#so the fact that they got me to say anything positive about it at all is so impressive to me i am willing to cut the bad some slack
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Do you seriously, actually ship it?
Okay. Lets talk. Because apparently some of you are defending... well... "that" (under the cut)
"He's autistic! It was a stim!"
If you genuinely think that this has ANYTHING to do with autism, you are an objectively stupid person. Like, your brain is so fucking smooth, it puts the surface of freshly tempered glass to shame. You're a barely functional reprobate with subhuman intelligence who has no idea how to form thoughts so you let a 50 year old billionaire who spends too much time on his phone decide your thought process for you.
"He was throwing his heart out to the crowd!"
Now, I don't really play baseball, basketball, netball, or any sport where you throw anything other than sometimes darts, but... is that how you throw? You perfectly extend your arm at that angle? Twice? After spending years posting tweets that very much align with Nazi viewpoints? Do you throw a pitch in baseball and scream SIEG HEIL as the ball hurtles towards your opponent? No. Stop being a fucking idiot. This was deliberate. He did it twice.
"He's autistic! He doesn't know better!"
Please comment if you actually think this so I can personally call you a stupid cunt and block you. We absolutely do know better. Autism and Nazism aren't mutually exclusive.
"You're inhibiting his free speech!"
1st amendment only applies to censorship from government positions of power, which I am not, as should be obvious from the fact that I have no power to censor him. Though I shouldn't have to explain that.
"Well, he's gonna get away with it so stop being so sensitive!"
Yes. He is. But that's not a flex, that's A FUCKING MASSIVE PROBLEM. Call me sensitive if you want, but absolutely every single one of you should be offended by this. Did you pay attention in history class, or were you too tired after a long night of being fucking railed raw and bone dry by propaganda on Twitter? Moron.
"Well, he's rich and you're not, so there!"
Yep. Got me there. He's rich, and I'm not. Yknow, Hitler and a lot of Nazi officers were pretty minted too. So was Epstein, King Leopold, Stalin, Jimmy Saville, every MP currently serving in parliament... but sure, they're great people because they're rich, right?
"You're just a stupid offended libtard!"
Google "The Holocaust".
"Well, you're still using his app!"
His app? You mean the one he bought, then fucking ruined because he has no idea how to run it, right? And you because its basically impossible to find mutuals as a vtuber without it, you knew that, right? "His" app, please, you probably think Ronald McDonald makes your burger when you order McDonalds, you moron.
"If we punish Elon for this, then that's a violation of the first amendment!"
You mean like banning tiktok, removing any and all talk of election rigging, then putting it back up the next day? Or maybe like deleting any criticisms of you and your nazi salutes under your recent tweets despite it blowing up everywhere else? Or does that not count because its something you agree with? Yeah. You've been cucked harder than Sneako and you don't even realize it. Elon and his government buddies are leaving your free speech rights looking like this
Aaaaanyway
I find it well and truly laughable that so many people like Elon will say all this insane shit and do all these fucking heinous things and people will defend them. Like how that gun woman who shit herself says stuff like "I'm not homophobic, I just think gay people are disgusting and that they should die" or that comedian nobody finds funny anymore spends hours whining about trans people but says he's not transphobic.
Lets all be on the same page for once and have the balls to say what we actually think. Elon got so close, but being a spineless edgelord who doesn't have the balls to just say what he thinks out loud is quite the weakness.
#crackship#rarepair#polls#shitpost#poll time#my polls#tumblr polls#shipping#shipping poll#crossover#elon musk#elongated muskrat#fuck elon#elon mask#inauguration#elections#presidential election of 2024#dictatorship#far right
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The object show community has honestly become so unsafe and toxic. I’ve only been in the community for a year and a half ,but the difference between now and then is honestly drastic. People don’t even enjoy the media anymore, all everyone does is criticise. While criticizing is fine, I don't think a community should be based on that. I have barely seen ANY positive posts about the ii movie, everyone treats it like it's meant to be God tier and I get that everyone thinks they should get what they deserve, but holy shit you guys have nothing good to say. Shipping has also become such a difficult point of discussion in the community, considering that everyone believes that their ship and their ship ONLY is good. Most of the shipping stuff wasn't relevant to me, because I'm a multi-shipper but the fandom takes ship wars to an extreme,honesty speaking. Another point is the fact that people are mad at ii for making canon ships,, again this doesn't bother me,because I have always liked all of the popular ships but it's honestly not that deep. I think I've seen like a million posts about the payjay scene from ii 18,, and people got SO mad over fan service despite the fact that it was like 3 minutes long 😭 Another thing is, I haven't talked about c2bc on here b4, but Cole getting cancelled proved how fast the fandom is willing to act immediately on a show's downfall. "I never really liked the show" that's really not the point here. I feel like people should take the situation of cole being racist more seriously instead of just taking this as a chance to bash the show. Moving on,, I remember seeing a post of someone saying "how could you even cry to object shows,, they're so unserious" why do you care? Genuinely WHO is it hurting.Moreover people saying stuff like only "12 year olds watch object shows" is dumb; because have you ever been in a fandom before??Teenagers literally keep fandoms alive, also who DO you want to be in this community. My last point is how almost everyone acts like object shows are meant to be "amazing works of art",, like they literally started off as terrible. These shows are indie and run by an even amount of people, stop treating the shows like Hollywood. Reminder that these people can do WHATEVER they want with their characters. Animationepic is one of the most listening teams out there, they sacrifice a lot for their fans and I personally think that they're allowed to do anything they want with their characters especially since they put so much effort into what the fans want. As someone who uses object shows and animation in general as a way to escape reality,, it is evident that most of you do the same. So I don't understand why there is just SO MUCH negativity coming from the community,, when os fans are so clearly talented and instead of putting effort into being hateful they can use this energy to make art, amvs, maps and animation memes and help uplift the community and it's overall impact on others.
Ik I normally don't post stuff like this, but the osc is REALLY important to me and I feel like this should be brought to more people's attention.
-Cassy
#cassy lost in her speaking 🥺#osc#object shows#ii#inanimate insanity#ii movie#ii 18 spoilers#ii 18#object show community#rant#rambles#ramblings#important#not art#text post#long reads#i ain't reading all that
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also throwing out a few wild thoughts here after watching the new ep:
why is everyone so weird when hearing cwm's name? as we've seen cwm's thing here seems to be that he 'wants to do better by these kids' (let's ignore the safeguarding issues about saying he wants to be their friends when a teacher a sec). so, speculation: cwm deliberately takes the fall for the actual arsonist who'll likely be either xia fei or wang qing?
and yeah as everyone has picked up on cxs knows way too much to survive this loop - not sure how they're gonna play his death or if they'll specifically tie it up to s2 finale but only a week to go now
lu guang is the subtlest wdym. 'yeah like if we high five we can probably share powers' bestie what. (on a related note, his bit about 'powers are just like traits' vibed really mob psycho to me. I wonder if it's what past cxs 'taught' him about his powers after he'd grown up thinking of them in a less positive way)
said this already in another post but "what's the point in waiting if there's no hope?" is definitely a thematic string to pull on
cheng xiaoshi gets the speech/verbal understanding language module of whoever he possesses but not the written understanding. this is pure trivia, but still interesting to know. we know from his later interaction with vein that he sure doesn't retain the language knowledge after the fact
lu guang and cheng xiaoshi losing connection again during the dive. the show always make a point of highlighting when this happens. was trying to figure out if any other powers could be interfering here as happened with the twins, but touch-wise at least, it seems... unlikely? (though can't rule out other power interference entirely) but if anything, the way lu guang was sweating when we got the focus back to him after the connection rejoined makes it seem like this was an issue on his end (one which ig resulted in cxs having to improvise and therefore get caught from a show perspective). lu guang being ill affecting his powers tracks with what he said pre-twins dive in s2 though. even though the connection itself was likely lost due to the twins, he was still struggling to see everything that happened in the photo before that. I wonder if we'll return to this as a plot point at any point, the idea that lu guang being ill or injured can mess with his powers - there was a post the other day (I think by @ sunslants) about it being neat if lu guang fainted in yingdu because his whole body is giving out under this power, and whilst idk how *likely* that is in canon, it'd definitely add a new deadline to things, if lu guang has to resolve everything before his whole body just gives out
oh yeah seems like vein knows whatever it is that xia fei also knows about the arson. not super surprising but potential motive forming ig?
cheng xiaoshi getting out his feelings to his dad in the form of wang qing was very good but the whole time lu guang was like "yeah sorry I didn't give you a heads up" I was there head in hands like "lu guang. please. this is your MO at this point"
still no answer about cxs' mum and why she followed after cwm then *also* vanished (tbh even the fact cwm up and went full no contact with cxs has me like ??? but I can't tell if we're meant to just let that be or question it further). it feels like there's way more to this, but hard to see how that plus everything else is getting resolved in the one episode we have left
"You're a total control freak" "That's because of you." Lu Guang....
Basketball halo'd Lu Guang when he asked Cheng Xiaoshi to do ibuprofen together....
Cheng Xiaoshi wanting to get revenge on the bullies and Lu Guang instantly responding along the lines of "well, hey, they're all gonna die soon" cracked me up. Was probably meant to be more of an "oof" but. I laughed.
#link click#link click spoilers#shiguang dailiren spoilers#probably forgetting some stuff but yeah these are base thoughts after the ep#oh yeah not mentioned anything wrt 'language school' being code for those with powers (+ if so curious if lx knows more).#I could see it being the case (+ would open up possibilities for why the connection cut out during the exam)#but just as there's nothing really /against/ the idea I think there's also nothing properly /for/ it at this point.#so just holding it as a nebulous possibility in my head for now
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In this discduo timeline pastebin i read, you can see tommy did care about dream for a very long time even while his friends were trying to convince him that dream was bad, he continued to praise dream and had plans to meet him irl. It wasnt until june july 2023 when tommy started believing the lies his friends and fans kept telling him and thays when he banned the words dream and discduo in his chat and said that he didnt wanna go all the way to florida. I think he genuinly thinks dream wronged him based on his body language in the podcast and how he dissocoates, like tommy now percieves all his past positive interactions with dream as a negative and jack, harry, and tommys fanbase fed into that, but he also is lying about dream with other things. And i mean he could be faking that body language to garner sympathy Im not entirely sure. Im just looking at the nuance here. He knows dream or at least he did. He used to check up on him all the time and he knew how bad dreams mental health was, but he still lies and claims dreams apathetic and thinks dream cant take accountability and thinks dream doesnt care about him when dream has always cared. I can send you that pastebin if u want, u can see the decline in where tommy starts turning against dream its aroundn the time where he and harry got closer. But before that, he saw dream as this brilliant helpful guy and referred to him as a friend, even in the past referred to him as closer than a brother. He cared for dream at some point for a long time, then ditched him and betrayed him. Also dream refers to tommy as emotional, and i can see how someone so sensitive can interpret a long dm as an attack, and apparently he did explain his issue to dream before but it never got resolved or tommys lying about that too. I dont doubt that he is doing a lot of this to get attention, but i do think some feelings could be genuine despite it logically not adding up. I can see how someone could interpret dreams dms in a stressful way. But the fact tommy even gave a shit about dream in the past to begin with makes this worse, because the way i see it, if someone close to me turned on me i would be a lot more hurt by that than if someone i was only colleagues with turned on me.
Was gonna chrck back on their past interactions to see if i can spot anything shady on tommys part if yk what i mean even if this is gonna make me sad. One of my co workers offered to do a watchparty💀
(I should preface this by saying I have not yet watched the podcast, because at the moment I’m little too triggered to even give a shit about what Tommy has to say to be honest. I don’t really see what defense or reasoning you could possibly have for calling anyone, nonetheless your past friend a “proper movie villain” while accusing him of things that aren’t true, knowing the consequences. I mean I just don’t think people have really let that fact truly sink he, Tommy publicly compared Dream to Darth Vader, Bane, The Joker, Voldemort…etc mass murderers. Just think about that for a second. That’s not okay. People are out there comparing him to Hitler and talking about brutal ways to kill him, a go fund me to kill Dream has started. I don’t think there is a damn thing Tommy can say Dream did to excuse that shit, he will get no sympathy from me. Even if Dream physically abused him, which ain’t true since they’ve never met, Dream still shouldn’t be compared to freaking Hannibal.)
Even so, as I have said in some of my past posts on the matter, I do think perhaps Tommy was hurt by something that happened with Dream in the past and in retrospect realized perhaps things weren’t as good as he thought. Which happens, sometimes we look back on things and are like - hey wait a minute that wasn’t okay and that hurt. But that doesn’t make that person a shit person.
The example I believe I previously talked about was my first kiss, but to give another example, a guy I was good friends with freshman year of college was very handsy and I didn’t really realize in the moment how I felt about it or that he was pushing boundaries he shouldn’t. At first I didn’t think much of it. I was naive and autistic and didn’t really know better, and he was too. He didn’t have sisters, hell he thought woman were always making milk lol. In other words, we were both dumb. And looking back he did a lot of things that really were not okay, but once I came to realize and set boundaries he respected them. In fact, we are still kinda friends today, we’re even roomates for a bit after I graduate back in 2023. So, suffice to say, sometimes people can do shitty things or even things that you realize later were not okay, or even things that traumatize you, but that doesn’t make that person shitty. Especially if you didn’t call it out in the moment. This is what I mean by giving Dream the benefit of the doubt, sure I could perceive my friend as manipulative and taking advantage of naivety or whatever, or I recognize that he really just doesn’t know better. Now when you tell someone to stop and then they continue (depending on what it is because ya know old habits die hard or like my adhd is gonna try my hardest but I will inevitably skews up pronouns - just like I screw up everyone’s pronouns) now you’ve entered into the malicious and intentional area.
Bringing it back to Dream, Tommy was upset and told him to stop texting his mother, so Dream apologized to both and stopped. It becomes harassment and malicious if Dream continued over and over to do it, but he didn’t. This is why Dream is frustrated because he doesn’t know what behavior is upsetting people, and in his heart that’s not what he wants to do, but if people don’t tell him how is he meant to improve. At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to offend anyone or hurt someone, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t done so though as these things happen, nobody is perfect.
So I think maybe Tommy was hurt, maybe it was in retrospect looking back, maybe it was friends pointing things out and were like - hey that’s fucked up that happened. Maybe some of that hurt is genuine. And maybe you could make the case that that hurt has spurred him to take revenge and ruin Dream in whatever way it takes. So the jokes and lies are just part of his lashing out because he feels wronged.
However, there is also a case to be made that given Tommy’s history as pointed out by Dream with Logan Paul, maybe it was all an act. Maybe he was using Dream from the start and Dream being the naive, good hearted, autistic guy made an easy target. Maybe he only pretended to be good friends, sure Dream doesn’t have anything to gain from being Tommy’s friend but that doesn’t go both ways. Tommy has a lot to gain from being Dream’s friend, but as the tides turned he had a lot to lose by being Dream’s friend and it was easier to switch sides not that there was no incentive, as Dream pointed out as the USMP fell through so did Tommy switch sides. Once he couldn’t gain clout for being on Dream’s side but being against Dream, he switches. Because a lot of his audience has always been against Dream, struggling to tell the difference between character and person and as is human nature, instinctively hating an autistic person. That has been the case for ages, Tommy could have given into his audience for ages but even during the allegations height he still did that dsmp finale and posted that picture on Twitter (which he got a lot of hate for)…
All I’m saying, is even the people who have wronged me, even the person who pushed me to almost kill myself, I wouldn’t wish death or harassment upon them. I wouldn’t do the shit Tommy has pulled, because there was a time when we were friends. There were times when they were good to me. And maybe that makes me an exception to the rule, that people would be so cruel to the people they once called friends, but I couldn’t and that’s what makes me question Tommy’s sincerity and capacity for empathy…
Though perhaps both can be true.
#so I guess… let me know if you or your friend find a switch. as far as I can tell that parody video is the start but hey what do I know…#dreamwastaken and tommy#drema#dreamblr#dreamwastaken#dtblr#hello there#did someone order an essay?#tommy neg
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its ma birthday! my gift to u are some of my fave quotes I've gathered from tlou fanfics!!
suitcase full of stars - @barlowstreet
"Three out of ten," he says, picking her hands up and rubbing them between his. "You're rating my bite?" she wheezes in disbelief. It's the first thing she's said besides apologies since they got to the hospital. "Didn't even break skin. You could do better.
one of my absolute fave foster fics!! and between such whump, this made me giggle.
A hopeful stranger - @two-birds-alone-together
A long-suffering sigh "I swear you were born contrary." "Nope." Joel glares at her as she waggles her eyebrows at him. "It's a finely honed skill, Joel. I've had a lifetime of practice. You'll never be as contrary as me." She grins up at him, giggling when he takes the now-empty mug from her hands. Joel snorts. "Now that I believe."
I <3 book shop AU, I also quote this particular one to myself DAILY
Oh mirror in the sky, what is love? - @boopernatural
"Joel." she sets her fork down and turns to face him, expression ultra-serious. "I solemnly swear not to get black out drunk, or have sex, or break anything valuable. I may do a bunch of drugs, it just depends on what they offer me." "Downers if we're lucky," he says, going back to his breakfast. "What does that mean?" "It means finish your eggs."
when I tell you i CACKLED
Ellie Williams' guide to teenage rebellion - @simoncowellstits
"You don't get to talk fake lawyer." she crosses her arms. "you're supposed to be winning my fucking legal case so I don't need to hang out with Kim anymore! No offence, Kim." "None taken." Kim says from her position near the door.
--
'questions about J-Dog.' do he and Tommy shit-talk me? did he forget how to laugh and/or smile in a terrible amnesia incident? does he know a lot of facts about the cold war or is that just his vibe? what makes him so grumpy? Is it just an old age thing? why is he so weird all the time??? why can't he just act normal and choose a personality? why does he care if I told frank I couldn't have sex with my vampire boyfriend on their honeymoon because he was too freaky with it??
This whole fic is so damn funny. In between some of the most heart wrenching story and crazy realistic characterisation I found myself in tears of laughter. I also quote the twilight reference almost daily.
Let me be your shelter - @messydepressy95
Not to be dramatic or anything, but she's a child of divorce.
--
Still, Joel continues to teach her to drive, and Tommy keeps inviting himself to their lessons.
BEST ONE LINERS IN THIS FIC
Inordinary - @heroes-fading
"Mhm," Ellie nods. "That's why every love song you've ever written has been depressing as fuck. All the mutual-ness."
--
"Just because it isn't seventy percent oat milk doesn't make it shitty, Ellie." "Thats homophobic," she tells him, and he rolls his eyes again.
the inordinary-verse is full of incredible quotes SO FUNNY
Lessons in wayfinding - @penandinkprincess
"Why so fucking nosy about it?" "Fatal flaw, I'm afraid," he says with a theatrical sigh. "Ask Joel. I had all the good gossip at family reunions."
Uncle Tommy is the root of most of my day to day happiness.
ANYWHO! I have so many more of these quotes saved, you'll never know when I'll strike again.
Pls lmk if you want me to remove a tag or quote <3
#tlou fanfiction#ellie tlou#i love fanfic writers#joel tlou#the last of us#tlou#tlou fic#ao3 fanfic#ellie williams#joel miller#uncle tommy
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First: THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS. I already told you this last night over text but it means so much that you took the time to create this for me - and give me such a warm and cuddly and perfect birthday gift in Frankie Morales and his Broad Ass Shoulders. You're the best.
Birthday office celebrations are always really awkward - but this one actually seemed very laid back and thoughtful. It's especially nice to be appreciated and celebrated after only a couple weeks of getting to know people, so I'm sure Reader feels a lot better about the new position and her new coworkers after this. (her coworkers sound great; I would love to meet them) And cupcakes are always a mood-improver, so good on them for bringing those in.
Spending a January birthday in Florida sounds wonderful right now (especially with these -25 windchills right now) but it's understandable that she's feeling homesick for her first major holiday away from her old life.
Kevin sounds like he sucks, so good riddance. And the City Planning guy also sounds awful, so at least there's a backup person on the phone call to make it less terrible.
Gloria seems like a lot of fun, and I feel like this is the perfect way to jump into an out of office friendship - especially if the night goes well. (And with Benny and the others involved, I'm certain it will.)
But feeling left out of an already established friend group's outing is a real fear, and even though there's no pressure ... it's still a lot. Enter Francisco.
He's so ... Frankie in this first paragraph it hurts. The hair and the hat and the "I'm not trying to impress anyone" attitude (even though he'd be impressive even if he showed up unshowered and rumpled and with 10 days facial hair growth) are so spot on - as is the banter between him and Pope and Yova.
43, hmm? OK. I can work with that. It sounds like a lot of things are going well and going right for him, and that makes me happy. They've all had a rough go after South America, so to have everything starting to fall into place has to be a relief. (I'd say RIP Tom, but ...) It's interesting to me that he immediately sees Reader - even though he's not looking for anyone or anything. And it's even more interesting that his first reaction is "I want to know her" - because that's at odds with what he's just told himself in the truck and on the walk into the bar.
Will and Frankie going back and forth makes me so happy. In fact, all of them together makes me smile, because ... listen, let me be real: their group dynamic without Tom is so much better.
Annnnnnnd it takes him all of about fifteen seconds after he sits to ask about Reader. Subtle, Frankie. Real subtle. And Gloria knows what's up, feeding him just the right amount of information and upping the interest. Perfect. Gold star.
His curiosity is really nice, too; like "why did this woman not have birthday plans? that's odd." being his first thought is very telling.
Reader's also not being too subtle about her attraction to him, and I like that. I like that it tells them both where they stand, and gives them a starting point - for whenever they actually speak for the first time. (Also, Yovanna I want to know what you said, too. Probably something like "see? He's staring right back.")
Selective hearing would probably come in handy around these guys at times.
Pope with the hockey tickets and Yovanna immediately humbling him made me laugh out loud. And here we go.
Him standing to introduce himself- yes. Him immediately telling her to call him Frankie - YES. Him getting her a chair... HELL YES.
He is handsome. So damn handsome. This is a good start.
This first hour and half is really telling; she inserts herself into the core group, she follows along with the conversation, and she keeps his attention, even when it's interrupted. That's got to make her feel so good about herself (it sure made me smile while reading it). And him wanting to know more, deepening the conversation more than just bare bones talk over beers dwslikfjslfklkalf fuck he's perfect. This is supposed to be his birthday celebration, and he's focusing on someone else. I love it.
Him giving her restaurant suggestions feels really right too. But I'm very distracted by that shirt and those shoulders and the man himself and I just ... Yes, Yovanna and Gloria. You were right but you don't need to gloat.
I can hear Yovanna's "I told you" in my head, and love that she immediately reassures Reader that Frankie isn't just a hookup type of guy - and that his interest is genuine. (Yovanna and Pope are sickeningly cute but I love it). And it's clear that Reader gets along with the group, so I doubt that Yovanna would be encouraging her to go for it if she thought it would end in disaster.
The hand - chair - shoulder move .... fuck. Fuck him he's slick. It's the perfect way to show definite interest without being overbearing, and if it's not reciprocated? It's just a casual gesture that he could have done to anyone at the table.
If he looked at me like that or his eyes dropped or his breath caught I'd be done for right then and there. Just kiss me in front of all of these people, Frankie, I do not care.
LATE NIGHT SUSHI DATE WITH FRANKIE MORALES?!!??!? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.
They're matching each other's energy here, and it works really well. One upping each other with the invites and interest is a surefire way to keep things moving forward - and even though it's a surprising turn of events, it's a welcome one.
He is BOLD - but I really appreciate that he tells her exactly how he sees (and wants) the night to go. He can kiss frosting off of me any goddamn time he wants to. Him giving her his full and undivided attention while talking about how the bar-time part of the night is over would make me MELT. Fuck.
And I like that since Benny picked her up, Frankie's taking her home - which gives them more time to talk and more time to flirt and more time to get to know each other between the bar and the sushi - and then after. I hope they stay up all night talking (and doing other things). I hope that they find out that they have a lot in common. I hope that they continue to date and that they all become friends and Frankie's confidence continues to grow and Reader realizes that moving to Florida was a good decision.
This was such a treat, Alyssa. You always characterize everyone perfectly IMO, and it's so fun to read and see what you do with these characters and situations. Frankie is one of my absolute favorites and I loved everything about this. He was the perfect way to warm up on a frigid night - and the IDEAL birthday gift. You're the best and I am so lucky to know you.
Unbirthday
A/N: Although I am now two entire weeks late (I am the actual worst) this was written as a birthday gift for @something-tofightfor, because she is the fucking best and I love her guts. Rachael, I hope you enjoy this silly little story. Since Frankie Morales is apparently a "fictional character" and isn't "real" I couldn't wrap him up and send him to you, so this was the best I could do. Sorry it became an unbirthday gift - but it sort of works with the story that way. Anywho, here's hoping that this trip around the sun is a GOOD one!
And if it's your unbirthday today, happy unbirthday to you, too!
Word Count: 6.2k
Warnings: alcohol, and Frankie's shoulders and back making a shirt work very hard.
Summary: Spending your birthday in a brand new city goes from zero to sixty thanks to a co-worker who is determined to become a friend... and thanks to the breathtakingly handsome guy she introduces you to.
You had only been at your new job for a few weeks when your birthday rolled around, so when you walked into your office and flicked the lights on that morning, you were shocked to find a balloon tied to your chair and a white bakery box holding an assortment of cupcakes atop your desk.
What? Who did th-
“Surprise!”
You spun around to see a handful of your co-workers gathered in the doorway behind you, bright smiles on their faces as they wished you a happy birthday.
“Oh, shit!” You let out a laugh as your hand came up to cover your mouth, prompting more laughs from the others.
This is so nice, I wasn’t... Despite the fact that on your very first day at the firm, the office had been celebrating someone else’s birthday, you hadn’t expected anything for yours. Because I’m still brand new here, they hardly know me. You got along well almost immediately with the people you worked with, which was fantastic. Still, the fact that they embraced you quickly enough that they would want to do something for your birthday came as a genuine surprise that gave you a small rush of warmth.
Not that you needed it. January in Tampa was certainly not January in the midwest. You hadn’t felt a chill since you took the transfer, a fact that you made sure to text your shivering friends back home every few days. But even though it was a balmy 68°F and you were wearing short sleeves under your light sweater, the added warmth of your colleagues’ kindness was more than welcome.
Dropping your hand, you beamed at the group which had grown by two more associates from the interior architecture department down the hall, Mel and Casey. “Thank you all so much! You guys really didn’t have to do anything at all. I-”
“Oh, stuff it, of course we did!” Gloria, whose office shared a glass partition with yours and with whom you traded exaggerated expressions while on client calls, stepped forward and threw her arms around you. “You’re the best transfer this office has ever had, we lucked out when we got you! Of course we’re going to celebrate your birthday.”
You chuckled, giving her a quick, loose hug in return. “Gloria, did you do this? Also, weren’t you a transfer from the New York office?”
“I was. Like I said,” she released you and stepped back, grinning. “You’re the best transfer we’ve had. Happy birthday, Ohio.”
The rest of the group called out individual well-wishes before filing back to their own offices and cubicles, leaving just you and Gloria.
“Thank you,” you said again, reaching out to quickly squeeze her arm. “It really means a lot to me.” You sighed, finally putting down your bag and shrugging off your sweater. “I’ve been loving living down here, but the past few days, I don’t know, I guess I’ve been a little homesick. I don’t usually do a ton for my birthday, but this is the first one where I won’t see any of my family or my friends from back home so…” You gestured to the bakery box sitting next to your keyboard. “This was just really nice of you.”
“You’re welcome.” She scrunched her nose. “Thanks for being ten thousand times better to work with than that dipshit you replaced, Kevin.”
You snorted. Though you’d never had the displeasure of meeting the notorious Kevin, you’d heard enough about him to know that his presence in the office was definitely not missed. “No problem, though from what I understand it’s a very low bar.”
“Which you leap over with the ease and grace of a…” She circled her hand through the air. “A… Oh, I don’t know, whatever the hell leaps gracefully. I’m a landscape architect, not a poet.”
That made you laugh again. “Speaking of which,” you pointed at your computer screen. “Are you ready for that conference call with the city planner? J.R. approved our designs, so-”
“Yeah, yeah,” she cut you off, nodding. “All set. Designs for the new park. Not looking forward to dealing with Sweetheart McGee, but-” You rolled your eyes as she used the nickname you’d given to one of the men you’d been working with from the city planner’s office who called the to of you “sweetheart” every time you’d spoken to him. “But it should be a smooth call. More importantly, though-”
You had a sneaking suspicion that whatever was coming next wasn’t, in fact, more important than the biggest project that the landscape department had in house at the moment. Gloria had a tendency to use the phrase “More importantly, though…” to segue into a conversation about whether or not you wanted to get coffee delivered or which shoes you thought she should wear to her cousin’s wedding or if you thought Greg from IT was cute or not because she could totally set you up with him if you did.
And you were proven right as she finished her sentence.
“Do you have plans tonight?”
Shrugging, you shook your head. “Nah. I’ll probably just order in and finally finish unpacking the last of my stuff from the move. There’s a sushi place around the corner from me that I’ve been meaning to try, so… Why are you looking at me like that?”
The way she was looking at you was a mix of the way you might look at the last puppy in the window at the pet store, combined with the confusion one might display while trying to solve an extremely advanced math equation.
“Because you cannot just go home and eat sushi by yourself on your birthday.” She held up her hand then, face returning to a neutral expression. “Unless that’s actually what you want to do. And if it is, I won’t judge.” But? “Buuuuut.” She pressed her lips together. “If you want to get out and do something fun?
You cocked your head to the side. Maybe. There was no harm in seeing what she had in mind. If it wasn’t your speed you still had your backup plan. And I should really get that shit unpacked, but… It doesn’t have to be tonight. “What are you suggesting?”
Gloria’s eyes lit up as you asked, her smile widening. “Well, Benny’s… You met my boyfriend, Benny, last week when he picked me up, remember?” You did, so you nodded. “It’s actually one of his and his brother’s friends’ birthday today, too, or, it was yesterday, but they’re going out tonight because one of them was working last night I think? I don’t know. My point is, it’s just going to be a casual thing down at Duffy’s, and if you want to join, you absolutely should.”
You were about to decline when you asked yourself why you shouldn’t go.
First of all, you seemed to be on the fast track for an out of office friendship with Gloria. The two of you clicked right away, and though you’d only spent time with her out of work once, you could easily see it happening more and more. And I want that. You had solid friendships back home and scattered far and wide, and those people meant the world to you. But you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to form a few friendships in your new home, too.
There was also the fact that the bar she’d mentioned, Duffy’s, was only a few miles from your place. It was actually where you and your sister went for drinks after she helped you move the last of your things into your condo. She’d driven down with you to keep you company on the trip, then taken a flight back home. But before she did, the two of you spent a day exploring your new neighborhood and ended up at Duffy’s. Though you were excited about your new job and the new start in a new place, you were still a little unsure if you’d made the right decision. But when you walked into the well-loved and weathered beach bar that night, something told you that everything was going to work out just as it should.
And if for some reason that harmonious feeling you got upon entering Duffy’s was a one time thing, you could leave and be home in under eight minutes. And tomorrow’s Saturday, so… Fuck it.
“You know what?” You nodded, a grin curving up your cheek. “That sounds great, Gloria.”
She let out a small gasp and clapped her palms together once. “You’ll come?”
“Yeah.” You nodded again, your grin growing into a full blown smile. “What time?”
“Ah! I’m so happy!” She genuinely was, and it made you feel good to know that she was looking forward to getting to know you outside of work. “I think Benny said nine, but I’ll ask him to be sure and then get back to you.” She clapped her hands together again and sucked in a breath as though something just occurred to her. “Oh! And you’ll get to meet Yovanna! I told you about her I think? Anyway, she’s dating Santi, one of the guys in the group. She’s great, you’ll like her.” Gloria chuckled. “And she’ll like you, too.”
“I hope so!” And if not or if it’s awkward because they’re friends and I’m new… I can just go.
“No, she will, trust me.” Gloria furrowed her brow and nodded. “You two are actually pretty similar.” She smirked. “You don’t take shit and neither does she.” The slightest hint of mischief sparkled in her eyes as another thing dawned on her. “Wait, two of the guys are very single right now and one of them-” You were trying to stop her right there because you weren’t looking for a setup, but she didn’t let you, simply speaking just a touch louder so all you could do was laugh. “One of them is Benny’s brother, and the other is-”
You finally got her to stop by waving your arms and forming them into an X shape, still laughing. “Gloria. Stop. I’ll come out because it sounds fun. But I’m not looking for a matchmaker.”
She held up her hands in surrender, a sheepish smile in place. “Fine. I’m just trying to give you all the information ahead of time.” She winked. “Just in case.”
“Okay.” You winked back, giving her a thumbs up. “Consider me briefed.”
Before Gloria could say anything else, Mel’s voice came through the speaker on your desk phone, saying your name. You pressed the button that let you respond. “What’s up, Mel?”
“Brandon Grant from the city planner’s office is on line one for the conference call with you and Gloria.” From across the room you heard Gloria groan, then looked up to watch her mouth “Sweetheart McGee already?” with a sickly frown on her face, and you had to close your eyes and cover your mouth so you wouldn’t snort into the speaker. “Can I put him through?”
You cleared your throat and shot Gloria a look. “Can you just give me one minute before you put him on? Tell him I’m on the other line, just so I can log in and get the project files open and get situated.”
“No problem,” Mel answered. “He’s early, anyway. Just buzz me back when you’re ready.”
Thanking Mel, you clicked the button to end the call and then let your hands fall against your lap as you faced Gloria. “Alright, you ready to get this over with?”
“We are really going to deserve those drinks after dealing with this guy.” She sighed, then headed for the door, only to appear a second later on the other side of the glass wall. She sat at her desk and started up her computer, then looked over at you and nodded once.
You buzzed Mel back and then you were on the line with Brandon Grant, the man stepping right into his nickname upon greeting.
“Good morning, sweetheart, how you doing today?”
You cringed, forcing a smile into your voice as you answered. “Oh, you know! Another day in paradise! Are you ready to go over the landscape designs for the new park?”
For the next hour you and Gloria took Brandon through the possible layouts, explaining why certain plants and elements were chosen, and answering all of his questions while simultaneously keeping a count of how many times he referred to either of you as “sweetheart”. By the time you hung up, the count had reached twelve and he’d thrown in a “hun” as a bonus.
We definitely deserve those drinks tonight.
But even though he was a pain in the ass to deal with, Sweetheart McGee has chosen one of the three designs you’d proposed, and as long as it was approved by the city council, it would be your first project to move into construction since switching locations. Which is pretty cool.
You sighed, leaning back in your desk chair as you peeled the paper off of one of the cupcakes from the box your co-workers had left you, reading over your calendar to see what was next on your schedule. Taking a bite, you hummed in satisfaction. Damn, that’s good.
It was only ten in the morning, but it was already proving to be a better birthday than you hoped for. As much as you tried to focus on work for the rest of the day, you couldn’t help but feel excitement about the prospect of going out later that night.
Because… It means I could really have a life here. Not just a job. Friends and good times and… You really didn’t want Gloria to try to set you up with anyone. But if it happened naturally?
Well, if that were the case, you’d be open to anything.
Sometime after your lunch break, Gloria heard back from Benny and confirmed the time with you, the woman insisting that you let them pick you up despite your protests about how close the bar was to your place.
“You really don’t have to do that,” You tried one last time. “I don’t mind driving myself, and I don’t want to intrude on your date night or anything.”
Gloria waved you off and clicked her tongue. “It’s not date night, it’s birthday drinks with friends. I promise you Benny doesn’t mind, and I definitely don’t.”
Oh, what the hell? It was clear that Gloria was trying to make sure that you felt included, even though you wouldn’t know anyone there aside from her and her boyfriend, whom you’d only exchanged a few words with. You appreciated how welcoming and inviting she was, and knew that she meant well, having been new to the area herself only a year earlier. I can still call an Uber if I have to leave early, and that way I don’t have to worry about having more than two drinks.
“Okay,” you said, finally giving in with a sigh full of faux exasperation that turned into a laugh. “You win!” You told her that you would text her your address, and then Mel was calling you through the intercom, letting you know that another of your clients was waiting on line one.
“And I have Annie Fulton from Florida Polytechnic on line two for Gloria,” Mel added. “So if you could tell her to leave you alone and get back to her own desk that would be swell.”
Snorting out a laugh, you looked over at the co-worker who was quickly becoming a friend, only to find that she was laughing, too. “Well,” you said, “You heard Mel. Get out of here.”
“Alright, alright, I’m going.” She backed out the door, calling out one last thing before she was visible on the other side of the glass wall again. “Can’t wait for later!”
As you prepped the files for your next call, you realized that you couldn’t wait for later, either.
– – –
Pope and Yovanna were just getting out of their car when Frankie turned into the lot at Duffy’s, his truck’s headlights sweeping across the other parked cars to reveal that both Millers, as well as a few guys he worked with down at the airfield, were already inside.
Gang’s all here, I guess.
He pulled into the spot next to Pope, the other man waving at him through the windshield, his free arm wrapped around Yovanna’s waist. She waved, too, giving him a smile that brightened her whole face. Turning off the ignition, he waved in return, then glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror, removing his hat and smoothing his hair down before yanking it back down over his curls.
Good enough. Not trying to impress anyone anyway.
As soon as he opened his door, he was greeted by Pope’s voice. “Ahí está el viejo!”
Before Frankie could respond, Yovanna smacked Santi on the arm. “And who are you calling old, hmm? Estás pisándole sus talones.” Frankie laughed at that, reaching past Pope to give Yovanna a hug first. “Happy Birthday, Francisco,” she said, kissing him on the cheek and giving him a squeeze.
“Thank you,” he replied, grinning at her as they separated. He turned to face his friend then, giving him a nod. “And she’s right, pendejo. You’re catching up. If I’m old, what does that make you?”
“Still younger than you,” Pope responded with a chuckle, slapping Frankie’s back before slinging an arm around him.
“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Frankie rolled his eyes. “C’mon, let’s get inside before Benjamin comes looking for us.”
The night out was happening at Benny’s insistence. Up until two days earlier, Frankie had no birthday plans and he had been just fine with that. Forty three wasn’t exactly a major milestone. And with the way things had only just started to really settle following their return from South America - the reinstatement of his pilot’s license, the finalization of his divorce, getting shared custody of his daughter - he hadn’t had time to think about smaller, more trivial things. Least of all, celebrating his own forty third birthday.
But Benny claimed that a new beginning at the end of the shitstorm was the perfect time to celebrate.
Which Frankie thought sounded a little like one of Will’s speeches blended with Benny’s optimism and garnished with a twist of Pope’s persuasiveness, but at the same time, he kind of saw the point that his friend was trying to make.
It’s less about my birthday and more about… He swallowed, flexing his right hand and then loosening it and letting it fall to his side. More about everything that comes after.
The after. That was something that Frankie could readily celebrate. The fact that he, that all four of them, had survived the biggest mistake that any of them had ever made and could still fill their lives with good things, big and small. That was something he could drink to.
Besides, it’s not actually my birthday today. It was yesterday.
That didn’t stop Benny from letting the whole bar think otherwise.
“Hey! Happy Birthday, Fish!” The younger of the Miller brothers exclaimed as Frankie, Pope and Yovanna stepped inside. He raised both arms, a full pitcher in one hand and a stack of empty glasses in the other. Behind him, Frankie saw Will stand from a table where he had been sitting with Gloria before making his way over to say hello as Yovanna made her way over to take Will’s place at the table. But who is that other woman?
You turned then, laughing at something that Gloria had said. And even though he could only see half of your face from the angle of where you were sitting, he felt an instant attraction at the way that laugh brightened your eyes. I don’t know who she is, but I want to.
“There he is,” Will said, clapping him on the shoulder with a grin. “Happy birthday, Morales. What are you now, sixty? Sixty five?”
“Cool it, Ironhead, I’m only three years older than you.” Frankie responded, feigning offense and shrugging Will’s hand away.
“Yeah, yeah,” Will laughed as Benny passed a full beer to Frankie. “We’re all on our way to the old folks home.”
“Speak for yourselves,” the younger man interjected, filling and passing a glass to Pope, too. “Gloria and I are still thriving in our thirties, so-”
“So that means you’re paying for drinks?” Pope chimed in through a smirk as he gripped his glass. “Wow. How generous of you, Benny.”
Benny rolled his eyes. “Ha, ha.” Setting the pitcher down, he raised his own glass and the other three followed suit. “To Frankie. Cheers to being another year wiser than these wiseasses.” He cocked his head in Will and Pope’s direction.
“Now hold on a minute, Ben, I-”
But Frankie didn’t let Pope get the rest of his protest out before clinking his glass to the three that were waiting. “No, I think that was a perfect toast. Thanks, Benny.” He took a swig of his drink, and even though he hadn’t really wanted to come out, he was already glad that he had. Nights out with the guys weren’t rare occasions, not by a long shot. But he was still grateful that he got to have them. And tonight’s just getting started.
Yuri and Ed from the airfield filed over then to wish Frankie a happy birthday, followed by a few other friends and acquaintances that Benny and Will had spread the word to. After about an hour of mingling, he finally made his way over to the table where the rest of the group was sitting, dropping into a seat next to Gloria.
“Happy birthday, Frankie!” She spoke over the music and chatter as she leaned over to give him a loose hug.
“Thank you, Glo.” He smiled at her as he pulled back. “It’s nice to see you, thanks for coming out.”
She waved a hand as she reached for the handle of the pitcher, Benny scooching it towards her without breaking from the conversation he was having with Will and Pope. “Of course! Wouldn’t miss it.” She poured herself a half glass of beer, then wordlessly asked if he wanted a refill, too.
Nodding, he held his glass in place. “Thanks,” he murmured, looking over his shoulder as she topped him off. “Hey who did I see you talking to before?” And where is she now?
A mischievous grin stretched across her lips as she looked up at him and set the pitcher on the table. What is that look for? “A friend from work,” she responded, telling him your name. “A single friend,” she added.
Frankie huffed out a short laugh. “I’m not- I didn’t-”
“I know you didn’t.” Gloria winked at him. “I just want you to have all the information,” she added, knocking the rim of her glass to his.
“Well…” He raised his glass to his lips, smiling behind it. Well… That’s good to know. “Okay.”
“Oh! And it’s her birthday, too, so I invited her out.”
What? And she didn’t have other plans? “Oh. Well, I’m glad you did,” he said, setting his drink on a cardboard coaster and letting his fingers slide down the chilled glass. “The more the merrier.”
He looked up and in the direction of the restrooms just as you and Yovanna came through the hallway that led to them, and when he did, he locked eyes with you. Fuck, she’s beautiful. He felt his smile grow again at the sight of you, especially when he noticed your slight intake of breath as your eyes met his. He watched Yovanna say something into your ear that made you cover your face and laugh, and then she raised her hand to wave at him.
I wonder what she said to her. He raised one eyebrow along with his hand as you dropped yours from your face. The remnants of your laughter were still written all over your cheeks and again he felt an undeniable pull, a desire to get to know you. Because I want to see that smile again. And I want to put it there.
His thoughts were interrupted by Pope tapping the table in front of him. “Hey, ground control to Catfish.” Frankie blinked, turning his attention back to his friends. “You’re not going deaf on us, are you? I asked if you’re in.”
Picking up an unused coaster, he flung it like a frisbee at Pope, who batted it down in one smooth motion. “Just selectively.”
“Ha, ha.” Pope rolled his eyes. “So does that mean you don’t want to go to the Lightning game on Wednesday?”
“The Lightning?” Frankie took a sip of his beer, eyebrows drawn together. “Since when are you a hockey fan? Do you even know anything about hockey?”
“Oh, believe me, he does not.” Yovanna laughed as she dropped into the booth bench next to Pope, her arm going around his shoulders so that her fingers could card through the hair that curled behind his ear. He turned to face her, both of them wearing ear to ear grins. “We watched the game last night and he had no clue what was going on the whole time.”
“I didn’t,” he admitted, garnering snickers and snorts from both Miller brothers. “But I’m learning.” He shrugged. “The tickets are from work. We just signed a contract with Amalie Arena so I’ll get tickets a few times a year. So I figured why not broaden my horizons?”
“It’s not the easiest game to understand right away, but if you give it a few games and actually pay attention, you’ll catch on.” Another voice joined the conversation then, and everyone turned towards where you stood at the edge of the table. “I have a friend who’s a big fan so I’ve watched a few games with her.” Giving a small shake of your head, you laughed. “I still don’t know all the rules. It’s a wild sport, but it’s fun.”
“See?” Pope gestured at you with one hand. “I don’t have to know the rules to have fun.”
“Oh, good.” Frankie placed his palm flat on the table. “So your short attention span should be just fine then.” His friend’s response was to flip him the bird, the rest of the table laughing before falling back into conversation as Frankie stood and faced you. “Hi, sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself yet. I’m Francisco.” He shook his head. “Frankie. Let me grab you a chair.”
– – –
You hadn’t even finished your first drink yet, so you knew the rush of warmth you felt in that moment had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with Frankie’s slightly lopsided smile.
Fuck, he’s handsome. He pulled a chair away from an empty table and plopped it next to his. And chivalrous.
“Thank you.” You sat, returning his smile with one of your own, and telling him your name as Gloria slid your glass across the table from where you were sitting before to your new seat between Frankie and Yovanna. “And happy birthday.” You lifted your drink in his direction before taking a sip. “Thanks for letting me crash your plans.”
“Thank you.” His grin spread wider, lifting his cheeks into his eyes. “Happy birthday to you, too.’ He tipped his drink so that he could clink the rim of his glass to yours. “And you’re welcome. I’m glad Gloria invited you.”
Your eyes darted over just in time to see Gloria shoot you a wink over Frankie’s shoulder. “Yeah,” you said, still smiling, your heart beating just a blip faster. “Me too.”
Over the next hour and a half that became even more true as you fell easily into conversation with the group. Gloria had been right about you and Yovanna clicking, and the guys were just as easy to get along with. Since there were other people there for Frankie’s birthday than just the seven seated at the table, he got up a few times to go spend some time with them, too, but each time he came back he returned his focus to you, either commenting on something that you were telling the others, or asking you questions if you weren’t part of the larger conversation happening.
You told him about your job at the architecture firm, and about the transfer that brought you down to Tampa in the first place. Will and Benny chimed in when you talked about how different winter was where you were from, the Indiana born brothers claiming that they’d love to see Frankie or Santi shovel their way out of a Midwest blizzard.
“Why?” Frankie grimaced. “That just sounds like it hurts.”
You’d laughed at that, nodding. “It does. I love the snow and I don’t really mind shoveling but…” You sighed. “I won’t miss the whole body aches after doing it.”
“Facts,” Gloria agreed, nodding sagely. “Shoveling snow is not fun or easy.”
“You lived in a co-op building in Queens, Glo,” Benny responded, tightening the arm he had around her and giving her a skeptical side eye. “You didn’t have to shovel anything.”
“I did not,” she confirmed. “But I watched the snow removal guys and they definitely did not look like they were enjoying themselves.”
Everyone laughed at that, and then the conversation branched in a different direction. But Frankie didn’t follow it, turning to you and circling back to your recent move. “So aside from the weather, are you liking it down here?”
Smiling, you nodded. “I am. I’m still getting my feet under me. Learning where things are and which take out spots are good and all that.”
Frankie hummed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Try Tino’s on Gateway Boulevard if you like burritos,” he suggested. “And if you like sushi you should try Ginkaku on-”
“-North Evans?” You asked the location at the same time that he said it, your eyes widening. What are the odds? “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to try there.” You chuckled under your breath. “I was actually going to stop there tonight on my way home from work, but then Gloria told me I couldn’t spend my birthday eating sushi alone, so…”
You trailed off as someone near the bar called over to Frankie, telling him that they had to get going. He twisted in his seat to respond, saying that he’d be over in a second, and you found yourself staring at the way the movement made the fabric of his shirt stretch over his broad back. Damn. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Gloria and Yovanna giving each other looks that you were fairly certain had to do with the way you were looking at Frankie, but you didn’t care because when he turned around again, his deep brown eyes locked with yours and nearly knocked you sideways.
“Sorry, I just have to go say goodbye to a buddy of mine from work, and-”
“No, don’t apologize! Of course.” You cocked your head towards the bar. “Go ahead, Frankie, I’ll be here when you get back.”
He took a breath, then swallowed and nodded, eyes still on you as he stood from his seat. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” With that, he turned and headed over to the bar, and you were met with a view of his back again.
Tearing your eyes away in an attempt to be more subtle about your attraction to a man you had met less than two hours ago, you cleared your throat and finished your drink.
Your attempt was for naught, though, because even though Gloria was engaged in an intense conversation with Benny, Will and Santi, Yovanna was looking at you with a smirk. “I told you,” she said, one eyebrow raised as she lifted her drink to her lips. “I saw the way he looked at you before. He’s definitely interested.”
I hope she’s right. Heat flooded your cheeks as the thought crossed your mind, and you knew you likely looked flustered, but you shook your head and let out a scoff. “I- He… Yovanna, I’m sure it’s just-” You shrugged. “A birthday hookup or-”
Her head moved side to side then, her dark curls swinging from her ponytail. “No. That’s not Francisco.” She glanced over at Santi, the man throwing his head back in laughter and clapping Will on the shoulder, a warm smile that softened her sharp eyes on her face when she turned back to you. “The two of them are very much alike. They don’t waste their time on things that they don’t think will be around tomorrow.”
As though on cue, Santiago leaned over to press a kiss to Yovanna’s cheek. “You good?” He murmured the words against her skin before pulling away. She turned to nod, scrunching her nose. “We’ll get going soon, yeah?” She nodded again, the man dropping another kiss to the opposite cheek. “Okay.”
He turned back to the others then, but you noticed that his hand stayed on her thigh as she returned her focus to you, saying your name. “I know that you just met me tonight, too, but you can trust me on this. Besides-” She tapped her phone and you looked down at the time on the screen. “Tonight is not really his birthday, and it’s almost not yours anymore, either. So it can’t just be a birthday hookup.” She widened her eyes and pressed her lips together, reaching for the pitcher in the middle of the table. “I’m going to have one more drink. Do you want one?”
Before you could respond, you felt the weight of Frankie’s grip on the back of your chair as he lowered himself back into his own seat. But it was the trail of his fingertips across your shoulder as he withdrew his hand that made you suck in a breath and wonder if Yovanna was right. Realizing that you hadn’t answered her question, you blinked and nodded. “Um, sure. Just half a glass, though.”
Because if she’s right? I definitely want to stay clear headed for whatever might happen.
You thanked her as she poured for you, and then turned to Frankie, licking your lips as you smiled. “Did you catch your friend before they left?”
“I did.” He said it with a nod, then tilted his head to the side. What? Narrowing his eyes, he opened his mouth to say something, then hesitated, taking a breath instead of speaking. What is he- But then he straightened his head again and you saw - and felt - his eyes flick to your lips and then back up. Oh, shit, he- “So you said that you were originally planning on checking out that sushi place tonight but Gloria said you couldn’t spend your birthday eating sushi alone, right?”
You pulled your lower lip between your teeth and nodded. “Yeah.” And I’m glad I listened to her.
He sighed then and you got the feeling that he was working himself up to say something. “Well,” he let out a sheepish laugh and reached up to grip the back of his neck, thick fingers nudging the edge of his hat. “That place is open ‘til 2 on the weekends. If you’re hungry, we could go grab a bite.” Wait, is he… Is he asking me out? He shrugged, dropping his hand and giving you the same lopsided grin he gave you when he introduced himself to you. “That way you won’t be going by yourself and-”
You poked your tongue into the side of your cheek. “And technically by the time we get there it won’t even be my birthday anymore, so-”
Frankie nodded, grin spreading. “So Gloria won’t have a leg to stand on.”
A thousand tiny butterflies swarmed through your stomach at the thought of spending more time with Frankie one on one. Oh, I am so fucked. Taking a breath, you looked at him and what you saw only confirmed that thought. Frankie was the most attractive man you’d ever been this close to. And he’s asking me out. There was only one answer, as far as you were concerned.
“That sounds great, Frankie.” You held up a finger. “On one condition.” He lifted an eyebrow in question, so you went on. “We take it back to my place to go, because I have a bunch of birthday cupcakes leftover from the office this morning, and-”
He laughed, leaning in to rest his elbow on the table, getting close enough to say something that no one else would hear. “So you’re saying if I play my cards right, I might get to kiss frosting off your lips?”
Oh, holy fucking shit, Frankie.
You gasped then, Frankie pulling back to see the reaction on your face, the expression he was wearing one that you would remember for a long time. Finally, you cleared your throat and answered. “That is exactly what I’m saying, Francisco.”
His eyes flashed when you used his full name, and with his next breath, though he was still looking at you, he addressed the rest of the table. “Hey guys, this has been fun, but I think it’s time to call it a night.”
Within a few minutes the tab had been paid - Will, Benny and Santi insisting on splitting it between themselves - and goodbyes were said. But despite what Frankie had just said, you knew that your night was just getting started.
.
.
.
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tags: @something-tofightfor @cannedsoupsuckssoupsucks @dihra-vesa @disgruntledspacedad @littlemisspascal
@alraedesigns @mishasminion360 @stevie75 @nyctophiliiiiaaa @practicalghost
@tanzthompson @amb11 @harriedandharassed @woodlandmouth @thescarletfang @trickstersp8
@imtryingmybeskar @wildmoonflower @mswarriorbabe80 @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns
@competentpotato @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @jedi-in-crocs @hannahkatharine @anoverwhelmingdin
@chiyo13 @myloveistoolittle @noisynightmarepoetry @Severin-proud
@Vickie5446 @jessthebaker
#frankie morales#frankie morales fic#francisco catfish morales#triple frontier#rachael reads and responds#unbirthday#thank you alyssa#fic rec#the-blind-assassin-12#this was so much fun to read#i appreciate you#pedro pascal character#i love you frankie morales#cupcakes and sushi with frankie would be a dream come true
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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honestly i don't think i'm satisfied with tdp s7
#specifically the final episode#felt like a really solid season until then#just so much shit introduced for THE SERIES FINALE#“no we're not going to do anything with the idea that Zym can both fast travel & TALK”#“oh yeah (comma) this is what I sound like” ARE YOU KIDDING ME#yes. it would be questionable if zym never talked. because he's an archdragon and all archdragons introduced can talk. BUT WHY.#WHY WAS THE LAST EPISODE THE ONE THAT DID ANYTHING ABOUT IT#there's so many new concepts that randomly popped up for whatever purpose and there was no explanation as to why they're here#and. i. hate. the fact. that avizandum. looked like that. yet the dragons tried to talk to him. you fucking idiots he's not there#i also hate what they did for aaravos. they didn't follow any plan or explain what they did to him. is he dead is he sealed? who knows!#AND. GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. I can see why they made Callum yap so long to keep him from actually dying but dude!? wtf!?#felt like a villain over-explaining his plan and it felt like I was being talked to like a five-year-old. not fond of that.#i also can't get over the ending where Ezran is talking to the crowd and it's so obvious what're just png characters.#i want to turn one of them into my oc. the one that was in the foreground. right next to characters that actually moved.#which is such a choice lmfao it's so obvious.#i don't know how i feel about the little teases for a spinoff series#i would be fine with them if it didn't feel like the team was going Ah! This Still Isn't Resolved Yet! We're Not Done! Winky Face ;)#in a way in a sense i feel like it highlights all the shit they *didn't* finish#NOTHING WAS DONE WITH THE NOVABLADE. ONLY WEAPON THAT CAN KILL A STARTOUCH ELF AND WAS SOUGHT AFTER BY THE MCS. NEVER USED.#and nothing was done about that promise Soren made to Terry to not hurt Claudia. that was never a point of conflict.#hell there wasn't much if any conflict between soren and claudia that episode! SOREN WAS NEVER IN A POSITION THAT HE COULD HURT CLAUDIA#JUST. GOD.#and what a nothingburger end too. new country owned by the people awesome what kind of government do you have.#i was so excited. it seemed like tdp got its shit together this season only to fail completely.#but hey. at least it's better than miraculous ladybug. which isn't actually saying anything the bar for mlb is in hell.#this message was brought to you by autixel#the dragon prince spoilers
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Seems legit fishy to me. 😉 I've also got your shoes/cobbler/cholera thing almost set and the body of water aspect is also a part of that, as you'll see when I post it.
We don't entirely disagree about supreme archangel Aziraphale and I'll tell you why since I know you're probably like ok but vida your every third post is "he's falling, guys"... 😂
I think that there's the one level of the literal rank of the characters in Heaven but there's another level of the wordplay involved in the names of those ranks. It seems that, just as C&A are using demon/angel/fiend, etc. playfully in their alternate meanings, the overall wordplay in the series is such that the angelic and demonic ranks are ones assigned to the characters more to show what they say about those characters than anything else.
For example, the 'throne, or a dominion' is also a visual pun in S1, when Crowley goes from his throne in his flat into the other room and exercises a level of one kind of dominion over his plants. Aziraphale may well have had different ranks in Heaven over time but there's also that cherub is a word implying a sense of innocence while principality is one with an element of the first or an original. Aziraphale, character-wise is the principality-- our main character and the first angel to live the way he lives on Earth. Back in Eden, he was a bit of a cherub, in the more innocent/impressionable sense of the meaning.
Crowley also used "cherubs" to Beez in a way that seems to be more in the meaning of the word as innocent than of the actual rank of angels when he said that The Book of Life was something that the two of them made up "to frighten the cherubs." Not all the angels they teased probably were literal cherubs but they were all impressionable enough to believe the ghost story.
When people say that Aziraphale is going to be The Supreme Archangel in The Finale, they are referring to him being promoted to that position in Heaven, and that's the part that you know that I disagree with because I think we're watching Aziraphale's fall but I don't disagree with the idea that Aziraphale is a lower case supreme archangel. How so? Because what's a supreme archangel?
In terms of meaning of the actual words involved, a supreme archangel is one who is above being superior to the other angels. That's why Gabriel is The Supreme Archangel because he's also the one up there in heaven who is a supreme archangel, right? That title reflects his actual attitude, in that he doesn't see himself as superior to angelic beings (angels, demons, humans) and he rejects the ideas associated with Heaven when it comes to what they say is or is not the behaviors of an angel.
In this way? If you're an angel who is wonderfully above the definition of an angel and rebels against it, you're a supreme archangel... but... you're also something else at the same time, aren't you?
You're a demon.
So, yeah, I think Aziraphale's going to be supreme archangel alright because, while he's struggled with it, he's been a supreme archangel all along.
He's just not going to get the title because there's not going to be just the one person with it any longer. Aziraphale's fall can lead to the democratization of Heaven in the wake of overthrowing The Metatron in The Finale, which means a more equal distribution of power. It's possible that no one person will be Supreme Archangel anymore because our main ones will all be supreme archangels. It won't just be run by Heaven anymore-- the demons are going to be acknowledged as angels again. And what does Hell already have, even if it's a bit useless, thanks to Satan? The Dark Council.
The demons have something of a form of government in Hell. Sure, it's not terribly effectual lol but if the angels and the demons strike a peace accord, the existing governmental structure of Hell (minus the fact that it's run by Donal-- Satan. Run by Satan...) is the closest thing the group actually collectively has in place to a form of government that, if Satan can be taken out of the equation, honestly isn't that terrible in structure.
They struggle to actually use it effectively because they're all currently being held hostage by raging loons in Satan & The Metatron but the demons have effectively formed a system of checks and balances in Hell by having The Dark Council. It is a check on the position of The Grand Duke of Hell, who handles all the day-to-day stuff of Hell that Satan doesn't care about. It's a system that could become a functioning democracy if they get rid of Satan & The Metatron, which basically has to happen in The Finale in order for there to be the happy ending we all know is in the works.
When all is said and done, I'm not sure the position of Supreme Archangel will still exist. The closest thing to someone replacing Gabriel might actually wind up being Dagon, since she's the only one likely to remain with experience of running a form of government.
It's definitely not going to be perfect. The supernatural entities are about to form a government equivalent in irritating lunacy to the humans of the Whickber Street group passing resolutions condemning improper use of apostrophes in signs on shop windows-- but that's a happy ending. Being free to be silly and human and democratic about it is peace.
hello! i've read through a lot of your blogs and i think you've got really interesting ideas! i was wondering if you'd done something analyzing aziraphale's 'human name' and why he picked the name a. z. fell? perhaps it's got something to do with foreshadowing his fall?
Hi there! 💕 Thanks for reading & glad you're enjoying them. *puts on the tea kettle and gets the cookies*
There are two ways of looking at Aziraphale's choice of name, I think, and you mentioned both ways in your ask. One way is what the name might mean to Aziraphale-- why he chose it-- and the other is what the overall meaning of it is in the story.
In terms of the overall meaning level of his name, I think it gets into the question of what a fall is. Aziraphale's surname isn't even just Fall-- it's Fell. It's past tense. In this sense, the show is basically saying that even though Aziraphale's fall-- in the 'an angel literally falling to Hell' sense of it-- is just beginning to occur in the story, Aziraphale really fell, in other senses of the word, long ago.
He's fundamentally no different from Crowley-- something Aziraphale even says to him in the Job minisode when he says that he's a demon after lying to save the kids. He doesn't see Crowley as having ever done anything "worse" than that-- and Crowley and many others likely didn't. They asked questions. They sought knowledge.
A demon can also just mean someone who is knowledgeable about different things. In that sense, Aziraphale has always been a demon, even if he hasn't been a literal demon of Hell.
Aziraphale has always been a fallen angel by Heaven's definition and spiritually one of the demons, even if he has always still been seen by others as an angel. It gets at the idea that these definitions are all b.s. that Heaven has made up. They're all just people; they're all angelic beings walking the Earth who can be demonic in different ways-- just like the humans.
To fall, though, isn't just a literal fall or a fall from grace, like in the Heaven/Hell senses, but also other things, right? To fall in love, for instance... which then gets interesting when you consider why Aziraphale might have chosen this particular word to reflect himself.
I did a bit of a dive on thoughts about Aziraphale choosing the name Fell for himself as part of a post that is also about the fact that Crowley's distinctive signature on the Hell document when he takes the baby in 1.01 is-- rather curiously-- the very same, very unique capital letter F found in the inscription we were shown is in the front of Aziraphale's copy of Modern Magic. Why this is all the same topic will make more sense as you read it, should you be interested:
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#fuck me sorry but that post actually unlocked so many memories for me rn and i simply must get them out lmao#anyways i just wish there was a way i could tell my geography teacher how much of an impact she made on my life#it absolutely shook my world view up when we did our lesson on migration and she asked me what the positives to immigration were#me. a brown girl living in britain her whole life where all she really saw and understood was an inherent hatred for immigrants.#and so i prattled off the textbook answer- they bring people who can do labour and earn more money for the country#and shes like 'and?' and i drew a blank. i couldnt think of anything else. what else were they worthy for?#and she explains. she says music. and food. and culture. and god. im tearing up just thinking about it. like in that single moment she just#fucking changed everything for me. like yeah. yeah ppl do bring that. they make this place everything it is. they bring Life to this place.#i feel like my words are so jumbled lmao idk how else to explain it i am simply soooooooooooooooooo emo like seriously#and it wasnt after i didnt have her as a teacher i was told my one of my friends that she always gives the best student in her class a#a yellow ring binder. the rest get green. guess what one i got. LIKE IM GOING TO CRY AND NEVER STOP. and i didnt know!! i never fucking knew#i literally remember her that day when she was like ah seems im all out @ H could you follow me pls and ill get you answer one from storage#and then she gave me a yellow ring binder like. fuck me man. fuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk#and i think back so much because she had a scottish sounding second name but she was married. and part of me thinks maybe her parents were#polish? just from context clues. but i dont actually know. and part of me is like am i just romanticising her? i didnt actually know who she#was. all i have is these little moments and how she treated me and the fact i liked her class#and people were so rude about her btw. like thought she was a dickhead. but she wasnt. she actually wasnt she just didnt take ppls shit. :((#and now im remembering that time i didnt do my homework and my friend took my jotter from the pile AS SHE WAS MARKING THEM and brought it#to me so i could copy off her#and ngl i always thought it was funny and sneaky but now im realising she probably fucking knew and didnt say anything because she liked us#god im gonna cry#i hope youre ok out there and i hope youre happy. i hope my idea of you is correct.#*insert spongebob laying on ground meme*#le text post
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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18+ mdni | touch starved toji :(
an. lowk made toji a gooner😭
pairing: toji fushiguro x f!reader
single-dad toji, who doesn’t have any time between balancing work and being the father of two fussy kids to find a date- but luckily does have enough time to find a babysitter. it was on a complete whim, all his friends had been telling him hes getting soft (in more ways than one- but the dadbod was definitely a positive if the way he was ogled in the snack aisle at grocery stores was anything to go off of), that he needed some good ol’ camping with the guys to get back that natural edge he was always praised for in his glory days.
of course he wanted some time for himself, but what was he supposed to do? let just anybody around his kids? he spent way too long changing his own vocabulary and dietary habits to have some stranger come in and ruin all his hard work. he didnt start saying ‘gosh darnit’ and swapping out soda for juice (still working on the sugar stuff- its an upgrade tho!) to have some rando spend a couple nights undoing all that effort.
this was all that was running through toji’s head as he did his weekly grocery trip, making sure to get gumi’s flinstone gummies and tsumiki’s special request for “dunno dad just get cute barettes its not rocket science”. as he browsed what he thought were barette’s (they were not btw- they were headbands and he was losing hope), he saw you, giggling at how out of place he looked in the aisle.
“somethin’ the problem? a man cant look at cute shit like…detanglers?”
at the gruff voice your cheeks slowly tinted, shaking your head and ensuring you just thought it was cute and wanted to know if he needed any help. after letting you know tsumiki’s alleged ‘easy’ ask, you were bursting at the seams looking for all types of pretty accessories for his daughter, excitedly showing him the different varieties.
in the end he’d just picked a random one from your pile, but also made sure to get your number- as a potential babysitter of course! and just to be safe you weren’t like, a weirdo or anything, he also took you to dinner to get to know you- for the kids wellbeing! he couldnt have some creep around them. and when you sent him little smiley faces along with selfies of you throughout the day, of course he saved them- only if you turned out to be a creep and he had to show what you looked like to authorities. he slowly ran out of excuses when he started to open up his folder of your pics late at night though, always going back go that pretty picture of you with rosy cheeks from the chilly weather, the sight of your pouting lips enough to make his dick twitch.
god, he was such a creep. you were so sweet to watch the kids for two nights while he finally got some man time, sending him a video of the kids in bed with you retreating to his. you innocently smiled at the camera, tucked in and giving the camera a quick peck before waving goodbye. it was just so adorable, why’d he have to ruin it by fisting his cock to the thought of you choking on his dick every night he was gone?
he thought it’d be easier to get rid of these thoughts when you stopped babysitting, but you just wouldnt stop messaging- even going as far as calling him late at night, letting him know you were just so bored and alone and couldnt sleep. you probably thought he was sick for cumming to the sound of your voice, phone in his hands as he listened to you speak about your day, browsing through the various photos you sent him that week.
“f-fuck doll…” toji’s voice groaned, the gasp you let out to his exclamation letting him know he had in fact forgotten to mute himself.
“t-toji?” you gulped, voice sounding so fucking cute saying his voice in that curious way you always did. he meant to respond, but it wouldnt change the fact you already registered what he was doing, a notification buzzing toji’s phone. “you could always l-let me help” your sweet voice spoke, a picture of your pink cotton panties soaked through with your slick, the sight of your fingers teasing your lips through the fabric enough to push toji to the edge, a whimper of your name on his tongue.
“sh-shit…made me make a mess. come by tomorrow baby, need ya to take care of me this time.”
#chosove#toji x reader#toji smut#toji drabbles#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#toji x you#toji x y/n#jjk drabbles#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut
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Had Alastor had a hankering for pork, hellhog even, it might be all fine and dandy, just so long as his own is kept from the sharp and frequently terrifying maw to be met at the end of. But. As far as fear goes, Angel’s thoughts don’t even tread close to those lines. He never feels dread upon looking at his teeth or witnessing any feats of his strength. Most fear comes from the thought of losing this… thing they had. While Angel may be quick to label it as friendly, he isn’t entirely sure just how much of it would be particularly matched.
Odd, for being someone that specializes in reading others and putting their feelings and urges in the spotlight, this isn’t like those times. In fact, he was notoriously losing his touch when it came to good intentions. Or maybe he never had it at all- maybe it was just hoping in all its naive glory.
Either way. He still enjoys whatever it is, it brings him the gist of a childish descriptor of normalcy and at the very least positive companionship. One that can stick around and enjoy cooking together. It really does make his smile feel less like a tool when the other is around. Ironic, given just how well the other is quite proud of keeping that face regardless. Even without that, Angel can feel pride at least in his work, as it got the stamp of approval, which he sees is genuine from the other after their shared time.
“I appreciate you lettin’ me.” Speaking of shared time, he can with full honesty respond with his own remark. Maybe Alastor could tell his old love of cooking even from this little snippet of time. Simple as it is, Angel already looks forward to having it again. Maybe even like this.
“I’d do it again. Anytime you need a hand in th’ kitchen. I got a few.”
Maybe the time from before- wasn’t something he could connect to this moment. Despite this, Angel would be glad to spend more time there too. Even if the night of his injuries had been off to a shakier start, no regret could be harbored from any of the time he was allowed to spend. He might need to be careful before he catches himself longing for the company enough to get annoying or clingy. That’d need to be a thought for later though it seems.
A side eye can be met with a couple of his own facing any scrutiny head on. He wonders briefly what he must look like, many situations bring him to the vain thought. Curious as well as compulsive- fingers twitching to rid any blemish or unseemly marking over his person. But it dies down, much as he doesn’t always take to being told what to do very well. He could let this one slide. If anything, the other just offered him something beneficial.
“High expectations, I see.” He jokes before conceding, “I’ll give it a shot, I guess you’d know pretty well about needin’ it. I won’t say no to an excuse neither. I appreciate that. Hope you c’n find a lil rest too.”
Alastor has a few places to look for Angel should he need to destress like last time too. Who knows, it might serve to convince his body to grant itself sleep that is restful for once. Hoping for that is so little an act. And yet, he’s slowly starting to rethink its use a bit.
“Hm, even for a pig, he ain’t a squealer. And I guess he ain’t one for words neither. Either way his Daddy ain’t raised no snitch! He likes to steal snacks though, I gotta make sure he has a supply, or things would go missin’!”
Angel chuckles softly, ease working its way through him as he feels the welcome warmth of what had to be… a form of camaraderie, friendliness that made it a little easier to breathe with him. And perhaps that might be the delectable smell of the meal they’d cooked together. But, you know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is said to be through the stomach! Even if that statement is in no way anatomically correct… There is something magical about sharing a meal, he can’t deny.
That- it is something he can say for certain. He often lacks suitable time or energy, quite familiar with the situation of being needed in one place or another, or being busy. Often he finds that if he isn’t here before the others rise, then the time for this is usually passed.
He’d felt lighter already. Well, in that area of his chest and shoulders at least. He’s still a bit sluggish, feeling heavy. But he is sure the nice meal before him will make him feel better. The fried egg giving a pleasantly fresh smell with the pepper and spice used.
He’s a little cautious, in a way that he’s making sure the plate is secure when it’s held. When it is offered to him, it’s taken gratefully, the warmth and smell savored just a moment but he doesn’t exactly wait for anything to cool, he’s convinced he needed a big bite right away. Yeah it’s hot, sure, but also he’s gratified by it being delicious. He’s not overzealous about it, but he does certainly show appreciation for the flavor.
“Fabulous..!” He feels a little silly, and perhaps a little like a stereotype, but it brought a good mood about him, it had been a good while since he had something nice and filling such as this. Of course he can appreciate it in its entirety.
“I don’t think I’ve had em cooked this way b’fore. I’ve used hotsauce, or soysauce but, this is definitely better. An’ it’s perfect texture too.” He has no choice, he’s gotta praise where he sees fit! He won’t praise something that’s not deserving, but he is in no way shy to give credit where it’s due. Especially seeing that it’d made him a bit giddy.
Hm. He’d definitely need to remember to approach their agreement with some form of caution and respect. Though in the mean time, this should give good insight. After all, he had been serious as to bring offerings for Alastor to eat should he really need some place else to feel security.
#((woof that was a bit long oops gdksgk))#((awww ;; thank you! i’m sure i’ll get better soon! and the flareup is settling i think yayyy O:#the ball rolled back!: reply#angel dust; y’know from tv?#alastor: my dear deer friend#radioiaci#mmm coffee in nighttime nummy
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I — NOT YET // When a guy in the club tries to assault you, you ask a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend. Little that you know that out of all people, you chose a mob boss.
contents: smut, mafia!au, briefly mentioned assault and tiny bit of violence, Sukuna (yeah, I consider him a warning), reader discretion is advised — 2,7k words
a/n: mada... mada mada~ the very second I heard this menace toying with Panda, Kusakabe and the rest in Shibuya, not allowing them to move unless he say so - my head went straight to the idea of him playing the same game in bed.
ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟʏ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ | masterlist
Sukuna never had to get used to being interrupted. Never. Anytime it happened in the past, all he had to do was to glance at the person and it usually got the message across. His gaze has enough power in it to quickly inform the intruder why invading his personal space or cutting him half-sentence is a damn bad idea. One look from him usually was enough to make anyone reconsider if they really want some problems. Sukuna had his eyes trained to be sharp and cold, his body strong and intimidating and his aura dangerous. He spent years building his reputation, earning a position in his world that now guaranteed him calm.
Now everyone and their mothers know that he’s not the one to cross paths with. He’s a VIP, he’s allowed everywhere and he has no qualms about killing someone. Ryomen Sukuna is a brand, he’s a threat, he’s untouchable, invincible. No one in the right mind would ever try to start anything with him at this point. That’s why, when he tried to relax in one of many clubs that he owns in Tokyo, he couldn’t believe someone had the guts to push onto him at the bar.
“Hey, sorry, can you please pretend to be my boyfriend for a second?”, he heard near his ear and following the sound and the soft tug on his elbow, he turned his head towards you. Lucky girl, he thought while quickly assessing the view. You were too god damn pretty to be killed, looking at him with those pleading eyes that glistened in the harsh artificial lights. You were visibly scared of something, or someone, and oddly enough it wasn’t him who brought you to the verge of tears.
“Your boyfriend, huh?”, he mused, allowing his eyes to trail down your figure. The dress you had on left little to imagination and yet he wished to tear it off to see more of you. It hugged the shapes of your body perfectly and the silky fabric betrayed the lack of bra underneath. You were attractive, but clearly not smart enough to think twice before approaching a stranger.
“Please, I beg you, this guy—“, you tried to explain, squeezing your perfectly manicured fingers around his veiny forearm, but your sentence was cut in half when a man grabbed you by the waist, pulling you away just a little and harshly pressing your back against the bar. Sukuna watched as you winced when your spine hit the edge of the wooden countertop, he watched for a moment how you tried to push the guy away. With no effect, you weren’t strong enough to stand against him, you were trapped between the unwanted body and the furniture behind you, fighting the hungry hands that were groping your figure.
“Naoya, get off of me—” you tried, pushing his face away from where he was trying to suck a spot onto your neck.
“Oh, shut up woman, I know you want it,” the blonde-ish idiot grinned, twisting your arm enough to make a space for himself. He wasn’t bothered in the least with the fact he was trying to get between your legs in the very center of a club. Sukuna’s club.
Ryomen zeroed the whisky in his glass and got up from the chair. Usually, he would ignore situations like this. Other people’s problems were none of his business and he had enough his own things to take care of, to bother himself with anything else, but you. You were a problem he was willing to explore.
“Zenin, huh?”, he asked, connecting the name he heard falling from your lips with the wannabe gangster he heard about many times before. There was a certain reputation tied to Naoya’s name, mostly regarding his treatment of women but as long as he wasn’t touching his women, Sukuna couldn’t care less about this trash of a man. You definitely were not his woman. Yet.
“The fuck you want, I’m busy,” Zenin groaned, pulling his nasty mouth away from your shoulder for just a moment, only to shot a glare to the club owner.
“I can tell that you’re busy,” Ryomen grabbed one of Naoya’s wrists. It wasn’t looking like a hard grip, but the face of the blonde betrayed the sharp, bone-breaking pain he felt.
You felt some kind of relief when the stranger you just met stepped between you and your unwanted date. The large body of him towered above you completely, he was bigger than you thought when you approached his sitting form, but you couldn’t think about it for too long when he dealt with Naoya so easily. Once the blonde was gone, he turned to you.
Your heart skipped few beats once you took the image in. The man was huge, way taller than you and built like a greek god. The sharp outlines of his muscled torso beautifully showed through the dark graphite dress shirt. Looking up, you could finally see his face clearly. His features were attractive, dangerous with the black tattooed lines around them. He could easily be a gangster or something.
“T-thank you,” you spoke finally, snapping out from the initial impression of him. He was a red flag, you knew that. If not for the circumstance, you’d probably be the first to run away from him. He was hot. An absolute smokeshow, but he was certainly bad news.
“Was he your date?”, he asked, pulling a chair that he was sitting on previously and twisting it to position, before his large hands landed on your hips. There was no effort whatsoever when he lifted you and sat you down on the seat. He opted to stand next to you.
“No… I came here with a friend, but she left earlier. I was just about to leave as well, but this guy stopped me,” you sighed. “He wouldn’t let me go, I was afraid that he’ll just walk after me to my home. I’m sorry I interrupted you.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. The gesture in itself was soft, but you shivered underneath his touch nonetheless. You couldn’t quite tell what made him so… scary. Was it his overwhelming frame? Or maybe the calm, distant demeanor? He had authority, he was expecting submission and when he was looking at you, you felt like a prey of him. Strangely, you were quite fine with that. You had no wish of doing anything with Naoya, but this man… he was different, he was interesting, he made you cross your legs just to feel any kind of pressure between your thighs. “Your name?”
“Y/n,” you replied.
“Y/n. Nice,” he gave it a soft nod and ordered two drinks. “Ryomen is my name. Sukuna Ryomen. Memorize it.”
“Sure…”
At this moment, you had no guts to ask why was it important to imprint the name he told you into your brain, but it all became clear just barely two hours later. You couldn’t exactly recall the moment Sukuna led you out of the club and into his car. There was something so enticing about his entire aura that made you lose your ability to think. He made you break every rule you ever had for yourself – to not talk with strangers, not go with them anywhere. Before that night you were doing exceptionally good in avoiding danger, you somehow slipped through your life up until that point without any major problems, but once you faced the problem, it was a big one.
The talk was good, it flowed easily and the menacing aura that Ryomen had all around him kept you interested. You had no idea that you’re attracted to bad boys, and maybe you were not exactly into school hooligans. Turned out, you’re aroused by the much worse kind – the kind that keeps a gun behind his belt, drinks pure whisky and makes people run away just by shooting them a glance. Yeah, that seems to be the kind of men you are into, because if there was any common sense left in you, you’d be out the door and running towards the safety of your dormitory. If there was any self-preservation instinct in you, you’d be probably anywhere else, rather than in here.
In the most luxurious house you’ve ever seen, not to mention been inside of; somewhere in the outskirts of Tokyo where you were not even sure how you can get back to your home from there. If you were just a little smarter, you’d for sure be in your own bed right now and not on the dark leather couch, with your silky dress scrunched up around your waist and your underwear torn to pieces and laying on the floor. If you had more braincells, maybe you wouldn’t be bouncing on that stranger’s dick right now, gripping onto his muscular shoulders as one of his large hands kept your hip in a dead grip, leading your moves up and down his girthy length and the other one tightly squeezed around the back of your neck, from where he was keeping his head close so he could kiss you so hungrily it took your breath away. But that’s just where you were. And you wouldn’t change a thing.
He felt so goddamn good, filling your tight hole to the very brim, stretching you to the point of delirium and he wasn’t even fully in yet. His moves were aggressive and yet sensual; he made you feel small even if it was you who was on top of him. You had no control, he made it clear with the way he was holding you and every time you tried to dominate him in any way, he quickly showed you your place back. Maybe later, he’ll let you have your way with him, but now, he was in charge.
“Think you can take all of me?” He asked against the delicate skin of your neck, now painted in red and purple marks he nibbed onto it. You could feel him grinning at the way you squeezed your little hands on his clothed biceps. He got you all exposed and yet he only allowed you to free his dick; his shirt was still buttoned up, his pants were still on his legs. There was a certain dominance shown in the way he got you all naked on top of his suit.
“N-no,” you breathed out, “too big.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can.” Sukuna doesn’t exactly accept no as an answer and he for sure gave you enough time to accommodate to his size. “You’ll take it and thank me for it, yeah?”
“Yes,” was all you could mumble, before both of his large hands landed on your hips. The iron grip, you were sure, was going to bruise you but now, it felt grounding in a way.
“Good girl,” he praised, his purr vibrated against your skin as he sucked yet another mark along your collarbone. It distracted you for a moment before he pushed your pelvis even lower, fully bottoming into you. Your clit made a contact with his lower belly, the harsh brush of his skin against the swollen bud making you moan louder than you were meaning to. You felt like all of your organs were moved out of the way just to make more space for his dick and Sukuna couldn’t be more satisfied by the way you took him in. “See? As if you were made to take this cock.”
Something incoherent left your mouth, a tear stained your cheek and the man was happy to lick it away, tasting the saltiness before he bucked his hips up, keeping yours in place. He took full control, thrusting into you with all the power he had in his muscular body and you held onto his shoulders with your little hands. The filthy, wet sounds were filling the interiors, bouncing off the walls and mixing with all of the whines and whimpers that were leaving your lips. Some grunts added to the melody, but you barely heard any of it, too consumed by the exploding pleasure between your legs.
Sukuna’s name was leaving your mouth like a prayer, you felt so close, you felt like falling and you had no intention to stop. The man grinned, licking a long stroke along your throat, his tongue curling upwards as it reached the tip of your chin. The taste of your skin felt intoxicating to him, he wanted to devour you whole, to keep all for himself.
“You wanna cum, huh?” His voice was taunting. “You’re clenching around me so fucking hard, you’re gonna milk me as well.”
“Yes, yes, please,” you near damn begged, chasing the bliss that you could almost taste on your tongue right now. It filled all of your body cells, rushed through your veins in ecstatic waves of lust.
“Not yet,” he ordered and it felt almost painful to force yourself back from the state of climax. You could tell he was playing with you, toying with his dominance, reminding you that it’s him who pulls the strings in here. And yet, he was still rutting into you, his movements completely different to what he was saying, he was fucking you like he wanted you to cum in that very moment. “Still not yet,” he teased, feeling your little fingers digging onto his shoulders, your manicured nails nearly making holes in his shirt as your eyes fell shut.
“Oh god, Ryomen, please,” you whined. Your thighs were shaking, your spine arching and the incredible tension below your stomach threatened to burst any second now.
“Now,” he ordered and just like that, all inside of you snapped. You came all over his dick, and you came hard. It felt like nothing you’ve ever experienced, like you were suddenly shot into another dimension and if not for the way he sped up his movements, you’d probably just get lost in the lustful feeling. Ryomen came just few moments after you, wrapping his arms around your waist and painting your walls white. You felt him throbbing, spasming inside of you, the hot seed gushed out of you as he was pumping it in, staining your thighs and the bottom of his black shirt. Then he pushed you down, fully onto his cock, plugging the way out for his cum.
You found his lips, swallowing his quickened breath as you kissed him with desire and he gave in, quickly dominating the kiss. You were tired, the muscles in your legs were burning from the intense exercise, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling of still wanting more. He made you hungry, he made you unsatiated and you were sure, you won’t be able to recognize yourself after you’re done with him. You were never such a greedy lover but frankly, you never had a chance to feel that good with anyone. The boys you’ve been with had no skills and if not for the orgasms you gave yourself with your fingers, no one else ever brought you over the edge like Sukuna.
“Can you undress?” You asked him, your lips brushing against his as you mouthed the question and he chased your kiss with his head, grabbing your lower lip between his teeth. There was a certain expression painted all over his dangerously handsome features, the menacing aura amplified as he took his sweet time before replying.
“I can undress,” he began, yet there was a but hanging in the air. He had conditions and you were open to hear them. “I’ll give you two options, little kitten. Wanna hear ‘em?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t undress. You can pull yourself together and I can drive you back to your home now. But I can also take the suit off, carry you to my bed. Then you’ll stay with me till morning, but don’t have any hopes for a calm sleep, no. The night will be as filthy as it can get. You’ll be sore tomorrow, most likely exhausted.”
You blinked hearing the options. It was clear as day, stop there or continue? You knew the answer already, your body decided for you even before he came up with an offer.
“Will you drive me home as well if I pick the second option?”
“Of course.”
“Then let’s get you naked.”
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can you see right through me?
azriel x mate!reader
summary: after finding out you're mated to the Spymaster of the Night Court, you can't help but feel self-conscious, thanks to the jealous remarks made by patrons at your bookstore.
warnings: mentions of self-hatred and self-sabotage, angst!!!, body image issues, depression, mentions of death, azriel is an idiot but he figures it out ok, mentions of sex & the mating frenzy
word count: 9.5k (oops...)
Ever since finding out that you’re mated to none other than the High Lord’s Shadowsinger two months ago, everything in your life has flipped upside down.
You’re not just some ordinary bookstore owner anymore, you’re now part of the Night Court’s Inner Circle by default. Your status as a citizen in Velaris has completely changed, but you refused to quit working just because of your mate, much to his disappointment. He’d rather you just stay with him in the House of Wind, filling your days reading your favorite books instead of selling them, but you insisted. You wanted to get to know the male better before immediately accepting the bond, moving in and forgetting about your old life, especially after hearing all the things people say about you and your new mating bond when they’re in or around your shop.
You have to deal with sidelong glances and whispers from almost everyone who comes into your tiny shop next to the Sidra, have to hear the spiteful unmated females who might kill to be in your position.
“How do you think she got him? Do you think she slipped one of those banned love tonics into a drink or something?”
“He could be mated to anyone, and the Cauldron picked her of all people?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he already rejected the bond, I don’t ever see them together.”
“She’s definitely just using him for his money and power, she had to have manipulated him somehow.”
“I thought he was with the Morrigan, she’s much more fitting for a male like him, much prettier.”
Every snide remark hits you like a knife to the heart, but still, you keep your composure throughout every single day. It isn’t ever until you’re in the safety of your own apartment above the bookstore that you allow yourself to mull over the comments, to let yourself fall back into old self-loathing habits.
You quickly learn how to contain your sadness to your end of the bond, blocking Azriel from seeing the pain that you endure on a nightly basis. You’re convinced he would be so embarrassed to see you cry yourself to sleep, to see you poke and prod at your skin in front of the mirror, to see you skip over meals in order to appease that incessant hatred filling your mind, to see you become filled with so much disgust in yourself when you replay the remarks over and over and over again.
The comments never seem to die down as weeks pass, and you slowly convince yourself that they’re all right, that Azriel is going to reject the bond because you don’t deserve him. You don’t see him often anyways, as you’re both preoccupied with your jobs throughout the week, which doesn’t help the fact that you’re convinced that he doesn’t want to be around you.
You’re stuck between trying to change yourself to fit what you think the Illyrian would like in a mate and rejecting the bond before he gets the chance to break your heart. You eventually decide it’s worth a shot to change yourself into the ideal, beautiful mate that you think he wants you to be before being stung with the inevitable heartbreak that comes with rejecting a bond.
Sundays used to be your favorite day of the week because you get to close shop at mid-day and spend the rest of the day reading at the foot of the Sidra or walking around to the nearby shops.
For the last few Sundays, you didn’t feel like doing anything aside from wallowing in self-pity in your bed. You never let yourself do just that, though.
You’d taken it upon yourself to change your lifestyle after thinking long and hard about the women that he’s surrounded by in the Inner Circle. All of them are tall and toned and so strong, more in shape than you’ve ever been in your life. All of them have natural beauty and grace that you could only wish to have.
Every Sunday for the last month, you’d spent the afternoon running or doing some kind of training in order to “fix yourself”, to look an inkling more similar to those beautiful high fae of the Inner Circle. This Sunday was no different.
You closed the bookstore around noon and headed up to your apartment, changing into training clothes before deciding to go for a long run after a day of extremely ruthless comments. You slip out the back door of the bookstore to begin your run, but are halted almost immediately when you walk straight into a wall of leather and warm skin, shadows skittering around your shoulders as you take a step back.
Azriel peers down at you as you frown at him, concern lacing his features when he takes you in. His heart races as you stand in front of him, excited to finally see you after not seeing you for over a week. He swears you look different every time he’s seen you recently, your frame beginning to thin out in ways that concern him, but he knows better than to bring that up.
“S–Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” you say meekly, tugging at the sleeves of your jacket while avoiding direct eye contact with the male.
“It’s quite alright,” he says gently, watching you closely as his eagerness extends down the bond to you. “Where are you going?”
“Was just gonna go on a run,” you reply with a shrug, feigning nonchalance as the self-doubting thoughts swirl around in your mind even more in his presence. “Did–did you need something?”
“Am I not allowed to visit my mate whenever I please?” he teases, which makes your eyes widen in fear that he’s actually upset.
“I’m sorry, I–I didn’t mean it like that!” you stammer, shaking your head at him apologetically as you take a step back, backing into the door behind you.
“Hey, no it’s alright. I was only joking.” Azriel says quickly, one of his hands coming up to caress one of your arms. “I didn’t mean to take you by surprise, I’m sorry. I should’ve made sure it was okay that I stopped by.”
You shake your head again, blinking before looking up at him with a frown. He wants more than anything to ask you what’s bothering you, but can see that you’re obviously already distraught about whatever it is, and doesn’t want to pry. Since he’s known you, you’ve always been closed off, like him, about your emotions. So, he opts to change the subject instead.
“I did have a real reason for coming over here though,” he suggests and you nod slowly, waiting for him to continue. “Rhysand requests your presence at dinner tonight.”
“T–The High Lord?” you question, and Azriel nods. “W–Why is he requesting my presence at dinner?”
“Well, we have family dinner once a week, and he claims it’s not a complete family affair if my mate isn’t present.” he explains, the ghost of a smile on his lips, “I tried to tell him to fuck off, because I know you’re typically busy on Sunday nights, but he insists that you come this week, at least this once.”
There’s a pleading look in your mate’s eyes that makes you nearly melt at his feet, and you know you can’t say no to him at that moment.
“I–I, yeah, I can come tonight.” you say finally, giving him a weak smile as he grins down at you triumphantly.
“Perfect,” he retorts, his shadows dancing around you with equal excitement, “I’ll meet you here around five? It’s just over at the River House.”
You nod quickly, forcing a smile onto your face as he leans in to press a kiss to your cheek before bidding you goodbye. The small gesture makes your heart flutter, but you can’t help but wonder how forced it is, can’t help but wonder if inviting you to dinner is a ploy to bring you in and publicly reject your bond.
There’s no way in hell you’re going for a run now.
You spend the next five hours pacing around, thinking about what you’re going to wear if you want to even come close to looking as good as the other females that will be there. The clothes in your closet are few and far between, but you finally decide on your nicest dress, one that's made of a gauzy navy fabric, adorned with silver embroidered stars littered over the bodice. It’s more revealing than most clothes you wear, but it’s the closest thing you have to the clothes that the Inner Circle wear. It takes you almost an hour to feel presentable in terms of makeup and hair, and by the time you’re done, you hear a knock on the back door of the store.
You throw your shoes on quickly before making your way down the stairs, mentally preparing yourself for the evening as you do.
Azriel’s eyes go wide when you open the door, something like amazement and confusion mixed in his gaze as he stares you down.
“I–I’ve never seen you wear anything like this, it’s beautiful,” he starts, unable to tear his gaze from the flowy dress, “You’re beautiful.”
Your chest aches at his compliment as your mind tries to convince you that he’s lying, but you smile up at him weakly nonetheless. He extends his arm for you to take, ready to lead you to the River House across the Sidra.
The two of you are greeted by more people than you’d expect when you enter the High Lord and Lady’s home, but you recognize them all before they get a chance to introduce themselves. You’ve only met Cassian and Nesta prior to this dinner, so the first hour was spent essentially introducing yourself to each of them one-by-one. Azriel stays by your side through each introduction, hand on the small of your back as his shadows swirl around your hands comfortingly. He can tell that something in you has changed since he met you a few months back, that the light and excitement in your eyes when you first found out he was your mate has since dissipated. There’s an unmistakable lump in his throat as he thinks too much into it, wondering if you’re having second thoughts about him.
Dinner comes and goes as smoothly as you hoped it would. The nauseous feeling roiling in your gut keeps you from eating much, only pushing the food around on the plate while taking miniscule bites to fight off any comments that any of them might have about your hesitancy. You’re only roped into conversations every once in a while, so you’re able to sit back and explore the dynamic between the group a little more without much involvement. Azriel mainly stays silent, only making a few remarks here and there.
With a snap of the High Lord’s fingers, dessert appears in front of everyone along with more wine in each of your glasses.
“I propose a toast,” Rhysand suggests after getting everyone’s attention, eyes landing on you finally, “to Y/N, for bringing our Shadowsinger so much happiness.”
A deep blush spreads across your cheeks as you force a smile, raising your glass as the others do too. ‘Cheers’ is mumbled by everyone before they all take a drink, and Azriel reaches over to squeeze your hand that’s sitting on the edge of the table. You turn to look at him, noting an unfamiliar look in his eyes that you nearly mistake for love, before your thoughts are interrupted by a loud laugh from Amren across the table.
“I, for one, am so grateful that Y/N finally came along after all this time.” she says with a sly grin, “because I think if she wouldn’t have, then the Spymaster would’ve continued to pine after Mor for the rest of eternity.”
There’s a collectively uncomfortable murmur from everyone at her words, and Nesta jabs her in the side with a warning glare as she notices the smile on your face falter for a split second. You could feel all color leave your face as your heart plummets to your stomach, the female’s words confirming all of your doubts about your current situation. Azriel shifts his eyes to you then, but you bring back the same composed mask to your face, the same one you’ve held for the last three months any time someone made snide remarks at you, while you try to avoid his burning gaze. You give the female a withering smile, ignoring the worried stare from the male at your side as you do.
“Truly, I’m grateful the Cauldron deemed me worthy of being a welcome distraction to such a male like him,” you say in response with a laugh, hoping your voice comes out in a joking tone as you try to mask the disappointment in your wavering voice.
The comment is enough to earn a few chuckles from around the table, pushing away any awkwardness that stemmed from Amren’s comment. You’re able to skate through the rest of the evening without any snide remarks from the Inner Circle, glad that you’re one step closer to getting the hell out of this house as the group finally starts to stand from the table.
Azriel follows closely behind you as you bid everyone goodbye, exhaustion raking over your bones as you give one final wave to the High Lord and Lady before turning toward your mate.
There’s a look of worry shining in his eyes when you finally peer up at him, shadows skittering anxiously around your wrists in the meantime.
“Ready to go home?” he questions, forcing a smile onto his face as he guides you towards the front door when you nod.
“You don’t have to walk me home, Azriel.” you start once you’re out of earshot of everyone else, stopping in your tracks to look at him again. The look on your face is almost unreadable, but his shadows whisper to him about your pain and embarrassment as the two of you stand on the outside of the front door to the River House. “I’m truly fine to go by myself, you don’t–don’t have to bother to go out of your way for me.”
His brow furrows and a frown pulls his lips down at your words, finally seeing the slightest glimmer of sadness and disappointment shining in your eyes as you speak. He only shakes his head, taking a step towards you before he speaks.
“I–You’re not a bother to me.” he says, unsure of what else to say to you, “If you’re upset about what Amren said, please know that she always says bullshit like that when she’s drunk, I have not thought about Mor in that way for centuries–”
“Truly, Azriel, it’s quite alright.” you interject with a pained smile. “You didn’t ask to be mated to me, I understand if you’re preoccupied with other love interests or if you just don’t want to be with me.”
The Illyrian opens his mouth to speak, but is downright dumbfounded by your words to the point where he simply closes his mouth again. He very obviously had been reading the situation wrong this whole time, as he thought that giving you space was the right thing to do in order to let you process the very new bond from your end. He realizes then that you needed reassurance and not space, but it could very well be too late now. Before he can protest, you’re taking a step closer to him in order to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek before stepping away.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, “I get it, I really do. And–And if you need to reject the bond and never want to see me again after tonight, I’ll understand.”
Oh, fuck. You think he wants to reject the bond.
Hazel eyes meet yours then, and you swear you see a twinkle of regret and hurt shining somewhere between the bronzy flecks, but it’s almost undetectable. Such a miniscule expression that you tell yourself that you imagined it, that his face never changed and that he truly does not care about what you’re saying to him now.
He shakes his head as you take another step away from him, as you turn on your toes to walk away from the townhouse, away from him. His chest feels like it’s going to cave in then, as the bond to his heart hums with a sadness he’s never felt before. He can feel the bond quivering in pain between your souls, threatening to wither away if either of you even thinks about truly rejecting the bond.
But you don’t feel it because you’ve expertly blocked the bond out for the last month, because you truly believe that there’s no way Azriel could ever truly want you, because you’re convinced that he wants this.
There’s no hesitation in your step when you turn your back to the male, walking in swift strides towards the bridge to cross the Sidra to reach your little apartment on top of the bookstore. You refuse to let him see how much it kills you to freely offer up a rejected bond, you can’t let him see how you’re crumbling with each step you take. So you stay steady in your gait, hiding your shaking hands in front of you as you blink back the tears that threaten to spill.
If you would’ve looked back in that moment, you would’ve seen the tears that spilled down the shadowsinger’s cheeks. If you wouldn’t have blocked out the bond in that moment, you would’ve felt the way you almost tore his heart out of his chest as you walked into the darkness.
Azriel didn’t follow after you though, he didn’t want to make things worse than they already were. He’d fucked up so badly by not showing you how much the bond truly meant to him, by simply assuming that you needed space.
So, he simply sent a shadow to make sure you got home safely and sat down on the front step of the townhouse.
He sat on that step for almost two hours, staring at the stars and cursing himself for all of the mistakes he’d made.
You only get one mate in your eternal life, and he really fucked it up this badly already?
Memories of the first few times the two of you had met replayed in his mind as he sat there, remembering how your eyes glimmered with the most love he’d ever been shown in his life.
You were shy and quiet, something he wasn’t used to from being around the Inner Circle for so long. After living with the loud, boisterous crown for centuries, he was used to emotions being expressed outright. So, he’d mistaken your meek behavior for disinterest, mistaken your nervousness for distaste. He thought you’d needed space, needed time to get used to his brooding and intolerable presence, needed room to process the sudden bond. But, fuck, was he wrong.
Everything becomes clearer to the male as as it nears midnight. The ache in his chest becomes more and more painful with each passing minute now, and he realizes that he has to get you back, he has to fight to make you understand how much you mean to him.
_______________________________________
Nesta Archeron started her Sunday much earlier than usual this week, thanks to her mate’s early morning departure. Cassian woke her by rustling around their shared bedroom before dawn, seemingly flustered as he tried to gather his leathers and put them on in the dark.
“You’re not very good at being quiet, General.” she remarks tiredly, sitting up in the bed to flick one of the bedside faelights on.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, shooting her a sympathetic smile as he nearly trips over the leathers he tries to step into. “Rhys said there’s an emergency in Windhaven, Az and I are leaving soon.”
She only hums in response, watching him finish getting dressed in comfortable silence. Cassian stands over her at the edge of the bed after tugging on his boots, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek before heading out for the day.
Nesta knows then that she won’t be able to fall back asleep, so she decides to reach for her latest read on her nightstand. Once she grabs the book, she realizes that she’d finished the night before and is completely out of books to read. She knows then that she’ll have to make her way into town, deciding to take a trip to your bookstore at the base of the Sidra for the first time.
She took her time getting ready, slipping into a gray dress and her usual boots before heading downstairs to eat breakfast. It was a little after seven in the morning when she made her way towards your bookstore, basking in the chilly morning air as she walked along the river.
It took her all of thirty minutes to reach the store, where she was met with a locked door and a dark front window. It was well past opening time for the store and there were no other signs on the door to suggest otherwise, but your store was definitely closed.
“I’m not surprised,” Nesta hears a female say from behind her, giggling to her friend as they pass the storefront, “I’m sure she’s been rotting away upstairs because the Shadowsinger broke their bond or something like that. The store’s been closed all week. A lesser fae store owner like her did not deserve a male as beautiful as him.”
Nesta turns to see the culprits of the spiteful comments and laughs, and the two High Fae females’ eyes widen upon her whipping her head towards them.
Their smirks fall immediately, the one who was speaking starts to open her mouth but Nesta only holds up a hand to shut her up.
“I don’t know either of you females–and I’m very glad I don’t–” the sharp-eyed female spat out, “but I do know the Shadowsinger and his mate. And all I have to say is that if I hear either of you coming around here to harass her or if I hear of you spewing more lies about her relationship, I will be sure to mention it to the High Lord and Shadowsinger. I’m sure neither of them would be very happy to hear the rumors flying around.”
The females nod feverishly as Nesta stares them down with that silver fire flickering lowly in her eyes, both mumbling apologies under their breaths as they scurry away.
Nesta lets out a huff, turning on her heels to make her way towards the other bookstore across town, where she only finds two new books for herself instead of the countless romance novels she knew she would’ve found at your carefully curated store. The remarks from the two females about you aren’t lost on her as she makes her way through the city, their spiteful words and evil giggles running through her mind as she replays the scenario.
Instead of trekking all the way back to the House of Wind after gathering her books, she makes her way to the River House in order to spend the day with her favorite person–Nyx.
The day goes by quickly between reading and rolling around with the toddler and his mother, and it’s evening before she or Feyre even realize it. Three Illyrian warriors clad in leathers make their way into the drawing room where the two females lounge on the couch, looking exhausted from a day of crisis management at the camps.
“Long day?” Nesta says as she raises her eyebrow at the three males, stroking Nyx’s hair as he sleeps silently on her chest.
Her mate only grunts in agreement, coming over to press a kiss to the crown of her head in greeting. The High Lord is greeted by Feyre with a loving stroke of his cheek, smiling up at him sympathetically. Azriel only stands at the threshold, looking more brooding and closed off than usual.
“Well, good news is you can tell us all about it at dinner.” Feyre suggests, trying to lighten the sour mood of the three males as she reaches for Rhys’ hand to intertwine into her own. “Nuala and Cerridwen just finished making some delicious stew and I don’t know about you all, but I’m starving.”
Dinner seems to lighten the mood quite a bit for the group, quiet conversation carrying through the dining room after Cassian and Rhysand get their complaints out for the day. Azriel sits on the other side of Feyre, silent for the majority of the meal, only engaging when Cassian involves him.
A burning question gnaws at Nesta as she takes in the sad, hazel-eyed male, she can almost feel the pain radiating off of him from across the table as he stares intently down at the barely touched food in front of him. It’s hard to read the male, so she’s not entirely sure what the sadness is about, but she has to know eventually.
“How was your day, Nes?” her thoughts are interrupted by Cassian’s words and his elbow nudging hers lightly.
“Great, for the most part. Got to spend it with my favorite nephew,” she jokes, grinning briefly over at the babbling toddler being fed by his mother. “But I did find something very interesting on my trip to get some new books this morning.”
She notes how Azriel’s eyes flicker towards her then, intrigued by the mention of going to a bookstore.
“Oh, did you go to Y/N’s store? I’ve been meaning to ask if you wanted to take a trip over there to get some new books.” Feyre asks while forking some food for her son.
“Well, that was the original plan.” Nesta retorts, lips pulling into a half-frown before turning towards the shadowsinger, “Have you heard from your mate lately, Azriel?”
Azriel drops the spoon he was holding into the bowl of stew with a loud clatter, obviously taken aback by the question directed towards him. The room is silent as he finally looks up, seeing four expectant pairs of eyes staring back at him, Nesta’s gaze the harshest out of all of them.
“No, I haven’t heard from her since Saturday.” he says, willing his voice to be strong as he feels as though he’s going to throw up.
“Hm, interesting.” Nesta hums, eyes sharpening even more, if that’s even possible, “I tried to stop by the store because I finished my last novel last night, but the door was locked and the lights were all off. Then I ran into the most interesting pair of females who I overheard say that the store had been closed all week.”
“All week?” Feyre questions, a frown on her face now too.
“You haven’t heard from your mate for a week and you haven’t thought to try to contact her?” Rhys interjects, disappointment laced in his tone as he stares down Azriel from across the table, his honed gaze rivaling Nesta’s.
“She–She hasn’t left her apartment since last Saturday.” Azriel grits out, stopping anyone else from their questioning. “She thinks I want to reject her, to reject the bond. And I’m starting to think I should.”
Everyone goes silent then, even Nyx’s babbling is hushed as a thick air of tension fills the large dining room. Azriel’s hands are shaking as he stares at his untouched glass of wine, shadows slashing around his wings angrily now.
“Why do you think that?” Nesta’s the only one brave enough to question him, unafraid of facing the upset male. “What makes you think you should reject the bond?”
“I fucked up. I thought she needed space, thought she was overwhelmed by me, by all of this, by being part of the Inner Circle by default.” he says, a pained expression on his face as he finally looks up to Nesta. “I hurt her and I didn’t even realize it. She needed me and I wasn’t there for her. I can’t figure out how to make it better, I–I don’t know how to take away her pain. I’ve been her mate for less than six months and I’ve already lost her trust in me. I don’t deserve such a sweet creature like her.”
“Do you want to reject the bond?” Nesta persists, and he knows she means to ask if he loves you or not.
“I don’t. But–”
“There’s no but, Azriel.” Cassian interrupts firmly, “You either want to, or you don’t. And you don’t want to reject it, I know you don’t. You’ve never been happier than you were when you realized you had a mate and that it was her. You need to get your head out of your ass, stop pitying yourself and start showing her that you want to be with her. If not, you’re going to kill the poor female. You’re gonna fucking kill her from a broken heart.”
_______________________________________
In all honesty, you don’t know what day it is anymore. You’ve sat in the dark in your apartment above the bookstore all alone for Gods know how long, letting yourself wallow in the sorrow that fills your chest every time you breathe.
You can’t remember the last time you ate, the last time you did anything aside from stare at the wall next to your bed, save for the times that you’ve gone to the bathroom. It truly feels like you’re dying, like you’re withering away into nothing, and you might as well be. You don’t know what day it is, but you do know that Azriel hasn’t tried to contact you since you left the River House on Saturday, you do know that he wants nothing to do with you.
You hadn’t realized how much you had grown to rely on the male’s visits and nervous glances, how much they’d excited you, until they were no more.
The golden thread in your soul quivers every time you think about him, but you don’t let yourself think about missing him for too long. You always shut down before it gets too bad, and push yourself back into the thoughts of self-hatred, the thoughts of how you wish you’d just cease to exist already. There wasn’t anyone around anymore to check on you, anyone to make sure you made it through this bout of depression like there used to be. Your sister and mother have been gone for years, and now your mate, the one who gave you a sliver of hope for the shortest time, is gone too.
When the first knock falls on the door to your apartment, you barely hear it over the incessant ringing in your ears. You choose to ignore it, thinking whoever it is will go away eventually if they stand out in the late evening cold for long enough.
But they don’t.
They knock, and knock, and knock, and knock for what feels like thirty minutes, each knock getting louder and more insistent than the last.
You squeeze your eyes shut, willing yourself to fall back asleep to ignore the sound, but it doesn’t work. After what feels like hours, but is probably only a few minutes, the knocking finally stops.
What you don’t hear–or see–in that moment is the shadows that slip under the door at the bottom of the stairs, quietly unlocking it for their master to slip inside, and the other shadows ahead of their master that report back to him about your state before he makes his way up the stairs.
Moments later, you hear the creak of the stairs and your heart sinks, but you feel too weak to move, too weak to save yourself, and for a moment, you thank the Cauldron that some intruder has finally come to put you out of your misery in one way or another.
You don’t expect the weak, broken voice of a male at the top of the stairs as you’re laying with your back towards the threshold, the sadness in an all too familiar voice when you hear, “Gods, Y/N. I am so sorry.”
It takes every ounce of strength out of Azriel to walk over to the bed after taking in the sight of your studio apartment in complete disarray. The place is unkempt and needs plenty of repairs just from what he can see with a quick scan, but that’s not what hurts his heart the most in the moment. You facing the blank wall, staring mindlessly ahead as you’re curled up in a ball at the edge of your bed is what breaks him. He finally makes his way over to the wall that you’re facing, but you don’t look up at him, unable to take the energy to complete the small gesture.
Azriel falls to his knees in front of you, reaching a hand out to stroke your hair. He takes you in fully then–your unkempt hair, chapped lips, red cheeks and heavy eyes–you truly were dying from a broken heart.
“Y/N,” he says gently, trying to keep his voice as strong as possible while choking back tears. You take a long moment to finally look up at him, a look of confusion and then delusion crossing over your face as you do–you had to be dreaming him, right?
“I’m–I’m so fucking sorry, love. Gods, how long have you been laying here?” he says, and you only blink up at him because you’re not even sure of the answer, numb to it all at this point. “Are–Do you want me to help you? Can I help you somehow, please? I–I wanna fix this, I wanna make you better.”
A strange noise leaves your throat then as your brow furrows at his words, your delusions during depressive episodes have never said anything like this to you before, and that’s when it all feels too real. You slowly realize that this is very much the real Azriel kneeling in front of you with tears shimmering in his eyes, clasping your very clammy hand between his very warm ones. Tears brim in your own eyes now, the weight of the entire situation hitting you like a ton of bricks. You’d ruined yourself before he’d even broken the bond, so now you’ve hurt him by somehow signaling to him of your suffering.
“‘M sorry, A–Azriel,” you croak out, the first words to have left your lips in days.
“S–You’re sorry?” he says, voice more stern than before, shaking his head persistently, “No–No, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about, love.” He squeezes your icy hand then, giving you a weak, bitter smile, “I’m sorry for not coming sooner, okay? I’m so sorry and I’ll apologize until the day I die for not being here for you when you needed me. I–I wanna help you now, if you’ll let me. Will you let me help you? Can I take you home with me to get you some help?”
Despite the confusion and sadness swirling around in your deprived brain, you nod at the male, who jumps up almost immediately after you nod. He slowly peels the covers off your frail form, heart breaking at the sight of you. He pushes the ache in his chest down to be strong for you then, gently scooping you up into his arms. The two of you are engulfed in shadows seconds later as Azriel shadow-walks to the House of Wind as quickly as he can.
You don’t remember much from your first moments at the House of Wind, other than the fact that there were a lot of people around you in a very short amount of time. You recognized some of them, the High Lord and Lady, along with Cassian and Nesta, but other faces were less familiar. One woman came into the room you laid in, tugging a warm blanket over your body before using what you could only assume was healing power on you. She’d mumbled something to Azriel on her way out before patting him on the shoulder, and that was the last thing you’d remembered before finally falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time in a week.
Sunlight streaming in through the curtains woke you later on, you weren’t entirely sure how long you’d been out for but you’re sure it had been for more than a few hours at this point. You groaned lightly as you stretched your weak legs, eyes fluttering open to take in your surroundings fully for the first time. The room smelled of mahogany and amber, a familiar and inviting scent you knew too well to not understand whose room you were in.
Though alone at the moment, you know he’s not far, as his shadows skitter excitedly around you as you attempt to sit up in the bed.
The door opens not even two minutes later, the shadowsinger standing in the doorway with a tray of what looked to be steaming food, a glass of water, and some medications. He nearly drops the tray when he sees you sitting up in the middle of his bed, not expecting you to already be awake and so alert. Without a word, he strides over to the large bed, placing the tray on the bedside table before sitting in the chair he’d positioned on the side where you laid.
“Hi,” he says with a sharp inhale, giving you a weak smile as he searches your eyes for any emotion he can find.
“H–How long was I out for?” you ask meekly, the full weight of your actions crashing down on you all at once. “How long have I overstayed?”
“What?” he questions, a frown pulling his lips down as his heart sinks. You truly think you’re burdening this male, when all he wants is for you to be safe and to feel loved. “You haven’t overstayed, I brought you here to heal, I wanted you to come here to get better.”
You shake your head then, blinking harshly at him as you refuse to believe what he’s telling you. “N–No, you only came to find me because I’m–I’m stupid and didn’t give you the opportunity to reject the bond before I mourned what we never had.” you insist, looking at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry you had to deal with all of this, please–please, you can reject it now, you don’t have to pretend anymore.”
The level of self destruction going on in your mind was on another level that Azriel couldn’t deign to comprehend in the moment, but he knew it wasn’t just by your own doing. He can see the internal turmoil you’re going through, can feel your peril down the bond that he now realizes you’ve been shrouding in your own shadows for months, can feel the way you’re tearing yourself apart from the inside out. He reaches for you then, hands coming up to cup your cheeks gently as his shadows rub soothing circles along your back to calm you down, though you continue to babble apologetically about how he should hate you and how you’re the one who should be apologizing for everything.
“Y/N, hey, hey, hey. Look at me.” he coos gently, thumbs stroking your cheekbones softly to bring you back to the moment as you finally lock eyes with him, “I don’t want to reject the bond, I never wanted to reject the bond.”
You try to shake your head feverishly, but he doesn’t let you as his hands stay on either side of your face. “Nesta told me about some females she heard outside your store on Sunday, who said some pretty foul things about you.” he begins, having to reign his anger in as he speaks about the females, “Is that something that happened a lot at the store? Did females that come into the bookstore say things to you about us often?”
You can’t even look at him now, dread and self-loathing gnawing at your chest as you think back to all the hateful comments thrown at you throughout the last few months. You shake your head slowly now, brow furrowing as you try to push down the bile rising in your throat.
“No, it only happened a–a few times.” you lie bluntly, staring down into your lap as you try to pull away from his touch again and this time he lets you, watching closely as you attempt to stand from the bed. “I want to take a bath.” you say, attempting to change the subject to something less painful.
Azriel is there to catch you when you all but fall when trying to stand on your own two feet, hands landing on your waist to situate you back on the edge of the bed, “You’re not supposed to be getting up on your own yet. You didn’t eat for almost a whole week, you’re too weak to stand right now.” he says softly, hands firmly planted on your waist still, “Do you want me to take you to the bathroom? This food will still be warm when we return if you’d rather bathe now.”
You nod wordlessly, brow pinched in frustration at your current situation. Azriel easily picks you up, carrying you bridal style into the en suite bathroom and sitting you on the edge of the large tub as he draws a warm bath. He turns the tap off once it’s nearly full, turning on his heels to leave you alone in the bathroom for some privacy.
“A–Azriel,” you call out before he shuts the door, making the male stop in his tracks to face you, heart nearly shattering when you look at him with wide, shameful eyes. “Can you help me bathe?”
The male is at the edge of the tub in an instant, nodding at you gently. He looks away as you strip out of the clothes that you’d been in for a week, tossing the dirty pajamas into a pile at your feet before stepping into the tub slowly. He helps you ease down onto the bottom, letting go of your hand he didn’t realize he’d grabbed once you tug out of his grasp to wrap the arm around your knees you pull into your chest.
You settle into the water, letting the warmth engulf your cold limbs as you lean your head back to dip your hair, up to the scalp, into the water. Azriel gives you a few minutes to relax in the water, watching as your muscles finally relax slightly under the caress of the liquid. He reaches for the bottle of shampoo eventually, eyeing you closely as he pours some into his hands to lather it. You lean your head up as he does, giving him a small nod of invitation before he reaches for your scalp.
There’s nothing but love and tenderness behind his caress, fingers combing through your damp hair to thoroughly clean it. He’s careful with every movement, making sure to not make the wrong move and send you spiraling for one reason or another.
It’s such a tender moment as he gently tilts you back to rinse your hair with a cup of water that it nearly makes you sob, but hold back for him to continue.
“Can you promise me that you won’t ever let yourself get like this again?” he says, voice barely above a whisper as he runs conditioner through your hair. “I–I don’t know if I can handle seeing you so sad ever again. I won’t let you destroy yourself over my stupidity, not when I’m the one to blame for this whole situation.”
You tense at his words, chest tightening as you hear his voice crack when he chokes back tears. It takes you a moment, but you finally turn to face him, your own tears blurring your vision as you look up at the hazel-eyed male.
“It’s–It’s not your fault, Azriel.” you say, shaking your head insistently at him, “It’s my fault for making you feel obligated to be nice to me, I–I know you didn’t ask to be mated to a lowly, lesser fae bookshop owner when there’s plenty of beautiful high fae females out there ready to accept your hand in marriage at the drop of a hat. I shouldn’t have tried to pursue you after the bond snapped, I–I should’ve let you reject it then so you could go be happy with whoever you want to be with.”
“It’s you I want to be with, Y/N.” he insists, hands shaking as they fall from your head. He falls to his knees then, pivoting so he’s face-to-face with you when he continues, “I don’t care that you’re lesser fae, I fucking hate that you’re considered that anyways, it’s a disgusting term. I’m not even a high fae myself, I don’t care about title or status or whatever else, I only care that I’ve finally found my mate.” Azriel is trying his damndest to keep himself from falling apart as he speaks, “My mate, the love of my life, the one that I get to spend the rest of my days with. I know you feel like I pushed you away and I know I made you feel unwanted, but I thought you wanted space. I know now that you don’t, and I promise you that I’ll spend every waking moment, from now until we die, showing you that I am so fucking happy that you of all people are my mate. I love you.”
Whether he realizes it or not, Azriel projects his passion and love down the bond in the moment. Your deceitful brain would’ve told you he was lying had it not been for that tug and flow of warmth between your souls, if it had not been for the true, unadulterated ache you felt in your chest when he said that he was happy that you were his mate.
Tears well up in your eyes once more as you stare at him, really taking him in, in full form, for the first time. He’s so beautiful, and though there’s a little voice in the back of your mind that still tells you that he’s lying, deep down you know that he’s all yours. Something blooms in your chest then, something stronger than you’ve ever felt, something so compelling that you can’t just sit and stare at him anymore.
You don’t say anything as you continue to stare up at him, reaching your shaky hands out of the water to cup his cheeks. He almost flinches when you do, taken aback by you initiating the touch, but he doesn’t. With the strength gifted to you by the love confession of your mate, you’re able to maneuver onto your knees and tug him a little closer, crashing your lips into his in a gentle, watery kiss.
“I love you, Azriel.” you murmur against his lips when you finally pull away from the kiss for a short moment.
He smiles against your lips, pulling you back in for another kiss as his hands grip your forearms to keep you from slipping in the tub.
“We really need to get you cleaned up before we can finish this conversation, yeah?” he encourages in between kisses, smoothing down your wet hair as it drips on the side of the tub.
You breathe out a laugh, nodding at him before turning to let him continue washing your hair, and then moving on to your body. Each touch threatens to set you on fire, but there’s no sexual intention behind them, only loving caresses meant to wash you clean of the last week of pain.
After getting you out of the shower, Azriel slowly dresses you in one of his large shirts, mumbling an apology about how he’ll be sure to bring some of your clothes over if you’d like him to. You only smile at him softly, knowing you’ll be bringing more than a few of your items over soon enough.
He insists that you eat after your bath, bringing you back to the bed where the soup is still steaming hot, likely thanks to the House that Azriel explained was imbued with magic and would do anything you wished it to. You eat the stew after taking the handful of medications and strength tonic that the healer, Madja, had given him for you, relishing the feeling of the warm food settling in your stomach.
The change in your energy level after the strength tonic is astonishing. You feel as though you can run for days, but know better than to try something like that in front of your terrified mate. But, there is one thing that you feel like you need to do at the moment, something that’s long overdue.
You’re laying in Azriel’s arms when you finally get your burst of energy, sitting up abruptly enough to make him sit up with you. There’s a look of wild concern on his face when he reaches for your hips, steadying you as you pull your legs to the side of the bed.
“Are you alright?” he questions immediately, brow furrowing when you miraculously stand on your own two feet. “Do you need something? The House can get you whatever you need.”
You give him a small smile, leaning down to caress his cheek before kissing his forehead gently.
“I wanna get this thing myself,” you state matter-of-factly as he raises a brow at you. “You stay right here, alright?”
Before he can protest, you’re walking towards the door of the bedroom to swing it open. You shut the door behind you, leaving the male in the room without a word.
The House is magic alright, you confirm that when you’re on your way down the stairs and it lights the way for you, only letting the fae lights on the direct path towards the kitchen light the way. It knew exactly what you were doing.
You’re met with a cutting board, a block of cheese, a loaf of bread and a bowl of grapes next to an empty plate when you enter the kitchen, a lone fae light above the counter lighting the area so you can prepare the plate. You make quick work of cutting the cheese and bread, trying to ignore the way your hands are shaking incessantly as you saw into the sourdough. It only takes you a few minutes to lay everything out on the plate and the House takes care of the rest, then you’re on your way back upstairs, on your way to change your life forever.
Azriel shifts quickly on the bed when you return, sitting up straight as he locks eyes with you. His heart nearly leaps out of his chest when his eyes flicker down to the plate of food in your hand, realizing what you were up to when you left the room.
You give him a nervous smile, gripping the plate with two hands as you make your way over to the bed, careful not to tip its contents onto the floor as you quiver. You wonder if he can hear your heart beating in the moment, as you feel like it’s about to beat through your ribcage with one more loud thump.
“Y/N…” he trails as you shakily extend the plate to him when you perch on the edge of the bed, looking up at you with a look you can only describe as certainty. “Are you sure about this? You want to accept the bond right now?”
“If you don’t eat this food right now, you might as well send me back to my little old apartment so I can try to die of a broken heart again.” you say, voice barely above a whisper as you give him a watery smile and push the plate closer to him.
He takes the plate from you then, but doesn’t grab any food at first, looking back up at you before he does. He leans over, pressing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss before taking a shuddering breath.
“I promise you that after this bond is accepted, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you that you are so much more than all of those evil things that those females said about you. I’ll spend every waking moment showing you how perfect you are and making up for the time that we didn’t get to spend together,” he begins, planting a kiss on your cheek, “I love you.”
“I love you, Azriel.” you whisper, “now eat that food, please. I’m tired of waiting.”
He smiles at you then, leaning back on the bed as he grabs for a piece of bread and cheese, ready to spend the rest of his eternal life with you, with his mate.
_______________________________________
It takes almost a whole month for the mating frenzy to die down enough for the two of you to be able to integrate back into society. Rhys insisted on letting the two of you stay in the Cabin for your time away, but you opted to spend your time in Summer in a secluded bungalow for the four weeks instead.
When you do return to Velaris after your time away, Azriel insists on taking another week off from spymaster duties to get your bookstore back on track and to help move your belongings to the House of Wind while the two of you look for your very own home, somewhere closer to the Rainbow where you can continue to run your bookstore. You don’t dare to protest your mate’s wishes, letting him alternate between packing the little amount of things you have upstairs and taking inventory in the store while you run the register.
It’s a sunny Saturday when you open your doors for the first time after over a month of being closed, and you’re much busier than you’d expected to be in all honesty, though it seems many of the females coming in are just being nosy to see how true it is that you’re actually back in the flesh.
There are less snide remarks thrown your way now, but still enough that they make you flinch every once in a while. They don’t bother you anymore, though. During your time away, Azriel showed you how much you meant to him and how beautiful he thought you were in many ways, with his mouth, with his hands, with his tongue, with his…
“Do you think she’s single again? Like…do you think he actually rejected the bond?” you hear a high fae female say on the far end of your busy shop, her eyes darting in your direction as she speaks to a friend.
“I hope so, there’s no way he actually–Oh my Gods.” her friend says, eyes wide when they fall on none other than the shadowsinger himself emerging from the back room of your store, a dozen books in hand.
A satisfied smile spreads across your face as Azriel walks behind the checkout counter to press a kiss to your forehead before placing the books next to you. The sound of the females whispering hastily falls on deaf ears as your mate turns to you, grabbing a small piece of paper off the top of the pile of books he’d been holding.
“Found six more copies of both of those romance novels you said you were out of, so no need to order more until those are gone.” he says while pointing at the books. “You really need a better inventory system.”
“Hmm, maybe I’ll just hire you to do it for me instead, since you’re so good at it.” you tease, shooting him a smirk.
“As long as I’m compensated fairly, I wouldn’t mind.” he jokes with a wink, pulling you in for an embrace to speak to you lowly. “On another note, you are officially fully moved into the House of Wind. So once you’re closed up for the day, we’ll be able to go home and officially christen the bedroom.”
“We’ve already christened that bedroom,” you giggle, rolling your eyes at him, “it’s been thoroughly christened, multiple times at this point. And if I remember correctly, it’s the first place that was christened by us.”
“And?” he says, lips quirked up into a smirk, “I plan on christening it multiple times tonight, and the next night, and the night after that…”
“Okay, I get it,” you laugh, slapping his chest lightly as you pull out of his grip, “You’re insatiable.”
“And you’re beautiful and the love of my life.” he says, pressing a kiss to your temple.
It was safe to say that you’re getting nowhere past the mating frenzy phase of your relationship anytime soon.
And you’re okay with that.
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I've got some great fuckin news
Once again got a bee in my bonnet to spend a night doing obscure fandom research to make a point, so. For all those people who keep making the annoying, "Tim keeps '''stealing'' other peoples' names" comments -- have a table.
Everyone with a check mark has used that codename at some point in DC's 80+ year continuity -- Elseworlds and alternate dimensions/timelines count, adaptations (movies, video games, cartoons, etc.) don't unless they've got comic book tie-ins, and neither do in-universe dream sequences/illusions/fantasies/other narrative elements that are objectively "not real" within the boundaries of the fiction.
A purple marker indicates an element that only applies in Elseworlds or alternate timelines. Yellow is for the originator of the legacy title. Star symbol is for borderline cases/extenuating circumstances/it's open to interpretation (with some further elaboration below).
The "other" column is just there to account for people who've held lesser or non-legacy titles, like Renegade, Wingman, Arkham Knight, Drake, Redbird, Talon, Deadman, Black Bat, Orphan and Catwoman.
Point being: the people who have actually gone through the most legacy titles in this family are Dick, Babs and Jason, tied with 5 each (again, not counting "other;" if we counted those separately Dick would've had by far the most). Tim is tied with Steph AND Helena Wayne, so unless you're whining about them "stealing other peoples' names" you're just wrong, and they're all only one higher than Damian, Carrie and Bruce.
This is a legacy family that passes their codenames up and down the inheritance line. It's what they do. It's not a legitimate criticism to level at one character and not the others. Please get over it.
EDIT: I realize after posting this that I missed some colors on the table, mostly with Babs' Elseworld only roles (Batwoman and Nightwing) but I'm too tired to go back and correct them; refer to the info below for more details.
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Further elaboration on some of the lesser known/niche cases:
- Bruce uses the Robin ID in Superman & Batman: Generations
- In the second half of Thrillkiller ‘62, Babs cuts her hair and dons the Robin costume worn by her deceased partner Dick to get revenge on his killer; however the only name ever used for her in the series is Batgirl
- Cassandra was a member of the Robins orphan gang from Dark Knights of Steel.
- Duke was a member of the We Are Robins gang, as well as the aforementioned DKS orphan gang, and has appeared as Robin in a couple of Elseworlds, including I believe a White Knight spin-off.
- Cass was Batwoman in one of the versions of the Titans Tomorrow, as was Bette Kane, depending on changes to the timeline.
- Babs is Batwoman in the Batman ‘66 comics and in the 1980 story “The Secret Origin of Bruce (Superman) Wayne”
- Earth-3 Steph is Batwoman in Young Justice 2019.
- Helena Wayne is Batwoman in the possible future story Last Rites
- Tim is a member of the Batgirls vigilante/little league baseball team in the DC Bombshells universe, as is Cullen Row. Some call them the “Batboys” instead. I call those people cowards.
- Helena Bertinelli wore the costume that would later become Cass’s signature Batgirl look during No Man’s Land. However, she was more often referred to as “The Bat” and her Batgirl status is up to individual interpretation.
- Dick didn’t originate the Nightwing name, it started with Clark in the Silver Age.
- Steph has never been Nightwing. The panel where she appears in the costume is a Black Mercy illusion that happens only in her own mind. It’s a dream sequence.
- Barbara was Nightwing in the Smallville Season 11 comics.
- Terry was briefly Nightwing in volume 4 of Batman Beyond.
- Damian briefly became Nightwing after accidentally killing Dick in the Injustice series.
- Dick is Oracle in the “Eight Wonders of the World” version of Earth 2 (aka the Black Superman dimension)
#batrant#I don't have to rant just to drop a great fic link but....the original post#in this house we love....tables. we love graphs. we love data and facts and autism#anyway becoming a Tim Drake fan is the worst thing that's ever happened to me send help#how come when other characters get misinterpreted they get Benefits or at least Shallow But Positive Caricatures#but I get 'tim is boring he's just there he doesn't do anything'#'tim is just a sexist asshole he's not even that good' 'tim is so pathetic he has beef with a 9 year old for literally no reason'#'tim is incapable of doing anything ever' 'tim is just a tiny bruce (derogatory)' 'tim deserves Every Bad Thing actually'#'tim is overrated' (where???) 'I see him everywhere' (sHOW ME WHERE...I WANT TO LIVE THERE) 'they make him too perfect' (I DOUBT IT)#'they make everyone coddle him' (maybe he Deserves It after getting Decades of NO CODDLING AT ALL)#'he doesn't have a Thing' (bitch he IS the thing) 'he stole everything from Dick' (Dick also 'Stole' shit from Tim#Robins literally share so much shit across media that some people don't know there's more than one)#(...cannot believe I read with my own eyes that DICK was the first Robin with pants.....IN KINGDOM COME.)#side note: Tim started calling his shit Redname BEFORE Dick became Red Robin. so I've decided that shit was always meant to be his :)#side side note: DAMIAN GOT NAMED AFTER TIM'S FUCKING CAR BUT WHO'S TALKING ABOUT THAT???#people think Tim's a self-insert but he has.....traits that are. definitely not something you would give a normal blank self-insert#like even from his Intro...were most comic readers little stalker freaks that wanted to travel alone to a hero's civilian home???#little weirdos that wanted to watch their heroes with binoculars?? and break into their old apartment to look for clues and steal shit??#did readers want to be the first and only Explicitly Unwanted But 'Needed' Robin that Defined just how Bad everyone was doing??#did they beg to be parentified and made responsible for grownass adults' violent outbursts despite not being Trapped in the situation???#were readers inserting themselves on That???? Tim sometimes has relatable shit Happen To Him but his Reactions.....#he is not a blank self-insert. he is not there to have a good cathartic time. he's there to suffer and be a punching bag.#also...I know it's Fanon that Tim stalked them Nightly (a fanon I will Always engage with god bless) but like#he Did get Concerningly Clear Close-ups of a Fast-Paced Fight for his 'first time'. he Did have info that he couldn't get from the news.#he Did have a concerning amount of ease with crossing state lines alone to 'follow' Dick Grayson.#and he was sure fuckin quick on that shutter button for someone who had No interest in photography/Never Once stalked his heroes up close.#I don't necessarily think he got rescued by Jason or eavesdropped on a bunch of important events or anything but like...I just think.#he lived in Multiple Residences within Gotham. not in Bristol. he didn't have to bike anywhere to see them. I'm just fuckin saying.
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