Tendou offered.

The men casted their bets on how long you and Ushijima would get married. They knew their captain so well to be sure enough that he was serious with you. Safe to say, Semi won the bet.

--

Reblogs are appreciated! <3

[theladyofdeath]

Tempting the Fates {Chapter 4}

Summary: It’s the final semester of Aelin Galathynius’ collegiate career and she is so beyond ready to be done. Her schedule is packed full of nursing classes and labs designed to test her knowledge and hone her skills for the real world and her “big girl” job. However, she needs one last elective to graduate, so she decides to study a subject she’s always been fascinated by: Mythology. Who would have thought that a class about gods and goddesses living complicated lives would end up complicating her own in such an unexpected way?

Word Count: 2550

Chapters will be posted every Wednesday.

Tempting the Fates Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Apollo

– God of light, prophecy, inspiration, poetry, the sun, music and arts, medicine and healing

Aelin tried to convince herself that she got up and got ready two hours early for class because of her busy schedule. She kept telling herself it was for the meeting she had with her advisor, about a possible internship at the end of the semester.

She knew that both reasons, while extremely important, were full of shit. She knew she’d showered, blow dried and curled her hair for Rowan. It wasn’t that she was trying to impress him. She’d already done that and the chance she had to be with him had come and gone.

No, now it was about proving to him that even though this class may be a gen ed, she was taking it seriously.

Dropping the class had crossed her mind. She really didn’t need to take it, she could still find a different one to pick up. But she didn’t want to think about the sort of impression it would leave about her.

If there was anything to know about Aelin Galathynius, it was that she was not a quitter, nor did she run from her problems.

Or heartaches.

With one last look in the mirror, and a whistle from Lysandra, Aelin was out the door and hurrying across campus. She grabbed a coffee on the way, but avoided her usual place, knowing full well that Rowan enjoyed the same famous cafe that she did.

He wasn’t there yet when she got to the hall, but she took the same seat she had the class before.

She wondered if Rowan would be looking for her this time.

She quickly shook the thought away.

With her hot coffee on the corner of her fold up desk, she was pulling out her notebook and a pen, waiting anxiously for class to begin.

For him to walk through the door.

Apparently he liked to be right on the dot, though, because students continued to wander in, but he did not.

She was tapping her pen against her notebook, doing her best not to stare at the clock. She was just anxious for her day to start. It wasn’t that she wanted to see Rowan.

Professor Whitethorn, she amended in her head. She had to quit thinking of him as Rowan. She couldn’t think of him like that anymore, his body pressing into hers, lips on her neck, as he—

Shaking her head, Aelin sighed and suddenly realized that the rest of the class had hushed. She was so focused on reprimanding herself for her highly inappropriate thoughts that she hadn’t noticed him come through the door and begin setting up for class. When she dared to glance towards the front, she found his eyes on her. He quickly looked away, going back to his laptop and setting up the PowerPoint on screen.

Maybe he hadn’t been looking at her.

Maybe it had all been in her mind.

But she didn’t think it had been.

He had been watching her.

“Happy Thursday, class,” he began, as the title page of his presentation flashed onto the board. “Glad to see you all showed up again. Must mean my first class didn’t suck.” Quiet laughter thrummed through the room. Aelin couldn’t muster a laugh, though. “On Tuesday, we covered the basics. So, today… Sorry, we’re doing that again.”

More laughter, especially from the pretty, flirty girls up front.

Aelin couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

Which, when she settled her eyes back on Rowan, he definitely saw.

Come on, get your shit together, she chastised herself. With her back straightened, she gave him her full attention.

She took dutiful notes, but his slides didn’t hold much in the way of information. They were mostly headers, with a few bullet points. Most of the important information, information she knew would be critical for homework or exams, came straight from Rowan’s mouth.

It was clear that he loved mythology, that it wasn’t just a class his aunt had tossed his way and told him to figure it out. He was a trove of knowledge and she noticed he had a habit of going on slight tangents when he got going on a topic he was clearly interested in.

After a student asked him to clarify what he meant about Hercules not being Zeus’ only son, he ended up talking for nearly twenty minutes about what the beloved Disney movie had gotten wrong. Aelin had stopped taking notes and was watching him go on and on about how Hades, while god of the underworld, was not necessarily a villain. He just had a job to do. A job that had rules that must be followed, or the consequences could damn not only him, but others involved. His eyes found hers again and the amused smile on her face fell as she made the correlation between their own situation and the story.

They held each other’s gazes for far longer than was appropriate, and Rowan cleared his throat, going back to the PowerPoint, and the  predetermined lesson plans he’d made, which didn’t include children’s movie breakdowns.

She watched him.

She listened.

And she found it all fascinating. 

Rowan peeked at the clock after going on and on, and stilled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I guess I’ll end there. There is an assignment due by tomorrow evening. You can find and submit it online. It’s an opinion piece. I want a little insight as to why you were so interested to take this class, or what you’ve found fascinating so far.” He sat on his desk, his legs hanging over the side, his feet nearly touching the ground as he leaned back on his palms. Aelin found it charming. “You’re going to write a short essay telling me of your favorite deity. It could be one I’ve talked about so far, or one I haven’t. It’s your choice. But, tell me why they are your favorite. Give me a little depth. And, remember, this is a college course. Grammar counts.”

The clock struck nine-thirty and everyone began packing up. Aelin had been so captivated by his voice that she had to snap herself back to reality.

She quickly packed up her bag, alongside the other students around her. She noticed then how young they all were, and she was willing to bet that she may be the only senior on the roster. As she was descending the stairs, she found Rowan’s eyes on her again, but he looked away as his attention was taken, thanks to the group of girls who’d been sitting in the front row. She heard vague questions of whether they could all write about Aphrodite, since they all related to her.

The scoff Aelin thought she’d kept to herself had apparently been out loud, since not only Rowan looked at her as she passed, but so did the three girls. With his attention on her again, she decided to give him a little wave.

“See you later, Professor Whitethorn.”

If there was some extra sway to her hips, it wasn’t on purpose.

At least that’s what she told herself.

Two and a half hours later, Aelin was starving. She’d just gotten out of an extremely complicated lab and she could barely focus over the growling of her stomach. Twice, the instructor had looked over at her, half expecting to find a dog stashed under the table she was working at.

So when the class let out, she was hurrying toward the cafeteria ready to get a salad from the salad bar and a big ass slice of pizza.

It was all about balance. 

As she was waiting in line to fill her plate with salad, she heard a voice behind her.

“Are you actually getting lettuce or just filling your plate with ham, cheese, and croutons?” 

Aelin looked over her shoulder to find Chaol, her ex, suppressing a smile.

Aelin chuckled. “If it’s the same price, you may as well pile up on the good stuff.” 

Chaol gave her a small smile. “Fair enough. It’s good to see you, Aelin. You look good.”

Things hadn’t ended the best between her and Chaol, but that had been just after freshman year. At least now when they ran into one another, they could have nice little conversations like this one.

No hard feelings.

“You too,” she said, and he did. He’d been in an accident the year before. They weren’t sure he was going to walk again. In all honesty, it was just good to see him on his feet.

“How long until your class?” He asked, sliding his tray along behind hers.

She glanced down at her watch. “About forty five minutes. You?”

“This is my long break,” he sighed. “I’ve got an hour and a half, but didn’t feel like leaving campus. Want to have lunch with me?”

“Sure.” Her smile wasn’t forced, it was easy and she was glad they could even do this, when three years again, they could barely be in the same room.

“I assume you’re getting a piece of pizza after this,” Chaol said with a smirk, nodding towards her plate. “So I’ll grab us a table while you get the rest of your lunch.”

She scoffed but nodded, and went off to get a slice of pizza. When she ordered her pizza, she also got a slice of cheesecake. It was his favorite, something she hadn’t forgotten, but it didn’t hurt that she liked it, too.

Finding him in the cafeteria, she sat down at the table across from him. “How’s Yrene doing?”

He blushed, and Aelin had to admit it was adorable. After his accident, he’d fallen for his physical therapist, and she was just as smitten with him. It must have been all the one-on-one sessions, because Chaol had never been one to let someone in. Aelin had met Yrene early in her med classes, but Yrene had specialized in PT and graduated in less than three years, taking as many classes as she could manage and even studying through the summers as well.

“It’s going good,” he said, at last. “We, uh, just moved in together, actually.”

Aelin lifted a brow. “That was fast.”

Chaol shot her a look.

Aelin laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, good for you. I like Yrene. A lot. You two are good together.”

Chaol cleared his throat before taking a bite of his salad. “Thanks.” 

Aelin chuckled, taking a bite of her pizza.

Chaol blinked. “What?”

“You get so uncomfortable when it comes to feelings,” she said. “Always have.”

His eyes narrowed at her. “That’s not true.”

Aelin stopped mid-chew and raised a brow.

Even Chaol couldn’t help but chuckle at the expression. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What about you? Seeing anyone?”

Aelin hesitated, then said, “No.”

A slow grin appeared on Chaol’s mouth. “Didn’t sound so sure about what one.”

Aelin shrugged. “Better be nice or I’m not sharing this magnificent cheesecake with you.”

Holding up his hands in placation, Chaol went back to his salad. Rowan was a dangerous topic, one she wouldn’t share with anyone but Lysandra, so she summed it up quickly. “Met someone I thought I hit it off with. Turns out we didn’t work.”

He slowly nodded. Aelin knew he’d had a couple failed relationships between her and Yrene. “I get it, I’m sorry. Still sucks.”

Shrugging again, she turned to her salad. “It happens. Not a big deal. So if you’re living with Yrene, does that mean you and Dorian broke up? Or is he playing house with you, too?”

Chaol leveled her with a look. Chaol and Dorian had been best friends long before they came to the University of Orynth. They were both from Adarlan, both trying to get away from overbearing fathers, and decided college across the country was the way to do it. They’d been roommates every year and Aelin couldn’t even imagine Chaol living with anyone except Dorian. But now he was. “He moved into an apartment with Manon this semester when I moved in with Yrene.”

Aelin blinked. “Blackbeak? He moved in with Manon Blackbeak?”

Nodding, Chaol went on. “Apparently, they’ve been dating for about a year, without anyone noticing.”

Something in the way he said it told Aelin that he had noticed, but when Dorian had his mind set on something, there was no stopping him. And apparently, he’d decided to date one of the most terrifying women on campus.

Aelin’s response was eloquent. “Wow.”

Chaol grinned. “I like it when you’re caught off guard. It’s satisfying.”

With a scoffed she nudged his leg with the toe of her sneaker. “Well, I don’t. Dorian will be getting a very angry phone call this afternoon.”

“I’ll be sure to give him a warning,” Chaol promised.

Aelin chuckled, taking the last bite of her pizza. “It’s good to see you all happy, though. Really.”

Chaol’s eyes softened. “Thanks, Aelin.”

She nodded. “Even if I am terrified that Dorian will get eaten alive.”

Chaol laughed, and she had forgotten how nice Chaol’s rare, hearty laugh was.

She meant it. She was so happy for them, both of them. It was interesting how things changed over the course of a few short years.

Their conversation continued, as did the laughs, and before she knew it, Aelin glanced down at her watch. She had less than fifteen minutes to haul ass back to the nursing building for her next class. Chaol, who had much longer to sit with nothing to do, assured her that he could handle her trash and told her to get to class. With a hug, and a promise that they’d have dinner soon, all of them, even Manon, Aelin was hurrying out of the cafeteria building.

Somehow, the entire time she’d been having lunch with Chaol, she hadn’t noticed the set of pine green eyes watching her.

Rowan’s own break had been at the same time as hers, but the gen ed building was much closer than wherever she was having to run off to, so he had longer to sit and— there was no denying it— brood. They were halfway across the room, so he couldn’t hear any of their conversation. He had no clue who the tall man was she smiled at so often, but clearly they were very familiar with each other with how easily they talked. And he made her laugh. A lot.

Rowan wasn’t sure why that was what grated on his nerves the most, but it unsettled him.

Seeing Aelin with someone else, someone clearly her own age, it all unsettled him. He didn’t like it. Almost as much as her parting words in class had.

See you later, Professor Whitethorn.

It’s like she was mocking him, yet at the same time, she clearly wasn’t. She was doing exactly as he’d asked of her, seeing him as her professor, not as her boyfriend.

No, he reprimanded himself. Not boyfriend. Hookup.

They’d had sex one time, that didn’t give either of them any claim over the other. It was a hookup and nothing more. And she was his gods-damned student.

She was off limits, in every way possible.

Yet he couldn’t figure out why seeing her with someone else, someone she should clearly be interested in instead of him, had him seeing red.

[bookofmirth]

I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.

Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.

This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.

There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.

First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.

What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post

In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.

However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.

However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.

On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.

Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.

Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist. 

Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.

Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.

My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.

If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!

How we react

This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.

The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.

No.

Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld. 

Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!! 

Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.

This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.

It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise. 

We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.

When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.

Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people). 

We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time. 

And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done. 

The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook. 

There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that. 

The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.

Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.

I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop. 

So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.

Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins

I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Yuukyuu Omega

Title: Yuukyuu Omega (有休オメガ)

Author/Artist: Fujimine Shiki

Release Date: 2021/02/26

Cast: 

Ono Yuuki x Nakajima Yoshiki

Ootsuka Takeo + Toki Shunichi

Synopsis: 

"It looks like you and I are bonded now."

(Am I in hell...?)

Suzuya is a lazy salaryman who just wants to get time off from work. When a new coworker, Furuike, suddenly shows up and starts making advances, Suzuya's peaceful existence is turned upside down! Faced with this aggressive attack, Suzuya's only defense is to play coy. "Giving my heart and body to a perverted alpha... I really could kill him."

Suzuya, an omega, works at a company which gives paid leave to omegas in heat. Until now, he's been able to get seven straight days off every month by pretending that the pill doesn't work for him. Seven days of drinking beer and playing video games from dawn to dusk... heaven on earth. Then a new alpha coworker named Furuike shows up unannounced outside his door...! If word gets out that he's not actually in heat, Suzuya is sure to get fired! His only choice is to keep up the act of being in heat. So begins the master performance of an omega who will do anything to avoid going to work.

Review Proper

Me finally rereading my releases post for this and realizing I mistook it for something else:

Man, I wouldn’t have hated this as much as I did if I wasn’t so expectant. The dialogue for this is 100% trash. Yeah, I did just come from two Momose Ans, but for better or for worse, at least Momose An can write okay dialogue unlike Fujimine Shiki’s Yuukyuu Omega where I could feel my body physically reject it. Wait. Wait. Didn’t I say this in Aisaretagari no Surface? ONO YUUKI, WHAT THE FUCK?! 

To clarify, the reason why Momose An’s better than Fujimine Shiki is that Momose An can actually pull off sensible and believable dialogue, only that her characters and plot are trashy. Fujimine Shiki, on the other hand, had a good plot in her hands, but was fixated in USING EVERY GODDAMN CHEESY SEME LINE IN THE 2009 BOOK OF HOMOSEXUAL PORN LIKE THEY DIDN’T HAVE AN EDITOR WHO CARED. It’s marketed as an XL Saizu meets Customer Masquerade! omegaverse romcom because Furuike-kun tried to be Anaconbayashi-kun while Suzuya-san was copy paste Etou-san. I did find it hilarious, though—the fact that she tried to make her characters sound funny when they have 0 personality, that is. See, there’s no way that that would work in a romcom because I believe the main couple needs to have opposite personalities to spark the funsies. Listen, Furuike-kun had a personality as blank and flimsy as a 1 ply piece of toilet paper while Suzuya-san was a lazy motherfucker. Congrats, Fusion Product. You just created Love Me, Love My Dog 2: Electric Boogaloo. 👏👏👏

Oh, you thought that my review for the technicalities would be better?

I’m saying this now, this has got to be one of the worst adaptations I’ve ever listened to in a long while.

So many dialogues, characters, and plot have been cut from the manga that this might as well just be a standalone. But they somehow also had the bright idea to add some new things in like they would do something for this whole shit show. 

As for the voice work,

I’m sorry, but what the fuck are you two doing? 

See, I was so hyped going into this because Nakajiki did his Suzuya-san in the same way Uchida Yuuma did his Etou-san. However, as the BLCD progressed, Nakajiki lost enthusiasm? during the uhh sex? that when he was getting rammed by the umm goddamn Furuike-train, it was as if he literally could be doing (or being done by) something else. My man really said “hatsujou sex sugoi/heat-induced sex is the best (in monotone)” that it would make you think: “Is it really, though?”. Please. Let’s not even talk about that weird ass moan he did in 10:39 of Track 6.

Well hellfire save matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches—I hated every breath Ono Yuuki took here. The moment he opened his mouth, his performance in Aisaretagari no Surface just came rushing back to me like a punch in the face. I thought I was just overreacting, but no, this man really said “2019 Furukawa Makoto, come into my body” and got possessed. This is the first time I’ve ever heard OnoYuu flatline, I think. Granted, the character he was playing was as deceased as his acting, but I think he could have pulled off OnoD’s Hasabe-kun from Kotonoha no Hana perfectly here if he was allowed by the studio. But also, his less than ideal performance here isn’t only the studio’s fault because there is a lot of sketchy acting of his in this BLCD. Listen, he really says “moodu wa daiji/the mood is important” and “kocchi nonde/drink my cum” in the same sentence while in monotone.

J-just kill me. Y’all didn’t think it would be possible to moan in monotone, but my man really invented moanotone and called it a day.

And by the way, Nakajiki and OnoYuu didn’t have the tiniest bit of chemistry with each other. I was even giving it a chance in the beginning because of course they’re not supposed to have any since they’re not actually a mated pair, but lo and behold, they only had chemistry when they were talking in the cast talk.  👏👏👏

As for Takeo and Shunichi, they weren’t relevant to the story whatsoever because they got yeeted off the BLCD after about three minutes. 👍

In conclusion, I hate this. This might be the worst review I’ve ever done because I don’t recall ever bad-mouthing a production from manga to BLCD before. There’s literally nothing good about it. I mean, how do you even fail that bad??? This makes Momose An’s shit look good. I mean, at least OnoYuu doesn’t sound like a perverted old man in Aisaretagari no Surface (just a rapist oh wait Furuike-kun’s also rapey). OnoYuu redemption arc when???

Man, what a downgrade considering I just came from Sonna ni Iu Nara. If y’all want that deadpan humor with 0 secondhand embarrassment, absolutely go for Omoimi’s XL Saizu. I still haven’t remembered that omegaverse I mistook this for that Okitsu stars in, but I do hope it’s good, or I’m throwing hands. 🔪🔪🔪

[taetaespeaches]

“I could never want less of you.”

hoseok x reader (or oc) genre: angst; fluff word count: 3.3K

a/n: Ok, I’m giggling because this was supposed to be much angstier than what it turned out to be lmao. But like, it’s Hobi and Petal, they just work shit out, idk lol. Anyways, these two are taking a big step in their relationship and it brings out some stress and insecurities and it leads to an argument that is really patched up very quickly lol. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :))

SITTING at the kitchen island, you scrolled through the photos displayed on your laptop screen of a seemingly perfect apartment that was currently available. The location was conveniently placed in close proximity to both yours and Hoseok’s workplaces, the apartment was stunning, and the building was safe and secure. It appeared to be exactly what you and your boyfriend were looking for.

It was a month ago when you and Hoseok decided you should move in together. He practically already lived at your place anyway, you loved having each other around, and you absolutely planned on spending the rest of your lives together. Finding a new place together felt right.

Bookmarking the page, you wrote down the realtor’s name and number and noted a few details about the living space. Clicking onto another apartment, tapping your pen on the notebook, your front door opened, the sound drawing your eyes to see Hoseok kicking his shoes off before meeting your gaze.

“Hey, Petal,” he gave you a small smile, his eyes darting to your hand that was tapping the pen repeatedly.

“Hi, Sunshine,” you grinned before turning back to the screen to pull up the perfect apartment once again. “Guess what I found,” you said excitedly, Hoseok humming as he approached you. As he peered over your shoulder at the screen, you gestured to the laptop with a playful, “ta-da!”

“Oh, an apartment?” He questioned.

“I really like it, look,” you started, Hoseok already losing focus as he took a step away from you.

“Petal, I just got home,” he pointed out, you turning to look at him, inspecting his features. Your heart dropped at the apprehension displayed in his expression. Throughout the past week, your boyfriend had been acting less and less interested in apartment hunting, and you were beginning to take it personally.

When you and Hoseok first decided to move in together, he was the one who suggested it, stating that he couldn’t wait to have a shared space with you.

Lying in bed together, your nude forms pressed together in a post-sex cuddle, you dragged your finger across his chest as he soothed his knuckles up and down the curve of your hip.

“I missed you,” he spoke softly into the moonlit room, the illumination pouring in through the bedroom window.

“Did you miss me or my bedroom skills?” You teased, Hobi chuckling as his hand moved to tickle your side, you squirming against him until you rolled on top of him, resting your chin on his chest. “I missed you too,” you admitted before bringing your finger to his nose, tapping it gently with a “boop”.

“Your apartment is too far from the studio and dorm when the schedule is packed,” he complained with a slight whine. He had been upset all week that he hadn’t been able to see you due to your hectic new job and his demanding idol schedule with a comeback in the works. “Six days is too long,” he added.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the dorm to visit,” you apologized, the man instantly shaking his head.

“No, our places are just too far apart,” he pointed out. “I couldn’t get over here either.”

With your eyes raking over his face, you huffed. “My apartment is too far from everything now,” you thought aloud. “It was good for university but now my job is closer to where you’re at and it just doesn’t really make sense to be living clear out here.”

“Are you thinking of moving?” He asked, his eyes widened.

“I don’t know,” you pondered. “Maybe?”

Your boyfriend nodded slowly, watching you carefully. Inspecting his expression, you knew there was something on his mind. “What is it?” You questioned him, the man smiling in response at being caught in thought.

“Well,” he started nervously, you staring at him curiously. “You’re thinking of moving,” he added, you humming in confirmation, “and well, I’ve been thinking of my life with you. Our future,” he clarified.

“Hobi,” you realized, making him smile wider.

“Would you want to move in together, Petal?” He asked, you holding back your smile as you stared at him.

“You’re not just suggesting this because I might want to move, are you?” You asked, Hobi quickly shaking his head. “Because this is a big decision, it can’t just be made out of convenience,” you added, your boyfriend chuckling as he tried to cut in. “Like we need to actually want this,” you continued, Hoseok smiling even wider.

Calling your name to get your attention, you stopped talking to appreciate the grin spread across his face. “I actually want this, Petal,” he assured you. “I’ve wanted it, I plan on spending my life with you, I obviously want to live with you.”

The words circled your mind for a moment before a smile broke out on your face. “I want this too,” you agreed easily. “Of course I do,” you added, more telling yourself than him. “I hate not having you here in the evening,” you realized suddenly.

“So, yes? Are we moving in together in?” He asked for clarification, you scrunching your nose at him, the man letting out a cute scream in excitement, you laughing in amusement of him. “Omg, you have champagne in the kitchen,” he realized, gently rolling you off him as he ran out of the bedroom butt ass naked to retrieve the celebratory drink, only to return a second later.

“Did you forget something?” You asked through your giggles, the man nodding.

“This,” he said just before kissing you hard and passionately, pouring every ounce of love he had for you into the action. The champagne could wait.

However, as time went on, Hoseok seemed to become anti-enthusiastic about the very real apartment hunt, and it made you worry he only liked the idea in theory. When put into action, he seemed to be changing his mind.

When you turned back to the screen, Hoseok sighed, noticing your dejection. “Ok, show me,” he started, moving closer to you as you shook your head, minimizing the tab as you pulled up your email, shifting focus as you continued tapping your pen against the notebook. “Petal,” he called out.

“No,” you said simply, not wanting to get into the fight that was inevitably on its way.

“Will you please just show me the apartment?” He asked, an annoyance in his tone. Scoffing at him, you continued tapping the pen against the notebook, Hoseok focusing in on the steady rhythm as you scrolled through the pointless junk emails. “Stop tapping that,” he suddenly spoke, you dropping the pen as you pushed your stool away from the counter.

Standing, you began to walk away, pushing past Hoseok only for him to reach for your hand. You let him take it, turning to look him in the eye.

“I don’t want you to look at the apartment because you feel like you have to, I want you to look at it because you want to, because you’re excited about living together, because-”

“I am excited,” he insisted, you rolling your eyes as you pulled your hand from his. “What?”

“Do you think I’m stupid? You’ve acted bothered every time I’ve brought up apartments to you for the past week,” you pointed out, Hoseok huffing as he watched you walk further into the kitchen. “Is it me?”

“What? No. Is what you?” He asked in concern and confusion, you staring at him as your heart pounded in your chest.

“Do you not want to live with me? Is that why you’re not excited?” You asked, holding back the emotions that were bubbling to the surface.

“I do want to live with you, there is not a single bit of truth in that entire thought process, so stop,” he told you firmly, you shrugging. “I’m just tired,” he defended his recent lack of interest, you shaking your head.

“Don’t blame whatever is happening on tiredness, I know you better than that,” you informed him, the man looking at you guiltily. “You went from being really enthusiastic about the whole process and loving every apartment to nitpicking the apartments over small things to completely avoiding looking at the apartments at all,” you continued. “Something is happening.”

The man simply stared at you for a moment, you biting your bottom lip as you tried conceal the tears that were quickly working their way to the surface. Instead of speaking, he looked to the laptop, placing his fingers on the track pad.

“Don’t,” you told him, closing the laptop, Hoseok moving his hand out of the way just before you shut it completely. “What is going on?” You asked him desperately, the tears pricking your eyes as they gathered along your bottom lash line. Sighing, he looked down at the pen. “Hoseok.”

“The pen tapping,” he whispered, you glaring at him in confusion.

“What?”

Looking up to meet your gaze, he noticed the tears, his face dropping at the realization that you were nearly crying because of him. “You tap your pen whenever you’re focusing on something,” he said, furthering your confusion.

“Ok?” You questioned. “So you don’t want to live with me because I tap my pen?” You asked, the man letting out a huff of air as he shook his head, you wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“No,” he spoke in a fragile voice. “I love when you do it. It’s cute and it’s how I know you’ve lost yourself in thought.” His own emotions began taking over as he tightened his jaw.

“What the fuck is happening, what are you saying?” You questioned in frustration, not understanding the point he was attempting to make.

“People say that the small things you love about a person sometimes become the stuff that drive a wedge between you,” he explained, you staring at him in disbelief.

“Seriously?” You questioned, your boyfriend scoffing at your judgmental tone.

“Just forget it,” he dismissed, turning his face away from you to wipe his eyes.

“No, let me get this straight,” you continued, Hoseok looking back at you with a glare. “You think our relationship is so fragile that being locked in a shared living space with me as I’m tapping my pen will be the ruination of us?” You asked him coldly. “That’s what you’re saying?”

“Jesus christ,” he complained, waving you off. “What I’m saying is that I’m scared,” he admitted. “It’s a big change and I’m scared that all the weird little things about me that you love now are going to end up being the things you hate.”

A small sob escaped your lips at the realization that he wasn’t concerned about him falling out of love with you, but rather you losing feelings for him. “Hoseok, do you understand how much I love you?”

“Yes,” he told you as a tear slid down his cheek. “But I also know how fiercely independent you are and I’m worried that with too much time with me, you’ll realize you want less of me,” he told you, revealing the insecurities he had been hiding away.

“But that’s so ridiculous,” you told him, the man shrugging. “Hoseok-” you started just as your phone rang, cutting you off. Your boyfriend looked at the device that sat next to your laptop.

“It’s your work,” he told you, you sighing.

“It can wait,” you told him, Hoseok shaking his head. “No, we’re not done,” you added, your boyfriend holding the phone out to you.

“The job is new, you need to answer this,” he told you, you shaking your head stubbornly. Pressing answer for you, he gestured to the phone, you huffing and cocking your head at him, taking the phone and bringing it to your ear. Sniffling, you greeted your coworker on the other side of the call.

Hoseok walked out of the kitchen, your eyes following his every step, you listening intently as he moved about the apartment. When the shower started, you tried to focus on the call, taking the opportunity to take care of your work while he was occupied. However, you couldn’t care less about the work issue when you knew your boyfriend, who was just feet away, was so scared of you losing feelings for him. Hoseok and his worries consumed every corner of your mind, making you resort to hums and one-word answers to the fellow employee on the phone.

By the time he stepped out of the shower and entered the bedroom, your work call had ended, you instead sitting back at the island as you looked through the photos of the perfect apartment over and over. How could he not know that you’ve pictured your future with the man since your first date? Your love wasn’t so frail that your feelings would just simply go away.

You not so patiently awaited his return to the kitchen to continue the previous discussion, but he never appeared. After about five minutes, you picked the laptop up and made your way to the bedroom, quietly peeking your head inside to find Hoseok underneath he covers in bed, his back turned to the door.

Despite the tension and the leftover frustration, the concern and hurt, you felt nothing but relief in that moment. Watching as his body rose up and down slightly in accordance to the inhales and exhales that entered and left his sleeping frame, you were just thankful that he was there. You always wanted him there.

Stepping into the room, you placed the laptop on your bedside table before crawling under the sheets, and turning toward your lover. You could only see the side of his face, but he looked peaceful as he slept. You were with him. Through all of it, whatever may come. And the knowledge that he questioned that was enough to elicit tears as you draped your arm around his waist, holding yourself tightly to him as you rested your cheek against his shoulder blade, matching the air that entered and left his lungs as he breathed in and out.

The man stirred at your touch, his hand finding yours that rested at the center of his abdomen, his larger one enclosing over yours.

“I don’t know how to assure you, but I’m just so happy you’re here right now,” you told him through your tears, the man immediately turning in your embrace to face you at the sound of your emotions.

“Petal,” he frowned, you hugging him tightly as you buried your face in his chest.

“I love you so much, I need you to feel it,” you cried to him, your boyfriend pressing his lips to the top of your head comfortingly.

“I do,” he promised. “It’s just a big step, I got overwhelmed.”

“I don’t always express myself as much as I should, but I need you to understand that my love for you is the most sincere and intense mix of emotions I’ve ever had the pleasure of feeling and I don’t ever plan on letting you go,” you told him in a surprise verbal confession that neither of you expected to leave your lips. “I love you, Jung Hoseok,” you told him, lifting your face from his chest to look him in the eye, no shame, no embarrassment present. “Thank you for being here,” you told him genuinely. “I always want you here.”

The man leaned his head toward you to press a sweet kiss to your forehead, you leaning into the touch. “I know that,” he whispered against your skin. “I do, I promise I do,” he assured you. “And I don’t want to be anywhere else than right here right now.” You sighed in relief, Hobi’s lips curving into a smile against your head. “Except maybe in our shared apartment,” he added, you giggling lightly at the comment.

“I know it’s overwhelming,” you told him. “I’m nervous for it too, but I’m sure of us.” Hoseok’s smiling lips pressed a few more kisses to your forehead quickly before he pulled away to look at you.

“I am too,” he nodded.

“Good,” you told him with a small smile. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I’m glad you did,” he chuckled.

Inspecting his sleepy features, you brought your hand to his face to run your finger along his cheek purposelessly. “How tired are you?” You asked.

“Why do you ask?” He questioned back, smiling fondly at your smirk.

“Can I show you the apartment?” You asked in a hopeful tone, Hoseok’s grin widening as he sat up quickly, nodding happily.

“Please, I really want to see it,” he told you, you wiggling in excitement before sitting up with him and reaching for the laptop.

“Ok, it’s located perfectly between your studio and my office, and it has a small little deck area, and the floors are hardwood, and omg it has a bathtub,” you ranted on, pulling the computer onto your lap. “Oh and wait until you see this fucking closet it’s mass-” you were cut off by Hoseok placing a finger to your chin, turning you toward him to immediately place his lips to yours, you easily kissing him back.

Your lips worked flawlessly against one another’s, his soft and warm as always. Pulling away from you, he beamed in utter adoration, you grinning shyly. “I really cannot wait to live with you,” he told you.

“Me too,” you agreed simply, back to your short words with big meaning. “And I could never want less of you,” you told him, the man’s gaze softening at your assurance. “Plus,” you added, intriguing your boyfriend. “If I ever get sick of you, I’ll just tell BigHit to send you on a worldwide tour,” you teased, Hoseok playfully scoffing in feigned disbelief.

“You’re so mean,” he joked, kissing your cheek repeatedly, you giggling at the action.

“You’re so obnoxious,” you retorted happily.

“I know,” he grinned, pecking your lips softly. “Now show me this thing,” he told you, gesturing to the laptop.

“Ok,” you turned to the screen, clicking on the first image. “We could have a little garden here,” you told him, “and oh my god, look, we could put a little bed here for Mickey so he can bask in the sun.”

As you went through the photos excitedly, explaining your vision to him, he could see everything vividly. Waking up and walking into the kitchen to see you dancing around to music as the coffee brewed. Cuddling on the couch with you as you both attempted to watch yet another horror movie, only getting five minutes in before you both called it quits, turning on an animated film instead. On the rare days he got home before you, he would cook you dinner at that stovetop and when you came in and greeted him gratefully, you’d sit at the kitchen island and you’d tell each other about your days. On lazy Sundays, he could see you sitting on the deck area reading a book, Mickey in your lap as you read aloud to the little pup.

Every room, every space, he could see your lives happening.

“Can you call the realtor in the morning?” He suddenly asked as you explained the specifications of the apartment.

“You want me to?” You asked, looking toward him, meeting his smile with your own.

“I love it,” he told you, you scrunching your nose before discarding the laptop to the bottom of the bed, promptly crawling onto your boyfriend’s lap as you kissed all around his face in excitement and happiness.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you repeated between kisses, the man giggling as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“I love you so much, Petal,” he replied. “I love our life.”

He truly did. And he loved your future. No matter what it brought, he already loved it. Because it was yours, together.

[lochnessies]

I feel like 3H discourse gets fucked over a bit by people not taking into account that characters will say inaccurate information (without it having to be a plot hole). Perspective is a huge theme in Three Houses and characters are going to make, sometimes, dramatic actions based off that misinformation.

yeah

Like, Dmitri accuses Edelgard of being involved in the Tragedy of Duscur, but, she was like, 12 when that happened. It’s a lot more likely that Edelgard was being experimented on or recovering from experimentation during that point in time considering that the Tragedy happens not long after Edelgard and Dmitri last see each other.

do i think edelgard was involved? nah. it’s one of the few things i genuinely believe her on. however, it isn’t unreasonable for dimitri to think she was somehow involved. i mean, faerghast is pretty standard medieval when it comes down to fighting. was sent to quell rebellions at like 14. that’s really young. and in the middle ages the standard age that boys trained to be nights was at the very least seven (glenn was 15 when he was full on knighted). felix says he learned to fight before he could write his own name and dimitri was already swinging swords at nine. not to mention she was in the kingdom and then not long after she leaves the tragedy happened. so it could also look like she was a spy even if she didn’t set lambert on fire herself.

then there’s the whole shit of her saying nothing. a whole nation gets wiped out and she has no plans to ever vindicate them. hell, even dedue says that her being involved in any way is unacceptable and he’s fucking pissed. is he delusional? is he being irrational and unfair to edelgard? she isn’t the victim here, dedue, his people, the kingdom royals and co. are.

Likewise, Setheth accuses Edelgard of trying to become a false goddess when that’s not even remotely close to her goals.

ok this part right here is the reason that this fucking thing took forever to come out (sorry anon). i have so much to say and i wanted to write it all but i decided to put in my edelgard essay instead. i then waited to post this answer but sadly it’s taking longer to edit than i planned and i feel bad so you’re going to have to wait for this bit. so if you stick around i’ll talk about that in depth in the essay but just know that i disagree with the op very much.

Edelgard makes a ton of false accusations and misconceptions about Rhea. She accuses Rhea of being a power hungry inhumane tyrant who has no regard for life outside her own when that just isn’t remotely accurate.

And then there’s Claude, literally the only major faction leader that cares to uncover the truth and nuances of everyone’s decisions. He’s literally the only faction leader to not act like his version of events is the definitive truth. He acknowledges that he and Edelgard are fighting for similar things: a system overhaul of Fodlan. He also doesn’t oppose the Church because he’s learned enough about it to want to keep it’s institution in place. That’s why he’s the only faction leader that can survive in every route (I’d consider Seteth and Rhea to share the role as Church Leader since Seteth leads the Church Route but Rhea’s the one actually in charge of the Church). Claude is also the only leader that doesn’t make any false claims about other factions. I said a while ago that Claude would make the best ruler and this is why.

ok this is fine

But going back to what I said earlier about discourse, this impacts discourse drastically because people can just pick whichever version of events they prefer and there’s probably a character who claimed it went that way. The plot also doesn’t seek to clarify events one way or the other in any route. So even if you’ve played every route, it’s up to the player to make judgment calls on who’s speaking out of their ass.

except it’s literally not. we are told what routes have correct information from the devs themselves. and unreliable narrators can be proven and disproven when you put their words against everyone else, their actions, and the lore.

Between all the relevant character and plot details the game hides behind supports, endings, and other easily missable content and the fact that no two characters interpret the series of events that happen in the plot the same way (due to coming from various background, being present for some stuff but not others, having different priorities and biases that will cause them to interpret different things in different ways, etc.), no two players are likely going to interpret the events of 3 Houses the same either.

just because two characters interpret the events differently doesn’t mean they’re right. for example, the agarthans think the crest experiments are good but edelgard and lysithea would say otherwise. but you wouldn’t say that twsitd’s perspective is valid just bc they see things differently.

and when i see players trying to excuse some of the most horrific things bc they don’t want their fave war criminal to look bad yes i will judge them. you can like whoever but don’t excuse shit like imperialism and racism and we will be fine.

So, if you want to talk 3H, please acknowledge that none of the characters should be taken solely on their word, especially when describing major things. With the examples I gave earlier of misinformation in the game, it makes sense that Dmitri would place the blame of the Tragedy of Duscur almost entirely on Edelgard because he doesn’t know about the Agarthans or Edelgard’s history with them.

ok but she’s still complicate if nothing else. that’s still terrible. like if she was planning to clear duscur’s name that’s one thing but she isn’t. the only way to do that is to reveal twsitd and we know she doesn’t since it is a shadow war that the people don’t know about since that would reflect badly on her for working with them.

It makes sense that Edelgard has a lot of misconceptions about the Church because once you start completely rewriting and erasing history (and the Church does openly censor literature, which is shown in Claude’s route), any possible “true story” is more likely than the story you’re giving. Alongside that, Edelgard is getting most of her information from the Agarthans and a very private source only accessible to the Imperial Family.

fair but choosing war at like 13 is an extreme jump. maybe wait till your brain fully develops and you have a better picture of the world around you

It makes sense that Seteth might assume that Edelgard is trying to become a false god because he’s been helping lead a religion based on lies for centuries.

she is. also the religion isn’t based off of lies. sothis exists. she’s in your head. a few details were changed to hide nabateans from a red canyon massacre 2.0. however, the values are the same. also he came to the monastery 20 years ago not centuries.

When you’re trying to understand some part of Three Houses, you have to think about where that information came from, what factors might be biasing that information, and that there might be some detail that shines a new light on that information somewhere else in the game that you’re missing. And that’s generally a good philosophy to have when processing any information.

yeah

That’s something I like about Three Houses. I like how you have to sort through a ton of biases and misinformation within the game to understand the story. If you let your own biases get away from you too much, you’re going to miss the larger picture. The game let’s you know exactly where everyone is coming from in some way and (almost) everyone is given a sympathetic eye in at least one route. And (almost) everyone is viewed as irredeemable in at least one route.

the only people who are portrayed as irredeemable are edelgard and rhea (and maybe dimitri if you count edel’s contempt for him in cf).

[prettyflyshyguy]

Read some stuff on twitter regarding webcomics. It was from an artist whos webcomic I read on and off (bad attention span problems 😔) talking and promoting another webcomic artists’s comic, which now has its own website on which its being hosted.

The key takeaway from that long and rambled mess is: this webcomic, now being hosted on its own site, has non-censored pages. The pages in question advertised as being non censored had (can’t believe I’m about to type this) ‘male presenting’ nipples/chests and a bit of ass. It was a bathhouse scene. Pretty casual, like life-drawing level nudity. Not sexually presented.

Anyway here’s the thread that crossed my twitter sphere, and some words by the artist I follow that shook me to my core (in a reply to their original tweet promoting the comic in the retweet. Sorry, convoluted.)

It’s fucking terrifying, to be honest. Gonna ramble about it a bit bellow.

Now as some of you may have realised, I’ve straight said “fuck it” this year and I’ve unleashed myself from my own mental shackles. I drew the booby shirt cut meme and I’m halfway through a 2nd version with one of my personal characters who is a woman in possession of moderately ample bosom. I don’t care anymore. For a very long time I actively avoided drawing anything of that nature even if it was just cheeky, not even spicy, just like, a pec, or a bit of cleavage. Like normal shit you’d see at the beach. Normal average people shit.

It’s kind of terrifying looking at those comic pages and seeing just like, a topless character with pecs being labelled as “too spicy”. And I want to clarify, this is not a dig at the artist, this is a dig at the current trajectory of the internet and corporate intervention and control.

The irony of me posting this on tumblr, is not lost on me either. 

One of my friends jumped on this over the last couple years and really dug into building her own website, with an inbuild blog. To actively avoid spaces like tumblr, in which you really don’t have any control over what they deem to be inappropriate or against their TOS all of a sudden. 

I could wake up tomorrow and tumblr could straight up say “Shy you turning Leon Kennedy into a little chitin freak is directly against our new TOS, specifically stating you can’t turn a character into a little chitin freak. Banned and all posts removed.”

And there is NOTHING I could do about that except for complain on twitter, because tumblr is a private entity and they are allowed to do that if they want to, even if its a stupid idea for whatever reason.

But more directly relevant, and a situation that is real and isn't a stupid idea; a lot of sites seem to be really pivoting away from letting you post any kind of image of the human body without clothes on in any context, without you being shadowbanned or your post limited in its outreach or just forcing you to censor something innocuous. 

And that scares me not only because I’m suddenly allowing myself to draw a titty and post it online, but because I want to make a webcomic one day that involves nudity. Normal human vulnerability nudity.

I want to have nudity in my story because it can be nuanced, it can help express something, because our bodies are a normal part of our lives. Because its scary to think that both the celebration of bodies as something to be desired, and the presentation of bodies as being something normal and to be accepted as that, are both concepts that big corps seem to be trying to crush.

I may not want to have nudity in a way that exists for fanservice in my comic, but its still something I desire to draw, here and there. And it terrifies me that this is being cut back and restricted more and more for other creators. 

anyway the long and short of it is; i’m probably going to invest whatever I need into making my own website too. And when the time comes, my own website for my comic if I do make it. Seems like a smart idea overall just to ensure I’m free of any shackles of corporate whims and I can make whatever I want, how I want.

[lesbian-deadpool]

Take A Slice

Part Six: WARNING! BULLSHIT INSIDE!

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,761

Warnings: Blackmail, a bit of angst??, some self hate, talks of drugs, aftermath of violence, talks of cheating.

Summary: It just keeps getting worse and worse.

A/N: Bold and italics = Text Messages.

Ko-Fi

(Not My GIF)

***

You were out of it. Completely and entirely, out of it.

The soft feeling of the red-heads plump, strawberry and sugar flavoured lips, pressing against the side of your neck. Her hand, trailing up your sides, pushing and pulling at your shirt. With Natasha humming against you gently, it vibrating into your throat, as she ground against your hips underneath her.

And yet.

Even with all that she was gifting you with, you still weren't able to focus on any of it.

"What's up with you?" Natasha asked, her red lipstick smudged, and probably all over your neck, too.

"Hmm?"

"You're out of it. What's running through that head of yours?"

"Oh." Shit. "It's nothing. Just a little distracted, is all."

"I see that." She took your jaw between her hands, soothingly rubbing her thumbs into your skin. As she gazed down at you with soft eyes. "Anything I can help with?"

God, she was too good to you. Too good for you.

And you had to bring this bullshit into her life. Sometimes you wished that you had never stepped foot in her class, that way this, could have all been avoided. And all because of those fucking texts you got, two weeks ago.

You had to tell her.

You had too.

"Nope." You shook your head.

You suck.

"You sure?" Natasha asked, a humoured smile overtaking her face, "You still having trouble spelling, 'Nietzsche'?"

"His name sucks, okay?!" you exclaimed, making laughter bellow out of Natasha.

You watched her with soft eyes, you adored her laugh. Adored her everything, really. Her hair, falling over her shoulders, the sun shining through the windows, causing the red strands to glow. Summer had just sprung, almost as if it came to chase the girl in your arms.

You were playing a dangerous game.

But, you knew that from the start.

Now, though? Now? It was more dangerous than before.

Because now you were falling for her.

And that was not going to lead to anything good.

Not with all that is happening.

"His name is hard to spell," Natasha agreed breathlessly, with a small nod.

Dread filled you when your phone suddenly buzzed beside you.

Remember what I said.

Natasha noticed the anxiety flood into you, she was worried about you, never seeing you like this. Staring at your phone with fear-filled eyes.

Lucky for you though, she was unable to read any of the messages that had been sent to you.

Nor the next one's that came through.

You know when and where.

Do. Not. Be. Late.

You inhaled sharply, eyes finally finding Natasha's worried ones when you spoke.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

"What? Why?" she asked, having to move off of you before you ended up pushing her off of you.

"Y/N? Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Just-" Quick think of a lie! "-Wade reminded me about a test we both have tomorrow. And I haven't studied for it at all."

Natasha got up with a chuckle, moving to place her hands upon your chest.

"You have always been on top of your studies, haven't you?"

You shrugged, too busy pulling on your socks and shoes, whilst trying to locate your jacket. You were going to need it tonight when it was chilly.

"Hey," Natasha soothed, "Don't worry so much. Why don't you stay here? I'll help you study. I'll even reward you every time you get a question right."

You groaned internally.

Why did she have to go and say shit like that?

"I'm sorry, babe. I'd love that. I really would," you pressed as if to make her understand how much you were telling the truth, as you pulled her in by her hip, "But I promised Wade, we would study together. He's worse at this class than I am."

She laughed breathlessly.

"You two really are the dynamic duo, aren't you?"

It was quiet for a moment, as you moved away from her. Ready to head out of her apartment, when she continued.

"You could always bring him, too."

"What?!" You span around to face her.

"Obviously the "rewards" would be off the table, then. But I would love to meet your friends. At least your best friend. I want to be in your life like people in more normal relationship's do. As long as they keep the secret."

Why was she so fucking perfect.

"But Nat, you've already met Wade, remember?"

She licked her lips with a smile. Memories of that morning, and what lead up to it, flashing through her mind.

"Of course, I remember. I meant I would like to get to know him."

"God. You are perfect." You walked up to her, pulling her into a passionate, love-filled kiss. "I'll set something up later. He'll probably want to play some video games with you."

"Fine by me. I'll kick his ass."

"I'm sure you will, honey." With a peck on her forehead, you turned, grabbing your jacket, calling over your shoulder as you left, "I'll see you soon."

"Good luck."

She didn't know how much you needed it.

***

Rumlow.

That fucker.

He was the one doing all of this to you. Blackmailing you. Forcing you to pick up and drop off drugs, like a fucking mule.

And there wasn't even a reason you could think of as to why he was doing it. Other than "he could".

The only reason you found out was, thanks to the guy you were dropping the drugs off too, was really chatty. And wouldn't keep his mouth shut about anything. That, sadly, included every intimate detail about his sex life.

But at least now, you could put a face to the messages.

And somebody to confront.

"Why?"

""Why" what?" you ask back. Hissing as the alcohol-soaked cotton wool ball pressed against the cut on your lip.

The itch for a smoke rattled throughout your body, hands almost shaking in your state. But you had told Natasha that you would try and cut down smoking for her, and God damn if you were, unbeknown to her, bringing this shit into her life, you could at least do this for her.

"Why did you get into a fight with Rumlow?" Wade clarified.

You took the few moments he gave you as he reached into the first aid kit to think over your answer. You debated on whether or not you should tell him the truth. After all, you hadn't even told Natasha as of yet.

But you just couldn't keep it to yourself anymore.

"He's blackmailing me."

Wade dropped the haemorrhoid cream for your black eye onto the floor, his shocked face snapping to face yours, that was still void of emotion.

"What? What do you mean that bastard's blackmailing you? What with?!"

"I'm a fucking idiot," you hissed at yourself, tears springing into your eyes. Elbows resting on your knees, as your head came to lay in the palms of your hands, "It was my idea."

"What was?" He placed a hand upon your shoulder, stood before where you sat on the kitchen worktop.

"I filmed up having sex. Nat agreed to it. But fuck, if I hadn't of brought it up..."

"Hey! Don't do that," he told you firmly, "It's not your fault that someone is using your private life against you."

You didn't reply to him. Your jaw only ticking, as you shook your head. Still kicking yourself for it.

"Does she know?"

"No," your voice was raw as you thought about your girlfriend. Your perfect girlfriend. Who didn't deserve any of this.

"You need to tell her."

"I know... I just- I just wanted to sort it out, before I ever had too. But now, that's not gonna happen."

"Because you kicked his ass? You did kick his ass, right?"

You smiled, wincing at the pain your split lip caused you.

"Hell yeah, I did." Flinching slightly, as Wade began rubbing the cream onto your bruised eye. "But no. It's not because I kicked his ass. Although that might be part of it now... he was never gonna let it end. He just wanted me to be his lapdog for a while, then run me outta Dodge."

"Lapdog how?"

You shuck your head. "I was basically his drug mule."

"Y/N-"

"It was only hookie weed, but still. I'm sure he's into funkier stuff. He was talking about cocaine with someone on the phone when I confronted him."

"And yet, you didn't share with me," he joked. It was the only thing he really could do before he sighed sadly, "He wanted you out of town?"

You nod.

"Why?"

"No idea. He just yelled at me after our fight, that he wants me outa here. That's all her was blackmailing me for. But, my best guess is that he thought he could "get some use" out of me, before then.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea. I can't let Natasha lose her job over this shit, man. She loves teaching. Said that it was all she's ever wanted to do."

"Talk to her."

"Yeah, I will soon. I just- Is it so bad that I wanna live in denial, and just be happy with her, for a little while longer?"

"No." Wade shook his head. "You're just in love."

You hummed in agreement. You seriously couldn't believe how fast you fell for that woman.

"Since when did you become so wise?"

"I've always been wise, fuck you for not seeing it."

You were incredibly lucky to have a friend like Wade Wilson. You just hoped you didn't have to leave the people you cared about behind.

Only time would tell.

But first.

First, you had to talk to Natasha.

A small smile was pulled upon your face, while you watched your best friend and roommate walk away with the first aid kit, to return it to its place in the bathroom.

Then something you came to dread happened.

Your phone vibrated.

Pack your bags and move out of the fucking state. Or I post your precious video onto the school's website.

Homepage, baby!

Bet she'd look real good up there.

Maybe there will be a porn future for her after she gets fired.

This will teach you for fucking my girlfriend.

Well, shit.

***

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[fairymint]

There is perhaps, a reason both meta and ic, that overall, Volo here has multiple routes. Possibilities, so to speak. He himself is wildly....indecisive, due to having ADHD, which Felix (muse, mun) shares. Moreover that he’s probably considered all of the paths, and the one he takes for the current thread verse is the path that he chooses to walk....for whatever reason. His ultimate goals remain the same....at least in the abstract. He never loses. point out what you will, but he will make excuses, adapt, or even....’accept’ some things, but mind you that he is still persistent and to be dealt with. He will never come close to seeing himself as ‘the villain who gave up and turned hero.’ Regret doesn’t suit him, only remorse. He feels guilty, but he is not sorry. Big difference there.

So, how he’d feel about other Volos of course would depend on exact timeline and circumstances; I write the canon ‘loss’, and the win.

You could really say that he takes ownership of what he does.

The short version of his God Verse is that he is on his worst behaviour because nothing goes wrong for him in that one. He gets endless little successes, positive feedback for all that he’s doing....justified....and absolutely no discipline. The only thing that may not go his way is hypothetically people treating him worse; his self-defence is legitimized, his plan works all through, he even gets to win against the protag/Felix. (and poor Felix indeed, who gets kidnapped at bare minimum. It gets worse from there, best worst case scenario.), and win against Arceus’s Fragment, in a way. Everything happens the way he planned...though, after such a remake of the world, it’s still not.....infallible, or perfect. Things do start to go wrong, but the guy gets a long-ass time of intial high to keep him riding.

Now as for the good verse, the canon end....that is a bit more complicated. I obviously need to plot outcome shit. But as I’ve slowly come to realize, to my own confusion, that......Volo is not so much forced to pick this end, it’s actually not likely. It’s more that he chooses it. His motivations could vary wildly, which is where the questions start; this probably depends even on ship verse. Because.....presumably........he changes gears. Decides for himself, that this is better???? than what he was doing??? Godverse could reasonably stretch for a long, long time of opportunity post canon, I do realize, as he only needs to win against Arceus once. But. presume he doesn’t go with that, and lets the timeline continue. Why????

I’m going to jokingly say that this muse here is too busy being bisexual to be the Most Volo. (just kidding, that is an awful kind of thing to say;;;)

But, while I did set up the idea of ‘lol Volo PVP’ in the starter I wrote, there’s actually a reason outside of paranoia that I didn’t clarify ‘spoiler’ wise, he doesn’t just ‘hate’ other Volos for just the sake of it, mistrust (although there is a bit of that, too.) His first theory and concern is that he’s interacting with himself from another point in the timeline- that he might fuck himself up. Perhaps his duplicate would spoil something yet to be known, or be blissfully unaware of what he knows- He’s scared of his past and future self. If it is established that this is indeed ‘another’ Volo, not of he persé....then yes, he clings jealously to his world. If their views are different, they may try to take what’s rightfully his, after all. From the new world thing, down to...his people. Yes, he hates them, but they are his people. To play with, mostly, as prey and clay like a cat with a mouse, or, To Keep, for those more worthy, they should consider themselves very lucky.

However! muse wise and such, his default motivations are probably.....his children and s/o. Definitely a theme I write often, but Volo here does have storywise and IC stakes on this. I do think something like his blood, and their future perhaps, could be powerful enough to make him switch gears, that seems to be what he’s giving me for the most part. Perhaps even positive feelings with the protagonist, but of course this all comes with a catch.

It is less ‘guess i won’t be god anymore haha i am just a man’, than Fine, Sure, Yes, I will be the ‘god’ of this world instead. His devotion doesn’t come buckling, it comes with conditions.  Exact scenario tbh, can vary even with the same muses involved- this is where I can trip up with this shipping wise. So many potential first confessions, revelations, and milestones hit in different ways, with how their paths happen to cross.

Basically, even ‘good guy Volo’ is domineering, makes demands, takes the reins. He’s the one who changed his mind, nobody else. The man will deny any sense of agency for the influences that he gets from others, it’s his idea. Even if it’s ‘just’ because he likes somebody, be it Arceus themself, the protag, his s/o, and more.