#so the food and tea and coffee mentions are pretty typical for every hospital I've been in -- even the rich ones

[thatonebirdwrites]

Coffee

Follow-up to L-Corp, Chill, and Scotch (Lena's POV), Catco and Family (Kara's POV), Kara and Heat, Plumerias and Ink and Aura

This is objectively the worst coffee Kara has ever had in her life. No amount of sugar or milk saves it, yet it's the only coffee available in the hospital.

She takes another sip, grimaces, and considers just tossing it down the sink. Caffeine doesn't actually affect her, so her drinking it is mostly for comfort.

She waits in a small room by the surgery center, where doctors worked to repair the complication to Lena's condition. It's a name that Kara can't quite pronounce, Endocarditis, an infection in the heart. She thinks back through the last week and three days.

***

When Lena's blood culture tests, echocardiogram, CT and X-rays all came back positive for the infection, she is admitted to the hospital for supervision of a heavy round of antibiotics.

Kara sets up a schedule with Sam and Kelly for daily visits. Kelly can't do everyday, but she does the late morning. Kara goes for the afternoon, while Sam and sometimes Ruby covers evenings. Lena speaks sparingly, sleeps a lot, but seems to appreciate each visit.

Kara learns the name of Lena's nurses and technicians, but they seem to change shifts a lot, so she's not certain which ones will be there on which days. The technicians seem to be the ones that deal with hygiene tasks, while nurses deal more with the health portions like IV stuff, procedures, and medicines.

Lena's given the best suite in the department, and supposedly the best cooks. Kara judges the food harshly -- they call that the best? It doesn't even smell like food!

Lena, for some reason, finds Kara's reaction to hospital food hilarious. On Day 3 of Lena's Hospital Stay, Lena chuckles at Kara's latest horror at her food choices. "Darling," she says, which is a thing she started up in the hospital too -- pet names, "this is indeed the best in hospital fare." She had soup in front of her, broth heavy, and small kale-based salad.

Just the smell of kale insults Kara's senses. The menu the workers bring Lena -- they have a person specifically for food, just as they have nurses, nurse techs, and others that Kara totally forgot what their roles are -- is horrifically sparse on entrees and side dishes. Even the desserts are terrible. No donuts or ice cream! Just some weird fruit flavored ice pop.

"How do people survive?" Kara asks. "The portions are so small, and no variety! It's like a food desert."

"Mmmm. I suppose it is for you." Lena raises an eyebrow. "Which I have wondered... is your ferocious appetite part of your particular physiology?"

Lena-speak for if it's due to Kara being Kryptonian. "Yeah, it is. I need almost three times the calories of a human." Kara rubs her neck and smiles sheepishly.

"Wait, what? Do you even get enough in a day?" Lena's eyebrows scrunch cutely like it does when she's furiously pondering a subject.

"Not always," Kara admits. "There's some Earth food that I can't digest. Found that out the hard way my first few years here." She pokes the wet tea bag that sits in the corner of the tray. Despite steeping it for five minutes, Lena admits it's still rather tasteless tea.

"Kara..." Lena touches the back of Kara's hand. Another first since their fight, since well before Lex's death actually. Before Lex, the physical affection between them had been slowly ramping up, but after him, Lena's frosty demeanor and avoidance made even sitting near one another difficult.

Now she touches Kara tentatively but with a firmness, as if she's making sure Kara can really feel the touch. Another new thing between them and one Kara appreciates.

"What if I draft a powder for you? You can put it in your sickening sweet drinks to add in more calories."

"Really? You'd make that?" Kara blinks back the urge to cry. "I don't deserve..."

"Stop." Lena grasps her hand and rubs her thumb over Kara's palm. It tingles almost. "No more of that while I'm here. You and Sam have pressed upon me how important food and health is. So that means I can't sit idly knowing you may not get enough in a day." Her firm tone invokes no room for argument, but Kara has no idea what to say in response. So she only smiles and holds Lena's hand gingerly.

Lena has always been perceptive of Kara's needs, and she's tried to do the same. So it really shouldn't surprise Kara that Lena has ideas for how to draft this powder by day three of her hospital stay. Sam, on her way out, whispers to Kara how Lena has been nonstop pondering it, and she had to steal Lena's tablet twice to enforce rest the prior night.

Honestly, this is why she takes the longer shifts in the afternoon, to make sure Lena has everything she needs for this hospital stay. It's the least she can do to continue her repair and make sure Lena doesn't ever feel she has to face anything alone again.

Her time here has given Kara a shock as to how many people don't have visitors. That too becomes a conversation between her and Lena, this time on the fourth day of Lena's stay.

"There's this really nice old lady three rooms down from you. She had some sort of big heart surgery, but like no one visited her for a week! A week, Lena!" Kara throws her hands into the air in horror.

Lena smiles, her gaze focused intently on Kara. That too is a new development.

Before Lex, Lena tended to focus her attention on whoever the speaker is, but for Kara, she'd sometimes bite her bottom lip, smile softly, or step much, much closer than she would for other people. The singular focus often had Kara blushing.

After Lex, Lena avoided eye contact. At least until their talk at the gazebo.

Now Lena gazes at her with a singular focus, one so intent that she misses when anyone enters the room. Her entire body language shifts too, far more than in the past, as if she's listening not just with her ears but with her whole body. It's a trifle overwhelming, especially with how gorgeous Lena is, even when ill and in a pastel-blue hospital gown.

"I take it you did something about this tragedy?" Lena drawls, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Well, yes. I couldn't just let her be sad and alone. So..." Kara leans closer and whispers, "Don't tell Alex, but I sort of hid in the bathroom and got out the supersuit, and had Supergirl visit her."

"Kara!" Lena laughs and weakly swats her arm. "That's what that commotion was."

Kara smiles. "Well, what can I say?" she shrugs. "Everyone loves and knows Supergirl."

That's when the Look started. Lena's expression softened, her gaze even more intent, but her smile almost shy. Kara can't recall Lena ever looking at her quite this way prior, and it warms her in a way that Kara can't quite pinpoint yet.

"I prefer Kara." The words punctuated with a firm nod as if Lena will fight anyone who disagrees.

Kara once again finds herself blinking back tears. "Really?"

"Yes. You'll always be just Kara to me."

That definitely invokes tears. "You might be the first to ever say that." She rubs her face, horrified by her own tears. "Everyone always treats me differently once they learn, and then it's all about... about you know."

"Were you afraid I'd do the same?"

Kara nods, miserable. It's why she stressed it so much in her apology at the Pulitzer's, how that fear had made her such a horrendous coward. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

Lena is silent for a long moment, that scrunch in her brows signalling her thinking. "I suppose I have treated you differently since I learned, but it was... out of hurt. Not because of your alternate identity per se."

"That's not the same," Kara insists. "Even then, you focused on me as Kara. Like even Nia, once she knew, I became her mentor, and sometimes that drives almost all of our friendship these days. And I get it. Kara Danvers isn't as cool."

Lena shakes her head. "I think Kara Danvers is cool just as she is. I have since the start." A faint smile twitches her lips.

On Day five, Kara is late for her shift due to a Supergirl emergency, this time a rampaging dinosaur. Some sort of animatronic turned into a real creature somehow.

Kelly has already left, and Lena lays quietly in bed, her tablet face-up in her lap. This is the first time Kara stopped to nab a coffee from the cafeteria, mostly to help her calm down from the fight.

"Hey Lena." Kara drops into the chair next to her bed. "How are you feeling today?" She takes a sip and stares at the coffee in horror. "Wow, this is terrible."

"Hospital coffee always is, hun," Lena murmurs. Her hands are restless against her blanket, and her brow scrunched as if she's been deep in thought. "Are -- are you okay?" Her eyes rove over Kara with an intensity that makes her blush. "I -- I saw the news."

Oh. That explains the nervousness in Lena's demeanor. "I'm fine." Kara smiles.

She listens to the rest of the department, but no one is near Lena's room, the nurses and techs are on opposite ends of the hallway or chatting at their desk six doors away.

So safe enough to share. "It looked worse than it was. Alex wants me to take it easy though. So I don't solar flare."

Lena tilts her head. "Explain? I hear the term off and on, but how does it work physiology-wise?"

"Oh." Kara taps her fingers against her leg. "My cells suck up solar energy and stores them. It's what gives me my powers, but I can deplete them over time. Usually time in the sun replenishes them, so I never fully deplete, but sometimes, on cloudy days or at night, I can use up all my reserves. That's a solar flare."

"So then no powers?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. Which means I have to be extra careful since I can sometimes break a bone without meaning to. I have to be so careful with my strength, that losing it means I will think I'm careful --"

"But you overcompensate?"

Kara nods. "Gosh, it feels so good to share this with you." She attempts another sip of the coffee and almost gags.

"Mmmm. Yes. I prefer this." Lena's tone holds no bitterness this time however. "Though I think you should give up on that coffee. Before you die from gagging."

Kara chuckles. "Yeah, I guess." She looks down at the brown liquid.

Tears prick her eyes, and she wonders how long Lena will have to stay here. It scares her to see Lena here, to see her so pale and weak, with IV and fluids, with the blood pressure cuff on her arm and her finger in the oxy-meter. A machine takes her vitals every fifteen minutes, the noise grating to Kara's ears.

"Kara, darling, how about you read the next chapter?" Lena holds out her book. As always, Lena knows when they both need the distraction. Kara takes the book and prepares her best reading voice, the one Lena seems delighted to hear. Giving a different voice to each character is part of that, which feels silly but it brings a smile to Lena's face, and that's something Kara desperately wants to keep doing.

When Lena falls asleep an hour later, Kara scoots closer and gently pushes a lock of hair away from Lena's face. Her fingers linger by Lena's ear, and that urge to kiss her forehead overwhelms Kara.

She can't help herself. She lets her lips ghost over Lena's cold skin.

That's when the current nurse - Quincey - walks in to check on Lena's vitals and change her IV bag. She smiles at Kara and gives her a wink when Kara hurriedly sits down as if caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Before Nurse Quincey leaves, Kara stands and catches her at the door. "Um, do you know how much longer Lena has to stay?"

The nurse glances at the hospital bed, where Lena sleeps soundly. "It depends on how well she takes to the antibiotics. The doctor will see her tomorrow to check her progress if you want to save your questions for then." She gives Kara a reassuring smile. "And don't worry, we'll take good care of your partner."

Before Kara can protest the term, the nurse sweeps out of the room.

Well, that's just, something.

Kara sits down and downs the terrible coffee before its smell can assault her nose. She needs something after that, because if Lena hears a nurse call Kara that, what will she do? Kara doesn't want Lena to get upset and stress her heart.

After that day, Kara becomes far too intimate with the absolutely terrible coffee and food the hospital serves. Lena isn't allowed caffeine, so she's ends up with just decaffeinated tea or various juices.

"I'm convinced they source the worst tea imaginable," Lena admits to Kara the fifth day of her stay in the hospital. The bed is tilted so Lena can sit upright, and a tray hangs over her lap. The food, as usual, looks incredibly sad to Kara. In fact, it makes her want to rush out to find Lena real food.

But she's not sure if that's allowed. "I'd get you better tea, but I probably would need to sneak it in."

"Resorting to tea smuggling?" Lena jokes, dryly. "Kara Zor El Danvers, I'm scandalized."

To hear her full name uttered from Lena's lips? Kara can't help but smile. "Oh, I smuggle a lot of delicious things. Like potstickers in a theater."

That nets her a full-throat chuckle. Almost like old times. The pain or distrust in Lena's eyes hasn't fully left her, but she has started laughing more often to Kara's horrible jokes.

"Oh, that reminds me. Brainy and J'onn had to move my mind-healing session to today. So I need to leave fifteen minutes early. Mostly because J'onn only has an hour, and it takes about ten minutes for Brainy to set up the tech."

"The tech? As in what we used to find Sam during the worldkillers?" Lena asks.

"Yeah, that. I'm naturally resistant to telepathy, so J'onn can't do mind-healing work without Brainy's tech getting us all in one place in my mind."

"When did you start this?" Lena tilts her head, confused. "And why?"

"Um, well, a few weeks ago. I told you I want to repair us. To be better. That means dealing with my trauma too. I don't ever want my trauma to hurt you again." Kara looks down at her hands, embarrassed. "But Kryptonian mind-healers are few and far between on Argo, and I trust J'onn. He was trained by his father, and he understands what it's like to lose your people."

"Oh." Lena looks surprised, but then her expression softens, and she gives Kara the Look. Gently, she reaches out to grasp Kara's hand, and tugs lightly until Kara scoots her chair closer. Lena holds her hand over her heart. "Sam mentioned you'd gone to therapy, but I take it mind-healing is not the same?"

"Yeah, it's a little different" Kara says. "Mind-healing is... more intense? We refile the traumatic memories, and go through the emotions to process them. It's more visceral?"

"Huh." Lena rubs her thumb against the back of Kara's hand. That's another development. Since her hospitalization, she's been a lot more touchy-feely, as if she uses the touch to ground herself. Which Kara can understand considering how scary the hospital can be at times.

"I can... talk about it sometime if you'd like?" Kara says, hesitantly. It's a bit more of her alien nature than she's ever dared share with Lena prior.

"I'd like that." Lena smiles and the Look continues, this time with neither of them speaking. It's not uncomfortable, but it leaves Kara confused since Lena is definitely starting to stare, as if she's trying to memorize Kara's features.

"Um, do I have something on my face?" Kara pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose, nervously.

"Mmmmm. Just glasses." Lena plays with her hand but doesn't look away. This is one of those moments where Kara desperately wants to know what Lena is thinking, but she's too afraid to ask.

So she leans against the bed and lets Lena stare as much as she wants. If it helps her recover, then Kara will try not to blush the entire time. (She's unsuccessful).

When Nurse Quincey enters to swap IV bags and check over Lena, Kara starts to pull away, but Lena's grip tightens on her hand. She doesn't want to hurt her, so she lets Lena keep her hand.

The nurse glances at their hands with a smile. "So, how are you feeling, Lena?" Nurse Quincey winks at Lena. "I see your partner is here again."

"Mmm." To Kara's shock, Lena doesn't dispute the claim nor protest it. "It's her penance. She must endure the horrible coffee and food in return for my company."

Nurse Quincey laughs. "Some penance. That coffee is terrible."

Kara makes a 'bleh' face in agreement, which causes both the nurse and Lena to chuckle.

"How long have you two been together?" Nurse Quincey asks. She works efficiently, the new bag looking the same, but with a tilt of Kara's glasses, she can see the minerals and electrolytes swirling in it.

"Mmm. Awhile," Lena says vaguely.

"That's right," the nurse says with a laugh. "You're terribly private, until it's the middle of the night. Then all your tales spill out." She glances at Kara. "She like this for you too?"

Kara isn't sure if she should nod or not. Does Lena talk to the nurses about her? The casual friendliness catches her off guard, and she looks between them, confused.

Lena's face and neck reddens. "In my defense, you're a good listener unlike some people I know."

"Hey, what am I then?" Kara says in faux outrage. "Cold turkey?"

"I don't believe that's how the saying goes, darling," Lena drawls.

The nurse turns to the marker board to record the vitals. "You two are cute." She caps the marker. "The doctor will be in soon. We'll need to do another echocardiogram and X-ray."

Lena's smile fades and she sighs. "All right. May Kara stay for this?"

"Sure. It can be helpful I think, since partners sometimes think of questions you might miss." Nurse Quincey adjusts the IV tubes and checks the cuffs. "I know it can be overwhelming to be here. So don't push yourself to think of everything, Lena."

"Hard habit to break," Lena admits. "But I'm learning." She squeezes Kara's hand hard enough for it to tingle. "This one helps."

The nurse smiles again. "Good. Let me know if you need anything or if the pain worsens, okay?" She moves the bed controls closer to Lena's left hand.

After she leaves, Kara looks at Lena, confused. She wants to ask why Lena played along with the partner-stuff, but then Lena gives her the Look, and all words evaporate from her brain.

There's an intensity that almost burns the air between them, and Lena holds Kara's hand over her heart. As if to push Kara's warmth into it, which if Kara could she would.

"Lena?" Kara licks her lips, and struggles to keep her eyes away from Lena's chest or lips. That's always been difficult for her, but under the energizing Look, she finds it even more difficult.

"They all call you that," Lena says, softly.

"Um..." Words. Kara can use them, but she can't form the sentence in her head, so her words tumble in a bumbling confusion. "I mean, I like it but i thought, i mean, i don't know, i guess..."

Lena lifts her finger and presses it to Kara's lips. It takes all of Kara's willpower to not lick Lena's finger.

"I'm in the hospital, Kara, with a heart infection that would have killed me if you and Sam hadn't stepped in." Her hand drops to where she has Kara's hand still pressed against her heart. Which means Kara can feel the top of Lena's breast through her gown, which is definitely making it very hard to think of words to say. "You keep saving my life. That means something."

"Yeah." Kara licks her lips. She takes a steadying breath and tries very hard to not rub her thumb over the top of Lena's breast. She's doesn't want to make Lena uncomfortable, but she also doesn't want Lena to move her hand away. "I always will."

Lena smiles. "I know."

Neither of them speak of it again, and although Kara still doesn't understand why Lena doesn't correct anyone about the title 'partner,' she decides it must be a sign that something has healed between them.

Perhaps there is hope for them after-all.

***

When the doctor reviews the echocardiogram, X-ray, EKG, and bloog work, Kara sits with Lena, where Lena holds Kara's hand in a death grip even though her expression is neutral.

"Do you have an estimate at all?" Kara tries to keep the sharpness from her tone, but from the squeeze of Lena's hand, she knows she's been unsuccessful.

"Endocarditis isn't easily predictable," the doctor says, gently. "Generally the antibiotics should clear it out, but sometimes surgery is required to clean and repair the valves. It's best she stays here as we continue the regimen. In three days we'll do a check-up."

"Surely she won't need surgery, right?" Kara does not like the sound of that at all.

"I can't rule it out as a possibility. Not at this point." The doctor glances at Lena. "You did state that you wished for us to use the best techniques possible for this infection."

"I did," Lena agrees. "And I understand. Thank you, Doctor."

She gives them both a sad smile. "I know these news aren't what you hoped. But there has been progress. We've made a dent, and that's important to celebrate." She pats Kara's shoulder.

The doctor's words leaves her in a state of increasing worry.

So those three days, Kara does everything she can to not panic. Lena needs her support, not her panic and worry. So she leaves that to her talks with Alex in the evenings.

"I'm sure she'll get through this and be back to her normal self soon," Alex tells her. She's taken to checking on Kara each evening, and if she can't due to some obligation, she sends Nia or J'onn or Brainy. Anything to help Kara cope.

Or if Kara isn't up for speaking, she texts with Sam and Kelly, both of whom have taken to the group chat with their own worries and encouragement for what Sam calls "Lena's Cheerleader Team."

Kelly: Lena is remarkably calm about all of this. I suspect she isn't sharing her true emotions.

Sam: Hun, she never does. Plays it close to her vest. But I know she's scared to death.

Kara: How do you all stay calm?! I feel like the panic is pouring out of me, and I just want to hold her close and fix this somehow, but I can't. It's maddening.

Kelly: Meditation for me.

Sam: Eh, I've seen Lena survive all sorts of near-death experiences. I'm positive she'll just roll through this one after scaring the shit out of all of us, and be back to her old self in no time.

Kara: Oh gosh, I feel like I'm having to save her several times a year. I panic almost every time. At least with those we rescue her in time, and she's not hurt. But this is so long and terrifying.

Sam: You ever had a loved one be ill for this long, Kara?

Kara: Well, Alex sometimes got ill from the flu, but no, not hospital-level. And even Lena's numerous near-death experiences never warranted longer than a few hours in the emergency department.

Kelly: Wait, what? What do you mean numerous near-death experiences??

Sam: When she jokes about quarterly assassination attempts, it's not actually a joke. It used to be that frequent. Her actions to help save the world has lessened it some lately, but it's still far more frequent than my poor heart can bear.

Kara: Keeping Lena alive is part of my job.

Kelly: Maybe I should be asking her if she'd like a recommendation to a therapy then.

Sam: If you can convince her to go and not give up after session two, I'll call you a miracle worker.

Sam: Kara, us humans are prone to illness. I suggest taking time to do something unrelated to Lena or hospitals. Do not burn yourself out on this. Lena needs us, so that means we all must take care of ourselves too. Get me?

Kara: Yes, mother. :)

Kelly: Good speech, Sam.

Sam: What I'm good at. Dad jokes and speeches.

***

Kara has a Supergirl emergency the day Lena has to retake the blood tests and other procedures. They almost have the alien with the projector, and Kara nearly solar flares in her fight with him. They capture him, and she flies to the hospital without so much of a word to Alex of J'onn.

Her suit deactivates at the top of the parking garage, and she tries to no use superspeed to reach Lena's room.

By the time she gets there, breathless with worry, Lena's techs have rolled her bed back into place. Lena lays quiet, her breaths belabored, and a sheen of sweet on her forehead. A tech wipes her face for her and nods to Kara, who nearly trips over herself to reach Lena's side.

"How -- how did it go?"

"Just took the tests." Lena sounds breathless still. "You had an emergency? You're late." She doesn't sound upset, just concerned. She holds out her hand, and Kara gingerly takes it.

"Yeah, I came as soon as I could. I'm sorry I'm late."

Lena smiles, and she gives Kara the Look again. This time with the techs there to witness. The longer she stays in the hospital, the more blatant Lena becomes with her stares at Kara and the increasing affectionate touches.

"The doctor will be by in an hour or so, once we have the results," a tech says. "Let us know if you need anything." He places the remote by Lena's hand.

Lena nods at him, but quickly returns her gaze to Kara's.

Silence stretches between them. This one feels charged in ways that confuse Kara. The longer the stay, the more intense Lena becomes, as if she's unveiling more of her heart each day.

It shouldn't worry Kara. She should be elated, but it feels too much, too soon. She doesn't want Lena to feel pressured to do anything, and she's afraid that this is all temporary. That once Lena leaves the hospital, everything will go back to how things were in their gazebo talk.

Kara's not sure how to deal if that happens. She's starting to covet Lena's Look and increasingly affectionate touches.

"Kara," Lena starts to say, but trails off.

"Yeah?"

"Stay longer today, please."

"What of Sam?" Kara tries not to take too much of Sam's shift. She knows how important that friendship is to Lena.

"She'll understand."

"Okay." Kara will do anything for Lena. That earns her one of Lena's soft, shy smiles.

When the doctor speaks to them, it's after almost two hours of waiting, most of it Lena dozes, her arms around Kara's right arm, which makes it hard for Kara to do much but lean against the hospital bed's railing while she messes with a game on her phone one-handed.

Doctor Singh has already gone through the scans and answered all of Lena's very detailed questions. Kara's questions focuses solely on how long Lena must stay and the next stage of treatment.

"Surgery," the doctor says firmly. "We noticed a complication that we need to address as soon as possible."

"Surgery?" Kara repeats horrified. "But… surely she won't need that?"

Again, her willpower is severely tested. Panic twists her gut, and she tries to not let it show. Lena looks so frail and tired, her questions keen but her voice soft. She hasn't released Kara's hand since her return to the room after the tests. Kara can feel the tremor in Lena's hand muscles, which also worries her.

Worrying for Lena's health has been so constant that this spike in worry feels like a she's been dunked in a sand pit, sputtering for air. She wants to see Lena well, and the doctor's words aren't helping calm the rising inferno in Kara's chest.

"She will," the doctor says firmly. "I understand it can be scary as her partner. But she'll be in good care, and her survival-ability is quite high."

Survival-ability? Golly, how is Kara supposed to feel better with that word? It sounds like a word that beats one up in a dark alley and leaves one for dead. Not a good word. Not at all.

So the last bit of the Doctor's time Kara barely hears. It's after the Doctor has left that Kara finally finds words. "You're so calm about this, Lena! How?"

"Because I know you'll show all the emotions for me," Lena lightly teases.

"Lena..." Kara frowns. "This is your health."

"I know." Lena shifts against her pillows and holds Kara's hand close to heart again. "I am scared," she says, softly. "It's hard to not be, but I know now I'm not alone in this. You, Sam, and Kelly have made sure of that." She gestures to her side table. "And the cards from everyone else has been far more than I deserve. Especially after what I did to you."

"You were hurting," Kara says. "I forgave you ages ago."

"You're a much better person than me," Lena says, ruefully. "I've hurt far more than just you with that sale to Andrea. Nia, especially, I don't understand why she seems determined to write me daily."

"She thinks the world of you, Lena. And yeah, Andrea is not a good boss, but with your hospitalization? She's been a lot kinder to us. I thought I'd have to fight harder to get the time to visit you daily, but Andrea just said, 'Go be who I couldn't, Kara. I'll mark you down for half time until she's well.'"

Lena blinks in surprise. "She -- she said that?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. It's made both Nia and I look at her in a different light. Now we're wondering how much of her prickly behavior is trauma-based."

"Huh." Lena looks at the ceiling, her forehead crunched in thought. "I -- I didn't think she still cared. Her betrayal still hurts today."

Kara brushes a lock of Lena's hair from her face, and her fingers linger against her cheek. She can't help it. "I think she regrets whatever she did. But you are under no obligation to forgive her or do anything with that. Your health and well-being comes first."

Lena lifts her other hand and presses Kara's hand against her cheek. The Look is out in force, and it leaves Kara temporarily breathless. "As you and Sam are teaching me," Lena murmurs. "Kara..."

"Yeah?" The words comes out breathless. The worry simmers like oil atop the deep waters of love she has for Lena. She wants to just blurt out her love, but she's not sure if it's appropriate. So far, she's going by what Lena needs.

"I know this has been hard for you," Lena whispers. "But your presence means a lot to me. You didn't need to do this. You could have just... walked away."

"Never." Kara leans toward her, her tone fervent. "I'll never walk away..." she realizes the implication there and blushes. "I mean unless you directly tell me to get lost. Because you know consent is important, but well, since you didn't, um, I'm staying. To repair us, to be here in whatever way you need. You're my person, Lena."

"Alex wrote I've always been your exception," Lena says, and she nibbles on her lip.

"Yeah. You are." She knows exactly what Alex refers to -- all the times Kara dropped everything to rescue Lena. Or how she defended Lena despite everyone being against her. So many fights with her sister over Lena.

Oh Rao, was she in love with Lena even then? Golly. No wonder Alex is so exasperated with her in regards to Lena.

"Why?" Lena's eyes search for something in Kara's expression.

"I told you," Kara says, gently. "I love you."

That crinkle appears again. "Friendship love or...?"

"In love. With you I mean. I'm in love." Kara's face turns pink. She thought she'd made it obvious in her first confession in the gazebo, but perhaps not.

Lena smiles, her hand still pressing Kara's hand to her cheek. For a long moment, she gazes at Kara, a slight crinkle in her brow.

"Trusting that is hard," she says, quietly. "But you've followed through on your promises since your apology. Thank you."

"Of course," Kara says. "I want to be better for you."

"Kara..." Lena's nose wrinkles so cutely. "Do it for your sake too."

"Well, yeah, but you're my priority."

Lena mulls that over, her eyes roving over Kara's face. She bites her lip and takes an unsteady breath. "Kara, I -- I love you too."

Kara breathes in sharply. She had not expected Lena to say that ever. She doesn't know what to do with it.

"It's why it all hurt so much. I've loved you so long that -- that I never thought you'd ever feel the same."

Oh Rao, 'feel the same?' Joy and fear seeps through Kara. Lena loves her. Despite everything. Yet those dark thoughts persist, the ones that insist it's the life-threatening illness and hospitalization talking. That this will disappear once Lena's well.

Perhaps that's a sort of trust too.

"Lena..." Kara can't sort out what to say.

"I never thought you'd actually hurt me," Lena continues, "I recognize now I had you on a pedestal, and that wasn't fair to you. We're both imperfect. Flawed. And love means loving one another through the hardships too."

"Yeah, I like how you put that." It feels inadequate in comparison, but Kara's brain is still caught up in the fact Lena loves her.

Lena briefly closes her eyes, still against the blankets and pillows. After several deep breaths, she turns her head to give Kara the Look again. "But if I don't recover, I -- I didn't want to die without you knowing the truth."

"Lena..." Kara blinked back tears. "You won't die."

Lena sighs. "I'd rather play it safe. Sam knows where my will is. I rewrote it again, and I included you. I wanted to make sure you, Sam, and Ruby are taken care of."

"Lena, please, don't." Kara can't handle this. "You're going to be okay. You have to be."

Lena smiles and turns her head to press a kiss to Kara's palm. "Okay. I'll be fine then."

"Exactly." Kara sniffed and knew she was crying, but she didn't care. This was Lena. "And I'll be there for when you exit Surgery, and you'll be released in no time, and we can celebrate with potstickers and a relaxing movie. And Ruby and Sam can make popcorn, and soon you're strength will be back, and you'll be inventing and changing the world again. I'll be right there with you. You aren't alone. Not anymore, not ever."

"Okay." Lena pats the bed next to her. "Hold me please. At least until it's time."

Kara carefully settles herself on her side next to Lena, away from her IV. She wraps her arms around Lena and holds her tenderly.

***

Kara sips her coffee, wrinkles her nose.

Rao, this coffee smells horrendous. She puts it down on the table and fiddles with the magazines on display. Most are gossip rags, though Catco and its competitor are included in the pile along with a medical magazine.

Her phone vibrates, and she pulls it out desperate for any distractions.

Sam: I'm on my way. Is she still in surgery?

Kara: Yeah. I feel like I'm losing my mind waiting. What if she doesn't make it? what if something goes wrong?

Sam: What's the easiest buildling to lift?

Er... what? Kara scratches her head, confused at the sudden change in topic. She decides to roll with it because Sam always has a point to her weirdness.

Kara: :thinking face: uhhh, mobile home?

Sam: A lighthouse.

That startles her into a laugh. Oh Rao, that was good. Lighthouse.

Sam: How do you know when a comedian passes gas?

Kara: when something smells funny?

Sam: Beat me to the punchline.

Tears sting Kara's eyes. She knows Sam's distracting her with bad jokes, and it's sort of working. No wonder Lena likes her so much.

"Ms. Danvers?" It's one of the nurses from the Surgical suite.

"Yes?" She pockets her phone and stands. "How is she?"

The nurse smiles. "She's in recovery now. The surgery went perfectly. Once she wakes, we'll bring her to you."

Relief floods Kara. She doesn't even realize she's crying until the nurse steps forward with a box of Kleenex. "Thanks."

The nurse pats her shoulder. "Take your time. I'll ask the doctor if we can let you into the recovery section, okay?"

"Yes, please. Thank you." Kara dabs her eyes.

Oh gosh, Lena is alive. She's going to be okay.