#sometimes we need to accept the allyship and support in good faith

[a-queer-seminarian]

[image: a light gray square with text reading “ ‘Helping each other be whole’: trans insights into intersectionality & solidarity” and “Blessed are the Binary Breakers, a multifaith podcast of trans stories.” In the center are three circles -- one includes symbols from several world religions; one has symbols for disability (an figure with a prosthetic leg, a figure with no outer distinguishing features, and a figure in a wheelchair); and the central circle has the trans flag colors ringed in rainbow with a solidarity fist shaded in varying skin tones. / end id]

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In this special episode of the Blessed Are the Binary Breakers multifaith podcast, eight trans and/or nonbinary persons share their insights on solidarity and allyship, intersectionality and wholeness.

How do we resist assimilation and recognize our interdependence? How does religion uplift or fail trans persons? What can all of us, cis and trans alike, do to recognize our privilege and show up for other marginalized communities?

For links to places to listen and an episode transcript, click here!

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Below are excerpts from several of the episode’s participants:

“I was at a queer Bible study and the leader asked, ‘Why are [you] here?’ And somebody put their hand up and they said, ‘I'm straight, but I'm disabled, and I know that if we are going to get rights and be accepted, we have to help each other.’ And I was like, ‘flip! I am not a good ally at all to the disabled community.’ …This is now something I’m trying really hard to work on, [because] if we are unified then we can support each other and we can have a voice.”

– Andy Thornton

“Some say ‘accomplice’ and ‘co-conspirator’ do a better job [than ally] at describing what we need from you, which is someone who is willing to put themselves at risk for us. To get in there and fight with us and maybe get arrested for that. Maybe lose a job for that. Maybe lose family/friends for that.I cherish my Jewish point of view because G-d calls us to protect the poor, the widow, the orphan, the foreigner – a.k.a. the most disenfranchised among us — at any cost, including the way the prophets speak truth to power and sometimes get arrested for that.”

- Hadassah

“Cisgender people can support us by simply listening to our stories and uplifting our voices. Trans people have valuable perspectives on faith, perspectives that are so often ignored that finding support from cisgender people of faith can seem impossible. But when it did happen for me that cisgender Catholics actually found my perspective as a trans person of faith valuable, and I finally got the listening ear that I'd always found was given solely to cis people, I felt more support than I ever thought I'd get.”

– Elliott

“If you’re white, especially if you’re Christian, don’t forget your privilege doesn’t go away just because you’re trans.…I stopped being Christian when I was 10, but now I want to get spirituality back in my life — just not white-informed Christian spirituality. I want to connect to something that feels African, Black led and Black empowering and also woman empowering. I want to connect to my ancestors. So Mom is helping me explore.” 

- Anonymous

[thisblogisnotferda]

ROAD MAP FOR LGBT+ HOCKEY PLAYERS

I spent a large part of this year trying to find something like this: a guide to making a men’s hockey team more inclusive and safe for LGBT+ players. I found lots of information, including the first study on homophobia in hockey. But I didn’t find any solutions. This is a compilation of the best solutions I came up with.

DISCLAIMER: This relates specifically to a D2 collegiate men’s hockey team. Your mileage may vary on women’s hockey teams or teams at other levels.

Key points:

hockey players compartmentalize wrongness.

take every opportunity you can to remind your teammates that LGBT+ players exist and are people, in and out of hockey.

work your way up; make baby steps.

figure out who has your back, support and reinforce them.

Resources I have on hand:

My employers and coworkers at the campus LGBT center

A personal stock of Pride Tape (later on, a team pack that my team president signed us up for as a surprise)

Administrative power on my hockey team, as co-founder and vice president

STEP BY STEP:

At least one player on your team has your back. Support them too and if you aren’t comfortable in a leadership position on the team, encourage them to take that position. For me it was easy because that guy for me is the founder of the team. I also took note of players who countered casual homophobic/transphobic comments, were open and friendly toward me, or offered me help at any point.

Ease into the issue. In my first few months on the team I didn’t confront players for locker room talk at all--I let things slide with an occasional eyeroll and vented to my friends later. I established that I would be reasonable and that if I did criticize them, I would talk it out. As we became closer they became more open to criticism. Another good way of dealing with this waiting period is by casually mentioning it to a player who doesn’t perpetuate the behaviour--then they might start speaking up.

Pay attention and prepare yourself for the bigger confrontations. I reserve physical aggression for these cases, usually if a player drops the F-slur. It depends on your comfort level. I also have that one player to back me up if I need to confront another player or team, and as the year went by the confrontations got less severe.

If you can, be open in general about your sexuality and gender. Make casual comments that remind them that you are here, and you are one of them. This can be as humorous or as serious as you’re comfortable with! I also like to slowly inject aspects of gay culture into casual conversation.

Reach out to LGBT orgs, student groups, etc in your area to have them present at games. Make it clear they are here to support the team. I think a major issue is that hockey players compartmentalize and assume that it’s okay to use homophobic slurs and comments because well, no one here is gay. They don’t make the connection and they don’t see us as people in the room. So bring more people into the room.

If you can, actually coordinate with your team to have a “pride night”, using pride tape and inviting LGBT groups. I know it seems surface level and tacky, but it really does work to make people think. The first time my team used pride tape, I was able to say to my team “you’re going to look real silly if you start throwing around homophobic words on the ice with this tape, so cut it out” and they did.

Use positive reinforcement to the best of your ability. My team took well to the pride tape aesthetic. This, for lack of a better phrase, broke the ice on the issue. I was also able to casually hand out rolls of the tape to players who I saw as positive influences (the players I took note of earlier on).

Get the team involved in a diversity training or workshop, if you can do that organically. I work at the campus LGBT center and had been talking to my coworkers about the team for a while, and we agreed to build a program to support LGBT+ athletes in general including a working group, a series of pride nights with different sports teams, and a training for those teams. I brought this up to my team as something that I’d been working on separately and wanted to “test run” with the hockey team.

Results (that I’ve seen):

No one has used a homophobic slur in months. A teammate almost used the F-slur at playoffs, bit his tongue, and then personally apologized to me afterward.

I’ve become far more comfortable with calling out “locker room talk” now that I’ve established myself as part of the team. I originally cut the team a lot of slack, and then slowly started speaking up more, and that has actually phased out a lot of the casual homophobia and sexism.

Players no longer expect everyone in the room to be straight, at any time, and base their behaviour off of the idea that there could be someone in the room. Without being weird about it! 

Using pride tape and supporting pride/inclusion activities has become the norm, and in some ways a point of pride for the team as a whole. Leaders on the team are accepting and this is considered part of their leadership.

Going forward:

I’m looking forward to the training (and making it part of my college’s sports programs in general).

I’m only just now starting to make comments when players use the word “bitch” and I hope, for my own comfort and for future female players’ comfort, that it works.

I think that the team has reached the point where an openly gay male player could join the team, and where I can in good faith encourage openly gay male players to join -- I’ve struggled with that in past conversations.

I hope I can help my team president tackle inclusion in other ways in the future. This has been my focus for the year and I know that You Can Play, in all aspects, is important to him as well. (Catch me freaking out about his 10/10 allyship sometime because dude is fucking great.)