#so to save myself from the embarrassment i'll just post day 8

[damianarchangel]

DAY 9

Of OC-tober

Today we're going to be playing a fun game called "Pretending October 9th Doesn't Exist". So here's Ezekiel in a formal outfit :)

Look at my fancy boy :)

[sp00kymulderr]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @maggiemayhemnj @perotovar @freelancearsonist @schnarfer 💗

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

55, I don't post everything there because I usually forget it exists, but it also has some of my older works on it from other fandoms. I don't really get ao3 - it just sort of feels like shouting into a void.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

93,343 (cannot write long fic to save my life)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

PPCU my beloved

4. Top five fics by kudos

Embarrassing because these are old old fics and even then they have barely any kudos lmao but I guess I'll tell you:

My Soul in the Stars - tumblr link (Poe Dameron x reader)

Anathema (August Walker x reader, abandoned series)

Nexus - tumblr link (Ezra & Cee)

Yours (August Walker x reader)

Survive (August Walker x reader)

but top 5 by notes on tumblr is completely different:

Rise (Joel x reader)

Closer to light (Javi P x reader)

inhale, exhale (Joel x reader)

Akrasia (Ezra x reader)

Spark (our house of flames pt 1) (Joel x reader)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! They mean the world to me but sometimes I get overwhelmed and feel dumb just saying 'thank you' over and over.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hm probably the smokes the ghost that keeps you close (Javi P x reader) or the San Valentin mini-series (Javi P x reader...what can I say, Javi and angst just works)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the kind of love you've been dreaming of (marcus p x reader) is pretty sickeningly sweet all the way through, they're very happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not anymore no, I used to get shit about my Ezra fics and my August Walker fics back in the day.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh yes

10. Craziest crossover?

I haven't written any yet but I guess the Marcus M/Dieter fic when its done?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I dream of co-writing with @chronically-ghosted and @perotovar one day 💞

14. All time favorite ship?

I've never been much of a shipper, but probably Bobbie/Chrisjen (The Expanse)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'd love to finish take the long way home (Marcus P x reader) one day, I had such vision for it. But Marcus is really just not my guy right now and I don't see myself going back to it any time soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

🤷lmao do i have any right now

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably dialogue. Descriptions. My grammar is atrocious. Making things interesting?? romance??

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Great, but run it by a native speaker before if you are not one.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

It was either h*rry p*tter or Lord of the Rings.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

despite the fact that no one else likes it, I love and am so proud of our house of flames - I'm working on the final chapter and it's so emotional and I love it!

-----

np tags @covetyou @whatsnewalycat @for-a-longlongtime @quinnnfabrgay-writes @seventeenpins

[diabolicalvixen]

hello, i just want you to know that you were one of the few artists my 11-year-old ayayui-rotted brain clung to!!!

now, 8 years later, i'm back in tumblr and i checked out the ayayui tag AND I SQUEALED WITH JOY when i saw you!!!

thank you so much for the wonderful art. (to this day i cannot get that seggsy ayayui basketball art you drew lol)

I wish I can tell you how much your message means to me, this made me a little teary eyed

trigger warning: depression talk below

8 years ago was just about 1 year before my depression peaked, and also the last time I heavily pushed out art before I stopped almost completely. I can tell you exactly because I started therapy at the end of 2020, and before that it took me almost 3 years to admit to myself that I need help. I wasn't ever in danger of unaliving myself but those were still some dark times. My diary from those years is so sad, that I can't bear to read it. But I still vividly remember one very personal entry that I want to share with you to convey to you what you did for me (and past me) today with that message

---

(this is paraphrased + translated)

December 2019

I haven't picked up a pen or a brush in what feels like forever and I don't know if I ever will again. I feel like a failure. My art looks like crap compared to others. It's messy and simple and you can tell i just wanted to get it finally done at one point. I bet no one uses that much references as I am. I want to delete it all. I don't even want to call myself an artist when I look at my stuff, that's just embarrassing. It looks so much better in my head, but my hand can't replicate what my mind sees.

Maybe it's a good thing Mom and Dad talked me out of studying art. My portfolio is cringe. I don't even know if this current degree is going anywhere, I haven't studied in a while either, I'll probably fail my exams. Whatever, I'll try next semester again.

I told people online that "I'm back" like a 100 times already, but no one cares anymore. That's the internet, if you stop pushing out content, you'll become irrelevant. Can't blame them. That's life I guess. I want to draw but I can't, it's not fun anymore. I'm not creative anymore. Where did it all go? Why do I feel so tired all the time? Maybe I'm just lazy. Even this entry almost took up all of my energy for today.

I slept 12 hours and I'm still tired.

---

A bit melodramatic but that's how I essentially felt like all the time, thinking about my art just made me spiral even more. I did receive some supportive and loving messages during those years and I have every one of them screenshotted and saved on my computer, but back then they were only able to pull me out for a very short time before I slipped into my black hole again. I had little bursts of creativity here and there but nothing compared to how it was before. Most of it I didn't even post because I ended up hating it.

I had my very last therapy appointment about three months ago and even though I'm in a much better place now, I'm still coming to terms with closing that chapter from my life. Something about your message made me very sentimental today - in a good way.

Thank you for liking my art 8 years ago. Thank you so much for still recognizing and remembering me 8 years later (!!!) and thank you for taking some time out of your day to message me! This truly made my whole month already, and we only have 2nd of July!

(about that seggsy basketball art, I reposted it a while ago - even though every fiber of my being cringed so hard 😂)

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

September 21st, 2024 - Spring

Warning: Absurdly long entry.

+ ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . +

Here's a little recap of yesterday and today.

Friday morning. I went to school because they were making a little celebration for the beginning of spring and Students Day. I really wanted a sandwich and chocolate cake. Turns out everything had been sold before. Fuck.

At least I had a great conversation E. She's really cool. I don't know if I can call her a friend, but I like talking to her.

For the Friday night I have to give some context. Here in my town, the graduating students build a huge wooden snowman in August and burn it the night before spring.

Also, the classes before them (mine) run around them while they burn the poor snowman, which was... decent. A little small.

Does it sound quite satanic? Because it is... kinda.

And then after all that happens, everyone stays there to party.

Surprisingly, I had fun. A lot of fun. Y disappeared, so I stayed with E all the time. She somehow made me be a bit more open and hang out with her friends. Thanks, girl, you saved me.

Actually, I don't know how many of those people were real friends. At some point I walked with her and two other girls, and it turns out that she didn't even know them. I separated from E for a little while and sat down with a 13-year-old who had to leave after a while. So I stayed alone for a little bit. It was weird.

I also walked with this other two people and E to a shop at the city centre, and I helped them by hiding a bottle of alcohol in my backpack lol

That thing was... okay. I could feel it burning my chest, but it wasn't as gross as I thought it would be.

I didn't dance a lot tho. I really didn't know what to do. It was kinda awkward. But I did move a bit.

For some reason it ended earlier than we expected. E and I sat down outside a little bit and she and her mother walked with me on my way home.

I changed to my rags, brushed my teeth and washed the dishes, even though I was fucking dead. I was walking around as if I was lame because my feet hurt like hell.

On Saturday morning I woke up and realized that I contradicted myself and lied. I wasn't with E all the time lol

I had a little headache tho. Hangover, I guess. I have no idea.

I hung out with E and some new buddies. The party continues during the day. But before that we bought the limited edition Oreo-flavoured Coca Cola. It's incredible, we loved it. We wanted Coca-Cola-flavoured Oreos but we couldn't find them.

And this time I drank more than yesterday. At some point I accepted sangria from some guy from another school. I didn't even know him. But it was quite tasty.

I don't even know why I did it. A few weeks ago I would've declined everything, but today I wanted to be like them. And I liked it.

The whole thing ended at 6 PM, and I walked with E to a café and bought milkshakes. We yapped and yapped and laughed and it was amazing.

Y told her about my whole... situation with him. It was so embarrassing. But she said she could arrange something to go out together so I can talk to him. It would be nice, I don't know. Right now I don't care about what I'm doing, as long as it doesn't kill me.

I came home at 8 PM and stayed in bed for a while. I got up to charge my phone and animatedly danced to Soda Stereo. I stopped because I had to write this, and because I started to question my actions and start to believe I'm drunk.

I don't know how that feels, so I'm not sure. But I feel this little warmth on my face and my head feels light sometimes. Well, as long as my mother doesn't notice it.

And that's all! That's why I didn't post anything last night.

I feel a bit older now. I finally did what I was supposed to, and I enjoyed it (strangely). I'm really happy. I had a great day and I even made a new friend. Those other guys were cool, too. I don't know if I'll ever see them again - I hope so.

Tomorrow it's going to rain. A lot. So I'll just stay at home and relax for a bit. I need to recover from this (even though it wasn't really a big deal?).

I think I'll cook some pasta. Just to have dinner now and go to sleep as soon as possible.

Also, I think I smell smoke. I swear I didn't smoke anything, I was surrounded by people with cigarettes.

Last night I didn't know how many of them were tobacco. At least one of them wasn't, I'm sure about that.

I should have a shower. Is it too late for that?

Anyway, I gotta go now.

Rest well - I definitely will.

And happy spring.

+ ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . +

[sly-merlin]

a little longer | k.dy

Genre :  fluff, doyoung being sappy

@parkjmini requested: sunflower + doyoung ( i can't believe i saved the request for two months 🤍)

Sunflower : longevity, lasting happiness

words : 1k

Summary : after several failed tries of finding a perfect birthday gift for you, doyoung decides to pour his feelings into the paper, sealing his love in a not so conventional way.

a/n : happy birthday my Joyce. I love you so much!❤️you are so sweet and precious🥺i got late due to sudden commitments! but you love me soooo(~￣³￣)~excuse this time.

I apologise to those who are seeing this post for nth time. Tumblr deleted it thrice!

Dear y/n,

Do you remember our first meeting? Hmm you might not. It wasn’t, after all, very pleasant. I was sitting or rather hiding in a secluded corner of the cafe where I couldn't be seen but I knew I was not that well hidden the moment you had found and approached me. Well not me but your coffee cup and sandwich. Your glare had shook me to the core and I must say you had overreacted. Who creates an eye-contact riot at something trivial like an order of coffee? Certainly no one that I knew did! Who knew people were so over-protective over their drinks! After your fuming form had retreated leaving me baffled at your reaction and I had shifted my focus back to the book in hand. I couldn't have wasted the few hours I had to myself on something so insignificant. Only if i knew!

That night, my dreams were painted with the colour of your eyes. Quite amusingly, the sleep that i loved so much had been filled with all the other possible scenarios that could have unfolded, only if my face was naked. Were you a fan? Did you recognise me? Truth be told, I had forgotten your face the next minute you had left the door but why were your eyes so captivating that it urged me to search for you. Of course with the compensatory purpose because initially, it was me who had picked up the wrong order or maybe, I just wanted to see those eyes again.

I went back, again and again for about 2 weeks, at same time, hoping I'd see you there, hoping I'd catch your name being called. Several y/n's had ordered coffee for those two weeks but none was you and then suddenly after those long weeks, right when i was busy drowning my latte with sugar, the bells had chimed and you had entered.

That day, I had tried to register your face in my muddled mind.

That night, I had slept forcing myself to dream of those eyes again. The regret of failing to talk to you had settled down somewhere in the back of my mind and your smile had replaced the jitters of nervousness.

Though three years have passed but the extra receipt of your dear order, stored in the second drawer, never fails to throw me back to the time when the mere thought of your existence was enough to put me to sleep. I hope, if you remember, you also cherish those times just the way I do.

Do you remember the first time we talked? You ought to! That was the most valiant doyoung anybody could have ever witnessed! Good luck had rained upon me that day for I had caught you alone in the same corner of the cafe. You had politely accepted my silent request to keep my presence unknown and that day, I had mutely entered your life. I might be your fan but you aren't more important than my sandwich! The humour haha!

One unexpected meeting had morphed into a spiral of multiple. That one accidental exchange of sugar sweet drink had led to fortuitous trade of contacts and became the highlight of my plain life.  

6 september. Do you remember this date? Maybe you do. That day, for the first time, i had poured all of my unexpressed feelings into three overrated words- i love you. Those words were in no way meaningless for me but I still had failed to recognise the reason for your  overwhelming state and the never ending tears. Until I had heard them from you. It felt odd. Certainly different from how taeyong or others say it. Why did those feel so strange and surprisingly intimate but I was happy, over the moon if you could say!

That day, I had slept peacefully, without a care in the world for mine was already secured in my arms.

You must be wondering why am i repeating everything again like i don't expect you to remember anything at all. For me, those several firsts, those new beginnings were the reason we have travelled so far. And as the clock ticks, my inner voice gets louder with several questions clogging my head and not all of them have responses to ease my worries.

Have I been taking you for granted? I would never dare to answer that by myself.  My job and time had never been kind to us and i can't say if this would ever come to an end but do know that i appreciate you in my life. You are always there at the end of the day and I always find you sitting right where I left. But time scares me y/n. What if one day you pack your frustrations in a suitcase full of your belongings and leave me alone with nothing but memories.

I always have so much to say but I never utter anything. I fear that the range of my voice would end up disrespecting your love for me. The way you express, I could never. Even when I try the hardest, it always falls short of something that I'm not aware of.

I can never love you the way you do and I'm afraid my love would end up being passed as mere infatuation if ever compared to yours.

I know I'm already getting far more than what I deserve and shouldn't be asking for anything but I'll allow myself to be greedy for once. Promise me that you'd never give up on me. Promise me that you'd always be there for me because I can't explain how much I love coming back to you. Let my pace always match yours so I would be able to slip my hand through yours, just the way you love and in return, I promise to make your stay in my life a bit easier.

I love you. Thank you for always staying at the other end of the door. I promise you won’t have to wait too long for me. Thank you for accepting my odd and silent way of loving you.

Thank you for being you. Let me just love you for a little longer.

Today, you are getting a year older. For me, you’d always remain the same y/n i met three years ago. I hope your perception of me won’t change anytime soon.

I’ll be adding this letter in the list of our firsts! I was being lazy so i forgot to buy you a gift this time(or maybe i needed an excuse to write my first love letter). By the time you read this, it’d be afternoon already. I’d be home by 8.

Always loving you.

Your bunny,

doyoung

(p.s do me a favour and please don’t embarrass me by mentioning this letter in the evening)

did i say love you? i love you!

*****************

should i write a reply from y/n?

[jellybeanium124]

Bluebell and Daisy for the asks 💛💛

bluebell - a quote you treasure

I actually have a document where I write down quotes I like. I'll put my favorites here, in no particular order (I'm bisexual you can't force me to pick one)

(the Ted Cruz one is ironic enjoyment... in case that's not clear)

daisy - sweetest childhood memo(ry)

You know how when someone asks you a question like this you suddenly forget your entire childhood? Yeah. Well, I remembered something that happened when I was 12 so I'm going with it.

My 7th grade Hebrew School class went on an overnight retreat to a place I don't really remember. It seemed kind of like a cross between a summer camp and a private school. There was a dining hall and we shared bedrooms with friends and I had a really fun time. There were also organized games. One of those games was as follows:

Everyone got a sharpie and a pad of stickie notes, and we had to write something nice about everyone and stick it on their backs anonymously. It was really fun running around this room trying to stick post-its on people's backs without them knowing it was you, and by the end a lot of them were on the floor because they didn't stick to people's shirts that well. At the end of the game, I saved the 8 or so that managed to stick to me. I know who wrote two of them (she was one of my best friends and had really distinctive handwriting) but I don't know who wrote the others. Some of them were fairly generic but still nice, but one stuck out to me.

Someone just wrote a heart. I don't know what they meant by this heart, and I have no idea who wrote it (I had a pretty massive crush on a boy in my middle school at the time so I was less likely to notice if someone else had a crush on me). I still have that note in my childhood bedroom (the other ones too).

Fun (embarrassing) fact about me: I've never dated anyone 😅. Sometimes in high school that was a pretty rough fact to deal with and I wondered if anyone would ever like me that way. Hell, to this day I've only gotten "I-like-you-like-you" vibes from one person and I didn't like them back that way (I didn't even really like them as a friend, we didn't click well, and also he liked Jordan Peterson and the more time that's passed the more I've realized we wouldn't have gotten along if I got to know him better). Looking at that note would make me feel better about myself. Being a late bloomer isn't the end of the world (the irony of writing about this on Valentine's day just occurred to me lol).

So yeah. ❤️

[non-binharry]

(1) This is gonna be quite long, just a warning. So if you just want to read and not post it all or just answer in tags that is fine :) I won't be offended or sad I promise :) I also might have to wait to send all because of the ask limit, but will make clear when it's 'the end'. Regarding the talk about blp versus bhk - as someone who does read both and visit(ed) both blogs, I would say you can definitely tell a difference. I don't know much about the mods on bhk so I can't really speak out,

(2) but from what I've seen they are friendly and open-minded! But I mean more in the blogs and the content/how it's presented. Both might be 'themed' and this is of course totally fine, I don't see a problem at all in having a blog specifically about something, or have fic recs for bh/bl - you like what you like. Bhk however, don't claim that they're 'right' and 'you are wrong' and that is that. They simply have a themed blog. They post manips and fic recs and outside of that they post ACTUAL

(3) THINGS that happened. They post all the things that happen and don't ignore anything to fit a top/bottom stereotype. They post 'scruffy Harry', they posted the long-haired Louis pictures. They post flamboyant Louis. Yesterday they posted a moodboard about Omega Louis and Alpha Harry. That is just something blp would never do, in a million years. Omega Harry on their blog? Yeah, no. Harry in his dresses, fishnets etc, not a chance. Bhk also doesn't have the weird safety check thing, they

(4) posted a fic that had top H 'mentions' the other day and it was nothing! Yes they are a bottom H blog and so the fics will be bottom H and not vers etc, but it's not like 'we're saving you from the bottom Louis content!!' either. They do have the 'trans Harry' tag, but if you take a moment to actually check it out you can see it's not connected to the rest of the blog. They're not saying Harry is a bottom/femme/princess and therefore he's trans. They're talking and giving a space to people

(5) who connect with what H is saying. Things he's actually done and not a headcanon. Now what I use blp for is their fic-tags. Actually I did years ago before all this 'plague' shit happened, or at least that I noticed. I like reading bottom Louis and so it was a good place to find fics, and like you said the other day it's pretty much the only place to find any. And it IS actually a good tag-system/collection of fics, I'll give them that. It's a lot of bl fics included and not just those

(6) very ooc ones. Seeing as many fics are not tagged as bh/bl it can be hard to find otherwise. People totally have the right to NOT tag this and many people say it shouldn't matter who tops and I definitely agree (in a way), a story can be GREAT either way, but I also think it's okay to have a preference and simply not be into one or the other. I for one would never read a HET fic for example, since I just find it boring and not interesting at all. So just reading bh or bl is fine. But if you

(7) don't like something or a fic have a scene that you're not into, just skip it! Move on and read something else. Don't go all 'eww gross' or warn about 'vibes'. That is just weird. Hence why I don't look at the actual blp BLOG, only the tags when I need to find a fic. Another big difference - I've yet to see one 'Bharrie' say bottom Louis is 'disgusting' or 'make them vomit'. Meanwhile I see this all the time with Blouies and bottom Harry. And this is about REAL LIFE H/L. Who the fuck does

(8) that? Do they say this about other irl couples too? Imagine them seeing it. Actually imagine having 'bl' or 'bh' or anything in your PROFILE and in a twitter name and proudly be one as your entire personality? Writing about Louis' 'p*ssy' on main and messaging him with the same one. I would be dead embarrassed if it was me. It's not even slightly better than the stalkers harrasing them in the streets asking to sign birth control or some shit. The lack of self awareness. / A final note: I'm

(9) cis myself, so I can't speak from experience and therefore I am in no way claiming anything I say. I can just go on what I would imagine it would be like. About the discussion and talking about H possibly being trans/non-cis. First of all, he's put himself out there several times now. It's not like you go on rumours or straight up speculation. You wouldn't just pick someone for fun and 'make them' into something because you WANT HIM for your own sake. Just like we wouldn't have with Larry if

(10) we didn't honestly believe in them. It's just not right to do. Harry HAS shown things though. Things beyond clothes and being 'femme'. I might be cis, but even I can see there is more to the story. The way he talks about things. The way he presents himself and acts in general. So I then went looking for more about it and came across yours and other blogs where it was talked about and I realised I wasn't alone in my observations. I just couldn't put it into words since I wouldn't actually

(11) know what it's like. So you go on things that exist and you don't claim him being trans as absolute truth or try and define exactly what it means to him. But if it's wrong to say Harry could be non-cis, then the same should be said about the other way around. It's funny how they don't see that? How they don't realise that saying 'Harry is a CIS MAN, stop being disgusting you freaks!' isn't extremely damaging. Not just to him if he ever sees it but to others as well. Just, fuck that

(12) shit :( End of rant. Mostly me just rambling on and for that I'm sorry! I get if you've talked about this enough and like I said, you don't have to post. I just wanted to share my views :) Also if I said anything wrong or ignorant, please correct me! All the love xx (end)

[jeongjaebae]

fanfic writers tag game

tagged by @skrtbabe 💖

tagging: i was about to tag my fave writers on tumblr dot com but you know what, i'll save myself the embarrassment so anyone who wants to do this!

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

bts....... on my old blog, and nct on this one

edit: wow i totally forgot but also wrote for bigbang and exo lmaoo

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

the boyz (*´∇｀*)

3. how long have you been writing?

like since i was old enough to pick up a pencil lolol but if u mean fanfiction then since 2011 (tbt AFF days omg)

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

mostly tumblr, sometimes ao3 depending on the fic

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

fluff and humour i guess? usually involving some kind of getting together and heart fluttering moments hehe

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

a bit of both but it really depends on the story! would say that anything 10k+ deserves a scene by scene kind of plan, and anything shorter is more of a visualization of scenes in my head

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

definitely one shots omg the last time i attempted multi chapter it's been incomplete and sitting on my ao3 since 2018

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

uhhh 5-8k maybe?

9. what is your longest published story?

the juyeon lipstick au sitting at 10k, but it will be the sunwoo soulmates au at 16k soon

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

the lipstick au!!! had so much fun writing the banter between mc and kyeobmuda in there, oh also the christmas fic with jaehyun was super fun!

11. favourite request you've have written and why

awkward back kisses with humour LOL. this was a request on my old blog but i revamped it and now it's the prompt that turned the lipstick au into what it is today

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

uhHhh a dose of second hand embarrassment and clownery 🤡 otherwise it'd be a cliché kiss scene near the end of the fic oops

13. current number of wips?

other than the sunwoo soulmates au i have likeeee 1-2 ish? 🙃

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

the amount of improvement there's been within the past few months!! anyways uhhh what are dialogue tags, too many long rambling sentences, and too many repetitive parallels

15. a quote you like from a published story

"hot people have hot friends" from if the lipstick matches, and this from maybe we'll just keep fallin

16. a quote from an unpublished story

"just let me know if you really want me to move on. i'll do it, y/n. i've been ready for a while now."

17. space for you to say something to your readers

as always, if u made it this far, ty for reading! 💓 also that notes don't correlate to quality so if any of you are afraid of starting your own writing journey because of that, hmu and i will love the heck out of all your works (´∀��)♡

[typicalhippiegirl]

Let's talk about something.

First off, I'm not putting this messed up, peely, gross looking tattoo up for anyone to judge (I'm not happy with it either). I'm putting this out there to help others learn from my mistakes & hopefully prevent them from going thru what I've been dealing with.

There's a tattoo expo coming to town with featured artists from out of town. I find one thru IG whose work looks clean & I like her style so I DM her about setting an appt. Shes got time this weekend yay! no waiting for the expo. -Do you see the mistakes I made already? It's so obvious to me now😓

Saturday's here, I head to the shop (for the first time) for the appointment & the moment I walk in it's like Uh, wtf? Half the shop is taped off & in the middle of a remodel (no dust or active working, just shit all moved around). I brush it off, theyre getting things ready for an expo right? They need people tattooing there, not playing pool so ya, no wonder it's a bit messy.

Next she shows me the stencil and its fuckin huge. Like I specifically said between 6-8 inches max bc it's going on my forearm & i'm not Stretch Armstrong. Shes like Oh I kept it between 8 & 10. Well ya didn't fuckin listen bc what woman has arms that long? So it's resized & idk what we were casually talking about but she def rolled her eyes at me. Look man, I'm a pretty easy going person and depending on the situation I may take a slight without saying shit. Also like low self confidence helps with that right? So anyway, at the point I should have been like Alright dude, we're not really clickin & I'm not feelin this anymore & walked TF out. I didnt. Like an idiot. I'm not gonna lie, part of it was losing put on the deposit the other part was just me telling myself it would be fine despite in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't.

So we start. Yo, she's a Fuckin. Bitch. I wanted a theme right, this chick is supposed to be a Texas pinup, I wanted certain colors in her clothes. I asked "What colors are we thinking for her?" She actually scoffed and says "These ones" while motioning at her cups. Wow. Ok, well, fuck I don't want to ask her anything anymore so I shutup & go with it.

This shit HURTS. I'm not a pussy when it comes to pain. I have several tattoos, including fingers, toes and a whale that was particularly painful because it goes directly over my very bony shin. I've been cut, I've had a baby without drugs. Mags remind me of getting a razor cut and I find pleasure in the feeling. I can tolerate some pain and this shit sucked. Yo, at the end she switched down to a single needle and that was KILLER. I felt like I was being carved into (which, if you'd ever seen my back you'd know, I know the feeling).

Alright so finally we're finished & I roll into the next day. I'm a bit worried about the appearance and not just bc she looks like she broke her leg. It looks wet. I continue my aftercare as normal: antibac soap & aquaphor. Day 2 I'm researching infections bc it's super painful, red but mostly it's wet. I'm afraid of infection also bc this chick had the trash can right next to the station. I mean Right. Fuckin. Next to it. To the point that the trashcan lid fell onto the pad where my arm is. I want to ask her to move it but she's in such a bad mood I think it'll just make things worse & she'll be even rougher. By day 3 I've tried antibac goo & it seems to make my skin bubble where its been applied so I quickly quit using that. My arm hurts so badly at this point I cant put it down without getting shooting pains up my arm. I let it dry out so things are crusty but at least I don't find them medically disturbing. Regardless, I spend a lot of this day crying. Day 4 I'm still researching infection and come across overworked tattoos, scars & "hamburgering" My heart pretty much drops bc this is it, this is what's going on. What's even more fucked up is that I find this on forums for people learning to tattoo. Like apprentice's first few tattoos having this problem. Rookie shit, ya hear?😑

The pictures are from day 5. You can see splitting along the black lines, there's holes in the sun & near her belt. Oh and that's a thing. The hole is the sun is bc somehow a drop of green got in there so she went over it and over it and over it again with more red. Can you imagine my frustration at that point?

So look, I got this done Saturday, here it is Friday. My skin is very shiny and puckery where the peeling has come off. The scabs are thick af, I've only been moisturizing the places safe to so as of today almost everything but the cactus. Did I mention my arm still really hurts? I can't straighten it, there's pains that shoot out from the center, and why why why is my bicep sore?! I'm really worried about how the cactus is going to turn out. My skin looks bumpy between the cracks of scab. I think she used a crappy cheap green. I'm really left wondering about her experience as a tattoo artist. I'm just saying: My first tattoo was done by a scratcher in a dirty apartment bedroom. He did such a shitty job that I took the machine from him & finished it myself. Might I mention I was 16 and completely coked out of my mind? Also, I didn't hamburger myself and there was no scarring over that disaster of a tattoo (which thankfully no longer exists thanks to the aforementioned painful whale)

This whole thing has fuckin sucked. I don't want anybody else dealing with this. Let me outline some things I should have done differently so if you find yourself in the same situation you can make better decisions than I did.

1. If you're looking on IG for an artist make sure they also post healed pics not just fresh ones.

2. If you're not vibing with your artist it's ok so call it off. Look, a 60$ deposit aint shit to lose in the grand scheme of things, can you get a cover up for 60$? How about bad work or a bad experience lasered off? You can't get those deals, oh who knew? Sometimes losing money is saving it.

3. Don't get shit from travelling artists. Maybe they woke up a 3am & drove 8 hours & now they don't give a shit about anything but going home.

4. If the shop doesn't look great, walk out. Again, whats 60$ compared to your health and happiness?

This is a long post & it's not something I usually post about (lol who am I kidding? Personal tragedies are kinda my thing). It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed how she came out, I'm embarrassed I didn't speak up, I'm embarrassed I didn't just go to the person I knew could give me a good tattoo. It wasn't even about money, I didn't get a deal on this pinup mess. All I can do is move on. Thank goodness this wasn't my first piece or I may have been totally turned off from getting anymore ink. Now all I can do is continue my aftercare, hope for the best and when the time comes I'll go visit Vinny at American Tradition and get something else on the backside of my arm to distract from this mess.

Much love my inked up friends❤

Hey and if this speaks to you like you've been in this situation or are currently in it, feel free to DM me.

[momrissaa]

I'll do it why not ...

100 questions Is a kiss considered cheating? Yes Have you ever faked orgasm? Lol honestly I think so If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Invisibility or mind reading ... Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? I'd like to think that. Tell us some funny drunk story? I went to the club with murph, dubs, Kyle, Erin, and Brandon. Some girl swing on dubs so I fought her literally threw the whole street of Prov, and the whole ride back home dubs cried.. lol Why are you no longer together with your ex? Things change, people change, life goes on If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Old What are your current goals? To work my ass off for my boy to give him a house and yard and puppy and everything he could ever want. Do you like someone? Well duh Who was the last person to disappoint you? Probably bran 🤷🏽‍♀️ Do you like your body? I guess so Can you keep a diet? Lol no don't want too If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? Just do whatever you want in every moment one day you won't be able to and we don't know what day that is Do you work? Yes 2 jobs If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Pizza Would you get a tattoo? I have 5, want more Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? Wes, food Can you drive? Yes I just hate driving because for many years I didn't have to ever When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Brandon did in the last couple days What was the last thing you cried for? Getting yelled at Do you keep a journal? Kinda Is life fun? Sometimes Is farting in front of people irrelevant? Ew wth What’s your dream car? Probably a Rover Are grades in school important? Yes Describe your crush. He smiles a lot, weighs 12 pounds 5 ounces, drools.. lmao What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Before I fall What was your last lie? Saying "I can't" Dumbest lie you ever told? I spoke Spanish Is crying in front of people embarrassing? For myself yeah but when I see people cry I don't think wow how embarrassing Something you did and you are proud of? Start a family What’s your favourite cocktail? Espresso martinis Something you are good at? Listening, writing Do you like small kids? Yes How are you feeling right now? Like my jeans are too tight, and my coffee is making me sick What would you name your daughter/son? Westyn Joshua Smith .. What do you need to be happy? My child, and coffee Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?uhhh no I don't think What was the last gift you received? I'm gonna be cliche and go with today .. What was the last gift you gave? A lip stick bowl lmao What was the last concert you went to? Dixie chicks Favourite place to shop at? Tjmaxx and marshals Who inspires you? My baby How old were you when you first got drunk? 17 How old were you when you first got high? 18 When was your first kiss? Not sure Something you want to do until the end of this year? Grow Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? Of course, everyone has something Post a selfie. Lol Who are you most comfortable around? Family, Padilla sometimes, idk Name one thing that terrifies you. To lose complete control of my life What kind of books do you read? Romantic ones What would you tell your 12 year old self? It's gonna get really bad and really good, just stay focused What is your favourite flower? Sunflowers Any bad habits you have? Yes no need to elaborate I dislike them What kind of people are you attracted to? People who are driven, funny, caring, spontaneous, mysterious, exciting ... What was the last thing you cried for? Idk Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? Not really Are you in love? With the stars Something you find romantic? Surprises How long was your longest relationship? 3 something years What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? The way they speak, carry themselves, constant competition What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Needy sexual slobs What are you saving money for? A better life How would you describe your bad side? Evil Are you actually a good person? Why? Yes I try my best to be my best. Think about how others will feel and be influenced What are you living for? My child everyday Have you ever done anything illegal? Lol ya Do you like your body? This was asked already ya Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? Yes Ever sent nudes? Yes Have you ever cheated on someone? Disgusting to admit but yeah Favourite candy? Gummy anything Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! No lol Do you play any computer games? No What is your favourite game? Sims Favourite TV series? Friends Are you religious? Does God exist? Not really and yes What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? Before I fall, yes, written beautifully What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Did it before in courage it How long have you been on Tumblr? Years in years Do you like Chineese food? Love it McDonalds or Subway? I want the burger Vodka or whiskey? Whiskey Alcohol or drugs? Alch Ever been out of your province/state/country? Not country Meaning behind your blog name? A song I used to be in love with by Florence and the machine What are you scared of? Death, loss, financially being unstable Last time you were insulted? About a week ago 🎼 Most traumatic experience ? Child birth Perfect date idea? Wine, a blanket on the beach Favourite app on your phone? Love me some tumblr What colour are the walls in your room? Wooden Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? Nope Share your favourite quote. "Love is enough" What is the meaning of life? To love Do you like horror movies? Yesssss Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Yes we fought or maybe keeping my son from her Do you feel lucky or special in a way? Yes very Can you keep a secret? Yes tell me one