#so since we're graded on a scale of 1 to 7 even if i had a perfect essay i still would have a 6

[themaladaptivewriter12]

Title: "He is Me, and So Are We."

Part 7 of my “Cray-Cray for Cater” series! Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6 can be found here!

Parings: Cater Diamond x Twisted Wonderland Male OC (Mirai Yuhara)

Summary:

When Cater begins to distance himself, Mirai can't help but feel he is to blame. Instead of facing his problems head on, Mirai cowers from his self-inflicted fear of rejection, and now it's too late.

cw: Angst, Hurt/comfort, arguing, use of Cater's signature spell, self-worth issues, self-esteem issues, Cater has trouble seeing his own worth, making up

a/n: It's been a while, but Ima make up for it! Promise! I can't believe this series has 7 parts already! Part 8 will be a long one!

a/n: I missed my own anniversary. IMA RIOT!!! Late anniversary post soon.

Reblogs are appreciated, just use my custom tag, #TheMaladaptiveWriter12, if you do!  (─‿‿─)♡

Cross posted from my Ao3: TheMaladaptiveWriter12

“Chamomile, Jellyfish Stingers, Scales of a Coral Snake, Mandrake Root,” Mirai listed, writing down the inventory for Professor Crewel once more. He always got sad when he saw the mandrake root. 

Per usual, Mirai was helping out Professor Crewel with sorting and organizing his supply closet. Mirai liked helping out when and where he could, but also, he liked Professor Crewel, he could trust him. But unfortunately, much to Professor Crewel's chagrin, he couldn’t make Mirai a personal lab assistant. 

“It’s unethical, it shows favoritism,” Professor Crewel said in a mocking tone, face twisted.

Mirai tried to hold in his laughter.

“Yeah, you wanna know what’s unethical? How uptight that old geezer is! I swear he hasn’t changed at all since my school days,” Professor Crewel scoffed, with a sneer.

Mirai giggles as the memory, as he continues his recording. The school, namely Trein, wouldn't allow Crewel employ Mirai, much less pay him, so instead, Crewel overlooks his mistakes in class, well, not all of them, adds an extra point to his grades where he could, gives him access to pretty much anything in the lab, and gives Mirai the harmless little leftover gems and potions from his classes.

“What’s so funny, Little Papillon?” Professor Crewel asks from where he was leaning against the doorframe. A hand on his hip, the other was holding his pipe, its contents unknown.

“N-Nothing,” Mirai stammered.

Crewel smirks, leaning his head against the wooden frame, his gaudy fur coat sliding down his shoulder even more than it already was, “You thinking of that orange haired pup?”

“Orange haired…?” Mirai thought before it dawned on him, face flushing red, “N-No!”

Professor Crewel laughed, “I jest, I jest. But on that topic, how is it going, your relationship, that is?”

Mirai flushed, mumbling, “Isn’t that a little too personal for you to ask, being my professor and all?”

“Oh? And here I thought we were quite close.” Professor Crewel teased.

“You’re almost old enough to be my father,” Mirai deadpanned.

“I’d have to be sixteen to be your father,” Professor Crewel said with a disgusted face.

“You’re four years shy.”

“Your father had you at twenty?”

“Nah, he was your age actually.”

“Huh.”

“You could be my older brother?” Mirai jokes.

That made Crewel burst into a fit of laughter. Mirai snickered.

“Okay, I can be your adopted older brother, and I wanna give you relationship advice,” Professor Crewel said with a smirk.

“Alright, no. Adopted father sounds better.” Mirai laughed.

“But I thought you didn’t like that. Now tell big brother about your boy,” Professor Crewel laughed.

Mirai broke out in a fit of laughter, “Pl-Please don’t say that ever again!”

“Father it is.”

“Ugh, that still sounds horrible.”

“Ima say it every time you act up in my class.”

“No! Please don’t!”

“Watch me.”

“But honestly,” Mirai said after his laughter died down, “I’d say we're fine. Being with Cater is new, it’s fun, and I couldn’t ask for anymore.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. He walks me home, and to class when he can. He’s always so caring and nice,” Mirai said with a happily little dreamy smile on his face.

“Well aren’t you a little lovesick pup?”

“N-No,” Mirai pouted.

Professor Crewel chuckled.

“You sound like Sam. He always calls us lovesick Imp, and every time I come in for work, he always tries to read my fortune, but I won’t let him,” Mirai chuckled. 

“Wait,” Crewel said, “You work for Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“And he pays you?”

“Yeah?”

“Why isn't it unethical for him?!” Crewel shouted, throwing his hands up.

Mirai laughed at Crewel.

“You laughing at me, Little Papillon?” Professor Crewel asked, whipping his head around to his student.

“N-No,” Mirai chuckled. 

Crewel smiled. “I guess you don’t need my help after all,” Professor Crewel laughed.

“I mean, I guess there is something that has been bothering me,” Mirai said, mood dropping a bit.

“Oh? Do tell.”

“He’s been distant lately,” Mirai started, eyes downcast. “I can tell he’s forcing himself, I mean, like, I don’t know, I can’t describe it, but he just feels…off.”

Crewel looked surprised at his student’s confession, “Have you spoken to him about it?”

Mirai shook his head, “I don’t wanna, I don't know, spook him? Scare him into hiding even more? I just can’t figure out what would cause him to act this way. He was fine a while ago, but now, I don’t know, he just seems distant. I want to give him the space to work it out, but I don’t want him to ya’know, shoulder it all.”

Crewel genuinely looked stumped. He thought for a moment before speaking again, “The safest route to go about this is communication. Talk about it, tell him how you feel.”

“I don’t wanna seem pushy or nosy,” Mirai confessed quietly, “I don’t want him to get mad at me.”

“Has he ever gotten mad at you for caring?”

“No.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Professor Crewel scoffed, “and if he has, tell me, I’ll handle it.”

Ignoring the threat, Mirai sighed, “I know that there’s no reason for me to be so edgy, but I just can’t help doubting myself. Like what if he doesn’t like me anymore.” 

What if our “I love yous” were fake? Mirai thought.

Professor Crewel got into Mirai space to look him in the eye, “If that boy likes you, then he will stay. If he doesn’t and breaks your heart, I’ll fail him.”

“Professor, you can’t do that!”

“Maybe I can, maybe I can’t, but he does have a few missing assignments,” Professor Crewel smirked.

“I really need to get him on top of those,” Mirai sighed.

“So, will you talk to him, Little Papillon?”

Mirai nodded meekly.

“Speak,” Professor Crewel commanded.

“Y-Yes, Professor Crewel.”

“Good boy!”

Mirai flushed as the praise.

“Whacha talking about?”

Mirai looked behind his Professor and saw Cater leaned up against the doorframe of the closet, a sly smile on his face.

“Cater?” Mirai called, confused, “Is it that late already?”

“Hm,” Cater nodded, “I called and you didn’t answer, so I went looking for you after you didn’t show.”

“You called?!” Mirai gasped. Mirai dug into his pocket and found that there indeed was a missed call from Cater.

“I’m sorry, it was on silent,” Mirai apologized, “I got caught up sorting this out.”

“Go ahead, Little Papillon, I can finish up myself,” Professor Crewel said, waving his student off.

“Are you sure? I didn’t-”

“Are you disobeying me?”

“N-No?” Mirai stuttered.

“Good boy,” Professor Crewel praised, petting Mirai on the head, “Now shoo, out. Remember your homework and to study for your quiz”

“I will! See you tomorrow, Crewel,” Mirai said, waving.

Mirai hurriedly shucked off the spare labware he had on, handing them to Crewel, and made his way to Cater.

“Let’s go,” Cater said, taking Mirai's hand.

Mirai happily took Cater’s larger one, swinging it as they walked. 

“Oh and little pup,” Professor Crewel said with a smirk, “I wouldn’t want to forget those overdue assignments. I’d be a pity for you to suddenly fail my class.”

Cater glared hard at Professor Crewel, grating his teeth, as he shut the lab door behind them. Crewel laughed as they left, shaking his head and went to finish organizing his storage closet.

The next day, Mirai had his shift at Sam’s, and of course he slept in. Mirai rushed around his room, throwing on his designated work outfit, which consisted of a black button down shirt, black jeans and black boots. He grabbed his shoulder bag, throwing in his phone, wallet, and other things he might need and rushed downstairs. In the lounge grim was sitting on the floor eating a tuna bagel, which Mirai gagged at.

“Why didn’t you wake me?!” Mirai cried trying to find his key.

“I did, and you went back to sleep,” Grim deadpanned.

“I’m late!” 

Finding his key on the mantel, where it wasn’t before, the ghosts no doubt, Mirai ran to the foyer, then suddenly there was a feral screeching sound. Mirai gasped in fear, jumping back a good couple of feet, and looked down at the floor. Grim was glaring at the Prefect, the direbeast holding his tail, bagel forgotten on the floor.

“I’m so sorry,” Mirai cried, feeling horrible.

Grin didn’t say anything, but he continued to glare holding his abused tail, ears flaming a bit higher. Mirai felt bad, really, but he didn’t have time to try and coax the cat from his angered state.

“I’ll make it up to you, promise!” Mirai called, rushing out the door, locking it behind him, and started his way to Mr. S's Mystery Shop.

Mirai shoved the door open, an apology already on his lips. “I’m so sorry,” Mirai cried, “I overslept, Grim didn’t wake me, the Ghosts hid my key, I stepped on Grim’s tail, I-I-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Sam said surprised, “calm down, Little Imp.”

“But I, but I’m-”

“Yes, you’re thirty minutes late, and it’s fine.”

“But-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Sam tutted, “It’s just the opening shift. No has even come in yet. Put on your apron, grab a snack, and go calm down.”

“Thank you, Sam! Sorry again,” Mirai rushed out, heading to the back.

Mirai put on his apron and grabbed a blueberry muffin and a bottle of water. As he ate, he watched Sam write the day's sales on a collapsing blackboard in colored chalk, and once he finished, Sam went outside to set it up. Mirai finished his muffin, brushing the crumbs off his clothes, and checked his appearance in the small hand mirror Sam kept under the counter, making sure he was presentable as he waited for their first customer.

It was a slow morning. A few students came in looking for a snack or two. Jack and Ruggie came in some time after, buying ingredients to make some steak.

“Leona’s in a meat mood again?” Mirai asked, laughing at the absurd amount of meat in Ruggie’s hand basket. 

“Ugh,” Ruggie groaned, “well, at least it’s not my money I'm wasting.”

“That will be three hundred and fifty marks.”

Jack looked flabbergasted. Ruggie dug through the battered brown leather wallet and gave the exact amount.

“Thank you,” Mirai chirped, putting the marks in the register.

Jack stepped up next, putting some protein shakes on the counter and the exact amount needed.

“Thank you,” Mirai said, taking the marks.

“You must buy those a lot to know the price,” Ruggie commented.

“Don’t you?” Jack asked, “Surely you must have all his favorites memorized with how many times you come here for Housewarden Leona?”

“Of course. That way, I know how many Marks I will get to pocket in the end.”

Jack sighed, but he knew not to try and lecture the Hyena, this was Ruggie we were talking about.

“Thanks guys, come again,” Mirai called as the two walked out. The two gave their own waves in return. 

A little while later, Deuce and Ace came in asking for an absurd amount of flour, eggs and milk. Sam handled that one, “poofing” everything on their list onto the counter. 

“Unbirthday party?” Mirai asked. 

“Yep, and Trey forgot to go shopping yesterday,” Ace answered.

“Trey did?” Mirai asked.

“Well it was more like he got caught up with his Vice duties that it slipped his mind.”

“Oh,” Mirai nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s gonna be a pain carrying all of this back,” Deuce sighed. 

“I’d help, but I’m currently on the clock,” Mirai said sadly.

“Why do you work anyways?” Ace asked, looking around for Sam before saying, “Sam is very picky with his workers.”

“I didn’t have a Mark to my name, and I needed extra food funds, supplies funds, and clothing funds,” Mirai sighed.

“Sucks man, I’d help if I also wasn’t getting money from my mother,” Deuce sighed.

“I wouldn’t have asked y’all to help in the first place.”

Deuce and Ace looked taken aback.

“I don’t like taking money from others without working for it,” Mirai supplied.

“Oh,” Ace said.

“Guys, enough chit chat, you have an unbirthday party to attend!”

“Oh yeah,” Ace and Deuce shouted in unison, “Bye Mirai!”

The two rushed through the shop and out the door. Mirai shook his head fondly.

“So, Little Imp,” Sam pried, sitting on the edge of the counter, “How’s it going with that boy?”

“Not you too,” Mirai whined, getting a sense of Deja vu.

“Oh? Who was the first?”

“Professor Crewel.”

“You two close?”

“I help him organize his potions closet on Friday’s.” Mirai explained.

“Huh. Anyways, how’s it going?” Sam asked.

“It’s fine, great even, but I feel like he’s distanced himself,” Mirai huffed.

“Distanced?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how to explain it, he still walks me to class, he still walks me home, he still holds my hand, but somehow he feels off.”

“Sometimes in a relationship, you feel like giving each other space, to keep from going too fast,” Sam explained, “Maybe he feels like he’s rushing things?”

“Too fast? Do you think we’re going too fast?”

“Hmm,” Sam thought, “Maybe he’s losing the feel of the honeymoon phase.”

Mirai sighed. 

“But you could always talk to him, Little imp, it doesn’t hurt to try.”

“That’s also what he said.”

“See, us wise old men know what we’re talking about,” Sam laughed.

Mirai snickered a bit, “You’re not old,”

“But you’ll never know unless you try,” Sam said softly.

Mirai nodded.

The rest of his shift was a little busier, but nothing to really work him to the bone. And when the clock struck three, his shift was over. Mirai was uniting his apron when a familiar voice rang out.

“Heyo!”

“Hey Cater,” Mirai smiled, “Just let me put my apron away, and I’ll be right there.” 

Sam was sitting on the counter again, sandwich in hand as he read the paper. “Hey, Little Imp,” Sam greeted, not taking his eyes off of what he was reading.

“Hey Sam,” Cater smiled. 

Mirai came back out, with a smile on his face, “Okay, let’s go.”

“Bye Little Imp, see you tomorrow,” Sam waved with a smile, “Remember what we talked about.”

“Bye Sam, and I will,” Mirai said with a wave.

Mirai and Cater walked in silence. Mirai looked at Cater as they walked, his face was blank, his usual smile nonexistent. 

“Cater?” Mirai called.

Cater seemed to snap out of it, face flashing from surprise to a forced smile. “Yes Hon?”

Mirai thought about what he and Professor Crewel, and Sam spoke about. “Those overdue assignments? Wanna talk about that?” Mirai asked instead. The Prefect was berating himself in his head for chickening out. He’ll wait a bit longer.

“It’s fine,” Cater said, laughing nervously. 

“Clearly not if your assignments are overdue. So Ima help you.”

“Aren’t you just so sweet,” Cater crooned.

“I mean it, Cater,” Mirai glared up at him, “You’re lucky Riddle hasn’t caught on yet.”

“Yikes,” Cater flinched at the aspect of Riddle finding out.

“So, are you busy right now?” Mirai asked.

“No,” Cater said, shaking his head.

“Good. Off to Heartslabyul we go.”

Mirai and Cater entered the mirror to the Heartslabyul dorm. Mirai thought he could never get used to the feeling of going through the mirrors. It felt pulley and pushy, and it made his stomach feel funny every time. When they entered the dorm grounds, it was quiet.

“Where is everyone?” Mirai asked curiously. 

“There was a Croquet game today,” Cater explained, “They should’ve wrapped it up by now.”

“Ah.”

Cater led Mirai inside the dorm and through the lounge and when they entered, there were a bunch of students occupying the lounge. Some were reading, other’s playing cards, one of the tables had several students doing their homework, and in the far corner, at the tea table, Ace, Deuce, Trey and Riddle were having tea and cookies. Trey perked up at the two entering the lounge.

“Hey Mirai, what brings you here?” Trey greeted the prefect.

“I’m here to help this dummy over here study,” Mirai answered, cocking his thumb at the redhead.

“Hey,” Cater gasped, but he didn’t sound offended at all.

“Where’s Grim?” Deuce asked.

“Home,” Mirai supplied, “I accidentally stepped on his tail before work this morning, so I’ve been avoiding him.”

Ace snickered.

“I seriously don’t get how you hang out with that man,” Deuce sighed.

“Me neither,” Cater huffed.

“Guys,” Mirai laughed, “He’s not that bad, nor is Professor Crewel.”

“Cater,” Riddle called, “remember to serve your guests tea, it would be very offensive not to.”

“Y-You really don’t have to,” Mirai stammered, “We’re just here to study.”

“Nonsense,” Riddle dismissed, “It would be rude not to. You’re a guest and a friend, but most importantly, it’s a rule.”

“It’s okay Riddle,” Cater chuckled, “I was getting the tea anyways. I was just gonna take him upstairs first. Black tea is fine, right? It’s only three o’clock.”

“Upstairs?” Ace asked with a smirk.

“Yeah?” Cater asked, “Why? Is there a rule against that?”

“Why upstairs?” Trey asked, a sly smile on his face.

“‘Cus I can’t play music down here,” Cater whined, “It ruins the study vibe.”

“That’s probably why you can’t concentrate, you’re too busy singing,” Mirai chided.

“Am not!”

“Fine, we can play music, but it's gonna be the instrumental version.”

“No,” Cater whined, “Guys! Mi-Mi’s being mean.”

“Suck it up you big baby,” Mirai laughed, smacking Cater on the arm.

The room erupted in snickers. Ever since Cater announced his relationship with Mirai, they became the talk of Heartslabyul. Everyone wanted the latest update on their relationship, and how they were doing. And even with Ace and Deuce’s threats to anyone who opposed, that didn’t stop the playful teasing that Mirai and Cater were subjected to. 

“So you're just studying?” Ace asked.

“Yes, studying,” Mirai gruffed, putting a hand on his hip, “something you should be doing after the state of your last pop quiz.”

A bunch of ‘oohs’ rang out in the room, and Ace had the nerve to look embarrassed.

“Hey,” Ace shouted, face red.

“What quiz?” Riddle asked Ace.

“It was a pop quiz,” Ace rushed out guiltily.

“Have fun studying,” Trey teased.

Cater and Mirai finally caught on to what they were implying, faces growing red. The room erupted in laughter. Even Riddle was chuckling.

“It’s not like that,” Cater whined, face flushed.

“Oh, yeah, like I haven’t heard that excuse before,” Ace cackled.

“Hope you learn a lot of things together,” Trey laughed. 

“Lets go,” Cater said, pulling Mirai out the lounge, tripping over his own feet.

The pair walked up the stairs, through the diamond archway, and down the hall to the wing that held the upperclassmen rooms. Cater shoved the door open and shut it behind him. Mirai liked Cater’s room, it was very “Cater-esque.”

“Uh, you can sit anywhere, I’ll, I’ll get the tea, uh brb,” Cater stammered, standing in the doorway.

Mirai nodded, sitting on the bed. With that, Cater left. 

Mirai spent the time scrolling through his Magicam, when there was clatter outside the door, and Mirai jumped at the noise.

“Uh, I need a little help, my hands are kinda full,” said Cater’s muffled voice from outside the door.

Mirai opened the door for Cater, who was balancing two beautiful covered porcelain trays, one in each hand. One had pictures of cakes on it, and the other teapots.

“Lemme…” Mirai mumbled taking the tray with the cakes on it. 

“Thanks,” Cater smiled, walking in the room, closing the door with hip. 

“Why didn’t you just use your signature spell? Extra hands ya’know?”

“O-Oh, yeah, I guess I could’ve done that.” Cater cleared a space to set everything down on a folding table. “Welcome to casa de Cater!”

Mirai laughed, “It’s nice as always.”

Cater removed the lid with the teapots on it and placed it down, “I hope I did it right, it’s your favorite after all.” There was a beat of silence, and when Mirai didn’t answer, Cater grew concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“S-Sorry, sorry,” Mirai said, snapping out of his stupor, “I-I, it’s just, it’s just, it’s very pretty.” 

The teapot and teacups were clear glass, the saucers looked like shattered glass. The pot handle was gold, it was swirled and twisted, and where the handle met the pot, there were porcelain lilies, trimmed in gold, their centers were yellow. The lid handle was a couple of lilies and a bud, and on the saucers was a lily and a gold twisted stem. The cups were like mini versions of the teapot, and the spoon was long and sliver with a lily on the top.

“What about it has you so quiet?” Cater asked, voice just above a whisper, like as if he spoke louder than that, whatever this mood was would shatter to pieces.

Mirai swallowed hard, trying to compose himself. “It looks just like the one my mother had.”

“Oh,” Cater said, eyes going wide, “I, uh, I’m sorry. We, we uh, we don’t have to use this one. I-I can-”

“N-No!”

Cater halted, not sure what to do.

 Mirai took a breath, trying to calm the sudden panic that rose through his body, before speaking again, “No, it’s okay. I'd really like to use that one, if that’s alright.”

“Okay,” Cater whispered.

Cater took a second before carefully flipping the cups over and poured the dark tea into the cups. As the tea was poured into the cup, its warm and rich scent permeated the air, and Mirai could immediately tell what it was.

“How did you know this was my favorite?” Mirai asked quietly.

Cater smiled softly, “I heard from Riddle that you like Earl Grey, so I brewed you some.”

“Thanks,” Mirai smiled.

“But you can add the sugar and stuff. I wouldn’t want to ruin your tea.”

Cater moved the bedside lamp and placed Mirai’s tea cup, spoon, and saucer, and a glass pot of honey and a bowl of sugar cubes on the bedside table. 

“It’s pretty,” Mirai said in awe.

“It’s been my favorite set, for a while now,” Cater said sheepishly, “It reminds me of you.”

Mirai flushed, “It’s far too beautiful to be compared to me.”

“I’d say you're even more so,” Cater teased, poking the Prefect on the nose, “but it fits you more than ever.”

Mirai flushed and busied himself with putting the sugar in his tea. Once it was to his liking, Mirai cradled the warm cup in his hands, staring into the deep colored liquid. Taking a sip, Mirai sighed, content. 

Cater lifted the lid of the tray with the cakes decorated on, and underneath was a smattering of little tea cakes and cookies. “These are for you,” Cater smiled.

“If you’re trying to butter me up so that we won’t do your overdue work, you're sorely mistaken,” Mirai smirked.

“Me?” Cater gasped dramatically, “Butter you up? I would never!”

“Okay, okay,” Mirai laughed, stirring his tea, “But we’re still doing them.”

“I know,” Cater sighed.

The next two hours were spent in each other's company. Mirai oversaw as Cater did his work, and of course that didn’t go smoothly. More than once did Cater zone out and stare out the window, then he would periodically check his Magicam, which ended up with Mirai taking his phone, sticking it in the bookshelf. Cater whines dramatically at that. Then Cater changed the song that was playing a bunch of times, saying it either didn’t fit his mood, or match the vibe. This then led to Cater picking his favorites to sing along to, then he started dancing in his seat, and then he went on a tangent on his favorite singers and the gossip around them as of late. Mirai had to get him back on track after that one, well that was until Cater got up to “use the bathroom” for the fifth time. 

Mirai really couldn’t help Cater other than keeping the third year on track. They had different lessons, different classes, and different requirements being in different years and all, but Mirai tried to support and help the best he could. And once Cater got focused he didn’t stop, and not long after he finished all his assignments. 

“Done,” Cater sighed, dropping his pencil and stretching his arms above his head. 

“Good job,” Mirai praised, eating yet another teacake. Mirai honestly didn’t know how many he’d eaten since they’d started. 

“That was so boring,” Cater whined, “A total #snoozefest.”

“I’m proud of you though. I really am.”

Cater looked stunned, and as he went to say something, there was a knock at the door. Cater took the opportunity to take the attention off himself and answer it. It was Trey.

“I came to see if you two wanted dinner,” Trey smiled.

“Oh! Can I invite Grim?” Mirai asked, suddenly remembering the cat back at home. “I’m sure he hasn’t had actual food all day.”

“Of course.

Trey left with that and Cater followed shortly after he started up a conversation with the Vice. Mirai sighed. Oh well, he’ll try again some other time.

Days passed and Mirai was kicking himself for not asking Cater earlier, because now, it seemed it was too late. Something had happened after that day Mirai helped the third year with his homework. Mirai knew he was hiding something, but something about that day became the tipping point for Cater, and now it all was just…wrong.

It started with Cater disappearing every so often. Mirai brushed it off until he didn’t show for one of his classes. Riddle had gotten him for that one, but Cater brushed it off saying he went to the infirmary for a stomach ache. And Mirai asked him if he was okay, he seemed to freeze up before kissing him atop his head, telling him not to worry.

 Then Cater stopped stopping by to walk him from classes. The first couple of times, Mirai didn’t mind, he wasn’t a two year old in need of a hand to hold lest he get lost, but after it continued after the fourth and fifth time, it began to hurt. Was Cater busy? Had Mirai annoyed him? Mirai couldn’t find an answer, nor did he have the courage to ask. 

And then when he saw the Heartslabyul third year in passing, he just wave like nothing was wrong. Cater talked his ear off like he always did, not that Mirai minded, but he wouldn’t touch him, or at least not directly. He’d wrap his arm around Mirai’s waist, pat him on the shoulder, but he wouldn’t hold his hand. And oh how Mirai craved to feel Cater’s lips against his own. Mirai couldn’t remember the last time Cater kissed him, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt Cater’s warm breath mingling with his own, the slide of Cater’s tongue against his, or the taste of his cherry chapstick. What about his touch? When was the last time Cater touched his skin, hugged him, held him close like he never wanted to let go when he stayed the night? 

Mirai wanted to be angry, to yell, scream, but he couldn’t. He wanted to be mad at Cater, he wanted to confront him, chew him out, but that wouldn’t be fair, because he was to blame. He was too afraid to communicate, to ask for himself, and now look where that got him. And today was his breaking point.

Mirai noticed it the moment he saw the strawberry blonde that morning for breakfast. Cater had entered the cafeteria with the rest of Heartslabyul, a smile on his face as bright as the sun, ready to take on the world. He was chatty, filling Trey in on his newest Magicam gossip, but something was off. 

“Good morning, Babydoll. Sleep well?” Cater asked, happily.

“Meh,” Mirai said, staring intently at Cater. 

Mirai reached across the table to hold Cater’s hand, but Cater’s eyes flicked to his hand, and in a split second, he dropped his fork.

“Oops,” Cater said, reaching to pick the silverware up. “Ima go get another fork. Brb!”

Once Cater came back, he kept his hands off the table for the rest of breakfast.

It was safe to say Mirai skipped over the stage of dejection and went straight to irritation. What had he done to make Cater not want to hold his hand? And to go as far as making a show of “dropping” his fork to avoid him? Mirai grumbled to himself, the moment the last bell rang, he was gonna confront Cater. The bell rang, signaling the start of classes and Mirai sighed. It was gonna be a long day. 

Throughout the day, Mirai caught glimpses of bright orange waves, but not once were those green eyes on him. But the was something that Mirai wanted to confirm, to see if the inkling in the back of his mind was just anxiety. 

“You guys think Cater’s being weird today?” Mirai asked as he did his Potionology worksheet.

“What ya mean?” Deuce asked.

“Isn’t he your boy-thing or whatever?” Grim muttered out. “Shouldn’t you know?”

“I don't know. He just is.”

“I don’t know man,” Ace said, “Maybe you’re looking too far into things?”

“Maybe,” Mirai said looking back at his work. 

It was their free period and Mirai and the other freshman got together to work on some homework.

“Yall get inna lovers spat or somethin’?” Epel asked curiously.

“Nope,” Mirai said curtly.

“Sure sounds like ya did.”

“Why do you ask anyways?” Jack asked.

Mirai looked across the courtyard where Cater was with a gaggle of third years. He was talking animatedly, his smile wide, his voice light and playful. But his eyes, from here he couldn’t see them, but he knew from earlier that despite his happy attitude, his eyes didn’t show that at all.

“He said he didn’t feel well, earlier this week,” Mirai half lied.

“Well, now that you mention it, he does seem a little unwell,” Sebek mused. 

“His vitals are coming back positive,” Ortho chimed in. “Maybe he’s tired? Idia gets like that sometimes.”

“Maybe,” Mirai muttered, turning his attention away from Cater. 

Classes ended and just when Mirai thought he was gonna make yet another trek home alone, Cater was waiting for him outside the door.

“Ready to go, Baby?” Cater asked.

“Ya sure you’re not too busy?” Mirai asked, a little more than annoyed.

“How could I be too busy for you?” 

Mirai raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything as he began his walk home. Cater followed happily, as he typed and scrolled away on his phone. Mirai tried to ignore it, but really? Was he not gonna pay attention to him? Not even tell him of his day? Maybe Cater really was getting tired of him?

“Well, will you at least hold my hand?” Mirai asked, voice harsher than he intended. 

“A-Ah, sorry,” Cater said, panic coloring his face. “Sure.”

Well, why wasn’t he taking his hand? Mirai stared at Cater as he seemed to panic, like he couldn’t figure out how it worked?

“Cater?” Mirai asked.

Cater suddenly looped to Mirai left and switching his phone to his left hand, he reached and took his prosthetic hand into his right. Why?! Mirai let go and stepped into Cater path. 

“What’s going on with you tha-”

The third year suddenly stopped in his tracks, and while trying to avoid a collision, he dropped his phone, the device luckily falling to the grass.

Mirai muttered a curse, “Sorry, lemme-”

Cater gasped, “N-No it’s-”

They both reached for the smartphone and as their hands collided, Mirai reeled back, trying not to let the surprise, no fear, show on his face. Cater’s hands were cold. Cater looked up at Mirai, knowing their hands touched, trying to gauge if Mirai felt it too, but Mirai said nothing, his expression unreadable.

“Sorry,” Mirai muttered.

“I-It’s fine,” Cater stuttered. 

The two just stared at each other, and Mirai tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall.

“Well I gotta stop by Sam’s to pick up some breakfast. Text ya after clubs?” Mirai croaked.

“Of course,” Cater smiled. “Later, Babydoll.”

Mirai watched Cater’s back retreat back to the school building, no doubt going to his club meet. And Mirai’s hunch was right, the theory that had been burning in the back of his mind for the better half of the week was true. This Cater was a fake. He needed to find Cater.

Mirai stopped by Heartslabyul. Most of the guys were at their respective clubs, so it was easy to slip in a claim that he was here to drop something of Cater's off. Mirai followed the hallways that led to the upperclassmen wing, and making it to Cater’s room, Mirai stopped at the door and knocked. No one answered. Mirai knocked again and waited, and still got no answer. Mirai sighed, hoping Cater wouldn’t be too mad as he tried the door, and to his luck, it was open. 

Mirai pushed his way into the dark room, and slowly tipped his way to the bed. 

“Cater?’ Mirai whispered. “Cater?”

Mirai looked at the bed and it was empty, the sheets immaculate. Mirai’s stomach dropped.

“Okay, okay, this doesn’t mean anything,” Mirai tried to convince himself as he exited the vacant room. “So he wasn’t here, cool, that’s fine. So now we just gotta find him.” 

Mirai checked the rest of the dorm, the balconies, the croquet field, and when Mirai couldn’t find him in the rose maze, he began to panic.

“Where are you?” Mirai muttered.

Cater sat in the observatory, looking up at the stars. He was tired, his brain wouldn’t shut up, and now he didn’t have his phone to distract himself. But then again, maybe it was for the best. Because now he didn’t have to see the hateful comments on his feed, now he didn’t have to see all the things he envied, all the things he hated himself for. No he couldn’t compare himself to the thousands of others who he doom scrolled across, now he didn't have to see the cringe photos his double posted in his stead. 

Cater sighed, feeling the pull of magic tingle in the back of his mind. His clone was still out there, filling in as him for the day. Just as it had been for the better half of the week. He could do this, he’d been keeping it up this long and no one noticed. Not his freshmen, not Riddle, not Trey, not Kalim and Lilia. Not even Mirai.

Cater chuckled to himself. Not even his lover could tell the difference. He was just that replaceable, wasn’t he? Just another faceless being, just another unoriginal internet personality, just another poser. The sound of the doors sliding open, made Cater startle, and then irritation washed over him. So much for some peace.

“Getting so extra studying in?” Cater asked, trying to sound like his usual self. “I feel ya. Someti-”

“Ya’know, if you don’t wanna do this anymore you could’ve told me.”

Cater whipped his head around and instead of seeing one of his fellow third years, he was looking down on his angry lover.

“I will not be your plaything,” Mirai shouted, eyes watery, “I-I will not be y-your, your latest trend! So if I’m tiring you, say it to my face and we'll end it now!”

“He-hey, wa-wait! I-”

“And the clone! Really?! I know you know how dangerous that is! How long have you been doing that?! Where are your blot levels at?”

Shoot. Cater hadn’t even checked how much he had accumulated. Cater’s eyes flicked over to his pen. He could still see red, but it was awfully cloudy, black beginning to take up around the edges.

“Clone? There’s no clone,” Cater lied with a smile, “I don’t what you-”

“Boss, I’m back. I took notes on what-”

The clone stopped dead in it’s tracks, it’s green eyes wide in fear much like it’s owners. The double looked between Mirai and Cater, not sure how it could salvage this situation.

“Mi-Mi, I-”

“Dismiss him,” Mirai said, voice devoid of emotion as he ignored the clone. 

Cater stood from his spot on the floor, “Mirai, I-I-I didn’t-”

“If you’re gonna explain yourself, I'd rather hear it from you,” Mirai huffed. “Not, not, not from him, and not with him here. ”

Cater sighed, taking his phone from the copy before dismissing him into a burst of playing 

cards. There was silence between them, neither of them looking each other in the eye. No one knew who’d break the silence first.

“Fine. Let’s just say I’m totally wrong, which I’m not, why were you here all day, and not in your classes?”

“You know,” Cater said playfully, “sometimes Cay-Cay’s brain does a silly and-”

“Cater,” Mirai called, cutting off the strawberry blondes rambling.

“Y-Yeah?” Cater smiled.

“Stop smiling.”

Cater faltered, but when Mirai’s gaze didn’t let up did Cater finally drop the act, and it was like a flip switched. His green eyes were void of their usual happiness and gone was his smile, an irritated sneer in its place. This wasn’t the Cater Mirai knew, but it was one that Mirai wanted to know, as crazy as it sounded. Mirai could count how many times he’s witnessed this side of Cater on one hand. He’d seen it twice during Riddle’s Overblot, and the other was a mistake.

“That’s better,” Mirai smirked snarkily.

“So now you’re here to tease?” Cater sneered.

“Not tease, scold is more like it. Do you know how dangerous that little stunt was?”

“I can handle it,” Cater huffed. “I’ve done it before, I can do it again.”

“Oh come on! You and I both know that’s not a smart idea.”

“So how’d you know?” Cater asked, ignoring that last statement. “How’dja figure it out, cus I honestly thought I was doing pretty good sending those copies. It worked for the better half of the week.”

“To be honest I didn’t know at first,” Mirai admitted, “But then you wouldn't touch me.”

“‘Course. Their body temperature isn’t exactly human.”

“Also, not sure if you know, but the longer your clones stray away from you, the less “normal” they look.”

Mirai thought back to earlier in the day when he’d been watching Cater. The clone looked a bit pale, sick even. And it’s eyes, they were dull, void of life and emotion.

“Noted.”

“No, not noted,” Mirai grit out. “What’s eating you so much that you’d endanger yourself like this?!”

Cater didn’t say anything.

“Are you that repulsed by me that you’d send a clone in your place? 

“Repulsed is one word for it.”

“If you’re mad at me, then tell me why! Yell at me, get in my face, I don’t care! Anything beats the way you-”

“Do you actually love me, Mirai?” Cater asked with a finality that made Mirai’s hair stand on end.

“Wh-What?! You’re asking me that after all of this?!” Mirai asked, “I should be asking you that question!”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do! Even if you’re really making me question everything we’ve been doing these past few months.”

“You sure it’s me and not Cay-Cay?” Cater smiled.

“Wha-What?”

“Oh come on Mirai! You saw it today! I’m replaceable! I’m just another soulless personality! Just another smiling face! No one! Not a single person realized that I wasn’t me! All I have to do is smile, take a pic, make a dumb joke, and act like the next unintelligent trend chasing magicammer out there, and boom! What do you have?! Cater Diamond!” 

“That’s not true and you know it,” Mirai shouted back.

“Ya’know, I started thinking about us after our break. I realized how much has changed, how much I have changed since I’ve met you. And I started thinking about how our relationship might look in the future.”

Mirai was taken aback at his confession, but stayed silent in favor of letting him speak first.

“It then got me wondering if I would ever be able to bring you home to meet my family? And I already know how they see me, but I don’t know if they truly accept us. And then I began to wonder, who is Cater?”

“I-I-I don’t, I don’t follow-”

“Is Cater me or the me I created in response to my sisters? Is Cater the Cater I created in response to my life as the kid who moved every year, as the kid without a real friend in Twisted Wonderland? Is Cater the Cater who overshares to keep people close, that they think they know me, but far enough to have a real connection? And I began to wonder, which Cater you are dating, and if you love the actual Cater, and not the one I created.”

“Of course I love you,” Mirai growled. “I told you before, I’ve never been in a romantic relationship before, so it’s def not a word I throw around lightly.”

“Then who am I to you, Mirai?” Cater asked coldly.

“You already know the answer to that. You’re my boy-”

“Nuh uh. Who am I to you?”

Mirai swallowed, taking a breath, “You are kind and caring, selfless, always putting others first. You are attentive, always knowing how someone’s feeling, always the one to lift the mood. You are you. You don’t have to be smart, or athletic, super pretty, and you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be Cater, and that’s enough for me.”

Cater was stunned into silence, and Mirai took the chance to continue. “Cater, Cater I, Cater I want to be someone you can rely on, someone you can trust,” Mirai said looking down at his feet, “I’m worried about you, and I’ve been thinking of ways to go about this, but I was scared I was pushing you away. I’ve never been in an actual relationship before, and I really didn’t want to mess this up, well, I guess I already have, but I don’t wanna mess up anymore than more than I already have,” 

Mirai sighed, looking up at Cater, “I don’t want you to face your problems alone if you don’t have to. If you really don’t wanna talk, then we don’t have to, but I’m here for you. I always will be. And if you want me to leave, I’ll go.”

It was the quiet sob that had Mirai climbing the stairs to Cater, and when he saw the rivers of tears falling down his cheek, his heart broke in two. “Oh, Cater,” Mirai sighed, “Come here.”

Cater fell forward, and pressed his face into Mirai's chest and sobbed. Cater gripped the Prefect like a lifeline, fingers white knuckled in his shirt. Mirai let him stay there as he cried, holding him tight, and steady. The Prefect let Cater cry, rubbing his back as his breathing grew between sobs. Mirai would always be there, as long as Cater would allow him to be, he’d be there. 

“I-I-,” Cater stuttered.

Mirai sat up and gave Cater his full attention.

“I feel horrible, I feel like I’m lying to you. And I don’t know how to fix it,” Cater babbled.

“You are more than what you think, Cater. You are more than your Magicam account, you are more than what you post, or how many followers you have. You are more important than how others perceive you, you are braver then your darkest thoughts. You are irreplaceable.”

Cater was sobbing into his sleeves, shoulders shaking. 

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Cater hiccuped, sniffling.

“Don’t be,” Mirai reassured, “But I really am proud of you Cater.”

Cater slowly sat them down and pressed himself into Mirai hold. Mirai slowly fell back onto the cold floors, sighing as Cater smushed his face into Mirai’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, Cater lying on Mirai's chest, and Mirai, combing his fingers through Cater’s soft orange hair.

“Thanks,” Cater croaked after a while.

“You’re welcome,” Mirai said softly.

 Sometime after they both calmed, the two of them ended up laying on the observatory floors, looking up at the bright night sky. Cater was dozing, lying halfway on Mirai’s chest, and Mirai laying there, combing his fingers through Cater’s hair.

“You’re soft,” Cater mumbled after a while.

“Am I?” Mirai asked quietly.

Cater nodded.

“I love your hair,” Mirai whispered, scratching his nails down into the roots, “It’s so soft, so thick, and so vibrant.”

Cater hummed, turning his head into the scratches. Mirai chuckled, scratching down Cater’s head, and onto his nape. Cater sighed shakily.

“I love how bright your eyes are, and I love your freckles.”

Cater whimpered, turned his face into Mirai’s chest, and visible flush coloring his cheeks.

“I love you, Cater.”

“I-I love you, too,” Cater whispered. 

Mirai smiled, kissing the top of Cater’s head and Cater leaned into it, silently begging for more, and obliged with a loving chuckle. 

Cater yawned, “‘m tired.”

“Well we can’t sleep here, but we can go back to Ramshackle?” Mirai offered, “We can make some quick instant Ramen and watch a movie?”

Cater smiled, “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Together the two of them left the observatory, and headed to Ramshackle, the weight of their troubles seemed to float up into the stars as those heavy metal doors slid shut behind them.

[syrena-del-mar]

4, 7, 17, 26, 32, 33, 45, 54, 69 🩷 (You don't have to answer all of these. I'm just a nosy girlie 🙈)

Hiya Soph! No worries, I'm also a nosy girlie so I totally get it 😂 Also a warning, I definitely got a lil too passionate on question 54. I just love the holidays.

4. Favorite Chore

I really love folding as long as I'm on top of it and I haven't had a weeks worth of wash piled up. Something about freshly dried/warm clothes makes it really enjoyable.

7. Any groceries that you've been getting into lately?

So much ginger and turmeric. I bit the bullet and finally just got myself a new full-scale blender/juicer to get rid of my old nutribullet, so now I'm able to make smoothies with ginger without it leaving unblended pieces.

17. What's a movie that you saw recently that you really liked?

A Million Miles Away. I have always liked to support Mexican-American work, and so many scenes here felt like they had been pulled from my own life. Also, teachers always get a lot of flack in the media for being uninspired and uninterested in their students, but I loved that they showed how so much of his success could be tracked to teachers who cared for and inspired him.

26. Would you rather sit on the porch drinking sweet tea or sit by the lake drinking beers?

How about sweet tea by the lake? Jk. But really, I would definitely prefer to sit on the porch drinking sweet tea. I have a relatively low-grade alcohol allergy that causes some beers to break me out in hives that don't go away for days. The itching is insane and I never want to go through it again lol

32. How do you take your morning coffee/tea?

I have a concoction I've been making every morning since I found it last December. 10 oz. of coffee 2 oz. of fat-free milk. 1 pump honey 1 pump sugar-free pistachio syrup Some cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove to your liking. Tastes like the winter holidays in a cup, really delicious and I still haven't gotten tired of it. I'm definitely not a black coffee and one sugar-type of girl LOL

33. What's something you collect?

Pens. I have an insane amount of pens, it's so hard to find a good one that doesn't bleed, skip, or smudge. So I collect like crazy. Also, before the boycott, Starbucks cups.

45. What's something you wish you had more time for?

Travelling. During the pandemic, I was traveling everywhere and anywhere. I would take day trips to the central coast of California or even to neighboring states. When I wasn't working and I would take some time off, I was going to several national parks here in the U.S. Sometimes drive 15-16 hours to get to them.

Now that I've finished my doctorate and I'm in my field of choice... I'm working and studying for my licensing exams. I usually don't leave the office after sunset.

54. Do you decorate your house for holidays? Which ones?

I decorate for Dia de los Muertos/Halloween, but, I'm a crazy Christmas decorator. I go all out inside my apartment. There's not an area where it doesn't look like Santa hasn't thrown up all over. November 1st, everything comes out of storage, though honestly, if I had a particularly rough year, it's sometimes already out by mid-October.

Now, outside decorations? We have a family tradition where my sisters and I go to my parent's place after work every day for close to three weeks, starting mid-November, and we decorate the hell out of the family home. Last year, we put up close to 40k lights with music. We still haven't invested or figured out if we will ever do the expensive light controller box that syncs with lights, but we do build a lot of our decorations. This year we're going to be adding close to another 15k of lights between everything that all 6 of us bought at the sales after Christmas.

Funnily, if it were up to my dad, he would have stopped putting Christmas lights since 10 years ago when we all left. Unfortunately for him, my sisters and I haven't let him. Now he has a grandchild, so the decorating won't stop for some time.

69. What are you looking forward to next week?

I'm heading out to the Grand Canyon next Thursday for the first time in five years. I only have two days off, so it'll be a quick trip, but it's so nice to roadtrip again.

Ask meme for people in their 30s

[cherrygarden]

!!