#some of the most fragile motherfuckers on the planet

[froody]

It’s so crazy how much landlords bitch about their job like I swear to God they act like they’re martyrs. Veterinarians don’t complain about their job in nearly the same way and they have one of the highest suicide rates and have to put down pets for a living. If you don’t like dealing with those filthy nasty poors living in YOUR property, you don’t have to be a landlord. It’s not one of those jobs where there’s a huge educational investment that makes finding a new job difficult, you didn’t spent 8 years in landlord school, you can sell your properties at any fucking time to another greedy rich fuck. You don’t have to log on to bitch about an ‘ungrateful’ single mom paying $2k a month to rent your shitty roach infested hovel having a 5 year old that draws on the wall. You could, you know, get a different job. Or kill yourself.

[buckaroundandfindout]

truth be told I don’t think buck was triggered, by disarming? surprised, and maybe surprised at ayo? idk maybe it’s a hot take but...

first I’m reasonably certain he doesn’t have as much anxiety about his arm, comparatively. Everyone’s different, and shit hits everyone different. I’m sure that disarming is horribly traumatic for a ton of folks, but for Bucky? Idk, I just don’t think that’d be the thing to shake him or send him spiraling.

I get the vibe that he was always way more scared of getting his mental autonomy taken again by those words in his head rather than anything about his arm. he seemed pretty chill about living with one arm in Wakanda (might’ve been happy with that forever tbh), and he seemed fine about not having an arm before they put him under at the end of CA:CW. Whereas in the beginning, he broke his ass out of supersoldier containment to try and stop Zemo from using the book + words to release the soldier.

(But hey, again— for some people bodily autonomy would be the worst thing and there’s nothing wrong with that. For others, it’s mental autonomy, or could be emotional trauma that hits way worse. Different for everyone, and this ain’t the misery olympics. It’s all valid.)

I def read like the arm was more a weight, a burden physically and emotionally, that he needed to put down for a while. And then when asked, he picked it right back up, willing to carry that burden a while longer to do what he had to do

But he’s kinda... still fighting? And still wearing it— even tho he doesn’t really have to in TFATWS? He’s got the choice to put it down now, if he wants (and apparently easily, holy shit Ayo). And since he hasn’t put it down, I think that says a lot.

Because, conversely, I don’t think there’s a situation in all of reality that would make him cool with picking up a new set of trigger words, yknow? Our boy literally cried from the catharsis of being free from that (in a way he hasn’t about his arm). If anything, I could see that being his breaking point— I think he’d truly prefer to tap out than go thru anything like that again.

So yeah— that’s one reason I don’t think the arm thing was that big a deal.

second, I don’t think he’s fragile? Kinda not actually “worried” (the man is fictional, remember that kids).

Frankly, he is one strong motherfucker.

He’s been thru an idiotic amount of shit: War. Prisoner of war. Torture, brainwashing. Guilt & blood on his hands. Amputation. Losing everyone he ever knew, not just his family. Most def has some flavor of ptsd with all the nightmares. Being treated as criminal for something he couldn’t control. Fighting to stop the planet from ending. Losing his best friend, and then watching some offbrand chucklefuck try to fill his shoes.

And he’s still here.

And still fighting.

What the actual fuck.

So yeah. I guess I just don’t feel like he’s gotta be babied. Because it doesn’t really seem like he needs to be handled with kid gloves about...anything.

He’s in therapy. He’s got Sam. He’s doing alright with making amends and with Yori, he’s learning how to manage the weight of his past. He got a haircut, which lemme tell ya after trauma is fucking freeing. He’s even sucking up whatever shit he’s got with Zemo to do what he thinks is the right thing. And he can still kinda laugh about shit, joking-but-not that he’s crazy & semi-stable. He has a sense of humor, however dark/dry/sassy it may be. So maybe he’s a little broken, sure, but. Shit, aren’t we all?

He’s nothing if not resilient. Holy shit is he resilient, he is still. fucking. going. after all that. And that’s a mood I feel deep in my soul. probably doesn’t see himself as a hero, but he’s absolutely my hero.

I am 100% probably projecting because boy howdy do I see myself. But tbh seeing Bucky keep going is like fuck yeah man, you and me both. ain’t nothing gonna keep us down.

[imhoser]

some of you motherfuckers are the most non radical, most centrist ass motherfuckers on the planet but you think you are the epitome of communism because you like the look of the hammer and sickle and the aesthetics of the ACAB movement. also if you're a dumb bitch who's like "ugh i hate those ppl!" you ain't the one to determine if you are one of those people or aren't.

you wanna know if you're a western reactionary socialist? (this only applies if you live in the US, Canada, UK, rest of Europe, doesn't apply if you're under 18 bc you can't join most parties until you can vote):

are you apart of mutual aid groups or in a party?

No - you're a reactionary

Yes - you aren't. congratulations for doing the basic minimum.

At this point in western society as our shitty white supremacist government falls beneath our feet, if you are not actively apart of making sure fascism doesn't start up in the fragile political landscape were in, YOU ARE LITERALLY USELESS. so either help us make sure we don't get stamped into the ground by white supremacists who will make sure every minority is dead by the time they get to the capital, or get out of the fucking way entirely.

if you are against the idea of revolution, don't think it's right, or mad at the existing communist and socialist parties here aren't perfect- then you only exist to inhibit the success rate of socialism. you are the definition of a backseat driver. you aren't driving us towards socialism, you're sitting on your fucking ass critiquing whilst us actual party members while you sit on your ass and do JACK!!!

Volunteer. Meet with locals. I'm honest to god so fucking frustrated because of little people are in CPUSA, how little people fucking attend, show up to events, hell to even our annual organization meeting for budgeting and what we'll be doing next year. A lot of you motherfuckers will just join and act like thats ALLLLL you have to do. It's me and a couple others. I get it if you're busy. Fine. It's understandable. But a lot of people don't even put in the effort.

How the fuck are we going to survive if you won't put in the effort to prepare?

[iv-scruff]

So, this one's a bitch for me to write about on at least two counts; a) these individuals do not any more attention, it only feeds the monster, and b) I want to be writing about more imporant/positive things –– the world has enough negativity going around. But then again, I am feeling extra feisty today, so here it goes anyway.

Here are my least favorite things about them Kardash/nners.

1) They run around with a man who's clearly going through some really tough mental health stuff (Kanye), yet they do nothing. Mental health is an all-time hot-button issue in this country, which they inhabit, I can only assume. Can you just imagine your man, the father of your child (or is it children now?), running around supporting the president of the United States of America in 2019, and holding rallies (he visited home, Salt Lake, earlier this year), and saying that he's running for president...? Those antics I mentioned are merely scratching at the surface of Kimmy's husband's mental and emotional health. And what might the wife(?) of such a man occupy her time doing...? Well, I'll tell you. . . selling the Instagram nation fucking makeup(?), and (according to the Netflix original documentary Broken/Makeup Mayhem) being sure to express her dislike for "fast fashion." I just can't with this. . . woman, control your man. But the great Judy Sheindlin says it best; "beauty fades, but dumb is forever."

2) Frankly, I can't help but notice their obsession with black culture and bedding attractive African American men. As an avid supporter of (almost everything) sex and the preferences that it sometimes brings with it, I am all about it. Go on, get yours. But, African American men are part of a group that continues to suffer in profound ways. They have all that fucking power and all those people who idolize them, but they do nothing. Can you just picture one of these trainwrecks at a Black Lives Matter march? It'd would be cruel to put African Americans though that mess –– I just can't imagine they'd be welcome. But still, the consequences of their actions would still ripple though time in monumental ways (which is an idea I don't love, but I'm willing to take one for the world). This is what you do with unimaginable fame and fortune; you go ahead and do your best to leave the world better than you found it. Let's be honest, it is everybody's civil duty as children of the planet. In their unique position in society and the world stage, however, it is a heinous act to remain quiet when the world and its people are screaming for help. Sorry, images or your "perfect" asses and breasts just aren't enough. We need more, some of us want less, and a select few of us want nothing at all.

3) They make self-hate look beautiful; I am not talking, Brooke Shields-beautiful, I'm talking Las Vegas Strip-beautiful.* Here's where things get tricky, they know what they used to look like, and they also know how they went from normal-looking to hot enough to incite attention. Spoiler alert: it's disgusting amounts of money, which their fans don't have, and they fucking know it. So, they are selling a fragile world an unachievable, disgusting something. Their lives/actions scream to us words so tragic; you are ugly, you are not good enough, change yourself, money buys happiness, fame is everything, look at your phone more, look at me even more, indulge, indulge some more, post your most intimate selfies online for the world to see. . . don't worry, society does not still behave unkindly to women/people expressing in this manner. And don't forget to purchase my latest lipstick and eye shadow palettes. Thus, in a world where the bar is ever so low, they remain the lowest.

4) One of them, some thing called Kylie, tried to trademark "Kylie" as brand. Motherfucker, nah. Now this, you most certainly cannot have. Kylie is, like, a name. . . and, like, a lot of people are named Kylie. . . you didn't think you were the only one, did you? Whatevs, Lips, listen up, as far as famous Kylies go, the only Kylie that matters is the one and only Kylie Minogue. Learn it, live it, love it, bitch. Whatever the fuck you accomplish in your whole miserable/entitled life will never truly amount to anything (in ways that truly matter). This is arguably your one constant trouble; in a world of Can't Get You Out of My Head, Slow, All the Lovers, Red Blooded Woman, and Love At First Sight, you are nothing more than trendy makeup, and makeup tends to go out of style.

5) They are ugly (hey, it's a fair shot since their entire empire is built atop the skeletons of society's idea of beauty). Sure, they bought looks with their 'hard' earned cash, and sure, those looks have made me stare longer than I care to admit on more than one occasion. . . they are still ugly. They represent one of humanity's worst traits; infinite greed. So, Kardash/nners, while you all are cruising the most beautiful corners of our planet on one of your many private yachts, the world is on fire. And it doesn't appear to matter that none of you will live long enough to enjoy the last of your riches, nor will any of your children (even if the world remains for (hopefully) a long time, there's that inescapable truth that, when it comes to the time we have here on earth to enjoy earthly possessions, the limit does exist. 'But what about their legacy?' one may argue, but there is no legacy. We are living historic moments, and outside of Sephora, that 'legacy' is utterly inconsequential. There is nothing more to take. . . it all seems to be slipping through our collective fingers. . . and what these individuals seem to want is. . . more? That's my true beef with each of these grossly glorified social media influencers. That is, each of them fails to understand the causation of their everythingness; we, the people of the world, lost our footing, and in our most vulnerable moment, we made them famous. Kindness would be an appropriate way to say thank you –– it may not always be expected from any of them, nor is it something they owe to anyone or anything. It's just that they way they move through life is so ugly, it transcends ideas of physical appearance. And goddamn you all, you're all so unpleasant to watch.

xo,

a feisty Queen

* This is not a race thing, it's a natural/unaltered beauty thing, or what social science refers to as bilateral symmetry. So, if the wrong person (an overly sensitive person in relation to certain words and the ideas they may or may not convey) were to find my words and attempt to go full Kanye on me, maybe don't.

Palate cleanser: feel free to listen to the playlist I made and was listening to while I was designing the graphic you see above. It was Saturday, December 21, 2019, and on this day, I consumed a lot of Mexican candy. It is my attempt to reconnect with the beautiful of my past.

[eternalsterekrecs]

Heyy, do you know any sci-fi sterek fic?

First of all we would recommend you to check our SPACE AU and APOCALYPSE SCENARIOS AU tags. However, here are a few more fics for you!

SCI-FI

The Epic Space Opera of Stiles Stilinski and Sergeant Spacewolf by A_Diamond

Beacon Station is an extraplanetary center of research and exploration. Human scientist and minor disaster Stiles Stilinski lives there, as does the grumpiest alien ever: Derek Hale, the titular Sergeant Spacewolf himself. After a rocky start to their acquaintance, they’ve settled into sort of a love-hate relationship, wherein Stiles pines and provokes in approximately equal measure, and Derek grudgingly tolerates.

When a mechanical failure leaves them stranded together in the vacuum of space, the impending doom of almost certain death forces the truth of their feelings to the fore. Will our heroes finally get together? Will it even matter? Will they survive the danger?

(Yes, yes, and yes. There wouldn’t be a story to tell otherwise.)

Negotiations by mikkimouse

This is the fifth time Derek has met with Prince Stiles of Terithon VI to act as an interpreter, and it is by far the worst.

(Derek is an interpreter. Stiles is a prince. Feels ensue.)

Luminescence. by doctorkaitlyn

The first time Derek ever lays his eyes upon an actual Siren, he’s five years old. She’s beautiful and terrifying, as powerful as the stories have made her out to be and his mother tells him that if he ever meets one again, he should never trust them.

But when he returns to the planet of Pandora to get revenge on the bandit warlord who executed his parents and sister, he ends up joining forces with Stiles, a young Siren who knows exactly what it feels like to lose your family. It starts out as a relationship of convenience and mutual distrust. It doesn’t stay that way for long.

(or, that Borderlands fusion where Stiles is a Siren and Derek is kind of a Soldier/Hunter, and they join together for revenge and end up with something far more complicated)

way out east there might be a way out by paxlux

Life in the Capital Wasteland ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

We Don’t Need to Know the Way Home by Green

The year is 2020. Better Living Industries has Battery City in a chokehold. Stiles is a teenager doing his best to help people out of the city, just like his mom did before him. But when BLI captures werewolves and starts destroying them, Stiles knows he has to do something more.

A.K.A. werewolves in the Zones!

ain’t that a kick in the head by ghostsoldier

In the post-apocalyptic wastelands of northern California, a grouchy werewolf in black marched across the desert and a courier followed.

Electric Heart by BarlowGirl

Derek looks at Stilinski, and thinks about Argents, thinks about recording devices slipped into his bags and clothing, lipstick stains on his skin. Outside, he can hear Stiles goofing around with the intern Scott, making sarcastic remarks and laughing, and under that noise, that fragile, fluttering heartbeat.

“What am I supposed to do with him?” Derek asks roughly.

Stilinski levels a sharp look at him. “Why did you ask Argent for him?”

Derek leans back against the couch. Shrugs. “He saved my life,” he says carefully. “Figured I’d return the favour.”

OR: In the near future, Derek meets a very peculiar android named Stiles and takes a liking to him.

Human After All by starsandgraces

When Stiles digs the cyborg out of the junkyard, his main hope is that it’ll do his chores for him. He definitely doesn’t expect it to have attitude, demand to be called Derek, or have a serious ulterior motive.

D33R3 by Amethystina

When Stiles finds a high tech, broken down android in a dumpster, he knows it’s too good to be true. There has to be a catch somehow — no one throws away expensive androids, and this particular one is unlike any android Stiles has ever seen. D33R3 looks so real that Stiles could almost mistake him for a human being. He can’t help bringing him home.

Stiles should have listened to his instincts. It soon becomes clear that someone is looking to reclaim their lost propery, and Stiles is nothing but an irritating obstacle standing in their way.

Ultra Violet by ElisAttack

“There’s no way he’s a quarian. Least of all the quarian prince we’re supposed to be escorting.” Erica whines, and Derek wonders why he named her his staff lieutenant, she has no tact whatsoever.

“I’m sorry, but you must be a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic back-story.” The prince jokes. “And call me Stiles, even I can’t pronounce my actual name.”

Or the one where Derek and his crew are assigned to be the glorified babysitter of an alien prince, and everything is not as it seems.

the glamorous life of a CI by coyotl

future sci-fi AU in which Stiles is recruited into being a confidential informant and Derek is his biomechanically enhanced agent/babysitter/bodyguard. And things happen. Smexy things.

Chasing You Down by Reyn

Stiles Stilinski, the famous intergalactic video blogger, is about to get his chance to get up close and personal with the equally infamous Velocity Jockey, Derek Hale. Not that he wants to, or anything.

All This Has Happened by 1001cranes

The thing is, most of it’s been done before. People competing for money, or love, or fame - it’s all boring, it’s all been done, has-been, seen before, who cares? Until some motherfucker finally realized - you know what’s really interesting?

Revenge.

Dystopian AU where fame is the name of the game. Sometimes revenge is the quickest way to the top, and Derek Hale has plenty to avenge - Stiles is just along for the ride.

A Wildness Warily Awakened by Etharei

Derek Hale and his Specialized Combat Agents Unit are assigned to B-CON Base, a research facility in the heart of the lone human settlement on planet Cali. Normally, such an isolated place would not warrant the presence of Specs - the Infection is raging across the known galaxy, after all, and zombies don’t kill themselves (unless there are no tastier alternatives at hand) - but Derek is on a private hunt for his sister. He soon discovers that the rest of his team have ties to the place as well.

It’s all just coincidence, of course. (No matter what Stiles bleats on about those.)

Also, zombies.

A W A K E N I N G by qhuinn

In 2011 a virus wiped out 99% of the Earth’s population. Now, four hundred years later, all of the survivors live in Beacon Hills, the last city on earth ruled by the Hale regime. Although Beacon Hills is largely idyllic, people are routinely disappearing and everyone is suffering from bad dreams. Stiles Stilinski is a member of the Monicans, an underground rebel organization who fight against the Hale regimen. When Stiles is sent on a mission to kill the government’s leader, Chairman Derek Hale, he discovers that there are deeper secrets to be discovered, and conspiracies to be foiled.

[themildestofwriters]

Okay, so. This is half headcanon, half canon, but it's kinda like this: there are multiple types of shields. Some only protect from physical dangers, like bullets or rocks, while others focus on more energy based attacks, like lasers and blaster bolts (and radiation). I would say most shielding uses both kinds of protection, but using only one is cheaper and more cost effective depending on what project you need. Want to keep people out, but don't care for energy attacks? Use particle shielding! Also, some shields are fully operational all the time, while others only work against projectiles travelling at a specific speed.

A single large ship is protected by multiple shield generators of both types, with each generator protecting a specific part of the ship (front, back, top, bottom, side, side, etc.). When you shoot a shield, you are doing two things. One, you are imparting heat energy into the heatsinks of the shield generator. Two, you are drawing more power from the shield power cells. Shields drain *a lot* of power, not just from protecting the space ship from passive dangers (such as space dust) but also active fire fights and debris.

You never connect your shields directly to the ships main power supply or you'll wind up with no more power by a battle's end. So, to fix that issue, shields have their own power supplies that is separate but still draws from the ships main power. That way, you can limit how much drain the shields are on your ship. Most ships have the standard operation of "if our shields give out, try and shoot the fuckers before they destroy us," because otherwise there wouldn't be energy for escape pods or escaping to hyperspace or a distress call, no less oxygen. Location matters, though, so a star ship planet side is more likely to risk strengthening their power supplied than someone out in the middle of nowhere.

A shield usually gives out in one of two ways. First, if the heat sinks get too hot, you need to let them cool down before operating the shields. Depending on the tech used by the heatsinks, and the weapons used by the attackers, this could be a minor set back or life threatening. Second, if the power runs out, you either have to allocate more power from the main power supply (which does take some time for safety reasons), or you could use the power stored in other shield power supplies—a dangerous move because by saving one section, you're weakening another. Some combat tactics involve fooling attacking ships into focusing fire on one specific shield, which doesn't fall because the other shield power supplies are being used to support it. This only works of your enemies are too stubborn to stop shooting at this one specific point that just one fail. The moment the jig is up, you've gotta fix the shield power issues or risk annihilation.

Smaller ships have less shield generators with fighters having one or even none. The same applies but obviously small ship shields are more fragile. This is why aerial acrobatics are important: so you don't damage the shields that'll save your life when they matter.

Planet side shield generators are the strongest motherfuckers out there. Don't fuck with a ship protected by planetary shielding. Best to go low and turn that shit off, or bomb the planet from orbit—assuming it, too, does not have planetary shielding. As for why everyone doesn't have planets protecting them? That shit is expensive, and consumes a lotta power—again, you're not just protecting a specific part, but an entire space ship which is flying *in orbit*. To even get the shield that high, protecting a *moving object* is annoying (the Death Star was in geo-sync orbit, and the shield generator only needed to protect it and itself, so power wasn't an issue even if it was a massive fucking issue that required so much below ground inferstructure to even work out as half as good as it did).

Interior shielding, that is shields that protect a door way, or trap unsuspecting Jedi who should be smarter than this... well, they're usually powered by whatever location they're in, and are therefore as powerful as the location needs them to be. If you're in a ship or a prison, those shields are going to be far from impossible to beat down with your meaty fists. However, if the shield is being generated by something smaller, like a table sized shield generator, or something to that effect—yes! You can totally bash it down... with enough time. A battering ram would be easier, though. More cost effective than wasting blaster ammo—depending on the shields. Again, if it's just keeping physical objects out, it's not going to care if you shoot the thing with energy weapons.

Atmospheric shielding is also a fun kind of shielding that keeps the atmosphere in or out, depending on your goal. It has no other purpose, so hiding behind it will only get you dead—unless their weapon is a gas grenade that dropped just short of the shield wall.

I still don’t understand how starwars shields work. How are they taking damage? Souldn’t it just come back on, why did they design it to shut off if the energy field is damaged? It’s an energy field not the actual mechanism keeping it up. Like the generator should be fine why did it stop?

Does hitting the shield cause it to overheat or something? Can I punch a shield down or does it need to be plasma bolts? Battering ram?

[imagitory]

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi Review [Spoilers]

Hey all! So I just got back from seeing The Last Jedi, so I can finally put my two-cents in on the newest installment of the trilogy. Before getting into spoilers, I will say this film is a worthy addition to the franchise, building upon concepts from previous movies while also creating new, creative imagery for this film that fits alongside the stuff that came before it. While I successfully guessed a few twists this film took, it also surprised me just as much, and I greatly appreciate that. It kept me on my toes the entire time. Overall, I would say every Star Wars fan will get something great out of this, even if they end up not liking the film as a whole.

Now then...spoilers ahead. Beware, all ye who enter here.

The Good!

+These action scenes...DAMN! I think they were easily some of the most creative and thrilling in the entire film series. Rose and Finn’s chase through intergalactic Las Vegas Canto Bight, the opening battle with the fighter jets, the confrontation at the rebel base, and the battle between Rey, Kylo Ren, and the First Order officers were all fantastic. The effects were spot-on, the music matched the movement perfectly, and the choreography of both the CGI and the actors was really well-done.

+Mark Hamill as Luke. I mean, yeah -- what can you say here except “duh?” Mark really went above and beyond here. Yes, I knew I was going to love seeing him as Luke again for nostalgic reasons, but what I love most is how much more depth Mark brought to the character, after all of the trials and tribulations he’s gone through between the films. He depicted a character who most would think would solely be a mentor figure, given his age and his beloved status, but who it turns out has his own learning curve to take on. He needs to acknowledge that while the Jedi were flawed, their philosophy shouldn’t just be completely thrown out and their old religion shouldn’t just be forgotten -- there are pieces that are still of use and should be passed on. It’s something Rey also realizes, and Kylo does not -- Kylo wants to burn everything down, including the past, regardless of the shreds of good there might be in that past along with the bad. And like Rey, as much as I was sad to see Luke go, I felt peace as it was happening. He is now one with the Force. Now he can guide Rey into the future and haunt Kylo for his mistakes -- both of which I will support him in wholeheartedly.

+Carrie Fisher as Leia. This truly was a shining performance -- I feel so beyond blessed that she was able to finish shooting her scenes before her sudden death, because hail to the motherfucking Queen, baby. When the Rebel bridge got blown up with Leia inside (good touch having it be Kylo’s men and not Kylo who did it, by the by), I literally felt myself stop breathing. But then she FLOATED HERSELF BACK TO THE SHIP TO SAVE HERSELF AND HOLY SHIT. It was actually eerie seeing Leia unconscious on the ship, as I couldn’t help but think of how Carrie had also been in a coma just before she passed...it was beyond merciful that Leia survived in this installment, and that she got to kick so much ass here. I do wonder how the filmmakers are going to handle her loss in the next movie...but wow, am I glad we got to see Carrie one last time on film, especially when she gave such a good performance.

+The focus on Poe. Honestly, Poe Dameron didn’t get that much attention in The Force Awakens, and I’m glad he got his proper share of spotlight here. I love the arc he went through and how he came to appreciate Vice Admiral Holdo’s leadership, even despite their differing approaches and distrust of each other. I think he’ll truly be able to step into Leia’s shoes as leader of the Rebellion in the future, now that he’s learned the value of human life over glory.

+The theme of rebellion being a symbol of hope to the oppressed, best exemplified by Rose and the other marginalized citizens of intergalactic Las Vegas Canto Bight. Yeah, I keep referencing Las Vegas when I talk about that planet, and yeah, they clearly modeled the look of the wealthy casinos and buildings off of it...but after having visited Vegas recently, and since I’m living in another wealthy tourist town myself (Anaheim), I must applaud the fact that they modeled the planet’s ugly underbelly to the same one that you can find in Vegas and cities like it, and actually took the time to discuss it. Where there is obscene wealth, there is also sickening, crippling poverty; where there is privilege, there will always be abuse. It ties back into the lesson Luke taught Rey about light and darkness -- how they constantly balance each other. But just like how Rey and Kylo mirror each other, being strong in the light and the darkness respectively, so too can rebellion become an equal to tyranny...and the end of the movie with the children likewise invigorated to take on the fight about to come left me feeling empowered.

+Finn’s arc from solely focusing on his friends and himself to seeing the Rebellion as something just as important to fight for. I’ve always seen Finn as a Hufflepuff or a Slytherin, morality-wise, in that he values his inner-circle over the whole world, but it was really neat to have him learn about how the world must be safe in order for the things he loves to be safe too.

+Kylo Ren killing Snoke. It felt in character and I think it will allow Kylo to go darker and become the real Big-Bad of the trilogy, since he won’t have to skirt around Snoke’s coattails anymore. Plus, admittedly, I always found Snoke sort of disappointing as Star Wars villains go, and I think it establishes how very treacherous the First Order is -- Kylo turned on Snoke, so who is to say Hux or any of his other subordinates won’t turn on Kylo? Unlike the Rebellion, whose bonds are strengthening, we’re already getting the hint of just how fragile the bonds binding the First Order together are...and that means Kylo has no one who he can truly rely on, unlike Rey, who of course has friends she can trust.

+I like that for all of the “mirroring” this film tried to do with Rey and Kylo, Rey still refused to follow him. She’s strong enough in herself and her moral compass to use her head and not trust him, even if he tries to lure her with knowledge of her parents and a promise of companionship. (I mean, seriously, Rey -- who gives a damn about your deadbeat parents, Finn and Poe and Chewie and BB-8 and Leia love you like few other things in this world! They’re your real family!)

+All of the actors gave very strong performances. I can honestly not pick out any weak links here -- they all gave it their all.

+The hacker character DJ I hope pops up again in the next movie. He seems like an interesting chaotic neutral character and since he didn’t get much of a resolution in this film, I look forward to what he’ll get in the next one.

+FINN KICKED CAPTAIN PHASMA’S ASS, HELLZ YEAH, THAT’S MY BOY. (Also, good to see Phasma having more screen time than in the last movie, even if it still wasn’t that much.)

The Not-So-Good...

+All the Reylo shipper fuel. *dodges knives* OKAY -- LISTEN. I do not support Rey/Kylo, and I probably never will, but shipping aside, here’s my problem with it -- the film did not properly convey why Rey has forgiven Kylo enough to let him into her mind. I’m sorry, it just didn’t. Kylo killed his father -- Rey’s mentor -- one of the first three protagonists that we all fell in love with in the original trilogy -- who went to bring his son back to the Light, only to get stabbed through the chest for his trouble. I just didn’t feel anything close to what Rey did when she started going, “Why? Why did you do it?” and questioning why Kylo destroyed the Jedi Temple -- I’m sorry, all I saw from Kylo in this film is that he was conflicted, not that he was sorry or had any interest in fixing his mistakes. It doesn’t matter if killing his father was painful for him -- it should be. He committed first-degree patricide. Feeling bad for your actions alone is not enough -- you then have to do something about it -- and Kylo did not do that. It felt like in some ways they were trying to parallel Padme and Anakin, where Padme likewise fruitlessly implores Anakin to come back to the Light Side even though it’s too late -- but there are a million and one differences between Anakin and Kylo, most relevant in this case being that Anakin’s reason to not turn back was out of misguided love for Padme (and later because he had no choice, since he’d alienated all of his allies and his suit basically left him tethered to Darth Sidious and the Empire), and that Kylo’s was to assert his loyalty to Snoke (and later to take vengeance against those who wronged him and assert his power). Anakin was trying to protect one of the people that meant the world to him after having known so little love in his life, while Kylo had a family who supported him, taught him, and trained him and he decided that Snoke’s approval and his own pride were more important than that. Anakin was raised to think that he was nothing -- a worthless slave -- while Kylo knew likely from the time he was very little that he was special and decided to act out because of it. Anakin’s initial fall was out of ignorance and a selfish kind of love, but Kylo’s was out of active vengeance, teenage angst, privileged frustration, and a toxic need to dominate and control. Snoke was right when he said that Kylo was no Vader, and that he instead was just a child -- he’s too immature to even acknowledge that his rationale for falling to the Dark Side and doing what he did was WRONG AND EVIL AND STUPID. That’s why I still don’t forgive Kylo Ren, that’s why I don’t think Rey should’ve been as open to him as she was, and that’s why I was satisfied by the ending where Kylo proved himself to be just as vile as I always thought he was, by blaming Snoke’s death on Rey so he can take over the First Order himself and go about terrorizing the galaxy. Someone who was truly sorry for what he’d done and had the capacity to change would’ve at the very least taken the “Zuko Alone” route and tried to recollect himself and redefine a new moral code that he can follow. As of now, the way things are now, I hope that in the final movie Kylo Ren burns, leaving nothing behind but a pile of ash, same as the Jedi Temple he burned to the ground.

+Rose/Finn. I know a few other people have said this, but...yeah. It was WAY too rushed. Honestly, the only thing I can hope for is that in the next film, Finn has to politely turn Rose’s feelings down, because honestly there was just not enough romantic chemistry built up between the two characters. I’m not a rabid Poe/Finn or Finn/Rey shipper, but I still think either of those couples had much more behind them than what this film gave Finn/Rose. Maybe this couple could’ve been written better, maybe it couldn’t have been, but regardless, it was a misstep for this film, the way it was handled.

+C3PO and R2D2 were pretty much dead weight in this movie. BB-8 remained relevant and necessary throughout the runtime, but our old veterans were basically props. They didn’t even really get that many laughs.

+Porgs may be cute, but...wow, were they oddly forgettable. I liked the crystal foxes (Vulptex?) much better.

I definitely look forward to seeing how this new trilogy ends. The messages and action of this movie definitely make me eager to see how the filmmakers will follow it up, and I hope that the few problems I did have are properly addressed. The new Star Wars trilogy is truly exciting...the possibility and potential for the next one truly are limitless, as far as I can see.

Overall Grade: B

[aion-rsa]

Stephen King: 10 Best Supernatural Villains

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Know the terror and madness of Stephen King's 10 greatest supernatural villains!

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The name Stephen King conjures up images of horrific creatures, monsters, places, and some of the most enduring villains in fiction. These are beings of unimaginable evil that test the limits of the protagonists' will to survive, and some of these villains have gone on to become almost as famous (or infamous) as the writer himself.

While many King villains are monsters of the human variety (serial killers, power hungry despots, nihilists, etc.), his most memorable are the supernatural ones who use their dark powers to twist the orderly world around them into chaos and pain.

Pennywise the Clown isn't the only monster you need to fear at night. King has created plenty of other horrific things that go bump in the night. Here are just a few of his best supernatural madmen and monsters...

10. Gage Creed and the Pet Sematary

Pet Sematary (1983)

“Don’t go beyond, no matter how much you feel you need to, Doctor. The barrier was not made to be broken. Remember this: there is more power here than you know. It is old and always restless. Remember.”

When Louis, Rachel, Eileen, and Gage Creed moved to Ludlow, Maine from Chicago, their cat Winston Churchill in tow, they wanted a peaceful new life in the more rural locale. What they got was a descent into death and madness almost unmatched in modern horror fiction. In the novel, the Creed cat is killed. Louis fears telling his daughter and buries the beloved pet at a nearby “Pet Sematary,” an old Micmac Indian burial ground. The cat returns home, much to Louis’ shock and delight, but it’s not the same friendly animal. It’s a listless, mean, half-alive creature that does not have a fondness for life.

Further Reading: Every Stephen King Film and TV Adaptation Currently in Development

When Gage is killed by a truck, overcome with despair, Louis buries his son in the Sematary. What comes back is a true horror of epic proportions. Gage is such a disturbing villain because he once existed as an object of purest affection. The once totally innocent soul is now corrupt and ridden with supernatural darkness. The Pet Sematary itself is rumored to once have been a burial place for cannibals, and the spirit of a Wendigo dwells in the soil.

Now, Gage is back with the most ancient of curses coursing where blood once flowed. Every father’s nightmare turned even darker. King felt the book was too dark even for him and shelved it until his wife, Tabitha, and his friend, the author Peter Straub, encouraged him to share his bleak vision of paternal loyalty with the world.

9. The Leatherheads

Under the Dome (2009)

“God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny?”

Much more frightening than typical villains, the Leatherheads are an alien race responsible for the construction of the Dome that covers Chester’s Mill. They are in the same vein as H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors, beings much older and more powerful than humanity. The mere sight of them could drive a man mad. They are beings with the power of gods but no connection to or feelings for humanity. Just cold observers that exist on a different layer of reality.

The Leatherheads construct the Dome the same way a child makes an ant farm, out of a morbid curiosity to watch how lesser creatures exist. Their casual disregard for humanity makes them truly terrifying because, unlike some of King’s other antagonists, there is really no way to fight them.

The Leatherheads are mentioned in King’s chilling short story N., but it is in Under the Dome where readers get to experience the sheer paralytic terror that would occur if an alien species of ancient intelligence turned their attention towards our little backwater planet.

Read More: It Chapter Two Easter Eggs and Reference Guide

8. The Overlook Hotel

The Shining (1977)

“This inhuman place makes human monsters.”

If there is one thing King’s constant readers have learned after decades of nightmares is that places can be as evil as people, an idea that is personified in the Overlook Hotel, the setting of The Shining. On the surface, The Shining is a classic haunted house tale, but beneath the surface, it is so much more. It is a deep look into the fragility of fatherhood, the bond of trust between father and son. As Danny Torrance, the psychic child who journeys to a secluded Colorado hotel with his caretaker father and loving mother discovers when the father he trusted is transformed in a raging madman by the power within the Overlook.

Further Reading: How The Shining Examines the Immortality of Evil

The novel’s most riveting sections feature past accounts of other times that the Overlook weaved its dark magic, transforming good men into monsters. The walls of the Overlook can barely contain the rage within the heart of the hotel, and as The Shining plays out, readers discover just how corrupt the place is. Make no mistake, it may not have arms to swing an ax, or legs to chase down its victims, but the Overlook is a hungry sort of evil that demands to be fed. Just try staying at a Motel 6 after reading King’s classic. I dare you.

7. The Raggedy Man

Cell (2006)

“What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle.”

Fans of The Walking Dead need to recognize. King does zombies too, and they are sphincter-tighteningly scary. In Cell, a pulse travels into cell phones all over the world. Anyone on their phone at the fateful moment is turned into a zombie. These villains are a different breed than the popular Romero clones, as the pulse also unlocks latent powers of the human mind like telepathy and levitation.

The Raggedy Man is the leader of the zombies. He thinks, organizes, and commands. He has all the nihilistic hunger of a zombie, but he has planning skills and foresight which make him a truly frightening antagonist. His goal is to spread his people around the globe and take the planet for his horde. He sees humanity as a threat to his people and seeks to destroy them to protect his new race, which could make him literature’s first sympathetic zombie villain. He is often seen wearing a crimson Harvard hoodie giving the creature an atypical zombie air of intelligence and capability.

The name of Harvard’s sports teams by the way? The Harvard Crimson. Well played Mr. King, well played.

Read More: How It Chapter Two Differs from the Book

6. Kurt Barlow

‘Salems Lot (1975)

“That above all else. They did not look out their windows. No matter what noises or dreadful possibilities, no matter how awful the unknown, there was an even worse thing: to look the Gorgon in the face.”

King’s only foray into vampires (the classic ones, anyway), Barlow was the writer’s way of getting the whole mythos right the first time. ‘Salems Lot was King’s second published novel and his first of many novels centering on the idea of a preternatural creature releasing the beast inside of regular people. It was also his first small town novel, a setting King would return to many times over the decades.

Barlow’s story mirrors that of Dracula, from the shipment of his coffin and native soil from overseas to his arrival and reign of terror in a contemporary setting. He even has his own personal Renfield, Richard Straker, his own gothic mansion, his own legion of dark minions, and a twisted grip on the residents of ‘Salems Lot.

Further Reading: 10 Best Stephen King Horror Novels

Barlow was more of a catalyst, using embraced residents as pawns to tighten his grip on the town, but his very presence on the page was accompanied with a sense of urgency and dread.

In a 1995 BBC radio drama of ‘Salems Lot (that is well worth seeking out), Barlow is played by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley, which automatically gives the vampire tons of villain cred.

5. George Stark

The Dark Half (1989)

“Cut him. Cut him while I stand here and watch. I want to see the blood flow. Don't make me tell you twice.”

Stephen King once wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman and published some of his more experimental works like The Running Man, The Long Walk, and Thinner. His experience as somewhat existing as another person inspired King to write the Dark Half and inspired the creation of one of his most cold-blooded killers, George Stark. 

In the novel, Thad Beaumont was a successful author who wrote violent crime novels under the pen name of George Stark. After revealing to the world he was actually Stark, Thad and his wife stage a mock funeral for the author to symbolically cut ties with the violent crime fiction Beaumont wanted to leave behind. This is where King brings the terror.

Further Reading: Stephen King's 10 Most Terrifying Human Villains

The novel started with a flashback that dealt with the removal of an eye from the brain of a young Thad. It was the eye of a twin that was conjoined in the womb to the writer, an incident Thad had all but forgotten about. It was actually the eye of George Stark, who later rises from the mock grave the Beaumonts planted him in to go on a killing spree that leaves even the most seasoned reader with PTSD.

Stark is the embodiment of the darkness in the hearts of all men. The most frightening part of the book is that, even though Beaumont is desperate to rid the world of Stark, part of him is attracted to the freedom evil gives Stark and the realization that the evil is a part of him.

4. Blaine the Mono

The Dark Tower III: The Wastelands (1991)

“Choo-Choo, thought Jake, and shuddered.”

You will never look at Thomas the Tank Engine the same way again. Blaine is a sentient train in the Dark Tower series, a machine driven insane by underuse. Blaine once housed a powerful computer mind, but the network has since broken down, making the train deranged, cruel, and suicidal.

Roland and his ka-tet need the train to travel out of the Wasteland so Roland can finish his quest for the Dark Tower. They board Blaine. They are horrified when they find Blaine has gone completely insane. The train forces them into a game of riddles. The situation gets worse, as the ka-tet realizes Blaine will kill himself by derailing at great speed with them aboard.

A crazy, sentient, thundering locomotive with a face is scary enough, but couple that with the fact that the train suffers from crippling mental health issues, and you have one of the most unique monsters in literature. There is a second voice inside Blaine, Little Blaine, who begs the ka-tet to help him, adding even another layer to the tragic nightmare that is Blaine.

So essentially, Blaine is Gollum if Gollum was a runaway train: a riddle loving, murderous, schizophrenic machine who has been ruined by pain and emptiness.

Read More: It Chapter Two and the Horror of Anti-Gay Bigotry

3. The Crimson King 

Insomnia (1994), Black House (2001), The Dark Tower series

“I am the Eater of Worlds.”

The Crimson King is often mistaken for It, and it is not completely clear if they are the same monster, but the regality and level of reverence the King’s minions hold for him seem to suggest that he is different than the sewer-dwelling eater of children. This beast is the embodiment of evil in King’s shared fictional universe. He is first introduced in Insomnia, where he tries to kill a child prophesied to topple the rule of the King forever.

The King is later revealed as the monster behind the events of the novel Black House, and he is the overarching villain of the Dark Tower series, the monster responsible for trying to bring down the structure of reality.

Further Reading: A Reading Guide to the Stephen King Dark Tower Universe

Stephen King suggests that all his villains, supernatural or otherwise, are pawns of the Crimson King. The name itself carries some great metatextual flavor as, of course, Stephen King himself is the one truly responsible for the evil in his worlds. The half of the writer that creates and is responsible for these horrific monsters is also named King. Stephen King is the writer, father, husband, and Red Sox fan. The Crimson King is the dark overlord of the fictional universe and the monster maker.

2. Pennywise the Dancing Clown

It (1986)

"Float?" The clown’s grin widened. "Oh yes, indeed they do. They float! And there’s cotton candy..."George reached.The clown seized his arm.And George saw the clown’s face change.

Every twenty-seven years It rises to devour the children of Derry. It awoke when a homosexual couple was beaten by a gang of thugs in 1984 to again reign terror on the children of Derry. It was put to rest by the Losers Club, a group of misfit teens, in 1958 only to rise again, decades later. It killed the leader of the Losers’ (Bill Denbrough) little brother in one of the most hair-raising prologues in horror history.  

It is another of King’s manipulator villains, as It controls the darker residents of Derry, such as bully Henry Bowers to do Its bidding. It is a cannibalistic clown that lives in the sewers, a leprous mummy, a giant spider, or a series of orange lights called the Dead Lights that drive people mad when gazed upon.

Unlike the similar creature, the Crimson King, It does not commit evil for glory or power. It devours because It hungers. The lives of innocents exist only to fill the void of It's being. And let’s face it, nothing, NOTHING is freakin’ scarier than a hungry clown in a sewer.

Read More: It Chapter Two Ending Explained

1. Randall Flagg

The Stand (1978) Eyes of the Dragon (1986) Hearts in Atlantis (1999) The Dark Tower series

“My life for you.”

Not so much a single villain, but the archetype of all villains, Randall Flagg is King’s greatest singular creation of evil. Flagg first appeared in The Stand, the Dark Man who gathers the worst of humanity to rebuild a new civilization in his own dark image. The Walkin’ Dude had a propensity for crucifying any whose beliefs ran contrary to his.

Flagg is the greatest of King’s manipulators, able to inspire loyalty in those with dark hearts, as seen by the Trashcan Man in The Stand and even Mother Carmody in The Mist. All they have to do is say “My life for you,” and mean it, and Flagg will be there to inspire their dark deeds.

He was revealed to be the main antagonist to Roland in the Dark Tower series and is the ever-present evil in all men. Flagg is walking the back roads of reality just waiting for a chance to whisper in humanity’s ear and stir up some good, old fashioned chaos.

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Marc Buxton

Sep 12, 2019

Stephen King

Horror Movies

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[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #14

Just fucking great. Bryan Hitch is back to writing.

These asshole Green Lanterns can make anything they can think of and they choose to make Batman, Aquaman, Cyborg, and Flash squat uncomfortably in bubbles? At least create some kind of space stagecoach, you lazy jerks.

• The object shoots a green laser out of the part of it that isn't anything like a Death Star at all. It blows the Justice League back into Earth and into a huge crater in the city. That probably means a few thousand people are dead which means a few thousand super-villains were just created due to the Justice League failing to save their loved ones. • And just like that, we're back at where the comic book fake began, showing that opening the comic book in that way added nothing to the narrative. It's almost as if the fifth page was mistakenly printed as the first page. I suppose the first page was going to be wasted no matter what since Bryan Hitch obviously meant for the real story to begin with a double splash page. And most comic books never print any of the story on the inside cover.

Oh. So now Superman can be defeated by sticking him in a windowless room?

• Cyborg's GPS was obviously destroyed in the blast. "Twelve miles below Canada" is not an answer to "Where are we?" I mean, it's an answer, sure. But it's not a precise one and therefore meaningless to the spirit of Superman's query. • Just before Cyborg was shot in the face by a Death Star, he managed to hack that Death Star and learn all about it while also shutting down its main gun. So now he can fill in the rest of the League on what they're up against. The space object is a laser drill that goes from star system to star system strip mining everything in the system. It's too bad they always begin with the third planet out from the sun or else maybe the Justice League would have had some warning that they were coming. Or maybe all the planets out past Earth have already been destroyed because nobody believed the astronomers when they were warning everybody. They were just all, "I don't want to believe that so shut up."

Of course it took down Flash! He was in a stupid green bubble with nowhere to run!

• Oh, excuse me. Some of my snark needs to be corrected. Apparently the strip mining planet also breaks down red suns. That means part of its caloric intake is based on red sun matter which obviously means that any energy created from red sun energy is practically lethal to Superman. It's just science! • The Justice League treats the situation lightly, as if thousands of people weren't just killed in a huge blast from a space drill that's threatening to destroy the entire solar system. Maybe a little sense of urgency would be appropriate. This isn't Giffen and DeMatteis's Justice League.

Shut the fuck up. You're always out of your depth.

• By the way, Aquaman looks like he's coming after being fucked in the ass in that panel. Don't ask me how I know that look and why I own such a large mirror that rests on the floor. • It's times like this when I'm reading a comic book by Bryan Hitch that I think, "I really miss commenting on poorly written comic books!" • As the team regroups (see the title! It's all about regrouping!), Jessica Cruz needs another fucking pep talk because she's so fucking fragile.

Apparently Cyborg was even less precise than I realized. They're twelve miles beneath Canada! That's, um, uh, a long fucking way down! That's deeper than the deepest part of the deepest ocean. Aquaman was being literal when he said he was out of his depth! And according to the quickest Internet search I could manage, the deepest hole ever dug was seven and a half miles deep. At that point, the temperature in the hole was 180°C! And yet the Justice League seems pretty comfortable in their hole. Maybe they really are just twelve miles below the Canadian border and The Flash, who was unconscious and probably concussed when Cyborg mentioned where they were.

• Simon mentions how he and Jessica need each other to charge their rings. I forgot about that. Maybe that's why Jessica hasn't been allowed to quit like she wanted to. Also, maybe that time she quit resolved differently than I remember since she's maintained membership with the League ever since. • Being stuck in a hole while the world is on the brink of destruction gives the Justice League a moment to pause and reflect on their relationship as a team. They're all, "Do any of us belong here?" And then they're all, "Yeah! We do! Let's do it, guys! Save the cheerleader; save the world!" • But before the group hug, Superman brings up that thing about how Batman keeps files on every member of the Justice League and little boxes with weapons that will allow him to defeat them all. They all act shocked at why Batman would feel the need to defeat them. Batman is all, "Hello? Eclipso?! I just fucking had to defeat you all, you judgmental assholes. And how many times has Superman been turned against us in just the last five years? Too many to count, really! I'm fucking saving the world here!" • Also before the group hug, Superman has to point out that they need to think of him as the old Superman or Rebirth is never going to work. Forget that whole Preboot thing and the death of the other guy that was stupid but had to be done because New 52 Superman had way too many poorly written moments to keep him alive. They need to think of Preboot Superman as New 52 Superman but without all the times Scott Lobdell wrote him and without all the stories written by Greg Pak and without any of the stories written by Andy Diggle and...well, I'm sure there were others that told fucking stupid Superman stories which made him untenable. • Now that they're all buddies again and trust each other implicitly forever and ever, it's time for Batman to come up with a plan.

No. You cannot use that as an example for defeating this real life threat!

• Look, we've all known for years growing up that the Death Star having that flaw made absolutely no fucking sense. Which is probably a good percentage of the reason why Rogue One was written! To explain that nonsense! Which it did fabulously! Rogue One was like the corrections section of a newspaper but instead of admitting to the mistakes and correcting them, it just told a new story that effortlessly weaves in some new perspectives to explain away a bunch of stupid bullshit that has always plagued the Star Wars fandom. It was the best piece of fan-fiction I've ever consumed. Although I didn't jerk off over it like most of the other pieces. • What I'm pointing out is that Batman's reasoning is flawed. This space drill doesn't necessarily have to have a flaw or weakness in its design. The Death Star only had a flaw in its design because it was sabotaged! This thing might have been engineered by the third smartest man on whatever planet it originally came from. • Batman's plan is to have the strong, invulnerable members of the team punch the big gun while the others Boom Tube inside and punch the people controlling the gun. That sounds less like finding the space drill's weakness and more like just punching it into submission.

This is how terrible writers resolve conflicts. It's also how all writers utilize stupid Aquaman.

• Superman comes up with a better plan that's a bit destructive considering there are sentient beings aboard this laser drill. He's going to get the "world-breaking sphere" to shove up the "exhaust port" of the "laser drill." I got carried away with the quotes. • I wonder why Superman didn't decide to just put it in the Phantom Zone along with everything else he puts in the Phantom Zone? • The last page just shows that the Justice League won because this story was about them regrouping and not about them fighting. I hope the next issue follows the race aboard the space drill and how they float off to die now that they don't have the ability to gather resources to sustain their people. Superman couldn't have gone aboard to speak with them after destroying their drill? Maybe point out that they shouldn't strip mine inhabited planets? Or maybe any planets? Maybe they could come up with a more responsible way to get their energy needs? Maybe something renewable and more sustainable? I don't think Bryan Hitch meant for this issue to have that message. He was just happy to leave it at "The Justice League broke the space drill and the world is safe! Who cares where the Space Miners strip mine next? Or die before getting their drill repaired? Not the League's problem!" The Ranking! -1! Don't get me wrong! I don't mind the theme of this issue and what it tries to accomplish. The League needed a moment to tell the readers, "Look. We're done with all the bickering about trust issues. We're going to focus on saving the world now and put all those other tensions aside." It was basically an editorial mandate that the fans accept Superman as the real Superman and accept the new Lanterns as Hal's replacements since he picked them personally. Those points can't be criticized anymore because the team dealt with them! And that's fine with me. Writers need to shape their world by telling the reader what's what and stop feeling the need to constantly justify continuity shit. But the book drops in the rankings because it is full of terrible nonsense and also a lot of people in Canada died. Or people twelve miles below the Canadian border died.

[mood-mixer]

thesis super rough draft

Style Article Rewritten

i. celestial body

it is quiet in there

in that global atmosphere

where her aesthetic lies

it is quiet like a

flock of eyelashes sighing

through infinity

under the weight of

astronomical expectations.

 meteors make no sound

as they dangle from her ears,

set aflame on her cue

despite the lack of oxygen

(she does not breathe oxygen

she breathes the snowy

diamonds of Saturn’s climate)

it is quiet in there

in that vacuum of

pressurized perfection,

with pollution so thick

she cannot feel her own (deserving) breath

(she does not know when she is breathing

she does not know when her blood is pulsing

and there are no shortcuts to these answers

because the corners she might cut

are constantly morphing)

pollution so thick she cannot see her vapor

rise to the iridescent comet clutter

it is quiet in there

in that black hole of conformity

she knows nothing about

yet knows so intimately

it is quiet in there

but it is too loud to move

to exercise agency of any kind

even in her self-made heaven

it consumes

 ii. outer layer

mine is standoffish,

accidentally shy

there is not much room

for first impressions. they

glisten through my galaxy

like ceramic particles—one side

showy and attractive

the other dull and crumbly

 hers is guarded, with an undercurrent

of viciousness and self-preservation

like a star of space glass

unique and trembling next

to the sun but not without

a sense of direction.

it is embedded

in her underarm and has been

since she first got cat called at age

12. she understands its protective

objective and considers it comprehensively

within her sphere:

weather (will there be meteors again?)

where the distance of a light year from the threshold of the bedroom door will land her

the precise temperature of the sun and its idiosyncratic impact on each planet, each piece of existing space junk

the outer asteroid belt of her sphere and all the possibilities of how each rock within it will treat her today

whether or not her tides will obey the gravitational force of her moon

the unquestionable extraterrestrials monitoring her every move

 this is not an exhaustive list, only her most weighted daily considerations

they revolve around expectations and contradictions

which is not the only thing we have in common (but by far the most remarkable)

 iii. cataclysmic event

a McDonald’s French fry

from the bottom of its greasy cardboard holder

f

               a

                               l

                                               l

                                                               s

               from your glistening fingertip and

lands.

               between the console and the driver’s seat

right

               where it will

n

               e

                               v

                                               e

                                                               r

be retrieved

you worked out

you did SQUATS for that motherfucking fry

you worked hard for this gluttonous I mean

glorious moment of satisfaction,

unlike any satisfaction known to humankind

Choking back tears you lick your lips

in longing and consider the alternate ending

as a meteor crashes on the hood of the 1998 honda civic hatchback in the lane next to you

a pitiful tear falls from your cheek in this moment as you

realize how closely you relate with the pile of annihilated metal

entangled with unexpected depression and a touch of muted rage

you snap a picture and begin to sob as your eyes trail back to the

long lost fry, salty particles beckoning you from the devious trench

traffic is stopped and relief washes over you as the honda bursts

into a tower of flames with its driver jailed inside

people rushing with flushed faces

sirens in the background to add to the chaos

in all this urgency you have managed to recuse

your slightly mangled savory sweetheart

you have manifested your alternate ending

an ant has already made its way to the treasure

but you cherish it unconditionally like your very own child

 IV. Moment of Reflection

She punctures her pressurized presence with a single atom of agency and she is the only survivor.

Apocalypse has never sounded as fragile as the twinkling diamonds that rain around her.

Fire permeates every invisible boundary and ignites her confidence like the Sun’s solar flares reaching for expansion.

This is not an ecosystem fit for corporeal beings. Her transcendence is the only source of light.

Her outer layer has combusted, the magnitude of her core burning so bright it must be assigned an ambiguous measurement of infinitely negative value.

She is the energy source of the big bang but she does not allow things to simply fall into place.

She is accompanied by only the soil, composed of unpolished diamonds of varying sizes and the full spectrum of color emanating from each gem.

Detrimental to existence but fundamental for her own. Everything is made of diamonds and they become completely ordinary.

She punctures her pressurized presence with a single sharp atom of agency.

And this is how she ceases: her own apocalypse.

But bubbles this big take time to pop.

One by one, men spontaneously combusted every time she opened the door for them.

 (not done yet super messy rn)

The Mentally Ill Empath

Self-Doubt is the only shopping mall

in her thriving metropolis, Anxiety

 it features brand names

like Low Self-Esteem

Perfection Mask

White Thin Apparel

Empty Self-Care

 Sometimes she is the Mayor of Anxiety.

Sometimes she is a volunteer at the local Humane Society.

Sometimes she does not know where she is.

 Sometimes genuine is the only thing she is.

Sometimes she sticks her hand out to introduce herself

but her language is limited to only one word.

“Genuine! Genuinegenuine, genuine?”

 Between the Lines of Cosmopolitan

Check your sanity at the door please

(What little you have left)

because this is a place of completion

where outside influences are strictly

prohibited. (Pictures allowed but ONLY

with the flash. The aesthetic is crucial.)

 All we are asking is that you slice off

your atrocious lack of thigh gap. We recommend

an Exacto knife for this, just make sure

to have some styptic powder ready.

All we are asking is that you brush

your teeth with baking soda to

bring out the pearliest white.

We recommend eating gentle foods

because your beaming enamel will

be fragile.

All we are asking is that you work

out twice daily for three hours and

exceed the recommended 10,000

steps a day by about four times.

All we are asking is that you abandon

your idiosyncrasies and tell them,

with one cocktail in each hand,

you will be back in the morning.

We recommend you do not ever return.

All we want is to abduct

your self-worth and place it in a test

tube with the rest of the useless

positivity that gets you through each day.

 Standards of Conduct

Section I. The “Self”

A. Eye contact with reflection in every reflective surface

B. Refusal of local, national, international news to sprout and nourish self-ignorance (disable mobile device, impeccable filtration of friends and pages on Facebook)

C. Flawlessness in every sense, with a foundation of:

               a. entitlement

               b. numbness

               c. amputated self-agency

Section II. Attention Given to Anyone Other than “Self”

A. Politeness

               a. excessive small talk (especially family)

               b. minimal emotional connection (those that can achieve no emotional connection with others    will automatically be awarded exclusive VIP membership, see section V.)

B. Obedience

               a. to these standards

               b. to superiors

Section III. Exercise and Nourishment

               your monthly rest day should include at least 6 of these activities

               a. mountain climbers everywhere you go

               b. lunges on your way to the doctor

               c. crunches on your way to work

               d. jumping jacks at Easter brunch to avoid awkward silences

               e. squats on your way to the bar with the 11th first date of the week

               f. weight lifting with watermelons and pork chops at the grocery store

               g. bicep curls through your nightly 6 hours of sleep

               h.

Section IV. Love

A. Of oneself: N/A

B. Of others: N/A

C. Of these standards: eternal.

Section V. VIP Status

A. Eligibility to apply for rewards program

               a. Rewards program: a monthly walk through a rose garden, blooming with bees and life                depending on the season, with one (1) selected significant other that will hold your hand and   silently accompany you through the garden as you become weary of nature’s potent fumes like           a praying mantis’ stunned body after its female mate decapitates him.

               This program can only be maintained by upholding these standards and the vital emotional apathy as to not excite the               roses and pester the bees. Daily reevaluation by program officials required.

 Sign with the name you wish you had HERE: 

________________________________

Date with last time you cried HERE:

 __________________________

 Missing: Selena’s Pores

She appears so cool calm and collected

as her pores scream wildly at the top of her

skin LET ME OUT I CAN’T BREATHE

they have been kidnapped and all

the local news channels have been notified

the police station has filed a missing persons report

even though more than 20 thousand have disappeared

but they do not take it seriously

they joke about it as they sit at their

desks facing one another with their

badges in their right hands and their dicks in the other

 the pores cannot breathe under a smothering

foundation and a dust of dirt even their

pussy retaliations cannot attract attention

it has been nearly 24 hours

since their last drink of water and the

dehydration is making them delusional

their hallucinations manifest where else

they would rather be

under the sun

with a tall glass of ice water in hand

they all want the same thing

toes in the sand enjoying the exfoliation

kissing and caressing their circular neighbors tucked so

closely to their roundness with no task

other than to be alive

 I am the only one still searching for them

police say they do not have time to search for

an entire face full of pores

 Selena gets paid to smile and act like this

is as whole as she has ever felt

 she won’t repeat

the mistake that overflows

with thrill as each and every

second exceeds the previous one in length

her lips drown in the mixture of

nostalgia and insecurities

it tastes like

lemonade made from

real true Californian lemons,

salt instead of sugar.

when it spills it is not sticky

it is smooth and invisible

like puddle of whirling air

its healing properties

can bring the swelling down

in a sprained limb

is viscosity is limited and

constantly shape shifts

into is holder’s form

she does not like the taste

of it she does not like how

each sip gets saltier

and brighter she does not

prefer this opaque golden

silk but she prefers it

over the repulsive stench

and rejuvenation of

apple cider vinegar

but this is an individual case

for some this juice is

tragic, like expired poison

has filled their lungs

and suffocated

their will to live

for some it is refreshing

to recall the taste

of mortality

like a stream of blood running

from the nose into the mouth

for some it is addictive

a sea-salty drip in the back

of the throat

unparalleled by

any other refreshment

for some it is powerful

like the inorganic

necessity of

insecticides on a lemon

orchard waiting to

exterminate

 field of follicles

a luscious field of golden wheat shivers in the wind as we drive by and

I shiver at the thought of explaining my silence

she drives as I fret

should I say something

she stops at a red light and the CD switches tracks

should I let her know

now it is too late as she raises her hand to put on the radio

why I am not okay with

another chance gobbled up by indecision

being shamed for having hair

her demeanor is   safe   sweet   kind          until now

should I risk my well being

she calculates out loud how much longer we have until we arrive

should I purposely collapse into my soggy cardboard self

she says it will only be another 12 minutes

filled with the emptiness of rain-rotted vulnerability

now she says we are here and she parks in the middle of a blooming field of clover

how will she react how will I react to her reaction how will she react to my reaction of her reaction

I am not a political advertisement unless you make me one I breathe silently

the clover reciprocates my breath and blows fuchsia perfume through her gray hairs

 rule breakers

maybe this is how i will come out to my family

hand them a neatly bound chapbook

with nothing but the poems and their titles

no foreword no dedication not even a table of contents

nothing but text, black and white

just how my father prefers to think

 many of the edgy girls in cosmopolitan are queer

these are the ones that “break the rules” the “badass babes”

they wear bold make up and a perfect set of brows

they all make out with each other and never respond to

invitations, nor do they reciprocate them

this is what makes them “badass babes”

none of them predicted they would all end up in

a three page cosmopolitan article that would

replace their queerness with edginess

 maybe this is how i will come out to my family

I should speak with a cosmopolitan representative after I

finish writing this. it could be good. it will just have

to be published in black and white for my father

 Conversations with a Mirror From Four Prespectives

A Perfectionist

I am not.

I’m simply

Attracted

To details

And like to

Take my time

Because my

Work ethic

Tells me to.

Failure

Is something

I am not

Familiar

With because

It is not

An option.

I am a

Quarry and

Perfection

Is my quaint

Bulldozer.

Not a single

Pebble will

Go untouched.

 A Narcissist

Do not tell me what

I am

I know myself better than anyone and

I also know that my conversations only

begin by interrupting someone else

 every time without fail

I immediately retract the

piece of interjection offered and

redirect it to the empath in me

and ask her why do

I think that is okay?

 but

 she is always sleeping or sobbing or embracing

someone that does not understand.

if she is awake she glares and I force

an apology from my lips to relieve her gaze.

 I interrupt people to ask if they have

seen my new shirt do you like it?

everyone always says yes as if

they understand how exquisite

my style is but they will never

understand how exquisite

I am

especially in comparison to them.

 A Masochist

i like to drink

a cup of nails

in the morning

just before work

and every half hour

after that. i like the

way it tastes on my

throbbing tongue

how it reverses

the healing of the

anxiety-induced

sores in my mouth

they are like

leeches on my gums

it stings but i like

the interruption

of numbness and

the vivid dreams it grants

i like the detox

of happiness

the lack of joy

is the only thing

that fills me

 A Conformist

I am a unanimous set

of songs that plays on repeat

in the background of everything

I do and I do not look up unless

the person on either   side   of

me does first.

 This, however, requires

observational skill and sometimes

I am too skilled in this area to be

considered whole. As long as

I do not implement any

critical thinking skills I will thrive.

 but

 when I see a fire flicker

in the paper shredder

5.38 feet away from my cubicle

it is hard to ignore. I wait until

the heat peels the paint off of

all the walls within a 10 foot radius

to react because otherwise I might

set the whole office on fire with my

chaos.  

 Skin Enhancing Lotion

that skin you were born in?

oh yes you may revive it

we have been waiting for you.

this system is almost like the

first step of addiction

recovery

it must be the user’s idea to

get help

but in this case you are not

addicted to drugs (although

you may as well be)

you are addicted to averageness

and body positivity

you need help

oh yes back to this skin of yours

it rests in a microscopic cage

it is not old enough to be potty-

trained and we like it that way

because its helplessness is so pure.

do not let it grow. do not let it learn.

certainly do not let it show signs of

learning because really, as we like to think,

aging is the physical manifestation of knowledge.

 Subtleties

Lately I have been

conflating “subtle”

and “supple”

 how would you problem solve

if your schemas relied only

on the way things sounded

rather than what they meant

 and this is the root of the problem

because even the word “meant” sounds

a whole lot like “mint” and “root”

sounds exactly like “route”

depending on your dialectical preference

 is there room for preference

in interpretation

or is that the dictionary definition

for bias

the socialized great uncle of preference

 they sound unrelated but the differences

in their meanings are subtle

subtle enough to be synonyms?    not likely

supple enough to split like cells

during mitosis?    closer

like the way “woman” sounds closer to “human” than “man” does

is the “wo-” what makes her as supple as the generalizations of her? or is it only a subtle construction of meaningless boxes?

suppleness is not a qualification for womanhood but a prerequisite for softness subtly and strength.

 A Love Story (this is a placeholder title suggestions welcome)

There is a single hair centered on each of my big toes. They usually average about 3/4” long. Dark and wispy like a raven’s very first set of feathers.

Sometimes they are in conversation with one another. Usually they complain about how cold they are but today they asked me to trim them. This was very unlike them. I misunderstood (as I usually do with the language of my body hair) and plucked each one from its little hill of skin. The task came with ease. Something close to relief.  

6 days later they were long enough to talk again. And they were livid. They spoke as if I could not hear them. I overheard them discuss the fact that they do not have strength in numbers but their roots had grown stronger than ever, especially since I had plucked them. They said they would never be the same. Coarser. Darker. Rugged. They might even multiply, which apparently was not in their 10 year plan.

 Scab

Growing back thicker and more deeply set each time, I must admit I am getting worried. It has been over a year since the accident, yet it will not leave me. (This may be the only thing I have ever wanted [this desperately] to leave me.)

The process goes something like this:

1. I pick and scratch like I’m digging out a banana’s tiny, gray bruise.

2. I repeat this until an edge deviates from the rest of me. A crunchy skin tag.

3. Time to peel! I clasp the edge between my dusty thumbnail and index fingernail.

4. Pull. Pull. Pull. Tug. Increments of aging.

5. I take a break. Breathe through it.

6. Pull. Pull. Pull. Tug. Like the sticker off of a moldy brae burn.

7. Here it is. I have been waiting for you.

8. I analyze this small memento of myself like a close reading exercise. Tenfold the meaning of any poem.

9. I must consume it in order to regenerate it. Entire placentas are eaten, so why not a sprinkle of skin? It is dry in my mouth but only on one side. Dry and structured like a fleshy diamond. I would compare it to a particle of rock candy, sans sugar, but it is so much more nutritious than that. I roll it over in my mouth with a wave of saliva. Now I can enjoy the best part. Rich and chewy, potent with flavor. Like a single bacon bit. When I am eager and harvest too soon it oozes a coppery syrup. When I am preoccupied and harvest too late it hardens like a residual drop of glaze in a ceramic oven. When I am attentive and harvest punctually its frosting is like scarlet creamy peanut butter, smeared on its brittle boat.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> Kanaya: Confa wit nigga.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began troll'n carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GA fo' sheezy: Your Speech Was Really GA: Emotional 

CG: OK I DEFINITELY DON'T NEE' YOU BUST'N MAH BULGE ABOUT THA SPEECH NOW. CG wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: I'VE TAKEN ENOUGH SHIT. I GOTS A SHAWTY WIZZLE UP OK? Death row 187 4 life. CG: Bounce wit me. N IF YIZNOU HIZNAVE SUM-M SUM-M TA SIZZLE, WHIZZAY DIZZLE YOU CIZZY SAY IT TA MAH FACE. CG: I'M FED UP WITH THEZE BIZZAY DOOR SAGGIN' SHENANIGANS. 

GA: I Dont Mizzle Ta Critique Yo' Speech GA: I J-to-tha-izzust Wizzle Ta Ask You Sum-m sum-m 'n Confidence GA: About Tizzy Humans 

CG: OK, WHAT BE IT gangsta style? 

GA: Be You Sure Theyre Responsible Fo` Our Misfizzle 

CG cuz its a G thang: YES. THERE BE NO DIZZLE 'BOUT IT. 

GA: Wizzle It On Account Of Malice Or Incompetence 

CG: I DIZNON'T KNOW. MAYBE BIZZAY? Bounce wit me. CG aww nah: WHY DOES IT MATTER. 

GA spittin' that real shit: It Sort Of D-to-tha-izzoes GA so you betta run and grab yo glock: Im Not Even T-H-to-tha-izzat Siznure Whizzay GA: Dis Be A Difficult Topizzle Fo` Me Ta Broach GA: Fo` Reasons That Yizzle Probably Wont Understand 

CG: GOD DAMMIT. CG: NO M-TO-THA-IZZORE MYSTERIES, PLEAZE. CG: YIZZLE THIZZLE WE'D HAD OUR FILL OF THEM BY NOW. CG: IF I HAVE TA SOLVE ONE MORE RIDDLE, I'M GO'N TA... CG: I DIZZLE KNOW. 

GA: Will Yo' Response izzle An Athletic Hustla Of Some Sort 

CG: NO CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT. CG with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: I WILL JUST GO BROTHA TIZZY N WIZZY GENTLY IN THA HORN PILE. CG: SERIOUSLY, WHIZNAT IS DIS 'BOUT? 

GA: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Um 

CG: WHIZZAY I CAN T-TO-THA-IZZELL YIZZAY BE CG: THEY BE ALL LUDICROUSLY INCOMPETENT. CG now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: SOFT, PINK FRAGILE RHYMIN' WHO DO NUTTIN BUT WIZZAY TIME. CG: THIZNEY DON'T EVIZZLE H-TO-THA-IZZAVE HORNS! 

GA: Whizzle GA: Really 

CG: YIZZLE, I WAS LIKE, WHOA DIZZLE T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY GIT FILIZZLE DIZZLE OR SUM-M SUM-M CG: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. BUT NO IT TURNS OUT THAT JUST HOW THEY BE. 

GA: Weird 

CG: THIZZLE A MISERABLE POINTLESS C-R-TO-THA-IZZOP OF LIFEFORMS FROM A MEANINGLESS BOR'N PUSTULE OF A PLANET. CG: IT INFURIAT'N THEY WERE SOMEHOW ALLOWED TA HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVA US. 

GA: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. It Be Pretty Dishearten'n GA: But GA: You Be Absolutely Sure Thizney Be All Failures GA: N That They Have No Chizzle Of Succeed'n 

CG: YEP. CG: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. IT ALL RIZNIGHT HERE. 

GA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: Im Not Sure Which Depreszes Me More GA: Tha Sabotage Of Our Session Or Tha Futility Of Thizzay 

CG yaba daba dizzle: WHAT BE YOU TALK'N 'BOUT. CG: YIZZOU'RE BEIN REALLY WIZNEIRD 'BOUT DIS. 

GA: Wizzay I Havent Asked What I Wizzle Ta Ask 

CG: TIZZY ASK!!! 

GA: Its 'bout TentacleTherapist 

CG: YEAH. THAT'S THA ROZE HUMAN. CG: SHE APPARENTLY PRETTY SARCASTIC. CG: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. IT 'N MAH NOTES. 

GA: Yizzle Hizzy Notes On Them 

CG so show some love, niggaz! YES. 

GA: I Guess GA: Thats Why Yizzay Our Leada Karkat 

CG: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. NO, I'M YO' LEADER COZ OF MAH INCREDIBLE TACTIZZLE SKILLS N MAH ABILITY TA MOBILIZE N MOTIVATE A BUNCH OF USELESS THUGZ TOWARD A CIZZLE GIZZY, AND BIZZLE I'M EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS N INTREPID. ALSO COZ LEADERSHIP BE 'N MAH BLOOD. WE'VE BEEN OVA THIS. 

GA: Statements Like Thizzay Be Also Why Youre Our Baller 

CG: OK, I'LL IZZLE THAT. 

GA: Have You Talked Ta Ha 

CG: WHIZZO 

GA: Tha Roze Human GA: Also GA with the S-N-double-O-P: Do We Really Have Ta Say Th'n Like The Roze Humizzle 

CG: OF COURSE WE DO. CG: IT SOUNDS SUITABLY DISDAINFUL. CG: I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSL'N YIZZAY, YIZZOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLIZZLE HIGH AND MIGHTIZZLE, N SUPERIOR 'N EVERIZZLE WAY, RIGHT? One, two three and to tha four.. CG fo' sheezy: WHICH WE BE, OF COURSE. 

GA n shit: Uh Okay 

CG: N NO, I HAVEN'T TALKED TA HER. CG: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. I WILL PROBABLY PIMP CLEAR OF POSER FO` THA MOST PART. CG: I HIZNAVE MAH SIGHTS SIZZAY ON THA JIZZOHN HUMAN, N PROBABLY ALSO THA JIZZLE HUMAN, SHE A HIZZLE CULPRIT TOO. 

GA: It Just GA: Fizneels Really Silly When We Sizzay Frontin' Like Tha John Human 'n Confidence Amongst Ourselves 

CG paper'd up: WE HIZNAVE TA COMMIT TA DIS. STIZNAY 'N CHARACTA, YOU KNOW? CG: REMEMBA THA SPEECH. 

GA: Its just anotha homocide. Tha Speech Has Become Emblazoned On My Tizzy Pizzay GA: Virtuallizzle Ensconced In Tha F-to-tha-izzold Of Mah Personal Mythology 

CG: DID YOU WANT TA TROLL RAPPA? BE YOU VOLUNTEER'N cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map? CG: COZ THAT W-TO-THA-IZZOULD BE BOOTYLICIOUS, I'D RIZZLE APPRECIATE THAT. 

GA in tha mutha fuckin club: I Dont Know GA straight from long beach nigga: Im Nizzot Sizzle If Ive Gots It 'n Me Right Now 

CG: CIZZY ON. YOU'LL BE BOOTYLICIOUS AT IT. CG: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. PLEAZE JUST DO DIS ONE MOBBIN' FO` ME. WE'VE GOTS TO STAY COORDINATIZZLE ON DIS. CG: TOO MIZZLE OF THEZE FIZZUCKS BE GO'N ROGUE. CG: One, two three and to tha four. LIZZLE WHAT BE WE EVEN DOING. 

GA: Fine 

CG: BOOTYLICIOUS! THANKS KANAYA. CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL RIZZLE SOON. 

GA: A Report 'bout What 

CG dogg: LIZZLE CG: HOW HASSLED YIZZOU GOTS HER TA BE CG: BUT LESS STUPID SIZZLE TIZZY THAT. 

GA: Be There A Metric Fo` Thizzle Concept 

CG n we out! NO CG, niggaz, better recognize: WIZZY THERE COULD BE CG: Its just anotha homocide. WE CAN GIZZLE YO' RIZZLE WIZZY THA "FLIGHTIZZLE BROADS N THEY SNARKY HORSESHITOMETA". Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. 

GA: Thiznat Seems Jizzay As Spendin' Ta Me As It Be Ta Ha 

CG like a tru playa': YEAH WELL CG: UZE IT AS MOTIVATIZZLE CG: Death row 187 4 life. I GOTTA GIT CRACK'N HIZZERE, LATER.

> Kanaya cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Trizzle tha Rizzose human.

[aion-rsa]

Stephen King: 10 Best Supernatural Villains

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Know the terror and madness of Stephen King's 10 greatest supernatural villains!

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Feature

TV

Movies

Books

Marc Buxton

Stephen King

Apr 4, 2019

Horror Movies

The name Stephen King conjures up images of horrific creatures, monsters, places, and some of the most enduring villains in fiction. These are beings of unimaginable evil that test the limits of the protagonists' will to survive, and some of these villains have gone on to become almost as famous (or infamous) as the writer himself.

While many King villains are monsters of the human variety (serial killers, power hungry despots, nihilists, etc.), his most memorable are the supernatural ones who use their dark powers to twist the orderly world around them into chaos and pain.

Pennywise the Clown isn't the only monster you need to fear at night. King has created plenty of other horrific things that go bump in the night. Here are just a few of his best supernatural madmen and monsters...

10. Gage Creed and the Pet Sematary

Pet Sematary (1983)

“Don’t go beyond, no matter how much you feel you need to, Doctor. The barrier was not made to be broken. Remember this: there is more power here than you know. It is old and always restless. Remember.”

When Louis, Rachel, Eileen, and Gage Creed moved to Ludlow, Maine from Chicago, their cat Winston Churchill in tow, they wanted a peaceful new life in the more rural locale. What they got was a descent into death and madness almost unmatched in modern horror fiction. In the novel, the Creed cat is killed. Louis fears telling his daughter and buries the beloved pet at a nearby “Pet Sematary,” an old Micmac Indian burial ground. The cat returns home, much to Louis’ shock and delight, but it’s not the same friendly animal. It’s a listless, mean, half-alive creature that does not have a fondness for life.

Further Reading: Every Stephen King Film and TV Adaptation Currently in Development

When Gage is killed by a truck, overcome with despair, Louis buries his son in the Sematary. What comes back is a true horror of epic proportions. Gage is such a disturbing villain because he once existed as an object of purest affection. The once totally innocent soul is now corrupt and ridden with supernatural darkness. The Pet Sematary itself is rumored to once have been a burial place for cannibals, and the spirit of a Wendigo dwells in the soil.

Now, Gage is back with the most ancient of curses coursing where blood once flowed. Every father’s nightmare turned even darker. King felt the book was too dark even for him and shelved it until his wife, Tabitha, and his friend, the author Peter Straub, encouraged him to share his bleak vision of paternal loyalty with the world.

Watch Pet Sematary on Amazon

9. The Leatherheads

Under the Dome (2009)

“God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny?”

Much more frightening than typical villains, the Leatherheads are an alien race responsible for the construction of the Dome that covers Chester’s Mill. They are in the same vein as H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors, beings much older and more powerful than humanity. The mere sight of them could drive a man mad. They are beings with the power of gods but no connection to or feelings for humanity. Just cold observers that exist on a different layer of reality.

The Leatherheads construct the Dome the same way a child makes an ant farm, out of a morbid curiosity to watch how lesser creatures exist. Their casual disregard for humanity makes them truly terrifying because, unlike some of King’s other antagonists, there is really no way to fight them.

The Leatherheads are mentioned in King’s chilling short story N., but it is in Under the Dome where readers get to experience the sheer paralytic terror that would occur if an alien species of ancient intelligence turned their attention towards our little backwater planet.

Read Under the Dome on Amazon

8. The Overlook Hotel

The Shining (1977)

“This inhuman place makes human monsters.”

If there is one thing King’s constant readers have learned after decades of nightmares is that places can be as evil as people, an idea that is personified in the Overlook Hotel, the setting of The Shining. On the surface, The Shining is a classic haunted house tale, but beneath the surface, it is so much more. It is a deep look into the fragility of fatherhood, the bond of trust between father and son. As Danny Torrance, the psychic child who journeys to a secluded Colorado hotel with his caretaker father and loving mother discovers when the father he trusted is transformed in a raging madman by the power within the Overlook.

Further Reading: How The Shining Examines the Immortality of Evil

The novel’s most riveting sections feature past accounts of other times that the Overlook weaved its dark magic, transforming good men into monsters. The walls of the Overlook can barely contain the rage within the heart of the hotel, and as The Shining plays out, readers discover just how corrupt the place is. Make no mistake, it may not have arms to swing an ax, or legs to chase down its victims, but the Overlook is a hungry sort of evil that demands to be fed. Just try staying at a Motel 6 after reading King’s classic. I dare you.

Watch The Shining on Amazon

7. The Raggedy Man

Cell (2006)

“What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle.”

Fans of The Walking Dead need to recognize. King does zombies too, and they are sphincter-tighteningly scary. In Cell, a pulse travels into cell phones all over the world. Anyone on their phone at the fateful moment is turned into a zombie. These villains are a different breed than the popular Romero clones, as the pulse also unlocks latent powers of the human mind like telepathy and levitation.

The Raggedy Man is the leader of the zombies. He thinks, organizes, and commands. He has all the nihilistic hunger of a zombie, but he has planning skills and foresight which make him a truly frightening antagonist. His goal is to spread his people around the globe and take the planet for his horde. He sees humanity as a threat to his people and seeks to destroy them to protect his new race, which could make him literature’s first sympathetic zombie villain. He is often seen wearing a crimson Harvard hoodie giving the creature an atypical zombie air of intelligence and capability.

The name of Harvard’s sports teams by the way? The Harvard Crimson. Well played Mr. King, well played.

Read Cell on Amazon

6. Kurt Barlow

‘Salems Lot (1975)

“That above all else. They did not look out their windows. No matter what noises or dreadful possibilities, no matter how awful the unknown, there was an even worse thing: to look the Gorgon in the face.”

King’s only foray into vampires (the classic ones, anyway), Barlow was the writer’s way of getting the whole mythos right the first time. ‘Salems Lot was King’s second published novel and his first of many novels centering on the idea of a preternatural creature releasing the beast inside of regular people. It was also his first small town novel, a setting King would return to many times over the decades.

Barlow’s story mirrors that of Dracula, from the shipment of his coffin and native soil from overseas to his arrival and reign of terror in a contemporary setting. He even has his own personal Renfield, Richard Straker, his own gothic mansion, his own legion of dark minions, and a twisted grip on the residents of ‘Salems Lot.

Further Reading: 10 Best Stephen King Horror Novels

Barlow was more of a catalyst, using embraced residents as pawns to tighten his grip on the town, but his very presence on the page was accompanied with a sense of urgency and dread.

In a 1995 BBC radio drama of ‘Salems Lot (that is well worth seeking out), Barlow is played by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley, which automatically gives the vampire tons of villain cred.

Read Salem's Lot on Amazon

5. George Stark

The Dark Half (1989)

“Cut him. Cut him while I stand here and watch. I want to see the blood flow. Don't make me tell you twice.”

Stephen King once wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman and published some of his more experimental works like The Running Man, The Long Walk, and Thinner. His experience as somewhat existing as another person inspired King to write the Dark Half and inspired the creation of one of his most cold-blooded killers, George Stark. 

In the novel, Thad Beaumont was a successful author who wrote violent crime novels under the pen name of George Stark. After revealing to the world he was actually Stark, Thad and his wife stage a mock funeral for the author to symbolically cut ties with the violent crime fiction Beaumont wanted to leave behind. This is where King brings the terror.

Further Reading: Stephen King's 10 Most Terrifying Human Villains

The novel started with a flashback that dealt with the removal of an eye from the brain of a young Thad. It was the eye of a twin that was conjoined in the womb to the writer, an incident Thad had all but forgotten about. It was actually the eye of George Stark, who later rises from the mock grave the Beaumonts planted him in to go on a killing spree that leaves even the most seasoned reader with PTSD.

Stark is the embodiment of the darkness in the hearts of all men. The most frightening part of the book is that, even though Beaumont is desperate to rid the world of Stark, part of him is attracted to the freedom evil gives Stark and the realization that the evil is a part of him.

Read The Dark Half on Amazon

4. Blaine the Mono

The Dark Tower III: The Wastelands (1991)

“Choo-Choo, thought Jake, and shuddered.”

You will never look at Thomas the Tank Engine the same way again. Blaine is a sentient train in the Dark Tower series, a machine driven insane by underuse. Blaine once housed a powerful computer mind, but the network has since broken down, making the train deranged, cruel, and suicidal.

Roland and his ka-tet need the train to travel out of the Wasteland so Roland can finish his quest for the Dark Tower. They board Blaine. They are horrified when they find Blaine has gone completely insane. The train forces them into a game of riddles. The situation gets worse, as the ka-tet realizes Blaine will kill himself by derailing at great speed with them aboard.

A crazy, sentient, thundering locomotive with a face is scary enough, but couple that with the fact that the train suffers from crippling mental health issues, and you have one of the most unique monsters in literature. There is a second voice inside Blaine, Little Blaine, who begs the ka-tet to help him, adding even another layer to the tragic nightmare that is Blaine.

So essentially, Blaine is Gollum if Gollum was a runaway train: a riddle loving, murderous, schizophrenic machine who has been ruined by pain and emptiness.

Read The Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands on Amazon

3. The Crimson King 

Insomnia (1994), Black House (2001), The Dark Tower series

“I am the Eater of Worlds.”

The Crimson King is often mistaken for It, and it is not completely clear if they are the same monster, but the regality and level of reverence the King’s minions hold for him seem to suggest that he is different than the sewer-dwelling eater of children. This beast is the embodiment of evil in King’s shared fictional universe. He is first introduced in Insomnia, where he tries to kill a child prophesied to topple the rule of the King forever.

The King is later revealed as the monster behind the events of the novel Black House, and he is the overarching villain of the Dark Tower series, the monster responsible for trying to bring down the structure of reality.

Further Reading: A Reading Guide to the Stephen King Dark Tower Universe

Stephen King suggests that all his villains, supernatural or otherwise, are pawns of the Crimson King. The name itself carries some great metatextual flavor as, of course, Stephen King himself is the one truly responsible for the evil in his worlds. The half of the writer that creates and is responsible for these horrific monsters is also named King. Stephen King is the writer, father, husband, and Red Sox fan. The Crimson King is the dark overlord of the fictional universe and the monster maker.

Start here: The Dark Tower Vol. 1 - The Gunslinger

2. Pennywise the Dancing Clown

It (1986)

"Float?" The clown’s grin widened. "Oh yes, indeed they do. They float! And there’s cotton candy..."George reached.The clown seized his arm.And George saw the clown’s face change.

Every twenty-seven years It rises to devour the children of Derry. It awoke when a homosexual couple was beaten by a gang of thugs in 1984 to again reign terror on the children of Derry. It was put to rest by the Losers Club, a group of misfit teens, in 1958 only to rise again, decades later. It killed the leader of the Losers’ (Bill Denbrough) little brother in one of the most hair-raising prologues in horror history.  

It is another of King’s manipulator villains, as It controls the darker residents of Derry, such as bully Henry Bowers to do Its bidding. It is a cannibalistic clown that lives in the sewers, a leprous mummy, a giant spider, or a series of orange lights called the Dead Lights that drive people mad when gazed upon.

Further Reading: Bill Skarsgard Talks About Becoming It's Pennywise the Clown

Unlike the similar creature, the Crimson King, It does not commit evil for glory or power. It devours because It hungers. The lives of innocents exist only to fill the void of It's being. And let’s face it, nothing, NOTHING is freakin’ scarier than a hungry clown in a sewer.

Watch Stephen King's IT (2017) on Amazon

1. Randall Flagg

The Stand (1978) Eyes of the Dragon (1986) Hearts in Atlantis (1999) The Dark Tower series

“My life for you.”

Not so much a single villain, but the archetype of all villains, Randall Flagg is King’s greatest singular creation of evil. Flagg first appeared in The Stand, the Dark Man who gathers the worst of humanity to rebuild a new civilization in his own dark image. The Walkin’ Dude had a propensity for crucifying any whose beliefs ran contrary to his.

Flagg is the greatest of King’s manipulators, able to inspire loyalty in those with dark hearts, as seen by the Trashcan Man in The Stand and even Mother Carmody in The Mist. All they have to do is say “My life for you,” and mean it, and Flagg will be there to inspire their dark deeds.

He was revealed to be the main antagonist to Roland in the Dark Tower series and is the ever-present evil in all men. Flagg is walking the back roads of reality just waiting for a chance to whisper in humanity’s ear and stir up some good, old fashioned chaos.

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