#some of these i've started (ie the last book is from the library and i've tried doing the exercises digitally)

[kulliare]

tagged by @shrips for 9 books you'd like to read in the new year! ty for the tag-- i tag @halfagod @albatrossisland @eponine119 @tru-lyly

[musingsofabookworm1]

My Last 13 Reads

Another "dump" post. School's done now, so hopefully I can keep up again. I read 105 books from the last day of school last year to the last day of school this year. Down from the norm. Hopefully next year will be better.

Without further adieu...

Nothing Sung and Nothing Spoken by Nita Tyndall - 3 stars - YA World War II novel set in the Swing Youth Movement (I did not know what this was prior). Charlotte, "Charlie", goes to an underground club and begins a queer romance with her friend, but the romance and the war both don't go the way Charlie had hoped. Lots of comparisons to books I've enjoyed, but it wasn't as good as those (ie Ruta Sepetys).

Whiteout by Dhonielle Clayton, Tiffany D. Jackson, Nic Stone - 4 stars - another YA by the same authors as last year's Blackout. Teens come together during a snow storm that shuts down Atlanta at Christmastime to help one of their own with a big apology. It's better than it sounds, and these authors are amazing!

Venco by Cherie Dimaline - 3 stars - Venco is a coven (See what she did there with the anagram?) posing as a business. A silver spoon that has "SALEM" engraved on it takes Lucky St. James and her grandmother on quite the journey. Another witch book that was average.

Just the Nicest Couple by Mary Kubica - 3 stars - Definitely not Kubica's best. Nina's husband goes missing. Her coworker and husband seem to be covering something up. More average lieterature. I still think Kubica's first novel, The Good Girl, is her best.

The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty - 3 stars - This came highly recommended, but I found it, too, average. Vacca Vale, Indiana is a rundown town. Four teenagers who've aged out of the foster system live in old apartments searching for freedom. Side note: one of said teens is named Blandine, and that name made me roll my eyes in annoyance until the very end.

All Hallows by Christopher Golden - 5 stars - Horror fans, pick up this one that brought me out of an average slump. 1984. Halloween. Massachusetts. Two famlies are falling apart at the seams while children go door-to-door and run the streets afraid of The Cunning Man. You will not be disappointed in this supernatural thriller!

Sam by Allegra Goodman - 3 stars - And back to average. Maybe it would not have been if I'd known it was more the character route versus plot. Sam's parents divorced in her youth. Her father came in and out of her life and, at one point, got her into rock-climbing which was a positve overall.

Saturday Night at the Lakeside Supper Club by J. Ryan Stradal - 4 stars - I'd been waiting for this one. It wasn't as good as his previous two novels, but it was good. It is the love story of Mariel, who inherits a Minnesota supper club from her grandparents, and Ned, who inherits his family's restaurant chain.

Beyond That, The Sea by Lauren Spence-Ash - 5 stars - VERY good read. I heard about it on the All the Books podcast and bought it immediately with an Amazon gift card. As bombs fall in 1940s London, a couple sends their only child, Beatrix, to live with a family in American for safety. Honestly, you don't need to more than that. The story is rich, the characters are memorable, and there were some tears at the end. Not your average WWII novel as it's set in the US.

Lone Women by Victor LaValle - 4 stars - If you've read Victor LaValle, you know his plots are unique. And this is not different. In 1915, Adelaide Henry, a woman in her 30s, leaves her parents for the first time and heads west to California to start fresh. WIth a trunk. The trunk is the key to the story. And you'll never ever guess what's inside.

Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick - 5 stars - I heard about this YA on All the Books and bought the ebook immedialtey after not finding in at the library or on Libby. Stevie is the daughter of very right-wing parents. They do not know about her secret girlfriend of two years and how the two of them plan to leave town at the end of the summer together as both have graduated. But in the first chapter, as Stevie and Nora (g/f) are hiking in the woods, Stevie falls, hits her head, and has short term amnesia. She cannot remember the last two years of her life - including Nora. And their relationship was a secret, so nothing in Stevie's life can jog that memory. Nora will do anything to help Stevie remember but does not want to upset Stevie's parents or her own mother.

Jacqueline in Paris by Ann Mah - 3 stars - Last book of the school year. This is a novelization of the year Jackie Kennedy spent in Paris as an undergrad. The writing is good. And the plot is good. But it got slow in parts in the middle.

Tell the Rest by Lucy Jane Bledsoe - 4 stars - First book of the summer. The ending made this one jump from 3 to 4 stars for me. In the opening chapter, Delia and Ernest are teens who've escaped from a conversion camp. They'd not seen or heard from each other since. Delia is back in her Oreogon hometown coaching high school girls' basketball after she gets "let go" from the college program she coached. Ernest, a poet, lives in NYC with his boyfriend but heads to Portland for a temporary teaching position and in hopes to write a poem that's been lurking inside him since his teens. I wanted more of the converstion camp storyline. It did come through at the end, but the buildup was a bit slow.

[fleursetrebellion]

You got it!

So, obvious one to start, Plato's dialogues discussing his theory of forms (I like Symposium best though admittedly it doesn't describe the theory of forms very explicitly). BUT assuming you already have had enough of him, Plotinus imo is much more of a true hermeticist than him and his six Enneads (recorded by his student Porphyry) are like imo the best original work of hermeticism that's still around. He was also a Hellenistic Egyptian like Hermes Tresmegistus, so it's not surprising.

Going back a little more original, there ARE some supposed recordings of the Emerald Tablet, written by Hermes Tresmegistus himself? But its origins are like... debatable. It was recorded by Apollonius of Tyana supposedly from a literal emerald tablet he found in a tomb held by a corpse on a golden throne? And like there's a translation by the alchemist Ibn Umayl, and others, but all of the translations seem to have more or less than others? It IS thought that this comes from some real earlier text though, and it's interest even if the "emerald tablet" stuff is bs.

Getting into the Islamic stuff, Ibn Arabi is probably the person I'd start with? Though admittedly his work is pretty esoteric and hard to read. I've found it more useful to read commentaries on his work. But his stuff on Wahdat al-Wujud (unity of existence) is really interesting and there's a million commentaries on it. But he's sort of establishing the idea of the Hermetic arrangement of the Nous emanating and refracting through the Hypostases in an Islamic context by understanding the Nous as God. And he does some commentary and expansion on the work of another guy, Ibn Sina, who is arguably much more foundational but admittedly I haven't read any of his work.

In that line, the poet Fakhr al-Din Iraqi is excellent. I recommend Divine Flashes. He talks about existence/experience in terms of love in a way that imo calls back to Plato's Symposium in a lot of interesting ways. Also his poetry is just... good as poetry.

Besides that the philosopher Surawardi wrote a book called Partaw Nama, sometimes called the Book of Radiance, where he talks about Wujud (the sort of essence of existence) in terms of gradations and configurations of light emanating out from God and refracted through the Hypostases like lenses. To me this is like the ultimate bridge between epistemology and natural philosophy, because he's getting dangerously close to the idea of tying emanationism to modern-style theories of matter.

Following that thread, my absolute favorite pre-modern philosopher, Mulla Sadra's book al-Hikmat al-Arshiyyah (The Wisdom of the Throne) is an absolute banger. He ties together Surawardi and Ibn Arabi, he talks about the fluidity of nature and identity, he even mirrors the hermetic journey/great work in his books The Four Journeys of the Intellect. My man does not miss.

There's also a ton of good writing about Mulla Sadra, and Ibn Arabi, etc, and talks about them as well. I've really liked some of the talks from folks at the Ibn Arabi Society.

And one last one before I leave Islamic texts, more or less a grimoire, and it's.... okay it's hard to recommend this one? This is considered to be an EXTREMELY cursed and evil book in the Islamic world, like people worry they could be cursed just by owning or reading it. Though tbh I don't find its contents to be that scary? It's mostly basic grimoire stuff, and its author was pretty pious in his own right and wrote it only for higher-ups in the church to have for informational purposes. A lot of it is also stuff that was not considered to be sorcery so much as a kind of theosophy (ie, originating from God). The book is called the Shams al-Ma'arif.

There are ALSO some Christian sources. Like the so-called "Gnostic" stuff in the Nag Hammadi library are a good example. (Maybe better described as Sethian than Gnostic) They're pretty much buckwild start to finish if you grew up Christian, but also imo they don't necessarily add much to the conversation? That said, they're super fun so maybe worth reading about anyway. And in a way you can kind of see the influence they either had on, or got from, later Kabbalists.

Similarly, Christians like Meister Eckhart have a really Ibn Arabi-like approach to theology which is kinda rad and generally hermetic in nature but doesn't add much.

Anyway speaking of Kabbalists one of the most iconic texts is Livre des figures hiéroglyphiques (Heiroglyphical Figures), which claims to be written by the scribe Nicolas Flamel but almost definitely wasn't. It describes a mostly bs account of Flamel's life and describes all kinds of alchemical theory from that. It's kinda silly, as a lot of alchemical texts from the Renaissance are, but it's also interesting in the way that the emerald tablet is.

And next up in the list of dubious Kabbalists (I haven't gotten into many of the credible Kabbalists yet, so not many recs there, sorry) the next one is one you probably know: Hegel! That guy is often described in purely secular terms, but his actual beliefs and writing are deeply mystical and hermetic. His stuff about dialectics plays heavily on works like Fakhr al-Din Iraqi's poetry. And he references Kabbalah and emenationism like a ton. So yeah, Phenomenology of Spirit.

Warning at this point about people to be careful of when you approach Hermeticism, there's a bunch of guys who obsess over Jung and his extensions of Platonism. Guys like John Vervaeke, and hilarious, also Jordan Peterson in Maps of Meaning. Those guys suck and imo missed the last like 2000 years of philosophy. So just like... be careful of that kind of person lol.

Anyway one last one because it's my favorite modern philosopher who I think has something interesting to say about Plato's Theory of Forms, which is Jacques Derrida in Of Grammatology. Imo if you want to talk about hermeticism as a serious worldview in a modern context that's like required. BUT also tbh, hermeticism is like also just cool and the history is fun and alchemy is cool. So idk, it doesn't need to be that serious.

Finally, some other stuff. A lot of this stuff I got into only after getting it summarized by people in YouTube videos or blog posts. So if you want that sort of thing, I recommend the YouTube channels Esoterica with Dr Justin Sledge, Lets Talk Religion with Filip Holm, and Religion for Breakfast with Dr Andrew M. Henry. Though of course, that always comes with a caveat, that these sorts of religious studies guys have a tendency to intellectualize stuff so it's helpful to do some reading from people who actually participate in the thing they're talking about. That said I've found them to be extremely respectful and honest of the things they're teaching.

hermeticism...

[offtorivendell]

Could Aidas, or perhaps one of his brothers, be the House of Wind's cat-like darkness? A crack theory

Please don't screenshot or share this post without credit.

Disclaimer: I've only read CC once, and then only recently, so please forgive any glaring inaccuracies in this crack pet theory of mine, about a hypothetical CC and ACOTAR crossover in ACOSF. I apologise if this theory already exists, I haven't explored the CC tags at all yet. 💜

Spoiler warning: contains plot spoilers for ACOTAR, CC and TOG series, ie. all of SJM's works to date (September 2021).

I know I'm not the only one who picked up on all of the 'the darkness in the library is a cat' references in ACOSF, and I had wondered about them a little, but until I read Crescent City last month, I didn't have many thoughts beyond the darkness potentially being multiple entities, and not just the heart of the House of Wind; maybe Koschei’s shadows were there, too, or some remnant of Bryaxis? However, when I finally got around to reading CC (thanks to @sciencebaetch and @rminnieola for getting on my case), and had a couple of weeks to digest everything, it struck me that there were some potentially significant parallels between the two books.

Given this is a crack theory, there will be a few unanswered questions included, as well as points to take away and mull over. If you have anything to add, please feel free!

Thank you to @rhyssescups for fact-checking this before I posted it.

What do we know about Aidas?

Aidas is the handsome, blonde haired, and opal-blue eyed demon Prince of the Chasm, also known as the fifth level of Hel. He "yields" only to two brothers, the Prince of the Abyss (the sixth level), and the Prince of the Pit (the seventh level of Hel).

When he enters Midgard's universe without being summoned, he uses the form of an equally blue eyed white cat. We have already had a TOG crossover with ACOTAR (the red star), so what if the Hel realm that is linked to Midgard is also connected to Prythian's world? Elain once uttered "I hope they all burn in Hell," about the Mortal Queens, so it appears that Hel/Hell is a common theme between the two universes.

Are the Levels of the library a metaphor for the circles of hell?

The following is certainly not a new idea - I've discussed it with plenty of others in the fandom - but the levels of the library could, hypothetically, be a metaphor for the circles of Hell; the library is even circular in design. There are seven levels that we know of, though - correct me if I'm wrong - we don't learn the exact number of floors in the library before you reach the pit in which Bryaxis lived. For all we know, the "pit" could have been the ninth level. Considering that, and the attributes of the library's levels, when thinking about the levels of Hel we learnt about in CC, opens up some new theorising opportunities.

How is Aidas - or one of his brothers - hypothetically linked to the library?

Nesta told us that the shadows started to get darker from the fifth level of the library, and that, occasionally, the darkness appears to come alive. Some of this is the Heart of the House, of course, but what if some of the darkness is Other? I can't shake the feeling that the darkness we learnt of in the House of Wind isn't as simple as a Made house.

Nesta also said, a few times, that the darkness was like a curious cat; this was frequently associated with either the fifth floor - or circle - of the library, or the number five, such as when Gwyn instructed Nesta to take five breaths, before Nesta considered letting her thoughts drift "deeper."

Aidas, as we all know, has a cat form, and has previously shown kindness to a young Bryce Quinlan when she was in distress after her visit to the Oracle. Could he also be monitoring the library under the House of Wind? Nesta and Bryce also both had/have an eight pointed star tattooed on their bodies. And, just like Aidas with Bryce, the darkness knew Nesta's name.

Note that, below, Aidas mentions "true dark," which sounds akin to the "true darkness" of the lower levels of the library, which Nesta mentioned in ACOSF.

But Bryce's question stands… "What sort of cat visits an Oracle?" Was Aidas even visiting the Oracle that day? The Oracle is right next to Luna's Temple (see map below), and Luna could - hypothetically, of course - be the Midgard version of the Mother Goddess.

Also, what are the plans that Aidas mentioned?

Map from CC ebook, Kindle edition

What if it's the Prince of the Pit who is monitoring the library, not Aidas?

While Aidas seems like the obvious option - and he still may be! - the very bottom of the library under the House of Wind is referred to as "a pit" multiple times. This, understandably, calls to mind Aidas' most senior brother: the Prince of the Pit.

Nesta is also associated with "pit" imagery throughout her story in ACOSF, both figurative and literal.

"The pit of Creation" (inside the Cauldron) sounds like "The heart of the world, of existence. Of self." This tracks, given Nesta was Made in the Cauldron, and she also Made the House of Wind. She also found the Mask, another Made item, in the "bottomless pit" of the water in the Bog of Oorid.

Both the Cauldron and the Bog of Oorid could be considered hellish places, and the Heart of the House? What if it holds a crack - a rift - through which the Prince of the Pit could squeeze in cat form, or as the essence of a cat, to help monitor the library? The darkness was described as "twining" down through the library with Nesta, to the seventh level - and any cat person can attest that cats absolutely like to twine (through legs, plants, priceless antiques)… but why would any Prince of Hel be there, in Prythian?

What if Aidas - or the Prince of the Pit - is monitoring Jesiba's library, the Great Library of Parthos?

The Great Library of Parthos is an almost mythical, and certainly legendary, collection of books from Midgard, that pre-dates Asteri and Vanir occupation of their world. It exists to bear witness to the life and creation of the humans who once lived there, to prove that they do not owe all they are now to their magical overlords. However, after its discovery at Griffin Antiquities, where it appeared to contain a volume called The Book of Breathings,(suspicious, no?) it - unsurprisingly - went missing again. Is it currently veiled in shadows as thick as a layer of fog, at the very bottom of the library?

Is that why Bryaxis was there, as a guard dog? He was frightening enough to scare a battle-hardened Cassian, and we still have no known reason for his residence in the base of the library... could he have been sent through a rift, from the Chasm or the Pit? Forgive the Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone reference, but is Bryaxis the Prythian 'Fluffy?

This above text is what suggests, in my opinion, that the Prince of the Pit is the more likely candidate, even without the "pit" imagery in ACOSF. Aidas, at least at this point in time (the CC epilogue), is unaware of the location of the Great Library of Parthos - though I'd love to ask him a question or two about The Book of Breathings. Unless ACOSF occurs after CC1 - or the timelines are more... wibbly wobbly - then Jesiba has potentially had the Prince of the Pit hide the books for her (and all of humanity). Alternatively, could the cracking Cauldron have become some sort of rift, and The Book of Breathings fell into Midgard after Feyre threw it into the Cauldron in ACOWAR? Furthermore, the beckoning dark of the pit, "like it was an entry into some dark pit of hell," sounds eerily like the dark that beckoned Aidas home to Hel, at the end of CC's epilogue. But I digress.

Jesiba Roga is a witch who is associated with the Under King, the head of the Bone Quarter of Lunathion, where souls travel to spend eternity after death. She had amassed a collection of priceless antiquities, including the aforementioned Great Library of Parthos, which the Asteri wanted destroyed, as it contained books that predated the Asteri/Vanir occupation of Midgard.

But what if it contained more?

Nesta - and Emerie and Gwyn - could potentially need to use those books to figure out either how to kill Koschei, or where to send him, potentially banishing him from their world, like Aelin did the deities of Erilea, if they are unable to truly kill him.

Take away thoughts and questions

ACOTAR

The Lady Death being associated/friends with a prince of Hel is a story I'd love to read.

The eight pointed star may be superficially associated with Dusk, but I think it could be something more, that hints at the origins of the Asteri, and potentially the deity figures in Prythian.

Is Koschei an Asteri, the Prince of the Pit, or something similar, and are they related in any way to the Valg from Throne of Glass?

What, exactly, is the darkness in the library? Is it just the one entity, or a combination of many?

Is Bryaxis a monster from the Seventh Level of Hel? Or is he the Prince of the Chasm, or the Pit, himself?

Why was The Book of Breathings in Midgard?!

Crescent City

If this is a case of a crossover between ACOTAR and CC's worlds, is it Aidas or the Seventh Hel prince who is monitoring the Library? Or both?

Why does a cat visit an Oracle? Will we ever find out?

Where is the Great Library of Parthos now?

What are the plans that Aidas mentioned? Are he and his brothers, the princes of the Abyss and the Pit, planning to get involved in overthrowing the Asteri? (I hope so).

How does Jesiba know Aidas, and does she know his more senior brothers? If the books are hidden in the library under the House of Wind, did she ask them the favour herself, or did the Under King put in the request?

Who in the Hel was Hunt's father? One of Aidas' brothers? An Asteri? (Unrelated, but it's been annoying me ever since Jesiba and Aidas spoke about it).

Throne of Glass

How does this link with the library guarding Baast cats from the Torre Cesme in TOD? Cats that can - if some healers are to be believed - walk through pools of shadow and reappear around the library! Cats with "beryl" eyes (an aquamarine that sounds a lot like Aidas' opal blue, or the Prythian priestesses' invoking stones). That's another post, if I get the time.

If you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging. 💜

[robininthelabyrinth]

I've got a HC that could be a prompt if you're interested? Due to grinding his teeth & holding all his stress in his jaw JC's jaw just totally locks up for from a few hours to a day or so. Obvs he tries to hide it from everyone, but it always happens at inconvenient (ie stressful) times. (Cultivation conferences, every time he makes up his mind to go to Gusu and finally hash things out with WWX, when he really wants to shout at JL for something stupid & can suddenly only mumble, etc. Whatever)

Living with Lan Wangji had taught Wei Wuxian the many different flavors of silence.

After all, his husband was not an especially emotive man – it was all in the microexpressions, the curve of his eyes or the tilt of his brow – and yet he conveyed his meaning clearly, even without saying a word. Wei Wuxian learned to cherish the comfortable silences, to interrupt incipient brooding, to entice during the times when his husband was most definitely not thinking about his work…

Perhaps it was that experience that makes him realize – possibly for the first time in his new life – that there was something wrong with Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian had been extremely self-absorbed as a young man, in his first life, but he’d still known to keep his eye on his too-quiet, too-intense shidi, who usually locked his feelings away deep inside but not deep enough that Wei Wuxian couldn’t see. Even after their estrangement, he had been able to read him as easily as any book – every flinch and every start, every swallow, every shift of weight, a hundred stories of discomfort and confusion that he hated himself for not being able to assuage. For not being willing to assuage, because he, in his arrogance, had thought that through his silence he could keep Jiang Cheng from suffering even more pain.

In his new life –

Well. Wei Wuxian had long ago lost the right to hold the key to unlock the secrets of Jiang Cheng’s heart.

And yet, he was certain something was wrong. Jiang Cheng was glaring and scowling as always – possibly worse than always, because he didn’t have a choice about coming to the discussion conference even if it was in Gusu, even if that meant Wei Wuxian would be there – and he looked as immaculately put together as he always did in this strange future where the kid Wei Wuxian remembered dunking into ponds just the other day had turned into a cold-faced man who was feared instead of loved, but still. Something was wrong.

Something was very wrong.

It was his silence, Wei Wuxian decided. Jiang Cheng was staying quiet even when there was something that Wei Wuxian knew he cared about, not even greeting Jin Ling with more than a huff – though Jin Ling didn’t seem to mind – and it wasn’t a calm quiet, a content quiet, the contained and controlled quiet that Lan Wangji was.

It was wrong.

So maybe Wei Wuxian just happened to meander by the guest quarters for the Jiang sect on his nightly walk. It was totally accidental, even if it had never before happened while Jiang Cheng was in residence as a visiting sect leader. After all, Wei Wuxian had only lived at the Cloud Recesses a few years – anyone could get turned around.

“– should have said that it was getting this bad!”

That was Jin Ling’s voice, Wei Wuxian observed, and he “meandered” closer while keeping his tread as light as possible. It was late for Jin Ling to be here instead of back in the rooms reserved for the Jin sect; he should be getting some sleep in preparation for a busy day the next day.

Jiang Cheng should be telling him to get some sleep.

He wasn’t.

He wasn’t saying anything.

Wei Wuxian peeked through the window.

Jiang Cheng was sitting on the bed, Jin Ling crouched beside him, chattering angrily like an angry monkey as he applied a cold compress to the side of Jiang Cheng’s face.

“Don’t know what you were thinking,” he said mutinously, even though Jiang Cheng glared at him. “No, stop that – no glaring, no yelling, you heard what the doctor said. Did you take your medicine?”

Jiang Cheng nodded.

“And it’s still this bad? That’s not good, jiujiu.”

Jiang Cheng turned his head, a sudden jerk. He looked frustrated. He looked like he wanted to say something – but like he couldn’t.

Wei Wuxian felt something drop in his stomach.

“I know you already know that,” Jin Ling said, interpreting the silence as easily as Wei Wuxian used to, and then hesitated. “And I know you said you didn’t want to consider…you know the doctor says that the surgery would help a lot.”

Jiang Cheng shook his head furiously.

(Wei Wuxian’s gut churned. Surgery? Some necessary type of surgery, something was wrong, and Jiang Cheng refusing to fix it - was it because of him, what he’d done, back in that past life? Would Jiang Cheng recoil from all surgeries because of that one time when he didn’t have a choice about it, and in so doing cost himself his life - no, that Wei Wuxian’s actions would cost him his life, that Wei Wuxian would at long belated last drag him into the grave the way he had everyone else?)

“Listen, you might not have a choice. This is getting really, really close to another serious flare up, okay? And we don’t want one of those,” Jin Ling argued. “Do you remember when you couldn’t eat anything? For weeks? Because I do. It was awful. Everyone thought you were dying –”

“He’s not, is he?” Wei Wuxian asked, finding himself inside the door before he even realized he was moving. “He’s not dying?”

“Senior Wei!” Jin Ling exclaimed, surprised, and – yeah, maybe it hurt a bit that Jiang Cheng was jiujiu and he was Senior Wei instead of shishu even after all the night-hunts they’d gone on together, but Jiang Cheng wasn’t the one who’d played a part in robbing Jin Ling of his parents so he was going to just shut up and not complain about it – but that wasn’t important right now.

“He’s not dying,” Wei Wuxian insisted, his voice a little shrill. “Whatever’s wrong with him that’s bad enough that he needs surgery – why can’t he talk? What’s keeping him from talking?”

Jiang Cheng had half-risen to his feet, but Jin Ling pulled him down again with a glare of his own. “Don’t you dare move yet,” he hissed, pressing the compress into his uncle’s face even harder. He glanced back at Wei Wuxian. “Maybe you can talk some sense into him – it’s his jaw.”

“His jaw?”

“It locks up,” Jin Ling explained, and – yes. That was the missing piece, the thing he hadn’t known; that was the problem. “Really badly, to the point where he can’t move it at all. He can’t talk except through mumbling, and in the really bad times he can’t even open it enough to eat – he can only drink soup.”

That sounded awful.

“What causes it?” Wei Wuxian asked, deciding to be as bold and careless as everyone always claimed he was and to come over and help hold the compress in place.

Jiang Cheng didn’t strike him dead for it, as he’d almost expected him to.

“The muscle at the top of jaw, right under the ear, gets all swollen and fixed in place. Teeth grinding and stress aggravate it, and it aggravates them, and it’s all a horrible cycle…I’m applying cold right now, but next it’ll be heat. In really bad times, like now, we might even use acupuncture and Zidian to try to shock the muscle loose –”

That sounded painful. Wei Wuxian didn’t like to think about Jiang Cheng being in pain.

Especially not from stress.

Stress that Wei Wuxian had always aggravated, rather than eased; the stress of being a sect leader all alone, the stress of being abandoned, left behind, the stress of chasing after Wei Wuxian who held himself far away –

“Can I help?” he asked.

“Yes,” Jin Ling said, even though Jiang Cheng tried to shake his head no. “Anything you can think of we’d welcome.”

“I’ll look through all the libraries,” Wei Wuxian promised. The focus of his research – even in his new life – had tended to focus on demonic cultivation, simply because it was new and interesting, but he was a genius; if he put his mind to it, he was sure he could come up with something better to help fix Jiang Cheng’s jaw before it needed to be cut open with a knife just to let him eat something. “I’ll help.”

Jiang Cheng caught his hand and tugged, unable to speak – but his silence said Why so plaintively that Wei Wuxian’s heart lurched in his chest.

“Because you’re Jiang Cheng,” he told him, unable to explain it other than that. He couldn’t say that he wouldn’t leave him to suffer – he had – couldn’t say he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him – he had – could barely even say he put Jiang Cheng’s well-being as one of his highest priorities, even though it was. There was no reason for Jiang Cheng to believe him about any of that. “Let me help. Please.”

Jiang Cheng stared at him for a long moment.

After a while, he put down his hand and looked away, pretending the moment had never happened, and that was as good as agreement when it came to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian smiled in relief, and started planning out his first attack on the healing arts section of the Lan sect’s library.

[mfackenthal]

You seem like a happy person who has her shit together or is at least happy in her life. Tell me how to be happy? I'm yearning to feel that emotion but have not experienced true happiness in a long time. Now I've reached a point where my usual "drugs" don't work anymore. Idk what to do anymore.... Please give me some tips on how to be happy?

Well hello Nonny,

Alright, ya’ll.  I’m on my computer and that means I can’t tag this a long post.  It’s going to be long because happiness is one of those topics that makes me get all philosophical and psychological ... it’s one of my favorite topics.  

So that I don’t ignore it and I acknowledge it appropriately, I want to say thank you for the compliment.  It’s good to know that I can come off as someone who has her shit together ... I certainly go through phases where I hope that’s true and phases where I know it ain’t.  As for happiness in my life, I went through a season last year where I really wasn’t happy, but I didn’t really notice.  I would say I was fairly numb to any strong emotion ... but it took my head clearing from a fog and some deeper conversations with my husband for me to realize it.  I would say I was borderline clinically depressed and when that was brought to my attention I was able to start seeing how my brain was telling me shit that was just simply a lie.  It’s the strangest thing to realize that my brain cannot be trusted to tell me the truth and treat me with the love and kindness I deserve.   

The fact that you are asking for and seeking happiness is a good thing.  That is healthy.  That means that you’re on a path of adventure. 

The truth is that everyone’s adventure to, through, and with happiness is different.  Therefore, I’m going to give you the start of some ideas and I encourage you to start with the ones that you find yourself gravitating to but then to try the other ways and see what works well for you. Sometimes we find happiness in the place we were sure we would not.

If you think that you are bordering on or already in a state of clinical depression, then psychiatric drugs are a good starting point.  It’s very hard to find happiness when our brain cannot access the happy hormones and other goodness that your body and the world are trying to produce.  Just making the ability to feel happiness as an option is key. 

But drugs alone won’t be the answer.  If you’re someone who likes to ask why (as I am), here’s the quick and dirty answer:  humanity does not know why depression medication works.  The best of science indicates that these drugs are better than placebos.  Science has found some measurable effects that these drugs have on different parts of the body and people tell us that these effects lead to a happier, healthier feeling.  We do not know why. At least not yet.

This means that you may have to play with the dosage of a drug.  You may also need to find a diet that works well for you on and/or off the drug.  And I don’t mean find a diet that starves you.  I mean find a diet that allows you to eat the foods you want but surrounded by a lot of vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats.  If you can, try being vegetarian or vegan.  If meat is something you like eating, then don’t do that.  LOL  Just limit the amount of meat you have with each meal.  If you love chocolate and you can eat just one square, then allow yourself one square. 

If your “drugs” are less prescription and more “recreational” ... as long as they’re not dangerous (IE cocaine, ecstasy, etc), then I encourage you to change up the dosage, try not to become reliant, or if they’re cigarettes to stop entirely.  For example, if it’s marijuana, try baked goods or gummies.  Sometimes the same thing in a different form gives a very different reaction. I personally suggest taking pot in ways other than smoking - but that’s because I believe that the inhaling of any smoke is less than healthy for you.  Back to my point though ... play around with dosage but please do so carefully - high driving is no better than drunk driving.  

Quick recap so far cause y’know, long post ... 1)  Use drugs and manage the dosage. 2) Find a diet that makes you feel healthier. 

Going on ... For many, happiness is found in the idea of nothing.  Meditation, the clearing of the mind.  Release, the clearing of long held guilt/responsibilities over things you can’t change.  Nirvana, becoming one with the idea that the things you think are important probably aren’t and yet you are an integral part of the grandest thing: life.  Minimalism or camping - the idea of taking a break from our “things”/our “technology”. Many people find happiness in having less.

For others, happiness is found in having things. Sometimes it’s in the having the “right” thing at the right time.  Sometimes it’s in getting a hug from a friend.  I fell in love with the color “mint green” a few years ago and now any time I can get something I want/need in that color, I am pumped!  I will pay a few dollars more for something to be my color.  I know it’s silly, but it makes me happy and more likely to use the item.

There are a lot of personality quizzes that can help you determine what it is that will make you happy.  For instance, are you introverted or extroverted?  I highly suggest reading “Better Than Before” by Gretchen Rubin.  This book has all these different ways to get to know yourself better.  By knowing yourself better, you can find more ways to make yourself happy.  Gretchen Rubin also has a podcast called, “Happier.”  I highly suggest it. 

Now to get a bit more philosophical ... The truth is that happiness is a strange thing.  For example, sometimes when the writing in this fandom is beautifully sad or tragic, I still feel such happiness.  The beauty of words, the release that tears bring, just the feeling of such a strong emotion can also be a part of my happiness.  Of course, sometimes I find my happiness in the bad guy getting their comeuppance, or I always feel happy when the main couple finds a way to subvert all expectations and life difficulties and find each other.  The love making that often follows tends to make me happy too ;)

Well, Nonny, I hope you’ve found something in this post that gets you wanting to try something (or nothing ;) ).  Research shows that (baring extreme circumstances) almost any change will make us happy.  This means you could try going to a different coffee shop or going to a library instead of a coffee shop.  Or you could try a different flavor of ice cream.  Even if you try something yucky, learning that you don’t like something can bring a feeling of happiness. 

I wish you only the best, Nonny.  If you try something and it works, let me know what it is. I hope you can find ways to embrace the adventure.  It’s often in the adventure and not the destination where true happiness is found.  Happiness is not the destination or iit’s not the end at least.  No matter how you look at it though - I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Sending so much love,

~Megs~