#so the ''loneliness epidemic'' is statistically likely to hit ''people like me'' very hard. even if i... feel fine? mostly?

[racke7]

Talked to doctor. Doctor was surprised I'd had a reaction to the pills at such a low dosage (they'd been thinking that it would need to be at least 3x what I started with to do much).

But normally you take as much as you can before the side-effects become too much for you. And constant headaches and a sore throat is absolutely signs that I'm already getting those side-effects.

So now I don't have to take those pills anymore. Yay!

She reiterated that my old pills give me "no noticeable" side-effects, because that's what they do. As in, they don't give any side-effects, until you find yourself at the ER in need of organ-transplant.

Which... alright, fair.

(Though problems "fifteen years from now" is... casually optimistic of my likely survival-rate considering my apparent weakness to stress and statistical likelihood for loneliness-related suicide. But if she wants to be optimistic about it, I figure I should at least play along.)

In vaguely related news, my hammock arrived two nights ago.

First night was a bit awkward (sleeping in a hammock is different), but I woke up in the morning and didn't hurt (excepting my neck), so that's... pretty fucking incredible, not going to lie.

Second night was going to be great, because this time I cleverly brought a thinner pillow so that my neck would hurt less-... Except after two hours of trying and failing to fall asleep, I finally gave up and crawled into my bed instead.

(Because it felt like I was burning up, and my knees were complaining that they felt like I was trying to bend them backwards, because of the way that the hammock curves upwards, despite the extra pillow I found for them. And my neck was also doing the "forward dip"-thing that it does when you fall asleep sitting up, so the thinner pillow wasn't enough anyway, and-...)

Anyway, my body had opinions about sleeping in a bed this morning. So at least I know that I'll have to be consistent about hammock-sleeping if I want results.

Fun anecdote is that despite my side-and-ribs hurting all morning, I did some of those old "sideways plank"-exercises from way back when and... now only my side aches a little. No weird muscle-spasms or anything. So that might be a solution. Hopefully.

[poetryimusicalartistposts-blog]

Taylor Kapiolani

Second Post for WEEK 1, Due Sunday, January 21st, 5pm.

What lyrics stand out to you?-------------------

“Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty Is the face in the mirror looking back at you You walk around here thinking you're not pretty But that's not true 'cause I know you”

“I guess it's true that love was all you wanted 'Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change Hoping it will end up in his pocket But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay It's not his price to pay”

-“Tied Together With a Smile”

“You're beautiful

Every little piece, love; don't you know? You're really gonna be someone Ask anyone And when you find everything you've looked for I hope your love leads you back to my door Oh, but if it don't, stay beautifulIf you and I are a story That never gets told If what you are is a daydream I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know.”

-“Stay Beautiful”

“I tried to take the road less traveled by But nothin' seems to work the first few times Am I right?So how can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in And I can still see you; this ain't the best view On the outside, lookin' in I've been a lot of lonely places I've never been on the outside

You saw me there, but never knew That I would give it all up to be A part of this, a part of you And now it's all too late, so you see You could have helped if you had wanted to But no one notices until it's too late to do anything”

-“The Outside”

“You have a way of coming easily to me And when you take, you take the very best of me So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin' And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted

You put up the walls and paint them all a shade of gray And I stood there loving you, and wished them all away And you come away with a great little story Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

-“Cold As You” 

“I don't know what I want, so don't ask me 'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out Don't know what's down this road I'm just walking Trying to see through the rain coming down Even though I'm not the only one, who feels The way I do

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine Could you tell me what more do I need? And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah But that's okay

I'm alone, on my own And that's all I know, I'll be strong, I'll be wrong Oh, but life goes on Oh, I'm just a girl Trying to find a place in this world

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission But I'm ready to fly”

-“A Place In This World”

What is so vibrant about them to you?

-”Tied Together With A Smile”---the lyrics I included above from this song speak to me because they are something my best friend would say to me about going after someone who is not good for me or would not reciprocate what I would give to them in a relationship. Many girls I know, including myself, would drop anything for a love interest (guy or girl) and forget who they are. It reminds me that at the bottom of all interpersonal relationships, you are responsible for how you act, and some people will not reciprocate. These lyrics make me feel like someone out there cares and understands this phenomenon and problem that so many girls deal with in our patriarchal society where women are stereotypically expected to drop everything for their husbands or significant others. 

-”Stay Beautiful”- Like “Tied Together With A Smile,” Swift seems to be directly referencing one of her friends. The person in this song is a male as opposed to a friend who is a girl in “Tied Together With A Smile,” but the lyrics still resonate with me because they are optimistic and they are something a best friend would tell me. They also contain messages of hope in the future and possibly (maybe I am reading too much into this) proving haters wrong.  

- “The Outside”-- What resonates with me most from these lyrics is the fact that the narrator is trying to reach out to someone who is closed off, possibly emotionally. The narrator seems like an outcast and includes the word “lonely” which strongly resonates with me personally because I constantly feel like an outcast and lonely, which may not be logical to feel, but I have accepted will continue to be a chronic feeling for the remainder of my young adult life. However, lyrics like these remind me that I am not the only person who has ever felt this way and that many people around me feel the same way but are afraid or too cowardly to be direct and tell people how they feel or put effort into trying to establish a human connection with each other. The epidemic of loneliness and isolation has increasingly been becoming a world-wide phenomenon due to our global cultural shifts, globalization, and technology, as proven by multiple scholarly sources providing statistics, and I believe that it will not always be this way.

-”Cold As You”-- the lyrics from this song resonate with me because I have met many people in my life who have been cold and I don’t understand them. I have had many significant-others as well as family members who have been “cold” towards me, and they are not pleasant experiences to have put myself through. Like the other songs lyrics, these provide reassurance that I am not the only person who has felt this way and that people shamelessly and honestly write songs about stuff like this without caring about what everyone else thinks. 

- “A Place In This World”-- I like the lyrics in this song as well because they show how the narrator is feeling about their future career and about the uncertainty of being a young adult. What is inspirational about these lyrics is that Swift got a record-deal in order to publish this song, and that she is willing to be completely vulnerable, raw, and free of shame while exposing her innermost insecurities. Most people I have met in my immediate life attempt to hide all of their insecurities and emotions rather than talking about them, due to fear of appearing weak or fear of busting their own ego or sense of pride. What I find is that feminine women who can be categorized in stereotypical roles due to their appearances, who also put themselves out there for the world to judge, get highly discriminated against. Swift is discriminated against due to her gender, power, and subject of discussion in her lyrics. I have also come across arguments where Swift is judged and put down, but I have found that most of these arguments are based on the emotions of jealousy, hatred, sexism, and misogyny amongst other emotions that are destructive and a waste of energy. All these lyrics also remind me that only cowards tend to target people who put themselves out there and actually DO something with their lives by working hard to be better, not bitter.

What associations came to mind and body when listening to this artist?

When listening to this album from Swift, the associations that primarily came to mind were emotions of love, acceptance, honesty, hope, reassurance, peace, and a sense of calm. My body responded with physical relaxation.

What memories arose?

A different person came to mind with each particular song. I had memories of them and the lyrics present what I would or have experienced/ told them.

What words resonated with you differently?

“You're beautiful, don't you know? You're really gonna be someone, Ask anyone” resonate with me differently because they provoke positive thinking and diminish self-doubt within myself that is imposed by other people around me.

What has your journey been with them?

I have a particular situation and a particular past setting in my life that can be represented by each and every song. 

Write a poem that speaks to why this musical icon is significant to you.

11 Lines Long (pronouns have been changed for gender-identity privacy)

(12 Lines total to keep with the rhyming) 

They hit me straight along the face

I knew I was not alone in this disgrace

Their heartless, vile, cold-stone hearts

Weren’t the only things ripping me apart

The demon glares that sent me down

That rode of death where I couldn’t be found

Only His Grace save me from flames

The hell on Earth just wasn’t a game

But somehow I climbed out of the mess

Through pain, and hate, and a blood-stained dress

My broken hands could not write a song

But the words were written down, all along.