#so now i'm on the edge of a guilt spiral and questioning everything i've ever done

[moths-and-crows]

litwtc come back PLEASE

[slushglow]

leosagi coming of age au blurb

Yuichi shrugs, and there's something distant in the way his eyes rove across the horizon; something blank and empty and a little scary, the way he won't look in Leo’s direction.

It reminds Leonardo of those months before Yuichi was hospitalized, when his best friend would look through him instead of at him, and it makes his guts churn with guilt.

He didn't recognize it the first time around. He's not making the same mistake again.

“Fuck, I'm sorry,” He tries to amend, scooting closer on the bench, hands hovering but not touching as he tries to gauge if his touch would even be welcome at all, “You don't have to answer that. That was really shitty of me. I–”

A hand wraps around one of his own suddenly, interrupting him into silence. He looks up to find Yuichi’s gaze already on him, steady and clear and there.

“Leo, it's okay.” Yuichi murmurs. His voice is as raspy as always, but it's gone soft around the edges, and the tilt of his mouth is kind, if a little uneasy. His fingers curl around Leo’s, warm and tender, and he squeezes once before gently slipping away, hand retreating to his own lap.

Leo feels the absence like a missing limb, almost, the crisp fall air a million times colder than usual. He swallows past the relief stuck in his throat as he settles his own hands back into his lap, resisting the urge to rub his palms together incessantly, nerves writhing in his chest like worms.

Silence prevails, for just a moment.

Leonardo tries not to feel like he's going to crawl out of his skin, lungs rattling between his ribs with every breath. He almost wants to ask if it really is okay, because from where he's sitting, Yuichi seems like he's spiraling all the same.

He doesn't remember there ever being this weight between their silences, cloying and choking them both with all the things left unsaid.

And it physically feels like there's a hole punching through his chest; the thought that something as simple as time apart has made them so unfamiliar with each other.

okay since more than three whole people liked my last post i will publish the blurb HAHAHHA if enough people r interested i might actually publish the whole thing somewhere but for now it's my brainchild and it's actually pretty heavy in terms of stuff it covers . basically it's a high school au where mutants and humans coexist so the boys r still turtles and usagi is still a rabbit etc etc but they're all just trying to get thru shit and high school is stressful and there's mental health issues and what not . it's leo focused tho but everyone has a big role, like his brothers and their family dynamics and splinter and their dynamics and yuichi and leo being bffs, etc etc . also should make it clear that this is my version of usagi still !! emo usagi peak 😎

it'll be from leo's perspective unless i feel like being crazy and giving yuichi or another character an interlude or something. the entire fic would only span about 4-5 chapters probably but my chapters r usually REALLY long . i used to write for other fandoms and my chapters were hitting 10-12k easy but i stopped publishing and deleted everything bc i was cringe and not free HAHAHAHA

tbh i've already got it all pretty lined out and know where i want it to go it's just the process of getting there and filling stuff up in the middle OUGGHHHH . i luv writing tho it's so much easier than art !!! writing is life on easy mode fr !! waiting for my art process to do the same 🤨🤨

UHHHH anyway very sorry for rambling again everyone feel free to ask questions about the au if u want even tho i have given u bare bones info and absolutely no context for this scene BAHAHAHA

[hot-wiings]

The One Where Dabi Gets Involved With Overhaul’s Girl, Part Sixteen.

Edited: 2-26-2021

"You're with child. You've got a baby growing in there. Our baby."

When Kai says the words to you, you're still in complete shock. A baby. A literal baby was growing inside you. You couldn't imagine going through the horrors of childbirth, you couldn't imagine pushing a baby through your vaginal canal. With Kai and all his health rules, no doubt that baby would come out a whole ten pounds.

Would you even be a good mother? Your own mother abandoned you and your sister with your grandfather. She callously tossed you both to the side without care all because your father died. Your mind flashes to Eri, your mind flashes to the deep maternal feelings and protectiveness you feel over Eri. No, you would be a good mother. You would be a great mother, one who protected her child no matter the circumstance.

You put your hand to your stomach, on top of the one Kai held there. You would be a great mother, and you would protect this child, your child, no matter the circumstance. That brought you back to reality. This wasn't Kai's child, this was your child. You weren't sure if this baby was even Kai's or Dabi's, but it didn't matter. You would raise this baby as your own, and you weren't going to let Kai influence or touch them. No, you were going to be long gone before this baby even came out. You, Eri, and this baby, even if it killed you to do it.

"It's going to be different now. I meant what I said, I want you to genuinely love me. I'm gonna be nicer."

Kai moves his hand up from your stomach and touches your cheek lightly, he brings his other hand up and cups your cheeks as tenderly and carefully as he can. He holds your face in his hands as if your glass, and it just makes you sick to your bones. He wasn't like this weeks ago, why would he change now? He was merciless, he beat you, he hurt you, why would he suddenly change now?

"I'm gonna be nicer, gentler."

I can't believe you. I can't believe you'd change like that. Not so suddenly, not so quickly.

"It'll be so different. I won't let you be hurt, I won't hurt you. I'm gonna make it so you're nice and safe from everything."

I can't believe you. I can't believe you'd change like that, now when I've got this baby inside me.

"We're having a baby."

You have to force the words out of your mouth. It takes everything in you to smile at him. Putting your hands on Kai's hands that cup your cheeks takes every bit and every ounce of strength in your body. You have to make him believe you. You have to convince him.

"We're gonna be parents."

"You're gonna be such a great mother."

"You're gonna be a great dad."

You feel nauseated saying it, but you say it so convincingly, so utterly slick and lovingly he must have bought it. Kai withdrawals his hands from your cheeks and turns around with a small smile on his face as he rummages through the medical equipment.

"We should do an ultrasound to determine the due date. I already know when the due date will be, but I just want to make sure the baby growth will be on track."

Your stomach churned at his words. You knew there was no possible way he would know whether or not Dabi was the real father, let alone that there was another father in question. You had slept with Dabi within a week of sleeping with Kai, the time frame between them both was too short, and the due date wouldn't look suspicious. While the thought of that floating in your head made you anxious, that wasn't why your stomach was churning. Just the idea of having an ultrasound, the idea of letting Kai think he could be in this baby's life, letting him think you were creating a happy family with him, filled you with guilt.

He hurt you, you shouldn't feel such guilt. He hurt you physically, seeking the comfort in another and cheating wasn't nearly as bad as what he did. Yet, seeing him with such a smile, excited at the prospect of having a child with you, filled you with sorrow. Seeing him tell you how things were going to be different, promises you weren't sure he'd keep, promises he'd change, filled you with such sorrow and guilt.

Kai took a machine and wheeled it over to you. It was tall with an old boxy-looking computer screen on top of it. It had a thick cord running out of it, and that cord was attached to a circle remote-like nozzle, a remote control wand.

"This is a sonogram machine. I'll put this gel on your stomach, then I'll roll the transducer over it. It'll pop your ultrasound up on the monitor."

"Okay."

Despite your nervousness and churning stomach, you didn't show what you were feeling. The stakes were too high now. You had to convince Kai how submissive you were, you had to show him that you loved him devotedly. Showing no hesitance, you pulled your shirt up to your bra line, giving Kai complete access to your stomach with a smile on your face.

Your lack of hesitance only seemed to put more glee in Kai's body. With his lips tipped in an upward position, Kai pulled a new clean pair of medical gloves on and grabbed an alcohol wipe. He ripped it open and carefully swiped it across your stomach, with such precision and careful immaculation. He treated your stomach with such fragility, as if had he touched too hard you might break open into two. After he trashed the wipe he grabbed the gel bottle off of the sonogram machine.

"This is gonna be cold, don't get scared or startled, alright? Having an accelerated heart rate is bad for our baby."

"Okay."

He took the cap of the gel bottle and squirted the gel over your stomach in a back and forth motion. He put the cap back on the bottle and placed it on the edge of the sonogram machine before he grabbed the circle wand-like remote. He moved the tip of it across your stomach in a circle, spiral motion.

You both looked over at the machine as Kai moved the wand around. It looked like a regular ultrasound, you had seen one when your mother was pregnant with Eri. Rather than a white baby being inside the black circle which was your womb, it was a tiny white dot the size of a bean. You knew that you wouldn't see a whole baby until later, around the twenty-second-week mark of your pregnancy, but even seeing the tiny bean was surreal.

"She, he- They're so small."

"Mm, our precious little peanut. We won't be able to do another ultrasound until around your second trimester. Doing too many ultrasounds can mess with the baby, our baby."

"Can we print some pictures, I wanna keep some. You know, so we can give some to my grandfather once you restore him back to good health, and our child will be able to look at it them once they're older."

Your words come out so convincing, cunningly convincing. You weren't even sure if Kai was ever going to restore your grandfather to good health, not when it allowed him to run around leading the Yakuza. The lie is a perfect coverup for the real reason you wanted pictures, so Dabi could have one. He deserved to have the sonogram of his possible future child.

"Of course, we'll have a bunch printed out. I'll have to get some pregnancy books for you. Now that you're carrying you'll have to change your diet and we'll need to put restrictions on when you're awake and what you do. It's important you get a moderate amount of sleep and exercise."

Kai took his gloves off and discarded them before he placed them upon your face. He cupped your cheeks just as delicately as he had handled your stomach, with such careful touches. He lightly pressed his lips onto yours and slid one hand down to your right hand as he pulled away. He pressed a quick kiss against your knuckles before dropping your hand. Kai grabbed a towel to his left and used it to clean the gel off your stomach, then he discarded the towel and grabbed your hand again with the fondest of smiles rested on his face.

"You'll marry me, won't you? I want our baby raised right, both parents in a loving marriage."

You had a feeling that regardless of your opinion and answer, you'd end up with his ring on your hand. Willingly or not. You muster up the best smile you can and give his hand a tight squeeze.

"Yes. We're gonna be such good parents."