#sometimes we need to accept the allyship and support in good faith

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[a-queer-seminarian]

[image: a light gray square with text reading “ ‘Helping each other be whole’: trans insights into intersectionality & solidarity” and “Blessed are the Binary Breakers, a multifaith podcast of trans stories.” In the center are three circles -- one includes symbols from several world religions; one has symbols for disability (an figure with a prosthetic leg, a figure with no outer distinguishing features, and a figure in a wheelchair); and the central circle has the trans flag colors ringed in rainbow with a solidarity fist shaded in varying skin tones. / end id]

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In this special episode of the Blessed Are the Binary Breakers multifaith podcast, eight trans and/or nonbinary persons share their insights on solidarity and allyship, intersectionality and wholeness.

How do we resist assimilation and recognize our interdependence? How does religion uplift or fail trans persons? What can all of us, cis and trans alike, do to recognize our privilege and show up for other marginalized communities?

For links to places to listen and an episode transcript, click here!

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Below are excerpts from several of the episode’s participants:

“I was at a queer Bible study and the leader asked, ‘Why are [you] here?’ And somebody put their hand up and they said, ‘I'm straight, but I'm disabled, and I know that if we are going to get rights and be accepted, we have to help each other.’ And I was like, ‘flip! I am not a good ally at all to the disabled community.’ …This is now something I’m trying really hard to work on, [because] if we are unified then we can support each other and we can have a voice.”

– Andy Thornton

“Some say ‘accomplice’ and ‘co-conspirator’ do a better job [than ally] at describing what we need from you, which is someone who is willing to put themselves at risk for us. To get in there and fight with us and maybe get arrested for that. Maybe lose a job for that. Maybe lose family/friends for that.I cherish my Jewish point of view because G-d calls us to protect the poor, the widow, the orphan, the foreigner – a.k.a. the most disenfranchised among us — at any cost, including the way the prophets speak truth to power and sometimes get arrested for that.”

- Hadassah

“Cisgender people can support us by simply listening to our stories and uplifting our voices. Trans people have valuable perspectives on faith, perspectives that are so often ignored that finding support from cisgender people of faith can seem impossible. But when it did happen for me that cisgender Catholics actually found my perspective as a trans person of faith valuable, and I finally got the listening ear that I'd always found was given solely to cis people, I felt more support than I ever thought I'd get.”

– Elliott

“If you’re white, especially if you’re Christian, don’t forget your privilege doesn’t go away just because you’re trans.…I stopped being Christian when I was 10, but now I want to get spirituality back in my life — just not white-informed Christian spirituality. I want to connect to something that feels African, Black led and Black empowering and also woman empowering. I want to connect to my ancestors. So Mom is helping me explore.” 

- Anonymous

[realsocialskills]

Allyship does not mean seeing yourself as worthless

There are people who like to make others feel worthless. Some of them use the language of social justice to get away with it.

Often, this comes in the form of proclaiming to hate allies and then demanding unbounded deference from allies. This is typically conflated with accountability, but it’s not the same thing at all.

Hatred and accountability are different things. Accountability as an ally means, among other things:

Listening to the people you’re trying to support instead of talking over them.

Making good-faith efforts to understand the issues involved and to act on what you learn.

Understanding that you’re going to make big mistakes, and that sometimes people you’re trying to support will be justifiably angry with you.

Accepting that your privilege and power matter, not expecting others to overlook either, and taking responsibility for how you use both.

Facing things that are uncomfortable to think about, and handling your own feelings about them rather than dumping on marginalized people.

Being careful about exploitation and reciprocity, including paying people for their time when you’re asking them to do work for you.

Understanding that marginalized people have good reason to be cautious about trusting you, and refraining from demanding trust on the grounds that you see yourself as on their side.

When people use the language of social justice to make others feel worthless, it’s more like this:

Telling allies explicitly or implicitly, that they are worthless and harming others by existing.

Expecting allies to constantly prove that they’re not terrible people, even when they’ve been involved with the community for years and have a long track record of trustworthiness. 

Berating allies about how terrible allies are, in ways that have no connection to their actual actions or their actual attitudes.

Giving people instructions that are self-contradictory or impossible to act on, then berating them for not following them.

Eg: Saying “Go f**ing google it” about things that are not actually possible to google in a meaningful way

Eg: saying “ shut up and listen to marginalized people” about issues that significant organized groups of marginalized people disagree about. https://www.realsocialskills.org/blog/the-rules-about-responding-to-call-outs-arent

Eg: Simultaneously telling allies that they need to speak up about an issue and that they need to shut up about the same issue. Putting them in a position in which if they speak or write about something, they will be seen as taking up space that belongs to marginalized people, and if they don’t, they will be seen as making marginalized people do all the work.

Giving allies instructions, then berating them for following them:

Eg: Inviting allies to ask questions about good allyship, then telling them off for centering themselves whenever they actually ask relevant questions. 

Eg: Teaching a workshop on oppression or a related issue, and saying “it’s not my job to educate you” to invited workshop participants who ask questions that people uninformed about the issue typically can be expected to ask.

More generally speaking: setting things up so that no matter what an ally does, it will be seen as a morally corrupt act of oppression.

Holding allies accountable means insisting that they do the right thing. Ally hate undermines accountability by saying that it’s inherently impossible for allies to do anything right. If we want to hold people accountable in a meaningful, we have to believe that accountability is possible.

Someone who believes that it’s impossible for allies to do anything right isn’t going to be able to hold you accountable. If someone has no allies who they respect, you’re probably not going to be their exception — they will almost certainly end up hating you too. If someone demands that you assume you’re worthless and prove your worth in an ongoing way, working with them is unlikely to end well.  

If you want to hold yourself accountable, you need to develop good judgement about who to listen to and who to collaborate with. Part of that is learning to be receptive to criticism from people who want you to do the right thing, even when the criticism is hard to hear. Another part is learning to be wary of people who see you as a revenge object and want you to hate yourself. You will encounter both attitudes frequently, and it’s important to learn to tell the difference. Self-hatred isn’t accountability.

Tl;dr If we want to hold allies accountable in a meaningful, we have to believe that accountability is possible. Hatred of allies makes this much harder.

[thisblogisnotferda]

ROAD MAP FOR LGBT+ HOCKEY PLAYERS

I spent a large part of this year trying to find something like this: a guide to making a men’s hockey team more inclusive and safe for LGBT+ players. I found lots of information, including the first study on homophobia in hockey. But I didn’t find any solutions. This is a compilation of the best solutions I came up with.

DISCLAIMER: This relates specifically to a D2 collegiate men���s hockey team. Your mileage may vary on women’s hockey teams or teams at other levels.

Key points:

hockey players compartmentalize wrongness.

take every opportunity you can to remind your teammates that LGBT+ players exist and are people, in and out of hockey.

work your way up; make baby steps.

figure out who has your back, support and reinforce them.

Resources I have on hand:

My employers and coworkers at the campus LGBT center

A personal stock of Pride Tape (later on, a team pack that my team president signed us up for as a surprise)

Administrative power on my hockey team, as co-founder and vice president

STEP BY STEP:

At least one player on your team has your back. Support them too and if you aren’t comfortable in a leadership position on the team, encourage them to take that position. For me it was easy because that guy for me is the founder of the team. I also took note of players who countered casual homophobic/transphobic comments, were open and friendly toward me, or offered me help at any point.

Ease into the issue. In my first few months on the team I didn’t confront players for locker room talk at all--I let things slide with an occasional eyeroll and vented to my friends later. I established that I would be reasonable and that if I did criticize them, I would talk it out. As we became closer they became more open to criticism. Another good way of dealing with this waiting period is by casually mentioning it to a player who doesn’t perpetuate the behaviour--then they might start speaking up.

Pay attention and prepare yourself for the bigger confrontations. I reserve physical aggression for these cases, usually if a player drops the F-slur. It depends on your comfort level. I also have that one player to back me up if I need to confront another player or team, and as the year went by the confrontations got less severe.

If you can, be open in general about your sexuality and gender. Make casual comments that remind them that you are here, and you are one of them. This can be as humorous or as serious as you’re comfortable with! I also like to slowly inject aspects of gay culture into casual conversation.

Reach out to LGBT orgs, student groups, etc in your area to have them present at games. Make it clear they are here to support the team. I think a major issue is that hockey players compartmentalize and assume that it’s okay to use homophobic slurs and comments because well, no one here is gay. They don’t make the connection and they don’t see us as people in the room. So bring more people into the room.

If you can, actually coordinate with your team to have a “pride night”, using pride tape and inviting LGBT groups. I know it seems surface level and tacky, but it really does work to make people think. The first time my team used pride tape, I was able to say to my team “you’re going to look real silly if you start throwing around homophobic words on the ice with this tape, so cut it out” and they did.

Use positive reinforcement to the best of your ability. My team took well to the pride tape aesthetic. This, for lack of a better phrase, broke the ice on the issue. I was also able to casually hand out rolls of the tape to players who I saw as positive influences (the players I took note of earlier on).

Get the team involved in a diversity training or workshop, if you can do that organically. I work at the campus LGBT center and had been talking to my coworkers about the team for a while, and we agreed to build a program to support LGBT+ athletes in general including a working group, a series of pride nights with different sports teams, and a training for those teams. I brought this up to my team as something that I’d been working on separately and wanted to “test run” with the hockey team.

Results (that I’ve seen):

No one has used a homophobic slur in months. A teammate almost used the F-slur at playoffs, bit his tongue, and then personally apologized to me afterward.

I’ve become far more comfortable with calling out “locker room talk” now that I’ve established myself as part of the team. I originally cut the team a lot of slack, and then slowly started speaking up more, and that has actually phased out a lot of the casual homophobia and sexism.

Players no longer expect everyone in the room to be straight, at any time, and base their behaviour off of the idea that there could be someone in the room. Without being weird about it! 

Using pride tape and supporting pride/inclusion activities has become the norm, and in some ways a point of pride for the team as a whole. Leaders on the team are accepting and this is considered part of their leadership.

Going forward:

I’m looking forward to the training (and making it part of my college’s sports programs in general).

I’m only just now starting to make comments when players use the word “bitch” and I hope, for my own comfort and for future female players’ comfort, that it works.

I think that the team has reached the point where an openly gay male player could join the team, and where I can in good faith encourage openly gay male players to join -- I’ve struggled with that in past conversations.

I hope I can help my team president tackle inclusion in other ways in the future. This has been my focus for the year and I know that You Can Play, in all aspects, is important to him as well. (Catch me freaking out about his 10/10 allyship sometime because dude is fucking great.)