#sometimes i genuinely forget they in real life aren't actually dating. like what. is wrong with me

[thecranewivesrpf]

loving the new url bro

Thank you. stress and iskall are in fact gay in love I'm glad so many people recognize and appreciate this fact

[seeds-and-sins]

The Seeds accepting you, a young kid, into their family would be like...

• To the surprise of others, cult members and sinners alike, your acceptance into the family happened the moment you met them.

• Your drunk father was being the abusive piece of shit he was at one of Joseph's Sermons and Jacob Seed intervened without hesitation.

• Within weeks John Seed found a way to legally remove you from your father's custody and assign the family as your permanent guardians.

• John pulled some strings even further and your father was sent to prison for child abuse. Needless to say, you won't see him for a while.

• The Seed siblings, at first, had a hard time figuring out who you would live with.

• So you had a room at each of their abodes, free to live with any one of them, whenever you so chose.

• John would spoil you with an endless array of gifts and excessive affectionate hugs and forehead kisses. He would take you flying in his plane whenever you stayed over at his ranch. He even let you fly it one time, but don't tell Joseph.

• Family dinners every friday night were your favorite.

• John would make the meal and it would suck, but nobody wanted to hurt his feelings, so he never would know.

• Jacob would secretly pass his food down to his wolf sitting under the table, motioning for you to be quiet about it with a wink.

• Family conversations sometimes turning into bickering...

• "Unicorns are real! Okay?! The Bible says so!"

• Joseph and you had a garden together that the both of you would work on when you were at his compound. He would read scripture to you, teach you lessons about the world, and talk to you about the collapse.

• Jacob was more about tough love. He had high expectations of you in terms of being efficient when it came to protecting yourself, surviving in the wilderness, and acknowledging your surroundings. (But every now and again, he would allow you to sleep in his arms if you had a nightmare about your abuse, or were afraid).

• Faith, you went to when you had emotional issues, or questions, or when you wanted female company. You both would have sleepovers and she would give you all the sweets you could imagine.

• Family photos where they all are extra and try to get single photos with you. (There might be a fight over who is the favorite parent, but Jacob doesn't call himself parent as much he does guardian).

• Joseph has one really cute photo of John, Jacob and you, that he hides in his journal. It was the day you got officially baptized and as Jacob was trying to help you out of the river, John and you yanked him in.

• You started playing basketball at your highschool, now that your father was gone you had more confidence to explore your interests. And the Seeds were more than enthusiastic about you being more active and social.

• At home games, they would be the ones cheering for you in the stands, the loudest spectators, even Jacob would participate in the madness (mainly to threaten the referee for calling fouls on you).

• Jacob and John worked with you often to make sure that you were the best player on the team. Jacob more so, would force you to train as much as possible.

• The coach let Jacob take over practice one time, since he usually watched on the sidelines. No one made it to the end of pratice, except for you.

• One of your fellow team mates going, "I hope your dad never runs practice ever again."

• Jacob yelling, "Cull the herd!", aggressively, anytime you got the ball.

• Joseph pulling you aside at half time and explaining, "My child, remember when I said violence wasn't the answer? Yes, well, this might be the one time where I am wrong."

• John bragging about you to the opposing team's parents, "Oh look! There they go again! Out running all of your children and scoring on them."

• Your sophmore year you almost failed math, you had good grades in your other classes, but the teacher wouldn't budge. It was your worst subject.

• At away games, it was almost like the whole cult was there to cheer you on. They would take two massive buses of members who would come see you play.

• Your math teacher never called for a parent-teacher conference ever again. Your grade became a C shortly after that meeting.

• John calling your math teacher and saying, "It would be a shame if (insert random blackmail information) became public."

• You being the best in PE class, with none of the kids being able to catch up, because Jacob Seed trained you every early morning. You were a force to be reckoned with.

• When you started dating, the whole family was very protective of you.

• Jacob and John were more direct when it came to threatening your boyfriend/girlfriend about being good to you.

• "If you try anything, I will carve the sin from your flesh myself. No one will be able to save you, and when I am done with you, well..." John's words fading into a deep chuckle, with that leering smile on his expression.

• Jacob crossed arms, stern posture, "Hmm, I hope you know where you belong, you pathetic weak little-" He stopped at Joseph's glare, "Especially where your hands belong, or else you'll lose'em."

• Your first ex ended up finding snakes in their pillow case before they went to bed one night. Jacob swore 'he had nothing to do with it' and John couldn't stop smiling.

• Faith and Joseph were sweet and kind, but their words had a warning lurking beneath them.

• "My child, you are so full of life. I would be very disappointed should something happen that would require that life to be slowly taken from you. I will pray for you." And Joseph traced a cross onto their forehead, which they couldn't have know that that meant they were marked.

• "It's so nice to know that they think you deserve them." Faith placing a hand on her chest, mockingly being kind to your date. "They are so giving and genuine aren't they? Let's hope they are right... for your sake."

• Your boyfriend/girlfriend had to ask permission before taking you to the local drive in.

• Jacob and John stopping you before you leave, "Don't forget that one neck breaking move that I showed you" and "Do you have that knife that I gave you last Christmas".

• When they give you the talk, Jacob was completely absent from the conversation, John wouldn't stop nervously pacing, and Faith and Joseph were mainly doing the talking.

• Jacob piping in at the end, to Joseph's aggravation, "Just make sure you wrap it up, kid."

• "Only when married can two partners share eachother in such an intimate and loving embrace," Joseph explains.

• Jacob admitting, "Ya'know kid, I actually don't mind having you around, and I don't like having anybody around."

• Joseph always saying, "After I lost my daughter, I never thought the Lord would gift me with another child, and then... and then we found you."

• Take your kid to work day, where John takes you to one of the Project's many court hearings at the Missoula courthouse.

• "My daughter/son would be a better lawyer than you ever could be and they haven't even become a lawyer yet."

• All the other cult members practically babysitting you, or watching your back while the Seeds did the Lord's work.

• Jacob giving you your very own Judge, that follows you around the Veteran's Center and elsewhere when he is busy.

• John Seed tried to cook for you one time and it came out horrible, so you both just started get pre-made meals in the mail.

• Prom night at the Hope County Highschool was a night to remember because John, Joseph, Jacob, and Faith all chaperoned.

• When no one wanted to dance with you in fear of your four parents, the Seeds each had one dance with you.

• John, Faith, and you pranked Jacob into beating up your PE teacher, with a disapproving Joseph on the sidelines.

• You all ended up back at the ranch anyways, for a family dinner.

• When you graduated high school, John Seed revealed his secret stash of wine to you, "You are old enough in my book."

• You having trouble figuring out what you want to do in life.

• "Whatever you do, whether its here with us, or not, we will support you."

• Jacob swelling with pride when you join the Army (but secretly afraid because he doesn't want you to go through what he went through), John nearly crying when you explain you want to become a JAG, and be a lawyer like him.

• John calling you to talk about the family and complain, Jacob rarely calling or accepting your phone calls (he doesn't like phones so much, but you know he cares), Joseph and you communicate through letters, and Faith always FaceTimes or Skypes you.

• When the first seal is broken, the Family urges you to return home to help prepare for the collapse.

• Even as you rushed to get back, there was not enough time.

• You don't make it back before the collapse and end up stuck in someone else's bunker, an individual that you soon come to be friends with.

• Joseph gives you a frantic welcome, crying and holding you in his vice grasp. He explains what happened, how Jacob, John and Faith were killed.

• When the seven years ends, you head straight to Hope County, your bunk mate and you head your separate ways. You look for your family with all of the energy you have, and you find them. There is only one left.

• And then you cry and feel guilty, because you blame yourself for not getting back in time. But Joseph talks you out of that guilt and explains to you that what we do now will be in their honor.

• Ethan being slightly jealous when Joseph shows you more love and affection than him.

• Joseph and you talk about them often.

• And he introduces you to the man you would call your brother, Ethan.

• Together, the three of you try to build what your family had always wanted.

• Joseph stating with so much appreciation and gratefulness in his voice, "You came back safe to me, you came back home. I am proud of you, and John, Jacob, and Faith would be so proud of you too."

• And you never once realized that the Judge was, in fact, the murderer of your beloved parents.

• At least you had Joseph and Ethan...

• Since the day Jacob punched your dad across the jaw in the church, "I know what it's like. No one will ever touch you like that ever again", he promised.

• The day that John stood in a court room and fought for you, "You are one of us now, and we Seeds protect eachother."

• The day that Joseph wrapped a blanket around you, "I knew you would come to us, to be part of our family."

• And the day that Faith held you in her loving embrace, "Everything happens for a reason, my little flower."

• That was the day you became a Seed.

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Perfectly Unexpected Colson Baker X Reader

Word Count: 2,250

Warnings: None kinda fluffy lol

There weren’t many things in life you genuinely didn’t like - all in all, you considered yourself a positive person. But you wouldn’t be a human being living in a modern society without ever coming across some aspects of life you could definitely do without.

Like Brussel sprouts, for example. Or ingratitude. Or, when looking at society as a whole, phenomenons like social injustice. Sure, you weren’t a perfect person, and you certainly didn’t want to end up as a hypocrite pointing fingers at others while simultaneously not practicing what you preached.

Yet that certainly didn’t stop you from standing up for your beliefs in front of others - a character trait which kept your circle of friends relatively small, but that was fine with you. Having a handful of truly trustworthy and honest people in your life was better than having a few thousand superfacial acquaintances – at least to you, it was.

Besides the previously mentioned things, there was something else you really, really didn’t like.

Blind Dates.

Now, of course blind dates weren’t generally a bad thing. But, much like listening to a song over and over again until you came to hate it eventually, blind dates had been pretty much ruined for you.

All thanks to your best friend, Jewels. You loved her, you adored her, but sometimes, you just really wanted to strangle her. More times than you could recall, she’d convinced you to go on a blind date with a guy of her choice. Each time, you’d tried to talk her out of it, but she would have none of it – and in the end, she was more persistent and you were too much of a harmony junkie to rebuff her.

The first few times, you’d been genuinely excited for your dates. When it came to dating and relationships, you were pretty “old school” – you loved the concept of meeting someone through shared interests, the idea of fateful encounters – of romance just in general, really. Of course you weren’t naïve enough to believe in something as ridiculous as the concept of “love at first sight” (well, maybe you were, but you certainly wouldn’t tell anyone about it).

Yet you still couldn’t help letting your expectations running rampant in those few seconds before your blind date would eventually walk in and crush all of them within mere minutes.

One time, Jewels had set you up with a guy she’d met on the subway – seriously, who does that? – and while he’d seemed interesting enough at first, he’d proceeded to shamelessly flirt with and swoon over all of the female waitresses and fellow guests during your date, leaving you sitting there to mend your wounded pride while he ended up getting punched in the face by the boyfriend of a lady whom he confessed his “eternal love” to.

Another time, you’d ended up with a man who was quite a few years your senior, but other than that, pretty much the full package – beautiful red hair, a few scars that only added to his charm, a stunning smile, and some humor on top of all that. It could’ve been perfect – had you not found out about his wife and child by coincidence a few days later.

You could vividly remember how furious you’d been and how Jewels had sincerely apologized, assuring you that she’d just met the guy through mutual friends and that she’d had no idea about his little double life.

But none of that was quite as devastating as your latest blind date – and, as you’d promised yourself after that evening, your last. You should’ve known something was wrong with the guy as soon as he managed to use about 10 different curse words within the first five minutes of conversation. But you didn’t want to seem snobbish or superficial, so you’d tried to give him a fair chance.

Well, let’s just say he managed to start a fight with an entire group of men seated at the table next to you, and the evening had ended with you being questioned by the police. Yikes.

After all those experiences, you were pretty sure any sane person would never agree to go on a blind date ever again, let alone one set up by your best friend. But alas, either you were suffering from temporary insanity, or Jewles was just some kind of witch, because yet again, she’d managed to convince you.

At least this time, you wouldn’t be alone – since your blind date tonight was actually her boyfriend’s friend/bandmate, Jewels and Rook would be accompanying the both of you, making it a double date. According to your best friend, Rook’s friend was none other than the infamous Machine Gun Kelly!

You and Jewels were currently getting ready before meeting up with the boys at the restaurant.

“Jewels, I don’t want to go, please don’t make me!” you whined.

“You already said yes, (Y/N)! I can’t just call it off now!” Jewels answered, munching on some marshmallows she’d brought with her. “Besides, you’re gonna love Colson, he’s perfect for you!”

“Yeah, well, according to you, all the other guys were perfect, too,” you deadpanned.

Jewels just rolled her eyes at you. “Yeah, but Colson is Rook’s friend and brother, and let's be honest, my boyfriend is pretty damn hot.”

Is she for real right now?

You couldn’t help but laugh at your friend’s brazenness.

“Ok, first of all, that doesn’t even make sense, since you already told me they’re not blood-related. Second of all, looks aren’t everything, and lastly: EW! He’s YOUR boyfriend, I’ve told you before that automatically turns him into a neutral being I wouldn’t ever think about in a sexual way! Like … a nice fruit basket!”

“Well you do know fruit baskets can potentially include bananas, and-“

You groaned. “Why are we friends again?”

“Because you love me. Now hurry up and get dressed, or we’re gonna be late!” 

A little while later...

You had taken a little longer to get ready than usual, since, unlike all the other times before, Jewels hadn’t given you advice on what to wear to impress your date.

“Just… be yourself, I think that’ll impress him.”

Maybe this date wasn’t going to be as disastrous as all the others. Maybe, just maybe, this guy was actually different. Or maybe you were just a hopeless romantic born in the wrong century.

You were just about to enter the restaurant when Jewles let out a loud squeal, making you turn around to see the guys arrive.

Looks Aren't Everything,don't be super facial,stay calm-

HOLY shit.

Blonde, shaggy hair, the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes you’d probably ever seen, and a scar… he was undeniably handsome.

You swallowed. Suddenly, you were feeling just a little more nervous than minutes before.

Ok, a lot more nervous.

He politely greeted Jewles before turning over to you. But instead of shamelessly checking you out, like some of your previous date had done, he simply smiled at you, keeping eye contact the entire time.

“Yo, I’m Colson, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand. Ok, this guy was way more polite than you would’ve expected.

And a lot cuter.

Shut up, brain!

“Nice to meet you, too. I’m (Y/N), but I’m sure you already knew that.”

He laughed quietly. It was a soft, warm sound, and you knew immediately you wanted to hear it again. “I do, actually. I hope you’re not uncomfortable with those two” – he pointed over at Rook and Jewles, who were still busy eating each others faces – “setting us up.” Even though it was already quite dark outside, you could make out just the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

Adorable.

“N-No, it’s alright, I’m actually quite glad that it’s with someone like you.” A second later, you realized how that had sounded, blushing profusely. “Oh my god, that sounded so superficial, I apologize. I’m just- uhm… a little nervous.” You smiled in what you hoped was a genuine way (and prayed it didn’t make you look as idiotic as you felt).

“Don’t worry, I know what you meant. I’m a little nervous, too, actually.” He reached up to scratch his neck.

You were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you. Turning around, you were met with a shit-eating grin from Jewles.

“So, should we go inside or do you two lovebirds need another minute?”

A while later…

“What?! So you’re saying that even though you love music, you’ve never been to one a live show?” Colson asked you excitedly.

“No, I haven’t. I’m just not a big fan of large crowds, you know? Makes me kind of anxious.”

He shook his head in mock disapproval, making you giggle. “No, this will not stand. Next time I’m going, I’m taking you with me. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you, so don’t worry.”

You blushed. After the initial awkwardness, you and Colson had basically been talking non-stop for the last hour or so. Jewles had been right – for the first time ever on a blind date, you were able to just be yourself, and feel comfortable doing so. Colson not only shared many interests and ideals, he was also incredibly charming and polite. Even though you wouldn’t admit it out loud – at least not to Jewles, who kept wiggling her eyebrows each time you looked her way – this was completely different from your previous dates.

The scar covering his eye had been caused by an accident, which had taken place while shooting off guns during down time, and he’d also told you a lot about his love for his other band mates. Apparently, they are very close.

“So, what do you want to do after you’re done with this tour?” you asked, taking another sip from your drink.

He cocked his head slightly, taking a moment to think. “Uhm, I’m actually not sure. I’ve done a couple of projects, so there’s quite a few directions I could potentially go in, but I actually like the idea of just living in the moment. Career is important and all, but so many people just forget to have fun along the way, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I couldn’t agree more! And even if you make tons of plans, who says they’ll actually work out in the end? Life’s full of surprises, anyway.”

“It is, indeed.” The way he looked at you just then made you think he was referring to you, or this… whatever this was or could be, and it made you smile like an idiot and blush as red as a tomato at the same time.

Left completely dumbfounded, you were desperately trying to come up with some sort of witty answer, but had no idea what to say. He just smiled, still looking at you, before asking: “Hey, uhm.. you want to go get some fresh air for a second?”

Feeling clueless as to why he’d ask but somehow also excited, you got up immediately.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Jewles asked, looking as self-satisfied as ever.

“We’re just going to get some fresh air, we’ll be back in a second,” you replied, unable to keep blushing yet again when your best friend simply cocked an eyebrow as an answer.

Once the two of you were outside, you took a deep breath before looking at him, really looking at him. Your heart started beating faster and you were feeling like a teenager who was crushing on someone for the first time, despite only having just met this man.

You were royally screwed.

He looked right back at you, and smiled before scratching his neck once more.

“I’d actually really like to kiss you right now,” he said, taking all your breath away with just one sentence. “But I’m not going to, because this evening – no, you, have been so perfect and I don’t wanna ruin it by moving too fast.” You both spent a moment in comfortable silence before he added: “Uh, that is, if you’re even feeling the same way.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Colson, do you really need to ask?”

He chuckled. “I guess not.” He took a look at his watch before grinning cheekily. “So, why don’t we get out of here?”

“O-out of here? Why- I mean where would we go?”

“Doesn’t matter. We could go look for a place that still sells ice cream at his hour, or just drive around in circles all night while talking about whatever we want. What do you say?”

Well, that was unexpected. And a little reckless. But you couldn’t say you didn’t like it.

“But, uhm… what about the other two?” you asked, slightly unsure if it would be alright to simply ditch your friend.

“I think they’re going to be just fine on their own, don’t you think?”

You took a look through the glass windows to see Jewles and Rook sharing what was probably the biggest pizza you’d seen in your entire life.

Colson was right – they’d be just fine.

He held out his hand for you, and you took it, immediately intertwining your fingers with his.

As the two of you started running down the street to his car, giggling and laughing like little kids, you couldn’t help but think that maybe, you hadn’t been born in the wrong century, after all.

[lilitunoirrr]

An Apotheosis: A Song That Describes Me

This song is about being overlooked. Giving your love to someone for them to not notice or not care, for whatever reason; but you just allow it because you hope- maybe, eventually- they will notice and start to love you back and appreciate you. Soon all you see is that they are wounded - they don't love you like you love them, the eyes of a fallen angel because they weren't what you thought they were. The eyes of a tragedy, because that fact hurts and now all you see is the tragedy that is them, this relationship. And the cycle repeats until you break it.

At one point this was me. Always attracting men who didn't really love me or care about me. Not deeply anyway, and definately without the consistency and depth needed to keep stoking and building on that kind of bond. Well see...that's were I realised I was the faithful, devoted type. When I fall in love, I fall in love deeply and that is the one person to me that I want to form the deepest bond with, just us two, exclusively. I was never the polyamorous type, I am to monogamous for that, to loyal for that, emotionally as well as sexually. Not that they weren't. But in hindsight I realise now, we loved differently. They wanted superficial, I wanted real. They wanted all the girls, I wanted my one and only king that saw me as his one and only queen. I didn't want to have to fight for crumbs of love, against other women who they claimed were nothing to them, but would drop everything for them, flirt with them, like they were their girlfriends, not me; while I became degraded and treated like an annoyance for just wanting to love them. Spend TIME with them. Build with them. Be included.

Because im always there? Because I loved you enough to want to make you a part of my life, a priority of my life, entwine my life with yours?

So I learned that when love and mutual respect isn't being served anymore, you gotta leave the table. You have to realise they don't really love you and you're worth more than this, you deserve better. You deserve consistency and emotional reciprocity. You deserve to feel loved and actually be loved too.

It took me a lot of heartbreak and learning to love myself to see that allowing myself to be their doormat, their plaything, like I wasn't a human being with feelings, or with wants and needs, or the right to be loved truely and properly as well; to finally learn that they were not going to change, they weren't going to wake up one day and finally see their wrongs and start appreciating and loving me truefully back. I had to save myself, love myself. Be in my own corner and have my own back. See my own worth.

I allowed myself to fall, I became depressed, in ways that was my fault because really it was my karma for not walking away sooner. Not karma to punish me, but karma to show me the truth. Eventually it gets so uncomfortable you have no choice but to stop ignoring it and see; and once you see, you can't unsee.

A quote that describes the way I love:

My loyalty runs so deep that I will fight for something until I feel like there is absolutely nothing left. No matter how bad it is, I will fight for the good times that could return. So once I stop argueing and checking on you, that's when you know you officially lost me for good.

While this song is also referring to 3 Libras that the lead singer, Maynard James Keenan, had dated at some point and felt overlooked by, I always felt as a Libra sun, I could actually always relate to being the one that was overlooked rather than the one that was overlooking. Astrologically this may be affected a lot by my having a natal Scorpio Venus though.

But from the point of view of being a Libra sun, the '3 Libras' always spoke of the trinity that becomes a Libra when they are in love and/or in a relationship, to me. The trinity being the seductress, the best friend and the partner.

The Seductress: You try to be their wildest dreams, fit all their fantasies, entice them, be the one they crave and go looking for, the one they lose control for, with, everytime. You try to become their weakness, like they are for you.

The Best Friend: You try to be the girl they confide in, share their stresses and secrets and vunerabilities too, who's opinion they value, who's advice they ask for and value. You try to care for them in a way that allows them to feel cherished beyond romantic love, you hope they see more value in you than just your sexual or romantic potential, you hope the care goes deeper. You hope they actually like being with you, spending time with you, including, having fun with you.

The Partner: You try to be their ride or die. You put them above all other men, you don't treat any other man the way that you treat him, you treat him better, above all of them because he is your one and only just like you are his; he becomes a priority just like you are to him, and you love only him exclusively, like he does, just you. you try to be their peace, their rock, their safe place. The one that they say they belong to, not in a objective or oppressive way, in a way that confidently exclaims to whoever needs to know, weather they asked or not, to males and females, pointing right at you proudly: "that's my girl right over there". And if your not there? Still drops he has a woman back at home waiting for him proudly and happily. You try to be dedicated, devoted and faithful to them.

Libra is the sign of marraige and love in the zodiac for a reason. We sometimes dedicate ourselves to the point that we fail to see when we are being overlooked sometimes, and even when we do, we tend to allow a lot of mistreatmeant for longer than we really should.

We take on that pain, wonder why we are overlooked. Why aren't we good enough? Am I not beautiful enough? Do I not excite him? Do I not make him feel heard and valued? Appreciated? Wanted? Loved? Does he not feel how he is the only one I want to love? Build with? Doesn't he want just me the same way I want just him?

So we stay, allow a lot more than we should in the hope that maybe they will realise, have an epiphany, and finally see you, and forget all the girls they talk to for superficiality rather than anything genuine or real, or deep. Or everlasting. Like what they say they have with you, but their actions show otherwise and their lack of consistency shows you otherwise.

This song resonates with me because I used to be that girl that was overlooked, even allowing disrespect and mistreatmeant in my naievity, because I hoped, thought, they would change and finally see me.

But what I really learned is that allowing this showed how bad my relationship was with myself, the fact that I didn't see myself high enough to walk away and go towards someone who really did love me. The fact that I didn't love myself enough, to tell myself I deserved better and to go be happy, even if it was on my own for a bit.

I learned that no matter how much you love someone you should never allow them to mistreat you and you don't have to be out of love with someone to leave when love is no longer being served to you.

I learned I don't mind if I have to go it alone, if there is no love. Not that I would like it or want that, but I realised I'm worth more to me than settling for crap and that I refuse to settle for anything less than the love I deserve.

And the love I deserve is equal, deep, genuine, passionate, engaged, consistent, reciprocal, looks you right in the eyes - and really sees you, feels you, listens and values what you have to say, validating, present, fun, sexy, loses control in each other, exclusive, and most of all, is from the heart and soul.

And the beauty is, I'm finally at a point in my life where I will no longer accept or tolerate anything less 💗