#some of y'all need to take several huge steps back and do some self reflection bc man hatred ain't fucking it

[uncle-fruity]

Y'all know that "trans men don't suffer from significant oppression" is just the logical end point of the TERF belief that trans men transition to escape misogyny & sexism, right? Like, y'all realize how bullshit that is, right? That when you downplay and ignore and make assumptions about the experiences of trans men that you're just doing the work of transphobes who want to prove that we're "escaping" oppression to become oppressors. And surely that is not the hill you want to die on? Surely you care about trans people and have enough understanding of transphobia to know that you shouldn't take TERF talking points at face value and uncritically adopt them into your worldview, RIGHT? Surely you understand that oppression relies heavily on misrepresenting the group it's targeting and that the best way to combat that is to actually listen directly to the members of that group and get to know them as individuals, RIGHT? Surely you wouldn't shout down the throats of the trans men while they’re trying to speak on their pain and the effects of systemic oppression on their livelihood, RIGHT? RIGHT???

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

due to the Naruto/Batman crossover i've been reading i will now be stepping into the Batman fandom

i mean, i've always liked Batman, but i never got into the comics bc there's so MANY so i settled for the animated tv shows and movies

specifically, i wanna see more Bruce being a kind person! also i need more Nightwing in my life. Dick Grayson might be one of my favorite DC characters next to Bruce Wayne

unfortunately for y'all this DOES mean i will be composing a self-insert story in my head. there's already one simmering on the mental back burner. it's how you know i love a story or group of characters; i write a self-insert fanfic as a coping mechanism for whatever shit is happening in my life. and boy do i need to pretend there's an edgelord billionaire taking the streets during my waking hours and investing part of his fortune to studying my illnesses during the day

whoops i already wrote something under the cut

i think, for my story, my self-insert has my basic personality and definitely my gender. they're an artist living either in Gotham or Blüdhaven. they use a wheelchair, sometimes a rollator, and deal with my same chronic pain and fatigue. oh and bc i rarely hear southern accents in these shows, this pal is from good ol' Arkansas but moved to follow their kid brother to either Gotham or Blüdhaven

the basic Plot that my brain generated to connect my character to the Bat family hinges largely on chance. Nightwing is on patrol, maybe following leads on the current Mystery. he stops on the roof of an apartment building towards the end of his patrol and takes a breather, sits on ledge and goes through files of evidence etc etc

enter my character (uh let's call them Rhys?) who opens the door to the roof and pulls out their rollator that they've managed to lug up the last flight of stairs, since the elevator doesn't go all the way to the roof. they also have a large art canvas, an easel, and their bag of supplies precariously balanced on the rollator.

Rhys spots Nightwing, who was surprised to see anyone else on a rooftop at 4 in the morning, and they look around and go "I'm not. I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Usually one mask brings more."

Nightwing stands up and assures them they're safe. he's about to leave when they pull a huge thermos from their bag (how did they get all of this up here??)

"My brother gave me this for my birthday a few years ago," Rhys says, lifting the thermos so Nightwing could see it. They pop off the lid, which turns out to be two that can be used as mugs. "Weird kids don't make a whole lotta friends. But he said the easiest way to someone's heart is through a shared cup of coffee."

and how could Nightwing, running on a handful of hours of sleep with at least another eight hours of detective work ahead of him, possibly say no to that?

he accepts the coffee and quietly sends a message to Barbara that he's taking a brief detour, all the while Rhys is setting up their easel and canvas. there's already some rough sketches and a couple layers of paint. Nightwing knows the skyline of this city well enough to recognize it even through an artist's eyes.

Rhys tells him that the sunrises here are unique. back home, the skies were crystal clear and nearly every sunrise was hallmark-worthy. but here, the pollution and glass windows reflect and refract the light in more ways than they could've imagined, and they have a series of paintings stashed in their tiny apartment devoted to color studies.

for one reason or another, this becomes a regular thing. several times a week, Rhys takes the elevator to the top floor, then heaves their rollator and supplies up that last flight of stairs. and every so often, when they open the door, they find Nightwing waiting for them. he starts bringing breakfast with him, but tells them he likes their coffee better (bc there's something about a coffee shared in a thermos that can't be replicated by any coffee shop)

eventually they ask each other about family. obv Nightwing doesn't give too many details, but enough to add to conversation. Rhys only has their brother, as their parents have been out of the picture for years.

one day, Rhys is quieter than usual, and hasn't touched their canvas yet, instead sketching and scratching out and balling up scrap paper etc etc. Nightwing asks what's wrong, and it takes a bit of nudging, but Rhys eventually tells him they haven't heard from their brother in a little over a week. it's not so unusual, but they get anxious anyway. they assure Nightwing that their brother probably just forgot.

then a week passes, and Nightwing is alone on the roof longer than usual. he's about to leave when Rhys opens the door, and he doesn't even have to ask how they're doing because they're pale, fidgety, and the circles under their eyes are much more pronounced.

their brother hasn't returned any calls or texts. more worryingly, his phone seems to have died or disconnected several days ago. Rhys doesn't ask any favors, but they don't have to, because as they're piecing together what info they have, Nightwing is already looking through police databases and missing persons and so on.

he hits a dead end, but one that is more informative and condemning.

Rhys's brother has a file in the system, and it's buried behind a top secret confidential report. something, something, Nightwing makes a loose connection to the case he and Bruce are working on for the A-plot. he promises Rhys that he'll find their brother.

and he does. he and Bruce bust the A-plot scheme involving (insert name of gang) that was responsible for dozens of disappearances. only a few of the victims were saved, the rest had been killed long before Batman and Nightwing stormed the keep.

Nightwing finds the brother. his body is floating face down in the canal a few blocks downstream, along with a dozen or so others. he's been dead for two days at least.

once the bodies are retrieved and safely transported to the nearest hospital morgue, Nightwing heads back to Rhys.

the sky is already turning from black to grey as he lands on the rooftop. Rhys has their easel set up and looks to be halfway through their current painting. they look up, about to greet him, but their smile vanishes when they see how grim Nightwing seems.

they blink back tears threatening to fall, turn their attention back to the canvas and pick up a different paintbrush. they quietly mix different colors on their palette until they're satisfied, before slapping the paintbrush to the canvas.

"Please," they finally say. the tears are flowing freely now. "Tell me what happened."

Nightwing sits on the ledge next to his cup of coffee. he remembers how his heart shattered when his parents were killed. he remembers the crushing despair upon learning of Jason's fate.

he isn't new to delivering this message. to telling an innocent family that their loved one is gone. he's learned how to keep it professional yet empathetic, to hide the worst details while satisfying their desperate need to Know.

there was something different about this one. maybe it was the determined focus Rhys was giving their painting, despite the tremor in their hands and their short breaths.

Nightwing tells them everything he can, save for the worst details. Rhys doesn't need extra imagery for their inevitable nightmares. but he explains the gang, the villain, the blackmailing, and Rhys paints on, only stopping to wipe at their eyes or blow their nose.

he finishes his story and watches them paint.

after some time of sitting in silence, the city slowly awakens and the sun rises. it isn't until the sun is nearly level with the tallest buildings that Rhys drops their paintbrush and buries their face in their hands.

the painting depicts their usual imagery, the sunrise filtering through smog and glass towers. the foreground shows a rooftop, not so different from the one they currently sat on. at the farthest edge of the rooftop, standing on the ledge with his hands raised--perhaps greeting the sun, or waving goodbye to the viewer-- was a boy. Rhys hadn't given him much detail, but they didn't need to.

Nightwing saw not just their brother, but his. that boy could just as easily be Jason as any other kid whose lives were cut short.

Rhys packs their things and stands to leave. they don't touch the painting. Nightwing asks what they'll do with it. Rhys looks at it one more time.

"Take it," they tell him. "I can't look at it anymore."

when Dick comes home with the canvas, he leans it against the wall and stares at it. one of the other Bat family, maybe Steph? Tim? comes in and sees the painting.

"Whoa," they say. "It's beautiful. I've never seen a sunrise look so sad before."

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy! I am curious about your take on how Jikook are edited in the behind the scenes clips since October (such as the ones for the Life Goes on music video, ABC Holiday Dynamite, and the Japan one (search on youtube for BTS japan shoot || behind the scene of Japan)). Do you think Jikook are interacting less, being just friends, being more professional, or is BigHit editing their interactions out? It just seems so different from the ones before Oct (FILA, Dynamite MV, Season's Greetings 2021)

Huh???😲😲😲

BigHit is doing what what now?😥

Do you mean that as a fact or theory?🤔

Why though?👀 They are not Tae Kook? 😥

There's Bangtan video of Jimin with his third leg dangling loose in the air somewhere on the internet, I don't think BigHit is that savvy.

Lmho. I mean I see what you mean but they are editors and cutting is what they do for a living. But this is Jikook sis. I don't see BigHit's incentive for 'cutting' Jikook's moments and you shouldn't assume that-

Unless...

You don't think Jikook's been groping eachother homoerotically on set lately have you? Cos, chile I'll believe that! I don't trust Jikook anywhere near eachother's vicinity and personal space.

I've seen enough to traumatize the devil himself. Chilee. Lol.

Bighit, in recent times, mostly tend to cut scenes and moments if they are a bit risqué. Like JK shoving his butt in Jimin's groin face, sliding his hands down Tae's chest...

Often times too they cut moments if its redundant. If a part of a scene is already in the main content they don't bother showing it in the behind scenes. From my observation.

When an interaction is awkward they skip it too, I feel. I mean I am still waiting to see JK touching all over Jimin and feeling him up in Run 106- honey, I'll pay to watch that shit with my kidneys. Lol.

Often too they save some scenes for memories or some other shit that they use all those pent up footages for. Lol.

BigHit is a business, they produce content that per their research and analytics garners more engagement, audience retention and a whole other metrics. They put a lot of creativity into what they do as creatives and artists- I mean if the baby noises is anything to go by. Those bites are tired!

But often times too, they're tired and they're lazy, and they just put anything together and toss it out there without giving it much thought- isn't that how they leave Jin or Tae out of packages, how certain Jikook moments that should have never made it into screen time ended up in screen time- how JM's third leg made it to the internet? They should have cut that shit before uploading it with those subtitles and yet here we are.

I think people give BigHit too much credit- talking about JK shouldn't gay panic and run away from certain moments with JM if he knows BigHit editors are going to cut those moments.... JM's dixk begs to differ. Chilee, Jimin you should have just worn pants. Can't trust these phony ass editors my guy.

The editing is really not a big deal. Not to me. But I love your question anyway. Especially the bits about what's different about Jikook and the content BigHit has been putting out since October.

Well something sure did go down in October, I don't care what anybody says.

I keep saying BigHit banks on the bond and intimacy of the boys, and the boys are more than happy to showcase their bond for the cameras just as Tae said and confirmed in a recent interview- Tuktukkers y'all did an Oopsie on the whole Taekook don't like to show their bond on cameras! Lol

Tae said it himself not me- he lives to showcase his bond with the other members. *where is my skull head emoji. Lmho.

I think what has changed since JM's birthday in October to now, to me where BigHit is concerned, is the general marketing strategy of the company.

It seems to me the company is adopting a marketing module opposite of the strategy they had been using before the pandemic. I think I've talked about this though...

Hate to say I said it, but I said it. Lol.

They are limiting access to the boys to drive sales as and when. BTS dominates the internet and have amassed greater reach and attention partly due to the free content they put out on the internet. But those were never monitised- not in a direct or significant way.

In the wake of the virus, they've had to monetize their online presence. A single tweet from their Twitter account is a phone brand promotion as I pointed out in past posts. There's been an increase in their sponsorship collaborations, in Soop and many of the content they've put up this year. They even turned on ads on their YT channels it seems.

Like I've been saying, this situation is global and novel, they are going to experiment with means and methods till they find that sweet spot and that is what I feel we are experiencing- amongst other things.

Unfortunately for us, our access to Jikook is gonna take a hit like I said before because the numbers are in their favor. I mean go to their YouTube page and see the metrics for yourself.

Jikook's holiday remix pulls way ahead of their counterparts. If their going to monetize any ship brand in BTS it's Jikooks. Trust. But that doesn't mean any ship in BTS is spared.

Someone asked me a while back, when I talked about this, whether all these changes the company was going through was going to affect the way Jikook interact on camera and I couldn't answer that with conviction then.

But I mean we are seeing a subtle, if not drastic change in the way Jikook interact with eachother and with their glass closet.

What that means for us, I think, is the company is going to choose when and where to show us content and certain interactions but that doesn't mean Jikook aren't interacting- know what I mean? I mean they have them. The juicy moments that's gonna make us slap our mamas. BigHit has it all. They are just gonna save it for as and when based on their marketing strategy, if you know what I mean.

I mean we all saw that blackswan performance, we all saw the holiday remix performance etc.

And you are right about the less interactions post October and I've shared my thoughts on it so I won't go into it. But I will state again that they are not broken up either, not to me. Lol.

I think we need to examine what interacting less means. To me, I consider Jikook interacting less if they have an opportunity to interact and they don't interact in a way that is usual of them.

Majority of the content we've gotten in recent times are pretty much very official contents, interviews, etc. The entire BE era, as I said is not about Jikook or even BigHit.

It's about BTS, all seven and Jikook can't monopolize the shine like they tend to do in other BigHit marketed contents in my opinion.

Jimin tried to be funny and chill in the dynamite mv and RM nearly went ninja turtle on his ass when he called him out for not taking things seriously enough during the shoot- Left to grandpa Joonie, the kids will sleep at five. Lol.

Seriously though, there is a huge gap between what BTS views as marketing and marketable and what Jikook or even BigHit views as marketing, in my opinion. And conversations like that between RM and Jimin goes to prove it.

Another interesting thing about this whole marketing approach is how BigHit isn't substituting any other particular pair in Jikook's stead. I see them giving equal screan time to the individual members- well not in a technical sense but I think you know what I mean.

Are Jikook required to be professional in certain situations, absolutely. And in previous years, I think they took too many liberties with it. But as I said, now more than ever they are learning and need to learn to read the room because they wouldn't be able to get away with much if they don't.

BE is a self produced project, after Soop- after when they were isolated to help them bond and repair fractures in their bond. If there were anything they were not happy with that led to Soop, trust that they are going to fix it post Soop and it's going to reflect in every sphere of their interactions.

RM for example has chilled on his monitoring and censorship of Jikook, Jikook have been pretty considerate of the group and have tried not to do anything to have RM pop a vein, Tae has been stepping up too- with the members going out their way to praise him and push him to the fore front of the group unlike in previous years *cough cough I don't want trouble but chilee.

I mean Jimin pointed it out in the Be behind when he said Tae was working hard and putting his best foot forward because the members had been showering him with lots of compliments in recent times and he wasn't kidding.

In the LGO comeback live, RM praised Tae for working hard forgetting it wasn't just Tae and JM's reaction was telling. Of course he backpedaled to compliment JM too.

Suga did the same thing in the Be behind video when he was talking about JM and praising him- I mean it's Suga and his Jimin, uWu. But then he too backpedaled to compliment Tae when he realized what he was doing and I was like CAN SOMEONE PRAISE KOOKIE TOO PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Lol.

Anywho, the company is equally chilling on their Jikook agenda which I have speculated on several ttimes so won't get into- it's all so very kumbaya and God, I hate it. Lol.

Give me the chaos goddammit!

I feel Jlkook loosen up in contents that aren't like super official business moments and that's when you see their domesticity. Lol.

You see them having their me time in the background of some of the content, and in one of the interviews where they were sat a good feet apart but they kept moving closer and closer till eventually after their lunch break cut, they were sat very close to each other.

I'm not a fan of the cameras being shove in their faces during their private moments- Kookie certainly doesn't appreciate that either.

But they are working for a living nonetheless and making content is what they do for a living. So we are definitely gonna get the content from them alright, the fanservice, the organic moments passed off as fanservice, the moments that should never make it to screen- all nine. Lol.

We are just not going to get them in a way we are accustomed to. And it certainly doesn't help that they are each on their own personal growth journeys- gradually disconnecting from their fanbase, I mean Jk's been long gone duh, and Jimin did say he has come to the realization not everyone in the fandom loves him and he is learning to react less strongly to them; which to me translates as bye bitches you don't deserve me. Lol.

I mean dude didn't bother posting for new year this year- y'all Jimin is done with our ass. We might as well pack our bags and join him in Kookie's Casa. I call dibs on the broom closet under the stairs. Lol.

Jikook gets called fanservice and other creepy slurs in this fandom but people forget all of this is their choice too. They choose, are choosing to share all the bits of them they share with us, with us. Inspite of all the hate and insults, they choose to do that- if they did it for the fanservice don't you think they would have called a time out on it long ago because it's not worth it?

I hate it here.

I guess what I'm saying is, you are right about these observations you've made and some of the things you've pointed out are facts.

But we have talked about all of that so it really shouldn't be anything new? Kindly check my previous posts. I think I shared my point of view on what I think is going on with Jikook, BigHit and BTS.

Other than those, I don't think there is anything major up with Jikook honestly. I keep saying I don't think they are broken up. I don't see either of them closed off, emotionally open to connecting with the others.

If anything I said I feel Jimin is falling in love all over again with Kook. I mean when he looks at him he looks to me as if he is seeing Kook in a different light.

And it's funny how all through out 2020 he kept reiterating how his friends and family and relationships were important to him, shading the ef out of Kook during the Japan Stay Gold promos claiming his relationships were important to him and was what was Gold in his life.

He even went on to talk about picking an accent spending time around his friends and talking with his friends around his birthday but suddenly in the Be behind scenes he was talking about how he's come to the realization BTS is his only true friends and how friends come and go.

Clearly he's had an epiphany of a sort and has been through something post his birthday that has him setting his priorities straight in the aftermath.

In his Weverse magazine, he mentioned how he's recently discovered something about himself, about how he loves to be loved. He then went on to clarify that when during festa he talked about having a desire to perform with the members for a long that that he meant to say he wanted to be with them for a very long time.

But then JK said Jimin said that bit to him first. And if this is the interpretation Jimin is giving to that statement then- one plus one is two honey. Numbers don't lie.

Dude don whispered those sweet empty nothings in JK's ear telling him he wants to be with him for a very long time and shit.

And now homeboy out here setting up roots in gay boulevard. I don't think their well is drying up any time soon. Lol.

They are in a honeymoon phase again and they are not showing us. Stingy bastards! Lol

And when JK said to JM in response, that BTS is his home- wow. He really said that...

He is Jimin's home. Literally. Please, my heartu😭

Jikook is real. Please support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[kas-not-cas]

Goodbye

Summary: After Dean gets injured during a hunt, Y/N makes the biggest decision of her life. She decides to leave feeling it's better for the both of them. 

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jason (OFC), Reader 

 Pairing: Dean x Reader 

 Warnings: Mentions of blood and violence, angst, language, self hate/doubt, fighting, implied smut 

 Word Count: 2,844

 A/N: This was not beta read, so sorry for any errors. This is my entry for @paigeinastory Country song fic/sentence prompt challenge. My prompt was, 7. I'm no good with goodbyes. I hope y'all enjoy and thank you for the extension!

     The room feels like it's spinning, the fluorescent lights of the hospital making everything brighter. You’re falling before you even know it, the world blurring as you fall back. A pair of arms catch you, holding you up as your chest heaved as you tried to focus your attention on anything in the spinning room. This couldn’t be happening right now, there was no chance in hell this was fucking happening.

“Y/N,” the fuzzy voice called out next to you, muffled by the ominous pounding within your head. Turning around, everything slowly stops spinning as you focus your attention on a familiar face. Sam, your boyfriends younger brother is watching you carefully. His hazel eyes focused on you as you slowly realize just how heavy you had been breathing. “Hey, it’s okay just try to relax okay.” he helps sit you down in a chair seating himself into the one next to you.

His hand rubs up and down your back, waiting patiently for you to regain your senses. Slowly but surely your breathing begins to regulate as tears stream down your cheeks. It wasn’t all about what had happened to Dean that was making you feel like this. It was also the fact that this whole mess was your fault, and you were going to have to confess to Sam that you were to blame for this whole situation.

Fuck, why couldn’t it be you on that gurney and not Dean.

“Y/N/N, can you tell me what happened?” His voice was soft and timid, he didn’t want to push you but he needed answers. “Where’s Dean, is he okay?” You couldn't answer him, you didn’t want to tell him, he was going to be furious with you. “Look Y/N I need you to tell me what happened to my brother.”

“I-It was my fault,” you gasped out breaking under the pressure, “I was the one who jumped in front of the girl, how was I supposed to know she was a demon?” Slowly you told Sam about what had happened half an hour ago.

The memories of the hunt flooded through you. It was suppose to be a simple exorcism, but that simple route took a terrible turn when you were overrun by demons. The two original ones you were going to exorcise turned into seven, all of them attacking the two of you. You made a simple mistake trying to shield a young girl from another demon, only for her to be one of them as well. She had lunged at you wielding a knife, but Dean had jumped in front of you. The blade sliced his neck blood splattering across your face as he collapsed on the ground. You were able to stab the last girl with Ruby’s knife, only to have the last one smoke out before you could dig the blade into their neck.

Somehow you managed to get Dean to the hospital without wrecking your car. His head resting in your lap, as his blood soaked through your clothing. It turned into a big mess all because you were foolish, your head wasn’t in the hunt and that’s why Dean’s life was in the hands of the doctors here. You turned to look at Sam only to find anger reflected in his eyes. He pushed himself off the chair he was sitting in, pacing the floor as you watched. You were waiting for him to blow up, to start yelling at you in front of the whole waiting room. But instead of doing that, he remained silent keeping his anger bottled up in an attempt not to draw attention to yourselves. And that was one hundred times worse than him yelling at you. The silent treatment was the worst punishment he could be giving you right now.

You had to give it to Sam though, he could keep up the silent treatment for an eternity. Two hours after you had arrived with Dean and he still wasn’t saying a damn thing to you. You sat there in the horrendous lime green chair caked in you boyfriends blood. Sam walked around the waiting room, looking at the double grey doors waiting for someone to emerge. Every little sound had the two of you jumping turning to look at the source. But it was never the person the two of you were waiting for.

The grey doors opened, both you and Sam jumping up to look at the doctor. He had some blood on his scrubs as he watched the two of you slowly walk towards him. “Mr. McDonald’s family?” Sam shot you a glance, making sure that you gave them that insurance card when you first arrived. With a simple nod you held your breath waiting for the doctors news on Dean’’s status. “He’s going to be just fine, we managed to stop the bleeding. We’re giving him a blood transfusion, while he’s asleep. If everything looks good tomorrow evening them you’ll be free to go.”

It was like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, your legs trembled as you collapsed to the ground. You sobbed into your hands, letting out all the tension you had been holding back. It wasn’t until you heard Sam walking passed you that you finally managed to look up. He and the doctor were walking back towards the double doors. You got up following them only to have Sam stop in front of you. Stopping in your tracks you looked up at him, he was angry. . scratch that he was furious.

“You,” he clenched his jaw tight exhaling through his nose, “you’re going to stay here.” You opened your mouth to protest against it, but he held a finger in front of your face. “You know what, it might be better for you not to be here when I get back.” His brow furrowed as he turned back around following the doctor through the doors into the back. Leaving you standing there, watching him disappear covered in his brother's blood.

Sam had a right to be pissed, hell even Dean did. You made a huge mistake that could have cost Dean his life. Doing that was something not easily forgiven, it might be best for the both of you if you just left. That way no one else could get hurt, no one would get killed for your idiotic mistakes. Sam was right it would be better for the two of them if you weren’t there when he got back.

So you did what he asked, you grabbed your things and headed back to your car. You glanced back at the hospital one last time, whispering a goodbye as you got in your car. If you were fast enough, you could pack up and be out of the Winchester’s hair within an hour. You raced through the streets, making it back to the motel in record breaking time. Once there you didn’t waste a second, you packed up all your things and hit the road. Will driving down the two laned road you pulled your cellphone out, scrolling to Dean’s contact name. You knew for a fact this phone was back at the motel, so you didn’t need to worry about someone answering it it was the perfect way for you to say goodbye. Hitting the phone icon the line began ringing, and kept ringing until his voice mail came on.

“This is Dean’s other, other cell so, you must know what to do.”

“Dean,” you sighed as the line beeped indicating it was recording, “I am, I am not good with goodbyes.” Your voice was breaking under the several different emotions coursing through your veins. “All I wanted to say was. . .I’m sorry for leaving like this, but it’s better this way.” Several tears streamed down your cheeks. “I can’t risk you getting hurt again, not with my idiot actions and judgements.” Taking a deep breath you tightened the grip on your steering wheel to the point your knuckles were turning white. “Just so you know I always have, and always will love you Dean Winchester. But it’s better this way, better for me to be away from you.” With a final sniffle you hung up the phone before breaking down completely.

Your chest heaved as tears streamed down your face, your nose started to run as you tried to focus on the road. Everything hurt, and that was probably one of the worst things you’ve had to do in your life. That seemed to make it hurt ever more. But as much as it hurt, you had to focus. The last thing you needed was to get into a car crash, you needed to be as far away from this town as possible.

________________

“I need to had three more weeks on my room Jason.” you rubbed your eyes handing the motel manager a wad of cash. He counted the money out, adding it to his register before handing you a receipt.

“You know Ms. Joplin, it might be good for you to get out of your room.” You grabbed a hold of the door handle looking back at him. “It isn’t very healthy to stay in your room all day, you should get some fresh air.”  

With a simple smile you started heading outside, “I’ll keep that in mind thank you Jason.” Just like that you headed off, back into your sad and lonely world.

You had been staying at the same motel for two weeks now, moping around not quite ready to move on yet. You didn’t want to do anything, hunting was out of the question. It was just you in you tiny one bedroom, drinking bottles of cheap wine trying to forget about Dean. But he was embedded into your mind, you still loved him and you desperately wanted to be with him. Things were better this way though, better for you and for him in the long run. The further you were away from him, the better it was for the two of you.

Unlocking the door to your room you stepped inside the cool air conditioned room. The frigid air hitting your skin causing goosebumps to rise. You shut the door, sliding down it glossy surface sitting down on the horrendous green carpet. Who knew leaving the man you were in love with would be so friggin hard. Slamming your head back against the door you fought back tears, your heart pounding as he crept into you mind. His beautiful olive green eyes, his freckles, the way his smile could light up a room. It hurt so freaking bad, and no matter how much you drank the feeling never went away.

Hours seemed to pass as you sat there staring at the walls as the sun began to set. Beautiful colors or oranges, pinks and purples filled the room from the window. Brightening your dark world for merely seconds before you found yourself slipping further into the depths of despair. Nothing was going to make you feel better, you were never going to be the same person again.

You were so focused on your own thoughts you jumped out of you skin as someone knocked on the door. You glanced up at the door before standing up, cupping some of your hair behind your ear you sighed. This better be the pizza guy, you were starving and needed to try to get some food in your system. Opening to door you eyes widened, meeting the olive green ones you had left behind weeks ago.

“Hey sweetheart,” he looked you up and down, “you look like shit.”

“Wow,” you scoffed shaking you head as you headed inside of the room, “that’s a really nice way to greet someone Dean.” He followed you inside, slamming the door behind him.

“What?” He towered over you his eyes focused on you, burning holes into your skin. “Were you seriously expecting flowers and chocolates? For me to get on my knees and beg for you to come back with me. To tell you how much I love you?” He rubbed his stubbled chin, looking pretty irritated with the whole situation. “After you ditched me? Wow talk about being conceded.”

His words struck a nerve with you, and not a good or an emotional nerve. No this was the nerve no one ever wanted to mess with. This was your final nerve to be pushed, this was the last straw. “Excuse me!?” You scoffed shoving him back placing both your hands on you hips. “If I remember correctly I left you a voicemail telling you why I left.”  He stood tall glaring at you, his nostrils flaring as you continued to talk. “I specifically said that I left so you wouldn’t get hurt again. That I loved you and me leaving was the best thing for the two of us.”   

“The best thing for the two of us?” He laughed tilting his head back before narrowing his gaze at you. “The best thing for the two of us, would have been for you to stay there with me. But no you get your panties in a bunch when Sam tells you to leave. And your dumbass actually decides to listen to him and take off God knows where! Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been about you!?”

“I-I jus-”

“Shut up!” He took a step towards you, closing the space between your bodies. “What you did was reckless and irresponsible. You had Sam and me worried sick about you, Sammy’s been kicking himself for weeks now. He thinks this whole situation is his fault!” You backed up until you were against the wall, you heart in your throat as he placed both his hands on the wall behind you. “This whole thing, you leaving and leaving me a shitty break up voicemail could have been prevented.”

Tears were welling in your eyes you chest heaved as you watched him, “I know it could have been prevented okay! It was because of me, it was my fault so you can stop reminding me about it okay! I’ve said I was sorry, and I’ve punished myself enough over this fucked up situation okay!”

“Will you shut the hell up and let me finish!?” He pressed his forehead against your own, he huffed closing his eyes tight. “I didn’t come here to fight, the last thing I want to do is fight with you.” His hot breath tickled your lips as he let out a soft sight, the tension in the room slowly lifting. “I came here to bring you back home.”

You forgot how to breathe, your pounding heart thundering within your head. The tension in the room suddenly shifted to something else. You found yourself staring into his eyes before slowly looking down at his lips. His own eyes flickered back and forth watching you as he dragged his tongue across his lips. In an instant the tension snapped and your lips were against his own. The kiss was fiery and full of desire as you began ripping at his clothes moaning into his mouth.

Clothes were dropped to the floor as he trailed kissed down your neck. You tilted your head back allowing him to nip and suck at your heated flesh. Every part of your body melted into his touch, as his rough and calloused hands ran down the curves of your body. He lifted you up by the thighs holding you against the wall, while your wrapped your legs around his waist. The two of you falling into the familiar and comforting hold of each other.

It was like coming home.

_____________

Hours later you and Dean are tangled in the rough and crisp motel sheets. You’re laying on top of his chest as his fingers run up and down your back. The two of you basking in the afterglow of intense and insanely sexy makeup sex. No words needed to be said during the act, everything that needed to be said was said beforehand.

Resting your chin on his chest you look at him, only to find he’s already watching you. A smile tugged against the corners of his kiss swollen lips as he hugged you tight. Things had been rough, but it seemed like no matter what happened between the two of you it always worked out in the end. You had been reckless on the hunt, but you made a very bad choice and left. But somehow that bad choice brought you and Dean closer together.  As Dean pulled you closer gently kissing your lips your heart fluttered. You really were bad at saying goodbye, and you never wanted to say goodbye to this amazing man ever again.

“I love you Dean,” you muttered against his lips gently rocking your hips against his. He groaned flipping you over so he was hovering over you.

“I love you too Y/N.”

Yeah, being with Dean was like being at home and there was no other place you’d rather be.

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