#so much for i won't vent on the internet. do you still like me <3

[transmascmikey]

im so fucking exhausted. i spent 3+ hours yesterday debating how trans people deserve to be referred to by their desired pronouns even if they aren't in the room. press f to pay respects

[win-writes]

𝘉𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘏𝘢𝘪𝘳

༶ pairing; jouno x fem!reader

༶ contains; sensitive topics (s/h), mentions of cuts & scars, fluff, jouno comforting reader

༶ a/n; please proceed only if you're sure that reading this won't trigger you!! this is pretty much a vent and i was really hesitant if i should post this, but i thought that maybe something good can come out of this and help comfort others as well

"I'm sorry" your voice comes out raspy, cause by your violent cries from just a few moments ago. Your eyes are puffy and your hands, that previously assaulted your own body, are now trembling.

"It's alright" he replies, without interrupting his hands carefully taking care of your damaged skin. The soft pads of his fingers run over your cuts ever so gently one last time, before applying bandages over them "But you shouldn't be asking me for forgiveness, my love" he leans closer, placing a kiss over your covered scars "Your own body comes first" Your chin trembles as you feel another pool of tears forming in your eyes.

Jouno always finds the right words to say when you need it the most. You truly couldn't be more grateful he embraced with so much love this side of yourself that you despise so much. But there's still a part of you that feels guilty knowing he has to deal with something like this because of you.

"Princess, what are you thinking?" you snap out of your thoughts and stare at him with your big sad eyes "That I don't deserve you at all" your throat thickens as your tears roll down your face. Jouno lets out a sad sigh, positioning himself beside you "Please. don't ever say that again" he cups your sweaty face in his warm hands, drawing invisible circles on your cheeks with his thumbs.

"But it's true" you lower your gaze as you speak "You could do so much better than this.." a sob arises in your throat "With someone far less pathetic than me"

Jouno can feel his heart twisting at your words. It pains him when he listens to you speak so ill of yourself. Especially when you say things like that. Like he could find somebody else and be happier. Little did you know that Jouno couldn't even dream of being with someone who isn't you.

"My love, look at me" you slowly raise your eyes. Jouno gently pulls you closer to him, connecting your lips together. Your hands grab on his shirt for dear life, afraid that he's gonna disappear the moment you open your eyes. Like he's part of a dream and you'll lose him when you wake up. He can taste your salty tears on your lips and hear your heartbeat pacing with every passing second your lips remain locked with his.

A few moments later, he backs up "I wouldn't change you for anyone else" he whispers right above your mouth. He places a kiss on your cheek before resting his forehead against yours "Not a single day passes without thinking how lucky I am to be yours"

Hearing his last words sent an electric pulse through your bones. Jouno always preferred to express his feelings through actions, so to say you're not shocked by his direct confession would be an understatement "If you're the lucky one.." you raise your hand to play with his earring "Then what the hell am I supposed to be?" you ask while a smile slowly roses on your face.

Jouno's face dazzles with happiness the second he notices your heartbeat returning to its calm rhythm. He holds your free hand into his own, placing another kiss at the back of your palm "Since I'm the lucky one.." he caresses your face and gives you his warmest smile, before leaning into your ear to whisper words coming from the bottom of his heart.

"I guess that makes you the perfect one"

Hello again, if you've read this far, i just want to let you know that you matter and idc if you don't take my words seriously cause i'm a silly little nobody on the internet, but this comes from the bottom of my heart, your life matters and i'm so proud of you for being here today <3 thank you for spending your time reading this, please take care and remember that you'll always have someone wishing nothing but the best of things coming your way<3

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Yeah. Knew it was gonna happen. Feeling mad about this.

Health-related vent with some info if your thyroid might be a messy bitch too. Just typing it out so my head doesn't blow up.

Myopathy in Hypothyroidism (quoth VeryWellHealth, I looked it up to make sure I wasn't hallucinating out of anger/relief)

Muscle weakness

Creatinine levels tend to be normal

Cramping (uncommon)

Rarely, issues with the muscles involved in swallowing and breathing (rare)

"Rarely, hypothyroidism can cause severe muscle symptoms. One example is Hoffman's syndrome. This is when a person develops muscle hypertrophy (enlarged muscles). It can lead to significant muscle stiffness, weakness, and pain."

Yeah. Ha. Yeah. In other news, in my body right now: 1)Hypertrophy of a muscle on the inside of my right thigh, causing constant pain and difficulty walking. 2)Shoulder that locked up the Winter of 2021 and continues to do so on a daily basis, making it difficult for me to type or draw. 3) Regular back spasms. 4) Occasional spasms of all kinds! 5) Sleep apnea that's resisting the CPAP.

And, if we count my mother, who died before she turned 70, all of the above, just in different places (with the exception of an apnea diagnosis, she never got one, she just had a horrible time sleeping) plus difficulty swallowing, weakness, falls, and brain fog. She had a million different diagnoses, and no follow up on any of them when she got no relief. To the best of my knowledge, nobody ever told her, "Hashimoto's, and Synthroid may not be enough to treat it."

She either killed herself shortly after yet another surgery, or aspirated her own vomit and died with no help from the pain meds they gave her. "Issues with muscles involved in swallowing and breathing," yes.

This is my life. This has been my whole life. Optimistically speaking, this has taken half my life, and my circumstances are irreparably different because of it. Might I have had children if I knew my mom's lifelong physical and mental health issues were down to an under-treated thyroid? Maybe! And if they'd been treating mine, my uterus and ovaries probably wouldn't have been so screwed up they needed to be yanked out and thrown away. Might I have been able to hold down a job and had a career without that constant pain and anxiety? Who knows! Might I have had enough strength to keep pushing and get published traditionally, thus being absorbed and rewarded by the broken system I've devoted my total-lack-of-notoriety to fighting and working without? Beats me! Would I still have two living parents and some ability to get closure for what I went through growing up? A riddle for the ages!

If my new doctor sticks with it and finds something that works for me, this is all the marbles. I did not over-state how important this was. This is my quality of life, for the rest of my life. But I look back, and there's so much I've already lost that I'll never get back. It's just gone.

Before this, there was nothing to stop me from being unable to eat, or breathe, or move, and going out just like my mom. Her story would've been mine - only mine would've been shorter. Going down the generations, my grandmother had a lot of these issues, just less severe. It was getting worse. The Agent Orange they dropped on my dad surely did not help. I was able to figure out what was going on thanks to internet access, but I couldn't get anyone to confirm it or treat me. I fought like hell, and it took someone who loved me to intervene on my behalf. Someone with a Y chromosome. And now I still need One Good Doctor to see me through. Just one, out of all of 'em. Please, Lord, just the one.

If you got a little extra in you, God, I could use a few more - this gremlin has been ripping up my health for a long time and there's consequences - but maybe I won't die choking on my own vomit in 25 years if just this one works out.

This isn't me. You know that? I've been sick my whole life. I still am. I have no idea if the broken coping mechanisms I developed to deal with this are gonna go away. I don't know who I am. I'm not a ball of anxiety in constant pain that can't hold down a job, but I have no idea who I am.

I hope I get to meet me at some point.

Geez, and I hope you like me too.

[sonysakura]

Perpetually furious

Anyway, this is a vent post containing Internet "friendship" drama, swearing and discussion of death. Replying is okay, ignoring is okay, reblogs are disabled, I just figured I can throw one of my old 2020 reaction images in here as well since I never did and I'm not sure I'd ever find a better post to illustrate with it (originally, it was made for something long since irrelevant).

*looks at his empty wrist* As of right now, it's been 5 days of me being furious because I saw one (1) mention of a few nicknames I never-ever want to see again. This is after I blocked the people, added their nicknames to filtered post content and tags and then also enabled "Hide filtered posts entirely" in XKit (yes, I don't want to see even someone else's posts reblogged from them and to even know my mutuals are still following them). If I can't disappear them off the face of the planet with my mind, I will at least disappear them off my dash. The thing I had to find out 5 days ago... if a filtered word is in the middle of a tag it won't get filtered out. And my habit of reading my mutuals' tags made it so I read a forbidden nickname and has been in a state of fury ever since.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

And before anyone tries to say the word "therapy"?.. Yes, I am doing that. It's been, mind you, 6 sessions already of me retelling these 3 seasons of a dramatic soap opera these people involved me in (fyi I have never been a participant of a fandom/Internet drama until meeting them). And my plan has been to only think about the drama during therapy so it doesn't plague my life the way it did for the past 8 months. My therapist also agreed it's better we do it at my own pace, and actually despite the previous session being the one I was supposed to reach the end of the story on, I felt I don't want to talk about them, about the worst that happened, and we didn't. Apparently, talking about my guilt over me being unable to support my best friend when her mum died and how much the reminder of my parents dying in the future hit me is easier than talking about the way my "friends" behaved.

Shitty two-faced bitches, and I wish I knew worse words to describe them. The one who backstabbed me twice, told someone I loved I don't have emotions, don't love anyone and is just a manipulator, lied to them that they know me well (we talked twice, I literally only wished them happy birthday), then talked to me like nothing happened and only admitted to lying to my face and playing with me (or "joking around" in their own words when nothing really has been a laughing matter in that situation) when they needed my help. They watched me defend them, waited it out and only came clean and apologised because they didn't want to be on the bad side of someone in higher position than them. And then claimed I harassed them and blatantly lied about how often we talk a few months later to get me out of the way.

The other one who didn't reach out despite knowing me for almost a year just because someone else mentioned they had a fight with me, and they decided they better leave it be and just ignore something happened (in hindsight, no wonder, since they believed immediately when someone else started to whisper things about me into their ear later) but then only started talking to me because I guess I'm an easy person to vent to or something. True, I also vented to them because they claimed they're my friend. I didn't realise their friendly attitude is fake, and as I was later told they "wear a mask", and apparently I was just supposed to know it instead of thinking them to be my friend. They used my skills for their needs and then became cold to me when it turned out my character (which they considered aggressive when I was saying things as they are, snarkily replied to rude remarks or just wasn't using emoji) outweighs my usefulness... and got angry at me when I asked them not to speak to me like a child. I was supposed to just take it according to them. And when I decided being under them is too much after they tried to force me to unblock a person who triggered me, they discouraged other people from contacting me, condoned another person to share my private information (some of it taken from a vent even) and lied to people we both know they were saying things to me in DMs which they never did (i.e. "I told them I'd love them back" when they said "I never wanted you to feel upset" and never invited me back or even apologised, then blocked, told me I'm manipulating the events and refused to talk to me afterwards). And all of that while they and their friend continued to misgender me in the space where they thought I wouldn't see it!

And yet another one creeped on me in DMs after they read some melancholic tags on one of my posts and encouraged me to vent to them. And when I got surprised, considering I thought they don't like me since they never interacted with me in public and even ignored me multiple times, they said how I seemed so unapproachable to them and they "waited for me to come to them", and how they actually care a lot and they kept behaving extra sympathetically (and I have no idea how I didn't realise how creepy all this sounds, I guess I held them in such high regard not to question their sudden behavior too much). Later, they told me they like to chat to people privately "friendly and civil" to "keep their enemies close". Yeah, I know, embarrassing I didn't realise this is what they were doing to me... But I only realised after they out of nowhere blocked me without saying a single word after I decided not to work with their friend anymore and said friend then used the info against me that was... strangely familiar to something I didn't talk about to them but to their quiet "keep-my-enemies-close" friend instead. Interesting, right? Not even mentioning the screenshots of their private blog I was sent later where they seemed to quip about me and how I ruined their fun. Sure, I should have just stayed to be the butt of the joke for them.

Well, now, should I also talk about the stupid idiot who I had in my Friends because I thought there's no bad blood between us only to one morning discover they unfriended me and are going around shared servers spreading info that I "blocked them"? And they thought so because... Bet you won't guess? Because they claimed the yellow exclamation mark on Discord desktop app is "the blocking indicator". Just so you know: it's "the indicator" that means Discord can't pull up/load the up-to-date info about the person such as their userpic, about or badges, usually if you aren't friends, or simply don't share servers anymore, or haven't talked in a while. This is done for security reasons. It is in no way "the blocking indicator". The only valid way to know someone blocked you is to try adding a reaction to their message – if they blocked you, the screen will "shake off" the reaction on desktop or simply disappear the reaction or tell you it's unable to add the reaction on mobile (they seem to change it back and forth). In any case, it's impossible for your friend to block you and stay a Friend because Discord automatically unfriends people if one of them blocked the other. But that pinnacle of stupidity saw the "indicator" and then unfriended me because they thought I blocked them, and also was vindictive enough to tell it to everyone. Honestly, this is not the worst thing, I actually got a good laugh out of that part... It is the fact that other people believed them without checking in with me. And started blocking and unfriending me, too. *sigh*

Alright. I'm not as bad as before, now it's somewhat calmer fury, and my eyes are wet so I hope I might cry. Maybe it will help to release this heavy feeling.

And one last thing... If you're reading that, if you reached the end of this post, and anything I said makes you feel uncomfortable about me, just unfollow me. If you've been there and saw what went down starting April 2021 and ending July 2022 and you think I was the only one in the wrong, just unfollow me. If you're only being friendly with me because this is what your culture dictates and you want to be polite and nice, just unfollow me. If you're only here to "keep me close", just please, please, unfollow me and leave me alone. If you consider me a friend, tell me so. I can't stand this guessing and pretending anymore.

[1eoness]

i loved hearing abt ur perspective on that matter 😭😭😭 not good with words but one thing i will say is most dead dove fics i see are from fandoms who preach abt problematic characters, its so rare to actually find any of them, like, this is just an example but everyone knows how famous hp is and ive read probably hundreds of fics (from ao3, which is kinda surprising since EVERYTHING is there, right?) and ive only ever come across one dead dove fic, which, again, i was startled bc i didnt even know what it meant so i think with warnings or none, it wont stop anyone from reading it. i guess i cant say anything abt how sa victims say its their own way to cope and it might be wrong to say this but i just think if a bad thing happened to me, why would i glorify it? and why would i ever want to influence people and make them think its normal and that they should want it too? its honestly just sad, especially, like u mentioned, when they say "a fictional character has no feelings" but theyre making leon an object of their sick fantasies, it sucks when all we get from them is "just block", followed by getting mocked, its just sad to see bc i feel like, how fucked up do you have to be to treat others like that? sure, maybe they have mental illnesses, but its like, theyre using it to justify their wrongdoings instead of actually trying to get better

anw... i dont know u much and i havent kept up with ur fics and stuff but i got to say i have a lot of respect for u and am looking forward to more of your works! or if not, i wanna say i admire u as a person 🫡

tw: mentions of dead dove, PTSD, mental stress disorders, trauma regarding SA. i understand! and thank you but you really don't have to praise me for saying this <3

i won't go on a whole ramble trying to deeply psychoanalyze these kinds of writers but to (attempt) to sum it up shortly: PTSD, and a lot of other kinds of stress disorders tend to corrupt you throughout your growth; it forces you into a kind of regression and when you're unable to get help for multiple kinds of reasons, you tend to turn to the internet because well, it's just a click away. when you feel like your only strength is your writing you will tend to "weaponize" it (but not really per se), then the result becomes... that.

it's i guess, what people commonly testify it as, "trying to regain control". which i don't doubt for one moment, i genuinely do think that people who write this kind of "fiction" are victims who desire a taste of control again. they wanna be able to twist their perceptions and perceive their trauma differently because they've been enslaved by it mentally. perspective matters here: what an expressed fantasy is to the viewer, may actually be a vent from the writer. [i cannot stress this enough. but if you're going to publicize this kind of stuff, you are still bound to public morality. so please stop ignoring the fact that dead dove content that pampers the concept of sexual assault is genuinely harmful. no one should ever write that in a way that perceives sexual assault as "desirable" and "a want".] otherwise, any kind of writer who glorifies and makes market-focused art out of sexual assault are sick and they know who they are, they just don't want to take accountability for it. i always think there's a better choice to be made.

[ilaiyayaya]

Don't mind me just compiling a bunch of unfinished vent drafts into a finalized product ready for purchase~

It's crazy how for the first half, even maybe like 2/3rds of 2023 I felt amazing overall, the novelty of being out of horrible, multiple years-long situation and into a, realistically just kinda average situation, felt so great that it completely carried me emotionally for nearly a year. But ever since around August/September I've kinda slowly been receding back into that same depressive state I was before, my life has stagnated once again, I've traded one set of issues for a completely different, less familiar set, and I don't have any real clear solution for any of those problems that are within reach. Don't get me wrong I'm at the very least not trying to drown myself once per week yet, but I don't think that should really be the baseline of an acceptable quality of life.

I have a job I've very quickly come to hate that's also kind of consumed my life up until very recently, where I've had enough time off to realize that I've made virtually no progress in the last year outside of merely having a job. I've lost a sizable number of friends, in part due to my coming out as trans, and partly due to just a longterm buildup of disillusionment with those around me that just finally reached a breaking point, and some of the few still left in my life I don't particularly want to keep in my life much longer either, and after going several years socially isolating myself, I don't remember how to make new friends, even though I have several avenues to very easily do so if I actually put forth the effort. I likely won't be able to make any progress transitioning for quite a long time, despite deciding now would be the best time to come out for some reason, I still live with my father, and while I've spent months searching for a place to move out to, the renting market is abysmal and most of my prior options for roommates are either no longer an option, or I'm not particularly comfortable living with them now, and despite having a job that provides pretty good insurance, I am still undiagnosed for a million different potential mental illnesses that I should really probably be medicated for because I'm both too stupid and too lazy to figure out how to switch off my parents' insurance onto my job's, and I'm too afraid of hospitals after going probably close to 10 years without going to any doctor, outside of 1 visit to the optometrist 2 years ago after my old glasses finally broke. And I don't even really have much of a reason to change insurance plans right now when with each passing week I'm more heavily considering just quitting my current job, even though I realistically don't have any better options in my area.

So yea anyways life blows I miss my old terrorist friends (dear Tumblr mods; they were not real terrorists, they were merely g*y people on the internet, please do not nuke me thank you). In good news tho someone posted a map of informed consent clinics throughout the US so now I know there's one like 2 hours away from me, and while I'm still probably too afraid to actually go inside one, and also doubt I'd be able to literally just walk in and say "1 girl medicine plz :3" with any success at all, still good to know. I am so on the verge of wasting all of my savings on HRT without the assistance of insurance all for the bit >:). Also started doing 3D modelling again so like that's fun, didn't do that for a long time but now I have both the time and motivation and now I'm gonna make 5 million Veemon models and nothing else I hope Blender Guru dies fuck that guy.

Why is it so fucking big???

[a-man-asunder]

*update: I got a tire & a backup. Thank you ♡

You all want to know why I sound the way I do on here, crazy or whatever? I am falling apart both mentally & physically, along with my car. The latter & the middle just not most of my life. I usually go back and delete my posts so I won't worry people. I care what people think to a point but not really. These darker days I mostly care what people know. Those close to me, mainly my family know that I'm trying my best I hope. I also know that every day that goes by that I do not progress I worry & stress the people that I love. If anyone out there knows what it's like to fight for others when you don't much for yourself anymore, I'm sorry you deal with that. Sometimes switches cannot just be flipped. Please don't get me wrong - I am constantly wondering and worrying about everything. Mostly I do believe and hope that I reach out on here, post/vent but not for pity. I actually pulled a 'Pump Up the Volume' thing yet only modernized with the internet a few years back - recently told some friends. If not that maybe I would be writing this in a journal. It really doesn't matter - I just know that I cannot take anymore. I said and thought that before, & now it's still different. I know I am blessed in many ways, could have it worse in many ways. I've fought to get my work benefits and health insurance back & to me it's barely short of a miracle. 3 things that I ask. #1. Please pray for me & my kitty Paulie- alot of things to decide & she is old & not great. She has been with me for too long through it all - ~16 years if i had to guess. #2. Please let me know If anyone knows a doctor who actually gives a shit and doesn't have tunnel vision & doesn't judge. (*& I ask the same of you!). & #3. Please if anyone can help me find a spare wheel & or donut/doughnut or whatever for a 2007 Dodge Caliber. Please let me know. Have to find a car somehow soon i fear despite that but that's in the now. Simple things can sometimes become hard. Even calling junkyards & googling crap. Thank you.

- 6/19/23 or after CLEAR

[hikaruklaus]

Heya, my name is Klaus. I'm a hentai artist and professional game developer. This post acts as an introduction, as well as a semi-incoherent rant.

... Enjoy?

I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment, I haven't been happy for a while now and I feel like I need some sort of space to write about my thoughts and stuff. I know very little about tumblr and how it works, which is part of the reason I picked it as my little "vent space". I've never been fully active on social media, but I know that I really hate Twitter, Facebook is frustrating to use, TikTok is overwhelming and irritating, and Reddit has a lot of unnecessary negativity floating around constantly. Hopefully this place is a little bit better. I'm not expecting people to follow or even see the stuff I post, but I hope the environment is less hostile and irritating than its competition.

I'm in my early 20s, and I'm a real goddamn nerd (you know, in case the whole "game developer and hentai artist" introduction didn't make that obvious). I love Nintendo games, heavy metal, cats, and vtubers. I have an off-beat sense of humour, don't know how else to describe it. Earthbound and Monkey Island kind of stuff.

I'm definitely on the weirder side (again, in case that wasn't obvious), at least partially because I'm autistic. I doodle ahegao faces while waiting for meetings to start, I have a compilation of various Hololive vtubers screaming as my alarm in the morning, and I have a Spotify playlist that jumps from Metallica's recent "Screaming Suicide" to the full version of that "Japanese Goblin" song that went viral like a year ago.

I'm a massive degenerate (in case that wasn't obvious [3× COMBO]). I have the whole starter package, a daki, an oppai mousepad, and like a dozen physical doujinshi.

They say tattoo artists shouldn't be tattoo artists unless they themselves have been tattoo'd, because they should know what the experience is like.

...Let's just say I'm glad the same doesn't go for hentai artists.

I speak a variety of languages, but I'll primarily be posting in English. Might throw in some Japanese dialogue into a drawing or something if I'm in the mood, it happens.

I've studied both art and game design. I'm a character artist/animator, and a generalist game designer. Don't feel like I'm particularly good at either one of them to be honest with you. : P

I use Clip Studio Paint EX to draw, and I'm slowly getting used to its animation tools as well. (I've mainly used OpenToonz, Krita, and FireAlpaca in the past, but I love the CSP brushes and layout so much that I'm trying to switch over entirely.)

I have experience with a lot of game engines, ranging from the Unreal Engine (aka my mortal enemy) to the much more simple and comfortable GameMaker Studio. I've worked on a variety of projects, some solo, others with different groups of people. Very unlikely anything you've played though.

I'm probably going to be posting a hentai drawing or three here. I tend to draw lewd shit when I'm sad, dunno why. Never had a place to post them before. I might just post a quick 5-minute sketch, or maybe a rough animation. I don't really know yet. Might do it daily, might do it once every few months.

Like I said, I haven't been happy for a good while now. I jump in and out of depressive episodes pretty often but this one's managed to last for a little longer than they usually do. I would love to tell my friends about it, but I just feel like I'd be a massive nuisance to them.

There's a lot that's bothering me, and I feel like I have to express it somehow. I'm not really a fan of "venting" on the internet, maybe because it reminds me of my teenage years, I don't know for sure- but posting it here feels "safe", it's in some random blog post no one will read, not an alarming message on discord or whatsapp, so I won't have to worry about bothering anyone, and I'll still get to write about how I feel.

Nothing I do feels right. My drawings look bad. My conversations are stale. My sleep schedule is fucked. My code is messy. I know things will get better eventually, I've been through this before, but it's hard to convince myself that that's actually the case and not just something I'm making up.

I've been feeling extremely lonely lately. As you can probably imagine if you've read all the stuff written above, I'm not exactly what you'd call a "chick magnet". I haven't been in a relationship since I was in my mid-teens, and the one I was in back then was long-distance. I haven't held a girl's hand since I was five or so and we were practically forced to do so in kindergarten. I've never kissed anyone in my life. I'm awful at nonverbal communication, and I get really jumpy whenever someone touches me, neither of which are great in a relationship. Finding someone with the same interests as me is practically impossible. I googled a whole bunch of statistics a few months back and came to the conclusion that every time I meet someone in the country I'm currently in, there is a 0.000773% chance that we have some interests in common, are both attracted to each other, and that they are single. (Oh yeah, I like numbers. Forgot to mention that.) That 0.000773% is obviously just an estimate, but I tried to be as "fair" as possible with the calculation. I very rarely leave my house, my eyesight is really rough so driving is out of the question, which means meeting new people is a rare occurance. At this point I feel like the best move might just be to give up and accept that I'll be alone forever, but that just makes me even sadder.

My real name isn't Klaus. It's an alias I came up with a few years ago that I only ended up using once to post a drawing. The drawing in question was on the lewder side of things, and I didn't want it to be associated with my other alias because no one knew about my "un-seiso" drawings. I've improved a lot as an artist since posting that old drawing and decided to pick the alias back up.

My reason for this isn't that my drawings are some kind of "DEEP DARK SECRET" that I have to keep from anyone- to be completely honest with you, I don't really care if anyone finds out what my main alias is. I just want to keep my hentai drawings separate from my more, ahem, "family friendly brand", that's all.

Sorry for rambling so much. It's very, very late, and I should be asleep by now. Bless your heart if you actually read all that crap. Cheers.

PS. Unless I decide to change it in the future, I realised right before posting this that I never set a profile picture, so I doodled an ahegao face as fast as I could, and for some reason I actually kind of like it. Really wish it weren't off-center though, might fix that tomorrow.

[ellaintrigue]

Trigger Warning: Mentions of gun violence/suicide.

Being suicidal doesn't make you weak or make you a bad person. But being suicidal and not seeking proper medical attention and traumatizing your loved ones with it does indeed make you weak and a piece of shit. It's like dragging around a broken leg and complaining about it to your family while they worry sick about you and you won't seek help.

I've already dealt with that in a relationship. The first time he got depressed and suicidal he put a gun in his mouth and threatened to pull the trigger. Had to escape, call the cops, and it was incredibly traumatic for me. I remember falling asleep in my dirty clothes and just being in so much pain from my body being strung tighter than a bow from stress. But I stayed because I felt to love someone you had to be supportive and help them.

Now I only realize that is true when they want to help themselves. And it's okay to walk away if you can't handle it, it saves yourself. I'm known for trauma-dumping at times and if someone walked away that is fine. You shouldn't burden people with non-stop traumatic things and depression. But I will say I have never been suicidal and scared or upset people with violent threats against myself or others. It doesn't make me better than anyone else but if I had those feelings I would go to a doctor. I have gotten therapy and continue to participate in positive mental health steps.

But the reason I even have PTSD? My ex's antics. That is why I won't tolerate any kind of mental health red flag from others. I dated a handsome, happy man in 2020. We had a lot of fun then one day he came to me worn down and talked for hours how down he felt. And that was fine. He needed an ear and wasn't raving or suicidal. It is normal for us to have hard times and need some support. But it's not normal and is very uncomfortable for me to have to hear people go on and on about their traumas, them being miserable and sometimes, them wanting to die. I have to run and save myself.

I had only talked to the guy in the screenshot a couple of hours then the next day he was like that. I just blocked him. That may sound cruel but I'm just done with other people's problems and drama. Be like the 2020 guy: standing strong and weathering life with the need to vent sometimes. Not instant or constant whining. I'm still on good terms with him. My suicidal ex? Doing time in prison for hurting other people because he never got help or tried to better himself. I'm still afraid of him because he got violent with me and that just means even more that I really can't trust people who are suicidal and unstable. I hope he stays away and I am prepared to protect myself legally if he doesn't.

TRIGGER WARNING: I will not be posting screenshots for this story because it is incredibly personal and I'm not trying to exploit someone's vulnerability. But it was, to say the least, VERY, VERY uncool!

Whenever I start talking to someone who seems intelligent, kind, and attractive to boot, I gotta wonder, what's wrong with them? It's sad but at my age you start to notice most of the stable and decent people are taken. So I started talking to this guy with big eyes and long flowing red hair. We talked for HOURS including on webcam. It was pretty neat! I felt like I could have a connection with this person.

I honestly do prefer someone attractive, I can't help myself. The last local I talked to was big, sloppy, and had a piggy nose. He seemed nice and people always tell me to date average looking guys but I just won't settle. Especially not when I plugged him in the good ol internet and found his picture on the sex offender list for messing with a 14 year old girl when he was 30. Go hot, go stable, go whole package y'all.

So I finished up talking to the ginger and excused myself to do chores. I came back 3 hours later and he had blown up my inbox. Saying his life was hard, sending me PICTURES OF HIM CRYING.

...And a video of him crying! I could see him holding a can of beer and clearly he was drunk as fuck and it was like 2 PM. And in any case you shouldn't get that stupid drunk and say that shit anyway. Then he was saying "when" we got together I would get pregnant anyway even though I don't want kids because he has "super sperm." What the fuck?

He's just crying and going on and on and then he says I was trying to not talk to him anymore when I went off to do chores and, "yeah, make up that the TV man is coming over so you can get away." (What TV guy??) And how I was going to probably block him now and that he lived in so much pain he had shot himself last year. WHAT?

He then sends me a picture of a bullet wedged in his flank, just under his skin where it had healed like that. He said he tried to shoot himself in the head and it bounced off of something and went in his side. He said he was brave because what "n*gg*r gets shot and doesn't go to the hospital." My cousin said it looked photoshopped and hey, she could be right. But it's the point he was saying alllllllll this crazy fucking shit, true or not. As soon as he started I knew I was done. So I blocked him and showed the screenshots to my dad and close friends. Everyone was bug-eyed over that one!

So, again, I may be mean, but it's saving me from these hoes. Sometimes internet trolls say I'll die alone because I'm picky but that sure sounds good compared to having to be stressed all the time by whiny little boys waving guns around.

[kierancampire]

Just venting about a therapy thing

Jayne has a habit of arguing against literally everything i say, which i think is making me more defensive and argumentative, but she does this fake laugh and seems genuinely annoyed whenever i say literally anything, and it is starting to really grind on me

For instance, in the past she's got upset with me for using words like agoraphobia and insomnia, even though i have had literally life long issues with crowds and sleep. She's argued against things that have been life long for me, but she has no experience of, and acts as if i don't know what I'm talking about and she knows better. Then today, i said i am getting nervous about taking the girls to the vets as they'll hate it, then she did that laugh again and said "How do you know that? You are basing it on nothing!" so i said no, they hate other people, smells, new environments, i know they'll hate it. She again laughed and said i do not know that and i have no reason to think it. She's literally never been around my kittens, I've been living with them for 1.5 months, and even after i explained how they get incredibly scared of other people, so much so that if someone walks by my front door, they hide, and that Ember won't let me go near her if i have any sort of smell on me, and if i show them a new space in my flat, they're scared of it. She still was smiling and i could tell she still thought that i don't know what I'm talking about

But it just makes me so frustrated, it's like she somehow expects me to be 26 and a half years old, to have lived on my own for over 3 years, seeing therapists since i was like, 14, and to have worked and lived with animals all my life, yet somehow know nothing about literally anything as literally any opinion i have or knowledge i share, i get told off for it. And everything i do is wrong, literally everything, she gets upset over everything i do and i apparently do nothing right, and she gets upset with me repeatedly that i spend time on the internet, even though i have no form of social or physical life at all, so i don't really get what else I'm supposed to do, just sit in my flat and do nothing i guess?

Like, if i can't even talk about the kittens i have been living with for almost 2 months, without being told I'm wrong, don't know what I'm talking about, and literally laughed at. It makes me tell her nothing, like, i usually just see Jayne and catch her up on what's gone on since i saw her last, even when I've had a bunch of shit go on, i just don't tell her cause i see no point, so i have a lot on my mind and no where to really unload it. I kinda want to stop seeing her, but besides not knowing how to bring it up, if i stop seeing Jayne, i lose 1 of the exceptionally few people who remain in my life, and the exceptionally smaller group of people who i get to talk to in person, and i just don't wanna be alone, even if i hate seeing her now

[sinfulwrites]

Blog introduction.

Welcome to my little sin bin! I’m sorry you found your way here.

As my name suggests, I am a writer, one of the 18+ variety. So there will be explicit content on this blog. Do not go any further if you are underage, period. This is not open for discussion.

About me: I’ve been writing since I was in middle school. I’m definitely no expert at the art, but one day I hope to be. The first fanfiction I ever wrote was about Sonic and Shadow. (yes, the hedgehogs…) when I was in elementary school. (So I guess I actually started then.) Nowadays I prefer anime like Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Jujuitsu Kaisen, and Osomatsu-san. I’m also a big horror lover. I was obsessed with Saw, Wrong Turn, Chucky, and Hellraiser to name a few when I was in my pre-teen years. I’m 20 now, and while I still very much love horror, my palette has changed a bit. I’m also a big fan of the Pokémon games, having played every main line game and Mystery Dungeon released that I had access to. Yakuza is also a franchise on my top list of favorite games, up there with The Witcher 3 and The Last of Us.. My all time favorite video game, however, is Okami. Not all of my interests will be turned into some fanfics on this blog, but you can expect some of them to be here. It’s all in good fun on this blog. I am not in the mood to argue with anyone. Let’s all just have a good time here.

What to expect on this blog: I am a ship writer by default, but lately I have branched out into x reader content after getting use to it. I mostly write whatever ideas enter my brain, and some of my posts are to vent out personal insecurities. I write a lot of smut, but I do tons of other stuff like fluff, hurt/comfort, and angst. What I write is dependent on what is currently going through my mind, and thus is sporadic. I also do prompts. I also reblog other content, so this blog won't be exclusively my content.

Do’s:

Jojo’s bizarre adventure (Part 5 dominant, but the other parts too.)

Yakuza (Kiryu, Majima.)

Slashers (Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Thomas Hewitt, Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Bubba Sawyer, Asa Emory, Jesse Chromeskull)

Requests are okay, but are open to rejection.

more tba...

Don’ts: Honestly, just ask. I’m very open about anything. If I want to do it, I will. If I don’t, I won’t. Just do not ask for anything skat related. That is my one hard no.

Masterlist

Have a request?

And that’s it! My interests change very infrequently, so the content on here may not be consistent, but that’s what tags are for right? Also, do not fear asking me anything indulgent. I do nothing but indulge myself on here. I’ve been on the internet for a long time, and seeing all the love and support for writers on this platform and others in recent years has finally inspired me to make an account. I hope you all enjoy what’s in this hell hole.

[aggressive-retsukoing]

Do you have any favorite ships?

I think I may have answered this before, but I don't mind answering again! Here are my ships, in no particular order. I'll lay out why, please be respectful of my opinons!

Retsuko x Haida- The original and main ship for the series, and while it constantly plays with the "will they or won't they", and is pretty divisive in terms of how people like it or not, I really love it at the beginning and I'm more or less unsure how I feel about it now. I think they're certainly cute together, but it would take a lot of effort and good writing between the two in season 4 to make the ship feel right. Some people were put off by the events of season 3 and I can completely understand and agree with that. So I'm putting my expectations high if I want Retsuko and Haida to work out. To those who love the ship, that's fine! To those who don't, that's fine too! Overall, I just want the characters to end up happy.

Haida x Fenneko- Actually my preferred Haida ship, and I really love the interactions and friendship between these two. Fenneko is always there to support Haida, and particularly scenes like in the Christmas special and when she worries over Haida being depressed are especially telling about their bond. You can say it's not romantic, just a close friendship, and that's fine too, though I prefer to believe Fenneko might have some hidden feelings for Haida that she hasn't yet realized, and that Haida is completely oblivious to. I think the two of them would make the most adorable couple, just hanging out together the scenes with them together are incredibly fun.

Fenneko tends to be very stoic except when around Haida, and most of her character is driven around helping Haida. Whether it be digging around finding info to alleviate his pain wondering about the whereabouts of Retsuko, or trying to push him into dating Inui, it's all for him. Despite all this Haida does little to reciprocate, so it's a little like the same scenario with him and Retsuko not recognizing him. Maybe it's cliché, but an interesting turnaround would be him realizing the girl who's been there for him this entire time.

Retsuko x Tadano- These two made a really sweet couple in season 2 and it was really heartbreaking when they had to break up over a difference of views when they were so good together. Personally I would love to see Retsuko and Tadano give it another shot, but I'm happy that they were able to part as friends. I honestly still ship them and I believe Retsuko definitely still harbors feelings for Tadano, which would explain her obsession with Seiya in season 3- he does look an awful lot like him, if you ask me. I'm glad they're still able to be friends.

Tsunoda x Komiya- Tsunoda and Komiya are actually shipped in the original shorts that aired in Japan. In one of the episodes, Komiya and Tsunoda are shown to exchange Valentines/White Day gifts and even have cute intimate nicknames for one another. In some of the early promotional art, Tsunoda and Komiya play hooky together when Tsunoda fakes being sick and Komiya goes to visit her during work hours. In the Netflix version, Komiya's personality was changed significantly, but like Tsunoda, his character kisses up to superiors and puts on what you discover is really just a façade at work.

One of the reasons I adore the ship of these two so much is the idea of them being able to relate to the toll sucking up takes on them and that they both secretly really hate their job. They'd start out as friends who could vent to one another, and as time went on, they would get closer. Both of them are shown to be hopeless romantics who love to brag about their social and love life (this is especially evident in the shorts), are obsessed with the internet and pop culture (Tsunoda's Instagram and Komiya's pop idol blog), and are much deeper characters than they first appear to be. I think the idea of these two flawed characters who act so antagonistic at first being able to find friendship and love together, and become better, happier, and more whole characters is just too perfect an opportunity to pass up!

To top it all off, the voice actors for Tsunoda and Komiya have said in interviews that they entirely ship the pairing, and the Latin American voice actors for the two are even a couple!

Those are my main ships for the series, but some others I find cute are Manaka x Hyodo and Gori x Washimi.

[fyjm]

You people seem to like jungkook more than jimin. He can k!ll him but yall (jikookers) will still defend him. What a pity. He used to make of him , his height , his face , his voice and what not. He say shit about him you all let it go saying he was kidding or he was teasing "his baby" (lol) even though it doesn't seem like a joke. Who the f*ck insults their partner in front of a third person?? I personally don't and won't ever do this with my better half nor my partner does. (Well; i dont know bout yours) I do like jk too , but sometimes i have to admit he goes overboard just to be cool. He say things which he didn't mean but it comes out wrongly. He is an adult , Yes , he himself say this, but "some" people ignore his "wrong behavior" saying he is a "kid". Just because YOU WLL DON'T WANT TO LOOSE KOOK OF YOUR "JI-KOOK" otherwise how will yall fight with other breed (taekookers) ???? Don't just defend jk everytime , if he is wrong , He IS wrong. People makes mistakes but you will never admit it when it comes to him. This is the reason why people sometimes hate ? Jk !!! Yall only care bout jk snd not jm just like taekookers only care about tae and not jk - Jm.

When i tell you i'm so confused to why I received this ask... 😶 but since you're here, here are my thoughts;

1. If anything, admin's biggest ships are vmin, yoonmin and minimoni so who are ‘you people’??? 😭 And don't get me wrong, i just love these three interactions the most and don't think they're more 'real' then the other ships, i genuinely think jimin is close with and loves them all. So i'm unsure if this is targeted at this blog or you are venting in general?

2. There had been many moments where members said things to another that made me really uncomfortable and was awkward to watch. As you mentioned, sometimes jokes do get overboard and it might not be the intention but the delivery. There are things they've said that if I were the recipient, I would be hurt (especially since I'm a sensitive snowflake fr 😭). But if my partner/friends/family were to do that to me, I can talk to them myself. I don't need strangers on the internet to go after them for me and spam them hate and death threats. BTS had shown us many times that they get upset at each other and can resolve it themselves. They can decide if it's just a joke or if it is hurtful and they want the other member to stop. Everyone has different tolerance level for jokes. @anon, i agree with you that we don't have to treat them as kids and excuse every slip-up. But as much as I've seen people defending hurtful words, I've also seen a lot of people hating on them for comments they made that no one even knows how the recipient truly feels about. I trust them to settle their own conflicts and set their own boundaries.

3. The biggest victims of the two mentioned ships by anon, are literally the three boys themselves. The amount of hate I've seen targeted at all three boys for this two ships to 'sail' always make me sick to my stomach. There are times where i wish the three of them could just stop interacting with each other, but knowing how much they do love each other, of course I would never genuinely want that for them. I've seen people not just defend mistakes, but also twist unrelated issues. All in order to fit their ship narrative, rather than what anon said about them preferring one of the members over the other? (i might be wrong tho ofc) If anyone think your ships are more important than the boys themselves, you really need a second to reevaluate. @anon, I’m truly thankful that while you seemed frustrated about the situation, you at least still stated that you like both of them even if they might have upset you at times. 

This reply is not an invitation to start a debate here about that two ships please. We are here to just love Jimin, and that is all. If certain ships trigger you, please blacklist the ship name.

[greenbirdtrash]

Hello!

🔸I'm Kers, aka your friendly disabled enby artist from Ukraine 🇺🇦! I generally go by any pronouns, but as for now i do have a preference towards he/him and they/them. My special interests are paleontology, ornithology, alien&half-life universes, and i also enjoy drawing various fandom/oc stuff! Also i like to craft different things from scratch sometimes. Basically, my blog contains a lot of interest hopping because my hyperfixations are wild and i'm usually not ashamed of it.

❗18+ advised❗Besides being my personal art&interest stash, sometimes it may or may not have adult/suggestive things mentioned/reblogged. Explore this blog at your own risk, and please do not interact with nsfw stuff here if you're a minor. I do try to keep nsfw content in this blog tagged for the convenience/filtering purposes, anyway..

I know this warning merely has any power to stop people, but if you happen to be a minor who managed to sneak in despite the warning, you gotta remember that i am not your caretaker nor i'm responsible for your actions or overall internet experience, and i don't really care if you lied about your age in bio or not. None of my business, but this warning is here for a reason.

🔸I am very chill-going, feel free to send me asks and stuff you think i might like (but no vent/trauma dump please, i have my own demons to face), i quite enjoy when people do that and i love interactions, but sometimes i might disappear and/or won't respond right away because of my anxiety/social battery/bad memory. Please be patient, and thank you for stopping by, i geniunely appreciate each like, reblog or comment i get~

https://linktr.ee/elmargoviper

🌿Tags:

#kers ramblings - all text posts, talks and asks. Feel free to block it if i'm too loud on your dash

#my art - everything drawn by me, kind of a universal "art gallery" kind of tag. May or may not have shitpost-esque sketches as well

#kers crafts - pretty much self-explanatory, the things i make sometimes

#oc - characters, oh the many of them

#lyrr core - vibes that are resonating with my beloved oc Lyrr

#nsfw / #nsft - nsfw posts/reblogs

🔸I have a plenty of interests, fixations and fandoms i'm currently in, there's too many of them to list, and i constantly cycle through them over years. Even if it might seem like i no longer enjoy a [thing], i probably still do, and i'm very fond of the communities, mutuals and all the memories of the fun times i had back then. I never actually abandon any of that and revisit my interests quite often, so if you're a long time follower and/or followed me for a specific fandom or type of content, you may see me getting back to it eventually, if you're patient enough... Once i step into a new territory, i'm gonna visit it again and again, that's pretty much how it works.

🌿Timezone: GMT+3🌿

....i don't have a consistent sleep schedule anyway, don't be surprised if you see me active during any time of day

About art usage [IMPORTANT]

DNI: MAP/pedo,zoo&other animal abuse,proship,anti BLM,anti ACAB,transphobia/homophobia,ableism,islamophobia,fatphobia,terfs,racism,nazis,all sorts of ultra right wing radicals,trump supporters,ukraine/palestine invasion supporters/war apologists (pro-russian scum and putinists, this is your only warning, get the fuck out) ,NFT/AI art, "anti anti", and other shitheads. You're not welcome here and you will never be. Get the hell out of my blog.

Basic respect and politeness, it's that easy. Also, i do keep my ultimate right to distance myself, block and move on without any direct engagement whatsoever if something (or someone) is making me highly uncomfortable.

[vicsdeangelis]

you don't have to post this if you're not comfortable but i happened to see your vent this morning and i'm so sorry that happened to you, what a horrible thing to say to someone. also i totally hear you about being a virgin in your 20s. i'm 21 and it fucking sucks. i have social anxiety & i'm highly selective in general & then a pandemic happened, what can you do🤷. i can guarantee that you being a virgin has nothing to do with your weight though. i know so many people of all shapes and sizes -

the pandemic really fucked everything up because it feels like i lost the last 2 years of my life, and i know that's something a lot of people, if not everyone, feels as well. it's just, as time passes i feel more and more pathetic, i guess, for not having any single experience at 25 that most of my friends had in their teens. i'm the only person between all of my friends who has never even kissed anyone, so it feels very lonely, not only on a romantic level, that yearning for love, but it feels lonely on a level of like, it doesn't matter how many times i talk to my friends, they just won't get it. even if they experienced things a little later than the average person, they still don't get what it feels like being 25 and having none of that. it feels kinda isolating. god, not to mention my fucking braces, i literally feel like i'm living as a 15 year old, it feels fucking awful

and on your other point, like, yeah, i know people off all shapes and sizes date and have sex and whatever. the point is not that i think fat people are unlovable, absolutely not; it's that i think i'm unlovable, and my appearance, both my face and my body, definitely don't help with that. people have been "interested" in my only 4 times in my life, and 3 (3!!!!) of those were on the goddamn internet (meaning: they never fucking saw me, which is definitely a hit to my pea sized ego). and one of those times was when i like 13 and a guy who was +18 was talking to me, and that definitely shaped the way i interact with people on the internet, like, the reason i can't even make real friendships and shit like that i guess. i think that had a bigger impact on me than i ever cared to examine before, cuz like, the other two times were just some guys looking for sexting someone and i'm lonely, so why not right? but i think that time when i was 13 and in a "relationship" with this guy who was much older and i had never met in my life impacted me so much that the second those guys tried to be friendly i wanted out, i couldn't handle it, it became emotionally exhausting to me. they were just being nice!

okay fuck i'm rambling, sorry

yeah, i don't know how to end this. those 8 year old boys fucked me up for life, man, that's fucking ridiculous

[itstheelvenjedi]

TW: abuse, assault mention, very much a vent. You do not have to read it and I don't have the time or spoons to coddle your stupid ass if you ignore this and read it and get your panties in a knot so just fuck off if you're sensitive to these themes I cannot (read WILL not) deal with you and I'm sick of compromising my own mental health for the comfort of a bunch of morons on the Internet who apparently can't fucking READ a trigger warning. Grow up.

Feelings I didn't realise I DIDN'T miss till I was stuck living with them again: being constantly on eggshells because if I breathe too loudly/in a certain way it will be taken as disrespect even if I was just inhaling air.

No privacy. Ever. What is privacy. Do these people know how to knock

Being two degrees of separation from a serious mental breakdown from the collective fuckery of my shitty situations all crashing down on my shoulders and still having to tiptoe around him and be HIS safety blanket because "uwu I can't deal with this shit rn why are you so difficult uwu"

Important context: THEIR cat got sick, THEY lost his insurance documentation which meant they couldn't claim for it till after the fact so ME had to pay 200 bucks so the family cat didn't die of a preventable infection because THEY couldn't adequately take care of a single celled amoeba without killing it nevermind an actual living, breathing, other being. HE was too pussy to medicate his own fucking cat so ME had to get bitten and scratched giving him meds 2x a day for a week and deal with kitty tantrums because he had to be on 24/7 obs for 1.5 of those days (not the cat's fault, obviously. But yes abso-fucking-lutely my parents' faults for ignoring my warnings about letting him 1) Freeroam whenever/wherever because they're too lazy to clean and maintain a litter box so "he won't pee in there he only goes OUTSIDE D'':" AND 2) letting him eat shit he kills in the street because "he's got an immune system, he'll be fine" BRUH YOUR CAT ALMOST DIED. HE WAS NOT FINE

Also incase anyone was wondering how my month is going: though I could finally gtfo at the end of the month, went to take some stuff back ahead of time only to discover that a damp problem in my bathroom which the social housing authorities kept ignoring despite my complaints has spread mold through my ENTIRE APARTMENT and ruined ALL OF MY FURNITURE. YEAH, EVERY LAST PIECE OF FURNITURE I OWN.

Which HE then had a meltdown over because you know, it's not like HIS furniture got trashed and HE has to keep sleeping on a couch less than a foot away from a woman who emotionally, physically, psychologically AND financially abused him since childhood because he had NOWEHERE ELSE TO GO and who now has to stay there INDEFINITELY until social housing gets their head out of their ass and decides to address my request/complaint (it took them 3 years, and then 18 months (and counting) to evict tenants that physically assaulted me BTW for reference) /s

I am screaming. Perpetually. I hate it here fr I want out let me OUT aaaaaaaa

At this point if I survive till the end of the year I may believe in miracles because it genuinely doesn't seem possible at this point