#social interactions and social media so they don't respond to chats and kinda disappear
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#I'm so chronically online + have the date posts where made on and notifs for loads of ppl that I notice when someone's been around less#or not at all#and considering that i usually still reblog tons of stuff even when i personally feel I'm barely one plus being in a different timezone#yo many of my moots they probably don't really see my posting stuff live anyway#so i wonder if anyone even notices a difference#or if anyone would notice if i was away for a few days#like when i used to visit grandma or during that event in august#/neg#negative#negativity#just really barrelling down the 'no one would notice if i disappeared' trail#while also feeling annoying. and like I'm doing depression wrong cause like everyone I know isolates themselves or doesnt have energy for#social interactions and social media so they don't respond to chats and kinda disappear#and I'm just. a nuisance always lmao. can't get rid of me.#UNLESS i repeatedly witness someone brushing me off cause no energy but then regularly interact/chat with other people#cause im a jealous bitch lol#something something don't put more energy into relationships than the other person#and then it turns out if i don't make the effort and am proactive there'll be barely any talking at all#even when ive known someone longer#idk if its something about me or i just miss the stage where you become best friends or what#but yeah im disposable lmao#the one no one notices is missing and is always forgotten#maybe ive spent too much of my life trying to be invisible that its now just become some intrinsic part of my being#im just nothing special
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