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cocosstories · 3 years ago

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Tom Holland One Shot

Prompt:

Hey, a little request for Tom Holland. He and the reader are at the red carpet for his new movie, and the reader is very nervous because it's their first time at such an event. Thank you <3

The week had gone by in a blur as you got ready for your very first red carpet appearance and movie premiere.

Your boyfriend Tom, had invited you to the screening for his new movie Cherry and you were so nervous.

Not only would it be the first time you would be in front of all of the paparazzi, but it was also the first time, you and Tom had been to an official event as a couple.

He has promised you that everything was going to be fine and you would have fun but you couldnt help but worry about every little detail.

You wanted the night to be perfect, most for Tom. He had worked so hard and eas so proud of the movie and you didnt want to mess up his big night.

You spent hours in a dress shop, trying to find the absolute perfect dress for the occasion, finally deciding on a deep maroon, silk, strapless dress that would complement Tom's suit very well.

The shoes were an easier choice, going with black stilettos and finally a small black clutch to finish off the look.

The day of the premiere had rolled around and you spent most of it getting ready.

Late morning, your mom took you to get your nails done then to the salon for your hair and finally after a quick stop to her house for the perfect necklace and earrings, you went to a friends place for your make up.

You had never realized until then, just what it takes for the ladies in Hollywood to get all glammed up for an event and honestly by the time you got home to get dressed, you were already exhausted.

The doorbell rang as you looked in the mirror at yourself and you hear your mom call up letting you know Tom had arrived.

You take a deep breath and head out and down the stairs, Tom waiting at the base of them with your mom.

"Wow you look incredible."

He says in awe of the beauty in front of him. To be fair, Tom told you multiple times a day how beautiful you were but today the words came out breathlessly as he stared, his eyes never leaving yours.

"You are looking pretty incredible yourself Mr. Holland."

You reply taking his now outstretched hand as he leads you out to the waiting limo.

"Everything is going to be fine love."

Tom reassures you as the limo pulls up to the entrance of the red carpet and notices you begin to shake when you see all of the cameras and fans around.

You werent really one for big crowds but you knew it was something you would have to get used sooner or later when you began dating Tom. He had kept you pretty much out of the spotlight for the first year of your relationship but now you would be in full view of everyone and that terrified you.

Tom got out of the car first, the crowd going crazy when they see him, and he waves before placing a hand out to help you out of the car.

"I've got you."

He whispers in your ear just as the two of you are ushered off down the red carpet by a woman in a headset.

Tom holds your hand tightly as you walk beside him, stopping when you reach the first set of photographers and journalists.

"Tom! Tom! Who are you with tonight?"

"Is this your girlfriend?"

"Can you look over here for a picture?"

Voices come from what seems like all around you and you try your best to remember to smile and mimic his movements, not wanting to look stupid or make him look bad.

You continue walking down the red carpet and Tom is told he needs to do an interview with E! News with Guiliana Rancic.

He walks up to her, letting go of your hand as you stand a few feet behind him.

"We are being joined by the films star Tom Holland. You look great tonight Tom."

Guiliana says with a big smile.

"As do you darling."

"Who are you here with tonight?"

Your heart skips a beat when you hear the question. You were ready for the pictures and being seen by the fand but a T.V. camera was a lot scarier.

Tom looks back and reaches for you.

"This is my beautiful girlfriend Y/F/N Y/L/N."

He annouces, proudly showing you off.

"You look stunning tonight Y/N."

Guiliana exclaims.

"Thank you. I love your dress."

You try your best to sound completely at ease but know your nerves are showing through and mentally keck yourself.

"Thank you! Tom, where have you been hiding this wonderful woman?"

She turns the questioning back to Tom which you are eternally greatful for.

"Well, you know i just wanted to keep her to myself for a while but now i think i am ready to share her with everyone."

"Sounds to me like Mr. Tom Holland is in love!"

The excitment in her voice made you smile.

"I am. Y/N is the most wonderful person i have ever met. I am honestly lucky she even gave me a chance in the first place and I couldnt imagine doing this night without her."

A collective 'aww' is heard in the immediate vicinity.

"Well, there you have it Tom Holland is officially off the market! Sorry ladies!"

The three of you laugh and the interview ends.

"See, that wasnt so bad. She loved you!"

You head off into the theater where it was definitely a lot more quiet.

"I don't know how, i didn't really say anything. I know she could tell i was nervous."

Your voice sounded sad as you spoke. You didn't want to be the reason Tom's big night was ruiend.

"Oh love, none of that matters. This is your first red carpet and not your last if i have anything to say about it. They all know that. You don't think i wasnt nervous my first time around? Hell, i still get nervous sometimes. You will get the hang of it i promise."

He pulls you off to the side, away from everyone else and takes you into his arms, kissing your forehead.

"You want me to go to other events with you?"

The surprise in your voice that accompanied your question made him laugh.

"Every single one. I always want you by my side. I love you, Y/N and now the world knows it."

It was nowhere near the first time he had said those words to you but somehow, it felt just as amazing as it did that first time.

"I love you too Tom. But, there is one thing i am still worried about."

You pull back from his arms to look in his face.

"What's that, darling?"

He asks, a bit worried at how serious you look.

"Who is going to break the news to Harrison that he is no longer your date for events? It's going to break his heart."

You giggle at your own joke and Tom laughs along with you.

"He's a big boy, I think he will be alright but maybe we should do something special for him, to you know, soften the blow."

Tom jokes back as the two of you head into the theater to get your seats, still laughing at Harrison's expense.

Feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated

#tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

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RE JIKOOK IS ESTRANGED

Them

Lol

JUMP CUT ALERT: This is a continuation of an ongoing discussion behind the scenes.

DISCLAIMERS:

Article 19, UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights: Every person has the right to freedom of opinion and expression which includes the freedom to hold an opinion without interference through any media.

Misinterpretation of my opinion, my words constitute a violation of my human rights. Please do not take my words out of context, share it on another platform in furtherance of your own agenda. If you do hold yourself accountable first. You are the author of your own intentions and interpretations.

I do not intend malice by my words nor do I seek to be disrespectful of any member mentioned in here. I simply enjoy mentally stimulating conversations and thought provoking discussions.

Let the records show.

MATTER OF THE DAY

Thanks to everyone that's shared your thoughts on this matter with me and thanks to that person that brought this matter to my attention.

I haven't looked into it and I don't know how severe this issue is.

I think people have the right to believe in anything they want to believe in. Personally, I don't think Santa is real but clearly others do, doesn't mean I'm sane or that they are crazy.

I don't think discussions of this nature should be about who is right or who is wrong. Everyone's opinion is valid and holds true to their own delusions. Lol.

Frankly, I prefer this kind of ship wars to the slurs and abuses and they are distributing hard core porn now?? What is going on! Chileee.

I have never believed JK and Tae to be anything more than friends. At one point, I wondered if they were even friends at all lol but since they admitted to having had a falling out themselves at one point the topic is now moot.

Tae and JK have- had- have a really special bond. To me anyways. I always saw them as the evil power twins of BTS due their ability to come together to wreck havoc especially on Bang PD's scripts. Lol. I think I have mentioned this a few times now.

I smiled to myself when I heard them call themselves partners in crime. The bond is there no two ways about it- you either appreciate it for what it is or you don't. personally I love their bond. Can't stand their shippers but I love their bond. They keep the drama going for me- love it. Lol

The question has always been whether their bond is as profound as their shippers make it seem. I argue it's not and I will always argue it is not. Lol

I think it's only fair that they also question whether Jikook's bond is as profound as we make it sound. I really can't be mad at that. All is fair in love and war- at the very least we can agree to disagree.

I mean even Jikookers themselves question the extent of JK and JM's bond. Some think they are just very special friends and nothing more. I think I talked about this in my is Jikook real post when I mentioned labels and the degree of love between JK and JM?

We know JK and JM have a unique bond. The question then is how far does that bond go. Is it just platonic, romantic or something in between?

This is the question I was aiming to answer with my is Jikook real post. My objective was to try and dismantle all the nuances that keep us from seeing the 'truth' about Jikook- that they are real. At least the way I see them.

I talked about unrealistic expectations we have of Jikook, false conditionings that often leads us to see Jikook as something more than they are- the amplified Jikook. We get used to highlight reels of Jikook's interactions in edits such that we feel there is something wrong with them when we see them in real time.

I mentioned that Jimin's nurturing nature often also estops people from reading more into his relationship with JK. He is nurturing of everyone, JK ain't special- they argue, just as this person is doing.

I talked about Jimin's Idol persona, the facade of the boy in love with JK- Jimin's role within BTS since debut and how that can equally blind us into thinking Jikook is something more or less than they really are. I have a post dedicated to this topic sitting in my drafts so I will not go into the details of it here. Please look forward to that.

But this person's post touches on another aspect of Jimin's personality that I feel is one of the things that often keeps us from seeing his relationship with JK for what it really is- his inclination for professionalism.

I keep saying this, several times now, that Jimin's Idol persona to me seems well developed, elaborate and very elusive.

I have mentioned a few times how I think during Jikook break ups that they keep it civil and professional for the sake of the team and that you might not even notice the difference especially if you place high value on their skinship.

The skinship would be there, the cordiality and civility would equally be there- except for moments when they are fighting, that gets bloody. Lol. They are best friends at the very least. It is why it's important to reevaluate the metrics we use to determine whether or not they are a couple.

I wish I could dialogue with this person to understand her assessment of Jikook and what she is using to determine whether or not Jikook are a couple and what makes her think Tae and JK are. Know what I mean?

What makes her think Jikook were a couple before 2017? What makes y'all think Jikook are a couple at all? I would like to hear from y'all- but come at me with the skinship bit and I'll block you deadass. Lol

So on this person's post, I think I agree with her assessment of JM's persona but I don't agree with the Jikook have been broken up since 2017. And I think I understand where this is coming from... I think some of us do. Yes they had a few fights that year especially leading up to Jimin's birthday- August was it? but we all know JK more than made up for it with the damn GCFs. Lol. kindly visit the timeline, peruse as many content as you can and form your own opinion on it. This is just mine.

Are Jikook Jikooking all the time? Absolutely not. They are human too. They fight, they make up, they break up they get back together, they have introverted, extroverted moments, they go up, they go down- have bad hair days, it's all part of their dynamics I'm afraid. From my point of view of course.

I feel some people notice these things too and when they sense Jikook aren't in a good place they bow out and Jump ship- I don't blame them. They are shippers not supporters. What Jikook need are supporters not shippers- or maybe both, do you.

Could this person be one such people? DNF shippers? Given up on Jikook before the end of their story? I don't know. May be.

Jikook is not a fantasy that you ship. It's a relationship that you support. You can't escape into them. They are an ongoing love story- chapters close, chapters open, you just have to ride it out till the very end.

I think the challenge of their post for me is whether or not Jikook is a performance. Her post leans into the whole Jikook is fanservice bull especially in light of the recent photoshoot video which some are using as evidence Jikook don't 'click' when the cameras are off- the lies they tell on Beyonce's internet!

I think I have speculated on this and shared my thoughts on this whole Jikook is fanservice bit. I will delve deeper into it in my next post on Jimin's idol persona but as I've already said, Jikook is fanservice is equally a misnomer.

Yes Jikook does fanservice sometimes, but they are not fanservice. Fanservice is the cover for their relationship. It's their glass ceiling- nothing to see here folks just two snakes under glass. Keep it pushing. (Sorry. Couldn't help myself. Lol)

But you do raise a valid question, what is Jikook like when the cameras are not filming?

Is the mood of Jikook in that footage the general mood of Jikook behind cameras as Tuktukkers are claiming? They barely interact, JM doesn't pay much attention to Kook, yadda yadda yadda?

And the part that gives me a complex, that JK only interacts with JM when they are the center of attention. Huh???????????

Sigh.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place on this one.

The theory you pointed out in support of this assertion isn't mine and I think I made it clear I didn't share the same thoughts on it. I said it was valid nevertheless. Chilee, this is hard. Lol

Yes JK is an introvert, Jimin is an extrovert, JM doesn't live for JK, all that is true and some Jikookers have said that too- so when you ask, if this is who they are when the cameras are off does that mean what they do when the cameras turn on is fanservice-

I-👁👄👁

I don't know the thought process that went into that theory so I can't confidently defend it. I'll ask? Lol.

Personally, I'd like to know whether or not they see the tension in that footage as tension in the first place. Chileee I don't know.

I see it as tension. Not a very serious one though. So we'd have to agree to disagree on that one.

But the part I can argue, the part I agree with is Jikook aren't hyper super duper lovey dovey on each other all the time. They aren't cuddly all the time. They have their moments of quiet- Jimin seems like the more affectionate kind who'd rub all over JK in the comfort of their homes but still...

If you ask me though, I think Jikook are tamer on cameras than they are behind scenes. I always talk about the fear and panic in the members' eyes when they see Jikook gravitating towards each other- it's probably because they know the extent of Jikook's shenanigans. They know how worse it can be because they've seen it all.

And when JK panics sometimes when JM gets closer too you just know dude is scared perhaps because of his Mochi chick's devil may care shamelessly in love policies- Jimin wild. Bless him.

I did say also that Memories 2019 is equally eye opening. These were censored bits. BigHit was holding all of that and giving us crumbs- stingy mfs. Bless.

All that said, again I don't think Jikook are hyper lovey on eachother behind the scenes. Another part I diverge from that view is that this is not exactly off camera. It was just behind the scenes of a photoshoot. Something we've seen a countless times.

This is not BTS's first ever behind scenes photoshoot. It's just a different angle that's all.

They were working. They were at work. This wasn't an alone private space for them so they can't base on this to say Jikook don't interact when the cameras are off.

The cameras were rolling. We saw them interact, JM was interacting with everyone the way he always does on camera all the time except he wasn't interacting with JK the way he does all the time, grainy footage or not- I mean let's call a spade a spade and not a big fat spoon. Lol

As to why he was doing that- let's just say there are many schools of thoughts.

My thought as I've said is JM was freezing JK out. I think with anyone that's recognized and is familiar with Jikook fights, that mood is all too familiar as I mentioned earlier.

If JM was being courteous and not mad at his man then he would have kept it 'professional' and done the 'fanservice' bit with Jk as per usual just as this person is saying since the cameras were still rolling.

Jikook is not fanservice. They are real.

I have refrained from providing a detailed analysis of that '5 minutes' footage for reasons I will explain later when I do share my thoughts on that footage- eventually. Some day.

But my hypothesis remains the same that I think Jikook were fighting or had a minor issue. As to why they were fighting, chileee I don't know. The confirmation bias in me feel it had something to do with JM's birthday but honestly it could have been over anything at all- dumplings, microphones- we all saw that slap on stage, a certain Iphone notification perhaps, did JinMin make a secret VLive without Kook again? Lol

There are plethora of reasons, I can only speculate on a few. And I think we've all seen Jimin when he is not 'Jimining' with the others, JK included. Take his mood with Tae at GDA for example- since this is not a VMin post I won't go into it.

But it seems they squashed whatever beef they were having on stage when JM extended his hands to Tae and they shaked it out.

We've seen him and Suga bicker too- which again, I am not gonna to get into out of respect for their shippers but I can point you to the On comeback VLive early this year when Suga touched JM and JM mouthed Hajima to him- which I think had something to do with what was going on with him and JK at the time but that is besides the point. Every shipper for themselves.

I contrast his 'fights' with Suga and V to show you the difference between Jimin being professional and courteous and Jimin being rah rah. He was sat next to suga, talking and laughing with him but snapped the moment Suga held his back.

He did the same in the Dynamite MV Vlive, smiling and laughing with Suga but the moment JK teased him with the Yoonmin comment his countenance fell.

Jimin is not that good of an actor if you ask me. I have said he is very Kumbaya in nature, often makes compromises for the sake of the team but that don't mean he is a pushover or one to trifle with- he scares me when he is mad. Lmho.

The scene in that footage didn't look to me as that he was being nice and courteous to JK- is that y'all's definition of professional courtesy? Damn.

If they were having a lover's squabble then the 'icy' mood of Jikook we saw in that footage is not the general mood of Jikook when the camera's are turned off.

I have to state again that I don't know much of what goes on behind the cameras and most of the things we see sometimes are equally missing context.

That been said we have seen enough of Jikook 'behind cameras' and they are more intimate than we can imagine. A certain cozy selfie at the back of an abandoned truck comes to mind. Whatever they were doing at the back of the track wasn't intended for the cameras judging from JK's reaction.

We've had glimpses of Jikook when they are not the center of attention enough to have a fair idea of what they are when cameras are off and I don't think it is that mood we saw in that footage.

We saw them at Jingle ball bell, towards the end of 2019. We saw them in their own space doing what they do best- making us feel single as fuck. Bless them.

We've seen them at awards, we've seen JK eating Jimin's ear nom nom to calm him down- like I would have just bought him icecream to calm down his nerves or rubbed his back but whatever JK. He is your man; you know him best. Good for him. Good for both of you. Now come back and feed us.

And the bit about JK only laughing with JM when he noticed he was on the Bangtan Bomb cameras in that footage- now that's nasty below the belts phony ass ass! I felt that one straight in my chest, shit. Lol

Dude was in a doghouse it seemed and I noticed them stealing glances at each other and.... sigh.

I just think JK was looking for an opening to warm his way back into JM's good graces- it's really nothing we haven't seen before.... sigh.

This is 2020 that narrative of JK hates Jimin, JK doesn't like JM needs to stop. It's dead. Pack it up. Chileee, y'all tried it with this one.

Jk is nice to JM only when the cameras are on him? Nice try.

JK is so fake and fraudulent he glared RM down till he stepped away from Jimin- again, in the very same photoshoot footage y'all swear to God is proof Jikook is not real.

Find it. RM stood next to JM. Looks up see's something- or someone. Does his tell- the hand to head thingy he does when JK glares at him over Jimin. He backs away inches from JM.

Cut to JK. Dudes a mood. Jin bumps into him, stares at him but JK wouldn't even look at him and then deadass looks away grumpyly- talk of professionalism. You doing great swidy keep going!

You can hide a relationship, fake it on God but you can never hide the intimacy. Taekook just lack that intimacy, I'm sorry. Even in that 'estranged' moment Jikook's intimacy was still there-

Even in whatever mood JK was in- which again, I believe was just due to their lover's squabble- JK still was claiming his man and exercising his right of authority over him. That's how you know they are not broken up. In my opinion. Chileee. I'm gonna get in trouble. Deep sigh.

Y'all think JK was hovering over Jimin because he was preparing to strike him down like a censored censored censored? Yea, he was preparing to strike alright- All the corners of Jimin's heart. Y'all better stop before I find you. Lol

I said I wasn't going to analyze the footage in this post but damn. This man out here serving us all kinds of brooding assorted jeonlous as his man takes a time out or two to wiggle wiggle wiggle on him Malfroy style and y'all are out here peddling nonsense. Strike one.

He was a mood alright. Did y'all see Tae rubbing his chest, arms and legs, ears did y'all see any body else in there doing that for him? Y'all's falcon cannot hear his falconer give it up and sorry, Jikook can't relate.

As I've posited, JM I feel was mad as hell for whatever reason and wasn't in the space to be that person JK needed him to be- in that moment. Doesn't mean they are like that behind scenes all the time.

And before I get attacked again for causing drama, being toxic etc by Jikookers understand that I am just a delusional person shipping these two in a way that makes sense to me. Write me off as delulu, and go please.

Whatever ambiguity surrounds that moment, to me, Jin and RM's reaction to JK clarifies things a bit. Jikook were boiling hot. JK was still keeping an eye on his man. Lol. Bless them. That's my conclusion. I'm running miles with that. Catch me. Lol

Feel free to come up with your own theory in a way that makes sense to you.

I'm not sure how long that fight lasted but from the rain day incident I'm hoping it wasn't that long. Jikook are fine I believe- I hope. Judging from the way JM drew JK out in his VLive with the whole I miss JK comment? Did that not sound familiar to y'all? And that Mickey mouse thingy- JM ain't slick. Bless him.

JM is the perched akekeke whisperer whispering all kinds of things in JK's ear, feeding JK news of what goes on on social media and what not. Dude don told his man they won a BB on his birthday, told his man Jin wasn't happy he chose his bag over his- definitely told his man Army was missing him- what? I'm going with that too sue me. Lol

Did you or did you not see Jk coming out to do a live log afterwards? And JK seemed less grumpy, in very high spirits? Wedding bells- I'm manifesting it for JK. Manifest with me.

Remember when JM did a log and talked nonsense about JK, and JK did a rebuttal log to respond to JM and address some of the things JM had said about him? Remember that? It's a jikook thing and it's back😌

I have said JM uses social media to connect with Army while JK uses it as an outlet to express himself. Through out his Live he kept talking about how he wasn't prepared to do a live and it shows in the way he kept saying it was awkward, he just kept it business and didn't know what else to share... I wonder who put his paws on him, dragged his ass to turn on the camera because Armys had asked of him- a certain quick tempered chick who dragged his man out on social media to do the whole Chuseok greetings 2020 on Twitter perhaps?

And JK is so whipped he'd do just about all the hoops to appease his man- Jikook AU written by Goldy. High five. No but seriously...

Behind the scenes, JK sneaks into JM's bed at night- Taekook does it too? Please! The look on JM's face when RM spilled that tea is enough said.

There's only two people in BTS that panic and don't want us to know they lay one on God in bed and it's not Tae Kook.

JK: Jimin hyung and I will sleep here

JM: how about we let the others choose first

Everyone shares a room:

Footage:🦄🍲🐯🧀🐺🍟🐓🥛🐑🛏

JIKOOK share a room:

Footage: 🚪👀

Behind the cameras Jikook sneak into each others bed- camera caught them live. You saw JM's face, I can't make this shit up. Lol

Behind the scenes, Jikook do laundry at 1am. *insert JM pervy face meme.

Chileee, y'all making me trip with this one. Deep breaths.

Jikook have their moments. This was one of them. Can they be human? Please. Thank you.

At this point, these folks are not even shippers. They is shoppers shopping a man for their bias. Lol. Just admit y'all want Jeon thick thighs strong butt for your bias and go. Just admit you want some tall glass of Tiger charming face husky voice strong chest for your bunny and go. Lmho

Chilee, when we say Tae and Kook had a falling out we don't mean they freeze eachother out behind cameras. Hell, we don't even mean they fake their bond or interactions. C'mon! Tae and JK admitted they are not lovers and y'all is bitter. That's why y'all is making up this nonsense about Jikook. Speak the truth and shame the devil. Peter would be proud.

When we say Tae Kook is not real, We just mean JM spends JK's birthday with him while every one including Tae is out there cruising for Jesus with friends. We just mean Jikook claim eachother even when they beefing. That ship beefed and didn't even know they was beefing and they are real? Damn.

We just mean Jikook make efforts for each other even when they are having bad days- Had it not been for Jimin they'd still be gnashing on these cold streets. Place some respect on his name, y'all's ungrateful. Lol

Tae and JK don't want each other they both want Jimin- there. I said it.

Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. 👁👄👁

Now where was I? Never mind. I'm just gonna go burn some sage. There's too much negativity going on around. Hakuna matata!

There is nothing wrong with Taekook as a ship. Personally, I'm a multishipper I ship all the ships but I support Kookmin. I don't mind their shippers calling them whatever, but my eyes twitch when people who claim they support Jikook act wishy washy with Jikook. Lol. Like are you going to withdraw your support of Kookmin if JK sits on Tae's lap?👀 Yall make me nervous. How can you think Jikook is real but then look at Taekook and go huh??? What are y'all seeing that I can't see?

Like those are two completely different dynamics. It's the skinship isn't it? Talk to me. Jikookers who see something nonplatonic in Taekook honestly give me trust issues. Y'all have me out here looking over my shoulders.

I am delusional but I'm confident in my delusions because to me it is about the love and support for JM and JK as LGBTQ plus couples. Please stop shipping Jikook, stop shopping JK and JM for eachother and start supporting them because they are real.

IN MY OPINION.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook analysis #kookmin #kookmin analysis #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #goldy blogs #goldy theories #goldy analysis #nightswithkookmin #jikook fights

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yvynyl · 4 years ago

Text

// Letters to YVYNYL //

Kennedy Shaw "Heaven"

/ Sometimes I get letters from right here in my hometown. Kennedy sent this one over and I think it perfectly encapsulates the feeling a lot of my readers are going through. Those of you who are struggling to make their music despite all odds, to make a life of music, to grasp on to the love they get from putting it out there. We are all in this together, our weirdo crew of misfits and hooligans who'd rather make a song that rips out our hearts and lay it out on the table for all to hear than just 'be normal.' We hear you. We hear you. Keep it going, friends.

Hi Mark,

When I think of music, I think of my grandmother singing me a song titled "don't fence me in." There's a home video of us singing it somewhere. Music to me feels no separate from myself. My mom used to listen to Tori Amos when she was pregnant with me and always told me that's why I started playing piano the minute I could.

My name is Kennedy, I'm a 21-year-old songwriter in Philly - or was in Philly - until a global pandemic interrupted my second year of college.

I'm only 21, but as far as coffeehouse music goes, I've probably seen it all. My parents used to take me to perform once or twice every weekend. They critiqued every show and were extremely supportive of how loud and passionate I was. Because of this, I know every jam band and bluegrass cover group that plays in the bookstores of the East Coast. I know which ones have AC and which ones make you pay for a meal after you perform. I have the stories of men telling me I'm "mature for my age" and taking photos of my 14-year-old legs while at the piano bench.

After I went to University, I knew a lot about basement scenes, too. I got too drunk while performing a few times, I kissed audience members during the choruses and band members during the verses. I drove off in the wrong uber twice. When the residence hall elevators shut down, I carried the keyboard, amp, stands, and book bag down 9 flights of stairs, and carried them back up at 2 or 3 AM less tired than before.

During this pandemic, and being back home in NJ, I've been asking myself why I continue pursuing music as a career, even though I never feel entirely validated or see financial gain from it. If anything actually, I see loss.

I switched my major from Music to English just before the pandemic broke in the U.S. I decided it was time to focus on a 'real career'. Then, I listened to some rough mixes of mine and decided to use all of my savings, every penny, to buy recording equipment and finish my EP in my bedroom. Clearly, I don't have any answers on why, or what's logical, or what's smart. I'm literally a crazy 21-year old girl-woman doing vocal takes in my parent's shower when they let me and finding the personal information of music bloggers and emailing demos to small labels like I'm their musical messiah. I've never filmed anything for anyone, and yet I've been dressing in vintage clothes and setting up "sets" (a bedsheet usually, chair, flowers) and recording them on my iPhone.

Even when I want to move on, the feeling of working on my music creatively is something so close to my core I don't think I can ever stop. Not because I think my music is worth listening to, or even good, I just can't stop making it. When I think of music I think of waking up from a dream and jotting down words. My dad saying to 'turn it down,' and then 'close your door'. I think of every love I had in high school giving me mixtapes, my best friend passing out on the train ride home with my amp in their lap. I think of watching strangers cry while I sing to them, basements of sweaty chances moshing, and my bandmates cans of beer. Every car ride with my parents I took for granted then, oblivious to the cost of gas and how many hours it took to get to the record shop where one person listened to half my set. I think of my younger sister listening to music to avoid new driver anxiety, and I think of my grandmother singing me songs, telling me to sing my own. I think of pausing the youtube tutorial, running from the desktop and to the piano upstairs. I'd make this hike a million times a night but never felt tired, and when I think of these things I don't have to wonder why.

Music is by far not the smartest choice as far as a career- maybe if I was smart I'd choose doctor, or scientist, or engineer, but feeling "smart" doesn't feel half as good as these memories music has given to me. "Heaven" is the first song I finished when I decided to work on rough mixes I had in my back pocket. It sounds haunting and compares heaven to a first love- the romanticization of first relationships is something that still pulls me in lyrically. I wrote it on bass, alone in my dorm room, probably crying. I hope you like it.

- Kennedy

…

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#Kennedy Shaw #Letters to YVYNYL #Philadelphia #songwriter #music #mixtapes #family #love #New Jersey #indie music

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damejanai · 4 years ago

Text

Dameraji

2020.12.02

S: Today...

K: Ou

S: I was at the same job as kaito kun before this, which was unusual

K: Mmm

S: This is a continuation from what we were talking about just now but...

K: Mmm

S: I went to rewatch Dame x Prince

K: Oh!

S: Well... that show was crazy in a good way

K: Totally unthinkable right

S: You know, totally, i wanted to watch some comedies, and, i don't really rewatch the ones i was casted in but totally you know... episode 1..Nareku, who is voiced by Kaito kun

K: Mmm

S: Started doing ad-libs all the way

K: Right?

S: Hngh! Hngh! Hngh! Aannn! uuun!

K: That's totally un actor-like

S: You just went ahead and did it right? *laughs*

K: Hahahaa

S: Nobody asked for...

K: Since he was moving so much, as an actor, that's totally a sign for me to do something right?

S: Totally.. well, i, you know, I hope you take my words seriously but, Nareku was so funny

K: Right?

S: Hahahhaha, so pure!!

K: Hahhaa, well it's not only me who created Nareku

S: Well well yes, it was totally, i want to do it again, with that team

K: Well but it won't have a second season, probably

S: Don't say that!

K: No but! those who have watched it would understand, the story had closure

S: That's true

K: The princes also matured. Amongst the comedy, the princes had growth

S: True...

K: Are we able to... return to that? Hahahahaa

S: I.....will i be able to do Ryuze?

K: ....Ehhh you can!

S: well.....nanodesu (high pitched)

K/S: HAHAHAHA

K: You did it!

~~~

Script: The streets are slowly beginning to look like Christmas eh?

K: Roppongi, or rather Keyakizaka? That area is totally..

S: *giggling*

K: Ah!!

S: Stop it! Stop it! I have recalled it!

K: I remember now!

S: For the details, please refer to... it's already in the archives? no?

K: But it was like from last year end, or the beginning of this year

S: Those who are able to listen please do...I too was... two men alone...what are you looking at? stop it stop it

K: It's still flashing...

S: Stop it! seriously... come on..

K: It was from then on right?

S: Stop it stop it, Recently you know... this is not good! like... i think this was my fault but... what was it about "from then on"

K: From then on, we began, right?

S: AHHHHH! WAhhhhh!! Ever since you started YouTube, you unlocked that kind of thing

K: AHahhahaa no no, what began was that I started driving Soma s-..... *giggle*

S: Hahahahahaa Oi! You don't have to do year-end tax adjustment for that too!

K: Oops, nothing's.. different

S: You know... I.... stop it? While doing Dameraji, the way we do radio has changed also?

K: Uh-huh

S: So, over there, when we spill our hearts out.. it has.. the buddy relationship has deep---*giggle*

K: I wonder why.... we... everyone has been saying that about us from the beginning..

S: Well well yeah

K: We being a pair, well regarding that, there was also a time when it was toned down...

S: There was, totally

K: Me especially

S: Well well, because of that, it became like, we should distance ourselves more.. right?

K: Stopped going for drinks, and stuff, well in times like these, more so, but it started even before this happened

S: Yes yes

K: I want to have a drink now! (together)

S: Me too, totally, shall we? Like before the year ends.. For Christmas?

K: Shall we? HAHAHA

S: Wahhhh, like, we are craving something

K: Craving.... no, we want to throw something away i think

S: Hahaha

K: This is bad, Okay! So the business talk shall end here

S: Hahahaha

-----

~Fanclub~

S: * Talking a bout how the space FC is 440yen per month*

K: Wait a minute, is that price okay for you?

S: We thought about it over and over

K: That's unacceptable! come on! That many services and that price... makes my membership quality seem lower

S: Don't cut in before i'm done with this email, geez

K: But anyway, your FC is finally starting

S: Until now, i've done one concert, so from now on, if i am going to have concerts, or release CDs, we'd like to give fanclub members priority, and we also wanted somewhere to communicate with fans, so decided on the name, "space".

It's the pace of S

K: Oh, "space" doesn't mean that there is a space in between huh

S: No no no, the name of the FC is "space". When I/we thought of it, i realised that it could have different meanings. Like Soma Saito's space, or a space for everyone, or outer space

K: Space right?

S: So decided on this name, it would be great if it is a space created by everyone

K: Nice~

S: But it is still in the works... we will be trying different things so the contents might be changing. I felt that this one song a day recommendation, is quite amazing

K: Yea it is amazing totally, what's recommend?

S: *giggles* Um, like a song a day depending on my mood, or a book, everyday

K: Are you serious?! Crazy

S: This is totally....Well to make it a place where you would want to visit everyday

K: Wow... amazing! amazing! Wait wait can you list out the services you're providing again

S: Mail magazine, one recommendation a day, one person radio with video, and also, bonuses

K: Well, and also you're going to think of new things from now

S: Yes

K:....... That overlaps with mine

S: Wwww well there's one email here too, Ishikawa kaito has started membership on his YouTube channel

K: And also actually I also have an FC ahahaha

S: Who would have thought, this is a coincidence right

K: Well you know, when i saw the news that Soma san was going to launch his fanclub, i was actually already in midst of creating mine but, i panicked, and panicked, i thought, oh no!

S: Hahahahaa

K: And posted a video quickly

S: So, like i've heard alot about how Kaito kun was going to have membership on his channel, right?

K: Umm

S: Then i said, ooh this would be good too right... and stuff, while behind the scenes, i was actually planning my FC

K: And also like, you know our services overlap too

S: Hahahaa, what will you be doing?

K: I will be holding live streams every month for members, well probably it'll be like 2-3 times per month

S: Amazing!

K: Livestreams where i just talk casually. And on YouTube "community", i will be writing stuff that happened, like a blog, and also after events or event streamings, i have done some already, i would quickly film my reflections/comments on the events and just upload them

S: Ahhh i guess well you have the chance to talk about those on radio sometimes but everyone would be interested to listen to Kaito kun's feelings about your events right?

K: Yes yes, so i thought, "recommendations huh?"

S: Well well well, that would be a total rip-off wouldn't it

K: Everyday...

S: But for me, it's contradicting but, i have a lot of jobs where i have to write now, but, i'm a poor writer

K: Ooooh

S: Like, i feel that it is hard to write

K: Well because you have too many options

S: Don't know if it's that but, i was thinking about whether i would be able to continue my blog properly. Well but if people were to be paying for the fanclub and the writings are not that good, that wouldn't be ideal so i thought, maybe i could recommend something different everyday

K: I'm so afraid now hahahaa

S: Ishikawa san's membership, is it a monthly payment?

K: Yes.. i wonder how much it was but, i made it really cheap

S: Ahhh

K: I searched up the services and prices of the memberships of other YouTubers, and made mine around the middle quality type of services, and the price low. I am not doing music as well, so the videos i upload might not be viewed as "highly priced" and that would feel horrible so

S: Ahhh, true...

K: And I manage the YouTube myself so, when i have guests over, i might need, outfits and stuff

S: Uh huh..

K: Or certain equipment.. like if we were to be playing games together, I would need to buy the game so... the membership fees would go to that

S: Wow... that's awesome~~ When... shall i go?

K: So, what shall we do?

S: Wwwwww what kind of ... what kind of reaction is that?

K: I thought of asking Soma san on the channel, well we did one story reading before

S: Yes

K: So i do want you to come but, i can't think of anything to do!

S: Come on come on, you're saying that there's nothing to do, in front of me?

K: Coz, we could just do it here

S: Ahh, we should differentiate it from this, things we can do that are not done on Dameraji

K: Yes, if it's the both of us, it'll inevitably be this

S: Hahhaaa, i wonder what...?

K: What, reminisce about "Zankyou no Terror"?

S: wwwww

K: Hahahhaa

S: "AAHHHHHH!! Remember, us" ah that's nine's line

K: Why are you snatching away my line

S: I was already shot before that

K/S: AHHHHHHH

S: Dun dun dun, dun dundun!

K: Ahhh cries~ cries~, Those who have not watched "Zankyou no terror," please do!

S: And well i really want to go on your channel, and i've already told my agency about this

K: Really? Ahh but your manager was nodding just now

S: Yes so it's safe to say that, it's approved already

K: Oooooh, ok so next i'll think about, what we are going to be doing

S: Shoudn't it be opposte?

K: Yess

S: Let's discuss then

K: Let's discuss, we have an expert here too

S: Won't that be Dameraji then!

----

~Dameraji photo studio~

Topic: Take a photo where the two photos would look like they're part of one photo

#dame janai radio #dameraji #saito soma #ishikawa kaito

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btsfan15 · 3 years ago

Text

Soaked!

"Wow, this set is amazing!"

I was at the set of Epiphany again. Jin already finished yesterday's shoot, so I decided to visit him today. I was gonna stay home and relax, but I decided to watch Jin film his comeback trailer. Today, Jin is filming the spectacular rain scene.

"This is where I get rained on." Jin says to me. "I'll get in for the scene."

"Oh, I can't wait!" I say.

"If you were wondering how the rain scenes are shoot, take a look over there." He points over to the set. There were two sprinklers on each side, with a light in the middle.

"Wow! That's amazing!"

"We use a set like that for rain." Jin says. "I'll show you what it's like today."

The sprinkles start spraying water everywhere.

"Woah, it looks like real rain!" I say.

"In a TV drama, you'll often see pouring rain and the main character trudging along it. It's something like that."

"Ah, yes. I've seen that before."

"Okay, let's get started!" The staff says.

Jin gets in position and I watch. He's just standing there and he still looks handsome. Wow, he's beautiful. The sprinklers start spraying water on Jin, getting him wet. I could see the sadness in his face. He is really an amazing actor.

He was expressing complicated emotions under the heavy rain. He walks out of the rain, completely soaked. He laughs. The staff brings him a towel. He wipes himself.

"That was amazing!" I say.

"Thank you, but why was the water so strong?" Jin says. "I had my eyes closed and the water just smashes into them. I couldn't lift my head. It hurt so much."

"Was the water warm at least?" I ask.

"It's not warm water, but it's not cold."

"Try and cry a little." I say. "Or you could breathe hard."

Jin shrugs his shoulders up down, making me laugh. He's so cute, even when he's wet.

The shoot continues and Jin is in deep sorrow under pouring rain. His acting skills get better and better. Once again, Jin walks out of the rain.

"You look like a drowned rat." I laugh.

He laughs.

The staff tells him he didn't come to the center, so he has to do it again. They dry his hair. I could see that he was thinking about the other guys.

"Are you thinking about the other members?" I ask, pouting.

"They should be here at a time like this!" Jin says. "All they did was to eat!!!" He sounded frustrated.

I chuckle.

"You know, the reason I came here was to watch you and give you comfort."

Jin looks at me.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I knew you would feel lonely without them."

"Yah, Navya! You're so sweet." He smiles and I smile back. "Thank you. It really means a lot."

"Anytime. That's what friends are for."

He gives me his bread smile, making me giggle.

Once again, Jin goes through the rain, only this time, he walks in the center. I watch and smile.

Soaked, wet, yet handsome...

"Shake your head!" The director says.

Jin shakes his head. That was hot. He then flips his hair back, making me getting goosebumps. That was hotter. Now that I've seen this scene, Jin looks so hot when he's wet. And handsome, too. Watching him reminds me of those romantic scenes when the main characters are running the rain and they kiss.

Hmm...I wonder if-no, no, no, no, no. I can't be thinking about that right now. I shake the thought from my head and focus on Jin.

He wipes himself off with a towel.

"Yay, you stood in the center!" I say, grinning.

"I'm so sad..."

"Awww."

We monitor Jin's killer move in the rain. We all gasp in amazement.

"Wah, you look so handsome!" I giggle.

Jin chuckles.

Now, we need the detail cuts! As the heavy rain pours down, Jin's soulful actor becomes deeper. He looked even more handsome now. A whole buffet, to be specific. We got some good footage. I monitor behind and saw one that really made my legs turn into jelly.

Jin wiped his lips.

I suddenly got butterflies in my stomach. The reason why I'm like this is because Jin such amazing lips. They're plump, soft, juicy, and red. It looks like he's wearing lipstick, but that's just the color of his lips. He doesn't even need lip balm. Just thinking about his lips makes me wanna ki-no, I can't. I need to stop thinking about these thoughts.

"I feel bad for you." I say, once he comes out of the rain. "You're getting drenched all day long."

"Don't be. Be lucky you're not the one getting wet." He says.

I smile.

The staff gives him a towel and he wipes himself.

"I'm 27, but it still feels nice to be buttered up."

I laugh.

We monitor once again and the director gives an OK sign.

"If you want to try one more time..."

Jin was startled.

"No, no."

We all laugh.

"I can do ten more takes."

"No, thank you."

"Jin, would you like to go again?"

"No, no!"

Jin stands up from his chair and walks over to the entrance.

I clap.

"The shoot is over! You did an amazing job, Jin!"

"Thank you, Navya. I worked hard."

"I know. Getting wet multiple times is frustrating."

Then, it gets awkward. I look down. Well, this is embarrassing. I clear my throat.

"I...I really liked those sprinklers. May I check it out?"

"Of course." Jin said. "Go ahead."

I smile and thank him. I walk over to the set and the floor was still wet. I looked all around and it was an amazing set. Can't believe the staff had the budget to do this. It looked like an actual street with a lamppost and rain. I smiled and was in awe. Suddenly, I heard a noise. Like splashing. I didn't know where it was coming from. Then, water poured down on me, soaking me. It kept coming. I closed my eyes.

The director noticed.

"How did it turn on?! Turn it off!"

Immediately, one of the staff members turned it off.

"Get Navya a towel!" The director said.

A staff and Jin came rushing over to me with a towel. I take the towel and wipe my hair and face.

"Are you okay?" Jin asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but how did it turn on?"

Jin scratches the back of his head.

"I don't know. It happens sometimes. We just don't know when."

"Oh. I wasn't expecting to get wet. I thought you were the only one."

"Me neither. Remember when I said 'Be lucky you're not the one getting wet?'"

"Yes, why?"

"I take it back."

We both laugh at his silliness. I sigh and look down at my clothes.

"My clothes are all wet. I didn't bring any spare ones."

"That's okay." Jin says. "It'll probably dry in a couple of hours."

I nod and we both smile at each other. Then, we both hear another sound, but this time, it was a different sound than before.

"Um...what's that noise?" I say.

"I don't know..."

Suddenly, water starts pouring on both of us again. It keeps coming like last time. We both close our eyes.

"Not again!" The director says. Another staff member turns off the water and we both are soaking wet. Again.

I push my hair out of my face and open my eyes. Jin had a surprised look on his face.

"Yah, seriously!? I just dried myself and now I'm wet again!"

"There's something seriously wrong with this sprinkler!" I say.

We both were dripping with water. I look up at Jin and he was staring right in my eyes. He was so beautiful with wet hair. I took in all his features. His brown eyes, his cute little nose, and most importantly, his lips.

Ah, here I go again after I specifically told myself not to think about this topic.

At that point, I really couldn't stop thinking about Jin's lips. I was right in front of him, so of course my mind went crazy.

"Well, all I know is that I won't need a bath for a few days." Jin says, laughing.

I laugh.

"Yeah, me too. I'm all clean thanks to the sprinklers."

We both smile at each other and lock eyes. Jin's bangs were in his eyes, but he didn't mind. There was water dripping down his face to his neck, making me swallow hard.

Then, Jin walks up to me, leaving us inches away from each other. He was even more gorgeous now. Jin brought his hand up and tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear. He cups my cheek and leans in, connecting his lips to mine. I immediately kissed him back. My eyes fluttered closed. His hand felt warm on my face. I didn't want the moment to end.

He pulled away, smiling.

"You're gorgeous when you're wet." He whispers.

A cold shiver runs down my back.

"You're handsome when you're wet." I whisper.

The corner of his lips tug into a smile.

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Please."

I grabbed his shirt and crashed my lips onto his again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his strong arms around my waist.

He pulled me closer and tilted his head to the side, making the kiss even more passionate. I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him.

I pulled away, leaving him breathless.

"I like you, Navya." He said, brushing my hair out of my face.

"I like you, too, Jin." I smile.

The staff comes to us with towels. We dry ourselves.

"I'm sorry, you too. I think there's a problem with the sprinklers. We'll try and get it fixed." The staff member said.

"No worries. It was an accident."

"Yeah, it's a good thing it went off cause now I don't have to take a bath for a few days." I say, laughing.

Jin and the staff member laugh along.

"Hey, do you wanna come over and hang out for sometime?" Jin asks me.

"I would love to, but I need to go back home and change into dry clothes."

"You don't have to go all way back home just to change clothes. You can borrow some of mine."

I blinked at him.

"You want me to wear your clothes?"

He nods.

"Well...okay. If you insist. They might not fit me, though."

"It doesn't have to fit you. It'll look cute on you."

I blush and try not to smile.

"Now, come on! Let's go home and have a great time together! I'll cook a delicious snack for us!" He grins and winks at me.

I laugh.

"Ooh, can't wait!"

#bts #btsjin #kimseokjin #jin #jinnie #kimseokjinnie #worldwidehandsomejin #worldwidefunnyguyjin #worldwidecutieguyjin #cutejin #adorablejin #sillyjin #funnyjin #hotjin #sexyjin #jinxme #jinfanfics #jinimagine

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