#so my idea is that the flowers will continue to bloom 'even in hell' (even if it makes ranmaru cause pain/harm to himself or others)
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focusonkayjay · 3 hours ago
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between the ride and the roses (3)
Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: biker/ motorcycle shop owner! jungkook x flower shop owner! reader, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, slow burn, angst, smut, fluff
Word count: 3.8k
Series summary: There's an insane turn of events when your calm and peaceful life is intruded by Jungkook, a biker boy who sets up his loud business right next to your own. Your paths cross under unlikely circumstances, starting with a clash of personalities but gradually you find yourself establishing a deeper connection with the annoyingly attractive biker jerk. You both have no idea what's in store for you guys as you try your best to put up with each other.
Chapter Warnings: argument, jungkook is mean, OC is mean. both have high egos.
A/N: part 3 is here <3 i'm having sm fun writing this. also, i got this anonymous ask which stated i was using chat-gpt for my stories. i didn't like the tone of their message so i blocked them. however, i just want to say i have not used chat-gpt for my stories. i take time out of my day to type this story because i really want to put content out there that people might enjoy reading. i want to make stories that i have always wanted to read, but never found. truthfully, i did use chat gpt for the names of a few flowers, plants and bouquet combinations though, because i'm not a professional florist and i have no idea about flowers. i hope that's understandable. anyways, thank u for reading. let me know your thoughts :)
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part 3: blooming grudges
The sun is setting, painting the street in hues of orange and pink, but the peace you’re so badly yearning for is shattered by the rumble of motorcycles and boisterous laughter right outside your shop. It’s been a week since Jungkook’s shop had started running and it has surprisingly quickly become a hotspot for bikers to gather in the evenings. The constant noise and chaos spill over into your once-quiet corner of the neighborhood.
You have no idea what they do and what the point of all these gatherings are, but you dread it every single time you hear a bunch of men lounging outside your shop.
As the evening progresses, you’re in the middle of arranging a bouquet when the sharp crash of breaking pottery jolts you out of your work. Heart pounding, you glance outside and see one of Jungkook’s biker friends near the sidewalk through your window. Still confused, you stand up and storm out to see what the hell had happened.
Anger surges through your veins as you spot the man casually standing there as if he didn’t just knock over one of your handmade ceramic pots off the display stand that was right outside your shop. “What the hell is wrong with you??!!?!” you snap, glaring at the man and then at the jagged pieces of your pot just lying there, near his feet.
The biker barely spares you a glance, shrugging nonchalantly. “Relax. It’s just a pot.” he says.
“Just a pot?” you repeat, your voice rising. “Do you have any idea how much time and effort went into that? Or do you only care about things you can rev or ride?” you feel your heart thumping as your anger skyrockets.
Before the man can respond, Jungkook suddenly steps out of the crowd near his shop. His leather jacket gleams in the fading light, and his dark eyes flicker to the broken pot before landing on you. “What’s going on?” he questions, his voice low and calm, but there’s an edge of warning to it.
You point at the shards of pottery. “What’s going on? One of your friends just broke my pot and doesn’t even have the decency to apologize!” Jungkook looks at his friend, who just shrugs, then back at you. “It was an accident.” he dismisses, his tone clipped. “I’ll pay for it.” he continues and you watch his friend just leave the scene, completely unbothered.
You laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “Pay for it? Do you think that solves everything? This isn’t just about the pot, Jungkook. Every night, this street turns into a circus because of your shop. My customers can’t park anymore, and now your friends are trashing my things.” you begin, moving your hands as you speak, unable to remain calm anymore.
His jaw tightens, and he takes a step closer. “Look, I’m sorry about the pot, but don’t act like I’m the reason your shop isn’t doing well. Maybe it’s not the noise. Maybe people just don’t care about overpriced flowers.”
Your breath catches, his words cutting deeper than you expect. “Wow,” you say, your voice trembling with anger. “You really think you’re better than everyone, don’t you? Just because you’ve got your flashy bikes and your little gang of followers?” you ignore the way your heart twitches at how he had just disrespected you and your business.
His expression hardens. “Better than everyone? No. But at least I’m not the one blaming other people for my problems. You’re so focused on what’s wrong with my shop, but maybe the issue isn’t me. Maybe it’s you.”
Your fists clench at your sides. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been here for years, building this business from the ground up. And you waltz in, turning this neighborhood into a mess, and act like you’re doing everyone a favor?” you see red as you fight with him, unable to contain the flow of words that are spilling out of your mouth.
Jungkook’s voice sharpens and he doesn’t hold back. “You think I don’t work hard? That I haven’t sacrificed everything to make this shop work? You don’t know anything about me. But sure, keep throwing stones from your little glass house.” he counters harshly.
“Oh so you can say anything about my business, but i can’t? You can talk about me like you know me, but i can’t?” There’s venom in your voice as you argue and Jungkook clenches his jaw, trying to calm himself down.
The tension between the two of you is suffocating and each word cuts like a blade. As an awkward silence fills the air, you shake your head. “You’re unbelievable.” you breathily say. “You don’t care about anyone but yourself.” you add.
“And you...” he fires back, “care so much about your damn shop that you can’t see past your own damn ego.” You look at him with your lips parted, unable to come up with a comeback. You feel your eyes sting and nothing makes sense anymore. You hate it here. You hate him.
Before you can respond, one of the bikers calls out to Jungkook, and he turns away, his shoulders tense. He doesn’t bother looking back at you and just leaves.
Fuming, you crouch down to pick up the broken shards of your pot. Your hands tremble as you scoop up the jagged pieces, and a sharp piece slices right through your finger. You hiss, dropping the shard as blood wells up from the cut. Your eyes tear up as you watch your finger bleed. You were so done with this man and his stupid shop.
Ignoring the sting, you finish cleaning up and head back inside, pressing a tissue to your finger. You flip the sign on your door, deciding to call it a day since you weren’t really in the mood to face any new customers. You retreat to your counter, where you slump into your chair, frustrated, exhausted and seething.
//
Inside Throttle and Torque, the atmosphere is much quieter, now that the bikers have left. Jungkook leans against the counter, his expression stormy as he thinks of the interaction he had with you 4 hours ago. Yoongi, Jimin, and Hoseok sit nearby, watching him with varying degrees of curiosity and amusement.
“You look like you’re about to punch something.” Jimin says, breaking the silence. Jungkook scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “It’s that flower shop owner again. She’s impossible.”
“Y/N?” Hoseok grins. “What did she do this time?” he questions. Jungkook glares at him. “One of the guys broke her pot, and she went off like it was the end of the world. Then she starts blaming me for everything—says I’m ruining the whole street. Like it’s my fault her shop isn’t getting customers.” he speaks, his tone filled with annoyance.
“Isn’t it, though?” Jimin teases, earning a sharp look from Jungkook. Yoongi, raises an eyebrow. “Sounds like there’s more to it than just a pot.” he states.
“She doesn’t get it hyung...” Jungkook says, his voice growing louder. “She acts like she’s the only one who works hard, like I haven’t busted my ass to get this place running. And then she has the nerve to call me selfish? Like she knows anything about me.”
“Sounds like she hit a nerve.” Hoseok snorts, a smirk on his face. “Shut up,” Jungkook mutters, but the irritation in his voice betrays him. “She thinks she’s so perfect, but all she does is complain. It’s like she’s looking for reasons to hate me.” he rolls his eyes.
“Maybe she is.” Yoongi says, his tone thoughtful. “Or maybe you’ve already given her enough reasons to hate you.” he continues. The room falls silent, and Jungkook scoffs, pushing off the counter. “Whatever. She’s not worth it.” he dismisses, not wanting to think of you or the raging encounter he just had with you.
//
the next day; The morning sun spills through the large windows of your flower shop as you rearrange a fresh batch of chrysanthemums. Despite the beautiful blooms around you, there’s a heaviness in your heart. Last night’s argument with Jungkook replays in your mind, his sharp words still stinging.
The little bell above the door jingles, pulling you out from your trance. You turn to see a man walking in—a face you recognize from the group that always lingers outside Jungkook’s shop and sometimes with him as well. “Hi.” he says, his voice calm but kind. “Y/N, right?”
You blink in surprise. “Yeah… and you’re one of Jungkook’s friends, i suppose.” you say, moving away from the flowers as dry your hands on your apron. You notice how his eyes fall on the bandage wrapped around your finger, so you quickly hide it by crossing your arms over your chest. He pretends like he’s seen nothing and nods, his hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket. “I’m Yoongi. I came here because I wanted to talk to you, if you don’t mind.” he says, his voice tender.
Your instinct is to put up a wall, but something about his tone disarms you. “If this is about last night—”
“It is.” Yoongi interrupts gently. “But not in the way you think.” He steps closer, his gaze steady but non-threatening. “I’m here to apologize. On behalf of Jungkook. And… the idiot who broke your pot.”
You blink again, caught off guard. “You’re apologizing? Why?” you gulp, something about this, not sitting right with you. “Because he won’t.” Yoongi says with a faint smile, though his tone carries a hint of seriousness. “Jungkook’s stubborn. He knows he messed up, but he’s too proud to admit it outright. And, well, someone has to try to make things right.” he admits, blinking his eyes.
Yoongi observes your expression, noticing how you still look quite unconvinced. His face softens as he continues. “Jungkook’s not a bad guy, Y/N. He just… rough around the edges. Give him time. He doesn’t always know how to handle things. He gets defensive when he feels cornered.”
“Cornered?” you echo, frowning. “I wasn’t cornering him. I just wanted some peace.” you defend yourself. “I know.” Yoongi agrees. “And I think, deep down, he knows it too. But he’s been under a lot of pressure with the shop, and sometimes he lashes out without meaning to. Not that it excuses anything.” he adds quickly. “You didn’t deserve what he said. Or how he treated you. ”
His honesty surprises you, and for the first time, you feel a part of the weight lift off from your chest. “Why are you telling me this?” you suddenly ask, eyeing him even though, deep down you’re trying your best to believe everything this man says.
“Because I think you’re both better than this petty back-and-forth... interactions.” Yoongi says simply, shrugging. “And maybe, if you understand where he’s coming from, it’ll help. Or not. I don’t know. I just thought you deserved an actual apology, even if it’s not from him directly.” he finishes, flashing you a small, kind smile.
For a moment, you’re silent, processing his words. Then, to your own surprise, you smile faintly. “You’re a good friend, Yoongi.” you softly say, earning a chuckle from him as he scratches the back of his neck. “Someone’s gotta keep him in check.” he grins.
After a moment, he steps back towards the door, pausing before leaving. “Take care, Y/N. And if he steps out of line again, let me know. I’ll knock some sense into him.” he nods at you and you laugh lightly, the sound easing some of the tension in the room. “I’ll keep that in mind.” you say, waving at him.
//
Jungkook sits on the edge of the counter, a wrench in hand, intently focused as he works while Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi lounge around. The conversation flows between them, lighthearted at first, until Yoongi brings up his visit to your shop.
“So....” Yoongi begins casually, “I stopped by Y/N’s shop today.” he says. Jungkook freezes for a moment, his eyes narrowing. “What for?” he asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
“To apologize.” Yoongi replies, leaning back in his chair. “On your behalf. Figured someone had to.” he adds. Jimin snickers, while Hoseok whistles low. “Apologizing for Jungkook? That’s new.” he laughs as Jimin gives him a high five.
“Very funny.” Jungkook mutters, but his attention stays on Yoongi. “What’d she say?” he questions and Yoongi shrugs. “She wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear your name, but we talked. She’s not as tough as she seems, you know. She’s just… tired. Your shop and the noise—it’s really messing with her.” he explains calmly.
Jungkook doesn’t reply, his jaw tightening. “And she’s hurt, by the way.” Yoongi adds, his tone sharper. “I noticed her hand. I guess she cut her finger while picking up the broken pieces of the pot your friend broke yesterday.” he explains.
The guilt that had been simmering in Jungkook since last night, suddenly boils over. “Why didn’t she say anything?” he snaps, more to himself than to his friends. “Maybe because you were too busy arguing with her to notice,” Yoongi retorts, his voice calm but firm. “She’s not your enemy, Jungkook. Stop treating her like one.” he says gently, hoping the younger one understands.
The room goes quiet, the weight of Yoongi’s words settling over them. Jimin and Hoseok exchange a glance, sensing the tension. Jungkook exhales heavily, tossing the wrench aside. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.” he admits quietly. “I just—” He stops, frustration lacing his voice.
“You don’t know how to back down,” Jimin finishes for him, a teasing edge to his tone. Jungkook glares at him but doesn’t deny it. Instead, he leans back against the counter, running a hand through his hair. “What else did she say to you?” he questions Yoongi. He smirks slightly. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he asks, wiggling his brows.
Jungkook’s glare intensifies, and Yoongi chuckles. “Relax. She was civil. We just talked about you a little and that’s all. She thinks I’m the ‘good friend,’ by the way.” he smiles to himself.
The comment makes Jungkook’s stomach churn with something he doesn’t want to name—guilt, jealousy, maybe both. He stays quiet as the others laugh, his thoughts swirling.
He’s messed up, and he knows it. And now, the thought of you opening up to someone else, even Yoongi, twists something deep inside him. For the first time, he wonders if the damage he’s caused can ever be repaired.
//
It’s just another day—or at least you hope it will be. After the pot-breaking incident a week ago, things between you and Jungkook have only grown tenser. Though Yoongi apologized to you on behalf of his actions, you were still very annoyed by the way things still hadn’t changed.
His friends still gather outside his shop in the evenings, their bikes parked so close to your store it’s nearly impossible for customers to walk in without squeezing past them. You’ve been trying to keep your head down, avoiding any unnecessary interaction with Jungkook.
However, despite the ongoing tension you can’t help but notice how hardworking Jungkook is. For a brief moment, you feel a twinge of guilt as you think about the bad blood between you guys. Maybe you need to start putting your differences aside and try to get along with him.
You shake your head, telling yourself not to think about that. You leave that thought for another day, when you’re less busy and have more time to waste.
A new shipment of flowers and pots arrives after about an hour. You’re juggling the chaos of directing the delivery workers when disaster strikes. One of the crates slips from a worker’s hands, scattering flowers and dirt all across the curb—and, unfortunately, onto one of the shiny motorcycles parked outside Jungkook’s shop.
You barely have time to assess the mess before Jungkook storms out. His face is a mask of irritation, and his voice cuts like a blade. “What the hell is this?” he immediately snaps, gesturing at the scattered soil and dirt-streaked bike.
You sigh, already bracing yourself. “It was an accident. We’ll clean it up right away.” you calmly say, knowing damn well this wasn’t something you were about to get to away with. “An accident?” he repeats, his tone laced with disbelief. “You really need to start taking responsibility, Y/N. You can’t just keep saying it’s an accident every time you screw something up.” he angrily says.
Your frustration bubbles over. “Excuse me? This is the first time I’ve caused any inconvenience to you. Meanwhile, your friends park their bikes outside my shop every evening, blocking the entrance, and I don’t say a thing!” you argue.
“Oh, here we go...” Jungkook retorts, his voice rising. “You’re always whining about the bikes. Maybe if you managed your deliveries better, this wouldn’t have happened.” he scoffs loudly.
“Don’t turn this on me!!” you snap, stepping closer. “You act like this street belongs to you and your gang of bikers. Maybe if you had a little consideration for others, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation!” you stomp your feet at the last word, wanting this interaction to just end. But were you going to be the first one to stop? no.
Jungkook’s jaw tightens, and for a moment, you think he might say something even harsher. But he just shakes his head, his expression dark. “You know what? Forget it. Clean up your mess and stay out of my way.” He coldly says as he turns around and walks back into his shop, leaving you standing there with your hands clenched into fists.
//
After the chaos of the day, you’re sitting in your shop long after closing time, staring blankly at the broken pieces of another pot that lays lifeless on a piece of paper on your counter —a casualty of the earlier mishap. You close your eyes, feeling an overwhelming sense of exhaustion.
Yoongi’s voice echoes in your mind from the other day, when he’d come into your shop to apologize on Jungkook’s behalf after the first pot-breaking incident. “Jungkook’s not a bad guy.” Yoongi had said, his voice calm and reassuring. “He’s just… rough around the edges. Give him time.”
You had wanted to believe him. For a moment, you even thought there might be a chance for you and Jungkook to coexist peacefully. But now? Now you feel stupid for ever entertaining the idea. Jungkook has made it perfectly clear that he has no intention of meeting you halfway.
You sigh, rubbing your face. You didn’t like how this whole thing had been affecting you. It was draining and just sooooo not worth it.
Forcing yourself to get up, you clean up one last time and then proceed to lock up the shop, so that you can finally head home. As you begin your walk home, you notice how the streets are quiet, the faint hum of distant traffic is the only sound accompanying your footsteps.
Your thoughts are heavy, clouded by everything that’s happened. The arguments, the pot-breaking, the way Jungkook’s words today had stung more than you wanted to admit. You wonder if you’re overthinking things, but the lump in your throat says otherwise.
You hug your jacket tighter against the cool night air, eyes focused on the pavement in front of you as you walk briskly towards your house.
//
Jungkook stands outside his shop, ready to lock up he watches you walk down the stairs at your entrance and cross the road, not noticing his presence at all. His chest feels tight, an unfamiliar mix of guilt and something he can’t quite name. He doesn’t like how things escalated today. He doesn’t like the way your voice cracked when you argued with him.
As much as he hates to admit it, he knows he’s been unfair. It wasn’t just about the dirt on the bike or the delivery mishap—it was the way you stood up to him, pointing out how inconsiderate he and his friends had been. You weren’t wrong.
He steps away from his shop, just to get a clearer view of your walking form. He watches intently, observing the way your shoulders are hunched slightly as if the weight of the world rests on them. The sight stirs something protective in him. It’s late, the streets are too quiet, and he knows better than anyone the kind of dangers that can lurk around in the dark.
For a split second, he considers calling out to you so that he can offer you a ride home. But then his pride kicks in, the argument from earlier replaying in his head. His ego won’t let him take that step—not yet.
Instead, Jungkook makes a quick decision. He leaves his bike parked outside his shop, shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, and starts following you from a distance. You walk briskly, your mind elsewhere, completely unaware of the quiet footsteps trailing behind you. Jungkook keeps his distance, making sure to stay out of your line of sight.
His gaze scans the dimly lit street, the quiet unnerving even to him. He can’t help but feel protective as he watches your small frame move through the shadowy paths. Every now and then, he glances around, hyper-aware of his surroundings.
He follows you for several blocks, his pace matching yours but always a few steps behind. When you pause to adjust the strap of your bag or check the time on your phone, he stops, leaning casually against a lamppost or pretending to examine something in a shop window.
You finally reach your building, pausing to fumble with your keys at the front door. Jungkook stays back, watching as you disappear inside. Only when he hears the click of the door locking do his shoulders relax slightly. He lets out a long breath, rubbing his nape as he turns to head back towards his shop.
As he walks back, his mind is restless. He thinks he’s ridiculous for following you all the way home just to make sure you reach safely. “Why do you care so much?” he mutters to himself, kicking a loose pebble on the sidewalk. But he already knows the answer, even if he’s not ready to admit it.
When he finally reaches his shop, his bike still waiting where he left it, Jungkook glances once more in the direction of your shop. A strange mixture of guilt and something warmer lingers in his chest. He doesn’t know what to do about it, so he just sighs, climbs onto his bike, and decides to head home.
While he rides back home that night, a quiet resolve settles in his chest—a growing realization that maybe, just maybe, he owes you more than just a silent apology.
<- part 2
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thiswillcostyourheart · 1 year ago
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even in hell
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shadowbriar · 1 year ago
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Regulus Black ‐ Jasmine, Lavender, and Poppy
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Pairing : Regulus Black x (she/her) Reader Word Count : 0.6k Warning : Nothing, just pure fluff. Synopsis : Regulus made sure that she would never forget his scent ever again. Notes : My first blurb. Should I make more of these? If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕  
She remembers his scent well. That very special smell of oud and leather, something that portrays luxury and obscurity. Something that feels like home. Something that screams him— Regulus Arcturus Black.
But poking on Regulus has always been one of her most favourite things to do. Even before they were romantic, teasing him has always been second nature for her. His reactions have always brought her bliss. Their harmless banter is what fuels their day and it feels like the perfect time for her to pull the first taunt of the day.
"I don't smell you from the Amortentia," She lied, teasing her boyfriend whose brows are now pinched high from the offensive words she spilled "I smelled cinnamon, wet grass, and linen."
"Bullshit, I smelled you. There's no way you smelled someone else."
Shs shrugs, closing her textbook that hasn't been read ever since they entered the library, "Maybe you smelled wrong."
"I'm never wrong about these kinds of things."
"Yeah?" She challenges, propping her chin in the palm of her hand "What did you smell?"
"I smelled jasmine, lavender, and poppy."
"That doesn't smell like me. You're just listing random flowers."
Regulus raised an eyebrow, "Your perfume's base is jasmine. You drop a few lavender oil to your seal wax on all of our letters. Your garden is filled with poppies. You are jasmine, lavender, and poppy."
A smile blooms on her face. It was one thing to be satisfied by teasing your boyfriend and another to have him spelling the little details of you. Regulus has always been the observant party of the two, she just never realised how much of her he's taking notes of.
"Also, Love, your house is always decorated with those three flowers on every corner. You are what I smelled from Amortentia. You are my soulmate."
"Well, no one said Amortentia smells like your soulmate. They say it smells like someone you're attracted to so maybe that's why." She continues her scheme, concealing her blooming heart "Maybe I'm attracted to someone else now."
Regulus' brows rose higher, looking even more appalled at her words, "Are you being serious right now?"
She shrugs.
Regulus stood from his seat. Perhaps teasing him in the library when they're the last people there wasn't such a brilliant idea. Merlin knows what he might do now. Regulus might be a calm and collected person but wrong poke and you'll wake the fury inside him.
She started to inch away, pushing her seat back until it hit the wall, giving her no other space to escape. Regulus kneeled down, levelling to her eye level and eyes her deeply. His brows were still knitted in displease but his eyes were soft. Her plan to keep an aloof expression has evidently failed as a playful smile cracks on her lips, anticipating for his next move whilst praying that he wasn't genuinely angry.
"You're a menace." He says before kissing her.
Regulus pulled her chair closer, locking her in place as he put his hands on her sides. It wasn't like she's planning to leave, anyway. No one in their right mind would want to go when they're being kissed by him, especially with such an intimate and asserting position.
One hell of a man, Regulus is.
A victorious smile was plastered on her face when they pulled away. It was a short kiss. Just enough for him to prove to her just how wrong she is about the scents she's attracted to. Regulus knew that she was lying, that she was just trying to get his reaction, yet he complied with her charade anyway.
Regulus now stands from his position. He took off his robe, tossing it carelessly to the seat he occupied a couple minutes ago. He then takes off his jumper, making her cheeks burn from the sight. He surely knows how to keep her around.
"The library might not give you the best privacy if you're planning to go nude, Love." She comments.
Regulus rolls his eyes, handing her his jumper, "Wear it."
"Why?"
"So you won't ever forget my scent again."
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susansontag · 5 months ago
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my guide to lesbian anime both canonic and subtextual
(won’t include every lesbian anime ever, this is a personal list)
the canonic-gay section:
revolutionary girl utena
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nothing before or since has ever done it like this. trigger warnings for everything imaginable. loads of homosexuals in this one. gender commentary, fairytale allusions, a lot of kids who are having a hard time growing up and moving beyond their pasts. sword lesbians.
flip flappers
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the problematic favourite, in that there’s at least one uncomfortable sexualised shot each episode (roughly speaking; some have none and one has even more, unfortunately), so be warned. but at its heart flipflap is about repressed cocona going on adventures with outgoing and expressive papika, and their exploration of various fantastical lands/inner worlds of people they meet. hugely inventive and pretty, and a core thread is cocona discovering she’s gay.
aoi hana (‘sweet blue flowers’)
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the comfort lesbian show, with not a romantic relationship at its heart, but a friendship between two childhood friends who meet again, both of whom are gay (though only one realises this during the show’s run, as it’s based on a manga). one of them dates an upperclassman at her school, and there’s various gay and bi side characters. it’s just very wholesome, lovingly animated, sweet and sometimes painful stuff.
bloom into you
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I controversially do not care that much for bloom into you, but as the best, high-production, non-skeevy yuri show in years - that is based on a manga by a woman - it’s worth mentioning. late-bloomer girl dreams of romance, though has never felt it, and finds affinity with a girl who similarly is disinclined to date. that is, until said girl says she fancies her. genuinely moving exploration of developing gay identity at times, only downside is my personal disinterest in the black haired girl. some weird ‘heightened’ moments that feel inauthentic and titillating do arise, but it’s very few - to the point where some would disagree with me on my reading of it, I’d imagine.
sailor moon
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the bits which the lesbians are in, etc. it’s a classic. I haven’t watched all of it myself because I don’t care much nor do I have nostalgia for sailor moon, but it’s one of the most notable examples of a butch/masc lesbian in anime, so that’s nice.
o maidens in your savage season
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nerdy teenage girls who are part of a literature club make it their quest to discover sex and dating, in various ways (unfortunately, not all of them dealt with well… teacher/student foolery that is fortunately abandoned before it gets worse but is nonetheless handled with mixed results, imo). mostly though it’s hilarious, sweet, silly, and there’s a gay girl in it, but I won’t spoil which one. adults predating on children is also handled much, much better in another of the show’s storylines, and I do appreciate it for trying to tackle that difficult subject matter.
oniisama e (‘dear brother’)
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an oldie, based off a shoujo manga by one of the greatest (riyoko ikeda). there’s a central relationship to root for (better articulated in the manga), but it’s mostly just what if we were messy depressed lesbians at an all-girls school and we were also melodramatic and mean as hell.
revue starlight
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what if we were at an all-girls dramatic arts school and engaged in utena-like duels to become the top performer? main implicitly gay couple with canonic side gay couples. it’s quite cute. also worth watching if you like takarazuka in any way (prestigious all-female japanese theatre troupe), because the main conceit of the school is very much based on that idea.
the gay-themes section:
sound! euphonium (season one)
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in which director naoko yamada’s awesome legacy of writing lesbians and then saying “who’s to say though, ha ha” continued (she did it already with a side character in tamako market). this one is known as the gaybait to end all gaybait, but hear me out: the first, and best, season, is not only a fantastic self-contained story with many great characters and plot points, but it’s main character is undoubtedly lesbian-coded and even has a love interest you can argue about. frankly I think she’s gay-coded throughout the whole show (even when she dates a guy for two minutes), but this feels very “I wanted to focus on this compelling relationship between two female characters but the adaptation’s success meant we had to revert back to the source material in later seasons”. what we got from this is perhaps my favourite lesbian anime of all-time, following utena.
a place further than the universe
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this show is about four girls who join an expedition to antarctica, and what if I told you they’re all great, believable dorky teenage characters, and they exist in a well-written and thematically satisfying show… and there’s nice lesbian implication between one of our adult female protagonists and her old (deceased; not a spoiler) friend who was the main teen girl’s mother. there’s some sad here, obviously.
puella magi madoka magica
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the well-known, much beloved deconstruction of the magical girl genre is also pretty gay, as it happens (so gay in fact it started a trend of gay-coded pink+black magical girls). it’s not a particular favourite of mine, but it’s visually one of the most notable anime productions ever, so it’s well worth seeing just for that.
NANA
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the 2000s manga+show about the two twenty-year-olds who meet on a train and discover they’re both called nana is also pretty gay! to the point where there are heated fandom debates about nana komatsu’s (pink one) possibly being a lesbian. they both have many relationships with guys, but it’s their bond that forms the heart of the show, and the bisexuality (or, who knows, homosexuality) of the leads is pretty undeniable. to the point where you’ll get blasted on the nana subreddit if you try and suggest otherwise.
the wild-card section:
keep your hands off eizouken!
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this is a show about three oddball girls who start a club to create anime, but have to pose as the film club instead for various reasons. it’s not even subtextually gay, I just personally think that all three of the leads are gay and the whole thing feels like a very female-centred creative endeavour. hugely fun watch, and very high production values. you wouldn’t regret seeing it.
skip & loafer
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these two you see here are side characters. this show is actually about mitsumi, the greatest female protagonist of this kind of shoujo-esque slice of life show, who moves from the countryside to tokyo for high school. here she meets many a misfit, including the pretty blonde and the nerd girl who have undeniable chemistry and form one of the most popular pairings in the show. it’s just a good time.
chihayafuru
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I’d get in trouble for this, because the primary romance factor in the show is a famed heterosexual love triangle with chihaya at its centre and her two male childhood friends at the side. but go with me on this. chihaya is oblivious to romance and feminine socialisation, she is obsessed with a card game and with her equally dorky dark-haired rival… she’s anime’s greatest autistic lesbian lead. and you get more than what you pay for, because the two boys I mentioned? a lot of gay stuff going on there too.
the big-screen-cinematic section:
the adolescence of utena
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revolutionary girl returns in the sequel of a lifetime, slightly older (sixteen, say) and gayer than ever, to escape this place with the love of her life. cue the impromptu dance sequence (with stars and rose petals)!
liz and the blue bird
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the naoko yamada directed gay cinematic universe continues with a gorgeous film starring two of the side characters from sound! euphonium’s second season (not necessary to watch beforehand). that means it has plausible deniability whilst being so crazily gay it’s almost some kind of joke. this is a highly detailed, laser-focused character study of two girls in their high school band club and their ever more strained relationship. yamada never misses.
the summer
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this is korean! it’s about two girls who meet at school and start dating in secret, what happens as they grow up and move to seoul, and how their relationship changes and strains when met with the conservatism of contemporary korean society. it was sweet and like aoi hana above for japanese girls, felt pretty frank to the experiences I’d imagine young korean lesbians might have.
puella magi madoka magica: rebellion
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if you’re a fan of the show, you probably don’t talk about this movie. sure, it’s a visual feat, sure, it’s insanely entertaining, but it’s also frustrating and upsetting and potentially undermines the neatness of the original as a perfectly-crafted story. BUT. kyouko/sayaka becomes all but canon in it, and everything else aside, that’s all that really matters. but you should definitely watch the show beforehand.
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ggsbooks123 · 1 year ago
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Memories — part two of memory garden
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warning: gets pretty angsty here and character deaths 😓 mentions of suicide (jude bby is guilt ridden)
summary: you don’t know how much longer you can take it. The thoughts eating away at you telling you to kill someone in your heart you knew was pure good… but what happens when the voices turn on you?
a lil disclaimer yall i mixed cressidas name with cresta without thinking and realised half way through… i couldn’t be bothered to go back and fix it so i continued using it 😭 cresta is cressida!
— —
The next morning I woke up to Boggs shaking me and asked me to step outside, the sun was only just making its ascent.
I notice my restraint is off, Boggs must have taken them off before waking me up, I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure why he had done it, I was in no right mind.
My eyes lifted at the doorway, Peeta was right there… No. I shook my head, following Boggs out the door.
He stood gazing over the destruction of the city, I tightened my fist when the echo of a voice tried to break through. Not now. This was the outcome of war and nothing I did to them now would prevent this. But the voices never agreed.
“Wanted to check how you were feeling after your first night” He explained once I joined him at his side, it was nice that he cared.
I shrug, glancing back over my shoulder “I don’t think it’s a good idea that i’m here, I was getting help back at the district… I don’t know why i’m here” I definitely didnt think it was a good idea, Coin had sent me here knowing i was far from recovery.
“Coin always has a reason” Boggs muttered like he’d been reading my thoughts “I think she has no use for Katniss and Peeta anymore-“ He eyes filled in the blanks his words didn’t…
“She sent me to kill them” I whisper back realisation smacking into, I was a weapon, again. But it wasn’t the capital this time, it was the rebellion.
When will i be free?
The voice sounds almost sad and I realise that it’s not a voice, it’s my own thoughts. My own depressing and given up thoughts.
“She can try and turn you into some psycho killer but the people in that room care about you, even if you don’t see it. So do I, the three of you kids have seen more hell than anyone deserves” Boggs explains, finally turning from the city to face me. “You’re just kids”
I frown, glancing down at my hands. Kids. We weren’t even eighteen years old, it was something that defined so much about someone and id forgotten.
“Thank you” I whisper, movement from inside alerts me and I reach for my gun, what if Peeta took this distraction as an opportunity but then Katniss stepped out, my heart didn’t slow but my hands dropped.
“What’re you doing out here so early?” Katniss asked stepping closer but keeping a respectful distance, my hand clenched.
She’s with Peeta, they will kill us all. The desire to kill Katniss was easier to push down but when it came to Peeta is was a thirst for blood like no other.
I shake my head, not hearing what Boggs responded with.
“How are things?” Boggs doesn’t respond to this question so I glance up and see they both have their attentions on me.
How are things? I wanted to scoff, but I knew that I was an accident waiting to happen, they didn’t know what would set me off. Apparently just saying how are things is one example. I shake my head and I notice the flash of concern.
“I can only get better right?” I spit, I don’t mean for it come out like that but she flinches and Boggs places his hand on her shoulder.
I feel it, my hand moving on its own before my right slapped down on it, instantly both their eyes slammed to me and without further explanation i declare, “We need to put my restraint back on”
And with that Katniss went inside and woke the others and Boggs cuffed me again.
Finnick was the first to step out, alongside a girl with a vines blooming flowers across the left half of her shaved head “Jude, I wanted you to meet Cresta, she’d one of the directors for this whole thing”
I smiled lightly at her, hoping to be polite since she no doubt had to stay up for an hour and watch me last night. “Nice to meet you, are you from the Capitol?”
She nods, “Do I give off that capitol ignorance?” She asked as a joke but in her eyes I could tell she was pleading I said no which made me smile slightly wider. I liked her.
“No, no. I was just asking didn’t mean to hit right on the money” I shrugged, “Maybe after this I could read palms?” I raise an eyebrow at Finnick who seems to just be smiling at me. “What?”
“Nothing, just glad you’re finally started talking about an after this” And with that Cresta and him left me, sending my mind reeling.
After…
— —
The next few days were especially hard, we had to travel a few streets at a time due to these devices called pods, the game makers had created them, no death should be boring apparently.
One of the pods had contained thousands upon thousands of snakes, luckily they seemed to stop at a certain point. Just like in the games except we could activate them from a distance.
Some of the other pods though, made it harder to remember where I was and who my friends are. Boggs had set off the last pod, four explosions had destroyed the road before them and each explosive made unbidden thoughts enter my head.
Now we were slowly making our way through the Capital streets, it seemed bizarre to think that it was once luxury.
“How’re you feeling?” His voice breaks through everything, and my neck snaps to him as I take a step back, bumping into Finnick who seems to have noticed why and is already guiding me to walk again.
Peeta frowns, turning away for a moment before looking back at me “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you” Maybe he was trying to be nice, because we both knew it hadn’t been the reason.
“It’s- It’s okay. Really. Just a lot going on, and I think I’m feeling better. The questions that i’m asking help” I respond, trying to stay calm and push the voices away, though they’re not really there at the moment.
He seems to perk at my words before shooting over his shoulder “Ask one now, can’t hurt” I blow a breath, rattling through my brain for anything and then it clicked.
We’re back in the 75th Hunger Games, it’s a couple days in and we look utterly spent, I don’t even look like i’m making my next five steps.
I try to remember when this was, must’ve been right before the arena been destroyed, Peeta and I had run into the Careers and I’d paid with three strikes to my chest, Peeta not much better off.
The thought of the wounds made me reach for my chest, but they were gone. Magically healed by the Capital just to be tortured mentally.
I watch myself trip slightly but Peetas there in an instant, arm looping around my waist, holding me for dear life.
It looked so natural. Right. Together, his eyes never leaving me, concern dripping with every blink.
I hear him whisper like he’s next to me “We’re almost at the beach alright, just a little further” I can feel the desperation in his words, he needed me to make it.
I remember the exhaustion now, the utter fatigue I felt. The thought to close my eyes was over bearing but I couldn’t let Peeta down… win, I couldn’t let him win!
I snap out of the memory, luckily Finnick has my arms in his hands because i’ve stopped again and Peeta is looking at me with concern over his shoulder every few seconds. “Jude?” Finnick whispers and I take deep breath.
“In the last Hunger Games,” I began, trying to sort out the memory, he was saving me or was he the reason I ended up at the Capitol? “You saved me after the Careers attacked us, real or not real”
He frowned at the question, was it concern or hurt in his eyes, I didn’t know because when he blinked it was gone but then he stopped turning to face me. This time Finnick doesn’t push me forwards. He didn’t save you, and now he knows that he can’t get away with his lies anymore. Kill him!
Before I could act on the voices that abruptly awokened he speaks up, “I got you to that beach, then the arena went out and the Capital got you. So yeah, I saved you from the Careers but I couldn’t save you from the Capital and it’ll kill me everyday that you had to go through that and this and I couldn’t do anything”
His voice grew more anguished and devastated with each word and I found tears falling down my own face as he took deep breaths in front of me. The old me would’ve known how much this was eating at him, would’ve helped him but how could I?
I didn’t know me anymore. Or what I could do before I snapped.
I didn’t know what to say so I said “Haymitch told me that I- I told them if it came down to it, to save you” His eyes sharpened on me somehow, “I don’t blame you for what happened in the Capital, I never will. I’m sorry”
The air hung still as Boggs turned to them finally, breaking the moment “Keep up! We haven’t got all day” Peeta sighed, glancing at Boggs before solely landing on me again.
“Real. I saved you from the Careers” I smiled lightly, kill him, I shoved it down not paying any attention to it.
“Thank you” Finally, we began to follow the others down and around another corner. Soon we were arriving at our next pod, this one had a large arch with completely and utterly destroyed walls surrounding it left to right.
More destruction passed as they continued, how long before it’s too much, until the city isn’t even salvageable. Boggs told us to hide behind the walls while he set it off the next pod and then checked for anymore. We did as told, I took position between Finnick and Katniss and two other guys i didn’t know, Peeta and Cresta, Jackson and Pollux on the other side.
I felt anticipation, the voice had free roam when the pods went off. Too much going on at once, I couldn’t control it.
The pod detonation sent my mind spiraling, as I assumed, this one, four guns emerged from the wall and rained bullets into the archway destroying bits of the wall they were behind.
If you killed them their symbol would be gone, who would push that hope and if not for Katniss and Peeta, it would die with them. The voice stronger than it’d been in days.
No! I crouched further agaisnt the wall we’d taken cover behind, I’d been given my blank gun back for the promo but this was all too much, I felt the butt of the gun against my temple as I curled into my self.
I bring my head up and smack it against the gun, get out of my head. Get out. Get out! “My favourite colour is purple, I can’t wear red bows. Peeta saved me. My favourite-“ I repeat the words, whispered and keep bringing the butt of my gun to my temple.
A hand on my shouldern brings me back, at first my eyes catch the utterly devastated ones across from me. Peeta. He looks like he’d burn the world… For me. I break the eye contact quickly and the look in Finnicks eyes said it all. He didn’t have to go through what I had to understand, I didn’t know if I’d be able to do this without him, or Peeta… No matter how much I wanted to kill him sometimes.
Suddenly an explosion going off catches us off guard, did they set off another pod? “Boggs!” Katniss screams break the air, Finnicks hands move under my shoulders and lifts me to my feet, hauling me around the corner.
We both freeze at the sight, easily three of our squad members had been hit by the bomb. But it’s Boggs who lays in Katniss’s arms that makes my stomach drop and I’m almost sure I would have crumbled if not for Finnick. Bogg’s legs were gone, nothing but two stumps and onrushing blood.
Oh god, oh god. I slam my eyes shut and a ringing breaks out in my head. This is my fault, it’s all my fault, I never should have trusted them, Boggs should have never trusted them. The thoughts come harsher than they have in weeks and I can’t break away from them.
Kill them before they kill us all. This one isn’t my voice and I snap my eyes open sure I’d see his old and drawn face in front of me, but he’s not there. Relief fills me, but the twitch in my hand isn’t as my eyes dart to Peeta.
He must’ve been hit by the backlash of the bomb, Jackson was helping him to his feet as Cresta was helping one of the twins, who’d I forgotten were even there amongst all the chaos. His blue eyes darted around until they met mine and then they drifted to my hands.
I was holding my gun… I didn’t remember grabbing it, and it was full of blanks but it could still be a weapon. Kill him, I shake my head taking a step back at the same time I hear a click from afar, my head shoot’s up and I look to see l the other twin had rushed to help the other and had set off another pod.
I flinched ready for another bomb but instead the walls to the archway we just entered and the three others all begin to close, Katniss now standing from Boggs and holding the device he had seems to catch sight before anyone of us and the look of horror on her face is enough “Run!”
An arm grabs me and yanks me forward but my hands tighten on my gun, it was his fault. I can’t shake away these thoughts anymore, not after Boggs.
“Jude, keep it together!” Finnick spoke from beside me but nothing could bring me back, not after everything, everything that he’d done.
I felt my mind unscrewing, going barbaric at the thought of Peeta being so close and safe, he would make it out of this courtyard. And I tried to fight every single part of me that wanted to change that.
I couldn’t… Not after Boggs. You’re just kids, Peeta was a kid that had been the reason of hundreds and thousands of people… He had to die.
The air thrums around us as we rush up the stairs and I take this moment to look over my shoulder, a wave of black liquid lurches towards us and with utmost certainty I don’t want to find out what happens if it reaches me but then my mind flicks.
No consequences, kill him and die knowing you saved innocents. I wanted to shake these thoughts away, Peeta rushing up behind me tells me that he’d probably only run when he realised I was safe but a larger part of me knew he had some hidden agenda to kill me and cause more harm than good.
I had time.
It was the last confirmation I needed, shoving Finnick off me and throwing myself at Peeta, I let one of hands release the gun as I grab for his shoulder but his foot catches something and I only manage to grab his shirt as we go rolling down a few of the steps as he tries to fight off my grip, I hoped I had timed it right.
“Jude! Don’t” He cried out, finally managing to grab my wrist so I raise the gun in the other, “You have to die” I whisper, unsure why I needed to say it before I bring down the gun and finally, finally-
I’m shoved, NO. Snow’s voice screams in my head and I let out a cry, the yell breaks my skull open and I feel every ounce of rage pouring from the word.
His anger becomes my own and fuels me as I jump up from the ground and grapple the man from our squad who had ruined ruined ruined everything.
I knew it was wrong, some part of me as my ears rang and my mind exploded, but I couldn’t stop stop stop. The liquid rushed behind the man in my arms now, we’d spun, had I done that? Before my foot lifted and connected with his middle and I sent him into the abyss of oil.
Then it was all gone, the ringing, the voices and my mind was clear. I just killed a man. Someone must have grabbed me because i’m moving but I don’t feel it and I don’t care I’d killed someone, killed killed killed.
I feel the tears now as a door slams shut behind me and I hauled up my stairs, these are wooden not stone. The voices come back but they are no longer on my side. And it’s my own voice.
You killed an innocent. You need to die, you’re a danger. And I agree, I scream and scream that I want nothing more than to be dead and I must’ve actually been screaming because soon all I see is the same abyss I had forsaken another to.
— —
An explosion wakes me up and proceeds to remind me of everything that had happened before I succumbed to the darkness, I took in my surrounding the only light coming from the curtained window that Katniss and Gale were peering out of.
Whatever had just happened outside had affected Katniss more than Gale, and as I shift my position to get a better look but it’s useless, Gale lets the blinds close.
I let my eyes dance around the room, there’s more people in our group than I had realised, two men sat together checking the other for injuries, another man I seen but still didn’t know the name of stood with Cresta while Finnick and Peeta sat watching the window that Katniss and Gale were at. Jackson was no where in sight, I didn’t want to see her anyways, the guilt would twist even further. The twins… gone.
I swallow the sickness I feel, I had been so crazed I hadn’t taken the time to even get to know them.
All of the squad was far from me, I realised I was placed on stairs and the rail along it is what my hands are cuffed to.
Now you can’t hurt anyone. That hadn’t changed, no longer would I fight the urge to kill Peeta, somehow my wish of not killing him had been granted. Now I had to try not to kill myself, though that statement was half hearted.
Suddenly the familiar ring of the Capitals announcement played and my veins grew cold until one of the squad members spoke up “All the tvs in Panem are connected to the announcements, if the powers on then the shows running”
I rolled my eyes, the power that they could flush into abandoned apartments was incredible when some districts could barely keep the lights on for an hour or half.
The anthem continued, causing me to close my eyes but that only let the voices free reign in the darkness.
You could’ve been helping them stop this instead you let the Capital control you. I grit my teeth together not being able to take in what was happening on screen from the inner battle I was having with my own thoughts. You nearly killed Peeta and you were proud of it.
I nearly threw up.
My skin was on fire, pure and unadultered disgust and shame with myself, how could I have not realised that killing Peeta was the worst possible thing I could do, I would be nothing. Nothing, there was no way to put into words what would happen if he died.
And by my own hand, I closed my eyes. No. Never again would I let them win, hurt him. Never. I’d kill myself before I ever did something like that again… If I was even given the chance of redemption after what I did.
I open my eyes as I hear my name mentioned and see that the Capital is replaying everything that’s been haunting me since i woke up.
I watch the black oil like substance hurtle it’s way towards us, and I see it clearly now, Peetas eyes are on me waiting until I’m safe and clear before he runs after me and in that split second decision i’ve made one aswell.
Watching it on the screen was horrifying, my arm reaching for his throat but finding his shirt instead, us rolling together and still the look of murder on my face, so twisted it doesn’t even look like me before Mitch yanked me off and I thanked him by kicking him into the pod trap.
His scream echoed through the screen and I flinched, I’d been so full of rage and out of it I hadn’t heard it or seen as a metal cage lined with spikes shot from the oil, encasing the now dead Mitch.
I close my eyes unable to watch the rest. Monster, monster, monster. My voice spits over and over again, these I can’t shut out. It’s simply my thoughts the more I push it triples.
“Well, what’s next?” Jackson asked out of sight, I glanced around the room yet none of them seemed to look at me. I understood why they wouldn’t, some of them knew Mitch.
I killed their friend. Yet no one responded.
Was it not obvious? “I- I killed him” I whispered, all of their heads snapped like my voice was the last they expected “You should either leave me here or put a bullet in my head so no one else dies”
In the corner of my eye I see a hint of blonde flinch at my words, but I’d nearly killed him if it wasn’t for Mitch… Now he was dead, I didn’t get to live. “It’s the only reasonable solution, you can’t tell me i’m wrong”
“You’re wrong” Peeta cut in before anyone else could agree or disagree, I couldn’t tell by their faces and yet none of them cut into Peeta “You are restrained and we have a watch on you, Mitch knew what he was signing up for, we all did”
I looked away from him. This wasn’t right, my thoughts were against me now but what happened when they turned on him again? Because they would.
“You saved me once, you’ll be saving me this time aswell if you just-“
“No”
My eyes met his and I knew I’d never seen the fire in his gaze that he’d held this moment, Peeta was not budging on this. I frowned, I was a liability why couldn’t he see that?
My mind flashed to solutions, none came to mind. “There has to be a way where if I know i’m going to snap that I can stop myself” My words break at the end as I gaze around the room, there’s only silence “Please… please”
Gale steps forward and I see Peeta take a step but Katniss stops him, and I’m grateful as the brunette boy crouches down and pulls something from a hidden pocket.
A small pill, it was hard to think it’d do what i asked, delicately Gale pushed the pill into my own hidden pocket and patted it “It’s Nightlock, no pain and instant. Only if you have to”
I nodded, hesitantly but promising “Only if I have to”
And with that they set out, planning a course of action. The pods were too often now, they would have to stop constantly.
It was time to go underground
- … sooo part three?!?
DONT SCREAM AT ME IK IM AN ASSHOLE IM SO SO SO SORRY FOR MAKING YALL WAIT MY GOODREADS GOAL WAS SLACKING HAD TO CATCH UP HOPE YALL LIKE THIS XXXX
taglist girlies💓: @yazminetrahan @solarbxby @abbersreads @antonietta18
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xxladyballadxx · 1 year ago
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Taste of You
Clive Rosfield x (fem) reader
🚫 NO MINORS ALLOWED🚫
🔞18+ONLY!!!🔞
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Clive had enough of these bastards at the tavern flirting with you. He grew furious at them, those hungry men fawning over you. You tried to make them go away as you started to get very uncomfortable. Too many had surrounded you. Clive felt his rage consuming him, so he got off the table and stormed off to beat the shit out of these men before you could use your magic to make them go away. 
The situation got extremely heated when Clive threw his fists at these assholes for trying to touch you and flirt with you. Your jaw dropped in shock, looking at the huge mess. Even the bartender was shocked to see Clive causing a scene. “Woah…Clive…you good?” You asked him concerningly, you have never this side of him before and this is the first time you’ve seen his strange behavior. Clive huffed like a beast in annoyance, laying his eyes on you as if he were the predator. He made his way to grab your wrist and he was holding it very tight. Clive pulled you away from the tavern to go to a private room, “Let’s not waste our time here, (Y/n).” 
As he continued to pull you along with him, you groaned in a little heat of pain and Clive seemed to be holding your wrist too tight causing you to yell at him. “Clive, stop! You’re hurting me! Fucking hell!” You snapped in a harsh tone, trying to pull away from him. Clive truly has a strong grip, you gave up trying and wondered what’s going to happen next. 
After entering the private room, Clive locked the door so no one would dare to try and come in. “Seriously, what is up with you?! Are you-“ you got slammed into the tough surface as Clive gripped your wrists up against the wall, laying his eyes of hunger upon you. You felt your heart rising up to heaven when Clive smacked his lips against yours. Clive began to hold you close to him as he kissed you, having his arms around you. You felt a flutter of sensation flowing through your body, an emotion of excitement.
You moaned through the kiss, gripping his head and hopping onto him as Clive motioned his hands quickly to hold you. He laid you down onto the bed gently while deepening the kiss. 
You and Clive paused for a moment, wanting to take a breather. “Wow…that was…amazing..” you never knew this would happen to you, you had your first kiss with someone who had been holding his strong feelings for you…for ages!
“(Y/n), I love you. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment to happen. It drives me crazy when I think of you.” Clive finally confessed the feelings he’s been having for you ever since you bloomed into his life like a wild flower that came out of nowhere, “I want you all to myself. You are mine and nobody else’s. I need you.”
Your (e/c) eyes got teary after his sweet confession, revealing your happy-sad face with happy tears, “Do you really feel that way?” 
Clive curved a soft smile, he moved his head to place a swift kiss onto your lips, “Does that answer your question, my sweet (Y/n)?” 
You kissed him back, caressing the side of his face lovingly, “Yes.” And so the two of you carried on having a loving moment together. Clive stripped his entire armor off and you blushed like mad when he did that, seeing him bare naked. You took off your corset with Clive lending you hand untying the knots. You took off all your clothing and tossed them aside. Clive crawled on top of you and kissed you deeply. You gave out a loud moan, flinging your arms around him. “I want to be inside of you, (Y/n). I want to show how much I fucking love you. How much I fucking desire you.” His words caused your body to tremble but in a good way. Clive inserted his sweetstick into your g-spot. A moan escaped from your lips. He thrusted forward, starting with a slow motion.  “Please go rough on me, Clive…please…” you begged him to fuck your brains out like a beast. Clive smirked mischievously, his hungry eyes of desire preying upon you, “If that’s what you want, my love…” since you asked so nicely of him, he decided to go all wild on you. Thrusting inside you crazily, you can feel your whole body melting entirely. “Ahhh…mmmm…fuck….ah..ah..” your heavy moans caused Clive to get more wilder, digging your nails into the bedsheets. He goes harder on you, speeding up the motion. “Oh (Y/n)….my dear sweet (Y/n)…” Clive whispered through his moan, he places wet kisses onto your neck while his sweet cock devours your insides. Your moans got heavier across the room, “AHHH CLIVE!” The excitement from your lustrous howls were like music to Clive’s ears. “Fuck…oh (Y/n) I’m going to enjoy fucking you like an animal…” his sweet long cock twisted your insides, the heavy moans that escaped your lips were a delightful sound of harmony. “Ah…mmm….oh Clive…it feels so fucking…ah so fucking good…” you howled like a wild cat, moaning sexually. “Oh eikons, (Y/n)….I fucking love you!” Clive cried, thrusting inside you rapidly, “Shit, I’m about to cum…. Oh fuck…” 
You hummed in a sexual manner, “Do it, Clive….please cum inside me!” the more you beg for it, the more excited Clive gets. 
“Ahh…” Clive moaned, entering the climax by cumming inside you. He laid his body next to you afterwards. You kissed him on the cheek, laying down your head onto his warm arm. “Holy eikons, that was so fucking amazing..”
 Losing your virginity to Clive was the greatest thing you ever experienced. “I love you so damn fucking much, (Y/n).” Clive spoke in a soft tone, his voice so soothing that made you love him even more. You set your gaze on Clive, looking up to him, “I love you too, my sweet fireflame. You mean the whole world to me.” 
Clive held your face and kissed you passionately, “Marry me, (Y/n)..” he caressed your red tinted cheek as your eyes widened in surprise. “W-what..?” You stuttered, your heart rushing through the beatings of a rhythm. Clive smiled softly, laying back down, “You heard me. You’re the only one I truly want to be with, (Y/n).” 
You imagined the wonderful moments you will be spending the rest of your life with Clive, living in a cottage, growing old together and things like that.  “Say it again, Clive. This time, don’t demand it. Just ask.” You told him sweetly, Clive figured out what you wanted him to do. He gazed upon you and held your hand into his, the warmth swayed over to you as he looked at you and asked, “(Y/n) (L/n), will you marry me?” 
“Yes, Clive….of course I will marry you!” You cried out in joy, tears of happiness formed into your (e/c) eyes. Clive embraced you into his arms, kissing your forehead. 
“My precious Clive..”
“My beautiful (Y/n)..” 
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e-dubbc11 · 1 year ago
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In Bloom
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Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader
Warnings: None really, maybe a swear word or two but extra fluffy bunnies and unicorns
Word Count: 2.7k-ish
Summary: Part 1 of 3 (I think) Reader is in a bit of a romantic slump so she buys herself flowers every Friday until one day she finds out they’re already paid for.
A/N: Based on this ask/idea from my lovely lovely Lily @munsonownsmyass I hope you like it, my love ❤️
This girl is single and haven't had anyone in a while. Miss the intimacy. Just to make herself happy, she buys flowers for herself every Friday. But one day, the flowers have already been paid for. It's the same thing the next Friday. Then one day, there's a little note attached to the flowers....
As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
“When was the last time you went out on a date?”
Rolling your eyes, those words felt like a hard punch to the stomach coming from your mother.
Your Friday afternoon lunch with her felt like days. It all started with the lunch spot you chose…it wasn’t to her standards but then again nothing was. Nothing seemed to ever be good enough whether it was your job, the clothes you wore, the apartment you lived in, or the sandwich shop you picked for lunch.
It was all beneath her, sub-standard, and you had accepted the fact that nothing you do will ever be good enough for her so you just decided to continue to do whatever made you happy and not worry about what would be pleasing to her.
She tried like hell to mold you into what she wanted you to be, how she wanted you to dress, what she wanted you to do for a living, and even what kind of wedding she had wanted you to have. She didn’t succeed and when you called off your wedding to a man that looked perfect on paper but was a monster behind closed doors, she didn’t try as hard to make you into something that you just weren’t going to be.
She still took not-so subtle jabs though.
“Have a good weekend, hun. Try and get some sleep, you look tired.”
A visit with mom wasn’t complete until she commented on how you looked. It was definitely time to go.
The early autumn wind picked up as you walked from the sandwich place toward the flower shop which was a few blocks away. Your little Friday tradition was just something you had decided to do for yourself every week.
The flowers made your apartment just a little bit brighter and brought a smile to your face every time you looked at them on your dining room table.
You hadn’t really noticed the flower shop before but it presented itself when you needed a little cheering up.
It was after another bad first date, the third one in a row. You were walking home from the bar after yet another Wall Street type asshole had spent the early evening hours droning on and on about himself when the essence of rose attacked your sense of smell. It stopped you dead in your tracks and caused you to shift your eyes from the sidewalk to the door of the flower shop in front of you.
Bouquets of beautiful flowers were in buckets of water outside but so many more caught your eye that were inside so you decided to go in and look around.
“We close in fifteen minutes, Miss. Is there something specific you’re looking for?” The man behind the counter had asked with a warm smile.
You tried to smile back but it only came out as half a smile. “Something to make me feel better after a bad date?” You replied.
His expression tempered and you could tell he really wanted to help.
“Let me see what I can put together for you.” He said.
And he went to work pulling flowers from different buckets and arranging them into the most beautiful bouquet, wrapping them in paper and plastic and securing them with a ribbon. The bouquet was full of carnations, roses, gerbera daisies, and lilies…all in different shades of red and pink. It was almost like he knew they were two of your favorite colors.
Watching him meticulously put those flowers together for you already made you feel better about that night.
“Here you go, my dear. Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.” He said handing you the flowers.
You were absolutely stunned at how gorgeous they were and that was how you met Mr. Campbell, the sweetest little old man with the prettiest flowers in town which kept you coming back weekly for fresh ones.
After the taxing lunch you just had with your mother, it was time to make yourself feel better with your weekly flowers.
“Hi, Mr. Campbell. How are you today!?” You asked.
He shifted his gaze from the bouquet he was working on to greet you, pushing his glasses up that had slid down the bridge of his nose.
“My dear, y/n! Well, I can’t complain…I woke up again so that’s a good thing, plus I knew I’d get to see your smiling face today and that’s ALWAYS a good thing.” He said with excitement.
A wide smile stretched across your lips. “This is my favorite Friday stop, Mr. Campbell!” You said.
The corner of his mouth turned up and he raised his eyebrows. “You sure it’s not the liquor store, y/n?” He asked with a slight chuckle while looking at the bottle of wine in your hand.
You let out a full blown belly laugh. “Ok, well that’s my OTHER favorite Friday stop. You know I like my wine.” You said trying to control your laughter.
“What are you in the mood for today, my dear?” Mr. Campbell asked.
You inhaled sharply and let out a deep exhale. “Well I just had a very long and taxing lunch with my mother so something a little crazy with a lot of colors would be perfect.”
And that’s all he needed to hear. In a matter of minutes he moved from bucket to bucket, picking out every color flower he could get his fragile little hands on and arranged them especially for you into one crazy colored bouquet.
“Awww Mr. Campbell, they’re perfect, as always! Thank you!” You said handing him the money for the flowers and the nip of Jack Daniel’s you bought for him every Friday. “There’s better tasting whiskey out there, you sure you don’t want somethin’ else?”
“No, no…this is what I like y/n.” He said, getting back to the arrangement he was working on when you walked in.
“Ok, well you just let me know if you want something else. I gotta get goin’, I have a hot date with the couch and this wine when I get home.” You said sarcastically.
“It’s Friday night, my dear. You should go OUT on a date!” He said.
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Oh no, don’t you start with me too Mr. Campbell. My mother said the same thing to me a little while ago. I’ll see you next week.” You said as you waved goodbye and reached for the door.
An incredibly handsome man on the other side of the door opened it for you and ushered you through. He was tall, with dark hair, a short beard, eyes as dark as the night sky and a perfect smile.
You smiled back. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He said.
You didn’t look back and headed for home.
The flower shop after you left.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Russo. The usual for you today?” Mr. Campbell asked.
Billy had his long overcoat tucked under his arm, watching with a smile as he watched you walk down the street until you were out of sight.
“Yes please, Luther. That would be great.” Billy said softly as he paced around looking at all the different flowers.
Mr. Campbell had caught Billy looking at you when you left the shop.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she.” He stated, raising his eyebrows.
Billy thought he had acted nonchalant while checking you out. “What?” Billy asked. “Oh…yes…she is. Was that her first time in here?”
“She comes in every Friday and buys flowers for herself.” Mr. Campbell said.
A sly smirk stretched across Billy’s face. “Well we can’t have that now can we, Luther.”
Mr. Campbell returned the smirk, looked at Billy over his glasses and asked. “Shall I add another bouquet to your weekly purchase, Billy?”
“Yes please, whatever she wants but do NOT tell her I’m the one that paid for them.” Billy said sternly.
“She is going to ask, so what am I supposed to tell her?” Said Mr. Campbell.
Billy rested his hand on the counter and pondered for a minute.
As he picked up his flowers and started to walk toward the door, Billy turned back to Mr. Campbell and said “Just tell her you are sworn to secrecy and she’ll find out…soon, I promise.”
**********
The following Friday after a long day at work, you clocked out and started your walk to the flower shop. The warm afternoon sun grazed the high points of your face as you strolled down the sidewalk just enjoying the crisp fall air, and in no rush to get where you were going.
This was your favorite time of year. Vendors in the street sold warm apple cider and kettle corn, people with their flushed cheeks hurried past you with their hands shoved into their jacket pockets, while a short gust of wind nearly took your hat right off of your head.
Your first stop was the liquor store. Mr. Campbell really enjoyed the nip of Jack Daniel’s you gave him every Friday, he always told you it was the best part of his week and you loved it too. It felt nice to have something steady in your life even if was just a sweet elderly man and a bouquet of self-bought flowers.
The wind caught the door on your way into the flower shop and you had a hard time holding on to it but you managed to close it before it flew off the hinges.
“A little windy out there, y/n?” He joked, barely looking up from the arrangement he was putting together.
You pressed your lips together and replied. “Just a little. I nearly lost my hat, Mr. Campbell!”
“So what sort of bouquet will make you feel good today, my dear.” He asked.
Looking around the shop, the sunflowers caught your eye. “Something with a few sunflowers, I think.” You said.
And off he went picking out autumn colors of burnt orange, bright yellow, and deep red with the sunflowers being the focal point in the middle next to fern like greens. It was a beautiful work of art just like every other week which always put a smile on your face.
As you opened your purse, Mr. Campbell stopped you, waving his hand at you to put your wallet away. “No…no, they’re already paid for y/n.”
You had a confused yet skeptical look on your face. “What do you mean they’re already paid for?” You said.
“Exactly what I said y/n, someone has already paid for your flowers.” He said, with a devilish grin stretched across his face.
“Well, who paid for them?” You asked.
“I am sworn to secrecy, my dear.” He said raising his hand and closing his eyes.
Reaching into your tote bag, you pulled out the nip of Jack Daniel’s. “Ya know I’m not sure you deserve this today but that wouldn’t be very nice of me, would it.” You said, narrowing your eyes at him.
“I’m sworn to secrecy but you will find out soon who paid for them, he promised.” He stated with a slight smile as you waved and left the store.
Who could it be?
For the next few weeks, every time you’ve gone to pay for your flowers they had already been paid for. You even treated yourself to long stem red roses one week, orchids the next and Mr. Campbell STILL insisted he had already been paid. It didn’t matter how expensive the flowers were, you didn’t have to pay a dime.
Every week, you would BEG Mr. Campbell to tell you who was paying for your bouquets but he didn’t fold. He didn’t give up the name of the man buying you whatever your little heart desired that week but he really loved watching you smile.
Finally on week number four, you walked in to pick out your flowers and after putting together your bouquet, Mr. Campbell had a little something extra to add…it was a note that said:
Someone as sweet as you shouldn’t have to buy their own flowers. I hope you’ve been enjoying them. Now look outside…
You looked up from the card toward the door and flashing his perfect smile at you was the handsome man that had held the door open for you a handful of weeks ago. Warmth rushed to your cheeks and suddenly there were butterflies in your stomach as he walked through the door and planted himself firmly in front of you.
“Billy Russo…it’s nice to finally meet you…” He said, extending his hand for you to shake.
You extended your hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Billy. I’m y/f/n y/l/n. So you’re the one that swore Mr. Campbell to secrecy?” You asked.
“Ah I knew Luther would be able to keep my secret, although he wanted me to tell you two weeks ago. He can be a little impatient.” Billy said with a warm smile and a slight whisper.
Looking over the tops of his glasses, Mr. Campbell said. “Well don’t talk about me like I’m not here. And do you have something for me, my dear y/n?”
You had completely forgotten about the nip of Jack Daniel’s in your bag that was meant for him so you reached in the bag and set it on the counter.
“Oh!! I am so sorry Mr. Campbell. Here ya go.” You said.
He took the little nip bottle and walked into the back room, behind the counter. He was gone for a few minutes.
“So what do ya say? Will you have a drink with me? I promise, it will be something better than Jack Daniel’s.” Billy said.
You chuckled a little when you heard Mr. Campbell shout from the back room. “I heard that, Billy!”
“I knew you would, sir!” Billy shouted back. “He has the best flowers in town plus he’s a veteran and I like supporting veteran owned businesses.” Billy said.
You couldn’t help but stare into his eyes. They looked like two endless pools of dark chocolate and they weren’t looking at anything except you.
Moving a stray hair away from your face, you replied. “I do too…I have friends and family that are veterans. Did you serve, Billy?”
“Three tours in Iraq…one in Afghanistan.” He said softly, inching closer to you.
Mr. Campbell surprised both of you when he appeared from the back. “Will you two get outta here! You can learn all about each other over a drink…GO! Get out!” He said, practically shooing you out of his shop and handing Billy his flowers.
“Alright, alright Mr. Campbell, we’re going…I’ll see you next week!” You said as you waved and walked out the door with Billy.
“Well? You wanna have that drink with me, y/n?” Billy asked again.
You bit down on your lower lip and glanced at the ground before capturing his gaze again. “I’d love to.” You said. “But I do have to drop these flowers off at home first so they don’t wilt. I live only a couple blocks from here. And it looks like you have flowers to drop off as well. Can I meet you in an hour? Is that enough time?”
Billy smiled. “That’s perfect…don’t you wanna know where I’m going to drop these off?” He asked nervously before opening the door to his car.
“As long as they’re not going to a wife or a girlfriend, it’s really none of my business Billy. But if you wanna tell me, you’re more than welcome to tell me later or another time. It’s up to you.” You said with a welcoming smile.
Billy looked surprised by your answer, he wasn’t expecting it and ultimately it was his decision of whether or not he wanted to tell you where he went every week at this time.
“Well ok then. So I’ll meet you back here in an hour?” He asked.
“I’ll see you in an hour…and Billy?
He looked up so his eyes were locked on yours.
A big smile stretched across your lips as you said “Thank you for my flowers.”
Billy smiled a wide Cheshire cat smile and winked at you. “You’re welcome, y/n and I will see you very soon.”
Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @xdervyxccgh @mattmurdocksscars @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialams @idek-what-to-put @anastasianeedstoread @ratsys @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @rosaleenablack @vaguekayla @qu1etwolf @danzer8705
Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @simple-lovebot @russosafehaven @mrsbillyrusso @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend
If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.
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harisutheforestprincess · 2 years ago
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Just a reminder, Nezumi is highly intelligent, and I can tell that he made acquiring knowledge a coping mechanism when he faced the aftermath of survival.
It's so powerful because Nezumi lost all reference to what life was when his tribe was burnt to ashes, yet in his genes, the need for culture is deeply printed, and he believes Shion could survive if he holds to this same need.
He was a traveler before the idea was put in his head by the musicians passing by West Block. Nezumi knew there was so much more to life than guilt or sorrow because he had already experienced it. It was on his bone, part of his skin. Something that neither trauma nor fire could take from him.
Forgetfulness wasn't his excuse to give up. Nezumi kept on living because there was a lot to learn, a lot to explore, a lot to understand, and a lot to experience. He shouted inwardly and held to: Life has meaning because another world is yet to be met.
He wasn't terrified but eager to discover, grasp, and walk on it. Whatever that meant, since he didn't have any other sight than cruelty, betrayal, and death. He hoped on the different worlds he found casually in a book or maybe looking at a beautiful flower blooming between rocks.
Due to this hope and his soul's nature that can not be washed away, not even by the stains of blood, Nezumi could build his own collective from scratch. He has the brains, the values, and a broad understanding of the morality spectrum to set rules and, eventually, laws. But first, he needs to get out there and meet people akin to his intellectual thirst and art hunger, which confirms my personal view that Nezumi is a social butterfly!
He enjoyed his conversations with Shion because someone could finally meet him, talk back, challenge him, and add on. Constantly, continuously. No one ever did that for him—with him. His Gran and Godfather just kept on babbling about vindication and revenge, not giving him the opportunity to estate an opinion. He was meant to take vendetta on the world, and that was it.
Then, when he was alone with no one influencing his thoughts, he was in a terrible place. In a society like West Block, knowledge might be considered a threat since muscles and how to defend your territory and yourself is the only thing that matters.
If Nezumi had wanted to express himself intellectually, he would have been beaten to humiliate and degrade him. While these aspects are not detailed in the novels, I can confidently say that if Nezumi had wanted to express himself femininely, he would have been abused. Through Rikiga, we can see that despite the acknowledgment of talent in his work as Eve, he was mainly sexualized. Nezumi understood the powers of his looks and called his own legs money maker because sex is a big business in the town, and for sure, everything is done through the lenses of desperation. Nothing healthy about it or that you could take pride on.
Nezumi didn't have anyone to share his interests with, and even attempting to discover if someone did, risked his life. Not precisely by losing it but by going through hell repeatedly, which equals being broiled alive again. We see that the idea of suffering for Nezumi roots in that experience, and it's wise he doesn't want to get closer to it by any means.
Nezumi was closed off from Shion because he learned that keeping himself to himself was the way to survive. He isn't an edgy teenager who wants to be cool by being mysterious; he is afraid being open would wound him or, even worse, would worsen the scar on his back.
Again, here we are, with the fact that when Shion got closer, either with questions or intuition, Nezumi would be irritated to the point that he'd be violent because he was defending himself as he would on the streets. As he would need to do with West Block and No. 6 citizens because both parties have chased him down one way or another. With no breaks. Really.
Ever since the genocide happened, Nezumi's soul has been screaming to see another world. It's very well deserved. However, Shion alone wouldn't break the layer Nezumi has been protecting himself with. Nezumi needs to interact with other societies, different cultures, and new lifestyles.
Those other realities aren't the wall-less No. 6. West Block resulted from No. 6 as No. 6 resulted from West Block. Even when there was a wall between them, both places were constantly influencing each other as the government knew the existence of both, and trying to put a blindfold on No. 6 citizens and an iron wield on West Block's citizens had an impact on how everyone was treated. To avoid a society like West Block, there was genocide. Again, to avoid a society like West Block, there was censorship and brainwashing.
If Nezumi had stayed, he would have been terribly limited, and the concept of freedom would have morphed into a strange necessity to fit in to achieve happiness. To dismiss years of cultural development that could be happening in other cities. In Beyond, we can see that the earth is starting to heal since he bathes in a river in the wild, and not too long ago, No. 6 was still using West Block to dispose of their trash.
No. 6 is still a ignorant city, behind so many alternatives, repeating the same mistakes, and it will take years until it reaches a point where Nezumi can feel content. He has high standards and should search for them, so he can comfortably fit in because he is happy where he's at. It's a dichotomy, but a dichotomy, in this case, is healthy for Nezumi.
He's a rebel, and a rebel needs to have a sharp mind, and you can only have a sharp mind if you educate yourself. He understood this from a young age, and it was about time his heart had that so-needed revolution.
Get out of there and be damn happy under your own concept of happiness!
I am rooting for him and will always applaud his decision to leave.
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ang3lofdivinity · 3 months ago
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☂𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚊𝚡𝚢 𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚢☽˚。
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Relationship(s): Hazbin Hotel (Platonic - some Romantic ideas as well) + Acheron!Reader
Format: Stories + Headcanons
Genre: Fluffy goodness, but of course angst is in here as well
Warnings: Spoilers for Hazbin, Spoilers for Honkai Star Rail, Angst, Valentino, toxic behaviors and everything, normal hell activities, swearing, reader is just like Acheron (even with clothes), violence, gore, toxic behavior (ahem that memokeeper), discrimination, suicidal/dark thoughts, emetophobia, cannibalism.
A/N: Wrote this in the night, so this’ll be decently bad…. Um. ALSO. I’ll get to my asks after this, I promise. There’ll probably be a different version of this where reader makes it in heaven / where the reader gets with the Vees :)) - Also.. YOU GET A SONG!!?!,‘Clawed’ hand refers to the claw jewelry Acheron has for you :33 Thank you to @littlewonders7 for the main idea for this fic! Also note: Reader is NOT Acheron, they are only similar. Skin color, hair, etc is up to you (but I decide your outfit. Because I say so.)
Side note: This is mainly a STORY fic, and an overview of where the Reader will end up with some Headcanons, this will be continued in another part because this took WAY TOO long to write.
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A rush of pain flows through your head, accumulating a headache which blooms like a flower. A flower thats poisonous vines with prickly thorns wrap around, it creates pounding sensation in your skull that hurts more than you could possibly fathom, furthermore it causes the feeling of a throbbing sensation behind your oculus’s. Luckily enough, it feels as if they’ve been shut tight considering there’s absolutely nothing you can see but pure darkness. However, during your time as a Galaxy Ranger from years ago, to now (where you still have no-one)- you’ve learned to use your other senses if in need of it.
The ground beneath you felt far too warm to be any normal location within any planet you’ve visited so far, or one you’ve been to before as a matter of fact. It’s so.. uncomfortable. So much so that you swear you can feel yourself sweating, trickling down. This makes you believe you’re flat on your back, but you can’t exactly pinpoint on what, and it’s making you nervous. You barely get nervous over things like these.
What were you doing before this?.. 
. . .
“Memokeeper, do you not understand the definition of ‘I wish to be alone’? Have you no respect nor decorum? You continuously insisting on interfering with my personal affairs will do no good for your reputation in my book.” Your voice unintentionally sounded harsher than you intended, but the anger swirling within leaving a bitter taste on your tongue made it all the more infuriating that someone was constantly prodding into your business. It’s.. awkward. The different length high-heeled black boots you’re wearing click against the pavement of the sidewalk, the red parasol you’re carrying covering the glimmering light of the moon, streetlights stationed on almost every sidewalk, along with all sorts playing on the televisions shining down.
The stubborn memokeeper beside you strides along, hands behind their back as they laugh at your, as what they believe, antics.
Barely anyone is walking the streets of the city from what you can tell from the bright florescent lights of lampposts, considering it’s night. There’s barely anyone around you two..
“Oh, please. You think I’d leave a criminal like you freely tread around the city knowing you could kill another innocent citizen here?” Your gloved hand tightened around the handle of the parasol, oculus’s narrowing down at the tips of your heels as you try to relax yourself, feeling your blood boil at their words.
“No wonder you can’t love yourself..” They mumbled under their breath, chuckling at their unfunny joke.
“A Galactic monstrosity like you… I can understand.”
This is what they want: a reaction out of you. You’re not going to submit to their demands.
“Wow. How impertinent and immature of you, █████ ████. Accusing me of a crime which I am merely a suspect in, with not even enough grounding evidence that can actually prove me to be the true culprit. I never thought you could stoop this low.” After your decently blunt words, you attempted to ignore the memokeeper.
Thankfully enough for you, they were keeping silent for most of this walk. Looks like they were getting the hint.
Until their footsteps stop.
And it makes you stop in your tracks, about to turn on your heel.
That is until you feel something slamming against the back of your skull, coupled to the blood rushing through. Stumbling forward, you struggle to keep yourself up on your feet- struggle to keep yourself awake even for crying aloud.
And you can no longer keep your balance.
Gentle fingertips graze against the back of your head where the blood is gushing out as it oozed to the back of your neck, the thick fluid no warmer or cooler than your own skin. No-one was there to witness the crime they had committed. How lovely! You looked to be paling rapidly, collapsed on your side. They rubbed their thumb over their index and middle finger, smearing the liquid on their glove in a circular motion. Staring blankly at your pathetic form- they smiled, resting their blood-soaked hand over the wound which caused a soft lavender light to illuminate from beneath it.
They weren’t heartless. But of course, they weren’t just going to heal you all the way!
Pulling their hand away, they slipped their non-blood covered hand into one of their pockets, pulling out a tarot card: a simple main color, being black, is mixed with intricate golden designs curling around it. But then, they started chanting something you couldn’t make out:
What’s going on?..
. . .
The atmosphere around you feels more humid than ever, not only that- it appears to be very different from other planets you’ve ventured: it’s also choleric, disorderly, and noxious. Though, you’re still alive. It must have something keeping you breathing in this unfamiliar environment.
Your hair is the only thing cushioning your head, still resting against the rough surface of the ground beneath you. Trying to move your arms, you take notice of how heavy your bones feel, like something is restraining them. This could not get any worse. They fall back slack against the surface of the ground, the hot
Furrowing your brows together, you attempt to for your eyes open despite how this migraine is progressing along with the heavy feeling of your eyelids keeping your eyes shut tight. You have to get them open. You have to get up. Slowly, you find yourself cracking open your eyelids just enough that they’ve raised just enough that they’re half-lidded.. which was actually harder than you thought. What the actual hell is going on??
Blurry, almost like a white fuzz effect is causing everything to appear blurry to you. Your pupils start to dilate as you essay to comprehend your surroundings.
Something bright is burning—
Oh wait.
..The Sun?
Or at least, something akin to a sun. It’s only making everything worse the longer you try to stare at it.
Drawing your attention away from the blinding light, you find it lingering on the sky, which is a wine red color and a ribbon red pentagram at the very top, almost like a sigil. Looking at all of this at once made the throbbing migraine slowly become worse, causing you intake a sharp breath through gritted teeth.
It was painful.
It hurt just to be awake in this moment, and you didn’t want that. But does a Galaxy Ranger ever give up during times of confusion and harm?
You want to.
You really do.
Maybe all of this would end, and you could just feel at peace for once in your goddamn life.
Nevertheless, you found yourself forcing one of your arms to move to pinch your shoulder, just to confirm you were in the Reverie hotel and this was just some odd nightmare. But it wouldn’t work. You know that. If this was the Reverie, you would’ve been able to awake in your hotel room, or even in a place like Golden Hour.
The small flash of pain from the pinch was still lingering on your skin, however you could care less in this moment. You needed to get up. With a huff of pain, you’ve propped yourself up on your elbows (despite the long and drawled out process it took in order to get yourself in that position), struggling to keep your eyes open and yourself awake. There’s no point in falling asleep when you’re already up. Plus, you won’t be able to fall asleep once again that easily, unfortunately. It’s by far one the worse feelings by far.
The pit within your stomach, creating a strange sensation that causes unease makes you want to continue to try and rest (even if it’s futile), but you don’t follow it, and instead manage to bring yourself to get on your knees. You’re trying to ignore the aching pain that’s practically taking over your body with every action you take by overwhelming yourself with a singular thought.
The ‘death’ awaiting you when your end finally arrives.
Served on a silver platter.
Huffing, you finally take a moment to let your eyes adjust to your surroundings: you’re, in what it appears to be, a vast and overcrowded city. How overwhelming and inconvenient.
The more you overlook this megalopolis ablaze with neon lights flickering on and off, the more it made you dizzy and worsen your migraine symptoms. Yet you take a deep breath.
You ignore it.
The best you can- at least.
You attempt to keep looking, noticing that some of these signs actually have some words on them- indicating what they have in store for any living person within this metropolis. Casinos, nightclubs, adult film studios, brothels, restaurants, television stations, and hotels are only a few things that you could name. What gets you to tear your gaze away is, what appears to be, a large clock tower glowing ever so brightly glowing with a golden hue as if blessed by the aeons themselves.
In a way, it makes you feel even more sick.
A rotten feeling. Truly.
It hurt more horribly than you originally thought.
There’s no ignoring this anymore, you have to find something to relieve your pain.
But you’re in an unfamiliar location.
Realizing you’ve been laying on a warm cobblestone pathway, on the near outskirts of any human interactions.
Where theres far too many individuals bustling around whom you can’t even see from here. But, thanks to the indistinct chattering of people and clicks of the heels of shoes tell you everything you needed to hear.
And what if no-one recognizes you?
Maybe that’s for the better, though. You would much rather have no-one know who you are than at least one person who does (that is, if you don’t have much of an intimate relationship).
The vertigo lingering around has made it that you could care less at this point.
Does this planet have an apothecary somewhere?
A quiet sigh escapes past your lips while your hand glides down to find the hilt of your long sword, which isn’t hard to find considering your position. With a hum of satisfaction, you carefully begin to stand up, the heels of your shoes clicking as you first begin in a lunge to raise yourself up. The vertigo almost makes you loose your balance, yet you continue.
Theres no other option.
You can never turn back — the path behind is gone.
That’s what you’ve always said, after all.
Driving yourself forward, you’re able to fully stand up and be able to take a few steps forward, but not without stepping on something that causes you to look down.
..Your parasol?
Retracting your heel, you take a moment to stare at it. You haven’t broken anything, it’s just almost caused you to lose your balance by the round handle.
Without a second thought, you slowly get down on one knee and grab it by the handle before arising back up from your spot, and open it as it unfurls before you. It feels.. comforting, just to have something that’s a memorabilia of sorts. It makes you nearly forget the other so despondent feelings dissipate. Slightly, that is.
A soft smile graces your lips, letting out a small sigh of relief.
Yet when you turn your head to look back at the very large city… you decide to head on over to one of the more safer looking buildings to find directions, and where to get out of here again. After-all, you don’t wanna be stuck in here longer than you have to be.
You haven’t even finished your mission on Aureon yet..
Not only that, but considering the amount of people after you- along with that large bounty placed over your head.. it’d be best if you didn’t dawdle around some unfamiliar location for too long. Who knows what could happen to you.
The melodic clicks of your heels sound out as you lower your head to look down at the tips of your heels, your parasol blocking out many of the Illuminating lights ahead. As you stroll through the oppressively humid city, you try to remain.. oblivious to the world around you. However, the sound of.. sloshing catches your attention. It’s grotesque… far too grotesque for your liking, and coupled with the rotting smell that hits your nose— it leaves you with an unpleasant feeling that you cannot describe.
It makes you feel physically sick.
Aeons— is someone chewing on something?? Why does it sound so awful? Why is your gut instinct telling you to run away, just anywhere else that isn’t here??? Your free hand reaches down to the hilt of your sword for some form of self-reassurance, trying to think rationally of the situation.
Until you simply cannot take the suspense.
You tried, you truly tried. But those aeon awful noises are making you far too agitated for no reason, it makes you want to throw up right here and now.
Tentatively, you raise your parasol, only to witness some.. far too peculiar things that make you regret ever looking.
Cannibals. They’re eating each-other. The blood spilling from the corpse they’ve violated, and it looks raw. Fresh, brand new for crying aloud. As if they grabbed some random individual to commit these.. heinous acts on. They grip onto the poor victims clothes and now limp body, ripping, gnawing, tearing at the skin as they devour the victim. And nobody even bats an eye. It.. somewhat makes sense as you survey further. All of the denizens here look like goddamn demons the more you look over them. You see things on fire, citizens running all-about the city, and what appears to be on the TV’s are.. less than pleasant to rest your eyes on.
Your eyes widen with terror, trying to comprehend what’s even happening.
It isn’t until someone approaches you from behind do you feel the amount of fear equivalent to when back on your home planet. Back when they—
Before even thinking twice, or at all for that matter about what you’re going to do, which your thoughts are all too fast for your liking as you can’t even catch up. That is, before you use your long sword- still within it’s scabbard, deftly turning on your heel as you slice the individual behind you in-half.
It was an automatic response. An instinct. It’s not your fault. It’s NOT your fault—
Your legs automatically move backward before you twirl around once again and dash forward, making you sprint faster than you’d ever had. You need to make it to that building.
You need to get out of the streets.
You have to get out.
Y̸o̴u̷ ̷h̶a̶v̷e̷ ̷t̷o̸ ̴g̶e̶t̶ ̶o̶u̴t̸.̷
Y̷̛̖̊̆̄́̿͐͌̓͛̓̈o̸͎͆͑͋̂̍̕͘͝ù̷̡̢̱̥͇̟͛̂́̎̏̚͘͠ ̵̧̛̳͉͍̎̎̓̎̏̑͋̄͛͠͝͝ḩ̷̢̛̫͔̗̱̖͑̇̽̄̐̉͛̎̆̋͑ͅą̵̧̝̝̠̱̫͇͚̥͙͍̀ͅṽ̵̟̻͎̰̦̫̺̺̬̦̜̥̗̾͗͆̽́͒͐̚͝ȩ̵̨̢̭͈̳̫̱̱͖̤̠͎̩̐̅̒̔̄͆́͘ ̶̜̯̥͇̣̻̟̝̜̦̀͜ͅͅt̴͈͚͍͚͎͙̫͖͉̬͙̦̋̌͒̉̂̃̀͝o̴̥͛͐̑̌͌͗̎̓͘͠ ̴̘̟̗̰͔̬̮̻̹̘͔̒̈́̔̈́ͅg̷̯̳͙͉͇̮̲̥̃͆͋̃̓͌̅͑̄̍̂͐͆͜͝ḙ̴̄t̶̻͕̗̪̘͌̄̄̀̈́̊̄́̌̈́͐͐̃̐͝ ̷̫̮̗̘͇͚̪̫͖̭͐̂̂̌̓̈́̉́̂̔͘͝o̴̦̰̰̞̜̺̘̺̜͑̂͂͑̄͊͂͝u̶̹̘͙͇̱̜̩͇͉͈̖̲̪̖͙͈̐̌̈́̀̃͛͂̌̒̂̈́̏̉̚͝t̵̡̢͎̟̜̣̗̝̪̬̯̪́͊̑̅͒͛̆́̾̃͐̾̄̌͠ͅ.̸̨̡̩̯͉͇̜̮̤̺̥̘̣̲̇̃͛͌̓̓̈͛
It doesn’t take long till you’re at the entrance, where you dart into a small, tube-like elevator, desperate to escape, just to find solace or help somewhere else before you’ll find yourself in an much more horrible predicament than now. Where you’ll have to reveal something that could be seen as.. more terrifying, perhaps.
As the doors close and the elevator ascends, you can't shake the feeling that you're being watched (because you are. Why is a human-like being here?) where the dreadful sensation of unease washes over you. It makes you lightheaded, or make you feel like it. You move your gaze away to look down instead of outside. Taking heavy breaths, you try to figure out what the hell is going to be your next course of action.
There’s cannibals, no other human-like beings in sight, someone possibly with the malicious intentions come up right behind you, no sort of guards here, no hope.
Damn the apothecary now, you need to get out of this.. hell.
Hearing a small ‘ding’ sound that rings out as you arrive on whatever floor it’s mandated to, you find yourself finally opening your eyes after the countless times you’ve tried at least tried you relax yourself and your racing thoughts.
Your hand instinctively finds itself on the intricately designed scabbard by the side of your hip while your brows knit together as you survey around.
No-one as of currently is around, but this place certainly has to be one of business given the multiple tube-like elevators all stationed in, what you suspect, to be a lounge or hallway of sorts. The dark grey tiles are in-front of each of these elevators, which you also notice to have silver insignia’s at the top of them, with the other part of the tube changing into a ribbon red with the same dark grey colored swirls. There’s red wine tinted windows all around, some in front of you having some sort of badges with similar formatting and designs (specifically with the weapons appearing to be made out of the same materials).
The fluorescent lighting is somewhat dim, which you’re more than grateful for. Though, the fragrance of rich perfume which has been previously spritzed all around, or what it seems, isn’t very strong but- reminds you of some sort of hospital scent… just made with some more sweeter and pleasant oils of sorts. There a red carpet draped down the middle of the floor, where you see some stairs and a double-door meeting room.
Lucky guess?
A part of your mind tells you to approach, yet the other- more rational part tells you to not to.
If anything does try to threaten you, you can always be able to unleash some of the true power you hold. As long as these beings aren’t stronger than you, you should be able to take them.
No?
Exiting the elevator, you quickly tread upon the carpet, one of your hands still resting on the scabbard of your sword. It isn’t until you rest your ‘clawed’ hand against the upper part on one-side of the door, do you feel the cool sensation of dread wash over you.
If you await any longer, you’ll look like a fool and be exiled out with no help (probably).
..You find yourself opening the door, and the dread.. subsides for a moment as you survey the room: there are at least 8 cushioned chairs with a softer pink color with a certainly- detailed design. The long ivory table is placed perfectly in the center with a similar design to the chairs, and a dark grey table cloth down the center of it (or is it painted?… you cannot tell).
Theres a projector screen in the back—
“Unsought guests are not allowed on the premises, let alone anyone breaking in without me or any other authorized being who I trust given permission.”
When you hear another voice, your head whips to the cause of it- behind you. You quickly raised up your sheathed blade in a protective manner as you stare at the being:
They’re unusually tall, with light gray-skinned who has their long white hair with black streaks. It’s styled into large horns by thin, ballerina-like black ribbons.
They have a darker-colored marking that appears similar to a mask on their face around their eyes, which have white irises and red sclera. The rest of their arms and hands are colored white, it seems. Something that sticks out to you however, is with their hands being rather large in proportion to their body.
They wear an off-the-shoulder black dress with white buttons and white stripes located down the front and at the rim of the spiked skirt, which includes hot pink lining. They also wear black waist-length stockings covered by white ballerina shoelaces.
“I don’t trespass on your property with any malicious intentions whatsoever. I am only here to ask for some.. assistance. Nothing much— I simply need directions.” Your voice is firm as you lower your weapon. But, you’re still on guard with your shoulders tense and eyes narrowed.
They look down at you for a moment, almost condescendingly before their eyes drift to your weapon.
“And .. I’m just supposed to believe you have no harmful intentions when you’re carrying that around, and nearly insinuated you were going to harm me?” They raise an eyebrow, an almost repulsive expression on their face. You shake your head, before speaking again.
“Understand that this is used purely for my protection. It has become a habit for me to keep it up, knowing I could never be safe in a clearly different environment. Also note that I don’t even know who you are, nor what.. any of this is. I’m not from here, and purely came for where to find out where an apothecary could be around here. I can say for certain I have enough problems, and I’m not looking for any others anytime soon.” Quick. That’s the first thing that comes to the strangers mind as they realize your situation.
But, you can tell they still don’t trust you enough.
“Sharp tongue, hm? Yet you come here without any knowledge of this place, you say? How can I know you don’t work for anyone and are simply here to try and attack, or manipulate me? Why shouldn’t I kill you here and now?” Folding their hands behind their back, they straighten their posture, walking right past you while you turn on your heel to look at them.
“That is the only thing I implore you for. Directions. Then I’ll be right out of your business. I have to figure a way to get back to the planet I was at and finish my duties there as well, so I’m not even staying here long, I’m… not even sure how I got here.” It’s noticeable that your voice drops in pitch a bit, lowering your head as you rest your free hand on the center of your collarbone.
You can tell they’re pondering something as they stare you down.
Aeons this feels awkward.
Perhaps that’s why the sudden dreadful sensation came back to fully drown you in a cool, empty abyss.
Cold sweat is the first thing you feeling as everything becomes muddled. In your vision, white spots start appearing accompanied by a faint ringing sound that gradually gets louder to the point you think your eardrums are going to bleed. A gasp escapes past your lips as you try grounding yourself.
“..How am I to…….”
You know you don’t have one- but it felt as if you had a fever, which grew hotter much to your distaste, it made you clammy. It wasn’t until you felt like you were going to throw up that you stopped feeling the rise in temperature that very clearly did not stop even if you didn’t feel it.
Although you thought that whatever was starting to wash over you was subtle, the being in front of you immediately took note of your sudden shift in appearance and demeanor.
I mean, if you could just look at yourself: You were doubled over, arms wrapped around your abdomen. The way your eyes became unfocused and you slurred your words, trying to respond to their queries even in your current state. How.. thoughtful.
Perhaps you weren’t working with some despicable organizations, such as the Vee’s.
..yes. That has to be true. How do you have such a human appearance otherwise? You obviously can’t be from here… did a human find some sort of rip between their world and this hellscape? No- how do you have a sword???
What caused them to snap out of their train of thought was the sound of you collapsing onto the floor.
Goddamit.
. . .
Jolting upward from whatever this newly soft material underneath you is, you find yourself nearly screaming, yet— you were able to realize while thinking about it more- that it could lead to something more catastrophic. That being, whoever was here could attempt to harm you. Keyword: Attempt. And that would be a hindrance.
You know that if they tried.. you’d be able to handle it! (You’re literally a non-human being which is an Emantor of the End.)
..Even with the nervousness causing you to shiver as you heard rapid footsteps approaching the room you were in. How the hell did they know you were awake?
There’s a camera in the corner of the room. You noticed from the red blinking light of it.
Three knocks sound out from the other side of the wooden door, before the metal handle turns rather slowly. You find yourself coming to the realization… you don’t have your sword, though your parasol is in the far left corner of the room. You instantaneously looking around in a frenzy, trying to figure out where the hell they placed your sword-
The sudden tossing of something hits your side and you nearly flinch, and instead look down.
..your sword. They had it.
“..Thank you.” Your voice is raspy and it makes you cringe in response, immediately clearing your throat before looking up at the person at the door.
The same stranger from before.
“Carmilla. Carmilla Carmine.” She speaks, finally introducing herself.
“Thank you, Mrs Carmine.” You repeat once again, bowing your head in respect. Grabbing your sword, you slowly get up. Finding your shoes neatly put next to the bed.
“I expect you out of here in at least 5 minutes.” She says firmly before she starts to close the door.
You don’t know what came over you..
“Wait-“ Hastily, you twisted your torso so you’re looking at her. And she stops in her tracks.
..you need to get away from where ever this is. But, perhaps exploring a bit and making some connections here wouldn’t be so bad.
“..I know there’s a way I can make this up to you. For your kindness, I mean. I don’t know where I am, but I can give you as much information as you need about me that I’m comfortable sharing. Please- I need to figure out where I’m going to go from here, I can be a useful asset.”
Who knew this could all happen from a simple journey to find a pharmacy.
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Alright so.. i’ve decided I’ll split this up to be a a different part story kinda thing. So this of this as a prologue/Chapter 1
Thank you all for reading!!
Part 2
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days-until-burnout · 4 months ago
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ik this is a rarepair of a rarepair but impulsexjoel is stck in my hea, like they both had to deal with the entire pining saga of ethubs during double life, and now they're neighbours and everything
but anyways ty for considering my ask, and honesyly your writing is so good! i can't believe you have the energy to post everyday!
i know you said dealing with the ethubs pinning. i know you mentioned them being neighbours. but... 😔 the ideas were not ideaing. so i came up with something different. i hope you like it, even if it's not the vibes you were going for and thank you! ngl i dont have the energy, but im trying to build a habit of writing (almost) daily, so we do what we gotta! _____
📧 Day 37 -
Characters - Impulse/Joel Words - 963 Time - 45 mins Content - Zombie Apocalypse AU
Atop the skyscraper, Impulse finds Joel. He sees his back, the sun setting in front of him. All golden and warm, hell itself beautiful for a couple more minutes. It is a little cold where Joel’s shadow is casted, so he walks beside it, staying on the light to his side. There are no words spoken when he stops, side by side, the closest they have been in a while yet the furthest they have ever felt. He looks at the world below, the ruins of the city overtaken by greenery and abandoned toys. All metal and concrete, hard things meant to last now are mere decorations. 
The golden blanket becomes richer, darker as the last of the sun’s warmth slips from their fingers. 
There are few left. A handful that came back. And they are different people now, grown and changed. Impulse opens his mouth to say something, his words stolen by the wind, and he forgets they are on top of the world. He watches instead, to the only other by his side, a thousand things he could and should be saying, all stuck in his throat like something he cannot spit or swallow. 
Joel looks ahead to the horizon, the lines on his face almost invisible in what remains of the golden light. Suddenly, they are in their younger days—less scars, more people. A different time. Joel’s hair continues to be a mess, and he guesses that some things never change. Like the color of his eyes, rich soil with swirls of the sweetest honey. The shape of his lips, pressed into a thin line, the roundness of his face. His clothes are dirty and stained, nothing new to his eyes. Like a game, he tries to find differences, a thousand images of him flashing in his mind. 
Despite that, all his little game accomplishes is to remind him that time has passed. 
Then the night is here, the stars as their audience. Their witnesses. Impulse looks up to them, they blink back at him. The sky has never been clearer, the stars never been brighter. It is an odd feeling, warm yet wrong, almost funny in his stomach. 
The first words are spoken by Joel, nothing about them or the world they are in. No dreams or wishes—not even anger or disappointment, almost like an indifference settling deep in their bones. “Look at the fireworks,” Joel whispers, so loud in the desert of sound they are in. 
And Impulse does. Pries his eyes from him, looks at the horizon where Joel’s eyes are, and shortly after, the first trail of smoke. The whistle thins up, the sound carried all the way over to them, shooting up into the vastness of the sky. It blooms into a thousand stars, colorful like spring all those years ago. In between fields of blooming flowers, color and life everywhere they looked. It lights up the night like the sun for a couple seconds, something akin to hope in the darkest void. Then more explode, a light show to attract whatever remains of the ‘human’ zombies. 
Every six months the people gather to watch the fireworks—one night of their lives they are free to find shelter and not worry about the zombies. They will all be drawn to the light, to the sound, swarming the streets in hordes like moths to light. The government will deal with them, trap them in containment zones and douse them in flammable liquids, and they will burn as the world did all those years ago. 
But the shells explode and stars rain down, nothing to do but watch the beauty in duty. 
Reds like a bad sunburn during their summer days on the beach. Oranges like the sunset they just witnessed, one of many shared since forever ago. Yellows like sunflowers, like the first canaries telling them the world is healing, like spray-painted arrows leading them here. Greens like forests, the shade of the now faded streak in Joel’s hair. Blues like the sculk on the zombies’ skin, consuming every inch of muscle and brain until they are no longer human. Violet like the dog tags on their necks, inscribed with a name their lips no longer say. Silver like the hairs on their heads, white like stars that persist. 
Joel watches a life pass by in front of his eyes, on the face of the person who should have been the one. The one he comes back when he has sleepless nights, when his mind wanders and he wonders about another life—something nicer, maybe, where they do not need to fight to live; maybe a life where they get to be other people, one where they are not who they are, yet they stay together despite it all. Like now, he thinks idly as another white explosion flashes him—he finds his smile with tired eyes, silver hair and pain his eyes cannot see. 
“You’re not watching,” Impulse says briefly, blinking his eyes to him. They are young again, their whole lives ahead of them. Maybe this time they can choose to stay, maybe this time they will not return to each other with few. The last few, everyone they lost. But Impulse smiles despite it all, a joy or hope Joel fails to see. 
Whistles and explosions echo in the skies, under them the hoards walk. The numbers dwindle but it will stop soon. They did once, there will be a stand-still soon. Maybe then, they can change their minds and they can be other people. The same but different, side by side. 
Impulse takes the space between them and leans down. Joel closes his eyes, their foreheads bump. A difference in their temperatures, the slightest of differences and their lips part for something. Another day, maybe. 
_____
this is messy because brain scattered right now. i need to get my head in the game 🏀
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wangxianficfinder · 2 years ago
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Fic Finder
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1. Does anybody know the name or have a copy of this fanfic where I believe lwj is a Lord and he has 5 wives. I believe wwx was the 2nd wife and lwj didn't really notice him until one day he saw him playing with the other wives children. And I think one of the wives either the 1st or 3rd tried to kill him for favor. @teamironman98
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2. hello! I’m looking for a certain wangxian fic that crosses over with the tgcf world i think? Anyways it’s an au where wei ying is a former prince turned calamity and lan wangji is continuously reincarnating but a piece of his soul isn’t with him. I think there was a saying in the fic that goes “If you see a path of spiderlilies you’ll meet someone again.”
Anyways thank you for your time!
FOUND? A Path of Red Spider Lillies by glowingreverie (M; 208k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, hualian, TGCF fusion, angst w happy ending, comedy, mild sexual content, gore, death, past child abuse, supernatural elements, slow burn, WIP)
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3. Hello, I'm trying to find a fix where WWX was raised by a family of prostitutes that eventually free themselves of their contract and made a living teaching their arts. One of them married a rogue cultivator that makes jewelry and taught it to WWX. Eventually he meets LWJ and they get together relatively quick. WWX never gets that much involved with the Jiang Sect other than saving it during the war and JC loses his core and never got involved in the war. @justscribblingnonsense​
FOUND? Flowers Blooming by Ilona22 (M, 35k, WangXian, Adoption, Prostitution, Family Fluff, Family Drama, Growing Up)
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4. Hi can you help me find a fic about wangxian.. is that wei ying want work shop for all his crazy idea.. and wangji said make a space place in his arm sleeve because wei ying will safe with him... and wangji put his head down there to make sure it was safe for wei ying. To breath.. And I think later wei ying head pop out and kiss.
FOUND? My heart in my sleeve by exmanhater (G, 2k, WangXian, Crack, Qiankun Sleeves, Sleeve Husband, LWJ's Fondest Dream, Let LWJ Spoil His Husband, Post-Canon)
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5. Hi! I'm hoping someone can help, please! I'm looking for a fic like The Yu Temper by madwriter223, where shortly after WWX frees the Wens from Qiongqi Path, JC decides instead to hell with it, flips, and promptly decides to start aggressively supporting WWX instead, along the lines of 'who are you to tell me what to do?!', resulting in the Wens being rehomed in Lotus Pier. This particular fic has JC swearing every sentence, even in his head, and potentially endgame Wangxian and Chenqing. I can't remember much more than that, I'm afraid but I'd be happy to receive any similar recs if you would rather make this a ITMF request instead! @katonahottinroof
Might be one of snowberryrose's 🤔
FOUND! With Such Impossible Conveyance by Comfect (T, 99k, JC & WWX, wangxian, JC/WQ, major character death, canon divergence, fix-it, angst w happy ending, anger management, canon-typical behavior, swearing, fluff, romance, everyone lives au, humor, podfic)
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6. Hello - I’m trying to find a fic on the archive where Lan Zhan has full memories as a child and leaves cloud recesses and takes his mother with him. Then succeeds at finding Wei ying as a street child.
Eventually there is an entire Wei sect and wangxian ends up with a ton of kids via several women including wen quin. @soconfuzed​
FOUND? The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 86k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, family, not lan sect friendly, canon typical violence & gore, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, mothers who live, some people live/not everyone dies)
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7. Hello! I’m hoping you can help me find this fic. I remember so much about it apart from the name and tore through my bookmarks with no luck. It was a modern AU where WWX was a celebrity of some sort (idol/actor) and LWJ was a pet store owner. The two end up crossing paths and end up falling in love. I vividly remember the two of them going out with A-Yuan & being swamped by paparazzi and another scene where WWX is at a modeling shoot and LWJ steps in to help. I think it came out around 2021-ish? @heedoyurims
FOUND? I think number 7 is off-key by geragrena, which I am perpetually sad that I never downloaded a copy of before it was hidden.
ittybittywwx: i have a pdf copy off-key by geragrena so they can message me if they want it!!
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8. Hello! Please help me find a fic/tell me if you remember it and it was deleted or something 🙏 My search through ao3 bookmarks and tags was unfortunate but the work was really interesting and I sudeenly remembered it some days ago and can't calm down still. Thank you!!
Possible but maybe not really used tags: arranged marriage, misunderstandings, political intrigues
As far as I remember, there was an arranged marriage between wwx and Iwj, but on the next day/a week after the wedding Iwj goes to see wen qing, which makes wwx miserable and yzy mad because of his "incompetence" as a spouse. Then there was a discussion between sect leaders, including wrh, where wrh announced that wq will become Iwj's concubine and their children will be considered Iwj's and wwx's. Wwx accepts the terms, but is shocked, mad and heartbroken beecause he concludes that it was planned in advance and Iwj is in love with wq. He does not try to listen to lwj, warns him not to touch him and runs away to a cottage in yiling (maybe? And maybe owned by jc or jyl) where he usually resides when mdm yu gets mad at him and kicks him out of the main sect territory
He takes in some homeless kids, including xy, as his little students?/adoptees? and i think mm is his servant, and he chills with them and makes talismans for common people maybe, remaking his reputation which suffered after the marriage fiasco. There was also a ghost of a woman who was in the house and was looking at wwx silently but in a very sad way (maybe possibly it could be madam lan or just undisclosed ghost lady)
There was a scene when wq comes to visit him. She has a lan ribbon on her arm which makes wwx heartbroken again. She somehow explains without apologising that everything is not as it seems and that it had to be done to save her family. It all makes wwx feel like he was outcasted by everyone in the knowledge of the situation for no real reason and with no care for his own reputation and life. Also I think mm who previously thought that she and wq were maybe friends says after the talk that it seems like they are not really friends because wq seems to treat her not as an equal but as a friendly servant instead
Then something something with wc and I remember a scene in a cave where wx and Iwj are trapped and somehow kiss, and then Iwj is like pulling himself away and mentioning wq, which makes wwx miserable because there is possibly a soulmate thingy? btw them and he feels awful
And then i remember jzx, who is maybe friends with Iwj, being mad at wwx for something and asking if he knew what Iwj did for him and wwx has absolutely no idea
The latest chapters I remember included some nsfw, more angst and misunderstandings, and possibly Iwj blaming wwx for pretending to ignore/knowingly hiding the fact that they are soulmates and wwx being scared that his kids will be taken away from him and given to the lans. And there was a heavy sence that there are lots of things happening wwx has no idea about, including (possibly) lwj's letters to him
Thank you for your work!! @shellennium
FOUND! No. 8 sounds like A Price to Pay by Wangxianist but it was deleted.
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9. Hello! Thank you do much for all your hard work
I was wondering if you or any if your followers could help me find the fic where wwx is the God of the new moon. I tried looking in the tags for diety wwx but either I missed it or it's not tagged that way. I'm pretty sure he turns into a human later on but I don't remember much else. Thank you!
FOUND? A Secret Never Shared by Vrishchika (T, 28k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, frankencanon, Pining, Soft LWJ, Deity WWX, BAMF WWX)
FOUND? Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 77k, wangxian, slow burn, god wwx, bamf wwx, grieving lwj, angst, hurt/comfort, fix-it, happy ending, attempted non-con, blood & gore)
FOUND? Lying on the Edge of a Star by Suspicious_Popsicle (T, 75k, WIP, WangXian, Universe Alteration, Slow Burn)
FOUND? A Wish For The Moon by PixieLeader (G, 15k, WangXian, Fantasy, Soulmates)
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10. hihi! I had wanted to rec this for #1 on the previous itmf (March 25th) but I realized I never saved it to my read list so I can't find it anymore!! 😭 it was a 3zun fic where I'm pretty sure jgy was forced by jgs into marrying warlord nmj. the rest of the world believed that the nies, esp nmj, are barbarians and super evil. so when jgy gets sent to the nies, he's mentally preparing himself to be raped or killed by nmj, but turns out nmj is super nice! and when jgy meets lxc (who is already married to nmj), lxc is really kind to him. and slowly jgy opens up to both of them and I think at one point they all go on a picnic date at a mountain? and later they get attacked while they're riding on horseback? honestly it's been so long I'm having trouble remembering the details skdjskd. also btw even though the plot sounds somewhat similar to the nielan fic soaring, carried aloft on the wind, that's not the one! this one was definitely 3zun and also from jgy's pov. hopefully someone knows the one I'm talking about!😭 @cryiling
FOUND! Perhaps Plural by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf and tardigradeschool (E, 77k, 3zun, historical, arranged marriage, established nielan, developing 3zun, romantic comedy, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, pining, slow burn, misunderstandings, smut)
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11. I'm looking for a fic where wwx died during some point in the burial mounds and became a god of death or something similar. In one part he figured out or was taught how to take a female form. He could visit people in their dreams as well. I swear I had it bookmarked, but can't find it. Thanks!
FOUND! Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 77k, wangxian, slow burn, god wwx, bamf wwx, grieving lwj, angst, hurt/comfort, fix-it, happy ending, attempted non-con, blood & gore)
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12. hi! this my first time sending an ask to this blog so I'm a little unsure if I'm doing this correctly but I'm trying to find this fic where JC noticed an older disciple acting weird/inappropriate with WWX at Lotus Pier when they were kids so JC informs JFM and JFM gets super angry and kicks the older disciple out of the sect or something along those lines. I can't remember if JC had travelled back in time and that's why they were kids again or if it was just JC remembering something from his childhood. I unfortunately don't remember anything else about the plot 😔
thank you for your time! 🧡
FOUND! chapter 4 of Cotton Wool by incendir (M, 34k, WangXian, LJY/OMC, ZhuiLing, JC & WWX)
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13. Somewhere on AO3 there is a fic where LXC and NM threw the yin iron into the volcano and now the world is ending and they ask WWX about saving it and he's like yeah, we're doomed... @mreisse
FOUND! built by the fires of volcanoes by isabilightwood (T, 26k, wangxian, time travel, crack treated seriously, canon divergence, fluff & humor)
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14. Hey there! I’m having trouble finding this one specific fic. It is wangxian. Wei Ying sent Lán Wangji his drawing of a field of white bunnies (and I belief his donkey was in the picture as well?) and a letter. This was the last thing he sent to Lán Wangji before he disappeared. I remember Sizhui being with Lan Wangji and other junior disciples in the search for Wei Wuxian. Cut to them finding the white bunny field, they still don’t find him. As they return to Cloud Recesses, it turns out that Lan Sizhui took a bunny from that field. Specifically a non white bunny. That is all I can remember… thank you for the help!
FOUND! Yiling Patriarch Gone Missing, or: a series of missing person cases by oyan (T, 16k, wangxian, post-canon, case fics, fluff, humor, hurt/comfort, body dysphoria, mystery, slow burn, petty LWJ, protective LWJ, JC & WWX reconciliation, protective JC, rabbit & paperman shenanigans, eventual relationship, protective JL, WIP)
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15. Hello! I'm looking for a fic that I'd seen in a recent ITMF list but couldn't find it again. It was about lwj dealing with the aftermath of wwx's death and the discipline whip. Canon-compliant, and I believe it was an entire series of one-shots where the first fic focused of lwj and I believe the second one was about lsz
Hello! I'm #15 on the lastest fic finder. I'm afraid that's not the work I was looking for. The one I wanted wasn't a locked piece and I believe it dealt mainly with "chronic grief", but thank you for your efforts :)
NOT FOUND! The Price of Old Wishes by SoManyJacks (E, 67k, WangXian, Minor canon divergence, Angst, POV LWJ, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, semi-verbal!LWJ, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide)
FOUND! no new age Series by everythingispoetry (M, 145k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Disability, Parenthood, Character Study, Thirteen Years of WWX's Death, Growing Up, Family Dynamics, Character Study, Self-Discovery, Mental Health Issues, Developing Relationship) although this isn't one-shot
NOT FOUND! Velle: to will, to wish by Aerlalaith (T, 30k, wangxian, angst, hurt/comfort, blood & injury, injury recovery, canon temporary character death, single parent LWJ, family issues, character study, healing, grief/mourning, trauma, nightmares) could be mine: "Velle: to will, to wish" where the first one is LWJ grieving/healing after the discipline whip and the second one is a oneshot about LSZ's courtesy name.
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16. Hello, for fic finder I want to find a short story set post canon where Wei Wuxian is transformed into a cat and keeps Jin Ling company, I vaguely remember a scene where Wei Wuxian in cat form bapped Fairy on the nose with his paw and stared in wonder at his paws possibly realising he had claws or in wonder that he touched a dog without running away screaming. I think he later figured out how to transform into his cat form at will to nap in sunbeams. Finding this story has been driving me nuts any help is greatly appreciated. @sorathemasterofmasters
FOUND? deep and inscrutable by twigofwillow (T, 1k, WWX & JL, Post-Canon, LSZ & LJY show up briefly, poor JL suffers so much, WWX does not care for Fairy at any time, it is a beautiful morning in Lanling and you are a horrible cat, Humor) this sounds like "deep and inscrutable" by twigofwillow, it doesn't have him figuring it out but he's definitely thinking about it, and the other details match
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17. Hello, I recently remember this fic that ive read months ago and im not sure if i remember it correctly, i cant find it anymore so i hope u guys can help me with this.
- its a modern fic. wei ying is sick then he lives with the lans. i remember him going to the same school(?) with lan zhan. i think lqr told lz to take care of him smth like that. then there's a girl that is also sick(?) there's a scene where wy asked lz to stay with him but then lz left and chose the other girl (lz didnt know that wx is sick and he was like the girl needs me more than u) there's a confession on a radio station(?) then when lz found out that wy is sick he ran back to him. there's also jiang-wen family connections. wy is cousins to the jiangs and has a connection with wens, im not sure if rouhan is his grandfather or uncle or smth. then they found out there's a scene where madam yu slapped the girl because of what she did (hurt wy) and they cut off ties (business/job) with their family
im not sure if im talking about one story or two.
For #17 I'm sure I've read the fic but it was when I was early into fandom and new to AO3. Also the girl is engaged to LWJ or something. WWX already is in love with LWJ,  but he's sick and gonna die in a year
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18. hi, can u guys help me to find this: lwj is a doctor, lxc and nmj are i think cops(?) detectives(?) smth like that then wwx is a fox. they rescued wwx from the basement where someone cuts off his fox tails to sell. he was badly treated. lwj is his doctor and wwx somewhat attached to lwj. wwx also has a doll(?) or smth named wen qing. he's very protective of it. lwj is the one taking care of him. its not yet completed when i first read it.
FOUND! sounds like the deleted "Dragon's Nestling" by the deleted user "TheAcademy".
The work ID was /42035667.
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19. I’m looking for a wangxian modern with cultivation fic where WWX was kicked out of yunmeng for something that Jiang Cheng did. He wound up having most of his golden core removed but was able to recultivate one. Cultivators had to wear body cams when on assignment, and someone hacked into the files and released the film of what actually happened during the night hunt that WWX got kicked out for.
I didn’t actually read it, I saw the summary and tags and planned to go back and read it later…and now I can’t find it. 90% sure it was complete and it’s on Ao3.
Thanks for the help! @worthlessnepenthes​
FOUND! Hey hey I'm almost certain 19 of the very recent fic finder is Truth Will Out (when caught on video) by KizuKatana (E, 25k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, modern cultivation, YZY abuses WWX, caught in camera, partial core removal, WWX expelled from Jiang sect, live streamer WWX, meet-ugly, dual cultivation, WIP) I was literally just reading the new chapter right before this. It's still a WIP.
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20. Hiya! I was wondering if you could help me find a fic where wwx tried to commit suicide and jc finds him in the bathtub and it's kinda about him recuperating, and lwj helps take care of him? Its a modern au and wwx initially lives with jc and jyl. I'm pretty sure I've seen it here, but I can't for the life of me remember the name. Thanks for your help!
FOUND? 总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie (E, 76k, WangXian, Modern AU, Pianist, Getting Together, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Hospitals, Overdosing, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)
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moonlatias · 2 years ago
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Devotion through Creation
If I HAD to characterize anything in my life as something I was religiously devoted to, through my actions and how much of it I give my heart and soul and mind to... uh, actually, it would be my creative works.
The settings/characters/ideas I have carefully cultivated, developed, and worked with since I was very young, and the fact that I still write and think and connect everything I do in life with these anchors in my mind. These "characters" who I know aren't really people but who are alive to me in so many ways, these places that are far more vivid than anything else I try to visualize, these ideas that I experiment with and explore and revisit over and over again, to help me understand and cope and work through whatever the real world presents me...
It was a weird realization to come to, to realize that the amount of devotion I give to my creative works is exactly what I'm trying to achieve with my actual spirituality, my own gods. And then I have to wonder, can't that devotion be one and the same? Can't the love I show my "creations" be the same love I offer the gods, because it is only through them that I have the means to be creative in the first place? Can't the work I put into my writing be an offering to the gods, for it is something I've always put all my heart into and all my effort toward?
I imagine the dubiousness that people have toward "pop culture paganism" is rooted in this, somehow. That they want the "real" devotion to the gods to be better and more authentic than devotion for mere mortal hobbies and hyperfixations. But if one believes in pantheism/panentheism (as I do), that the gods are part of this world and not separated from it... isn't enjoying all the myriad of passions in this world experiencing the divine? Isn't the act of being creative--in art, in community, in aiding the environment, everything--somewhat like being divine yourself? The divine created you, and you create something meaningful in this world. Whether you share it with the world or enjoy it privately... you have created something. You are much like the gods. You are sharing in the experience of the divine.
Sometimes I wonder if the divine continuously allows the world to experience things in a cycle, over and over, just so they can experience it anew and feel everything--both good and bad--for the first time all over again. The seasons come and go, life begins and ends and then comes back again, because there is joy in seeing the flowers bloom and the baby animals be born, as well as the pain of seeing creatures die and witnessing the suffering of difficult times. The rain falls over and over because there is beauty and wonder in seeing a rainstorm, even if you have seen it a thousand times before. Humans have to constantly, forever, rediscover what it means to make friends and fall in love for the first time and how to cope with death and how to deal with the world around them because, no matter how many times generations before us have experienced this, and no matter how many times they have tried to record and teach us about this, there is no substitute for experiencing it firsthand.
And maybe the gods are right there with us, laughing and smiling and full of awe and shedding tears and bleeding horribly alongside us, because to feel any of it is magnificent. And they get to experience it over and over. It is too much and yet they can't ever get enough.
So when I write, when I put my poor characters through hell, when I smile because they are falling in love all over again, when I adjust and edit the world around them and see what happens to them in this version... maybe I am just a child of the gods, playing with the small bit of divinity in me, trying to emulate a tiny fraction of what it must be to be divine and experience all of creation in all of totality.
So I don't feel silly or disrespectful or "cringe" when I offer up the universe in my heart to the very universe of our existence itself, as a gift of love. For it is all one and the same.
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perexcri · 2 years ago
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helloo! i think this is now…my third time leaving an anonymous ask in your inbox? i do not remember but it’s been no less than three.
i don’t recall precisely what i said in the other two but i believe it was mainly me raving about to hell and back again, a flower that resembles you, and irresistible.
i enjoy your writing immensely and whenever i get the email notification that you’ve posted a new work or chapter it brings a smile to my face.
that being said, could you possibly pay for my therapy after tonight? i have never cried as intensely while reading a fic, maybe while reading any written work at all, as i did while reading “beneath these boughs, my devotion blooms.”
yes i did read the tags beforehand. yes i did read both of the inspiration posts beforehand.
yes i did start crying like a little bitch when i got to the line “you took me home.” yes i kept crying like the aforementioned little bitch the rest of the way through.
i have been an avid reader of all things perexcri since september and you never fail to amaze. even when you make me sob like a baby over fantasy boyfriends who are devoted to each other (helplessly so, if you even care.)
ahhhh hello anon!! i remember your message about thaba, aftry, and irresistible!! you're always a kind presence here, so thank you for stopping by :D
i'm glad you like my writing though 🥺 that means a lot to me!!
but AHHH IM SO SORRY FOR THE TEARS T_T i will gladly contribute all twelve of my dollars to your therapy if it helps at all!! i'll also send you tissues and flowers as a consolation 💐 i want my writing to make people feel things ofc, but then i end up feeling a little bad when people say they cried because of it (though i've also been laughing maniacally at the comments i've gotten and your ask,,,that fic infected my brain so i'm glad to have spread the disease to others so i can be free 😌)
oh and the you took me home thing,,,my friend idk what happened, but the idea of home ended worming its way into that fic so hard. i usually try to have one or two motifs or images to draw on when i write a fic just to make things feel more cohesive, but idk why HOME ended up being one of those things for this fic. even weirder because i decided to make magnolia trees so important to it, and those are one of the more popular trees where i live. and i don't like where i live!! ugh so weird how we internalize these things and then they end up coming out regardless
all that aside, i am glad that you read it and seemed to enjoy it :') and that you like my writing in general!! like i already said, it means a lot to me, especially because sometimes i either get too much in my own head or i can't tell if people actually like my stuff. it's stupid, i know, but messages like yours help remind me that people are reading and they are enjoying it :]
anyway, i'm glad you read it!! thank you for being such a kind and lovely reader, and i will continue for as long as i am allowed to be a devoted writer (helplessly so,,,,,,,also if you even care 🙄)
thanks again friend 💜💜💜
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imyooshai · 2 years ago
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BLOG #6
February 24, 2023
So, I wrote this on February 14, 2023. I just did not post that time because I was busy and I forgot it. Now I will be posting it, So, I was reading a story on Wattpad with the title of; words written in water.
That story is still ongoing, so basically I am not reading it continuously---every update only. And, I can say that the main character and I have the same situation. Wherein, we both had the chance to tell that man how we fell in love with them, how we got mesmerized by them, how we admire them and care for them.
Honestly speaking, we have a chance to express our feelings, but it's too late. The man in the story has a fiancee, while my man has a girlfriend. Millicent is the female main character, she's not feminine but can be one around his man. She's fearless in everyone's presence, but puts her hard wall down when his man is around. She's never been a crybaby, but when he's man is around; her tears don't stop. And, it's because she's comfortable and carefree when he's man is just around, she's safe and valid.
Just like Millicent, I fell so hard to my man that won't be mine in the first place. As I left the school where we used to study, I know that; a part in my heart won't be able to be filled by anyone else but him. It's amusing that until now, my love for him never left----not even a little bit. In fact, instead of getting lessened; it bloomed like a flower; beautiful and amusing. Our story only differs in situation; mine is reality while her's a fiction.
But, the feelings we have are the same. It's heartbreaking, painful, hopeless and selfless. It's actually hard having an idea about your man, being updated on his whereabouts, who's with him and where he's possibly staying; but never had the idea that maybe you're still existing and in the same place as him. What you have is only "your past", where you used to be together, laugh together, care for each other, hold his/her hand, talk to each other like you won't leave each other's side and your shared feelings you have for each other. It's just painful knowing that you still have the memories but not the person anymore. That feeling of being shattered without being warned, it's really painful; it hurts like hell. And, you're still living; so you let it hurt you and move on----even if you can't. You let that pain crush you and still plaster a smile like you've never been in pain. You let that pain eat you and still manage to fake you're not hurting.
And, your tears are about to drop but managed to hide by the rain's drops. It's really heartbreaking but we don't demand it; because we know what's right to do and what's not. I hope, we can slowly conquer that painful feeling and heal the wound of heartbreak and fix those shattered pieces.
-s
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spikybanana · 2 years ago
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@wolfstarmicrofic - prompt: nourished - Persephone/HoTS (yesterday's microfic) part 2 because it's entirely too easy to get me to do something. under the cut because it's sorta long. (and now cheekily on ao3)
“She was the goddess of spring, her spirits nourished the earth.” Peter, duly and begrudgingly cast as narrator #4, droned from centre stage. And as he read flatly from the script, Sirius wandered the side of the stage in a flowing dress and with a flower basket in his hands. “The flowers bloomed for her, the birds sang for her, and as it came to be, the winter winds wailed for her.”
Then, suddenly, Sirius paused in his steps, and turned to look, as though with love-struck wonder, straight at where Remus stood in the shadows. Sirius smiled, and for a moment, Remus’ heartbeat died in his chest before he remembered. It’s the damned script. Fucking hell, he thought, get a hold of yourself.
Peter had continued in the background. “And he— was the King of the shadows. The demure, silent creature who emerged only in the moonlight—”
When Remus’ side of the stage stayed empty, Peter sighed long-sufferingly, before repeating, dragging his words, “he was— the King— of the shadows—”
Oh shit. Only then did Remus remember to run on stage, very much un-demure and un-silent.
Sirius sniggered, and Mary poked her head out of the orchestral pit, halfway through a screaming match with Regulus about the overture arrangement, and shouted, “Remus Lupin! You missed your cue! Again!”
“Alright alright I’m sorry!” Remus said frustratedly, “I was distracted!”
Peter whipped the script down, spun to him, “oh really. Were you now?”
Remus was saved from answering by a loud crash that sounded from above them. Their moon had fallen off its hinges again, and was now hanging entirely by the safety wires from the bars on the ceiling.
“Sorry!” Frank called, running up the ladder, “I’m on it!”
Remus vaguely wondered, for the dozenth time this rehearsal, why in the underworld were they allowed to do any of this; while Mary groaned. “All of you are making me regret my entire life.”
-
Remus knew it was coming, at some point, but he was surprised nonetheless.
“Act one, scene five, line three hundred and ten…” Mary dropped the script and looked with narrowed eyes between Sirius and Remus, “Now you kiss.”
“What?”
“You heard me, Remus! Haven’t you read the script?”
“Well, I—”
Everyone was watching. Scattered around the stage and lounging in the empty front rows. James, leaning against the cardboard stump of a prop-tree, looked at him with a funny little smile.
Sirius was grinning at him too, and Remus numbly stepped forward towards Sirius’ outstretched hand.
“Oh, come here, sweetheart.” Sirius pulled him in, cradled his face, placed a thumb at the corner of his mouth, before pressing his lips over it.
As quickly as it started, Sirius dropped his hands and stepped back, still grinning, though a little shakily. “Is this okay?”
For long, long seconds, Remus couldn’t chase away the lingering pressure of a soft thumb, soft lips barely on his cheek. “Okay.” he barely voiced, still too stunned. Dammit, it hadn’t even been a real kiss! “Yeah. This is okay. This works.”
Behind Sirius, James had let out a noise halfway between a groan and a laugh, “Come on, Remus, boss—” which he’d taken to call Remus ever since he got dragged in to play Hermes (because Mary had shot down the idea of him playing Sirius’ on-stage mother), “why do you look so scared! At least try to look like you’re into it! You’d think it’s Persephone abducting Hades!”
Remus shot him a scathing look, and deigned not mention how at least James wasn’t playing Zeus. He would have grown five toes in the face of Goddess Lily Evans.
“Actually, you know what?” Mary said, still perched on the stool considering them, “Keep it like this. It’s cute.”
“I mean it’s not like we can’t change it—” Remus began protesting.
“No, no, no. Remus. Listen, we’re going to make sure you act as little as possible, okay? It’s going to be fine.” Mary said, as though convincing herself.
-
Turns out, it was going to be all fine, but it also wasn’t. Miraculously, the play came together, with its MDF trees and the LED-on-MDF moon, and MDF-on-wheels scene changes. But as for Remus, every scene remained laced with a throbbing kind of yearning, and guilt churned in his chest with every line that was supposedly said to Persephone but really said to Sirius.
Eventually, he just couldn’t keep it all in. On the night of the first show, a mere half hour before the lights were due to go down, Remus felt the air shrink and shrink in the tiny dressing room he shared with Sirius until it popped the secret right out of him. The words spilled out of him in a rush, even as horror was rising in him at the sight of Sirius wordlessly staring at him.
But then, Sirius was stepping swiftly forward, drawing him into an embrace. And Remus had another half second of panicking thinking this has gone horribly wrong, before he felt Sirius’ breathy laughs on his neck, “Me too, Remus. I am ‘stupidly, horrendously infatuated with you’, too.”
Remus’ stomach did something indescribable like it was both soaring and dropping underground. He drew a sharp breath in. Sirius smelt like the perfumed fake flowers he carried in his basket but even that was wonderful. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Sirius laughed softly, drawing back. “since forever, before you ask.”
“But I thought— there was no way you would— me?”
“Well you were the one who always looked so calm and nonchalant about everything, about all of this…”
“Me? Calm? Are you sure? You were the one who acts all chill, twirling around with a basket of wheat—”
“I thought I’ve been so obvious! I thought everyone could see it— I thought you did!”
“I— I just thought you were just such a good actor!”
“I thought you were such a good actor.”
“Okay. So we’re both shit actors.” Remus thought the dressing room definitely needed paddings on the walls, “But it’s fine. It’s working out.”
“Yeah. It is.” Sirius smirked, and leaned in to kiss him right on the mouth.
Just then, Marlene pounded on the door. “Got your mics!” She barged right in, giving the two of them no time at all to spring apart. Marlene took one look at them, blinked, dropped the mics on the table, and dug out her walkie-talkie. “Reporting code Wolfstar, guys. Everyone can calm the fuck down now.”
And from the the other end immediately came James’ very muffled, very excited shouts, “Oh thank the holy underworld fucking finally I mean I would say I told you so but even I was worried they’d not manage it—”
“What is going on?” Sirius with more amusement than confusion. Which Remus deeply admired.
Marlene simply shrugged. “Mics?”
And after that, they hadn’t managed to have a moment by themselves before the curtains rose. But Remus could tell it was different now, when every single glance shared with Sirius was a promise carefully held. The show went on splendidly. All through the first act, Frank’s ambitious lighting plan worked without a hitch. Only once did a microphone die, and only twice did someone forget their lines. But all of them were in their top form. No one stepped on the pomegranate, Remus hadn’t missed a single cue, and even the narrators didn’t sound bored. Remus felt electric, soaring off the crest of the waves of Regulus’ brilliant orchestration with Sirius in tow. At act one’s climax, when they were just about to reach towards each other for the kiss, time froze for a moment and Sirius’ smile curled just the bit differently, painted with a silent dare. Remus’ eyes widened.
And for the first time, instead of waiting for his summon, Remus strode forward in two long steps, held Sirius in his arms, and leaned in. Still clutching a pinch of doubt, he’d placed the kiss at the corner of Sirius’ mouth. But then, Sirius shifted and they were sharing a full-on kiss, fingers-in-hair and everything. The audience went wild, they were soon smiling too much, but their lips lingered on each other’s long after the curtains came down. They had about fifteen minutes before they were due on stage for act two, when Persephone had to be angry and homesick and Hades had to be depressed. But for now, they were SiriusandRemus and they had fifteen minutes.
Mary was on them, with crossed arms and the full MacDonald glare, when they were barely even off the stage. “Don’t you dare do anything during intermission.”
“Yeah okay we promise!” Remus said sheepishly, even as Sirius was already dragging him away.
“Pandora will personally kill you for ruining any of the costumes and I’m telling you,” Mary continued yelling after their retreating backs, “she might not look like much but she can be explosive and I swear to god Remus I’m expecting a letter of thanks and one of apology for psychological damage in the last month!”
Frank came to pat comfortingly on her shoulder. “Actors, am I right?”
Mary huffed. “They never figure out anything. Those idiots.”
“All’s well that ends well, no?”
“Oh, we’ll have to see.”
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enluv · 3 years ago
Text
only love is at stake, are you willing to play?
— rich kid!jay x fem!reader
wc; 598!
warnings/genre: rich kids!enha hyung line, major angst, enha boys DO NOT drink enough respect women juice in this fic (except jake he's an angel <3), fluff but it's bittersweet, reader is jake's twin sister!
coco's ♡ note: i have no idea what angst god possessed me when writing this fic but here it is...keep in mind this started as a fluffy fic but as I continued writing it suddenly wasn't fluffy anymore💀
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Park Jongseong doesn't date.
No matter how many girls try and woo him, no matter what they offer, he doesn't date. Yet, he does believe in having close relationships, and those he has a handful of.
Girls across his school fight to be in his life, but as of late, there's one girl he just can't seem to stop thinking of, his very own best friends sister. 
To Jay you’re like forbidden fruit and he just can’t get enough of you. His longing only get’s worse when Jake absolutely forbids any of them from going near you without his permission. He loves his best friend, he really does, but Jake should know better then to dangle you in front of them like a piece of meat just to snatch you away right as they're about to take a bite.
Jake’s warning falls flat and thus the bet begins (they’ll make it up to him later they swear). They bet that whoever can get you to fall in love with them first, gets to spend the summer on Heeseung’s new yacht. It sounds perfect and since Jay obviously has no prior commitments, he’s quick to join in.
It takes weeks before you actually start to take notice of the boys. Heeseung buys you coffee and sweets every morning, leaving them on your desk for you to find when you walk into class. Sunghoon carries your books and buys you lunch whenever he isn’t in a rush to get to hockey practice, and Jay, he’s the most obvious of them all. Jay does so many things to get your attention it begins to get harder to ignore him. While the other two keep it simple and hidden he decided the opposite route might just work for him.
Jay takes you out for “friendly” dates and offers you his sweater when it’s cold, he gives you flowers after a test or particularly bad day, he cooks and helps you clean the apartment you share with your twin brother.
After a while Heeseung drops out of the bet to give his focus to an heiress his family likes for him but keeps his summer yacht as the prize.
Not long after that, Sunghoon becomes bored with pining after you and he silently drops out as well. You’d think by now Jay has won but the boys aren’t going to let him win so easily, no they love making his life harder so they insist that he makes you fall in love with him or he can’t have his prize. Funnily enough, Jay can’t even remember the prize anymore.
He doesn’t realize but somewhere along the way of this game he’s playing, he’s fallen for you, fast and hard. The hours you spend together make Jay feel safe, he’s never related to someone so much in in his life, not even Jake and he's his "best friend". You’re different, you’re his escape and Jay can’t lose that.
Guilt gnaws at the back of his head every time you smile brightly at him, the feeling makes him sick to his stomach, so much so that he finally comes clean about it all, from the bet to his “true” feelings. He pours it all out to you and he watches as his words dim the light that once shone in your eyes.
Park Jongseong learns two things that night; the first is to never hurt others in ways you can’t take back because you’ll only hurt yourself in the process and the second, is that Jake Sim packs one hell of a punch when he’s angry.
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coco's ♡ note: basically tumbles is praying on my downfall atm but pls know this is enluv's fic of the year!
taglist! @yeoforce @bloom-bloom-pow @nikis-mum @yourlocalhotgf @kyublr @spoooooooooooon @enhacolor @yoongimooni @blaqpinksthectic @gyuuss @eternallyhyucks @dinosdance @simpforsung @misschubswrites @junityy @jjunry @ityuns (bold can't be tagged)
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