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ivys-garden · 1 month ago

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Life Series Recap: The Penultimate Round.

I have to apologise. I was wrong about what I thought the wild card would be. It was not just skizz and Mumbo coming back to revenge kill everyone… it was fucking MY HERO ACADEMIA WHAT THE FUCK GRIAN!?

Martyn immediately understood the assignment and you should watch his perspective. No, I will not explain why.

Anyway, here was everyone's superpowers:

Grian - got the power to copy other powers, makes sense since he'd know what all of them are.

Scar - got the power to ride anything and to punch Jimmy ten blocks away. This was my first clear sign that the powers were pre chosen despite grian pretending not to know who got what.

Lizzie - could make everyone blind, good for escapes and traps! Perfect for lizzie

Jimmy - at will Invisibility. Was this just so he could hide from people who wanted to kill him? Most definitely.

Pearl - flight! Hermes Pearl cannon let's go!

Scott - can transform into any mob. Definitely just done to see his reaction to becoming a chicken.

Impulse - teleportation. Very good for traps in a smart person's hands.

Bigb - summons 4 Creakings. The confirmation that these were pre chosen. No way Mr Creaking gets a creaking power by chance.

Cleo - goons! The zombie can summon the dead! Perfect that skizz and Mumbo died first then, those suited idiots have big goon energy

Etho - rocket jump. They gave a mace power to someone who can't use it. Oh Deer.

Bdubs - Slow time. Also he can make it day at will. That second one is the important one to him.

Tango - super speedy! Perfect for a coward!

Gem - astral projection. Gets to spy on people, Gem Loves That! Unfortunately she also has to talk to mumbo and skizz…

Joel - triple jump. Speed bridgers dream.

Ren - polymorph into other players. Perfect for a Trickster… but ren is being nice the season so he just ends up collecting his friends like Pokèmon

Martyn - Super Sonic hearing. He made martyn a listener. If martyns new lore isn't him breaking free of Watcher influence after all this symbolism I will actually riot.

Anyway, breakdown time:

The Final Gals (Cleo, Scott, Pearl, Impulse, Etho, Skizz, Mumbo)

Oh goodness where to start

Pearl continues to suck at traps. What is happening this season?! Did that trap on Gem work? Nope! And when she has a good way of insta killing Tango using crystals, does anyone listen? Nope! But hey, at least she gets to fly like she wanted back in secret life… I mean she had to have that part shown to her by grian and she wasted her mace but …. Uhhhhhhhhh

Speaking of wasting important items we get the most disappointing anti climax of the entire life series as Impulse loses the totem falling to his death in a manner that he had numerous ways to avoid. At least he managed to find a guaranteed way of killing people with that obsidian box trick. He got Gem, Tango and Joel with it. He would have gotten ren to as his tendency to knick people's faces landed him in a case of mistaken identity. Good thing he called them all of since he and Ren are allies and apparently kissed necks. Martyn was kinda passed about that. Wonder why

Bigb is also friends with Renwood and the first one trusted with their super powers. They do form a plan to trap greens with the full combo of all three, but unfortunately that falls through. But bigb does get another trap opportunity to drop someone into the big hole at cake tower, but Ren is too slick and Lizzie is too red so that falls through too. But hey, he definitely got Scar on that dripstone pitfall! Oh wait no that was grian oops sorry bigb no kills for you.

No wait! Bigb got Scars dropped mace! That was good! Woooooooooooo go bigb!

Anyway

No traps for scott either I guess, well not if you count him killing gem, but that was a team effort. But Scott doesn't trap people, he creeps on them! And now he can do exactly that, but as a chicken!

Cleo gets goons. And sure, those goons were very lippy (know your place Corpse has now been added to my lexicon) but they were great! They rendered grian speechless with their lame insults, who wouldn't be speechless if your dead friends came back to call your tower small? Mumbo also went absolute beast mode on everyone. He killed grian effortlessly and got the credits on killing Joel, Tango and Ren. I guess Mumbo is actually a top tierer when he doesn't have to worry about dying

Skizz may not have gotten any kills, but he did the world a service. He blew up Joel's hideous awful, no good car. Well done skizz.

The Fam (Gem, Joel, Etho)

When not crying over his hideous car, Joel was killing people for blowing up his hideous car. I Kid I kid he did stuff not motivated by his car this session like…. Insult people? Nah that's just a Joel thing. Kill Scott? No, that's also just a Joel thing, or maybe a revenge thing. Be confused? Nah that's definitely a Joel thing…

He has a way of killing people that involves wardens, that's cool! Unfortunately his biggest enemy is Pearl sooooooooo

Speaking of being enemies with Pearl, Gem! …. Wait what do you mean Gem didn't reiterate how much she hates Pearl this season? What do you mean they barely interacted? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WASN'T MORE JEWEL BOX DRAMA!?

No no there was drama! Gem definitely still hates everyone else, even if she doesn't even acknowledge Pearl's repeated attempts to kill her. She definitely hates the other members of the final girls, each and every one of them tries to murder her. Even Etho! Heck, they succeed.

Sure the initial plot by Martyn involving a game show, 5 Creakings and two bigbs was over complicated and ridiculous, but the much simpler solution of keep Impulse in a box and swap Gem in to be hit by swords was very effective, both in killing Gem and acquiring her bloody bloody vengeance.

As for what she did with her power, yes it made her Infinity harder to kill, but it also massively increased her paranoia and mistrust. The irony should not be lost on Gem complaining about everyone's disloyalty while just DECIDING to hate on the most loyal team.

Her power also let her talk to the dead, introducing us the schrodinger's goons, as Gem paradoxically complained about having to talk to Mumbo and Skizz constantly while also complaining whenever they were summoned by Cleo.

Speaking of Mumbo, Skizz and Cleo, let's talk about Grian. Despite claiming to be part of the family, he certainly doesn't act like it. If anything he spends most of his time hanging with Scar, showing him the world on a magic carpet ride after stealing Pearl's power…. Only for him to then be turned into a drop ride without a seat belt. All in good fun tho. Too much fun, if you ask grian! He made fun Powers for his friends to have fun with and now they won't kill each other! Despicable! (Something Something put that in your Watcher headcanon)

To fix this he enlists Gem and Joel to kill skizz and Mumbo so he can speak to them and get them to kill tango. Gem fails to mention that she already got Cleo to let them kill tango, considering its Gem this was probably for revenge reasons. But revenge would ultimately be Cleos, who unsurprisingly didn't take kindly to having her goons stolen and had grian murked. Only to then be murked in turn by grian.

Oh also no idea when to mention this but Gem confirms she doesn't care what happens to anyone on her team apart from Joel, and even then she's found with him being stabbed since it means they could murder together.

And she wonders why no one trusts her.

The Tuff Guys (Bdubs,Tango, Etho)

What Was the comic relief up to this week? Not a lot. Bdubs gets excited that he can sleep before he… gets it in his head that sleeping with reds around is actually dangerous.

And when he's not mining for trap materials he won't use or fishing for Skizzies, Etho is failing repeatedly to hammer nails and trying to kill his…. Sister? Daughter?... family.

Huh, that was over pretty….. quick

Oh no.

Yep Tango was easily the star of the show this session. His power made it super easy for him to engage with everyone's favourite shenanigans, Fucking with people! He was zippin’ around taunting everyone about how invincible he was

And well you can't say he was wrong. Lizzie's attempts to blind him all failed, he was able to tank Impulse dropping him off Mumbo Tower and he was able to outpace Grian when his powers were stolen by him due to Grian’s lack of expertise…. Skill issue.

Hell, go to tango's perspective right now and Watch the first attempt made by THE ENTIRE SERVER INCLUDING HIS TEAM MATES to kill him.

Impulse teleports him into webs, which he gets out of as grian slows time. He then almost runs into Lizzie but is able to dodge before being Blinded. A few minutes later he accidentally runs into a Web and is caught by Martyn. Tango throws an ender pearl to escape before martyn can blow him up, almost killing scar in the process. Bdubs slows time. Grian notices tango behind cleo and tells her to move, she starts too but stops as tango runs in front of her and she tries to Trident him, causing grian to hit them knocking both their shots off. Martyn and Etho accidentally tag team to force tango into skizzes path, martyn getting him to four hearts. He then bloody matrix dodges skizzes sword swing (seriously how did that not land). Martyn tries to use a Creeper but a wind charge knocks it upwards, giving tango just enough time for time to return to normal and for him to run out of the Blast zone. Actually, insane play.l

Unfortunately for tango, you can't run your way out of obsidian. Or being stabbed. Or being exploded by creepers.

The Bamboozelers (Jimmy, Lizzie, Scar)

Let's play the game of who was the confident bammer today!

Not Lizzie, that's for sure. Is this the most failed traps in one episode this season? Maybe. Yeah, trying to trap places with suspicious barrels or where people who have spectator Mode live are not the best ideas. Neither is trying to trap Scott in general.

Speaking of Scott, Jimmy is obsessed with him. What else is new? Turns out however that even while Invisible Jimmy is no match for Scott's uncanny ability to see everything. Bad news for Jimmy and his trap game but good news for us as we get to see what it's like for an invisible man to be chased by an angry scottish chicken. Tango also calls Jimmy handsome so not a full loss for him I guess.

Oh and in case you're wondering, no Jimmy did not have any luck killing anyone else. He and lizzie were very good at forming catchphrases tho

And I guess Jimmy did knock martyn into Bdubs’ tower to be killed by Scar…

Oh yeah, Scar had confidence this session! 4 kils!

While he wasn't riding all his friends. Unsurprisingly his words are not mine. He was smashing them. Yep nope that's worse.

He hammered bdubs’ face in and banged Martyn and Scott off the mountain. He seemed particularly eager to kill Martyn, maybe since he took part in killing Gem and Pearl said she would fly him around if he zeroed in on Scott. Surely this had no lasting consequences for Martyns continual survival….

OK I've done this trick three times. No ones falling for it. You've watched at least one prospective, Martyns dead. Sucks to suck Littlewood

God why does everything keep sounding like its about a peni-

Ren Wood (Ren)

Oh Ren, what a day eh? Every trap he tries fails. He accidentally obliterates bdubs, he has no friends AND his wife died. He may have kept his legacy alive for a few minutes by taking his DNA, gaslightibg the entire server into thinking he survived, but in the end, Martyn Littlewood is dead.

Yes, Martyn. An end game member since the beginning, out third…

Skill issue.

And like Martyn was doing well! sure he almost fell in a hole, but he Ninja reflexes his way out of it! And yeah he failed miserably to gaslight Scott but… Well it's Scott. He gets a pass… damn did he kinda suck this session? /j

…oh also all his traps kinda sucked. He failed repeatedly with those crystals, and surprisingly no one Jimmy was of no help in that endeavour. He also bumbled his own attempt to kill someone in the Creaking forest with Bigb by getting distracted when Impulse ALSO came to him looking for people to murder instead of just doing one murder at a time. He may not be a mean gill anymore, but he still has the memory of a goldfish

So here's to Martyn, he got one decent kill this session and died to Scar and Jimmy. This man won two seasons ago.

(Jk he was actually decent this season I'm just in shock that the new gamers can die early)

As for Ren, he is joining the however-many-Gs. That means that not only has everyone on the team been allied with everyone else at least once, but also that officially 9 people would have been on this team. That's half the bloody server. Greedy.

But more importantly…. Canaries. I've often said that the canary curse isn't Jimmy dying first, but is actually Jimmy death acting as an omen for the end (yknow like a canary) The only time this isn't true sorta was secret life, but Jimmy did die right before the Literal Apocalypse so I say it counts. But he's making it the the finale this season. For the first time. And so right here, right now, I shall declare the canary curse 100% officially broken.

I mean I can't since I have no power but like shut up

Ps for the final session I will do the breakdown by player in elimination order. So expect a long one next Monday.

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