#something about elena's whole fucking arc and her feeling different from everyone else

[cure-stars]

thinking about how star twinkle precure, once you put aside all it's other more obvious themes, is about like. how we act with outsiders and how it's okay to set aside biases and understand them regardless

[nsj-inamood]

Delenas so called happy ending?

So I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while and I’ve been thinking about it. This is highly anti Delena so if you are part of that fandom, you might want to skip this one. If you watch tvd for pure entertainment and don’t delve into the characters then that is fineee. But tvd really caught me and I overanalyze too much on this show. Okay, so delena having a happy life being human baffles me. It boggles my mind the level of audacity the writers have to give Damon and Elena have a believable happy ending is absolute bullshit. I’m going go through a few reasons why I believe this. 

The first is Damons’ obsession with vampirism. From the literal first episode all we’ve seen is Damons vampirism being part of his whole essence. He relishes in it and uses it in absolutely every aspect of his life. He uses it for the simplest of tasks. And this is nothing against his use of vampirism in his everyday life. I think anyone would use it to their advantage, just not to the drastic extent Damon does. Fair warning, I’m trying to keep an open mind about Damon and who his character is as a whole, instead of my personal bias, which is... that I hate him with every ounce of me. Anyway... Damons’ whole appeal is bad boy vampire brother who uses his advantages to “take care” of the woman he loves. His knowledge and usefulness was solely based on his vampirism. That is the whole basis of the show. Throughout the entire show we see Damon entice others to revel in their vampirism. In season 1 we saw Damon constantly try to get Stefan to submit to his ripper side. Obviously we see Damon try to make Elena be a “true” vampire and feed on human blood, fresh from the vein under the influence of the sire bond. He loves his vampirism, and wants others to have it. Even Elena asked- practically begged- him to take the cure with her and be human together when they were looking for it. What I don’t get is how he changed his mind about that. He loves it and he constantly tells people that he isn't going to change, that this is who he is. I feel like that was the allure of Damon Salvatore for many of the viewers. Take that away, what do we have? 

That brings me to Elena. Elena is supposed to love Damon. Damon has clearly expressed his diastase for a lack of vampirism. He has always talked about how he wants to live forever and be more powerful than others. He loves the magnitude of power he gets from being a vampire. Elena knows this. This is where Damon and Elena differ. Obviously Damon and Elena have different views on life and I think this can be interesting for a relationship and it’s something that can be worked on, when it comes to the serious things. Personally I feel like their differences kind of meld into whatever Damon wants as their relationship progressed because - “oh, I love you!” It’s said in their infamous declaration of love. She has to “bend her morals” and all that to be with Damon. I don’t get how being human didn't adapt to this. With a relationship like Damon and Elena comes compromise. They should have figured something out to work with what they both wanted. This didn’t happen though. Elena has clearly expressed her love of humanity and wanting to live a human life. She showed it in 2x20. But then in the season 4 finale she says she didn't? But in season 7 she does? I'm not blaming Elena for her indecisiveness.  Her confusion is something I get. It’s something I've struggled it myself, but how she got to the conclusion fo living a human life with Damon that resulted in kids is so out of field it makes no sense. 

Back to Damon. How and I mean how in the world was Damon able to have have kids and be happy. Despite hating DE I would’ve understood- barely- but would’ve understood if Damon and Elena spent the rest of their mortal lives together. Probably fucking their way through the years but with the two of them nonetheless. Kids into the addition is so left field that I just cannot fathom how their “happy” lives could’ve gone. Damon doesn’t do well with people in general let alone children. How in the fucking world would Damon be a good father. We’ve seen him kill a pregnant woman and the way he handles Jeremy is evidently not great. He murders people because he and I quote “likes it”. Every little thing that doesn’t go his way is not great. With and without the aspects of vampirism, Damon Salvatore is an abuser. On all accounts, this is what he should be defined as. I will go into this another time, but Elena didn’t make him a better person. Elenas’ golden vagina and Katherine looking doppelgänger face really just made sure he was getting laid, as a character nothing changed. I cannot stress this enough but KIDS ARE NOT A REDEMPTION ARC FOR SHITTY PEOPLE. Kids don’t magically change people. Damon would still be an ass to everyone else except Elena. Even then- barely.  I wonder how he dealt with crying babies, intolerable children, negligent teenagers and allow them to live normal lives. I can assure you that therapy took a lot of their childs’ pocket.  

I just don't get how this dysfunctional relationship could work out and live a picture perfect life that was believable. 

So that was my rant, or deep dive into the DE happy ending. If you have read this far and you are a DE fan then I may have offended you and I’m sorry-ish. Don’t take it to heart. I am one of seven billion and my opinion won’t ever matter to you again. If you are in fact not a DE fan, I hope that helped you relate to my hatred and confusion. ;)

yay. catch you later. signing off

                         - nsj

[hotcoffeecoldmornings]

(This shit is long so bear with me.)

Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Reach for the Stars

I haven’t felt this way in awhile. This ‘can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.’ 

It’s hard to describe. The last time I was all-consumed like this by a TV show and a ship, that TV show was The 100, that ship was Clexa, and my world was, quite honestly, turned upside down by it.

I used the first two seasons of The 100 as background noise as I wrote my Master’s Thesis in 2015. To be honest, I didn’t really know exactly what was happening until Bodyguard of Lies (an episode anyone reading this post probably remembers well) came on. And a passionate kiss between two world leaders left me speechless and shocked. I was blindsided by it, unaware that that kiss would be the beginning of not only finding myself, but also accepting myself, and then finding a chosen family I never knew that I needed because of it.

There’s been alot of (okay, not a lot, but more) f/f ships on TV since then. Maggie and Alex. Nicole and Waverly. Elena and Syd. Kat and Adena. Anissa and Grace. Stef and Lena. Karolina and Nico. And the list goes on… While each of these ships is equally important, and each one represents another push towards more inclusive storytelling, there was never a ship that hit me as hard as Clarke and Lexa did.

Until now.

Harold, They’re Lesbians

Gay. Witches.

Motherland: Fort Salem said the words. And I fucking came running.

Okay, so it took me a few weeks… Thank you, twitter timeline, for finally getting my ass on board. It’s not that I didn’t want to start the show. It’s that my anxiety-ridden brain had other plans for me in mid-March. Like spending the majority of my time researching a global pandemic and then crawling into a depression hole because of it… Or something like that.

But nonetheless, I’m here now. And I’m fucking staying.

I knew I’d love this show. The concept of witches peppered with the idea that sexuality is irrelevant is honestly my one and only weakness. So I went into episode one with high hopes. And I sure as hell was not disappointed.

Episode 1 gave me even more than I could’ve asked for. We meet three uniquely powerful individuals, who all come from three uniquely interesting backgrounds. Abigail Bellweather, born into a lineage of the most powerful and elite witches Fort Salem has ever seen. Tally Craven, the last one standing in her family’s long-line of service, selflessly choosing to say the oath when she didn’t technically have to. And Raelle Collar, who has an unparalleled set of powers, combining her mother’s Christo-Pagan ways with those of the seeds learned at Fort Salem.

Rounding out that already brilliant cast is Scylla Ramshorm, the ‘sexy weird’ Necro who may or may not be evil (but we love her all the same). General Sarah Alder, the original witch who signed the Salem Accord, selling out every future witch to the United States Army, and whose ego quite often gets the best of her. And Anacostia Quartermaine, the Bellweather Unit’s Drill Sergeant who has a peculiar fondness (and leniency) for Raelle Collar.

The fact that this television show is entirely female centered (like, we’re talking 60 seconds of male screen time in the pilot), is what separates this show from most. Men exist in the world of Fort Salem as characters to exclusively propel the female leads forward, which is a stark contrast to the majority of shows right now.  And not only is the entire main cast female, the main lead is gay. And honestly, the sexuality of every character on the show is questionably debatable as well. Except for Abigail, who quite clearly is into any and all men, and Tally, who grew up on a Matrifocal Compound and ended up in Fort Salem as a virgin. Which, of course, no shade to her, but it did strike me as odd when Abigail immediately assumed Tally’s virgin-ness when growing up in an all-female world was brought up.

So let’s start there, shall we?

 The Heteronormative Narrative (or not…)

Something I did find puzzling about Motherland: Fort Salem (and the only thing, really) is how they portray sexuality, relationships, and love. In regards to sexuality, Eliot Laurence, the creator and executive producer, has been incredibly forward in interviews with the narrative that ‘your sexual preference doesn’t matter in this world.’ Which I appreciate to the fullest, trust me. But pardon my slight hesitation when I hear that line, because I think we’ve all been burned by it once before.

Motherland: Fort Salem has done a tremendous job of this. They’ve allowed characters to own their sexuality without question. It was never a thing when Raelle started dating Scylla. At Beltane, everyone went off with whomever the dance paired them with - even if that meant the same gender, and even if that meant three or four or five of them. Sexuality, in regards to same-sex partners, is never a character arc in this show, and it’s never there to create a plot point. 

HowEVER, there were a few things I noticed that confused that fact. 

Like I said about Abigail in the very first episode, when the Bellweather Unit is meeting for the first time, why was Abigail so quick to question Tally’s virginity after learning she comes from a Matrifocal Compound? If there are no heteronorms in the world of Motherland: Fort Salem, then why is it assumed that losing your virginity is related to relations with a man? Even though Tally is (well… was) a virgin, why would that question be brought up? If roles were reversed and it was Raelle living on the Matrifocal Compound, the conversation would’ve gone strikingly different, and it would’ve supported this heteronormative narrative that I thought we were trying to avoid. I’m just going to blame this one line on how badly Abigail wants the D, so sleeping with a woman wouldn’t even cross her mind.

But then what about the idea of this ‘five-year marriage contract’? It’s simply about producing a child, so I assume a woman could never have that sort of thing with another woman, and that those women could never add to their lineage (unless they entered into a five-year marriage contract simply to reproduce). Doesn’t this, alone, signify a heteronormative world without even meaning to do so? While they accept LGBTQ+ relationships, how do they actually fit into the society and culture that this show has created? Wouldn’t the gay witches be seen as almost inadequate in carrying on the gene if they don’t have a child? (AmI just thinking too much into this...?)

But then again, the whole concept of ‘love’ in Fort Salem is rather insignificant itself. As Gerit mentions, no one is supposed to spend their life with just one person. Witches are committed to one another in five-year partnerships to reproduce, and then that’s it. So in a way, I understand that nobody, no matter what their sexuality is, really gets to experience this fairytale ending that we’re used to seeing in a (*cough* heterosexual) ship on TV. And in a way, I also think that’s what makes this show all the more fascinating. Eliot Laurence gave everyone a level playing field by just removing the idea of a happily ever after altogether. In Laurence’s world, witches are meant to train and fight and die for their country. Love is their weakness. But what’s so compelling about that is even though love is their weakness, he made sure that love also manifests into their greatest strength.

From what I’ve seen in interviews for Laurence, every single thing has a purpose. So I’m quick to let this go, and see where he takes us. He’s been building this world inside his head for nine years, so I know that there’s so much more to this story than what can be told in a 10-episode season.

 But Back to the Lesbians

Anyway, back to love. Specifically gay love. I wish I could put into simple words my obsession with Raelle and Scylla. 

From the incredible chemistry that Taylor Hickson and Amalia Holm share on-screen together to the directors and writers who’ve portrayed their love story so magically, Raelle and Scylla are truly something special. They’ve taken the place of a ship this queer fandom lost when Lexa was killed. It’s a ship that you want to hate, because every part of this story tells me to hate Scylla. She’s Spree. She’s vindictive. She’s dangerous. Yet every part of my brain tells me to love her. And to love them together.

I don’t like easy stories. I want stories that make the ending worth it. I want hardships and pain and hurt and work when it comes to love. Which is why I like the story of Raelle and Scylla. There was a spark between them in their very first scene together- a spark you could feel through the TV. It was believable and real. They come from similar backgrounds of loss and solitude, and that’s what originally bound them together. And over the next seven episodes, we watched their relationship grow. We saw their vulnerabilities, their growth, their passion. But now we’re going to see the hardship. The pain, the anger, the betrayal. 

I appreciate that they’re not skimping on telling any part of their story. The two are special together, and so far, this show has proved that.

 She’s Special

I want to break down Raelle Collar before bringing up anything else, because, well, obviously she’s the main character, but she’s also got a lot going on. The fact that Raelle channels her power through something other than the typical ‘seed’ is something that will be of importance to why she’s so powerful. Petra Bellweather, herself, claims that Raelle’s mom, Willa, used unconventional methods that delivered incredible results. “She was the fixer every unit wanted to deploy with.” 

While all witches in Basic Training are learning about utilizing their extra set of vocal cords to create magic songs, Raelle can do it in a way that’s reminiscent of where she grew up- Chippewa Cession. In the very first episode, she makes note that her family was there before it became a Cession. Aka, before the land was given to the Chippewa tribe in exchange for their magic.

Raelle comes from a line of witches that all have more unique abilities than what’s taught at Basic Training. She uses a combination of Native American spirituality/Christo-Paganism skills during her days at Fort Salem, which brings up questions (and judgment) from other witches. It seems as though that kind of magic was the way witches used to do things before Sarah Alder released her song into the world and created a vocalizing army with it. Raelle’s peers look disgusted when they see her still using the same ways witches once did. It’s particularly noticeable when she heals people, and recites Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” The entire theme of the Book of Matthew, in regards to Christianity, is about prayer. Asking and receiving. That God will provide you with what’s needed, and nothing more. But when it comes to Paganism, it’s about the law of attraction and return in our universe. It outlines that there is no life without balance - that all prayers can be answered, but they’ll be answered with things that are taken from elsewhere. All prayers almost have a consequence. Just like all magic has a consequence. 

Raelle’s power, at least what she knows of it up until now, is based on a consensual balance, bringing the theme of Paganism’s Matthew 7:7 into the type of witchcraft she practices. She can heal someone, but what she heals them from will be transferred onto her. Balance. Consequence.

Bringing General Sarah Alder back into this, this is the same type of magic that she traded for back in the 1700’s when she granted the Chippewa Tribe the entire length of the Mississippi River. In exchange, she gained the magic that could keep her eternally young. But just like the magic that Raelle does, this age defying practice has consequences too, and requires balance. Every 50-60 additional years that General Alder adds on to her endless life, a young witch must be sacrificed to take on those years, and must stand by General Alder the rest of her short-lived life. 

But where does the balance go?

Adil is such a great addition to the cast because he sheds a light on something so crucially ignored on campus. All magic has balance. This is teased throughout the season, like when General Alder hits turbulence on her way to The Hague and jokes (but not really jokes), “I assume I have one of you to blame for that.” Or how Raelle soaks up her ‘patients’ illness. But it’s not truly smacked in our faces until Adil says it.

As Abigail is flaunting her ability to *one day* “grind iron into ore and mountains into dust,” Adil drops a truth bomb on her. “All that weather you fight with has a cost. Floods. Failing crops. Famine. Every war, people starve.” She’s quick to reply that the good they do far outweighs the bad. But to who? Certainly not to Adil and his people. Meeting him is going to give our recruits a serious insight into just how consequential their ‘work’ can be. He’s going to play a crucial role in realizing how manipulative and egotistical General Alder has been. 

Not only is weather an issue, but plagues. “Like the one attacking my sister.” Adil and Khalida come into the storyline because Khalida is sick with a deathly black webbing wrapped around her body. When they first make it to the Military Outpost (somewhere in the dessert between Russia and China?), the Soldier who meets them at the gate yells, “they’re here.” So were they expecting them? 

Raelle eventually is the one who heals Khalida, (by using her Christo-pagan means) but instead of taking up the illness like it usually does, instead, it infects the giant mushroom that Raelle touched earlier. 

The balance of Mother Mushroom.

I go back and forth between theories for the giant mushroom growing under Fort Salem. But today, I’m convinced the mushroom is attached to General Alder’s vitality. And consequently, the entire vitality of Fort Salem as well. In one episode, Berryessa reminds us that all life on campus is directly connected to Alder. And if what Scylla says in My Witches, that “life becomes death, which becomes life again,” is relative to the life on campus and how General Alder parallels that, then this theme of balance throughout the series is more prominent than we realize.

The giant mushroom living under campus is clearly important. It has hands and replicates faces and takes on diseases and Izadora is not a fan of  anyone touching it. So yes, you could say this fungi is a main character now.

But. Why?

“In the kingdom of plants, mushrooms occupy the underworld. Nothing ever really dies.” Mushrooms have an entire underground network of language to one another. And they are responsible for the breakdown and decomposition of death so that organic matter can become something else. Necros have an obvious connection to this ecological process too, so they must have a connection to the continuous process that General Alder goes through to support and sustain life on her campus. 

I think that the “Mother Mycelium” signifies each and every consequence that Fort Salem has accumulated. It holds the hurt and death and pain and regret of everything General Alder has created. And now that the Mushroom is infected with whatever plague Khalida had, I think it’s going to wreak havoc on Fort Salem. Magic is based on balance, and I think massive consequences are coming to make up for years of disparity. 

One last thing on my mushroom-thoughts, is when Helen Graves said “the dead make excellent eyes and ears.” An underground network of mushrooms all connected to recently dead organisms would certainly be a great way to gain insight too. Scylla mentions that she needs something recently dead to grow her deathcap, so does this Mushroom need to be constantly “fed” with death to continue the creation of life? 

Does Alder know about that? Are the mass-murders that the Spree are doing related to this? Killing hundreds of people at a time would definitely be a good way to keep the mushroom o’ death fed. Is Alder behind the Spree!?

 Sexy Weird 

Speaking of Spree... Can we talk Scylla now? First of all, what the hell is this girl’s timeline? When we first meet her, she’s a cadet (second year) in War College already, meaning she would’ve had to enlist on Conscription Day the year before Raelle. Yes? In Mother Mycelium, we see that she *might* (still don’t believe it) have been the person behind that first Spree attack on Conscription Day of this year (so when Raelle, Tally, and Abigail enlisted), so was she at Basic Training for an entire year before deciding to become Spree? Did she enlist knowing that she would eventually be Spree? Does this ever get addressed in the show?

Since we’re here, I might as well say there’s no way Scylla did that. I’ll never believe it. And I’m using my one semester of Greek Mythology in college to tell you why (who knew that class would eventually come in handy)

In My Witches, when Tally, Abigail, and Glory first meet Scylla, Tally makes it clear that ‘Scylla’ is a Greek name. Okay. Greek. Cool. Mythology. Let’s go. I already knew that Eliot Laurence doesn’t waste any minute of screen time when it comes to plot development and storytelling, so my meta brain did a little digging.

In Greek Mythology, Scylla was a sea-monster who haunted the rocks of a very narrow strait, opposite of the whirlpool of Charybdis. The monster’s purpose was to lead ships and boats towards the whirlpool, which was lethal to all who attempted to pass. Scylla was used to lure boats towards Charybdis, but was never meant for actually destroying them. Scylla was a fear tactic, not a murderous monster. In poetry, it’s often said that Scylla isn’t a monster at all, just born into a monstrous family. In conclusion (from my 4 months of Freshman-level Greek Mythology and a little refreshment on Google) I think Scylla is simply being used to lure people to the Spree, but not actually doing the mass-murdering that is being shown in the episode. 

What I do know is that Scylla Ramshorn is absolutely Amalia Holm. Mainly because I refuse to accept that Raelle is falling for the red head (sorry, red head). But also because at the end of the Pilot, when Scylla (in red head disguise) looked into the mirror, the balloon was her reflection, and it followed everything that she did. But in other scenes, when Scylla’s face is the normal Scylla face, she can see her own reflection. So the redhead girl is unimportant. Plus, IMDB says she never appears again this season... 

We Are The Spree 

As much as I hate to believe that Raelle’s mom (or Aunt!) is alive and leading the Spree, the connections between the two entities do add up. Both (Spree and Collar’s) are against the authority and power that the Witch Army has over populations of witches. They’re both against General Sarah Alder. I believe they both use spoken word magic rather than just vocalized magic. When the Spree carry out their attacks, they’re whispering words under their breath, not singing any song. Which is reminiscent of how the Collar’s do magic. Additionally, it would make sense as to why the Spree would want Scylla to bring them Raelle. And I still can’t get over the conversation between Raelle and Tally when Raelle explains her family’s combat charm. “A bowerbird’s foot. They love anything blue.”

Blue? Why. WHY. 

Maybe Willa Collar was captured by the Spree? Or the Aunt was? Or the Spree needs Raelle to heal someone? 

One last weird very unthought out theory goes with the other Biblical verse Raelle recites - Isaiah 43:2. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” The fact that all Spree attacks have happened with something to do water- in the snow, at the pool, on a cruiseship. And the fact that the last line of that verse is literally, “you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” This type of witchcraft has to relate to how the Spree does magic. Right??

Now I’m re-talking myself into the fact that the Collar’s might be somehow leading Spree...

 But who’s ‘we’?

If the Collar’s are in charge of Spree then this next theory would actually check out. 

Anacostia has been a little more over-bearing with Raelle than any of the other girls. On multiple occasions, she’s said how Raelle is gifted. In fact, they all have. Even Abigail in Hail Beltane mentions that “Raelle didn’t go outside of canon, she’s naturally gifted.” They all know she’s gifted. It would make sense if the Collar’s were the ones running Spree, and that Anacostia, aka. General Alder’s head bitch, was sent to protect Raelle from ever joining them. Alder wants to capitalize on the powers that Raelle has, and keep them in the Witch Army. 

But I also think Anacostia could be playing General Alder. There have been too many times where she stares at Alder just a little bit too intently, and I can’t stop thinking that she might be in some sort of rebellious group too. Maybe a certain cell of Spree?

Because you can’t deny that Anacostia has also taken in interest in Scylla, particular to keep her away from Raelle. When Anacostia first caught them flying high on Salva, she told Scylla to stay away from Raelle, and it seemed as though she (tried) to use some sort of coercion magic while doing so. When Anacostia then saw them together at the Bellweather wedding, she almost sounded shocked, “I expressly told you to stay away from her.” Did Anacostia attempt coercion magic on Scylla and it didn’t work? And if she did, why didn’t it work?

That entire exchange felt odd yet familiar. Like the two have history. “Your name wouldn’t have been on the list. You’re not supposed to be here.” Particularly the “you’re not supposed to be here.” Did Anacostia know about the attack on the Bellweather’s? And did she think it would be threatened with Scylla there? Or did she know that Scylla was supposed to bring Raelle to the Spree at 6pm. And was sent to make sure Scylla never completed that task. 

I found it interesting that Anacostia was never seen fighting off the balloons like every other Witch was when they appeared. And her being at the actual wedding felt odd too. Especially if she’s General Alder’s right-hand (wo)man, because last time I checked, Alder and Petra Bellweather weren’t on the greatest terms. In fact, none of the General’s are on great terms with Alder. 

Since we’re now on Bellweather season...

Camarilla. No, not Carmilla.

There’s certainly a second threat in this show. And they were the ones behind the attack at the Bellweather’s. Not only has this already been proven by Jessica Sutton on Twitter (lols) but the clues were literally all there. They didn’t use any magic to fight. They had to use a mechanized sound machine to stop Abigail and Petra from using their powers. Then they covered themselves with gasoline and lit themselves on fire before the mother-daughter duo blew them away. It wasn’t Spree. But it was meant to look like Spree. And I think the balloons were simply a distraction, so all efforts and power would be outside fighting off the balloons while the civilian waiter’s could attack. 

But who is doing this?

It’s been brought up that there are alot of humans who don’t agree with the Witch Army that Alder leads. Even the President of the United States is hesitant about them. “You, too, are bound by rule of law to the will of the American people, who have elected me to represent their interests and protect them. Don’t you forget it. Or you may find yourself reminded.” Then Tally gets confronted later in that episode by a civilian who says, “It’s witches who are committing these attacks. It’s your kind of people .” And then even later in the series, there’s talk of a “growing debate in congress to revoke the Accord and disband the army.” So you could say there are definite opinions about this Army by civilians. 

In A Biddy’s Life, there’s a shot when Raelle and Scylla are in the room with weapons once used to kill witches. There’s an undeniably important shot of the Camarilla Scythe. Camarilla, itself, is defined as a small group of people acting as private advisers to a ruler or politician with a shared and nefarious purpose to carry out secret plots. 

Since civilians are the ones that are most opposed to the Witch Army, it makes sense that maybe the President, herself, is the one behind these attacks. She’s trying to take down the most Elite of the Witches (the Bellweather’s), hence inhibiting the Army from being as successful as it’s been in the past. And what better way than to kill the most elite witches of child-bearing age. 

While this theory checks out, I can’t help but to also think that Petra Bellweather could be behind the attacks. I know, it’s a stretch, (specifically because it’s her own family that’s being targeted) but I do love that ‘good powers, bad people’ trope. And what better way to make sure nobody questions your efforts if you’re the last one they’d suspect? Petra Bellweather has been itching to boot Alder from head witch honcho for awhile. Since killing Bellweather’s is the ultimate attack against witches, this would be a great strategy to showcase that Alder is inept in dealing with these enemies, creating a fall in power. And eventually, a rise in another. A Bellweather. 

Okay, I know what you’re all probably thinking. “So you’re saying that she wanted her own daughter killed!?” Not necessarily. When you watch Bellweather Season, and specifically the wedding scenes, they put an insane emphasis on timing. And I don’t believe that that’s just because of Scylla trying to get Raelle out of there by 6pm. When you watch the sequence back, the Bellweather Unit was supposed to be having their interview with the Dean of War College, starting at 5:30ish. If the interview took a good bit, say 30-45 minutes, this would strategically put Abigail not in the line of fire (aka Charvel’s room) at 6pm when they struck. 

But on the complete other hand, Abigail was supposed to be up with Charvel at that time helping her get ready. Meaning if it wasn’t Petra Bellweather, someone perfectly timed both Bellweather’s of childbearing age to conveniently be in the same place at the same time. 

Then the fact that Scylla was meant to leave with Raelle at 6pm (the exact moment the waiter’s and balloons struck), can’t go unnoticed. Did they want her to leave with Raelle at 6pm because the Spree knew about the attack? Did someone warn them? Does this explain why Anacostia was shocked to see Scyalla. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Why wasn’t she supposed to be there????

I’m just going to tap out of this theory now. 

But One More Thing

This might be a totally aggressive theory, and I have to credit the initial spark of this idea to my girlfriend, because during my 67th rewatch of this show, she brought up something I’d never thought of before. She asked me what Scylla’s purpose of attending the wedding was, and if the person she was supposed to bring to Penelope Road at 6pm really was Raelle? 

This got thinkING. What if it was someone else???

When you look back at all the times Scylla spends talking to her balloon mirror, they never actually say Raelle’s name. Sure, we’re meant to believe that Raelle is the obvious target. But what if that’s a cover?? What if she’s using Raelle to infiltrate something else and get to someone else??

It would make sense to use Raelle to target Abigail instead- an elite Bellweather. Like I said, this is a very unlikely theory but it would definitely be a shock to literally everyone (except my girlfriend apparently)...

Has the entirety of the show been leading us down a path to distract us from something else going on!? With every other ounce of brilliance here, I wouldn’t even doubt it.

In Conclusion

I went into this show expecting to be seen and represented as a queer woman, but what I actually got was so much more. What I got from this show is the realization that me being queer doesn’t have to have anything to do with me being a woman at all. My strength, and will, and mistakes, and growth, and grace, and support, and passion, are what make me a woman. Each of our stories are deserving enough to be told just because we are women.

I’ve struggled with that fact my entire life - my womanhood.

Femininity, feminism, and female empowerment are all things I’ve only recently connected with. I was raised in the culture of traditional gender roles. My dad went to work and my mom stayed home.  It’s not that I was necessarily taught that men and women must occupy those roles; it’s just that’s all I knew. To even further confuse my adolescent existentialism, not only was my mother a stay-at-home mom, she was also in the Marine Corps. And she never really understood the fact that not all women are as strong as she is.

My mom’s a badass, don’t get me wrong. She’s one of my hero’s. She came from a family who didn’t have much, and after realizing that she couldn’t afford to go to college, she enlisted instead. Six years later, she went to Penn State on a full-ride. She’s worked for every ounce of success that she’s seen, and she’s worked her ass off for it. But because of that, she struggles with the idea of feminism.

I can’t blame her too much. I understand the mindset she’s coming from. Growing up with that being instilled in my mind was hard though. Because it was expected that I, too, grow up to be a strong independent woman. 

I graduated in the predominantly male industry of agriculture (I want to be a farmer, okay!?). All through college, grad school, and post-grad school, I worked on farm after farm after farm. And it was there that I was introduced to the idea of toxic masculinity. I tolerated comments that I won’t even say out loud. I’ve “accidentally” been touched in more ways than I care to count. And what I hate the most about it all, is that I fucking tolerated it. I’d laugh it off, and then I’d walk away, mortified at what I’d actually just put up with. And while by no means do I blame my upbringing and home life on this, I do blame the upbringing and home life on the female characters I saw on television. If Brooke Davis was constantly and overly sexualized in high school then I guess I was supposed to, too. Right??

Sure, I still hear comments that I wish I didn’t. But I’m also surrounded by people and characters who taught me to never put up with the shit I once did. Female characters are portraying a storyline that people take more seriously now. They’re persevering. And that jumps off the screen in Motherland: Fort Salem. 

It’s taken me a while to realize how Raelle and Scylla have affected me as much as Clakre and Lexa did (two characters who literally awakened my sexuality). But I think I get it now. 

I love both Raelle and Scylla. Each one. Individually. As witches. As warriors. As females. As humans. As strong female characters. So, in a way, watching this show has awakened something else in me that I’ve also been suppressing all along. My femininity. My strength. My perseverance. 

Sure, Raelle and Scylla are my favorite ship right now, but it wasn’t them being together that made me fall in love with this show. Oddly enough, it was them being apart. It’s the fact that each one stands on her own as a unique and beautifully complicated story. And it’s the fact that I, too, am deserving of a beautifully complicated story.

Last Section, I Swear 

Motherland: Fort Salem is a magical mix of intense story building, relatable character development, and fascinating cinematography, all while being told through a gender and sexuality normative opposite of what we’re used to seeing. It’s a show that encompasses female strength unlike anything I’ve experienced before, where men are the background noise who aid in pushing the plot forward. It’s a show that deserves another season. And another and another and another and another. 

It’s a show I needed ten+ years ago, at 18 years old, freshly out of high school and wondering why the fuck I never had crushes on guys like everyone else my age did. It’s the show I needed so I didn’t always wonder why I was so obsessed with Peyton Sawyer and Summer Roberts and why I was the only one I knew who thought Torrance and Missy should’ve ended up together. It’s the show I needed to learn that my femininity doesn’t make me any less tough than my male counterparts. It’s the show I needed so I never put up with anyone’s shit. It’s the show I needed to teach me that I am storm and I am fury. 

It’s the show I needed then. But it’s also the show I’m so happy that I have now.

[xhidingintheshadowsx-a]

STEROLINE APPRECIATION WEEK Day 2 → favorite season

honestly this was so difficult to me. because there are two seasons that i would consider my favorite. one because of friendship development (season 2) and the other because of, well…

at the end of the day SEASON 6 won out 

so let’s start with the beginning yes? when he’s ignoring her calls and being basically a grade A jerk. yes, i’ll admit it. stefan was being a full blown ass. and tbh as a stefan stan i really fucking loved it. because it showed how NOT perfect he was. how he doesn’t always do the right thing. i liked the way he handled the loss of his brother. and i liked that he had to deal with the consequences when he hurt those around him. especially caroline. 

i also felt as though we finally got the confession i was waiting for. the one that had been building since season 4 & 5. they had been building towards this season. i honestly don’t care what anyone says, they foreshadowed this. they showed these two grow even closer. they showed him moving on from elena and the real moment that i think clinched it for me was when stefan died at the end of season 5. i think (in my opinion) this was the moment that caroline truly allowed herself to admit to herself that she had feelings for him. not just a lingering crush. REAL feelings. because now she might have lost him. and what does he do right after he comes back to life? he leaves. he leaves and her heart is broken. 

which brings us to her mom’s illness. yes, this brought them closer. and i understand why people had a problem with the way this was used as a backdrop for this couple getting together. kind of. did you want someone else to be there for her? elena? damon? matt? btw all of these people WERE there for her. in their own way. but stefan is her best friend. and without this driving force behind caroline’s arc, i think that steroline would have happened much quicker. because while many think that it was the reason they got together. i’d argue that it’s the reason they DIDN’T get together. 

everyone is very aware that caroline has her own insecurities. it doesn’t ever occur to them that stefan has his own set of insecurities as well. the moment when he asks how he missed her feelings honestly kills me. because it’s almost as though he can’t imagine why she would like him. there was a great deleted scene of damon telling stefan that it was time to take off the elena blinders because let’s be real, it’s the truth. just because stefan wasn’t exactly aware of his feelings, it didn’t mean he DOESN’T have them. and this is the scene that happens after. those looks say it all. self explanatory okay. he’s removing those blinders folks. (yes i know this is out of order)

moving on…

the almost kiss. which by the way it WAS. which relates back to the memory that stefan shows caroline later on in the season. because he is thinking about her. he does have feelings for her. he’s admitted it to himself okay. and he admits it to liz. so let’s go back to that moment. where he pushes her to get angry. to lash out. to use him as her punching bag if she needs him to. 

HE WANTS TO KISS HER. look at his freaking face. the way he looks at her lips for a moment before hesitating. and then she breaks. and he realizes that it isn’t the right moment. that it’s not the right time. in his mind anyway. so he does the only thing he can do. he’s her friend. which he remains through their entire relationship i might add. it’s not a trope that everyone loves but i find the whole best friends to lovers thing my favorite. because it feels the most real to actual life. maybe that’s just been my experience but i digress. 

so moving onto their actual kiss. i could talk about this entire episode and i know a lot of people are mad because it’s STEFAN’S fault that she missed her mom’s final moments. guess what, also real life. she thought she had more time. a lot of people don’t get those final moments with their loved one. they get a phone call. which is what happened. and mr. i’m a patient guy is clearly not patient anymore. and to me, it’s one of the most gorgeous kisses i’ve ever seen. the way it builds. the way that HE leans in first. the way that he touches her hair and just a;dlkfjasdlfj

and then she DOES get a final moment with her mom. and it’s a nod to the mentor relationship that they have. stefan shows her how to live in her mom’s memories. so she gets to be there. she has peace. that last shot with that memory of the bike was a wonderful send off. fight me. 

so we move onto damons’ excellent advice. which by the way, wasn’t terrible. his exact words are ‘caroline wants the real deal and if that’s not you, pull the ripcord’. tbh when it comes to caroline that IS good advice. misplaced because stefan does in fact have real feelings, but good advice. and what so many people fail to remember about stefan is that he was 17 when he died. he’d experienced love before he was a vampire but it was toxic (i do not include valerie in stefan’s canon love history) and full of deceit and while his relationship with elena was different, it was spurred on by his history with katherine. btw i ship st*lena so i’m not hating. just…remember that stefan has never experienced this friends to lovers thing. he has this idea that you can’t be friends and in love. you have to be one or the other. he soon realizes that’s it’s not the truth. 

the blinders are off at this point okay. he knows it and he later admits to his brother that he thinks what he has with caroline could be even better. meaning the fact that they are friends could make this the relationship of all relationships. and caroline did NOT turn her humanity off because of stefan. it played a part, sure. if he had told her how he felt sooner, i think she would have in fact changed her mind. but the desire to turn it off was because of her grief. because she knew that it was going to get worse. damon had admitted to her as such. from his own experience. and she felt as though she had lost stefan in some way. she’d put herself out there. they’d kissed and then she felt rejected. so she did the only thing she could do. 

i wasn’t the biggest fan of her no humanity sl. i think it could have been more interesting if stefan had pretended to turn it off instead of ACTUALLY turning it off. but i liked what we got out of it. the tension, the blood lust, the sex. i think that it was kind of awesome that their first time was like that. because they had to deal with the consequences after. btw, no humanity doesn’t mean no emotion. i think people get that confused. also the show has a terrible way of explaining it. they had emotion okay. they had anger and desire and well…DESIRE

and i’m sorry…they are fucking cuddling. like shut the front door. this entire scene with them being playful and sexy just really kills me. because it’s clearly not emotionless. and they look happy. like they’d just had amazing sex and they’re gonna do it again…and AGAIN. 

so moving on past the moment where he turns his humanity back on. was this arc of the season perfect for me? nope. do i hate that they burned the letter? j plague you fucked up good with that okay. but what i really loved about this entire episode was the moment he gets into her head. when she’s about to shove a stake through his heart and he uses every last ounce of energy and power he has left to give her that memory of her mom. it wasn’t about what he was saying about her, though i think that was part of it. he needed her to know that he did have feelings for her. but mostly it was her mom. he knew that her mom was the key to her switch and that it would trigger something. and he’s about to die guys. he was desiccating. i mean she nearly killed him. but he did it anyway. 

and then the moment that breaks me heart, every time i watch it. because not only is everything she’d been putting off feeling coming back, she also has to deal with the guilt or what she’d done. every person she killed, everything she did with stefan. her own guilt about getting him to turn off her humanity. i would have left too. 

so we lost caroline for an episode and the one scene that we have of them is stefan calling her. because he finds out his brother wants to take the cure and the person that he wants to talk to is her. she should be there. and he asks her to come home. loved that scene. it shows how reliant he is on her too. i think sometimes people have this idea that caroline needs him more than he needs her but i think he demonstrated through this whole season how NOT true that is. which is also why he selfishly wanted caroline to turn her humanity back on. 

look at his freaking face. so happy to see her. and after the afternoon he’s had with damon he really needs to talk to her. which in the next scene we see. because what are they talking about? the sex? the killing? nope. damon. they are talking about damon. because stefan is scared about losing his brother and he needs to talk about it with his best friend. he needs to express what he’s feeling and she’s the one that he wants that with. and then they talk about it. and dammit stefan is a goner okay. he’s clearly past the point of no return. he’s fully in this. he’s ready to be with her. he’s holding her hand. he’s admitting that he feels out of control around her. that he’s falling/fallen for her. 

the hand holding in this season could get me pregnant i swear. so she tells him that she needs her control. that she doesn’t want to be in that place right now. and it’s understandable. stefan understands. he’s not selfish with her. he’s not forcing her to talk. he’s not forcing her to admit anything. it’s back to i’m a patient guy. which brings us to the final moment of the season. which really did it for me. and no it does not remind me of any other ships on the show. it’s fucking ridiculous that it’s even compared to some of them because steroline is in a league of their own. and their development through the season has led them to this point. the point where stefan FINALLY tells her how he feels. he’s beat around the bush through the second half of the season but mr. romantic really outdoes himself with this speech. 

my favorite part is this ‘i understand if you need time to heal and to live your life without me. i understand if i have to wait for you. and i will. i’ll wait. and when you’re ready for me. i will be ready for you. 

lets be real. the entire delena/steroline overlap was a big ENDGAME nod. in my opinion anyway. but yeah…hopefully i didn’t bore ya’ll. <3