#sometimes i get the urge to delete my entire youtube channel

[femmeterypolka]

took just enough voice lessons to feel hypercritical of my voice but not enough to actually improve

[atelophobicity]

Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2.  Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

 9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated.  Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10.   Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

 Let’s get it.

[stone-man-warrior]

August 19, 2018: 12:53 pm:

August 19, 2018: 12:07 pm:<br><br>So I opened a Twitter account on Friday. It... StoneMan .Warrior - 2018-08-19 12:53:02-0700 - Updated: 2018-08-19 12:53:02-0700

August 19, 2018: 12:07 pm: So I opened a Twitter account on Friday. It was against my better judgment to do so, however, I am getting more and more desperate for help against the terrorists who threaten my life every day. When I say threaten, I mean that when I step out of my house to take a walk or check my mailbox, I will either be shot at with a cross-bow, or shot at with a rifle, or shot at with a small caliber pistol. If i step out to take a walk or check my mail, my neighbor at 520 "MyStreet", Nathan Phillips, will be in the woods, or on my roof, or in my back yard. Nathan hides in the woods and waits for an opportunity to enter my home if I go to the mail box. He and his sons dress in elaborate, and effective camouflage such that they are nearly invisible and in fact they become part of the wooded areas surrounding my home. He is difficult to see, but if I hear him, or smell him, I can see him. There is a plant called "liken" that grows abundantly here. Nathan Phillips collects the "liken" and either glues it onto a wet suit, or some other suit such as coveralls, or perhaps some other way. However he does it, he is absolutely covered head to toes with "liken", and bits of small branches and leaves. He even adds poison oak vines to the camouflage. The costume of camouflage is made such that when he enters my home to attack me while wearing it, even if I fight him, the plants and vines won't come off even if I grab at them. I was once able to tear off an entire sleeve to his costume, and then someone used the Nitrous Oxide and Versed gas mixture to steal the part of the sleeve that I had taken during a fight in my living room. I changed my locks three times last year, and once this year, and they still find a way to make a key to come through the front door. So whenever I leave to check my mail, I have to pile a bunch of stuff against the front door so that when I return from a walk that takes about five minutes I will know if someone moved the items I put there. It's ridiculous. There is no law enforcement, and cries for help to national security agencies don't reach anyone. No response has come, and I have not been arrested for making false reports of terrorism. Anyway, I made a Twitter account on Friday and sent a few tweets to national security persons on Twitter. I only had the account for a few hours before I found Nathan's terrorist cell friends in my kitchen after taking a walk. I had turned the computer off, gone outside for about seven minutes, and returned to find someone in camouflage deleting the tweets I made. I made about eight tweets and they were all gone within four hours of tweeting them. I learned that Nathan is working together with a man who goes by the name of H.A. Goodman. He is a You Tube personality who does political analysis on live broadcasts on You Tube. I watch H.A. Goodman and subscribe to his channel. When I go online, and watch H.A. Goodman on You Tube on a Live broadcast, I can hear and smell Nathan in the woods near my house. When I make a cmment on the Live Chat that is available on You Tube at H.A. Goodman's Live Stream video broadcast,  he can see that I am online and busy chatting. When Mr. Goodman sees my chat message, he signals Nathan Phillips. I am not joking. For a while the signals were verbal, now he uses a bottle of water. When I chat a message, Goodman grabs a water bottle, takes off the cap, and takes a drink. Sometimes the signal is to use a cup with a straw and he points the straw at the screen after I make a chat message. Anyone interested in helping can see what I am referring to by making a few observations at the H.A. Goodman YouTube Channel and looking for chats in the feed by StoneMan .Warrior. There will be a drink of water or a nod with a cup and straw shortly after the chat has been stated. This has been observed over the course of the past two weeks or so. Mr. Goodman reads this page. He makes reference to the items I write about on this page during his Live Stream events. He does so in a roundabout kind of way, however, anyone who has a working knowledge of what I write about can clearly see that he is referring to this page and he does not like what I have to say. Mr. Goodman is so upset about this page that he has engaged in a corroboration with Nathan Phillips to murder me and delete this page. Mr. H.A. Goodman is a murderer, he is a terrorist Screen Actor Guild Seventh Day Adventist Vatican operative and I intend to make Mr. H. A. Goodman of YouTube famous for his attempts to kill me in association with my terrorist neighbor Nathan Phillips of 520 "MyStreet". Also, the You Tube account holders who offer Mr. Goodman cash donations are accomplices and some are actually involved first hand. The group of followers that are regulars during Mr. Goodman's Live Stream Events are all terrorist cell members. Mr. Goodman provides a video sort of vehicle that is used to attack viewers in their homes while they are engaged in conversation on the You Tube Live presentation. YouTube is part of Google, and as such are able to track down the address of anyone who views the content at YouTube. Mr. H.A. Goodman, when I am through with you, you will be famous for being the single most stupid terrorist bastard on YouTube and you and your Flock will have been successful at causing the fall of YouTube. I will own you, and I will own YouTube. Do you understand Mr. Goodman? In the event that does not work, it will be because YouTube will send assassins to take out H.A. Goodman for having been so careless and stupid with their platform. I urge terrorist associates of YouTube to take special care of H.A. Goodman before he takes down YouTube with his blatant stupidity.

Shared with: Public

+1'd by: Robert Dent, Reginald Key

StoneMan .Warrior - 2018-08-19 13:00:24-0700 - Updated: 2018-08-19 13:08:43-0700

August 19, 2018: 12:55 pm: This is the leader of a terrorist cell on YouTube. His name is H.A.Goodman. Mr. Goodman and his followers in association with YouTube and Google have created a means by an through terrorist operatives are able to find viewers of the content available at YouTube, go personally to the viewers home, and murder them. This is one example of many hundreds of similar hosts of YouTube content who provide video services on Live YouTube broadcasts that lead to the death by murder of American Victims nationwide. This is not a joke. I am as serious as I can be, and this is a real as it gets. Have a pleasant day Mr. Goodman. Check-Mate. H. A. Goodman

StoneMan .Warrior - 2018-08-19 14:05:53-0700

August 19, 2018: 1:50 pm: Yesterday afternoon, shortly after sending a tweet message for help to someone in Washington DC, there was a helicopter hovering above my home. Maybe help has arrived? Maybe more assassins from the White House? I don't know. I stepped outside to see that helicopter flying slowly South above my yard and then out of sight behind the tall trees. I have a implant in my jaw that was put there by terrorists, it has been there nearly a decade and I have learned of it's existence. I know that there are some people who have receivers that can pick up the frequency that is used by the implanted microphone. I do not have a way to receive communications, but the terrorists in Josephine County ALL have two-way communications. So, I began to talk to the helicopter. I saw it was heading slowly South, so I just said things like "Hey! Are you Good-Guys or bad guys? Turn around! I am over here. Do a 180 and come back." They turned around and came back. The helicopter was big. It was about a ten passenger helicopter and had a lot of windows on the side. The kind of helicopter that is used for government or military work. It was a milky sort of white color and it had wheels on it on extended landing gear. The helicopter hovered above me so I began to put my arms in the air and say things like "Help! I am the guy who sent the messages... you can hear me because the terrorist bastards put a microphone in my jaw." The helicopter began to wiggle left and right in a sort of tip to the left, then tip to the right kind of motion. Wobbly. They did not stay long, but did stop the helicopter over me for a period of about one minute. I was wearing a bright red shirt and a black hat with white letters on it. Maybe they saw me. Maybe they came to kill me. I don't know. It is not unusual to be attacked by assassins in helicopters in Josephine County Oregon. That is one of the reasons I opened a Twitter account on Friday.

[musingsofmeanderingspirits]

  “Purple Flowers From The Barn” Spirit photography by Michelle and Ricky Schill

No, sorry everyone! I am not talking about going dancing or anything else you may have on your mind. I am talking about stepping out of your comfort zone!

If you want to really grow and expand, give it a try! Yes, I know, it is terrifying! I have been terrified of this for my entire life and had really been struggling with it for about a year and half now.

I have always been very shy and reserved. The typical wall flower at social functions. My self-esteem and self-confidence were so low that it was difficult to bring myself to talk to anyone. Gradually I began to become a bit more outgoing in social situations. I cannot remember what prompted it. It merely just seemed to happen.

Although I have always enjoyed writing and have been told I am a good writer, starting a blog and talking about the very things I spent my entire life hiding from others was a very scary prospect. In fact, I was so terrified that I attracted the very thing that I was a afraid. Criticism from strangers on-line telling me I am crazy, I am a fake, I am delusional, I am going to hell, read your bible….. The list goes on and on.

I had such a melt down that I ended up deleting my previous blog. I had no intention of ever blogging again. But something inside me (as usual, it was probably my Higher Self, she is very determined to step out of her comfort zone) urged me to forge ahead. I began another blog with a bit of a different format and me being brutally honest.

“Evening Sky” and “Heart In The Clouds” Spirit photography by Michelle and Ricky Schill

Since I began this blog, I have been enjoying it. Yes, I have had to take breaks but I think everyone needs breaks at some point. I really enjoy blogging and although I have had a few rude comments over the past few months, they have been very few. I believe that the reason for this is because I no longer care what others think. Don’t get me wrong, the concern will sometimes pass through my mind but it does so exceedingly quick. I no longer worry about what I am writing and how people will react. This is the first time that I have shared my blog everywhere without concern for what family, friends or strangers will think. I have taken on the attitude: my blog, my timeline, my Facebook pages, my social media page so I get to write whatever the hell I want! Believe me, that attitude is extremely effective!

Over the last few months my ambition has really seemed to flourish. I do not ever recall being this determined in my life. When I decided to start my new on-line shop, Naturally Ethereal, was when I became a forge ahead bulldozer. I am passionate about using natural products and my art. I decided that since I feel the two are closely connected I would create a shop where I sold the all natural products that I make and use and then also have a section for my one of a kind art which is based on nature and Spirituality. This idea resonated with me so much that I consulted my Guides to get their opinion. They said they needed to ask me a question before they gave me their opinion. They wanted to know the reasons that I wanted to do this. When I said my passion is natural products to improve holistic health and the environment and my art has always been my passion, they gave me a thumbs up!

This is where things get really frightening. I began to do a lot of research before beginning my new business. I came across a blog called Create & Thrive, which is an informative and educational blog for artists/makers who want to turn their hobby into a business. I read blog posts and listened to podcasts daily. The information was extremely helpful so I decided to join the paid group, which is an off shoot of this site, called The Thriver Circle. The Thriver Circle has a web page but the majority of the activity takes place on its Facebook page. There is a 52 week course and every month there is a project. Well, the first monthly project when I joined was to do a live Facebook video for your business. Let me tell you, I was shaking in my boots! Jess, who is the facilitator, said that I needed to keep doing videos for my business because I have lovely voice and it will attract customers. I found that I actually enjoy recording videos, which really surprised me! Another thing that surprised me was the response to the videos. I found that more people watched and responded to videos than they do to written posts, posted blog posts and posted products! I ended up doing eight videos that month for my business and there are more coming!

I have also begun doing a video series for this blog; however, I must post them on the Ethereal Happenings Facebook page because I cannot upgrade my WordPress account at this moment. I posted the first video this afternoon so please click on the button at the lower right of this page and it will take you to our Facebook page and you can watch the video. It is a series on nature that I wanted to do before the snow starts flying. Yes, I have quite a few of them I want to do!

All of this has caused me to be pondering all sorts of crazy ideas which are out of character for me. I came up with a few ideas for promotions on Naturally Ethereal. I began the first one yesterday, which is receiving 10% off your first purchase when you sign up for the Naturally Ethereal Newsletter. I am also of thinking of some free giveaways as promotions for Naturally Ethereal.

I have always been technologically challenged (John used to take care of all that stuff for me), but all of this has caused me to design my own website, how to set up promotions, upload videos and various other techie things I thought I could not do.

I am having some very crazy ideas about maybe offering my services on Naturally Ethereal too, such as Spirit Drawing and maybe readings. That one would take a lot of courage and I will be mulling that over for a very long time.

Then there is a YouTube channel idea that keeps sneaking into my mind. No matter how many times I try to bat it out of there, it flits right back in. This idea just gives me the heebie jeebies!!

Anyway, as frightening as this all is for me, it is also empowering. I have no idea if I will ever do all these things; however, the things I have accomplished make me feel as if I am a whole new being. I think this is because I am a whole new being and it feels wonderful! I feel as if I am on a new adventure.

Anyway, those crazy ideas that sometimes pop into your head? Throw caution to the wind and give one or two of them a try! You will be amazed at how wonderful you feel. It truly is a Soul expanding experience! – Michelle

“Park Trail Sign” Spirit photography by Michelle and Ricky Schill

Steppin’ Out No, sorry everyone! I am not talking about going dancing or anything else you may have on your mind.