#soon enough my own studio and kiln will be up and running and i could make more of these

[kanonsarchivedblog]

Nightmares

Word Count: 1425 Warnings: None Genre: Angst Characters: Deidara, Hidan, Kurotsuchi Author's Note: Deidara suffers from PTSD, which presents itself in the form of nightmares and night terrors. Also, Deidara uses they/them pronouns. If you don't like that, please just scroll away. This was inpsired by Lauren Babic's cover of Lovely. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ “Deidara!” Kurotsuchi called, nearly tripping over her feet as she chased after the blonde. “Get back here!”

“Catch me first!” The thirteen year old cackled, grinning as they ducked behind a large boulder, panting softly from sprinting through the crowds. Graduation; Kurotsuchi finally became a chuunin, two years after they had. She was their kohai, their student- she would be learning beneath them and the guidance of their Tsuchikage. Next year, they’d be able to apply to become a jounin. The mere idea had them giddy, had their heart skipping a beat. An official Iwagakure jounin!

The sound of footsteps had them turning, eyes widening in surprise as they stared at three figures, the landscape around them changing. Wait. No, no, this was wrong. This wasn’t the Tsuchikage memorial they’d been hiding behind. This was-

This was the studio they’d created, that had been gifted to them to perfect their art. No, no! Not again, they didn't want to go through this again! The kiln behind them crackled, hot against their back. “Akatsuki?” They asked, brow furrowing in confusion. The strange cloaks they were weren’t fit for Iwagakure’s weather, they noted. “Don’t know, don’t care! It has nothing to do with me.” The fifteen year old declared, gaze drifting back down to the clay spider they were molding. “The only thing I wish to do is continue making my art, hm.”

“Sure, he seems like he’s full of energy,” the one in the puppet- Sasori. That was Sasori! “But he seems like the type to die young,” he finishes, gaze directed upwards towards Itachi. Uchiha Itachi- and Hoshigaki Kisame. They were the ones who brought them in.

Not again, please, not again! They tried to scream, to force their voice out, to plead and beg, but nothing changed. The cocky attitude remained. “Just who the hell are you anyway?” They asked, apprehension coloring their words.

“We know you’re aiding anti-government factions,” Kisame began, head tilting as he studied the blonde. “We’re here to give you a purpose.”

“Purpose?” Deidara scoffed. “I don’t need a purpose!”

“Alright,” Itachi murmurs, shaking his head, “that’s enough. I’ll handle this.”

No, no, no- not again, not again! Deidara panicked, their heart racing as Itachi approached, the tomoe spinning in his gaze. Please, not again!

“NO-” Deidara yelled, jolting up in their bed, chest heaving as the memories of their dream began to drift away. Another nightmare. Their gaze frantically searched the dark room, lit only by the light that spilled in through their window of one of the many neon signs that could be found throughout Amegakure. “Just a dream,” they murmured, reaching up to scrub at their eyes. “A dream.” But it wasn’t a dream. They weren’t in Iwagakure.

They were in Amegakure, in a damned tower with a Buddha’s head that sat atop it, in a village that rained endlessly. No, they weren’t home. A shuddering breath is drawn in as they draw their legs to their chest- a flat chest, one that felt right. Comfortable. A year had passed since that surgery had taken place, the scars fully healed.

Their eyes filled with tears as the adrenaline began to wane, the same moment the door opened. Head snapping up, wide blue eyes studied the figure in the door- tall. Not Sasori. No black tomoe on red irises shining in the dark light. Instead, it was lilac eyes and silver hair. Hidan. “Another nightmare?” He asked, voice gruff from sleep.

That’s right- his room was below Deidara’s. Of course he’d have heard them yell. “Sorry,” they mumbled, shaking their head as Hidan steps in, closing the door behind himself. “They’re coming more often.”

“Well,” Hidan hummed, coming to the other side of the bed,”’s close to when you were brought in, yeah?” He asked as he settled down, making himself comfortable in the pile of blankets and pillows and- was that a stuffed spider?- that made up Deidara’s bed. This wasn’t the first time.

It wouldn’t be the last.

A sigh that devolved into a whimper escaped Deidara as they nodded, face in their hands. “I didn’t want this,” they whispered, voice catching. “I never wanted this. I wanted to be good. I wanted to do good. I never intended on joining, or even on leaving Iwa. I had to run. I had to. Until I could master this,” they motioned with their hands, voice unsteady as tears began to roll freely down flushed cheeks. Pretty, Hidan thought distantly. “I was a threat. I already had this stupid fucking kekkei genkai, and coupled with the- the forbidden jutsu, I was dangerous. But I was good, Hidan. I was a good fucking person!” They yelled, slamming a fist down against their own thigh, hard enough to make Hidan grimace in pain. “I worked for my village and I had a student and now? Now, I’m a fucking S-Class to be killed on the spot. I’m only eighteen, and I’m known all across the fuckin’ nations for doing something that I never wanted to be a part of in the first place.”

Hidan’s brow furrowed inward, a hand reaching out to grasp onto Deidara’s arm, tugging them down gently to lay with him. No words were exchanged as Deidara curled in against him, their sobs soft, muffled by the back of their own hand, the fight in them extinguished just as quickly as it appeared. He could only imagine the pain that had come with Deidara’s borderline kidnapping. He’d heard some details from Sasori himself, a few from Kisame.

Itachi never spoke of it, as if he were ashamed of what he’d done. And he should be.

“One day,” Deidara whispered, breath hot against Hidan’s neck. “ One day, I’ll make it out of here. Even if it takes a hundred years,” their voice is filled with a conviction that surprises Hidan.

His arm tightens around them, holding them closer. “One day, you will,” he agrees, though he isn’t sure what he truly is agreeing with. “Go back to sleep.” It wasn’t even dawn yet, too early to rise and do anything. “I’ll stay. Just go the fuck back to sleep.” When he gets no response from Deidara, he pulls back a touch to glance down- only to find the blonde explosion expert sound asleep, brow still furrowed but otherwise calm. Their face was still wet with tears.

Carefully, he reached up, drying the tears with the edge of one of Deidara’s blankets. They were the youngest out of all of them- the youngest, the most troubled. Aside from maybe Itachi. That dude was fucked beyond belief. But Deidara had only been fifteen, just barely, when they were brought in. He remembered that day- only three months after he himself was brought in.

The screaming. The fighting. How Deidara had decked Itachi and nearly scratched Zetsu’s left eye out before Kisame had gotten ahold of them. How they screamed and growled, threatening to make this entire village ground zero, until Konan had brought them into her office.

The screaming had stopped soon after, and was replaced with sobbing and a soothing voice.

“What the fuck are we even doin’?” Hidan muttered to the dark room, though he received no response. Kakuzu was still asleep in their bed- or, he had been when he’d rolled out at the sound of Deidara’s scream. He’d half expected to find Sasori in here- but that was mere wishful thinking. The puppet master didn’t care about nightmares.

Probably didn’t even sleep.

Sighing, he readjusted, nose scrunching up at how many fucking pillows Deidara slept with. Comfort- he could get that. The kid was barely eighteen, now- and still had these damned nightmares at least twice a week. A part of him wondered what Itachi had shown him. But a larger part, the smarter part, knew better than to ask. Instead, he stayed quiet and did what he could. Which wasn’t much- but, shit, something is better than nothing, right?

He pulled the blankets up high, covering Deidara completely before even bothering with himself despite the chill in the room. He kept them close, tucking their head beneath his chin, into the crook of his neck. Sleep came quickly, sweeping over him and dragging him down deep.

It was strange. Normally, he had nightmares- hell, that’s all he ever had. But on nights like this? He didn’t dream.

He couldn’t help but wonder as he fell into the warm arms of sleep if Deidara had dreams during these times, or if he, too, was dreamless.

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | Jennifer Parks (Portland, OR)

We’ve been following the magical and mystical artwork of Portland artist Jennifer Parks whose drawings of witches, women, and woodland creatures bring a dark delight to our sensibilities.  Not only does Jennifer create these fantastical illustrations and ceramics, but also helps to curate and organize shows at the artist run space, Pony Club in Portland.  We’re excited to feature Jennifer’s art and talk to her about her influences, artistic process, and find out more what she’s up too in the rest of 2017! 

Artist portrait by Richard Darbonne | Images courtesy of the artist

Who are you and what do you do?  

My name is Jennifer Parks and I make drawings and ceramic things. I’m also a gallery owner, cat mama, part-time bartender, and believer of ghosts and magic.

When did you first come across art or find yourself making stuff? What it something your parents encouraged or were you always a doodler type of person?

I was always a doodler. I started drawing as soon as I could pick up a crayon. I think pre-school was when I realized I was sort of good at it and started to get encouragement from my parents and other adults.

Did you go to art school or take classes for illustration? What’s your art background?

I took art classes in high school, and junior college and that led me to the Pacific Northwest College of Art here in Portland. I majored in illustration with a focus on storytelling.

Your artwork has a distinct flavor to it that we love–not only is it filled with fauna, nature, but a female character often surrounded by magical and mystical elements.  Can you tell us a little bit about how your illustration and artwork reached this point?  

It was a natural evolution I think. I learned to draw girls by drawing my mother’s porcelain doll collection. She had a lot of these dolls which were pretty but also kind of creepy. They all had on fancy victorian dresses with lace and floral patterns. I think that led to my interest in old black and white victorian photos which then led to my interest that dark era of witchcraft, seances, and ghosts.

Ive always had a fascination with death and the idea that its not the end, so it just felt natural to start adding those elements to my drawings. Plus, at some point I got tired of people telling me my drawings were “pretty’ and “cute”. Adding some dark and mysterious elements to them made me feel more comfortable.

When I moved to the Pacific Northwest about 13 years ago, which is just surrounded by lush wilderness, I started including those elements as well. I think its hard to live here and not be inspired by our surroundings. They are pretty magical.

What inspires the imagery and symbolism that we find throughout your illustrations?  

I am totally fascinated by death, the afterlife, and anything supernatural. Ghosts, aliens, magic, etc.  I think there are so many things around us that we can’t see and I like to include some of that magic and mystery in my drawings. The world is kind of boring without them.

We’re always curious about an artists’ process. What’s your process like? Sketchbook, night owl, or scheduled drawing time?

I’m such a night owl. Its sad really. My best drawing hours are somewhere between 8pm and 3am. I will sit at a desk all day with coffee, listening to podcasts, trying to draw, but I really don’t get started until the sun goes down.  

What’s a medium you’ve yet to try and want to start dabbling in?  Any specific reasons?

I really want to learn how to do intaglio or lithography. I love printmaking and how involved the process can be. Intaglio has been around since the mid 1400’s and lithography since the late 1700’s… It would be amazing to learn such an old process.

Not only do you make some amazing illustrations and murals, but your ceramic pieces are insanely cool and rad.  Tells us a little about how you got into ceramics? What do you love about that medium that maybe you can’t achieve or don’t necessarily get from illustration?

I had been collecting these vintage plates and painting faces and designs into them for awhile. It was a lot of fun, but I wanted to take it to the next level and actually make the plate as well. So I decided to take a ceramics course at my local community college. I immediately fell in love with it. I had dabbled in clay before but nothing felt like ceramic clay. Its so soft and easy to work with. I took a morning class because it was the only thing that worked with my schedule and even though its so hard for me to be awake and functioning that early I found it very calming and therapeutic. Now I have my own kiln. If I don’t feel like focusing on drawing, I will just grab my clay, make some shapes, and carve into them. I don’t have to think too hard about the imagery. Thats one of my favorite things about it. I feel like I can zone out and just carve anything into them and it looks cool. Working with ceramics has taught me to be less uptight and less attached to my work. Im clumsy and break so many pieces after hours of working on them. All I can do is shrug it off and start over.

What’s your studio or creative space like? What would we find in there–what do you keep around for inspiration or do you keep it minimal?

My studio space is pretty cluttered with things. I have so many art supplies, frames, paper, old drawings, prints, etc. I have a big drawing table and a big ceramic table. I have lots of art up for inspiration, some plants, and of course a few cats running around.

Does music play a role in your artistic process? Does it inspire you or is it more of something that keeps you company while you work?  Can you share with us what your top 5 songs/bands that you are currently into?

I do listen to music while I work, but honestly not very often. I find music very intense and very distracting when Im trying to focus. Im better off having a documentary of some sort playing in the background while I draw.

You also run a gallery space called Pony Club where you support and show artists!  How did this idea come about for Pony Club and when did you start it and how has that evolved?  What’s  been the most challenging part of running a space? What’s been the best part of it?

I got lucky enough to be invited to join the gallery in 2009. Its a collective of 6 artists that work out of the space, curate shows, and help run the shop. It started off as a gallery run by a group of cartoonists who catered heavily to that scene. It hasn’t changed too much, except that the members are different and we began to focus more on illustration.

I would say the most challenging part is trying to run/manage a small group of artists. We all have our own careers and ideas that we are trying to focus on. It can be challenging to find the time focus on the space, promoting other artists, and taking care of other business-related responsibilities.  

The most rewarding part is being able to provide a venue for young new illustrators, printmakers, and cartoonists.

Who are your top 5 favorite artists (past or contemporary?) that folks should check out.

Right now Ive been drooling over works by Alex Kuno, Andrea Wan, Tran Nguyen, Saddo, and Bill Crisafi.

Lots of times artists aren’t just one thing, what do you do when you’re not making art or helping out at Pony Club? How do you spend your free time?

Im usually practicing witchcraft or hanging out in the forest.

If folks wanted to follow in your footsteps, what advice or what would you tell folks?

Make sure your in love with what you do, and that your not doing it for the wrong reasons. If your stuck in a rut, go outside to find some inspiration or try a new medium.

Never stop creating.

Tell us about the art community in Portland? Seems like a tight community of talented folks.  Who are some of your local favorites?

The art community is pretty amazing here. It feels like we are all part of this very supportive, very talented and caring family. It can be a little overwhelming to have so many awesome artists around you, but it helps to keep you motivated and doing your best.

Some of my favorite local artists are Mark Rogers, Christina Mrozik, Lauren Gonsalves, Martin Ontiveros and Susannah Kelly.

What’s are your favorite Vans? How would you describe your personal style?

My favorite vans are the old school retro looking hi-tops. I wear a lot of black. My style is somewhere between artsy, witchy, and lazy.

What’s your favorite art secret that you’d like to share with folks?

Its not really a secret but artists are really magicians.

What’s coming up for you in the rest of the 2017 year that folks should stay tuned in for?

I will be painting a mural in August with my awesome buddy Meg Adamson for the Forest For The Trees Mural Fest. And hopefully, I will also be learning to tattoo!

Follow Jennifer Parks Website: www.spectralgardens.com Instagram: @spectralgardens