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inkribbon796 · 3 years ago

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Not So Baby Brother

Summary: Tubbo is trying desperately to bury his past, if only everyone around him wasn’t interested in digging back up in front of him.

A/N: Warning for hinted child abuse and endangerment. Both to Tubbo, Puffy, Schlatt, and to Michael. I try to keep the majority of it off screen or undetailed but it’s still there. These events coupled with his time with the SMP makes Tubbo in this AU who he is in the present. Which is emotionally withdrawn and prone to pushing people away.

Tubbo in the first flashback was about four, while Schlatt and Puffy were about 10.

~::~ 13 Years Ago ~::~

Tubbo was in his bed, hiding under the covers, hands over his ears as he heard the arguing and smashing of things across the house. The little four year old was so scared and he didn’t know what to do.

Then his door opened and Tubbo hiccuped in fear. He tried to stay quiet and still, hoping that if he did the person would just leave him alone.

A hand came down where his shoulder was.

Tubbo flinched.

“Tubster? You awake?”

The little boy let out a breath of relief, it was his big brother. Still scared, Tubbo peeked his head out from underneath the covers to see both his siblings there: Schlatt and Puffy.

Schlatt looked bad but he still smiled at Tubbo. “Hey don’t cry, c’mere[1].”

Tubbo was already crawling his way over to Schlatt and crying, and he couldn’t stop.

“C’mon,[2] you know what he’s gonna[3] do if he catches you crying,” Schlatt tried to calm him down.

Puffy came to sit next to them, her own eyes wet. Schlatt slightly rocked Tubbo to try and comfort him.

“Hey, T-Man,” Schlatt tried to soothe him. “Kinda[4] loud isn’t it?”

“We’ve got you,” Schlatt held Tubbo tightly, the younger brother still shaking and sobbing. “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”

Tubbo nodded his head, clutching onto his brother. A little embrace of safety for a young boy whose life was so turbulent and scary. Tonight nothing would hurt, and that was what mattered to the young boy.

~::~ Present Day ~::~

“I was just thinking about it Tubbo . . . we like to have fun.”

“Schlatt, I can’t get out.”

“I know what you’ve been up to.”

“Uh, what have I been up to?”

“Everyone knows what you’ve been up to!”

“Do you know what we do to traitors, Tubbo?”

“. . . No?”

“Techno, you wanna come up here for a second?”

“Let’s just send a message, real quick.”

“Techno, if you would be so kind.”

“Murder him right now, on this fucking stage, and make it hurt!”

“Tubbo, I’m sorry, I’ll make it quick.”

“Techno, what the hell!”

“Wilbur!”

Tubbo shot up in bed, his eyes wild and heart racing. He was disoriented at first, expecting himself to be in some hole somewhere, still in pain after pulling himself together from a discorporation and desperate to escape before Schlatt found him again.

Tubbo surged out of bed, trying to get away.

Then he heard ruffling behind him and disgruntled child sobs.

And Tubbo came back to himself, he looked back to see Michael crying and Ranboo sitting up in his own bed. Tubbo mentally chastised himself.

“Mikey? Daddy’s sorry, did I wake you up?” Tubbo walked back to his bed, his pace quickening when Michael reached up and made grabby hands towards Tubbo.

Ranboo was already getting out of his bed and walking over to them. He looked like he was going to collapse in a heap of limbs on the floor. “Hmmm,” Ranboo hummed.

The two-toned teen stopped right outside the bed and gestured with his tail, “Can I join?”

Tubbo scooted over a bit, and Ranboo sat down as Tubbo tried to rock and soothe their adopted son. Ranboo making little cooing and odd vwoop noises, while Tubbo was humming some lullaby, that helped Michael fall back asleep with the familiarity.

A little family the two teens had carved for themselves.

Tubbo and Ranboo had found the small boy thrown away by some demon hunter as a “disappointing failure” and after Tubbo left Ranboo to tend to the scared and crying boy, Tubbo went to “fetch the adoption papers” and the mage was never seen again. Ranboo didn’t question what Tubbo had done but they took the boy, bundled him up in Tubbo’s jacket and got the boy some food before taking him into the Bee ‘n Boo before spending the next couple hours finishing the attic store room and Ranboo used their downstairs storage for all the establishment’s storage.

That day Ranboo busied himself around their bed and breakfast as Tubbo kept the boy entertained and fed. Michael immediately bonded with Tubbo, and Ranboo found himself falling in love with the boy as well.

The attic was immediately barred from all entry that wasn’t either of the owners. Tubbo made the announcement and was very firm. Beforehand it was frequently used as a temporary living space for Ranboo and Tubbo and they just didn’t want anyone in their personal space anymore.

Which was true but now Michael was there and Tubbo desperately didn’t want people like Quackity and Techno to find out about Michael quite yet. The boy had been through enough and . . . Tubbo wanted a little slice of peace.

He didn’t think that was too much to ask.

Right?

And it certainly didn’t help that bonds and possessions were treated like weaknesses to be exploited and used as currency. Sapnap and Dream had long since set a precedent for that.

So as Tubbo sat in the dark attic bedroom, holding his son in his arms, he pushed down his fear and focused on Michael, who needed him right now.

Soon the little boy was back asleep, tucked back into bed, and Tubbo threw up his arms. He got up because, after his nightmare, there was no way he was getting back to sleep.

So Tubbo changed into his suit and made sure he wasn’t wearing his horns before he left to go down to the staff lounge for a coffee.

“Tubs,” Ranboo called out, shifting in his suit and looking human. “You okay?”

“Yeah, go back ta[5] bed, bossman,” Tubbo dismissed.

“You sure, you’ve got a big day, and we got a lot to do here,” Ranboo looked uneasy.

Tubbo didn’t trust his voice at first, but when he did he told him, “Go back ta[5] bed. I’m grabbing a coffee.”

“Oh, okay,” Ranboo looked away and slowly went back into the room. Tubbo knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep. But at least it gave Tubbo time to clear his head.

After three coffees, four hours of paperwork, and bullshiting around with Tommy for a bit; Tubbo was overjoyed to put on his Bomble Bee costume and start running around town with Tommy like a maniac.

It was freeing, the suit went on and he wasn’t Tubbo anymore. He was free.

Logic and Jackie were less than enthused to find them by themselves, and Tubbo didn’t appreciate the babysitter, but at least Logan didn’t talk down to Tubbo during it.

They went on a patrol around Brighton, and they were halfway through when Logan brought something up, “You have a sister?”

Tubbo flipped up his visor to glare at Logan, “Thought we agreed family wasn’t shit?”

“There was no agreement on that matter, that was merely a comment you made,” Logic sighed. “If you feel unsafe around your blood related family that is one thing, but demon magic or not you are still underage and the Coalition is bound to follow the law as far as it is actually protecting people.”

“I legally emancipated,” Tubbo countered, flicking his visor back down. “Tommy’s an idiot who doesn’t know how ta[5] do shit. I don’t need anyone ta[5] sign anything fer[6] me.”

“Do you have copies of those legal documents?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, at the BnB,” Tubbo told him. “You wanna pop on over?”[7]

“There’s no rush at the moment, you can email me those tonight when you get home,” Logan offered Tubbo an out. “However, I would like to know the nature of your relationship with your family. You don’t need to go into detail, I trust you had your reasons for emancipation if that was the route you chose to follow.”

“Don’t talk with my parents, if you can call ‘em[8] that, and I haven’t fer[6] years, I only really talk ta[5] my older sister?” Tubbo told him. “She lives in Gainesville with her girlfriend.”

“Are you on good terms with her?” Logan asked. “I wouldn’t want you in communication with someone who is hostile emotionally or physically to you or your family.”

“Nah, she’s alright, she’s part ‘a[9] the Server though, you wanna[10] meet her?” Tubbo smiled.

Logan thought on that, “We might want to send some kind of warning if we go over. Last I checked, several of them had sent me death threats. Does your sister know you’re working with us?”

“Oh yeah,” Tubbo lifted himself up with his bumble bee wings, looking quite proud of himself. “I got several pissed off texts from some ‘a[9] the guys after they saw me an’[11] Big Man on the news. It was great, Quackity screamed at me fer[6] at least five minutes.”

“Are you certain you will be safe when you visit your sister?” Logan asked again.

“Oh yeah,” Tubbo promised. “Come on.”

The logical Side continued to ask questions, letting Tubbo use his phone to send a supervised text to his sister: Puffy. Then they started making their way over.

When they got to the condo Puffy lived at, Tubbo didn’t even knock. In fact he practically kicked the door open.

“Puffy!” Tubbo cupped his hands over his ears and called into the townhouse, calling out at the top of his lungs. “You fuckin’[12] Niki in here?”

“Fuck you, Tubbo! You little gremlin piece ‘a[9] shit!” Someone shouted from upstairs.

Tubbo chuckled and announced loudly, “I bought company.”

“Hide the good kush[13]!” Someone else yelled and Tubbo laughed even more.

“Hey Hannah,” Tubbo greeted as he walked in and motioned for Logan to follow him. “Alyssa in?”

“Don’t care,” Hannah was on her phone, sitting in an armchair. “She’s probably off with Callahan.”

“Yeah, prolly[14],” Tubbo replied. He started walking towards the kitchen, he quietly motioned for Logan to follow him.

Tubbo immediately went for the fridge, leaving Logan to just look around the little space. It was obviously lived in, and on the far wall were some pictures of several women with various people Logan recognized as being from the Server. But there was one almost hidden, almost completely tucked behind a bowl full of different colored rocks. It was a small framed picture in the corner of the kitchen, almost hidden from view, of a much younger Tubbo surrounded by some people that Logan didn’t recognize.

Logan didn’t have long to inspect the photos and start making inferences that he would most likely never ask, because someone stomped into the kitchen.

She had fluffy hair that was a chestnut brown on one side, and white on the other. Flecks of rainbow hairs interspersed on both halves. She was one of the people in the picture, Logan quickly realized. She resembled Tubbo a little bit, and on prolonged examination, Logan noticed that her fluffy hair was hiding a set of thick, curled ram horns. The kind that looked capable of crushing someone’s skull if they made an impact.

Logan figured that Tubbo’s would probably look like that in a couple years, just a bit more like a goat’s.

Tubbo glanced at her before asking, “Where are those rad fuckin’ ice lollies yeh bought?”[15]

“You took them last week for Michael,” Puffy snapped.

“Ohhh, yeah, he loved those,” Tubbo smiled, closing the freezer. He gave her a smug look. “So you didn’t buy more then?”

“No,” she gave him the stink eye. Then she glanced at Logan. “Who’s your friend?”

“Pardon me,” Logan spoke up. “My name is Logic, from the Coalition, I believe I texted you a little bit ago.”

“Yeah, I did get something,” Puffy agreed hesitantly. “Who’s this?”

“My mentor,” Tubbo pointed at Logic as he closed the fridge

“Huhhh,” Puffy hummed. “Hey, Tubbo, why don’t you go into the next room and watch some Adventure Time?”

“Don’t kill him,” Tubbo told her pointedly.

“And take that fight from Bad and Big Q, are you insane?” Puffy told him. “Oh, wait, you build bombs, of course you are.”

Tubbo held up two fingers, his middle and index, and flipped her off before walking off.

“You asshole!” Puffy told him and Tubbo was already cackling in laughter. When he’d completely turned his back, Puffy rolled her eyes and smiled. “Ehhh, he’s a good kid.

“He is,” Logan agreed, “Tubbo is intelligent and resourceful. Even if he is threatening to set off explosives under the guise of experimentation.”

“Yep, that’s Tubs alright,” Puffy chuckled. “He always liked figuring out how stuff worked, even as a little kid. He’s like a baby mad scientist.”

“Excuse you, I am a full blown mad scientist, I e’en[16] have the arrest record ta[5] prove it!” Tubbo boasted from the other room.

“From what Tubbo has told me, you seem to approve of him working with us,” Logan commented.

“Hell yeah,” Puffy told him, leaning against the counter as she watched him. “Between Ranboo, the Bee ‘n Boo, and working with you guys; Tubbo’s happier than I’ve seen him in a while.”

“That is good,” Logan agreed. “Tubbo’s mental and physical well-being is of primary importance.”

“You talk like a textbook, you sure you’re not a robot?” Puffy asked.

“I do not classify as an inorganic being,” Logan answered.

“Sure you don’t,” Puffy smiled. “So what brings you to the neighborhood? I’m guessing you didn’t come over just to stand in our kitchen and look like Apple’s version of Robocop?”

“No, that’s not the reason I came to visit,” Logan agreed. “The Coalition prefers, if possible, to have a good working relationship with the families of our apprentices. So that in the case of emergencies they can be notified. While I am glad you and Tubbo seem to have a positive relationship, the more important question is are there any safety risks that any other members of your family would pose to Tubbo or his family?”

Puffy looked uneasy, “What has he told you?”

“Not much,” the logical Side admitted. “I haven’t known him for long enough, but when I asked him about his extraneous family, Tubbo mentioned he was emancipated, and that he was not in communication with his parents. He only mentioned you, and I have seen his son once.”

“We had an older brother,” Puffy frowned, looking over at the half-hidden picture. “Started turning into a demon around the same time as Tubbo and I, and he was . . .”

She looked down, “Well he was the type of demon you keep your kids away from, and I wasn’t there to keep my eyes on them.”

“That must have been a difficult experience for everyone,” Logan tried to offer his sympathies.

Puffy looked in the direction of the hidden picture, “I should have been there, it would have never happened if Phil and I had been there to stop them. But the real problem is Dream has something that can apparently restore a demon. I don’t know how thorough it is, or if it’s just something he tells Tommy and the others to make them afraid of what he can do. But he apparently needs some of the original demon’s essence or aura and both Schlatt and Will left those behind. Wilbur left Ghostbur behind, and Quackity cremated everything but Schlatt’s heart and five of his bones. Meaning if Dream gets his hands on even one of those bones then he could, if he does have that power, bring Schlatt back any time he wanted. And I’d ask you to get those bones from Quackity and Dream but that means going into the Server and there’s no way Dream would allow you in. Just, if Wilbur and Schlatt come back, promise me you’ll keep those three safe?”

“With my life,” Logan promised. “The death and manipulation of children are unacceptable.”

Puffy smiled, a breathy little snort coming from her, “You know, I always heard that legates were buttfuck insane. Glad to know you’re not.”

“I am not in the Coalition for fame and vainglory. Others might be, but I strive to make the world a better place, and such can only happen through the acquisition of knowledge and reason over fear. Of fact over fiction. Tubbo is, despite his demon aura and insistence to the contrary, still a child. And regardless of all of that he is a person who deserves to be in a safe and loving environment.”

“Yeah the Server’s never been that kind to minors,” Puffy scoffed. “It’s kinda[4] like taking a box of kittens and turning them into robotic war machines. Tubbo and Purpled just took to it better than the others.”

“How many minors are in the Server still?” Logan was concerned. The trio the heroes were dealing with already had their pasts marred by trauma and death, he’d never considered there were others still trapped in the same unsafe environment.

“You have three,” Puffy began counting. “Quackity still has Purpled and Fundy in Las Nevadas so they’re doing slightly better than they were before when they were working directly under Dream. You guys also got Jack, who just turned nineteen. But I would not trust Jack alone with Tommy, he threatened to kill him several times.”

“Thank you for the information,” Logan told her. “Anything else you can tell me about the other two minors?”

“So, Purpled is from a league of assassins and he loves money too much to defect,” Puffy dismissed. “You’d need to start paying him the big bucks to make him switch sides and Quackity already gave a good price. While Dream is paying his older brother through the nose to keep him out of Quackity’s hands as well. Punz is older than me though, so if Purpled went anywhere else it would be back with him. But Fundy is a different story. He’s Wilbur’s spawnling and Fundy is kinda[4] a basket case already. If you can get him away from Quackity, good, but I don’t imagine he’d go all that easily and Big Q’s only gonna[3] clamp down harder on him. Fundy and Tubbo were kinda[4] the server mascots back in the day since they were the babies of the group.”

“Everyone loved Tubbo,” Puffy smiled fondly before frowning sadly. “But that’s not the case anymore. He’s made himself a lot of enemies.”

“I see, thank you, I will relay the message to the others and we’ll do what we can for them,” Logan promised.

Puffy came off of the counter. “Thanks, no one in the Server really thought twice about those kids, they kinda[4] just tossed ‘em[8] around and personally I’m really glad you got the ones you do out of there. All three of ‘em[8] have been through enough.”

Then she went to poke her head out of the kitchen. “Tubbo, take yer friend and get out of my house, I don’t want you in here while we’re out.”

“Sure,” Tubbo kicked his feet up and already started for the front door. “Whate’er, go back ta snoggin’ yer girlfriend, I’ve got shit ta blow up.”[17]

And he was out, leaving Logan to immediately rush off after him, which got both of them out of the condo. Puffy watching them with a smile.

Tubbo, as it turns out, did not make good on his explosion test threats, he continued on his patrol, and then went back home to the Bee ‘n Boo. Walking in with a suit and his usual business-friendly smile. Logan, meanwhile, returned to the base to communicate with, especially Ethan, about what he had heard from Tubbo’s sister.

To clear his mind, Tubbo immediately went into his apiary to make sure his bees were alright. Which is exactly where Ranboo found Tubbo.

“Hey, Tubs,” Ranboo smiled and Tubbo managed a small smile back.

“Hey, bossman,” Tubbo was looking at him through the fringe of his hair, “how have things been?”

“Been alright,” Ranboo sat next to Tubbo, crossing his legs as he sat down. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Tubbo denied, trying to ignore what had happened in the morning.

“Because,” Ranboo mentally halted, “this morning you screamed and you looked really scared, and I didn’t know how to help.”

“C’mon,[2] big man, I’m fine,” Tubbo lied. “E’eryone[18] has the occasional nightmares, I was just jumpy. Happens ta[5] e’eryone[18].”

“Y—” Ranboo looked away. “Yeah, I guess, but you know you can talk to me? Right?”

“Yeah, of course, same fer[6] you,” Tubbo told him, both teens knowing that they kept secrets from each other.

“I’m thinking,” Tubbo redirected, “pizza fer dinner. Wanna order somethin’?”[19]

“Sure, yeah,” Ranboo agreed and after Tubbo finished caring for the apiary, and the pizza was delivered, they both retired to their dwelling and Michael was very happy to settle down with both his dads for the night. The little boy stuffing his face with pizza, and trying to feed some to his stuffed toy chicken. The three of them watched cartoons until Michael fell asleep and Tubbo tucked him into bed.

Tubbo and Ranboo hoped that tomorrow would be a better day for all three of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. come here

2. come on

3. going to

4. kind of

5. to

6. for

7. You want to head on over?

8. them

9. of

10. want to

11. and

12. fucking

13. weed

14. probably

15. Where are those really fuckin’ good ice lollies [popsicles] you bought?

16. even

17. Whatever, go back to kissing your girlfriend, I’ve got shit to blow up.

18. Everyone

19. pizza for dinner. Want to order something?

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sambart93 · 6 years ago

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Touken Ranbu The Movie [Review]

It’s finally here! It’s finally arrived! We waited so long and it’s finally here! I’m hoping I can see it at least one more time before it stops at the cinema because it is so good!

NON-SPOILER REVIEW Overall: This was amazing! I absolutely adored and loved so many parts of this movie!! I loved the story, I loved the reinterpretation of history, I loved the twists and surprises (there are so many that you don’t expect!), I loved the action, I loved the colouring, I loved the cinematography and the camera shots, I loved seeing their pretty make up and their pretty faces on a big giant screen! They all looked amazing!! My honest to god only complaint is that (1) there is a very obvious voice dub within the first 15 minutes of the movie; (2) some of the editing and transitions between scenes were just not smooth at all. The editing was really rough compared to how amazingly produced everything else is in this movie. A few cuts really pissed me off and some transitions were so jarring. I do have one more complaint but it’s spoilery so I’ll list that below. But everything else was amazing! Cannot wait for the DVD! Rating: 8/10 if only the editing had been better.

SPOILER REVIEW

Story

We are back at Honnouji no Hen trying to stop the Jikansokougun from interfering with it. You know the story if you’ve read the history and/or watched the first stage.

Now to the spoilers...

The TouDan think they’ve finished off the Jikansokougun and go back to the Honmaru, but in fact there was still one left who grabs Oda and takes him to a safe place. When Oda wakes up he has the whole Jikansokougun army within his grasp and one of the commanders ‘Mume’ can talk to him and stays by Oda’s side. The TouDan realise what’s happened and goes back. While there Jiji actually saves and rans away with Oda. Everyone feels betrayed but they continue their mission of keeping and eye on Hideyoshi. Jiji takes Oda to Azuchi where Hideyoshi raids and tries to burn down (as per the correct history) but again the Jikansokougun interfere.

I’ll stop there so you’re not too spoiled if you did carry on to read more.

Using the star format as usual so it’s easier and quicker for me to get through reviews.

General Comments

☆ This was so BEAUTIFULLY SHOT! Some of the shots are so well done and they all looked so damn pretty! They must’ve had a very nice budget for this movie because it’s visually beautiful, the colouring used is beautiful, so many shots are just PERFECT!

☆ I loved the close ups of all the swords! Being able to see their pretty faces (which had a lot lighter make up than what they wear on stage so their natural beauty shined out more!) so close up was just wonderful ^_^

☆ Also their makeup! I absolutely adored their make up in this!! All of the swords except Nihongo have eyeliner half way across their bottom lashes (yeah this is how good the quality is and how well you can see the makeup and how goddamn observant I am xD). And they all looked SO NICE!

☆ NIHONGO’S ONSIE for uchiba/Internal Affairs is freaking ADORABLE!!!! It’s a freaking Onsie! A ONSIE! I was losing it!! And he looked so good in it too!! It was this freaking adorable great onsie!! I can’t get over this... I can’t! xD

☆ Jiji has plot armour in this movie too as expected because he’s always givemn bloody plot armour. He REALLY should’ve died in this one. Scientifically and by Touken Game standards he SHOULD have died. But alas ‘we can’t hurt the fan favourite precious Jiji’ oh fuck off, hurry up and kill him already! Fuck sake.

☆ I really liked Fuma’s Honebami. Just like the stages, we didn’t get enough time with him. We didn’t really get to know him. But I think something between His and Mitsuya’s Hone is what I expect Hone to be so I like Movie Hone. BUT, Hone should’ve died too by the way. Just from the dire situation he ends up in, he really should’ve been killed and died. It’s not like we can’t bring these swords back!

☆ I died a little when Uguisumaru said his famous line!

☆ Tomoki as Uguisumaru was perfect JUST as I had predicted! He was great! I loved the looks between Jiji and him where they completely understood each other without having to speak! I absolutely adored how soft his voice was, very nicely matching Ugui’s image.

☆ Also I did start laughing at one point when I remembered Suzuki and Tomoki had been in YowaPeda together. I just imagined Suzuki’s Arakita and Tomoki’s Makishima dressing up in their sword outfits. Them looking like TouDan but with their Peda character’s personalities just cracked me up SO MUCH!

☆ You can definitely appreciate the amount of LEG shown by Yagen and Fudou in this movie! The camera itself really loved focusing on Yagen’s legs! Many times there are obvious shots that are there JUST for his legs xD and there’s a scene at the honmaru where Fudou goes to sleep and you can see all the muscles in his legs and it’s beautiful ^_^ highly appreciated and thankful for these shots!

☆ I do like movie version of Hasebe. I liked him somewhat in this one. There wasn’t so much forehead acting from Wada in this (thank god) so I liked Hasebe this time around.

☆ And I guess movie version of Jiji wasn’t as much of a dick as he is in the stage too. I do like Jiji quite a bit in this one too, but he still got that god damn plot armour.

☆ In some shots you can see the knee support around Maki’s right leg - he was still receiving rehabilitation on his knee after his surgery when he stupidly went off to film this.

☆ I am here for the utter and complete tag team of Yagen and Manba! I absolutely adored all their scenes together! I was SO down for this pair up! They were great together!

☆ If you’ve never seen the Eiga Dorobo video, I highly recommend you see it! It’s often shown in movie theatre before the movie starts and it’s gold! (see here) so for Touken Ranbu they made special ones with the cast joining in! They even had the Jikansokougun too! So far there have only been 2 episodes out and a third one should be coming. So for the two different episodes we had the appearance of:

Eiga Dorobo 1: Uguisumaru, Fudou, Hasebe

Eiga Dorobo 2: Honebami, Nihongo, Yagen

☆ Watching the movie, I had this huge moment of ‘fuck, I love Touken Ranbu’, because there are so many versions of it and anyone can make any version they want because the creators of the game gave so much leeway as to how to interpret the swords, the personalities, how they defend history, the lore of the Jikan, there is just so much god damn potential in this series and there’s so many ways and stories you can write with these boys! I just got so happy and proud while watch the movie. We can literally make up whatever shit we want so long as history goes back to normal at the end! It’s GREAT!

☆ However, as already stated above, there were some super dodgy editing in this! I really need to find out who the editor is and send them an email because some of the editing was cringe worthy. We literally had one shot where Jiji walks out but the shot is focused on Jiji’s feet for about 5 seconds while Jiji talks. No shot of Jiji actually talking, no shot of Jiji’s face, just his FEET! HIS FEET! What the hell was that shot of Jiji’s feet at the beginning of the movie?! I’ve watched this movie TWICE and I have absolutely NO idea what the point of that shot was! That was the worst one.

☆ Other things like in the very first opening scene we are have a VERY OBVIOUS audio dub over one of the guys. Why they dubbed over the man with different lines to what his mouth creates, I don’t know why, but it does not sync up at all and it is very obvious.

☆ And the transition between scenes/days and the cut backs to older stuff in the movie was just very poorly edited too. If a scene ended, it would fade to black and for like 2 seconds there would be nothing, no music, just a black scene and then suddenly a new song would start, it felt VERY stage-y and not like a movie at all! It was cringe worthy and really wasted precious seconds we could’ve spent on the movie. Also we had some ‘flashback’ scenes and the music and sound immediately cut off from Cut 1 -> Cut 2 would be the flashback and be absolutely silent, no music -> go back to Cut 1 and suddenly the music has restarted again. I REALLY didn’t like it! It REALLY pissed me. LET ME FUCKING REEDIT THIS GOD DAMN MOVIE! The post production for most of this movie SUCKED. The editing and the sound mixing SUCKED. Ugh... that person needs firing.

☆ Also, this movie was WAY too short! We get 3 hour long stages from Marv, so why is the movie less than 2 god damn hours?! It’s barely 1 hour 45! Give me more gungi! Give me some comedy! (There is NO comedy in this besides ONE line from Hasebe!) Give me them enjoying time at the god damn honmaru!

☆ Upon looking back, I realised that they did not show one of the bigger fights at all that happens towards the end of the movie. I really wish they had shown that fight scene rather than having it happen off screen. There was so much potential and so much you could’ve done with that fight scene. You could’ve easily had swords pop up here, there, everywhere and they could’ve done it in a real stylistic way if they didn’t have the time or money to get actual actors. They could’ve just done close up shots of swords’ costumes, or their feet landing next to the Jikan, or show two swords clashing, or a danshi jumping into the fight etc. You could’ve easily ‘brought in’ many swords into that fight scene without actual hiring any actors (especially if certain actors did not have time) and it could’ve been very creative, stylistic and interesting and it would’ve been a big flail for the fans.

☆ Also MAJOR SPOILERS HERE: the ending part with the new sword? Don’t just IGNORE that for fuck sake! Give him and the audience an explanation! Let him speak! Let him have his moment as to what happened to him and where he’s been and what he went through shit! God damn don’t just NOT explain that! Don’t just have him pop up, save the day, say his name and FINISH! What the fuck.

Wow the more I think about this movie, the more dissatisfied I get... okay, last one!

☆ Also Nishii Yukito had SUCH a small role!!! I was hoping he’d have so much more screen time than what he actually got. He has about 1 minute max *so sad*

I DO pin a lot of my complaints and nitpicks on the fact I have a cinematography background; I studied film, I’ve made films, I’ve always watched BTS of making films, I love the process of film making. And I think because of that, that’s why I’m being so particular on HOW it was made and on post-production and how I would’ve made the movie. So if you’re not into the whole film making side of movies then none of these are gunna bother you. If you’re not into this stuff then I really think you’ll enjoy this movie a lot! You will definitely have a good time and be satisfied and enjoy it so much!

Okay now onto:

MAJOR SPOILER TERRITORY COMMENTS

☆ I loved this version of Saru and how he isn’t just a nice guy and isn’t just the idiot that history leads us to believe. In this he’s cold, and mean, and turned against so many people! I loved Saru suddenly going against Hasebe too! It was such a plot twist! He invited Hasebe and Nihongo into his clan but as soon as our swords let down their guard, Saru’s men attacked them and they had to run! It was such a shocking twist! And Hasebe getting shot because of this ambush too was insane!! I know it’s spoiled in the trailer but seeing it happen in that moment! I was not expecting it at all!

☆ Also I am glad I got to see Hasebe actually almost physically harming Jiji, and Manba straight up being like ‘yo I don’t trust you Mika,’ and Yagen siding with Manba! Oh my! It was such a great scene! I loved all the suspicion going on around them and them not exactly wanting to agree or listen to Jiji. Argh! SO GOOD! I was like ‘HIT HIM HASEBE! DO IT!’ and I guess this is another reason why I like Movie Hasebe much more than Stage Hasebe.

☆ Seriously! I absolutely loved the teaming up of Yagen and Manba!! And now I want them forever on my team in the game now too! xD

☆ My heart hurt a little when Oda called Jiji ‘Munechika’, I was like ‘YOU HAVE NO RIGHT CALLING HIM BY HIS GIVEN NAME!!’ because clearly Jiji deserves more respect than Oda xD but I think it’s purposely put in so we do feel this way.

☆ I absolutely loved the twist for Oda’s story: he didn’t die at Honnouji, he actually died at Azuchi Castle and only Jiji knows the true hsitory because he was the only one there at the time! Such a great twist! And how Jiji tricked Oda into going to Azuchi, making Oda think he’ll be fine there and making Oda think that they are changing history together! Such a good plot twist! I loved it!

☆ Even though I was spoiled for the new sword, it’s very heavily implied throughout the entire movie. Especially when Akechi uses him in defense again the Jikan, and suddenly the danshi’s (who is clothed in Jikan armour and wear) eyes turn bright yellow (Jikan’s eyes are all a glowing red). It’s a really good and random reveal!

☆ As Jiji tries to leave Azuchi castle, Honebami meets up with him. But fucking Oda pullings his sword on Hone and pins it at his neck! He tells Jiji to work with him or he’ll kill Hone and Jiji is like ‘I can’t help you, this is how it’s supposed to be’, just, I was like YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! But in the end Oda let’s Hone and Jiji go -__- I’m sorry but Hone SHOULD HAVE been killed there!

☆ One of my favourite lines from the movie is from Jiji (surprisingly) where he says: 守りたいことが増えばっかり。 // Things I want to protect just keep increasing. Which shows just how different of a Jiji we have in this version! He actually fucking emotionally cares in this one!

☆ The very last scene has ALL the Stage swords who have appeared in TouStage up to now were ALL at the Honmaru in this final scene. Except Daihannya & Ookanehira. Those two swords were NOT in this final scene. As for the actors; every one of the TouStage actors, except Hirose Daisuke and Kento, were as their Swords, in their costumes in this final scene. Ichigo and Tsurumaru ARE in this seen but are clearly NOT the actors. They clearly had body doubles / standins in this scene and their faces were out of focus. Also in the final ending credits, these two actors' names were not listed. I was flailing so hard!!! This was a HUGE shocker and I am so happy how many of them were able to come back for this one scene! So this is the scene where the new Saniwa is revealed and we finally got a female Saniwa!!!! I was like ‘YES JUSTICE!!!’ I spent most of the movie like ‘why the fuck is it always a Male Saniwa?!?! Why not hire someone ambiguous like Yuzuki or Toman as the Saniwa?!’. But alas we got our girl at the end!! The very very very last scene is absolutely ADORABLE! The saniwa (she’s like 3 years old) grabs onto the back of Jiji (he’s sitting down and drinking tea) and holds him for a piggyback, he smiles, picks her up and piggybacks her around the honmaru! It’s ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!! I was in absolutely tears at this scene! Ughhh someone give Suzuki babies!!! I was in a MESS of tears. And the very very very last line is him where he says ‘ Aruji.... the stuff I want to protect just keeps increasing’ arghhhh my heart!! *dead* IT’S SUCH A GOOD ENDING!!!

And that’s all! I hope you enjoyed this review and I hope you watch, buy and enjoy the movie!

As stated, I feel like a lot of my complaints come from my cinematic background so general people who just want a good movie are really going to enjoy this!! ^_^ Also if you ever see spelling mistakes, don’t ever hesitate to yell at me! xD

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years ago

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #183 - The Fault in Our Stars

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #297

Format: Blu-ray

1) This film has a strikingly strong voice throughout.

Hazel: “I believe we have a choice in this world about how we tell sad stories.”

John Green’s original novel similarly has an incredible voice throughout, as it is narrated by Hazel who is always consistent and clear about who she is as a character. This film works with that character/narrative style well, allowing Hazel to be as strong as she is in the book throughout different narrative devices.

2) Shailene Woodley as Hazel Grace.

Hazel is the voice of this film, much as she is in the novel (in that case a little more literally). To start, Hazel is exceptionally honest. She is not stepping on egg shells but she’s also not being a jackass. Woodley is able to play Hazel’s jaded personality in an empathetic and relatable way. Throughout the film Woodley is nothing short of excellent with the ability to be funny, heartbreaking, vulnerable, angry, loving, and whatever else the story/character needs her to be. It is a phenomenal performance from a great actress and I think one of her best. This film needed a strong Hazel and I don’t think they could’ve cast a better one.

3) Remember how I said this film is strikingly honest?

Hazel: “The only thing worse than biting it from cancer is having a kid bite it from cancer.”

4) Angel Elgort as Augustus Waters.

Elgort is able to take a character who could’ve easily been kind of a creepy guy (a guy who works really hard to get with a girl who says no) and makes him wonderfully charming. Augustus could also easily have been a one dimensional pretentious boy toy. But author Green was able to make him more than that in the novel and Elgort is able to do the same in his performance. He infuses Augustus with a crazy amount honesty and heart, while also being able to play his fear and flaws (namely that of oblivion) in a way which makes him human.

5) A key aspect to this film is not only making sure Hazel and Augustus are strong on their own, but also that they have strong chemistry with each other. The key thing is that you are able to see why they’re friends first. There’s this immediate trust, shared sense of interest, shared sense of humor, and an immediate investment they have in each other. Also Woodley and Elgort are just GOOD together, because of whatever the x factor is that results in sexual chemistry.

6) Augustus’ whole thing with the cigarettes is REALLY extra. I kinda dig it.

Augustus [about why he uses cigarettes but doesn’t lit them]: “It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing. A metaphor.”

7) I’m probably going to talk a few times about how wonderfully honest this film is. There is no tiptoeing around cancer, it’s not glorified or romanticized or traumatized (it’s already pretty freaking traumatic). It just is what it is and these kids know what it is.

Hazel [about Augustus getting his driver’s license even though he sucks]: “Cancer perk.”

Augustus: “Total cancer perk.”

8) This is SUCH an important distinction.

Augustus [after he asks Hazel her story and he gets her cancer story]: “No, not your cancer story. Your real story.”

Knowing from first hand experience how easy it is to let cancer define your life, I think it’s important to make sure cancer does NOT define you. That when someone asks you about your story, your mind doesn’t immediately go to cancer. I love that the filmmakers and author John Green included this moment.

9) Laura Dern is remarkably strong as Hazel’s Mom. She is able to be positive, honest, but still plays the conflict of being a parent to a kid with cancer in every scene. It’s a great performance from the veteran actress and I think her relationship with Woodley comes through wonderfully. There’s an honest mother and daughter relationship there. They clearly love each other and are able to joke around with each other, even if they’re not being fully honest (which is how most parent/child relationships are). But when they are honest with each other, it’s a wonderful honesty.

10) Nat Wolff as Isaac.

Wolff (who rose to fame early on with “The Naked Brothers Band”) does a fine job in the supporting role. He fits nicely with Elgort and Woodley, feeling like an honest friend as opposed to a third wheel. His sadness and heartache comes through well, he’s able to be surprisingly funny at times, and it’s just a nice addition to the film.

11) Okay, so when I saw this in theaters I just KNEW who had read the book. And you wanted to know how I knew? Because they started crying when Augustus and Isaac were playing video games. That’s it. NOTHING SAD HAD HAPPENED YET! But still from the back of the theater all I could hear was:

12) I geek out whenever they show the “Buffy” scene in this movie. Because it’s a Fox film, so they use things Fox owns like “Buffy” and Aliens instead of like V for Vendetta from the book (although a poster for the film does appear in Augustus’ bedroom). And there’s a parallel: the scene they’re watching in “Buffy” is one of great intimacy for eventual earth shattering heartache.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

13) This is sweet.

Augustus [after saying okay with Hazel a few times]: “Perhaps, ‘okay,’ will be our, ‘always.’”

Hazel: “Okay.”

(GIF originally posted by @oliversqueen)

14) This film plays remarkably well with visuals. There’s a lot of texting and email correspondence between characters which end up being important to the plot. This could’ve been boring but they use a nice doodle visual AND phantom images to keep our interest. It’s a nice touch.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

15) Oh Gus, look at you being all poetic. Subtle.

Augustus [at a piece of public art of a giant skeleton]: “They’re using a skeleton as a playground. Think about it.”

16)

Hazel [after a great day with Augustus]: “And then this happened.”

[Hazel wakes up in the middle of the night because she can’t breathe.]

Can I just say, from personal experience, cancer sucks. It fucking sucks. It seems like someone is doing well, that they’ve reclaimed some semblance of normalcy. Then cancer shows up to beat you down again. Fuck cancer. Cancer can go fucking die in a pit.

17) Well, this is heartbreaking.

Hazel’s Mom [in a flashback to when Hazel was 13 and dying]: “I’m not going to be a mom anymore.”

This is very key to Hazel’s primary conflict in the film, but more on that later.

18) A film is a story told in cuts.

Augustus: “Well, I demand to see this swing set of tears.”

[Immediately cut to Augustus and Hazel sitting on said swing set.]

19) This is very true of the attitude I have known some cancer patients to have.

Hazel [trying to push Gus away]: “Gus, I’m a grenade. One day I’m going to explode and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And, I don’t know, I feel like it’s my responsibility to minimize the casualties.”

20) Nice to know that Augustus is being honest with himself though.

Hazel [after her mom says she and Augustus are cute together]: “We’re just friends.”

Augustus: “Well, she is. I’m not.”

21) The date night between Augustus and Hazel on the town in Amsterdam is very cute and the connection they’re able to portray with almost no dialogue speaks greatly to the chemistry between Woodley and Elgort.

22) Augustus’ declaration of love is done VERY well.

Augustus [almost out of the blue]: “I am in love with you. You heard me. I am in love with me.”

This scene is very organic and honest. It feels like the most natural next step for not only the scene but their relationship as well. It doesn’t feel forced or awkward it makes sense. And I think both Elgort and Woodley play the scene wonderfully.

23) I kinda realized half way through this film is effortlessly feminist. We make a big deal sometimes out of honest female representation in the media but honestly it hardly comes to mind with this film because all the characters - male and female - are easily honest. You don’t even think about it, they just are three dimensional characters throughout. It’s surprisingly refreshing.

24) Willem Dafoe as Peter Van Houten.

I’m not one to say to never meet your heroes, but if you do make sure your expectations are considerably low. This way if they’re a raging asshole like this guy you won’t be too disappointed. Because that’s what Van Houten is. An asshole. A raging, pretentious, alcoholic douche bag who thinks he’s SO above everything. Literally no part of the meeting Hazel and Augustus have with him goes well, leading to a very expected and very cathartic blow up. Dafoe plays the asshole well, making him a character we love to hate and a nice aspect of the film.

25)

Van Houten: “How familiar are you with Swedish hip hop?”

If you want to avoid vulgar lyrics in your music, do NOT google the translation to the Bomfalleralla. It’s worse than you might think.

26) This is SO key to Hazel’s conflict.

Hazel [asking Van Houten about his characters’ lives after the book]: “But that doesn’t mean her family and her friends don’t have a future [after the narrator dies], right?”

As Hazel will observe later, this is her biggest fear. It seems she has made her death with peace and dying but she is so terrified of how she is going to hurt the people she loves. That is the most key internal conflict she has in the film and one which will be consistent until the end.

27) The Anne Frank House.

More than anything else, this serves as incredible show of strength for Hazel. She is fighting to live, and choosing life over death by deciding to be with Augustus even if it’s only for a limited amount of time. The setting of the Anne Frank House drives home the idea of life’s unfortunate impermanence. I’m sure the use of Anne’s narration underscoring the scene acts as some grand literary device but it is difficult for me to analyze it because I am so invested in Hazel’s struggle in the scene.

28) The love scene between Hazel and Augustus is incredible. And not because it’s sexy or because it’s hot or anything. It is because it is honest. There is this incredible comfort they have around each other. They’re comfortable with their scars, with their tubes, with their limitations. They don’t worry that it will turn the other person off. It is a vulnerability born out of complete and utter trust, a trust which is not abused but respected by both parties. It is incredibly tender and just very loving.

29) Did I mention cancer sucks?

Augustus: “I felt an ache in my hip.”

Okay, Hazel just fucking KNOWS what he is about to tell her. As soon as he says, “I felt an ache in my hip,” you can see it on her face. She knows where this is going because she is uncomfortably familiar with how cancer works. And it’s heartbreaking.

30) According to IMDb:

Soon after the film's release, the street bench on which Gus and Hazel had their embrace was stolen. A few months later, it was replaced by the city of Amsterdam.

People suck.

31) It’s nice to see that this film still has a sense of humor and life to it in the face of death.

Augustus [after Hazel says they should wait until after dark to egg someone’s house]: “It’s all dark to Isaac.”

Isaac [after a second]: “Dude, I’m not deaf. I’m just blind.”

32) One of Ansel Elgort’s standout scenes is his breakdown at the gas station. Hazel even observes that she wishes she could say he’d held his courage and sense of humor to the end, but that’s not how life works. This is very honest. This kid is freaking dying of cancer! Of course he’s going to breakdown! And Elgort plays that sadness totally honestly and in an utterly gut wrenching way. It’s his standout scene in the entire film.

33) I love that Hazel calls him out on this.

Augustus: “I mean I was supposed to be special.”

It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you as long as one person loves you. If you’re important to someone it doesn’t matter that you’re not important to everyone. Just because we’re all not famous or infamous or historic does not mean we are not special.

34) Hazel’s biggest fear is that her parents won’t have a life after she dies, because her death is a fact to her. But when her parents tell her that they’re being productive, that her mother is studying social work and that they will have a life after her death, she is just so freaking happy. This incredible weight has been lifted off her shoulders, she is not the grenade she thought she was. It makes me tear up, honestly.

35) Hazel’s eulogy.

This is the climax of the film. The moment the rest of the movie has been building up towards, the moment their relationship has been leading to. It defines that relationship. Woodley shines in her monologue and Elgort shines in his quiet reaction. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once and just totally incredible. And this line emphasis the impact they have had on each other’s lives:

Hazel: “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

36) There was this analytical post when the movie first came out that pointed out the shirt Hazel is wearing when she learns Augustus died is HIS tee shirt. I just can’t find any post about it because anytime you google, “Fault in Our Stars Tee Shirt,” you get a link to the song by Birdy that’s in the film. If you guys have this bookmarked anywhere I’d love to hear about it, but the fact that Hazel is wearing Augustus’ shirt when she learns he died is heartbreaking to me.

37) Hazel realized something quite important here.

Hazel [after making up a eulogy on the spot different than the one she read for Augustus]: “I didn’t believe a word. But that’s okay…Funerals, I decided, are not for the dead. They’re for the living.”

38) “Not About Angels” is still one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. It breaks my heart every time. I feel like breaking down and crying whenever I hear it. Here, share in my pain:

youtube

39) Augustus’ final letter to Hazel is a perfect resolution the film. It speaks greatly to not only Augustus’ character but also the relationship he and Hazel had. It is a wonderful emotional resolution which I think just work beautifully.

Augustus [at the end of his letter]: “Okay Hazel Grace?”

The Fault in Our Stars is a moving and honest film supported by a great cast and a wonderful method of adaptation. The spirit of John Green’s source material is alive and well in the film, with performers like Shailene Woodly and Ansel Elgort breathing incredible life into these characters. The film can be funny and heartbreaking all at the same time, but it never falters in its honest approach to these characters. Absolutely wonderful, I suggest everyone see it.

#The Fault in Our Stars #Shailene Woodley #Ansel Elgort #John Green #Hazel Grace Lancaster #Laura Dern #Nat Wolff #Willem Dafoe #Birdy #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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januarycraze · 8 years ago

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QUiT

Someone said that all smokers deep down all want to quit, I think he had a fair point. So here I am, finally updating this blog with my story of quitting cigarettes, it’s a good one, and it’s been told pretty much a thousand times to friends and family, but hey, considering it is one of my biggest achievements yet (ironically, an achievement non-required had I not made the mistake of picking it up in the first place) I’d like to document it here and perchance someone might come across it and find it useful, then I save a life, who knows.

So about 5 months ago, on an ordinary September night I was tending to my digital koi’s on Zen Koi, a sudden flashback entered my mind, it was a video of an interview of one of my favourite British actors, Ewan McGregor on Ellen, professing his experience on quitting cigarettes with hypnotherapy. Now by that point, I had attempted given up twice, first time lasted 3 months, the other, a little over 3 weeks. The first try was me replying solely on “willpower” and nothing more. Then a year later I procured this little book called “Cigarettes are Sublime” by Richard Klein which was a collection of essays in the study and research of tobacco history and culture. I love the book for as far as I read it, at the time, I parted with cigarettes as if it were breaking up with a long time lover, I learned to accept it, embraced it, and said my farewell, because I did love smoking for when all’s gone and done, cigarettes were always by my side, at my disposal to mend any emotional void or nervous breakdown… Although it was a very good approach with quitting, I went back to smoking as if nothing had happened after a short while.

So by the time Ewan’s interview crossed my thought, I considered the possibility half-heartedly, I wasn’t READY to embark on another journey on quitting smokes, but hypnotherapy sounds hip and cool, so I thought I’d give it a go by checking out the prices online, I went as far as contacting a few therapists via emails and to no surprises each session costs more than I could afford even with the money i’d saved on cigs, no doubt I quickly gave that up, resumed to my fishy paradise of Zen Koi feeling depleted. However a nagging voice rang in my head, next thing I know I was searching on Google Play to see if I could cheap out on the fees for some free apps, to my pleasant findings, I downloaded 4 free apps and one paid app, which cost a little as 5 bucks. It was September 13th, 2016, I’d expected nothing out of them except some novelty, new toys to play with. I wanted to wait ‘til October 1st to commence the trial of cellphone hypnotherapy sessions, however out of curiosity, I chose ONE track to play that night (the paid app, to get a feel of its efficacy). I put on headphones as suggested and laying comfortably on the couch, due to a major ants invasion in the apartment, the bed was infested with ants… I quickly fell asleep with the sound of one Glenn Harrold from his app named simply and quite rightly, “Stop Smoking”. The track lasted 30 minutes, I was able to stay awake for the first 10 minutes until I was fast asleep, the next time I woke up, to my upmost surprise i opened my eyes as Harrold uttered the words “WAKE UP NOW!” I got spooked, but my sleepiness did not keep me pondering about this before i fell back to deep slumber.

The next morning I woke up, not feeling particularly different or out of sorts, only thing was that my throat was dry and a bit swollen, foretold an impending cold, coincidentally i was out of cigs, normally i wouldn’t wait a heartbeat before running to the nearest Dépenneure, but today, ah today I decided to give it a rest, of course in my mind it had nothing to do with the app, it was just me making a conscious decision to give myself a day off, “tomorrow though, i’d definitely go.” was my thought process. That night I resumed the recordings as I did the fore night, at the precise spot I sprang my eyes open where the track stopped, I couldn’t help but be convinced of its influence. In the morning, I had the same irritable sensation in my throat, although i was convinced i’d buy a pack that day, I didn’t. So it went on for rest of the week. Albeit my determination to purchase a new pack throughout the week since my throat had cleared up, fate (or chance, as my beliefs would say) wouldn’t let me get that pack of cigarettes, each time I turned to the shop something had to distract me or I was running too late to make time before the shop closed. Before I knew it, I found myself not smoking one cigarette for a week, it was hardly October yet, I contemplated, yet decided to continue with this undertaking just to see how long it would last me, in my mind, if I could quit for more than 3 months and not developing any desire to pick it up again, i’d consider myself successful.

So it went every night I alternated the two audio tracks, when I got bored with it, I switched to the other free apps, always with headphones on and always before bed, how EXACTLY hypnotherapy works is still a head-scratcher to me, all I can say is, during the past 5 months, I smoked occasionally from the mercy sparing of my colleagues, I bought and chewed nicotine gums for the first time which gave me heart attacks despite small dosages. I didn’t constantly think about smoking or quitting smokes, I did not need to utilize any ‘’willpower’’ for that matter, either. All I did was giving it an honest shot open-mindedly to be completely receptive to hypnotherapy, and now January 30th, (my birthday) I can confidently say I’m a non-smoker. Occasionally if I do smoke due to drinking or whoever offers it to me, I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to, but most importantly, I don’t have the cravings to buy a new pack immediately after smoking one, it won’t even linger in my head.

One of the best things about not smoking, apart from the obvious health benefits, immense savings and no longer being prejudiced from friends/family and the rest of the society is that I suddenly have a LOT more time on hand, I used to be the person that hurry to work so I’d have time to smoke, or I’d rush when I get ready for work, had to smoke before putting on makeups, and another one after, same with running errands, doing chores, cigarettes had to be a part of every routine. Now I can just sit and actually do shit without having to get up, put on socks and fluffy shoes, jacket, gloves, hats, just so I can walk up to the balcony for a smoke. With 1443 cigarettes not smoked since Day 1, I’ve spared 7215 minutes of my life = 120 hours = 5 days, a lot of extra time. That’s a thing that people rarely talk about which I appreciate the most.

I think I’ll leave it at that, I should go back to the app page to leave a review and a rating and spread the love, see, it’s not so bad being a quitter sometimes.

#hypnosis #hypnotherapy #hypnotized #stopsmoking #glennharrold #quittingsmoke #quitsmoking

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traveljaunts · 5 years ago

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Not exaggerating. Each word in this photo story about my Spiti travel is true and have lived every moment along with the other women in our group.

Let me start with Hikkim, the highest post office in the world. I have the post cards in my hand to send to my loved ones.

Hikkim post office , claims to be the highest in the world

8th day of our Spiti valley tour; date being 17th August and am with my best closeup smile even though a night before I did have weird feelings while writing these postcards from Langza. Firstly because in the world of emails and whatsapp, I was planning to send postcards that too from the top of the world called Hikkim.

And secondly I was thinking a lot as if the messages on the postcards were my last messages; the most important ones & the only things that I needed to say to Sudiip ( my husband ) & Aashvik (my son). At a height of 14500 ft, Langza does make you feel like that, I guess.

Langza village – For sure one of the most exotic places to spend time for introspection

This is Langza at a height almost equal to that of the heaven. Max 8 to 10 houses surrounded by mountains on all sides and a Buddha statue staring across the Spiti valley from a shoulder of the ridge above the village.

Luxurious homestay after a 50min uphill winding ride to this remote village, super tasty food and a phone (BSNL land line) to talk to…Wow! And ofcourse, making a call from the roof terrace of this Langza homestay under the cold starry night, to talk to our loved ones was truly offbeat:-)

This is Sapna and myself having one of the most heavenly soups to beat the cold at Langza homestay after our phonecalls from the roof

Langza was our highest stay but not the coldest. Coldest in the region is Komic village and you can see the highest restaurant board below. Spiti valley claims all the interesting destination selling titles…highest post office, highest restaurant, the last village, the only house, the only dhaba , the only souls and so on.

This is me @ world’s highest restaurant in Komic (Shivering inside, posing outside)

Anyway..from Langza, Hikkim & Komic, we were to go to Chandratal via Kaza. This was almost the end part of our journey which had started at Shimla on 10th Aug and was to end on 19th Aug at Manali. However, by afternoon of 17th Aug the story, the scenes, the sporadic showstoppers , everything changed.

Before taking you to the climax of the story, let me show you some glimpses of our journey so far and introduce you to the characters of our story.

All of us @Shimla, the first day of our women tour to Spiti valley in Himachal

Here we are. This was taken at Shimla Mall road in the evening. Sapna, Bharati, Asha & myself ( right to left). Sapna’s history is interesting she was in Kerala when the floods happened, she was in Khardungla Leh when the snowslide happened and now she was in Himachal when an orange alert was indicated.

Bharti’s last travel was a decade back to Kashmir. She had left work, two daughters, two dogs and a worrisome husband behind to be on this women tour that too to Spiti in Himalayas.

Asha, the third lady in the pic was on her third women trip within a year. Quite particular about the food and stay (disliked tents), she didn’t know the adventure that awaited her.

All women tour to Spiti valley in Himachal- Some flashback

Shimla to Sangla

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Sangla to Kalpa

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Kalpa to Tabo

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Tabo to Dhankar and Mudh

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Oh ! I have to talk about Dhankar experience here.

The monastery that you can see above is Dhankar, built on an elevation overlooking the confluence of the Spiti and Pin Rivers – one of the world’s most spectacular settings. And the village of Dhankar is surrounded by lotus petals like structures which makes it look like the spiritual centre or the place of awakening literally.

I guess we were just short of one more minute of meditation at Dhankar for our awakening to know what was coming.

To compensate, Sapna and I also decided to trek to the holy Dhankar lake for remaining enlightenment. Perched above the Dhankar village and Gompa, Dhankar Lake lies after a steep trek of 45 minute to 1.5 hr (depending on what goes on in your head and body).

From a distance, it did seem simple but that was an eye wash. To add, I also decided to trek in sandals given that I had only seen 20% of the path from a distance and wanted to avoid bothering our driver with luggage shifting to take my shoes out.

Result? Every time I looked behind to assess the descend part while I was climbing up the mountain, the only thought in my head was…

‘Khudi ko kar bulad itna he koi bhi pahaad chad jaaye aur phir khuda tujhse pooche, gadhe chad to gaya hai ab utrega kaise’

Anyway, we did finish the trek somehow and anyhow despite all body odds. And to treat ourselves for the big win we even ate 2 extra nutella chocolate pan cakes at lunch just to keep our weight, fat and sugar levels intact.

By evening we were at Mudh and this is me having tea. I thought this pic should be the cover page of my book someday.

Sipping green tea in the evening at Mudh

Mudh lies at the end of motorable road in the Pin valley. As you can see, you get totally isolated with tea in hand and views in front here. No phone no connection, only introspection.

Pin Valley views, then Mudh to Kaza

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Beautiful right? Pin Valley was quite scenic. I wanted to stop for pictures at every turn but our driver didn’t really like to be left behind other vehicles on these roads.

The meditation and introspection may not have worked for me but the law of attraction did work at this point, and we got a tyre puncture. Courtesy that, I clicked these and we even reached Kaza on time.

Kaza was the biggest town and the biggest market. We ate (from Thenthuk to Teemo), we shopped (from all kinds of souvenirs to household stuff) and we made calls (from our family members to maids to dogs). Yes, atleast BSNL worked !

Second day, from Kaza we drove to see Key and Kibber intentionally and Tashi gang unintentionally. Let me explain how? Now is the time to introduce you to the antagonist of the story, the showstopper, our driver Mr. Chaman.

He looks daring here but the pic is misleading 🙂

Chaman reminded me of the monsterjob commercial , ‘Caught in the wrong job. Thin, tall, and paranoid. Scared for a driver’s profession and usually expected things to go wrong from puncture, to bad weather to pushing the vehicle to getting stuck in Spiti.’ Would tell us ,‘ Jo driver ka sune to sukhi aur jo na sune to dukhi’

This day, contrary to Chaman’s wish, I asked him to drive to Ghette after Kibber & Key monastery for the views. Chaman was already reluctant and then the weather also decided to play spoilsport.

It started drizzling.. After 30 min of driving, we found a vehicle on the road waiting for its trekkers to return. Instead of asking,’ How far is Ghette?’ Chaman asked, ‘How far’? The fellow said,’ 6-7 kms more’.

Ironically we had already crossed Ghette and the fellow meant Tashi Gang village from there. After many twists and turns we finally reached Tashi Gang on top of the mountains. One small camp around and two souls..

Chaman decided to return immediately to head to Langza but the road had become wet. As we tried to move ahead in speed for inclined roads, the tyres began to lose grip and the ground got messy & slippery. This was too much for Chaman’s tolerance. He began,’ ab kar lo apna intezaam yahin par’ and stopped the car.

Before the chauvinist in him could reach it’s heights, I gave him back. But ya, to make him drive we waited until his enlightenment when he saw other cars coming from either sides being safely driven without fear.

Reached Langza by evening and we missed Ghette even on return.

Langza to Chandratal via Kaza

Chandratal lake on a cloudy rainy day

Camping at Chandratal – Fancy no? This was supposedly our last night stay in our choicest list of govt forsaken places.

Govt forsaken because we are talking about the merciless Himalayas in Spiti Valley, Himachal. These places are highly landslide prone . It’s not a border area so no development, no roads & no Army around to help.

Telephone connection is a luxury. BRO ( border road organization) wakes up only at 11 am to start the work and that too after days of reminder provided one is able to send the information in first place. Afterall, not everyone carries a satellite phone.

We were glad, after Chandratal we would reach Manali soon and then fly back to Bangalore.

When we reached Chandratal, it started raining. Instead of going to the camp first, we thought of visiting the Chandratal lake. It was at less than 2 kms by car and then a few hundred meters by walk. To add to the spice in life, Sapna’s stomach started to hurt. She went to mark her territory for obvious reasons near the lake and realized it was a stomach infection.

With difficulty, we returned to the tent. It was damn cold, very difficult to even get out of the bed. The drizzle turned into a downpour in sometime.

Before dinner, Chaman came with his driver friend called Amar to give another bad news. ‘Manali road is closed due to cloud burst. No one can go ahead, we may have to go back to Shimla from where we started.’

Was it a joke? We had taken 6 days to reach Chandratal from Shimla. I said, ‘we will see tomorrow’.

I knew that the route from Chandratal to Manali was already at its worst and Chaman had been fearing to drive on those treacherous roads since beginning so I wanted to decide based on what other normal drivers would do in the morning.

Now was the time for some genuine god remembrance. Before sleeping, I recited Hanuman Chalisa and prayed for some divine intervention. That night I couldn’t sleep well due to cold and weather anxiety.

Halfway through the night, I woke up to someone’s singing outside of our tents ,’ Snowfall snowfall.‘ Hum sab phas chuke hain, jaldi utho bhai log.’ And this was the scene outside.

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Some were excited to see the snow, some were worried and drivers like Chaman were shit scared. We didn’t know what was the right thing to do. Go towards Manali or go back to Shimla via Kaza or stay where we were.

Within minutes, some of the vehicles started to leave Chandratal. After some group discussion with other drivers, Chaman too instructed us to get into the car . The idea was to atleast try and reach the village on the highway called Batal. Chandratal is connected via link road from the highway so if it takes 2-3 days to clear highway, the link road takes forever. We also got to know that last year in Sept, within 3 days, the place had received feets of snowfall and people were rescued with great difficulty. Even the tents at the camps had fallen down.

With tension in mind and around, we sat in the car. Chaman made sure that our vehicle was amidst other vehicles. We started but hardly a few meters were crossed and Chaman realized that the vehicle wouldn’t restart once the engine is shut down. The vehicle was stuck.

The snowfall was increasing. The tension started to build up not only within our vehicle but also among others behind us. Overtaking was out of question on such roads. People wanted to get to the highway as soon as possible before the falling snow would completely make it impossible and too risky to drive.

The camp owners of Chandratal had the best idea of driving on such roads. They abused our vehicle and the driver first and then tried to help but in vain. Our vehicle had to be pushed aside so that the remaining vehicles could pass.

We were asked to shift to other vehicles. This time, I was in slippers not even in my sandals since my shoes had got totally wet the previous day at lake. With 2 heavy bags in hand, slipper on feet and confusion in mind, I fell flat on the snow. All fine, just checked … the bag was open and the wallet was missing. For sometime, I tried to look around then calculated my survival chances and left the idea of money. That was my true awakening 😉

After all these back and forth actions, getting on a vehicle then getting down, walking on snow and in water, pushing the vehicle and then pulling it aside, we were told that it was too late now. Snow was too much and it was risky for vehicles to go ahead. Even the vehicles that had gone ahead were stuck.

So, we had to walk back to the tent.

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It was state of delirium for me. Bharti was down, she decided not to enter the camp but wait outside. Asha too wasn’t in great shape due to her half hearted sleep in the tent last night. The only person who could take a nap in such chaos was Sapna.

Being the poor organizer of this tour, I decided to walk again on the snow in my slippers to talk to the one man police near our camp area who had the satellite phone. Asking for phone was futile. I was told,’wait till evening for information from Kaza, anyway the camps have enough supplies for next 30 days.’

Chandratal after the snowfall – within hrs goats had nothing left to eat

Luckily, sun god came to give some respite. By noon, the snow started melting, the road cleared a bit and Chaman’s vehicle too started with some push and pull by other vehicles. Despite being not sure about the vehicle or Chaman, we still took chance. Lost wallet was the last thing on my mind, I was only saying ,’ God I surrender to your will.’

Chaman stopped the vehicle only at Batal, no breaks . And hurray we were alive!

In this close to a 30 minute journey from Chandratal to Batal, we had easily crossed 5-6 water streams, ditched hundreds of falling stones on the road due to the snow meltdown, skipped a few breaths and missed God like never before.

At Batal, we got to know that Manali road was closed due to couple of landslides ahead. No one had the exact idea as there was no communication. Since it was already evening, none of the vehicles could take chance of driving ahead so the locals suggested to stay put at Batal for the night.

This news made life worse for many sensitive travelers. They all had just realized their own life’s importance for their families. This is another awakening that happens in such trips. You not only start loving your own life but also start fantasizing about how important you are for others and what they would do without you.

Though there were many who cried in Batal but the main character of this melancholy scene was a bong women from Kolkata, a solo traveler. She even anticipated that her father would get hospitalized and her husband would reach asylum without any news of her. Commendable! Infact, she even made sure that everyone on this route from fellow travelers to locals who face such things every year knew about her painful story.

I couldn’t afford to express anything other than arrange for the food and tents as the dependency was on one camp, one shabby guesthouse and two small dhabas for so many of us stuck at Batal. It was already 18th Aug and in no way we could catch our flight from Chandigarh on 19th, when Manali itself was a distant dream.

Good thing, in Batal I found my wallet inside the suitcase. With money in hand now, I bought warm socks and gloves to survive another tent night. Thankfully the highway dhaba there, did keep all this stuff too.

Morning view from our tents at Batal the next day

Next day, JCB was supposed to come from Kaza to clear the highway. Till 11 am, there was no scene but vehicles started to move ahead to wait near the landslide. This route from Batal to Chantru was the worst and has always been.

We asked Chaman if the vehicle would go. Chaman showed confidence for the first time,’ I won’t stop the vehicle till Manali’. Mountain Dew or Old Monk effect, don’t know.

Spana was worried that our vehicle shouldn’t be the last vehicle on road since if we were to get stuck for some reason, there would be no one behind to help. We did start before others but just a few meters into our mission and Sapna realized that she had forgotten her bag.

We had to go back. Fears too come true. Now we became the last vehicle on the adventure. As we continued, some 1.5-2 kms ahead, our vehicle took its last breath and stopped for the final time.

Sapna and I immediately got down from the vehicle and started waving and screaming at the vehicles in front of us. There were two ahead of us but only one stopped and agreed to help. They were some boys from Delhi who were on this road trip in a zoom car.

We left the luggage & our vehicle and Chaman there itself and somehow fitted ourselves in the other vehicle to get to the landslide point where we could find help from others.

As soon as we reached, to my luck I found one vehicle which was going empty till Manali. It belonged to Mr. Shiv Raj Bodh, the owner of Moon lake Camps, Chandratal. He was coming from Kaza. The biggest helper and the God send person for us.

He was the hero of this scene. He even agreed to come back with me to the place where our vehicle was stuck to get the luggage while others waited at the landslide point.

By noon, the road opened for the adventure ahead. Bharti and I got into the backseat of Mr Shiv Raj Bodh’s 4 by 4 vehicle along with our luggage . Sapna and Asha stayed in the same zoom car with Delhi boys.

The route from Batal to Chatru was nothing less than a dream sequence, it definitely crossed all limits of an unforgiving adventurous terrain. On top of that Mr. Shiv Raj bodh was the Michael Schumacher of Spiti region.

Throughout, I kept reiterating the movie dialogue from Jab we met movie

‘ Babaji ab please is trip ko boring bana do ji.’

This is what am talking about- The complete route from Batal to Chatru was similar or worse.

After the ride of our lives,’ we reached Chatru by late afternoon. At Chatru, another news – Two more landslides, the road itself got washed off so it would take days.

Chatru is where the Police made an entry into the scene by evening. They said,’ Go back to Kaza and stay there till things improve’.

We were almost 150 people stuck in Chatru. Bikers, trekkers, our women group, some solo travelers, a malyalam movie crew including the leading actress Manju Warrier and a few foreigners. Our bong girl said,’ we would die and not go back’.

Hrs of discussion with the police resulted in all of us getting a chance to speak on their satellite phone to atleast inform our families that we were alive. In the meantime I had already arranged for the tents from India hikes base camp so that in worst case we would have some place to spend the night.

And it was the worst case, we had to spend another night in the camps you can see below.

Another night being stuck in Chatru due to landslide – Our camps

Next morning was beautiful but none of us was really able to enjoy and acknowledge the beauty around. And how could we? Our Sapna was still struggling with her stomach infection and the biggest wish of her life was a comfortable loo at this point.

By 9 am, there was an ambulance in Chatru which had come from Kaza and some additional officials for rescue operations. We were told, the only way out was to walk, trek and cross the landslide.

In desperation, we decided to do that but we had luggage and a lot of it. Finally we got a govt vehicle to drop us along with our luggage till the landslide point. This was the scene there.

Thanks to all the saviors especially Mr. Shiv Raj bodh, his friend (who had reached the scene already) and our govt vehicle driver among many others who helped us cross the landslide area along with our luggage.

A Govt bus was waiting on the other side of the landslide area to help the trapped tourist reach Manali. We took a sigh and boarded the bus. Atleast now we would reach Manali…

Just a little further ahead of Rohtang pass another scene awaited us.

Landslide near Madhi on Manali Rohtang highway

Landslide before Madhi and we were stranded again. Thankfully, at least the phone network was there. Most of us got down from the bus to make calls. The next day that is 21st Aug was my husband’s birthday. Since there was no way I could reach Bangalore I decided to make arrangements from there itself.

The hero of this scene was a regular truck driver who overheard me telling my neighbor friend,’ I might not be able to reach Bangalore so please arrange for the cake and food.’ When I finished my call, the truck driver came up to me and said ,’ Gudiya app zaroor ghar pahunchogi’.

I was touched. It felt like the most positive message straight from heaven. This fellow was empathetic towards me, who himself has a hard life on roads. I just happened to be in that situation by chance whereas he would have faced this many times. God, your creations never cease to surprise me.

Stuck before Marhi on the way to Manali near Rohtang pass

Now getting back to getting stuck part. So we had just crossed Rohtang pass and the nearest village Madhi was 5 plus kms ahead on the highway to Manali. Being stuck in Himalayas near one of the high passes with rains and chances of snowfall is not a good feeling.

In sometime it got dark and started to drizzle too. Babaji had decided not to make this trip boring at all. By 8 pm all the hopes to reach Manali died down as even the JCB stopped working.

We were to spend the cold night in the bus. The only respite was that we could talk to our families in our last moments. No water, no food and no blankets.

The hero of this night scene was Neeratram, our bus driver, who decided to trek downhill till Madhi Dhabas to get food and water for all the passengers in the bus. Some brave bikers too joined him as the rain subsided. That night we ate post midnight.

Morning came with another challenge ,’ the loo challenge’. Instead of waiting for the landslide to get cleared, we decided to leave the luggage in the bus and trek downhill till Madhi and take a vehicle from there for Manali.

I went ahead assuming everyone to follow but only Sapna came down. Bharti and Asha went back to the bus and decided to wait for the road to open rather than trek downhill. On the highway down, we got lift from a small cattle carrying truck.

I would never forget those 5kms, the surface literally created dents on my bum.

Once in Madhi, I started looking for another vehicle to go to Manali and got a shared vehicle after some additional circus.

Now the story should end right? but no..at Gulaba just before Manali there was 4-5 kms of traffic jam. Sapna and I got down from the vehicle along with other locals and started to walk downhill taking short cuts. The locals had called the vehicle to the point where the jam ended so we tagged along.

Finally, by 2 pm this ordeal ended when we reached Manali. Gosh!

About the other two? So once the landslide area got cleared a bit, they also took lifts in smaller vehicles as the bus wasn’t allowed to cross till evening and reached Manali by 4 pm comfortably.

That day, we ate like there was no tomorrow and laughed at every incident like it was so much fun.

Not sure about others but I were to ask myself

Will this deter me from traveling or taking such trips? I would say no

Secondly, will this discourage me from organizing tours in Spiti valley?

I would still say no because no other tour can offer such ROI… Within 10 days you learn from camping to trekking to crossing streams to walking on snow to taking the roller coaster rides to ditching bolders and to surviving on kadhi chawal, rajma chawal, bread anda and maggi . Last but not the least, free weight loss is complimentary 🙂

Ready for the next adventure with me girls?

Spiti valley tour- One hell of a trip to Govt forsaken places ! Not exaggerating. Each word in this photo story about my Spiti travel is true and have lived every moment along with the other women in our group.

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