#sometimes i feel like this au has a mind of its own

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[arolesbianism]

I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman

[shellshocklove]

does anyone know where the love of god goes? | joel miller

pairing/AU: joel miller x female!reader – post breakout & no ellie AU

summary: crossing the country alone as he searches for his brother, joel stumbles on a farm. winter is closing in, and against his better judgement he's convinced to stay. as the frost covers the land like a blanket, a warmth ignites in his heart for the young woman who's home he finds himself in.

warnings: this is an 18+ fic so minors dni!!! canon-typical violence, age gap (reader is mid to late twenties), swearing, dead animals, joel being a sad man, masturbation, no use of y/n

a/n: i soft launched this ao3 last month and it flopped lol so i'm gonna keep my expectations low for this series. anyways this has been a story i've been thinking about since probably october. this is the first part of what i'm hoping will be 3 parts. happy reading i guess

main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3 / playlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.

The leaves rustled against Joel’s boots with every step he took. The sun had turned traitor cold, and he couldn’t feel its kiss against his cheek no more. The trees shivered above him in the wind – the only sound for miles except his heavy steps.

Did he still exist, with no one around? Joel had never minded being alone; after the breakout he’d found that he sometimes preferred it. People could be… well, when you’ve seen the worst of humanity, maybe it’s best to leave it behind.

And wasn’t he the worst of humanity? The things he’d done. The people he’d killed, and killed for. The people he’d lost.

But he had to keep going. For Tess. He promised.

Every night as he stared into the flames his thoughts would drift to her – the memories flickering in the fire. They should’ve never gone through that museum – it was supposed to have been empty – they should’ve never left Boston in the first place. Now Tess is gone because of him, him and his stupid plan to find his brother.

And for what? How is he ever gonna find Tommy?

Joel didn’t even know where he was. Nebraska? South-Dakota? Maybe he’d made it to Wyoming and just didn’t know it? Abe had told him ‘Cody Tower’, but Joel hadn’t seen anything other than mother nature for weeks.

Everything had started to look the same. Trees and more trees, a mountain in the distance, a grey and heavy sky above him. He’d been walking for forever. Slowly he moved west– or at least he thought he was. On the days where the sun hung high in the sky and wasn’t shielded behind a cloudy partition, he liked to watch it as it dipped below the earth. As the days turned shorter and shorter, the display of color had started to get more vivid. Joel would watch the light blue turn red and bloody, fiery tongues of flames licking over the horizon while the sharp edges of the mountains, and the triangular shapes of the trees faded into an intense black– like the shape of the mountain and the trees had been cut out with scissors. There wasn’t much to stay alive for anymore– but Joel lived for those few moments where nature painted with fire. Humanity might’ve gone to shit, but the cyclical regularity of mother nature gave Joel a small sense of peace.

But he missed the kiss of the sun against his cheek now. He’d moved into a large forest a few days ago. Tall trees hovered over him like giants and cast shadows down at him. It was colder here than out in the open country, but at least he’d been somewhat shaded from the rain pouring from the grey cover above his head the last few days.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

The sound stopped Joel in his tracks. Muscle memory worked on its own, gripping the shotgun slung over his shoulder. He listened for the sound again, to the steady rhythm echoing through the forest.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

With slow calculated steps Joel walked in the direction of the sound with the shotgun held tightly to his chest, his finger hovered over the trigger. The chopping sound got louder as he closed in on a man. He couldn’t tell his age with the man’s back turned – but he was strong – Joel could tell from how hard the man’s axe hit the tree trunk.

Taking another silent step, Joel got in position, “How ‘bout you slowly turn around and place that axe on the ground.”

Joel’s voice was hoarse after no use, but still cold and calculated as he spoke his order. He could see he’d startled the man, probably thinking he was alone, just like Joel had thought mere minutes ago.

The man obeyed, turning around slowly. He was older than Joel, maybe mid-seventies, maybe older if the wrinkles and creases around his eyes and nose were to be believed. His hair was white as snow matching his unkempt beard. Joel caught his eye. Strong and steady, no trace of fear one would think a man would feel while having a gun pointed at them.

Joel’s grip around the gun tightened. He wasn’t afraid to pull the trigger if that’s where this was headed. The man watched him calmly before he bent his knees, throwing the axe haphazardly on the ground.

“Kick it over here,” Joel commanded again, and the man obeyed, kicking the axe clumsily towards Joel.

Slowly Joel crept closer, gun still pointed at the man. He locked the heel of his shoe against the shaft, dragging the axe behind him and out of the way.

“Hands where I can see ‘em.”

“Are you going to kill me, son?”

The man’s question puzzled Joel. He said it so calmly, like how you’d ask someone to pass the salt.

“That depends on you.” Joel’s answer pulled at the old man’s lips, a small huff of a laugh escaping them.

“Well, you’re the one with the gun. I think it depends on you.”

Joel tightened his grip on the shotgun again – he didn’t know why –to frighten the man? He didn’t seem very frightened.

“Are you alone?” Joel asked.

“Not anymore,” the man answered.

“Don’t be a smartass,” Joel gritted through his teeth, “who you travelin’ with?”

“No one,” the man’s eyes never left Joel, “I live at a farm about a mile away.”

“Take me to it.”

The man walked with a limp Joel noticed. It was barely there, you wouldn’t see it if you didn’t pay attention, but it was there. The man acted tough enough, but his body revealed his weaknesses. It would be easy to kill him, Joel thought, if it came to that.

He followed the man through the trees with his gun pointed at his back. When they reached the end of the forest a clearing revealed itself. They followed a path through a field of, tall but wilted, brown grass until they reached an overgrown gravel road with a fence running along it. Looking out in the distance, Joel could see small spots of white and black wool. The gravel moaned under their feet as they closed in on a small farm. A two-story house sat in the middle of the barnyard where it was surrounded by a barn who’d seen better days, a silo, and a smaller farmhouse – a stable – Joel noticed as they walked closer.

The man trudged up the front stairs of the main farmhouse, a hand on the handrail keeping him steady.

“Put that gun away would you, son? I don’t want you frightening my wife.” The man broke the silence between them, speaking for the first time since they left the woods.

Joel’s grip on his shotgun didn’t loosen. How could he be sure that this man’s ‘wife’ wasn’t some gang of raiders hiding behind the front door? A question he asked the man through gritted teeth when he turned around to look at Joel.

“There’s nothing of the sort around here,” the man said, “we don’t even see any infected.”

When Joel didn’t say anything, and didn’t lower the gun, the man spoke again, “Who are you?”

“Just someone passin’ through,” Joel answered, making the man chuckle.

“You’re something else, passer-througher,” the old man smiled before he turned around again and stepped inside, leaving Joel on the porch alone.

Abandoned outside he lowered his gun slightly. Inside he could hear muffled voices, a deeper one, definitely the old man, and a brighter one, a woman’s voice. He listened, trying to make out their words with no prevail. The man seemed to have spoken the truth up until now. He most definitely lived on this farm – a seemingly normal farm. This man was just someone making an honest living – even after the apocalypse.

Lowering the gun completely, Joel put the safety on before he slung it over his shoulder. Taking a hollowed step towards the front door, movement in the window to the right of him caught his eye. It was there and then it was gone – just a ruffle of blonde curtains. Then, the door opened revealing an elderly woman.

The man’s wife.

“Welcome, traveler,” she greeted, stepping aside to let Joel in.

He passed through the doorway with a “Thank you, ma’am,” never forgetting his manners even after pointing a gun at her husband.

Inside it looked like a picture taken straight out of a Homes & Gardens magazine. The house was cozy, but it was small. He’d been welcomed into what probably used to be a parlor, but now served its purpose as their living room. It was hard to get a read on the house. Not like those open-floor plan houses he’d built too many of back before the outbreak – this was old, maybe hundreds of years old. The floorboard creaked under his shoes as he walked deeper into the living room, the rest of the house locked away like a secret behind three closed doors. The man was seated in a lounge chair by the fireplace, watching Joel with an expression Joel found it hard to decipher.

“Would you like some tea?” the woman asked, “It’s peppermint from our garden.”

Joel turned his head to the woman. She must be around the same age as the old man, Joel thought. He cleared his throat before he answered with a nod, “Thank you, ma’am.”

She pointed to the sofa, urging him to sit down with a smile before she disappeared through one of the doors to what Joel thought must be the kitchen. He felt the old man watching him as he slid his backpack off his shoulders, placing it on the creaky wooden floor behind the sofa. Joel hesitated for just a second when placing the shotgun up against the back, but decided he wasn’t in any imminent danger.

Joel almost groaned as he sat down. He’d been walking for so long, slept on the hard ground for months, he’d almost forgotten what a comfortable chair was. It almost felt surreal, being invited in for tea, like the outbreak had never happened. Here, it was like the time had stood still.

“So,” the man started, “where are you heading to if you’re just ‘passin’ through’?”

Joel cleared his throat again, “I’m lookin’ for my brother,” he answered truthfully, “last I heard he was somewhere in Wyoming.”

“If you’re going to Wyoming, then what you’re doing all the way up here?” The man queried with a chuckle.

Annoyed, Joel grinded his teeth, “Not many signs in the fuckin’ woods are there?” He huffed.

“I guess not,” the man shrugged, “but you’ve made a heck of a detour… where did you come from? Texas? You sound it.”

“Boston.”

“Boston?” the man didn’t hide his surprise, breathing out chuckles in disbelief, “I’ll give it to you, that’s one long trip.”

Joel only huffed in agreement, turning his head from the man to the window overlooking the barnyard.

“Well,” the man broke the growing silence between the two men, “you’re more than welcome to stay for dinner and for the night– you look like you could need a hot meal and a warm bed.”

Joel’s instinct was to say no, but before he could the front door opened, revealing a young woman. You.

You stopped dead in your tracks as you laid your eyes on Joel, “Oh!”.

The door slammed behind you. Under your arm you were carrying a metal bucket filled with apples. You were beautiful, young, but still beautiful – Joel couldn’t deny it.

“This is…” The man paused.

“Joel.” He cleared his throat, introducing himself, “Joel Miller.”

“Mr. Miller is just passing through– he’s looking for his brother,” the old man explained to you.

You nodded at the information, sat the bucket down before you reached out a hand for Joel to take, introducing yourself. Your hand in his was warm and soft while his own dwarfed yours, rough and calloused. He couldn’t help but think about what his hands had done, the people they’d killed. He shouldn’t be tainting yours, painting them red. Joel quickly drew his hand back, balling it into a fist at his side.

Joel looked over at the old man, “Your daughter?” he asked with a tilt of his head in your direction.

“Oh, no,” the man answered with a playful smile, “You’re not the first person ‘passin’ through’ who’s shown up on our doorstep.”

The door to the kitchen opened to reveal the old woman with a teapot in her hand, and a stacked tower of teacups in the other.

“Let me help you Alma,” you said, taking the teacups from the old woman’s hand before placing them on the table; one in front of Joel, a second in front of the old man, “Here you go Arthur,” and a third next to Joel.

“Did you also want some tea, sweetie?” Alma asked you as she placed the steaming teapot on the table.

“Yes, please, but I can grab a cup myself– sit down,” you smiled and padded the old woman’s shoulder, then you grabbed the bucket of apples and disappeared into the kitchen.

Alma started pouring the tea as a silence fell over the room. A small, “Thank you, ma’am,” left Joel’s lips as she moved on to pouring tea for her husband.

“So,” the man started before taking a sip of his tea, “what do you say Mr. Miller? You staying for the night?”

That night as he laid in a real bed for the first time in months, Joel had trouble falling asleep. He wasn’t used to this. Hadn’t been used to it for a while. His belly full, soft fabric against his skin, feeling warm, and clean. The old couple had offered him one of the two bedrooms on the first floor, the two mystery doors in the living room now revealed. Laying in his new bed he tried not to think about who he was sharing a wall with.

You.

You were something else, helpful and kind. Everything Joel hadn’t seen since the outbreak. At the dinner table you’d asked him questions and listened intently – even when his answers were short and brisk. There was a glimmer in your eye, and it touched something inside him he hadn’t felt in a long time. But you were young, mid to late twenties he reckoned, maybe a little older– anyways, he shouldn’t be harboring anything for you, it wouldn’t be right. Especially now, now that he’d agreed to stay.

After the dinner plates had been cleared, Arthur had folded a big map out on the table. “Here are we now,” he’d pointed a finger at the map. Montana. Southern Montana to be precise. “I’ll give it to you Mr. Miller, if you’ve made it this far on your own you probably won’t have any trouble making your way down south to Wyoming.”

“But?” Joel watched the grimace pulling at the old man’s face.

“But,” Arthur had said, “Winter is just around the corner and… well, going back out there in the wilderness alone during our winters is a dead trap, I’ll tell you that much.”

Joel had let the man go on about the far below freezing temperatures, the heavy snow, and the tough wind, but Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew the winters up here were harsh. It wasn’t even winter yet, but every day he’d felt the temperature drop lower and lower, and the last few of nights he’d even had to get a fire going, against his better judgement.

So– the deal was: Joel would stay over the winter. Just for the winter, he’d been adamant on not staying longer. He’d get a place to stay, a warm bed to sleep in, and food in his belly on one condition – he’d help out on the farm.

The fire crackled loudly, red tongues licking up the chimney as Joel fed it another log. He watched as the fire caught in the new log, devouring it quickly and with no mercy. It was really starting to heat up now. A small flicker of pride sparked in Joel chest. He’d always been good at building a fire. It was one of those things, Joel had come to learn, where you needed to pay attention, to have patience.

When he was younger, he’d take Tommy out camping sometimes, just the two of them. Mostly they’d go during the summer; Tommy wasn’t a fan of sleeping outside in the cold, though cold had meant something different back then in Texas. But Joel remembered one time he’d managed to convince him to go with him. It was right after he’d gotten his driver’s license, and his parents had given him a beat-up truck for his birthday – for sharing – they’d told him, “You need to give your little brother a ride when he needs it!” Joel wasn’t exactly thrilled about his future as Tommy’s private driver, but it didn’t mean he didn’t love his brother.

A few weeks into October he’d managed to convince Tommy to go camping. They’d packed the truck with their tents, sleeping bags, and fishing equipment, before they’d gotten on the road, driving to a lake where they knew there were fish to catch. Finding a place to camp was always difficult with Tommy. They’d parked Joel’s truck at the edge of the forest before they’d followed a hiking trail. Joel was convinced they’d walked at least three quarters of the way around the lake before they found a spot good enough for Tommy.

It had to be flat, but also shielded. There couldn’t be too many rocks, but there also had to be enough rocks to build a hearth. Tommy wanted it to be private, but he also wanted it to be open enough that he could see if someone would stumble upon their camp. Joel knew not to argue with him when he got like that, opting instead for a defeated, “Whatever.”

Setting up camp went relatively easy. They’d worked together building the tents, collecting rocks for their fireplace, and even managed to find a fallen tree to use as a bench. When the night slowly started to cover them in darkness, Tommy decided to get the fire going. Joel watched him work the logs into a pile as he started on filleting the fish they’d just caught.

“You’re doin’ it wrong,” he’d told his brother, “You’re suffocatin’ it.” He’d washed his hands in the lake, ridding himself of the slimy smell of fish, before crouching down next to Tommy.

The fire was one big bowl of smoke, and Joel caught himself wondering what messages Tommy must’ve been sending to the heavens. He removed some of the heavier logs, and the fire could breathe.

“See?” he’d looked at Tommy, “It just needed air.” Joel had shifted the smaller pieces of wood around and not long after the fire was alive.

That Joel, that green boy who liked to take his little brother camping, that Joel didn’t know how much those skills would come in handy in a few years when the world would get turned upside down.

“Do you have any mittens, Joel?”

Your question pulled Joel from his memories. He turned his head slightly, meeting your gaze from where you were huddled up in the corner of the couch. You looked cozy, but he knew you weren’t. The house was cold this morning, outside a thin layer of frost had stuck to the grass during the night. It was early too, the sun not having climbed high enough yet to peek over the mountains. You looked tired where you sat, clad in a wool sweater with a blanket pulled over your knees. Under the blanket Joel remembered you were still wearing your pajama pants, and in your hand you held a steaming cup of tea, peppermint, Joel knew, his own cup abandoned on the coffee table.

“What?” Joel answered, eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you have any mittens, Joel?” you repeated softly, like the way people tended to speak in the mornings, like they were afraid they’d wake up the world.

His calves were starting to burn from the strain of being crouched in front of the fireplace for a moment too long, and he tried his best to hide his groan, biting his teeth together as he stood to his feet, knees cracking loudly.

“Um, no,” he said, confused about your question.

“I’ll knit you a pair then,” you smiled before putting your cup down next to his.

“That’s… that ain’t necessary,” Joel hurried, but you waved him off.

“Sure it is,” you smiled again, much to Joel’s annoyance. He didn’t deserve your kindness, but you gave it away like it cost nothing. “If you’re gonna be helping Arthur out in the woods this winter, you need some mittens.”

Joel watched as you got up from your home on the couch and vanished into your bedroom. A moment later you appeared in the doorway with a basket under your arm.

“Also…” you gave him another smile as you sat back down again, placing the basket in your lap. It was close to overflowing with yarn, balls of black and white in varying sizes peeking over the top, the homespun ends fraying against the rough edges of the basket. “I’ll have something to do during the evenings,” you winked before you rummaged through the basket and fished out a measuring tape.

Joel shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he watched you. Mittens? Joel can’t remember if he’s ever owned a pair of mittens. Gloves, sure, but mittens?

You patted the cushion next to you, urging him to sit down, kind smile hanging off your lips like always. Sitting down, he folded his hands in his lap, suddenly very aware of how close you were sitting. It wasn’t like he hadn’t sat next to you before; he’d been here a few weeks now, and he was starting to know you, but for some reason, this felt different. Maybe it was the early morning, the quiet house, or the fact that Alma and Arthur were still sleeping upstairs, but it felt like it was just the two of you, alone, and Joel didn’t know how to feel about it.

You shifted towards him, the blanket slipping slightly off the couch with your movement, in your hands you held the measuring tape while you looked at him expectantly.

When Joel didn’t move, a smile quirked at the corner of your mouth before you grabbed one of his hands resting in his lap. You uncurled his fingers slowly, one by one, making Joel hold his breath.

“I need to see how big I need to make them,” you whispered, holding his hand very gently.

Joel’s heart hammered in his chest. Your hand was warm and soft, like the last time he’d touched you as you’d introduced yourself to him. Joel didn’t dare look at your face, or he’d say something stupid, so he didn’t. He looked at your joined hands, his brain trying to remember the last time someone had held his hand as gently as you did, your thumb running over the back of it soothingly.

He can’t remember. His hands are always empty.

With your other hand, a finger curled around the measuring tape, you slipped it around his wrist before leaning closer to look at the numbers.

“Is this too tight you think, or do you want them to be looser?” You asked through your lashes, eyes sparkling in the low morning light.

Joel cleared his throat, “No, that’s fine.”

“Okay,” you nodded, slipping the measuring tape from his wrist to write down the measurement. He hadn’t noticed your notebook until now. It was a little rough around the edges from use, the spined cracked and the paper a little yellow. Placing the pen in the seam, you grabbed the measuring tape again.

Loosening your grip on his hand you placed it over the thick of your thigh. Joel drew a quick breath, his heartbeat hammering in his ears, under his hand he could feel the warmth of you through the soft flannel.

You continued taking your measurements. You didn’t say anything, so neither did Joel, but you looked up at him through your lashes sometimes, and Joel thought that maybe the most useful thing one can do with empty hands, is hold on.

The creak of the stair made Joel jump, and like he’d been burned his hand retracted on reflex, as Arthur’s heavy steps got closer.

“Morning,” Arthur greeted as he ducked his head through the door to the living room.

“Mornin’,” Joel mumbled, head lowered as he gathered his hands in his lap.

“Good morning!” you smiled, always with that kind smile, “Did you sleep well, Arthur?” you got up from your seat before grabbing your teacup to follow Arthur into the kitchen, leaving the yarn and Joel.

Taking a deep breath, Joel pinched the top of his nose. He needed to get it together. You were just being your regular kind self; your soft touch was nothing more than that. Standing to his feet, Joel grabbed his own cup, trudging into the kitchen.

In the kitchen Arthur sat in his usual spot at the dining table, the chair closest to the window. “I need to get on with this barn soon,” Joel heard him say as he sat down opposite him. “It’s gonna fall apart come spring if we get as much snow as we did last year.”

Joel tried his best not to look at you as he heard you hum. You were stood at the kitchen counter slicing the bread Alma had baked yesterday, readying breakfast. Instead, Joel opted to gaze down into his teacup, where the peppermint leaves had all gathered at the bottom.

“Um,” Joel cleared his throat, “what needs fixin’?”

“What doesn’t need fixing in that barn?” Arthur sighed, peeling his eyes from out the window to Joel.

“I can uh,” Joel eyes shifted quickly to you before he cleared his throat again, “I can take a look at it, if ya want?”

Arthur’s eyebrows met in a furrow as he looked at Joel.

“I used to be a contractor,” Joel explained with a shrug, before taking a last cold sip of his tea.

“So, you know a thing or two about buildings I reckon?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah, well I used to,” Joel leaned back in his chair.

“Well, that would be very helpful Joel– I’d appreciated it!” Arthur smiled before leaning back in his chair making room for you as you started setting the table. Joel gave him a short nod in return, trying to fight the urge to look at you as you placed the food on the table.

Arthur had downplayed the state of the barn – it was a mess – it was dangerous, and had Joel told him as much. But it was nothing Joel couldn’t fix, as long as he had the right supplies, fortunately for him the forest would provide them with what they needed.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

The axe dug a deep wound into the bark with every swing. Joel’s breath was heavy, and his arms ached, but it was a welcomed form of tiredness. A month into it, he was starting to get used to the work. There was something so satisfying about manual labor, of using his hands, of making something – he’d almost forgotten.

The routine of the work felt good. Waking up at dawn, then breakfast, he could use his body for something useful for the first time in twenty years and end the day with a warm meal for supper. This new temporary life was simple, but it was strangely normal.

Originally, Joel was only helping Arthur out in the woods for firewood through the winter– but now with the barn, they’d changed course. The last few days they’d started to become more selective with the trees; looking for the tallest and straightest ones that would fall safely.

A frozen sky hovered over the men as they worked. This morning when Joel had woken up, the thinnest layer of snow had fallen like powdered sugar during the night, turning the world bright with winter. Earlier in the week the frost had perched on the farm, and Joel had known winter was closing in. He’d lost count of the days and months passing while on his own, but Arthur had told him it was late October.

“It will start snowing properly soon,” Arthur said, breaking the silence between them.

Joel hummed before taking a bite of his packed lunch. They’d worked all morning – Joel felling the trees and Arthur cleaning them up and removing the branches. Now they were sat on a fresh tree stump each, their first break of the day.

“I have an old logging sled in the barn– used to be my father’s,” Arthur explained, “I think we should leave the trees here until the snow gets deep enough for the sled and have the horses pull them back to the farm.”

“Fine by me,” Joel took another bite of his lunch.

“The logs will have to dry out over the winter,” Arthur mused, “Then come spring we can start the repairs on the barn.”

Spring. If everything goes according to plan, Joel won’t be here come spring. He needed to find Tommy– he couldn’t, and he wasn’t gonna stay on the farm for any longer than necessary. He’d already decided– when the snow finally started to melt, Joel was gone.

Joel hummed, a non-committed answer. It was easier that way, to not get Arthur’s hopes up. He liked Arthur, he was a good man, a hard worker even in his old age, and silent when Joel wanted him to be. Joel liked Alma too, but her age shined through more easily than Arthur’s. Joel couldn’t help but notice her repeating herself more often and forgetting where she put things. It made life harder for you, Joel could see it. Your responsibilities were already a lot to handle as you took care of the animals mostly by yourself, but as Joel had discovered Alma starting to struggle with the housework, he’d noticed you starting to help her more often. In Joel’s mind it was unfair to you, but it wasn’t like he could blame Alma for growing older, in this world it was a feat.

Still, he’d try his best to help you when he could, like doing the dishes after dinner as you dried them off and put them away. The first few times you were both quiet, it was strangely intimate, only the sound of splashing water filling the space between you. One night he'd gotten brave, breaking the comfortable silence and asked you ‘What you thinkin’ about, sweetheart?’ You’d looked at him with big eyes, searching his own for something, but before he could figure out what it was, you’d answered him with a shrug. It was unlike you, unlike you to be this silent, but Joel didn’t push. The next night the silence persisted, and he’d thought adding ‘Sweetheart’ had been too much, but then the next night you’d sighed quietly and whispered, “I’m worried about Alma.”

Looking down at the mittens in his lap, the guilt gnawed at him. The look of worry in your eyes, Arthur’s hopeful wishes, and Alma’s aging. Joel couldn’t have anything tying him to this place. He was supposed to find his brother.

Suddenly, a black and orange butterfly landed on Joel’s knee. Joel stopped breathing, body going rigid as he tried not to move. How the hell was this butterfly still alive? It sat quiet on his knee, wings slowly retracting and widening behind it. Memories pushed its way to the forefront of Joel’s mind then.

Sarah. Another year had gone by, and the thought made his chest tighten.

“That’s quite a sight at this time of year,” he heard Arthur say, “Beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Y-yeah,” Joel stammered out an answer, afraid his voice would scare it away.

The longer Joel watched the butterfly he found his guilt started to slowly melt away. It’s okay, dad. It was like the rustling of the trees carried her voice with them. You’re on the right path.

“I can do that f’you want, sweetheart.”

Joel’s boots creaked under him as he walked across the barnyard. You looked up at the sound of his voice, smile blossoming across your face as you tightened your grip on the shovel.

“It’s alright,” you said with a grunt as you picked up more snow, adding it to the growing pile, “Good for me to get some physical work in.”

Joel nodded as you straightened up, hand going to your hip while the other leaned on the shovel, your heavy breath curled in small plumes out of your mouth. You took him in for a second, eyes flickering over his form before they fell on the rabbits hanging over Joel’s shoulder.

“Where’d you get those?” you asked, and Joel shrugged.

“Shot ‘em,” he said simply, “they walked right by me as I was choppin’– seemed too good to pass up.”

“Not for the rabbits,” you muttered, and Joel had to fight the urge to smile.

“You a vegetarian or somethin’?” he asked with a single raised eyebrow, and you waved him off.

“No,” you said pointedly, but a teasing lilt lingered, “Just stating a fact... we don’t eat a lot of rabbit around here, is all.”

Joel nodded slightly; it made sense. He knew there was a gun in the house, but it was a revolver– too small to do any real hunting, and Joel didn’t even know if there were bullets for it. So, Joel didn't ask further. Lucky for him, you did.

“So, you just shot those?” you asked, a frown pulling at your eyebrows, “Aren’t they fast?”

Joel made a nonchalant sort of face. “Ain’t that hard when you can aim straight.”

“Well, how do you aim straight?”

“You learn to shoot.”

You let out a small laugh, one that pulled at Joel’s lips. “And how did you go about learning that?”

Joel felt his smile drop, the leather strap of his shotgun weighing heavy on his shoulder, “Practice.”

You didn’t seem to notice the change in his demeanor as you dug the shovel into the snow, so it stood by itself like a watchman. “Can you teach me?” you asked, the snow creaking under your shoes as you took a few steps closer.

His lips pulled at the corner, “No.”

Your eyes widened with disappointment, eyebrows pulling together in a frown as you asked, “Why?”

“Nothin’ good ever comes from it,” Joel shrugged.

“Okay,” you huffed a laugh, “that’s sinister.” Then you narrowed your eyes at him, gearing up for an argument no doubt with the way you rested your hand on your hip. “What if I also wanted to go hunting?” you posed, and Joel shook his head.

“That ain’t happenin’, sweetheart.”

“Okay, but now you’ve brought us rabbits– and what if I end up really liking rabbit?” you bit down on your bottom lip, unconsciously showing off you own rabbit teeth.

Cute.

“Then I’ll shoot as many rabbits as you want,” Joel countered with a teasing smile before tightening his hold on the rope slung over his other shoulder (the one he’d tied the rabbits to), and walked towards the kitchen door at the back of the farmhouse.

He heard you huff in defeat behind him, your creaky steps following him up the stairs and inside. Walking into the kitchen Joel placed the rabbits on the table before he pulled at his mittens, stripped off his jacket, and hung it neatly over the back of one of the dining chairs. Grabbing one of the rabbits he brought it to the kitchen counter to start dressing it, fighting the urge to turn his head as he heard you enter the room.

“Come on, Joel,” you whined, “Why won’t you teach me?”

“Told you already,” Joel replied, “Nothin’ good comes from learnin’ to shoot things.”

Shifting the rabbit around on the counter he reached for the butcher knife in the knife block.

“You know, that’s a really stupid way of saying you don’t want to spend the time,” you told him, your voice closer now as you leaned against the kitchen counter.  

“When exactly did ya hear me sayin’ I don't wanna spend time with you?” Joel asked, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown.

“You won’t teach me to shoot,” you teased, and Joel could hear the smile in your voice.

Joel huffed out a laugh, “Damn right I won’t.”  

He heard you let out a whiney huff, before you turned on your heel, muttering out a curse under your breath when you accidently bumped your hip into the counter and Joel couldn’t help the smile teasing at his lips. You sat down with an overdramatic sigh, and Joel still didn’t look at you – he knew he’d cave eventually if he did, say yes against his better judgement – so he kept his eyes on the knife in his hand.

“How’s Arthur?” Joel asked as he worked.

“I don’t know,” you sighed, “The same I think– Alma was up there looking after him last time I checked.”

This time Joel allowed himself to look at you. You sat sideways on the wooden chair, legs crossed and tucked under your chair with your head hanging, eyes glued to your lap. Gone were the teasing, and gone were the smiles.

“He’ll be fine,” Joel said, his eyes back on the rabbit, “it’s just a cold.”

“Yeah… but he’s been getting sick a lot more often,” your voice was low, like you didn’t want them to hear you upstairs, “you can’t help but think the worst you know?”

Joel put the knife down and moved over to the sink. He quickly washed his hands before grabbing a towel to dry off, twisting it in his hands as he approached you. Placing the towel on the counter, he hesitated for a moment as he watched you, watched the way you twisted your hands in your lap with no sense of purpose or intent. It was like the worry dripped down your body. Pushing off the counter Joel knelt in front of you, a grunt escaped him as his knees clicked loudly, his balance slightly off on his haunches.

“Shit,” Joel huffed out a laugh, and you followed. Your palms landed on his knees to keep him steady, warmth spreading like jolting electricity.

“Sweetheart, I’ll tell you what–” he stopped himself when you looked at him through your lashes, trying to ignore the way your eyes focused on his mouth as he spoke. “’s just a cold, he’ll be up ‘n walkin’ tomorrow– man’s got gumption.”

“Yeah?” your eyes flickered upwards, meeting his.

Suddenly, under your gaze Joel felt brave. His hand moved on its own accord, cupping your cheek in his hand. He let his thumb ghost over your skin, still cold under his fingertips from being outside, but warming under his touch.

“Yeah, sweetheart.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, you only watched him with glimmering eyes, like you were under a spell. Maybe he was too.

“Still,” you sighed, “Would be better if I could pick up more of the slack around here... Arthur does a lot, and I wish I could do more to support them.”

“Like what? You take care of the animals all by yourself– that’s more than enough.”

“Well, I could learn to shoot rabbits,” you told him, before the corners of your mouth pulled into a pleased smirk as he rolled his eyes at you.

Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away, making a move to stand when you grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“I’m kidding, Joel,” you smiled, before a more serious look washed over your features. “I mean it’s… It’s gonna be empty here without you,” you said, “I’m starting to really like having you here, Joel.”

Joel turned his hand to rest the back of it on your thigh, your hand fitting in his.

“I uh,” his eyes fixated on your joined hands, then he cleared his throat, “I’ll stay as long as you need me to. I’m not leavin’ you alone, sweetheart.”

Your eyes lit up at his words, smile growing large across your face. Joel’s heart drummed in his chest as your eyes flickered down to his mouth again.

“Thank you,” you said in a low voice, and then you did something Joel thought was gonna make his heart stop beating. You leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. It bloomed against his skin, and made wings flutter against the walls of his stomach.

“You’re a good man, Joel Miller,” you whispered before you pulled away, looking at him with kindness in your eyes.

If only you knew, Joel thought, if only you knew the blood on his hands.

He couldn’t look at you when you looked at him like that. Like you believed your own words. So, he cleared his throat awkwardly and stood to his feet, his knees clicking as your hand slipped from his movement. He walked back to the counter, fingers grabbing the towel with no other purpose than to calm himself down.

After placing the towel back where it usually hung, he grabbed the knife again, turning his attention back to the rabbit, allowing himself to steal a few glances at you where you sat looking out the kitchen window.

“Hey, uh,” Joel broke the growing silence after a few minutes, “how ‘bout rabbit stew for lunch?”

Your head snapped to look at him as he spoke, a smile ghosting over your lips as you said, “I’ll go get some vegetables from the cellar.”

Joel wouldn’t necessarily call himself a good cook – he wouldn’t even call himself a cook in the first place. Back before the outbreak he’d been forced to learn the basics as a fresh single dad, but he’d never been able to provide Sarah with gourmet meals very often, and when Sarah had gotten older, he’d been embarrassed to say that her food was always better than his – eggshells and all. One summer he’d bought himself a nice grill– one of those way too expensive gas grills with too many fancy accessories for Joel to regularly use. He’d had a job that ended up paying well, some rich guy’s mansion that needed renovating, and decided to treat himself for once. That summer all their meals had come from that grill, well mostly, and afterwards Joel looked at himself as a pretty good griller, if nothing else.

You on the other hand, you knew what you were doing, it was clear in the effortlessly way you moved beside him as you got the vegetables ready for the stew. Joel seared the meat to the best of his abilities, making sure it was properly browned on both sides before setting it aside. After that, it was clear that you were in charge, and Joel let you boss him around and tell him what to do. It made his heart warm around the edges, watching how you put so much love and care into everything you did.

An hour later you finally sat down to eat; two hearty bowls of stew each as light snowflakes covered the world outside. You’d let the pot simmer on low over the heat as you’d wanted to bring up a bowl for Arthur and Alma later.

“So…” you started, watching as Joel dug into his bowl, “How’s the stew?”

“’s good!” Joel nodded through a mouthful, and he wasn’t lying. It was good, really good in fact.

“Yeah?” you bubbled through a smile, before you dug into your own bowl to see if he’d spoken the truth. He watched as you face brightened as you chewed, nodding your head to confirm his verdict.

“I think I really like rabbit, Joel,” you said through a teasing smile, and Joel couldn’t fight the chuckle from spilling.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, teasing smile not going anywhere, “So… when are you teaching me to shoot?”

“Shut up.”

The living room was quiet, safe for the cracking of the fire. It had almost died out when Joel had stepped out of his room. He’d been twisting and turning again, counting sheep, but nothing had been able to pull him under the blanket of sleep. He was plumb tired too, that was the worst part. The embers hummed with a low light, and with a small stick Joel had spread them out before placing a small piece of wood on top. No less than a minute later the fire fed on the log.

Taking a seat and leaning back in the lounge chair, Joel looked out the window with tired eyes. The moon looked down on him, big and bright, it shone its white light over the barnyard like a spotlight. His thoughts were clouded over as he gazed up. A billion little lights turning into bright spheres in the sky.

On nights like this, Joel felt like he was barely breathing at all.

His thoughts didn’t stray for long before they found you again. Lately, you were always on his mind. He thought about how you’d looked mere hours ago, when he’d sat in this same exact chair, only this time it was facing towards the sofa and not the window.

You’d been sat curled up in the corner, blanket thrown over your lap with a book in hand. You’d told him you’d read all the books in the house already, but it didn’t stop you from coming back to your favorites. Joel had been reading his own book, an old western he’d found in the bookshelf in the upstairs hallway a few days ago. It was entertaining, but not enough to hold his attention. He found his eyes had a mind of their own, slipping over the top to steal a peek at you as you read, feeling a smile tug at his lips at the barely there furrow of concentration between your eyebrows.

“Joel.”

Joel perked up at the whisper of his name, the memories fading like ripples in still water. He looked around the room –nothing. He sat quietly in his chair for a moment, listening, as his heartbeat quickened in his chest. It had been your voice, hadn’t it? Or was he starting to lose it? His eyes fell to the door of your bedroom. He hadn’t noticed it until now, but he could see it was slightly ajar.

“Joel.”

The voice was louder this time, almost strained, but it was yours. A thousand scenarios flashed before his eyes then at your tone. Was there someone in your room? Were you in danger? Seconds later Joel crossed the room, a mix of fear and protectiveness overcoming him.

Leaning up against your door he listened for the intruder as he readied himself. The soft crinkling of your sheets combined with your strained whimpers was all it took for him to push the door open, fearing the worst.

And…

It was empty, your room, you were alone. Joel immediately felt stupid– the only intruder here was him.

He was about to step out, embarrassed at his actions, when he heard it again, his name falling from your lips. It was all Joel needed to finally take in your body, squirming under your sheets, still asleep. The realization of what he’d just walked in on made Joel’s eyes widen.

Laying on your back, the duvet had slipped down your torso from your movements to reveal the thin t-shirt you wore to bed. Like this he could see your perked nipples through the fabric, as your chest quickly rose and fell, making Joel’s imagination start to run wild.

“Joel.”

In his pajama pants, Joel could feel his cock come alive from the soft whimper that left your lips along with his name. He couldn’t move, like some farm elf had glued his feet to the floor while he wasn’t looking. He watched as you scrunched your face together in pleasure, another whimper falling from your lips, and all the blood in Joel’s body rushed down south.

As if the soundwaves from your voice had broken against him, he took a step backwards, and then another, and another until he crossed the threshold of your door. He tried his best to be quiet, to not wake you and have you catch him in your room in the middle of the night.

The image of you squirming under your sheets, dreaming of him, didn’t leave him as he closed the door to his own room. With a sigh his head fell against the door, a strong hand gliding down his front to hover over his aching cock.

Joel Miller was no saint, but what he was doing– what he was about to do, was bad.

“Shit,” he quietly hissed, running his hand up his clothed cock. He hadn’t touched himself properly in a long time, not since he left Boston.

His cock reacted to his touch, growing harder and harder until he couldn’t take it anymore. He hooked his finger around the hem of his pajama pants, pulling them down to the thick of his thigh, freeing himself. He hissed at the cold air hitting his length, as it bopped with the movement of being freed. Bringing his hand to his mouth, Joel spat, before he wrapped his spit-soaked hand around himself.

His mind found you again as he started stroking himself, slowly at first, pumping himself with a practiced hand, squeezing himself at the base before bringing his hand up to thumb at the tip. Joel couldn’t get the way you sounded out of his mind. Couldn’t forget how you were squirming in your bed, dreaming of him. Couldn’t shake the thought of pulling those moans and whimpers from you with his hands, and his mouth, and with his cock.

“Fuck.”

Joel tried to be quiet, but he couldn’t fight the moan from slipping from his lips. Fuck, he wanted you. He wanted his hands all over you. Closing his eyes his mouth dropped open as he imagined what he was dying to do to you.

How much he’d wanted to help you out of your t-shirt, run his hands over your breasts and tease your nipples. Take his time to pull those moans and whimpers from your soft lips as he teased you with kisses down your body, down the valley of your breasts, your tummy, down to you to your–

Another low moan fell from Joel’s lips. He squeezed himself tighter as he jerked himself off, precum pearling at the tip, and slipping down his length, mixing with his spit.

The sound of the slick rhythm of his hand filled his bedroom as he increased the pace of his strokes. He had to bite down on his lip to strangle a groan when thoughts of getting between your legs, spreading them open and getting his mouth on you filled his head. He fantasized about how you’d taste falling apart on his tongue–Fuck, how you’d sound falling apart around his cock.

His eyes fell shut as he fisted himself faster. Joel could feel his orgasm quickly building, coiling tight in his tummy. With his free hand he cupped his balls, and then he couldn’t help but imagine it was you, a picture of you on your knees before him flashed behind his eyelids, your tongue lapping at his balls while your hand pumped his cock.

“Shit.”

With a strained groan, thick ropes of cum spilled over his knuckles and down his length, coating him in his release. His breath came out ragged, as he continued his strokes, milking himself of the rest of his release.

Fuck.

His cock softened in his hand as he calmed down from his high. With a quiet groan he pushed himself off the door, looking around his room for something to clean himself up with.

The guilt of what he’d done washed over him quickly, settling in his chest like a heavy weight. You were so young, and beautiful, and Joel just an old man. He shouldn’t want you like this, shouldn’t want you this much.

Climbing under the covers, Joel couldn’t shake his thoughts of you, of you dreaming about him in your bed, about your smiles, and your touch. A supercut of you rolling like a tape in his minds eye. A supercut of you bundled up under a blanket on the sofa, knitting him his mittens. Of you, your own knitted hat pulled tightly down over your ears as you stepped out into the snow to check on the animals. Of the way you’d looked at him for the first time, with the bucket of apples under your arm, and the sweet taste of them as you’d offered him one later, after dinner.

Finally, Joel could breathe.

next part -> here! i hope someone liked this? if you did a comment, reply or an ask is always welcome and they make me super happy <3 other than that thank you for reading!!

© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!

[venus-maneater]

a loyal dog’s reward ii. | yan! criston cole

yandere / obsessed ! au

fem! targaryen princess! reader

part i

synopsis. suffering an injury from a tournament, criston has to deal with seeing you alongside his temporary replacement. fortunately, you weren’t interested in teasing too much this time, trying to distract yourself from your sister beginning her labors, and you were happy to cheer your poor mutt up.

note; I’ve decided to make this a series with no real plot lol 😭 if being attracted to criston cole is a crime then lock me up !! this chapter took a mind of its own bc this was not the original plot and it’s twice as long as part i

WARNING(s): obsessive / possessive behavior, manipulation, violence, thoughts of violence, implied murder, blood, injury, JEALOUSY, nosebleeds, talk of bastards and having bastard children, Rhaenyra gives birth, allusions to sex but no actual smut, cole def has a breeding kink y’all

Ser Criston Cole, your ever-so-loyal shield, always said yes when you asked him to enter tourneys. He knew how much you enjoyed them, and relished in your attention as he succeeded in competition. There were only two real downsides to tournaments for him: the hours he had to spend apart from you, and the injuries. Criston had always excelled at anything physical, but he was only mortal. He was just a man who could be maimed or murdered just like any other. It served to remind him of the status gap between you: he was a man while you were born from dragons.

He kept his eyes on your form in the nobles’ box until it was his turn. This was typical behavior from him, he was nothing but devoted to you. Since you’d discovered his true feelings, you gave him more attention than before. You entertained his tendencies, teasing him sometimes but always reassuring him at the end of the day. You wanted no one but him.

“Oh, don’t fret, my Criston.” You’d tut, “I could never replace you. You’re the only guard dog for me.”

You played with his feelings occasionally, trying to get a rise out of him, but he quickly found that he didn’t mind. His reward at the end made all his anger worth it. He never blamed you either, it was never your fault that men didn’t know how to leave you alone.

He wondered now if this was one of your attempts at making him jealous.

The large man who stood obediently behind you was the one taking over Criston’s position as he competed in the tournament. Usually, another Kingsguard member would take over, but this particular Knight had something to prove. He was highborn, from some house in the Vale, with wide shoulders and a somewhat handsome face. The two men looked nothing alike; the Knight next to you was pale, hazel-eyed, and thin-haired.

He doubted it.

You didn’t like men other than Criston Cole guarding you, you’d expressed so before. They’re boring and untrustworthy, you insisted. Your words made his chest puff out with pride. He liked that he was the only one you truly trusted with your life; you knew he would protect you. You chose him to protect you.

To be honest, you didn’t even seem interested in the Knight from the Vale; you looked stiff and bored, which concerned your sworn shield. You loved tournaments, you loved when he won things in your honor. Why don’t you look excited?

Soon enough, it was his turn again. With your flowery red favor around his wrist, he got into position.

You perked up a bit when you saw that it was Criston’s turn once more. You’d been rather stiff most of the event, and you partially blamed it on your boring temporary guard. The man was flat; no personality to work with at all. It bummed you out honestly, he was from the Vale but behaved like a Northman. He was presumably around Ser Criston’s age, but had not even half of his spirit. It wouldn’t have bothered you so much if you couldn’t feel his stare burning into the back of your head. You could give him some credit; at least he’s taking his job of supervising you seriously.

But no, the primary reason for your irritation and lack of focus was your father. He had demanded you to attend this tourney to celebrate Rhaenyra’s labors, not allowing you to be by her side. You and your sister were close, very close, and quite similar as well. To not be by her side when she was in pain had you tense. You didn’t want to be here, not even to see Criston compete.

Criston Cole was facing a member of House Bolton, a rather fierce young man who didn’t scare easy. Most Northerners were like that, but Criston should know best as he just beat another one last round. The tournament today was celebrating Princess Rhaenyra beginning her labors, so competitors have traveled from far and wide. The event had been planned for a month, so it was good news that the Princess was finally giving birth.

“Jessil,” you called to your guard with a smirk, “You should watch closely this round, my shield is competing.”

The man nodded curtly without a word, causing you to roll your eyes. His under-reactions irked you, but you were starting to blame Criston Cole for that fact. He always reacted wonderfully to anything you did, perhaps you were too used to it.

Speaking of your shield, you could see his anger growing the longer you were with another man. It was the only thing keeping you here at this point; waiting to see if he’ll get violent. Criston was the most amusing man you’d ever met, you just knew something was going to happen. There were only two more rounds until the event ended, and he’d been stiff ever since Ser Jessil bent down closer in order to hear your comments about two hours ago.

The two knights settled into their positions across the courtyard from each other, on opposite sides of the tilt. Then, a horn sounded, triggering their horses into a sprint. With their lances aimed, the men collided, wooden splinters flying but neither of them falling. New lances were readily tossed to them and the process repeated. Criston spared you a glance, noticing that Jessil had gotten a few inches closer.

Again, they charged forward. Only this time, when they clashed, Criston was thrown from his horse at the force of the hit. The Bolton fared a bit better, remaining on his horse, but he was hit in the face by Criston’s lance, causing the front of his helmet to cave in just enough to cut him.

What you saw made you shoot to your feet, your hands gripping the railing in concern. Never in your years of knowing Criston Cole had you ever seen him knocked from his horse in a tournament. He was easily one of the best fighters you knew of, it seemed impossible that this could happen. Had you pushed too far with your teasing? You’d never tried anything during a tournament before, perhaps Ser Jessil’s presence threw him off.

The round didn’t end there. Criston was quick to stand despite his obvious injuries, and his morningstar was swiftly given to him. His helmet had flew from his head when he fell, so his bleeding mouth was for all to see. He was holding his right arm close to his body, making it appear broken or incapable of proper use. Although he was right-handed, he gripped his weapon in his left hand and prepared for a fight. The Bolton Knight was also without a helmet at this point, ditching the damaged armor when he jumped to the ground to grab his sword. His nose was bleeding and looked to be broken from the hit.

“Is his arm broken?” You asked aloud, leaning over the railing a bit in an attempt to see better, “he favors his right.”

Jessil ignored your words, but inched closer so you wouldn’t go over the railing, “Princess, you could fall.”

Criston let the other Knight come to him, not willing to waste any energy. He used his time to look your way, not liking the way your guard was holding your shoulder.

The fight began, but didn’t last long. The Bolton may have made a skilled jouster, but not a fighter. He was no match for the angry Kingsguard, even when he had every advantage. Handicapped from his injuries, Criston swung his Morningstar with his left hand, swiftly hitting his opponent in the head while avoiding any oncoming attacks from the sword. The impact knocked the younger Knight out, but visibly broke his brow bone. Due to the force from the spikes, his face was bleeding badly and the area around his eye was caved in, perfectly mirroring the damage to his helmet.

Half the crowd was silent in shock (including yourself), but the other half was cheering loudly at the violence. You were desensitized to such things at this point in your life, but that didn’t mean you welcomed them. You didn’t like that Criston came so close to losing, or that you have to watch some poor Bolton boy bleed out on the ground for no reason, your shield was too injured to continue to the next round anyways. And due to your being a princess, it would be inappropriate to leave early to check on the Kingsguard member. Because your father wouldn’t allow to be with your sister, you’d made Criston your fixation of the day.

The two of you made eye contact as a few servants rushed over to him, helping him limp off to see a maester. It was soon announced that although neither competitor was continuing to the next round, Criston Cole was technically the winner.

“Well that was certainly a show” You cleared your throat, shaking Ser Jessil’s hand off your shoulder and finally taking your seat once again, “I knew something was going to happen.”

“So you did, Princess.” The Knight nodded curtly, recalling your words earlier, telling him to watch closely.

With Criston gone, your mind shifted back to a pregnant Rhaenyra, who was currently giving birth without your comfort. You stiffen up, nails digging into the railing before exhaling deeply and taking your seat. The two of you return to your proper positions and continued to observe the event for the next few hours, clapping dutifully when an insignificant Lannister won.

x

You made it back to the Red Keep in record time, it seemed. Even Jessil had trouble keeping up with you on your horse as you rushed home. You’d refused the carriage ride, eager to see your sister.

You were sprinting up the nearly infinite steps to her chambers, Jessil following close and maids jumping out of the way. A couple of people tried to stop your entrance, but you only shoved them aside and pushed your way towards your sister.

“Rhaenyra!” You gasped softly, a grin finding its way to your face when you saw her cradling her new baby in bed. After the death of your mother, childbirth was a sensitive subject for you and your sister, you hated being apart during this time. She dismissed the women in the room, leaving just the two of you and her first child.

“I’ve decided on Jacaerys.” She smiled at you as you crawled into the bed beside her.

She’d discussed baby name ideas with you before, with Laenor as well, who suggested Joffrey. Rhaenyra was adamantly against it, and you remembered the distaste you felt hearing it, knowing the implications that would come along if they decided on that name. You’d always liked Joffrey actually, unhappy with his death, but almost all of court heard the rumors of he and Laenor. You’d suggested Jacaerys, a Velaryon sounding name. Rhaenyra didn’t seem overly interested, so you didn’t expect her to choose it.

“Oh, Jacaerys.” You cooed, stroking his little head, full of dark locks. That wasn’t good, not really. Hopefully he took after Rhaenyra in his other features, or else questions of his parentage could arise. Rhaenys was half Baratheon, so that could be used as an excuse. But then the baby boy opened his eyes, revealing big brown orbs that mirrored Harwin Strong’s. You liked Harwin quite a bit, not minding. But the court would mind. You and Rhaenyra would just have to protect him.

“Have you slept yet?” You asked your sister, who hasn’t stopped grinning since you first saw her.

“Not yet, dear sister, I cannot stop looking at his sweet face.”

“Has… his father seen him yet?” You both knew who you meant.

“No. But he will soon enough, when I’m well enough to leave the room.” She gave you a knowing smile, which you returned.

Upon leaving Rhaenyra to rest, you were able to successfully escape Ser Jessil’s supervision with the help of Ser Harwin Strong, and went straight to Criston Cole’s chambers. You found out through your favorite handmaiden that he’d been released from the infirmary, and you took the first opportunity that presented itself to you. You didn’t knock before slipping into his room, but you were sure he wouldn’t mind.

Stepping in, your eyes were drawn to his place on the bed immediately. He was lying down above the blankets, with his arm wrapped and splinted in a sling resting above his bare midsection. His ribs were bruised, but it was apparently nothing bad enough that would need wrapping. Both legs were extended out, with his left pant leg pulled up to the knee to reveal his bruised ankle. He didn’t notice you enter, his eyes were shut and he was likely half-asleep. His face was fine, handsome as always, besides a cut on his nose-bridge that was beginning to darken into a bruise.

“Look at you, my poor sweet thing.” You cooed quietly at him suddenly, waking him from his relaxed state. His eyes shot open, head snapping over to the door.

“My princess.” He gasped. His chambers were much smaller and less impressive than yours, he didn’t want you in such an environment.

“Are you well?” You asked, closing the door as quietly as possible, “The maester says you’ve broken bones.”

“I’m well, I swear it to you. It’s a small break in the arm, everything should heal rather quickly.” He tried to reassure you as you approached, struggling his way into a sitting position, his back against the head board.

You hummed at his clumsy movements, stopping to stand at his bedside. Cute. Criston wasn’t an inherently violent man, at least not with you, so it was easy to forget how strong and dangerous he truly was. It was unnerving to see him injured; weak.

“How quickly would you say?” You asked.

“The maester says a month.” He answered quietly, not willing to admit the extent of his injuries. His primary goal was to get back to you.

You knew the Maester had actually said two months.

“Hm. Who will protect me for a whole month in your absence?” You held back a smirk.

You watched as Criston’s body language immediately changed. Clenching and unclenching his jaw, his leg twitched in frustration.

“I am still fully capable.”

Has he always been this attractive or does jealousy just look good on him?

“My father thinks you should take time to heal.”

He scoffed, shaking his head, “I don’t care what he thinks, you saw what I did to my opponent despite my injuries.”

“You ‘don’t care what he thinks’? He is King.” You said in a mock-scolding tone, lifting your knee to rest in against the bed, close to his lap.

“Yours is the only word to mean anything to me. I listen to no King.” Still seated, he leans forward to get closer.

“Though you listen to me? Only me?” You ask with a smile, batting your lashes at him and leaning in. He doesn’t move to kiss you first, he rarely does. He lets you do as you please, feeling the puffs of air from your giggle on his lips.

“Yes. Only you.” He whispers, his eyes begging you to just kiss him already. But nothing is ever that simple with you, and he knows it well.

You grin at him, leaning in until your lips are just grazing his own, before laughing and pulling away entirely. His face followed yours until you were out of reach, leaving him to huff and fall back against the head board once again. He let out a quiet groan, closing his eyes and tossing his head back so he could catch his breath.

“You’re so easy, Ser Criston.” You snickered. His lips quirked up at your joyous tone, but he resisted the urge to open his eyes. After a few moments of stumbling around the room in amusement, you bit your lip to keep quiet.

Criston went stiff when you fell silent, excited fingers beginning to twitch as the urge to touch you increased. But he was a seasoned warrior at this point in life, and could hear every movement you made. He heard you tiptoe back over to the bed before pausing. The mattress dipped as you climbed onto the bed and landed in his lap, straddling his thighs and avoiding his bruised ribs. It was only when you were on top of him that his eyelids fluttered open to watch you. You gave him a satisfied look. He was happy to let you believe you caught him off-guard.

“Criston?”

“Yes, my Heart?”

“There’s something I have to tell you…” You placed your hands gently on his chest and leaned in, your mouth next to his ear, “and you will not like it.”

“You think me incapable of handling such news?” He asked, a bit breathless.

You smiled, “Of course not. You’re my protector, my strong and most loyal servant. You can handle anything I give you, yes?”

He nodded, unable to speak properly with your lips on his ear.

“My father says that Ser Jessil will be your stand-in as my protector.”

Criston’s good hand immediately moved to your waist, gripping it tightly, “You don’t need anyone else to protect you. Only me.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” You kissed his jaw gently, “but you should heal and rest.”

“I will kill him. Do not doubt me.”

“He would just be replaced.”

“I don’t care, I should kill the next as well.”

“You go against my word?” You pulled back, sitting up fully. He hesitated in his response, so you continued, “Ser Jessil will be your temporary replacement, my King father has said this and I have agreed.”

It was a lie, technically; you didn’t exactly agree to anything. But you weren’t about to let Criston believe he had the power here. He’d started to get a bit too bold.

Your faces were close together now, the two of you holding heavy eye contact. Criston said nothing, though his body language revealed his true feelings easily. He didn’t like that you were taking your father’s side over his own.

“I love you.” He blurted out, brows furrowed in emotion.

Your hands moved up to hold his face, “I know that. I just want you well. You must rest and heal so you can be at your best. Don’t you understand?”

Criston nodded slowly, a satisfied shiver running through him at the thought of you caring so much. His health is truly that important to you?

“Good.” You say with a grin, pecking the corner of his lips and reaching up to pat his messy hair down. His long locks grew wild already, but the style worsened from hours of wearing a helmet.

Giving into you, per usual, the Knight sighed and wrapped his good arm fully around your waist, pulling you close so he could tuck his face into your neck. You cooed at him, returning his embrace and giggling in between your praises.

“I know that this upsets you quite a bit,” You began, gasping in surprise when you felt a warm tongue trail over your throat, “but I don’t mind making you feel better.”

“Feel better you say?” He questioned absentmindedly, more focused on the taste of your skin.

You hummed in confirmation, “I can take care of you in places you may need help with. You know….. here?”

Eyes closed, you placed a delicate touch to the bulge in his pants, smiling when you felt him stiffen beneath you.

Criston Cole was always half-hard around you, your presence alone able to rile him up. He often found himself having to control his thoughts when around other people, not wanting them to notice his… state. As much as he wanted to touch you all over— taste you and love you and worship you— he held a higher respect for you than himself. You were not just a Lady, you were a Princess. He would not dishonor you in such a way, at least not until the two of you were married.

“Princess—” he grunted, mouth dropping open in pleasure briefly before pursing his lips. He pulled his upper body away from you slightly, giving you a bit more space to do what you wanted.

“Oh, it’s fine, Ser Criston. I want to.” You reassured, shrugging because you knew he would end up letting you anyways, “You just look so good bruised up like this, all jealous over some loser, nobody Knight.”

You whispered the last sentence harshly, and Criston loved it. He loved when you degraded other men in comparison to him. He was who you wanted, not that loser, nobody Knight. It didn’t matter that he was low-born or sick in the head, you wanted him anyway.

“You prefer me?” He asked looking up at you, “to him? Tell me...”

“I prefer you to him, Ser Criston Cole. I prefer you to all other men.”

Pulling him by his hair, your lips captured his. Whimpering into your mouth, he now does nothing to stop you from reaching your goal. You smile into the kiss at his surrender.

“… but perhaps you’re right.” You pull away from his lips, but stay close enough to tease, “it would be so dishonorable and you’re injured as well. Hm.”

Criston, his mind in shambles, doesn’t say a word, just sucks his teeth and releases a shaky breath. He doesn’t like to argue with you, he won’t. He’s overwhelmed, you’re so close.

“Can’t think.” He muttered so quietly you almost missed it.

A breathy laugh escaped you before you could stop it, “No? And why is that, Ser? Do I possess you so?”

“Possess? Princess, you are torturing me with your affections. I cannot think of anything else, I cannot focus, I cannot stop shaking.” His voice cracked at the last word and he wasn’t lying, his body trembled.

“Do I dominate your dreams as well?”

“Yes.”

You hum, curious. You knew of his fantasies; his plans to run away, marry, and have many children with you. But you never question the details, allowing them to stay fuzzy so he wouldn’t get too ahead with his scheming. Dreams, however, you could create your own world. “Won’t you share them with me?”

“We ah-” he pauses to take a deep breath, likely attempting to control himself, “You call me by name a lot.”

You tilt your head, a bit confused.

“Not Ser, not dog, not thing— just Criston. The sound of my name from your lips is like music to me. It makes me— I never want you to say another’s name ever again. And uh- a daughter. We have a daughter. She looks like you- so much.”

You begin to shift at his words. A daughter? No Westerosi man wishes for a daughter, at least not before a son, “Daughter you say? Why?”

“She will be you, reborn, carrying my blood. I dream of a baby girl that smiles like you. I will call her my little princess as you are my Princess. A child that is ours.”

“A daughter.” You repeated once more. It was… nice to hear a man express desire for a daughter rather than a son. You and Rhaenyra had suffered due to that mindset, spending most of your lives watching your father desperately try for a son, even at the cost of your mother’s life. He no longer felt that way, but it was too late, the damage had been done. He now had Aegon and Aemond, who he didn’t even pay much attention to. Your mother’s life felt wasted.

“Princess—?”

“A sweet thing it is.” You cut him off, “your dreams are endearing. But I must go now, Jessil has no doubt noticed my absence.”

Criston tensed, “Ab—sence” He croaked, jealousy building.

“Mmhm.” I nodded, “I’ve avoided him thus far, impressively. He may report this to my father if I’m gone any longer.”

Just a few minutes more, his mind screams. But he’s good for you, so he only nods. His jaw is clenched and there’s a noticeable twitch in his expression. His fingertips dig into your sides.

“I don’t want to part with you for so long.”

“Perhaps I’ll visit if you behave.”

x

“He’s clearly a bastard.” Criston spoke quietly, but plainly.

You’d snuck him into your chambers after a long day of cooing over Rhaenyra’s baby boy, Jacaerys. It’d been a couple weeks since his birth and she finally brought him to court for all to see.

“It is treason to suggest such a thing, Ser Cole.” You bitterly defended your sister as you brushed your fair, before rolling your eyes, “And even if it were true, what does it matter who the boy’s father is? He is Rhaenyra’s true son and her heir. The boy is a Targaryen.”

At the risk of upsetting you further, he held his tongue. Being rather low born, Criston grew up having to prove himself through his ability rather than his status. But when he was young, at the end of the day, he was still a rank above bastard children. He had that, at least. He knew that it wasn’t exactly fair, you can’t control who your parents are, but it was a mindset he was raised with and couldn’t shake so easily.

“What if my father marries me off to some Lord I do not love? Are you saying you wouldn’t fuck little bastard babies into me? Babes that look just like you?” You ask him, standing up from your vanity to approach his spot on your bed, feigning innocence.

Face twitching in annoyance, Criston grabbed your wrist and roughly pulled you to his level. With your faces were inches apart, he reached up and gripped your chin. The action made you bite your lip to hide a grin.

“I will be fucking little trueborn babies into you. I’ll make you my wife before giving you children.” He took slight offense to your words. How could you suggest that? You should know he would not let you be married off.

“Oh, of course, My White Knight. You plan to steal me away.”

“Hardly stealing.” He muttered, lovesick eyes staring into yours.

You don’t voice your disagreements, you only laugh. You did not belong to Criston Cole, you belong only to yourself. His words make you think that this game had gone a little too far; he’s getting too confident in his possessiveness. His hesitancy was one of his initial charms for you, and it’s leaving him. Perhaps it’s best to stop entertaining his ideas of a future with you, no matter how cute and pleasant you believe them to be.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t like it, even just a little?” You tilted your head, his hand still holding your chin softly.

“No.” That’s a lie, maybe just a small amount. Everyone knowing you belong to him, having his kids, despite your status. But the negatives massively outweigh the positives. Not only would it put so much dishonor on you, but Criston isn’t good at controlling his jealousy. He wouldn’t be able to handle you being married to another or his children not having his name.

You smiled knowingly, teasing, “I don’t believe you.”

He released his grasp on your chin, letting you fall closer into him, “I could never be fond of an idea where you are not mine.”

“Well I would be, only secretly.” You pointed out.

“I want you to be mine openly, in every way. By name.”

You knew that wasn’t possible, not even across the sea. But you didn’t want to burst the bubble he’d been constructing for the last year. You let it go. A short silence takes over, not an uncomfortable one, but not the kind you particularly liked. The two of you had extremely different thinking processes, and it was something only amplified when you discussed your ideas for the future. Luckily, your partner was delusional enough that he didn’t notice your discontent with running away.

“Criston?” You ask, letting yourself fall to lie flat beside him. He lets go of your wrist and his eyes follow your moments, as usual. He lies back on the bed as well.

“Yes, my Princess?”

“Why do you desire me the way you do?”

He looked slightly surprised at the question, like he’d never expected you would ask. The truth is, he hadn’t. It wasn’t like you to care why. You were quick to accept things for what they were.

“You’re special to me.” He eventually whispered, “I was made to love you.”

“Made?”

“The gods constructed me only for the purpose of worshipping you. You have bewitched me with no effort. I do not know whether to kiss the ground you walk on or fall to my knees and beg for your continued attention.”

You stare into his big, dark eyes silently. He’s loyal, like a dog. And he’s hopeless like one too. “You’re not exactly a poet, but I suppose that will do.”

He grins, and you can practically feel his heart racing, “Not a poet, no.”

You tear your eyes away from him to glare at the ceiling. “Do not call my nephew a bastard again.”

He tensed at your words, entirely disliking that he’d upset you, and nodded immediately. He was embarrassed, “Yes, my love, I’m sorry.”

You sighed and looked back at him, sitting up once more. “I think you’ll find him charming. Rhaenyra says he reminds her of me already.”

“Well I’m sure to be charmed in that case, aren’t I?”

“Oh, yes, since you’re more than quite charmed by me.”

“Charmed,” He smiled, pupils expanding as he began to fantasize, “I hope to be charmed by our own children one day.”

“Our own?” You entertained, “How many? Including this daughter of ours of course.”

“Five perhaps. More if you’d like.” He took a piece of your hair between his fingers to play with.

“Is that what our lives would look like if you had it your way?”

“If I had it my way,” His eyes shifted back to your own, darkening, “by now you’d be chasing around our first two children as your stomach swelled with our third. You’d be called Lady Cole.”

“Ah, yes. Lady Cole with her many Cole babes.”

Criston had to take a deep breath at that, practically vibrating at the mere thought of you carrying his children and living as his wife.

You giggle at his visible reaction, leaning down to claim his lips. He sighed into the kiss, hesitant hands reaching for your hair. He tugs, trying to urge you closer, onto his lap, “My princess, please.”

“He begs, ‘Please please please’. You are the wantingest man I’ve ever met.” You grin into the kiss, allowing him to take you into his lap.

“I will never have shame in begging you. My life belongs to you, I am yours.” His words are beginning to slur slightly, “It’s only natural for me to be greedy when you are the one who claims my heart.”

“Always trying to impress me with your words,” You playfully roll your eyes, “you’re nearly healed, you know. Ready to return to my side?” It was a lie, he had good a bit left of healing to do.

“I never should have left.” He squirmed, trying not to show his anger. He never left, not willingly. He was removed.

“Of course, of course.” You tugged on the dark hair at the back of his neck, “The man who’s been with me is utterly serious. Neither I nor Rhaenyra like him.”

Criston listened to your complain about your temporary shield with a sense of pride and giddiness. He was relieved you disliked his replacement. But the mention of your sister disliking him as well did nothing for him, as the princess Rhaenyra didn’t like most men surrounding you, Criston himself included. She never vocalized it much, but he noticed when she tensed and sneered when he got too close to you. He wondered if she knew about your relationship.

“I’m more your taste, Princess?”

A grin found its way to your face and you nodded, “That’s right, I can do whatever I please to you and you only bask in my attention.”

He couldn’t, and wouldn’t, argue with that. While he had his own boundaries of sorts, they were completely disregarded in your presence and he didn’t even mind it.

To prove your point, you began to kiss his jaw, sweet and gentle kisses. Criston hummed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back only slightly. You nipped at the delicate skin, comfortable with leaving just a few marks because he was still out of action; not many people would be seeing him anyways.

“G-gods-” he choked out.

“The gods cannot save you, I’m afraid.” You giggle.

“I beg them not to.”

You giggle at his dazed voice and expression, blowing cool air on his neck and enjoying his shiver. His hands keep twitching. Just to tease, you kept your face tucked into him, kitten licking at the skin until you felt something wet hit your cheek. Pulling away slightly, you quickly identified the source of the warm liquid; blood was dripping from Criston’s nose, falling over his lips down to his chin.

“S-sorry, your grace. I’m overwhelmed is all.” He muttered, hand immediately going up to face to stop the dripping. But you only pull his hand away with a smirk.

“You know,” you begin, thumbing some of the blood and smearing it over his lips, “in the way of Old Valyria, we share blood when we marry.”

“Please, please,” he croaks, big dark eyes boring desperately into your own. They’re shiny and lack any coherent thoughts, “Don’t say such things to me now— can’t control myself.”

“We use dragon glass to cut one another’s lip,” you take your bloodied thumb and swipe red onto your bottom lip, “then we kiss to show we are of the same blood now.”

His leg begins to bounce and he has to look away from your face. His nose continues to drip blood, but neither of you move to stop it this time.

“You like that idea~ i can tell because you’re shaking.” You giggle into his ear.

“M’not shaking-” he replies, but even his voice trembles.

“Well you’re bleeding, is that not a sign?” You tilt your head, “perhaps you’re unwell, should I stop?”

Before he can beg you not to stop, his sharp ears catch the sound of clicking armor in the hall. He tenses, almost forgetting he was in the Princess’ chambers; he doesn’t know how when yours was easily three-times the size of his own. There was no need to panic and hide, people were not permitted to just walk in.

Three hard knocks sounded throughout the room, causing Criston to freeze. Your expression didn’t change, as you’d heard the footsteps.

“Who is it? Do not enter please.” You answered, your eyes not leaving your knight’s. As nervous as he was, Criston maintained eye contact and didn’t move a muscle. With a small grin, your hand traveled back up to his chin, which was now smeared with blood. As your fingers traced his features, you leaned in close to his ear to place a few gentle kisses there.

“Princess, it’s Ser Jessil. Your sister, the Princess Rhaenyra, has sent for you. She is… perhaps you should open the door to let me explain. It concerns your safety.”

Your reactions vary; Criston’s posture is still stiff and he’s growing annoyed at the knight’s presence. It’s almost offensive how this pathetic creature is trying to protect you when that’s his job. But you’re worried, though you won’t show it. Rhaenyra? Is something wrong? But something about it didn’t make sense; if your safety was threatened, then why did Rhaenyra know first and why did Jessil bother knocking at all?

“I’d prefer you explain from where you are.”

You could hear his sigh through the door, an impressive feat, “She is suspicious that a knight of the king is sneaking into your chambers.”

Probably because it was true, you thought, glancing at a stiff and unhappy Criston.

“Let me ready myself and I will speak with her at once.” As you began to shift off of your shield, but he only pouted and desperately hung on. He had the mind to keep quiet, but his heart wouldn’t allow you to leave him.

“… Yes, Princess.”

You turned to him sternly, “Let go, Criston. Don’t be foolish, just hide for now and be gone when we leave.” You quietly scolded and his grip loosened.

He clenches his jaw, the most common hint to his annoyance, and said nothing. He allowed you to pull him up by the hand and drag him over to your wardrobe, shutting him in with a last apologetic kiss.

“Be good.” You uttered, and his gaze softened for a moment before the door shut in his face.

He could hear you shuffle around, dressing quickly to see your sister. He sucked his teeth angry. Did he deserve mistreatment? To an extent, yes, he could admit that. But this wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t you just— stay? Tell him to kill that bothersome knight and be done with him entirely. His fists clenched. He’d kill him— and soon. Right now even. Then he’d take you away and give you a nice little home with sweet little silver-haired babies. Criston was growing sick of waiting, it was eating him up inside. You affected him so severely, it was showing itself physically. He brought a hand up to the crimson liquid that had finally stopped leaking from his nose.

You were gone now— he knew this because he could feel when you were near. But someone was in your chambers, someone closer to his size. He could hear the metal clanking of heavy armor. The person was looking for something, an intruder most likely. But Criston was not the intruder here. The idea of someone who wasn’t him being in your space made him burn with anger. That was fine, he decided, he’d handle it. With balled up fists, he stepped out from the wardrobe.

x

“Has Ser Jessil been good to you, little sister?”

You shrugged at Rhaenyra, your chin resting in your hand as you leaned on the table. It wasn’t polite, but you were comfortable in her presence, “He’s fine, I suppose.”

“But you prefer that dog of yours.” Your sister teased. You could tell she didn’t like that— didn’t like Criston. You understood.

“He’s good, listens well.”

“Not for long— I can see it well. He’s a sick thing, sister.”

“I can handle him, he does as I ask.”

“He’s greedy, an oath breaker.”

You hummed in agreement, “He has pretty eyes.”

Rhaenyra scoffed with a grin at your reply, “He will try to steal you away. Not just that, but he’s also obvious. Painfully so. If I know, someone else does too. He needs to be put out. Be rid of him.”

“I… understand that he’s got troublesome feelings. But he’s become something of a pet to me now.” You pouted and your sister sighed, not fond of upsetting you.

“When I ascend the throne, he will be gone. I worry he’ll be your downfall.” She wasn’t being dramatic, she’d disliked the man for years and saw every bit of concerning behavior he displayed. She saw clearly his desperation to leave with you. When it comes time for you to marry, he’ll go mad.

You knew whatever you had with Criston wasn’t permanent, but to hear your elder sister give away her intentions of getting rid of him really struck you. “He’s brainless, Rhaenyra. Just a dog, truly. He can hardly read. He’s only a threat physically, and he would never hurt me.”

Rhaenyra sighed, wrinkling her nose in distaste for the man. She used to be like you, still was sometimes, but she would protect you from her mistakes. She would not allow any whispers at court of you being a whore and your children being bastards, not like her. Since the birth of Jacaerys, she’d grown just a bit more serious, and much more protective.

“You needn’t be literate to kill a man.” She replied after a brief silence.

You held back a huff. The truth was that Criston could read fine these days, though not nearly at the level you could. You’d only said that to give the illusion of harmlessness. Unfortunately, Rhaenyra would never buy it; she had seen the knights he’d bloodied during tournaments.

“I’ll be harder on him then, perhaps add a bit of distance. But, sister, he is important. As a member of the Kingsguard, his support and loyalty will aid your claim. One more soldier on our side— a good one.”

“I will not sacrifice you for my cause.”

“I’ve told you, he will not harm me—”

“It’s more complex than that—!”

It felt like you were 13 and 14 again, bickering over something that was caused by your sisters protectiveness.

No, you will not be coming with me. You will sleep in your bed and I will wake you myself come morning!

If that stable boy looks at you that way again, I will have father or Uncle Daemon take his eyes— probably Daemon.

No, sister. You are mad if you think I’m letting you anywhere near a wild dragon—!

You sometimes think that Criston and Rhaenyra hate one another because they are a bit similar.

“Nyra,” you groaned, head in hands, “I will fix it, you’re right, he has become a bit… extreme lately. But you must admit he’d be beneficial to our cause.”

Although Rhaenyra was legally the heir to the throne, there were already whispers of putting Alicent’s son, Aegon, on the throne in her place. Criston wasn’t very powerful politically, but he was a brilliant fighter and his words as a Kingsguard held just a bit of sway.

She furrowed her brows, “You’re too fond of him.”

You shrugged, standing up, “Perhaps. But I’m no fool; you come first. I will never flee with him.”

“And when he realizes that?”

You didn’t have an answer. You passed Harwin Strong on your way out, and bit your tongue to stop myself from calling out the hypocrisy.

What was the difference between her and Harwin vs you and Criston?

x

Well for starters, Harwin didn’t murder any man who entered Rhaenyra’s vicinity. Criston on the other hand…

By the time you returned to your chambers, the entire stone floor was red, the liquid seeping into your intricate carpet you’d had since you were a child. There was no body, suggesting that Criston had already gotten rid of it or the victim managed to escape. (But that was unlikely, Criston was a beast in a fight, and his temper was unmatched.)

“Princess.” Criston croaked from behind you, in the open doorway. He’d just arrived, and it took only one glance at him to know what he’d done. Blood covered his hands, arms, and chest. It was splattered from his face all the way down to his knees. He was in his civilian clothes still, rather than any armor due to being put on leave. His eyes were shiny, some sense of desperation in them, and he was fiddling with his red hands. Nervous. Why were you back so early? The sling for his arm was gone, though he surely still needed it.

“Is—” You cleared your throat. “Is he alive?”

But judging by the brain matter on the ground, you knew the answer was—

“No.” Direct and honest. He took a few steps forward, shutting the door behind him. You weren’t scared of him necessarily— you knew well enough at this point that he’d never hurt you. But he didn’t look quite human at the moment, so you took a step back.

Your simple shuffle backwards was enough to send him into a panic.

He dropped to his knees, blood soaking into his breeches as he inched closer, “My love— he was threat! He would’ve found me in here—” He babbled on about protecting you, begging for you not to be afraid. You let him talk, focused on the blood.

“Clean this up.” You finally muttered, patting him quickly on the head to avoid soaking yourself with the crimson liquid.

As much as a part of you wanted to coo at him ‘good dog’, you couldn’t. This was messy— emotional and obvious. Risky. He was a bad dog, a stupid one even. He wasn’t like Harwin— manageable. He was something else entirely. You liked him how he was, violently loyal and protective, but you couldn’t have it.

He quickly agreed to clean it and began to calm down, which led him to notice your own unease. He flinched when he saw how much blood seeped into your shoes and skirt, pulling you into his arms and placing you on your favorite stool.

He was cooing at you, “Sweet Princess, don’t worry about this, yes? I’ll rid you completely of this man, I swear it. I allowed his blood to soil your clothes, I’m sorry.”

Criston kissed at your collar bones down your arms to your palms.

“Criston,” his eyes shot up to meet yours. Big brown heart eyes. “No more of this, not in this castle.”

His hands tightened slightly around your wrists, “But you like it.” He muttered.

“It isn’t about that—!” You held your tongue, deciding to take a smarter approach, “My sweet Criston, the people in the Keep will soon notice a pattern, I cannot let that happen. My sister needs nothing in her way of that crown.”

He nearly scoffed, “Is it always about your sister and her crown? I have protected you again! From-from these perverts who wish to—”

“You’re the pervert-!”

“You love me! You love it! How you affect me— how you can physically see every thought that goes through my head about you! You love how perverted I am for only you! I see you— I love every part of you, even the part that gets off on a Kingsguard soiling his cloak for you!” Criston was shaking, “I am sick, and you cannot get enough! Just as I will never tire of you— I need you!”

There was silence, besides his heavy breathing. You didn’t expect such self-awareness, and you didn’t like it. You liked him better dumb, but it appeared he never was fully clueless. His brown eyes were wide and a shade darker than usual.

“Sit.” You commanded and he did, “Just clean this up.”

x

[taglist] @3abydolll @pearlstiare @caramelcandescence @eilishchaos @watercolorskyy

The Rhaenyra/Criston beef is gonna go crazy in the prequel

im hoping you guys noticed, but this chapter was meant to emphasize the lack of control the reader truly has on criston. like yeah, he worships you and is willing to do almost anything you say, but his urges control him more than anything else ever will. this is going to be a common theme in the future. i also wanted this chapter to show more daily life and readers relationship with rhaenyra compared to part i.

[redsea8me]

Did I ever tell you guys about my Jekyll and Hyde AU for tfp? No? Well don’t worry bc you’re about to hear about now

so like, the after math of the Sythn En episode right? Ratchet learns not to take drugs after almost dying right? What if it didn’t end there? What if afterwards he ended up with thoughts and feelings that weren’t his own sometimes? What if whatever remnants of the sythn en that stayed in his system gained a mind of its own?

Now, Ratchet has to share his body and mind w/ an unwieldy, loud, and outspoken version of himself that really really wants to go outside (and calls himself Ratchets brother a lot of the time but he doesn’t acknowledge that (yet))

He is literally talking nonsense all the time

[satoruhour]

*runs in*

colllege athlete!au where jjk men see you in their varsity jacket and just goes batshit crazy. They defo win the game afterwards and fuck you in it, best orgasm of your life.

*runs out*

❄️

a/n: MY LORD .......................... YOU JUST UNLOCKED SUM IN ME ICY !!!!! discussions of p -> v sex, unprotected sex, breeding, oral f! receiving, name calling, semi-public sex, long LONG post

gojo would def be the one to suggest it at first. hes even offering to buy two jackets just for you but then youre like “but i dont want you to waste money satoru... plus i want it to smell like you..!” omg that makes gojo cum on the spot lmfao. but is mostly caught off guard when you first wear it - it happens when its the half time of the game and his team is not doing particularly well bc he made u a little upset the night before and he felt bad :( youve been on his mind for the whole game and hes so distracted poor boy. but u also think you were being a little childish in how you reacted, so youre stealing his varsity jacket way earlier than he leaves and hes so confused when that morning he cant find it. shows up to the game in another jacket and got an earful from his coach that no one really likes, and bc theyre doing so badly, at half time the coach didnt want to meet with them for pep talk either. boo fuck the coach but anyway, youre rushing down to the lockets and whatnot in his jacket. feels like straight out of a movie dude omg. that troy and gabriella shit bc gojo is dragged outside and is hugging you close and muttering apologies into your neck, kissing u all over sigh. its gotten him a big boost of adrenaline tho! and as the star player of his team a lot of his teammates feed off of his energy. gojo is the last to leave the locker room, wanting to have a little more time with you. he twirls you around and admires you in his large jacket and makes out with you until he hears the buzzer from outside LOL. gives u a deep kiss, “ill win and fuck you good later, alright princess?” “go get ’em, satoru. i’ll be here always.”

yeah he def fucked you good later on, making you strip out of everything but his jacket and pounded u nice and good in the locker room long after everyone left. made you ride him on the benches, ate you out as you sat on the benches and kept thanking u for being his lucky charm thru all his matches. the grip on your hips were so heavy they were pprobably bruised, and the clanking of the lockers were so noisy it was a wonder you two werent caught. “that’s right, baby— taking my cock like the good girl you are,” you’re pushed up against the university lockers and railed into from brhind, sticking his fingers into your mouth as he made u arch your back in that varsity jacket of his. ooh lord. brought you out on a winning date and fucked u in his car, fucked you back at his home all the while wearing his jacket !!!!!!!

/

geto has never thought of it personally, but he wonders about it one day, thinking bout you in it without anything and he gets hard as heeellllll. has been wantin to put you in it for the longest time but just didnt have the opportunity to - youre always prepared with a cardigan or jacket of your own or you simply just dont get cold much to suguru’s dismay. so when you’re shivering one day before a game (sometimes they would watch the match before to get a sense of the two teams, and also bc you wanted to travel light handed for the date geto was going to bring you to after), geto’s so so quick to offer up his varsity jacket before you can think of any counter to it. but what you dont tell him is that youve been “avoiding” in a way, just bc you know if u get access to his jacket he will never. get. it. back. you have a knack for stealing his clothes bc geto smells good good and youre addicted to his scent. but either way youre trying not to gasp at the largeness of the jacket ... 🙏 same girl. you’re slipping one arm and then the other, wrapped in the safeness of geto’s jacket and hes trying so hard to show u that he isnt shivering LMFOAOAAOAO thank god the match was ending already and his team was up next. gojo only nods towards you later in the locker room as you stay thru their coach’s talk, smiling sickly bc he just knew what his best friend was going to do afterwards.

soon enough he can hear the cheers of the spectators flood his ears but hes only focused on you running up to him from the bleachers and hugs you close in his sweaty body (which u protest against and laugh about), but hes whispering “you dont mind though, right baby?” yeah you DEF dont mind it when he pulls you into the janitor’s closet and his body is grinding against yours. “was so hard playing through the game, yknow how difficult that is?” you reply back with i cant imagine with a giggle and let him do whatever he wants to you: hes so impatient he cant pull his game pants down all the way and the same goes for you. both your bottoms are stuck atound your thighs, and youre trying to stay quiet in that squeezy closet. it’s hard. youre so wet you dont exactly need foreplay, just maybe some brief fingering which has you whining into his neck and he slips in after. fucks you until the pails and cleaning supplies are falling to the floor and youre hoping to take off the varsity jacket but he refrains you from it, loving the way ur white shirt is turning wet from all your sweat. it’s sloppy, disgusting, juices spurting everywhere and youre so tight from your pressed-together thighs. i guess he has no choice but to put you in a mating press too and he goes so deeeep in that position you moan out loud. “yeah— made to take my cock like a slut, ain’t ya? only natural when you’re lookin’ so good in my jacket.” getos gross and u love it.

/

nanami fits better as an alumni whos come back for a friendly current students vs alumni match. hes entering the gym with haibara and his two annoying seniors gojo and geto and while they talk a lot of crap theyre great players. nanami comes up to greet you since youre still their manager and hes one year above you. dating across years is a little difficult esp with how nanami was in his last year of uni, and now that hes looking for work while u finish your last year .... it’s hectic thats for sure, but u guys make it work perfectly fine bc nanami prioritises you a lot!! but late youve been busy with midterms and him with settling in with his new job that he almost forgot about today’s match. is met with nostalgia the first time he steps intothe gym again but he never expected you to wear the varsity jacket that’s stuffed deep into your closet. frankly it doesnt fit him at all any mroe but you thought it to be fitting to wear it in this once in a lifetime match (bc hes just so busy!!!! to book a date w/ nanami is like going to the army dawg). nanami’s jaw drops when u first step foot into the gym and oh my god youre going to be the umpire too? he is going to become too distracted, instantly taken back to the many many times hes gotten you trapped in the gym bathroom with his cock in your mouth, or the time you ride him in the empty gym in the corner (it was late at night!!!!), or also the time right after his loss where he took all his anger and frustration out on you, jersey between his teeth as he uses you. something switched in nanami that day when u expressed how much u liked the roughness tee hee. surprisingly hes even more focused, in a way of proving something to himself bc he can probably count on everyone’s hands the number of times hes missed a cue from a teammate before when he was still in school just cause u were wearing his jacket 😭😭😭 man you dont even need to be in the jacket! thats how obsessed he is with u!!!

shoots you a small smile after each point and is trying to hard not to run to you to get a good job kiss. also finds the fact that youre judging appropriately and not showing biasness just cause nanami’s on one team really really hot! the way you call the shots, give the accurate penalties and that booming voice of yours echoing thru out the gym ..... youre so good at being umpire that even the juniors cant deny they lost fair and square and not just cause youre nanami’s girl. altho bc you two are so good at hiding they dont rlly suspect anything until hes kissing you - something that even he isnt that comfy with but he just needed to show off !!!!! that isnt the case when later he has you back in the gym, reminiscent of that one time!!! but nanami found it so hot, hes backing you back up into the quiet gym, illuminated by the moonlight. its way late after dinner and the uni students have gone back to their dorm already while the alumni has departed for their homes and its just you. thank god the gym is also located in a place that is a little secluded and disconnected from the campus so it isnt long before youre both making out against the walls of the gym, moans and sounds echoing in the large hall. “just like old times?” “yeah. except ill be taking my time with you” yeah, u take ur time indeed: the gargling of your mouth and groans of nanami is so disgustingly filthy, slobbering all over his dick and he also eats you out on the floor. when he stretches u out with his fingers you can hear yourself bc youre so wet that you drip to the floor. but none of u give a shit when you settle atop nanami and start riding him needily, bouncing and moaning out his name. the way the sounds of your slapping skin makes it way back to is gross!!!! but so hot!!!! its so lewd !!! you get tired soon enough and nanami thrusts up into you with whispers of ur name in the gym. u do that hot thing where you pull up your shirt and pull down ur bra so your tits r spilling out .... OOOOOOHH it gets nanami cumming instantly, esp with the large frame of the varsity jacket on you that he cums more than usual <3333

/

toji, rather than a player, is a coach for the team. youre the manager whos helping with all the admin stuff and waterbottles/towels and with moral in the team - kind of like kiyoko and yachi in hq, but when u show up always no one knows whose varsity jacket youre wearing. they all speculate between themselves and have their thoughts but the team members never suspect that it’s their own coaches one. it looks too similar to the team’s with no name on the back, the sewing is exactly the same and the small logo of their team takes its place on the left breast as usual. but they never bother to check the inside where toji has made a large blotched ‘T’ on the label and your name squeezed in on the underside. toji loves to see it on you, esp in games and while hed love to see it on you outside of it he cant run the risk that he’s dating the manager. but he also especially loves it when you surprise him at home: wearing his jacket with nothing but your panties, prancing around and doing chores as he comes back from another gruelling match. ohhhh the things he’d do to you... but the best is when you do it in public. that changes the whole game

you’re helping with practice here and there, picking up the stray shuttlecocks/volleyballs/whatever sport around the gym as they practice their drills, but toji realises you dont reach over and bend like you usually do - normally youd do it when you know toji’s the only one to be standing behind you so he can see your panties under the short skirt but you dont do ANYTHING so he wonders if he did smtg wrong. but also you’re squatting down to pick up things? it’s only later when you saunter up to him as his team is distracted and you unzip the jacket just a little and he gets the glimpse of the lingerie set he bought you and very very riskily bringing his hand down to your centre where you’re bare. toji groans to himself when he feels that youre already so wet, playing with your folds just barely until his student calls out to him and youre both shocked out of your daze. “you’re in for it, doll.” takes u to the equipment room, and fucks right after dismissing the team. “doing this typa shit in front of the boys? dirty girl.” youre holding onto the shelves of the equipment and it’s rattling so much that things are tethering so close to the edge, it’s insanity. the sight of his cock disappearing into you while you wear that short skirt is just pure serotonin for him, plus your moans echo a lot throughout the room along with the slapping of ur skin. stuffs the collar of the varsity jacket into your mouth to keep you quiet as he cums in you <3333 “look at that...” sighs when he removes his cock from you and cum drips to the floor, “my pretty manager.”

OKAY BYE . I NEED TO BE SPAYED.

[priniya]

okay, so i would like to request a theodore nott x reader where reader is like this kind of shy, studious type of girl and theo has had a crush on her for the longest time? like, he always sees her muttering the answers to professors questions and studying in the library and reading in every corner of the castle. maybe she gets dragged to a party by one of her more extroverted friends and ends up hiding away in the corner where theo comes and puts the moves on her?

i've read a few of your fics and adored them, you are such a good writer <33 if you can't get to this ask, i understand. i hope this finds your well <33

🗺️ SMALL WORLDS

synopsis. being an introvert pushed into a crowd of over extraverts isn’t what you imagined doing on a friday night. good thing that theodore nott seems to be the best extrovert you could ever find to be around.

notes. theodore nott x shy!reader. kind of high school!au

req. i’m like. so in love with that request. liz i love you. its all i needed in my life to feel completed. hope i exceeded ur expectations 🕺 also pride n prejudice reference??

oh.

theo didn’t expect to see you there. you were never a party person, you hardly ever went out to hogsmeade with your friends or paid attention to something that wasn’t your thrifted, muggle books. however now, you were standing all dolled up in the corner of the room, surrounded by gwen and betty, – who wanted to make sure you’d be okay on your own – anxiously scanning the common room, when the two girls left you.

something in his mind could tell him that the party wasn’t exactly your cup of tea, the huge, loud crowd you were pushed into was probably just giving you a hard time adjusting to the atmosphere. it wasn’t hard to notice as your eyes couldn’t focus on one thing, hands trembled and you were getting pale, so you had to sit on the emerald chair.

“it’s not nice to stare.” pansy nudged him in his ribcage teasingly, catching his attention almost immediately. his best friend had her arm wrapped around ginny weasley’s waist and a drunken smile spread over her lips. “go get ‘er tiger.” she added, watching him roll his eyes and walk somewhere.

maybe he stared a little. and maybe he made it a little too obvious — or obvious enough to get teased for it by his friends. he had to keep his cool or he would probably scare the shit out of you for being such a creep who just stared. not only at the moment, but also in class when you sit somewhere in front of him, or at the slytherin table.

and, to just make clear that theo has been interested in the curious creature you were, he even started coming to the library more often, staying there and pretending to read, when he couldn’t, so utterly distracted by the way your eyes move, or the way you have to take breaks to react to the book you’re reading, or the way you sometimes look his way, but look away the second you make eye contact.

theodore nott has never been a shy type of guy — overly confident, always hanging out with the elite, and looking above on everybody. or maybe that’s what everyone thought, because when he was to make a few steps in your direction, all the traits people knows him for were gone. he felt like a little kid, who wanted to ask his mom a big, important question, but couldn’t let it out of him.

his legs felt wobbly, making him as confused as it was possible. he’s never experienced anything like that over a girl who’s doubtlessly more into the book on her lap than she’d ever been into him. a stupid smile appeared on nott’s face the second you brought your gaze higher, falling on his lightly flushed face.

“uh, hi.” you struggled to let out, a little flustered that he came up to you like that. having closed the book, your gaze fell on his face one more time, analysing who you’re talking to, though it didn’t take too long to figure out it was theodore nott.

“hey.” he replied, shamelessly taking a seat next to you. for the fifteen seconds he was walking there, he thought about all the possibilities of conversation, but then? he just sat next to her silently for half a minute. “doin’ alright?” a question left his lips.

“i–, uh. kind of.” you lied, stuttering at the same time.

of course you knew theodore nott, who didn’t? he was a friend of mattheo and draco, a lacrosse player and a smart-talker. never studying, but always perfect on tests. and, in addition to top it all – undeniably handsome that keeping eyes off him was like a death sentence.

his eyes rolled in playfulness. “funny. you look more than just miserable.” the boy commented, his eyes fixated on your face as he speaks. “would you mind if i keep you company?” theo flashed you a cheeky smile and you just shook your head silently, watching him as he took a closer seat.

“you don’t have to speak.” nott added quickly, seeing a piece of distress at him keeping you company, and the way your hands gripped the cup you held. “you can just… act like you listen to whatever i’m sayin’, that’s fine with you?” his head tilted to the side waiting for a most likely short answer.

once you agreed or maybe it’s better to say once you didn’t refuse, he started rambling, rambling and rambling, trying so hard to make you laugh — chuckle, at least. oh and was he so proud of himself when he finally did. and minutes after that, you started replying to him more often, and god, it sent him to heaven, even though he was the one speaking much more, hearing you reply once in a while was enough.

the music was getting louder with each second, and he took you out for a walk, showing you around a little, because you were not exactly from that part of the town. “you smoke?” he asked, and he knew the answer immediately. you didn’t, but you nodded, waiting till he extends his hand with the pack of cigarettes.

you brought the cigarette to your parted lips, feeling his gaze on you. the motive for the whole smoking part was completely unknown to you — you never smoked, neither did you want to, but how could you ever say no to theodore nott, when he ditched the party to talk to you.

so… somehow, it led you to do what you can to impress him. you took a drag, feeling his eyes on you, and… started coughing so much you had to hold his arm for a few seconds to keep your composure. you could see theo trying his best not to laugh at your poor attempt at smoking. his teeth dig into his bottom lip as he bit back a smile, not wanting to make you feel bad.

“it’s better that way.” he nudged your side lightly, trying to cheer you up, seeing the embarrassment painting all over your face. “someone really doesn’t want you to smoke up there.” theo joked, making the corners of your lips curve a little upwards.

there was a comfortable silence between the two of you for some time, just walking around the town, enjoying each other’s presence until he finally decided to give it a break. “you’re not the type to party.” theodore stated, giving you a side glance. “lost a bet or something?” he asked, his left eyebrows lifted.

you walked beside him, hands laced behind your back as he asks the question. you couldn’t help but tilted your head slightly to the side to take a better view of him — of his sharp jawline, high cheekbones, those beautiful eyes of his and those lips— shit. you almost forgot he asked you a question and maybe even worse, noticed you staring.

“no.” he got a little head shake for an answer, before you found yourself revealing even more. “just promised my friends i’d go out with them.”

to theo, it sounded like something you’d do. even though he hardly ever spoke more than few words to you, he’s been perceptive and watching you in class was something he did most of the time, the reason behind it? his crush fell too deep to not continue looking for an opportunity to make a move.

“mhmm.” he mumbled under his breath, turning his face to look at you, a smile creeping onto his lips. “to be fair, despite the visible discomfort on your face, you look real pretty.” theo gave you a cheeky smile, before adding. “though, comfort looks so much better on you.”

shit. this motherfucker. his smooth way with words got you blushing from the top of your head down to your toes. before you could even stutter an answer, you felt the fuzzy insides of his coat on your shoulders. it felt so unreal yet so realistic at the same time. were you dreaming? you wish you weren’t.

“is it really that visible?” a soft sigh has left your lips, stopping in your tracks to look at him. “nah, just if someone has been paying attention to you before, they’ll notice.” the boy shrugged, your cheeks growing even hotter.

he’s been paying attention to you. theodore nott, the slytherin, has been paying enough attention to you to notice how uncomfortable you were in gwen’s dress. his cheeky smile got even cheekier as you were processing everything in your mind, the two of you standing in front of each other in the middle of the pavement.

your lips were slightly parted as you tried to think of something to say without embarrassing yourself more. you didn’t even catch the moment when he leaned a little closer until the two of you were inches away. “theo…?” a quiet whisper escaped your lips, your head tilted upwards to look at him.

“i’ve been infatuated with you for a while now.” confessed theodore, your breath hitching in your throat. what now? “it’s not the ‘i like you’ talk, it’s the mr. darcy’s ‘you’ve bewitched me, body and soul’ talk. i’m not myself when you’re not around.” his words are like honey on your ears, his hand finding yours, your eyes never leaving his.

“you like jane austen?” you giggled, accidentally interrupting his confession.

“y/n.” he groaned. “please, can i kiss you? i don’t think i’ll be able to breathe without it.” theo seemed desperate, but you couldn’t mind, it was theo who wanted to kiss you, the guy you always stared, when no one looked, the only guy that ever appeared in your dreams.

it took him just a small nod from you to lower his head and crush his lips into yours. at first, you could feel all the emotions he wanted you to feel — the desperation, the need, and the happiness that came with finally being able to kiss you. his fingers found its way to your hair, pulling you even closer as your lips moved against his so perfectly.

if it wasn’t for your fist that gripped the fabric of his collar, you’d probably pass out from the sensation of his mouth on yours. you had to break out for a few seconds to catch some air, but this time — you were the one who kissed him, standing on your tiptoes, kissing him like your life depends on it. he tasted like the liquor he had drunk before you two got away, and menthol cigarettes.

his forehead is resting against yours, after the two of you finally pull away yet so slightly. “were you for real?”

“i have never been as for real as i am right now, y/n. if being so enamoured with you was a crime, i’d be facing lifetime.”

[genshin-scenarios]

pacts and their marks: demon au

Summary: Where you've accidentally summoned a demon (you’re an exorcist) and now you’re in a pact with them! They’re now your assistant of sorts, some more willing than others…

Characters: Venti, Xiao, Lyney, Wanderer

Content warnings: minor injury and blood (Xiao), mentions of fire and smoke with allusions to death (Lyney), mentions of death and human experimentation (Wanderer)

Generally speaking, Venti likes to float rather than walk if he can help it; he’s gotten the habit of flitting around your form often, hanging off your shoulders and clinging on to you absentmindedly. You might be more annoyed about it if it wasn’t for his voice as he greets you, light and deceptively soothing.

Venti’s music hypnotizes the heart. Whether it be singing or another instrument, he has the ability to convince any being, living or dead, to do as he wishes—so long as his melody isn’t overpowered by their strength of mind.

Honestly, sometimes you wonder if he’s testing the safety-precautions of your pact. You’re invulnerable to his powers thanks to it, but with the way he endears himself towards you, you wonder if his true motive was to steal your affections in another way.

He’s one of the rare demons that blend in with people well. You found him as a spirit living inside an antique lyre; while Venti says he was sleeping there for a lack of anything to do, you have a feeling that there’s another story behind his attachment to the item. He often uses it in battle—its strings glowing with an old magic that matches the shade of his eyes and braids.

You sometimes forget how deadly it is to lose one’s mind in the heat of a fight, when Venti’s lying next to you on the bed as he scrolls on your spare phone. Noticing your attention he peers up, twirling his hair—currently unbraided—between his fingers.

For how much he teases you about praising him, Venti’s never mentioned anything about playing his music to get rid of your nightmares. One time, when you were especially sick, you recall him singing a song in a language you didn’t recognise.

It was hauntingly beautiful, and so was the way he brushed his hand through your hair, too gentle compared to the demons you had to hunt down.

Xiao’s most unique feature had to be his wings; the same dark shade as his hair, dipped in streaks of teal.

During a quiet night, he’d told you they used to be white as snow and gilded with gold. But an angel that kills to protect is destined to fall from the clouds, shrouded by the ghosts of those they have slain.

You know there are others like him, but he says they’ve succumbed to corrosion. He is the only one left, and is one of the only demons you’ve met that hunt down their own species. In an effort to save him from his own corrosion, you’d made a pact with Xiao to link your life forces. 

Despite how he’d told you to leave him, his spirit still reached for yours—towards any form of light and warmth it could meet. Xiao still finds the marks of the pact distasteful, however, always glancing at the dark patterns now etched into your skin. You tell him it’s more reassuring than not, now that you can summon him with a call of his name.

If there’s one word to describe his powers, it’s destructive in every form of the word. Xiao leaves the battlefield entirely demolished after a fight. Sometimes he struggles to control his strength, but it’s been getting easier to do so with your presence to balance his. 

He prefers to throw himself in as the weapon. Which is why when you’re the one that gets injured this time around, all Xiao can do is panic. He holds you in his arms, frozen as he realizes he cannot help.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a serious wound. But after that, Xiao has been a lot more protective of you; almost hyper-aware.

“W—What are you doing, Xiao?” You flinch as he bites into your palm, drawing a small line of blood. 

Xiao hums. “Did you know that even using your blood, I can only heal you a limited amount with our pact?” Another bite, this time with his fangs, frustrated. “Keep that in mind the next time you plan on getting hurt.” You’re lucky the hospital could treat you this time around.

All Lyney knows is that he was reborn in a fire. At the back of his mind, he’s searching for his siblings—though he’s not sure where they are.

Like smoke filling a room, Lyney’s able to create illusions that trick all the senses. At your first meeting, he’d tried this on you; only for one of your protective amulets to diffuse his powers, revealing a larger demon he’d been working with that’d been ready to devour you. 

Suffice to say, Lyney was quick to switch sides once he noticed that you were winning. That, and the demon he was working with turned out to have lied about having a lead for him. After noticing your potential as a partner, he’d been quick to scout for your help.

He often uses his illusions to fool enemies into fighting one-another, redirecting their attention away—but after the pact, Lyney seems to lose his larger-than-life traits and falls into a casual routine with you. It makes you wonder if he’d been human before this, though sometimes he’s more cat-like than not.

If nothing else, he does like to put on a show when you’re faced with a battle. He makes your job easy, considering that your bond allows you to see past his illusions and maneuver around enemies, finding the perfect blind spots. Despite the oddity of your partnership, you start to enjoy the pattern of working with Lyney, from your smooth conversations to his smarts. 

One thing that does throw him off however, is when a demon you were trying to exorcize attempts to form a pact with you. Not that you can’t have multiple pacts at once, but it’s the first time you’ve seen Lyney openly aggressive towards an enemy, striking it with a sharp bolt of flame that diffuses it long enough for you to dispose of it.

With the threat gone, Lyney was quick to check on you, looking for any traces the other demon might’ve left behind. He calms down once he finds nothing, eyes widening when he realizes your faces are only inches apart.

“I…” He looks like he’s about to apologize, but decides against it. “Please don’t make a pact with anyone else. I don’t want to feel like that ever again.”

When you first met, Wanderer had tried to turn you into a puppet.

It was his power, after all—to attach strings onto any form and take control of them. These strings could be cut off, but it would only take so long for him to attach them again.

Most people don’t survive their encounters with him, but you’d managed to trap him into a pact right before things went dire. Now you could restrain his actions to a certain extent, though Wanderer would always push against your control, keeping you on your guard.

Many coworkers have told you to simply be rid of him—but just as you’d tricked Wanderer into a pact with you, he’s since linked your heart with his soul. That is to say, if he was exorcized, you’d be going down with him.

It’s a small relief to learn that Wanderer could also puppeteer other demons, thus you put him to work on the field by your side, turning into an unwilling duo. He has a habit of not doing anything unless you make it a ‘command’, leaning closer with a challenge in his eyes even as an enemy charged at the both of you. 

Then, with a snap of his fingers, they’d stop mid-air. As large as the pact's patterns are on your skin, you had to admit that Wanderer’s power was a deadly one.

You’ve always wondered why he had no reactions to injuries; no matter how serious, you’ve never seen Wanderer express pain. Much, much later into your partnership, you learn that he’s become numb to physical sensations a long time ago. And that him turning into a demon was a gift of reprieve more than not, as he’d destroyed and escaped from an experimental facility shortly after.

During a fight where you'd been affected by a tranquilising venom, Wanderer had been the one to save you; your eyes met briefly as you felt his strings take a hold of your form.

“Don't make me look bad now.” He'd said. “Just relax.” 

With not much of a choice, you allowed him to guide your movements. Somehow, it does feel different compared to your first encounter with his powers. With a push and pull between the strings, you could almost say it felt like a dance.

Were Wanderer's movements always this graceful?

Preorders for my wanderer fanbook and genshin letters are open! If you liked this, consider checking out the purple link on my pinned post!

[sweetlyskz]

Emerald Gem||Chapter Six

Chapter one|Chapter two|Chapter three|Chapter four|Chapter five|Chapter six|Chapter seven|Chapter eight|Chapter nine|Chapter ten

Hybrid!OT7 x Fem!Reader

Overview: Living away from society has its perks. All natural food from your thoroughly cultivated farm, no nosy neighbors, and peace and security with your animals. But sometimes you did get lonely, having no one to talk to but the cows and pigs. However, when 7 extremely wanted hybrids stumble upon your deserted farm, everything changes.

Genre: Hybrid Au, Strangers to lovers, slow burn, smut, fluff

Warnings: SUGGESTIVE, some language, harsh themes

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: Tags list is now CLOSED! Thank you guys for loving this pic <3 lots more to come soon!

Unedited

Your dinner was getting cold. For some reason, you couldn’t pick up the fork. Your hands were too busy gripping the table, bewildered by the sight in front of you.

“Are you going to come greet us or just sit there?” Yoon teased, showing that gummy smile you missed so much. The others were behind him, Jimin laid on Taehyung’s back. You could tell they had been through hell and back. Jin could barely stand on his own two feet, leaning on Hobi for support.

“I- what are you guys doing here?” You never thought you would see them again. Now that they’re here in front of you, you don’t know what to say. Even after all that time practicing what to say if they came back.

Im sorry. Please stay. I missed you.

Instead, you asked “Where’s Namjoon?”

The smile on Yoongi’s face quickly turned into a frown, telling you all you needed to know. Maybe you couldn’t do anything to convince him to stay, maybe Joon was just a lost cause- that’s what you tried to convince yourself anyway.

“I’m so sorry-.” You tried to apologize but Jungkook quickly shut it down with a quick embrace. As soon as you felt his arms wrap around your waist you were at ease. But once he pulled away, you yearned for more. It was just a second, but you still craved it nonetheless.

“Don’t apologize when you have nothing to be sorry for. He made his bed. Now he has to lay in it.”

“Speaking of beds”, Jimin interrupted, apparently lucid enough to speak clearly. “May I go to mine? I haven’t had a proper sleep in weeks…”The guys chuckle at Jimin lack of consciousness. It made you smile knowing they could laugh in dire situations. It comforted you, hearing Jimin call the bed his. It was his bed.

This is his home.

***

After eating dinner, everyone went there separate ways. They were probably looking forward to having a nice, cozy bed all to themselves. You laid in bed trying to rest, but your mind wouldn’t allow it. Yes, you were happy to have the six wanted hybrids back home, but every time you thought about Namjoon your stomach turned from worry. Apparently you weren’t the only one.

“Hey Y/n?” The Bunny hybrid stood in front of your bedroom door holding his favorite black and blue pillow.

“Hey Kook”, you leaned against the headboard, getting a better look at him. He looked frazzled, like there was something on his mind. You know that look all too well. “Can’t sleep?”

He nodded, making his way to the unoccupied side of the bed. He laid down next to you, getting as close to you as he could while holding his pillow to his chest.

“Worried about Namjoon”, he whispered into his pillow. “Never been anywhere without him. Im scared…”

You gently removed the pillow from his chest, replacing it with your warmth. Jungkook immediately relaxed in your embrace, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. You felt like home- nice and warm. You were familiar to him, someone his could call his. Yes, he had the guys, but he grew up with them so it was different. The bond he built with you was new, and easy.

You placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, rubbing his back soothingly. “I know”, you whispered. You of all people know what it’s like to lose someone. You know the feeling of curiosity, the feeling of wondering where your person may be.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find him… I promise.”

You continued to rubbed Kook’s back, soothing him to sleep. There in the darkness, you both laid. It was quiet- serene.

“How did we get so lucky?” He murmured, eyelids fluttering on the brink of sleep. “What did we do to deserve you?”

He fell asleep before you could respond, before you could find the words to answer him. But his question kept you up all night, looking for the right words. How do you tell the person you just met that you’re falling? How do you explain to him that it’s you who was lucky enough to find seven incredibly selfless people.

“You deserve the world”, you whispered, finding comfort in his unconsciousness. “All of you do..”

“I love you. More than you know...”

***

You expected jungkook to be gone when you woke up, but there he was- still laid in your arms. He looked peaceful. Even with the cuts and bruises on his face, he was beautiful. And there it goes  again- butterflies in your stomach. It was a feeling you haven’t felt in a long time. The feeling was warm and comfortable, but also scary.

But you couldn’t lay in bed all day, admiring all of Jungkook’s features. The farm needed tending to, and breakfast needed to be made. When you went to sit up, a pair of hands quickly pulled you back down.

“Don’t leave yet”, he whispered, sending a shiver down your spine. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“Kook”, you sighed, pretending to be irritated. “I’ve gotta go cook and feed the animals. You can come help if you want.”

He shook his head, pouting like a sad little kid. “Hobi already tended to the farm and Yoon made everyone breakfast. Now, lay down with me please.”

“Oh” was all you could say. You didn’t have any other excuse. The guys made sure of that. So you let him cuddle you, the way you did him. And for a while, you laid in his arms peacefully.

“You trust me tight?” Kook questioned.

“With my life”.

He scooted closer to you, putting his head in the crook of your neck. You could feel him breathing on you, making you nervous.

“Just trust me, okay?”

You nodded. “O-okay.”

Taking his sweet time, he placed gentle kisses from your neck to your ear. It had you squirming in anticipation, wondering where his lips would move to next.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now”, he breathed by your ear, running a hand up and down your waist. One hand made its way to your breast, messaging it through your night shirt. You gasp at the sudden feeling, giving him room to connect your lips with his. The kiss was soft and gentle, yet it still made you’re mind go blank. “Namjoon would loose his mind if he knew.”

You pushed away immediately after hearing his name. Namjoon, their pack leader. What would he think about the pack maknae comforting you in your bed? Your stomach turned just thinking about it.

“I should probably go check on the others, it’s a little too quiet”, you thought up an excuse, leaving a dumbfounded Jungkook in your bedroom.

***

As you walked down the creeky stairs, the aroma of pancakes and syrup surrounded you. When you entered the living room, four hybrids sitting on the couch devouring their plate.

“Oh! You’re awake!” Hoseok beamed. “Yoon thought we should wait for you to come down, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s okay”, you smiled. The smell of the morning breakfast was making your stomach growl. Jimin scooted to the edge of the couch, making some room for you to sit.

“Here, grab your plate and you can watch with us”, he offered. The Saturday cartoons were on, Tae’s favorite. Tom and Jerry always made him laugh, and don’t even get him started on road runner.

“Sorry, I can’t. Lots of farm work to do. But let’s play a game outside later!”

Jin, lying down on the other side of the couch, pointed a finger at Hoseok. “Hobi already did it! The silos are full and the chicken coops are clean! I fed the animals too!”

The stairs creaked once more. Jungkook, with his doe eyes and fluffy hair, entered the living room. “Good Morning”, he greeted in his raspy morning voice.

You could feel the butterflies again.

“You sure slept well, didn’t you?” Jimin smirked. “You might want to adjust your self, kook. It’s looking right at me.”

He glared at jimin. “What are you ta- Oh shit.”

If Jimin didn’t say anything, you would’ve never noticed, but now you can’t unsee it- the tent in the bunny hybrids pants. The others laughed at him while you blushed feverishly. 

“What were you dreaming about kookie?” Tae teased the youngest.

“More like who was he dreaming about?” Hobi joined in. You couldn’t even think straight. Instead of joining in the taunting banter, you decided to quietly grab a seat and try to wipe the red off your face.

But Jungkook wasn’t going to let you get away so easily.

“Blame Y/n! It’s her fault”, He exclaimed with his back turned adjusting himself. Suddenly all eyes shifted to your side of the couch, and you could no longer hide your embarrassment. And with the embarrassment was also shock.

“I- I didn’t! We never-“ You stuttered trying to find the right words. Was there any right way to explain how you made their pack mate hard? Probably not…

“You worry too much”, Kook huffed, slightly irritated. “You’re our family now. I’m as just as close to you as I am my pack. You practically are apart of us now!”

You tugged at the loose string on your shirt, eyes on the floor as if you had just been scolded. “But Namjoon-“

“Joon will come around eventually”, Jin interjected. “He knows where home is. He’ll make his way back to us soon.”

***

The room felt cold, ice cold. And even though he hadn’t opened his eyes yet, he already knew where he was.

“No! Please, Not again!” Joon begged, body trembling.

The men in white lab coats laughed. “You’re lucky you still alive. We can keep it that way, too! Just tell me where the others are and no one has to get hurt.”

Namjoon laid on the cold white floors, gripping the metal bars caging him in. If the bars weren’t there, everyone in the room would’ve been dead, by his hand. Just hearing the sinister laugh of the people who hurt his pack made him want to tear them into shreds.

“Fuck you!” He spat. He banged and beat on the cell bars, but It was no use. He couldn’t break them. And now he’s in a situation he cannot escape.

And now he’s silently calling you for help.

Please, he begged. Save me!

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[hyunnie04]

puppy love

inspired by that one scene in skip and loafer where mitsumi pets shima's hair;; not my best but its cute jskfdh

kim seungmin x reader

genre: fluff, non-idol au

you have been staring at seungmin the entire day. not because of anything bad, it’s just that there's this one thing that has been bothering you lately. propping your fist against your chin, you let out a burdened sigh.

ever since he had dyed his hair this captivating caramel color at the start of senior year, which was only a few weeks ago, you can’t seem to get your eyes off him. 

the change was refreshing, like seeing him in a completely different light. it had suited him so well, the blondish gold complemented his features like it was supposed to be like that from the start.

whenever you would place your curious gaze on him, the gears in your mind start turning, unable to place your finger on what it reminded you of. it had definitely started to become sort of a routine for you.

you’re also pretty sure seungmin had figured out you have been burning holes at the back of his head during lectures or lunch. he would sometimes look back at you with a quirk of his lip and a questioning gaze, making you shift your focus to somewhere else, cheeks reddening like a child catching glimpses of their crush.

but now you are sure he looked like someone. but who? you’re trying to figure that out yourself.

you don’t know where this sudden fascination with his hair came from, was it because it made him look so handsome? or maybe the way it looked very cute whenever it flopped around when he moved? 

confused feelings for the caramel haired boy aside, you decide to let it go.

you were hanging out with the man himself and a bunch of other friends one afternoon and started scrolling through your phone. they wouldn’t mind, seeing as to how all of them were currently preoccupied with playing a board game.

“hey, you can’t just do that! you have to give me money!”

“i can do whatever i want!”

you subconsciously block the noise coming from your rowdy friends, very much used to the chaotic nature. your thumb landed on a really adorable picture of your sweet little puppy back at home, already missing him. a thought instantly strikes you.    

you look up from your phone. and then to seungmin. and then back to your phone. 

it’s the exact same?!

you’ve finally cracked it. he looked exactly like your family dog. comparing him to an actual dog sounded mean, but you meant this genuinely as a compliment, you absolutely adored your golden retriever puppy- haru, more than your own family. the longer you thought about it, it’s sweet demeanor and honey colored coat resembled kim seungmin right in front of you.

after thinking about this revelation, you kept it to yourself, out of context it could sound mean. the last thing you wanted was to offend someone when you meant it in an endearing way.

so upon walking home one day, hurried footsteps trailed behind yours, prompting you to turn to see who it was. it was seungmin himself, his hair flopping in the wind, resembling the cutest pair of puppy ears.

he finally stopped, panting heavily after chasing you for a good while now. he straightened up, opening his adorable mouth to say something to you.

you couldn’t help yourself, the thought of wanting to feel his soft looking hair.

“haru-” you cover your mouth as soon as the words left it, extremely mortified to have said it out loud.

“haru? who’s that?” seungmin teases your increasingly flustered state. “are you mistaking me for someone else?” it was too late, you have to explain now.

“no...its...my…family’s dog…” you blurted out, embarrassed of saying it in front of him. you had fully expected him to get mad but he doesn’t. instead, seungmin lets out a chuckle, his eyes crinkling in what seems to be delight.

“well, my hair is really soft.” he watches your face morph into confusion as he tucks his hands coyly into his pockets. he wasn’t mad?

 “do you want to touch? you've been staring at it all week.”

seungmin wasn’t known for being touchy with his friends or anyone for that matter so you can imagine the shock on your face when he leans down to your level, silently allowing you to do so.

placing a hesitant touch on his honey hued locks with one hand, you slowly bring your other to ruffle his head, really going at it and much like you would do to haru. a grin graces your features as his strands get messed up, absolutely elated that you now know what his hair feels like.

once you were done, he straightens up and pats his messy hair back in its place as best as he can. seungmin quietly wraps an arm around your shoulder, as if nothing happened.

“got it out of your system?” you nod gleefully.

“good, now i can ask you out for a date.”

[acstation206]

I messed up. /j

Introducing...

THE AMAZING DIGITAL ARCADE PARTY!

Yeah, that's right, I caved in.

Basically the exact same show except its established lore and setting is more largely inspired by archive compilations of popular vintage arcade games of the 80s and 90s such as Pac-Man’s Arcade Party, as well as the different takes within the sci-fi / fantasy genre by the likes of Wreck-It Ralph, Tron: Legacy, and Infinity Train. 

==

= BACKGROUND (in a nutshell) 💿 =

In an attempt to save their dying business, C&A developed and manufactured the first hybrid arcade game of its own kind that combined other popular arcade games and home console games with virtual reality. However, just as the company’s luck was turning around, numerous lawsuits from game companies by the likes of Nintendo and families were filed against the company for their product, from apparently “ripping-off” Super Mario Bros. in its entirety to causing many children to either inexplicably fall unconscious or suffer from amnesia after the cabinet’s headset was put on. Just then, as C&A announced they’ll be temporarily recalling the product to fix its issues, a shocking discovery was already made by investigators that would soon bring the company to its demise: the game’s AI had gone rogue, and once a human mind dies from losing one of the games in any way, they are either permanently reincarnated as a personified cartoon character of themselves or just straight up die in real-life depending on the outcome.

==

= ART N’ STUFF 🎨 =

(might wanna make a separate masterpost for that in the future but oh well)

NES Ragatha

==

= Q&As and BOUNDARIES (sort of) 🎙️ =

"Are there any plans to make a full webcomic out of this?" - Uhhhh, mayyybe? I'm not entirely sure, honestly. While there may be a few side comics and artwork from my head I want to get out sometime, I don't really have much plans for this AU that'll be worth telling a full story right now since I feel there is plenty of things that I've yet to figure out and develop in a matter of time, particularly the setting and characters (especially considering the OG show itself has only 2 episodes out as of writing and I only have mobile apps like ibisPaint X to make this all possible at the moment).

"Can I make fanfics and OCs for this AU?" - Of course! I've seen a lot of incredible things from the community, especially in regards to alternate universes, so you're absolutely more than welcome to share whatever's on your mind as long as your heart's in the right place. I can't really guarantee I'll see every bit of it since I do have some personal biz of mine to take care of at any moment, but I'll be happy to reblog them whenever I get the chance. Just tag me and we all good. :)

"Are there any canon ships in this AU?" - Yes. Yes, there are. Well, only BunnyDoll (Jax x Ragatha) to be specific. HOWEVER, you are free to ship whoever you want here! Showtime (Caine x Pomni), ButtonBlossom (Pomni x Ragatha), it's all okay. The choice is yours, a romantic buffet! (Plus, depending on the quality of my writing, I'm not even planning to dwell too much into it for now, aside from the side comics that will.)

==

That's all for right now. Enjoy! :)

[kkyaka]

Summary: You meet new friends your second year of college, but the hot art major is the one who really catches your eye

Pairing: Sero Hanta x black!fem!reader

Word Count: 31,865 (😐)

Warnings: college!au, sero's an art major, lots of flirting, reader is seriously crushing on sero, reader is kinda innocent, mentions of light partying, drinking, and weed, reader gets drunk, lots of fluffy moments, sero's whipped for you, confession of feelings, reader has doubts about sero's feelings, date night at the fair, public indecency kinda (sero feels you up in the ferris wheel), you and sero shower together at one point, kinda a lot of smut lmfao, fingering (f), sero's kinda got a corruption and innocence kink, handjob, tit fondling, tit sucking, oral (f + m), thigh fucking, reader's a virgin, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, "just the tip", squirting, little bit of dirty talk on sero's part, trapping sorta (reader doesn't let sero pull out), sero's a smug bastard and a HUGE flirt, lemme know if I missed anything!

A/N: I honestly do not know how I managed to write all of this, but I was having the time of life doing so lmfao. Lowkey writing with my clit on this one 💀, and this was high key based on this fanart. Another fic of mine that has made its way to the top of my favorites lmfao. Thank you for reading and reblogs are greatly appreciated! And happy new year!

You were already entering your second year of college, and you hadn’t really done much that would classify as living the “college experience.” Your life was pretty monotonous; waking up, going to class, doing homework, and studying. You’ve made a couple of friends, but you don’t hang out with them very often unless all of you are free.

That doesn’t bother you very much, you’ve never been a social butterfly in the first place anyway. You like your roommate, but you don’t see her that often because she’s usually staying with her boyfriend most of the time. You don’t really mind since that means you can have your own peace and quiet when you go home, but sometimes, on the days when you don’t have anything to do, you wish you had more to do with your time.

The second semester is underway, and you’re heading to your second class of the day. You get there pretty early since you don’t know where the classroom is, and you get there right as the class before yours gets out. You wait for the people to file out before you walk in, trying to see what seat would be the best to sit at.

The classroom isn’t that big, not really being as big as a lecture hall, so you’re expecting this class to be on the smaller side, and you pick a seat on the inside of the row further towards the back of the room. There are a few other people in the room that got here early just like you did, and you set your backpack beside you before pulling your laptop out. 

The class starts to pile in as the time for the class to start gets closer, and as you're pulling up your notes for the class, you can see someone sitting in the row next to you in your peripheral, but you don’t pay attention to them. It would’ve been worse if they sat directly next to you. 

“I love your shoes,” you hear right as the professor walks in, and you turn to look at the person that sat next to you.

“Oh, thank you,” you say warmly, sticking your foot out a bit as you look down at your shoes. 

“This is my second time taking this class,” she tells you making you frown a little.

“Really? Is it hard?” you ask cautiously.

“That or I just didn’t pay attention well enough,” she jokes, and you laugh with her, the joke easing your worries a bit. You know this class isn’t going to be easy, but the fact that you already know someone that’s taken it makes you feel a lot better. “I’m Mina,” the pink-haired girl introduces herself, holding her hand out.

“y/n,” you introduce warmly, shaking her hand. “So, what year are you?”

“A junior,” she supplies. “You?”

“Sophmore. I could’ve taken this class last year, but I didn’t wanna deal with it yet.”

“Oh, I totally understand that,” she agrees, and the professor starts talking which signals the end of your conversation. Since this class is so short, the professor already went over the syllabus before class started, so she got into the content right away. You had already downloaded the slides on your tablet, writing any other notes she mentions as she talks.

Luckily, the class doesn’t feel like it lasts long, and that could be because the professor talked so fast. Once she dismisses the class, everyone starts packing up, and Mina turns to you once the both of you stand.

“So, are you done for the day?”

“Yeah! This was my last class of the day, so I’m free.”

“You wanna get lunch?” she asks as you both put your backpacks on. You give her an enthusiastic confirmation, and you follow her out of the room. You get to know each other more as you walk to get food, and she looks down at her phone before she turns back to you. “My friends are going to be joining us if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course,” you reply, not minding meeting more people. You both are the first ones to sit down at a table, and she tells you that her friends are on the way. You fill the time with talking about classes and finding out each other's majors.

Denki is the first of her friends that you meet, and you’re nearly overwhelmed by his bright personality. You all make conversation, finding yourself laughing at most of the jokes he cracks. Jirou’s in tow, and they sit by Mina. She tells Mina that another one of their friends will be here soon, and you wonder how they’ll be. Denki and Jirou are really friendly, so you assume that the next friend won’t be too far from that.

“Took you long enough to get here, Sero.” You’re looking down at your phone when you hear Jirou speak, so you look up to see who they are, and your face falls just a little. The last thing you were expecting was someone so good-looking. 

“Yeah, yeah. My professor ran over,” he supplies, and you can’t take your eyes off of him. His hair is half up, half down, the bun of his hair sitting right above his neck, and you can see a sliver of a tattoo on his neck that disappears underneath his jacket.

“Well, since you’re here now, you can meet my new friend.” She gestures to you, telling him your name, and the smile he gives you is enough to render you speechless. 

“Hey, I’m Sero,” he says, even though you already know that, and you almost don’t shake his hand because you’re so focused on looking at him. 

“Hi,” you manage, internally groaning at how that’s all you can manage. He looks at you for a little while after you speak, his other friends are already engrossed in their own conversation. You try to think of something to say to fill the silence, but he beats you to it, pointing to the chair next to you.

“You mind?” he questions, and you shake your head, gesturing quickly for him to take the seat. He sheds his jacket, and you can see that the tattoo on his neck goes down further, once again being hidden by the shirt he’s wearing. Which hugs his body like no other, might you add. You swallow thickly as you look over his torso, your eyes catching another tattoo running down his arm.

He catches you looking at it, laughing softly as he sits down next to you. He pulls his sleeve up his impressive arm, moving his arm toward you so you can see it better. “Got it recently,” he tells you, and he grabs your hand. “You can touch it if you want.” You ignore the tingles that go up your arm, letting him guide your hand, and you softly run your fingers over the ink.

“It’s beautiful,” you admire, looking at the veins and flowers that flow over his skin. 

“Yeah, that makes two of you.” You jump a little at his words, looking up at him, and you can’t stop how warm your face grows. 

“Ah, um, thanks,” you mutter, wanting to slap your forehead. “Do you have any others?” you find yourself asking, still getting over the compliment.

“Yeah,” he starts, pulling his shirt down a little, so you can see the rest of the tattoo on his neck. “I’d have to take my shirt off to show you all of it, but,” he adds. “And I got a couple more.” You nod at his words, your eyes still lingering more on his physique than the tattoo. “You got any?”

“Uh, yeah,” you start, and you sweep your hair over your shoulder, turning a bit so he can see it. “It’s a matching tattoo I got with my sisters,” you explain, and you flinch a little when you feel his fingers run over it.

“Sorry,” he chuckles. “Shoulda asked first.”

“No, it’s okay. It just surprised me.” When his fingers leave your skin, you take that as a sign to face him again. “I want one on my spine the most,” you tell him, and you see his eyes flash, but then it looks like he rethinks what he was going to say.

“Really? Why there?”

“I just think it’ll look really cool, honestly,” you laugh, rubbing your hand over where his fingers once were.

“Yeah, it would.” He rests his arm on the back of your chair, his whole body facing toward you, and you’re practically gushing from the attention. It doesn’t seem like his friends are paying you any attention, and you continue your conversation. You talk to Sero most of the time, and it’s kind of hard to keep up since he keeps hitting you with sudden compliments, and each time you giggle. You feel like that’s exactly what he’s going for because he looks proud of himself every time you do.

You glance over to where everybody else is sitting, and to your surprise, they’re gone. “When did they leave?”

“Yeah, they always do that,” Sero responds. “I’m still here, though.”

“Right,” you laugh, holding back a shiver when he runs a finger up and down your arm.

“You doing anything for the rest of the day?” he asks and you shake your head.

“Not really. Just mentally preparing myself for all of the assignments I’m gonna have soon.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Your major’s more taxing than mine,” he says after he laughs quietly. You found out that Sero’s an art major, which really wasn’t a surprise, and he showed you some of his work which was probably the best thing you’ve laid your eyes on; besides the artist, of course. “Well, if you wanna head to the library or whatever, I won’t mind.”

“I’m probably just gonna head home honestly. The day’s been pretty eventful,” you say, and honestly, this is the most social interaction you’ve had in a long time.

“Mina is capable of drawing out a lot in people,” Sero sighs. “I’ll walk you home if that’s okay.” You don’t want to end your conversation with Sero just yet, and he definitely doesn’t need to walk you home, but you let him do it anyway. 

When you stand, you can finally see how much he towers over you. You try not to pay so much attention to it, but he’s basically in your space the entire time you walk back to your dorm, so you really have no choice but to. When you get to your dorm, you feel kind of upset that it’s about to end so soon, and you think Sero can see it on your face.

“I’ll see you around,” he says when you stop walking. “You’re basically a part of our friend group now,” he continues before he leans down to your face. “So, we’ll meet again soon.” He flashes you a smile, winking at you before he walks away, and you put your hand on your chest when you feel your heart racing, taking a deep breath before you walk into your dorm.

The more the semester goes on, the more time you spend with your new friends, and you start to wonder if Sero’s flirty mannerisms are just a part of his personality. He seems to have them dialed up whenever he talks to you, and there’s not a part of you that hates it. Once you all learned about each other’s schedules, you started hanging out with whoever was free whenever none of you had class. 

Most of the time it’s with Sero, who always manages to find the most peaceful places on campus. He claims it’s the best way to find inspiration, and you could honestly listen to him talk for hours. His voice always sounds so nice to your ears, and there have been too many times when you’ve zoned out while he’s talking, caught up in looking at his face. 

You’re sitting outside since it’s so nice today, and you’re sitting on a blanket with Sero as you talk. Since the semester is in full swing, you’re mostly studying as you talk to him, turning to look at him as you talk every now and then. Once you’ve decided that you’ve done enough work for now, you put some of it away, and you chuckle softly as you put it in your backpack.

“Why are you staring at me, Sero?” you question, turning to look at him once you’re done.

“Cause I’m drawing,” he says warmly, smiling at you.

“Well, you can’t stare at me if you’re drawing.”

“I can be if you’re the one I’m drawing,” he counters smoothly, and that gets you to stop talking for a bit. “You’re really pretty, it would be a crime not to draw you.” Your smile widens, glancing away from him as your face heats up. 

He gets up from the blanket, walks over to one of the many flower bushes that are in bloom, and he picks one off the bush. “Sero, you can’t just do that,” you scold lightly, and he shrugs as he walks back to you.

“It’s in the name of art,” he drawls, and you roll your eyes as he sits back down next to you, and he guides you to look at him with his fingers on your chin. “See? Look.” He moves your hair back behind your ear with his hand before sliding the flower behind it, his fingers lingering on your face before they fall away. “Beautiful,” he whispers, and you’re having such a hard time holding his eyes, wanting to look away bashfully. 

“You’re such a sweet-talker,” you muse, and he slides closer to you, sweeping some of your hair over your shoulder.

“Only to pretty girls like you.” Your cheeks are hurting so bad from smiling, and you swear the sun gets a bit brighter, but you don’t want to tell yourself it’s just because the clouds aren’t hiding the sun anymore. “You wanna see what I drew?” You nod quietly and he hands you his notebook.

You can’t find any words as you look through it, seeing it filled with any and everything. Your movements slow when you flip the page, seeing both sides filled with pictures of you. You chuckle softly when you see that most of the pages after that are just you. “You don’t draw anything else?” you ask him.

“Not when you’re the best thing my eyes have seen.” You laugh at that, not knowing what to say to that at all.

“What? So, I’m like your muse or something?” you finally manage to ask.

“Definitely,” he answers quickly. “My professor has nothing but good things to say about what I’ve submitted, and I have you to thank for that.”

“Well, I’m glad I could help your grade,” you jest, and he grabs your hand.

“Lemme draw you something,” he says softly, and you move your hand further into his to give him the ok. He uncaps the marker he has in his other hand, and he slides his hand up to your wrist, lifting it up to place a soft kiss on your skin. The action nearly has you squirming, and he smirks, giving you a quick glance before drawing on your skin. 

You watch him, wondering what he’s gonna draw, and you giggle a bit as he does, claiming it tickles. He pushes your head to the side softly, saying that he doesn’t want you to see it yet, and you laugh softly but look somewhere else anyway. When he’s finished, you look back down, seeing that it’s the flower that he put in your hair. It’s got so much detail, and he softly blows on it to make sure it’s dry.

You softly run your finger over it, and he grabs your wrist again. He kisses over the ink before gently rubbing his finger over it. “What was that for?”

“To make it last a little longer,” he tells you, and you chuckle looking down at it again. 

“It’s beautiful, Sero. You’re really talented.” 

“Why, thank you,” he muses before he lays back down, and this time he pulls you with him. You lay beside him, shielding your eyes from the sun as you look at the clouds. You can feel him brushing his fingers over the back of your hand as he starts to talk about what the clouds look like. And you get lost in the conversation, feeling like time slows down as you make out everything you can see.

~

You’re walking out of your class with Mina when you catch a familiar face, and you smile as Sero walks up to the both of you. He gravitates to your side, walking with you both as you leave the building. He only walks with you for a little, having another class to get to, and he sends you another wink with a promise to talk to you later before he walks away.

You look down at your feet as you walk, biting your lip to try and hide your smile. “So, what do you think of Sero?” Mina suddenly asks, and you snap your head toward her, looking like a deer in headlights.

“What do you mean?” you ask, barely managing to not stutter over your words.

“You know what I mean,” she presses playfully, nudging your shoulder with her elbow gently. “Something tells me you’ve got a crush.”

Your cheeks flood with heat, pressing your hand to your face quickly. “I dunno. He’s really cool,” you respond lamely.

“Oh, I think you think he’s more than cool,” she teases. “It’s okay to admit you like him, girl.” 

“I guess so,” you quietly admit.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” You shove her softly as she laughs, rolling your eyes. “I don’t blame you, though. He is very easy on the eyes.” You laugh as you shake your head. It’s not like that’s a lie, and you obviously like more than just his looks.

You haven’t really known him for that long, only a couple of months, but every time you talk to him it’s like you’ve known each other for longer than that. You look down at your feet again, smiling as you think about all the time you’ve spent with him. Yeah, you do like him, but you don’t really want to admit that out loud until you know how Sero feels.

It might seem weird, but you don’t want to put all this thought into admitting your feelings when he doesn’t even feel the same way. “But I still don’t know how he feels about me,” you respond, and you feel conflicted at your words because you feel like with the way he acts around you, he feels the same way you do. But there’s a part of you that’s saying that this is all an act, maybe. He might talk to other girls this way.

“Are you serious?” Mina sighs. “There’s no way you believe that.”

“I dunno. I mean, is it okay for me to assume he has feelings for me?” you question, uncertainty in your words.

“Okay, you know what?” she starts after she sighs again. You both stop in front of the building that Mina has to go into, and she turns to face you. “Sero’s having a little house party on Friday, and you will be there. I’m surprised he hasn’t told you about it yet.”

“I’m not the partying type,” you start, and she shakes her head quickly, putting her hands on your shoulders.

“Nope! You will be there, and I will be at your dorm to make sure you’re coming,” she pushes, and you know there’s no arguing, so you roll your eyes before you smile again.

“Fine! I’ll go,” you say, chuckling a bit. She cheers a little bit, bouncing on her feet, and she gives you a quick hug before walking into the building. You shake your head as you start to walk away, your thought quickly turning to think about what you’re going to wear.

Friday sneaks up on you, and you’ve been deciding what to wear for about an hour and a half. You had ideas of outfits in your head since the beginning of the week, but you never had a chance to actually pull them out and get a really good look at them. Mina calls you, and you let her into the building before walking to your room.

“Please do not tell me that’s what you’re wearing,” she says as you walk to your dorm.

“I’m stuck on what to wear,” you tell her, and she walks into what looks like your wardrobe and a tornado mixed. Since your roommate’s not here, you were using her bed to spread out some of your clothes, and you sit down at your desk as Mina looks through them.

“This is cute,” she comments, picking up a dress that you can count on one hand how many times you’ve worn. 

“I don’t know if it fits my body right, though,” you say, standing up and taking it from her, putting it up against your body.

“Okay, well, I’ll be the judge of that.” She urges you to put it on, so you change out of your clothes, slipping it on, holding your hands out when you’ve got it on. “Oh, my God, you look amazing! What do you mean you don’t know if it fits your body?”

“You really think it looks okay?” you ask, trying your hardest not to cross your arms over your body.

“Yes! You look fine! Now get your shoes on because I’ve still gotta get drinks.” You quickly put your shoes on, checking to make sure you’ve done everything you need to do before grabbing your phone and keys, and walking out with Mina.

After Mina gets the drinks, she drives over to Sero’s house, and you’re a bit surprised that her car is one of the few there when she pulls into the driveway. “I thought you said this was a house party?” you say as you get out of the car. “Are we here early?”

“This is more like a kickback than a house party,” she offers, and you walk behind her as she walks up to the door, knocking on it before opening it up. “We’re here!” she announces, and you close the door behind you, seeing Denki and Jirou along with some of their other friends. Some of the you’ve met in passing a few times, and others you find out are just friends of friends.

You quietly greet everybody, following Mina into the kitchen, so she can set her drinks down. You haven’t really drank before, so she got some seltzers for you to try. She hands you one, and when you look at it cautiously, she tells you that there’s no pressure to drink, but you decide that you only live once, so why not? 

You pop it open, take a sip, surprised at how good it tastes. You take a few more sips as Mina says that she has to go check on something really quick, and as you’re watching her walk away, Sero is walking up to you. You nearly choke on your drink, taking in his outfit right before you have a coughing fit. 

He’s wearing black jeans that practically look like a second skin, the loose button shirt he’s wearing half-tucked into his jeans with a chain hanging from two of the belt loops. Only a couple of the buttons are buttoned, leaving his toned chest on display, and your eyes catch on the chain that swings a little when he walks. 

“You came,” he says when he gets to you, immediately crowding into your space, and you don’t shy away from it.

“Yeah, Mina practically dragged me here,” you laugh, taking another sip from the can. 

“You look great,” he compliments, his eyes running down your body, and you look down at yourself, taking another swig in hopes of easing your nerves.

“Thanks,” you say after you swallow, and you suddenly get a warm feeling that runs through your veins, and you’re mostly sure it’s the alcohol. Your eyes catch the rings on his fingers as he rubs at his neck, seeing that his hair is down, some of it nearly falling into his eyes. “You look good, too.”

“Yeah?” he presses, crowding you against the counter, and your nose picks up how good he smells, and it’s almost enough to make your knees wobble. You nod, keeping the can next to your mouth as you look down to hide your smile. He picks your head back up by your chin as he lets the other hand rest on the counter next to you. “You should feel my shirt,” he offers, taking your hand in his, and his touch is making you feel like you’re on fire. You can barely focus on touching the fabric, feeling how it’s soft and silky at the same time, and in the back of your mind, you think how on-brand it would be for him to have a silk shirt.

He then guides your hand to where his chest is exposed and before you can think, you're splaying your fingers against his skin, feeling how firm it is. Your fingers tighten slightly around the can and his smirk widens. “You like what you see?” he whispers, leaning down to your face, and you wonder how long it takes for alcohol to hit your system when you’re drinking for the first time.

“Maybe,” you whisper, finally looking at him in the eyes, and you can’t keep eye contact for long, looking off to the side.

“You’re so cute,” he mumbles, letting his fingers run over your neck, and you can’t stop the shudder that runs through you. He smiles at your reaction before he grabs your hand. “C’mon, let’s go sit with everyone else.”

He pulls you away, and while he’s walking, you take another swig in hopes that it’ll settle your racing heart. It seems to do the opposite though because by the time you’re taking a seat on the couch, that warm feeling runs through you again. Everyone’s having their own conversations, none of them stopping when the two of you walk into the room, and Mina gives you a look that you just roll your eyes at.

Sero sits down on the end of the couch, pulling you with him, and you practically fall into him as you start to feel a lot more relaxed. You eventually join in on some of the conversations, actually talking and meeting Bakugou and Kirishima since you’ve only spoken to them briefly in passing. There’s music playing in the background, and you’re halfway through your seltzer when you really start to feel like you’re drunk.

You try not to draw too much attention to it, and you wonder if anyone can tell that your words are starting to slow down a bit, but if they do, they don’t say anything about it. Mina rolls a blunt, passing it around to everyone, and you refuse, feeling like getting crossed right now wouldn’t be the best idea.

You pass it to Sero, who takes a couple of hits before passing it over. You’ve finished your seltzer, and you start to lean more into Sero as Mina brings you another drink. He doesn’t seem to care when you feel his arm tighten around you, his fingers running over the exposed skin just beneath your dress. The touch starts to make you squirm a bit, and Sero smiles, giving you a look as he keeps doing it.

“How ya feeling, pretty girl?” Sero asks you, lifting your head up so that you can look at him. Everyone’s started to do their own thing, and some people have left, the main group of the bunch only remaining. 

“I’m okay,” you say softly, blinking slowly, and you smile widely even though you don’t really have a reason to. He smiles back at you, squeezing his arm to your side just a bit in a way that feels ridiculously good. 

“You want some water?” he asks quietly and you shake your head.

“No, ‘m okay,” you murmur, and he takes the drink from your hand, which you don’t protest, and he finishes it in about three swigs. 

Mina’s sitting on the other side of you now, Denki and Jirou migrating over and taking Bakugou and Kirishima’s spots on the floor. You wonder where they went, noticing that Izuku is gone as well. “Are we the only ones left?” you ask, looking up at Sero, and he nods his head towards the back door.

“The others went to get some air,” he tells you. 

“Why don’t we play Never Have I Ever?” Mina offers, and if you were sober, you would call her out on how suspicious her voice sounds, knowing that she’s up to something, but in your state, you can only focus on Sero’s body against you.

“She’s not drinking anymore,” Sero tells her.

“That’s okay. We can just use our fingers,” she offers, and you shrug, figuring that there’s nothing else to do. The questions start off pretty tame, but that doesn’t last very long, and you can feel your face growing warm at the questions the more taboo they become.

“Never have I ever used sex toys,” Mina says, and your face seems to get even warmer, but your finger doesn’t go down. “So, what do you use?” she asks you, her voice genuine. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” she adds.

“I just, um…” you start, still feeling a bit nervous to admit it even though you’ve got alcohol running through your veins. “Squeeze my legs. I’ve tried using my fingers, but it feels kinda weird.” You hide your face in Sero’s chest for a second, laughing a little before you turn to everyone else.

“Have you had sex before?” Jirou asks, prompting you to shake your head.

“I haven’t had a boyfriend before,” you admit softly.

“Really?” Mina gasps, and you nod your head, shrugging.

“I guess I just never saw someone that I liked,” you respond honestly. “But at the same time, I wasn’t really looking for one.”

“I get that,” Mina supplies. “So, you’ve never done anything?”

“Not really, I’ve just made out with a couple of guys but that’s it.” You’re not really shy to admit that since everything is out in the open now, and everyone moves on to the next question. The last of the drinking is jello shots, and you only take one since Denki made them so strong, and you can feel yourself getting drunk all over again.

The game stops a little while after, and everyone leaves to raid Sero’s kitchen which he just rolls his eyes at, and he looks down at you. “You okay?” he asks, poking at your side, and you giggle a little, nodding your head.

“Yeah,” you answer, looking up at him. You’re about to say something else, but you slowly close your mouth as you rethink it.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” You feel like you could be on cloud nine hearing him call you that, and you want to hear it again. He frowns a little when you push off of him, barely being able to stand up due to how much you’re wobbling. He keeps his hands out to make sure you don’t fall, and you stand in front of you him.

And what you do next is definitely because of the alcohol because there’s no way you would do it sober. You take his hands, moving them to the side before you straddle his lap, and his eyebrows raise high on his head, and you smile, finally being able to do something to catch him off guard.

“I really like you, Sero,” you say softly, leaning forward so that your face is barely away from his, and he huffs a little, smiling widely. He laces his fingers with yours, and you laugh softly as you ignore that voice in your head screaming what in the hell are you doing.

“Really now?” he teases and you nod quickly.

“Yeah. But I dunno if you like me,” you voice aloud.

“Don’t worry that pretty little head, sweetheart. I like you, too,” he answers, tugging a little at your dress since it’s ridden up, and you forgot that you’re not really wearing the right thing for the position you’re in. You smile widely, reeling at his answer, and you rest your forehead against his.

“Do you wanna kiss me?” you ask, and he watches you for a bit before he answers.

“Definitely. But I’m not gonna do it now.”

“Why not?” you whine, pressing your head against his a little more.

“Because I wanna make sure you know what you’re saying. You’re drunk.”

“I know what I’m saying, I promise,” you pout, and he laughs softly, moving your hands from side to side.

“I know, baby, but I don’t wanna do anything you’re not gonna like,” he presses, and your pout only deepens, and you let his and your hands fall to your sides as you sit up.

“You don’t wanna kiss me?” you ask, and he can’t help but look at you, seeing how your dress hugs every curve of your body, the end of it threatening to expose even more skin.

“Fuck,” he mutters, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck, looking at him in instead. “Shit, don’t look at me like that.” He carefully sets his hands on your waist, taking a quick breath. “Of course, I wanna kiss you, just not right now.”

What he wouldn’t give to be able to touch you how he wants to, defile you in ways that would make your mind go numb, but he doesn’t he remains strong. But you’re surely but slowly breaking his will down. 

“I’ll remember it, I promise,” you try again, letting yourself fall forward, resting your face in his neck. “Just one, Hanta?” you whisper in his ear, and his fingers twitch at your sides, releasing a loud groan. 

Damn it, you smell so good, and Sero can feel himself getting lost in how your smell surrounds him. “Fuck, I gotta get you home,” he says, standing up with you in his arms. He sets you down, fixing your dress, and you’re still wearing that same pout that’s about to be his undoing. “I’ll be right back, okay?” You nod anyway, and he quickly dashes to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water before telling everyone that he’s taking you home. 

He grabs your hand to guide you to the door, and he grabs his jacket, helping you put it on before he goes to his car. He helps you buckle in before getting in himself, and the whole ride back to your dorm is just him with a tight grip on the steering wheel as he listens to you talk. You’re halfway through the bottle of water he gave you, and you think you’re sobering up since you feel a headache coming on.

You’re feeling more like yourself once he gets to your dorm, and he walks you to your dorm once you both get out of the car. “You sobering up yet?” he asks you softly, and you nod slowly, pushing at your forehead when you start to feel the pain of the headache.

“Yeah, my head’s starting to hurt.”

“Make sure you finish that and eat something, okay?” he tells you, but you don’t nod, instead you turn to him.

“I don’t think I’m drunk anymore,” you tell him, and he steps closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“You sure?” he questions cautiously.

You nod quickly, but you can definitely feel some liquid courage still running through your veins, and you wrap your arms around his neck. God, he’s so much bigger than you, it does something to you that you’ve never felt before. It also doesn’t help that his jacket practically engulfs your frame, and his smell is even stronger now that you have it on.

He moves his other hand to your body, and both of his hands rub up and down your back, making your body react way more than it should. He takes a step closer to you, and you nearly hold your breath in anticipation. “Please, Sero,” you whisper, and he smiles for a split second, slowly letting his head come down to yours.

Right as you try to kiss him, he pulls away slightly, and you groan softly, tightening your arms around his neck so that he can’t go any further. What you were gonna say to him gets lost because his lips are suddenly on yours, and you’re glad his arms tighten around you because you swear you’re about to fall.

It feels like fireworks have been set off as you kiss him, feeling like the world has stopped. You hear something, and it takes you a while to realize that it’s coming from you, a moan slipping from you that he swallows. He groans as he deepens the kiss, pulling you into him until he can’t anymore. 

You’re nearly on your toes because of how tall he is, and you wish this moment would never end, but it does shortly after, and you feel yourself chasing after Sero when he pulls away. “You okay?” he teases, seeing how hard you’re breathing, the glossy look in your eyes making him want to stay.

You nod, and he easily lets you pull him toward you again, kissing him just as hard until you have to pull away to catch your breath. You want to tell him that your roommate isn’t here, but you feel like that might be too fast, and the other part of your body screams at you for being an idiot.

“Text me when you get into your room, okay?” 

“Okay,” you giggle, feeling giddy and like you’re on top of the world. “Text me when you get home,” you add, and he kisses you again quickly. Fuck, he’s got to leave before he gets ahead of himself. “See you later, Hanta,” you say warmly.

“I’ll see you soon, baby.”

You watch him get into his car and drive off before you go into your building, and you’re so tired that you don’t bother to change out of your clothes, only taking your shoes and socks off. You text Sero before you lay down, and you fall asleep almost immediately, but not without a smile on your face.

~

The first thing you think when you wake up is that the after-effects of drinking absolutely suck ass. You groan at the headache you feel, and you’re about two steps from throwing up. You grab your phone to see what time it is, and that’s when you see a text from Sero.

Good morning, beautiful

Text me when you get this

You smile at it, texting him back as you wonder if you have any pain medicine in your dorm. You set your phone on your bed, getting up slowly so you don’t throw up last night’s dinner, and you start your search. As you’re looking, you’re remembering everything that happened last night, and you feel embarrassed about how you acted at Sero’s house.

You stop in your tracks, letting your face fall in your hands as you think about you nearly pounced on him last night, a loud groan following as you think about it. But then you’re immediately smiling when you think about how the night ended, and your embarrassment is subsided a little. Before you can start looking again, you get a text. You grab your phone, seeing that it’s Sero, and you panic a little when he tells you that he’ll be over in about twenty minutes.

You dash to the bathroom, brush your teeth, get in the shower and fix your hair, and put on some clean clothes. Right as you finish putting lotion on, he texts you that he’s here. You take a deep breath, to calm both the nerves and the nausea, and you head downstairs.

When you walk outside, he’s standing there with food in his hand, and you sigh at the sight of it. You hug him when you get to him, and he hands you the food as he leans down to kiss you softly. “You sleep well?” he asks, and you nod, looking in the bag to see what he got you.

He follows you to your dorm, and you’re glad that you cleaned all of your clothes before leaving last night. He sits with you on your bed as you eat, and you nearly moan when you finally start eating, totally forgetting to last night since you were so tired.

“Is your head hurting?” Sero asks, and you nod, balling the bag up once you’re done eating.

“I haven’t had time to find my pain medicine,” you tell him, and he pulls out a bottle from his pocket.

“I brought it just in case.” You smile, grabbing it from him and taking the medicine. Once you swallow the pills, you throw your trash away before finding your spot next to him on your bed. You don’t know if you should talk about what happened last night or what the events could mean, but Sero starts talking as you think. “So, what do you remember from last night?”

“Everything,” you admit honestly, biting your lip as you once again think about how you acted last night. “Sorry about how I acted. I don’t know what came over me,” you apologize, and he chuckles softly, opening his body toward you.

“Don’t apologize,” he starts, “it was nice to see that shy side of you disappear.” You laugh a bit, putting your face in your hands anyway, figuring it’s going to take a while for you to finally get over your embarrassment. “But, you’re also really cute when you’re shy,” he whispers, pulling your hands from your face.

“Do you really like me?” you find yourself asking, ignoring his previous words even though your face is about to catch on fire.

“Yeah, I do,” he states. “I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.” He’s so close to you, and you want to kiss him again, but now that the alcohol isn’t in your veins anymore, you don’t know if you can bring yourself to do it. “What are you gonna do about that?” he questions, and for a brief second, you wonder what he’s talking about, but then it dawns on you. 

You carefully lean forward, softly planting your lips on his. You feel the same way you felt last night, those feelings are even stronger now that you know your feelings are reciprocated. He lets his hand rest on your cheek, deepening the kiss just a little before he smiles. “Your roommate coming back?”

“She moved out,” you answer quickly and his smile widens.

“Good.” He kisses you again, shifting your body so that you can fully lay down on the bed, and you revel in the feeling of his weight on top of you. He laces his fingers with yours before moving them above your head as he gently lets his tongue touch your lips. You easily let him in, finding yourself moaning again as his tongue swirls with yours. 

Your heart is racing as your body heats up, feeling overwhelmed already from just kissing him. You slide your hands out of his so that you can wrap your arms around his neck, wanting to feel more of him on you. His fingers run under your shirt now that they’re free, and a deep shudder runs through your body when his fingertips ghost over your skin. 

He pulls away, kissing under your chin and down your neck, and you don’t think you’ve ever been this turned on in your life. Your stomach caves in a little when he runs his big hands over it, and you want him to do more, but he doesn’t, keeping his lips on your skin.

“Hanta,” you whisper.

He lifts his head up to look at you, smiling at the look on your face, but his hands don’t stop moving. “What’s up?” You don’t know if you’ll be able to voice out loud what you want, biting your lip a little as you look off to the side. He uses one of his hands to guide your eyes back to his, and your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Talk to me, baby. What d’ya want?”

“More,” you mumble after a while, and he raises a playful eyebrow at you. You don’t think he heard you at first since he doesn’t respond right away, but he speaks before you can think to say anything again.

“More what?” he presses, and you’re pretty sure he knows what you mean, but he makes no move to prove that. “I’m no mind reader, sweetheart,” he muses, and you pout a little, trying to get the courage to tell him what you want.

“I want you to touch me,” you try, and his fingers push against your skin lightly.

“I’m already doin’ that.” Your frown deepens, and you want to wipe that grin off his face.

You huff softly. “I want you to touch me more,” you eventually say, and you hope he gives in because you don’t know if you can say anymore, your face feeling like it’s about to be on fire. 

“More how?” he questions softly, and he moves his hands up your torso slowly, his fingers reaching under your bra. You nearly jump when his fingers brush over the underside of your boob, and you slightly push your chest up into his touch. 

He sits up suddenly, and you fight the urge to whine at the loss of heat as he pushes your shirt up lazily. It’s like he’s moving in slow motion, starting at your stomach again before running his fingers up and over your bra. “You want me to touch you more here?” he asks, putting a little bit of pressure on the fabric where your nipple is, and you jump at the sudden stimulation, nodding your head as you stay silent.

He uses both of his hands to run over your nipples, but the barrier between your skin and his fingers makes you even more frustrated. “Hanta,” you huff.

“What? You told me to.”

“You’re not touching me,” you argue softly. “You can take it off,” you manage, and you almost stumble over your words, surprised that you can even get them out.

“Can I now?” he teases, but he moves his hands under you to unhook your bra, and he helps you take your shirt off before sliding the straps off your arms and letting it fall to the floor. He’s just staring at you, and you can’t help but squirm as his silence goes on.

“What?” you whisper, moving your arms to try and hide, but he quickly catches them, moving back down to the bed.

“You’re so beautiful, that’s what,” he eventually says, and you would cover your face if you could.

“Oh,” you say timidly.

“I can touch you, right?” he asks, and you nod quickly, feeling like he’s been teasing you this whole time. “Use your words, baby.”

“Y-Yes, Hanta.” His hands are soft against your skin when he touches you again, gently massaging your chest before his fingers run over the hardened peaks, and you jump against your will, moaning softly.

“You’re so sensitive,” he whispers, applying a bit more pressure before he lets his head fall to your chest. You can’t help but moan again when you feel his tongue swirl around one, continuing the stimulate the other one by rolling it between his fingers.

You start to squirm at the sudden pleasure, never experiencing this feeling before, and it almost feels overwhelming. You feel your breath getting caught in your chest when he switches, kissing your skin in between as he goes. Your fingers slide into his hair like you’re trying to find an outlet to try and release how good you’re feeling. 

Sero can only smile against you as he feels you moving under him, lifting his head up as he lets the sounds you’re making fill his ears. When he makes eye contact with you, you look away, fighting the urge to cover your eyes. He puts his mouth on you again while his other hand trails down your body, and he hooks his fingers underneath the waistband of your shorts.

The movement has you jolting a bit, and he lifts his head up to look at you again. “Is this okay?” he whispers, and when you hesitate to answer, he’s sitting up a bit, moving until he’s hovering over you. He laces his fingers with yours before he kisses you softly.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. We can go as fast or as slow as you want,” he reassures.

“I’m just nervous,” you mumble.

“It’s okay to be nervous,” he reassures. “But just say the word right now, and we’ll stop, and we can do something else.”

“We can keep going,” you start. “And you can take them off.”

“You sure?” You nod quickly, and he doesn’t push you to speak, kissing you again instead. You feel his hands ghost down your sides, and when he gets to your shorts, you tense up against your will. “Relax, baby,” he whispers against your lips, and he pulls back a little so he can look you in the eyes. “Can you breathe for me?”

He takes a deep breath in that you copy, following him when he breathes back out. You’re not as tense as you were before, but he can still feel it. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, pretty girl. We don’t have to rush anything, we got all the time in the world.” 

“What if I don’t like it?” you find yourself asking. You don’t think that’s really going to be the case, but there’s something that’s stopping you, and you’re trying to figure out why.

“Then I’ll stop, and we can do something else,” he repeats, and you know that you don’t want to stop. You take another deep breath, allowing yourself to fully relax. “I’m not gonna do anything that’s gonna hurt you or anything you don’t want.”

You hold his gaze for a bit before you give him a small nod. “...okay.”

“So, what do you wanna do?”

“I wanna keep going,” you answer softly. “I’m sure, I’m just in my head a little,” you admit.

“Just let me know if you wanna stop at any time, okay?” he tells you again, and he smiles at you when you nod. You lift your head up just a bit, and you don’t need to say anything, Sero already leaning down to meet your lips. You sigh softly into the kiss when you feel his hands at your chest again, letting the pleasurable feeling keep your body relaxed.

Now that you’re feeling a bit better, you’re eager for Sero to touch you more, moving your hips just a little in hopes that he gets the hint. You don’t know if it works, but you feel one of his hands move down until it hits your shorts. He waits a little bit for any shift in your body language, and when he doesn’t feel anything that raises concern, he grabs the waistband of your shorts.

You lift your legs up to help him take off your shorts, and he lets them fall out of his hands as his eyes land on you again. He’s just staring at you, and you can’t close your legs because his hands are on your legs, keeping them open.

“W-Why are you staring at me?” you ask, gripping the sheets in your hand by your sides.

“Cause you’re so pretty, baby. Why else would I?” he answers, but he doesn’t look you in the eyes when he does. “All of you is so pretty,” he whispers, and he shifts so that his face is closer to your pussy. “Can I touch you?” 

You tense again just a little, but this time in anticipation, finding yourself taking another deep breath. “Yes.” You’re nearly breathless, and you don’t even know why, and he rubs over your legs, gasping a little when they go towards the crease where your thighs meet your hips.

“Just relax, baby. I’ll make you feel good, don’t worry.” He lays down so that his chest is fully on the bed, and he continues to rub over your skin while he kisses down your thighs. He grabs your legs so that they sit on his shoulders, and you watch as he leans in closer to you, closing his eyes before taking a deep breath in, the action making your face flame. “God, you smell so good,” he mumbles against your skin, his nose in your bush, and you don’t even know if you’d be capable of saying anything due to how flustered you are.

You jump when he suddenly licks at your clit, your surprise only making you gasp. He does it again, and this time you moan, feeling his hands tighten around your thighs when you start moving. Once he starts, he doesn’t stop, his tongue never leaving you, and you try to bite your lip to conceal the noises you’re making, hearing how loud you’re getting.

When he pulls away, you think he’s giving you a break, but not even seconds after his tongue leaves you, he rubs his thumb over your clit. Your toes curl, feeling your body move into the pleasure at the same time it’s trying to move away from it. He rubs his fingers through your folds as he continues to circle at your clit, and your hands are starting to hurt by how tight you're gripping your sheets.

“You okay with me touching you more?” he asks, and you nod quickly, more caught up in your enjoyment than his words. You jolt when you feel his finger prod at your hole, and your body tenses up again without a second thought. “Just relax. I got you,” he reassures, rubbing over your thigh again. 

As he pushes his finger inside of you, he keeps his eyes on you, but you let your head fall back, feeling your brain being split between focusing on relaxing and the new feeling of your walls being stretched. “You okay?” 

You can only let out a breathy answer, giving him enough to let him know that he can keep going. You can’t really tell how wet you are, but the fact that you can hear his finger sliding in and out of you is enough to tell you. The feeling of you being stimulated from the inside feels foreign and a little weird, but it’s outweighed by how good it feels.

Sero puts his mouth back on your clit as he slides in another finger, and you wince a little at the burn you feel from the stretch, but it doesn’t last long because he curls his fingers, pressing firm on your walls. You let out a surprised yelp that delves into a moan, a bit embarrassed that you made the noise, and you cover your face as the squelching gets louder.

You can hear Hanta moving, feeling his finger rubbing at your clit again as he starts to speed up his fingers inside of you. Your moans become uncontrollable when it starts to feel like he’s reaching into the deepest part of you, and your arm slides over your mouth. He’s quick to pull your arm away, and he guides your face to his with his fingers on your chin.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” he whispers, and it takes you a moment, but you eventually do, even if your eyes want to close because of how good he’s making you feel. “Why you hiding from me?”

“B-Because,” you try, softly grabbing onto his wrist when you feel your pleasure starting to mount. “I sound weird,” you rush out, your mouth falling open as your eyes slip closed.

“Weird?” Sero muses, a sly grin appearing on his face. “You sound like music to my ears.” He leans down to kiss you, tasting yourself on his tongue, and he swallows every sound you’re making. He slides one of his legs to the side, pushing it into yours when your legs start moving a bit too much for his liking.

You pull away when it seems like he’s going even deeper inside of you, and that’s when you start to feel it. You can’t really explain it, but in the back of your head, it kind of worries you, and your grip on Sero’s wrist tightens. “H-Hanta, w-wait,” you moan even though he doesn’t stop, but you don’t think you want him to. “I f-feel weird.”

“Is that a good weird or bad weird?” he questions playfully.

“I d-don’t k-know,” you whine, feeling tears at your lash line, and you throw your head back onto your pillows, words the last thing you want to try and form. 

“It’s okay, baby. Just let it happen,” he coaxes softly, and you can barely hear him, only really hearing your heartbeat in your ears. It feels like something’s building up right below your tummy, and this is something you’ve never felt before. It’s honestly starting to scare you, but focusing on Hanta’s words helps that feeling diminish.

You finally start to figure out what it feels like, but you don’t think you can warn him in time. “Hanta!” That’s the last thing you can get out, feeling whatever was building up snap quickly. Your back arches off the bed, your moans so loud, you’re pretty confident that your neighbors could hear you, but right now, you don’t give a fuck.

Your legs tremble violently, but Sero keeps moving his fingers, moving with you so that he can do so. You quickly push at his hand as you roll onto your side, feeling like you’re completely overwhelmed by the sensitivity. He finally gives you some peace, sliding his fingers out of you, and you’re breathing like you just ran a marathon. 

You roll back onto your back, letting your legs stay open since your core is so sensitive, and when you look down, you see that not only your sheets are soaked, but so is Hanta. You quickly remember that feeling you had right before you came, and embarrassment swallows you whole. Your face falls, and you immediately put your hands over your face, but you can’t roll over and hide like you want to because Hanta’s in between your legs.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you hear him ask, but all you can do is shake your head, wanting a giant hole to swallow you up right now. “Are you okay?”

You jump when you feel his hand on your thigh. “I can’t believe I just did that,” you whisper, and it’s loud enough that Hanta can hear it.

“Did what? Squirt?” You freeze a bit before you slowly let your hands fall from your face.

“What?” He carefully sits you up by pulling you by your arm before he kisses you softly, having a hard time concealing his chuckle.

“You squirted, sweetheart. You didn’t pee on me,” he explains, and he really can’t hide his laugh. “It’s totally natural.”

“O-Okay,” you murmur, and he kisses you again, deepening it a bit.

“And it was really hot,” he whispers against your lips, and you feel your face heat up once again. “Wanna see if I can make you do it again.” You gasp softly at his words, and you feel his hands run up and down your thighs. “Not right now, of course,” he adds. “Did you feel good?”

You nod, feeling a quick wave of arousal run through you at how good it was. You’ve never cum like that before, and you don’t think you can ever go back. “What about you?” you ask after a while, glancing down at his shorts, and your eyes widen a bit when they land on the very obvious bulge in between his legs.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” he says, and you frown a little bit at that.

“But I want you to feel good too,” you respond and he groans softly.

“Yeah?” You nod again, feeling shy at what you might have to do, but then he’s pushing you down softly. “Then just lay there for me, okay?” You move back until you’re fully laying down on the bed, and you watch as he sits up on his knees before shoving his shorts down his body. Your mouth falls open a bit when your eyes finally land on him, and you’re having a hard time looking away. “You like?” he teases, and you don’t have to hide your nod.

His fingers are still wet from your release, but he slides them into his mouth anyway, moaning softly when your taste floods his tastebuds. He glances at you, smiling when he sees that you’re watching him, and he breathes out of his nose when he wraps his hand around his dick.

You sit up on your elbows before you fully sit up, your face inches away from his shaft, and you really get a good look at it. You’ve seen your fair share of dicks unfortunately at the hands of unsolicited dick pics, but this is the first one you’ve seen in person. And you don’t know if it’s because you’re really attracted to him, but it’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. 

He’s so long, the tip being a pretty pink, and your eyes follow the veins that go from the tip all the way down to his balls. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” he questions, and you tear your eyes away to look at him. 

“I wanna touch you,” you mumble, and his movements falter for a split second at your words. He grabs your hand, and you feel yourself clench around nothing when he slides your fingers into his mouth. You watch as he guides your hand, and you quietly hum at how hot it feels. You wrap your hand around him, just wanting to feel him in your hand, and he bites back a moan.

You’re definitely out of your element here, but you move your hand anyway, trying to copy what he was doing moments before. “Am I doing okay?” you ask, looking up at him, looking at him so eagerly yet completely innocently.

“Jesus,” he breathes, feeling like he might bust in two seconds. “Yeah, baby, you’re doing great,” he answers with a quick nod. “You can go a little bit faster.” You do what he says, and he balls his hand into a fist, letting out a soft groan. Honestly, this is probably the best handjob he’s ever gotten. It doesn’t (or does) help that you’re looking at him like that, and he can feel himself twitch in your hand. 

You tighten your grip just a little whether you meant to or not, and he lets his head fall back on his shoulders as he swears. He decides he definitely wants to look at you when he cums, and he grabs your hand to stop you even though he absolutely does not want you to. “Was that good?”

“Yeah, but I just want you to lay there and look pretty for me,” he says, and you lay back down, spreading your legs a little, and he groans at the image under him. He’s quick to put his hand back on him, pulling the bottom of his shirt up into his mouth. His pace is pretty quick since he’s so close, and he keeps his eyes on you, seeing how you’re watching the tip of his dick disappear under his hand on the downstroke.

“Fuck,” he moans, and his breath catches as he watches your hands migrate toward your chest. His hips buck as he watches you roll your fingers over your nipples, and you moan softly at the feeling. “Shit, baby, keep touching yourself for me.”

You move one of your hands down your body, your fingers slowly inching towards your clit, and he waits in anticipation, his dick twitching again when you finally start rubbing that bundle of nerves, moaning a little bit louder as your toes curl. “M still sensitive,” you admit, and he huffs out a laugh.

“I know, angel, but you look so good.” He swears again, his tip leaking even more. “God, the things I wanna do to you.” He starts to curl in on himself when he feels that knot building up in the base of his spine, his hips bucking into his hand. “Shit, I’m gonna cum.” He doesn’t stop, his breath catching in his chest before he finally falls over that crest. He fucks himself through his orgasm as he spills on the sheets and over your legs. 

He keeps going until his nerves tingle from the overstimulation, and he lets his head fall back on his shoulders as he catches his breath. “Holy shit,” he sighs, quickly lifting his head and leaning down with his body hovering over you. He kisses you, lacing his clean fingers with yours and sliding his tongue in your mouth. He rests his head against yours after he pulls away, and he can’t wipe the smile off of his face.

“Did you feel good?” you ask softly, and he chuckles quietly, squeezing your hands.

“Yeah, that was amazing.” You give him a shy smile, and he can’t help but kiss you again. He gets up shortly after to clean you and himself up, and he tells you to hop in the shower while he changes your sheets. When you get out, he’s already changed clothes, and he pulls you into your bed. You laugh but go with him anyway, squeezing into your tiny bed. 

He moves you to lay on top of him, and you quickly find yourself drifting off. He’s rubbing over your back, and you feel him kiss the top of your head, his breathing lulling you to sleep.

You really don’t know what to call your relationship with Sero. You never got around to asking him, and now it’s been a week since the events that went down in your dorm. You know that he feels the same way about you, but you don’t know if that means that he actually wants to date you. Honestly, the thought of just being friends with benefits with Sero leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

Besides your schoolwork, that sinking feeling is what clouds your thoughts nearly every day. You’re scared to ask him because you’re afraid of hearing something that you don’t want to hear. You still hang out with him, but you haven’t spent any time alone with him since you’re usually with your friends. He always sits next to you, keeping his arm around you, but that’s as far as it goes. You don’t know if your friends know anything, but the more you spend time around Sero, the more conflicted you feel.

You’re in the library tonight, trying to make up for lost time since you didn’t really get a lot of studying today, but you can’t focus. You try everything; playing music, playing one of your favorite shows, even going so far as to not play anything, but nothing works. You sigh heavily as you put your elbows on the table, rubbing over your head.

“Looks like somebody’s studying too hard,” you hear, and you turn your head to see Hanta standing behind you. Your heart skips and sinks all at the same time, but you smile at him anyway, hoping you're masking your inner turmoil.

“I was trying to make up for not studying earlier, but it’s not really working,” you say, looking back at your work. You sigh again right before you feel his hands on your shoulders, and you feel yourself relax as he massages them a little. 

“Come on, let’s get you outta here,” he whispers, and you feel yourself hesitate, talking to try and buy yourself some more time.

“Where are we going?” you ask, turning to look at him when his hands slide off your shoulders.

“We could go back to my place,” he offers, and your face warms almost instantly.

“I’m not really in the mood for…” you start, and he smiles at you, leaning down so that his face is in front of yours.

“Mood for what?” he teases, and you can’t bring yourself to say it in the middle of the library but he keeps talking. “Don’t worry, baby. I wasn’t thinking of anything else. If you go back to your dorm, you’ll just try and study until your brain hurts.”

He has a point, and you sigh internally that he doesn’t want to do any of what you did last week. You think about it, but that part of you that likes him so much ultimately makes the decision for you. “Okay,” you respond, and you start packing your stuff up.

He grabs your hand after you stand and put on your backpack, and you both walk out of the library. You’re quiet as you walk to his car, suddenly surrounded by a tornado of thoughts. He doesn’t call you on it, even when you’re quiet all the way to his house. 

“Lemme give you a tour,” he says when he opens the door to his house. You both take your shoes off at the door when you close it, and you follow him into the house. “You already know the kitchen and the living room,” he starts, and he gestures to the sliding doors further into the house. “Backyard.”

He shows you the bathroom downstairs before you follow him upstairs. There’s another bathroom, his room, and he stops in front of another door when you walk further into the hallway. “And this is my art room.” He opens the door, gesturing for you to go first. The first thing that fills your nose is the strong smell of paint, and you look around when he turns the light on.

There are painting all over the room, some of them hanging on the walls, and there are papers on the floor in a couple of corners of the room. The desk he has is covered with stacks of sketchbooks, and you can see where he keeps all of his supplies in the bookcase that lines one of the walls. “This is really nice,” you comment, stopping in the middle of the room where one of his easels is. 

You walk over to one of the paintings that you can see, carefully running your fingers over it. “This is so beautiful,” you whisper, and you freeze for a bit when you feel Sero wrap his arms around you.

“You can have it if you want,” he says, and you look at him over your shoulder.

“Really?”

“Of course. You inspired it after all.” You look over it again, seeing the flowers that he picked from the bush that one day all over the painting. They’re all different sizes, and you squint, leaning your head forward as you really look at it.

“Is that…me?”

“I was wondering how long it was gonna take you,” he chuckles, and you can definitely start to see it now. Even though the flowers cover the painting, the negative space around them creates an image of you. “Painted it that night,” he adds.

“What are you gonna call it?” you ask, trying your best to keep your negative thoughts at bay.

“I dunno yet, even though there are a million words I could use to describe how beautiful you are.” It takes absolutely no time for your face to go warm, glancing at the painting before you look down at the floor, having a hard time concealing your smile.

But it doesn’t take long for your thoughts to derail. He could honestly be saying all of these things just to say it. There could be no meaning behind them, only an intention to keep you here. And it’s working. 

Your smile falls, and Sero spins you around in his arms before he kisses you softly. “C’mon, there’s one more place I wanna show you.”

He takes your hand, and you follow anyway even though you want to leave and crawl in your bed. He turns the light off, walking you further down the hallway. You can see a door, the windows covered with some curtains, but you don’t say anything. Sero stops at the door, pulling you so that you’re now in front of him.

“Open it,” he urges softly. 

You open it, stepping through the door slowly as you realize that you’re on a small balcony. But it’s decorated with string lights, and there’s a blanket in the middle. Your mouth falls open softly as you take it in, seeing that there are a couple of baskets on the blanket.

“What is all this?” you ask, but he doesn’t answer, instead ushering you to sit down. He sits down next to you, pulling out all of the food he packed in the baskets, and you truly don’t have any words. 

When he’s done, he hands you a plate, and you silently fill it, wondering what’s going through his head. He does the same, but he sets it down quickly after, grabbing your attention by gently wrapping his fingers around your leg. He scoots closer to you, moving your legs so that they’re in between his.

“You know you’re really good at wearing your thoughts on your face,” he tells you softly, and you chew on your lip as pick at the edge of your plate.

“Isn’t that a bad thing?” you say, forcing a chuckle, and he takes your chin in his fingers so that you’re looking at him again. 

“Not for me because then I know when something’s wrong.” He keeps talking after you don’t respond. “I should’ve made this clear from the beginning, but I don’t want just a sexual relationship with you. I feel a lot for you.”

You take in his words, but that insecurity is still eating at you. “Isn’t that too fast?”

He smiles softly. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

You answer in your head almost immediately. Of course, you do. It’s what happened with your parents. They met each other in college and have been inseparable since.

You nod shortly after he asks you. “Then I wouldn’t consider this too fast. At least not on my end.” He grabs your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. “But if this is too fast for you then that’s okay.”

You shake your head, but you don’t say anything right away. “It just feels weird, I guess. I dunno how to describe it,” you eventually say even though you know it probably doesn’t explain anything. “I’ve never done anything like this before or really liked someone. I guess I’m just protecting myself.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Sero responds. “But you don’t have to feel bad about stuff like that. There’s a first time for everything. And we can go as slow or as fast as you want.” You give him a small smile, your mind finally letting his words go to heart.

If Sero just wanted to keep this relationship casual, you probably would’ve gone with it until you weren’t satisfied anymore. But at the same time, the thought of only being someone who only warms his bed made you feel horrible. Maybe it was love at first sight, and you just didn’t know it yet. Hearing how he actually feels about you made your heart race once it finally hit you.

“I’m just relieved that you feel that way,” you admit. “I don’t know if I would be okay with anything else.”

“You coulda just talked to me about it, baby.”

“I know, but I was afraid of your answer. I was worried you were gonna say something that I wasn’t gonna be happy with.”

“Well, I’m gonna tell you again,” he starts, setting your plate aside and grabbing both of your hands before he kisses over your skin. “I really like you, and I want you to be mine. If you’ll have me.” You can’t help but smile from ear to ear, leaning forward to kiss him, and he meets you halfway.

“Aren’t you supposed to ask someone on a date before you bring them to one?” you ask playfully when you pull away.

“Let’s say I was just being optimistic,” he jests, and you laugh softly before you start eating.

The balcony faces the city, and with the sun going down, you can see how bright it is even from far away. You and Sero talk about anything and everything until you feel full, wondering how long it’s been since you’ve even eaten anything today. 

When you’re done, Sero leans back against the house, pulling you with him so you can sit in between his legs. You lean back against him, and he wraps his arms around you, letting them rest on your lap. 

You let your head fall back on him as you sigh, letting everything you were worried about wash over you. It seems a bit silly that you were worried about anything in the first place, but you don’t put too much blame on yourself. You don’t know how long you sit outside just listening to the sounds of the city, but eventually, you feel yourself getting tired.

When Sero offers for you to just stay at his place for the night, you don’t protest since it’s the weekend. He cleans up everything on the balcony while you get ready in the bathroom, and he gives you a shirt to sleep in when he gets done.

You feel like you could fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillows. Sero turns off the lights after he closes the door, sliding into the bed next to you. He wraps his arm around you, and a smile pulls at your face when you feel him kiss your forehead. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he whispers.

“Night, Hanta.”

You didn’t really have any expectations going into your relationship with Hanta mostly because you had never dated someone before. You felt like there were obvious things you would want out of a relationship, but when it came to dating specifically, you didn’t really know what you were expecting.

You were honestly a little worried that Hanta would feel a certain type of way because of that fact, but you both talked everything out, and it definitely helped your doubts. It was a little awkward for you to talk about everything, but once it was all out in the open, you were glad you had the conversation in the first place.

Even without dating in the past, you knew that you weren’t that big on PDA, and Sero was completely okay with that. You didn’t mind holding hands with him or whenever he would wrap his arm around you when you were sitting together, but you did mind kissing him whenever you had to part ways. It’s just not something you’re comfortable with, and Hanta never pushes you to do so which always makes you feel better. But if he feels like there are little to no people in the near vicinity, he’ll sneak a quick one before walking off to his next class. 

Being with Sero makes you ridiculously happy, to the point where you find yourself smiling almost all the time until your face hurts. Even your friends that you had before you met Mina called you out on it. You honestly hadn’t caught up with them in a while since you don’t really share any of the same classes, and they were practically drowning you with questions once you spilled that you’re dating someone now.

You didn’t really make a big deal about telling everyone once you started dating, and you already had a feeling that your friend group knew anyway, so you never got around to mentioning it to anyone else. Sometimes, in the back of your head, you still have a little bit of doubt, like all of this isn’t real, but whenever you spend time with Hanta, that voice becomes minute.

You’re already nearing the halfway point of the semester which means your birthday’s coming up soon. It always seems to come up out of nowhere especially when you’re surrounded by a bunch of schoolwork along with midterms. You don’t really like to announce when your birthday is coming up, sometimes never really caring for the attention it sometimes brings.

“So, what are your birthday plans?” Hanta asks, and you shrug as you type up the essay you have to write, finishing your thought before you turn your attention to Hanta.

You’ve been spending a lot more time at Hanta’s place, only staying at your dorm if your schedules don’t add up well. You’d say you’ve practically moved into his house, most of your stuff cluttering nearly every room. Sero surely doesn’t mind you staying and spending the day and night with him since that means he just gets to see you more.

“I wasn’t really planning anything, honestly,” you answer, sliding away from Hanta’s desk before spinning around in the chair. He’s sitting on the bed with a sketchbook, the pencil resting behind his ear.

“Really? But it’s your birthday.” You chuckle softly, standing up and walking over to the bed. You decide that you’ve done enough work for now, and a break is much deserved. You sit down, copying the position he’s in as you rest your back against the headboard.

“Well, parties always seem to fall apart whenever I try to plan them, and my birthday falls on a weekday this year anyway,” you say. “Usually the only thing I try to worry about is not crying on my birthday since it happens almost every year,” you add with a laugh, but there’s nothing that Sero finds funny about that.

He frowns a bit before he pulls you towards him, and you don’t know what he’s trying to do at first until he tugs at your thigh softly. You shake your head but move anyway, straddling him, and he pulls you into a hug before you can barely settle down. “You shouldn’t be crying on your birthday, angel,” he whispers into your hair, and you huff before you pull back to look at him.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s not like I can control what happens on my birthday.”

“But it’s your birthday,” he emphasizes, and you smile even though you can feel the bad memories of past birthdays sneaking up into your mind.

“So? To everyone else, it’s just another day.” He doesn’t seem too happy with your answer, but he doesn’t question you about the subject anymore. He moves his hands to your face, pulling you down so that he can kiss you softly.

“I promise that you won’t cry anymore on your birthday as long as I’m here,” he declares, and it takes you by surprise for a split second. You can feel tears stinging your eyes, trying to come out, but you fight them for as long as you can. 

“That’s a big promise,” you tease, but you can’t stop the tears no matter how hard you try, and you drop the act almost immediately. Sero wipes them away gently, and you rest your forehead against his. “Thank you, Hanta.”

“Of course, baby.” 

You always try to play off how much that fact bothered you, but hearing what Hanta said just made you realize how many times you’ve actually cried. Some people might call you overdramatic, but you’ve always hated crying on your birthday, feeling like you shouldn’t be. Of course, you can’t control life, but the fact that it still happened bothers you.

But being here with Hanta right now tells you that his promise isn’t empty. 

~

You still didn’t make any plans for your birthday because your birthday was on the busiest day of your week, and with all the work you had, you wanted nothing more than to just be with Hanta and in bed once the weekend hit.

Honestly, the morning of your birthday started off great because the professor of your first class of the day canceled class the day before, so you didn’t have to wake up stupidly early. It was also nice because you woke up and Hanta was the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes followed by a soft happy birthday.

He cooks you breakfast and you spend the morning with him until you have to finish the rest of your day on campus. When you had to go, you found yourself feeling more upset that you had to leave Hanta, but you knew that you’d see him once you both were done for the day. He drops you off, kissing you deeply before you get out of the car.

You thank him softly as you close the car door, giving him one last smile before you start walking to your class. You check your phone on the way, seeing that you’ve gotten messages from your friends and family, and you assume that Sero must’ve told his friends because the group chat you were added to is full of happy birthday texts.

You smile as you read them, sending a reply once you get into the lecture hall. You don’t lose your smile the entire time you’re sitting in class or the entire day for that matter. You can’t remember the last time you’ve been so happy on your birthday, and you wonder if anything could top it. You assume because you’re so happy is why the day goes by so fast; your lab being one of the quickest you and your partner have ever done.

You have to hold back from skipping out of the building, breathing in deeply before you start to walk to where you’re meeting Hanta. You try to hold it in, but once his car is in sight, you’re close to running over to it. 

“I’m guessing someone had a good day,” he comments when you get in, and you lean over the console to kiss him.

“It went surprisingly well. I got out of lab so early today.” He grabs your hand, lacing his fingers with yours before he drives off, resting your hands on the console.

“I’m glad to hear that. You sure you don’t wanna do anything today? You have the time,” he asks, and you shake your head earnestly.

“No. I still have some work I need to finish up, and I wanna get it done so I don’t have to do anything this weekend,” you answer. “Also, I like spending time with you anyway.”

He smiles at that, kissing the back of your hand gently. When you get back to his house, you decide that you want to shower before you get into your work, wanting to decompress before you start working your brain. 

When you’re done and dressed, it doesn’t look like Hanta’s been in his room yet, and you hear your stomach rumbling. Eating hadn’t even crossed your mind today mostly because your body never told you that you were hungry and because the day when by so fast. You walk downstairs to try and find him so that you can ask him if he’s hungry too.

When you walk into the kitchen, you see that Hanta’s already got food on the table and before you can get his attention, you see that it’s from your favorite place. You walk up to him, wrapping your arms around him, and he jumps before you feel him relax against you. “You gave me a heart attack,” he laughs, and you smile as you let your head fall against his back.

“Sorry,” you mumble, and you loosen your grip a bit so that he can turn around. “Thank you for today, Hanta.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” he tells you softly, brushing some of your hair out of your face. “No tears today, right?” You smile widely as you shake your head. “Good,” he whispers. “You hungry?” You nod, staying quiet, and he pulls you to the table so that you can eat. 

The food seems to taste even better than it usually does, and that only seems to boost the amount of serotonin that’s running through your body. You both eat in comfortable silence, Hanta eventually breaking it when you ask him how his day went. You find yourself looking at him the entire time he talks, and this might be the first time that you’re thinking about how much you actually like him.

He’s been nothing but supportive since you met him; making sure you’re taking breaks when you’re studying, making sure you’re not studying too hard, and helping you out when you need it even though he never really understands what you’re doing. And now doing all this for your birthday. You wouldn’t say that your heart starts racing, but you definitely feel something run through you that feels amazing.

“I got one more thing for you,” he tells you, breaking you out of your thoughts. “But you have to close your eyes.” You playfully frown at him, but you do it anyway, hearing him shuffling around, the sound of plates being moved and stuff being opened filling your ears. You honestly have no idea what he’s doing, and then you hear a plate being set down in front of you. “You can open them.”

You slowly peel your eyes open, gasping softly when you see a cupcake with a candle on it. It’s nowhere near a birthday cake, but there’s not a single part of you that cares. Hanta sits down next to you again, scooting his chair closer to you before softly singing happy birthday. You’re smiling so big that your face is hurting, and he kisses you once he finishes singing.

“Make a wish, sweetheart,” he whispers against your lips. You pull away, closing your eyes for a few seconds before you open them and turn to blow out the candle. “What’d you wish for?”

“If I tell you, it won’t come true,” you say, laughing softly.

You wished that you could be this happy for the rest of your life, and you’re pretty sure that whether you tell Hanta or not, this feeling will never leave.

It’s the weekend already and you still feel like you’re on top of the world. Since you got a lot of work done, you’re not doing anything this weekend, and you spend most of your Saturday in bed with Hanta. You had absolutely no plans, only getting out of bed to eat and then throwing yourself under the covers right after.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna go out today?” Hanta asks you softly, and you look up from your phone, locking it before you smile at him.

“I’m sure. I just wanna spend today doing nothing.” You move closer so you can kiss him, keeping it a little longer before you pull away, going back in to give him another one. "Doing nothing with you, of course," you whisper, shuddering a bit when you feel his fingers rubbing at your hip.

"Really?" he hums quietly, smiling a little as his hand finds its way under your shirt. His finger picks at the side of your underwear, and your toes curl at the motion. He lets his hand drift down your thigh as you nod, and a soft gasp leaves when his hand fits its way in between your legs.

"Well, what if I told you I had something planned today?" he says as his fingers ghost over your folds. 

"L-Like what?" you manage, your answer delayed when he pulls your underwear out of his way. He rubs his thumb over your clit as he slowly slides his leg in between yours so that he can keep touching you. 

"Try and guess, baby," he teases as his finger rests at your entrance. You sort of hear what he says, but you're not totally focused on it, your attention mostly on his fingers. 

"I dunno," you mumble, your eyes closing as he slowly slides into you. He shifts, carefully maneuvering you onto your back as he speeds his fingers up, and you bite your lip to try and conceal your moans.

You've done stuff with Hanta since that day in your dorm, but you haven't slept together yet. That's not really a big deal for you, but you can't help but think about how it would feel. If he's making you feel this good just from his fingers then it'll probably be tenfold when he finally fucks you.

Even though you've been in this position before, you're still so shy about it, and that does more to Sero than he'd like to admit. All it takes is a circle of his fingers, and you're putty in his hands as you hide your face with whatever you can.

You try to put your arm over your face, but he puts a stop to that before you can even get to your face like he knew it was coming. You feel tears leaking out of your eyes when they screw shut as that familiar feeling in your stomach starts to form.

He carefully pulls your lip from between your teeth, allowing every sound you make to be fully audible to his ears. "H-Hanta, 'm–" Your breathing starts to become airy as your hand grabs onto his wrist. 

"Yeah, angel? You gonna cum?" he asks, waiting for your quick nod before he looks down at where his hand is disappearing inside of you. He can hear what his fingers are doing, the digits glistening every time he slides them out of you.

You start to move away from him slightly as the pleasure starts to become overwhelming, but Sero follows your every move. "C'mon, sweetheart, wanna see if I can make you squirt again."

You can't really hear what he's saying, your heart racing so fast you can hear it in your ears. You feel yourself gasp before your orgasm hits you like a truck, feeling like time stops before your legs start to shake as that knot snaps.

"Fuck, there it is," Hanta groans as you coat his wrist in your release. You're squeezing his fingers so tight that you nearly push him out, but he pushes through to let it run its course. "Such a good girl for me, angel."

You push at his wrist, whining his name until he finally slows down, the squelching you hear when he slides his fingers out is enough to make your already warm face even hotter. 

Your chest is heaving as Hanta's arm drips with your slick, and he slides his fingers into his mouth, groaning loudly as the taste of you fills his mouth. Your arms are resting over your face as you catch your breath, shivering when you feel it running down your legs.

"You made such a mess, baby," Sero whispers, and you can hear the smile he's wearing on his face, but you feel your face grow warm anyway, barely peeling your arms away.

"Sorry," you mumble, and his smile widens as he pushes at your arms softly. He kisses you once he gets your arms down, letting his tongue swirl in your mouth, and the kiss alone is almost enough to get you going again.

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. I love making you do it," he says against your lips. He rubs over your body, kissing your forehead. "You okay?" 

You give him a small smile as you nod, your legs quaking when you move them even the slightest bit. Your phone rings, scaring you a bit, and you feel around for it, seeing Mina's name on the screen.

"What's up?"

"I need you to go shopping with me today, I'll be there in twenty." And then she hangs up. You pull the phone away from your ear, scoffing as you put the phone down. Sero chuckles softly as you shake your head.

"That girl, I swear." It takes you a while to finally get out of bed, but when you do, you slowly make your way to the bathroom. You shower, wincing a bit at the sensitivity you're still feeling as you wash yourself.

You're dressed and ready right as Mina pulls up, and Sero gives you a kiss goodbye before you walk out of the door. "Have fun, okay?" You nod, giving him a hug before you walk out to Mina's car.

“Did I really have to tag along today?” you ask once you get in the car, and Mina rolls her eyes as she drives off.

“Of course, you did. I didn’t get to see you on your birthday.”

“Well, I did have class that day. I didn’t wanna do anything too crazy,” you say. Mina drives to the mall, saying that she needed someone with her so that she wouldn’t buy too much stuff along with wanting a second opinion on whatever she tried on.

You shook your head but went with her anyway, and you didn’t intend to buy anything of course, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look around. You walk around the store, nothing really catching your eye until your eyes land on a dress.

It’s nothing too over the top, but it could be for any occasion if you dress right. “You like it?” You jump at the sound of Mina’s voice next to you, looking over to see her arms filled with clothes.

“Yeah, it’s really cute,” you comment, running your hand over it so that you can feel the fabric.

“You should at least try it on then. Come on, I’m gonna try this stuff on too.” Once you grab the dress off the rack, she’s pulling you toward the dressing room. You wait for Mina to try on all of her stuff, and there are actually a few times when she needed a second opinion. She decides to get most of the stuff that she tried on, leaving the ones that she doesn’t want on the rack.

“Okay, your turn.” She nearly pushes you into a room, closing the door behind you. You try it on, turning around as you look at yourself in the mirror. It is really pretty, and you start to consider getting it when Mina softly knocks on the door. 

You laugh as you step out, letting her see it. “Oh, my God, you look so good! You should get it!”

“You think?” you ask, looking down at yourself.

“Yes! I’ll even buy it for you.”

“Mina, you don’t have to do that.”

She rests her hands on your arms. “Just think of this as your birthday present,” she responds. “Seriously, it’s no big deal. Also, there’s a sale going on, and if I spend enough money I get rewards,” she adds when you start to look unsure.

“Only if you want to,” you relent, and she smiles widely before letting you go back into the room to take the dress off. 

You walk out of the store with just your dress in your hands while Mina has two bags. “So, was that all you had planned today?” You look over to see that Mina’s looking at her phone, and she looks up at you before pocketing her phone.

“I was thinking of getting some food. You hungry?” You shrug before you nod, and the both of you head over to the food court. Mina offers to get the food while you find a seat, and she brushes you off when you try to pay her back, using the birthday excuse again.

You don’t know how long you sit with her and talk about anything that comes up, continuing the conversation long after you’ve finished eating. You offer to throw her food away, and when you come back, she’s looking at her phone again. “Is everything okay?”

She looks up quickly. “Yeah, Denki’s just stressing about something that’s no big deal.” You chuckle as Mina collects her bags. You figured that she was done with what she needed, but then she proceeds to take you to almost every store that you pass by. You don’t mind it at first, but when you come out of the sixth store and she hasn’t bought anything, you start to get just a teensy bit annoyed.

“Mina, you haven’t bought anything in over an hour,” you speak up, and she looks at the time on her phone.

“Wow, time really does fly! I’m ready to go if you are.” You nod eagerly, sighing to yourself in relief. When you walk out of the mall, the sun is down which really tells you how long you’ve been out because the sun was about to set when you walked in.

Mina drives by her place to drop her stuff off, and she urges you to put the dress on. “It’s good to make sure you still like it,” she presses, and you put it back on without much of a fight, sighing when you walk back out so she can see it. “Perfect! We have one more place to go to.”

She grabs your arm, pulling you out of her house. “Mina, wait!” You didn’t even get to take the dress off, but she’s already locking her front door and pulling you to the car. You want to ask Mina what she has planned, but then she’s pulling into Sero’s driveway.

You can barely get out of the car before Mina pushes you towards the door. “Open it!” You give her a suspicious look but open the door anyway. You frown when you see how dark it is in the house especially when Mina closes the door, but before you can question in, the lights turn on. 

“Surprise!!” You jump when all of your friends jump out from where they were hiding, and you can see birthday decorations plastered all over the room. You’re frozen in shock for a little bit, only moving when Mina puts a sash and crown on your head.

“What in the world?” you find yourself asking as you walk further into the house. 

“Happy birthday!” Mina yells, giving you a hug. 

“You did all this?”

“Nope, this was all Sero’s idea.” Mina walks away as Hanta comes up to you, and you haven’t stopped smiling since the surprise was revealed.

“Happy birthday, baby,” he tells you, leaning down to kiss you.

“You purposefully had Mina get me out of the house for this?” you laugh, and he laughs with you as he wraps his arms around your waist.

“Yep. Sorry, you were out for so long though, we got started later than I wanted.”

“I thought I was never gonna leave that mall,” you sigh, and he laughs again before gently pulling you towards the party. 

There aren’t a lot of people here, but it’s your closest friends and it’s more than enough. The crown and the sash are definitely overkill, but you make no move to remove them during the night. Almost everyone got you something, and even if it’s something small, you still love it regardless. Sero brings out a cake later on, and with everyone surrounding you, you feel that same feeling of happiness you were feeling earlier in the week.

Everyone cheers when you blow out the candles after they sing, and as Mina starts to cut the cake, you feel tears forming in your eyes. “What’s wrong?” Hanta whispers. He’s sitting next to you, turning your head toward him so that he can wipe your tears.

“I’m just really happy,” you say, sniffling as you smile widely. “Thank you for this, Hanta. I love it.” You lean over to kiss him softly, having a difficult time wiping the smile off your face.

“Of course, angel. I’m glad you’re having fun.” 

You stay glued to Hanta’s side for the rest of the night, sharing a slice of cake with him. He never leaves your side either, and the house is filled with laughter and conversation. You wish that this moment could last forever even though you know it won’t, but for the first time in a long time, you’ve really enjoyed your birthday. And it’s all thanks to Hanta.

“What?” he asks you when he catches you looking at him.

“Nothing,” you whisper, shaking your head. You don’t give him any more than that, and he doesn’t push you, tightening his arm around you as he kisses your forehead.

The end of the semester sneaks up on you a lot faster than you like. All of a sudden, you’re stacked with last-minute exams all the while preparing for your final exams. You spend a lot of time studying with Mina since the class you share is the first final exam you both have. 

You wouldn’t say you’re worried about it, but the content isn’t the easiest and the exam is cumulative which makes you a little bit uneasy. Luckily, it’s your hardest class this semester, so you have a little bit more room to allow this class to take up most of your study time. 

Sero's been busy as well, trying to finish up most of his projects before classes end. He volunteered to present his work at an art show the art department is hosting, but his professor suggested creating something new instead of presenting pieces he's already done.

Of course, he had talked about this with them way before the semester was coming to a close, but he couldn't really find any inspiration, and now he had nothing to present. He has maybe one painting that he might use, but it's not his best work.

You've been taking it easy the last couple of days since you and Mina thoroughly studied out your brains, so you won't see her anymore until you're taking the exam. This means you've been with Sero more, but you notice that he's still in his art studio even though he was there before you left.

You had been going back and forth from your dorm to the library and vice versa since you were studying, and as much as you loved spending time with Sero, you wanted to keep your mind clear and focused.

When you finally get back to his house, you slowly step into the art studio, seeing Hanta standing in front of a half-painted canvas.

"Have you been in here for the past couple of days?" you ask him softly when you walk up to him. He turns to you, and you easily let him fall into you, his head falling into your neck as his hands loosely rest on your hips.

"Yeah. I don't know what to do about this art show," he mumbles.

"Well, what you have so far looks good," you comment, turning your head a little to look at what he’s already drawn

"It's not good enough for me, though." 

“Maybe you should take a break,” you offer softly. “You’ve been working on this for a while. Maybe if you step back for a bit, something will strike.” You don’t know if he’s listening, but you start to move toward the door anyway.

You grab his hand once the distance between you starts to increase, but it takes a little bit of pulling on your part to get him to move. You pull him to his room, and you lay down on the bed first, pulling him onto the bed when he doesn’t move once you get comfortable.

He lays on top of you, and you turn the TV on, putting on one of your favorite shows before you set the remote aside. You run your fingers through Hanta’s hair while your other hand rubs over his back. Hanta sighs heavily but he focuses on the TV anyway, and he realizes how much he missed being with you. 

He hadn’t really been paying attention to how much time had passed because he was stressed about his work. He’s glad you pulled him out of there because he’s already starting to feel at ease, his shoulders aching when he relaxes from how long they’ve been tense. He can feel his eyelids growing heavy as he tries to watch the show, but he doesn’t keep it up for long, letting them fall closed.

Hanta swears that he only closed his eyes for a second, but when he opens them again, the TV is off, and it’s dark in the room. Hanta looks around, seeing that you’re not laying in the bed with him, and he looks at the clock on his nightstand to see that it’s late at night. He rolls over, feeling like he could sleep for longer even though he just found out he slept all day.

But then his stomach grumbles loudly, and he knows there’s no way he can go back to sleep now. He yawns loudly as he sits up, taking a couple more moments to wake up a little more before he stands. He brushes his teeth to get that taste out of his mouth before he heads toward the stairs. He’s looking for you as he makes his way down to the kitchen, and he can hear music coming from downstairs along with smelling something really good.

He yawns again as he gets to the kitchen, seeing you stirring something on the stove as you sway to the music that’s playing. He waits until you set the spoon down to try and get your attention, and you jump when you feel his hands at your waist.

“You really don’t make any noise when you walk,” you breathe, and Sero chuckles softly, looking over your shoulder to see what you’re making. “I’m pretty sure you’re starving, but I didn’t wanna wake you up. You were sleeping like the dead.”

“Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten some sleep,” he responds. You turn around with a small frown on your face.

“You need to take better care of yourself, Hanta,” you scold lightly, pressing your finger to his forehead gently. He smiles, grabbing your hand so that he can plant a small kiss on your skin.

“Yeah, I know. I just got too caught up…but it might happen again,” he admits, and you roll your eyes at him.

“Well, you should eat. I’m almost done.” He hums as you turn around, and you feel his arms wrap around you, but he doesn’t let you go. You shake your head, but let him stay since you’re almost done cooking anyway.

You make a plate for the both of you, and you carry both as Hanta stays attached to you until you get to the table. You wonder if he’ll make you sit in his lap since he seems to be super clingy right now, but he lets you have your own seat. It must’ve been a while since he’s eaten because you’ve barely made it halfway through your plate, and he’s already done. 

You made more just to be on the safe side and you’re glad you did. You offer to make him another plate once you finish up yours, handing him the plate before washing yours in the sink. You clean up the dishes you cooked with while Sero finishes eating. You sit on the counter while he washes his dish, and neither of you makes any move to start a conversation.

He dries his hands off before stepping in between your legs, and your hands slide over his shoulders. He leans down so that his face is inches from yours, and you both look at each other in the eyes, laughing softly. “Hi,” he whispers, letting his hands move under your (his) shirt.

“Hi,” you echo, and he kisses you gently. “Are you gonna be staying up again?” He sighs softly before he shakes his head, moving his arms so that he can rub over your thighs.

“I think I still need to take a break,” he answers. “Were you gonna go back to sleep?”

“No, I kinda took a power nap earlier, so I’m gonna be up.” He nods and you look around, looking back at Hanta as you smile. “I was gonna bake some cookies if you wanna do it with me,” you offer.

He chuckles as he steps back so you can get off the counter. You grab all of the ingredients you need, and he grabs all of the supplies you’ll need. When you went out to the store earlier in the week, you didn’t really know what cookies you wanted to make, so you both just make a handful of all of the ones that you wanted.

Making the batter takes longer than it should since Hanta either keeps trying to eat the raw batter or keeps hitting you with the flour. The latter causes flour to be all over both of you, the counter, and the floor. An hour has passed before you finally put all the cookies in the oven.

“You’re gonna have to clean all this up, you know?” you tell him as you wash your hands. He washes his hands after you before crowding you against the island.

“Yes, ma’am,” he muses before he grabs you by your hips to set you on the counter. “You just sit here and look pretty.”

“That was my plan,” you jest, and he smiles, kissing you on the forehead then your nose and lips before he starts cleaning. You listen to the music you’re still playing as the sweet smell of the cookies fills your nose. You both hum to the music as Hanta moves all the dishes into the sink so that he can wipe off the counters.

You slide off the counter to check on some of the cookies after you check the time on your phone, and you gently hip-check Hanta out of the way so you can open the oven. You laugh when he pokes you in your side, and you use the handle of a spoon to check if they’re cooked through.

One of the pans is finished, so you slide an oven mitt on your hand and pull them out. You set them on the stove as you close the oven. The pan has sugar cookies on them, and they were the first ones that you and Hanta made. Instead of sitting on the counter while you wait for them to cool off, you wrap your arms around Hanta, resting your head on his back.

You always talk about how clingy Hanta gets, but if you think about it, you’re probably doing it just as much as he does. You don’t know how to explain it; it just feels natural, like something that just feels right. Every time you’re near him, it just feels like your whole mood gets better. Sometimes, you don’t even realize how down your mood is until you’re in Hanta’s arms.

He’s almost done washing everything while you continue to check the cookies and take them out if they’re fully cooked. When you finally get the last pan out of the oven, you turn it off before you try a sugar cookie. Hanta turns to you right as you take a bite, and you hold it out to him for him to do the same. He takes a bigger bite than you did, so you let him have the rest of the cookie.

You both don’t eat all of the cookies since you just finished eating dinner, but you do eat a few from each pan. “Mm, I love this song,” Hanta says as he finishes a cookie. You finish yours as he grabs your hands to pull you to the living room so you can hear the song better.

You’ve never heard the song before, but you follow him anyway. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into him as he starts to slowly spin around in a circle. You let your arms loosely wrap around his neck as he softly hums the song. He sings the lyrics as he looks down at you, and you smile at him as you listen to him.

You close your eyes after a while, and you rest your head against his. It’s like time slows down as the song surrounds the two of you, and Hanta moves your head so that it’s resting on his chest. He rests his chin on the top of your head gently as he hums the song.

As the song comes to an end, you can feel the energy you got from your nap earlier running out, trying your best to conceal your yawn, but Hanta hears it. He doesn’t say anything, pulling you upstairs to his room. You practically flop onto the bed, feeling the rush of fatigue hit you suddenly. 

Sero slides into bed next to you after turning the lights off, and your blinking is already slow when he pulls the blanket over the both of you. “Goodnight, baby,” Hanta whispers before he huffs a bit. “Or good morning, I guess,” he adds, noting how the sunrise is starting to peak through the curtains.

You hum softly, a small smile appearing on your face for a bit before your face falls. “Goodnight, Hanta.”

~

When you wake up, you roll over before you notice that you’re alone in the bed. The sun is well up in the sky, and you would just go back to sleep, but you really have to pee. You groan softly, throwing the blankets off of you and stretching when you stand. After you use the bathroom, you decide to see where Hanta went.

You check his art studio first since it’s on the same floor, and you call his name softly as you push the door open. You walk in to see him painting, and he’s so focused that he doesn’t even hear you come in. You walk a little closer to him, calling his name a little louder so that you don’t scare him as you approach him.

He quickly looks over his shoulder, and he gives you a quick kiss on the lips before he turns back around. “What’re you doing up?”

“I had to pee,” you tell him as you look at what he’s doing before you look over him, seeing that he’s covered in paint, having it all over his face, fingers, arms, and torso. “How long you been at it?”

“I only slept for like an hour, I dunno,” he nearly mumbles, and you don’t really press him with any more questions. 

Mina had warned you about this a while ago, telling you that whenever inspiration strikes, he’ll work until it’s finished, and there’s almost nothing that could break him from it. You decide you don’t want to get back into bed by yourself, so you grab a blanket from his room.

He has a couch in his studio, so you make yourself at home, laying down and curling yourself under the blanket. You watch him work, wondering what inspiration struck him since he was in such a slump not too long ago. You notice that he has the song that was playing last night that he was singing, and it makes you smile as the memories fill your head.

Once you settle into the couch, you can feel yourself starting to feel sleepy. You didn’t check the time when you woke up, but it doesn’t feel like you got much sleep, so you don’t fight it when it comes back.

When you wake up, Hanta is in the same position that you last saw him in. He seems to be working on something different, and you starting to think that he’s been at this for a while now. The music is still playing in the room, and your stomach grumbles a little when your body starts to shake the sleep off.

If you’re hungry, then Hanta has to be as well, but you don’t think you’d be able to pull him away for even a second. You go into the bathroom to brush your teeth before you go downstairs to try and figure out what you want to eat. When you walk into the kitchen, you see that it’s completely empty, so Hanta must’ve put the cookies up earlier.

It’s nearly the afternoon, so you’re not really in the mood for breakfast, so you just decide to heat up dinner from last night. You make yourself a plate before grabbing two bottles of water and making your way back to the studio.

You set yours on the couch while you put the other one on the floor next to the easel that Hanta’s using, but not in a spot where he could knock it over. “Hanta, you should eat,” you try.

“In a minute, I promise,” he hums, and a smile pulls at the corner of your lip as you roll your eyes. You hold out some of the food on your fork in Hanta’s direction, and he barely registers that it’s there. You try to put it in his line of sight, and he eats it off the fork, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the canvas.

You feel a little better that he has something on his stomach even if it isn’t a lot, but you don’t want to risk ruining his painting, so you give him his space and sit back down on the couch. This is honestly how you spend the next couple of days. You try to get a little bit of food in Hanta’s stomach, and you notice that he’s drinking the water even though you’ve never seen him pick up the bottle.

You sleep on the couch whenever fatigue gets to you because you don’t want to be in a different room than Hanta, and you want to make sure that he doesn’t pass out or anything. Every time you wake up or walk back into the room, he seems to be covered in more paint than he was the previous time you saw him. Once a couple of days pass, you wonder if he’s going to make the deadline for the art show he mentioned.

You didn’t ask him if what he was painting was for that event because you were confident you weren’t going to get an answer from him. But you’re hoping that he’ll be done soon because you miss him. This is the first time since you’ve met that his attention has been on something longer than it’s been on you. You try to ignore the jealousy you’re feeling, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

You’ve dozed off again, and you can hear someone calling your name, but you’re trying to figure out if it’s coming from the real world or your dream world. As you start to become more aware of the voice, you can feel something rubbing at your cheek. You open your eyes slowly to see Hanta squatting down in front of you, his face level with yours.

“Hanta?” you mumble. “Are you done?”

“Yeah, I am,” he answers softly with a small smile. You look past him to see that he’s added another canvas to the three he already had. “Thank you for taking care of me, baby.”

You practically gush at the praise, that smile he always wears would make you melt like it always does if you weren’t laying down. “Of course. Can’t have my boyfriend passing out on me.”

He chuckles a bit as you yawn. “Why don’t you get in bed? I’m gonna shower, and I’ll be in there with you soon.” You make a noise of protest but slowly get up anyway. Hanta quickly kisses you on the forehead before you leave, and you make the short walk to his room, crashing on the bed once it’s in reach.

You pull the blanket up to your chin as you snuggle into the bed, getting comfortable since you’ve been sleeping on the couch for a while. You fight sleep for as long as you can, wanting to wait for Hanta to slide in next to you. You fall asleep eventually, not realizing it until you feel something running over your face.

You slowly peel your eyes open, Hanta’s face coming into view and becoming less blurry. “Hey, angel,” he whispers, and you smile weakly before moving closer to him. “Go back to sleep.”

“But I wanna talk to you,” you mumble. “I haven’t spent time with you in, like, days.” Your words are slow since you’re so tired, but you keep talking anyway. You lift your head up, resting your chin on his chest so that you can keep looking at him. “And I didn’t see you today because I had that exam.”

“Oh, shit. I forgot about that. I’m so sorry.” 

You slowly shake your head. “Don’t worry about it. I know you had stuff to do too.”

“So, how do you think you did?” he asks, smiling at how sleepy you are.

“I don’t think I did great, but I don’t think I failed either,” you respond. “But I hope that Mina passes because she’ll have to take the class again if she fails.”

“Ah, I’m sure she did fine,” Hanta says, wrapping his arm around you as he guides your head to lie down on his chest. “Now, go to sleep, baby. You’re stupidly tired.”

“Yeah, but I wanna talk to you,” you say softly even though you’re letting the fatigue take over.

“You can talk to me as soon as you get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head.

You went to the art gallery to see the paintings that Sero made since he wouldn’t let you see them until they were displayed. They were beautiful of course, and you were mostly impressed that he was able to finish four paintings in less than a week. Neither of you stayed long, and you helped him bring all of them back to his house.

He puts them up in his art studio, and you really look at them. “I can’t believe that you did this in so little time.”

“I had you to thank,” he says, wrapping his arms around your middle. “Having a muse is no joke.”

You laugh a little, shaking your head as you sink into him. “You always say that.”

“Cause it’s true,” he presses. “I made all of this because you were the one that pulled me away when I wasn’t making any progress. You inspired all of this.” You can’t help but smile, and when you really look at each one, you can see things in the paintings that relate to what you and Hanta had been doing for the last week.

“Well, I’m glad I could help,” you respond softly, the beauty of his paintings really hitting you when you realize that they represent the two of you. God, you really like him, and by the looks of his art, he feels the exact same way.

Second semester is well underway, and you're so glad that you didn't stack it up this time. It's not exactly smooth sailing, but you're not drowning in work and due dates this time. Since Hanta will be graduating early, he's been doing a lot of work on his senior project, which takes up most of his time when he's really focused on it. The thought makes you upset if you think about it for too long, but Hanta's always making sure that you're not dwelling on it. Just because he's graduating doesn't mean that he'll be going anywhere.

By prioritizing your time, you give yourself a lot of free time on the weekends, which allows you to really reset before the next school week. You usually spend this time catching up on your Animal Crossing island or continuing your journey of reaching perfection in Stardew Valley. You hang out with your friends if you're feeling up to it, and sometimes you find yourself forcing Hanta to take a break when you notice he's been working for too long.

"Hanta, I know your hand is hurting like a bitch," you comment after you've seen him shake his hand multiple times as he looks over his work. "At least lay with me," you try, pulling softly on his wrist. "You've been working nonstop, you can't keep doing this."

He finally stands with a sigh, a tired smile appearing on his face when you look up at him, your smile beaming. You pull him into his room, and he lays on top of you when you get on the bed. You grab your switch as you start to explain everything that you've been doing so far in the games you're playing. His breathing starts to become more even, a little slower, so you lower your voice as you continue talking.

"I love you." You freeze mid-sentence because you were sure he was fast asleep. You pause your movements before you look down at him, and he's looking at you, his eyes half-open.

"What?" you whisper, his words finally starting to register in your head.

"I love you," he repeats. "You don't have to say it back, don't worry," he adds. "I just wanted to tell you because it's all I think about when I look at you." You let your hand fall to the side as he talks so that you can really look at him. "I really love you, like a lot."

You can tell he's about to fall asleep because his words are starting to jumble together, but you're still at a loss for words. "And I love when I wake up next to you, and I love how you take care of me," he continues before rubbing his face against your chest. "I really got lucky with you."

It's the last thing you hear him say before he finally goes to sleep, and you feel so overwhelmed with emotions, you don't know how to feel. You fight the tears in your eyes that you're certain came from your overwhelming happiness before you rub over his head.

He stirs a bit, but he doesn't wake up, and you stare at him for who knows how long before you get back to your game.

~

Hanta’s laying on the bed, half-watching the show that’s playing on the TV. He adjusts himself against the headboard once his lower back starts to ache a bit as he hears you coming back from the bathroom. His attention is totally focused on you when you carefully walk into the room, your attention on your phone. 

Your hair is slightly damp from detangling it in the shower, but Sero's more fixated on what you're wearing. You've got a lot more skin showing than usual, a tight fitting tank top on your body, and the lower half is only covered by your underwear.

He quickly moves over to your side of the bed as you plug your phone up, and he catches your wrist when you set it on the nightstand. "What's this?" he questions softly, making a point to only look at your body, and you look down at yourself before you look at him with a frown.

"What's what?" you say, sliding your fingers in between his. "My clothes?" you add with a quick laugh. He pulls you towards the bed, and you easily follow, getting on the bed on your knees before he guides you to sit in between his legs with your back against his chest.

You get comfortable, relaxing against him as he looks down your body over your shoulder. "It's different," he mumbles, resting his hands on your hips, one of them playing with the hem of your tank before dipping underneath to rub at your skin.

"Good different or bad different?" you ask quietly, and Hanta keeps his eyes on your chest, continuing to touch your body as he watches your nipples harden, eventually peaking through the material.

"Oh, sweetheart," he starts, finally looking you in the eyes. "There is nothing bad about this." Both of his hands make their way under your shirt as you gently place your hands on his thighs. "Why the change, hm?"

You were kind of hoping he wouldn't notice, but you are wearing something that you haven't really worn before, at least not at his house. You usually wear his shirts and shorts to bed, occasionally underwear if you feel like it, but you've never worn anything this revealing before.

You can thank Mina for that. You had been thinking about doing more with Hanta, but you didn't know how to start the conversation without being so awkward. So, you asked Mina and she said that this would help, but you don't know if you can even bring yourself to say it.

It took you about five minutes after putting your clothes on to walk out of the bathroom. "I just get hot at night sometimes," you say softly, looking away.

"Really?" he hums before his fingers reach your tits where they rub over them gently, purposefully avoiding your nipples. "Well, as long as you're comfortable." You don't respond, your breath catching in your chest a little due to Hanta touching you.

You try to focus on the show that's playing, but it's impossible. Your legs slide across the bed and against his legs as his hands divide into two paths across your body. One of his hands rubs in between your legs, but he keeps his fingers over your panties.

His other hand rubs over your stomach before he softly cups your tit. His finger gently rubs over your nipple, and your toes curl as you bite your lip, having such a hard time keeping quiet. He dips his fingers further down your body, smirking to himself when he can feel how you're soaking your underwear.

"Hanta," you mumble when you feel his lips on your neck.

"What?" he teases, letting his fingers dip under your panties, and you jump a bit when they immediately find your clit. You moan quietly when he rubs at your sensitive bud, and he moves his hand up to pull your shirt above your boobs.

He plays with the most sensitive parts of you, your head eventually falling back on his shoulder as your legs starts to struggle to stay open. You grab onto his wrist gently, but he doesn't stop touching you, and you almost forget what you were actually trying to do in the first place.

You don't know if you can even bring yourself to say it, and in your head you say that you need more time to boost your confidence, when in reality, Hanta's fingers are just too good. You let your eyes close as his fingers prod at your entrance, moving his hand from your chest so that he can continue to rub at your clit.

He doesn't even have to slide his fingers all the way in for you to feel your orgasm rising. You turn your head to the side, your grip on his wrist tightening as he kisses you softly. You can barely keep up with it, and he uses your distracted state to claim your mouth, letting his tongue move around yours before sucking on it.

You gasp into his mouth, your back arching away from him, and Hanta smirks as he watches you before turning his attention to where his fingers disappear under your panties. "You close?" he whispers even though he already knows the answer, his smirk turning into a smile when you quickly nod your head.

Your face screws up in that way that he loves, and you start to move into his fingers, which causes you to grind against him. He's already hard, so you moving gives him a little bit of challenge as his focus gets split just a little. His jaw clenches as he focuses on you and making you cum, encouraging you through it.

You cum with a gasp of his name, your body shaking as you try to keep moving your hips. He keeps his fingers moving until you start to settle down, and he easily slides them into his mouth after taking them out of you. You call his name again, and he hums as he looks down at you.

Your eyes are barely open, but he can see how your pupils are blown wide, and he'll never get tired of reducing you to this state. "What's up, baby?" he asks, using his other hand to rub over your tummy again.

"More," you start, and before he can press you about what you mean, you move your face into his neck.

"Can't give you what you want if you're not looking at me, angel," he counters softly, grinning when he can hear you whine a little.

You take a couple of deep breaths before he feels you move your head. "I wanna feel you," you mumble, "...inside me."

Hanta feels his world stop for a little bit as his dick twitches. His breath gets caught in his chest for a second, but he recovers quickly. "You sure?" You nod quickly. "I don't wanna hurt you," he continues even though there's nothing more that he would love to do.

"Maybe just the tip? I don't care, I just wanna feel you." He can't stop the groan that comes out of him. "Please, Han."

"Okay, okay, baby. I gotcha," he coos softly, moving so that he can lay you down. You watch him straddle you, and you look down to see that he's very much hard. He kisses you gently, rubbing his thumb over your cheek. "Are you sure?"

You nod quickly again, reaching for the top of his shorts, but he's quick to put his hands on top of yours. "And you'll tell me if you wanna stop."

"Yes, Hanta," you answer quickly. "I promise." You look him in the eye to let him know that you mean it. You try at his shorts again and this time he lets you, helping you slide them down to his knees. He pulls your underwear down and off your legs as you admire what's in between his legs, and you can feel your nerves start to come back.

Now that you're starting to lose that post-orgasmic high, your thoughts are starting to run wild again. You watch as he reaches into his nightstand, pulling out a condom, and reality starts to set in for you.

He looks at you again before he opens it like he could feel how nervous you are. "We don't have to do this, sweetheart," he reminds you again.

"I-I know, but I want to," you answer before your eyes trail down again. "You're just...really big," you breathe, saying the last part under your breath.

"And I'm not gonna go all the way unless you want me to, okay?" He leans down to kiss you, taking his time to help you ease your nerves. You can hear him rip the wrapper open, and you pull away to look at his hands.

"Do we really need that?" you ask, your voice genuine.

"Yeah," he answers, nodding his head. "I don't trust myself," he adds, but you don't seem to hear him because you're watching him slide the condom on. It's been a while for him, and he definitely doesn't trust his pull-out game, especially if he goes in raw. He grabs a pillow, having you lift your hips up so he can slide it under you.

You jump when you feel his fingers touch your hole, and he's quick to rub your thighs with his other hand. "Relax, baby, just breathe." He moves a little closer to you on his knees so that he can keep your legs open, and he uses his thumb to rub at your clit as he stretches you open.

You're still a little sensitive from your orgasm, but it doesn't take long for you to start soaking his fingers. "You ready?" he asks, and you nod quickly, giving him a verbal confirmation He guides himself towards your entrance, and he continues to rub your leg. "Relax, okay?" he whispers before he moves again. He rubs at your clit, which is definitely welcomed when you feel him start to push in.

It's definitely bigger than his fingers, and you wince just a bit, your breath catching for a second. The stretch starts to feel good though, and you can't help but moan as he keeps moving after you urge him to by gently pulling on his arm. You look up at him when he groans, seeing that he's let his head fall, stilling himself as he lets his hands fall beside you on the bed.

"How you feeling?" he asks after he takes a deep breath, lifting up his head to look at you.

You look down at where he's currently disappearing inside of you as you nod. "I'm okay, it feels kinda weird," you say honestly. "But you feel good." A low moan escapes him before he carefully bends his arms so that he can kiss you. "Can you move?" you ask against his lips.

He nods, moving inside of you a little deeper before sliding back out. It's not enough to really make you feel anything crazy, but you do feel better and lot less nervous about the whole thing. You spread your legs open a bit, watching him move, and you don't tell him to move any further inside of you, but you really do like feeling him inside of you. "Does it feel good for you?" You notice that he's been usually quiet, and you look at him, his eyes opening right after you do.

"Yeah," he sighs. "Really good." He groans again, and he didn't think that he could shake this much. His body is vibrating as he tries to keep his pace steady without going any further, but you're so tight, your pussy so snug around him. Suddenly, he's slowly sliding out of you, making you gasp, before he stutters out a breath. "F-Fuck, I can't--I can't," he gasps. "Sorry, baby."

"What's wrong?" you ask, watching his chest heave. He kisses you instead of answering you at first, trying to calm himself down first.

"Can't control myself," he mumbles against you. "You feel too good, and I don't wanna hurt you."

"O-Oh," you say, feeling heat rush to your face even though it's pretty warm, and you look away from him before you speak. "But I still want you to cum," you admit, having a hard time holding his eyes.

"Yeah?" he muses, smiling at you. You nod, shyly diverting your gaze, only looking at him when he lifts himself up. He sits back on his legs, and you watch him slide the condom off, chucking it into the trashcan. He sighs as he pumps himself, and you can't help but watch until he grabs your legs.

You let him move you, wondering what he's doing as he starts to lift your legs by your knees. He straightens your legs, moving them to the side so your ankles rest on his shoulder. You gasp softly when you feel him slide in between your legs, and he feels so hot against your skin.

He starts move his hips slowly, and his movements rub against your clit which causes you to release a quiet moan. His hips slap against the back of your legs as he speeds up his thrusts, and you can see the tip peaking out every time he moves forward. You try to squeeze your thighs together, and he moans as he starts to lean forward, pushing your legs to your body.

"Shit," he groans, and you can feel yourself getting wet just watching him lose himself as he fucks your thighs. He plants his hand on the bed next to you as his hips start to lose their rhythm. He moans as his eyebrows crease, and you gasp when you feel something warm hit your stomach.

You look down to see him shooting onto your skin, slamming his hips against you a couple more times before he slows. He lets your legs go, and you immediately let them fall around him as he catches his breath. "Fuck, that was so good," he sighs, and he gets up so that he can clean you up as you roll your ankles, trying to circulate the blood in your feet.

He cleans the both of you up, and he lays down next to you, rolling over onto his side as he moves you into the same position. "You okay?" he asks, rubbing over your body. You hum your answer before he kisses you on your forehead. You both listen to the show playing on the TV, but neither of you is watching, just focusing on each other's breathing.

"As much as I love seeing you barely wearing anything, you could've just asked me," he says suddenly, and you feel your face warm.

"I know," you mumble, and he chuckles quietly, kissing your skin again in a quick apology.

You fight tears for as long as you can when Hanta graduates. You're happy for him of course, and you find yourself laughing when all of your friends joke that he ditched them and won't be suffering with the rest of them. Since it's the summer, you all have plans to hang out over the break, just a way to get away from school and just have some fun.

You all decide to go to the beach, which is very predictable, but you all had been saving up money, and you all wanted to spend time with Hanta before he goes on and does whatever he's going to be doing. Because everyone's exam schedule is different, you all decide to just get to the hotel on your own time. You and Hanta go together, getting there before everyone else.

You have a couple of days until everyone else gets here, and you spend those days at the beach or in the hotel if it's too hot. When everyone finally gets to the beach, the rest of the week goes by in a blur. You all go to escape rooms, sightseeing, try all kinds of restaurants, and of course, spend time at the beach.

You ask Hanta to rub sunscreen on your back, which just leads to him trying to convince you to let him do your whole body. He pouts when you tell him no, sulking on the blanket he has on the sand, and you roll your eyes before applying the rest of your sunscreen. You play in the water with Denki and Jirou for a while before the heat starts to get to you. You leave them alone since they somehow still have so much energy.

You lay down on your blanket next to Hanta, and he doesn't move when you lay down or when you were walking toward him. He has sunglasses on, so you assume that he's asleep. You dry yourself off a bit before you move to lay on your stomach, scrolling on your phone as you look around the beach.

You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel something touch your ass, and you look over your shoulder to see Hanta's head facing toward you. You yelp softly when he squeezes, pushing his hand away. "Hanta, you can't do that," you laugh, moving his hand away when he tries to touch you again.

"But you look so good," he tries, and you brush his hand away once more before you shift out of his reach.

"You can touch me all you want at the hotel," you argue lightly, shaking your head as you look at your phone again. You can see Hanta get up in your peripheral, but you don't think much of it. You sit up getting ready to turn over when Hanta pulls you to your feet. "What are you doing?"

He suddenly picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder before he grabs your stuff with his other hand. You shout in surprise before you start laughing, telling him to put you down at your hit his back softly with your fists. Since your hotel is on the beach, it doesn't take him long to reach the doors, and he sets you down right before he gets to the building.

He doesn't give you time to catch your breath, pulling you into the hotel and toward your room. You wonder what in the world has gotten into him, and he barely lets the room door close before his hands are all over your body. "Hanta, what the hell are you doing?" you ask lightly, but you don't stop what he's doing.

"I'm touching you all I want," he jabs, and you laugh as you roll your eyes.

"But I'm covered in sand," you try, and you think he ignores you, but he's pulling you toward the bathroom. He turns the shower on, undressing himself before he quickly undresses you, checking the water before getting in the shower with you in tow. "Hanta, you don't even--"

"Why are you being so mean to me?" he whines as he presses you against the wall. Your back arches, pushing your body into him because the wall is so cold. "Just let me love on you." You can't help but laugh, but you rest your arms around his shoulders as he lets his hands rub over your body. He stares at you, the loving look in his eyes still making you nervous despite seeing it all the time.

"I love you," he says, squeezing your hips before letting his hands rub up your back.

"So, I've been told," you tease, and you stand on your toes to reach his lips. He hums when you kiss him, leaning down so that you don't have to keep standing on your toes.

"You're so beautiful," he tells you softly.

"Someone has also told me that," you laugh before you look down to yawn, blinking rapidly as your eyes start to water. "I wanna take a nap," you whisper, even though it's pretty obvious. Hanta moves so that you're under the stream, and you let him wash your body, neither of you says a word, letting the silence along with the sound of the water running fill the air.

He takes care of you before he takes care of himself, drying you off first before moisturizing your skin with your lotion. You lightly push him away so that he can dry off because the water dripping from him lands on your skin and it's freezing cold. You get dressed, spreading out on the bed before you curl into yourself as you roll onto your side. You get under the blankets, rubbing your legs against the sheets as content floods your system.

You hear Hanta slide into the bed next to you, but you don't turn around, feeling his hand rub over your body. You eventually grab his hand, lacing your fingers with his. He kisses all over your face and neck, making you giggle before you roll over to face him. You adjust your hand, letting go of his to turn it around before holding his hand again.

You shift up a bit so you can kiss him, the action making the both of you smile immediately. You kiss him again and again and again until he chuckles. "What's up with you?" he whispers, and you pull away but keep your face close to his.

"Nothing," you say playfully with a shrug. "I'm just really happy."

"Yeah?" he says, his smile widening.

"Yeah," you respond quickly with a nod as your smile widens with his. You kiss him again before you rest your top half on his. He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand while his other hand rubs over your back. You can feel that fatigue you felt earlier in the shower creep up on you, yawning loudly as you let your eyes close.

You wake up, wondering when you went to sleep, finding yourself in bed by yourself. You sit up slowly, stretching as you try to wake up, and the clock on the nightstand tells you that you've been sleeping for about an hour. Hanta is walking out of the bathroom as you blink heavily, really trying to get the sleep out of your eyes.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks, getting back into bed. Before you can answer, he's already laying down, gently taking you with him.

"I'm still so tired," you mumble, snuggling into him.

"Mm, I bet," he hums. "You've been out in the sun all day." You didn't really make any progress with trying to wake yourself up, and with Hanta's body heat radiating against you, it's an even bigger fight. "Go back to sleep. I need you well rested for a later tonight."

"Hm? What's tonight?" you whisper as you start to go in and out of sleep.

"A surprise." You feel him kiss your forehead, and you smile subconsciously, completely forgetting to question him about the surprise as you fall back asleep.

~

You have a lot more energy when you wake up the second time, seeing that the sun is already starting to set. Hanta's out of bed once again, telling you that you need to get ready when you sit up. He still won't tell you what's going on, but you get out of bed and head to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face. You walk back out to get dressed before you go back into the bathroom to put some earrings on.

Hanta walks into the bathroom when you put the last one on, and you smile at him through the mirror. He returns it, wrapping his arms around you before kissing you on your head. "You look beautiful, angel." You lean back into him, letting your head fall back so that you can kiss him.

"Thank you," you whisper. "Are you gonna tell me where we're going?"

"Nice try," he smiles, and you playfully roll your eyes at another failed attempt. "But I do have something for you." You raise your eyebrows in interest. "Close your eyes, okay?" You move your head back down before you let your eyes close, and you can hear him moving behind you.

You jump a little when you feel something cold touch your neck, and you wait until he tells you to open your eyes. When you open your eyes they automatically fall on the necklace he's put on you. You step forward, closer to the mirror, to look at the gold jewelry, seeing his name caged in by two roses; the flower that he put in your hair when you first started hanging out with him.

"I love it," you say, running your fingers over it. "It's so pretty."

"Like the girl that's wearing it," he muses, and you can't help but laugh, turning around to give him a hug.

"Thank you, Hanta."

"You're welcome, baby." You pull away, finally taking him in since you're not blocking your own view in the mirror. The first thing you notice is that he's not wearing the necklaces that he usually is, instead it's the same one you're wearing except your name is the one on it. You freeze for a split second before you run your fingers across it.

"You got one too?"

"Of course," he answers, tilting your head by your chin so that he can kiss you. "Cause I'm all yours." The statement makes your face warm, but pride swells in your chest at the same time because he's right. And you're all his. You wrap your arms around his neck to kiss him again, and you fight the urge to whine when he pulls away too soon. "C'mon, we're gonna be late."

He pulls you out of the bathroom so that you can put your shoes on, and you follow him out of the hotel room, letting him lead the way since you still don't know what he has planned. Since the sun has started to go down, the air is much cooler at night, and there's a nice breeze that carefully blows through the air when you step outside. With the light from the sun starting to disappear, the boardwalk is lively, all of the lights starting to light up the sky.

He takes you there first, and it's got food, games, and rides. There are people everywhere, and he holds your hand the entire time as you walk around, taking it all in. Once you get there, he lets you take the lead, following wherever you go. The first thing you think about is food since it's all you can smell, and you spend a good portion of your time just trying to narrow down your options.

You're finally able to pick one once your stomach starts growling for you to feed it something, and Hanta ends up getting food from your second choice so that you can try it also. You don't get a lot of food because you know you're going to be doing a lot of walking, so you don't want to stuff yourself full. You head towards the games first, starting with the ones where you have to compete with Hanta.

You only win a couple of the games, but you're happy nonetheless especially since Hanta gives you all the prizes he wins. You move through the area, having a hard time hiding your gasp every time you see a stuffed animal prize that you want. And every time you do it, Hanta is immediately going over to the booth to win it for you. Both of you can barely carry anything, and you can't help but laugh at yourself as you walk through the boardwalk.

Your feet start aching after a while, and your arms are starting to burn from holding everything for so long. Hanta tells you to wait right outside of the boardwalk before he takes the stuffed animals that you're holding. He reassures you that he can hold them all before he walks away, and it's not even five minutes until he comes back empty-handed.

"Please don't tell me that you ran to the hotel and back," you say hesitantly, letting him grab your hand and walk you in a different direction.

"No, I asked Denki if he could hold them for you," he tells you after he chuckles. "I had more planned tonight, so I asked him to take them." You want to ask him what else he has planned, but you notice that you're coming up on the Ferris wheel. You get lucky with your timing because you barely have to wait to get on it.

Hanta lets you get in first before he slides into the cart next to you. It takes a while for you to get to the top since everyone stops at the top of the wheel, but you reminisce about the time that you're spending with Hanta nonetheless. He keeps you close to him with his arm wrapped around you so that you're tucked into his side, and you take in the sights around you as you get higher.

You start to take pictures once you get high enough to see a lot of stuff, and Hanta watches you fondly the entire time, happy that you seem to be really having fun. Your excitement starts to dwindle into awe as you reach the top, really taking in everything that you can see. "God, this is so pretty," you admire, nearly getting lost in everything you're looking at.

"Yeah, it is," he whispers, causing you to finally look at him only to find him looking right at you.

"You're not even looking at the view," you joke.

"Why would I when you're the best thing my eyes have seen?"

"You're always saying that," you counter as the blood rushes to your face, and you try to shift your attention back to the sky, but he stops you quickly by softly catching your chin.

"Because it's true, and I'm gonna keep saying it. You're the prettiest damn woman I've ever seen," he declares. "You take my breath away every time I see you first thing after I wake up."

"Hanta." He smiles fondly at your reaction, chuckling a little as he watches you.

"I love you so much," he continues, and you want to tell him how you feel the same way, but it's hard for you to get your words out in the way that you want. You know Hanta knows that, and you hope that you can find the words that you want to say, but you decide to worry about it another time when he kisses you.

You miss the view at the very top of the Ferris wheel in favor of letting yourself melt into him, but you're not upset about that at all. You sigh softly when he deepens the kiss a bit as he starts to lean forward. It makes you move backward until you're pressed against the window at the same time you feel his hand sneaking up your leg.

"Are you really trying to feel me up right now?" you question playfully, and his smile tickles your lips as he his hand continues its path.

"What if I was?"

"People can probably see us, Hanta," you try even though you make no move to stop him.

"Well, then you shouldn't have worn something that gives me easy access."

You scoff softly. "Hey, that's not fair--" He cuts you off gently by kissing you again, bending one of your legs at the knee so that your foot is resting on the seat. He nudges your other leg away, and he slides closer to you, further trapping you in between the wall and him. Your hands dig into his shoulders as you feel him reach in between your legs under your dress.

You gasp when he starts to rub over your covered pussy, and you can barely feel the Ferris wheel starting to move again. You want to be embarrassed about how anyone could see you, but right now it's only making you even more aroused. "Hanta," you whisper, barely able to get his name out since he's starting to reach into your underwear. "W-We're going down."

He just hums into your mouth before carefully pushing his tongue inside, and you easily let him. "How does that make you feel?" he asks, and he's barely got his finger pressed against your entrance, but he can feel how you're throbbing at the thought. "Someone seems to be into it," he teases, and he pulls away, finally looking at you with a cheeky smile.

He lets his thumb rub over your clit, and you glance out the window to see that you're getting lower. You're caught in between wanting to push him away or pull him closer, and a stifled moan leaves your mouth. He kisses you again, this time a lot sloppier than before, the wet sounds of your mouth slotting together echoing in the cart.

He pulls away, a string of saliva the only thing keeping you connected until he breaks it. He slides his hand from between your legs, smiling at how gone he nearly has you. "You're so mean," you say breathlessly with a small pout. He kisses your forehead in apology as he closes your legs and fixes your dress.

"You love it though, right?"

"No," you huff, shoving him a little, but both of you know that you don't mean it. You're still flustered when you get off the Ferris wheel, and in the back of your head, you're wondering if someone really did see what you were doing. You let Hanta take your hand and guide you through the slew of people, and you're looking at your surroundings when you stop suddenly. Hanta quickly stops when you pull against his hand, turning around to see what made you stop.

"There's a photobooth!" you exclaim, pulling Hanta in the direction of it before he can even respond. There's no one inside when you pull the curtain aside, and you slide inside with Sero right behind you. Although, it's made known immediately that there definitely isn't enough room for the both of you on the seat because of how big he is. He waste no time sitting you on his lap, and you give him a look.

"What?"

"Behave," you say playfully, not needing to say much for him to understand. All he does is smile at you, but his hands stay on your waist, and you queue up the camera. You take so many pictures to the point where all you see is the negative image of the flash every time you blink.

You both smile at the camera for the first couple before Hanta plants his lips on your cheek for one. You do the same for another before he can't help but kiss you which last for a couple of takes. You both pull away to laugh, only looking at each other and completely forgetting about the camera.

"You havin' fun?" he asks, and you nod instantly, the big smile on your face enough of an answer for him. You both get out once the automated voice tells you that you're done taking the pictures, and you grab them from the holder. You smile fondly as you look at them, handing Hanta his copies.

He takes your hand in his again as you start to walk away from the boardwalk, and the night has started to become a little cooler with the wind picking up. Hanta gives you is jacket to wear before he guides you to the beach, the sand and part of the water illuminated by the moonlight.

"So, what was all this for anyway?" you ask, swinging you and Hanta's arms as you walk along the beach. He's got your shoes in his other hand as he shrugs, lifting his arm up to spin you around which makes you giggle.

"I just wanted to spend time with my girl." He pulls you into him, kissing you softly. "I know I said I wasn't going anywhere after graduating, but you never know what life throws your way," he says. "So, I want to make as many memories with you just in case it gets a little harder in the future."

"Well, I definitely won't forget this night," you tell him fondly, bringing your hand up so you kiss his. "Thank you, Hanta."

He lets go of your hand to brush your hair back. "Anything for you." You reach up on your toes to kiss him before you back away from him.

"I have a really crazy idea." He raises his eyebrows, watching you slide his jacket off, and they go even higher when you take your dress off after.

"Didn't think you'd be into skinny dipping, baby," he muses even though he's not going to object this at all.

"It's too cold to get totally naked," you argue. "But you gotta catch me," you tease, slowly tiptoeing backward, and Hanta's quick to start shedding his clothes. You turn around, shivering a bit when your toes touch the icy cold water. You're wondering when Sero's about to get undressed, and you scream when you're suddenly in the air.

You can hear Hanta laughing as he runs into the water with you in his arms, and he plops you down in the water. You yelp again at how ridiculously cold it is, your body instantly starting to shiver, and Hanta turns you around so he can put your hair up into a bun. "You're an ass. This water is freezing!" you scold playfully, rubbing your hands over your arms.

"Oh, it's not that bad," he responds before splashing you with water. You freeze as your mouth drops open, your body processing what just happened. When your brain finally catches up, you're quick to retaliate, throwing water back at him. A water fight ensues, both of you laughing loudly as you both go back and forth throwing water onto each other.

You manage to push him down, and he gasps loudly as he quickly gets to his feet. "Holy shit, that's fucking cold!"

"I told you!" you say before you try to run away because you know he's going to get his lick back. It's hard in the water, and his legs are longer than yours so he catches up to you easily. He scoops you up in his arms, and you squirm as hard as you can, but it's no use. You scream through your teeth when he squats, plunging your body into the water until your head is the only thing not in the water.

At this point, you're both laughing, and you splash him with water until he finally lets you go. You both stand, shivering as you try to catch your breath. "Do you think we'd get in trouble?" you ask, and Hanta looks around before he shrugs.

"Dunno, but this water is too cold to stay in." You agree, both of you making quick moves to get out and grab your stuff. You put your clothes back on even though they get soaking wet, and you both continue to shiver as you hold hands on the way back to the hotel.

You're both dripping water as you walk through the lobby and to your room, walking fast so you can get into a hot shower as soon as possible. Hanta unlocks and opens the door, and you both rush in but quickly stop when your eyes land on all of the stuffed animals in the room. You both look around before looking at each other, your laughs filling the room a split second later.

You decide to worry about it later, making your way to the bathroom. You both shed your clothes again, and you hang them dry as Hanta turns on the water. Once the water is warm enough, you both hop in quickly, sighing in relief when the warm water hits your skin. Hanta lets you stay under the water first, rubbing over your body to help you warm up faster.

You let him under the stream next, and once you both are warmed up, you wash yourselves. You wash Hanta's hair before he washes your body, and even as you start to wind down in the shower, there's a part of you that doesn't want to be any further from him. He ushers you out of the shower to dry off while he finishes, and you wipe yourself down with the towel before wrapping it around your body.

You decide to wait for Hanta, playing with the necklace he got you while you replay everything that happened today in your head. You must've zoned out because you jump a bit when you hear the shower curtain slide across the rod. You turn around, seeing Hanta step out, immediately grabbing a towel for his body. You grab a towel for his hair, and you can't help but stare at his muscles, watching the ones in his arms move and tense as he dries off.

You try to ignore the heat that's starting to form in between your legs by walking up to him and drying his hair off once he wraps the towel around his waist. You smile at each other as he leans his head down so you can wipe his hair, doing so until the towel is wet. You let the towel fall around his neck, but you don't let go of it just yet. "Okay, so maybe getting in the water was a bad idea."

He huffs. "Oh, definitely, but it was a lot of fun." You hum in agreement, and just looking at him right now makes you realize how hard you've fallen for him. You pull on the towel gently to guide his head down to you.

"I really had a lot of fun today, Hanta," you whisper after you kiss him.

"I'm glad, angel." He gives you a soft smile, and you pull him down to kiss him again. He easily follows, and you let go of the towel in favor of wrapping your arms around his neck. You bring your lips back together when he pulls away, and the air between the two of you slowly starts to shift.

His hands run up and down your body, before he bends down a bit to grab at your thighs. Your legs immediately wrap around his waist when he picks you up, and he slides his tongue into your mouth as he walks into the room. He rubs your skin under the towel, and the touch sends pleasant shivers up your spine. He gets on the bed, moving on his knees before he carefully sets you down on your back, barely creating space between the two of you.

He grabs your wrists in one of his hands, moving your arms up over your head as his other hand starts to split your towel. You spread your legs once you feel his fingers ghost over your thigh, keeping your lips on his because kissing him feels like it's addicting; it's something you can't help but do.

You gasp when he runs his hand up your body before he pulls at the towel so that it falls to your side, the movement mimicking curtains being drawn to reveal your body. Once Hanta gets the towel off, he leaves your lips to kiss down your face toward your neck. As his lips trail down your body, his hand is trailing up your body, and you wait in anticipation to see what he touches next.

You moan softly when his mouth reaches your tits at the same time his fingers reach your pussy, which makes him smile when he feels how wet you already are. His tongue circles your nipple as he runs his fingers through your folds before swirling his finger around your swollen clit. He still has your wrists in his hand, and that paired with his weight on top of you makes you even hotter all over.

You arch into him as he sucks at your chest, your moans growing in volume as he speeds up his ministrations on your sensitive bud. He keeps your legs spread with his own, letting one of his fingers drift down to your sopping entrance. "Hanta," you whimper when you feel his fingers carefully slide into you. He finally lets go of your wrists as he moves back up to kiss you again, and your toes curl simultaneously with his fingers as he presses on that magic spot inside of you.

Your hands instantly run through his damp hair, and dig into his shoulder, finding purchase anywhere that they can. You try to grab at his arm when he starts to increase the pump of his fingers, and he pulls away to look at the pleasurable look on your face. Your mouth falls open as you feel that knot building up in your stomach, and you can barely get his name out.

"Yeah, baby," he coos, giving you a sly grin. "You feelin' good?"

You nod quickly, your back arching off the bed. "M gonna cum, Han--ah!" Your face screws up as your legs start to shake, and you swear your foot is gonna cramp from how hard you're curling your toes.

"Go ahead, angel. Lemme see it," he urges, using his other hand to gently pinch at your clit which sends you over the edge. You moan his name as you clench around his fingers, your legs tightening around him before they go limp. You attempt to scoot away from him as he finger fucks you into oversensitivity, and he gives you relief a little while after, sliding his fingers out of you.

You try to catch your breath as your chest heaves, and Hanta rubs over your thigh as you come down. Your heartbeat is in your ears, and you vaguely hear him say something, but you're quick to stop him when he's about to get off of the bed. "Wait," you start, only saying enough to get him to stay still. He stops, looking back at you, and you take a deep breath before continuing. "What about you?"

"What about me?" he teases, and you drop your eyes to the tent that's currently in his towel. He leans back over you, planting his hands next to your head before moving down until his face is inches from yours. "Hm?" he presses, giving you a deep kiss that nearly takes your breath away.

"You can fuck me," you whisper, and although your face was about to cool down, it's definitely not anymore. His smile doesn't falter, but the playful look in his eyes turns dark, and to see it in real-time makes your sensitive core throb with need.

"Really?" he breathes, and you nod quickly, lifting your arms up so that they're resting around his neck. "You sure?" he asks after he pushes a quick breath through his nose.

"Yes, Hanta. I want you to." You pull him down so that you can slot your lips against his.

"I don't have a condom," he whispers even though his resolve is two seconds from being out of the window.

"I don't care," you whine. "I want to feel you, Hanta. All of you." He groans, kissing you again before he sits up. He honestly had no idea that this would happen. Not saying that he doesn't want this, and he doesn't think that he'll be able to say no. Not with the way you're naked under him with your pupils still blown wide from your previous orgasm.

He watches you sit up, and he doesn't stop you when you pull the towel from around his waist. You softly wrap your hand around him, sighing quietly at the heavy feeling of him in your palm. He groans again when he watches you spit on his tip before you start stroking him. "Shit," he hisses, and you look up at him as you twist your wrist, squeezing your hand a little tighter.

You sit up on your knees as you continue to touch him, and you rest your head against his. "Please, Hanta," you whisper against his lips as his hips buck into your hand.

"Okay," he moans softly, taking your hand away before he carefully pushes you to lie down. He spreads one of the towels out before he grabs a pillow, sliding it under your hips. He swears when he touches himself, adding more spit to himself. He's throbbing, convinced that he's never been this hard before.

He lets go of himself to touch you again, and he slides one of your legs to the side as he rubs over your clit again. "You'll let me know if you're hurting, right?"

"Yes, Hanta, just--please," you beg again, and he grabs one of your legs before moving closer to you. He lines himself up with your entrance, and he feels like he can't breathe the closer he gets to you. He realizes that he has to snap out of it, and he leans down, giving you a chaste kiss.

"I need you to relax for me, okay?" You nod, your body starting to settle a bit, and he rubs your clit at the same time he starts to push at your tight hole. He bites his lip, trying hard to focus on you, making sure he catches any sign of discomfort. There's nothing about your body language that's telling him to stop, so he keeps going, taking a deep breath. "Fuck, you're so tight--God," he huffs, and you moan as he continues to move, but it feels like his head is swimming.

He keeps touching your clit, but he uses his other hand to squeeze at the base of his dick, knowing that there's a dangerous chance that he'll cum before he's even all the way inside of you. "Why'd you stop?" you whine, already feeling stretched but you know all of him isn't inside of you yet.

"You gotta...give me a second," he tries, letting his head fall back on his shoulders so that he can't look at you as he thinks of anything and everything that won't turn him on. Once he's settled a bit, he finally looks at you, making sure you're okay before he finally bottoms out. "Fuck me," he mumbles, rubbing his hands over your legs. "How ya feeling, sweetheart?"

You nod, taking a few seconds to let your body adjust to the new intrusion. "Good. I feel really good." Hanta smiles, leaning down so he can kiss you again, the motion making you gasp into his mouth since he's moving inside of you. "Move, Hanta," you say against him, and he doesn't think he can wait any longer.

He grabs your legs, setting them higher up his hips before he gently places his hands on your hips. Your hands are on his arms as he slides out of you, and the feeling of the first thrust suddenly takes you by surprise, so your breath hitches. But once Hanta sets a pace, all you can do is moan. Your nails dig into his arms as your mouth falls open, your eyes falling shut as pleasure fills your veins.

"OhmyGod!" Your words rush out of you when your pleasure mounts times ten as your eyes shoot open, your clit throbbing at the huge rush that you feel. "H-Hanta," you moan, your body suddenly overwhelmed, and you softly push your hands into his arms because of how you're feeling.

"Is that it, baby?" he asks even though he already knows the answer, and you can hear how loud you're being, but you can't help it. His hips start moving faster, and that in combination with him ramming into that spot inside of you makes tears form in your eyes. "Fuck, angel, you're so fucking wet," he groans, looking down at where he's sliding in and out of you.

You don't even need to look where Hanta's looking because you can hear it. The squelching is so loud in your ears, and you half a mind to cover your ears. He suddenly leans forward, and that pushes your legs up toward your body. His body weight is fully pressing into you every time his hips slam against yours, and you don't think you've ever been more aroused.

"What's wrong, baby?" he muses, picking up on how it looks like you might be going shy on him. You wonder if he's just as affected by you as you are by him because he's still able to mess with you even when he's fucking up your guts.

"I-It's so l-loud," you mumble, having to close your eyes at how embarrassed you are. "S-Shit," you moan softly, moving your hands to his back.

"That's just her telling me how good I'm fucking you," he smugly tells you, and you want to frown at him, but your eyes cross instead as you feel your orgasm approaching.

"M c-close, Hanta," you whine, your nails digging into his skin. They slip down his back every time he fucks into you, and the feeling makes him hiss softly.

"I know, I know," he grunts. "Jesus, you're squeezing me so tight." He moans loudly before he lets his body full fall onto you. He digs his knees further into the mattress so that he can keep up his pace, and he lets his forehead rest against yours. "Fuck, f-fuck! Oh, my God!" he whines. "You gotta cum, baby, please."

He knows how desperate he sounds, but with the way you're clenching around him, he can't fight it anymore. He reaches one of his hands in between your bodies so that he can rub at your clit. Your nails dig into his skin again, and the feeling just rushes straight to his dick. He's rambling at this point, not even sure if he knows what he's saying, but he does know that he doesn't have much time.

Your legs suddenly wrap around him once you cum, and his breath gets caught in his chest as he tries to fuck you through your orgasm. You hook your ankles together, and your heels dig into his lower back, trapping him. "L-Lemme out, baby," he tries. "Y-You gotta let me go, I'm gonna--"

He couldn't slow his hips down if he wanted to, and he feels like he could pass out. "Want to feel all of you, Hanta," you whisper in his ear, and he lets his head fall into your neck. "P-Please," you moan, your body easily being overstimulated since you won't let him go.

His moans are the only thing he can hear as he shoots inside of you, and he goes as deep inside of you as he can, so much that the push of his hips curl your body up. The feeling of him filling you up is weird, but it feels good at the same time, and you relax your hands as he starts to slow down, feeling his dick twitch inside of you. He lifts his head up so that he can kiss you soundly, his tongue lazily swirling around yours.

"Holy...shit," he breathes after he pulls away. He takes another deep breath, putting his forehead on yours. "You okay?" he mumbles, and you smile as you nod, running your fingers through his hair. "Shit, your pussy's so good." You can't help but huff a little at his words, but then you start to notice that his weight on you is getting heavier.

"Hanta?" you question when he finally slumps on top of you. Your eyebrows raise when he softly starts to snore, and you laugh quietly as you rub over his head. You let your legs fall a little to his sides, and once your heart rate starts to go down, you can feel how tired you actually are. He's practically crushing you, but your eyes slip closed regardless, and you let his breathing lull you to sleep.

You suddenly feel something shifting inside of you, and you immediately grimace. You peel your eyes open to see Hanta wide awake and carefully sliding out of you. When he's finally out of you, the feeling of being empty feels so weird, and you don't really like it. Hanta looks up at you when you gasp, and he gives you a soft smile. "Hey, sweetheart," he whispers. "You feeling okay?"

You hum your answer as you nod, and you wince when you try to sit up, feeling soreness in your legs and between. "Sorry, I fell asleep on you," he continues, shaking his head as he huffs at himself. "Let's get you cleaned up." You try to stand yourself once you slide to the end of the bed, but your legs shake too bad and Hanta has to catch you. He quietly apologizes before he picks you up, carrying you to the bathroom.

He holds your hand while you sit down on the toilet before he walks out of the bathroom. You take a deep breath after you pee to prepare yourself to stand up, and you swear quietly when your legs burn as you move. You flush the toilet and wash your hands, and you can hear Hanta come back in, his lower half covered with shorts. You don't feel like getting back in the shower, so Hanta cleans you up with a warm washcloth before carrying you back into the room.

He sets you on the bed before handing you his shirt to put on, and he grabs some of the snacks that you brought earlier and a bottle of water. He gets on the bed next to you as he hands you the snacks and water. "Sorry, it's not much." He lays against the headboard, and you move into him as you shake your head. He rests his arm around you as you lean your head on him.

"It's more than enough," you tell him, and you feed him a chip every now and then, half-watching the TV that he turned on while you were in the bathroom. He makes sure that you drink most of the water before he finally lays the both of you down. You guess you were sleep for about an hour, but it's still late into the night, so your body welcomes the thought of getting more sleep.

You're laying on Hanta's chest, your eyes starting to get heavy as he runs his fingers up and down your arm. As you close your eyes, you think about how much fun you've had with Hanta and how much he cares for you; it's almost overwhelming to think about. And the more you think, the more it reminds you of a conversation that you had with your mom when your parents first met Hanta.

"When did you know that you loved Dad?" you ask, and she smiles to herself as she washes the pot in the sink.

"Honestly, I just knew," she answers. "I just had this sense of security one day, and I could tell that he really loved me. That we really cared for each other." You look into the living room where Hanta's helping your dad out with something as they talk about who knows what. "That might sound like a cliché answer, but it's true."

You smile to yourself as you snuggle even more into him. "I love you." You hear his breathing stop but you keep your eyes closed. "I love you, Hanta," you repeat. He had said it first months ago, and he never pressured you to say it back. But when you think about it, you always have. You blame it on your insecurities and doubts that were subconsciously plaguing your mind without realizing it. And being here with Hanta in more ways than one has made you realize that you do love him. So much.

"I love you, too, baby." Your smile widens when you feel him kiss your forehead. For a bit, you're scared to go to sleep because you don't want this moment to end, but you know that you will have moments like this over and over again.

[padfootagain]

Only an Almost (XX)

Chapter 20: Toothaches

Hi! Here is the very last chapter of this series!

Thank you all for reading, and for your reactions to this fic. I won’t lie, I’m very emotional as I say goodbye to this fic. I’ve worked on it for several months, it feels strange to let these two idiots go and live their happy lives now.

The next series I’ll post is my professor!AU, so stay tuned ;)

I hope you’ll like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think!

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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader, friends with benefits AU

Warning: No explicit smut or nsfw content, but there are sexual themes and heavy make-out sessions (it’s a friends with benefits AU, I can’t really escape it), so 18+ only!

Summary: Andrew has been in love with you for years, and yet he has never confessed his feelings. But a night out celebrating the engagement of his best friend changes everything. However, you don't seem ready to be with him just yet. You make him an offer that he can't refuse... but will certainly regret.

Word Count : 2054

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Two years later

You placed back the panel into the hive; gently, delicately, being careful not to harm any insect that might have gotten in the way.

The buzzing sounds around you were loud, but you were used to them by now. Accompanying Andrew once a week to take care of his bees, you had grown more confident around his tiny friends. You were a real pro now. A reassuring thought for him, now that he was about to tour again. He could place their safety in your loving hands.

“Alright, that was the last one,” Andrew spoke, a happy smile on his lips.

“Good job, ladies,” you complimented the bees, making Andrew chuckle fondly at you.

“Good job indeed. And to you, too. Good job, love.”

“Thanks! I am getting good at this!”

Andrew closed the hive, and you both made your way back to your house.

Your house. Andrew still struggled to wrap his mind around the idea that you were sharing a home now, but you did. Even after ten months, he still needed to pinch himself sometimes to believe it.

He helped you out of your beekeeping clothes, and you did the same for him. Teamwork at its finest to repeat movements you were both used to by now.

“You won’t be nervous to take care of the bees alone?” Andrew asked you, voice soft and tender as he brushed a strand of your hair out of your face.

“No, don’t worry! Besides, if I need help, I’ll just call the guys at the brewery!”

“Right. Don’t hesitate to call them if you need help.”

“Don’t worry, baby… I’ll be just fine.”

He nodded, his heart doing its usual little jump at the sound of the pet name. He bent down to drop a peck on the top of your head.

“Let’s eat some of this delicious honey our tiny workers have been making!” he offered, and you enthusiastically nodded, following him through the house and inside the kitchen.

The house had changed quite a bit since you had moved in. Asides from accommodating your belongings, it had gained a few plants, some decorating items, a little bit of your warmth that mingled with his own.

Outside the sun was shining brightly, spreading its beams through the kitchen, while Andrew was cutting some fruits and you were making coffee. You kissed his lips to steal a piece of apple, making him laugh at the mischief shining in your eyes.

“Thief,” he mumbled, still a little stunned after feeling your lips on his.

You merely giggled in response, the sound as sweet as the honey he was adding to the two bowls of fresh fruits.

“I love you too, baby,” you cooed, wrapping your arms around his waist to pull him closer, mischief written all over your features.

“You’re annoying.”

“Don’t I know that already.”

“Unbelievable, that’s what you are…”

“Hmm… Don’t I know that too…”

Slowly, Andrew bent closer and closer to your lips. A fall he longed for, a dive he dreamt about still.

“Insufferable…” he mumbled against your lips, before kissing you properly, hands rising to hold your face in place, to let his fingers disappear into your hair and his thumbs spray across your cheeks.

You tasted so sweet; like the apple you had stolen, like love turned into a flavour.

“Christ… I love you so fucking much,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against yours.

He brushed his knuckles across your cheekbone, gesture infinitely sweet, desperately tender.

You ran your fingers through his hair, and he couldn’t help but lean into your touch.

“I love you too, Andy,” you whispered, your breath fanning over his face. “I love you more than anything.”

He bent lower to wrap you in his embrace, to bury his face into your neck. He inhaled deeply your perfume, until the scent was carved into his lungs. He closed his eyes, shivered as your hand slowly moved from his hair to his chest, to rest right upon his heart.

“I’m going to miss you,” he whispered into your skin.

He listened to the little gasp you let out, he wasn’t certain whether it was because of his breath across your neck or the meaning of his words.

“I’ll miss you too. God… it feels like I miss you already.”

You pulled away, after granting him another minute of the intimate embrace. You turned to the table, grabbed a bowl and a spoon, took a bite. You hummed in satisfaction.

“Our honey really is the best in the world,” you nodded, making him laugh.

“Our honey? These are my hives. That my family gifted to me…”

“We both take care of the bees! It gives me some rights on them!”

“Some rights?”

“I get 51% of the honey.”

“So… the majority of it. Even if those are my hives…”

“Because you love me.”

“Oh, I see,” he couldn’t refrain a loud laugh.

“I’m sleeping with you for two reasons: the honey, and Raine.”

“I knew it. I knew you were using me for something.”

“Of course, I’m heartless.”

“Can’t blame you though… the honey is delicious,” he added a hum of approval, as if to prove his point, while he took another bite of grapes, apples and honey.

You finished eating in silence. It was comfortable, comforting even. Warm and happy and full of love. You sat down after a couple of minutes, and your feet were touching under the table, a mingling of limbs just to make sure that you were always touching.

It was simple, domestic. Andrew caught himself staring at you, at the way the sun embraced your features and got caught in your eyelashes, pearling on their curve.

There was a deep, warm feeling bubbling in his chest, the kind he had felt before, for other women. But never to this extent, never reaching this absolute tenderness that was coursing through his veins as he looked at you. You, sharing a simple snack with him, in his kitchen. You weren’t leaving, you were home. You were his home and he was yours.

As he stared at you nipping on a grape, he was more content with his life than he had ever been.

You started humming, the melody of a song you had heard on the radio that morning, he couldn’t remember the title nor the lyrics. Still, he hummed along, and the sound seemed to make you grin.

“On a scale of ‘being happy to finally be rid of me’ to ‘on the verge of total panic’… how are you feeling about me leaving for tour tomorrow?” Andrew asked softly, his voice almost a whisper, afraid to break the warmth of the moment you were sharing together.

You blinked at him, put down your spoon in your bowl, and reached out across the table for his hand. He held it without a second thought, brushing his thumb across your knuckles.

“I’d say… a strong 5. ‘Sad that you’re leaving, but certain that we’ll make it work’.”

You offered him a reassuring smile, and he let out a long exhale.

“Are you angry against me for leaving?” he asked, but you were quick to shake your head.

“Of course not… that’s your job. And you were meant to be a musician, there is no doubt about it. I’m glad you’re doing what you love… I’ll just miss you.”

“You’ll wait for me, right?” he asked, voice quiet and vulnerable. He brushed his hair away from his face in a hurried and nervous gesture.

But you were calm, perfectly confident and serene as you answered.

“Of course. There is no need to ask that question. We’ve talked about this, we have a plan. We’ll be fine.”

The plan…

A call every day, no matter the time difference. A flight to join him in four weeks, a flight to join you again in nine. Texts whenever you woke up and before going to sleep. Updates on your books. No secrets, no lies, no attempts to hide if something didn’t feel right. And then it would start all over again after his two-weeks break, in eleven weeks. And again, and again, an unbreakable cycle for the foreseeable future. It was alright. Andrew knew he would still love you the same, even from the other side of the globe. But that was the breaking point for all his previous relationships, the distance and the missing and the loneliness that came with him.

And yet, when you tightened your hold on his hand and he focused on your eyes again, there was no trace of hesitation or doubt whatsoever there.

“You didn’t want to date me because of this, at the beginning…” he went on, but you shrugged.

“It was two years ago. I was afraid. I’m not scared anymore.”

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“No… I’m happy with you. I love you. I know we can do this. I have no doubt about us.”

His lips parted in a somehow shocked smile, and he had to blink to process your words.

“I have no doubt about my love for you either,” Andrew answered. “You’re right, I shouldn’t worry so much.”

You looked down at the bowl before you, it was almost empty already.

“I will burn your collection of Heaney’s books if you miss more than three phone calls, you are warned,” you joked, making him laugh again.

“How cruel! Leave Seamus out of it! He did nothing to you!”

“I don’t have a choice, I know you love him more than me!”

You were laughing, clearly joking, and yet Andrew’s expression softened.

“Now, that would be impossible. I couldn’t love anyone or anything more than I love you.”

You stared at him with an emotional smile on your lips, knowing that he was being serious, that he truly meant it… and he did. The songs he had written for you were proof. He hoped that the things he did for you every day were enough to demonstrate his feelings too.

He was surprised when you stood up, when you circled the table to stand by his side, waiting until he had pushed his chair so you could straddle his laps. You held him tightly against you, arms around his neck and face buried in his hair. He held you with the same affection, the same desperate need to show you how much he loved you.

“You don’t have to worry, Andy. I’ll wait for you,” you whispered in his ear, making his heart stumble and quicken at the same time, his breath catching in his throat. “You’re the love of my life. I want to spend all the time I have left with you.”

Andrew blinked, tightened his hold on you, tried to take in your words and their meaning and what it meant to have you confessing such feelings for him.

You pulled away as he started laughing, still sitting on his laps but frowning at his reaction.

When he looked at you, he wasn’t hiding the adoration he felt for you.

“And I was afraid I was being too cheesy…” he chuckled, making you roll your eyes.

“Eejit…” you mumbled, a fond smile on your lips still.

“I thought I was the one breaking the crazy love confessions quota in this relationship…”

“Don’t make me regret saying it!” you joked, moving closer again.

He brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, putting all of his love in his gaze and his gesture.

“I feel the same, you know?” he grew more serious again. “You’re the one for me. It was always you, my love.”

You smiled just like he did, a mirror of emotions and love and something close to relief. You rested your forehead against his, closed your eyes.

Andrew thought about the break he would have in nine weeks, about coming home to you. He thought about the next leg of touring, and the break that would follow. And he thought about coming home to you with a ring in his suitcase, and he thought about you in a white dress, about waking up with you every day, going to sleep with your hand in his every night…

When he kissed your lips again, they tasted sweet, like the future they promised.

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (07)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, mentions of oc's mother because we know girlie is hella traumatized, mentions of drinking, mentions of an almost physical fight, abandonment issues, jk forgets to practice safe driving for 2 seconds, and uhmmm kissing 🤫, anddd that cliffhanger? 👀 rating: 18+ (minors dni) word count: 10.8k note (1): this is the longest it has taken me to update obs and i do feel pretty guilty about that. but it's finally here now and this is one of the chapters that i'm the most nervous about posting. massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao) for beta-ing this for me or else i would've screamed cried thrown up and scrapped the whole thing, and to @jeonwiixard for being a wonderful cheerleader as i was writing this, and to everyone in my beloved obs discord server for always being so sweet and kind and putting a smile on my smile every day since the server was created. also to my sunshine ☀︎ for introducing me to the song mentioned below bc HELLO is it not just one of the most obs coded songs ever. love you all my babies <3

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist join our OBS discord server ✨

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

Somewhere in the multiverse There's a me and you that works We never fuck it up We're out there still in love Somewhere in the multiverse Maybe that's enough

multiverse - Maya Manuele ft. PEMRBOKE

Sometimes, whenever you look up at the moon at night, you wonder if Jungkook is doing the same thing.

Even when you fall out of love with someone, it still hurts. It hurts because you once loved them so much it felt like the sky would collapse if you couldn’t be with them. It hurts because the love wasn’t taken from you, but rather it started slipping away on its own, more and more each day until you realize you’re holding onto nothing when there once was everything.

You can’t say that you’re too familiar with that kind of hurt though. You’ve never fallen out of love before.

You don’t think Jungkook is too familiar with it either, at least not when he left you.

You wonder if he thinks about you from time to time and gets sad. You think he does, because you know that he loved you. Something ended for him too. The memories that you shared were his memories too.

You hope that it’s painful for him whenever thoughts of you cross his mind, because that would mean that he cares. That a part of him still cares.

And if he still cares, then he might come back.

Despite the front that you try to parade around, there is a part of you that will always leave your heart vacant for him, regardless of whether or not he would return. It’s a scary thought, one that you would rather avoid at all costs, one that says there will be no one that you love more than you loved Jungkook. Maybe there can’t be another person that you will love at all.

You can come back quietly, like the wind slipping through the crack I leave in the window at night; or you can announce your return resoundingly like a sudden downpour quenching the summer heat. I don’t care. I kept your side of the bed empty and warm, waiting for you to come back. Hoping that you would come home.

[08:47] Yoongi: sure you don’t want me to drive you there? [08:48] Yoongi: i can pick you up in 30 [08:52] You: positive 🤧 i told you i already booked the train. it’s only 4 hours away [08:53] You: i’ll survive, yoongs [08:55] Yoongi: did you not watch Train To Busan? [08:56] You: ? [08:57] Yoongi: what if there’s a zombie apocalypse [09:00] You: yoongi if there’s a zombie apocalypse, how is your CONVERTIBLE supposed to keep me safe [09:01] Yoongi: i’ll put the roof up [09:02] You: stop talking [09:02] You: please stop talking. [09:03] Yoongi: 😡😡😡 [09:03] You: 😇 [09:03] You: gotta get dressed now though. i’ll see u when i get back? :) [09:05] Yoongi: fine [09:06] Yoongi: safe travels. text me when you get there :)

You plop onto your bed with a sigh, glancing at the bag that’s already packed and sitting near your wardrobe, lonely. You stay like that for a while, contemplating whether or not you should bail at the very last minute.

It was not on your bingo card that you’d be here, agonizing over your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. Nope. Absolutely no one saw it coming.

For fuck’s sake, why would they invite you to a wedding? A celebration of love? It feels like you’re being forced onto a prank show, just waiting for someone to jump out and scream in your face.

You learned that the wedding was for close friends and family only, so it would be a relatively small event, which makes it even more confusing why you were also asked to join. Maybe the world is changing too rapidly and you’re just a little old-fashioned for it, but you really don’t understand why your ex-boyfriend’s family would want you there.

Taehyung and Jimin were invited too; they’re Jungkook’s best friends after all. They’re practically an extension of the family, Jungkook’s brothers by choice. But Taehyung doesn’t come back from his work trip until the day of the wedding, and Jimin… Well, he just doesn’t want to go to a Busan wedding in the middle of winter.

So why are you even going?

You could’ve declined. Said you couldn’t attend because the invitation came in so late. Made up a work trip or a family emergency. There’s a plethora of excuses you could’ve used.

Or you could’ve simply said no. That would’ve been perfectly fine too. No one would even need to ask why.

But maybe it was because his mother had customized the invite with her own handwriting in the back. You would’ve missed it if you hadn’t spent hours meticulously studying the card like someone was going to quiz you. It wasn’t anything special - just We hope to see you there - but you think you’d feel really bad to decline after she’d made the extra effort to ask you to come.

When you told Yoongi that you would be attending Jungkook’s brother’s wedding, he didn’t seem upset. Still cool as a cucumber. Although if he was bothered by the announcement, you don’t think he would’ve let it show. It did take him a minute to take it in, but then he just pecked your cheek and asked if you could bring a plus-one. You both knew that you wouldn’t even if that was an option.

Pushing your body off the bed, you drag yourself to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then sunscreen. Then change into the clothes you’d already picked out last night. Your train doesn’t leave for another hour and fifteen minutes, but you want to be there at least twenty minutes early just in case. This is one of your only good habits.

You rub your eyes when you finally haul yourself outside, thinking you must still be dreaming because what is Jungkook’s car doing here?

You blink a few times, expecting the vehicle to disappear in a puff of white smoke.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

The car is in front of you, but the man is nowhere to be found.

You stand there dumbfoundedly, contemplating whether you should wait it out for a little bit to see if he’s actually here. He comes running up to you a couple minutes later, holding two paper cups in his hands, one of them a chai latte. A memory you’d buried long ago comes rushing to the surface. It’s too early for you to be feeling.

“Hi,” he says, his warm breath coming out in a huff of smoke in the crisp morning air.

“Hi?” you mutter dumbly when he trades the bag in your hand for the drink. There’s a moment where you’re genuinely baffled, wondering if this is a memory reel playing right before your eyes. This is your Jungkook, wearing that same old smile whenever he used to come bounding up your dorm building so you could walk to the library together, where he would hang out with you during your shift if he didn’t have classes. “What are you doing here?”

You don’t remember telling him what time your train was, so he’d probably badgered it out of Taehyung or Jimin somehow.

“I thought I could drive us there,” he says. “I texted you about it.”

Well, that explains it. You don’t bother with his dozens of messages anymore. “Oh, uhm, I already booked the train.”

This doesn’t seem to faze him at all. “Free cancellation up to 15 minutes before departure.” Jungkook grins, clearly eager despite your obvious reluctance. It’s too early for this, whatever the hell this is.

When you told him that you had RSVP’d yes to the invitation, he was surprised that you even knew about the wedding. He even seemed nervous that day.

“What if I’d already left?” you ask.

He blinks, then stammers like a confused child. It’s cute, and you have to mentally slap yourself over the head for even thinking that.

“Then I’d go after you.”

How? you scoff internally. Unrealistic.

Regardless, not even an hour ago, you were declining Yoongi’s offer to drive you there. Now, you’re standing here, in front of your ex-boyfriend, contemplating whether or not you should go with him.

“Let’s go,” he says after a minute. “We don’t wanna be stuck in traffic.”

“I haven’t said yes.” Yet. “It’s a 4-hour drive.”

You don’t have to clarify what you mean. He understands it.

You both just stare at each other for a moment, the tension suddenly thickening with every passing second. Four hours on the road. Four hours alone in a car with Jungkook. That’s about two hundred minutes more than you think you can handle.

It’s like he can see right through you. “Don’t think about it,” he says, voice dropping lower. “It’s just a weekend. Everything will still be here for you to think about when we get back.”

In your head, it translates to: All of our shit will still be here when we get back. You can keep being mad at me then.

You hope that’s not true. You hope that when you get back, the things that keep you up at night will simply cease to exist. That in the two days you’ll be gone, a genie will materialize and solve all your problems for you.

Either way, it’s probably for the best that you aren’t mean to him this weekend. You’re stuck with him for the next 48 hours or so; it’ll only stress you out even more if you channel all of your energy into tormenting him. Besides, you’re already the ex girlfriend who has no place alongside his family. You don’t want to be the dark cloud raining on everyone’s parade too.

Maybe you’d already made up your mind when you let him take the bag from you.

For the first half of the drive, you were unconscious.

It’s a useless superpower that you have, the ability to fall asleep anywhere - literally anywhere, including in the passenger seat of your ex-boyfriend’s car while he escorts you to his hometown. Melatonin gummies manufacturers hate you.

You could’ve slept the whole drive, but around the second hour mark, you were startled awake when your body jostled forward, straining against your seatbelt uncomfortably. There was an arm trying to hold you back, despite the seatbelt having done its job well.

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses before he turns toward you, worry written all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, are you okay?”

You blink, still half asleep. “I’m okay,” you say. The minivan that Jungkook almost rear-ended continues on its merry way, carrying what seems to be a family of five. “What happened?”

He sighs, his outstretched arm retreating back to his side. “I got a bit distracted, that’s all.”

You take in your surroundings then. There’s barely any other cars in sight, no tacky billboard that sticks out like a sore thumb to catch your attention. There’s just the freeway, stretching on empty for all you can see.

“By what?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he says. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

See, you have the superpower of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, but once you’ve been woken up, it’s not as easy to fall back asleep.

That, and the fact that you’re hungry as shit.

You open your mouth, about to say no, about to offer to drive the rest of the way if Jungkook is tired, but your stomach doesn’t let you get a word out. It growls, filling the space of the car, making you want to chuck yourself out the fucking window and run all the way back to the city. This wouldn’t have happened had you taken the train, because if you had, there would’ve been food services and no one would be subject to hearing your stomach sing like it’s chewing out a small puppy in there. Life is nothing but an endless pit of embarrassment and despair.

Your arms hold themselves tighter around your frame, practically squeezing into your abdomen as you will it to please, please, please be quiet. Jungkook stares at you, and you can tell by the teeny tiny quirk of his lips that he’s trying to bite back a smile. He’s relaxed, but there’s still something hesitant on his face. It takes him a minute before he finally throws the question out.

“Do you want to go to that guksu place that we used-” that we used to go to, “you know the place. The one that’s right off the freeway?”

The sun is out today. The sky unfolds endlessly just outside the window, coloring blue everything your eyes land on. There are strips of clouds scattered here and there, like delicate strokes of white paint on an azure canvas. Even the winter cold has to soften.You bite into your cheek. Don’t think, that’s what he had told you.

Not much about this quaint restaurant has changed. The quirky decorations are still where they used to be, the windows still the same unique stained glass that you never came across anywhere else. You remember the elderly woman who runs the place, even if she doesn’t have a single clue who you are. The golden retriever you used to fawn over every time you stopped by, sits quietly by the door and watches the cars pass by, his fur now graying as weariness begins to settle into those old bones.

You would’ve been displeased if the place had changed, because, well, you don’t like change. But then again, this familiarity is dangerous. It tricks you into thinking that everything is still the same, even you and him. Deludes you into believing that you’re still in love and that he’ll walk out of here holding your hand.

Regardless, the first spoonful has you biting back a smile.

“How is it?” Jungkook asks.

It makes you feel all warm inside, and then a little sad, nostalgic.

“Tastes just the same,” you tell him simply.

“Hmm.”

He lets you satisfy your hunger in peace. It’s the least he can do anyway.

There’s a wall near the back of the restaurant, where people could hang polaroids of themselves and cute handwritten notes. You think if you dig through the hundreds of photos scattered across the space, you might be able to find you and Jungkook there, if you two haven’t already been thrown out long ago to make room for new memories.

He pays for your food after you’re both finished, despite some protesting on your side. As you leave, you’re busy thinking that if you could have a moment to marvel at that far-back wall of memories, if you could find a photo of you and him there, you would probably sneak it into your coat pocket.

It’d be another thing to add to your pile of Jungkook memorabilia - the old clothes in the back of your closet, the stack of dusty polaroids at the bottom of your drawer. You wonder if he keeps anything of yours, maybe an old t-shirt that you forgot to take back. It’s probably unlikely, but a girl can hope.

You miss the way Jungkook glances back, thinking the exact same thing.

You survive the rest of the drive with more ease, probably because of the food. You spend most of the remaining 2 hours leaning against the window, humming to the radio, closing your eyes but not really sleeping. You even forget to be nervous about what is to come.

That is, until the car pulls up to the venue.

It’s absolutely gorgeous, and a lot bigger than you imagined - a modern beach house overlooking the waters. It’s not as extravagant as one would expect to see when they come to a wedding, but considering the small crowd in attendance, this is more than enough. You see people rush in and out of the place even from far away - planners, caterers, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, probably.

You feel a bit comforted just watching this. His family seems to be doing a lot better than before. It’s nice to know.

You barely make it out of the car before someone calls your name, and pulls you into a hug that knocks the wind out of you. Although, when you catch the scent of her hair, you instantly know who it is.

Parents usually have a scent that’s distinct to only their kids, a scent so cozy and homely that no perfume can ever mask. You can only describe your mom’s scent with a feeling, specifically the feeling of your chest tightening, tingling with a bittersweetness that you never found elsewhere. 

Strangely enough, Jungkook’s mother has always made you feel the opposite. She makes you feel relieved to be in her embrace, like she accepts you for who you are even if all you are to her, at the end of the day, is a stranger.

You hug her back awkwardly, hesitantly, in front of Jungkook’s dad, his brother Junghyun, and a girl you don’t know. You assume that she’s the bride-to-be, the main character whom this weekend revolves around. Sooji, you remember that was the name on the wedding invitation.

You get choked up suddenly, eyes turning glassy though you quickly blink it away. You’re not sure if you’ve had someone be so happy to see you. Bypassers might even think that you just found the cure for cancer.

For a second there, you wonder if your mere presence has ever made your mother this overjoyed.

You look at Jungkook for help, silently asking him to rescue you. Who else are you supposed to turn to if not him?

He understands that look. “Okay, mom,” he says, entangling her arms from you with ease, “Y/N’s tired from the drive. Let’s let her rest, yeah? I’ll show her the room.”

She ignores her son. “Honey,” she says, brushing your hair away from your face so she could see you better. “Thank you for coming.” She used to insist that you call her “mom”, or at least by her first name because “Mrs. Jeon” was too formal for someone she considered family.

You now have to opt for the latter, because “mom” isn’t an option for you anymore.

“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Jeon,” you tell her with a smile. You’re not really sure what else to say, but it makes you a little sad just calling her that.

She opens her mouth before closing it again, seemingly about to jokingly scold you for the formality before she recognizes the bittersweet look in your eyes. She just smiles at you then. There’s not much to be done about it.

You don’t know if anyone else sees how the moment is weighed down. Probably not. Maybe it’s just you and her who share this sentiment.

Jungkook doesn’t wait for his mom anymore. Sons, typical. He wedges himself between the two of you like a bulldozer and leads you inside the house. 

Even though all you have is an overnight bag, Jungkook carries it for you all the way up to your room, which is only down the hall from his. Then he disappears pretty quickly afterward, saying something about his best man duties and putting out fires. He seems apologetic as he tells you this, but it’s not like you’re expecting him to babysit you all weekend.

You bore yourself to death in your room for a while, before you remember you have to text Yoongi to let him know you got here safely. Though, you stop short of telling him that it was Jungkook who drove you here. It’s trivial enough, right? You don’t want Yoongi to feel bad over nothing. You do, however, inform Taehyung and Jimin when you text them about it, to which Jimin only responds with a preemptively disapproving ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’

When you get too stir-crazy, you wander outside, hoping to explore the beach before it gets dark and colder. You try to stay out of everyone’s way, because a good guest is a quiet guest. You seem to be doing a good job. No one notices you, not even Jungkook’s mom but that’s because she’s the person you actively want to avoid the most. You don’t know what you’d even say to her if she gets you alone.

Everything is hectic, as one can probably imagine when it comes to wedding preparations. You haven’t had anyone close to you get married yet, so it’s safe to say that you’re pretty much clueless about all of this. You wonder what it’ll be like when your big day comes around, if you even ever get married. You haven’t thought about it in a long time. Why would you? You don’t really have a reason to think about this. It’s much easier to picture Taehyung’s or Jimin’s wedding day than your own.

Your opinion on having kids still remains the same, and you were never one of those girls who daydreamed about having a big and extravagant wedding, but it’s not such a bad idea to ponder about. You still think marriage is a scary thing - it’s one of the biggest commitments a person could ever make - but you’re not entirely opposed to getting married. 

Why are you even mulling over this? Your time might never even come.

When you round the corner to get the steps that would lead you down to the beach, you run into Sooji and a woman holding a thick binder - must be a wedding planner. You give Jungkook’s future sister-in-law an awkward smile in greeting, which she returns much more gracefully before she tells the woman that she’ll be with her in a minute.

So now you’re stuck here, about to make small talk with a person you have never met before, and will likely never see again. Great. 

“Hi,” you say, extending a hand. “I haven’t had the chance to introduce myself. I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Sooji,” she replies warmly as she shakes your hand, and you have to stop yourself from being a little weirdo and thinking about how silky her hair looks up close. “You’re Jungkook’s… friend, right?”

You purse your lips before nodding with a chuckle. The pause tells you that she knows, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s uncomfortable having you here. 

“I’m sorry if this is weird. You probably don’t want a complete stranger at your wedding.”

Sooji shakes her head instantly, waving her hands around to dismiss your apology. “Please, it’s totally fine. Junghyun’s mom talked to me about it before we sent out the invites. I wouldn’t have agreed if I was really bothered. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”

“Why did you agree?” you ask, trying to sound as polite as possible. “You don’t know who I am.”

“I guess I was curious.” She shrugs, before laughing lightly as she says, “I used to think you weren’t real.”

“Huh?”

“She talks about you constantly. Never in front of Jungkook, of course. But she’s really fond of you, and you probably already know that doesn’t happen very often. She really does see you like a daughter. She made you sound too good to be true.”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. His mom still thinks about you, still talks about you after all this time. You’re just his ex-girlfriend, but she considers you her family. You don’t know what to do with this information nor the way it pinches your heart.

“I-” You purse your lips, fumbling with the responses in your head. You settle on a light laugh, because Sooji can probably tell that you’re struggling with the words too. “I have to be honest. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just thought you should know that you’re still very much loved here.” She gives you a kind smile, and it looks like she wants to tell you something else but decides against it in the end. Sooji’s eyes land somewhere behind you before she points in that general direction. “I have to go take care of an issue with the flowers, but look, Jungkook is here. Why don’t you ask him to show you around?”

And then she’s already off. Overall, what a… strange interaction.

You turn around to see Jungkook standing near one of the entrances to the house. As you watch him talk to someone - a bridesmaid, you assume, or just one of the other guests - you try not to think about the fact that there’s a stirring sensation in your stomach, and that it only intensifies when she throws her head back in a pretty laugh, a perfectly manicured hand landing on his arm like he’s the most charming person she’s ever met. 

You don’t give it a name, don’t label it green in color even though you’re blue and he’s golden sunshine. You don’t acknowledge that it’s a feeling, because doing so would make it real and there are certain truths that you’d rather delude yourself into thinking are lies.

When Jungkook’s eyes catch yours and he cuts off the woman mid-sentence with a curt excuse me, you don’t acknowledge that feeling either, but it’s warm and it blooms in your chest as he makes his way to you. It’s something victorious, something that tickles your ribs.

He comes to you like you’re a destination he’s been waiting all his life to reach, and you certainly, adamantly don’t acknowledge the spectacularly dizzying feeling that swallows you whole when he places a gentle hand on your arm, his voice soft as he says, “There you are. I was looking for you.”

The familiarity, it’s catastrophic.

“I was just walking around,” you tell him. “There’s not a lot to do here. I was bored.”

“You have me,” he says. Probably not in that way, but you’d like to think that’s how he means it. “I don’t have any more fires to put out. What do you want to do now?”

You glance over your surroundings, still set on your original plans. You wanted to go alone, but you suppose you can let him accompany you. You check the time on your phone before asking, “Can we go down to the beach? I wanna see if we can catch the sunset.”

You used to do this whenever you came here to visit - walk along the beach, hand in hand, sunlight in your hair and the cool breeze holding you tight in the afterglow.

The keyword here is “used to”. Now, you have to stuff your hands in your pockets just so you don’t reach for him every time you shiver.

It’s late enough in the afternoon for you to see the moon faintly shine against a blue and orange backdrop. Sun and moon, together in the same frame. It feels symbolic somehow. You’re not really sure.

“The moon looks like an egg,” Jungkook observes astutely, taking casual strides next to you. It makes you burst into easy laughter, which makes him laugh with you too. You stop walking when you reach what you think is a good spot to watch the sky. 

“Let’s sit here for a bit,” you say. It’s not the greatest idea - sitting idly by would only make you colder - but you just want to stop and look at the sunset. Once you’re seated in the sand, you respond to his moon remark, “That’s true, y’know. NASA said so.”

“Yeah,” he says, settling down beside you, “you made me read that.”

You’d forgotten about it, and you didn’t think that he’d remember. It’s freezing cold and the moon looks like an egg, but you’re not thinking, and you feel safe. Nothing can hurt you here, or at least that’s what you’d like to tell yourself.

You wrap your arms around yourself to keep from shivering, but you still shiver anyways.

“Are you cold?” he asks.

“A little,” you admit. “I should’ve worn a thicker sweater. But it’s o-”

He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, just smoothly takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders.

You put your hands atop his to stop him. When you touch him, there’s an electric tingle that almost makes you flinch. He feels warm, still resembling a human furnace. 

“No, you don’t have t-”

“Take the jacket, Y/N,” he says. “It’s just a jacket.”

The jacket smells like him. It only makes you want to crawl further into the warmth.

He seems more self-assured here, that’s what you notice. More like the version of himself that he used to be. Confident, sometimes borderline cocky. Annoying but oddly endearing, you came to love that about him.

His relaxed demeanor is understandable. You’re merely a visitor here, while this is his homeground. 

“I’m curious about something,” he says after a while.

“Okay.”

“What’s the deal with Wednesdays?” he asks. 

“You know how they say bad things come in threes?” You purse your lips, thinking it over, feeling something bitter in your mouth as you recall the events that led to this. “My parents got divorced on a Wednesday. I moved out of mom’s house on a Wednesday. And…” You hold your knees close to your chest as you hesitate to utter this last part, “we broke up on a Wednesday.”

You see the exact moment Jungkook mentally slaps himself, paling a couple shades as he tongues his cheek, not expecting his question to inadvertently lead back to this. It wasn’t your intention to guilt trip him. It was true that he dumped you on a Wednesday, but you don’t want the mood to turn sour, to have to mull over this again. Like he said, it will still be there for you to worry about when you get back. You’re not looking forward to returning to a shitshow, but what you’d hate even more is to tarnish the memories of this place just because you can’t keep from being vindictive for not even a weekend.

“I was born on a Wednesday too, so I guess bad things come in fours sometimes,” you continue, chuckling to yourself humorlessly.

A frown appears on his face almost instantaneously. “What is that supposed to mean?”

You shrug. Jungkook turns his body toward you, which makes you spare him a glance before you return your gaze to the horizon. His face is so serious that it’s almost funny. “Y/N,” he presses. “Why would you say that?”

“C’mon, it’s a joke. I was just being self-deprecating. Lighten up.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what? Contrary to popular belief, I don’t walk around with a thundercloud over my head all the time,” you laugh lightly. “I figured if there was a day to be nice to you, it should be today. And tomorrow, I guess.”

“This is you being nice?”

Funny how just a few weeks ago, you were fighting with him and calling him a hypocrite. Now, you’re sitting together, watching the sun set, trying not to be mean to him.

“I’m not picking a fight with you,” you say. “This is nice enough.”

“It’s not even my wedding.”

“Okay.” You glance at him again, letting words flow without a single thought. “I’ll be even nicer to you on your wedding day then.”

You don’t know where that even came from, but something aches the very second the words leave your mouth. The thought of him getting married one day makes you just nauseous, even though you always knew that it was a possibility. It might even be inevitable.

You clear your throat, waving the sullen feeling away. Your body shivers then, even after the added warmth of his jacket. Maybe you’re not shivering because of the cold anymore.

He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his eyes linger on the side of your face. The both of you keep tiptoeing around an elephant that follows you wherever you go. 

You hug your knees close to your chest, watching the blue sky melt into the golden horizon, splattered with ribbons of cotton candy clouds.

You want to scooch closer to him and have him wrap his arm around your shoulders. This isn’t the spot where you used to draw your names in the sand, enveloped in a giant heart like two lovesick kids, but wouldn’t it be nice to imagine that it is?

“I was always really happy here,” you mumble to yourself.

You were, truly. This city was your pocket of hope, your piece of peace.

Being here brings back so many memories.

It’s the same feeling you get every time you pass by somewhere you used to live. The nostalgia of walking down the same road you used to walk every day until your shoes wore out. The familiarity of your surroundings. The bittersweetness of looking into a past you cannot hold anymore, of remembering the person you were at a certain period in your life, of knowing the things you do now that you didn’t back then.

You long for things you cannot change.

Nostalgia only grows stronger with time, you can always count on that.

He hums in agreement, before admitting quietly, “I miss you.” One pulls, the other pushes. The water wavers, like it’s touched by his words, simple but earnest. You’re touched too, somewhere in your heart, where you know you should be writing someone else’s name now.

Should?

“You’re pushing it,” you say softly.

“I know.”

You look at him. Maybe it’s because you’re back in the city that holds only good memories of you two. Maybe you’re hypnotized by the way the pink and purple hues kiss his side profile, making him feel like a fever dream and not someone you loved. Maybe it’s the cold, making you yearn for any source of warmth. But instead of returning his sentiment, you say, “It’ll pass.”

He meets your eyes. There’s something pleading in his gaze. All things pass eventually. Time moves forward, people move on. Bad things will pass sooner or later. Your worst heartbreak, your most arduous trials, your saddest moments, they will all pass.

And good things… good things will have to pass too, whether you like it or not.

Your fingers twitch from where they’re still holding onto your body. You itch to reach for his hand. You don’t tell him what he wants to hear, even though here’s a part of you that wants to say it back. In a better world, you would be telling him I love you too, instead of having to suppress an I miss you too.

“All things have to pass eventually. This will too.”

[20:05] Taebear 🐻: we could go to that bar near the gallery. Y/N likes the cocktails there [20:06] Mimi 🐥: kay kay [20:06] Mimi 🐥: soooooo next friday? [20:09] Mimi 🐥: why is y/n reading our messages. shouldn’t she be at dinner [20:09] You: i approve of the bar choice [20:11] You: if you didn’t want me reading your messages, you shouldn’t have sent them to the gc [20:11] You: and if you must know, i’m skipping dinner. i’m avoiding Jungkook’s mom [20:12] Mimi 🐥: understandable. i figured you would do that [20:13] Mimi 🐥: how’s it going? are we regretting going yet? i told you to just stay home and we could binge watch the office together [20:15] You: and EYE told you that you could be a good friend and go to this wedding with me but nooooo baby doesn’t like the cold [20:16] You: you could’ve visited your parents while you’re here you know. two birds with one stone [20:18] Mimi 🐥: babes my parents stayed with me for a whole month last month. i reached my quota for family face time  [20:19] You: son and friend of the year 👏 [20:20] Mimi 🐥: 😎😎😎😘

[20:22] Taebear 🐻: hey [20:23] You: uh oh. am i in trouble? why is this not in the gc? [20:25] Taebear 🐻: lol shut up [20:26] Taebear 🐻: you okay? [20:28] You: feels like that could’ve been a perfectly good question to ask in the gc [20:29] Taebear 🐻: because it’s a serious question and we both know Jimin can’t be serious for one minute to save his life [20:32] You: why does it have to be a serious question? 🤪 [20:32] Taebear 🐻: 😕 [20:33] You: stop pouting. i’m fine [20:35] Taebear 🐻: are you? [20:36] You: i am! you don’t have to go all mama bear on me [20:39] Taebear 🐻: ha ha ha. you’re so funny [20:40] Taebear 🐻: want me to call you? [20:42] You: i said i’m fiiiiiine 🙄 [20:43] You: but also no because i told everyone i was tired and i’m pretending to be asleep in my room right now [20:43] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:43] Taebear 🐻: did you eat something at least? [20:44] You: i have a cup ramen in my room [20:45] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:46] Taebear 🐻: how was today? did JK make you wanna strangle him? [20:48] You: okay Kim Taehyung at least act like you have some faith in your friend lol [20:50] You: but mmmmmm it was ok. he was mostly behaving himself [20:51] Taebear 🐻: mostly? [20:54] You: we were down at the beach and he just told me he missed me out of the blue [20:55] You: Mimi is asking why no one is replying to him  [20:57] Taebear 🐻: i can see that [20:58] Taebear 🐻: what did you tell JK? [21:01] You: i quoted fleabag to him [21:09] Taebear 🐻: i had to google that [21:10] Taebear 🐻: i still don’t know what that means [21:11] You: i know you don’t lol. you’re adorable [21:11] You: i’ll tell you when i get back.  [21:13] You: ok bye i have to sleep early or i’ll look like ass in the morning [21:14] Taebear 🐻: oh. okay [21:15] Taebear 🐻: sleep tight. remember not to gorge yourself on booze tomorrow [21:17] You: thanks for the reminder. love you mom 🙄💕 [21:17] Taebear 🐻: :) [21:20] Taebear 🐻: you won’t look like ass btw

You clocked out right after you told Taehyung that you would. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep though. The anxiety simmering in your belly woke you up a few times throughout the night. You don’t even know why you were anxious. It’s not like you were the one who was about to walk down the aisle.

When morning finally came and you managed to untangle yourself from the surprising comfort of your familiar bed, you practically dragged your feet for the subsequent two hours, trying to get ready. As if that would actually slow down the passage of time.

You had to compartmentalize the things you needed to do in a mental checklist. Makeup. Hair. Dress. Stare at yourself in the mirror for half an hour and internally freak out while waiting for Jungkook to come get you from your room.

Now you’re sitting in the wedding hall, watching people filter into the room. It’s not even a lot of people, but you’re still overwhelmed regardless.

You feel so exposed, even though he’s the only one looking at you in this room of strangers. He’s been looking at you like that ever since he first saw you this morning, in a dress that you got just days before the wedding. You still don’t know if it’s entirely appropriate for your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding - maybe a bit revealing - but it was the only one you could find on such short notice.

When you tried on the dress for Taehyung and Jimin a few days ago, Taehyung said you looked beautiful. Jimin said you looked decent, “six point five out of ten,” which translated to “pretty nice” in Jimin-lingo. That would’ve been enough if you were going to any other wedding, not one where Jungkook would also be attending.

You had wanted him to see you and regret ever leaving you.

It was a silly thought, just a tad adolescent.

You had wanted him to see you in your dress and be consumed with thoughts of you until he couldn’t even see straight. To be the only thing on his mind, you didn’t think it was a lot to ask for.

That was before he told you not to think about it and you’d been convinced to just go with the flow just for two days. It was before he actually did see you earlier today in your dress - a simple midnight blue satin cowl neck with a slit in the thigh - but you were the one rendered helpless and speechless. He had stared at you for a minute when he came to walk you down from your room, then he’d said, all breathless even though both of you were just standing there, “You’re beautiful.”

You’re beautiful, not You look beautiful.

You don’t know why, but you appreciated it.

It made your cheeks burn underneath your artificial rosy blush. Stupid, you thought to yourself when you two made your way to the main hall. Stupid for letting yourself get dizzy because of a single compliment from him.

You’re seated with his parents, which makes sense because you don’t know anybody here except for them. Well, maybe you know one of his cousins whose kid you and Jungkook used to babysit whenever their family was in the city, but you doubt that he even remembers you anymore.

When the ceremony begins, your heart instantly feels like it’s about to drop to the pit of your stomach.

You can’t lie to yourself. It stings.

It stings just sitting here next to his parents like a daughter-in-law, like a member of their family, watching his brother solidify his happy ending.

It stings that Jungkook is standing up there, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes aren’t on the couple. They keep flickering to you no matter how much you try to pretend that they don’t.

It stings that even though you don’t think about marriage often - or maybe you just don’t allow yourself to - you can’t deny that the thought does cross your mind from time to time. Any time that you’d wander the corridors inside your head, you’d pass the doors that you keep unopened on purpose but there’s always that one door marked with a bright red X that you can never sidestep.

You watch Junghyun and Sooji with their teary smiles and shaky hands, shaky but happy. There’s a sudden clarity that this could’ve been you and him in another life. Forever is a lie, but you would’ve perjured yourself a thousand times for him. I do - you would’ve meant it.

You imagine yourself in Sooji’s place, and Jungkook, standing right on the other side, holding both your hands in his. A beautiful and radiant bride terrified of the altar. A dashing groom with a smile that could rival the sun and shoulders weighing heavier than he lets on.

It would’ve looked clumsy, but it could’ve been right.

You wonder if he’s wondering the same thing. Maybe he is. You hope he is.

When the ceremony ends with a kiss shared between the newlyweds, you wipe away the tears that well up in your eyes. The people around you do the same thing, but they’re doing it for the right reason, out of genuine joy for the happy couple. You don’t think you can say the same for yourself.

Some of the bridesmaids fawn over him. It’s reasonable, you suppose. One tends to do that in the presence of Jeon Jungkook.

You watch as they come up to him one by one to ask him to dance, watch as he politely declines until they’re all stalking away with similar pouts on their faces. You watch him until his eyes lock on you, sitting at a table near the back, nursing a glass of champagne.

He weaves himself with ease through the people making their way to the dance floor. When he’s in front of you, he holds out a hand.

“Dance with me?” he asks, his doe eyes working overtime to lure you in with their sparkles, though you’d rather stay here where you can easily go unnoticed until the night ends. “One song?”

“I don’t know how,” you say, even as you’re taking his hand and standing up.

“I showed you how, remember?”

“That was a long time ago.”

He squeezes you reassuringly. “Just follow my lead,” he says, walking the both of you to the floor. “C’mon.”

Once the music starts, your heels stomp on his feet at least three times before you start finding the beat to move along to. Muscle memory, or whatever, is bullshit. You remember absolutely nothing of what he showed you.

You’re grateful that the song is slow, because it makes it easier for you to follow the beat with your two left feet. He takes one of your hands in his, the other settling on the small of your back, guiding you to move in a steady rhythm.

You feel his mother’s eyes on the two of you, because she must be somewhere nearby, watching you like a hawk. You feel his gaze on your face while you keep yours on the knot of his tie, just trying to keep your composure and to not step on his feet with your heels.

The blur of white that you catch from the periphery of your vision makes you turn your head. Sooji and Junghyun are close by, swaying together slowly to the soft music, both of them glowing with happiness. She must sense your eyes on her, because she lifts her gaze up to meet yours. She smiles at the sight of you and Jungkook, and you smile back, because you don’t know how else to respond to that.

You don’t say it, but you do think it. Your fingers tighten around his hand ever so slightly.

Could that have been us?

If the answer is yes, then it would hurt.

If the answer is no, then it would hurt.

The point of your story is that it’s painful however you choose to look at it. There’s no other way to frame it. It’s just painful, because you’re never going to get any of it back.

You bite your lip, then turn away from the happy couple but you still don’t look at Jungkook. You look at your hand in his, and that’s when you see it.

“How’d you get that?” you ask, gently tracing the inch of slightly raised skin on his knuckles. You never noticed the scar until now.

“It was four years ago, I think? After Taehyung and I almost got into a fight, I went outside and… punched a wall,” he says, wincing as he recalls the memory.

His answer takes you aback. “You and Taehyung got into a fight?”

“Almost,” he corrects. “It was a long time ago. Didn’t they tell you?”

“No, they didn’t say anything. What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“If it was really nothing, you wouldn’t have punched a wall.” You frown. It makes you miss a few beats, but the song isn’t what’s important now, even if Jungkook is still trying to steer you back into the dance. “Taehyung isn’t violent. You aren’t violent.”

“I’m serious,” he says finally. “It’s nothing. We were just drunk and stupid.”

You know there must be more to it, that something must have happened or been said to trigger such a reaction from both of them. But you also know that you won’t probably get anything out of Jungkook if he doesn’t want to tell you.

You give up, for now. “Fine. If you say so.”  You’ll just have to weasel it out of Jimin later.

The song comes to an end, before another one comes on. If Jungkook remembers that he only asked for one song, maybe he’s counting his blessings that you’re still here and dancing with him, because he doesn’t mention it.

For some reason, you pull your hand away from his, only to slide up his shoulder to lock both of your hands behind his neck. He seems surprised, but he does the same around your waist.

Jungkook’s gaze flickers to your lips briefly, then back to your eyes again. You find yourself doing the same and wonder what he tastes like after all the time you’ve been apart. Is he still as sweet as you remember? You used to tease that it was because of the excessive sugar he put in everything, but you knew it was really just him. The few inches between you are so inviting that it’s practically tempting you to close the gap. You could, easily in fact. Blame it on one too many glasses of champagne later if you want.

He looks younger like this, like the boy you loved, starry eyes and dimpled smile. His shoulders are always the most comfortable resting place, the crook of his neck your long lost home. This is nice, you think, to see him again even though it feels like a fever dream. Memories of your first date, your first kiss, come to life before your eyes so realistically that you could almost touch them.

Loved? That sounds funny to you.

The people you used to be, souls wrapped in innocence, when the world was nothing but the arms of the person you loved. You reach out, and the memories quickly fade from view. The only trace they leave behind is a speck of gold on your fingertips, a memento of charming naiveté for you to tuck neatly away in the corner of your mind, but also a reminder that ah, they only exist in the locket of your heart now. Because he has changed, and you think you must have too. Life, as they say, goes on.

“We made it. Kind of. That’s crazy,” you find yourself saying.

“Did we?”

“You don’t think so?” you chuckle. “We’re in a group chat with the Kim Seokjin who spams it with bad jokes on a daily basis. I’d call that a win.”

That makes him laugh. “If you put it like that, yeah, maybe. Sure.”

Other people might be fooled, but it doesn’t sound at all convincing to you. The light doesn’t really reach his eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek, thinking of how to translate the sudden poignant turn of the moment.

“It isn’t everything you hoped it’d be?” you ask.

His shoulders rise then fall quickly in a second-long shrug. “I thought it would make me feel more… fulfilled. But it doesn’t. Not really.”

The way he says it and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart dive. You understand what he means. You’re good at what you do, and you don’t need reassurance from anyone to recognize that. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Doesn’t feel like it’s real, like it’s validated.

When you landed your first big project, even before Yoongi, you were so proud of yourself. You were bursting with excitement but you weren’t happy, and you knew what the reason was. Something was missing that couldn’t be filled, not even with all your friends’ hundreds of messages of encouragement. 

It’s beyond stupid, this feeling like your wins amount to nothing at all just because of one person. You wanted him there to celebrate every achievement with you and he wasn’t, and the milestones seemed incomplete without the presence of him. It doesn’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything because this always used to be a dream you thought you’d make come true together.

“It’s lonely,” he concludes.

It sounds like he feels the same way, like he wanted you to be there too.

He suddenly holds you tighter than you think he needs to, like he’s afraid to let go of you. You imagine that he doesn’t want to let go of you, and it makes you feel better for a second. But it doesn’t change the fact that he still did in the end. And he will have to when this ends.

What was the point of this? Why did he bring this upon yourselves when he seems to be as hurt as you are? All of this time, all of these years, lost to what? You could’ve been happy together but instead, you were both lost and miserable.

When the music stops - you lost count of how many songs it’s been - you pull away from him. He looks disappointed, maybe even a little hurt for some reason.

“I’m gonna get some air,” you say, already turning away from him.

“Y/N-”

“I need some air.” Then you’re weaving through the dancing couples despite Jungkook calling your name. How did he manage it? How did he not look back when you called out for him?

You hastily grab your coat on the way out. It’s not going to keep you warm, but that’s not something you’re even remotely concerned with.

It’s everywhere, you feel it down to your bones.

The wind wraps itself tightly around you, intertwining in your hair, slipping through the cracks of your fingers, caressing your face in a chilling touch. You greet the cold like a long lost sister, shivering violently with nostalgia. It was there for you more than your own flesh and blood.

Is that why you like the sea at night? Because it reminds you of mom?

It’s dark out here, barely anything is visible except for a lighthouse sending out light in the quiet of the night. You can’t see much, but you can certainly hear it. You’re not sure if the music is coming from inside the venue, or if it’s still ringing in your ears. It’s probably the latter; you’re too far away to be able to catch the music anyway. But regardless, the tune is quickly drowned out by the sea.

The waves crash violently against the shore like it’s out for blood. There’s a magnetic pull, as if it’s calling out for you. You want to go to it, to reach out and feel the cold outside of your body for once, but you stay there despite your legs itching to stand up and run straight ahead. Into the water and down under.

You could lie down and close your eyes for a moment. The sound of the water, as sharp and brutal as it is, nurtures a part of you somehow.

You just want to be alone. You don’t want to talk to Taehyung, or Jimin, or even Yoongi.

Oh.

Yoongi.

It’s a terrible feeling, knowing that you’re going to hurt Yoongi. Knowing that you’re going to kill this even before it has a chance to truly begin.

Truth be told, you can’t envision a future with Yoongi. There isn’t anything wrong with him, because he’s not the problem here. Yoongi is fun, he’s considerate, he keeps things light on purpose for you, until you’re ready to initiate something more serious. He’s good for you, even Taehyung thinks so.

But you can’t love Yoongi, not in the way that he wants you to. Not more than you love Jungkook.

There you go. Ruining things again.

Did you ruin Jungkook? Is that what happened?

The layers on you are no match for the sea at night. The wind hisses relentlessly, biting at any part of your skin that’s exposed.

It takes you back to that night. Almost everything does, actually.

Maybe that’s why you never even stopped to consider starting anything with anyone, because it always ends. If there’s a beginning, then there will be an inevitable ending. Love isn’t made to last and you aren’t meant to carry love with you. You’ve been abandoned twice. If it happens a third time, it’s a pattern, and then your hypothesis will only be proven. That the problem here is you.

You’d be lying if you said you haven’t wondered when it’ll finally be Taehyung’s turn to leave. He eventually will, right? That one’s gonna hurt.

Then, you’re startled when someone calls your name.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks. The wind and the waves masked the sound of his footsteps walking up to you. When you turn around to face him, his eyes grow worried, almost panicked. “Why are you crying?”

You breathe out irritatedly before you hastily wipe at your cheeks. You didn’t even realize that you’d been crying. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” you say, though you both know it’s a lie. “I’m just tired. I’m going up to my room.”

He catches your wrist in a firm grip when you try to walk away. You wish he’d just leave you alone, but you knew he wouldn’t drop it just like that.

“I said I’m fine,” you insist.

“You were crying,” he says. “Did I do something wrong?”

He didn’t, at least not tonight.

God, you really don’t want to do this right now.

“Jungkook,” you warn. “Let go of me.”

You try to free yourself from his grip, hoping that he’ll get the hint and back off for now. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, where you struggle to escape from his hold until you realize your efforts are futile. He takes the wind’s place, wound tightly around you, so tightly that it’s nearly impossible for you to move.

You hiss out his name, but he doesn’t budge. 

“Jungkook, can you just- Fuck!”

Damn him.

You realize he’s not giving up, which in turn makes you give up struggling, hoping that if you let this be a moment, then it’ll be something that can pass.

You’re just standing there, letting him hold you, letting yourself be held by the person who broke you in the first place. This feels exactly like where you’re supposed to be - in his arms, with your face hidden in the crook of his neck, his gentle fingers stroking your hair. There’s not a lot that you could do but lean into that feeling the same way you lean into him. One foot in the sand, one foot in the past. A hand on the doorknob of time, wondering if you should look back or look forward.

You want to be alone, but that never used to apply with him.

The wind stills, the sea calms. You remain unmoving too, locked in his embrace. You feel the faint rhythm of his heart, beating faster than you think it should. If you could, you would bottle this moment up and live there forever.

I miss you, you think.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Then your arms are around him too. It only makes him hold you tighter, and all you can think about is how much you miss him, how painful it is to miss him, how you feel like you’re being pulled apart at the seams from the weight of missing him. 

Fuck.

Can you pretend that the last few years never happened? Is there a higher power that would allow you to go back to the night before that wretched Wednesday, when everything was still perfect? Hundreds of days of your life, can you pretend that it was just one long nightmare? When you wake up, you’ll be back in his humble apartment, tangled up together in his bed. Warm sunlight, your silken youth, and him. It was all you ever needed.

Again with the devastating familiarity. The city, the beach. His mother’s warmth that always made you reminisce about your own mother’s coldness. How Jungkook used to find you in moments like this and just stayed by your side until the dejection passed. He understood that he could never understand it the way you did.

You hear yourself sniffle, then you feel him press a kiss into your hair. Home is comforting.

Oh, you never want to leave.

You don’t want to leave, and that’s terrifying.

You allow yourself to stay there for one more second - one endless second - so you could commit to memory what it’s like to be with him. Back and forth. It’s always so easy to fall into him.

Jungkook releases you when he feels you loosen after a while, and you reluctantly meet his eyes as he tilts your head to face him.  His fingers cradling your jaw, how warm and delicate they feel on your skin.

You swallow thickly, your mind going blank. He’s the only person you see, the only one that matters. His eyes flicker south, and even then you don’t make any move to run away, despite his loose grip on your waist telling you that you can if you want to.

You told him that it would pass, and maybe for him, it will. For him, it’s the city and the moment, making him feel like he’s caught up in a page that he’s turned over a long time ago. He was fine with leaving, and he’s been fine without you. It will pass for him, as much as it hurts you to admit it.

But not for you. For you, there’s only him. There’s nobody else but him. It’s always been him, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that there will be another person you can love as much as you love Jungkook. You might only be a page, perhaps even a chapter, in the story of his life, but he’s your entire book. He’s volume after volume after volume, until he takes up the whole shelf and leaves no room for anything else, not even for yourself.

And now here he is - at the biggest turn in your career.

He’s a bad blood cell you can’t ever get rid of.

You’ll never be able to truly let go of him. How could you? When you truly love someone, those feelings will carry on forever. They’ll always have a piece of your heart despite an ending. When you look back on a certain period in your life, you’ll think to yourself, You’ll always be a part of me. I loved you then.

But Jungkook is a force of nature. He has your whole heart.

Years and years from now, when you look back on your life, you know you’ll see him everywhere. Even when you’re old and gray, and when faces all just blur together in a mosaic of broken memories and long lost youth, you know you’ll still remember him - the person you loved, the one whom you let slip through your fingers. The great love of your life when you were young.

Sometimes, you regret that day. You can’t help feeling like it was your fault too. Maybe you should’ve tried harder to keep him. You should’ve fought harder, should’ve held onto him instead of standing there and watching him leave.

He lit the match, and you let the house burn. It takes two to tango, two to break a heart.

You’re quick to let people leave. Oh, how you wish it could be that easy to let them go too.

It isn’t until your eyes mimic the flicker of his gaze that he leans in. You meet him halfway. For the first time in years, you feel like you could breathe, truly breathe. It’s achingly slow, like neither of you can believe that this is happening. 

You sigh against his mouth when his tongue brushes your bottom lip, slips past the seal to devour you. It feels like a perfect dream. You could stay in this bubble with him forever, pretend that you’re the only two people who exist in the world and there’s nothing else, no one else, waiting for you in a city that seems so far away right now. The thought of him never left you, not even for a second. He’s always been with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do, always in the back of your mind.

He tastes like your youth, like remembrance. He kisses you like he’s still yours when deep down you know that you’re still his. The hand on your jaw is gentle but firm, and it makes you repeat a thought, I miss you.

Then a feeling, I love you.

Not then. Now.

I love you now.

I love you even when I shouldn’t. Even when it hurts. Even when you leave me. Even when you don’t love me more than I love you. If there comes a day where you love somebody else, I will still love you then. There will never be another person for me but you. My first and only love.

When he pulls away, you think it’s too quick, even though your lungs are grateful for the breath that you instantly inhale. You stare at his lips like you’re in a daze, mesmerized, wanting to chase them again. You don’t even know how you have it in yourself to utter these next words, but you hear your own voice saying them anyway.

You’re holding onto him now. Doesn’t that count?

“Let’s…” Your fingers tighten on the collar of his dress shirt. “Let’s go up to your room.”

note (2): so... what do we think?? will they?? won't they?? 😵 stay tuned for obs7.5 which will be dropping 29.09.2023! also i'm gonna pause obs muse asks for a little bit! 😬

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 24, 2023]

[komoboko]

Hi! Not a request but just curious. What kind of pets do you think the kananoko squad would have in a modern au?

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐨 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐰𝐧

ft: tanjiro kamado, zenitsu agatsuma, inosuke hashibira, kanao tsuyuri, genya shinazugawa

These are 1am rambles brah

TANJIRO would like to raise a dog, standard but oddly fitting for him. I think he would have multiple to be honest, he enjoys breeds that are more active so I would see him with a golden retriever or a Labrador. His pets really like you to!! Almost like he silently taught them to be just like him.

He definitely has dogs that get big but still thinks they are lap dogs 100%. Whenever you come over to his house and sit anywhere it’s a 50% chance a dog will come lay near you, next to you, or usually on top of you. His dogs are kinda spoiled to, he’ll you he scolds them but you caught him giving them treats when he was suppose to one time.

ZENITSU wants something small, not to big and easy to manage. Personally I think he own a bunch of guinea pigs. Very random choice but just hear me out. They remind me of his sparrow, he likes to hold them when he’s around the house. You may see him walking in a thick turtleneck during the summer, but that’s just because his guinea pig is resting in the next area.

They are a little stubborn though, even zenitsu doesn’t know why. They can get mad and almost bit you before, but that’s normally if they haven’t eaten. You don’t what zenitsu feeds them but he definitely has those really thick guinea pigs just for no reason at all. Well there is a reason as you have to invite his guinea pig to the table to eat with you all during dinner. Also obanai is banned from coming over is kaburamaru is tagging along.

INOSUKE probably wants a really unconventional pet, like I bet he tried to convince you to let him get a boar before. In the end he sticks with a dog like tanjiro. Just the breeds are different I bet he wants have to have a doberman or a German Shepard. He wants to train those dogs for war I tell you.

You refused to enter his house for a bit until his dogs get to know you, you preferred keeping in your feet and not getting tackled by his dogs. He likes to play fight with them always playing fetch with them outside. Although besides this you to went a farm that was mixed with a shelter where they have this really small boar. Every time you go there inosuke always spends time without. He named the lil dude megatron.

KANAO I feel like would have a bird of some sorts. A really well trained one as well. Not like a usual house pet but those really expensive exotic birds. She’s trained it and had help from professionals to train it now, it’s at this point where you can almost have full fledged conversation with it. It knows both of your names, the food it likes everything.

Sometimes the bird is unusually smart.. like the time you brought snacks that you and the bird can both eat but kanao never wants you to. When she can back you had everything hidden and the perfect fool proof lie created. Until the bird “coincidentally” said your name and the beaks brand right after. You were the one getting in trouble and her bird face no repercussions.

GENYA is pretty straightforward he just wants a cat. He likes how they’re more chill and calm and sometimes just hang by themselves or with him. also because the cat owning trait was subconsciously influenced by gyomei’s love for cats. It just grew on him eventually. I think I can see him with one of those black and white bicolor cats but I doubt he would care about the breed.

You tend to compare Genya to his cat a lot because of how similar they look in the face. For some reason Genya’s cat just looks mad, all the time. He could be giving it treats and it would just have the more monotone expression on its face. The cat doesn’t mind you though, Genya could be calling it thinking it’s asleep. Only to find it trailing after you while you go to sit on his couch.

[kingtomura]

Deja Vu | 1 | January Embers

summary: Your best friend died years ago. He went up in flames until there was nothing left — so why does it feel like you can still see him sometimes? content: touya todoroki x female reader, childhood friends au, reader has a quirk, time skipping, flashbacks, fluff, heavy angst, bullying, eventual smut, eventual meaning next chapter, soft touya, hurt/comfort, tragedy, mdni wc: 4.5k | Chapter 2 | m. list | read on ao3

You meet Touya Todoroki when you are four years old.

He was a redhot firecracker that demanded the attention of you and all those around him. 

Touya Todoroki was also the first in your class to have his quirk maifest. It was the talk for about a week, everyone expecting nothing less from the son of the flame hero, Endeavor, himself. 

You would watch him some days, flaunting his newfound power on the playground in front of others, knowing he would be some great hero one day. Even better than All Might, he would yell to anyone that would listen. It was a decent dream, you believed. Maybe someone could actually be better than All Might. 

It didn’t seem like that would be in the cards for you, as it became more apparent as the days went by that you may not have a quirk. The excitement of watching every other child’s quirk manifest began to fill you with a pit of dread.

Quirkless. 

It’s something you never thought you would have to think about. The realization hadn’t caught up with the rest of your class yet and you could only thank the stars.

But it was only a matter of time before a group of three noticed. 

They cornered you while you tried drawing shapes in the sanded area of the playground. 

“Hey,” one kid dragged, horns proudly peeking out of his head. “What’s goin’ on with you?” 

You spared him a glance before going back to your sand, gliding the stick you found through the yellow grains. “What do you mean?”

One girl behind him pipes up, curly pigtails bouncing with the tilt of her head,  “Where’s your quirk? Aren’t you turning five soon?”

The emphasis on five makes you jolt a little and you try to play it off — offering a little shrug to the trio. “I dunno. Mom says I'm a late bloomer.” you pray they will be satisfied with your answer and leave you alone. 

The third kid finally speaks, sporting a new pair of bat-like wings. “No way, I bet you’re gonna be quirkless!”

The other children erupt in a loud laugh that calls the attention of your other classmates — much to your dismay. 

“That’s so sad for you!” the girl yelled, grin on her face showing not an ounce of pity. 

“Yeah, really!” The first boy laughs, taking a step forward and kicking the sand you were drawing in towards you, effectively ruining your picture and your day. 

You go to stand, brushing the sand off of your dress before the girl rushes forward to push you, sending you down to land flat on your bottom. Your bottom lip wobbled as you tried to hold back the tears and humiliation threatening to spill over and out. 

The bat-winged boy pointed to you, “Look, guys, she’s gonna cry!” Yelling out to anyone who could hear, only causing you to dip your head in shame, now unable to stop the warm tears from trailing down your cheeks. 

And you thought today couldn’t get any worse.

“Hey! Knock it off!” You hear a voice yell, familiar. “Flashfire fist!”

You feel the heat before you see it, hot and swift.

The screams make you look up. Its Touya, red hair and fist aflame, standing in front of you and effectively blocking you from the trio of bullies before. 

“Ouch, Touya! You could have really hurt us!” the girl with pigtails cried, holding her own wrist as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

The boy who kicked sand at you spoke up next, voice wavering on the verge of tears as well, “Yeah, you jerk!”

Touya shrugged, flames dissipating and points a finger at them, “I don't care. Bullies’ feelings dont matter!” 

You could only stare with wet lashes as the trio ran off — no doubt to tell the teacher. Touya didn’t seem to mind, as a matter of fact he seemed proud as he turned to you and reached out a hand to help you up. He was all smiles and warm eyes, “Are you alright?”

You take his hand, noting how warm it still was from his previous quirk use and nod, “Mhm, thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” he helped you to your feet before continuing, his smile almost blinding, “I’m Touya Todoroki, the next number one hero.” 

You nod and introduce yourself, cheeks warm and smile dancing across your face. His mood is infectious. “Nice to meet you, Touya, next number one hero.” 

Later that day you realize Touya does get in trouble for improper quirk use and can’t help but apologize. 

“It’s fine!” He returns, not bothered in the slightest. “I’d do it again and again, if I had to.”

After the incident Touya insisted on being by your side the rest of the day. During lunch, arts and crafts and even nap time. He would go where you would go and you couldn’t say you minded. Once school had finished for the day and it was time to break apart Touya insisted you both hang out more.

Even going as far as to introduce himself to your parents as they came to pick you up. 

His foot tapped in excitement as he told them about your days and how you should hang out more. 

That’s how you both find yourselves in some forest on the weekend, walking together through the fresh snow, because Touya just had to show you this cool training spot. 

“But, don't you think we’re going too far, Touya?” You ask, nerves trembling as you look around the forest. You wouldn’t know your way back without him and you’ve never been this far out alone. 

“No,” he singsongs, “C’mon– don't be such a baby,” 

You puff your cheeks, running to catch up with him,  “Don’t call me that, but okay!” 

He grabs your hand once you are by his side and it's warm. Touya is always warm. 

“We’re almost there, anyway!” 

This special place looked the same as any other place in these woods, but you wouldn’t let Touya know. He’s so excited to show you what he came to do. 

“My dad and I train here sometimes.” He starts, smiling as he backs away from you to show you a flame in his hand. “He thinks my flames will be hotter than his one day.”

You can’t hide the way your eyes fill with sadness as you look to the ground. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna get a quirk, Touya.” 

The boy’s smile drops instantly, as he rushes over to you, taking your face in his tiny hands. Still so warm, like always. 

“Hey, don’t say that! Maybe you aren't trying the right things.” He dips behind you before you could turn to stop him, “Maybe you can see in the dark!” His hypothesis being tested by covering your eyes. 

You bite back a laugh, “No, Touya, I don't think it works like that.” 

The boy lets you go and runs to a rather large, fallen log – climbing atop it and looking down to you. “Well, maybe you can fly. Have you tried that?” 

You shake your head, unable to hide the worry in your face. Touya was up pretty high. “Hey… you shouldn’t be up that far.” 

“What do you mean? It’s fine!” he reassures, continuing his musing while walking along the fallen log. “Besides, it’s not like I'm clumsy or anything—!” 

The boy’s words were cut short by his shoe stepping down and slipping on the ice below it, sending him crashing down to the patch of snow and debris below. 

In that moment, your hand shoots out before you can think and there’s ringing in your ears. Your eyes squeezed shut as you wait for the impending crash. But it doesn’t come. 

You slowly open your eyes and see… Touya. He’s okay. Better than okay because he’s floating above the snowy patch of grass below, debris and everything brushed away. Your hand is still out as you meet Touya's wide eyes. 

“Whoa!” You finally pull your hand back and watch his feet gently touch the grass below. “Dude, you have mind powers! So cool!” 

You will your breathing to go back to normal as you take in the new information. You do have a quirk. All hope was not lost. 

The feeling of warm liquid creeping down your nostril catches your attention. Bringing a finger to your nose, you pull back and see the crimson drop. Blood. The sound of Touya’s steps through the snow breaks your focus. 

“Hey, what happened? You're bleeding.” He takes your finger in his hand, red brows furrowed and cerulean eyes filled with worry. 

You shrug, taking your hand back and wiping your nose with your sleeve, unaware of the tiny smear of blood you left across your face. “I dunno. I’m not hurt, though.”

At this, Touya smiles, bringing his own hand to your face to wipe the remainder of what you smeared. “You better not be! We’re gonna be heroes together — you and me!”

It’s so infectious, the way he lights up with a smile, you can’t help but return it. “Yeah, we sure will.”

—----------------

The first time you think you see Touya it’s while you are on your way home from the bustling area of downtown. 

The shops are crowded with people trying to get their last minute gifts for the holidays and you promised your parents you would be home hours ago. It’s a flash – so quick you almost miss it. 

Almost. 

Through the crowd there's a glint of white hair and blue eyes. You stop, sending the people behind you nearly barrolling into your backside and profusely apologize, half heartedly hearing their grumbles as you make your way through the flurry of people. 

The snow white hair is a little further ahead, but you can see bits and pieces where the sea of heads will naturally move. 

Was that…

It couldn’t be. Your heart picks up as you nearly chase your way through, mumbling faint excuse me’s and pardon me’s to those around you as you lock onto the moving person. It's becoming harder to keep up and you break out in a light sprint. 

The person takes a sharp left into an alley and you follow behind, only to be met with the emptiness of a damp back alley. 

There was no way it could be him. Your mind was playing tricks on you. 

You shake your head, hoping you could physically shake those thoughts from your brain and turn to head home. It had been a long day.

There is a battle raging in your mind — one that you are not sure is formed from grief or from anxiety. it is an all consuming inferno of blackened dust in your heart and you cannot stop yourself when you bring it up to Fuyumi.

You both have been sitting in silence for a while, wrapping gifts for the upcoming holidays. She has been in her own little world, humming christmas tunes, while you have been in a fit of inner turmoil. 

“Hey, Fuyumi,” you start, instantly catching her attention in the otherwise quiet home. 

“Hm?”

Your nerves are eating your confidence and you start to second guess yourself. Only the warmth in her gray eyes gives you the resolve to continue. “Something weird happened at the market the other day.”

She tilts her head, flowing ponytail following the direction, “What’s that?”

“I was walking and,” you stall — unsure if bringing up your friend's dead brother before the holidays would be a good move. “I swear, I thought I saw Touya. It was a flash, but the guy had his white hair and,” unwanted tears are blurring your vision, “and his eyes were so much like Touya’s i don't—” you're choking up, tears fighting their way through your throat, “I thought i was going crazy.”

Surprisingly, Fuyumi takes it well, reaching a hand out to touch your shoulder, a comforting motion you’ve grown to know over the years. 

“Hey, it’s okay. That could have been anyone, you know?” She smiles, and it’s bittersweet like the flowers at a funeral, “it’s the holiday season so everyone is out right now.”

You nod, reluctant, but logical. “Yeah, yeah you’re right. It was pretty crowded in that area.” the tears would force their way through your resistance whether you fought them or not, so you give up – letting them flow down your cheeks. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, Fuyumi.”

“No, it's okay! Don't worry about it." She looks to the side. “It’s only been three years since it happened, and the anniversary of his death is coming up too. It's harder around this time of year. For all of us.” 

You can only nod as Fuyumi brings you into a tight hug. Your resolve melted away in her arms as you cried, it felt like things would never get easier. 

A life without Touya wasn’t a life you could see yourself living happily in.

You wished and prayed for him everyday — unwilling to believe your best friend was really truly gone. It felt so surreal. Like something that happens in movies and not to you.

Fuyumi said nothing as she held you and rubbed soothing circles on your back. She has been a pillar for you in these times and you couldn’t be more grateful. Only wishing you could show your gratuity in a more effective form than just sobbing into her shoulder. 

There is an anguish in your heart that will not go away. A part of you died when Touya did, there was no denying that. 

Fuyumi pulls away, holding you by the shoulders as her eyes meet yours — she's started crying too and it's enough to make you shake with sobs again. 

“Hey, hey,” Fuyumi starts, her voice unwavering despite the tears. You wish you were strong like her. “We’ll get through this, okay? We just have to be strong.”

You give her a pathetic nod, one more for her sake than yours, and try to sit up straighter. 

You knew that Touya wouldn’t want to see you like this.

—-------------------

When you are five years old, you notice there is a change in Touya.

You gasp when you see him again, “Touya! Your hair!” 

His eyebrows scrunch at your pointing and then widen in realization. “Huh? Oh, don’t worry about that.” Touya huffs, “were you even listening?”

The question startles you and you quickly nod your head, knowing you didn't hear a word he said. “Mhm!”

Touya keeps talking, now bringing a hand to his hair, rubbing a lock between his forefinger and thumb, “Okay, so what’s the deal?” 

You can't stop the confused look in your eye as you watch him, cheeks rosy from the cold. It snowed again yesterday, and Touya never seemed bothered by the cold. You were freezing though. 

Somehow you let him bring you back to this forest — it’s become your go to hangout. A place where the both of you could practice your quirks in peace. 

“Do you like All Might or something?” 

You shrug, indifferent to the well known hero. Your parents weren’t heroes and neither was anyone in your family. He seemed more like a comic book character than an actual person. 

“Well, it doesn't matter. My dad told me I’m gonna be even better than All Might! So he better watch out.”

You smile, seeing his eyes light up, “Oh, yeah? How are you gonna be better than him, Touya?” 

You don’t know why but it makes your heart dance when he gets this way. Stars in his eyes and world in his hand. He’s your hero, you absently wonder if he knows that. 

Touya shrugs, scrunching his nose in thought, “I dunno. I haven’t gotten that far yet.” He snaps his fingers and turns to you, “I know! I’ll look it up. It can’t be too hard, right?”

You laugh now. Of course he doesn’t have a plan.

“Don't you think if it were that easy he wouldn't be the number one right now?” You test, and Touya gives you a look, pout strong on his face.

“Hey, whose side are you on, anyway?”

“Yours! So, I don't want you to waste your time on silly stuff.” You offer, looking at the leaves you're making dance in your hand. 

He groans, the frustration evident in his voice, “Whatever! I’ll figure something else out.”

In that moment, there’s a great gust of wind — whistling and blowing the leaves in your hand away. It’s chill makes you wrap your arms around yourself, shivering. 

“Touya, don’t you get cold?” You ask, arms doing little to warm yourself as you continue to shiver. 

The boy looks at you, brows furrowed and eyes confused. “No, do you?”

“Yes!” You shout, “all the time! It’s so c-cold out here. I don’t know how you do it.” 

He walks over to you, pondering and examining your face. “Yeah, your nose is all red. Rudolf.” 

He takes your face into his hands and closes his eyes, rubbing his nose against yours back and forth. It’s warm and it makes you flush. Your cheeks burn when he pulls away, stunned at the smile on his face and stars in his eyes.

“Better?” He asks, innocent question ringing in your ears and you realize yes, you do feel better, but you also feel warm and fuzzy like there are butterflies dancing around in your belly and you can’t get them out — so, you just nod instead, slow smile creeping on your face and Touya grabs your hand again.

“Good! Now let’s keep going! There’s this cool new move I wanna try.” 

And you follow behind him. He was your best friend after all. You feel as though you would even follow him through the icy storms of Antarctica if you needed to. 

—-------------------

Christmas with the Todoroki’s has always been interesting. For one, half of them were not present during the dinner. Rei being sent to the facility, endeavor choosing to work on his hero duties and little Shouto desperately trying to eat with all of you without Enji coming home to find him out of his room. 

The silence is eerie – other than the sounds of metal clinking against porcelain plates. 

You couldn’t help but break the tense air, words sounding loud in the quiet of the room, “Thank you all for inviting me over. The food is really good, Natsuo.”

At this, Natsuo perks up, a smile so wide on his face it makes his eyes squeeze shut. “We love having you around! You’re like the big sis we never had!”

“Hey!” Fuyumi squawks, ready to scold her little brother, “I’m the one who knows where you sleep Natsu, so watch it!”

You can’t help but laugh at the threat, knowing Natsuo has been a victim to many of Fuyumi’s pranks. Shouto only watches on, eating as much as he could before he would inevitably go back to his side of the home. There wasn’t much expression to his face, but he seemed content to watch his older siblings bicker back and forth. 

Times like these were nice, you decide. It pulls your mind away from the reality and into the more lively parts of growing up.

After the dinner was done, and the gifts were passed out, there was a somber air growing about you all once more. 

Shouto went back to his room and Natsuo found his place in the living room, playing video games and insisting that since he cooked most of the meal, he shouldn’t wash dishes as well. 

Much to Fuyumi’s dismay, you agreed with Natuso, but offered to help her with the dishes. It was something to prolong the inevitable walk home. 

“What did you get for him this year?” Fuyumi asked, passing you another plate to dry.

You glanced at her, noting how she avoided your gaze, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth instead. “It’s something I’ve been working on for a while. A necklace — with charms and things I think he would like.”

She nods, bringing an arm up to wipe her eyes with her wrist, “Yeah, I’m sure he would love that. He always liked your gifts.”

It’s impossible not to find yourself tearing up. 

Once you were done washing dishes with Fuyumi, she went to join Natsuo in the living room, offering unwanted tips on the current game he was playing and receiving groans of irritation in return. 

You take that as your cue to leave and make your way to the place you’ve dreaded all night.

Touya’s shrine.

His memoriam stared back at you as you dropped to your knees, lowering your head in prayer and then placing the small decorated box onto the shelf of his shrine. 

“Oh, Touya… it’s been three years.” You say to his photo hanging above the shrine. It’s his school photo. You were both in the same class, already talking about what high schools you would be choosing in the upcoming years.  

It doesn’t feel like three years. It feels like everyday is the same — you wake up and he’s not there. Like a day you’re doomed to repeat until the reality of it all finally sets in. 

What would he look like now, you wonder. Would he have gotten taller? He had always been smaller than the other kids. Would he still have dreams of being a hero? You didn’t know. You wished you knew. 

Your fists clinch in your lap and the tears flow freely from your eyes. Even with your head bowed you can’t stop seeing his picture etched into your brain. Those blue eyes staring into your eyes. 

A sob escapes your lips and it all comes crashing down after that. 

“God, Touya..!” Your words break down, sending your resolve with it. It feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you’ve been openly bleeding out for three years. 

You are only sixteen years old and expected to spend the rest of your life without the boy who would put the moon in the sky for you. 

Unthinkable.

You’re not sure how much time has passed once you’ve calmed down, but you know it’s late now. 

It was time to head home, and you wished Fuyumi and Natsuo well as you hugged them. They wave you off, faces somber and words tight. If they heard you crying, they didn't mention it and you’re thankful. 

The trek home would not be not a long one, but you couldn’t stop yourself from taking a detour. 

The forest where you and Touya always hung out was nearby and you can't stop your feet when you make a sharp right turn and head that way. 

It was getting dark and snow was beginning to fall, but you felt at home.

There's a river you like to walk along. It's such a small little stream that never seems to freeze over, no matter how cold it is outside. It is where you find yourself trailing beside. The water being the only noise breaking through the quiet of the forest.

It kept you company until you reached the familiar open patch of grass, which was currently covered in snow. 

Some trees were still charred from the incident, but others were still standing proud. It’s strange how that works — some things can remain the same through adversity while others are damaged beyond repair. You wonder if things could ever grow back from such tragedies.

Maybe the growth of something new could come from the ashes of the old. Like a phoenix.

The snapping of a twig snatches you from your thoughts. 

It's a forest, yes, but this area doesn’t have much food for the animals. You stand to your feet, absently wondering when you had taken a seat in the first place, and look around. Maybe it was a trick of the wind, or something falling. 

The snow crunches under your feet as you begin to take your leave — you’ve been out long enough. 

You make your way through the thick of the trees until something brings you to pause. 

Your steps were not the only steps you were hearing. 

“Hello?” You call out into what you hoped had been an empty forest, only to be met with silence. It is not a comforting quiet, it was a quiet that crept underneath your skin and gave you goosebumps. 

It felt like you were being watched. 

“This isn’t funny!” You yell, taking cautious steps backwards, preparing yourself for a sprint in the opposite direction. 

You turn, ready to take off when a glimmer of silver catches your eye, the flicker making you halt your movements.

Your heart hammered against your chest.

There was no way. 

It was so faint, but you knew the necklace you crafted like the back of your hand.

“Hey! Stop fucking around, whoever you are!” You don’t know where this brave face is coming from, but you aren’t backing down. You could fight if need be.

Against your better judgment, you take a few steps forward, and like you thought, whoever was around took those steps with you. Your breath hitches when you see it. 

A flash of white hair. 

You break off into a sprint, and the person is already off, having a headstart and leaving you behind. 

You couldn’t see as well through the snowfall, but you didn’t need to. White hair and the shimmer of a necklace around the person’s neck has you chasing them deeper into the woods. 

“Stop..!” You cry out, reaching a hand forward in an attempt to activate your quirk. 

The force of it causes branches to fall from a tree further ahead of the person and he only changes direction. 

You follow behind, lungs burning as you struggle to keep up. There was another attempt, bringing an already leaning tree down in front of the running man. It still did not work, he simply jumped over it and continued on. 

You were approaching your limit with your quirk and desperate. If you let this slip through your fingers it would drive you mad. 

“Wait!” You try again, reaching both hands forward and focusing all you had on the man before you. It was hard to ignore the blood trickling from both nostrils with your quirk use, but you had to, this was your only chance. “Touya..!”

And in that moment, the man stopped — whether it be from your quirk holding him in place or his own will, you weren't sure. All you knew was that the man stopped, and turned.

Your vision began to blur as your head pounded from the overexertion — your quirk was difficult to use on a living being, but it didn’t matter. You would know those eyes even in your darkest hour.

The cerulean blue was the last thing you saw before your world went dark. 

And in your final moments, only one thought rang in your mind.

Touya is alive.