#sorry I've been spacing these out. I've been trying to compensate by writing longer chapters :')

[ravendruid]

Be In My Eyes - Chapter 18

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Check out the outfit inspiration boards here. Summary: With midterms week coming to an end, it's time to sit back, relax, clean some wounds—mostly emotional—and party!

Keyleth glanced at the clock strategically placed above the whiteboard in the classroom. Bile clawed its way up her esophagus and onto her throat as she realized she had less than five minutes until the end of the exam, and she still had two questions left. She tried to focus on the question she was working on, but the more she read it, the emptier her brain felt. Until, at last, the dreadful cough ensuing from the professor two rows down called her attention.

“Pens down.”

Keyleth tried to control her breathing as she lowered her pen and closed her exam, the blank space of the last two questions taunting her. Her heart started racing, and she stared at the paper in front of her with wide, unfocused eyes. Keyleth tuned out of her surroundings, not paying attention to the rustling of her classmates packing and leaving nor the blur of her professor taking away her unfinished exam. This was one of the most important subjects of her degree, and because of that, the professor had made it clear at the beginning of the year that finals would be worth 60% of their final grade while midterms would take 30% of it. Having a bad grade on the midterm could drastically lower Keyleth’s final grade if she didn’t raise it by finals.

“Miss Ashari?” The professor called her, gently touching her shoulder.

Keyleth looked up at the middle-aged man, the wrinkles around his soft, concerned brown eyes were more prominent at such a close distance. 

“Y—yes?” Her voice was low, barely louder than a whisper, and wavering.

“Is everything alright?”

Professor Uriel was not only one of the oldest professors in the Biology department of the University of Emon, but was also a descendant of its founder. While such a high status could turn the man into a power-hungry narcissist, Professor Uriel was one of the kindest teachers Keyleth had, going as far as to bother remembering his students’ names.

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth mumbled, embarrassed. “I’m afraid I wasn’t able to complete my exam.”

“Ah.” Professor Uriel smiled kindly, the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes shifting with it. “Do not worry about that, Miss Ashari. I have faith that you can still get a high grade. You are, after all, the best student in this class, are you not?”

Keyleth’s face reddened. She did put an immense amount of hours into her homework and assignments, and she tried to participate as much as her anxiety allowed her, but she would never call herself the best student in the class. 

“Let’s find out first what your grade was, and then we can discuss if there is a need for extra assignments to bring it up. Does that sound good to you?”

“Y—yes, that would be… Thank you, Professor,” Keyleth gave the man a hopeful smile before she started packing her things. 

It was already fully dark out when she left the teaching building, but Keyleth tried to not let the feeling of unease take over her. She was still slightly anxious about her exam, and walking alone at night didn’t help much. On a different occasion, she would have called Vax and asked him to stay on the phone with her until she got back to Greyskull, but he was still not talking to her. 

Keyleth started wondering if maybe it was her fault. Had she done something to upset him? Perhaps if she had tried to be less clingy, he wouldn’t be mad at her, or maybe if she had tried to be better, he would still be talking to her. Was there a point in even thinking about it anymore? It had been almost a week since their last conversation on the way home from the bar, and Vax didn’t seem any closer to resuming their friendship. Would it be best for Keyleth to forget about it and move on? 

Keyleth’s thoughts got interrupted by her phone vibrating in her pocket. A picture of Vex’ahlia and Trinket hugging in their bedroom showed on the screen, and Keyleth answered the call with a frown.

“Hi, Vex. Is everything okay?”

“Keyleth!” Vex cheered giddily on the other side of the line, immediately followed by an also cheerful Pike, giving Keyleth the impression that they both had already started drinking. “Where are you?”

“On my way home. I just finished my last exam.”

“We’re going out tonight to celebrate. Will you please come with us, darling? Pretty please,” Vex begged, shadowed by Pike in the background.

“Alright, but just us girls. Is that okay?” Keyleth bit her lip, hoping Vex was too tipsy to consider the reason for her request.

“Sure. No stinky boys tonight. Did you hear that, brother?”

Keyleth’s heart fell to her stomach. Vax was with his sister, and while she might have been too drunk to not add up the math, Vax wouldn’t be. He would surely figure out right away the reason for Keyleth’s request. Did it really matter, though? Did she care about how Vax felt for being left behind while the girls went out to have fun? The answer was an easy yes, because no matter what Keyleth told herself—or forced herself to believe—Vax’s sadness still made her heart ache.

“Well,” Pike’s voice got closer, and Keyleth heard shuffling on the other side. When she spoke again, the shorter girl’s voice was louder, “We’re going to have dinner first, then we’re going to Glorious. A girls’ night.” She offered. 

“Sounds good to me,” Keyleth answered, relaxing her shoulders as she saw the lights of Greyskull on the other side of the road. “I’m almost home. I just need to shower and get ready.”

“I have a dress for you, Keyleth,” Vex replied behind Pike.

“O—okay?” Keyleth was scared because she had seen Vex’s dresses before, and most of them were not something Keyleth could see herself wearing, but she gave her friend the benefit of the doubt and accepted the offer. 

Vex’ahlia and Pike were both waiting for Keyleth when she walked in, Pike holding a shot glass and Vex two. Vax was sitting on the armchair closest to the TV—Keyleth’s unofficially assigned armchair—with an open book on his lap. He didn’t even try to conceal the amusement on his face as his sister and their roommate loudly cheered Keyleth’s return home and promptly handed her a drink. Quite the opposite. His smile towards Keyleth was softer than she had seen him look at her that week, suddenly setting the embers in her navel ablaze. 

“Come on, let’s get ready,” Vex dragged Keyleth behind her to their room, where she started digging through her closet.

“Go ahead and shower first,” Pike instructed Keyleth as she, too, dug through her wardrobe. Keyleth obeyed, not wanting to burst her roommates’ bubble of happiness. 

Keyleth showered quickly, wanting to free the bathroom for the other two as fast as possible. She was still getting used to sharing her space with others, a habit she didn’t have due to being an only child and having lived most of her life with only her dad. While Vex and Pike were comfortable with anyone walking in the bathroom while they showered, Keyleth wasn’t. It had taken her a few weeks to even become comfortable with the idea of changing clothes in front of her roommates, which she had only started doing after Vex rolled her eyes at Keyleth and reminded her they all had the same body parts and that she didn’t have anything Vex hadn’t seen before. Sometimes Keyleth felt guilty for taking over the bathroom when the other two needed to get ready. But thankfully, they had fallen into a natural schedule where Pike and Vex would make up for any lost time by getting ready together.

“I have this dress for you,” Vex said as soon as Keyleth walked out of the bathroom, fully wrapped in a towel. She was holding a hanger with a black dress that already looked too short on her friend.

“I have dresses, too, you know?” Keyleth moved aside, allowing Pike in. Vex cocked an eyebrow, but Keyleth ignored her, opening her wardrobe and looking through her hanging dresses. She found the one she was looking for and pulled it out, showing it to Vex, who gave her an approving look.

“You’re full of surprises, Keyleth. I never thought you would have a dress that short.” Vex smiled, putting her dress back in her closet.

Keyleth blushed at that. She wasn’t sure if Vex was complimenting or mocking her, so she opted not to say anything. Although, in her defense, that was the shortest dress Keyleth owned and one she had never worn before. She had been saving it for a special occasion, and she figured it was either that or having to wear Vex’s dress, which was way shorter than the one she owned. 

“Hey, Pike,” Vex called loudly as she opened the bathroom door. Keyleth saw her browse her make-up kit, unbothered by the fact that her roommate was in the middle of a shower. “How much do you two want to bet the boys are going to show up at Gilmore’s to check on us?” 

“They better not,” Pike replied, her head peeking out of the curtain. “I will kick them out of the bar if they do.”

Keyleth and Vex both laughed at their friend. For such a short girl, Pike had the courage of a giant.

—

Vax’ildan stretched out on the armchair, setting his book on the small side table. It felt wrong to enjoy the comfort of the plush green pillow behind his back, the one Keyleth had bought specifically for this chair. It felt even worse to be sitting on it, enjoying the view of the entire living area and kitchen, the proximity to the bookshelf, growing fuller every week, and the soft lamp in the corner behind the armchair that provided just the right amount of lighting to read. It felt wrong because this was Keyleth’s spot—everyone at the apartment knew that—and Vax, more than anyone, was undeserving of such comforts after being a complete dick to his best friend all week.

Staying away from Keyleth had cost Vax more than he wanted to admit to himself, both emotionally and physically. Gilmore, who Vax learned had no trouble speaking the truth, even if it hurt his friends, had drilled into him all week about how he was screwing this up badly with Keyleth by being so distant, not helping with the overwhelming guilt he already felt. Almost worse than the guilt were Vex’ahlia’s piercing stares whenever Vax joined the girls to study. It had confused him, of course. Vex had been nagging him to leave his bedroom since classes started, and now that he did, he felt like she almost wanted to kill him for that. It’s not that he didn’t know why. Vax wasn’t dumb. What confused him the most was that the last time he talked to his sister about the subject, she was hellbent on pushing him away from Keyleth. If anything, Vax thought his sister would be happy with their distancing, but she had proven him wrong. 

There was no use in crying over spilled milk. Vax had made a conscious decision and had stuck to it. As much as it hurt him, there was no turning back. Or at least that’s what he thought before Pike sought him earlier that afternoon. The worshipper of the Everlight—of all gods, it had to be a disciple of the goddess of redemption—had come bearing good news and a second chance, which Vax was going to hold on too tightly and try not to ruin everything. That’s why his heart broke when Vex informed him no boys were allowed to go out with the girls that night. Ever since he heard his sister and Pike scheming to get Keyleth out of the house to celebrate, Vax hoped to take the chance to enact his redemption, but Keyleth had other plans. 

Vax had run multiple scenarios in his mind on how he would approach Keyleth to apologize, to justify his behavior, but none of them seemed good enough. She deserved much better than him. No matter what Pike told him, Vax wouldn’t take anything for real until he heard it from Keyleth’s lips. He knew he had to make sure everything was perfect, no matter what his plan was. He was ready to work hard for Keyleth’s forgiveness.

What Vax wasn’t ready for, though, was the sight in front of him as, one after the other, the girls walked into the living room. 

Pike walked in first. She wore a light blue mini dress with a low-cut square neckline, see-through chiffon sleeves and skirt, and white heels that made her barely taller than five feet. Her pale blonde hair was loosely curled down to her shoulders with two intertwined pieces on each side of her head meeting at the back, and she was wearing a golden necklace with the symbol of the Everlight. Her make-up was also done perfectly in shades of gold and light blue eyeshadow—Vax recognized his sister’s signature smoky style—and soft pink lipstick. There was no denying: Pike was as beautiful as she was intelligent, thus emphasizing even further why Scanlan was so infatuated with her. 

Vex’ahlia was right behind Pike, the height difference clearly noticeable as they chatted with each other. Vax had long gotten used to his sister’s fashion style, but it still bothered him sometimes how she would bare herself so much. Vex wore black shorts and a sheer black shirt with embroidered roses with what looked like a white lace bodysuit underneath. She carried a pair of worn-out and cheap combat-style boots—the off-brand pair she bought to match Vax’s. Her hair, much like Pike’s, was also loosely curled down to her shoulder blades with two interlocked pieces on each side that met at the back, and her make-up consisted of her signature smoky eyeshadow in gold and black and sharp eyeliner. Vax noticed she was also wearing the silver bear necklace and the golden ‘V’ pendant he had given a few years back. No matter how much of a hard-ass Vex was to him, it comforted him to know she still wanted him close, even when he wasn’t physically able to be near her.

“Oh, hi, brother.” Vex greeted him, setting her shoes behind the couch and shooing Trinket so she could sit.

“You two look very beautiful. Although, Vex’ahlia, you—”

“Oh, don’t you even start, Vax.” She admonished him with a piercing look.

“Wait until you see Keyleth,” Pike said with a knowing look as she sat next to Vex on the couch.

The girls chatted happily for five minutes, and for five minutes, Vax tried to gather the chaos of thoughts in his mind, praying to whichever gods were listening that they would give him the strength to not act like a fool. It seemed like the gods weren’t listening, though, because as soon as Keyleth walked into the living room, absent-mindedly searching for something in her purse, Vax’s jaw dropped, and all blood rushed from his brain.

Keyleth was wearing a forest green mini dress—Vax had never seen her wear anything that short—with colorful flowers, a low-cut square neckline, and sheer sleeves. Her long red hair was curled down to the entire length of her back, with braids on each side of her head that were fastened by a small green bow in the back—now it was obvious to him that she had done the other girls’ hair, too, since they were all matching. She was wearing Vex’s heels again, the ones that made her almost as tall as Grog, and had a golden leaf pendant around her neck. 

“Finally,” Vex’ahlia muttered, standing to her feet. Keyleth looked at her friends apologetically before her gaze fell on Vax’s still awestruck expression. 

Vax was glad he was still sitting on her armchair because he would have fallen to his ass from the look Keyleth gave him. She had a different shine to her eyes. Maybe it was from the smoky gold and green eyeshadow, or perhaps the sharp eyeliner—Vex’ahlia had for sure been in charge of the girls’ make-up—but something about Keyleth’s look made his entire body numb.

Even worse than Vax not feeling anything was the fact that he also didn’t realize that all three girls were staring at him: Vex and Pike in amusement at his bewildered expression, and Keyleth with an increasing blush in her cheeks. In his defense, though, Keyleth was beautiful.

“Brother,” Vex’ahlia approached Vax, slapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. That seemed to break the hold on him, and Vax shifted his attention to his sister. “We’re going to leave now. Don’t even think about following us, alright? We’ll be fine.”

“Uhm… y—yeah. Sure.”

Vex shook her head as she stepped away from him, joining Pike and Keyleth by the door, who were putting on their jackets. Keyleth allowed the other two to leave before her, holding back and looking at Vax again. Her body shuffled awkwardly at the door as she bit her lower lip in discomfort, and for a moment, Vax could swear Keyleth was waiting for him to ask her to stay. Gods above. Vax wanted to ask her to stay home with him so badly, but just as quick as the thought crossed their minds, it vanished into the unknown, and Keyleth left—not before giving him a soft smile, unable to hide the sadness in her eyes.

It took Vax a lot of strength and self-control not to chase her down the hall, to heed his sister’s words, and not follow them to the restaurant and the bar. After such a long and exhausting week, all that strength seemed to deplete his resources, and Vax was barely able to drag himself to his bed, much to Percival’s surprise, who had been quietly sketching out something at his desk. He had no more energy to change his clothes, so he allowed himself to flop onto the mattress with a soft thud and closed his eyes. His heart ached again as the small flame of hope slowly extinguished itself.

Keyleth would never love him, no matter what Pike said. Vax hadn’t been good enough for her a month ago, and he wasn’t good enough for her now, after all the pain he put her through. Again, he wasn’t dumb. Vax knew very well that Keyleth had asked for a girls’ night because she wanted to be away from him. Could he blame her, though? Keyleth had all the right to be mad at him. Even though it hurt him, Vax felt he had no energy left to fight for her—for them.

The last image that crossed Vax’s mind as sleep took over his conscience was Keyleth’s smile whenever she saw him walk into a room. He loved her smile so much. She had shined so bright in his life, and he ruined everything, dragging himself back to darkness again. He was all alone again, as he should be. Someone like him didn’t deserve to be loved by someone so kind and pure as Keyleth.