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omegatheunknown · 4 years ago

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AEW Revolution 2021

Super fun night at Daily's Place, all told, but if all you're going to remember about a big card is how it ended, well...

-Production continues to be a bit of an issue. AEW PPVs tend to be closer to ROH than to WWE, which I imagine is largely preferable to the core audience, minus the hiccups that include continued ill-timed (but not gratuitous) camera cuts, sound mixing absolutely drowning theme music and uh, evidently the crucial pyro, whether they're going to spin it on Dynamite or not. - I haven't done a full-sized review for a long while. I sorta dipped a few months into the crowd-less/small, masked-crowd era out of watching Dynamite and NXT regularly. Though I did watch the Royal Rumble. For some reason. Anyway I miss hot crowds, I miss surprise pops. - I would like a straight answer out of anyone 'disappointed' by Christian. Who were you holding out for that wouldn't be a disappointment? Punk? On what planet was that actually happening? At least it wasn't Angle, or Foley, or someone unable to actually go. Christian's got gas in the tank, and let's not pretend he isn't one of the best to ever do it, in terms of his actual wrestling.

*Pre-Card Britt Baker & Maki Itoh v Riho & Thunder Rosa (*) - Star largely awarded for Maki Itoh's stateside AEW debut and implied continued presence, which is undoubtedly cool and good. Outsized personalities are something the women's division can definitely work with, even if this was not much of anything, as random pre-show tag matches go.

*Main Card The Young Bucks (C) v Chris Jericho & MJF for the AEW World Tag Team Title (***) - Wasn't going to be the usual high-octane Bucks tag match against this pair, though MJF's grappling is perfectly suited to what he's doing and Jericho, despite his abject (and okay, supposedly irrelevant, but man is hard to enjoy him on screen these days...) clownery on social media, remains perfectly willing to lionsault and work real snug. - Don't know what would've put this one over the top, a hot crowd? Outcome wasn't super in doubt for me? Casino Tag Team Royale Match (***) - I'm not a big fan of matches with more than three teams, or more than six competitors, or... I mean these are always slogs and if you're going to derive any satisfaction it's going to be from surprise eliminations or unlikely teams showing up or who ultimately wins. - In which case, two out of three ain't bad. QT Marshall's renaissance continues, the depth of the division is entirely out of hand (Bear Country? Good! Varsity Blonds? Good! The Pretty Picture? Also good! Sons of a Gunn? Probably good eventually!) and of course, fucking Death Triangle is absolutely who you want winning. Hikaru Shida (C) v Ryo Mizunami for the AEW Women's World Title (***1/2) - Shida is locked in. Early days in AEW she didn't look much more talented than any random STARDOM mid-carder, but she's found her comfort zone as a character for an anglo audience, and she's kicking ass in the ring. - Mizunami obviously knows Okada's tailor, entrance robe-wise, and a little touch like that imparts so much gravitas to a performer you don't necessarily know the most about, outside of her tournament run. - This was a very good match but the finish lacked for oomph. Post-match angle was... clumsy. Silly? Good on Rosa for chasing a crowd out of the ring singlehandedly I suppose. Kip Sabian & Miro v Chuck Taylor & Orange Cassidy (*1/2) - Literally all I wanted here was for Miro to unleash the beast and we started in that direction and I was pretty hype, 'Charles' got taken to the woodshed and OC could barely crawl to the ramp. - 8 minutes with back and forth seems a little unnecessary, though Orange has beaten Jericho among others. Still, he could've been a non-factor and Miro could've sent Chuckie T into the shadow realm. Hangman Adam Page v Matt Hardy (**1/2) - Well this was going one way. Always have to remember that Matt has walked that way pretty much his whole career and is still quite capable in the ring, some really nice counter sequences ending with reliably crisp twist(s) of fate. - Should probably bump this up a whole star if not two for the triumphant finish. I mean... that's awesome. The Dark Order are a wholesome face cult that's there for *you*, Adam.

Ladder Match for the 'Face of the Revolution'/TNT Title Contendership/A literal giant brass ring (**1/2) - AEW's set the bar for ladder matches a little higher than the likes of Cody and Lance Archer could possibly reach, no slight on them but this is not their wheelhouse. Caster's in a weird place, push wise... some 'fire' bars, though. - Lance could've won though. Or Penta. Though, Scorp deserves title shots, overdue for some gold, I can't even think of the most significant singles belt he's held... AWS? RevPro? - Ethan Page is a kickass get, though unavoidably I think about the possibility of getting Jordynne Grace (among others in Impact's women's division) onto the program. - Weird highlight of the match just seeing Jake getting attended to on the bottom corner of the ring for a couple minutes. How much has Jake the Snake done to establish the credibility and value of Lance Archer? So. So much. Sting & Darby Allin v Brian Cage & Ricky Starks in a Street Fight (****) - Sting, in 2021, having the match of the night. 61 years young. Well. He had some explosive looking stinger splashes, and looked pretty game for most of it. - Darby, as is tradition, was thrown at or through or threw himself at or through most of the big spots, and that's worth the price of admission for this whole cinematic digression. Plus, Sting. - Commentary should've... stopped? Taken a different tone? I'd like to see future Sting cinematic matches go further into the Lucha Underground aesthetic. Kenny Omega (C) v Jon Moxley in an Exploding Barbed Wire Death Match for the AEW World Title (***1/2) - It's a shame. We watched Onita v Funk before the PPV and this was obviously light years better in every single way, there was actual wrestling, Kenny did a springboard maneuver in an exploding death match, everything looked pretty vicious, the pace was solid, even the Good Brothers stealing Kenny's valour by helping him was totally fine because they were all leaving Mox to get written off for the foreseeable future. - But uh. - Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom! - You cannot tell us that the ring is going to explode and then the ring does not explode. You cannot ask poor Eddie Kingston to sell like death for some sparklers. You cannot end your show with a wet fart. Air out of the room like the end of... well, any WWE PPV.

#aew #aew revolution #kenny omega #jon moxley #sting #darby allin #brian cage #ricky starks #hangman page #matt hardy #wrestling reviews

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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When was the last time you wore your favourite article of clothing? I like most of my clothes

Do your parents smoke? no

Do you live close to a park? forest

Is your favourite animal endangered? raccoons aren’t but elephants are :(

How many pens can you see from where you’re sitting? 6

What language do you think you’d fail at? french and asian ones

Do you still have a landline phone at your house? but we don’t use it

Do you carry pain relievers with you at all times? nope

Where is your mother right now? in the living room with my dad

What was the last thing to make you smile? not sure what was last

What would you do if you got home and you saw your house had been destroyed? omg don’t feed my paranoia :o

Would you slap the last person you talked to for twenty dollars? nah

Do you know anyone who gives way too many hugs? they give as much as they need

What are some positive things, realizations or habits that came out of quarantine for you? long story, it’s complicated

How do you feel about people who are “workaholics”? Would you consider yourself one? I don’t like them, most of them only care about money and not at all about health or loved ones, I’m not ambitious or a workaholic

What could you spend less money on? trinkets

How would you describe yourself as a friend? What value would you say you bring to your friends? it’s up for them to say/judge

In psychology they say that our romantic relationships are an extension of our relationships with our parents, and that we tend to choose our partners based on whatever was lacking in our childhood, or that we are attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us rather than the unknown. Can you relate to this? umm...

Can you tell when you are not well-liked? What do you do when you feel someone is not particularly fond of you? I’m not surprised, I’m used to the fact ppl don’t like me that I assume they don’t until they tell me, repeteadly, that they actually do (which rarely happens and doesn’t last long), I avoid/ignore those who hate me most

How would you say your preference in movies or TV shows changed from when you were a teenager vs. now? used to watch only movies for kids at first

Apart from price and location, what are some deciding factors when choosing a house for you? smell, bath and balcony mostly

What emotion is the hardest for you to express? how grateful I am if that counts - when it comes to gifts and/or compliments etc.

How do you feel about job interviews? Are you good at negotiation? I do well but I still don’t get a job because of lack of experience; I only failed one interview in my life but I didn’t even want to work there, UP sent me to call center and boss asked me questions about the job I was going to get but they didn’t tell me what it’s about so I didn’t know much and I was in my snow boots (as it was winter) to my elegant clothes so I looked dumb and I forgot that I can’t leave the building on my own as they had special card keys and I tried to open door like crazy until someone saved me - that was awkward...

How many cars have you ever owned? 0

Can you do math in your head well? I need my fingers

What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house? laundry and cooking, not that I like chores in general haha

What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? salt, also liked becon in the past

Do you ever read the weather forecast? pfft

Do amusement park rides make you sick? I worry they would so I don’t risk it

Have you ever cheated on a test? in high school, especially math, elseway I would fail

Is your next birthday coming up soon? next year

Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? I’d buy some if I had a car but I don’t drive

Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? I don’t tip, why? we don’t tip postmen and/or nurses etc.

What’s your favorite thing to eat at bbqs? not a BBQ food person

Do you still own any VHS tapes? we still keep ‘em

How many jobs have you had? I tried some jobs but never really had one

If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? no thx

How many friends do you have that are married? from all of my ex best friends only Ula, Sandra and John are married, Dorota was already divorced when I met her

Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? didn’t trash it, used it this summer

You’re making a fruit salad: what kinds of fruit do you put in it? I don’t eat fruit salads

Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? mugs, glasses are dangerous, I remember them breaking from heat like they were exploding or smth - scary

Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? it is, when an evil or stupid character has my name it makes me mad

What kind of kid were you when you were seven? very good student, angel, clumsy, naive, wearing “ugly clothes”, the only girl with long hair at the point, petite, wanted other kids to like me so I tried to impress them (but didn’t blindly followed everything they were doing though), not as shy as my mom tought, didn’t know how to tell jokes, still happy but slowly becoming depressed due to family issues, bullying, money and health problems

Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it? sigh... Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now? Media markt Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons? The Simpsons are better, I dislike Family Guy, wasn’t there an episode where they mixed both of those shows?...

Do you have pockets in anything you are wearing currently? I do not usually

How loudly can you burp? I’m more of a quiet burp/fart person

How many different letters are in your full name? 12

Do you like making bets? occasionally

Have you ever had a ‘falling’ dream? I don’t wake up, I just fall and crash on the floor then I lay there and it hurts

Do you do anything weird in your sleep? possibly

How long are your fingers? my longest finger is 7 cm and my shortest is 4 cm

Do you like bumper cars? whatever

What color is the book nearest to you? dark colors - black, purple, red, grey...

Can you lick your elbow? I can

How old were you when you said your first word? ask my parents

Can you sit the way people sit when they meditate? yep

Do you like the autumn? if it’s not too cold and snowy

Would you rather have a hippo or rhino dropped on you? doesn’t matter but at this point in 2020 I can expect that to happen

Have you ever cried in front of a teacher? in elementary, in high school I cried but she didn’t notice as I tried to hide that - it was one of two moments through all high school that I cried - to było wtedy kiedy Pepe zabrał mój temat na maturę, na który przygotowywałam się od 5 lat i dostałam w zamian jakieś gówno, a drugi raz płakałam bo musiałam zapłacić za brak biletu w autobusie mimo, że go miałam tylko legitymacja szkolna nie była podbita bo akurat wówczas byłam w szpitalu i nikt mnie nie powiadomił, że powinnam to nadrobić i strasznie się zmartwiłam, że nie mam kasy i staram się jak mogę, a i tak coś zawsze się spierdoli (bo czemu ludzie sobie jeżdżą bez biletu serio cały czas, a mimo to “złapali” akurat mnie?), jeszcze musiałam pojechać przystanek dalej przez to jak mnie spisywali i prawie spóźniłam się na zajęcia :(

Have you ever cried BECAUSE of a teacher? who haven’t? srsly

Do you do a :) or a (:? :) (: is creepy

Are paper clips fun to play with? meh

Do you prefer mechanical pencils or regular pencils? regular

Is your alarm clock set right now? good idea :o

Are you itchy right now? slightly which is normal to me

Do you have anything on your wrists? not right now

Why are you so awesome? :) I’m not...

so how are you today? I thought I will feel worse before going to hospital so won’t complain

when was the last time you had a cup of tea? long time ago

who’s the most recent person on your Facebook feed? (if you have it) my annoying sister >.<

when (if ever) was the last time you saw that person? week ago

how do you feel about wolves? great animals

do you use pinterest? started new account this month

should you be doing something else right now? packing but whenever I pick up one thing to put into the bag I get a panic attack

bye :) bye...

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sissybiscuit · 8 years ago

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Life’s hard. Make some mozzarella sticks.

"Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about."

That's what some mothers say to their kids. (I say "some mothers" because my mom usually said, "Stop crying or I won't give you these pretzels." I was a fat kid.)

Over the summer I felt like I had a lot to cry about. Enough crying that I had nothing to say. I ran out of funny ideas. I stopped working for a bit. Some of you sent me emails asking if I was still alive. Thank you-- that was very kind of you. If I ever die for real, I'll be sure to haunt you so that you know the scoop. That's what you were hoping for, right? And it will be ME haunting you, so rest assured: I will wait until you're masturbating to do it.

I was just sad. It happens to a lot of comedians. It felt good to be numb and to just do nothing. To just be.

Then the universal mother said, "I'll give you something to REALLY cry about."

And suddenly an exploding ham and cheese hot pocket in an ill-fitting suit became the leader of the free world. Within seconds he started acting like Jafar with three wishes from the genie--zapping everything in sight and turning it into chaos, gold coins, and overly sexy Jasmines.

What is there to say about such a man? People I love actually VOTED for him. People I love are "on the fence," about him. And the irony of using the words "on the fence" is completely lost on them. As a family member or a friend, I want to patiently listen to them. Pour a cup of tea, sit down and say, "Let's hash this out. I want to hear your thoughts."

But as a human being with a soul, I want to rip off my leggings like the Hulk and scream, "TEA?!? THIS IS NO TIME FOR TEA. WE NEED COFFEE SO WE CAN RAGE AND SCREAM AND PROTEST. THEY ARE COMING FOR OUR VAGINAS. THEY ARE COMING FOR OUR FRIENDS. THEY ARE COMING FOR OUR FRIENDS’ VAGINAS. HOW CAN YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF? DON'T YOU SEE THESE OTHER PEOPLE HURTING? CAN'T YOU IMAGINE BEING THEM?!? DO YOU HAVE A FROZEN WAFFLE WHERE YOUR HEART SHOULD BE?"

The hard part is that the same people who voted for Trump (or chose not to vote for anyone) are also some of the kindest people I know in life. They are foster parents for little babies. They run charities. One woman I know bought a children's book about a dog from a homeless man. She does not have a child or a dog. She gave me the book.

Don't get me wrong. The scum of the earth also voted for Trump. Racist, sexist, homophobic, disgusting lumps of human flesh that cannot be placed in a basket of deplorables because they would dissolve the bottom of the basket like nuclear waste. But mixed in with those people (very, VERY sadly), are people who aren't "bad" people by any stretch of the imagination.

I have spent many nights trying to understand this.

People have already pointed out the irony in Trump supporters being the same people who would proudly say, "all lives matter" in a crowded elevator and not understand why the rest of us rush for the "open door" button. ...I think it's just selective kindness, right? Adopted babies: yes. LGBTQ: no. Veterans: yes. Muslims: no.

You can be good and also wrong.

So, I mean, the world is fucking mania. Every morning I wake up and another policy or civil right that I care about is slowly disappearing like a fart on the wind. I can still smell the rotting sadness as it evaporates. And instead of being embarrassed, the people who dealt it are standing with their arms folded, smugly grinning. They are hiring Steve Bannon and Jerry Falwell, Jr. This is a world run by Biff Tannens and Voldemorts. Surely any day now they'll announce Maleficent just got funding to do sleep studies.

It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to have a chat with people. All of my basic decisions are impacted. Should I still build those bookshelves I wanted or are the firemen coming soon to burn them down Fahrenheit 451 style? Should I have a child or will the sun eat the earth tomorrow? Should I put this taco on my pizza? Will the sadness die in the place where the shell touches the pepperoni?

In the past few weeks I have sold several, "Life's hard, pass the mozzarella sticks" t-shirts, so I know that many of you are feeling the same way.

You know what is easier than all of these thoughts? Napping until 2020.

So much of me wants to shut down sometimes. I can convince myself that I don't need to be out there making jokes. Other people will be funny. Other people will do the work. But in truth, I wouldn't say that for protesting so I probably shouldn’t say that for comedy. Because if everyone waited for everyone else, no one would be out there. And this is my stupid little corner of the Internet. I believe and always have believed that people need comedy as much as they need reality. It's a world of contradictions and madness. People can be both good and wrong. People can be sad and laugh.

More than anything, I will always ALWAYS be on the side of making things and building people up instead of tearing them down. Even when I’m not here on SB, that is what I stand for. If you don’t hear from me, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s probably because I’m writing angry letters to my representatives. Or peacefully protesting. Or making art just for myself. Or staring into space full of existential dread. Or spending time with my family because weird shit like this makes you cling to all that is good, like love, rainbows, kittens, and Bill Murray films.

Life’s hard. You can say, “pass the mozzarella sticks,” but you gotta make some mozzarella sticks, too. All my metaphors involve cheese. Sigh.

For what it's worth, I'm here. I'm alive. I'm with the resistance. I still cry... A LOT. And not just during the trailer for A Dog's Purpose. But I'm going to keep doing what I can in my corner of the Internet and my corner of the world. I hope you will, too.

#i'm with the resistance #trump #america #funny #long reads #mozzarella sticks

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samanthasroberts · 6 years ago

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You May Be A Good Dude, But Here’s Why You’re Single

I used to be a “Nice Girl” — a former walking Taylor Swift song in geeky glasses who’d stare longingly through your bedroom window while singing about how terrible your girlfriend is. I used to make homemade fudge for all the cute boys in the hope they’d notice me. Now, I write romance novels. And when I published a book about ghosts and serial killers, the creepy stalker guy was the one who attracted weirdly devoted fan girls.

The point is, I know where nice guys are coming from. I’ve cringed while watching them unknowingly sabotage their relationships. I’ve winced through stories from my female friends of how nice guys became creepy. I’ve watched good guys like you chase away nice girls who really did once want to give them a chance. So if you don’t understand how your sweetness and good intentions could possibly scare anyone away, buckle up, because I’m about to give you some inside info on where you’re going wrong.

The Big Sickly Sweet Romantic Gesture

Here’s a fun game. Sit down with a bunch of girls and ask them to make a list of the sweetest, most romantic things a guy they like has ever done for them. Then ask them to make a list of the creepiest, scariest, most WTF things a guy they didn’t like had ever done to try to get their attention. Then count how many of the exact same things are on both lists.

Sappy poetry, sketches, drawings, acoustic ballads, mix tapes — sweet, personalized, homemade gestures are the unstable land mines of romantic weapons. Get it right and you’ll demolish the competition, shake the ground, and blow away … um … whatever gets exploded when two people suddenly decide they really like each other.

Get it wrong and you’ve just shot Cupid’s dick clean off.

pixdeluxe/iStock “I made a sand castle based on floor plans from your childhood home.”

Hey, this former fudge-making girl gets the appeal of sweet sappy gestures. I’ve written poetry for guys I liked. I’ve made mixtapes and playlists. Hell, I’ve even sewn things for guys. And I’ve included all kinds of grand romantic gestures in books I’ve written. The entertainment industry has been living off the sweet romantic gesture long before lovestruck 90s kids held boomboxes over their heads. When it comes to love, we’re trained to think bigger is better.

In movies, it doesn’t even matter how jerky your gesture is. In the grand cheerleading epic Bring It On, cute-guy-who-recently-did-an-NCIS-cameo (Jesse Bradford) shows up at head cheerleader Kirsten Dunst’s house with a cassette tape of a song he wrote for her. The song starts off with him insulting the most important thing in her life, before telling her he wants to feed her chocolates and screw her in a barn. Because it’s a movie, she starts dancing on her bed in her pajamas and spanking herself with her pompoms.

Universal Pictures This is not love.

In real life, there are just so many ways to get it wrong.

First off, it has to be really good. Bad amateur poetry and crappy artwork is just sad. Beyond that, there’s no faster way to look creepy than to come on way too strong … which makes music especially dangerous because there aren’t that many songs with lyrics like, “Hey, I think you’re kind of cute and I’d like to maybe go out sometime, if that’s cool with you.”

That aside, you’ve both got to be on the exact same page for it to work. If you take her out to dinner and she hates the food, you can both laugh it off and move on. But if you spend hours writing her a song, composing a poem, or organizing a flash mob to do a choreographed dance, she has to really love it. Like a lot. Because if she’s just “meh” about it, there’s no going back from that. You’ve just crammed any hope of a relationship into your ass and fart-launched it into the sun.

Because your sickly, sweet, romantic art is your goddamn heart spilled out on paper. It’s throwing the biggest weapon you’ll ever have — and that’s an incredibly big, risky, and frankly stupid thing to do. Whether she likes it or not, you’ve just put her on the spot. It’s often embarrassing and uncomfortable … and why would you want to embarrass someone you like? That doesn’t get fun until marriage.

Martin Dimitrov/iStock “That doesn’t even look like me. Terrible.”

You want to try a real-life sickly sweet romantic gesture on a real human girl? Start small. Nothing big. Nothing intense. Nothing pledging undying love. Don’t blow your romantic wad on someone you haven’t actually dated yet (or worse: is in a relationship with someone else). Because that’s just awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.

The Freaking Generous Grand Gesture

A friend of mine had been dating Mr. Nice Guy for about a week when she made an offhand joke about needing a massage. To her shock, he showed up for their next date with a gift-wrapped exotic personal massager. I know a guy who paid a girl’s credit card bills before he’d taken her on a first date. I know another who decided a weeklong trip together at Disney World would be the perfect way to start a brand-new relationship — and he lives in Canada.

Nice people kick ass at grand gestures. But every single one of those relationships I mentioned ended up crashing and burning in a big ball of flames and humiliation. Because here’s the thing: Grand gestures — especially financial ones — are very uncomfortable and even just plain crazy to people who aren’t used to it.

Money makes people weird. It just does. Especially when everyone else shows up to a birthday party thinking a “hey” is all the occasion requires, and you walk in with a gift-wrapped Xbox.

Don’t you hate being around the kind of asshole who’s always showing off that he has more money than you? How about the slimy turd who’s always paying the bill but leaves you feeling like he’s running some creepy agenda? Those guys are movie punchlines, villains, or Richard Gere. Don’t start off a relationship looking like a bag of money who’s saving the prostitute.

The gut reaction to this is: “I’ve spent a lifetime being told I should pay for dates and now you’re telling me that women hate men who pay for things? So, basically I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t?”

No, I’m saying your big, grand gestures might be self-sabotaging. You want to pick up the check? Then try asking the object of your affection if they’re cool with it. Or “Hey, I was thinking of booking something really fancy for our first date. Is that cool with you, or would you rather do something low key?” Remember, there are two of you in this thing. You’ve got to think about what’s not going to make it uncomfortable for her.

If your intention is to impress her with a fancy night out, and she’s on board with that idea, it’s going to be awesome. If your intention is to make her feel like she owes you something in return, you’re not actually a nice guy — you’re just a piece of shit.

Showering Them With Time And Attention, All The Time … Non Stop

One of the worst things I ever did, back in my nice girl, Taylor Swift stage was try to charm my way into a hot guy’s heart by giving him a personalized version of that stalker classic song where the guy pledges to watch his beloved constantly, every step she takes, every move she makes, because she belongs to him. It failed. Oh, how it failed.

For most women, nothing is creepier than a guy who smothers her by wanting to be around her, all the time. Which is really bad news for nice guys, because wanting exactly that is in their nature. They click “like” on all of her social media posts. They offer to help her with work, hobbies, homework. They show up when she gets off work to give her a ride. Being everywhere she is, all the time, forever, quickly goes from “He seems sweet” to “Ugh! Leave me alone for two goddamn minutes” to “I’m calling the police.”

I know a chick who freaked out at a guy for liking all of her posts, on all of her social media accounts, the second she posted them (He’d set up a bunch of alerts). I know another girl who ran screaming from a nice guy when it became clear he changed his bus schedule in order to sit near her every day. Basically any time you find yourself arguing with someone you barely know about why she doesn’t text you more often, you can presume the little voice in her head is chanting, “Run, run, run, RUN!”

Seems harsh? Well, from a woman’s perspective there are way more creepy, controlling, possessive, asshole stalker dudes in the world than there are nice guys. How’s she supposed to know you’re not one of them? It’s important to know that this isn’t your fault … but if you overcorrect by being around nonstop to show her how much of a normal guy you are, you’re just cranking the volume on her stalker alarm.

The “I’m Just Trying To Protect You” Thing

The world is full of assholes and creeps, and from the perspective of nice guys, too many hot and interesting women gravitate toward them. If only the evildoers among us were unmasked and the pretty girl at the next desk really saw just how bad that guy is, she’d fall right into your arms. Or at the very least, you’d be saving her a world of hurt.

Look, I get it. It’s noble to want to rescue people. There’s a whole subgenre of angsty music dedicated to helping girls see that their boyfriend’s a dick and a douchebag, and you can’t believe she’s really going out with him because he doesn’t know anything about her because he isn’t what a prince and lover ought to be. Which can be very sweet and very caring. Sometimes. But honestly? It can also be patronizing as hell and extremely annoying, because basically what you’re saying to a fellow grown-ass human being is that you know better than her and she’s not smart enough to know what she’s gotten herself into. You’re telling her that by going out with that guy, she’s being duped. You might as well be shouting directly into her face, “Wake up, you fucking idiot!”

It comes in lots of forms: “Here’s all the dirt on the guy you’re dating. Here’s why he’s no good for you. If you were my girl, you’d be treated like a queen,” or “Please don’t do this thing I don’t like because it’s bad for you, and I want you to be healthy and happy,” or “Please don’t ruin yourself by screwing that guy, or getting that tattoo, or going to that college, or whatever.” All of that boils down to, “Hey girl! I know what you need better than you do!”

Whether you like it or not, she’s got a reason for doing whatever she’s doing. Sure, you can offer to weigh in as a friend. But be prepared that she might not want to hear your opinion and it’s likely to piss her off.

Her body, heart, future, and mind are her business. Those things belong to her. Not you. Forgetting that, or acting like she doesn’t make good decisions, or nagging her about her life after she’s told you to drop it, will make you look like an asshole and fast.

You care. You’re nice. But as much as you’re going to hate hearing this: Sometimes, being too nice really is the problem. And that brings me to the point that is going to sound like an alien language to nice guys …

You Avoid Confrontation At All Costs

Nice people don’t like fighting. They don’t like hurting people, so they don’t risk confrontation. Because of that, they often don’t say what they mean. They also don’t like rejection, so instead of just coming out and saying they’re interested in a person, they drop hints. Then they get frustrated and hurt when that person doesn’t catch on. Unfortunately, that all adds up to make you look like a petrified little kid.

If nice people are lucky enough to get into a relationship, they’ll do just about anything to keep it … which often means avoiding arguments. They won’t bring up what’s bothering them, especially if the source of that hurt (even unintentionally) is their significant other. Instead they hide it, ignore it, or sugar coat it for a REALLY long time, until they finally hit a breaking point, and it shoots out of their word hole like emotional projectile vomit. What should have been a simple, honest conversation turns into a huge blow-out argument.

Don’t do that.

Conflict and confrontation are a major part of relationships. You can’t ask her out if you can’t confront her. You can’t fix a fractured relationship if you don’t talk about the conflict. The important part is remembering that there’s a difference between “I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me” and “You’ve been a fucking bitch lately, and now it’s throw-down time!”

It’s terrifying — god knows I get that — but it’s necessary. You want to show a grand gesture of your love and commitment? This is the best way to do it. If the relationship has problems, talking about it (and, yes, even arguing about it) shows that you care enough to fix it. If you like the pretty girl, let her know in a straightforward, simple, and honest way. Remember, if she’s a nice girl, she’s probably just as terrified as you. But at least it won’t be because you came across as a creepy stalker freak show.

Mags writes books with kissing and ghosts in them. You can bother her on Twitter.

The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we’re living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house’s lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world-changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the U.S. Constitution, and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.

Join Jack O’Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler for a retelling of history’s biggest moments you didn’t realize everyone was drunk for.

Get your tickets here:

Source: http://allofbeer.com/you-may-be-a-good-dude-but-heres-why-youre-single/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/20/you-may-be-a-good-dude-but-heres-why-youre-single/

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adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

You May Be A Good Dude, But Here’s Why You’re Single

The Big Sickly Sweet Romantic Gesture

Get it wrong and you’ve just shot Cupid’s dick clean off.

pixdeluxe/iStock “I made a sand castle based on floor plans from your childhood home.”

Universal Pictures This is not love.

In real life, there are just so many ways to get it wrong.

Martin Dimitrov/iStock “That doesn’t even look like me. Terrible.”

The Freaking Generous Grand Gesture

Money makes people weird. It just does. Especially when everyone else shows up to a birthday party thinking a “hey” is all the occasion requires, and you walk in with a gift-wrapped Xbox.

Showering Them With Time And Attention, All The Time … Non Stop

The “I’m Just Trying To Protect You” Thing

You Avoid Confrontation At All Costs

Don’t do that.

Mags writes books with kissing and ghosts in them. You can bother her on Twitter.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/you-may-be-a-good-dude-but-heres-why-youre-single/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/175073121532

0 notes

allofbeercom · 6 years ago

Text

You May Be A Good Dude, But Here’s Why You’re Single

The Big Sickly Sweet Romantic Gesture

Get it wrong and you’ve just shot Cupid’s dick clean off.

pixdeluxe/iStock “I made a sand castle based on floor plans from your childhood home.”

Universal Pictures This is not love.

In real life, there are just so many ways to get it wrong.

Martin Dimitrov/iStock “That doesn’t even look like me. Terrible.”

The Freaking Generous Grand Gesture

Money makes people weird. It just does. Especially when everyone else shows up to a birthday party thinking a “hey” is all the occasion requires, and you walk in with a gift-wrapped Xbox.

Showering Them With Time And Attention, All The Time … Non Stop

The “I’m Just Trying To Protect You” Thing

You Avoid Confrontation At All Costs

Don’t do that.

Mags writes books with kissing and ghosts in them. You can bother her on Twitter.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/you-may-be-a-good-dude-but-heres-why-youre-single/

0 notes