#so now its broken and I'm frantically trying to fix what parts i could find with hot glue

[hellothere06]

Let's play how many fucking things can go wrong this week

[wileys-russo]

Hello! I have an idea for a Mearps fic that's kiiiiinda like some of the ones you've already written but not exactly. Reader has a bad day at work coming home very stressed and not in the mood so Delilah and Mary team up to get/do everything they can to cheer R up. Just fluff fluff fluff but I know you'd make a beautiful story out of it!!

part of the a date to remember universe series a no good horrible very bad day II m.earps

from the very moment you'd opened your eyes this morning, nothing had gone your way.

first there was a blackout overnight causing your alarm clock to short circuit. now normally you'd wake up to your phone alarm as a back up but delilah had snuck in and grabbed it to play games on, and with your wife leaving early for a gym session it left you none the wiser.

so you'd woken up late for your first class of the day, and raced around like a half dressed headless chicken trying to find your phone not even thinking to check in your daughters room.

which is how mary found you when she came home, having expected to be seeing you off for the day as usual with a kiss before fixing some breakfast for delilah. not for you to be running around with bed hair still in your pajamas clearly frazzled, and your daughter nowhere to be seen.

"hey hey hey, whats happened love?" the joke mary intended to make at your appearance died on her tongue as she noticed the genuine panic on your face, dropping her bag by the door and quickly moving to your side.

"my alarm didn't go off because the fucking clocks broken and my backup alarm didn't wake me because i can't find my phone. i don't know what time it is, i don't know if i'm early or late, i can't find a matching pair of socks or-" you started to rant, mary frowning and grabbing your hips.

"its nine forty. your first class today is at nine thirty, so you're going to use my phone and call the studio now, explain whats happened and that you'll be there in time for your class at eleven." your wife spoke firmly but calmly as you could only nod.

"you can take my phone today and i'll look for yours, ignore any calls you get that aren't me. you're going to get properly dressed once you call the studio and i'll make you something quick to eat on the way, and you already packed your food to take with you last night yeah? its in the fridge. you're fine baby, we've got this, now take a breath." mary promised softly as again you nodded and exhaled.

"i love you." your hands fell either side of her face as you leaned up to peck her lips a few times, taking her phone soon as it was offered and disappearing into the ensuite to get ready in record time.

but somehow despite her assurances things only got worse from there.

the coffee mary made spilled all over you as you rushed to grab your belongings and hurry into the studio, a silent scream yelled at the sky which of course was seen by several of your students parents chatting in the parking lot.

face burning red you'd sent them an awkward smile and hurried inside, grateful that you at least worked in an environment where within seconds of picking up on your frantic energy you were handed new pants and shoved into the bathroom to change and take a breather.

finally sorting your head you pushed on and arrived early for your 11am class, where everything seemed to be going well for the first twenty minutes.

only of course with you distracted just momentarily with a message from mary indicating she'd found your phone tucked under delilahs pillow, the brief break in your supervision had a few of the girls messing around and suddenly there was a piercing scream.

with a likely shattered ankle, an ambulance called and a rousing lecture from the parents of the girl it all happened to, your day had gone from bad to horrible.

then walking down the road to grab some food, considering you left in such a rush that you left all of yours in the fridge, you felt something wet hit your neck and suddenly your day had gone from horrible to horrendous.

with a top coated in bird shit you decided to call it a day.

having your classes covered was easy enough, so much so it made you wish you'd just stayed in bed all day and avoided everything all together. even more when you arrived to your car, and rapidly realised thanks to the handy self locking feature mary insisted on having, your keys were...inside the car itself.

"you've gotta be taking the fucking piss." you mumbled, bag dropping to the ground as your forehead thumped against the glass and you exhaled deeply.

but no, the universe wasn't done with you yet.

you heard the rumble and looked up, having noticed earlier that the sky was darkening and shooting your wife a message about taking the washing off before the rain hit.

though you didn't have quite the same luck, eyes widening as the sky opened and you sprinted across the parking lot for cover as the rain began to torrent on down and down from the heavens above.

cursing and grumbling under your breath and soaked to the bone you pulled out your phone, ringing your wife and tapping your foot impatiently, groaning when it rang out without an answer.

you waited five minutes, then ten, and still no callback came from mary.

so giving up you used her phone to call an uber home, having a shared account anyway. gratefully despite the rain he arrived rather quickly and ignoring the judgmental look thrown your way for your dampened state by the driver you slid into the back seat.

he attempted small talk but when all you gave him were singular words or hums he seemed to catch the hint you weren't feeling all that chatty, turning up the radio as you watched manchester go by in a blur, rain splattering angrily against the window.

mumbling a quiet thank you as he pulled up outside your home you grabbed your bag and took a deep breath, opening the door and again legging it from the driveway up to your front steps, near slipping in the process as your heart lurched into your mouth.

of course without keys which were still locked in your car that was at the studio you pressed down on the doorbell, bag slung over your shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around your wet and shivering form.

impatiently ringing the door a second time you finally heard foosteps and the heavy wood swing open, your wife's eyes widening in shock at the state of you.

"babe why didn't you just use your keys?" you rolled your eyes and stepped inside, dropping your sodden bag at your feet. "why are you all wet?' marys frown deepened taking you in as again you remained silent, fighting your way our of your soaked runners.

"and where's the car??" mary eyebrows furrowed further as she glanced over your shoulder to see only her car in the driveway. "one more question mary, i dare you." you grunted, stripping off your saturated hoodie and shoving it into her hands, storming past her and making a beeline for the bedroom.

"mummy! you're home early!" you hated how you did but you winced at the sound of your daughters voice and her little feet racing toward you, head a thumping mess and patience razor thin as you forced a smile and turned, hovering in the doorway of your bedroom.

but sensing your mood mary was quick to snag the squirming four year old into her grip, not missing the way your body sagged slightly in relief.

"mummy just needs a minute of grown up time lilah." you forced another smile and backed into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind you as mary frowned again.

"is mummy okay?" delilah asked her with a frown of her own as mary quickly nodded, setting the girl back down on her feet. "she will be, she just needs some grown up time." mary nodded as your daughters eyebrows furrowed.

"whats that?" "well its when grown ups get to be alone without any kids around." mary smiled poking delilahs nose which scrunched. "sounds boring." "very boring, so go finish your cartoon and i'll come sit with you in a bit. okay?" mary asked hopefully as the four year old hesitated before nodding, racing back off the way she'd come.

knocking softly on the door mary heard a hum and took that as a silent come in, opening the door and stepping inside, a small smile forming at the lump in the middle of the bed.

"alright, baby whats happened?" mary sat on the corner, poking gently at your back as your head popped out, wet clothes abandoned in the bathroom as you weren't bothered to shower, just changing quickly into something dry.

so with a deep sigh that had marys heart aching you recounted the events of your day, your wifes lips not even curling into a slight smile as you feared she might make fun of you, but mary caught right onto how much this had affected you.

"oh my love, im so sorry i didn't answer i stupidly left your phone in the kitchen when i was playing with lilah. do you want a cuddle?" your wife frowned as you nodded, not moving from your position but opening your arms as the taller girl laid down and hugged you tightly, softly kissing the side of your head.

"okay. you're gonna have a lie down and i'm gonna draw you a bath, and keep lilah out of your hair for a bit." mary eventually pulled away, shaking her head when you tried to protest and silencing it with a proper kiss.

"i love you." you mumbled, head hitting the pillow as the goalkeeper smiled and moved a strand of hair behind your ear. "i love you more, i'll be back in a bit babe." and with that she was grabbing your wet clothes and she was gone as your eyes slipped closed, covers pulled back over your head blocking out the world.

"lilah!" mary called out from the bathroom, having tossed your clothes in to wash and starting to run a bath once she'd checked on your daughter, delilah appearing quickly and nearly tackling mary into the bath as she jumped on her back.

"woah! stick to the bathroom speed limit please speedy." your wife chuckled as delilah giggled, clinging onto marys back tightly who grabbed her legs and stood, moving to gently lower her down onto the counter.

"okay. now you and me tiny, we've got a mission to do." mary started as delilah nodded, now locked in with a serious expression which made mary smile.

"mummy has had a no good horrible very bad day, and you and me? we've gotta fix it." mary explained as delilah nodded again. "so step one-" mary held up a finger, grinning as her daughter mirrored her actions.

"-we run her a lovely hot bath." mary gestured behind her where the bath was slowly filling up, the scent of lavender and chamomile filling the room from the oils she'd dropped in. "step two-" mary held up a second finger, delilah doing the same.

"-we clean up the house. play room, living room, your room, my room, kitchen." mary ticked off, delilah sighing at that but nodding. "we can make a game of it, no frowning tiny." mary tickled her stomach as the girl giggled and seemed to perk up.

"step three, we bake mummy some cookies and watch her favorite movie." mary recounted as delilah perked up even more at that, swinging her legs and nodding very eagerly as your wife grinned.

"then step four we get pizza for dinner, give mummy lots of cuddles and kisses, and tell her how much we love her. can you do that?" mary asked as delilah nodded. "yes." she promised.

"very good. can you go start tidying up the play room please? properly! no cutting corners." mary pinched her cheeks as delilah grinned but agreed, lifting her arms up as mary gently placed her down on the ground and she took off.

finishing off the bath and ensuring it was a perfect temperature mary returned to your bedroom, smiling at the sight of you asleep half hanging out of the covers.

"hey, wakey wakey beautiful." your eyes fluttered open at that, blinking tiredly and forcing yourself to sit up as your wife moved your hair out of your face with a soft smile.

"baths ready." mary informed as you nodded still half asleep. "carry me." you mumbled tiredly, a small smile curling into your features as her boisterous laugh filled the room but none the less she stood and did as you asked.

"perfectly hot water, skin care lined up and ready to go for afterwards, speaker and phone for music if you want it and dryer warmed towel. your, my, favourite hoodie, fluffy pants and socks hung up for after, and of course lilahs favourite toys to keep you company." mary hugged you from behind and softly kissed your neck, a small rumble of laughter leaving you at the sight of the small tug boat and duck floating around which your daughter had insisted to mary you needed for it to be a perfect bath.

"mary you're the best." you sighed gratefully, craning your head back and puckering your lips which she quickly pressed her own against them. "only the best for the best." she promised sincerely, letting go as you started to strip off.

"enjoy darling." of course she couldn't resist her hand gently patting your ass with a wink. "you couldn't help yourself could you?" you raised an eyebrow with a knowing smile as your wife only grinned.

"made you smile though didn't it?"

~

mary sang along to the music beating through the kitchen, the final room left to tidy as you were yet to emerge from the bathroom much to her relief, wanting it all done by the time you had.

the cookies were made and in the oven and the mess from the task nearly all gone, delilah sat on her shoulders and very carefully putting things away in the cupboard as mary dried them and handed them to her.

"you're being a superstar helper today tiny, i really appreciate it." mary complimented, handing the girl one last mug which delilah very gently set away in its place, grabbing onto mary as she moved stepping back to close the cupboard doors.

"i like doing nice things for mummy cause she's always doing nice things for me!" delilah chirped as mary squatted and lowered her back down to the floor. "thats very sweet of you lilah." mary smiled, kissing your daughters cheek and accepting the hug which was thrown her way.

"hugging without me?" you smiled at the sight, in a bit more of a bettered mood after a long soak in the bath. "hey! get out of here we're not done yet!" you laughed in surprise as your daughter attempted to push you out of the kitchen.

"mama, get her out." delilah ordered sternly as mary grinned, shrugging at your curious look her way and assisting your four year old to remove you from the kitchen.

"please go wait in the bedroom and we shall fetch you when everything is ready m'lady." mary put on an accent making delilah giggle and you playfully roll your eyes.

but doing as you were asked you waited and doom scrolled on your phone for a further ten or so minutes before you were summoned. "mummy! we're ready now." delilah climbed up onto the bed and wiggled happily before launching at you.

"ready for what hm?" you smiled as the small blonde only smiled and patted your head. "have to come and see." she chirped, kissing your forehead like mary often did and jumping down from the bed.

"lilah careful!" you warned, unable to turn the mum switch off as you followed after her, your words falling on deaf ears as your wife stood in the living room, delilah bouncing happily on the sofa.

"whats all this then?" you smiled softly at the sight in front of you. "surprise!" delilah yelled with a grin. "we cleaned the house, made you cookies and loaded up your favourite movie." mary explained, your heart swelling at her words.

"then later we're gettin pizza and you get lots of cuddle and kisses because we love you!" delilah hopped to the end of the sofa and you hurried forward recognizing what she was about to do, sure enough moments later the four year old surging off the arm rest as you were quick to catch her.

"what have we said about not jumping off things? if you hurt your ankle you can't dance." you warned softly but sternly. "mama lets me!" delilah protested as mary paled, sending you a guilty smile as you sighed but decided that was a conversation for another time.

"well this is all very very lovely, and i love you both very much." your features softened and you pretended not to notice the way your wifes body sighed in relief she'd avoided a telling off for now at least.

"love you more." delilahs small hands fell to your cheeks making your smile widen. "love you most." you countered, honking her nose as she giggled. "oh! wait i want harold to watch with us." you put her down and she raced off to grab her favourite stuffed cow alessia had bought her a few months ago which never left her side.

"you're very sweet but you didn't need to make all this fuss over me babe." you promised as your wife tugged your body into hers, hands on your hips as your arms wound round her neck.

"course i did. i love you and you had a no good horrible very bad day and our vows were to be there for better or for worse. so i did my best to make the worst a little better." mary smiled, softly kissing you a few times as you melted into her, the sounds of footsteps having you both breaking apart.

"so, what are we watching?" you laughed as you sat down on the sofa and delilah clambered on top of you, wriggling around until she was comfortable as mary wedged in beside you, all three of you basically squished onto one cushion despite the endless space.

"love actually!" mary announced, clicking into it on the tv as you let out a loud pelt of laughter. "what?" your wife frowned, clearly a little confused at your reaction as delilah took the opportunity to ram a cookie into her mouth.

"well firstly, i don't know if thats the most appropriate movie for-" you gestured to the four year old happily munching away at a cookie, cheeks puffed out resembling a chipmunk making mary chuckle and shake her head.

"and secondly, mary thats your favorite movie not mine!"

[livesworthlivingau]

Lives Worth Living Chapter 12

ISAT and Two Hat spoilers below! CW: Stabbing

(You're surrounded by your family… Trembling and shaking, sobbing while they all hold you close… In this moment, you are loved…)

"So cute… To think anyone could actually love you~. It's just pathetic Stardust~!" (You hear Loop's voice as it echoes around you, snapping you out of the moment, everyone is gone. You're left kneeling there alone in a lightless void… You frantically look around, getting to your feet. This place is familiar… That realization terrifies you…)

"To think that anyone could love someone as BROKEN as you!" (You snap around to the voice, met face to face with the sadness from all those years ago. Its spiraling eye glares deep into your soul while its inverted shades envelop you. You're frozen… like touching one of the king's tears… You can't move at all as a sick, deep, twisted grin grows across its face. Its teeth are sharp as daggers, perfectly slotting together across that horrid smile. You feel your frozen form shaking, tears flowing from your eyes, you try to struggle free, you NEED to get free!)

"Keeping you frozen is no fun, I want you to FEEL THIS STARDUST~!" (It shrieks out in a demented version of Loop's voice, grabbing you by the throat. It feels as though it yanks you out of time itself, slamming you to the ground and raising a dagger above it's head. You choke out for air, raising your hand to stop it, but it's too late, the familiar stinging yet somewhat dull sensation of it slamming into your chest fills your entire form.)

(You jolt awake with a gasp. You're shaking, sweating, panting. You feel at your chest for a moment and rub your face, looking around to find yourself in a tent, noticing Isa lightly snoring beside you… You're safe, you're loved, you're safe, you're loved. It was just a nightmare…)

(You wipe the tears from your eye, hold your hand to your chest, and take several deep breaths. It takes a minute to finally calm down... As much as you don't want to, you manage to pull yourself away from Isa and slip outside of your tent. The sound of sniffling makes you pause, looking around to find Bonnie holding their legs close to their chest and sniffling. They sat near the extinguished firepit and were trying to calm themself down.)

"… Bonbon?… You okay?"

"Huh?!" (They jumped at first, startled by you appearing near them in the dim night.)

"O-Oh… H-Heyfrin…"

"Nightmare?" (They just put their chin to their knees, trying to fight back the tears as they nod.)

"Yeah… Me too… If only some cool kid with magic hugs could help me out about now~." (You tease a bit to try and relieve the tension, only for Bonnie to snap at you.)

"I'm not stupid Frin! I know my hugs aren't magic…" (They shout then grumble. Something was really bothering them…)

"I… I'm sorry Bonbon… Do you wanna talk about it?" (Wow it feels really weird to be the one saying that for once… They give another sniffle and sit silently for a moment.)

"… What if we don't find Nille?… Why did stupid Nille even leave!? Doesn't she know I'm coming back?! What if she gets hurt?! What if you even talking about it changed everything?!" (Bonnie gets louder and louder as the emotions well up, tears pouring down their face.)

"Woah! Hey, hey, it's okay Bonnie… Breathe with me? Please?" (You ask sincerely, your hands lightly bracing their shoulders to help ground them. They give another sniffle and nod, choking out a few heavy, difficult breaths with you and wiping their tears again.)

"Nille turns out fine, I promise… She even took down a sadness all by herself last time!" (You decide to leave out the part where she got injured… Bonnie doesn't need to hear that right now.)

"R-really?… Nille did?…"

"Yup! Your sister's real tough! Besides, if anything happens I can always just loop back and fix it!"

"… How do you loop back Frin?… Everyone looked at each other like they knew and didn't want to say it! Why won't they tell me!?" (You freeze. How do you answer that… How COULD you answer that, to a kid no less… Bonnie just crosses their arms, pouting more as they recognize the look on your face.)

"… You get hurt, don't you?… You promised me you'd try not to get hurt! You super duper promised!"

"… I'm sorry Bonnie, you're right… I shouldn't talk about looping like it's no big deal… Can… Can I make you a new promise then?…" (Bonnie keeps quiet, but appears to be listening still.)

"… I promise I won't loop on purpose anymore, not unless it's the only option, okay?" (Bonnie sits in silence a little while longer before turning and rapidly swinging their arms around you, squeezing as tight as they can around your waist.)

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore Frin! Not for me, or Nille, or anyone!!"

"Bonbon…"

"It's not fair that you have to get hurt again! Why does it have to always be you!?"

"… I… I don't know Bonnie… And I'm sorry but… As long as I have this gift, or curse, or whatever you wanna blinding call it at this point… If I can use it to help you all then... I wouldn't really hesitate to… But you're right, I shouldn't see myself as disposable… So I'm gonna make you a secret wish promise, okay?" (Bonnie breaks the hug for a moment to look up at you in awe.)

"A… A secret wish promise?… Is that real?!"

"Yup! But it requires a very specific ritual. Do you think you're up for it?"

"Y-Yes!! Yes I can do it!!" (Their frantic eagerness just made you break out into laughter.)

"Alright! Alright I believe you! Now, here's what you gotta do… You gotta hold up your pinkie with your right hand. Then you put your left hand over your heart, and believe as hard as you can about our promise!" (You and Bonnie both do this silly little ritual you've just made up, then you hold out your pinkie.)

"Now curl it around mine and say 'I promise' 3 times." (And again you lead as they follow, repeating it 3 times together.)

"There, secret wish promise done~."

"Woah… I can't believe I just made a wish promise…"

"Now don't go telling everyone about those, like I said it's a very secret ritual!" (Bonnie nods quickly and gives a sort of salute.)

"I promise! Super duper promise!" (You chuckle again, ruffing their hair and hugging them close.)

"Great, now you ready to go back to bed?" (Bonnie nodded, giving one last hug before heading back to their tent, all giddy about this new shared secret.)

(You decide to stay up a little while longer, enjoying the still night with only the occasional faint sound of animals moving through the terrain. Your nightmare flashes into your mind again for a moment with a wince… You decide to bring your thumb to your ear and pinkie to your mouth again…)

"Loop?… Can you talk to me?… Please?… I just want to know you're okay…" (You pause, waiting for a response that never comes… But it feels like the connection is there...)

"Do you remember that time... I forgot Mirabelle's name?… I was so freaked out, all I could think to do was call you for help… Without a second thought, you helped me… you helped me remember everyone's names, their nicknames even, and why I started using them… You brought me back from the edge, and it helped keep me going… I don't think I ever thanked you for that… So thank you, Loop… Thank you for keeping me going when I thought I couldn't anymore…"

["… Stardust…"]

"Loop?! Loop where are you?! Are you alri-" (You suddenly feel the connection fade, but you heard them… They're alright, and you've made progress. That's all you can ask for in this moment.)

[instasiswetrust]

Cherry Lane Challenge Day 3 - Crow

A flutter of black, out of the corner of his left eye is what first catches his attention. His hand raises, signaling his party to stop in their tracks. There's some shuffling and a few annoyed huffs which he ignores in favor of taking careful steps towards what caught his eye in the first place.

All is still for a second and then- There. The dry sound of feathers brushing together.

Silently, he steps closer to the source of the sound. When he sees what it is, he relaxes minutely allowing himself another breath. It is but a crow, its left wing dragging over the dewy grass of the clearing. He sees no blood so he assumes it must be broken.

Another careful step takes him even closer to the scared bird, his fingers nearly brushing its feathers, so close-

"Steve, what's the hol- Is that a bird?"

Tommy and the rest of the hunting party burst into the clearing with too loud steps and raised voices, startling the bird into a frantic state once again. It squawks in its fear, broken wing fluttering pitifully as it tries to escape what it assumes to be a predator.

"I almost had it, Tommy!" He turns to his companion, features set into an angry scowl. He may only be seventeen but he was the Crown Prince and they should've listened to his orders! "Why did you break position?"

Instead of answering his question, Tommy walks past him as crouches right by the bird, poking it with a stick and laughing at its resulting squawk. "Can't believe you stopped a hunting party just to save a bird, Stevie. What are you? Snow White?"

Heat rises to the prince's cheeks and he smacks the stick out of Tommy's hands. "Leave it. It's already hurt enough without you making it worse."

Tommy quirks an eyebrow, teeth bared into a nasty smirk. He gives a mock bow that makes Steve's eyes narrow.

"As you wish, milord."

And then, making sure he's got Steve full attention, he gives the injured bird a sharp kick sending it smacking against a tree with a feeble squawk.

The bird struggles to upright itself, collapses, and tries again, before eventually just laying there. Unmoving if not for the minuscule shifts of its diaphragm. All Steve can do is watch, knowing full well that if he so much dares make a move to help it again, Tommy might outright try to crush it under the sole of his boot.

Under the raucous laughter of the soldiers, he follows the hunting party back to the deer trail they were following, the back of his neck red with poorly contained rage. All thoughts of injured crows and helpless birds are stored at the back of his brain where he no longer has to think about them again.

---

So that night, when he walks into his chambers half-drunk on too much ale and a hearty roast, the last thing he expects is to find a girl sitting on his desk chair. Her vermillion hair is cropped short and would help her pass for a man were it not for her curvaceous figure, so distinctly female even under the black robes she wears. On her head, a crooked hat sits adorned with what he thinks are feathers.

As he steps inside, she stands up and he notices her eyes appear yellow behind her spectacles.

"Who are you?" He tries to sound authoritative, like the prince he's supposed to be, but he's too drunk to manage anything more than slurred inquisitiveness.

"Don't you recognize me?" Her lips barely move as she speaks and yet her voice comes out as a shrill squawk, not too different from the frantic sounds of the crow in the forest. It makes him flinch, taking a step back. "Maybe this will help jog your memory."

Under his watchful gaze, he sees her shift into the same crow he saw that morning. His eyes follow the bird as it flies around the room once, before landing on the chair. A blink later, and the girl from before is sitting in the same spot.

No. Not a girl.

A witch.

Because of fucking course the crow had to be a witch. That was just his life.

"Look, I'm sorry for what Tommy did to you earlier today and I truly wished to help you but if I did-"

"But if you did, your companions might've killed me while you watched." She hums, inspecting her sharp nails with clear disinterest. "Those are but excuses and we both know it."

"They are not-!"

The witch clicks her tongue disapprovingly and he finds the words he meant to say dying on his tongue. Fear rises in him, and only then does he consider that the reason she's here and not with Tommy is that he's the one she's planning to hurt.

"It is an excuse, darling." She fixes him with a sharp glare. "You're Steve Harrington, Crown Prince of the kingdom of Hawkmond. They should respect you and yet your own foot soldiers treat you like you're below the sole of their feet."

A feeble protest rises in his throat but she only has but to look, before silence descends upon him again. The worst part? She is absolutely right.

"You're weak-willed. Spineless. A disaster in the making." She huffs, taking the few steps that separate them until they are standing almost nose to nose. "I shall not allow a person like that to ruin what this kingdom could become."

In her yellow eyes, he sees rage flash however briefly, and he wonders what sort of circumstances led a witch to care this much for the outcome of a whole kingdom. It is but a split-second judgment, yet it's all he manages.

For the next thing he knows, pain radiates from every single nerve ending in his body. He falls upon his knees, writhing in agony, and through his anguished screams, he swears he can hear the witch croon in a sticky-sweet voice.

Scion of swords and kings

A curse of feather and blood

Placed upon thee

For thine will is brittle as bone

This shape thou shall keep

Til’ the day thy soul’s to pass

Unless thy lesson is learned

And thee flies with thine own wings

By the next morning, every single person in the Capitol knows Crown Prince Steve Harrington has gone missing. None a single clue left behind to find him.

---

He finds out pretty quickly that the best way to find food in the forest is to follow the wolves.

It's been two months since the night he was cursed, and Steve's come to the conclusion that while sometimes annoying, being a bird wasn't as awful as he first assumed it would be. Flying was nice once he managed to get the hang of it, and messing with the occasional villager while he indulged in the instinctual desire to steal shiny things was something he hadn't expected to enjoy so much.

But he really could do without the feeding.

The first few days he had outright refused to take part of any rotten bit of meal he found, no matter how appetizing it might've seemed to his new instincts.

By day four he had to give in and eat, or he risked worse injuries.

It had been a distasteful ordeal up until he had found the wolf pack during his first full moon as a crow. Night had fallen, and as he made his way through the thick trunks on unsteady talons, he had heard the first howl. For a second, he had almost considered leaving. Retaining this half-human form was still something he struggled with and he wished to enjoy the little time he had before he once again had to return to his feathery prison.

But the call of the wolves ensnared him, and he had to find them.

Except none of them were normal wolves, as he found out once morning came.

From what he has observed in the last month, most members of the pack preferred to stick to their wolf forms as much as they could. Occasionally, one or two of them would venture into the closest town for certain necessities but that was about it.

It was weird.

It was also fascinating.

They didn't seem to mind his prolonged stay, in fact, it almost looked like they welcomed him among their midst without so much as a second thought. He didn't question it, just enjoyed it for the time being although he always made sure he only shifted into his halfling form where the wolves wouldn't find him.

At least, that had been the plan.

But now, staring into the ice-blue eyes of the blonde wolf he had started thinking as his wolf, he realizes that he overlooked one tiny but very important detail.

Wolves tended to have a keen sense of smell.

Well, shit.

Silence pervades the small nook between the trees he had taken as his hiding spot away from the pack, as he simply stares back at the wolf. Waiting for something, maybe a shift, a lunge. Anything.

Except a whole minute passes with nothing happening, and Steve is starting to feel foolish.

"So is this the part where you try and eat me? Or warn me to stay away from the pack?" He chances, hoping for a reaction.

The wolf cocks its head to the side, blue eyes looking almost mocking before there's a ripple and a human is crouching in its place. A very blond, very handsome, human with ice blue eyes. Who's also kind of naked.

Huh.

"The fact that you think nobody knew what you were as soon as you hopped into the clearing that night is telling." At Steve's confused look, the wolf (the man?) chuckles. Guess he was right about the mocking part. "You reek of magic, little bird. Magic and human flesh."

"Well, how was I supposed to know?" He snaps, the small feathers that cover his neck fluffing up.

"Common sense?" There's a smirk this time, along with a flash of fangs. "Did your mother not teach you about magical signatures once you came out of the egg?"

"I- ah" He falters, unsure if he should explain that he wasn't born like this but rather turned into this. He runs a talon through the feathers that have replaced his hair before sighing. "I'm a human, actually. Just got cursed to look like this."

The man-wolf hums, giving him an appraising look. "That explains a few things."

Steve scoffs, ready to stand up and leave this guy alone to go bother somebody else when suddenly he feels a heavyweight drop onto his lap. When he looks down, he's met with a pair of ice-blue eyes looking back at him.

He wonders, not for the first time, why he picked this particular wolf to stick close to out of all the others.

"Does the little birdy have a name?" That smirk is back again and it almost makes him blush. Makes him glad that his whole skin is now covered in black fluffy feathers.

"If I tell you, will you stop calling me that?"

"Nope. But I might give you my name too."

It sounds like a fair deal at least. And that way he could stop calling him man-wolf in his head.

"Steve."

"Steve. Hm. Not quite what I expected." It's been so long since the last time someone said his name, it feels weird hearing it now from someone that is not himself. "Mine's Billy, by the way."

"And what did you expect, Billy?" The name feels foreign on his tongue but he figures time will make it easier. After all, it's not like he ever can return to Hawksmond unless whatever conditions the witch placed upon the curse are met.

Billy shrugs, stretching languidly across Steve's lap in all his naked glory. Something that Steve's doing his best to steadfastly ignore. "Some fancy bullshit like Stefano or Guillermino."

He snorts at that, covering his mouth with a clawed talon. "Why would you even think that?"

"You look the part, little birdy."

[the-gay-trashmouth]

So I’m the worst. As soon as I started the Newsies Gift Exchange my mental health took a nose dive and my school decided to ramp up the assignments to 100. I never forgot and I have been working on it when I had the time so here it is! I'm so sorry I'm late @annihilatedthenightstalker . I hope you enjoy my very very late gift. I am so sorry. 

Prompt- Jack's really scared for some reason and David sees him cry for the first time, its then he finds out just how touch-starved Jack is.

If there was one thing David knew, it was that Jack Kelly would be the death of him. He wasn’t even mad about it, it was just a simple fact of life that he had come to accept.

That's what he thought as Sarah shoved him awake, telling him in no kind words that his Cowboy was at the window and he needed to go take care of it. He yawned before pushing off the bed and making his way to the open window where Jack did, in fact, sit waiting for him.

He leaned out the window, fixing him with an unimpressed look. “What are you doin’ here so late? Don’t ya have a bed waitin’ at the lodge?”

Jack shrugged, but he was shaking like he’d seen a ghost. David’s expression went from annoyed to concerned as Jack spoke.

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t sleep none and I thought- well you like all that star stuff and the skies real clear so-” he gestured shakily, “I thought we could go watch some, may-maybe you could tell me all that stuff you learned about the patterns and stuff.”

David watched him carefully, watched the way he couldn’t sit still, the way he was glancing around like something would pop out to get him any second now. After a moment he sighed, “yeah… yeah okay Jackie. Lemme get dressed and I’ll meet ya on the roof, a’ight?”

Jack nodded quickly, already climbing the ladder. David watched him for a moment, concern twisting in his chest. He turned back to see Sarah watching him with tired eyes.

“That’s not what I meant when I said make him go away,” she said flatly.

David shrugged, “he doesn't look too good, Saz. I can’t just let him go wander the streets like this,” he argued, though Sarah didn’t look convinced. Thankfully, she didn’t push it, just rolled her eyes and laid back down.

“Whatever, don’t complain to me when you're exhausted tomorrow.”

He sighed, tugging a patched sweater over his undershirt and fastening his suspenders to his pants. She had a point, but he wasn’t about to admit it. Besides, he couldn’t just leave Jack to his own devices, not when he’s like this.

When he pulled himself up to the roof, the first thing he saw was Jack, still pacing with his hands still shaking. David tried to shake off his anxiety as he pushed himself to a stand, but the lingering clench of concern twisted around his heart. He didn’t like seeing Jack like this, it hurt too much.

“You’re gonna walk a hole in your shoes if you keep that up,” Jack jumped at his voice, but a shaky grin still found its way onto his face.

“Oh well, you could patch ‘em up for me, couldn’t ya Dave?”

David rolled his eyes, nudging Jack’s shoulder as he passed, “might could, question is would I?” he pulled one of his sheets down from the line before sitting down.

Jack just grinned, taking his place beside him, “‘course ya’ would, what kind a partner wouldn’t?”

He snorted, nudging Jack’s shoulder with his own. He was right, of course, Dave would do anything he could for him- Jack knew damn well he would too. Everyone did.

“Keep tellin’ yourself that, Kelly.”

Jack grinned, nudging him back before leaning on his hands to look at the sky. David followed suit- Jack was right. It was an incredibly clear night. He could see so many stars, he could even make out a few major constellations.

After a moment of silence Jack elbowed him in the ribs, pointing up to the stars, “That one there’s the big dipper, ain’t it?”

David followed his finger, trying to connect the pattern he was seeing. It was a bit difficult because his hands were still shaking. “Yeah, I think so- ya know the big dipper’s just a part of a bigger constellation, Ursa Major. A bear.”

Jack tilted his head, dropping his arm to his side and squinting at the sky, “don’t look like no bear to me.”

The other boy snorted, using his own hand to point out the rest of the pattern, “yeah see- there's the head and the big body, and those little stars make the legs- see? Bear.” Jack just tilted his head farther, blonde hair falling into his face.

“I don’t- hang on, yeah. Yeah I see what you mean, ‘s like one of them stick figures, right?”

“Yeah, basically, I mean it’s really abstract. See, right near it is Leo, it’s supposed to be a lion.”

Jack followed his finger again, watching as he pointed out the stars and traced the lines. Jack squinted at it, “yeah- it just looks like a bunch a dots to me”

David snorted, looking over to see Jack watching him with a soft smile. He tilted his head, nudging Jack’s shoulder again. As much as he would love to go on and on about the stars and the stories behind him, he had to find out what was wrong.

“So, I know ya didn’t come here lookin for a lesson on astronomy. What’s wrong with ya? Somethin’ happen with the boys?”

Jack froze, still staring at the sky. David could see him trying to keep his easy grin but it was forced. Somehow that hurt worse than a frown.

“Nah Dave, nothin’ happened with them…”  he trailed off, picking at the concrete beneath him.

“Well what’s wrong? And don’t say nothin- I know when you’re lyin.”

“Aw c’mon, you wound me! I don’t lie-”

David cut him off, rolling his eyes, “fine. ‘Improvin’ the truth’ or whatever- not much of a difference.”

Jack chuckles, leaning forward to rest his chin on his knees. “Yeah, you’se too observant for ya’ own good sometimes.”

“And you’re too stubborn for yours,” he shot back, taking a breath before continuing to speak, voice much softer this time, “what’s eatin’ at ya, Jackie?”

Jack shuddered, face hidden behind his messy bangs. He was quiet for a moment before he muttered something just under his breath.

“I can’t hear ya, Jack,” he said plainly, leaning forward to try and catch his eyes. Jack just looked away,

“My Pa…. he’s… Spots just got news that he got out a’ the pen,” David’s breath caught in his throat as Jack spoke, his words shaking.

“Oh shit,” he breathed. For once, The Walking Mouth had been rendered speechless. Jack laughed, rough and strained.

“Yeah.. oh shit..” he pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. David set a hand on his shoulder, mind too frantic to linger on the way Jack tensed under his touch.

“Are you okay? He- he don’t know where you’se stayin’ does he? Shit- he can’t- Jackie..” now it was David’s turn to shake, the hand not gripping Jack’s shoulder running through his curly bed head. Jack shrugged, adamantly refusing to look at him. David cut himself off, words dying in his throat.

“Jackie…” he dropped the hand from his hair to his lap, “what are you gonna do?”

Jack shrugged again, but David could feel his shoulders begin to shake. David waited for a moment as Jack sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t know Dave… I mean I don’t- I don’t think he knows where I’se stayin’ but what if he does?”

David let the hand on his shoulder drop to his back, rubbing small circles into the thin fabric of his shirt like his mama would do when he was in a state. He didn’t know what to say and his mind was racing to come up with something. Something to fix it, something to make it all better.

Nothing came to mind.

Jack was still shaking but he leaned into Davey’s touch, taking in shuddering breaths as he hid his face in his knees. “Dave I- I don’t know what I’m gonna do…”

When he finally looked up, there were tears in his eyes. Davey’s heart clenched as he sucked in a harsh breath. Jack never cried- sure he got upset, angry enough to punch a hole through a wall or anxious to where he couldn’t breathe, but he never cried.

Davey didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m scared, Dave…”

That was the final straw. David gripped Jack’s shirt with shaking hands and jerked him into his long arms. He wrapped around him, using his height to his advantage as he enveloped Jack in a shaking embrace.

“Oh Jackie…” he buried his nose in his hair, pushing back his own tears.

Jack froze for a moment, just long enough for David to worry he’d gone too far before there were fingers digging into his back and Jack “Cowboy” Kelly was sobbing into his shoulder.

“I- fuck Dave-” David shushed him as he cried, arms tightening around him as the older boy cried his eyes out into his shoulder. He could feel his sleeves soaking through but that was the least of his worries right now. He was too busy trying to comfort the shaking mass of boy in his arms to give a dmn about his stupid shirt.

“It’s okay Jackie- let it all out. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. You can stay with us or- or hell I'm sure Spotty would let ya crash at the Brooklyn Lodge if he shows up in ‘Hattan,” he spoke frantically into Jack’s hair, trying everything to reassure him that there was no way his father would get anywhere near him. Jack just shudder out something between a laugh and a sob.

“Spotty don’t let no one but Racer stay at the lodge,”

“Spotty ain’t gonna leave you on the streets Jackie,” David pulled back just a bit, ignoring the soft whine that came from Jack, “none of us will, for that matter. You’se family, Jackie, an’ family don’t let family suffer.”

Jack blinked at him, tears still flowing from his eyes. When he spoke it was broken and strained, “you’re too good to me, Dave-”

David cut him off, thumbing away his tears, “no- people just ain’t been good enough.”

Jack sniffled, leaning into his palm. “Can I…. shit, can I stay here? Just for tonight. I don’t.. I don’t wanna walk back alone…”

Davey managed a smile, hand still cupping his cheek, “Jackie, you can stay as long as you want.”

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

And In This Light I Think I'm Falling

A/N: This is my first fic in a while so the style is a bit different than my usual--but I found it in my drafts and wanted to finish it while I’m still working on larger stories. Written in response to this prompt from before we conquered the ship name! 

Why does everyone assume they're together? Penelope can't stop thinking about it and feelings ensue. 

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Victor is just the first time.

It’s hilarious, her husband looking at that man–even if Schneider does walk in shirtless without knocking, even if he does that sort of thing a lot now–and thinking he’s her type.

After spending so many years with her, the fact that Victor can see them side by side and decide that they make sense…well, it’s just more proof that her marriage is a lost cause.

But the more it keeps happening, the less funny it is.

****

It’s the mom of Alex’s new teammate, who is behind them in the stands during the first home game and asks what Schneider does for a living while her own husband is getting snacks.

Penelope and Schneider’s corrections are so hasty they overlap into gibberish, impossible to understand, before she’s elbowing him and starting over with less panic.

It’s not like it doesn’t make sense, of course. It’s a simple mistake.

One that seems to occur every baseball season.

****

It’s the waiter at the restaurant they go to for her Mami’s birthday, when Schneider sweet talks Lydia into it in spite of Penelope’s insistence that they can just have the usual fun family party.

Really it’s no different from being at home. They’re still loud and happy, Elena and Alex sneaking glances at their phones even after she scolds them, and Lydia flirting until the chef sends dessert out on the house. Penelope can’t help basking in how warm and settled it all feels–this isn’t the future she saw herself having, but it’s a pretty good one and she’s happy in it.

Schneider goes to the bathroom and the waiter comes by to hand her the check, says he hopes the evening went well and that she and her husband will stop in on their next date night. He’s gone again before she can find the words to correct him, some way to make the truth clear without frantically overreacting and turning that into the issue instead.

Does it really matter, she wonders, when the kids and her Mami are sitting right there and don’t even notice the man’s mistake? They all know it’s not true. That’s what counts.

****

It’s at Elena’s high school graduation, because of course Schneider is there taking endless pictures and would've brought a professional film crew if she hadn’t threatened him with violence. Of course he cheers almost as loud as her Cuban family and cries the most and hands Elena a gift he wrapped himself.

Now it’s not one person, it’s most of the people, who weren't close with Elena and don’t know Victor is overseas and make the assumption that the man with the proud grin and matching glasses is the father of the girl Penelope is preparing to send into the adult world.

It’s reasonable, she thinks, and so she talks around the subject, she slides past the titles and assumptions and tries not to think too much about how it feels.

Because it makes her more melancholy than she wants to admit, the way the world expects them to be a couple, expects her to have someone at her side who loves her kids and supports her without question.

Schneider being so easily mistaken for that guy hurts. It reminds her of what she’s still trying to find.

****

It’s the way the kitchen light hits him early in the morning, catching hints of green and grey in his blue eyes when he takes off his glasses to rub at them. Waiting for his coffee and blinking, he notices her gaze.

Schneider asks if she’s okay, gratefully taking the mug after he puts his glasses back on.

As soon as he speaks it’s like a spell is broken and time moves normally again. Alex is complaining about his school clothes and Elena is arguing with her Abuelita about summer break and Schneider is the guy who hangs around too much.

But for a minute he wasn’t. For a minute he was somebody else.

Somebody she couldn’t stop looking at and wondering, what did other people keep finding there? What about the two of them seemed like such a good fit?

So without her ever really meaning to, one morning Schneider is a man Penelope sees differently.

And she likes what she sees, that’s the worst part of all.

She likes it a lot.

****

It’s the way he’s not pushy, he lets her come to him, but he’s also totally open. Inviting her in for a hug without needing to say it, always being a safe place for her to run to. His body language has its own gravitational pull.

Really, so does he.

But it’s also the way he always reaches out to her, and when Schneider does reach out, he doesn’t hesitate.

His hand is at the small of her back when they leave a room together, a friendly gesture he doesn’t even seem to notice. He grabs her shoulders to maneuver her into sitting, a move that never fails to work because it stuns her into complying.

She was in the Army, she knows fifty ways to leave him gasping for air, but Schneider will lead her around gently and firmly and wordlessly as though it doesn’t occur to him to be afraid of her reflexes.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Even if now he insists on showing up in her dreams.

****

It happens on a stifling August day, when the kids have fled to a temperature-controlled movie theater with their allowance and she opts to do the same for free.

Pretty close, anyway, because if she’s hanging out with Schneider at his place and she hints, he’ll leave the AC on all day without complaint.

She’s there for the free cool-down and the company, and whatever plans he might have had, Schneider seems happy to see her.

He always seems happy to see her. These days, Penelope can’t tell if that’s because he’s just such a happy person or if it’s about her.

She hopes it’s her.

They put a movie on and he offers to fix lunch. For a minute she can’t breathe, she’s laughing so hard.

The man cooks such terrible food, it hadn't occurred to her to take his offer seriously--but she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Sometimes she forgets he has any that are easily bruised. Because the pained look on Schneider’s face is sincere, she hurries to apologize.

Shifting closer on the couch, Penelope hugs him and promises that if he makes her food, she’ll eat it. She presses her lips to both his cheeks in big, exaggerated kisses to get him to smile again.

When that works and there’s only an inch between them, Schneider beaming at her so sweetly that it makes Penelope ache, she realizes she can’t take it anymore.

She kisses him again, this time leaning in to brush his mouth with hers, as slowly and carefully as if he might break. His smile is gone.

Penelope can see questions in his eyes, but Schneider doesn’t ask them. He frames her face with his hands and kisses her back.

She has questions too, because giving in to temptation didn’t mean expecting him to respond. She’s had time to develop feelings, deny them, and finally choose to acknowledge the insanity of them and hope they would go away.

Not once in all that time did she stop and think maybe Schneider had feelings for her too.

She’s pretty sure she has confirmation now, though, with him sinking deeper into the kiss and his hands tracing up the curve of her neck. Penelope's been wearing her hair up off her shoulders to beat the heat all day, but he's freeing it to run his fingers through.

With his hands buried in her curls, Schneider tugs her closer. Before she gets the chance to tell him her hair was up for a reason, his tongue finds hers and she lets him swallow her protest.

He’s being careful--she can tell he’s holding back just like her, still trying to figure out what this is and how far they can push the line before they cross it and something really important gets damaged.

But they’re making out in his chilled apartment, the air between them getting hotter by the second, and he’s practically got her pressed back into the couch and damn it feels good. All her rational arguments can’t stand up to the feel of him, a solid and comfortable weight on top of her.

Schneider smells like a forest, but not in a gross way–like an actual forest, rich and earthy and male. She’s never going to be able to stand near him again without noticing that and remembering them here, Penelope realizes.

With his mouth moving to her neck, he asks permission before he slides one hand under her tank top, and she holds back an eyeroll. Only Schneider would still be checking in while she was straddling him and her teeth were grazing his ear.

Of course, that's what she likes about him. However much he's enjoying himself--and she's got a front row seat, he's enjoying himself a lot--he would never want anything to happen between them that she might regret later.

God, that would almost simplify things, being able to consider today some form of temporary insanity. As she tugs Schneider's t-shirt over his head, Penelope wishes she could say she was going to regret this.

But she doesn’t think she will.

[thereluctantinquisitor]

Hey Reluctant you remember that tragic fic you wrote about Dorian leaving Varlen bc he refused to stay behind while Dorian went to Tevinter? since I've been thinking about it again and it's re-broken my heart, could you pretty please maybe do a short sequel where Varlen follows Dorian to Tevinter anyway and keeps him safe from the shadows, something with a happy ending? Bc I'm dying still thinking about my boys sad and lonely even if the fic isnt technically canon its still breaking my heart ;~;

PHEW. Sorry about this taking SO LONG to actually get to, but it ended up much longer than I anticipated. Because of that, I have uploaded it to AO3 in chapters for ease of reading (LINK HERE), but will also put it here for people who don’t mind… y’know… a lot of scrolling >.>

Also HERE is the break-up fic in question, in case people are interested

Things Thought Lost (Pavellan, Post-Trespasser)

Varlen Lavellan x Dorian Pavus, approx 8500 words. CW: violence, attempted assassination.

“Magister Pavus?”

Dorian groaned softly, the fingers of hisleft hand rubbing a tired circle against his temple. “Yes, yes. What is it?”

The scribe entered; a mouse of a thing calledAdiran. New to the household, he bobbed his head deferentially, and with theMaker as his witness, Dorian swore the young man’s knees were trembling.“T-There has been a change of venue for your meeting with Magister Tellene.Instead of the upper chambers, she has requested you meet her at the,u-um…“ He paused, glancing hurriedly at his board, which quivered andjumped in the air. “The Gilder.”

One dark brow arched high on Dorian’sforehead. “Harbour-side? An interesting choice for a lady with such a notabledislike of salt air.” The young man opened his mouth as if to beg apology, butDorian quickly waved a hand. “No matter, no matter. Thank you, Adiran. Informher that I will be present at the agreed upon time.” Typically, Dorian wouldmake a show of rescheduling entirely, as was common practice within theImperium when one wanted to assert one’s status over another. Or be a little petty. However,if he was to ever bring forth discussion of the treatment of slaves in themagisterium, he needed Tellene on side. She was old blood – something that carriedgreat weight in a nation stained red. Her support would be invaluable. Despitehis better judgement, he had little choice but to attend whatever she deignedto organise. If he did not establish an alliance now, someone else wouldinevitably beat him to it. It was not something he could afford.

Sighing softly, he pushed himself to hisfeet, chair sliding out behind him along the soft carpet. Moving to thefloor-length mirror, Dorian took a moment to adjust his attire, tugging hisrobe slightly, reasserting the perfectly effortless flow required of his cloak.He would not be wearing his insignia of office this time. Not if he was toventure so far from the heart of the Magisterium. It would be interesting, hesupposed. He had yet to visit the harbour since his magnificent return toTevinter. It held a rather significant number of fond memories.

All he hoped was that the meeting would gosmoothly, and those memories would not be replaced by something comparablydark.

The Gilder was decidedly… unremarkable. Nice,mind you, but most things in that part of the city could at the very least bedescribed as nice. Dorian exited his carriage with a nod to his driver, Valus, who wouldwait for however long the meeting took. Adiran hurried out behind him, carryinga stack of papers and ink to transcribe should the casual conversation take amore formal turn. It might not be needed, but Dorian always found it better tobe prepared, and the young man seemed as though he would benefit from theexcursion.

“Try to calm down,” he said to Adiran as they approached the establishment. “I brought you here as a member of myhousehold staff. Do try to look the part, yes?”

“Y-Yes, Magister Pavus.” Adiran swallowedtightly, sweat beading on his brow. “I’ll… I can do it. I’ll be fine.”

Dorian’s expression softened slightly as theyascended the steps to the entrance. “There. That’s the spirit. Just stay withme and look interested in what’s happening.” He paused as Adiran hurriedforward to get the door, then as he passed, he fixed the scribe with a sidelongglance. “But not too interested.”

The young man paled again. It was a bit cruelto tease him, but Dorian couldn’t help himself. It was the sort of thing thatwould have earned a soft snort of amusement from his companions back inFerelden. A touch of the arm. A bright smile. Silver hair swept over oneshoulder, blue eyes gleaming with barely contained laughter…

Dorian caught himself mid-thought, startledthat his mind had wandered so far from its course. No. Now is not the time for such…distraction. He needed tobe focused. This meeting could make or break half a year’s worth of work. Ifhis thoughts were elsewhere, it could lead to disaster. He had to deny them, nomatter how desperately they wished to elope.

“The meeting is upstairs, Magister Pavus.”Adiran, who had been swift to hurry over to a richly attired man with a ledger,returned just as quickly, his brown hair tousled, green eyes bright withnervous energy. “Shall I lead the way and ah… introduce you? Is that, um… howthis goes?”

“Yes. If you please.” Dorian’s response wasclipped, his mind still distant as he followed the young man. Why think ofVarlen? Why now? Was it because there was so much at stake? Was it because he wasfeeling so very out of his depth?

Or was it because, if he were to be perfectlyhonest, he would give anything in the world for Varlen to be the one currently standing by hisside.

You are the one who set thatship to sail, you know, Dorianchided himself silently as he followed Adiran up two flights of carpeted stairsto the room. Thenyou launched a fireball and burned it to ash for good measure. You have no one toblame but yourself. He is not coming back.

It was a bitter thing, to consider how muchhe had already been forced to give up to become Magister Pavus. Maker’s breath,he had yet to decide if it had even been worth it. Perhaps, if he could doenough good here, he might be able to make it safe. Yes… yes, if he could dothat, Varlen might just…

Dorian’s thought was cut short as Adiranknocked meekly on the door of one of the rooms. Good grief, even his knock wasmouse-like. Dorian would have to work on that with him; give the young man abit more presence. It would do him no good to come across as so fragile. People arewant to take advantage of such individuals, particularly in the Imperium.

There was a soft affirmation from beyond thedoor, and Adiran took a steadying breath, steeling himself. He glanced back atDorian, who gave him an encouraging nod despite feeling almost sick with nerveshimself. But to offer support was only fair; Dorian had been the one to insiston Adiran’s involvement, after all. It was the least he could do. To Dorian’ssurprise, the young man actually mustered a flicker of a smile, standing alittle taller before turning the gold-coated handle and pushing open the door.It swung on perfectly oiled hinges, revealing the lamp-lit room beyond. Chin raised,knees still shaking slightly, Adiran stepped in ahead of Dorian, as wasprotocol. When he spoke, his voice rang out with unexpected clarity.

“Magister Tellene and valued associates, itis my honour to present the esteemed Magister Pavus, son of the late HalwardPavus, member o—”

It had been difficult for Dorian to keep aproud smile off his face at Adiran’s confident tone, but he had managed upuntil the young man suddenly cut off, his introduction coming to a jarring haltmidway through. Dorian frowned, brow creasing in mingled disappointment andconcern as he stepped forward to usher Adiran aside, assuming the scribe’snerves had simply overcome him. No matter. There would be other opportunitiesfor him to practice. He placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder comfortingly butfirmly. “That is enough with the formalities for n…” Dorian halted the momenthe stepped up to Adiran’s side. He caught the young man’s expression. Adiran’sgreen eyes, once bright with nerves, were blown wide, staring down in shock.His head was barely tilted, frozen in place, colour draining fast from histanned skin. Bitter dread clawed up the back of Dorian’s throat, and almostreluctantly, he let his own gaze descend.

A hilt, adorned with delicate gold weave,jutted from the centre of Adiran’s stomach.

“Fasta-vass!” Doriansprang into action, his time spent fighting with the Inquisition far fromforgotten. Magic leaped to his fingertips in less than a frantic heartbeat, butfor once the destructive fire of his youth was not the first thing to rise tothe occasion. Instead, a barrier rippled around Dorian and the young man,wrapping them in a familiar hum of energy, and it was just in time as anotherdagger streaked towards them only to be turned aside by the magical shield. Ahigh, panicked whine crawled up the back of Adiran’s throat as blood began toseep around his fingers, wrapped almost protectively around the hilt of theblade. Dorian drew the young man close, hooking him around the waist to keephim on his feet. “Stay with me.” He clenched his teeth as he fought to maintaintheir defences as another projectile – one far less mundane – was repelled. “Do not pullthat out, do you understand? Stay with me.”

There were four figures in the room and nosign whatsoever of Magister Tellene, save the fact that she was likely behindthe foul play. Just four assassins against one mage and a young man whose skinhad already drained of colour as he entered the first stages of shock. This wasbeyond bad. In fact, as Dorian attempted to back towards the door, eyesflicking between his assailants, he could think of few more potentially deadlysituations in which to find himself. Foolish. He shouldhave been more careful. Should not have rushed in so eagerly. His instincts hadwarned him, and he had ignored every last one of them.

Dorian’s father once said that a man’s worthcould be measured by his ambition. Dorian himself always fancied ambition to beworth remarkably little if, in its realisation, one fell to the folly of haste.

Just this once, he wished he had taken hisown damn advice.

Sweat beading on his brow, running down histemples, Dorian backed all the way to the door only to find it had somehow beenclosed behind him, the act going unnoticed in his rush to protect his scribe.He snarled; a surprisingly vicious sound; as an assassin started forward,intending to rush the barrier. Dorian snapped his hand to the side, three boltsof fire shooting from his palm to catch the cowled man mid-flight. The assassincried out, staggering, throwing his arms up to guard his face, but his clothingremained uncharred by the flames. In fact, the fire seemed to sweep pastharmlessly, repelled like water from oiled canvas. Of course.Yes, he should have guessed they would be ready for combat with a mage of hisparticular specialty. These were no mere hired blades, after all.

“Kaffas,” Doriangrowled, face set in a snarl as he chose lightning, charging a bolt in his palmand sending it lancing forward. It hit one assassin, then leaped to a second,but again the effect seemed almost laughable. They slowed under the assault,only human and unnerved by the display, but did not stop. For all his power,Dorian was little more than an inconvenience to them.By his side, Adiran’s breathing had started to come in short, panicked gasps;too little to fill the boy’s lungs. They didn’t have much time. He didn’thave much time. Turning, Dorian threw a hand towards the door, summoning magicto his palm and sending it scorching outwards in a bright, loud blast. If hecould get them out and summon the city guards, then perhaps—

The sound of shattering glass ripped Dorian’sattention back to the room even as the door buckled and blasted outwards. Theassassins standing by the window cried out in surprise, stepping away hastilyas a figure swung into the room. A blur of black and brown, the person hit theground, rolled, and was on their feet in less time than it took to bat an eye,twin blades flashing in their hands. For a moment, Dorian thought this might beanother assailant, come to ensure the job was done thoroughly. But before thatthought even reached completion, the stranger whirled on the assassins,slashing fast, feinting and dodging and weaving, harrying and harassing them inclose quarters. It seemed the stranger’s arrival was as much as surprise tothem as it had been to Dorian, and they scrambled to defend themselves,momentarily distracted from their quarry.

In the confusion, Dorian did the only thinghe could. Grunting, he hauled Adiran up and made for the door, almost trippingover the debris, staggering out into the hallway. The boy’s blood ran freelydown his front, now, staining the carpet red as they stumbled and wovechaotically. After a few hindered steps, Dorian opted to simply sweep the boyinto his arms, ignoring the shriek of pain Adiran let out at the movement. Thesound stole the breath from Dorian’s chest in the worst possible way and hegritted his teeth, trying not to give in to the rising panic. The guilt. Adiranshook in his arms, tense with pain, eyes glassy and wide as he stared down athis wound.

He’s just a boy. I shouldn’thave brought him. I shouldn’t have—

Dorian reached the stairs just as a form camehurtling out of the room’s shattered doorway, skidding into the hall, a horrorof black fabric and deadly blade. Assassin. Cursing,Dorian threw up another barrier, but before he could attempt to flee the mancrashed into him, sending both Dorian and Adiran to the ground. They hit hard,and Dorian rolled on instinct just as the assassin’s wicked blade slammed intothe ground where his neck had been. Whatever it was made of, it sliced straightthrough the floorboards as though they were paper. With little left to hisdisposal, Dorian kicked out, catching the assassin in the side, knocking himtowards the stairs. Unfortunately, the cloaked man managed to catch himself onthe first step, avoiding the damaging fall that might have followed, andimmediately launched himself back towards Dorian, who had barely had time tostagger to his feet.

Whether through skill or sheer luck, Dorianmanaged to catch the assassin’s wrists, that deadly blade stopping mere inchesfrom his chest. Both men grunted, snarling, one’s face hidden by a mask, the other’sexposed and desperate. Despairing. Livid. Adiran layin a crumpled heap, curled in on himself as if to guard the blade sheathed inhis stomach. He’sjust a boy. Dorian cried out, heavingback against the assassin, forcing the man back a half-step from the suddenforce of it. Justa boy. His grip tightened on theassassin’s wrists, clamping down hard, the fitted fabric of the man’s sleeveslipping down as they struggled for dominance. I should not have brought him. 

For a split second, Dorian felt warmth against his palms –skin – and quite literally seized the opportunity with both hands. Ignoring thethreat of that deadly blade, Dorian focused his magic, dropping his barrier anddrawing its power into his attack, feeling the energy coil and writhe inside him. Then,just when he could contain it no longer, he released it in a rush, theelectricity discharging with a muted crack directly into the assassin’s exposedskin. The man screamed, arching, grip tightening on his blade, neck snappingback, body shaking. Dorian refused to let go, his eyes on the assassin, hisheart on Adiran, his mind chanting a desperate mantra for it to all be over.The smell of something cooking, and then burning, rose thick in the air, untilthe assassin finally collapsed in a smoking heap on the floor. Without eventhinking, Dorian snatched the man’s blade and slipped it into his belt, themimmediately staggered over the corpse and towards the crumpled form of hisscribe.

“Adiran,” he rasped, exhausted, shaking as heturned the boy, rolling him onto his back. Dorian was greeted by the faintestof moans, but it set his exhausted heart racing again, newfound energy risingto flood his veins. “Come – that’s it. We’re fine. You will be fine.” Hegrunted, heaving the boy up again. Adiran did not cry out this time. In fact,he seemed barely aware of who Dorian was or what was happening, head lolling,eyes unfocused and half shut. Bitterly, Dorian could only think that was alllikely for the best.

Dorian did not exit via the front of theestablishment. The back door was closer, and his chariot was waiting down theside of the building. As soon as Dorian stumbled into sight, Valus,leaped to his feet, eyes blown wide with shock. “Get the door open,” Dorianordered as he ran towards it. “Now! Take us to Maevaris.” She had a spirithealer on staff – one who might be able to help. That was the boy’s onlychance, Dorian feared, and even then it was slim. As he and Valus heaved theyoung man into the carriage, Dorian eyed the wound and felt a sick sensationchurn in his stomach. Itwas bad. Any seasoned fighter wouldsay the same. A slow, painful way to go.

Once inside the wagon, Valus immediately setthe horses off at a canter, moving recklessly through the streets, hollering tomove people out of the carriage’s way. Inside, Dorian cradled Adiran’s head inhis lap, smoothing the boy’s hair, unable to find the words he deserved in sucha moment. His hand worked what little magic he had left, trying to numb thearea – ease the pain. Whatcould one truly say? 

“M… Magis…ter…” Adiran’s voice was barelyabove a whisper, and Dorian started, almost missing it for all Valus’ shoutingand rein-cracking.

“Shh, hush now,” Dorian murmured almostreflexively, reaching to wrap a hand comfortingly around the young man’s wrist.Holding him. What else could he do? “Save your breath. We are almost at thehealer.”

Adiran swallowed, flinched, then gasped atthe contraction, his hands twitching painfully around the embedded blade.“A-Are y… s-safe?”

The expression on Dorian’s face would havebeen comical had it not been lined so heavily by grief. “Foolish boy,” hechoked, shaking his head, fingers still combing soothingly through his tousledbrown hair that seemed immune to any form of taming. Sucking in a shakingbreath, Dorian pressed on, “I am fine, Adiran. Unharmed. You did well. You… didvery well.”

Had the young man been more present, he mighthave disputed that claim, given the circumstances. But instead his feverishgaze seemed to brighten ever so slightly as it drifted upwards, focusing on thejolting roof of the carriage. Their green was dimmer than before; wilting fastlike cut grass. All Dorian could do was helplessly beg the carriage to gofaster.

Maevaris, as always,moved with the efficiency of a woman whose world always ran on perfectschedule. The moment Dorian’s carriage pulled up, she appeared as thoughsummoned, whether warned by her own guards or Valus’ booming voice, Doriancould not say. Either way, it did not matter; the moment she saw Adiran shelaunched into action, sending a servant to fetch the healer before slidingbeneath Adiran’s other arm herself and helping Dorian carry the boy along.“Maker’s breath, what happened to him?” she demanded as they ran into themanor, a cot already being wheeled down the hallway from one of the nearbyrooms. “And if you are going to stop by unannounced, flowers never go astray.”

“Not now,” Dorian begged, andMaevaris seemed more than happy to oblige him in this instance. While boththeir instincts in the gravest moments were to make light, this time… this timeDorian just couldn’t bear it. What happened next was something of a blur, andthe next thing Dorian knew, the boy had been whisked away by not just onehealer, but a group, all speaking in fast, serious tones. The only thing thatstopped Dorian from following them instinctively was Maevaris’ steadying handon his shoulder. He turned to her, aggrieved, but she just shook her head, gazesympathetic but firm.

“Let them work, Dorian. There isnothing either of us can do for him now.” Her pale gaze drifted to where theyhad disappeared down the corridor, voices fading in the distance. “I do notknow who that boy was, but he is in good hands. The best, if Jahvri’srecommendations are to be believed.”

“One can only hope. Maker’sbreath…” Dorian sagged, andMaevaris quickly guided him over to a chair, steadying him by the arms as hecollapsed into it. “How?” he continued, shaking his head, curving forward andburying his face in his hands. “How did I let this happen?”

“Hush.” She pulled him in close,letting Dorian’s head rest against her stomach, holding him without a care forthe blood, both fresh and dried, that coated the front of his robe. “You will tell me what happened, Dorian… but not now. Youare safe here. That is what matters. Stay as long as you feel you must.”

“You are too good to me.”

“I am. But Maker knows you woulddo the same.”

To his credit, Dorian managed afaint smile at that. It was true, after all. But it wavered and fell all tooquickly. Maevaris, perceptive as ever, gave the excuse of fetching tea for themto drink. As if she did not have staff for such an endeavour. But regardless,she made herself scarce, offering Dorian a moment’s reprieve, and he wasgrateful for the solitude. Suddenly overcome by a wave of exhaustion,Dorian raised his hands to rub at his eyes, then jolted as thesight of his own bloodstained palms sent a spike of panic through him. Yes. Yes,of course. As if reading hismind, a servant appeared with a warm, damp cloth, offering it to him for thetime being and informing him a bath was being drawn and would be ready shortly.Maevaris was nothing if not a gracious host.

Sitting there, Dorian’s mindwandered back to that room at The Gilder. To the figure who had leapt in; asaviour of dark leather and flashing steel. Whoever that person had been,Dorian wagered he owed them his life. Perhaps even Adiran’s, if…

Dorian blanched and leanedforward heavily, resting his forearms on his knees, uncaring of how he mightlook to the guards flooding out to take up extra watch duties in the wake ofhis dramatic arrival. What he had done; attending that meeting; had been amistake he could not afford to make. Not now. Certainly not again. A singleerror of judgement could mean the end of everything. Of himself. Of others. He was more than just a lone agent – a pariah actingout against an established ideal. Finally, he was in a position where his voicecould be heard above the powerful ruling minority. If he allowed himself to besilenced through his own recklessness…

There was a sound from outside;men and woman shouting what sounded like a warning. Dorian launched to hisfeet, exhausted but rekindled by the thought that the assassins had givenchase. The idea that he might have brought danger to Maevaris’ house left himsick and hollow inside, but as he attempted to rush out a pair of guardsmenstepped in front of the door, blocking his path. “Apologies, Magister Pavus,”one said, “but we are under strict orders.”

Of course they were. Dorian’slips curled disdainfully, but quickly his rational side caught up, windingtight around his anger and stemming its flow. He was drained. Exhausted andbroken in too many ways. If he rushed out there, he would only be a liability.

A horn sounded – a few staccatobursts – and Dorian’s gaze flicked between the guards with an appropriate levelof indignation for his station. “At least tell me what is happening,” he said,seeking compromise. “I trust you can do that much, yes?”

After sharing a nervous glance,the other guard spoke, her voice ringing within her helm. “An attempted breachof the estate’s wall, Magister Pavus. That last call was to say whoever madethe attempt has been apprehended. They—”

Suddenly, the door behind theguards was thrown open, sending the pair staggering to the side and Dorianjumping back a step. Another group of Maevaris’ soldiers stormed in, a figuredragged between them, gripped tightly by the upper arms, surrounded by thethreat of blades. Dorian’s heart raced, but it seemed their captive was notputting up much of a fight; an occasional grunt and jerk of resistance when aguard got a little too rough or a blade slipped a little too close, but nothingmore. It was… well, rather strange. The group started moving past Dorian, their captive twisting,brown and black leather stained by blood…

… that was when Dorian recognisedwho it was.

“Wait! Stop!” Starting forward,Dorian placed himself between the guards and the hallway, cutting them off. Thegroup immediately halted. They might be under Maevaris’ employ, but they werenot so bold as to trample a Magister. Breathing harder than he had any need tobe, Dorian held out a hand. It was trembling. “Wait. I know that armour. Thisperson saved my life.”

There was a hush of uneasytension that filled the room. “Apologies, Magister, but we are under strictorders—” one of the guards began, but then the captive spoke over the top ofhim.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was deep.Earnest. Achingly familiar. Somethingtightened in Dorian’s chest, his eyes widening at the sound. No. Itcouldn’t be. “Itried to keep them all in the room, but one slipped past, and I’m…” The figureshivered and hung his head, still cowled and masked. Only his eyes werevisible, and Dorian caught a glimpse of them for the briefest moment. A bright,brilliant blue. “You got away.” The man continued weakly, almost to himself.Almost relieved. “Fora second I thought…”

“Release him,” Dorian breathed,stepping forward. But the guards did not comply, and his angerrose swiftly from the centre of his chest. “Did you not hear me? I said—”

“It is all right.” Maevaris’voice rang clear and crisp through the room. She had entered with a servantbearing a tray of tea, and while she seemed wary, her ability to read Dorianlike an open book spurred her to act. She met Dorian’s grateful gaze and noddedto the guards. “Let him go.”

Immediately, the guards releasedthe cowled man, who grunted and rubbed his arms where he had been held. Then,slowly, he straightened, his gaze rising to meet Dorian’s. They held eachother’s stares for a time, neither entirely sure of what to say. What to do. Dorian’s mind was little more than a whitewash ofemotion, fuzzy and uncertain, relieved and terrified all at once.

What was he doing here? How did he…?

“If you’re going to shout at me,can we at least do it without an audience?” Varlen’s voice was the same asDorian remembered, but somehow different as well. Harder. Colder.

“I’m not…” Dorian trailed off,then licked his lips, glancing about the room full of armed men and women.“Maevaris, if you please… I would have a moment with this man. Alone.” Underher intense stare, Dorian gave her a pointed nod. “All is quite well. You havemy word. Is there somewhere we might speak? Preferably a room without yourdutiful guards present.”

“Dorian,” Maevaris said warningly, but at the look on hisface she just sighed, reaching up to rub her forehead with her fingertips.“Very well. Fine. This way.” She spared a glance for the newcomer. Or perhapsa glare wouldbe more fitting. “Attempt anything at all and I will have you skinned and wear you like acoat. Understood?”

Dorian imagined Varlen would havepaled beneath that mask, but his voice remained surprisingly resolute as hegave a small bow of his head. “Yes, ma’am.”

Yes ma’am. Ittook all Dorian had to suppress a cringe as Maevaris arched a brow at theimpropriety of it all. But he supposed, if nothing else, it was strangelycomforting to know that some things had not changed.

When the door closed behind them,the first thing Dorian did close the space between himself and the cowledfigure. His hands reached out, thumbs brushing along the sides of Varlen’s coveredface, both pleased and surprised to find his former lover did not jerk awayfrom his touch.

So, Dorian removed the mask.

The elven man’s features wereprecisely how he remembered, although he supposed he shouldn’t really besurprised. It had only been just over a year, after all, since they had gonetheir separate ways for good. Discarding the mask, Dorian’s hands returned asthough drawn by a mysterious force, ghosting along the sides of Varlen’s face, wantingso badly to feel the warmth of his skin, but uncertain of whether such intimatecontact would be welcome. Instead, he allowed himself a moment of indulgence,drinking in the sight that stood before him. Those bright blue eyes, that palevallaslin. Cheekbones that gave such pleasing shape to his face; lines Dorian hadonce loved to absently trace. They were more pronounced now, he realisedvaguely. Varlen had gotten thinner. Then again, Dorian figured they both hadneglected themselves in more ways than one. Nothing could drain a person quitelike constant, unwavering stress.

In Dorian’s distraction, it wasVarlen who was the first to speak. “Dorian… were you hurt?”

That question. Why did everyone always ask that first?Pain flickered behind Dorian’s eyes and he lowered his hands, stepping away,the image of Adiran shivering in his arms suddenly too vivid. Too overwhelming.“I am well, Varlen.” He paused, collected himself, then added. “And you? Icannot imagine your entry through the second-storey window was a comfortableexperience.”

A faint smirk flickered acrossVarlen’s lips and he shrugged, although a little stiffly. “It’s not so bad. Ifyou do it right.” With a sigh, he reached up, tugging down his hood, hairspilling from its confine to tumble down past his shoulders. Dorian’s eyeswidened at the sight. Still long, yes, but he wore it shorter than before. Thedemands of practicality. But more than anything, it was predominantly black.Dorian was stunned into silence for a good while, slowly taking in changes hethought he would never see. Varlen lovedhis hair, proud to wear the same silver as his mother and sister. Now, only afew inches of it had grown, catching the wavering lamplight, no doubt awaitingthe dyeing process. What followed the unveiling was an uneasy silence; one thatseemed better suited to a funeral procession than an untimely reunion of formerlovers. Then again, perhaps it was a perfect silence. After all, Dorian had noidea how to fill it.

Uncertainly, Varlen rose to theoccasion, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Dorian… I know this isn’twhat you wante—”

“No.” Dorian, it seemed, hadfound his voice. Funny, how easy it was to make the throw once the first stonehad been cast. Varlen blinked, uncertain of what to make of single word, butDorian just shook his head gently. “Varlen, if it is apology you areattempting, I would much rather you refrain.” He paused, a familiar discomfort gnawingat his stomach, but forced himself to continue. “I know that we left each otheron rather unfortunate terms. To putit mildly, of course. But if it is quite the same to you, I would rather notdwell on that particular conversation.” Themistakes that I made. “The… things that were said.”

Varlen licked his lips, and therewas an air of uncertainty to the movement. For a time, Dorian feared he haddone precisely the wrong thing; that their parting words might have beensomething Varlen needed to address and he had just crushed that need underheel. But then the elven man released a long-held breath, some of the tensionleaving his shoulders as he did so, and glanced up to meet Dorian’s gaze. “Yeah.All right, sure.” A faint smile quirked up the corner of his lips. “So… I takeit you’re not going to lecture me, then?”

“Come now, let’s not be entirely unreasonable.”

Varlen laughed, and Dorian foundhimself succumbing to the desire as well. It was a giddy feeling, especiallyconsidering what had just transpired, but a part of him simply couldn’t helpit. His scribe was barely clinging to life, he had nearly been assassinated,and now his former lover stood before him swathed in black like a murderer fromsome cautionary tale. But he was smiling. Laughing.

These were strange times indeed.

They quieted after a moment,returning to a kind of still contemplation of one another, eyes locked.Focused. Neither seemed willing to break the connection. “I… had considered anumber of outcomes. For my meeting with Magister Tellene, that is.” Dorian’sconfession was soft, and he shook his head, still not quite believing what washappening. “But this… well, this one hadcertainly failed to cross my mind.”

“I know.” Varlen was the first tobreak the stillness, looking away and moving over towards the window. He peekedthrough the curtains, squinting against the late-afternoon sun. What he waslooking for, Dorian could not say. “I got most of them,” he eventuallyexplained after glancing over his shoulder and catching Dorian’s perplexedexpression. “But one of the assassins slipped past. I tried to chase him down,but the others cut me off and…” He pulled his lower lip between his teeth, eyesflicking back out to the front of Maevaris’ estate. There was shame in theexpression. Whatever Varlen had intended, it clearly had not gone according toplan. Loose ends were always complicated, after all.

“I believe I ran into thatfellow, yes,” Dorian said. Varlen turned sharply at that, eyes widening inalarm, and Dorian quickly gave a placating wave of his hand. “Now, now, not tofret. He was… dealt with.”

“But the clothing they had on was—”

“You will find little in thisworld that is entirely mage-proof,Varlen.”

“Right. Yeah. Good point.” Varlencleared his throat, nodding and letting the curtain fall back into place as he steppedaway. He wiped his hands on his pants anxiously, and Dorian couldn’t help butfeel a pang of guilt. After all, he knew why Varlen might be in such a state.But before Dorian could find the correct words, Varlen turned to face him,expression tense. “Well, are you going to ask me or not?”

“Ask you…?”

“Why I’m here, Dorian.”

“Ah.” Dorian sighed, moving overto a sturdy mahogany table – a wood favoured by Maevaris and half themagisterium - and leaning against its edge. “Very well, then. Why are you here,Varlen?”

The elven man had seeminglyexpected an argument. He paused, mouth half open, and then closed it with aclick of his teeth. He was clearly on edge; Dorian could read that much, atleast. But despite it, Varlen pushed himself to speak. “I… heard rumours.”

Now it was Dorian’s turn tofrown. “You will have to be a tad more specific, Varlen. A great many rumours havecircled me of late.” He made a grand gesture at his bloodied robes. “Somewhat partof the office, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, well… part of the job ornot, I didn’t like what I heard.” He was pacing now, that familiar restlessenergy demanding some kind of outlet. Dorian said nothing, simply lettingVarlen sort through his thoughts. “I’d begged Leliana to keep an ear to theground for me, and she…” He swallowed; shook his head. “People want you dead, Dorian. More than most Magisters.Which I guess is something of anachievement, but not exactly what I‘d been hoping to hear.”

“And that surprised you?”

“… No.” Varlen sighed, raking hisfingers through his hair. Silver fading to black. “Just… do you know what it’slike? To be so far away and hear reports like that? Over and over again? Firstit’s unnamed mercenaries. Then trained assassins. Then suddenly any wealthy altus who can afford morethan a single attempt on your life. Then the threats started coming from yourfellow magisters. Dorian…” Varlenshook his head, although he was unable to look over and meet Dorian’s gaze andhis voice dropped to barely a whisper. “What was I supposed to do? Wait until Igot the news that y… that you’d been…?”

The unfinished question was metwith silence, heavy and uncomfortable. Dorian knew what he should say. You were supposed to stay away. It is notsafe here for you. That was, after all, the bitter note on which they hadended their relationship. Dorian had thought cutting ties was the only way tokeep his amatus out of danger. But they were no longer a couple – there was nolonger that sense of obligation – and Varlen had still come to him.

“I don’t know, Varlen.” It wasthe most honest answer Dorian had given anyone since returning to the Imperium,and it seemed Varlen sensed that by the way his gaze finally flicked over and stayedfocused on him. “Things here… they have been difficult. On that matter, I willnot lie. What I am attempting here was always going to breed some measure of hostility.” Slowly, painfully, he offered a weak smile. “If it is anyconsolation at all… this is the closest anyone has ever come to completingthe deed. Your timing remains remarkable as eve—”

To Dorian’s surprise, Varlen snorted. He seemed utterly amused, andDorian stopped mid-sentence, uncertain what to make of the outburst. Anapologetic look washed over Varlen’s face and he cleared his throatuncomfortably. “Sorry. It’s just… this wasn’t the closest. Not really.”

Dorian felt his face go slack. “Itwasn’t?”

Varlen shook his head. “Therewere a few times. At night, mostly. At your estate. Some were ready withpoisons, waiting for you to head to your rooms for the evening. They planned toslip it into the water pitcher on your bedside table. Once was…” He paused, asif uncertain if he should continue, but after an encouraging nod from Dorian,he did. “It was your old scribe, Dorian. She was to deliver you a message, butthe parchment was soaked through with something.She wore gloves so she wouldn’t touch it, but knew you wouldn’t have any onafter dinner.”

My scribe. For thebriefest moment, Dorian’s mind flickered to Adiran, but he quickly shooed theimage away. No, not him. The one the boy had replaced. “I thought she had simply fled my employ, the same as some of the others,” he murmured.Feeling strangely unsteady, he reached out, groping behind him, dragging one ofthe chairs out from beneath the table and sitting down. “Corellia. She hadserved my family for years. It was a shock, mind you, but I imagined many of myfather’s old staff were less than pleased by my replacing him.” Then, Dorianlooked up, grey eyes finding Varlen and fixing on the man. “So she… did you…?”

“I had to.” His voice was barelyabove a whisper, and Varlen closed his eyes, turning away. “She wanted to killyou, Dorian. What choice did I have?”

Dorian’s heart felt like stone,heavy and coarse. “Was she the only one? Among my household.”

“No.”

“And did you…?”

“Yes. I did.” Varlen let out ashivering breath, but opened his eyes again. Just a touch. But he did not lookat Dorian, and there was something defeated in the expression on his face. WhenVarlen worked up the will to speak again, his voice was hoarse, thick with a hurt that could not bedescribed. To hear it tore Dorian apart.

“I’m sorry, Dorian. For all ofit. I know you cared about them, but I couldn’t just let them go.” Hisvoice had risen as he spoke, edging into something panicked and desperate.“M-Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. Come here. Interfered. I just…” His voice cracked,and something inside Dorian cracked with it as Varlen turned away sharply,almost desperate to look away. “I didn’t think it would be so…”

“Varlen… come now, none of that.”Dorian rose quickly, ignoring the lurch of unsteadiness that accompanied themovement, and crossed the room in a few long strides. He reached out, takingVarlen by the shoulders, finally seeing the pain the man had been sodesperately trying to hide. Perhaps the mask had allowed him to pretend, for atime. Perhaps it had let him pretend it was someone else holding the blade and taking the lives. Now,that dark cloth lay abandoned on the floor, a black stain on Maevaris’ plush carpet.Dorian wanted nothing more than to burn it to ash. “Varlen… look at me.Please?” Slowly, the elven man’s gaze drifted up, glassy but stubborn, refusing to give in to the threat of likely much-needed tears. Dorian smiledfaintly and brushed a strand of hair from Varlen’s face. “I owe you my life, itseems. Many times over. What you have done… it is a debt I can only ever hopeto repay.”

Varlen just nodded, but the movementwas stiff. With a pang, Dorian realised that was not what he should have said.Wincing internally, the mage forged onward. He had to find what Varlen needed tohear. “What you have endured… I can only imagine how difficult it must havebeen. Tell me; were you alone?”

“Leliana,” Varlen murmured, eyeson Dorian’s chest rather than his face. “She would send information. Leads. Ijust followed them. Got in the way as often as I could.” He paused, and thenadded even more softly, “Some were… harder than others. There aren’t manyplaces for someone like me to go here, when things go wrong.” He snorted dryly. “You were right about that much, at least.” There was abitterness to that last remark that stung like a slap.

“Oh Varlen…” Unable to helphimself, Dorian just pulled the elven man into an embrace, holding him tight.At first, Varlen remained rigid, the way one might when dragged into anunexpected hug by an acquaintance. Polite endurance, nothing more. But then,after a few tense beats, he relaxed. Leaned into the embrace, wrapping his ownarms around Dorian and pulling him close, burying his head in the crook of hisneck. For a moment, everything almost felt like before. Dorian closed his eyes.Breathed in the familiar scent of his amatus. Maker’s breath…

Dorian had no idea how badly hehad missed this. How badly he had missed him.

“I have made so many mistakes,”Dorian murmured, shaking his head slightly, arms refusing to let go of Varlen.“More than I have any right to. But… how we left things…”

He felt Varlen shift against him,but he made no attempt to extract himself from the embrace, settling to mumbleagainst Dorian’s shoulder. “It was bad, wasn’t it?” Dorian just nodded, andVarlen continued. “I won’t lie. A part of me wanted to wash my hands of you. Itseemed… for the best, in a way. I didn’t want to admit it at the time, but youwere right. Coming to Tevinter and standing at your side… it would have been too dangerous. There is just noway we could… be us here.”

A thought suddenly occurred toDorian that saw cold flood his skin. “Varlen, I need to make something clearthat I may have neglected. It is true, we can never be what we were inFerelden here, but it is not because I do not want it.” He tightened his grip instinctively. “Maker’s breath, even back then, against my better judgement, Iwanted it more than anything. But… the thought that you would come here becauseof me, and place yourself at risk…” Dorian felt his throat constrict but attemptedto talk through it. “If somethinghappened to you…”

“Stop. Dorian...” Varlen’s words were firm, but his touch remained gentle. Hepulled back, taking Dorian in, and it was only the expression of concernthat flashed across his face that made Dorian aware of the fact that he was,indeed, crying. Perhaps it was his exhaustion or his worry for Adiran, or hisdiscovery of Varlen struggling in the heart of the one place he had tried tospare him from. Perhaps it was a culmination of all the day’s miserable, bloodyevents. But regardless of the reason, silent tears had crept past Dorian’scareful guard, and he regretted them immediately. Ashamed of himself, Dorianmade to wipe them away in a harsh motion, but Varlen beat him to it. And hishands were gentle. His gloves soft. Without dismissal, he brushed away the first sign that,finally, Dorian had reached a limit he was not prepared to handle.

At least, not alone.  

“You shouldn’t be here,” Dorianbreathed, his voice only shaking ever so slightly. It was the most composedanyone could be while crying their eyes out, he liked to imagine. It helpedlessen the sting a touch. “Amatus, this is too dangerous. I won’t beresponsible for dragging you into it. I can’t.”

“Well that’s fine. Because youaren’t.” The words were so simple, and Varlen spoke them with such convictionthat it actually gave Dorian pause. A faint smile managed to find its way toVarlen’s lips and he held Dorian’s face in his hands, keeping their gazeslocked. “We broke up, Dorian. There was, as you said, no obligation for me tocome here.”

“You came anyway,” Dorianmurmured. Varlen nodded.

“I came anyway.”

“After everything I said to you.Everything I…”

“Yeah, well…” Varlen gave a faintshrug. It was meant to appear dismissive, but deep down, Dorian could onlyimagine how many months it must have taken for him to perfect it. “Turns out itwas going to take more than a bad fight to keep me away. Whether we’re togetheror not, Dorian, I care about you.You’re my friend as much as you were… more than that.” He swallowed, taking asecond to collect himself. “The fact of the matter is, I believe in what you’retrying to do. Fenedhis, I want you to succeed. I know I can’t helpout in the open, so I figured I would do it my way, and it was actuallyworking.”

“Until today.”

“Until today,” Varlen agreedquietly. He let go of Dorian, the tears having ceased as they spoke, and took asingle step back. Not too far, but far enough. “I… messed up, today. I was tooslow. I didn’t pay enough attention to the obvious threat, and it…” Varlen bithis lip, glancing towards the door. “Creators… he’s so young, Dorian. Just a kid.”

“I know.” Dorian’s voice washusky, and there was no helping it. He could still see Adiran’s shocked expression;that vacant stare at the roof of the carriage; and it pained him in a way thathe simply could not describe. “But it was not your fault, Varlen. Do not blameyourself. What you have been doing… it is already more than I deserve.”

“No, it isn’t.” Varlen steppedforward again, resting one hand on Dorian’s shoulder, squeezing intently.“Dorian, this would be a lot easier for both of us if you would just let mehelp you. It’s hard enough hiding from the rest of Tevinter without having to dodge you too.”

To Dorian’s surprise, a dry laughmanaged to escape him. “You say it as though you will continue regardless of myanswer.”

“Funny. That’s probably because Iwill.”

“You remain stubborn as ever.”

“Did you expect that to change?”

Varlen smiled, and Dorian evenmanaged a weak one back, not sure what precisely was happening between thembut grateful for it nonetheless. But something remained unspoken;something Dorian could not simply ignore. “Varlen… if you are to remain…”

“It’s like you said,” Varlensaid, cutting him off quickly. “We can’t be what we were in Ferelden. I get that. If we’reseen publicly together… well, let’s just say it wouldn’t help you start thismovement of yours.”

“Not when the people I amattempting to move possess moreprejudice than sense,” Dorian agreed reluctantly. “No, of course. You areright. We couldn’t.”

There was a pause. A long one. “Imean… did you actually…?” The words left Varlen so awkwardly that it remindedDorian of when they had first met. A pocket of warmth filled his chest as theelven man continued hurriedly. “I mean, yeah. No way. It couldn’t work…. right?”

“No. Not at all.”

The pause returned. Then Varlensaid something that caught Dorian completely off-guard.

“You called me amatus.”

Dorian blinked. “What? When?”

“Before. When you were… y’know…” He gestured to his face. “Crying.”

“Well now that’s hardly fair, tojudge a man when he is so clearly outof—”

—“Did you mean it?”

Dorian stopped. His mouth hungslightly open, as though in the process of giving voice to defensive words, butno sound passed his lips. Had he meantit? Thinking back, he did not even recall it, but he had no reasonwhatsoever to believe Varlen was lying. In the end, that meant only one thing.

“Yes.”

He had said that word; a word thatcarried so much weight. A word he had not been able to utter since they parted.A word he had dreaded and sampled and discarded more times than he could count.If he had truly said it, after all this time, and without even realising… then yes.He meant it more than anything.

His response seemed to stirsomething in Varlen because he sniffed suddenly, blue eyes flicking away asthough the far wall suddenly offered something incredibly interesting. “I…” Helet out a watery laugh. “I really fucking missed that, you know? The way you’d say it.”

Dorian didn’t bother holding backthis time. He just reached out, turned Varlen towards him, and kissed him. Theirlips pressed together, warm and soft and everything he remembered; Maker,everything he had wanted for so long.There was no stiffening of surprise from Varlen. Not even a hitching of breathas Dorian’s tongue swiped along the inner curve of his lips, tentativelyseeking more. If anything, he had been more ready for the moment than Dorianhimself, who had initiated it. Varlen opened his mouth, inviting Dorian in, onehand threading through his hair, the other sliding past up his armand coming to rest on his shoulder, holding him in place. Holding him close. Dorian turned them both, moving afew mindless steps until Varlen was against the table, their lips still locked,hands roaming one another as though feeling their shapes for the first time.And in a way, there was a newness of it. The newness of a fire rekindled.

Dorian broke the kiss for amoment, rasping a breath, neither drawing away not pushing for more. “Amatus…” he breathed, shaking his head,not quite believing what was happening. Not quite believing how badly he hadneeded it, all this time. A low chuckled curled from Varlen’s chest, meetingthe fond curve of his lips.

“There it is…” Varlen’s eyes wereclosed, almost peaceful, his head cocked slightly to the side as thoughlistening to beautiful music somewhere in the distance. Then, slowly, his eyesfluttered open to catch Dorian’s. Dorian’s expression was, understandably, confused, but Varlen justsmiled, his thumb brushing along the curve of Dorian’s cheek.

“How you said it. That was it.”Understanding flickered in Dorian’s eyes and Varlen leaned in, stealing aquick, chaste kiss, smiling against his lips. “It was just like that.” 

[kiarabay]

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”

If you, as a teenager, once got crazy about a boy, had ardous dilemmas in life, dealt with constant discords of family members and peers, this is definitely the type of book that you won’t be able to put down. That is why I just went so frantic when I heard the news: its film adaptation soon! What makes this Trilogy extraordinary that any woman who falls in love as crazy as Lara Jean will be undoubtedly enthralled? 

Here are the Top 10 Quotes that I find completely relatable:

1. “If love is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcisms. My letters set me free. Or at least they’re supposed to.”

Aside from photographs, words encapsulate memories as evocative as ever. Anything that is connected to writing is treasure that is why I have kept journals, wrote letters, and collected notes from friends and loved ones; it is the best therapy. In every situation that I encounter, whether it’s the fleeting mirth of falling in love or legion phase of having your heart broken , I tend and try my hardest to record them. Personally, I had perceived love as a process of making a someone my belonging. But it’s the absolute opposite when it comes to writing. I don’t own, keep, or hold anything back when I fill the empty pages; in fact, I open myself up,  I unleash stories and secrets, I allow others to read me like a book, I give bits and pieces of myself, I simply let go. When a person writes, it’s impossible not to. It’s like the primary urge for writing, everything just overflows within that they find their way out. It’s supposed to set you free. And it will… if you allow it.

2. “I wonder what it’s like to have that much power over a boy. I don’t think I’d want it; it’s a lot of responsibility to hold a person’s heart in your hands.”

When I was younger, I would do anything for love. I was curious and excited that in any place I went, I’ve always had this ridiculous hope in my heart that there was a huge chance for me to finally meet “the one”. I was always fascinated by the idea of falling in love and being loved. I don’t know why but maybe because just the thought of it can make any individual raw and eye-sparkling. Just like Lara Jean: ‘in love with love’. I know there are also women out there who go through this stage of searching for someone who would go all-crazy for them because it’s true, we are all fond of being wanted. But we have to realize that becoming somebody’s necessity isn’t the sole measurement of our value as a person. I used to think that a lasting relationship is the only goal, but now that I am older, I realized that there are more important things in life than being adored and praised. 

In this world full of illusions and daydreams, it is easy to resort to making a person feel special just to fall into the trap of labels and restrictions. The challenging part is how to admire and love someone unconditionally without demands and shallow judgments, how to keep one’s own identity and sense of individuality even when you are already partners. If you limit your world to each other’s share of affection alone, that’s when you begin to encage each other from growth. So much power over someone has a price to pay; and love does not work that way. Initially, you must have hoped for a man (or a woman) who will have his/her world revolve around you and nothing more… but that’s when expectations get in the way. It will just break you knowing his/her heart shatters just because you could not become everything they ever wanted anymore

3. “I'm always wondering about the what-ifs, about the road not taken.”

I know there are things that couldn’t be unveiled on a whim but as long as there are unanswered questions, unforgiven mistakes, and unsaid words, I do always look back, and at the same time, look forward to the possibility of discovering clarity. Being a risk-taker myself, my greatest fear in life is waking up in bed of desolation with gray hair, doleful soul, and lifeless-beating heart just because I never did try to do and know one major thing in the past. I love the idea that a certain moment can potentially be better or be at its best if only we rigorously contemplate on the how to’s. You have to put yourself out there and as long as you are never idle, trust the journey. You want to know something? Ask for it. You want to have something? Act on it. Trust the journey and your HEART–always let your conscience be your guide. No matter what the outcome of your attempt will be, what matters is at the end of the day, you will have no regrets, or maybe you would, but not much… because you know you did everything you could on your part. I think the beauty of making things happen is you find out the answers yourself, and that’s so much better than to spend the rest of your days wondering what awaits you on the other side, because you realized you never had the grit to cross it. Maybe through this, we can finally say that we did our all, even though things did not turn out fine, it’s our all… and that’s enough. Without waffling, without a heavy heart, we can finally move forward. 

4. “I want to keep it so when this is over, I can have something to look at and remember.”

Just like Lara Jean, I like to save things: low quality photographs, candy/gift wrappers, love letters, withered roses (or even just a petal), entrance tickets, heart-shaped leaves, pebbles from first-date spots, emptied bottled water from fieldtrips, and anything at all that would definitely remind me of a seemingly ordinary but unforgettable moment in my life. One of my greatest mistakes is defining a person based on how they have wronged me and not on the irreplaceable memories they have given me. That’s why I really do encourage you to appreciate even the simplest gestures. This is how things will be for me even when the person I have shared that moment with is no longer present in my life, as long as respect and sincerity remains, I believe that I should never take the days they have filled with happiness and love for granted. Over the years, I personally am not amenable with not looking back, or with trying to fade and forget the scars or smiles of yesterday. For me, bygones will always be part of who I am today. 

5. “People come in and out of your life. For a time they are your world; they are everything. And then one day they’re not. There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

Through the years, I have learned to never miss an opportunity to make the ones you love feel how much you value them, how happy and blessed you are that God gave you the opportunity to spend time with them. If you are in a relationship right now, no matter how clichè this may appear, keep in mind that you will never truly understand the importance of every second you were with a person until time no longer allows you to have another. You see, it’s really a one in a million chance to give and receive a sturdily founded love. While you still hold that precious gift of emotion, do everything in your power to treat your person rightly and kindly. I know regrets are inevitable because everyone is flawed and we commit mistakes, you may have given all these rights of showing them how you feel in only a short span of time, but in the end, what counts are not the material things you had handed but all the emotions you had embedded in their hearts. This goes to everyone who is important to you. Because “There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

6. “I suppose you can’t hold on to old things just for the sake of holding.”

You’ll know it. You’ll know it when a relationship is already toxic, self-destructing not only for you, but also to the person you worked so hard to fix. This maybe applicable for those couples who are still trying to keep it intact in spite of seeing each other bruised and limping. I have one question for you, “How can you endure seeing the face of your lover have tears streaming down just for the sake of saving face?”. Too many voices will emerge, but when the day ends and you are alone in the dark, glaring blankly at nowhere, you’ll hear the voice that truly matter, and that voice will be the loudest. You’ll know it. God will never leave you clueless. Yes, it’s going to be difficult to face the world alone, as if you are an entirely different person, as if facing the vast woods as a lost traveler, but you have to get a grip on yourself and make the next choice. Life waits for no one. Truly, staying in love is a choice everyone has to make to make any relationship last. But along making this choice comes with compromises. How will you know if you have already reached the end? When neither one of you is willing to compromise, to make amendments. If you genuinely love a person, you’ll do anything for their happiness, even if that happiness excludes you. It’s hard to uphold these things if the relationship is not God-centered, it’s difficult to do things for a person when love already turned to hate. But you see, it’s impossible to gravely hate each other when God is there. “To be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love with all your soul”. Things may not make sense right now but cling to God, everything will be alright.

7. “I know now that I don’t want to love or be loved in half measures. I want it all, and to have it all, you have to risk it all.”

I could not agree more with this. If there is one advice I will tell anyone when it comes to love, it will be this: “You deserve it all or nothing at all”.

 At some point in your life, it will hit you; it will be so impactful that you will long for nothing but to believe it. Simply because life does not guarantee kindness all the time and it will just be lugubrious if you stick around with someone who falters about his feelings for you. All the love that you have been giving away all this time will not find their way back to you if you will continue to engage yourself in diminution. Remember, you are treated as far as you allow. My own interpretation with this one on the ‘risking’ part is you have to risk not to settle for anything less. You are in danger if you focus on worldly pleasures and pressures. The best things require patience and TIME. You have to take time and risk to concentrate on things that are most significant in order to become the best version of yourself–that’s the only time that you will fully discern the rightful love for you. 

8. “There’s a Korean word my grandma taught me. It’s called jung. It’s the connection between two people that can’t be severed, even when love turns to hate. You still have those old feelings for them; you can’t ever completely shake them loose of you; you will always have tenderness in your heart for them.”

This may seem another difficult task to fulfill but let us refrain from implicating to our loved ones to let go of any thoughts or care that they had for their past relationships. Let us prevent jealousy from winning for it already provoked many to lose what they already have. You only fool and burden yourself if you look back with grief and regrets. Nothing and nobody is impeccable that’s why it is better to look back with gratitude; knowing that your past experiences, joy and pain altogether, helped a lot in molding you to become the better person you are today, in preparing you to embrace tomorrow and the person that’s truly meant for you. We cannot delete people in our lives, each of us fits and completes the puzzle. 

9. “Once she’s decided something, that’s it. Like she said: when she’s done, she’s just done. There’s no waffling, no regrets. I wish I was more like her. Because sometimes it feels like I’ll never be done.” 

 There are times when we are unsure of the decisions that we are making. However, there are encounters where we are obliged to promptly execute choices in consideration of the people involved and their feelings. There are times when a person’s corresponding plans depend on the choice we are about to make, and simply making any choice and being firm about it is the least we can do than leaving them hanging. I mean, the decision is theirs but we wouldn’t want to halt the pace they are at. No matter how much we want to go for what’s best and convenient for us, we must, above all, be sensitive about the magnitude of our actions. Be very careful of the things you say and do. Be careful not to make a fool of yourself thus you must practice what you preach. Some words cannot be taken back, some deeds cannot be undone; that is why it is a vital responsibility not to baffle others just because of our irresolution and of our incapability to be stern with ourselves.

10. “Be careful with your heart. Things feel like they’ll be forever, but they aren’t. I can go away, or people can, without even meaning to. Nothing is guaranteed.”

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 I have met men and women who shared their stories how their immense love destroyed them, them who did and gave up everything for the name of love, only to find out they have made permanent sacrifices for something ephemeral. Protect your heart from drowning at times of drought, strengthen it, nourish it, filter everything that gets through it. Some who failed to do so had turned into someone that they are not, did awful things that they do not want, that they can’t even decipher. This normally happens when we conceive that we can take all matters into our hands, that we can make everything work out using our own knowledge, that we can vigoriously impose our desires on others. The first step to becoming disappointment-proof is to accept that we are limited and meek. For in the Lord, when we are weak, then we are strong. When we rely our happiness on ourselves or on humans’ superficiality, we will never reach the peak of genuine joy. But if we do center our happiness towards God, everything will happen in His perfect time. For he already knows the desires of our hearts way before we fervently seeked Him for these. He will fulfill his promises, no questions asked. He is always true to His words and His love never fails if you will only allow Him to take the wheel.