#some people are scared of her but not me...... i'm too numb to everything... plus she does have a LOT of good stuff there

[todayisafridaynight]

me when i ship zhaohan 😔 there's next to no content unless i'm just not looking in the right spots

be the change you want to see in the world my man.... if i can trick people into thinking masadai is real then i know you can rally the troupes with them lovable goobers......

[coffinofconfections]

TW; mention of abuse (not described), numbness, mild head injury description (not me), mention of family member getting surgery.

Acid reflux is back, although it's pretty bad. I know I have GERD and it's something that will happen from time to time, but it's pretty bad and hasn't gone away for at least three days now, if not longer. And it is painful like it used to be before I got stomach meds several years ago.

I hope it improves, but it's probably the stress and stuff that's been bad lately that's subconsciously bothering me. I haven't been able to process a lot of things, including the fact that I'm reacting differently, in a way, to trauma memories and recent stress. I think I'm just so scared of getting abandoned or hurt again, or making another mistake or hurting someone by accident, that I'm just straight up not processing shit and I'm going numb instead. [More under the cut]

Recently, mom had a serious head injury that resulted in her having to get her head stapled shut plus a huge black eye. She's recovering now, but last time she was here a few days ago, she was surprised at how good my glasses looked and wondered when I'd gotten them. The same exact glasses I've worn for years in front of her. They're hard to miss.

My grandma also recently had a serious head injury and mom showed me pictures of it, which disturbed me. They were in weird lighting with flash and it looked horrible, I don't know why she showed me them. Thankfully there was no blood in the photo.

I lost my case manager. He's changing positions to one he had his eye on, but I'd grown to like him and he's the nicest and most respectful one I've had. There is no replacement, as I've mentioned before. I'm scared, but I am also fighting the depression from a feeling of being abandoned again, of losing someone I felt so lucky to have. I don't think he can be friends with me, we had some stuff in common, but probably is forbidden. I'm really upset.

I'm still dealing with trauma dreams and trauma cycling in my head since the holidays started in November. I'm just not processing any of it.

When I was doing laundry a few days ago, it was after I'd been in a busy grocery store the day before. I have agoraphobia so it's already bad being out, but with fibromyalgia and not being in shape, my lungs were burning as I tried to hurry because my laundry took longer than usual and I didn't want to be an inconvenience. I almost broke down crying at the laundromat because everything was just coming together like a huge weight on my back.

Sitting here now, and last night too, even a few nights ago, I get the urge to cry. I think about my dad's health too, and how it's very poor after he survived several mini strokes a few years ago as well as a serious life saving surgery. No one knows how long he has left especially with emphysema.

It's hard to process because my parents were also abusive, my dad was very abusive in many ways that I couldn't process for a lot of years. (Won't go over it again, but it involves disturbing shit.) I struggle with their mortality and when they get really hurt because I can't process it. I had just decided, again, to try to go no-contact, and then mom gets the head injury right then.

I feel like I should have certain feelings that I don't. I should be worried. I should check on them. I should care more. But I feel nothing but the distress at wondering how to process a LACK of these things.

So, yeah. My GERD has flared up because the trauma from the end of 2020 likely made me too afraid to process things, because the last time I did, people took offense or I said something unclear or wrong and I lost a whole group of friends after they gaslit me and talked behind my back when I tried to apologize.

So now I just can't process anything and I've chosen to isolate because when I'm alone and by myself, with my head fam, I can't hurt anyone else or worry about someone taking my words out of context.

[bilyana-bang]

Arbor Vitae- I think 1 guy lol

Alyssum- divine Masculine traits in general but I really like people who lead, I'm more of a follower and I like to be led. So I really like when a guy can make big decisions that I can't make, or find hard to do. So that's why I think, I'm drawn to guys who naturally want to lead and not guys who want the woman to make all the decisions, I'm not into passive guys. I feel I am attracted to guys I can rely on, small examples like what house decor/ style to have or where to live, the big decisions in life. In these circumstances, I am a follower and need someone to lead me, I feel lost if I have to do it myself. Plus I like my life more when I have someone I trust to gravitate towards. I like things more when other people chose them. I am a ready-to-go follower 🤣 I also really like when a guy shares his opinions and advice and how they think and feel. When I feel close to someone or want to feel closer to someone, I share things about myself to them and let them know about my inner world and just anything that comes to my mind. So my biggest turn on, is someone who shares their inner world with me with compete honesty and truth because it means they want to get closer to me. Plus I like being lost in a good conversation. Really, honest intimacy is the best thing to me. Like ' I found this out I want to share it with you.' 🥰 I like a lover, not a workaholic / non-passionate guy. Or someone who their career is no1. In their life. I wouldn't ever be with someone like that. And someone caring because I believe being with a man who has the same parenting style as you is important.

Begonia- head in the clouds🤣🤣🤣🤣 1000%

Cattleya - my earliest memories are of my dad being mean to my mum in some shape or form, when I was 5 he angrily backed her up against the dining room door, she was crying trying to reach for the handle to open the door. I was crying too. I grabbed on to the back of his trouser loops, pulling him back as much as I could, holding my eyes on my mum. At 11, my mum tells me to not leave the room when she's arguing with dad because it's less likely she'll get hit. I never had full responsibility nor a secret power like that before, the ability to protect her and she acknowledged that I Infact did make a difference. There was never a doubt that I would fail. Great courage has no rival in this world. From then I have never left her but that moment came full circle in the weakest way last year. Last year, everything got extremely heated, probably the worst time so far of my life. I broke down in the middle of a fight (something I've never done before). and I mouthed while crying to my mum- 'I can't protect you anymore' because right when she had to back down from the fight to end it, she didn't. She sat on a wooden chair blocking the door. My dad went quiet. Something he's never done before. Suddenly before I could consciously decide what to do, my arms relaxed, my fingers softened holding her hand , behind my tears were my scared closed eyes, I couldn't see, my body went numb to prepare. In a split second I realised my time finally came. I was in between them. 'I think this is it, I'm going to get battered' I've always known this was a possibility but this was the first time I accepted it would happen. Nothing happened. He was still quiet. As soon as I realised I had my second of mercy, I consciously garnered stregth fast. I leave the middle and go behind her pulling her chair back. She puts her feet up , her feet gaining pause on the sofa, blocking the exit again. I take them down fast. I get up leaning my whole body on her- facing him. I plead with him, please leave, quickly. He's quiet, looking at me, still holding his coffee mug and paper pad, still in the same position he was since the beginning, a light smile forms as a thanks. He looks relieved with me and leaves quietly. I protected the abuser. I take a moment to take in my success. I felt so happy. I turn to her. She's angry. She tells me off. I asked how? I saved us. She says. - 'Never stop me from saying what I want, he never answered my questions.' I realised that pain can be chosen. You don't have to experience it. I also realised, a warrior always listens to the leader. I listened to mine. I won my fight, but she didn't win hers. I don't feel like I've ever felt like a complete child and I've never felt like a complete adult. Depending on the moment, I can be both. If my dad is happy and pleasant and joyful, I feel like a child, if he's angry, I'm an adult. When my mum is happy and telling me she loves me I feel like a child, when she is in an argument and upset, I feel like an adult. When you know you have a duty, you become an adult, when you know you can enjoy the world for a second, you become a child. btw everything is fine now. Everyone has really good relationships now. He's got bdpd so it's 50% really good 50% really bad (I've just talked about the bad, he's very hardworking, always puts the family first instead of himself, moved to the UK by himself to try and give us a better future - already being a doctor in Bulgaria but only making £200 a month, but had to start as a care worker in the UK, he then worked up to a really great Orthopaedic Surgeon despite the language barrier, and anytime I go shopping with him and I'm confused between 2 things, he tells me to get both, he even got me the Samsung Fold 3 despite us all being dirt poor, he thinks I'm very talented and better than any competition that could ever be up against me). I believe that your childhood prepares you for your destiny therefore every situation benefits you in the end. So I guess I'm going to be a warrior haha.

Cattail- I feel really peaceful when I look at Bangchan.

Dog Rose- I really love giving massages, I know people talk about receiving massages and they're so great ! But I enjoy giving them so much, because it's so relaxing for the other person and yourself and you can make them happier and relaxed quickly. I think it's also because no one wants to give me massages and I know how much I love them so I'd think others love them too. 💕

Galax- I need the job offer to be Elektra 🤣

Larkspur - I've only fallen in love once, and it happened fast.

Meadow Saffron - my happy memories are in the future.

Nasturtium- ohhhhhh yes , huge success

Pimpernel- change is sometimes scary , but sometimes when you're in a bad situation , change is what will give you happiness. So I welcome change and always think it will give me more happiness.

Quaking Grass- yeah casting agent not replying to me....... FOR 5 MONTHS. All the acting agents rejecting me, all the modelling agencies rejecting me. At this point I need a pure miracle.

Yarrow - I feel really healed and happy 😄🙂☺️

Flower Inspired Ask Game

Yes I know, there are a bunch of flower/plant ask games already. Its a solid go-to ok?

(❁´◡`❁)

Arbor Vitae - Are you still friends with anyone from your childhood?

Alyssum - What outside of physical appearance, makes a person attractive to you?

Begonia - Are you more "down-to-earth" or "head-in-the-clouds"?

Cattleya - What was the moment you felt like you'd really "grown up"?

Cattail - What is your 'picture perfect' idea of peaceful?

Dog Rose - What is something that most people don't like (in your expirience), but you enjoy?

Galax - What encouragement do you need right now?

Larkspur - How easily do you fall in love?

Meadow Saffron - What are you nostaligic for?

Nasturium - Have you had any major successes in life?

Pimpernel - How well do you handle change? Are there any changes you would welcome right now?

Quaking Grass - Is there anything irritating you right now?

Yarrow - Do you feel like you've healed? Do you think you still need to?

[stcveskent]

never letting go ; chris evans

warnings : smut and fluff <3 minors dni

and also its my first smut on tumblr so im scared

pairings: chris evans x reader

requested on wattpad

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it started with a small argument. Ever since he started working with one of this lady, Kiara. he kept on talking about her, and told his mother about her and praised her a lot of times.

You ignored it a few times, but then you noticed how long he'd talk to her on calls, and you had that bit if suspicion that he isn't interested in you after you two got married and he was cheating on you with her.

The ASP programme was a success, for which all of them decided to have a stress reliving get together and obviously, chris agrees and also takes you out with him, as his plus one.

Chris again, started talking to her, and they were really close, so by sitting and looking at them talking, you felt jealous, and you sighed turning to go get a drink, to which he didn't even notice it.

Mark Kassen, one of Chris's friends, and also yours after you've seen him a million times at your place and on many gatherings.

"Hey!" He spoke, and you turned to him, a smile on yoir face as you greeted him.

"Mark! Hey!" You said and he smiled nodding.

"Its been long y/n, damn! Chris is a lucky man." He complimented, making you blush and giggle.

"Thank you, and you look great." You complimented him, and he nods. You and him indulge into a conversation and all of your attention which was on chris a while ago, has turned to him.

Two-three drinks later, Yours and his laughs, were loud, and you both didn't care, you were enjoying his company, because its really been that long since you laughed. Chris was always busy, and he always had time for Kiara, but when it comes to you, he brings some excuses.

"Oh god! Its been so long since i've laughed that bad." You spoke, still laughing.

"I know i am funny, you didn't had to compliment me all the time." He spoke and you rolled your eyes. The only thing you didn't notice that as soon as you started to smile and laugh next to Mark, Chris started to notice.

All his attention which was on Kiara, has turned to you. He noticed how you dressed, it was similar to the times when you dressed for him in the newly married days.

"So you looked upset when i came here? Is everything okay?"

"was that really that evident?"

"People say i am very great at reading people's face and thoughts, so guess for me, yea." He says and you giggle.

"As a friend i'd love to hear you, it makes you feel less heavy."

A sigh left your mouth, and he brought you a drink, and you looked up to him.

"Thank you, so, for the past couple of days, i mean weeks, i-i feel like Chris and I, weren't meant to be, i feel like the love between us is one sided, and he really doesn't love me anymore." You said your head down, and you spoke your thoughts out, it really did make you feel light

"I would be lying if i agreed to you, Y/n, he loves you so much, sometimes when you called him between meetings, he would have a smile on his face, so bright that everyone near him knows, that its your call, and when he hears your voice before any meetings, he really says everyone, that my girl really knows how to make me feel better, trust me Y/n! he loves you." He says, keeping a hand in yours, Chris noticed it and came towards both of you.

"Thank you, this really made me bette—"

"Hey! Mark." Chris says hugging him and then stands next to you

"Y/n?" Chris called

"Yes?" You asked and looked at he looks at you.

"can we leave?" He asks as he slides his hand on your waist, and put his head on your neck.

"See, i told you!" Mark says and you giggled

"It was nice to talk to you, I think we'll leave, he's tired." You said and he nods.

"I had alot of fun talking to you, see you soon!" He said and hugged you, and after your goodbyes, you two walked out, his hand on your waist.

As both of you sat down in his car, you notice how angry he looked, which honestly turned you on. He started to drive, your eyes on your side of the window.

"you won't speak?" you asked

"About what?"

"about why you look mad."

"you should ask that question to yourself."

"Well what did i do? Care to enlighten me?" That, that's where the point you started getting mad.

"y/n, you're pushing your luck!" He warned, parking his car near yours and his house. You both got out of the car, and you walked your way inside as you unlocked it

"i am pushing my luck?!" You asked as you sat down.

"do you want me to remind you what you did?"

"Ofcourse!" You said and rolled your eyes.

"You flirted with him, you flirted with my friend, Mark! Obviously i got mad!"

"funny how i saw you and Kiara flirting like hell, and if i just talked you feel like i flirted, great job christopher."

"Don't pull this on me!" He yelled

"YOu're pulling it on me, and it's not me, who were flirting with a girl, when their wife was next to them!"

"y/n enough!"

"No! What would you do if I didn't stop—" as soon as you said that, his lips smashed over yours, shocked at first, you kissed him back, roughly as he roughly kissed you, full teeths and tongues. Your arms instantly wrap around his neck as you pull him closer.

Small grunts and moans leave yours and his mouth as his hands travels from your face to your sides, he pulls away for a while.

"You need to be taught a lesson!" He said as you looked into his now-dark eyes blown with lust. He picks you up in his arms and puts you on the bed as he looks at you with a smirk. He comes closer and you look at him, your breathe hitches as you him.

he kissed you, with the same energy, and you being a smart ass, riped his shirt off as soon as he kissed you, a small chuckle left his mouth as he saw the eagerness in you, and then his hands on your back as he unzips that pretty dress of yours, leavimg in your bra and underwear.

"Eager are you, baby?"

you nodded, wrong move!

"i'm sorry what was that, talk to me, baby."

"Yes yes i am!" You said desperate for his touch over yours.

He pressed his lips on yours and his fingers hooked on your panties, you moaned as you felt his hands close to your clit, he smirks, and pulls away and throws your panties away. You whinned as the cold air hit your clit, and he just smirks

He groans at the sight of it, wet, just like how he liked.

"You made me angry honey, will you be a good girl for me? will you listen to daddy?" He spoke, his voice was low , raspy and sexy. You whinned.

"you have to talk to me, not whine or else you will be punished!" He groans near your ears, as his hands tease you, by simply running his hands over your thighs.

"Yes daddy i'll be good." You spoke.

"That's my girl!" He says before putting your one leg over his shoulder, and you meet his eyes, which were blown with lust. He pressed kisses on yoir thighs and then licked a strip of your clit, you moaned as you felt his tongue, your hands grabbed his soft locks, to which he groaned

He continues to eat you, and your moans were unstoppable, and he would eat you as long as he wants, you were sure it was a longgg night.

"Chris please!" You begged, and he immediately pulled away.

"what did you say honey?"

"Daddy please!" You corrected yourself and he continues, before you know you're already close and he feels you.

"You wanna cum baby?"

"Yes daddy i want to pleasee!" You begged and h smirks.

"Cum baby." As soon as those words leave his mouth you came undone, with a loud moan, but that still didn't stop him. It felt like he was starved, and got his meal after weeks.

"Who's making you feel this good?" As soon as he asked a question you answered immediately, or else you knew what he could do.

"You, daddy only you!"

"That's good baby, you're a good girl, baby!" He said

Just by eating you out he made you cum endless times , to which you've lost the count of.

He pulls away and kissed you, you could taste yourself. His hands made its way to your bra and unclasps it, throws it away to the pile of clothes on the floor. His fingers found its way to your clit and he starts to pump them. Your eyes roll , and he just gets turned on more by that look of yours.

He starts to press kisses on your neck, to your chest , to your everywhere before connecting them again to your lips. Your legs were shaking, and he knew how close you were by just his fingers.

"you wanna cum again baby?" He asked and you unable to talk by the condition you were in with him.

"give me one more i know you can do it." He pleased and then that was it, you came on his fingers, now you were breathing heavily under him, both of your bodies covered with sweat.

He lines himself, and kisses your neck leaving marks, before slowly whispering into your ears,

"Are you ready for me?"

"Y-yes." Just as you gave him the permission, he pushed himself in you, both of you moaning at the feeling of warmth of each other. Your arms around his neck, as your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer.

he starts to move, your legs shaking heavily, as you arched your back. He started pressing kisses all over your chest.

"God! You're so tight!" He groaned, as you gasped, his one hand tangled with yours on the bed.

"only i can make you feel that good, no one else can!am i right?" He spoke, and yes he was right, no one other than him can make you feel this good. He thrusted into you, your whole body numb.

"yes only you."

"that's right, only i can!." He grunted as he felt how close you were , and he knew he was close too.

"daddy i'm close!"

"I know, baby, don't cum until i do." He says, as you feel how slow he has begun, but he didn't stop.

"You're mine, all mine!" He says and cums, followed by you, yours and his forehead resting againsy eachother as both of you heavily breathed.

"I'm all yours." You spoke between gasps, as he kissed your forehead.

He stoods up to go get a wet towel to clean you up, and then later throws it in the laundry basket. Laying next to you, he pulls you closer and you turn to him, facing him as he kissed you softly again and again.

"Was i rough?" He spoke softly, as he looked into your eyes.

"Nope, you were perfect, for me though I don't know about my legs though." You said and both of you giggled , wrapping your arms around his neck

"i was not flirting babe, he was telling me about how much you loved me." you spoke softly, and he looked at you.

"i'm sorry, for yelling at you."

"I'm not mad at you babe, i was just feeling like there's no love between us, i felt how distant we both have became due to time, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and you know I blamed myself for it.

"i can never stop loving you, never in my life! You're the love of my life, i'm sorry i made you feel that way."

"and jealous too!" You said smirking.

"oh really from who?" He asked , pretty boy was confused.

"maybe if you spend more time with me more than Kiara."

"oh damn, well that's okay i can do that. I'm not letting you go." He says and you smile at him.

"That's like a good boy, and im not letting you either." You said and he kissed you.

"I love you so much." He says and you kiss his nose

"I love you too!" You said as both of you slowly drifted to sleep, it was one of your best nights with him, both of you tangled in bed with white sheets covering you both, your arms around him and his arms around you as he pressed small kisses on your forehead before he falls asleep.

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istg I can't write smut 😤😩

this is my first smut (on tumblr lol ) feedbacks are very much appreciated 💙

[whumpmatsus]

Hi! 👋 Two things! First, a fic request (again Ichimatsu whump because I'm sorry but I have to): Ichimatsu takes a hit meant for one of his brothers (be it accidental or on purpose) and is pretty badly injured. Cue the rest of the Matsu Bros. to the rescue!

And second, um...would you be okay with it if, let's just say hypothetically, I made fan art of some of these fics? 😺

FIRST OF ALL thank you for this because it's LITERALLY the longest thing I've written on this blog so far!! so I hope u enjoy it fully uwu

Matsu Bros plus a cameo by Mama Matsu!! <3

second... YESSSS THAT IS ALWAYS DEFINITELY OKAY!!! aaaaaaa you flatter me <3 <3 <3

-

When Ichimatsu first wakes up in the hospital, he doesn’t remember why he’s here. Hell, he barely even remembers who he is.

All he really knows initially is that he’s in a lot of pain. It hurts to breathe, his face is kind of numb in spots, and his leg feels weirdly positioned, plus heavy and uncomfortable. His shoulder feels kind of sore… as does his wrist.

There’s also some strange fog drifting around his mind that’s making it difficult to really focus on anything.

He feels a hand in his own. Not very tight… he thinks it’s someone giving just enough pressure to let him know they’re here. That he’s not alone. That’s comforting, he thinks.

Then he starts to remember things.

He was out walking with some of the others; Karamatsu and maybe Totty? What they were doing is a little fuzzy and isn’t coming to him instantly. He just recalls they were together, walking on the sidewalk. They came to a crosswalk and waited their turn. Karamatsu, as the eldest out of the three, stepped forward first to cross.

Ichimatsu thinks Karamatsu’s intention was that he would hold Totty’s hand to keep the youngest safe while they crossed, and Ichimatsu could follow after them. He doesn’t believe Totty had any objections.

They waited. They followed all the rules they were supposed to. The crosswalk light told them they were allowed to go.

It was someone else who broke the rules, tearing through a stop sign, the car headed right for his brothers. He… thinks he remembers Totty had only just come forward to grab Karamatsu’s hand, so he wasn’t quite there yet. Karamatsu was the one in the most danger.

He doesn’t remember much else. Running forward, pushing his baby brother behind him and yelling for his big brother to move.Then an impact. A lot of pain. Black and nothingness and warmth.

Now he’s awake. Putting the pieces together, he’s pretty sure he shoved Karamatsu forward and ended up getting hit by that car.

He thinks, in his haze, that the car should have hit Karamatsu, because he was the one who went first, because things happened so fast. But he’s glad it didn’t happen that way.

A couple groans catch the attention of whoever’s in the room, and he gets a squeeze to the hand. “Ichimatsu? Honey? Are you awake?”

“Mmh…” It hurts a little to move his head. He does it anyway, getting a glimpse of his mother. “… Mom…?”

It looks like she’s smiling… relieved, maybe. “Yes! Yes, my sweet boy, Mama is here.” She reaches her free hand over to gently stroke his hair. It feels nice. “Thank goodness. How do you feel?”

He closes his eyes. “I hurt.”

“Well, I should hope so! I’d be worried if you weren’t in a lot of pain right now. Do you remember what happened?”

Although he tries to move around, it’s difficult simply because it’s so painful. “Uh, yeah, kind of… I got… hit by a car, right? ― H… hey… Karamatsu and Totty… where are they? Are they okay?”

“Yes, dear, they’re both fine. Karamatsu has a couple of scrapes, but nothing serious. You, on the other hand, are lucky, young man. You’ve got a broken leg, a couple of broken ribs, and a broken wrist. You did have a dislocated shoulder, but they got that back into place. The doctor said it could have been much worse. She said you got off easy compared to some people who get hit by a car.”

She combs his bangs back in a way that mitigates any anger or frustration in her next words. “What were you thinking?”

“The car was coming for Karamatsu…” He frowns as the memory surfaces again, in slightly better detail. Damn. “… And Totty didn’t see it… he was gonna step out, too…”

Everything seemed to happen so fast. How the hell did he manage to get his older brother out of the way and keep his younger brother out of the way when everything happened so fast?

Matsuyo sighs and continues stroking his hair. “Oh, I know… they were both in tears when we all arrived. Totty was inconsolable… saying that Karamatsu would be dead if you hadn’t run forward and that he thought you were dead because you weren’t responding. I should be mad that you scared your brothers… but…”

She leans forward to kiss his forehead. “… You did a brave thing, Ichimatsu. Mama is very proud of you. I just don’t like any of you boys hurt… if you’re inclined to do this again, pull the other person back instead of taking their place. You silly boy,” she adds with an affectionate smile.

“Hah…” he laughs weakly, wincing at the pain in his chest. “Sorry, Mom. Everything hurts… I wanna go home.”

“Mhm, they’ll probably let you go pretty soon now that you’re awake. That’s the main thing they were waiting for, I think.” She moves her hand down to pat lightly at his forearm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be home before you know it, and your family will take good care of you.”

-

Coming home is kind of weird.

Ichimatsu can’t really walk on his own. Since his leg is broken, the doctor gave him a crutch that he can use with his good hand, but it’s an awkward movement and leaves him feeling unbalanced. It’s just easier to lean on one of his brothers to walk ― in this case, Choromatsu has volunteered to help if Ichimatsu needs to walk somewhere. Though… he gets the feeling that the others would be more than happy to volunteer if the third eldest were somehow busy when he needs to get up.

Every motion, from sitting up to reaching for things to just breathing, is painful thanks to the broken ribs. There’s nothing that can really be done for those, so he’s evidently got to just suffer. He remembers the doctor saying they should feel quite a bit better in a couple of weeks. Most of this is going to take a month or more to fully heal, which is… according to Osomatsu, a ‘major boner-killer’.

Sitting around doing nothing but being in pain is going to be the end of Ichimatsu. He’s sure of that. He can’t go outside to feed the cats, and it’s difficult to cuddle with them inside with all his injuries. That alone is pretty depressing.

The pain medication they sent him home with is also a little frustrating. The first time he takes it, it makes him so tired he sleeps right through dinner.

He falls asleep on the couch in the spare room, he knows, because it’s where he has to be set up for now. There’s noway he can sleep in the futon with everyone else while he tries to heal; that runs the risk of running into someone, or having one of his brothers accidentally run into him.

His leg’s in a cast and his wrist is in a splint, to protect them as they fix themselves, but if those areas have someone roll onto them, it’ll probably result in more damage. Which means more pain and more time added to his recovery.

It’s apparently a bad idea to sleep on the couch. When he wakes up, everything is sore and screaming in pain. Justified, unfortunately, since he fell asleep in the same position he was relaxing in.

Someone else… is here? There’s something warm pressed up against his side.

He glances over to find that he’s evidently been resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder, likely for a while given that Karamatsu’s eyes are closed too. It looks dark out, and Ichimatsu’s foggy mind busies itself wondering what time it is.

There’s a soft chuckle beside him, and looking over reveals one of his big brother’s eyes is cracked open now. It’s swiftly followed by the other one, then the sudden absence of a pressure around his shoulder makes him aware that Karamatsu had an arm around him. “Awake, hm?”

“Yeah…” He tries to stretch, stopped short when a jolting pain in his chest reminds him that it’s definitely a bad idea. “Oww. I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“That’s alright. You started to get a bit drowsy about half an hour after Osomatsu-nii-san gave you your medicine. We saved you a plate from dinner, though, if you want me to go warm it up.”

Ichimatsu blinks. “I slept through dinner?? Shit. How late is it right now?”

His brother shifts a bit more to take out his phone. “Hm… a bit after midnight.”

“Midnight?” Well, fuck. Although he can justify an hour nap or so, he’s just slept like six hours. He missed dinner, he missed going to the bathhouse, he missed maybe a game of cards before bed.

Karamatsu laughs again, his hand tousling Ichimatsu’s hair fondly. “That’s right, my brother. Don’t worry. Osomatsu-nii-san said fatigue is a side effect of your medicine, and your body needs sleep right now, anyway. So, are you hungry? Mommy made soba and yakitori for dinner, but if you’d rather have something else, just say the word. Your wish is my command!”

Honestly… he’s not really that hungry. He knows he should probably eat; his stomach is just trying to tell him not to have anything heavy. Another side effect of the medication, maybe. “Are you… sure? I kind of just feel like plain miso and rice. Other stuff doesn’t sound good.”

“Of course! I’d be delighted to go heat some up. You simply rest and I’ll…” When he goes to stand up, something catches Ichimatsu’s eye, and he grabs his brother’s hand, weakly, with his own injured one. It’s painful, but…

Karamatsu’s eyes focus on his younger brother, brows furrowing. “Ichimatsu? What’s the matter?”

It’s… that cut on Karamatsu’s face. Ichimatsu didn’t notice it before. Now that he’s a bit more alert, it’s practically all he can see. It’s not very big, maybe the length of one of their little fingers, and not deep. It looks like a scrape from falling off one’s bike or something. He thinks maybe it had a bandage on it at one point. The color has faded into something dull; the skin around is still bright pink, though, suggesting that it’s irritated despite not being cut.

His gaze shifts down to find similar wounds on Karamatsu’s hands. On the palms, where he probably got a sort of road rash when he tried to catch himself after Ichimatsu pushed him out of the way.

His own wrist protests with a violent throb as he reaches to let his fingers graze lightly over Karamatsu’s wrist. Image after image of what might have happened to him if Ichimatsu wasn’t fast enough comes unbidden into his head. Karamatsu could be the one with a broken leg or broken ribs, or it could have been worse.

“Y… you’re okay… right?” As soon as those words are out of his mouth, tears start spilling. All at once he’s pulled into a hug, loose fists resting against his back. He can’t stop himself from leaning in, pressing his face against Karamatsu’s shoulder.

He can feel the soft rumble of mirthless laughter his big brother gives. “You’re the one who was hurt, Ichimatsu. I’m only okay because of you. If you hadn’t seen… I wasn’t paying attention…”

The words, “It should have been me”, hang heavily in the air even though Karamatsu doesn’t say them.

He brushes a delicate kiss over the side of his little brother’s forehead. “Heh… you would have been a better big brother than me. You kept us all safe when I failed. You probably saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

Ichimatsu isn’t sure why it’s now that the full weight of everything has hit him. Now, when he’s home and out of danger, when everything is okay. Shouldn’t he have been falling apart when he first woke up in the hospital? It shouldn’t have taken seeing Karamatsu’s small injuries to remind him that they all could have died when he’s the one in a cast.

It’s hard to keep himself together, to keep his breathing normal so he doesn’t completely go to pieces. (Though, if he did, what better place to do so than in his older brother’s arms?) “… You’d do the same for me, right? So it’s only fair.”

“I would,” Karamatsu hums. “Without a second thought. You’re my little brother and I love you very much and if I could save you from being hurt, I would. I’m… sorry I was so careless that I couldn’t do it this time.”

Ichimatsu grunts, slipping his good arm around Karamatsu’s waist in an effort to be closer. “Don’t feel too bad. The next car’ll be yours.”

-

After eating as much as he feels like he can, Ichimatsu allows Karamatsu to help transfer him to the floor. It’s already set up with a spare futon, a blanket, and a pillow, probably because someone guessed that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be comfortable.

He’s still in so much pain. The shoulder that was reduced back into place aches like an old war wound, and his chest is sore even when he’s lying still. To say nothing of his wrist and his leg. His whole body feels like one giant bruise, except worse.

Although Karamatsu insists he’d be just fine to stand guard all night, after a few minutes Choromatsu comes in and sends him back to the bedroom. Ichimatsu doesn’t hear too much of the conversation ― mostly whispers that Karamatsu needs to go get some sleep, that Choromatsu is glad to take a turn.

Soon enough, though, Karamatsu relents and comes to tell Ichimatsu goodnight before he leaves the room. Ichimatsu gets one more kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to his good hand and exchanges another round of “I love you”s with his brother, then heads into the bedroom.

Choromatsu came prepared, setting his own pillow up on the couch and tossing a blanket at the end just in case he needs it. “So… how are you feeling, Ichimatsu?”

“Mm… like crap, kinda.” He looks over to where his brother is trying to get settled in. “I can’t believe I slept six hours and I’m still tired. What kind of shit did they put me on?”

“Hah… y-yeah, it’s the good stuff, probably. Is it at least helping the pain a little?”

“A little. Like Mom said before we left the hospital, I… guess it’d be more worrying if I wasn’t in pain right now. I did get hit by a car.”

Choromatsu leans forward and places a cautious hand on his little brother’s head. Once that earns him no punishment, he gingerly combs through Ichimatsu’s hair. It certainly feels relaxing. “You sure did. I… I can’t believe you kept both Karamatsu and Totty safe. Adrenaline’s a… a weird thing, huh? I’m glad you’re all okay. Hopefully the pain medicine will work better once you’ve had a few doses.”

“Mh. I hope so.”

“Yeah. For now, just, uh… just try to get some more sleep, okay? Your body needs a lot of rest while you’re healing.”

Yep, that’s what Karamatsu said, too. Two of his brothers saying the same thing can’t be wrong. … Well, they could be, but it would be weird. “I’ll try. Thanks for… being here. I dunno that I’d really want to sleep alone for the whole night. Guess Totty’s rubbing off on me.”

A low chuckle leaves Choromatsu as Ichimatsu closes his eyes. The sound of rustling suggests that his older brother has laid down and pulled a blanket over himself as well.

After a moment of quiet between them, Ichimatsu becomes keenly aware of a sensation that definitely isn’t going to allow him to sleep. “Uuuugh. Shit.”

“Huh?” Choromatsu is sitting up in an instant, ready to practically spring out of his skin. “What’s wrong, Ichimatsu?”

“― My leg itches.”

“O-oh. So… scratch it??”

He throws his head back in frustration. “No, the one with the Goddamn cast on it.”

“Ohhh. Okay, uh, well…” Choromatsu gets up and rummages through one of the drawers for a few seconds.

After that, a pencil is pressed into Ichimatsu’s good hand with a smile. “Here, try this. Stick the eraser end down in the little space between your leg and the cast, then keep moving it. If the itch is high enough up, it should help.”

Ichimatsu raises an eyebrow at the advice. Well. What’s he got to lose, after all? He spends a moment trying to get the itch scratched after slipping the pencil down, and finally he sighs in relief. “Fuck, that’s a lot better. How’d you know that was gonna work?”

Choromatsu grins self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… remember when I broke my arm? When I went for my checkup, I had this itch inside the cast that was driving me nuts. So the nurse showed me this trick. It doesn’t always work, but…”

“Huh… well… thanks.” After everything, he’s just really tired and ready to sleep now. He would cross his fingers that nothing else disturbs him if he felt like moving at all.

“Heh, no problem. All good now?”

“I think so.” When he sees his brother straighten up to head back to the couch, his brain evidently thinks it’s good to say something. “H… hey. Choromatsu?”

Choromatsu looks back down, concern etched on his features. “Ah, yeah? What’s up?”

His heart is hammering so fast it feels like it’s trying to break more of his ribs. He doesn’t really want to embarrass himself. It’s just… he feels… “Can you… can you… stay for a minute? Down here?”

“Oh… yeah, sure. I can’t stay too long… I-I can’t sleep next to you. I might accidentally hurt you.” Even so, he lowers himself back down, sitting cross-legged and reaching to stroke Ichimatsu’s hair.

He nods. That’s part of the problem. Even though he normally wouldn’t have much complaint about being left to his own devices… he’s used to sleeping next to his brothers. Right on the end beside Karamatsu. When he’s not feeling well, being absent from them is apparently not doing him any favors. “I know. It’s just…”

His eyes drift closed once more. It must be the medicine making him feel out of it and way too honest. “… I think I’m gonna get lonely sleeping like this.”

“O-oh… gosh.” He can practically hear the frown in Choromatsu’s voice. The other man’s hand combs through his hair, a rhythmic and repetitive motion that makes him sleepy again. “I can probably… sleep like this, propped up against the couch. Is that okay?”

“Mmmh… I don’t want you to have to do that… you’ll make your back sore.”

He chuckles. “Ah, I-I think I can handle it. Even if that’s true, it’d be worth it to me so you don’t have to feel lonely. It’s the least I can do for my little brother.”

“I can’t stop you,” Ichimatsu mumbles. Sleep is scrabbling its tiny, strong fingers at him, trying to pull him down. It’s getting hard to resist. “If you want…”

“Yeah… yeah, I wanna do this for you.” Choromatsu leans down to press a small kiss to the top of Ichimatsu’s head. “Hey. Love you, Ichimacchan. Try to get some rest, okay?”

He doesn’t have to tell Ichimatsu twice. Within a minute of Choromatsu’s urging, he’s fallen back into a peaceful darkness.

-

When Ichimatsu wakes up the next morning, Choromatsu’s presence has been replaced by Jyushimatsu’s.

As much as he loves his immediate older brother, he doesn’t have any complaints. He and Jyushimatsu are very close, and his younger brother being here is pretty soothing to wake up to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet, though that’s not to say he isn’t his usual energetic self. He appears to be flipping through baseball cards, maybe organizing them in his little album, humming to himself. There’s also one hand free to play with Ichimatsu’s hair, which he supposes is why he still feels relaxed.

“Hey, Jyushi.” His body reminds him why stretching is a bad idea right now, so he settles for arching his back a little in an effort to make something pop. Everything is sore. Even that little bit of movement hurts his ribs enough that he has trouble catching his breath for a minute. “Fuck… morning.”

“Oh! Yeah, it is morning!” Jyushimatsu is chipper as always, though when he leans in for a hug, he’s surprisingly gentle. “How’d you sleep, Ichimatsu-nii-san?”

“Okay, I guess. I still hurt a bunch.”

“Yeahhhh, you were crying in your sleep! But it’s okay! Because guess what? Jyushi is here!” He grins, nuzzling his cheek against Ichimatsu’s. It’s a bit weird, but par for the course as far as Jyushimatsu is concerned. Besides, the hug is nice after the fear of being lonely last night. “Did you have nightmares, huh?”

Now that he mentions it… yep. Ichimatsu’s dreams, or what he remembers of them, were filled with horrible things. The memory of being hit by the car, or the images of either Karamatsu or Totty being hit because he wasn’t fast enough.

He recalls one piece of a dream which involved looking into his own chest and seeing the end of a fractured rib shatter his glass heart.

A shudder runs through his body, prompting Jyushimatsu to tighten his grip just slightly. “Oh, you’re cold! It’s past breakfast, ‘cause you slept for a really long time, but I’ll go get you some tea!! Sound good?”

Given that his appetite hasn’t come back from war, that sounds better than anything else. Though he did manage to choke down that rice and miso last night, he’s not sure if he wants to eat even anything bland. “Yeah, sounds good. Put just a little bit of agave syrup in it for me?”

“Yeah! Anything for Ichimatsu-nii-san! Be right back, okay?”

With Jyushimatsu, ‘be right back’ is typically how it goes. He’s only gone for a few minutes, or at least it only seems like a few minutes.

Regardless, Ichimatsu has a cup of tea in his hand relatively quickly. Almost as if his brother predicted that it would be difficult to hold something very hot with only one hand, the tea is warm, not boiling hot.

It’s easier to balance it with one hand, plus this means it’s pretty much the perfect temperature to drink. As he starts to sip it, he feels Jyushimatsu’s hand, covered entirely by his sleeve, rubbing affectionately between his shoulder blades. “It’s good, huh?”

He swallows and gives the other a nod. “Yeah, pretty good. Thanks.” Thankfully, it should wake him up, too. He’s still feeling kind of groggy.

“Good!! Osomatsu-nii-san said he’s gonna give you your medicine in a minute, since I told him you were up and hurting.” Jyushimatsu shoves his binder of cards away, shifting up to sit on the sofa. “Do you want me to move you up here after you’re done drinking?”

“Probably, yeah. You got anything you wanna do today?” Another sip, and he sighs in relief feeling the warmth flow through him. Damn.He can’t believe he could take something as simple as a cup of tea in the morning for granted. “I can’t really help with baseball practice… but we could watch TV together or something.”

“Sure! We can watch whatever you want!” After only a few seconds, Jyushimatsu wiggles himself back down and leans against his big brother’s shoulder. “Hey, Ichimatsu-nii-san… I’m really glad you’re okay. Even though you’re hurt and everything, you’re home with us instead of… being not home with us!”

The least he can do is let his head rest gently against Jyushimatsu’s. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m home, too. Don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else.”

Jyushimatsu nods eagerly, making a brief, dull wave of pain wash through Ichimatsu. However, he’d rather have that pain than not have his little brother close. “We’ll take really good care of you! Just say if you need anything, okay? I’m really strong and I can get anything! … And if I can’t, Osomatsu-nii-san probably can!”

“Heh.” Ichimatsu takes another gulp of his tea. “You guys are the best.”

-

True to Jyushimatsu’s word, Osomatsu is in pretty soon to give Ichimatsu the painkillers. For whatever reason, even when he can’t be trusted with literally anything else, the eldest is pretty good at monitoring medicine when one of the others needs it.

All things being equal, Ichimatsu has a lot of faith in taking medicine when Osomatsu keeps track of it. He knows how much was dispensed, how many Ichimatsu is supposed to take and how often, how many are left, and all the related things. He’s like some kind of idiot savant who was put on Earth to be a pill counter.

After he takes it, he expects to start getting tired again, so he silently begs Osomatsu to stay on the couch with him. They’re all supposed to be hanging out anyway, based on what Jyushimatsu said, so right now he decides he wants to be close to his oldest brother for a little bit.

Osomatsu seems all too happy to oblige, snuggling Ichimatsu as close as he dares to. It’s probably not a good idea to use normal force, so the touches are… lighter than usual. It’s not so bad.

He settles in on Osomatsu’s shoulder, trying to get his eyes to focus on the show Jyushimatsu turned it to for him. It’s kind of unfortunate that he’s almost certainly going to fall asleep on it. “You guys are taking really good care of me,” he sighs, letting his eyes slip closed. “You want my allowance? Or, like… a bag of sardines?”

Osomatsu snorts. “What? You’re nuts, man. We’re taking care of you because we want to and because you need it. I mean, if I was sitting here with a broken leg, a broken wrist, broken ribs, and had to have my shoulder cherry popped back into place, wouldn’t you all be like, ‘Wow, maybe we should give the poor bastard a hand’? We’re just doing the same thing for you that we’d do for any one of us.”

Ichimatsu huffs. “Yeah, well… you’re all doing a lot. Karamatsu went in the kitchen past midnight to make me miso and rice, Choromatsu probably fucked up his back sleeping against the couch so I wouldn’t be lonely, Jyushi’s waiting on me, and you’ve got my medicine on a damn schedule or something.”

“Yeah, well,” Osomatsu grins, “I can’t leave it up to you, crackhead.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. Even so, it’s not going to make him totally drop this. “I’m serious. You guys are…”

Osomatsu nudges him carefully. “We’re being brothers, you boner. I know we suck at showing it sometimes, but… you know we all love each other, right? I guess it’s easier to show it when one of us is sick or hurt. Just so happens you’re the hurt one right now. And also your ass is on painkillers, so everything seems weird to you.”

… Okay, so maybe he can’t fault that logic. Still, though.

They’re both quiet for a long moment while they watch the screen, then Osomatsu lets out a soft hum. “You did good, you know. I don’t like that you tried to get yourself killed, but you did good.”

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed,” Ichimatsu retorts with the nastiest facial expression he can muster right now. “I didn’t wanna get hit, either. But Karamatsu and Totty weren’t paying attention… I didn’t want them to get hit. I was trying to get us all out of that way… I just wasn’t fast enough.”

Osomatsu scoffs before reaching his hand up to ruffle Ichimatsu’s hair. He appears to be getting a lot of pets like that lately, not that he’s complaining. It feels really good and is one of the biggest comforts he has right now. “You protected them, anyway. I can’t say too much, because you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if it were me.”

Ichimatsu offers a low, mocking wail. “Oh, shit. I’m turning into you. I think I’d rather be a cat. If I were a really bratty cat, you’d still be nice enough to feed me sardines and scratch behind my ears, right?”

“Uhhhh, I guess. You’re changing the subject, you dick.” A small puff of laughter makes his bangs move. “I just… wanna say I really respect you, man. Sometimes I remember the days when you would kick Karamatsu in the leg just for breathing the wrong way. And when you used to blow Totty off to hang with your friends in high school.”

He gets a shrug in response. “People change. We’ve all changed a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. I know.” His arm shifts down and he squeezes Ichimatsu’s good hand in that reassuring, proud way only an older sibling can. “They haven’t all been good changes. But seeing you trying to keep the others safe… that’s a a good change. Just gotta give you your props, Ichimacchan.”

He’s too tired to really argue with Osomatsu. Despite the fact that he knows he’s the shittiest of them all, he has to at least silently acknowledge that what he did prevented one of his older brothers and his baby brother from being in the same pain he’s in right now.

Instead of saying anything meaningful, he just presses himself in more against Osomatsu and mutters, “That’s nice. I’m tired.”

Osomatsu snorts and Ichimatsu feels a light kiss on top of his head. “Alright, dumbass, get some sleep. The pills are probably kicking in. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ichimatsu thinks that, right now, all he needs is his big brother to be the perfect pillow, and he’s doing a pretty good job of that.

-

Although it’s not dark at all the next time Ichimatsu wakes up, it’s significantly later than he meant to sleep. 3 P.M., meaning that once again he’s slept through a meal ― lunch, this time.

Just like last night, he finds that he’s not really all that hungry. Even so, it might be a good idea to eat, so probably he ask Osomatsu to get him something small.

When he shifts and looks over, though, Osomatsu isn’t there anymore. Instead, there’s Totty…

… Oh.

He’s holding onto Ichimatsu pretty tight. Ichimatsu isn’t sure he can move too much with the way Totty is holding him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Totty? Everything okay?”

His little brother stiffens, wide eyes suddenly turning up to look at him. Unlike what he noticed about Karamatsu, Totty doesn’t have any physical injuries, but… the skin around his eyes is red and puffy. “Y… yeah, it’s all good. Sorry, am I hurting you?”

“No… not really hurting.” He doesn’t remember having seen Totty too much after everything happened. He visited Ichimatsu in the hospital, all teary-eyed and not talking, before they were all allowed to take him home. Once he got home, though, he can’t recall Totty being around a lot even though everyone else was.

He assumed Totty was freaked out after everything and avoiding him just because he’s emotional right now. Seems Ichimatsu was right about that.

He maneuvers his good arm to put it around Totty’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. “Have you been crying? You sure you’re okay?”

Totty sniffles and dips his head down. “Yeah, sorry… I just…”

“Don’t be sorry, dumbass.” Even though it hurts a little to move so much, Ichimatsu cuddles his brother in against him. “It’s fine, you big crybaby. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I should be the one making sure you’re okay.” Regardless, Totty nestles in, tucking his head under Ichimatsu’s chin. It’s a bit of a weight on his hurt ribs, but it’s not that bad. “… H-hey. I, um. You know. I… I love you.”

Huh. It’s been a while since Totty has said that point-blank to any of his brothers, Ichimatsu thinks. It’s kind of nice to hear. He closes his eyes and offers an appreciative hum. “I love you, too. That it?”

Totty lets out a frustrated sigh, and Ichimatsu can just imagine the pout he has on his face. Kinda cute. He can’t really help himself; the youngest is always gonna be the baby, always gonna be adorable, even when he’s acting like a little bitch or if he wants to deny it. “I wanted to… say I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For… everything! Y-you know, for almost getting hit and… I mean, you got hurt trying to protect me and Karamatsu! If I hadn’t tried to follow him without even looking… you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. And… and I haven’t been with you too much since you got home…”

He nuzzles his head against Ichimatsu’s collarbone, kneading his hand against the top of his brother’s good leg. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I’ve been… really upset. It was scary, seeing the car hit you…”

The hum Ichimatsu gives this time is lower, pensive and understanding. “Yeah. Mom said you were crying a lot when she got to the hospital. ‘S okay to be kinda freaked out, you know.”

“Yeah, I know… and I was… am.I was scared the whole time… Karamatsu tried to wake you up, but you were just lying there and you wouldn’t…” Totty sniffles and his hand curls into a weak fist against Ichimatsu’s knee. “I didn’t wanna lose you, Ichimatsu-nii-san, and I was really afraid you were gone. I’m happy you’re okay… I just… I-I was pretty sure I was gonna cry the first time I tried to take care of you, so I… wanted to be alone with you. Crying in front of all you guys is…”

Ichimatsu nods to quiet his brother, ghosting a kiss over the top of Totty’s head. “I get it. It’s okay, Totty. C’mere, okay… you don’t have to be sorry for being freaked out and not wanting to cry and all that shit. I’m sure Karamatsu’s freaked out, too. And everyone else. Don’t apologize for your feelings, stupid.”

An indignant huff is the response he gets, before Totty presses in against Ichimatsu’s uninjured shoulder. “It just makes me think a lot,” he finally confesses.

Ichimatsu smirks. ��Right. And you’re so out of practice with thinking, it’s hard. I know.”

“Th-that’s not it, you jerk!” Totty whines and brings his arms in, curled against his chest. His knees come up onto the couch, folded under him, as he tries to get comfortable. “It makes me think… anything could happen, at any moment, and that… might be it.And I know we’re all shitty to each other a lot of the time, but… but I love all of you.”

He sniffles, snuggling against Ichimatsu when his big brother pulls him even closer. “The thought that one of us might… die… I-I didn’t… I didn’t know how afraid I was of that… till I thought it happened. If one of us wasn’t here… it… it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“… Yeah.” Ichimatsu gives Totty a squeeze that’s maybe a little tighter than necessary. It’s not like he can pretend that Totty is wrong. He’s right. Even though they’re all assholes and treat each other like crap sometimes, the last thing any of them want is for their family to be… incomplete.

They sit quietly for what feels like a long time, holding each other. Breathing. Just existing in sync, in perfect understanding for a while.

Sometimes, it’s true, Ichimatsu is kind of a death seeker. Sometimes he really does want to die. Sometimes he doesn’t care about anything, and just wants it all to end so he doesn’t have to deal with the weight of life anymore.

Sometimes, though… sometimes he fights death with all he has. He thinks maybe that’s what happened after he got hit by the car.

It would have been easy to die then. To just let his injuries swallow him up and put out his life like blowing out a candle.

He’s in a lot of pain right now, but he’s not dead. There must be a reason, right?

He thinks this is the reason.

Holding his youngest brother and realizing how broken his absence would leave his family, thinking about how broken it would be if anyof them were gone, how much they love each other…

… For once, he’s happy to be alive.

[pink-peony-princess]

Deliverance| S.M Werewolf AU

Part One🐺

The woods had always been a place of comfort for me. A place to escape the madness of my life- of serenity. of course I'd heard the stories of vicious wolves who roamed the darkness waiting to prey on the innocent,but I always put it down to stories, gossip, folklore designed to stop kids from venturing too far. That was until the day I was taken.

A rogue pack had taken me as their personal toy, all the anger and frustration they felt was taken out on me. It was a good day if I got a bit of stale bread, and only one beating. On bad days there would be no food and constant, torturous abuse.

I had endured it for 13 year, my small body the reflection of years of malnutrition and hurt, but I'd finally escaped.

I had bid my time, waiting till they made an inevitable error, and it had finally happend. One of the younger wolves had forgotten to check the padlock when they'd had their fun with me and I'd seized the opportunity and run as fast as I could. but I wasn't fast enough. The alarm had been sounded and there were now several wolves hot on my heels and I could run no further I had to accept my fate. He was less than a metre away from me when our of nowhere another wolf - russet in colour intercepted him in mid air, knocking him over with the force of an elephant. I could hear the snarling and snapping of jaws as I finally collapsed and

surrendered, the last thing I remember was a tall young man walking towards me .

When I woke it was to a mass of activity.

I drifted in and out of sleep, hearing people talking.feeling hands on me, there was even something about the alpha wanting to see 'her', and a 'mate' and something else about ' killing the pack that did this'. What that meant I couldn't know in my delirium.

When I managed to finally open my eyes and get past the blindly bright light above me, I was met with the image of a man-pacing back land forth, muttering to himself. And the more immediate threat of someone fiddling with the sheet that lay over me.

Surely with a man this good looking, this close to me it had to be a dream, I tried to convince myself, but someone shattered the dream almost as soon as is materialised.

"Well hello sweetheart, I'm glad to see you're finally awake," the voice came from that of and older woman with long greying hair braided out of her face "My name's Judy, I'm your nurse," she smiled down at me. "Are you in any pain?" She asked.

I took a moment to take everything in, but I was still unable to make sense of it all.

"Where am I?" I asked, trying to sit up, but everything protested as soon as I moved, even muscles I didn't know I had.

"Just stay still for now dear, you don't want to hurt yourself further," the nurse-Judy spoke kindly, helping me to resettle myself.

Something, maybe me speaking seemed to wake the man from his trance like state and he turned to meet my confused gaze.

He was tall, he had to be at least 6 foot, with sliflghtly tanned skin, the most rich brown eyes I'd ever seen, and hair that was neatly cut, except for a few unruly curls at the front of his head which didn't want to co-operate with the hair gel he'd obviously used to style it.

"Oh,oh thank God." the man rushed over to the side of the bed stopping mere inches from my face.

I could feel my heart rate picking up as panic set in, not used to people (let alone males) being this close without hurting me.

I turned to Judy asking desperately with my eyes for help

She must have got the memo because she cleared her throat and spoke.

She seemed somewhat hesitant though "Alpha, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, I know you must be worried sick as we all are, however would it not be prudent to give the girl some space?"

The man searched my face for a moment, before straightening and stepping backwards.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he muttered guiltily.

"You didn't," I lied before I could think about it.

"My name's Shawn what's yours?" he asked holding his hand out for me to take.

I kept my mouth shut, years of torture telling me to keep quiet. He dropped his extended up so it was back at his side.

"Alrighty then, when you're ready. I won't push you." He spoke, it seemed as though he was trying deliberately to keep his tone, soft, conversational and I appreciated it.

At that moment the doctor walked in. "It's good to see you awake Miss," he spoke echoing Judy's words.

"I'm sorry to say you're quite banged up." Shawn started pacing again at his words.

"

I would have sworn I heard a growl.

"Shawn you have to stay calm," Judy spoke, it sounded almost as if she was trying to comfort him, confusing me further.

Once the doctor left Shawn calmed down, having dragging a chair from outside my room to sit beside my bed.

"I heard something about killing another pack?" I asked weighing my words cafefully. "So are you all wolves too?"

"Yes, honey, but I promise you're safe here," he replied softly, looking over at me. I looked down again, not able to take the human interaction.

"Everytime I look at you, you look down. Why is that?"he asked, sounding sad.

" I didn't mean to upset you," I panicked.Starting to pick at the I.V in my arm, it was something I always did when I was nervous, picking things, my skin, nails whatever seemed to help.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, I'm not mad," he cut me off. "I just mean I've noticed it is all," he lay a hand carefully on my arm and surprisingly the contact helped.

"I don't know," I pondered, distracted by his touch. There was a weird, warm feeling flowing from the point of contact straight up to my chest, not dissimilar to when your hands or feet go numb and then start to respond again. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. "I guess, I'm not used to positive human contact," I admitted, looking up to see him shaking his head.

"Are you the Alpha?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me, surprise washing over his face at the boldness of my question.

"Yes, I am," he spoke proudly. "Of the Shadowmoon Pack, greatest pack in all of Canada if you ask me," he smiled.

I liked the way he was so confident. It made me feel safe and secure. A few more hours past with us sitting in a comfortable silence, I couldn't help but feel safe around him, and as foreign as the feeling was, I also craved it.

"Are you ready to go home now Poppet?" Judy ssekd, making her way into my room again sometime later and starting to mess around with the I.V tubing.

I looked at her panicked.

"Home?" I squeeked. Surely they weren't really going to send me home. It wasn't a home where I'd come from it was a hell, my own personal hell and I'd be damned if I was going back.

Shawn seemed to noticed my emotions and stepped forward, slowly holding his arms out, and instead of backing away as I had done earlier,I surprised us both and stepped into his hold.

He was warm and comfortable, our bodies seemed to fit perfectly,denim of his jacket just scratchy enough and the now semi familiar tingling from our contact pleasant enough to ground me somewhat. I stayed like that for a minute or so before I became a little more aware of what I was doing. I was hugging a near stranger,worse he was a male, worse again Ii was actually lettung myself like it.

Sorry, I blushed, stepoing away quicky and looking down.

"You don't need to apologise," he smiled.

"What was the tingling I felt" I asked wanting to change the subject.

"That is what you get when two mates make contact" He smiled wider than I had ever seen a person smile, his fangs being exposed in the process.

I stood, silently, shocked.

"Are you okay" He asked moving to step towards me, I held a hand up and he halted midstride.

"I promise you. We'll take things slowly, right now I just want to get you home- to our home," he amended when he saw the look of panic in my face. "So you can rest."

I nodded. Still not entirely comfortable, but what other choice did I have? Go back to the pack that had tortured me all these years, or even end up homeless on the street? And from everything I'd seen Shawn seemed like a genuinely nice person, who everyone respected. Plus,if he was telling the truth, which from heat I could tell, he was, he was my mate and from all the stories I'd heard as a child, your mate was meant to be the one person in the world who would do anything for you, be anywhere for you. They would literally protect you with their lives.

"Shawn I don't have anything to wear," I whispered embarrassed again, looking down at the gown which barely covered anything as Judy finally finished what she was doing in the corner of he room having taken out my I.V. and left.

"I brought you some clothes, don't worry," he smiled.Pullnig out the most comfortable pale pink sweater I'd ever seen, he handed it to me and I was hit with his scent.

"This is yours?"

",Is that okay?" he worried. " I could go home and get something from one of the girls if you're uncomfortable," he offered.

I just smiled,letting out a little giggle at the extreme level of concern he was showing, which caused him to immediately relax l, shoulders dropping, a slight smile gracing his lips as he shook his head softly.

"Can you turn around please?" I requested. He did as asked giving the privacy I so desperately craved.

When I was finished he took my hand, holding his other under my elbow to support my weight.

He was so patient, never rushing me as he lead me through the hospital and out the doors into the world. I couldn't help but savour the fresh air,the cold winter air burning my lungs but in a good way.

"I bet it feels nice to be outside again,"

I nodded, "How did you find me" I asked, as we continued to walk. It was as if now that I was free my mind could finally ask questions and process all the stuff I had never done previously.

"That's a story for when you've had some more rest," he answered, coming to a stop in front of a Jeep, opening the door and lifting me in. The tingling was still a shock,l everytime he touched my skin.

"Feel free to sleep we've got a bit of a drive ahead of us" he smiled reassuringly, before turning the ignition,the car coming to life.

I woke to someone shaking me,it was dark now and I immediately jumped back in my seat, unsure, before my groggy eyes made contact with Shawn's and I realised where I was and relaxed.

"I won't hurt you, you're safe now Pup," he murmured, moving to brush some hair out of my face with a feather-light touch. I blushed at the nickname."I was just waking you because we're here, this is home" I took in the house illuminated by lights in complete awe.

"So you're an Alpha and you don't hurt humans?" I asked as he helped me cafefully from he car.

"You're not human, you're an omega, but no I have nothing against humans," he added, holding me steady as I swayed on my feet slightly, not used to standing anymore.

I stood stunned again," I know it's a lot to take in, but we'll get to all of that, for now though, you need rest.

We made our way through the house in silence, I could hear other voices, yet we never came across anyone.

"This is my room," he spoke, shifting his grip on me slightly to open the door.

The room was large with huge french doors leading out to a balcony overlooking a big yard and a lake, soft- what looked like silk curtains framing the windows, a guitar sat in one corner a futon in the other. There was a record player in the corner, playing a soft melody which filled the space, creating a warm inviting feeling. In the centre of the room was the biggest bed I had ever seen.

It had several large cushions on it and a duvet cover that looked like it would feel like laying on clouds. Just this bed was bigger than he cell I'd been forced to spend so many years in,I thought with a shudder.

"This is your room?I stumbled over my words.

"Well I'm hoping it will be our room actually." Shawn spoke, scratching at his neck.

I turned panicked. "But only when you're comfortable I'm not about to force you into anything I promise."

He held his pinkie finger out, and I just looked at it unsure of what he wanted.

"Here," he smiled, taking my hand and locking my own little finger with his. "This is called a pinkie promise. It's like a pact that you don't break," he explained with a smile.

"Oh,I guess, I must have forgotten." I felt extremely stupid and shit up quickly, the only sound that of the record player still in the corner. I found it so comforting, my own father had had one when I was little and I could remember watching the record and needle spin for hours.

"There's a room adjacent to mine which I've had the maids freshen up, there's a comfortable bed and an ensuite with fresh towels and a toothbrush." he continued as if there wasn't just a massive awkward silence emitting solely from my lack of understanding.

He turned leading me back out and across the hallway to another door. When he opened it, I saw a room, smaller than his, but still warm and cosy, with a big bed, a window, lots of pretty lights and yet more records, this time hung in the wall.

"You didn't need to do this for me," I told him, as I took it all in.

"I wanted you to be comfortable," he shrugged.

He lead me back to his room where he sat down on the bed, kicking his shoes off and patting the spot next to him.

"How long was I out" I asked after a minute. He got what I meant immediately.

"Three days," he answered somberly.

"How are you feeling? he asked.

"Still very sore," I admitted.

"Here let me see your injuries." he reached over picking up a box of what I soon realised was full of first aid stuff.

He was extremely gentle as he tended to he cuts and scrapes that covered my shoulders, arms,and legs. He even managed to convince me to let him check my ribs. This I found uncomfortsbly and awkward once again, but he was careful not to make it any worse than it had to be and he had rewrapped them quicky and easily.

"How do you know how to do all this?" I asked quietly as he gently dabbed at a cut on my hand. "We'll I'm actually a trained doctor. When I'm not working as the Alpha, I work at the pack hospital. There all done," he announced,packing up the box and disposing of he rubbish in a small medical waste tin.

Half an hour later and I'd gotten changed, again into one of Shawn's oversized hoodies and made myself comfortable in his bed after he insisted I stay in his room incase I needed him.

"Sleep well, Pup, I'll be here if you need me."

He went to lounge on the futon, and I was left to drift to sleep, exhausted by the day's events. My sleep was fitful to satly the least, dreams bad nightmares melding to form weird and wonderful scenarios which would never make sense.

When I woke, it was to a soft knock on the door. Opening my eyes, I could see that it was still slightly light out, though dinner than it had been, probably somewhere around dusk. A girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a kind smile stepped tenntively into the room.

"My name's Karla. Im in the pack. It's nice to meet you," she added warmly. "Shawn's had to go deal with some pack matters so he asked me to come keep you company. I brought you some food. He said you might be hungry." She held out what looked like a croisant, the smell of butter instantly filling the room."I also brought a hair brush," she added. "I thought you might like to brush your hair, I know that always makes me feel better. Or I could do it?" she added again, shyly.

"Thank you."I whispered, my voice still hoarse.

The girl, Karla, came to sit on the bed. She had to be the same age as me. Maybe a year or two older.

"I hope the pack meeting doesn't go too long," she said as I started picking at my croisant. "Shawn won't want to be away from you, it's hard to be away from our mates." She looked dreamy as she spoke, leaving no question that she too had a mate.

"I'm nervous to meet everyone," I admitted with a frown, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Aww, don't worry everyone will love you," she smiled. "We've all been waiting for ages for him to meet his mate and you're finally here." she clapped in excitement, breaking E and forcing me to smile just as Shawn came through the door with another soft knock.

"Ahhh, I see you've meet Karla," he smiled, raising his eyebrow a little bit. " I hope she's been telling you good things."

"Yep, what were you doing" I asked watching as he took his deniem jacket off- the same one from earlier and chucked it onto the futon, coming to sit next to me on the bed, careful not to invade my personal space.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked watching as I pulled the crosiant to pieces no longer interested by the food, now that I had him here.

"I'm alright," I shrugged.

He nodded, and we lapsed into yet another comfortable quiet.

It was only then that I realised Karla had left the room, she must have excused herself, seeing that she was no longer needed and didn't feel the need to encroach.The hairbrush however was still laying on the bed.

"I just want you to know," he spoke, breaking the silence after a while, "that no matter what happeneds you'll be safe here. I'll protect you with my life, it's my job both as your Alpha and as your mate," he spoke earnestly.

He was looking at me with such an intensity as he spoke that something broke inside of me, and I cracked. "Lucy," I whispered looking down and away from his gaze.

"What?" I could here the confusion in his voice.

"Lucy, my name, my name is Lucy." I spoke more clearly this time, though I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Lucy, that's a pretty name," he murmured. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was reaching for me, and as much as I wanted to move, my body was frozen whether in fear or anticipation I couldn't know, but the next thing I knew both his hands were cupping my face. He was so gentle, almost as if he thought I would break. I looked up at him, once again taken aback by the intensity of his stare.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"You're so pretty when you blush," he smiled, caressing my cheek.

"Please don't compliment me, I don't deserve it, I'm ugly," I repeated the words my captors had drilled into me for so many years.

"You, Lucy," he put emphasis on my name. "are anything but ugly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out."

"How can you say that?" I replied.

"Because, I can feel it Lucy, right here," he took my hand in his and placed it over his chest where I could feel his heart beat strong and sure. "I've been waiting for you my entire life. And now that I have you, it's my job, my honour to protect you with my life," he explained fiercly.

"Thank you," I chocked out, tears welling in my eyes.Leaning into his frame just slightly despite myself and my fears.

"No pup, thank you."

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

Deliverance| A Werewolf Shawn AU

Part Two

In my dream I was running, running as fast as I could and yet the wolves that were chasing me were only gaining on me.

I knew that I only had a matter of seconds before it was all over, before I was dead and so I welcomed the wolf as he lunged forward to kill me.

...

I woke with a start, breathing heavily as I looked around realising that I was safe, I wasi n Shawn's room still, but it was light out now, morning light reflecting like diamonds off the lake in the distance.

There was a soft knock at the door, causing me to jump before Shawn appeared dressed in a t-shirt,and track pants, his feet bare.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized, coming to sit at the end of he bed. "Are you okay?I heard you whimpering in your sleep,"

I nodded, still half asleep. "I'm good, bad dream I guess," I shrugged, not wanting to go into it anymore.

"You can go back to sleep for a while, it's still early and I have a few things I need to do with the pack before the day starts," Shawn offered with a soft smile. I turned looking at the cosy hole of pillows and blankets I'd left.

"Thank you, I murmured, stiffling a yawn.

"Sleep well Pup," he spoke getting up and leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.i Kay there from a while, just watching the world out the window, just this simple act felt so luxurious, the mountains, everything was so pretty, so green, so vibrant compared to my old life.

How different my life was now I thought as I shut my eyes and drifted off again.

When I woke again, I could tell several hours had past from the angle of the sun, and the fact that I was no longer fighting the urge to sleep.I sat up and stretched,before getting up and heading to the door. I had no idea where I was going, but I was hungry and I had this weird yearning to be near Shawn. It made me uneasy after everything that had happened to me that I needed someone, especially a male so much, but I couldn't deny the feeling I was having, maybe it was something to do with this mate connection that Shawn had been taking about?

I made my way through the house, heading down corridor after corridor,down several staircases and into finally into a massive living room with several oversized couches and a fire place.

"Lucy?" I turned at the sound of the familiar female voice. Karla, was standing at the other side of the room watching me inquisitively."Are you okay?"she asked, making her way towards me.

"You know my name?" I asked surprised.

"Shawn told us," she smiled registering the confusion which I felt. "What are you doing up?"

"I woke up and Shawn wasn't in his room, I came to find him," I explained, still somewhat distracted by the sheer size and grnadure of the room.

"He's in the kitchen making you breakfast, he loves to cook. I'll show you the way if you want," she offered.

I nodded and she took my hand without hesitation, leading me through an archway which opened out into the kitchen. Like the living room before, he kitchen too was huge, a massive marble island taking up the centre part of the space,several stoves and counters, Karla smiled and left.

"Morning Pup, sleep well? Shawn asked when he spotted me standing there, coming over and laying a ghost kiss on my temple." Sorry I shouldn't have done that," he frowned.

"It's okay. It feels nice," I smiled, he beamed back. "It'll just take some time for me to get used to everyday things again." I was saying it more to my self than him. But he answered.

"We've got nothing but time, however to fill that time how about we eat, you need nutrients Pup. What do you like to eat?"

It was a simple enough question, but it had been so long since I had been asked it, that I didn't know how to respond.

"How about pancakes and fruit?" he asked, helping me out.

I nodded, thankful I didn't have to make a decision for myself.

"Want to watch?" he asked.

"Yes please."

He nodded "Since your so short, how about you sit on the bench?" he suggested.

"How am I meant to get up there?" I asked eying the jump, there was no way in hell that I'd be able to make it on my own.

"Can I help you?" he asked coming to stand in front of me. I nodded, still a little unsure. "I'm going to lift you okay?" he checked.

I nodded again and he placed his hands on my waist and lifted me with ease onto the bench.

"Ever made pancakes before?" he asked reaching above him to the hooks which held a bunch for saucepans, grabbing one down.

"Yes, but not in a long time, not since-" I stopped shuddering as memories flooded back.

"Do you want to stir the batter?" he asked, breaking me free of the silent torture.

We went about the process quietly, I was greatful for that, because I still wasn't feeling particularly verbose. Not used to being allowed to talk, let alone anyone actually being interested in heat u had to say.

When the food was ready he helped me down off the bench and led me back the way I'd come and out onto a secluded balcony overlooking the sound. It was stunning the morning sun reflecting like one big dimond off the water, the sound of birds and the breese filling the air.

"How come we haven't seen any of the pack, except for Karla?" I asked as I sat down.

" Because this part of the house is only for the Alpha and his immediate superiors," he answered, taking a bite of his food."Plus, I asked them to keep their distance, I figured you'd need some time to adjust."

"But Karla?", I stopped confused.

"Is my Beta Connor's mate," he explained.

"Oh,"

We lapsed back into a comfortable silence. giving me a chance to take a bite of my own food. It was hands down the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten, and I was overcome by a hunger I didn't know I had in me, finishing my plate miles ahead of Shawn.

"You still hungry Pup?" he asked looking over at my now empty plate with a smile.

I shook my head no, smiling back at him, I was fuller than I could ever remember.

I sat watching the sound for a while as Shawn finished his pancakes, but my peace was suddenly interrupted by an odd and unnerving sensation in my stomach, almost like nervous butterflies, but way more intense.

"Shawn," I panicked.

"What's wrong,?" he demanded, standing up and coming to squat in front of me, searching every inch of my face.

"The feeling?" I asked, desperately hoping he'd understand. "Like butterflies," I gasped as they ramped up when I grabbed his hand squeezing it as hard as I could. "What is it Shawn?" I asked again as I took in hus huge grin.

"It's your wolf Lucy." he let out a breath." I was so worried she was repressed for too long, but she's alive," he chocked on his words.

"Is that good?" I asked confused, still squeezing his hand.

"That's great, it means you'll be able to live like the rest of us, to change,to mate." I blushed at the last part.

"But why this feeling?"

"She's restless," he explained. "She knows she's in the presence of her mate, my wolf and she wants out. When youre well enough I'll teach you how to let her free," he added.

"Will it hurt?" I asked suddenly worried.

"It might be a bit uncomfortable the first time she takes over, it's kind of like having to share your head, your thoughts and feelings with someone else, but trust me, there's no better feeling than running free in the woods, your wolf able to do as they please without restriction.

I nodded, still not entirely sure, but I trusted him.

We sat just watching the water for a while, not needing to talk. It was strange to me, being able to just sit, not having rules to follow, people coming to use me for their own personal gain, not feeling pain. But it was also welcome.

"Are you ready to start the day?" Shawn asked, as he stood half an hour later, grabbing our plates off the table with one hand and holding his other out for me to take.

I nodded, standing up slowly,taking his hand, and following him inside.

"What are we doing today?" I asked as he dumped the plates in the sink bad led the way back to his room.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked as we stepped into his now familiar room once again.

I stood there,thinking. Again not used to having the freedom to make choices for myself.

"A few of the girls like to paint," he suggested as he rummaged around in his cupboard, pulling a pair of trainers out and sitting on the end of the bed to put them on. "I could get you some paints or different art supplies if you like, or you could read, we could even go for a shirt walk around the grounds of you're feeling up to it later," he added with a smile coming over to stand in front of me.

"I'd like to paint?" It came out as more of a question, but he nodded.

"I'll get you the stuff you need," he murmured, placing another soft kiss against my forehead,causing me to all but melt into him. I couldn't get over the way he made me feel. It was like everything in my head told me to keep my distance, to stay clear, to protect myself. But my body and heart were saying the opposite- wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible to this man, it was almost as if my body needed the physical contact with Shawn to function now. It wasn't that that was a bad thing, it was just such a change from two days earlier when I would have done everything in my power to stay clear of any and all males.

"How about you have a shower, get ready for the day, I'll go and do what I need to do- check in on the younger ones, do a perimeter run and then we can go to the pack meeting together?" he suggested, moving around me to pull a towel and a new oversized hoodie off his dresser which I hadn't even realised was there.

The first 10 minutes of the shower were heavenly,the hot water helping to unknot my still aching muscles,the steam clearing my senses, but as I relaxed into it, listening to the sound of the water beating down on the tiled floor my mind started to wonder, and soon I was feeling anything but comfort.

I could feel the familiar rush of adrenaline,the way my hands and feet went slightly numb and shaky, my chest heaving as I gasped for air, collapsing in a heap in the corner of the shower, head against the damp wall as image after image of my old life haunted me.

I sat there for what felt like forever, the water drowning out my pathetic attempts to choke back the sobs that were now wracking my tired body.

"Lucy, are you okay in there?" an alarmed voice spoke, slightly muffled by the door.

"Help, please, help me," I whispered,hoping that whoever it was would hear me.

"I'm coming in," the person spoke and a moment later the door to the shower was ripped open revealing Karla, a look of deep worry on her face.

"Lucy, what's the matter?"she asked, reaching in to turn the water off.

"Ca-can't breathe," I stuttered, holding my hand over my chest.

"Oh, God, here, I'm going to help you get out," she rushed out of the room, coming back moments later with another large towel."Can you stand up?"she asked watching me uncertainly.

"Think so," I nodded. She stepped into the shower wrapping the towel around me, before helping me carefully to my feet.I didn't even care at this point that she'd seen me without anything on, I was just desperate for this feeling to stop.

"Just take slow deep breaths," she encouraged with a soft smile as I made my way slowly to the bed. "Have you had panic attacks before she asked?" Sitting on the bed beside me,grabbing the sweater that Shawn had set aside for me and helping me to pull it over my head, instantly engolfing me with the warmth and scent of Shawn.

I nodded, still feeling extremely shaky.

"Do you think you'll be alright if I go and get Shawn?" she asked. "I promise it'll take me 2 seconds.I just think Shawn will be able to help you more than I can," she told me.

I nodded.I didn't want to be left alone, but I wanted Shawn more.

She left in a hurry, looking over her shoulder at me with pity.

As I sat and waited, I tried to stay calm, but my the time the door opened again, I was once again struggling to breathe, my chest heaving.

"Oh, Pup, what's the matter?" Shawn asked coming to sit next to me as Karla had, before laying a very gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Don't know, just feel scared," I shrugged, not looking up at him. I hated the idea that he was seeing me so vulnerable.

"Lucy, honey, can you look at me," his voice was barely a whisper.

I looked up reluctantly, knowing that he'd be able to see the tears, not yet dried in my cheeks, the puffy redness under my eyes nodoubt making me look like a chipmunk.

"We're going to do some grounding excercises okay," he smiled softly. "Take a big breath in, and I want you to hold it until I count to 10."

I did as he,said, feeling my lungs expand with the air they so desperately needed.

"Good," he praised, and slowly breathe out through your mouth," he instructed."I'm going to lift you up okay?" he asked. I nodded, letting him know I was okay with it.

He lifted me quickly and easily, sitting me in his lap, not seeking to care about the fact that I still had dripping hair.i curled into him instinctively, as I hiccupped, my tears slowly slightly now, my chest just a little less tight.

"You're okay Lucy, I'm here, I've got you," he murmured, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry,"I croaked out, when after a few minutes neither of us had spoken.

"For what?" he asked, looking at me with confusion in his eyes.

"For me" I said, as if it should be obvious.

"Lucy, please don't apologise, none of this is your fault," he responded, rubbing soothing circles up and down my arms.

"I just feel useless sometimes," I admitted, more to myself than to him.

"You are anything but useless," he replied, "and to prove it," he added,"I'm going to take you to meet the pack,if you're up to it," he smiled. "They're all so excited to meet you, and we have a pack meeting dinner thing tonight so I thought it might be nice if you joined."

"Why if they don't like me?"I worried, ringing my hands nervously.

"They will trust me," he smiled again,shifting me off of his lap before standing up and holding his hand out for me to take, which I did gladly.

There were already several people waiting in the living room when we made it downstairs and I couldn't help but feel a little intimidated at the thought of all these new people.

Shawn squeezed my hand reassuringly as he lead me to a large armchair where he sat, before pulling me down to sit on his lap without seemingly a second thought.

"Everyone," this is Lucy," Shawn introduced. "This is Dave, Brian, Connor, you know Karla," she shot me a warm smile "Beth and Angie," Shawn pointed them out one by one. They all smiled warmly, waving at me.

"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" Connor, I assumed from the way Karla was snuggled into his side much like I was with Shawn, asked.

"We need to be putting protective measures into place, since Lucy's been here other packs are getting restless, and given the circumstances, I don't want to take any risks."

The others nodded in silent agreement before Shawn went on.

"When I found Lucy-" he paused to look at me, shaking his head, " she was mere moments from having her life cut short, it was just lucky, I happened to be doing a run of the grounds, it who knows what would have happened," he trailed off. I felt myself shudder and Shawn's arms tighten around me ever so slightly as we simultaneously re- lived those horrific few seconds.

"You know we're all behind you man," someone else spoke up, causing everyone to nod.

"Thank you," Shawn replied sincerely, "At this stage there have only been a two attempts at breaches, don't seem bold enough to actually enter our lands, but they're hanging around the fringe,getting more game everyday," he frowned as he spoke.

At this point I chose to time out the conversation, sometimes ignorance was bliss and I already had enough on my mind without fretting about what was going on around me too much.

As wesat on the sofa hours later, cuddled up as the television played re-runs of friends couldn't help but voice my fears.

"Am,am I safe?" I asked nervously,looking up at Shawn who was half dozing, arms wrapped lazily around me.

He sat up slightly, stretching before resting his hands on either side if my face affectionately,

"We're doing everything we can to protect you," he spoke fiercly, reaching for my hand and squeezing gently."You are my life now," he added,pulling me protectively into his embrace again. For the first time in a long time,the sense of fear that was ever-present disappated somewhat, and I felt safe knowing that regardless of what happened I had Shawn,I had a home and I had a family.

[yoongusworld]

title –> Lifetime

genre –> smut , one sided love , nurse and pianist reader x pianist ,heir yoongi! oneshot.

characters –> bts! yoongi x reader , y/n ,dahyun.

this is based on imagination,character used exists but this is only a fanfiction.

i would like to give credits for some lines i will use

-hardfactzquotes,poise,blogkiat,themindsjournal.com,the last part i there is no watermark so i dont know who owns that but ctto.

my mom said that love can conquer all.the most scariest thing i don't want to experience is heartbreak but i you need to fall inlove and feel your heart break.One sided love is beautiful yet a heartbreak.No expectations,nothing in return,just pure love.Yet it hurts,no doubt. but nothing can be as beautiful as one sided love story.

"y/n honey! wake up! you'll be late for you practice daughter!" those words are loud.i'm sleepy.

"moooom~i practiced all night my fingers feel numb and my piano seems sad like it wants to give up~" i lazily replied to my mother.

"honey..you play for patients in the hospital you need to inspire them with your music,you said that right? plus payment is high you can add that when you leave or you want me to just pay--" i cut my moms words and said

"uuuuuugh--mom i know we have lots of money but i don't want to depend on your money its not that im not accepting your hardworks its just i want to prove everyone that i will not just depend on how rich we are. i know i can do it" i know i can.

"i know honey..i believe in you,you're the best choice i chose in my whole life and i know you never done anything wrong because youre my daughter,i love you honey...now get up!!" she said and patted my legs.

"love you too mom..here i come practice!!" and we both laugh. i love my mom. she supported me in every aspects of my life,every journey of my chilhood,teenage and being an adult and i will repay all her hardwork as my mom and as my dad.

after taking a quick bath i head to our kitchen to see what my mom cooks for breakfast and eat.

"bye y/n honey..please be safe. don't forget to put ointment on you finger,okay?" she pecked my cheeks like i'm a little child and said goodbye.

"bye mom!!" i drove to my practice place where aspiring pianists are really trying their best to learn more about piano.I'm not saying that im already a pro but i am really good at this. the're will be a program in a hospital where they will choose one pianist to play at 'bringing back patients to life with music program' sounds like they're already dead? and i was the chosen one.lucky me.there's a guy here who doesn't even talk and always seems..lonely.i am curious about him even i know shouldn't,i dont know its just like..he got me. going inside the practice room everybodys eyes are all on me even the piano teacher.

"Well goodmorning ms.lee,the chosen one. Everyone i forgot to tell y'all that y/n is going to play piano at the hospital program,congratulate her" as everyone claps i saw the introvert guy who put his hands together and clap a little. he's cute but he scares me sometimes. after all those claps i sat down next to him. i purposedly sat beside him. "u-um...h-hiii,i'm lee y/n, i see you don't talk too much so–" i thought i was the only one who can cut words,he did cut my words.

"i know you." how?that sounds great i dont need to introduce myself a lot.

"really???but how?" i asked while the piano teacher is doing his business on some sort of things.he is still looking at the lyrics,notes in front of him not even wanting to spare a glance at me.but when he talks he looks at my eyes well its not a look,more like a glare.

"youre mom is a doctor in 'Asan Mecial Center Soul' no wonder they chose you to play in the hospital because your mother is a doctor"he smirked and i was shocked on his words is he saying that i depend on my mom to get inside the program?!

"e-excuse me but i didn't ask any help from anyone i know inside that hospital!" who does he think he is?he look back on his papers not even replying on what i said. he is rude and scary as expected.

"yah!y/n" my friend dahyun hooked me up "what?" i replied. she's on my right side while that rude guy is on my left. "Are you seriously talking to min yoongi?!" she wishpered to me "who?who is yoongi?"i asked confused. "duh its the guy beside you girl!" so his name is yoongi?? "whats up with him?does he really talk rudely to people?!" i asked dahyun slightly mad. "yes!but he's hot isnt he? he is the next heir of the AMCS he is soon the president of the hospital,i heard he finished medicine and piano is just his hobby when he is bored,girl there is no way you dont know him!" it looks like he is that popular. i get more interested.my mom is one of the doctors there yet,i dont heard anything 'bout him.

after piano practice me and my bestfriend dahyun headed to the café. "whats up with you y/n? you seemed so quiet since we talked about yoongi" i still did not answer her question "hey!y/n are going to keep looking on your favorite iced americano?the ice is melting what the hell are you thinking there?!" i really need to ask dahyun since she knows everything about handsome and popular guys. "dahyun,what more you know about yoongi?" i asked im not shy to ask shes my bestfriend i can trust her with all my rants and secrets. "Hmm well they said that yoongi is really introvert not until her girlfriend appear‐-" she have girlfriend. "her girlfriend is the richest before they also said that yoongi wasn't planning to fall for her but he did. but after all their love story is tragic. shin hyemin's car crashed and its almost 1year but she's still in a coma her parents are lacking hope but not yoongi and thats when he turn back being quiet and rude. haish he really love her,i hope i will also have a relationship like them." she pouts and out her hand under her chin. "why are u suddenly interested at him huh? do you have a crush on him?" i don't know actually its just he is interesting,i want to know him.

"no!its because he talks rudely to me,thats why" i protest looking on a big glass window beside our table drinking my melted ice iced americano. "btw y/n the program is going near you only have 2days to look pretty!!" i sighed remembering the program "i know and i know you will help me find a nice outfit for it,right?" she also sighed and just nodded not having any choice "hm well good".

—after two days—

"yah y/n i really love this white dress on you,you indeed look like an angel fallen from the sky!!!" i spin myself like a princess feeling the white dress i am wearing "wow! my daughter is so beautiful!!!" we heard a voice from the door assuming its mom "yes of course auntie,i chose her outfit!" dahyun pouts "haha i know dahyunie thank you very much" i said and playfully hug her "ok bye girls,i need to go early one of the patients are slowly healing" she said then finally go "i wonder whos patient is that,your mom is great" dahyun said "i know now lets go and get readyyy,the program will start in 1hr!!!"

yoongi's pov

two days passed since i start to attend piano class to atleast reduce my stress but still,y/n is always bugging me,i cant get enough of her,she is making me do things i'm not supposed to do before. i was early to visit my girlfriend as always. as expected she's still on her coma,i don't know how long i can wait for her i am the next heir and my father wants me to find a woman that i will soon marry. i love this woman,she's my life. there's a mysterious man that always looking through hyenmins door i asked her parents if they know him or if hyenmin knows that guys but her parents said that they don't know him. Its kinda bothering me but unless as he isn't doing anything it will be fine.

"yoongi,thanks for visiting our daughter but you need to rest." her father said with a eyes of pity.

"no s-sir,i am completely fine" i faked a smile.

"yoongi,son,we told you right? its ok for us if you decided to find someone else its been a almost a year we should give up but you insisted and stay by her side,you are so kind and warm hearted yoongi but please remember this 'if you find someone that will make you happy we are fine with that' we know you always try hard to take care of hyenmin but now im returning your kindness to you and go find someone else"mrs. shin said to me with her eyes that were very teary,tears also escaped my eyes i dont wanna leave her,i can't imagine life without hyenmin even i knew that she hurt me.

"yoongi,you're such a great man. you can be with her until she woke up and explain everything to her we are here for you" his father was never like this he used to dislike me for hyenmin because i was playboy back then but she changed me i was happy with her.

"t-thank you mr and mrs.shin" i cried. "the program will start we'll going down,we heard you love piano. you should watch it too" he smiled at me and get out inside the room where hyenmin was.

ah yeah that stupid girl with her stupid program.she talks a lot like you hyenmin and moves like you. what should i do? she's more likely like you but u know that i will never replace you with anyone even you replaced me.

your pov

yup!!this is it y/n you can freaking do this,its just sick people,disabled people ugh!!but still they're people y/n why are you like this? "the next is a beautiful young lady who plays the piano,lee y/n" the mc speaks and called my name,this is it,for real!!! as i go to the stage theater of the hospital everyone is looking at me i guess white dress isn't a good idea? i nervously sat down the piano chair and get my hands ready above the piano. I played beethovens Moonlight Sonata.it certainly brightens the piece but it's not terribly emotional. Emotionally it makes me feel like life at the height of its passion.everyone looks emotional some are enjoying.

yoongi's pov

since i was tired i decided to go to the theater and see what that y/n can really do. its not yet starting but i hear the mc said that lee y/n is next and she's playing a piano. open the door and sat down at the back of the hospitals theater "s-sir what are you still doing here? Mr.min will scold you if he saw you here" i sighed and out my palms onto my forehead its one of my fathers bodyguard are they following me? "he will scold me if you told him that i am here so shut up" i saw y/n starts to play she's playing beethovens moonlight sonata huh i guess she wants everyone to cry.a person who knows music will know its sweet but a typical person who will hear it will definitely cry. as she plays long she is pouring her heart out on whats she's doing,she even wear a white dress she l-looks like an angel fallen from the-- shit! what am i saying?! i admit she is very attractive but she is distracting me from my girlfriend. (End of yoongis pov)

As soon as y/n finished the piano yoongi goes outside the theater and head home.She was fascinated by y/n.She never tought this will happen to him when he still has a girlfriend.This cant be happening he said to himself. He should finds out whats that feeling he's been craving whenever he looks at you.

i was laying on my bed thinking if its really yoongi or not"dahyun,i told you i saw yoongi inside the theater i am not lying or seeing someone that wasnt him coz i know its really him!!!" i explained to my bestfriend who looks at me in disgust. "whats with the disgust face?!" i shouted in stress. "ok let's say that—oh! yoongi was there but, he isn't there for you. he was probably taking care of her sleeping beauty!" while she laughed at me i am still stressed i am having a different feelings about him,its look like he shoots me with his killer looks and glare that i cannot forget those. "i–i know but–dahyun you're my bestfriend and i want to be honest with you on what i feel" then she replied with hum crossing both of ther arms together on his chest. "i really feel curious about yoongi he looks very mysterious and you know i like a person who is mysterious in a good way" she has a girlfriend i know that and im still finding out. "please y/n don't make actions you will regret after just remember i am here for you" she smiled and hugged me. she is right.

another piano lesson.i have no time eating breakfast my mom is already in the hospital and i sooooo lonely dahyun will not pick me up so i guess i drive myself there. I sighed remembering yoongi will be there. we are complete stranger but why do i feel this way towards him?This is crazy.im crazy. i was suddenly awaken my mind hearing my phone ringing "yes mom?" what is it this time?! "honey i am sorry to bother you but after your piano class can you please go here in the hospital" i get inside the class after we talk and there is no sign of yoongi everywhere "what happend to him?" i mumured "WHO?" i was startled by the voice behind me "yah!you startled me!!!" she smiled and grab my arms "lets go" after class me and dahyun planned to go shopping but obviously there was an urgent problem in the hospital and they need my help (i know y'all wondering why,easy) "ugh!y/n we supposed to date today!!"dahyun pouted. "i know im sorry they need a sub in the hospital" i calmly explained to her "you said you don't like to be a nurse but you finished nursing,you know what you confuse me sometimes!!" we laughed as i headed to the hospital.

—AT THE HOSPITAL—

"hey honey glad you made it here,thank you so much daughter we are really lacking of nurses this week but they promised to pay me double for that and i'll give some to you,okay?" i nodded and changed ny clothes to nurses clothes. its not easy to be a sub nurses but i am one of the most payed doctors daughter so its easy for me to get in and loved to help. i will soon leave my mom alone and i want to cherish her a lot so much this past few months. "you look good in nurses outfit,are you playing roleplay here?" a cold voice appeared behind me while i was walking in the hall and i fastly turn my back to that guy i knew it was him "y–yoongi? why did you not attend piano lesson today?" i asked i know i was out of line but i badly want to know his reason "i visited someone" he said coldy and walk past at me "h–hey y–yoongi wait!" he stopped walking but did not turn back to look at you. "what?"he simply talked "just wanted to talk to you.uh erm..if you'll let me???" what did i just say? and now i need to talk to him if he agree.

after my duty as a nurse today i looked at yoongi who is sipping his coffee looking at the sky at the hospitals rooftop i sighed and cut the silence between us "i just want to know if you're fine" i scratched the back on my neck really shy to talk to him "none of you're business" i need to get used to his rudeness "s–sorry i really wanted to be your um f–friend?if thats possible you know?" he heard it for sure but acted like he didn't "i have lots of friend,i dont want to add one anymore"again with his cold tone "well the more the merrier,they said" as i laughed sarcasticly "you're really different aren't you?" he laughed and looked at me "hm...i am" we both laughed and took advantage of a beautiful sun setting on its own.

months have passed i continued working inside the hospital as a nurse while dahyun works at her parents company and...me and yoongi are now friends we hang out a lot i can see he is happier now and i guess i just achieved my goal to make him happy.

"yah give it to me you asshole!" y/n reached for his hand but he is taller than her "only of you'll treat me dinner!" he shouted y/n ran over him but instead she hugged him tight. time stopped for a moment but he speaks up "a–all right,fine here!!" He finally give up and hand her the wallet. they were silent,the rooftop was silent,no birds,no animals,no people,just y/n and yoongi.we sat for another sunset to watch "i never thought we will be good friends" she said and he huffed "you are so noisy who wouldnt talk and hangout with you just to make you quiet?" she playfully punch him and laughed "its because you want me yoongi! If you dont then get rid of me!!!" She shouted to him alongwith a pout making him laugh even more.

she makes him happy how can he able to get rid of her?

After that yoongi and y/n hang out a lot. go to a coffee shop early in the morning, walking in the middle of the night when y/n messed up on hospital,watch movies when yoongi has a problem with his father and hyenmins condition.

you two were hanging out but the doctors called him to tell that hyenmin had seizure so yoongi rapidly ran to the hospital with just only one word he left that y/n always holds "sorry" that sorry followed by another sorry and another and another one. you cannot blame him,you came in his life in a wrong time.

this feelings you have been keeping wasn't like any other like your past relationships. you don't even tried to touch yourself when you think of them and be bold in words around them but with yoongi,its all different. you became more and more comfortable with each other as time passed.

we always seeing each other inside the hospital we ate lunch together,watch sunset together,walk outside together we did a lot as a friend but thats not what i feel anymore i am not curious about him now because i fell for him its more that just a friend and i am sure. we supposed to hangout after my shift .

I texted him to ask where is he. he isnt replying to all my texts "haaaaa where is he now??" i tapped one of my foot on the tiles waiting for yoongi at the hall "hey!!!" someone shocked me "yoongi!!!you startled me!! what took you so long?!" i pout and crossed my arms on my chest "im sorry okay,on my house?" he friendly hugged me that made me blushed. "yah!we're at the hospital and i'm a nurse" he look at me in confused and said "this hospital is mine and i dont care,how about we hang out now okay?no more talking"

we made it into his penthouse. this is the third time i came to his house first was because i bargged in to ask him if i can be his frien,second is when we became close friends that was memorable i am not sure but he was stressed that time so i hugged him as friend but i know we both felt that tension between us,we almosy kissed but the doctor call him about hyenmin. and now is the third,i really crave for this man but he doesn't feel the same.

"how about a movie?" he asked. "that sounds great but can you please order pizza im kinda craving pizza right now and im freaking tired!" i said and flopped myself onto his soft couch "okay just choose a movie while i order"he said while taking off his leather jacket and shoes,he is so hot i cannot stop thinkinh doing dirty thoughts with him but i remember hyenmin all of a sudden.

"can i turn the lights off?" i shouted at yoongi "sure!!!" she shouted back. after a minutes i already chose a movie to watch 'after' "what movie is that?" he asked and also flopped hiself on his couch "idunno its currently number 1 on netflix so this should be good" i yawn and arch my back to stretch "sleepy?" yoongi looked at me,his eyes are different today "n-no just tired. my back really hurts".

"how about a back massage?just a thank you for accompanying me" he slightly laughed and scratched the back of his neck "woah!thats the most kind word i heard today!thanks!" i speak in sarcastic way,he just rolled his eyes on me and pull me down to massage my back.

"ah~yes yoongi right there please~" it was almost a moan "how come you're good at this?" i asked while he continue massaging my back. "i learned it from hyenmin" he said. i admit that hurts me ofcourse he will still love his girlfriend i am not expecting anything just seeing him happy makes me okay.

yoongi's pov

"i learned it from hyenmin" i replied to her. It seems like she doesn't care. y/n keeps moaning while i massage her back it's making me aroused hearing her voice like that it's also been a while since i had sex. "ahh~yoongi thats right" she tilt her head making her hair fall to the side revealing her neck. i cannot take this anymore i am going to explode if she continue teasing me like this. "ahhh!~ yoongi thats hurts! are you alright?" i snapped into reality when i heard my name from her mouth "uh–um i–im sorry is the movie already done?" i changed the topic covering my hardening bulge with a pillow. "not yet were just in the rated 18+ part" she calmly said how can she be calm talking about the sex scene.

"i moan better than her" she said my eyes widen by her sudden words,she's eating the pizza sitting beside me,i see she's playing games with me, "what makes you say that huh?"i smirked at her and then she looks at me "yah!my ex and i attempt lots of sex he even recorded my voice because no one can moan how i moan!"she sound like she is scolding me. what is she saying? we were not comfortable to say things like this,she is totally different.i began talking to her comfortably in just a month not like others even hyenmin,or the six of my bestfriends.

"are you listening?!" she slap my shoulder playfully "i–i am" i replied. "yoongi can i lay on your lap?"did i hear her clear? im freaking hard right now and she wants to lay? On my lap?! "okay i'll take that as a yes!" with that she lay her head on my lap near my bulge as i began groaning when she moves.

"stop playing games with me y/n, i promise wo won't like it"

"what games?" and she continuesly moving,this is fucking great.

your pov

"y/n can you please stop freaking m-moving?!"he said at me more like a shout. "sorry" the movie is done but yoongi is just staying still on his sitting position "yah did you forget to move yoongi?" i laughed at him histerically cos he literally stopped moving he's like a stone i stopped laughing when i felt a hand on my waist.

it was yoongi,he was gripping my waist so hard all i see is him on top of me "i told you to stop freaking moving and now you're laughing like you don't know what you did huh?nurse y/n." he said looking at me with his dark eyes i really have no idea what he's saying "y–yoongi,i have no—" he cut my words

"damn you and your excuses,you make me this hard y/n. now make it up for me" i didn't even have the chance to talk when he slammed his lips in mine harshly i don't want to give in but in myself i am liking this yoongi. i kissed him back. he bite my lower lip asking for entrance he is dominating every moves. our tounges are dancing together our kiss is became steamy and hot i feel my core getting wet.

his lips are now going down to my neck biting the skin creating a hickeys "y–yoongi" i breathed out. he pull up the hem of my shirt taking it off and unclasping my bra so easily. his mouth made it to my hardening nipple nibbling his tongue on it while other hand massaging my left breast. i interwined my fingers through his soft hair as he continue to suck my breasts

"uugh y–yoongi~" i continue moaning his name pain and pleasure is what i am feeling right now as he began biting my nipples. i know i am being selfish right now. but just one day,one night will be enough with me.

his lips are moving further down pulling my skirt up to my belly that makes me shiver and aroused, he kissed my core and looked up at me and ask permission

"can i?" i nodded and he moved my panties to the side as i moaned when i felt his hot breath to my core sending shivers down my spine "y–yoongi p–pleaseee" i begged being desperate for him. "i need you y-yoongi" i moaned out "you're getting it for being a slut y/n"his words can make even a boy horny, he fastly remove my skirt along with my panties.

yoongi is eating me out like a hungry man "f–fuck" the only word thats getting out of my mouth as he continues to work on his tongue technology on my wet core

"cumming~" i moaned out as i feel my high going soon "cum for me baby" he mumbled thats vibrating on my core as i release my high.

"hmm so sweet" he said going back to my mouth as i taste myself on him,our kiss become sloppy. he breaks the kiss and breath heavily.

i heard a belt falling on the carpet "so beautiful" he whispered to himself but i still manage to hear

"how about you suck me first before i give you want you want,huh?is that good" he said with a raspy voice while touching my ass cheeks i gently oblige him as he sat down the couch and i get on my knees. his eyes are so dark full of lust.

i pull his pants down along with his boxers while he remove his white shirt,his hardened cock sprung out proudly standing up onto his belly it was an average size but he was thick enough to make me shout in pleasure.

“suck”he said in full of dominance i licked his dick like a kitten as you heard him hiss.

"don’t be a fucking tease" he shoves his hips sliding himself between your parted lips and onto your mouth. you taste the saltiness of arousal leaking from his swollen cock, you take him all in swirling you tongue around his pulsating cock. "ugh,your tongue feels so fucking good baby."

yoongi moans like his stresses are melting away with every in out pace of your mouth on his cock. he grips you hair so tight knowing he is almost there "fuck baby deeper,just like that. ughh f-fuck" he controls the pace making you choke,tears escaped from your eyes "uhhh your mouth feel so good baby,y–yeah" he is mouth fucking you.

"take it all,d–dont leave any single drop" you suck harder "i–m c–cumming" he groaned "f–fuck y/n take it all" i can feel his grip on my scalp,tears are still flowing as his hot cream shots down to your throat "fucking swallow my cum baby"

he pulled me up to him making me sit on his lap "ride me y/n,ride me like a good girl"

"yes daddy" he spanked my ass feeling a hot stingy sensation.

spank

spank

spank

i only yelp by his actions,it hurts but its good.

"do you want daddy to fuck you hard,huh?"

he said with a low raspy voice he put his long slender finger under my dripping core making me jump

"y–yes d–daddy fuck me h–hard" i moaned desperately

"you're fucking dripping for me you slut" he pumps his dick and gently slide it inside your wet core. you squeezed your eyes feeling his thick cock inside your pussy.

you wrap your arms around yoongis neck and breathing hardly

"damn it,y–you're so tight y/n" he waits until i adjust and move up and down his lap with his cock inside my core

he suck my nipples making me moan so loud he stopped and sucked your collarbones marking his territory "this is fucking mine,all mine" he grips your waist fucking you harder

"ugh y–yes d–daddy fuck me harder" he seems to like the daddy kink "daddy kink huh,i love it" he whispered to your ears still fucking you senseless "does mrs.lee k–knows that her daughter is a f–fucking slut around my cock,huh?"he said burying his cock deep inside you as you arched your back.

yoongi's pov

she is a moaning mess,i haven't done this for a year i can say that she is really good at this. i can't lie i am enjoying her company,i want her always beside me,she is making me happy and most of all she's making me good but i'm not sure about the feeling "f–fuck daddy,y–yes!!" she moans as i fuck her harder than ever "y–you will forget y–your name baby girl" i laid y/n on her back parting her legs wider to get better access on her g-spot.

"am i hitting it huh?f-fucking answer me" i said as i push harder inside her tight pussy "y–yes y–yoongi" she moaned "l-look at me" i command as she open her eyes straightly looking into my eyes,she is driving me insane.

i can feel her clench on my cock warning that she is cumming i fastened my pace harder "i-im cumming!" she moaned loud "cum with me"i burried my face on the side of her neck saying dirty words," i fucking l–love you" he said.with one last hard thrust her cum collided with mine. i gently pull my softened dick outside her pussy and pecked her lips. "thank you y/n" and then collapsed on her side still chasing our breaths.

"for what?" she asked "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" she looked at me with her angel eyes. she don't deserve someone like me,she deserves someone who will treat her better "i'll clean you up". i said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." why? after all she will leave? she stands up gathering all her clothes and wearing them one by one.i respect her decision to leave so i let her.

you pov

yoongi collapsed beside me after chasing our highs he finally speaked up "thank you" for what? "for what?" i replied "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" friends. friend of course i am just a friend,you want this y/n now accept the consequences.you just filled up his needs not his empty heart. "i'll clean you up" he said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." i think we will both needing space after this incident. i leave wearing all my clothes and drive home.

i should've stayed but i feel like i was used. i know i liked it too but still he called me as his 'friend' fucking wont make us official and i know that so that i love you doesn't mean anything to him?

at home

"hello?y/n?why did you call at this hour? is there a problem?are you crying?" dahyun asked me so many times but i still sobs and cry like crazy "y–you were right,i shouldn't make decisions i will regret!" i cried even more remembering what happen between me and yoongi "it's all going to be fine y/n. you just loved knowing he doesn't finish loving someone else,sushhh its alright just cry it all out,ok?you have work tomorrow you should be beautiful" but i still cry

"dahyunnnn! i love yoongi!!!what should i do?!" she sighed after saying a word "just talk to him,thats the better thing to do y/n do not avoid him or something. just talk and say what you really feel all this time". she is right.

after weeks i will finally showed myself up for my last day im hospital as a nurse.i prepare to go to work,putting make up on because i cried a lot last night. i sat down on my bed looking in the mirror,theres so many boxes on my room,yup i am slowly packing all my things since yoongi and me became really close friends . i am preparing to leave since then.

after 1hour i arrived at the hospital,i am scheduled to shin hyenmin today i guess its really a bad day to start to. i go inside the hospital changing my clothes into nurses clothes. i can't see where my mom is,i guess she is busy. i gathered the tray with injections ready to go to yoongi's girlfriend,im in the front of her room door "you can do it y/n" i slowly open the door and peeked who's inside. its a group of boys talking to each other i can't see the others face but i assumed they are 7 guys including yoongi.

i finally made it inside and talk like a professional nurse "excuse me sir but i need to inject this to her today...you can all stay but um just move aside." i smiled at them not even looking at yoongi, "wait–y/n is that you?!" one guy speak up i can't see his face but when yoongi moves i finally saw him "jungkook?" its him,the one who organized my house in u.s "i thought you already leave the country–" he was cutted by the other guy and said "let her inject something on yoongis girl bro" the boy said with a boxy smile "um oh yeah sorry i carried away" after injecting on hyenmin yoongi goes to her not even sparing a glance on me,holding her hand.

"wah yoongi really love hyenmin" its a guy with a wide shoulders. "y/n can we talk?" jungkook said. "um-yeah sure,ummm outside?" i point my thumb outside the door and we both talk there. i saw yoongi looking at us but when he knew i was looking he looks back at hyenmin. "um see you later guys,just gonna talk with this beautiful lady here!" jungkook winks at them "nice one jk!"a cute like a sun guy said and i blushed and the bowed goodbye at them.

"sooo~what is it?" i asked him "yoongi hyung is talked us about you,a lot." he confronts me "b-but.how?why? r–really?" why did he do that? "we don't know either but we knew yoongi hyung so much and we know something bothering him,he seems very happy now we thought hyenmin wwas awake but he said it was a girl he met on piano class" jungkook explained "he has hyenmin,i am just,a friend"

I lowered my head and interwined my fingers together as jungkook hold my hands "no y/n i'm not here as your organizer. im here for my hyung he loves you. hyenmin cheated on him a lot but still he stays thats why she has an accident because hyenmin chase him when he ran away caughting her cheat and he blamed himself."

yoongi never told me that. but still. he still love her. i knew that,the way he looks at her,kiss her lips and hold her hands. not just because we had sex doesnt mean he loves me more like i said i fulfill his needs but not his empty heart.

"the hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love,love someone else." i cried,again. jungkook hugged me as friend and told me everything will be fine. they always say that but everything will not be fine. "so are you still leaving the country?" he asked breaking our hug. "um it was planned year ago before i fell inlove with yoongi,so it is still on plan"

—inside hyenmins room—

hoseok : yah!guys look at our jk he is making a move to a girl,im so proud!

as they peak through the window of the door.

namjoon : wahh he is really good at girls!

jimin : our maknae is holding a girls hand!!

seokjin & tae : let me see!!

yoongi : can you all be quiet!!! move!!! let me see!!!

seokjin : yah yoongi-ah just accept the fact that you like her! and stop being jealous they're probably 'friends' like you and her.

he teases him that pissed him off even if that is the fact.

tae : jin-hyung is right hyung we all know the fact that unnie cheated on you but still you blame yourself on what happened so you can't let go.

yoongi felt weak at their words.

yoongi : shut up. i wont leave hyenmin for any other girls out there.

jimin : lol hyung then stop talking to us on how happy you are when you're with her.

yoongis pov

they are all right,but hyenmin and i didn't broke up,i just ran away. my thoughts were gone when we saw hyenmin slowly opening her eyes. "CALL A DOCTOR!! hyung she open her eyes!" namjoon shouted i ran to hold hyenmins hand "are you awake?" i said in gentle voice. "y–yoongi,babe is that you?" she said while crying 'babe'? the doctors came and told us to step outside the room to check up on her when i saw jungkook and others leaving and y/n packing her nurses things.

"so?she's awake,congrats!" y/n said with a weak smile,i still dont know how to face her after what happen to us "i–im sorry y/n,i know i fucked up but–" she cutted me telling me words i was scared to hear "no need to apologize yoongi,none of this are your fault.

I wanted this at the first place,be happy with her make her smile,i know you love her more than anything.its funny actually how a person can break your heart,and you can still love them with all the little pieces.ha ha why am i tearing? sorry tears of joy". but i know deep inside i was heartbroken after all it was my fault.

dahyun was right i shouldn't make actions just like that but she was wrong that i will regret this because yoongi is the best choice i've chosen.

"go to her yoongi,i hope we can still be friends. ju–just forgot what happened to us like you said,you thank me for being a good friend and now i am and i am proud that i am your friend." i cannot stop my tears its just flowing on its own.

yoongi cannot even speak a word to me,i guess he is speechless haha "y/n i love you as–" as much as you think . i put words next on what he supposed to say "friend,i know yoongi. i don't really know why i'm still hoping but just wanted to tell you that i love you so much,not as a friend or a piano classmate,but as a man. thank you,you made me happy even in a short period of time.i will never forget those times we we're hanging out but you recieved a call from hospital because of hyenmin haha i cannot stop laughing when you forgot to brush your teeth that time,i missed you a lot" i confessed.

is this my way of saying goodbye?when i decided to walk out for fresh air yoongi stopped me by holding wrist "y/n i– i am really sorry for everything,can you please give me some time to figure this out?" he said as i looked into his watery eyes "make it up to her yoongi,i know she cheated on you and you took blame on what happen to her but– she still needs you there. i just filled up you needs but not your heart and i guess we should stop this unknown thing between us,lets go back being just 'friends'" of course i was hurr by my own words but i think thats for the best of the both of us.

he freed his holds to my wrist as i kept on walking outside the hospital for my last day.

Its all messed up.

also last day in this country,tomorrow will be my flight.

yoongi's pov

i was standing there dumbfounded and also,heart broken. people are calling me "sir ms. hyenmin is looking for you" but that all sounds blurry to me,i only think of y/n right now. is she leaving me? can i live without her presence beside me? without her cheering me up every fucking single day? do i love her? those are questions in my mind. "sir ms.hyenmin is looking for you" the nurse said. they way i feel jealous when she's with jungkook is already an answer . i love her . i just need to talk to hyenmin.

"yoongi,i've already talk to your dad and he wants you to be more realistic and marry someone who can help this hospital and the company bigger" my fathers friend,a doctor said i have enough for this shit,i should marry someone who i love not like this "how many times did you all tell me that?aren't you all tired?" i frowned my eyebrows and ask the doctor another question "how is she?"

"i told her to sleep for an hour,i need to talk to the parents but since they are not here pls tell them that their daughter suffered mild amnesia like i said when the accident happened,it has a big impact that affect her brain. the medicine we're giving to her will help her and will bring her memories back to normal.i'll go now let her rest" he said then go.

i messed up everything,i lost y/n. i lost a friend or should i say a love one.

i told hyenmins parents what happened and they begged me to help hyenmin until she fully regained memories and then i can go and broke things up between us. i dont want to agree but they were begging me to the point they get on their knees.

how about y/n? how about us? i'll comeback to you y/n i promise.

after 1 month hyenmin continues her treatment and regaining memories,i can tell that she is healed now. she took photos of us and post on her sns people really think we're fine but little did they know the man that keeps on going on her room when she is still in the hospital said to me that he is hyenmins secret affair. mentally,emotionally,i finished everything between us. i will broke up with her when she remember that she cheated on me. i wouldn't let her hurt me again.

"hey jungkook? how's y/n? i think she changed her number i reached for her mom but she is not in their house dad also told me that her mom quit her job. look i am asking you because you know her,right?" even its on phone i can feel that jungkook is nervous to tell me something.

"hyung i am very sorry but y/n told me not to tell you this–"

"just tell me that happened man!" i nearly shout.

"as you can she she changed her phone number and sns account so you cannot find her. she is currently on US now,she left the evening when we talk–"

my world seems to crash. all this time she were far from me. no one dare to tell me even dahyun.

"we're in contact,she opens up to me sometimes. she even told me that she is stalking hyenmins account and said 'they look happy' she is not yet moved on hyung,i dont want to tell her what you really feel it is something you should tell her so i get out of your boths business,im really sorry hyung but i hope this will help you"

"no– it's fine man no need to apologize i–i fully understand you intention" after that we said our goodbyes and he gave me y/n's account to just let me visit her account or apologize to her after all what happened.

i will promise to apologize to her and bring her back. I just need to clear everything to hyenmin.

your pov

i cant say i am living my best life now that i am far from the person i love the most,i feel lonely even having lots of friends here in US i feel really empty and sad.

the worst feeling is knowing from the start that its never gonna happen. knowing from the start that he's just too good,way out of your league. feeling concious about how look when time will come you two will meet again and what you do and yet,you try anyway.

you have daydreams and imagines and you just wish evenythough you know that he will never choose you. but the absolute worse is when he told you directly that he only sees you as a friend.

And somehow your heart just wont listen.

I hope there's a lifetime that waits for us in other side of the universe.

you're a good dream sadly i was awaken

should i make part 2?????😭

sorry for wrong grammars,english is not my first language. also i give credits for some quotes and words i used for other part i added. thank you so much. this is my first ever fanfiction i am very sorry if this is bad.

[marksburyscripts]

Episode 9-- Masquerade

Google Doc

Content Warnings: -Mention of suicidal ideology -Choking/suffocating -Cancer

[The Frankenstein house. Very early morning. Victor is flipping through the pages of Caroline’s journal]

VICTOR

There has to be something I’m missing here. Some… key or something. The more I look at it, the more languages I’m able to pick out. Gaelic, Italian, German, Latin, Polish. Maybe more I don’t recognize. If there’s a way to accurately translate, mom didn’t leave any clues on it. I didn't even know she knew so many languages. There's something important here, she-- She knew something. If I can just figure out what, that would explain everything, I’m sure of it. I’ve… apparently been at this all night. I’ve noticed that the sunrise feels different depending on whether you’re waking up to it or just haven’t slept. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

I really should try and get an hour or two in. I’m supposed to visit Henry tomorrow. Today? Today, I guess. Old Man Dan gave me some flowers to bring to the hospital for him. And if there’s one unforgivable sin out there, it’s breaking a promise to Old Man Dan. [A small laugh] He's a good guy. When we were kids, he'd always let us play in the woods on his property and leave snacks out for when we were done. He's been checking up on me lately, too. Making sure I'm okay. Sometimes he brings me dinner, if he notices that I haven't left the house in a few days. I really should do something to repay him.  ...Henry is doing well. I'm glad, don't get me wrong. Heck, I'm… ecstatic. The doctors say they've never seen anyone recover from something like that this quickly, even if he is starting to plateau. ...I should be happy. But I can't help but think that something is wrong. A miraculous recovery is just… too good to happen to someone close to me. I wanna believe that it's fine, that he's just… lucky or something. But… we don't exactly have a good track record, now do we?

VICTOR (Cont.)

Then there's Christine. She didn't brutally murder me while we were up in Maine, so I guess I can trust her. Unless she's playing the long game. But… [He sighs, annoyed] Erik doesn't seem like the type. I get the feeling that whatever he's planning for me-- If he's planning something-- it will be done as soon as it's ready. ...Or maybe he's just waiting for me to do it myself. [Beat.] He hasn't tried to make contact. Hasn't come to see how much what he has done has broken me. Or if he has, I haven't noticed him. I suppose that's possible. Guess he couldn't have gotten the reputation of a ghost for nothing.

VICTOR (Cont.)

...I-- I need to do something about… this. Me. I've known that for a while now, but I can't keep putting it off. I can't live like this. Scared, numb…. It's just…. There are only two people who know about everything. And they didn't exactly sign up for hearing me drone on about how miserable I am. Even if they say it's fine, that they want to listen. It's not right. They have their own stuff going on. I mean, from Henry’s perspective, Elliot just died, he-- He can’t be taking that as well as he’s trying to make me believe.

VICTOR (Cont.)

Plus… I'm not even sure what half of this is. I'm not going to sit them down and make them listen to me just try to figure it out. I just…. [Sighs] I just wish things were easy. I wish they never got pulled into this. ...I wish Elliot could hold me and tell me that it's gonna be okay. That I don't need to be afraid, because he'll be there with me every step of the way.

VICTOR (Cont.)

It still doesn't seem real some days. Some mornings, I almost go to knock on his bedroom door to see what he wants for breakfast. Then I remember, and I can hardly manage to make myself a coffee.

[There are a few moments as he gathers himself]

VICTOR (Cont.)

He would have been able to figure this out. He would have already pieced together clues that I haven’t even noticed yet. I… went through his books searching for answers. It was the first time I’ve been in there since he died. It felt wrong, like I was betraying him somehow. Snooping through his things without permission. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

...Every time I think about him, it feels like time slows down. Like there’s nothing else in the world but me and the memories of him. His smile, his laugh. The way he’d always match the color of his braces to whatever holiday was next. Except in July. Then he’d make them my favorite color for my birthday. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

...He was hit hard when mom died, too. He had cancer when he was a kid, before he moved in with us. He told me that seeing that… it really put things into perspective for him. Back then, he didn’t really understand what was going on. Just that he was sick. But when she died, it… it made him realize just how close he might’ve been to death. Back then, I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I lost him. If I woke up one day and he was gone. Now… I can imagine it pretty well. [He gives an empty laugh] God, he must have been so scared….

[Static begins to fade in as a new figure appears behind him. When she speaks, deep, unnatural noises can be heard under her voice, which sounds raspy and distorted]

WOMAN IN RED

You have no idea what you are part of, do you?

VICTOR

[Overlapping]

B-- Back up! Back the fuck up!

WOMAN IN RED

You have seen what I am capable of. Do you really think that would save you?

VICTOR

Look, I-- I don’t know what the hell is going on, but-- But whatever you were doing outside the bar, and-- and outside my house, and--

WOMAN IN RED

You are a researcher.

VICTOR

What?!

WOMAN IN RED

You are a researcher. You… ask questions.

VICTOR

What the hell are you talking about?!

WOMAN IN RED

I have been closer than you think, Frankenstein. Watching. Listening. You ask so many questions. What I am. What I want. These are impossible to answer. I am a feeling. The tightness in your chest, the throbbing in your temples. The knowledge that something is terribly, terribly wrong, and you are far too late to stop it. I am the last voice your mother heard before my brother dragged her soul into the abyss of Death.

VICTOR

What?

WOMAN IN RED

 If I had my way, you would follow suit. But no. Someday. But not yet. For now…. Just a taste of what is to come.

[Victor takes a sharp inhale. It sounds painful, as though he is struggling to breathe]

WOMAN IN RED

We both know how your story ends. 

[There is a whistle of wind as she vanishes, the static and other sound disappearing with her. At the same time, Victor gasps for air, coughing and breathing heavily for a few moments]

VICTOR [Still out of breath]

Okay…. Okay, this is bad….

[pink-peony-princess]

Deliverance|S.M Werewolf AU

Part Two🐺

In my dream I was running, running as fast as I could and yet the wolves that were chasing me were only gaining on me.

I knew that I only had a matter of seconds before it was all over, before I was dead and so I welcomed the wolf as he lunged forward to kill me.

...

I woke with a start, breathing heavily as I looked around realising that I was safe, I wasi n Shawn's room still, but it was light out now, morning light reflecting like diamonds off the lake in the distance.

There was a soft knock at the door, causing me to jump before Shawn appeared dressed in a t-shirt,and track pants, his feet bare.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized, coming to sit at the end of he bed. "Are you okay? I heard you whimpering in your sleep."

I nodded, still half asleep. "I'm good, bad dream I guess," I shrugged, not wanting to go into it anymore.

"You can go back to sleep for a while, it's still early and I have a few things I need to do with the pack before the day starts," Shawn offered with a soft smile. I turned looking at the cosy hole of pillows and blankets I'd left.

"Thank you, I murmured, stiffling a yawn.

"Sleep well Pup," he spoke getting up and leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him. I lay there from a while, just watching the world out the window, just this simple act felt so luxurious, the mountains, everything was so pretty, so green, so vibrant compared to my old life.

How different my life was now I thought as I shut my eyes and drifted off again.

When I woke again, I could tell several hours had past from the angle of the sun, and the fact that I was no longer fighting the urge to sleep. I sat up and stretched, before getting up and heading to the door. I had no idea where I was going, but I was hungry and I had this weird yearning to be near Shawn. It made me uneasy after everything that had happened to me that I needed someone, especially a male so much, but I couldn't deny the feeling I was having, maybe it was something to do with this mate connection that Shawn had been taking about?

I made my way through the house, heading down corridor after corridor, down several staircases and into a massive living room with several oversized couches and a fire place.

"Lucy?" I turned at the sound of the familiar female voice. Karla, was standing at the other side of the room watching me inquisitively. "Are you okay?" she asked, making her way towards me.

"You know my name?" I asked surprised.

"Shawn told us," she smiled registering the confusion which I felt. "What are you doing up?"

"I woke up and Shawn wasn't in his room, I came to find him," I explained, still somewhat distracted by the sheer size and grandure of the room.

"He's in the kitchen making you breakfast, he loves to cook. I'll show you the way if you want," she offered.

I nodded and she took my hand without hesitation, leading me through an archway which opened out into the kitchen. Like the living room before, the kitchen too was huge, a massive marble island taking up the centre part of the space, several stoves and counters, Karla smiled and left.

"Morning Pup, sleep well? Shawn asked when he spotted me standing there, coming over and laying a ghost kiss on my temple. "Sorry I shouldn't have done that," he frowned.

"It's okay. It feels nice," I smiled. He beamed back. "It'll just take some time for me to get used to everyday things again." I was saying it more to myself than him. But he answered.

"We've got nothing but time, however to fill that time how about we eat, you need nutrients Pup. What do you like to eat?"

It was a simple enough question, but it had been so long since I had been asked it, that I didn't know how to respond.

"How about pancakes and fruit?" he asked, helping me out.

I nodded, thankful I didn't have to make a decision for myself.

"Want to watch?" he asked.

"Yes please."

He nodded "Since you're so short, how about you sit on the bench?" he suggested.

"How am I meant to get up there?" I asked eying the jump, there was no way in hell that I'd be able to make it on my own.

"Can I help you?" he asked coming to stand in front of me. I nodded, still a little unsure. "I'm going to lift you okay?" he checked.

I nodded again and he placed his hands on my waist and lifted me with ease onto the bench.

"Ever made pancakes before?" he asked reaching above him to the hooks which held a bunch of saucepans, grabbing one down.

"Yes, but not in a long time, not since-" I stopped shuddering as memories flooded back.

"Do you want to stir the batter?" he asked, breaking me free of the silent torture.

We went about the process quietly, I was greatful for that, because I still wasn't feeling particularly verbose. Not used to being allowed to talk, let alone anyone actually being interested in what I had to say.

When the food was ready he helped me down off the bench and led me back the way I'd come and out onto a secluded balcony overlooking the sound. It was stunning, the morning sun reflecting like one big dimond off the water, the sound of birds and the breese filling the air.

"How come we haven't seen any of the pack, except for Karla?" I asked as I sat down.

"Because this part of the house is only for the Alpha and his immediate superiors," he answered, taking a bite of his food. "Plus, I asked them to keep their distance, I figured you'd need some time to adjust."

"But Karla?" I stopped confused.

"Is my Beta Connor's mate," he explained.

"Oh,"

We lapsed back into a comfortable silence. giving me a chance to take a bite of my own food. It was hands down the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten, and I was overcome by a hunger I didn't know I had in me, finishing my plate miles ahead of Shawn.

"You still hungry Pup?" he asked looking over at my now empty plate with a smile.

I shook my head no, smiling back at him, I was fuller than I could ever remember.

I sat watching the sound for a while as Shawn finished his pancakes, but my peace was suddenly interrupted by an odd and unnerving sensation in my stomach, almost like nervous butterflies, but way more intense.

"Shawn," I panicked.

"What's wrong,?" he demanded, standing up and coming to squat in front of me, searching every inch of my face.

"The feeling?" I asked, desperately hoping he'd understand. "Like butterflies," I gasped as they ramped up when I grabbed his hand squeezing it as hard as I could. "What is it Shawn?" I asked again as I took in hus huge grin.

"It's your wolf Lucy." he let out a breath." I was so worried she was repressed for too long, but she's alive," he chocked on his words.

"Is that good?" I asked confused, still squeezing his hand.

"That's great, it means you'll be able to live like the rest of us, to change, to mate." I blushed at the last part.

"But why this feeling?"

"She's restless," he explained. "She knows she's in the presence of her mate, my wolf and she wants out. When youre well enough I'll teach you how to let her free," he added.

"Will it hurt?" I asked suddenly worried.

"It might be a bit uncomfortable the first time she takes over, it's kind of like having to share your head, your thoughts and feelings with someone else, but trust me, there's no better feeling than running free in the woods, your wolf able to do as they please without restriction.

I nodded, still not entirely sure, but I trusted him.

We sat just watching the water for a while, not needing to talk. It was strange to me, being able to just sit, not having rules to follow, people coming to use me for their own personal gain, not feeling pain. But it was also welcome.

"Are you ready to start the day?" Shawn asked, as he stood half an hour later, grabbing our plates off the table with one hand and holding his other out for me to take.

I nodded, standing up slowly,taking his hand, and following him inside.

"What are we doing today?" I asked as he dumped the plates in the sink and led the way back to his room.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked as we stepped into his now familiar room once again.

I stood there, thinking. Again not used to having the freedom to make choices for myself.

"A few of the girls like to paint," he suggested as he rummaged around in his cupboard, pulling a pair of trainers out and sitting on the end of the bed to put them on. "I could get you some paints or different art supplies if you like, or you could read, we could even go for a short walk around the grounds if you're feeling up to it later," he added with a smile coming over to stand in front of me.

"I'd like to paint?" It came out as more of a question, but he nodded.

"I'll get you the stuff you need," he murmured, placing another soft kiss against my forehead, causing me to all but melt into him. I couldn't get over the way he made me feel. It was like everything in my head told me to keep my distance, to stay clear, to protect myself. But my body and heart were saying the opposite- wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible to this man, it was almost as if my body needed the physical contact with Shawn to function now. It wasn't that that was a bad thing, it was just such a change from two days earlier when I would have done everything in my power to stay clear of any and all males.

"How about you have a shower, get ready for the day, I'll go and do what I need to do- check in on the younger ones, do a perimeter run and then we can go to the pack meeting together?" he suggested, moving around me to pull a towel and a new oversized hoodie off his dresser which I hadn't even realised was there.

The first 10 minutes of the shower were heavenly,the hot water helping to unknot my still aching muscles, the steam clearing my senses, but as I relaxed into it, listening to the sound of the water beating down on the tiled floor my mind started to wonder, and soon I was feeling anything but comfort.

I could feel the familiar rush of adrenaline, the way my hands and feet went slightly numb and shaky, my chest heaving as I gasped for air, collapsing in a heap in the corner of the shower, head against the damp wall as image after image of my old life haunted me.

I sat there for what felt like forever, the water drowning out my pathetic attempts to choke back the sobs that were now wracking my tired body.

"Lucy, are you okay in there?" an alarmed voice spoke, slightly muffled by the door.

"Help, please, help me," I whispered,hoping that whoever it was would hear me.

"I'm coming in," the person spoke and a moment later the door to the shower was ripped open revealing Karla, a look of deep worry on her face.

"Lucy, what's the matter?" she asked, reaching in to turn the water off.

"Ca-can't breathe," I stuttered, holding my hand over my chest.

"Oh, God, here, I'm going to help you get out," she rushed out of the room, coming back moments later with another large towel. "Can you stand up? "she asked watching me uncertainly.

"Think so," I nodded. She stepped into the shower wrapping the towel around me, before helping me carefully to my feet. I didn't even care at this point that she'd seen me without anything on, I was just desperate for this feeling to stop.

"Just take slow deep breaths," she encouraged with a soft smile as I made my way slowly to the bed. "Have you had panic attacks before she asked?" Sitting on the bed beside me, grabbing the sweater that Shawn had set aside for me and helping me to pull it over my head, instantly engolfing me with the warmth and scent of Shawn.

I nodded, still feeling extremely shaky.

"Do you think you'll be alright if I go and get Shawn?" she asked. "I promise it'll take me 2 seconds. I just think Shawn will be able to help you more than I can," she told me.

I nodded. I didn't want to be left alone, but I wanted Shawn more.

She left in a hurry, looking over her shoulder at me with pity.

As I sat and waited, I tried to stay calm, but my the time the door opened again, I was once again struggling to breathe, my chest heaving.

"Oh, Pup, what's the matter?" Shawn asked coming to sit next to me as Karla had, before laying a very gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Don't know, just feel scared," I shrugged, not looking up at him. I hated the idea that he was seeing me so vulnerable.

"Lucy, honey, can you look at me," his voice was barely a whisper.

I looked up reluctantly, knowing that he'd be able to see the tears, not yet dried on my cheeks, the puffy redness under my eyes nodoubt making me look like a chipmunk.

"We're going to do some grounding excercises okay," he smiled softly. "Take a big breath in, and I want you to hold it until I count to 10."

I did as he said, feeling my lungs expand with the air they so desperately needed.

"Good," he praised, and slowly breathe out through your mouth," he instructed. "I'm going to lift you up okay?" he asked. I nodded, letting him know I was okay with it.

He lifted me quickly and easily, sitting me in his lap, not seeming to care about the fact that I still had dripping hair. I curled into him instinctively, as I hiccupped, my tears slowing slightly now, my chest just a little less tight.

"You're okay Lucy, I'm here, I've got you," he murmured, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, when after a few minutes neither of us had spoken.

"For what?" he asked, looking at me with confusion in his eyes.

"For me," I said, as if it should be obvious.

"Lucy, please don't apologise, none of this is your fault," he responded, rubbing soothing circles up and down my arms. "You know fear is nothing but an obstacle, and we will get past it, together," he added comfortingly.

"I just feel useless sometimes," I admitted, more to myself than to him.

"You are anything but useless," he replied, "and to prove it," he added, "I'm going to take you to meet the pack, if you're up to it," he smiled. "They're all so excited to meet you, and we have a pack meeting dinner thing tonight so I thought it might be nice if you joined."

"Why if they don't like me?" I worried, ringing my hands nervously.

"They will trust me," he smiled again, shifting me off of his lap before standing up and holding his hand out for me to take, which I did gladly.

There were already several people waiting in the living room when we made it downstairs and I couldn't help but feel a little intimidated at the thought of all these new people.

Shawn squeezed my hand reassuringly as he lead me to a large armchair where he sat, before pulling me down to sit on his lap without seemingly a second thought.

"Everyone, this is Lucy," Shawn introduced. "This is Dave, Brian, Connor, you know Karla," she shot me a warm smile "Beth and Angie," Shawn pointed them out one by one. They all smiled warmly, waving at me.

"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" Connor, I assumed from the way Karla was snuggled into his side much like I was with Shawn, asked.

"We need to be putting protective measures into place, since Lucy's been here other packs are getting restless, and given the circumstances, I don't want to take any risks."

The others nodded in silent agreement before Shawn went on.

"When I found Lucy-" he paused to look at me, shaking his head, "she was mere moments from having her life cut short, it was just lucky, I happened to be doing a run of the grounds, who knows what would have happened..." he trailed off. I felt myself shudder and Shawn's arms tighten around me ever so slightly as we simultaneously re- lived those horrific few seconds.

"You know we're all behind you man," someone else spoke up, causing everyone to nod.

"Thank you," Shawn replied sincerely, "At this stage there have only been two attempts at breaches, they don't seem bold enough to actually enter our lands, but they're hanging around the fringe, getting more game everyday," he frowned as he spoke.

At this point I chose to time out the conversation, sometimes ignorance was bliss and I already had enough on my mind without fretting about what was going on around me too much.

As we sat on the sofa hours later, cuddled up as the television played re-runs of Friends I couldn't help but voice my fears.

"Am, am I safe?" I asked nervously, looking up at Shawn who was half dozing, arms wrapped lazily around me.

He sat up slightly, stretching before resting his hands on either side of my face affectionately. Tipping my head back so I was looking up at him.

"We're doing everything we can to protect you," he spoke fiercly, reaching for my hand and squeezing gently."You are my life now," he added, pulling me protectively into his embrace again. For the first time in a long time, the sense of fear that was ever-present disappated somewhat, and I felt safe knowing that regardless of what happened I had Shawn, I had a home and I had a family.

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

Deliverance| A Werewolf Shawn AU

Part One

The woods had always been a place of comfort for me... A place to escape the madness of my life of serenity. of course I'd heard the stories of vicious wolves who roamed the darkness waiting to prey on the innocent,but I always put it down to stories, gossip, folklore designed to stop kids from venturing too far. That was until the day I was taken.

A rogue pack had taken me as their personal toy, all the anger and frustration they felt was taken out on me. It was a good day if I got a bit of stale bread, and only one beating. On bad days there would be no food and constant, torturous abuse.

I had endured it for 13 year, my small body the reflection of years of malnutrition and hurt,.but I'd finally escaped.

I had bid my time, waiting till they made an inevitable error, and it had finally happend. One of the younger wolves had forgotten to check the padlock when they'd had their fun with me and I'd seized the opportunity and run as fast as I could. but I wasn't fast enough. The alarm had been sounded and there were now several wolves hot on my heels and I could run no further I had to accept my fate. He was less than a metre away from me when our of nowhere another wolf - russet in colour intercepted him in mid air, knocking him over with the force of an elephant. I could hear the snarling and snapping of jaws as I finally collapsed and

surrendered, the last thing I remember was a tall young man walking towards me .

When I woke it was to a mass of activity.

I drifted in and out of sleep, hearing people talking.feeling hands on me, there was even something about the alpha wanting to see 'her', and a.'mate' and something else about ' killing the pack that did this'.. What that meant I couldn't know in my delirium.

When I managed to finally open my eyes and get past the blindly bright light above me, I was met with the image of a man-pacing back land forth, muttering to himself. And the more immediate threat of someone fiddling with the sheet that lay over me.

Surely with a man this good looking, this close to me it had to be a dream, I tried to convince .myself, but someone shattered the dream almost as soon as is materialised.

"Well hello sweetheart, I'm glad to see you're finally awake," the voice came from that of and older woman with long greying hair braided out of her face "My name's Judy, I'm your nurse," she smiled down at me. "Are you in any pain?" She asked.

I took a moment to take everything in, but I was still unable to make sense of it all.

"Where am I?" I asked, trying to sit up, but everything protested as soon as I moved, even muscles I didn't know I had.

"Just stay still for now dear, you don't want to hurt yourself further," the nurse-Judy spoke kindly, helping me to resettle myself.

Something, maybe me speaking seemed to wake the man from his trance like state and he turned to meet my confused gaze.

He was tall, he had to be at least 6 foot, with sliflghtly tanned skin, the most rich brown eyes I'd ever seen, and hair that was neatly cut, except for a few unruly curls at the front of his head which didn't want to co-operate with the hair gel he'd obviously used to style it.

"Oh,oh thank God." the man rushed over to the side of the bed stopping mere inches from my face.

I could feel my heart rate picking up as panic set in, not used to people (let alone males) being this close without hurting me.

I turned to Judy asking desperately with my eyes for help

She must have got the memo because she cleared her throat and spoke.

She seemed somewhat hesitant though "Alpha, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, I know you must be worried sick as we all are, however would it not be prudent to give the girl some space?"

The man searched my face for a moment, before straightening and stepping backwards.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he muttered guiltily.

"You didn't," I lied before I could think about it.

"My name's Shawn what's yours?" he asked holding his hand out for me to take.

I kept my mouth shut, years of torture telling me to keep quiet. He dropped his extended up so it was back at his side.

"Alrighty then, when you're ready. I won't push you." He spoke, it seemed as though he was trying deliberately to keep his tone, soft, conversational and I appreciated it.

At that moment the doctor walked in. "It's good to see you awake Miss," he spoke echoing Judy's words.

"I'm sorry to say you're quite banged up." Shawn started pacing again at his words.

"

I would have sworn I heard a growl.

"Shawn you have to stay calm," Judy spoke, it sounded almost as if she was trying to comfort him, confusing me further.

Once the doctor left Shawn calmed down, having dragging a chair from outside my room to sit beside my bed.

"I heard something about killing another pack?" I asked weighing my words cafefully. "So are you all wolves too?"

"Yes, honey, but I promise you're safe here," he replied softly, looking over at me. I looked down again, not able to take the human interaction.

"Everytime I look at you, you look down. Why is that?"he asked, sounding sad.

" I didn't mean to upset you," I panicked.Starting to pick at the I.V in my arm, it was something I always did when I was nervous, picking things, my skin, nails whatever seemed to help.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, I'm not mad," he cut me off. "I just mean I've noticed it is all," he lay a hand carefully on my arm and surprisingly the contact helped.

"I don't know," I pondered, distracted by his touch. There was a weird, warm feeling flowing from the point of contact straight up to my chest, not dissimilar to when your hands or feet go numb and then start to respond again. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. "I guess, I'm not used to positive human contact," I admitted, looking up to see him shaking his head.

"Are you the Alpha?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me, surprise washing over his face at the boldness of my question.

"Yes, I am," he spoke proudly. "Of the Shadowmoon Pack, greatest pack in all of Canada if you ask me," he smiled.

I liked the way he was so confident. It made me feel safe and secure. A few more hours past with us sitting in a comfortable silence, I couldn't help but feel safe around him, and as foreign as the feeling was, I also craved it.

"Are you ready to go home now Poppet?" Judy ssekd, making her way into my room again sometime later and starting to mess around with the I.V tubing.

I looked at her panicked.

"Home?" I squeeked. Surely they weren't really going to send me home. It wasn't a home where I'd come from it was a hell, my own personal hell and I'd be damned if I was going back.

Shawn seemed to noticed my emotions and stepped forward, slowly holding his arms out, and instead of backing away as I had done earlier,I surprised us both and stepped into his hold.

He was warm and comfortable, our bodies seemed to fit perfectly,denim of his jacket just scratchy enough and the now semi familiar tingling from our contact pleasant enough to ground me somewhat. I stayed like that for a minute or so before I became a little more aware of what I was doing. I was hugging a near stranger,worse he was a male, worse again Ii was actually lettung myself like it.

Sorry, I blushed, stepoing away quicky and looking down.

"You don't need to apologise," he smiled.

"What was the tingling I felt" I asked wanting to change the subject.

"That is what you get when two mates make contact" He smiled wider than I had ever seen a person smile, his fangs being exposed in the process.

I stood, silently, shocked.

"Are you okay" He asked moving to step towards me, I held a hand up and he halted midstride.

"I promise you. We'll take things slowly, right now I just want to get you home- to our home," he amended when he saw the look of panic in my face. "So you can rest."

I nodded. Still not entirely comfortable, but what other choice did I have? Go back to the pack that had tortured me all these years, or even end up homeless on the street? And from everything I'd seen Shawn seemed like a genuinely nice person, who everyone respected. Plus,if he was telling the truth, which from heat I could tell, he was, he was my mate and from all the stories I'd heard as a child, your mate was meant to be the one person in the world who would do anything for you, be anywhere for you. They would literally protect you with their lives.

"Shawn I don't have anything to wear," I whispered embarrassed again, looking down at the gown which barely covered anything as Judy finally finished what she was doing in the corner of he room having taken out my I.V. and left.

"I brought you some clothes, don't worry," he smiled.Pullnig out the most comfortable pale pink sweater I'd ever seen, he handed it to me and I was hit with his scent.

"This is yours?"

",Is that okay?" he worried. " I could go home and get something from one of the girls if you're uncomfortable," he offered.

I just smiled,letting out a little giggle at the extreme level of concern he was showing, which caused him to immediately relax l, shoulders dropping, a slight smile gracing his lips as he shook his head softly.

"Can you turn around please?" I requested. He did as asked giving the privacy I so desperately craved.

When I was finished he took my hand, holding his other under my elbow to support my weight.

He was so patient, never rushing me as he lead me through the hospital and out the doors into the world. I couldn't help but savour the fresh air,the cold winter air burning my lungs but in a good way.

"I bet it feels nice to be outside again,"

I nodded, "How did you find me" I asked, as we continued to walk. It was as if now that I was free my mind could finally ask questions and process all the stuff I had never done previously.

"That's a story for when you've had some more rest," he answered, coming to a stop in front of a Jeep, opening the door and lifting me in. The tingling was still a shock,l everytime he touched my skin.

"Feel free to sleep we've got a bit of a drive ahead of us" he smiled reassuringly, before turning the ignition,the car coming to life.

I woke to someone shaking me,it was dark now and I immediately jumped back in my seat, unsure, before my groggy eyes made contact with Shawn's and I realised where I was and relaxed.

"I won't hurt you, you're safe now Pup," he murmured, moving to brush some hair out of my face with a feather-light touch. I blushed at the nickname."I was just waking you because we're here, this is home" I took in the house illuminated by lights in complete awe.

"So you're an Alpha and you don't hurt humans?" I asked as he helped me cafefully from he car.

"You're not human, you're an omega, but no I have nothing against humans," he added, holding me steady as I swayed on my feet slightly, not used to standing anymore.

I stood stunned again," I know it's a lot to take in, but we'll get to all of that, for now though, you need rest.

We made our way through the house in silence, I could hear other voices, yet we never came across anyone.

"This is my room," he spoke, shifting his grip on me slightly to open the door.

The room was large with huge french doors leading out to a balcony overlooking a big yard and a lake, soft- what looked like silk curtains framing the windows, a guitar sat in one corner a futon in the other. There was a record player in the corner, playing a soft melody which filled the space, creating a warm inviting feeling. In the centre of the room was the biggest bed I had ever seen.

It had several large cushions on it and a duvet cover that looked like it would feel like laying on clouds. Just this bed was bigger than he cell I'd been forced to spend so many years in,I thought with a shudder.

"This is your room?I stumbled over my words.

"Well I'm hoping it will be our room actually." Shawn spoke, scratching at his neck.

I turned panicked. "But only when you're comfortable I'm not about to force you into anything I promise."

He held his pinkie finger out, and I just looked at it unsure of what he wanted.

"Here," he smiled, taking my hand and locking my own little finger with his. "This is called a pinkie promise. It's like a pact that you don't break," he explained with a smile.

"Oh,I guess, I must have forgotten." I felt extremely stupid and shit up quickly, the only sound that of the record player still in the corner. I found it so comforting, my own father had had one when I was little and I could remember watching the record and needle spin for hours.

"There's a room adjacent to mine which I've had the maids freshen up, there's a comfortable bed and an ensuite with fresh towels and a toothbrush." he continued as if there wasn't just a massive awkward silence emitting solely from my lack of understanding.

He turned leading me back out and across the hallway to another door. When he opened it, I saw a room, smaller than his, but still warm and cosy, with a big bed, a window, lots of pretty lights and yet more records, this time hung in the wall.

"You didn't need to do this for me," I told him, as I took it all in.

"I wanted you to be comfortable," he shrugged.

He lead me back to his room where he sat down on the bed, kicking his shoes off and patting the spot next to him.

"How long was I out" I asked after a minute. He got what I meant immediately.

"Three days," he answered somberly.

"How are you feeling? he asked.

"Still very sore," I admitted.

"Here let me see your injuries." he reached over picking up a box of what I soon realised was full of first aid stuff.

He was extremely gentle as he tended to he cuts and scrapes that covered my shoulders, arms,and legs. He even managed to convince me to let him check my ribs. This I found uncomfortsbly and awkward once again, but he was careful not to make it any worse than it had to be and he had rewrapped them quicky and easily.

"How do you know how to do all this?" I asked quietly as he gently dabbed at a cut on my hand. "We'll I'm actually a trained doctor. When I'm not working as the Alpha, I work at the pack hospital. There all done," he announced,packing up the box and disposing of he rubbish in a small medical waste tin.

Half an hour later and I'd gotten changed, again into one of Shawn's oversized hoodies and made myself comfortable in his bed after he insisted I stay in his room incase I needed him.

"Sleep well, Pup, I'll be here if you need me."

He went to lounge on the futon, and I was left to drift to sleep, exhausted by the day's events. My sleep was fitful to satly the least, dreams bad nightmares melding to form weird and wonderful scenarios which would never make sense.

When I woke, it was to a soft knock on the door. Opening my eyes, I could see that it was still slightly light out, though dinner than it had been, probably somewhere around dusk. A girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a kind smile stepped tenntively into the room.

"My name's Karla. Im in the pack. It's nice to meet you," she added warmly. "Shawn's had to go deal with some pack matters so he asked me to come keep you company. I brought you some food. He said you might be hungry." She held out what looked like a croisant, the smell of butter instantly filling the room."I also brought a hair brush," she added. "I thought you might like to brush your hair, I know that always makes me feel better. Or I could do it?" she added again, shyly.

"Thank you."I whispered, my voice still hoarse.

The girl, Karla, came to sit on the bed. She had to be the same age as me. Maybe a year or two older.

"I hope the pack meeting doesn't go too long," she said as I started picking at my croisant. "Shawn won't want to be away from you, it's hard to be away from our mates." She looked dreamy as she spoke, leaving no question that she too had a mate.

"I'm nervous to meet everyone," I admitted with a frown, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Aww, don't worry everyone will love you," she smiled. "We've all been waiting for ages for him to meet his mate and you're finally here." she clapped in excitement, breaking E and forcing me to smile just as Shawn came through the door with another soft knock.

"Ahhh, I see you've meet Karla," he smiled, raising his eyebrow a little bit. " I hope she's been telling you good things."

"Yep, what were you doing" I asked watching as he took his deniem jacket off- the same one from earlier and chucked it onto the futon, coming to sit next to me on the bed, careful not to invade my personal space.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked watching as I pulled the crosiant to pieces no longer interested by the food, now that I had him here.

"I'm alright," I shrugged.

He nodded, and we lapsed into yet another comfortable quiet.

It was only then that I realised Karla had left the room, she must have excused herself, seeing that she was no longer needed and didn't feel the need to encroach.The hairbrush however was still laying on the bed.

"I just want you to know," he spoke, breaking the silence after a while, "that no matter what happeneds you'll be safe here. I'll protect you with my life, it's my job both as your Alpha and as your mate," he spoke earnestly.

He was looking at me with such an intensity as he spoke that something broke inside of me, and I cracked. "Lucy," I whispered looking down and away from his gaze.

"What?" I could here the confusion in his voice.

"Lucy, my name, my name is Lucy." I spoke more clearly this time, though I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Lucy, that's a pretty name," he murmured. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was reaching for me, and as much as I wanted to move, my body was frozen whether in fear or anticipation I couldn't know, but the next thing I knew both his hands were cupping my face. He was so gentle, almost as if he thought I would break. I looked up at him, once again taken aback by the intensity of his stare.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"You're so pretty when you blush," he smiled, caressing my cheek.

"Please don't compliment me, I don't deserve it, I'm ugly," I repeated the words my captors had drilled into me for so many years.

"You, Lucy," he put emphasis on my name. "are anything but ugly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out."

"How can you say that?" I replied.

"Because, I can feel it Lucy, right here," he took my hand in his and placed it over his chest where I could feel his heart beat strong and sure. "I've been waiting for you my entire life. And now that I have you, it's my job, my honour to protect you with my life," he explained fiercly.

"Thank you," I chocked out, tears welling in my eyes.Leaning into his frame just slightly despite myself and my fears.

"No pup, thank you."