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sio-writes · 27 days ago

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Botanist's Guide - Chapter 15

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Summary: Cassandra Rowland, PhD, finally has the chance to work on an experiment that really matters: growing Earth crops on another planet. But too many overdue reports and marked failures have put her in hot water with the board, and this is her last chance at redemption. So when she finds herself railroaded by a seven foot tall, glowing alien named Kri, it won’t be as easy as sticking some seeds in the soil and running them under the tap. Tack on the looming repossession of her lab contingent on her success in Kri’s reports, and Cassie realizes she may have her work cut out for her.

Tags: No new tags today, but Cassie really gets down on herself

Cassie Shower sex did not go as planned. In fact, Kri had simply wanted to forego anything physical and talk instead. I tried to use what little feminine wiles I still had to seduce him, but it was no use. Kri is playing some version of doctor/nurse/mother hen which leaves no room for "unhealthy coping mechanisms."

I knew scowling at him would do no good, so I sighed out my frustration and tried to appreciate the fact that he's only trying to help. I'd groaned to the ceiling and pushed Kri out of the shower, and then waited until he had dried off and left to see if I could work up the gumption to masturbate. The motivation, though, wasn't there and I stepped out of the shower unsatisfied and grumpy.

Bathing was nice though, I needed it. Hot water, nice-smelling soap. Kri had apparently texted Ari for Jillie to get me some new clothes and had them ready for me as I stepped out of the shower. I'm surprised at Kri's networking skills, and also a little intimidated.

I feel like I'm floating as I get dressed. Jillie brought me my favorite jeans and an old band t-shirt, my ultimate comfort outfit, but as I look at myself in the mirror I realize that I'll need more than just clothes. There's dark circles and bags under my eyes, I look pale, and I've chewed my nails down to the quick. I can feel my temper angrily pacing in the back of my mind, mumbling about things that need to get done.

I need to clean the greenhouse today, and find places for all the plants that aren't going to be mulched. My little planters are unfortunately in the later category, but the bigger ones I could try to sneak away with on their own. They'd fit right in with the plants at home, and I could continue the spirit of the experiment indefinitely. God, there's still so much to do, and I have so little time to do it. The lab comes after the greenhouse, and there's even more shit in there that's going in the garbage, too. I'll need boxes for the office and containers for the lab, and I have to clear space in my apartment now for the extra plants.

Thinking about everything makes my head spin, and the frustration of it all has fresh tears of blooming behind my eyes. No, I can't do this, I can't break down. Not today, not ever.

I take an unsteady inhale to push every ugly emotion wanting to surface, and jab my finger against my reflection. "You. Get your shit together."

There's a soft knock at the door, and Jillie's soft voice carries through. "Cass, you okay in there?"

My voice cracks as I respond, "Yeah, I'm good."

I push off the countertop and pass over to the door while wiping my face free of tears, opening it and letting the steam out into Kri's apartment. Jillie's still there, eyes wide and locked on me. She steps forward and wraps me in her arms, hugging me tight to her and burying her face in my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, hon."

Another deep breath from me, and I hug her back to let her know I'm functioning. "Yeah, it sucks."

She pats my arms reassuringly, and squeezes my shoulders, and I think the move is more for herself than me.

On the couch sit Kri and Ari, their heads bowed down so their antennae touch. Ari has on arm wrapped around Kri's shoulder, and another holding two of his hands as they both quietly speak in Universal. When I step out of the bathroom, though, they both stop immediately, watching me with wary eyes. Kri stands up, and I'm struck by a pang of irritation at that-- they were talking about me, or something else they didn't want the humans to hear, and it sets my teeth on edge.

I step around Julie and towards the exit. "We have to clean the lab today."

Jillie stops me halfway to the door, grabbing my wrist. "We have a few days to do that. How about some lunch first?"

I sigh through my nose. I need to get everything cleaned out, then I'll feel better, or at least I can go home and cry in the solitude of my own apartment. I turn on my heel and I'm met with three concerned faces. "Guys, I really want to just get everything cleaned out."

Kri chirps an anxious note as he rests a hand on my shoulder. "There's no hurry, why not eat first?"

His hand is meant to comfort, but instead another shock of annoyance courses through my system. I have to resist shrugging him off. "I really just want--"

"Cassie, please," Jillie says. "Humor us? Let us take care of you."

Et tu, Jillie? The thought of eating makes my stomach twist. I could barely get down the bread and fruit Kri shoved in my face, now I'm expected to eat again? I'm not in the mood to entertain a group of hovering nannies while I force down a sandwich. That shock of annoyance comes back, and I have to focus on my expression so I don't scowl. They won't let me do what I want to do, I'm going have to play their game until they're satisfied and leave me alone. After another moment to weigh my options, I roll my eyes and give in. "Fine."

At that, Jillie lights up, she even gives me a smile instead of a drawn in half-frown of concern. "You feelin' anywhere specific?"

I shrug. I'm really unfamiliar with the restaurants here, even the shops. I spend most days at the food court eating whatever is offered, and everything I need to live is supplied by the Outpost. Jillie, though, is socially active enough for the both of us, and has likely been to every restaurant and store twice over. She goes out here on Summanus more than she did on Earth.

Jillie gives me a strange look. Usually I'm all for finding somewhere to eat, but right now I just want to crawl back into Kri's super comfortable hammock and sleep for five days. I don't want to make any decisions.

Snap out of it, Cass. Be a better friend.

Back on Earth, I'd been given bad marks on assignments, failed tests, the usual. Rejection happens to even the best of us, not that I'm even close to the best, but I'm not new to the sting of it. Stephen was there to give me pep talks-- although, thinking back on it, he only did it to get me over the emotional slump and move on as fast as possible so we could focus on him. I can give myself a pep talk just fine, thank you very much, I just have to ignore the big part of my brain convinced that I do nothing but fall on my face.

To distract myself while they find somewhere to eat, I step over to Kri's bookshelf. Most of the books are in Universal, but I spy one in English and pick it up. It's an artbook; more specifically, a book on the Museum of Modern Art in New York. It's well-worn, with indentations in the thick spine and several bookmarked pages. Kri must have revisited this book a dozen times or more, if he marked out his favorites.

It's a side of Kri I'm unfamiliar with, and one I find infinitely fascinating. What else does he enjoy, besides art? Clearly he enjoys reading, too, but what kind of books? Does he like romance novels like I do? Our back-and-forth in Igrien was surface level, and thinking of the trip makes a foggy memory come to surface: his favorite color. He'd told me it was blue, like my eyes. I truly hadn't made the connection at the time, but now I want to smack myself for being so stupid. At the same time, though, I feel warm. It could be a coincidence, it could've been his favorite since he was born, or if it has anything to do with me, but I don't care.

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I open to the first bookmarked page. It's pop art, like I've read about from the 1970's, with bright screened half-tones on canvases as large as I am tall. There's an image of a white woman with curls of blonde hair and bright red lipstick, holding a matching red soda can with the label facing out. The image of the can is repeated as a border around the image in different colors. There's a passage that I skim, explaining the artist's process, their feelings on the creation of the art, and plans for future installations, and something about anti-capitalism.

The second bookmark makes me smile. It's a photo of a young black woman with vitiligo, wearing bright yellow underclothes that barely cover her breasts and groin. Her pose is simple, one leg propped up on a low block, the opposite hand planted on her hip. It looks like an advertisement for alcohol, if the setting was an art gallery. She's dark-skinned, and the vitiligo is a pasty white that goes all the way down to her feet, and Kri's fascination suddenly makes sense. The pattern almost looks like his.

A cleared throat to my right makes me jump, and I slam the book closed. It's only Kri; he hooks an arm around my waist and rests his head against my temple. "Is there a word for one who goes through another's things?"

A hot flash of shame locks me up. "Sorry."

"I'm only joking." He presses a kiss to my hair, and the tension in my muscles unwinds. "What did you find?"

"Your human obsession." I open back to that bookmark, and Kri makes a choked noise in the back of his throat.

"That is--uh, well--hmm," he says, rubbing the back of his neck before aborting an explanation. "It is not an obsession, I simply appreciate the aesthetics."

"Uh-huh," I say with a smile, my first smile since this morning. "Shall we go through the rest of your marked pages?"

"No no--" he grabs the book from my hands, closing it and stepping around me to place it back on the shelf. "How about…" He searches the shelf for a moment, so I glance behind me at the others. Ari and Jillie are bent over Ari's phone, scrolling through restaurants. One of Ari's hands is resting on Jillie's shoulder, and they're leaned in close together as they search. I wonder at what their relationship is, and I want to ask, be nosy. They must feel me staring, and both look up at me at the same time.

Jillie raises her eyebrows. "How about Indian food?"

The hoverbus that takes us is crowded and hot, and the person behind me keeps kicking my seat to whatever music they're listening to. I grind my teeth the whole way there and try not to think too much about what I need to do, but I do anyway. Why did The Board fail me? There was progress. It was small, but very present, and they saw that. Why wasn't I good enough? Who do these people think they are, cutting an experiment so new it's not even off the ground?

The good mood from Kri's apartment has all but disappeared once we walked out the door. It felt like the balloon holding up my mood suddenly had a brick tied to the end, and then plunged into the ocean. Kri seemed to have backed off once we left, and I understand he's giving me space, but I wish he wouldn't. His presence isn't as abrasive as the others, not that I dislike them, but Jillie can be…a lot sometimes. I love her, but I'm someone who needs quiet once in a while.

We end up at a small restaurant in the Chem Building run by the Outpost. It looks like it seats maybe fifty people max, with a small but well-stocked bar at the far end.

"Oh thank god, I need a drink," I say, pushing past the others to make a beeline for the bar, but a small hand around my wrist stops me mid-step. It's Jillie, her face pinched in concern.

"Maybe that's not the best idea?"

I roll my eyes, jerking my hand out of her grip as my anger spikes. "Seriously, Jill? I can't have a fucking drink with lunch?" She flinches back, and I immediately feel bad. I've yelled at Jillie once, and only once, and swore to never do it again. I collect myselfwith a deep breath and correct my words, "No, no, you're right. Probably not a good idea."

We're told we can sit wherever we like, and Ari grabs us a half booth with two chairs on one side. The cushions are soft and it's relatively secluded, but I find it hard to appreciate. How many more fuck ups can I make in one day, I wonder? Maybe I should just stop talking.

I take the first of the booth seats, assuming Kri and Ari will take the chairs because of their wings. But Kri sits next to me, and Ari slides in next to Jillie, who then sits opposite me. I feel trapped, boxed in and under pressure to do…something. I'm not sure what, yet. In very human fashion, Kri stretches his upper arm over my shoulder, resting it on the back of the booth. I feel his wings poke at my back, slightly extended to accommodate the booth, but he doesn't look uncomfortable or stiff. I try to move forward to give his wings more room.

A young woman introduces herself as our waiter and takes our drink orders, and I float through it like I floated through dressing earlier. Menus are handed out, and I notice that Kri and Ari's are in Universal, the squiggly lines of the language stand stark against the several English words that couldn't be translated. I sneak a peak at Kri's menu, curious, and he tilts the large sheet of laminated paper towards me so I can see. I feel his other right hand move to rest over my thigh, from the inside of my knee upwards, and before I can pretend to be scandalized he turns his wrist and opens his palm for me to take. I slip my hand into his, his fingers slotting between mine, and I feel stabilized for the first time in days.

"I've never eaten here before, what is good?" Ari asks, scanning their own menu before turning it facedown at the end of the table.

Jillie repeats Ari's action, then props her elbows on the table and folds her hands under her chin. "Indian food can get spicy, do ya'll like spice or not?"

Ari shakes their head while Kri nods, and Jillie nods in understanding. She turns to Ari, "You'll like butter chicken or tikka masala. Kri," she turns to him, "Get whatever speaks to you."

Kri chuckles as he flips the menu over, and then tilts it for me to see. It isn't a requirement to learn Universal to come to Summanus, human vocals have a hard time with some the tonal sounds. But the fun part of being discovered by an alien species, as the ento did us, is that they already decided to learn a handful of Earth languages before landing. It scared the hell out of the first contact scientists. In my early days of training at NASA, I took the course on the language hoping to get a leg up in applications, but nothing stuck. Very similar to my lessons on Korean, I've forgotten most of it outside of a few key words, like "hello," or "fuck off."

"Drink," I say, pointing at the word on the menu. It's something a toddler would do, yet I feel too numb to worry about embarrassing myself. I want to impress Kri with my knowledge of his language.

Kri smiles down at me, "Yes, that's right," and I blame the sudden heat in my face on the close quarters. "Do you have any recommendations?"

I know he's trying to distract me, pretend everything is normal, and it's a little overbearing but I think I can handle it. I look down at our linked hands. "I like tandoori chicken, and biryani is always tasty. If you're feeling veggie options I've heard aloo gobi is good, and you can adjust the spice level."

Kri hums in thought and flips the menu over to study it. I feel bad that he's down to half his hands and try to unlace our fingers, but Kri softly locks his down, making escape impossible. It's soft, like he's afraid of hurting me. He squeezes my hand reassuringly without taking his eyes off the menu and suddenly, our hands feel like a secret between us. It's pretty obvious by the way we're sitting, but the small movements of his against mine are our own, something only we'll know. I return with a squeeze of my fingers.

When the waitress brings us our drinks, the conversation dies down. I think Jillie was expecting Kri or me to talk, but I'm not feeling very chatty. It leaves a hole in the interaction, like a tear in a stocking. I stay safe and order tikka masala, but that's the extent of my attention span, and I wind up staring down at the table.

I'm exhausted, but I'm also wired. Everything to do is still on my mind, everything that still needs to be done, and we're just sitting here. Sitting around like nothing matters, and I'm growing more anxious by the minute. Kri squeezes my hand again, but I don't squeeze back. When our meals come I don't feel like eating anymore. I pick at it, rolling the chicken in the sauce as Jillie talks to Ari through a mouthful of food.

"This tastes like the creckt from home." Ari says. "'Asxu, taste." They push their bowl towards Kri, who takes it in one hand and grabs a bite with the other. His eyes light up and he hums in exclamation.

"Indeed it does! Here, try mine," he says, pushing his bowl forward.

"No, thank you, it's searing my eyes from over here."

Kri shrugs and says something in Universal that makes Ari scoff and smile. Kri reaches over and easily steals another piece of chicken from their plate. It's strange, watching Kri pick off Ari's plate, like how girls in high school would flirt with the boys. It sets me on edge, watching a tradition I know very little about. It could be cultural or just between them, I'm not sure which, but that fact of it doesn't make me feel any better.

Julie breaks the silence, "Ya'll come from the same town, right? What's home like for you guys?"

Shame twists my stomach before I can sort it away. The last time I asked Kri about his life was in Igrien, and I made him sad thinking about V'les. Since then it's been about nothing but me and my issues, and I hate to think I've been such a bad girlfriend after so little time has passed.

Kri speaks up, "We are from Lethien, about 300 kilometers, ah, Northwest?" he looks to Ari for confirmation, who only shrugs in response. "It's a small mining village built into a mountain and surrounded by forests."

"That sounds gorgeous," Jillie says.

Ari nods again. "In the summer, yes. Spring too. But the winters I do not like."

That piques my interest, and I want to say something, ask about their home, but Jillie beats me to it. "Ooh, Cassie you grew up in Maine, aren't the winters there bad too?"

"Um, yeah."

Jillie waves her hand dismissively. "She's downplaying it. Maine is up north so it sees harsh winter. Northwest of here…Ya'll farm, like, staple crops, right?"

Ari nods. "The Athena Grain that's in most breads. We also have three kinds of berry bushes that grow naturally in the area. 'Asxu is fond of the grengish berry." They turn to briefly acknowledge Kri, whose hand falters against my own as Jillie chuckles.

They keep pretending like everything is normal, like my life hasn't been uprooted. Part of me wants to scream, part of me wants to cry, but mostly I just stare at the table and say nothing. The same touch of annoyance comes back to nibble at my conscious as they continue to talk around me. I don't feel in touch with any of them, not even Jillie. I feel isolated and far away.

We finish lunch without issue, and I digest my half-eaten chicken on the walk to the lab. It only takes about ten minutes, but it's ten minutes of conversation, pointless talking, and things I'm not part of. Julie asks more questions about Lethien, and each one is a stab in my chest with a knife that says, You're a subpar friend and girlfriend.

We step into the lab and a heavy weight settles over my shoulders. My lab isn't mine anymore, it belongs to the Outpost. Well, it always belonged to the Outpost, but there's white tape criss-crossed over the counter like police tape. There's no text on it, just a shiny finish that reflects my face back at me at weird angles. "I feel like I'm being evicted."

Beside me, Kri frowns in confusion. "It is not. You will continue to live at your apartment."

I sigh. "I know, I was just being dramatic." No jokes allowed, I guess. "Let's get started." I grabbed a box of garbage bags from the apartment's convenience store on the way over, and tears begin to well in my eyes as I pull out the first one. I push my tears down. I can cry tomorrow, where I can properly process it.

"Lets grab what we want to keep, first." Jillie says, delegating the other two. "Electronics, hardware, anything not owned by the Outpost-- Cass, not that!" She stops me before I grab a single planter, my hand hovering over it. It's just a cup of dirt that I assumed would be composted.

"This is garbage, it didn't even germinate," I reply, following through to pick it up and put it in the bag.

Jillie pouts, her lower lip pushed out. "I had a system…" I look to Kri and Ari, who don't respond, so I guess I'm outnumbered. I sigh again, and pull my hand back.

"Fine." I let the trash bag fall from my hand. "My laptop's already been returned to the Archive."

"Yeah yeah, I turned mine in too," she waves me off as she scans the desktop for electronics. She picks up a microscope and sets it back down. That's not ours.

It soon becomes clear that Jillie intended to take the lead from the beginning, organizing every item into huge, unmanaged piles of "Keep," "Outpost," and "Trash." It works, I suppose, but the piles are so close together they're starting to fall into one another and we're going to have to sort through them all over again. Her system left us with too many cooks, so I wound up leaning against what was once my desk and watching her and Ari sort through the past half year of my life.

On my side, though, is Kri again. Normally, I'd be annoyed, but he's not hovering over my shoulder, he's not trying to talk to me, he's just standing half a step away. It's hands-off, not really like his style, but I can appreciate it. It doesn't do much against the visuals in front of me, though, so I resign myself to grinding my teeth and fighting back tears. There's no point in resisting anymore, there's no point in trying to salvage things, there's no point in trying anymore. I don't even have my music to cut the silence.

"Cass, what do you want us to do with this?" Jillie asks, holding up the stack of paper that contains my report. It's at least an inch thick, full of mistakes.

"I don't care," I say with a shrug. She'd just thrown away all my pictures of the planters that hadn't made it to the slideshow presentation. All my hard work, right in the trash. I grind my teeth and push back another wave of tears. Without ceremony, Jillie dumps it all into the garbage pile, where a few flutter to the ground.

She continues piling up piece after piece until the lab returns to its original appearance, sparkly clean, just like the day it was assigned to me. Just like I predicted, we had to sort through things again as the piles had started to blend together, taking twice as long as it should've.

I volunteer to carry the first bags to the trash compacter, where I had to throw out Emmie the MP3 player. I drop the bags into the chute, and turn away before I can consider throwing myself in behind them, and stand there, in the hallway. The 'Keep' pile in the lab is so small, just enough to carry in my arms and back to…I'm not sure. I can't keep the equipment in my apartment, there's barely enough room for me. We'll probably donate it to the Outpost, and then what?

I look down at my hands. Going back to the lab isn't an option anymore. The door is going to close in my face for the last time, and it's going to break something in me. Instead, I turn to the right, take the stairs down, and leave the building. I need to talk to someone else.

At my apartment, I toss my keycard on the kitchen table and I pull out my laptop and sign into StarNet, the network that allows communication to Earth. It's used primarily to send scientific data back to NASA, but we recently got an update to allow video, at least for a few minutes. I last used it months ago to talk to my folks. I'd told them about Project EVA being approved, the audit, how excited I was to get started. They don't know about anything else, not because I kept it from them, but because I ever took the time to call them about it, and I admit that I was apprehensive telling them about my relationship with Kri. Technically, he was in a position of power over me, and it's not ethical to start a relationship with a power imbalance, that's what NASA told us, at least.

I check the time and mentally calculate that would mean for my parents-- and it's just after dinner there. I dial their address, and dad picks up after the second ring. "Cass! It's been a minute!"

Hearing his voice hits me with a wave of emotion and my chest heaves. I can't break down yet. Still, it makes me miss them. "Hi, Dad."

"Oh no, sweetheart, what happened?"

I'm A Daddy's Girl through and through, he's always been able to read me like a book, especially my moods.

He leans back to reveal Mom puttering around in the background, and I recognize that the laptop is set up the kitchen. "Is that Cassie? Cassie, hi! I love you, baby!" She waves at me with a long spoon, splattering red sauce everywhere. Behind them, out the window, I see the crescent Earth peeking around the corner of the window.

I miss Earth, a little more than usual. There's no fast food on Summanus, nothing from Earth at least, NASA wanted to keep commercialism to a minimum when setting up the Outposts, so all the restaurants are privately owned. But damn, I miss gobbling down french fries from the deep fryer, covered in salt.

I can only muster a half-smile. "Hi, Mom."

Dad asks again, his face coming back into frame, "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

My chest feels like it's going to cave in as another wave of emotion washes over me. "The experiment failed, Dad. I've lost my lab, and my greenhouse."

There's no point in hiding things anymore, and I recount the events of the experiment. I carefully leave out Kri to save myself more heartache, but I know it's going to come up later. They'll ask, and I'll have to answer, but I'm going to put it off for as long as possible. When I reach the presentation, the letter of determination, and the notice of failure, both Mom and Dad are crowded around the camera, faces drawn down in concern.

"Sounds like it was a success, though," Mom says after I finish recounting cleaning up the lab.

I sigh. "Technically, it was, it just wasn't fast enough."

"That auditor they sent probably didn't help, I bet he was an ass."

That makes me chuckle. "Yeah, at first, but it turned out to be a misunderstanding. His name is Kri, and he's actually very kind."

"Oh, are you two friends?" She says the word friends like she means something else. It's a distraction from the talk of the experiment, but I don't mind.

I fiddle with my hands shyly. "We're actually…seeing each other."

"After the experiment, right?" Dad asks, drawing it out suspiciously.

I chuckle again, but awkwardly. "Well…"

Mom gasps, scandalized. "Cassie! That's incredibly unprofessional."

"I know, I know."

They both give me a look of mock-disapproval, but Mom's fades almost instantly. Dad's though, only becomes stern. Mom lightly smacks him on the shoulder. "Give her a break, Daniel, she's had a hard few months."

Dad scoffs, but doesn't say anything else. Mom pushes past him, "So, what's he like?"

I smile at her eager face on screen. She's always been supportive of my relationships. "He's an ento--"

"Ooh what color? Wait-- Is that rude to ask?"

"I don't think so. He's blue and black, about seven feet tall, big wings. He's actually a botanist like me, except I think he did field work, and then got promoted to auditor. He likes art, and he's really smart." For a brief moment, I feel like a teenager again, telling my parents about my crush. Then, like being hit by a truck, that feeling of inadequacy comes back full force, and I go quiet. I'm not good enough for him, I shouldn't be here. Before I can stop it, tears are falling down my face

"Cassie, honey, don't cry. Crying won't solve anything," Mom says firmly. She in Psychiatrist-Mode, and that means no big emotions. I sniff back the next set of tears, pushing my emotions down as she guides me through a breathing exercise. I wipe my eyes, sit up straight, and try to calm myself down. At the end of it, Mom says, "You need to start looking for a job."

"I know, Mom."

Dad leans in. "Do you need someone to look at your resume?"

I shake my head. "There's a database that keeps all our work data. Cuts down on paper."

They both nod in understanding. "Well, now you know what you need to do, you've got your orders," Mom says, half-joking. By the time we hang up, another half-hour has passed where they update me on their life on the moon. They show me their new kitten, Tyson, a gray Maine Coon that hasn't realized he's on the moon and keeps yowling to be let outside. Macy, their three-year-old German Shepherd, has tried to make friends with Tyson, but Tyson isn't big enough to romp with a forty-pound dog yet. I push down more emotions, and by the time we're waving goodbye, I'm exhausted. Still, I remind myself, I need to find Jillie and apologize for disappearing. They took the rest of the garbage out by themselves, cleaned the lab, and returned everything to the Outpost that needed returning.

The door closes behind me, and I instantly realize my mistake. My fucking keycard for the door is on the table.

Fuck. Fuck!

I kick my door, forgetting for a moment that it's steel, so when my toe makes contact I scream. The pain lances up my leg and I reel back and hold my foot. "Ow, ow, bad idea, son of a bitch--" Of course. Of course this happened to me. Was I supposed to expect differently?

God damn it.

Down the hall is a call station, a cutout in the wall with buttons for Emergency Services, the Fire Department, and Maintenance. I hit Maintenance and hold the phone to my ear as it rings. A sleepy-voiced man answers. "Hello, Sagan Building Maintenance."

"Hi, I'm in 407-C, I need my door unlocked. My name is Cassandra Rowland, Code 6702."

The man sighs, not annoyed but like he's standing after not having moved for very long. I hear him shuffling through papers and typing something into a keyboard. "Alright Ms. Rowland, my buddy Scott will be there in a few minutes."

"Thank you." I rest the phone on the receiver to hang up. I can't go find Jillie now, even though she's probably back at her apartment. Out of things to do, I look up and down the hallway, empty. I pat my pockets one more time, just to make sure I didn't stupidly just leave my keys in there. They're also empty, and I'm oddly comforted by it. At least I didn't rope someone else into my existential crisis.

For lack of anything to do, I walk back to my door and sit on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs. My boobs get in the way of resting my chin on my knees, so I let my head fall back against the door and stare at the ceiling.

God, I feel so stupid. After everything that's happened today, I had to lock myself out. I've never done this before, not in the three years I've been here. I lose my keys, I can't write reports, I can't even grow plants, which is my whole job. I'm not good at much of anything, am I?

I groan against the door of my apartment and thunk my head against it. Fuck.

After another few minutes of stewing in silence, I feel a presence at the end of the hallway, an ento if my ears are to be trusted. I don't look at them, I don't care who it is, I don't care how I look, I don't care if I get any weird glances.

They stop in front of me-- It's Kri. I'm almost relieved. His head blocks the harsh fluorescent of the hallway, casting his face in a soft halo of light. He says softly, "I hope I'm not intruding."

"As long as I can just sit here on the floor," I grumble into my arm. I'm not in the mood to be carried to three different places again. "How'd you know where I went?"

"I didn't," Kri says, still soft. "This was the third stop." He moves to sit next to me, wings extending to accommodate the floor. He wraps an easy arm over my shoulder, and I allow myself to scoot into his embrace. "I think…avoiding the problem is not advised."

I snap my head to face him. "I'm not avoiding--!" I stop myself with a sigh, cognizant of the space we're in. There's other people living here, probably sleeping. "I just wanted to clean the lab." I sniff and rest my head against the door again, and I think of the beach before a tidal wave. The water has receded from the shoreline, which means something ugly is coming. I've been pushing things down so much today, I don't have in it me to resist anymore. Kri rests his head on mine, his cheek on my hairline, and reaches for my hand like he did at the restaurant. I take it and interlace our fingers, the points of contact helping ground me.

Kri doesn't answer right away, and I feel him shift to look at me. He's examining my face in my periphery, until he lets out a sigh and returns to resting his head on mine. "I'm sorry. I thought having direction would help your mood."

I sigh heavily through my nose. "I appreciate everyone trying to help, but my mood wasn't going to change in a different setting. I wasn't suddenly going to be happy."

"I understand that now. Similar tactics were of use on me, and they worked well."

"When?"

He pauses, and I feel his jaw working against my temple. "After V'les died, I was inconsolable. Ari kept me distracted, which kept me from falling into despair. I'd hoped for the same results for you."

I sigh again. "I'm sorry. I know you were all trying to help, I just didn't want it."

"Can I offer you anything now?"

After a moment of indecision, I realize what Kri is doing. He's giving me the option, which is really all I wanted in the first place. An opposite hand comes up and brushes a curl of hair from my eyes, and he looks at me with an expression of deep concern. It's for me, he's worried about me. This level of gentleness is too much, and I feel my walls crumbling. I'd been holding them up all day, but now the day is over, and I'm tired. I sniff, feeling a tsunami on the horizon, and when tears start falling, I can't stop them. I'm hit full force by everything that's happened today, and I start to sob in earnest. Kri doesn't say anything, only holds me tighter.

"I lost my greenhouse," I gasp between breaths. "I lost my lab, my job."

His voice is low, sympathetic. "I know. I'm sorry." He wipes away my tears with the opposite hand, turning his torso into mine to reach, forming kind of a protective cocoon against the outside world. It's a futile effort, one he realizes after a few moments of my tears spilling over his hands and onto the floor. I'm being wrung out like a wet washcloth, my shuddering breaths only serving to egg me on more. Kri rubs my back, offering hums of appreciation, active listening noises, but doesn't force anything.

I find a break in to storm to apologize, "I'm sorry, Kri."

He brushes another curl from my face. "Why?"

"For being," I gesture vaguely to all of me. "This."

His expression turns confused. "What, human? You should be proud to be human, you're one of the hardiest species on Earth. The universe throws so much at you, and yet you keep standing up again."

"I'm so tired of being knocked down." First Stephen, now this. I'm pretty pathetic. "I don't want to get back up."

"But you must."

"I know," I whine in earnest, wiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand. "But it's so hard."

"That is what makes it amazing."

We sit there for a moment in silence that's occasionally punctuated by my disgusting sniffling. I disagree with Kri, I'm nothing amazing, just a botanist with rotten luck.

"May I offer a word of encouragement?"

I sniff again, feeling the tears beginning to lessen. I must be running out. "Go for it." His thumb rubs comfortably over my shoulder, providing encouragement.

He kisses my temple, and squeezes encouragingly. "It's going to be alright."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

A strange sensation-- I should be crying, but I'm tapped out. My nose burns and my eyelids twitch, but nothing comes after, except maybe a wayward sniffle. The sensation I feel is much like how I felt at the restaurant after Kri had grabbed my hand. The eye of the storm. The deeper waters underneath are finally still. "Thank you."

"Of course." He kisses my temple again, and I'm filled with warm affection.

We sit in the hallway like that, Kri comforting me with those small circles on my shoulder, not talking. We don't say anything, not when maintenance comes to unlock my door, or when we step inside and close the door behind me. I walk into the kitchen and pull two glasses from the cabinet, and I fill them with water from the sink.

I empty the glass, then I set it down. "Do you wanna stay here?" Kri looks apprehensive, standing in the space between living room and kitchen like he doesn't know what to do. If there's some ento or cultural protocol that goes with inviting someone else into your home, I'm too tired to remember it. "You're welcome to sleep over, but I'll warn you, I'm a blanket hog."

At that, Kri seems to relax a bit. His shoulders slump and he takes a long sip of his water before clearing his throat. "My body temperature is hotter than yours, so that shouldn't be an issue." His straightforward tone reminds me of his early days with us, and it makes me smile.

After I quickly change into pajamas and crawl into bed, I feel the last of my energy evaporate. My mattress is comfortable, my pillow feels like a cloud. I leave space enough for Kri to crawl in next to me, and he does so and faces me on his side. I move closer and tuck my head into his shoulder, breathing in the scent of rain. I feel myself relaxing as both arms curl around me and pull me in, and as I fall asleep, I feel safe and cared for.

Chapter 16 >>

#my writing #A Botanist's Guide #monster romance #teratophillia #monster boyfriend #exophillia #scifantasy #alien x human #alien boyfriend

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maddieautobot273 · 1 year ago

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Silk & Cologne - Christmas Special (1)

Title: All I Want For Christmas Is You - link to AO3 (X)

Chapter 1/10 - Seasons Greetings

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Female OC

Words: 2.3K+

Summary: It's the holiday season, and after a very convincing video message from Miles, Lisa, Miguel and the rest of the Spider-gang decide to spend the holidays at Aunt May's cottage in Buffalo. But slowly things start to go horribly, and magically, wrong, and Lisa becomes worried the perfect Spider-Christmas could be ruined. All she wants for Christmas is to spend it with her Spider-Family, especially Miguel.

////////

“Is this thing on? Okay, okay, we’re rolling!”

Miles Morales backs away as the camera of his phone records him standing close to Aunt May, an arm wrapped around her shoulder. There’s a wide smile on his face as the both of them appear to be outside in the snow, dressed comfortably for the weather.

“Happy Holidays everyone! I know this is a bit of short notice with Christmas being a few weeks away, but I’m over visiting Aunt May for the weekend and she gave me the coolest idea! We’re over at her family’s cottage manor in Buffalo helping her move some stuff and we were thinking. . . why not invite you guys over here for Christmas? The entire weekend, we can all just hang out here! We can hang out, watch some holiday films, make and eat awesome food, and even open and exchange gifts!”

Aunt May chuckles at the boy's excitement. Miles was literally acting like a kid on Christmas. It was honestly the most adorable thing Lisa had ever seen. She leaned back in her seat, watching the video message.

“Again, it’s short notice, but there’s plenty of room for everyone in the gang to come down. Even superheroes could use a break for the holidays, you know? I’ll text everyone the address and just RSVP if you can make it! I know ya’ll want to! Laterz!”

The video message ends with Miles giving Aunt May bunny ears and she laughs at his antics. Lisa chuckles softly at the end card, snuggled in her blanket on the couch in the apartment. Though it was originally Miguel’s apartment, he has since decreed it was their apartment ever since Lisa moved in with him just 6 months ago.

The pair had talked things over and things were going really well after dating for just over two years. So much so that Miguel brought up the idea of them moving in together. He had been such a saint with helping her move in and adjust, making any accommodations and changes if needed.

Lisa loved Christmas, and especially loved decorating for it. She thought Miguel would have a heart attack at the idea of decorating, at least to the level that Lisa wanted, so they compromised and Lisa even brought Miguel along with her while shopping so he could pick out decorations and lights that he’d like. The one downside about his spider-powers was being sensitive to harsh lights, so unfortunately you can't use certain holiday gizmos.

The entire living space was decked out and decorated for the holiday season, complete with a tree with some presents already underneath waiting to be opened. A good mix of holiday cheer and calm modern aesthetic, it was really beginning to look a lot like Christmas. This was their first major holiday together under the same roof.

The ultimate relationship test.

Lisa scrolled through the group chat. It seemed the rest of the Spider gang were on board with the idea. Even Jess, who looked like her baby was due in a matter of weeks, which meant Lisa and Miguel were the only ones that hadn’t responded. Would Miguel want to go?

Keys rattling caught her ear as she glanced over in the direction to the front door of the apartment. Miguel stepped through the doorway and shut it behind him, his coat slightly damp from the flurry of snowflakes falling from the sky outside. “Mi amor, I’m home,” He announced, his voice warmer than any fire roaring in a fireplace. - My love

Lisa smiled sweetly as she shoved the blanket off of her, sitting up as she walked over to meet with Miguel. “Hi honey,” Her voice was sweet as honey before she gently cupped his face, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Shock, you’re so warm. . .” Miguel smiled into it, humming in delight as his hands wrapped around her waist. “I’m not late am I? Traffic coming home was awful. I swear, half of the people in this city don’t know how to drive in the snow,”

“You’re fine, Miguel, we’re not meeting Gabriel and Dana for dinner for another hour or so,” Lisa reassured him, helping him take his coat off. “You have time to shower and clean up,”

Miguel sighed in relief, “Thank you mi Mona Lisa,” Shaking off the chill from outside, Miguel tossed his keys on the counter as he sauntered down the hall, crossing the living room towards their master bedroom to use their shower when he glanced over and saw the Christmas tree. “Hey, you finished decorating it!”

“Just a few minutes ago, yes!” Lisa smiled proudly, admiring her work with the assortment of lights, ornaments and streamers. “I saved the star for you,”

“You are a gem,” Miguel smiled at her as he undid his tie, “Pass it over,”

With a bright smile on her face, Lisa reached for the star and brought it over to Miguel who met her half way as they both stood before the tree. Taking the star from her delicate hand, Miguel reached up and put the star on top of the tree. It starts lighting up, matching the glow of the other lights on the tree.

“Now it’s complete!” She beamed.

“You are so adorable,” Miguel chuckled softly as he wrapped an arm around Lisa’s shoulders, kissing her temple before looking up to admire the tree. “It looks wonderful, Lisa. You’re actually getting me into the Christmas spirit,”

“You never did before you met me?” Lisa asked him with a genuine curiosity.

“I mean, sure, Gabriel and I would plan little get-togethers here and there over the years, but,” Miguel brushed off the question initially, shaking his head before he glanced down at her with a soft smile, a glimmer in his eyes. “I just have a good feeling about this year is all,”

“Our first Christmas together,” Lisa smiled back at him, gently cupping his face that was now finally starting to warm up from the harsh cold weather outside. “We’re going to have so much fun, I promise!”

“I don’t doubt you for a second,” Miguel grinned, holding her close. “I can start to picture it now. Waking up on Christmas morning with you in my arms, oh, I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you open your gifts,”

“As am I with you opening yours,” Lisa matched the twinkle in his eyes before patting his chest, gently shoving him away. “Now go shower and get ready, guapo,” - handsome

“Yes ma’am,” Miguel smirked as he pecked her lips before pulling away, making his way into the master bedroom. He stripped himself of his clothes as he walked into the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind as he turned the water on. “Oh, before I forget! I actually have some news!”

“Really?” Lisa exclaimed, both at his announcement and at the sight of his clothes left on the floor. She rolled her eyes before picking them up and throwing them in the laundry hamper. “I actually have some news of my own too,”

“Care to share?” He called out from the bathroom.

“You go first,” She smiled over her shoulder as Lisa opened their closet and rummaged through his clothes, picking out an outfit for him.

“Remember that business trip I was telling you about? The conference with some other companies that partner with Alchemax?” He asked her.

“Yeah, I remember you mentioning it the other week,” Lisa recalled as the conversation replayed in her head as she laid out Miguel’s clothes on the bed. “It’s in Washington D.C. I think. You said your co-worker was going, right? Oscar?”

“That’s the thing,” Miguel huffed, steam beginning to build up in the bathroom. “Oscar caught a bad case of food poisoning earlier today. Had to go to the emergency room,”

“Oh gosh!” Lisa’s eyes widened at the realization. Food poisoning was never fun. “Is he going to be okay?”

“Thankfully, yeah, but the poor guy is like a zombie so he can’t go on the trip anymore,” Miguel finished rinsing off as he shut the water off. Lisa could hear him shuffling around for a towel as he dried off before stepping back into the bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist. “Meaning. . . the board has asked me to take his place,”

“Wait, really?” Lisa shot up, gasping as she covered her mouth.

“Turns out I was their runner-up,” Miguel shrugged casually, but there was a prideful grin on his face as he approached Lisa, his well-toned, heroic body bare for all to see. “They were really impressed with my report from our last big project,”

“Oh, Miguel, that's wonderful news!” Lisa smiled brightly as she jumped up and hugged him, squeezing Miguel as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “That’s what I call a Christmas miracle,”

“It is!” Miguel chuckled softly as he returned the embrace before pulling away, his smile lowering. “But the trip is pretty close to the holiday. . .”

“It’s one week before Christmas right?” Lisa asked him as she handed Miguel his pants and underwear.

“Uh, actually. . .” Miguel took the clothes and sat down, slipping his towel off as Lisa stepped around the bed to give Miguel a moment of privacy as she straightened his shirt. “They moved the date,”

“What? To when?” Lisa asked him as she tilted her head up to look at his backside.

And what a backside that was~

“Um. . .” Lisa could see Miguel’s skin heat up as he turned to look at her, his cheeks red. “I fly back on Christmas Eve. . .”

“You’re kidding?!” Lisa shot up.

“There’s a storm coming in the area the week the conference was supposed to be held so they pushed it back,” Miguel rubbed the back of his neck nervously before tugging up his pants, sitting up. “The conference ends on the day before and I managed to book the first flight out back to the city that I could find, a lot of flights are booked already,”

Lisa sighed, glancing up at him as she picked up his shirt. “That’s holiday travel for you,”

“Hey,” Miguel spoke up as he stalked around the bed, gently taking the shirt off Lisa’s hands, talking as he slipped it on. “I know it might not be the first big Christmas holiday together that we wanted, but we’ll make it work. I’ll make it work,”

Lisa crossed her arms over her chest, a worried look on her face as she seemed unconvinced.

“Let me put it like this,” Miguel offered her a smile as he buttoned up his shirt, and took his sweet time doing it. “I’ll finish my Christmas shopping and send them back over before I leave. Then when I do get back home, we’ll have a romantic candlelight dinner, cuddle up in those cute matching PJ’s you got us–”

“How did you find them?!” Lisa gawked. “I was saving them for Christmas morning!”

Miguel laughed at her reaction. “Just be thankful I haven’t spoiled and found out what you got me for actual gifts,” he winked.

Lisa huffed, although she couldn’t help but grin when Miguel reached a hand out, delicately taking her chin and pulled her closer to him.

“Maybe I’ll get too excited and can’t wait until morning and give you a few of my gifts,” He smirked, the look he gave her sending a chill down Lisa’s spine. “Let’s just say for one of them, Santa Claus can’t exactly wrap it,”

Lisa’s cheeks flushed, her eyes widening as Miguel’s lips brushed against hers in a teasing, yet tender kiss. “Okay. . .” Her smile curled, her expression turning goofy like a cartoon character. “You promise you’ll make it back in time?”

“I promise, mi amor,” He smiled gently. - my love

“Fine. I suppose Nueva York can survive with just one Spider hero to protect it for a while,” Lisa smirked as she rolled her eyes playfully. “The city had you long before I came along,”

Miguel chuckled at her response before pecking her lips, pulling away shortly after. Reaching for his sweater on the bed, he slipped it over top of his shirt. “Now, I shared my news. what was it you wanted to tell me?”

Lisa got so lost in Miguel’s dreamy, enchanting gaze that she nearly forgot about Mile’s invitation. Her pupils went wide as the light bulb literally switched on in her head. “Oh yeah!”

She was starting to get nervous. Since Miguel poured his heart out on this plan of his, would he even be willing to even consider this idea? After all, they both initially had their hearts set on spending their first Christmas together just the two of them, in the comfort of their own home.

Lisa pulled out her cell phone, bringing up the group chat and Mile’s video message. “Well, I received a holiday greeting from Miles and Aunt May,”

“Oh, really?” Miguel’s eyes lit up, both from happiness that their fellow Spider and family friend would think of them and curiosity as he stepped around to look at the phone screen. “What did they say?”

Lisa figured the video would speak for itself, so she pressed play. Miguel watched the video, a playful grin on his face at Miles’ antics. When he heard his offer about the spider gang coming over to the manor for Christmas, Lisa could see the look on Miguel’s face shift, looking surprised.

The gears in his head were turning after the video was done. Miguel seemed to hesitate briefly, gathering his thoughts as he looked over to Lisa, “Would you like to go?”

Lisa’s heart fluttered, skipping a beat. “You really mean that? I mean, absolutely we can stay and spend Christmas here if that’s what you want. I value your opinion, Miguel, so I wanted to ask. . .”

Miguel’s smile was loving and laced with care as he looked down at Lisa, wrapping an arm around her as he held her close. “I appreciate that, Lisa. If I’m being honest. . .” His smile curled into a grin, his eyes twinkling. “It does look kind of fun,”

/////

Have a happy holidays!

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applestorms · 2 years ago

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responding to this post about fanfiction from cryptotheism in my own post since i can't add it in a reblog apparently:

this is a really interesting analysis. someone else has probably said this in the notes (i'm kinda scared to check there =3="), but to give my own take:

i think what you're picking up on here comes from the fact that all fanfiction is inherently based on another story, and therefore is fairly preoccupied with responding to that story in one way or another (both positively & negatively). in my own experience of reading it, the best fanfictions are the ones that seem to truly understand the source text, not only in terms of the pieces (characters, settings, etc.) but how they function together and why that does or doesn't work, which is typically demonstrated by taking those pieces and reworking them to fit an entirely different context. this seems to be why characters are so often the main thing that carries over from the source material while the context can change so drastically: character's are some of the most obvious "parts" within the greater "machine" of a story, and are also the part that people get the most attached to (and thus do the most deep analysis of), so changing the setting (often with an AU/alternate universe) is a quick and easy way of changing up the location of each part while still trying to see if you can keep the machine running smoothly.

my argument is thus that fanfiction just as much an analysis of the original story as it is it's own attempt at a creative work, and some of the best fanfictions are the ones that begin with strong analysis. the creation of an entirely new symbolic language just isn't as necessary in that context, since it's more about understanding why the original did or didn't work, what characters or ideas or (at least in some fandoms) ethical/philosophical claims were strong or ultimately failed. "[s]et dressing, objects, even actions," are thus less important overall since the ultimate goal in the vast majority of cases is character study.

to clarify, this kind of analysis i'm getting at isn't just about "what could make the story better," though that may definitely be the case in fandoms where people ultimately feel failed by the original story (e.g. harry potter, game of thrones; the somewhat infamous homestuck fic theater of coolty kinda does this too, actually, since it's more of a character study of the creator than any fictional characters), again it's more out of understanding & refiguring the original pieces, approvingly or critically.

i will say this though, it seems a bit harsh to say that most fanfic authors have never done any deeper study of other literature or poetry. i dunno, that's certainly the case for some of it (just as it is for any other type of writing tbh), and there are a lot of younger fanfic authors that maybe haven't had the time to delve into much more literature than a high school english class offers, but that does feel like a strong judgement to make overall. if the goals of the medium itself are different since it's not "original" fiction, it doesn't seem fair to try and judge it by the same metrics, or to make a judgement of character of the authors themselves when their ultimate objective is just an entirely different thing.

to give a more specific example of a fanfiction where the author has clearly done some studies outside of the work itself, detective pony (two links there) is a now infamous homestuck fanfiction that has gained a lot of traction in recent years after video productions of it were created by naked bee (makes more sense in context, i swear). it utilizes a ton of references to other more formal philosophy and literature, but what i think makes everything work, fundamentally, is the fact that all of those references and the over the top prose is done within the context of what is essentially a character study, which becomes very clear by the end of the story. of course, this is just one potentially outstanding example, but again i think this gets at what i'm saying about the ultimate goals of fanfiction.

TLDR: the goal of fanfiction is, more often than not, analysis of the original work (and specifically character study, typically) just as much as it is the creation of a new story, which means that it may be more useful to adjust our appraisal of it accordingly, rather than trying to judge it by the same metrics as original (well, "original") fiction.

#i actually really appreciated that take since it isn't just accusing all fanfiction of being self fulfillment & nothing else #red tag #ironically both theater of coolty and detective pony have theater-like productions on youtube so you're definitely not entirely off #i just copy & pasted this from my original reply so if it reads weird that's why #also not sure if i should @ op? that feels too direct but ugh #fanfiction

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uncloseted · 1 year ago

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Hi - I apologize, but I have to disagree on the fact that you mentioned that the husband and wife need to work it out on their own. For context, I am a dating a (cis male) manager who works has a lesbian coworker. As someone who has been in a relationship for nearly a decade, I am along the same lines of what the OP may feel. However, we don’t know the entire background. For you to say the wife and the husband need to work it out on their own, is kind of one sided in my opinion. For example, my boyfriend works with a lesbian as well but blatantly flirts with him in front of me as well as sleeping with his best friend who is a male and then claims they are sometimes “gay”. Sorry this may sound messy but it all comes down to boundaries. Point is - Sure his wife may have trust issues but maybe chill on how you come across? Try to invite the wife to hang out so she knows there isn’t anything there or be cut and dry with him on text. It’s all about the vibe. To me; it sounds like that person is leaving out the specifics on why that wife may feel some type of way.

No worries! You're totally allowed to disagree with me. Like I was saying yesterday, I do my best to understand where each anon is coming from, but all I have to go on is what they say, so my context is limited. I generally try not to add things to the discussion that aren't present in the ask that the OP sent me because I don't want them to feel like I'm making assumptions or judging them. The situation that you're describing is a real one. But it's not the situation that the OP was describing. Is OP lying to me? Maybe. People lie on the internet all the time. But I don't think any good would have come from me making that assumption and then responding as if that's true. If they're not ready to admit it to a stranger on the internet who they're asking for advice, they're probably not ready to admit it to themselves either, and I don't think I'd be able to change their mind.

Ultimately, though, I do stand by what I said. Even in the scenario you're talking about, the ultimate responsibility is with your boyfriend to enforce the boundary that he set for himself because he's the one with a relationship to protect. Your boyfriend's coworker may be a naturally flirty person who doesn't think that flirting with people is crossing a line (or she might be someone who doesn't realize the way she's acting is being interpreted as flirty). So it's up to your boyfriend to set, maintain, and enforce appropriate boundaries with her based on the rules of your relationship. After that, continually hitting on someone who has expressed that it makes them uncomfortable is just sexual harassment, especially in a workplace, and that's an entirely different problem.

At the end of the day, other women can't "steal" your man. If you have a committed partner, you have a committed partner, and if you don't, you don't. People's actions can't change that. People get jealous when they think their spouse is reciprocating the affection in a way that feels like emotional or physical infidelity, and that's why ultimately I think it's between the spouses to work the situation out. What's appropriate and inappropriate in friendships? Where was the line crossed in this case? What felt like the spouse was reciprocating this person's feelings for them? What can they do to build better trust in one another and in their relationship so that having opposite-gender friends doesn't feel like a threat to their relationship?

That's not to say that people have a pass to be inappropriate or to try and get with someone that they know is in a committed relationship. As a person, it's important to be aware of when you're making someone uncomfortable or crossing a line. And obviously, people who continue to pursue someone who has indicated that they feel uncomfortable with it are harassing them and need to stop, even if that means reporting them to HR or taking legal action. Rather, my point is just that there will always be people who cross lines in other people's relationships, either intentionally or unintentionally. What matters the most in those circumstances is how the people in the relationship respond to those lines being crossed.

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thesalvationofdoriangray · 2 years ago

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youtube

Looking back in life, I realized that it has never been easy. It seems that everything has been challenging since the day I was born. From my mother not taking care of me until I was 3, her psychosis from mental illness, my father's emotional rage and absence to being shamed from church, failed romances, and suffering from drug addiction and bondage. Everyone has a story of shame. It was always hard to get past mine. I'm still learning

I think this epiphany dawned on me today as I was thinking about two things.

1. I work at the ROL food bank and I had a relapse on alcohol and Xanax. I was honest to my boss and mustered up the courage to go back to work. I was thankful to him for giving me another chance. I noticed some people treat me different. I use to have great conversations with some of the aunties. We use to say hi. I noticed when I say hi to some of them now, they're expressionless. That's when I realized they stopped greeting me and often ignore me. I always idealize that people at church would treat me the way that Jesus does. With grace, acceptance, and forgiveness but that's just not how humans are. They are judgmental. I guess I can't blame them. I have to pay for the consequences of my sin. I guess I lost credibility with them. One auntie even warned my gf to stay away from me. She happens to be a pastor and my boss. I guess she's just trying to protect my gf like a daughter. One time I was talking to this girl about her ministry. I wanted to help out. I got her number. Then I saw one of the higher ups pull her aside and say something in her ear When I asked her about her ministry, she never responded back to my text. I never hurt anyone else, only myself. This is a lesson about accepting myself and putting my faith in God rather than people. If I don't do so I won't be able to experience God's forgiveness and everyone's opinion of me will become my idol. What they think is their problem and ultimately does not matter. I know Jesus loves me and understands my heart. This job is just a stepping stone for something greater. Lord, please give me the strength to persevere and build character. Walk me through this father.

2. I'm taking Microbiology. I checked the reviews of each professor and went with the easier one or so I thought. From COVID came the inception of hybrid classes. Half online, half in person. These lectures are 1 to 2 hrs long and are jam-packed with tons of info. It takes me around 4 hours or more to finish my notes. There are literally exams, quizzes, practicals and exams every other week to every week. Last exam I studied my ass off. I tried to remember everything and couldn't. When I took the exam which is 55 questions, 5 being bonus, I finished in 25 min when we had an hour. When I got my grade, I was shocked to see I got 102/100. A++! When I was child, I was asking for help from my father in math. All he did was berate me. My mother being unstable and stressed from work came into the room and open hand slapped my face and head until I was dizzy and curled into a ball. I think from there even though I didn't know it, I internalized that I was bad at school. I always cheated, never did HW, skipped classes, and never studied. I went back to school when I was 32. Throughout this time I realized that I have great potential but I have to work hard. I exceeded my expectations on this last exam. May the Lord remind me that I can do it if I give it my all. Be with me father and help me persevere until the end.

Heavenly Father,

I realized that most things in my life have been difficult but God puts me in these situations for me to grow. He has great plans for me. When I trust in God, I experience peace. I don't want to worry too much about my mistakes. So as long as I have faith in God, I will go to where I belong and become whom God destined me to be.

There has never been a time where you didn't love me. Your love is perfect. You always wait patiently for me to come back to you. The heaven rejoices when the long lost prodigal son returns home. When you see me, you smile.

Lord God, I praise your holy and infinite name. You are the mightiest of mighty but yet the gentlest of gentle. You always have faith in me. So many challenges in life. All yet to mold me and help me grow. All to draw me closer to you and become who I am destined to be. You refine me in the fires of my tribulations to make my heart pure gold. You allow this pressure to turn my faith into a diamond and shine bright for this world to see. If the world is my oyster, then you are my iridescent pearl which I treasure so dearly.

Please be with me through this journey called life my dear beloved savior. Place your divine hand on my broken heart and piece it back together with your love.

In the precious name of Christ, Amen.

#Youtube

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bookofmirth · 3 years ago

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Hello! I saw some recent posts floating around and felt compelled to reach out because things are not okay and have not been okay for a while. I’m an elriel but I’m among a large group of elriels that aren’t very vocal on tumblr but we still see the words that some of the more popular elriel accounts make and we do not agree or condone them. I don’t know if it is a maturity or cultural difference or just a lack of basic human decency but some of the things that are said are appalling and sickening and do not at all reflect what the majority of us actually believe. There are so many elriels that have preferred to disengage from this ship war and not make text posts/answer questions/etc so to see accounts with larger followings (or who just consistently make posts) say such disturbing things, especially regarding gwyn as a SA survivor, is extremely unsettling for us because we do not want to be reflected by those kinds of fans.

All this to say, there is a very large but quiet group of elriels who agree with you and other gwynriels who have spoken out against certain troubling comments. We may prefer the elriel ship but we all absolutely know that if sjm were to write about gwynriel that it would be a beautiful, consensual, loving story. I can’t control the actions or words of other elriels but I just felt the need to reach out and let you know that a lot of us see what is going on and we do not agree or support these people making these comments. A lot of us have privately messaged accounts to let them know that although we are on “their side” of the ship war, their comments are not okay and have even hurt us too. I do not believe these people will change but I do hope that not all elriel fans will be held accountable to the comments made by a few that even we do not support. While I understand the anger behind the responses to those posts, it does hurt when I see the constant generalizations about “all elriels” because, as I said, there are so many of us that have chosen not to be a part of this ship war and celebrate our ship in silence. I personally have tried so hard to stay neutral and when I constantly see how terrible, delusional, immature, etc all elriels are, it especially frustrating. I hope this message makes sense and I hope that it brings even a little comfort to know that not all elriels believe in such horrible ideas.

Hello!!! First off, thank you for sending me this. I know this past year hasn't been easy on the fandom, and that includes literally every type of shipper. I never used to have to block as many people as I have blocked. I've never had people so blatantly ignore basic fandom/tumblr etiquette. We used to be able to have discussions with people we don't agree 100% with. There never used to be fights in the comments. Everything we say feels like it can be used against us, and it's not a great environment.

I'm going to respond to different bits just because it's easier.

I don’t know if it is a maturity or cultural difference or just a lack of basic human decency but some of the things that are said are appalling and sickening and do not at all reflect what the majority of us actually believe.

This is very, very heartening to hear.

I genuinely think that some of the people saying and agreeing with these things are just doing so for the shock value. I genuinely think that they say these things because it gets them attention and they get notes, and they get anons. Maybe I'm naive, but I just can't see someone saying these things and actually believing them. This is ultimately why I don't give them any of the above - none of my attention, notes, and certainly not anons.

(I've also wondered about the cultural differences.)

Disengaging from the ship war is totally valid. I hope that you are still able to enjoy content and create it in relative peace. At this point, the ship war is making even that difficult, but hopefully you've found your own group of people who you can actually enjoy this series with.

I do not believe these people will change but I do hope that not all elriel fans will be held accountable to the comments made by a few that even we do not support.

Absolutely agree, on every level. As I mentioned above, some of these comments seem disingenuous to me, and they seem incredibly inconsistent to boot, which just reinforces that these people do not care about what they are saying, they just want the attention. So why would they change? They are getting exactly what they want.

I'm going to say something that not everyone will agree with, but I can see someone thinking, "but anon, if you don't agree with those statements, then why don't you speak out? Why don't you keep them in line?" And just to be clear, I do not think that is your job, or anything else's. It's the responsibility of the people making those statements, and of anyone who supports them. So if you, anon, have ever wondered if you should say something publicly, don't. You aren't the elriel fandom police, just like I'm not the elucien or gwynriel fandom police. Trying to do so privately in DMs was kind of you, but you can't control their actions if they refuse to change.

While I understand the anger behind the responses to those posts, it does hurt when I see the constant generalizations about “all elriels” because, as I said, there are so many of us that have chosen not to be a part of this ship war and celebrate our ship in silence. I personally have tried so hard to stay neutral and when I constantly see how terrible, delusional, immature, etc all elriels are, it especially frustrating.

I understand this completely - I get lumped in with gwynriels even though I don't really ship it, and I see posts about "omg eluciens really think" and then OP says something I've never thought or said in my life. It's incredibly frustrating that people don't see each other as individuals anymore.

And tack on the horrible ways that people act on twitter and tiktok and it's like... 1000% worse. There are some legit bullies out there, screenshotting people and calling out minors and saying racist, sexist, transphobic crap. And I assume that many elriels are embarrassed to be associated with them. I'm embarrassed to be associated with anyone who says the horrible shit people say about Elain, too. Or Feyre. Or Nesta. This whole fandom, it's embarrassing to be part of this past year 😅

I've asked people many many times not to send me asks that talk about all elriels in a negative light, I have deleted asks that do so, but I am sure that I have posts out there that cross the line that I try not to cross. I try not to contribute to the problem, and I know that I could be better. (This is actually the main reason I delete rude asks - it's not just about me, but about the atmosphere that post might contribute to.) I very intentionally use "people" instead of "shippers of X". Sometimes I lose my patience. I'll keep trying!

I hope this message makes sense and I hope that it brings even a little comfort to know that not all elriels believe in such horrible ideas.

It absolutely does! I know intellectually that there must be elriels who read this stuff with horror, but I also wonder sometimes what other people actually think.

Even if you and I don't ship Elain with the same person, we could probably agree on nessian? And feysand? And emorie, maybe some non-canon ships? There's honestly no reason for there to be such a huge divide. For my part, I'm going to concentrate on making content that I want to see, rather than contributing to this atmosphere.

#acotar fandom #ask #anon

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imagine-that-one-thing · 3 years ago

Text

Her Majesty. || 20

Cruella

Anastasia.

The palace halls' are bustling just like my thoughts are overflowing and seizing to stop. I haven't spoken to or seen Harry since we fell asleep last night. Everything was great until it wasn't.

It is partially my fault for what occurred last night. I shouldn't have glanced at his desk and picked up the file, his work is his business, and I had no right to look. I was intrigued. I didn't anticipate recovering photos of what transpired the night my father died, and I didn't expect all the emotions to boil over and cause me to break.

I walk to the stables, the last resort of attempting to attain Harry. When I woke up this morning, I had hoped he would be close by. He habitually tries to linger when he knows I need to be awake at certain times, but I received no greeting this morning. No text, no call, nothing.

I mindfully lead down the hill; strands of thin light come from the sky, springing in between the cloudy May morning. The malachite-green fields appear covered in a bright sheen under the morning rays. The sparkling morning dew is making itself present as I slide on the soggy grass, almost sliding down to a host of daisies dispersed at the bottom.

I find myself safe and sound at the bottom of the hill and in the presence of the horse stables. I discover Harry standing at the fence, leaning his arms on the top panel as he watches a few of the horses being moved around by trainers. Harry glances over his shoulder and sees me but diverts his attention back to the horses. My breath hitches in my throat as I inch closer, I had assumed our issue from last night had subsided, but from the look on his face, I was wrong.

"Been looking all over for you," I break the silence as I stand beside him.

Harry proceeds to stare at the horses, intently observing them. I can only presume he is out here for some fresh air and to clear his head for a few moments before going back to work. "Been here," Harry responds.

"Are we okay?"

Harry breaks his stare from the animals and cocks his head to the side to glance at me. Then, Harry takes a deep breath and nods, "Your horse is doing well," Harry gestures to Meadow as she leads with the trainer.

"Yes," I agree, "Why are you out here?"

"I am watching the horses."

"Why?" I press.

"See the horse on the left?" Harry questions, and I nod my head, "She's going to be racing with yours. They're both good contenders for the Ascot."

"Where did she come from? Mum's horse is grey."

"She's mine… Well, she is ours," Harry responds, "Been watching her train for the last six months."

"When did you have time to buy another horse?" I cross my arms over my chest. I don't know half the shit Harry does, but I am not surprised by him having another horse.

Harry shrugs his shoulders, "Well, the man next to Mum started training her, but he couldn't do it alone. He asked if I would help, and I couldn't, so he brought her down here. Your Mum said she could stay in the stables."

I raise a brow, "Okay… We can discuss the horse thing later, but why are you bouncing around my question on why you are out here? You don't hide out here. I have been looking for you for an hour."

"You know how you need alone time? So do I. You should go inside and get your cuts cleaned up properly," Harry gestures back towards the Palace.

"I am fine," I mutter, "What is wrong, Harry?"

Harry sighs and bends down, picking up a black file from beside his feet and handing it to me, "You want us to be an open book; here it is. I don't want you snooping through the office, I have nothing to hide, but there are sensitive things in that office that you do not need to see." Harry begins as I take the file from his hands, "This file… I am hesitant to give it to you, but if it stops us from arguing, so be it. This is information and pictures of all the suspects that could be linked to your father's murder. Matthew and I have been working with an undercover cop that Parliament hasn't paid off to keep quiet. I have a private detective working with us as well. Every person in this file are suspects and people to be wary of."

"Why are you—"

Harry cuts me off, "I don't want you arguing with me over it. That is why I am showing you. These people are all dangerous. I know what to look for when I am out. I can protect myself and don't need protecting. Matthew has enough faith in me to know I don't need security at all hours. I am safe, Anna. But you need to be aware of these people. Remember their faces in case they come around."

"Just because you can look after yourself, it doesn't mean something can't happen."

"I am trained to do what I do; I am qualified to deal with situations. Let me worry about safety, and you worry about governing the monarch. I am not trying to be condescending, but I don't want to fight with you over my safety. I also don't want you finding things you don't need to see."

"I didn't mean to find what I found. And I don't want to argue; I am just worried about you."

"I know," Harry nods, his eyes ultimately softening, "I am fine, Anastasia, Matthew and I know what we are doing. You wanted us to uncover who did this, and we are. You need to let me do my job as security personnel, and you need to let me do what needs to be done."

I become withdrawn and open the file, my eyes momentarily skimming the photos and the information written under each image. No surprise, half of these members are part of Parliament. "I am working on proving they are immoral. Your mother and I are coming up with a plan."

"My mother is in on this?"

Harry nods, "Yes, sweetheart."

"You're not a detective or an assassin, and you can't do this."

"I promised you I would find who did this. We know what we are doing. Can we please leave this conversation alone now?"

I hand Harry the file back and clear my throat, deciding that sometimes what I do not know will not hurt me. I understand where Harry is coming from. "So, you have another horse in Ascot? How rich are you?" I chuckle.

"Not very," Harry responds. "Speaking of money though," Harry begins, "There is a house up for sale in the countryside. Would you like to take a look at it? It would be a good escape for you, so you aren't always on royal grounds."

"I haven't even looked at the Duchy of Lancaster. I have no clue what is in that trust that I have now inherited."

I have no clue how the trusts work. My father took care of everything, making sure I had everything I needed. Now, I have no clue how much money is sitting in my name or what to do with it.

I know there is land, estates, and God knows what at my disposal. My father never prepared me for financial things; he prepared me for hosting banquets and talking to world leaders.

"Baby, I didn't ask if you would pay. I asked if you wanted to look at it and discuss it."

"We can," I agree, "But I don't want our homes to be a part of the royal estates or trusts."

"As you wish," Harry nods, "I will send you what I found. Look for something you want. I am going back to work." Harry steps away from the fence, beginning to walk away from me.

"Harry," I call his name, and he turns around to look at me, "Are you sure we are okay?"

Harry nods his head and steps closer to me, "Yes. I am going to work. I love you. But before I go," Harry leans closer, "There's a hidden trust; you might want to find it." Finally, Harry whispers before he kisses my cheek and shuffles away, leaving me alone near the stables.

As much as he says we are okay, there's a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. No matter what, I am not going to like the idea of Harry and Matthew doing what they are doing. When I was in an emotional rage, of course, I wanted them to avenge my father's murderer, but not I want them both safe. I know they are knowledgeable and highly trained men, but I don't want the wrong person to find out what they are doing and turn the tables. Likewise, I don't want Harry getting caught up in anything more than what he already has.

♛ ♛ ♛

With Harry being tied to me, he is at a greater risk than he was beforehand. I don't think he quite understands, but I need to trust that he knows what he is doing.

I convene at my desk, carrying on my day of signing documents, writing letters, organising the royal tour with my assistant and doing my best to come up with ideas for the charities I represent.

On top of everything, I also have the task of discovering more about the armed forces. As the Queen, I can declare war and peace under the Royal Prerogatives, meaning I must stay updated with all foreign affairs. This type of pressure is something I do not want. If there is anything, my father was best at understanding his troops and knowing what to do in every situation. My father may not have been the most beneficial at opening charity events or attaining the right charities to represent. Still, his military was at the top of his priority list. I can only assume his devotion is due to him being a military member himself.

My father served in the forces before I was born. I must continue his work and devotion to the troops, not just as Queen but also as his daughter. With each day that crosses, the list of things I need to tend to is getting more comprehensive, adding pressure to my shoulders. I am drowning in the depths of the royal monarchy.

I glance towards Estelle and hit my pen on the paper in front of me, "Estelle," I distract her from the letters she is sorting through, "Will you get me the report of the day's parliamentary proceedings and find me someone who knows something about the military... Who helped my father?"

"Your Majesty, Prince Louis was the one who helped him the most."

"Great, tell him I want him in my office, please," I smile towards her, "I don't care if he is busy with Madeleine."

Estelle chuckles and nods her head, "I will, and I will get you the report," she responds, standing from her position and marching out of my office, leaving me alone for the first time today.

I take a moment to adjust my task from royal duties to hunting for a property that will not be associated with the royal family-- something that will be mine and Harry's. I explore the internet, unsure of what I am looking for. All I genuinely recognise is I want something homey, something that isn't just four walls and a roof, something that will be a nice escape from a life that I have never wanted. I want a small, cosy place where I won't have to worry whether staff will be watching or if the security cameras are on. I want something ordinary, maybe something with a vegetable patch or a small garden for me to look after. I don't want anything substantial.

"Ah, Anna, my darling friend," Louis enters my office with his arms spread out with an extensive grin across his face, "This better be good because I was-- Well, nevermind what I was doing," Louis trails off with a shit-eating grin, prompting me to shake my head.

"I don't even want to know, Louis," I screw my nose up at the possible thoughts of what he was up to. "I need some help."

"You're beyond help."

"Oi," I laugh, "If I wanted a smartass, I would have summoned Harry."

Louis nods his head, "I would say he is more of the prick than a smartass," Louis laughs, "He is a prick but also a standup guy."

"I didn't call you in here to discuss Harry. I need some help with this military stuff," I gesture towards the paperwork on my desk, "I don't know the first thing about this. You were my Dad's second hand."

Louis moans and slumps down in the chair beside me, "That is privileged information, and so is whatever I tell you, so what is in it for me?" Louis questions, holding the papers in his hands and flicking through them.

"Well," I begin, "I will let you continue staying at the Palace rent-free while you screw my other friend," I respond with a smirk, "And I will keep your secrets about what you do in the rooms that you are not meant to be in."

Louis stares at me with his lips wide apart, "Yeah, my husband is second in commands with security, and he watches the cameras. So he views every dirty thing you have done between events."

"Bloody Harry," Louis shakes his head, "Okay, well, since the cat is out of the bag, I shall help," Louis accepts, taking my laptop and commencing to take control over the word document, typing away and explaining as he goes. "Before I get too deep into this, who else knows about the shenanigans I have done?"

"Just Harry, he turns the camera's off to shield your dignity."

Louis shrugs his shoulders, "Hm, good man," Louis nods, "So, I-"

I cut him off, "So you should continue to help me unless you want Harry to stop hiding your sex tapes."

"Ouch, that is so dirty. They're not sex tapes, Anastasia. I was hoping you wouldn't act like I haven't seen you and Harry sneak off."

"So, the military," I change the subject, gesturing towards my laptop, "You type and explain," I command, not wanting to address private matters any further, he may be my best guy friend, but we do not discuss these things when the Palace staff can hear us.

I glance up from the desk and recognise Pippa waltzing in with papers in her hands. Pippa grants me a smile and stares towards Louis, "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Cruella de Vil," Louis mutters.

Pippa places the papers in her hand on my desk, not breaking her gaze from Prince Louis, "The thing is, I was born brilliant, born bad, and a little bit mad. I'm Cruella. So don't piss me off." She recites a line from the real Cruella.

"Oh, you bring shivers to my spine; how will I ever sleep at night?" Louis leans back in his chair, amused by the banter.

"On a bed of nails with any luck," Pippa mutters, "I need you to sign these," Pippa pushes the papers towards me, "Parliament needs to be opened."

I nod my head and bring the papers closer to me, and Louis takes them from me, "So, do you plan to let me be reinstated in Parliament or are you still banishing me?" Louis questions, taking me by surprise.

When was Louis part of Parliament to begin with?

"Louis, darling, you're not fit to be in Parliament. We have been through this."

"No," Louis shakes his head, "You have been through this. I suggest you let me in."

"And I suggest that you sit down. Little boys should be seen and not heard."

"Pippa," I scold, "He is still a Prince. You will show respect," I inform Pippa, reminding her of her position. Pippa may be prime minister, but she still has an obligation to respect all royal members. "I will open parliament when I am ready."

"Anna, I don't need to remind you of the symbolism of the unity of Parliament's three parts."

I heavily groan and nod my head, "Yes, the Sovereign, the House of Lords and the House of Commons. I know, I am not a moron, as I said, I will open it when I am ready, Pippa."

"I suggest you make a wise decision and open it sooner rather than later."

"Pippa," I begin, "I will force the dissolution of Parliament through a refusal of royal assent if you don't leave me alone." I threaten her, not wanting to open Parliament until I know what I want to do. I do not wish to open Parliament with the members I currently have.

"You cannot do that alone," Pippa shakes her head, "So, sign and open."

Harry descends into the room, and I perceive him wander closer, his eyes staring at Pippa from behind as I begin to speak, "Pippa, all due respect, but I will do it when I am ready."

Pippa has no desire to take my word.

Louis clears his throat, "Cruella, she has told you she will do it when she is ready."

"Better men have called me worse things," Pippa returns bitterly.

"I doubt that they were better men," Harry interrupts the small feud that is happening in my office, "Now, I suggest you curtsey to the Queen and walk out." Harry advances forward as Pippa turns around to observe him. "Don't look at me like that. Your stare doesn't scare me."

"It ought to."

"It doesn't," Harry responds, "Now, get out. I want to speak to my wife."

"Your wife is busy."

"Pippa," Harry settles himself, taking a breath and closing his eyes for a brief moment, "Sometimes dead is better, you know a little something about that, don't you?" Then, Harry questions, "Now, if you don't get out, you will find yourself with Henry."

"Is that a threat, Harry?"

Harry shakes his head, "No, merely a comment, now walk," Harry points towards the door.

Pippa doesn't speak, and she keeps her lips tight as she half curtseys to me and begins to make her way to the door.

"Oh, so him she listens to," Louis mutters, crossing his arms over his chest.

Pippa glances over her shoulder, "He has the power to kill me, and he's better looking," Pippa responds, waving her hand and walking out of my office.

I stare at Louis and Harry before I shake my head, unsure of what just happened in my office. "Harry, my best pal." Louis grins, his cheery tone not working magic on Harry.

"What do you want?" Harry sighs, walking around the desk and coming towards me, leaving a kiss to the top of my head before he leans on my desk.

"Pippa seems to be scared of you, and I want to be back in parliament, make it happen."

Harry shakes his head, "I can't, I have no power over Parliament if I did… Well," Harry pauses, "Nevermind, I won't finish my sentence."

Louis pauses for a moment, looking towards me for help, but I don't intervene. I had no clue Louis wanted to be a part of political matters. "You're King, and you have just as much power as Anna."

"Sure, Louis, run in parliament, I don't give a damn," Harry responds, his tone of voice coming across as agitated.

"You're a bit hostile," I point out, regarding Harry's tone of voice and the way his mood hasn't changed since Pippa marched out. "What has you all rattled?"

"Is he not always hostile?" Louis chuckles, causing Harry to break a small smile.

Finally.

"I am," Harry nods, "I don't feel the best, and Pippa irks my nerves. Can we please get rid of her?"

Louis looks back down at the paperwork Pippa wants me to sign, "Since you have the means to kill her, why don't you? Do us all a favour."

"Oi," I interrupt the two men, "That is not how we speak around here. We do not condone murder. We have had enough murder."

"We can discuss a plan later," Louis shakes his head. "When she isn't around," Louis gestures towards me.

"Mhm," Harry hums, "You were so sweet when I first met you. So what the fuck happened?"

"He hung out with you," I murmur while Harry moves a few things around on my desk, purposely making sure they are not in their proper position. I don't know why Harry enjoys rearranging my desk.

"Anyway," Harry begins, "I came here to tell you that it isn't a good idea to open Parliament right now. I would recommend you don't listen to Pippa."… "With that being said, I am going to go lay down before I have to escort your mother through the tunnels."

"What do you know?" I instantly ask.

Harry shrugs, "She wants it open to try and gain more control. Goodbye, Louis. Goodbye, darling," Harry kisses my cheek before stepping away from my desk, not giving me much more detail to work with.

I wake up to a refreshing breeze tapping my skin that the soft sheets haven't covered.

When I finished my impromptu meeting with Louis, Harry wasn't back home; he was still on my mother's service. I am not sure where they went or what they were doing— all I know is that when Harry came home, he collapsed to the bed and fell asleep, barely managing to mumble a Goodnight to me.

I stretch my arm over to Harry's side, surprised when I notice it empty. I sit up in the bed and glance around, my eyes settling on the white balcony curtains whirling with the inadequate breeze. I get out of bed and follow the draft. My hand pushes the sheer white curtains to the side, and I step out on the balcony.

The early morning air is a little crisp for my liking, but it's soothing. The breeze drifts through my hair, the summery feeling still evident as another day of June will wake in a few hours. I cross my hands over my chest, shielding myself from the light breeze.

"Waking up alone is getting old," I softly make Harry aware of my presence, and he turns to gaze at me.

"Hey, why are you awake?" He asks, his voice low and flat, his arm resting in an L shape.

"I'm not sure. Are you getting ready to go to work?" I ask, considering it's around the time he obliges to start getting ready. His hours are all over the place, and I can never keep track. I rarely wake up to him still in bed.

Harry shakes his head, "I don't feel too well."… "The pain is getting worse." His voice is flat and laced with pain he’s trying to hide.

"In your shoulder?" I softly challenge, and Harry nods his head just as enough light touches his face for me to recognise the fullness of his eyes and most of the colour drained from his face. "Go sit down, and I'll be right back," I instruct as I step back into the room and grab a robe.

I wrap the robe around me and exit my room. The door closes behind me, and I look both ways of the hallway, stopping when I recognise Matthew with his arms crossed and his figure stepping closer to me.

"Where exactly are you planning to go?" He questions.

"I need an ice pack or two. Will you accompany me?" I softly request, already knowing the answer. There's no chance of Matthew allowing me to walk around at this hour by myself.

Matthew and I wander the hushed hallways, passing closed doors and darkened rooms. The Palace at this hour is quite eerie. There's no staff bustling around, and if there is, there's very few of them. Everyone is mostly asleep. The only people awake are the security team and the kitchen staff, who get up early to prepare for the day. "Do you ever sleep, Matthew?"

Matthew laughs and shrugs his shoulders, "On occasions, Her Majesty."

"Why must you address me formally?" I groan, nudging him as we progress to walk back to my room.

"You are the Queen."

"My name is Anastasia," I correct Matthew. "So, when are we letting my husband take over as head of security?" I half-heartedly joke, wanting to proceed with the walk with conversation and not silence.

"Perhaps, when I retire," Matthew responds, "Thought you wanted him out of the security business?"

I shrug my shoulders, "I do, but I know he wants to work, so who am I to stand in his way?"

"He's good at what he does. Best worker I've had in my entire career."

"Mhm," I hum, "So, how much closer are we to finding my fathers murderer?"

"Anna, I will not discuss that with you," Matthew shakes his head, "On a rare occasion, I made a deal with Harry. I promised him I wouldn't tell you."

"Go figure," I roll my eyes, "I just want to be in the loop."

"You know enough, focus on running the monarchy and let me and him do our job," Matthew presses in a polite manner. No matter how hard I press, I don't foresee Matthew or Harry giving me too much information.

I am sure they have leads and their suspicions, and I am sure they can prove who killed who, but I want to know.

While walking back, I think about Louis. He told me earlier that he had the opportunity to be in Parliament and was running until Pippa knocked him down. After that, Pippa refused to let him be in the office, and my father agreed with her, stating he was too young to be playing in the business.

I don't think Pippa declined him and banished him for his age, but more so because she knew he would not be on her side. Louis joined the political party, but Pippa refused to let him stay on.

He was forced into his royal duties since Pippa refused his entry into Parliament.

Louis' life is a bit complicated. He isn't a royal on standard terms. Louis' parents are royals of the Kingdom of Sweden. He will never become a King; he is a very distant Prince, around tenth in line for the throne. He will only ascend the throne on the death of the entire family. Despite being born a Prince, Louis was not born in Sweden. He was born in the United Kingdom, therefore making him a citizen here.

Due to my father's tight ties with Sweden, they agreed to allow Louis to represent both countries as he got older. When Louis turned eighteen, he kept his title as Prince but showed his dedication to upholding both ties, wanting to be a part of the British notions. My father agreed, taking him under his wing. Louis spent most of his childhood here with me. At the time, I am sure our parents thought we would grow up to get married. Instead, I married a commoner, and he is dating an heir to the throne. Madeleine will ascend the throne on her mother's death; she will become the Queen of Denmark.

Louis wants to regain his role in Parliament, and I think he would be exceptional, but I don't believe Pippa will allow it. She will fight me tooth and nail, and I don't want to fight her on more issues. Louis will have to find a way to enter Parliament. Perhaps Harry can help him figure something out.

📷

I move into my room and close the door behind me, surprised when I don't recognise Harry on the balcony or in the bed. I follow the dim light to the bathroom and locate Harry leaning over the sink with the water running and his arm in an L shaped being held by his hand.

"What happened?"

"I moved my shoulder the wrong way, and the pain… fuck, the pain was so bad it had me throwing up," Harry breathes out, "Go back to bed, I'll be fine."

"I'm not going back to bed," I respond, caressing my hand to his back and rubbing soothing circles, "Do you want me to call the doctor up here?" I offer, clutching a face towel and running it under the water before holding it to his forehead.

"I don't think she can do anything."

"She can give you something for the pain," I suggest, dabbing his reddened cheeks and shifting away from a few stray and fallen curls from his forehead, "How long has it been like this?"

"It has been getting progressively worse over the last month. I can't move my shoulder much," Harry confesses.

"You've been lying to me."

"I didn't want you to worry," Harry responds, "I'm okay, really, please go back to bed." Harry leans away from the face towel and gestures towards the bedroom, still cradling his arm.

Harry and I step into the bedroom, and he sits on the edge of the bed with a groan. I grab the ice packs I ventured out to get, and I gingerly sit beside him on the bed. "It's going to be cold, but it'll help with the pain," I inform Harry.

"Anna, please don't touch my shoulder, I'm begging. I can't handle more pain."

"It won't be painful. It's just a cold pack," I assure Harry, holding the cold pack to his shoulder ever so gently. Harry instantly lets out a breath and bows his head. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Been a bit busy," Harry responds, "Don't have time for this. Have the Ascott coming up and your royal tour."

"Well, you're going to have to make time," I sigh, holding the ice pack in place. "How are you feeling?"

"I am wonderful," Harry sarcastically responds, "Never felt better."

"No need for sarcasm," I mutter, rubbing his lower back while he takes a few deep breaths.

Harry has never been one to complain. On the contrary, he has barely missed a day of work since he began working at the Palace; even when he is sick, he has always showed up and done his best.

The royal doctor steps into the room and looks at me, "You look fine?" She challenges, scanning me up and down. I shake my head and gesture to Harry on the bed.

It is a change of events. For once, it isn't me calling for her to assist me; it is him.

"I am guessing you didn't follow up post-surgery, huh?" she questions, stepping towards Harry and bending down to kneel beside the bed.

Harry grunts and shakes his head, not bothering to defend himself. I had no clue things were this bad with his shoulder. I was under the impression the surgery went well, and he was on the road to a full recovery. He didn't show too many signs of pain until just recently. The doctor begins to check his vitals before taking a breath and touching his shoulder, putting pressure on him just enough to cause him to hiss. "I barely touched you," she defends, "Can you lift your arm?"

"If I could, do you think you would be here?" Harry snarls, letting out a heavy breath before apologising for his tone of voice.

"I am not going to stand here and waste time, and I am calling for you to go to the Hospital. I'll call for an ambulance."

"No," Harry shakes his head, "I can drive."

"Not a chance," the doctor shakes her head, "I know you are aware of what protocol is, and this is my protocol. You need surgery, and you're getting it, now," she informs him, taking her phone from her pocket and unlocking it. Harry groans in the background and continues to shake his head. He disputes the idea of an ambulance, arguing until we agree to find another way to get him to where he needs to be.

He's pretty stubborn, but I understand why he doesn't want an ambulance. He doesn't want attention drawn to him and doesn't believe he needs to take an ambulance from someone else when he is in perfect condition to wait.

♛ ♛ ♛

I remain in the hospital room with Matthew, both remaining in silence and staring at the oblique walls. At four in the morning, there isn't much to do or say. Against Harry's wishes, we brought him to King Edward VII's Hospital; he refused to be taken by ambulance, so we compromised and took him to the private Hospital by a car Matthew drove. He had exactly two minutes to sign medical papers before he was whisked off to surgery.

The Hospital is modest, with 56 beds and boasting more than four nurses to every patient. The Hospital has been in the family for decades. The Hospital was established in 1899 to treat injured soldiers fighting in the Second World War.

Just down the corridor from reception is the well-stocked library. It baffles me that there is such an extensive library, but others may want to read while waiting in anticipation. I don't want to read a novel about a love story, science or really anything. I want to be told that the surgery went well and Harry is okay.

I hear my phone go off, and I ignore it, continuing to stare at the walls, my foot tapping against the floor.

Ding, Ding, Ding.

I tiredly grab my phone, the dinging sounding every second causing me to glance towards Matthew. Matthew raises a brow, the irritating noise also coming from his phone.

I blink a few times at my screen, "You've got to be kidding me," I sigh profoundly, reading the banner on my phone that displays breaking news. "How? How does anyone know?" I immediately ask, clicking the link and beginning to read the article.

"Breaking news, on the advice of the Royal Highness's Doctor, one of Britain's royal members has been taken to Hospital. It is unknown which royal has been rushed in. The unknown monarch was taken by private car to King Edward VII Hospital in London.

All official engagements for this week, including the Queen's trip to Rome, will more than likely be postponed. The Queen is likely not to attend the Ascott. More information to come soon."

I glance towards Matthew, who shakes his head before he taps the phone screen and touches it to his ear. "I need Police officers to guard the entrance of King Edward VII Hospital, now." Matthew speaks into his phone, "And I need two guards at the entrance of room 15." Matthew ends the call and peers towards me, "Either someone saw us, or there is a palace snitch."

"What do we do?"

"Good question," Matthew bites on his lip as he operates his fingers through his hair. "I uh... I do not know. It is your decision... What should we tell the press?"

"It is none of their business. Harry is a private man."

Matthew nods, "He won't be too happy if we release his name."

"Can we say the articles are fake?"

"There are pictures…" Matthew shakes his head, "I'll think of something, don't stress over it. I'll handle it."

"Okay," I agree, "What do I do about a snitch? I don't want a snitch in my Palace."

"I will handle it. But, unfortunately, there are a few new guys who Harry and I didn't trust."… "Do I have permission to fire anyone I deem unfit?"

"Be my guest," I agree, putting my phone down.

I do not want my trust broken within my Palace. I should trust that all staff will keep their lips tightly sealed when it comes to private matters.

Harry will be pissed to find out that the media have written about this.

If there is a snake in my Palace, I will not allow them to get away with speaking to the press. Over the years, staff have been known to sell stories to the media for the right price. It drove my Father insane, but sometimes he understood the circumstances. As much as the staff are paid as well, there have been times during the years that the staff have not received enough to make ends meet.

♛ ♛ ♛

Harry and I relax on the balcony overlooking the beautiful garden behind the hospital, both of us taking the time to inhale the morning air and watch the gardens come to life as the sun continues to rise. Harry has a light blanket draped around his shoulders while in a shoulder sling to stop him from moving his shoulder too much. He looks miserable, but he isn't in as much unbearable pain that he was in and throwing up.

His free hand holds his cup of orange juice, and he screws his nose up with every drink he takes. "It isn't coffee," Harry huffs, "A little coffee won't hurt."

"You're on morphine, no," I shake my head, leaning back on my chair and enjoying the quiet morning.

"Fair point," Harry sighs, "Your first Royal tour is coming up. How do you feel about that?"

"Why are you making small talk?" I curiously ask, "You're meant to be sleeping."

"Hasn't fully kicked in yet," Harry answers, "I'm asking because I'm not going to be able to make it for the first part of your Royal tour."

I grow quiet, well aware that there's a good chance he won't be on tour with me. However, I had an idea after the events of the last few hours. Harry being in as much pain as he is in can only mean one thing— his surgery wasn't successful, and he will need another.

I have no desire to do the tour alone, I want him with me, but it isn't his fault. There comes a time I have to be a big girl and do what Queens do— keep moving forward.

I can do it on my own; I do not need him. I want him. I know the difference.

"I know," I softly sigh, "I suppose I'll think of something."

"I'm sorry, Anna."

"I know, I heard from the doctor… it was crucial to get it fixed," I remind him of the words she told him. She was very blunt with telling him.

"I don't think I can physically go; they're not going to let me. They want to do another surgery in a few days to fix the last part." Harry begins.

"I don't want you to push it back. I'll be fine. I've done tours before. I'm sure this will go smoothly. And maybe you'll be able to meet me for the last part of the tour?" I ask, and Harry nods his head.

"I'll do my best if I ever make it out of this hell hole."

"It isn't that bad," I glance over at him, and he raises a brow, disagreeing with me.

Harry cocks his head to the side, "Darling, if you weren't here, I'd be staring at the wall. But, unfortunately, all they have for entertainment are books."

"Well, you love to read."

"Not when I'm in pain and can barely see from my meds."

"Makes it even more fun," I joke, gently nudging him, "Do you want to go to the Palace? They might release you."

"Baby, they're not going to let me go until I have my last surgery. Then, according to them, I'm at flight risk of not coming back," Harry laughs, "And they're right, that's why I'm in this position because I didn't listen."

"You never listen," I respond, "Well, once your surgery is done, we can have you taken to the palace and have you cared for there."

"Can you be my nurse?"

I shake my head, "No, you have a smirk on your lips, which means one thing."

"Oh, come on," Harry whines, "I need a little TLC."

"You get enough TLC." I chuckle, shaking my head, "You're getting sleepy. Back inside, you go," I gesture inside, standing to my feet and holding his arm as he stands up as well.

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfiction #imagine harry styles #harry styles prompts #harry styles blurbs #harry styles writing #fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #Imagine harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles one shots #harry styles preferences #1d imagine

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taetaespeaches · 3 years ago

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Hi liv :) I hope you’re doing amazing 🤍

The other day I was thinking about something and it kinda had me stumped so I thought I would come to u because u always give such good advice. I hope it’s ok for me to ramble here :(

So I’ve been friends with the girl for about 6 years but she got a boyfriend almost 2 years ago. And idk why its taken me so long to realize this but it’s like ever since they got together, I’ve just kinda been pushed aside. She occasionally asks me to FaceTime and then quickly it just becomes a therapy session because apparently they got into a fight. When we hang out (which is like once every few months since we’re both at different unis) she always asks if we can meet up with her boyfriend. One time we went out for a picnic, it was our first hang out in about 4 months and within 15 minutes she facetimed her boyfriend and within an hour and half of our hang out she was driving us out to meet up with her boyfriend and his best friend who I don’t rly talk to. I don’t want to make her out to be a bad person because She has been a great friend to me. I just can’t help but feel like ever since she started dating him, I’ve been neglected as a friend. She constantly mentions how she barely has any friends so I don’t want to abandon her but tbh I understand why she doesn’t have many friends,,, bc she cares way more about her boyfriend than any other friendship. I initially thought that maybe it was just a “honeymoon phase” part of their relationship, but it’s been 2 years and nothing has changed. I texted her about two and a half weeks ago and she still hasn’t answered but she posts on her Instagram story with him.

I just don’t know what to do. If there’s any advice you could give me, I would rly appreciate it 🥺 thank u for letting me ramble and plS don’t feel pressured to respond. Xx <3

Hi love! I'm going to answer under the cut so that this doesn't get too long for people scrolling by:

I'm sorry about your situation with your friend, it never feels good to be neglected or to feel like you're not really wanted. And the thing is, you shouldn't have to feel that way with your friends. Like it's one thing if your friend is going through a busy/stressful time and she can't dedicate as much time to you, but it should always be temporary. If people want you around, they should make an effort with you. I'm not saying your friend doesn't want to spend time with you but maybe she hasn't even realized the lack of time she's spent with you and doesn't realize how she's been making you feel.

I would text your friend and let her know how you're feeling. Something else I've learned is that if you're afraid of losing someone by bringing up your feelings, that person isn't a sincere friend. You should be able to have open communication with your friends- especially your closest ones. Just make sure you're listening to her so that you both can be honest. If she doesn't answer your message to talk about how you've been feeling, then that's a huge sign as to how she's not treating you with the respect and care you deserve.

I also wonder about your friend's relationship considering she says she doesn't have friends, which makes it seem as though she misses having friends, but she can't seem to maintain friendships as long as she's in this relationship. I know in some toxic relationships, one person may be dedicating all of their time and attention to their partner to try to receive the love they feel they should be receiving. I don't want to make assumptions about her relationship but maybe just keep your eyes open for any signs of her being in a toxic relationship where she may not feel totally free or where she's constantly trying to keep her boyfriend's love and attention because he's not offering it willingly.

But ultimately, you should feel wanted and appreciated by your friends. So talk to her and see what's up. And if you're not happy in the friendship, you don't have to stay in it. Do what's best for you.

#anon #asks #bottom line- you deserve to feel wanted in all of your relationships

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randompony03 · 5 years ago

Text

Not In Kansas Anymore

Heyooo! So a bit ago, I had a little convo with @spiderversetweets and then I decided to make a fic based off of it, because I'm hella cringey. This might be bad, but whatev. This is the refined version, it's also posted on Wattpad and some of the writting is different.

Wattpad link:

Characters: Helena/MindFang (oc), Virgil/SpiderGale, Roman/Royal Slinger, Patton/LoveBite, Logan/Arachne, Thomas/Rainbow Weaver, MJ (oc)

Summary: MindFang gets stick in a certain spidey boy's room, and is ultimately stuck in his dimension as well. How will she get home?

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MindFang opened her eyes and groaned. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was swinging through Laurence and the next she was zipping down a tube of big time acid trips only to wake up in pain and...in a dark purple room? She sat up and looked around. There were band posters, black clothing items scattered about, and black out curtains. "What kinda emo lives here?" She mused to herself. "Where are we?" Asked the tiny voice of Rosie as she scuttled up MindFang's arm. "I have no clue." MindFang responded. She pulled down the hood of her cloak and took off her mask. A confused look came over her round, freckled face. She pulled out her phone and opened Twitter.

'MFangOfficial: Ok y'all, don't panic (I'm already doing enough of that), but I'm suddenly in someone's room. It's dark and really purple, but I have no idea how I got here.'

With that, she posted it. She signed and scrolled around until she started getting blown up with notifications. 'OMG, you ok?' 'Sis, you need us Topekans to rescue you this time?' '@MFangOfficial idk why, but mood.' She smiled and replied to any and all of them. One in particular grabbed her attention. 'SpiderGaleOfficial: Don't touch anything, I'm on my way.' She stared for a moment at the response. SpiderGale? Was that..a YouTuber? Or was she not alone?

'MFangOfficial:@SpiderGaleOfficial I give you my word. I like your spider though. Also, thanks.'

MindFang thought a moment. Could there really be someone else with abilities like hers? Well, outside her family that is. She watched as Rosie climbed up the leg of the table with a spider tank resting on it. The rose-knee curiously peered through the glass. The spider on the other side scuttled up to her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: He's a chill little dude.'

MindFang glanced back up at the spiders with a smile as they began to chatter at each other.

'MFangOfficial: Indeed he is. I kinda wanna hold him, but I promised. He's a tarantula right?'

She sat down on the floor. Holding up her mask she rubbed a thumb over it in thought. MindFang pulled the mask back on. She didn't know if this person was actually a superhero. They could be some Average Joe. The last thing she needed was some civilian finding out her identity. That would only add on to the stress today had brought her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: Yes, he is. If he lets you hold him go ahead.'

MindFang smiled brightly under her mask. She gently lowered her hand into the tank and offered it. The tarantula inside came closer. He hesitated before gingerly walking onto her hand. He happily chirped at her a greeting as she held him up. Rosie jumped onto her and made her way to her new buddy.

'MFangOfficial: You're a real pal. Oh he's so sweet.'

"Who are you texting, Helena?" The tiny voice of Rosie asked. Helena looked up from her phone. "The owner of your new friend." She told her. "Ask them for his name." Rosie said glancing back to the other tarantula. Helena cocked a brow. "Can't you ask him?" Rosie giggled at her. "Yes, and I already did, but you may as well make conversation." She said with a playful smirk in her voice. Helena sighed.

'What's his name btw?'

'SpiderGaleOfficial: I'll tell you when I get there.'

'MFangOfficial: 👌'

Helena eyed her spider companion. "You're a little shit, ya know." She said. "Don't forget it." Rosie laughed. Helena chuckled a bit herself. She felt a tingling sensation in the back of her head. "His name is JD." Came a new voice.

The masked girl turned around to see a boy in a purple and white onesie climbing in through the window. Helena's eyes widened as his did as well. The rest of the world seemed to tune out as an aura of purple and dark grey with bolts of bright lightning seemed to surround him. "..you're just like me." They spoke in unison. Helena went over and began to circle him. "That can't be right. I thought it was just me and my siblings. Is that hoodie built in?" She stopped in front of him, "God I love your suit." SpiderGale chuckled. He extended his hand and she shook it. Helena took off her mask once more. "By the way, I'm Helena." She told him, a smile settling onto to her freckled cheeks. The boy removed his own mask and shook out his purple hair. "Virgil." Helena couldn't help but chuckle. "Nice to see we have similar taste in hairstyles." She said, pointing out their heads being shaved on the same side, hers being wavy and auburn while his was straight and naturally dark with the longer part dyed.

Virgil took his turn to pace around her. Studying her. The two tarantulas on her shoulders, one of them being JD, the silver lining on her suit and cloak, the cool color scheme, the thigh-high Nightvale purple boots. "How did you get in here?" He asked. Helena ran a hand through her half a head of hair. "Well, that's the thing. I'm not entirely sure. I was sucked into some colorful tunnel and then woke up in here. That probably makes me sound like a crackhead though." Virgil stopped in front of her. "It sounds like you need to go home."

"So you said you can clearly communicate with spiders?" Talyn asked Helena as they examined her. "Uh, yeah." Helena watched them. Joan stood back and took notes. "Interesting." Talyn mused. Virgil cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "I think you're getting a little off topic." He said, raising a brow. "Oh, right. Sorry, it's just so fascinating is all." Talyn apologized, stepping away from Helena. They went over to join Joan and began quickly muttering to them.

Virgil stepped over to Helena. "Sorry about that, they tend to get sidetracked when something tickles their curiosity." He explained. "It's fine, I guess. I just didn't think my powers were all that interesting or whatever." She shrugged.

"Well, they are when my friends and I can only partially make out what they say."

"There's more than one of you??"

"Yeah. What, are you the only one where you come from?"

"Well, no. My sister got bit as well and my brother made something called a symbiote."

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Huh, we have someone with a symbiote here too." Helena looked down at the floor. "What the fuck." She whispered.

Joan and Talyn came back over to them. "Ok, after talking it over we think we can get you home. Although, it may take a while to make the machinery needed." Joan told Helena. "How long would 'a while' be?" She asked. "About five weeks if we can get Logan to help. Interdimensional transport isn't exactly common or anything." Talyn explained. Helena felt her stomach drop. Five weeks? Oh God, what was she supposed to tell her parents? Could she even contact them? Tears began to sting her eyes. She turned around and walked a few paces away. No. God no. Not here. Not now.

"Helena, you ok?" She heard Virgil's voice ask. "YeAH." She replied. Damn it, that voice crack would give her away. Hesitantly, Virgil placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, look at me." Despite every red flag her brain was sending her about letting him see her like this, she faced him. "Breath with me. In for three, hold for four, out for seven." He instructed as he demonstrated for her. After a few rounds of this, Helena had seemed to calm down. "Better?" He asked. She nodded. "Better"

Helena had been taken and introduced to Virgil's friends; Logan, Roman, Patton, and Thomas, who seemed more like a tired dad than a friend. Patton flopped down next to her on Thomas' couch. "So, if you're stuck here for five weeks, where are you going to stay?" He asked her. Helena's face fell. "Oh, uh, I hadn't really thought of that." Helena admitted. "And what are you going to wear? Don't get me wrong, I love your suit, but that can't be all you have, is it?" Roman added. "...My civilian clothes are back home." She mumbled. The boys all looked at each other before leaning in and quietly discussing the situation. Helena tuned them out and began to fret all over again. Where was she going to stay? Perhaps she could just bum around town and live like the homeless for the next few weeks? Did they have a homeless shelter perhaps?

The boys stopped talking and turned back to Helena. "Well, I guess you could stay with me for now." Thomas offered. The girl was taken aback. "Oh no, I don't wanna be a bother!" She argued. Thomas shook his head. "You wouldn't. It's not like these guys don't frequently come and go from here." He insisted. Helena was about to debate the offer all over again when the door opened.

A red-haired man walked in and over to Thomas. He slipped his arms around the other's shoulders. "Hey, guys." He greeted with a smile. "Hey, MJ." The boys replied in unison. The man, known as MJ, spotted Helena. The girl was caught off guard and ended up making eye contact. She nervously waved. "Who's this?" MJ asked, standing up straight. "This is Helena. She's a long ways from home." Thomas explained.

"How far?"

"A whole other world far."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. I was just telling her that she could stay here with us until Joan and Talyn finish their transporter."

MJ's eyes shined as he looked back up at Helena. "I think that's a great idea." Helena mentally sighed. It seemed there was no way of getting out of this.

Living with Thomas and MJ turned out to be pretty nice. Thankfully she was able to give her parents an excuse for her absence. Since she had been at the library, last they knew, she had gotten some of her friends to agree to be her scapegoat. As far as her parents were concerned, she was spending the next few weeks at with the Loockes. Through her experience there, she had come to know the rest of the boys pretty well. Roman had insisted on taking her out shopping so she could look her best. Thanks to him, she had practically an entirely new wardrobe. Patton had shown her how to bake practically every kind of cookie. When Logan wasn't helping Joan and Talyn, she'd let him ramble about whatever topic he wished. She thought the number of things he knew was fascinating. Virgil was a lot like her in some ways. They often sat around sending memes to each other and discussing horror movies. By the end of it, they had all become good friends. The time did come, however, for Helena to go home.

She had been sitting on the couch drawing with Roman and talking about cartoons they watched as kids when Logan came into the room. "Helena, it's finished." He informed her. She stared back at him in wonder and blinked a few times. "It is?" Logan nodded. She looked down at her sketchpad. "I honestly thought I'd be a little more excited to go home." She said with a half-hearted chuckle. Roman reached over and patted her back.. "We'll miss you too." A sad smile rested on his face. He understood what she meant.

Helena went to pack what belongings she had. While folding and putting away all the clothes Roman had picked out for her, the door to the room burst open. Before she could fully process the outburst a pair of arms were hrown thrownaround her. "I can't believe it's over already!" Wailed the voice of Patton. Helena smiled when she realized who it was that attack-hugged her. She returned the hug, getting a bit misty-eyed. "I know. I'm gonna miss you,, Pat." She said softly. "Ok Patton, give her some space." Virgil laughed from his leaning position in the doorway. Patton pulled back with a slight whine and glossy eyes. "How did you guys know I was leaving right now?" Helena asked them. Roman stepped in. "I may have texted them." He admitted.

Logan came into the room as well. "Helena, could I see your phone?" The girl complied and handed it over to him. He took off the back and slid what looked like some kind of SD card into it. He popped the back on again and handed it back to her. "When you activate that, it should allow you to keep your contact with us." He explained. Helena smiled so warmly. "Thank you, Logan." Virgil punched him in the arm. "You softie." He teased.

Eventually, Helena had been all packed up, even between all the chatter. She had said her final goodbyes and received an especially long hug from Patton and MJ at the same time. With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of bright white.

After she had come back inside and spun a tale of what she had 'been up to with the Loockes, she went down to her room and flopped onto her bed. Her phone buzzed as Rosie crawled out of her pocket. Helena pulled out the device. 5 messages from SpiderGang. A smile crept over her face as she tapped on the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sings-A-Lot: With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of blindingly bright white.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing on the corner of her block. Looks like those two had a pretty precise aim. She walked up to the front door of her home and knocked. Once her parents had finished interrogating her about what she and the Loockes had been up to, she escaped downstairs to her room. Flopping onto her bed, she felt her phone buzz. Rosie crawled out of her jacket pocket as she pulled the device out. 5 messages from Spider Gang. A smile crept onto her face as she tapped the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: @Bi-Stander Greetings!

Pocket-Protector: If the chip is functioning, salutations.

Dark-And-Stormy-Night: Yo

Could-Be-Gayer: Hey, kiddo

Tears of joy began to sting her eyes as she read over the messages.

Bi-Stander: Hey guys

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And that's all she (I) wrote! This is set in the world of the spiderverse au made by the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil . If you guys read this, I hope you like it!

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alottamoney · 3 years ago

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Lisa anon here.You are not a cynic.Two third of the army thinks whatever they see on Tv, whatever bh says is the ultimate truth. This is the most bizarre phenomenon that maybe is as close to a cult as I have seen so far.Even nature documentaries are rearranged for giving suspense and dramatic shots.But an entertainment company that makes money by dancing,singing and putting out reality content wouldn't because they made pinky promise.Okay.

Why Jungkook chose Jimin is simple.Why Jimin filled the gap that taekook apparently left out is even simpler.It is because 1. Jimin wanted to. 2. There was an opportunity for career growth. Jimin is a clout chaser.If being bff with a goat would get him to the peak, you would see everywhere "Jimin bff with goat". In early years of bts Tae was popular.He hung out with Tae.Then he was teamed with Taekook.Then from 2017 when Tae fell out of favour with bh,Jimin was with JK.A lot can be said regarding Jimin's primary goal and how it changed with each era, how his ambition changed, and it really deserves a post on its own. Him always putting bts first no matter what,ride or die,shows he can't separate himself from bts to the point that he doesn't want other members to do it too.He will stand against them if they moved against BTS.He has mentioned he cut off close friends because they were speaking bad about the member/s.In early 2018 he and JK publicly teamed up to peer pressure Tae I think because Tae was really reconsidering renewing his contract.He knew if Tae goes,JK will go too.At the outset of that year that was supposed to happen.Tae wanted to leave.No one had any major problem.But when Kookie wanted to leave that was when everyone went mental.Only Suga supported them unconditionally.The texts that only the two got.Jin mentioned Kookie would stay in his room all day in 2018 and shut himself in.Tae left the house in 2018 February.JK has lived with Tae from 2011.I think I don't need to emphasize how big of a shock that was to JK.He grasped at anything to cope.He completely changed his persona.He was on medication probably.I say this because this sudden surge of confidence,chanting this mantra of I love myself,I am happy over and over again, these were completely,and I mean completely opposite of JK up until even January 2018.Jimin actually listened to him at that time.He in the beginning helped Tae get to JK in 2016.After that due to bh interference, jimin and JK became bff more than Vmin.That period wasn't the problem.The problem started in 2018 when V realized Jimin was tending to his interest first and JK was embroiled in it.Jikook had a symbiotic relationship without knowing.

Jungkook wants Tae like he is oxygen and this is not funny.He really can't think straight if they are not close anymore.He has found a father,lover,brother,mentor everything in Tae and this dependence got a reality check when Tae moved out.He tried to fill that with Jimin's affection for a time.He really tried moving away from that emotional dependence.This is complete conjecture but I think JK spilled secrets to Jimin that he shouldn't have about Tae and taekook because that's how introverts roll.When they are close with someone that's where all their secrets go.That's why I think it's not a Jimin problem.He is an independent agent working for his goal with whatever resource is available to him.It is a jungkook problem.If Jimin is not there to listen to him, he will look for other distractions.He needs to fill up that gaping void where Tae resides during good times.

I agree taekook is not the sort to discuss.People came in too late in the fandom.Taekook have done a lot of early relationship courting behavior in 2013- 2014 when they were very young.After 2015 they were not in the stage of figuring out if they liked each other.They knew they liked each other since 2015.People are wrong when they try to find signs of liking in 2020.They are over and done with all of that now they have hit the boring phase but they keep it exciting nevertheless.

I want to mention something interesting.There is a lot of talk about how JK's stare at Tae is not special because he stares at everyone.But this is the only pair where one involved(Tae) gestures the other(JK) to look away and stop looking.This has happened multiple times.Snowwhite Tae behind the scene,before spine breaker mv shooting,in one of the US interviews with Hoseok in between.

The memories 2020 segment that I described,and the almost kissing scene should confirm to people that Jimin does things to his own end.No he is not coming in between taekook.But he was mocking Tae. Taekook cannot act that way in public.If Jimin still did that gimmick, that means it's nothing serious to him.Which is tremendously insensitive to the lgbt causes.Knowing Tae didn't like it,he raised his brow AT TAE like saying 'What are you gonna do?'.Members are going to invite him to their wedding like 'wish you could come but you are so busy don't you have that thing on that very day so unfortunate we know you will be with us in spirit bye'. No wonder they are estranged from him.And Kookie acted like my dog when she hears 'bath time'.Pretend you are not here. Jungkook is thinking he is performing the sacred duty of holding bts together.He doesn't want them to suffer because of taekook.He doesn't want members to fight.He prioritizes bts over his own relationship because he does not want to be seen selfish.But..old habits die hard. I wouldn't have paid any extra attention to that mock kissing attempt if I hadn't seen the aftermath of it in a video at least 3 or 4 months ago.Tae was really angry in that shoot.While singing he and Jimin touched head while sitting and JK came jumping and separated them.In that video it was seen as JK getting jealous of Vmin but V doesn't hide his angry face.The whole time JK was looking at Tae.In todays's dropped memories in bts, Tae ignored JK when he was trying to catch up with him on the same day.

I have seen kookie trying fanservice with members but they are not jimin.They respect Tae.They are older and don't see why they need to do these things specially when they are getting into the next phase of their life :serious relationships. You think they see Kookie and thank him for saving bts?They see a child who is desperately trying to hold onto his favourite toy even if it means destroying himself in the process.I think JK has already started seeing how respect in relationships work by observing the members relationships.You think they are gonna let Jimin climb all up on their gf while their gf act like a statue?JK in his weverse said he doesn't think about the past,his focus is always to the future.His ego wouldn't be able to cope if he did.

There are a lot of secrets within that group.They want to stay truthful but it is not what happens.Tae and bh, their relationship is key to uncovering all of the favouring that Jimin got in the successive years.In this festa he said he believed about himself "I can make my own way". Jimin's insecurity is so deep rooted, anything to cover that up. RM said in the same festa he stopped believing that people are inherently good.

You have a nice weekend.

Lisa anon,

“Cult” would be an accurate description. "Pinky promise" lol it wouldn't be so bizarre if I didn't see adults say such naïve things.

My confusion arises because I started with the assumption that Jimin didn't have an agenda. I guess if you look at it that way both BH and Jimin's own desire for visibility could have played into it but I also think Jikook did have a genuine bond, a bond that changed from the early years independent from company and shippers narratives but Jungkook's relationship with the rest remained the same from whatever we can see. That part I don't understand. I could be wrong about this but there was quite a bit of Jikook even in the earlier content so the company always had plans for them but it didn't morph into it's current form the until 2017.

May I ask why you think Tae was the only one to move out? Couldn't they all afford their own places by then? I wasn't in the fandom back then so the personality shift in Jungkook isn't as clear to me as it would be to someone who was closely watching them in real time. Interesting thing about the staring you brought up there. Anti-Taekookers have made it their mission to convince everyone that Taekook isn't special and never was. Even if they paint him as someone who ignores Tae, I am of the opinion that Jungkook can be a bit (very) intense. So, I am somewhat in agreement with the "wanting Tae like oxygen" sentiment lol. I can definitely see them disagreeing over their friends, living arrangements and loyalty to the band but none interestingly enough seems to lead them to reconsider the whole relationship thing. If you take into account their environment and the things they have to deal with daily, the only reason they lasted so long is that one or both of them really want this unless they feed off the drama of it all.

That memories 2020 Jikook clip was quite something, I'll need more time to piece it all together but yes, it looked awkward. Some things may be obvious to us but until Jungkook himself says or does something it'll just be "Taekookers making Jimin the villain of their kdrama" type responses. The new trend is to say that Tae is the one who makes Jungkook uncomfortable whenever Jungkook doesn't respond when Tae interacts with him. It's a losing battle and I'm not interested in convincing anyone if they refuse to see.

I think the accusation against Jungkook was that he increased fanservice with the other members for attention. After the 2019 scandals Jungkook seems to have this parallel image of being the black sheep of BTS, the intentions behind his actions are over-analyzed. He’s painted as this two-faced, opportunistic person who would throw anyone under the bus for his image and solo career, using his bandmates to queerbait unsuspecting fans, and so on. Jungkook doesn’t help his case the way handles certain things which makes me think he really is unaware of how the fandom perceives him or Taekook. That would explain a lot actually and it makes sense I’d probably avoid this fandom and filter content too.

I’m probably going to annoy you but I don’t take Festa content at face value either. BTS definitely have a lot to hide, I’m impressed by how they managed to stay unscathed so far. I feel we won’t get the truth from them any time soon. They have more reasons to be careful and they’ve become too significant for Koreans to let anything happen to them. So, only a huge scandal will take them down.

You too have a nice weekend. 💜

#taekook #vkook #bts kookv #bts jungkook #bts taehyung #ask me questions

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