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rarepairnation · 9 months ago

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LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

#from the inbox #Anonymous #denethor anon #Another 1000+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly (both of us). Sorry To The Dash.#by the way the idea of ONE GUY bearing both sides of the sword/shield dichotomy made me feel like i was gonna black out in the coffee shop #that was crazy shit LOL #btw if u want me to talk about the denethor thorongil situationship I Fucking Will. idk if u were here before my faramir february url chang #but what has happened to me with them is soooooo typical abby rarepairnation behaviour. Hey Wouldn't That Be Funny. now hold on a second.#long post #denethorposting

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rockanroller · 1 year ago

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The WGA strike didn’t affect Hazbin period because none of the ‘writers’ on that show are part of the union. They also aren’t real writers. Not to mention A24 was explicitly not affected by the strike because the studio is already good to its workers and therefore exempt. The strike only affected major Hollywood studios and networks like Fox, CBS, Disney, Warner Bros., etc. Viv trying to claim that the strike had any impact on Hazbin is absolute BS.

look anon, all i wanted to do was put together a post of the cold facts we know and speculate to my best knowledge with a timeline. all i found was that the timeline fits but that it is a little suspiciously snug and could still be coincidental and i acknowledged that.

even if it did turn out the strikes were the cause of the delay, it won’t be the end of the world. it doesn’t mean viv is a saint and it doesn’t mean she couldn’t have caused problems during the production. EDIT: and we now know Viv said in a recent interview that the delay was due to them trying to find a distributer (streaming platform), and working out their arrangements with Prime. Masterpost has been updated with this information.

i don’t doubt a24 is a good studio, but being a good studio doesn’t mean you get a get outta jail free card by the union, you gotta agree to terms. and as i pointed out in the post i only was able to find sources on sag-aftra giving a24 a pass, not bc they’re a good studio, but bc they aren’t affiliated with amptp that sag-aftra was striking against and therefore were allowed to continue using their actors. i didn’t find enough to make a clear call on the relationship between the wga and a24.

i want to reassure you i am not trying to defend viv. i can acknowledge some things about her work but i dont have a high opinion of her and i highly suspect she caused problems somewhere on the production whether or not it was this year specifically.

i'm still looking for proof viv claimed the strikes were causing a delay bc some ppl have said she did, and i found proof where viv said even tho she could only speak for helluva that she felt it was "safe to say" the actor's strike would affect hazbin hotel. i do still think it's possible the strikes could've caused minor delays in addition to the specific delay viv noted in the interview. i just wanted to put all the specific facts out there and a timeline into a post for easy understanding of what we know for sure while providing some speculative insights in both directions.

if you have specific receipts for your claims i’d love to see them so i can include them in the post. especially if you have a receipt for viv claiming the strikes were to blame bc i’ve yet to see receipts for it. i don’t doubt it. just wanna know for sure.

i hear that you’re mad about this whole matter, i am too, but feelings aren’t facts.

#vivziepop critical #anon ask #wga strike #sag aftra strike

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goldenfharry · 2 years ago

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i dont think O said anything to these tabloids about this situation because she just doesnt need to lol. her name was brought into it in the very first article about it, fans were immediately bringing up pics of her and E together and saying they are friends, fans immediately brought up the timing of him following E and the h*livia bua. Harry was going to come out of the situation looking bad to a lot of people regardless. i think fans need to just take accountability for the fact that they are the cause of these tabloids writing what they write a lot of times. //

Kinda agree with this . Whoever published the first article that is either h or Emily's team ( i think it's her team ) bought Olivia's name into this unnecessary even the title was written ' look away Olivia ' along with her and jaison's recent hanging out picture also mentioning ' it's only been 4 months after his breakup with o ' what was the necessary of all that . they made sure it was a drunk kiss in the same article . They know that o will grab anything that can give her attention so of course she milked out from whatever she got and as always she's playing the victim . Also fans were blaming e for being friends with o then doing this to her and also shaming e for going after every man . I have seen some comments mentioning that e is passed around in Hollywood and now it's harry turn ( disgusting it was not just fans gp as well ). In o's new article her sources say that they (h&o) were on talking terms and were working on things and then concluded with her commenting ' she has to take care of her kids and she's working so she doesn't care blah blah' which doesn't make sense . It's time for her to understand that she can't play both girl boss and victim at the same time . And for Emily ... well she is also an attention seeker and clout chaser like Olivia but some of his fans are not better either they make up stories that fit their fantasy or for their 15 minutes fame and followers and then proceed to call out others .

I’ve said my peace of mind about this so yeah

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acourtofquestions · 4 months ago

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Tonight’s read is EoS Chapter 54:

Thoughts below the spoiler bar of safety for the chapter :-)

*thoughts to be updated shortly* — Current heading into the chapter thoughts are in the initial tags ;-) — P.S. from chapter 53 ending; what is Fenrys asking Rowan to do? — Am I supposed to know? — He asked to be “killed before that order is given” and I’m not sure if “that” order is… is it to execute Lorcan? Or kidnap Aelin for a “long” Maeve style punishment, Or a worse “what if” fear of Maeve being unhinged enough to fear Aelin with Rowan & Lorcan so much that she would just kill her without question? Or is this referencing some personal history like his brother “the anchor” & Maeve using something against him… or something else entirely??? And ALSO either way it’s sad and I don’t want that, so I’m even MORE concerned!!!

— The way Manon just so casually calls Rowan the Queen’s mate because it’s obvious to EVERYONE

— Very intrigued by the forms Lysandra chooses to take; like the current Viper (symbolism, but backwards (more like Rep Taylor, than actual “snake”) so I’m HERE. FOR. IT. flip the script queens) but more so because it’s interesting to pick a form that not only blends in/preps for the monsters around them but also scares everyone (including their “team” members like Fenrys or Manon who she doesn’t yet trust) it acts as a protective mechanism both ways.

— CONCERNED/how interesting that they ARE walking in the swamps that Elide & Lorcan avoided at ALL cost… perhaps due to sheer boiling power & a larger group?.. idk. but I don’t trust it😅… this is becoming the theme for EoS lol😅 “I don’t trust it! BUT ITS FINE—IT BETTER BE FINE😅😅”

— "Because she died. And even before she did, this world saw to it that she suffered, and was afraid, and alone. And even though no one will remember who she was, I do. I will never forget the color of her eyes, or the way she smiled. And I will never forgive them for taking it away." — don’t mind me just gonna go cry (and make annotations here since my book apps aren’t working and I’m too impatient for Libby to keep waiting to read this one)

— okay what do they mean by “lock” …this whole time I’ve been thinking “lock” like a door, cause (wyrd)KEYS… but now without having anything they are saying they reached “the lock” so is this like a kind of island, or water system, or what???

— "Perhaps she'd try to be better about it, if this dread was at all like what they felt." — UH YEAH THEY DO, thank you for finally having some preservation to scare me a little less😂

— okay, so, like the Lysandra post I made recently about her guarding Aelin’s back just got more interesting with that now as Manon’s job

— "She could almost feel him sliding into that frozen, raging place-- where born instinct and centuries of training had him seeing the world as a killing field, and willing to do anything to eradicate any threats to her. Not just his Fae nature--but Rowan's nature. To protect, to shield, to fight for what and who he loved." — ugh I love him and them and the Rowan’s nature part🥹🥹🥹 TOO MUCH LOVE I JUST🥹

— "Even in the marshes, it was easy to become drunk on him, on the taste and smell and sound and feel of him." — once again Kanej vibes with the “if he could bottle the sound and get drunk off her laughter every night” quote🥹😭once again HE SMELLS LIKE HOME TERRASEN

— Them training sword names I LOVE THEM

— "Blame my ancestor." She certainly did. For many, many things." — first off glad we’re finally talking about that, secondly not ancestorS and it’s singular *coughs Elena* (unless it’s a hint at her and Manon but I doubt it😂)

— JUST SAY THAT YOUR MATES ALREADY AND MAKE THE TIME AND DONT DO IT ON DEATHS DOOR PLEASE

— thinking the word “coward” is what hit her heart😭

— Manon did listen though…

— “throw a rock?”😂 (okay Indiana Aelin)

— "As if they’d done a hundred times before" — once again guarding back, are they related, players in the game, I love them… come on it’ll all be fine with these two goddesses

— please don’t kill Lorcan but Lorcan don’t you dare hurt Aelin or steal the ding dang keys but hey Elide come meet the fam

— your telling me it’s bad enough Lorcan is warning them to get out not even revenge but that even for his endearing “bitch queen”😂

— I can’t tell if Manon was hopeful or terrified at the idea of the Iron-teeth coming😭🖤

— crap the ilken know the Wyrdkey too now and so does Lorcan so they’ll both be fighting with too much info UGH (why can’t they all just kiss, open a treasure chest, go to a fancy suite, and be left alone for a dang second to be happy or not about to die with the weight of everything on a couple of teenage immortals) p.s. AUTOCORRECT ITS NOT SILKEN ITS ILKEN🤦‍♀️

— "and she knew he'd been taking in the horizon and surrounding lands not for any chance of winning the battle that was sure to come, but for any shot at getting her out. — MY HEART

— Even if the rest of them had to buy her time with their own lives." — Ummm no (don’t you dare get dumb on me Gavriel…. Wait shit if they see Lorcan are they gonna have to fight him not run…?!?)

— “five hundred” — holy shit we are way in over our heads… how are there even that many… oh goodness… time to go get sleep deprived😂 please tell me ur bad at guestimstes?

P.S. old exclamation THE AMULET IS THE WITCH TRIAD THING!!!

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penguin--person · 1 year ago

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hey. hey you. I’m way too nervous to leave an actual comment on it but the rain world fic you posted recently. Fucking slaps. It’s so good. Idk how to put it into words but it’s like you make the characters so clear and and…idk but I think your fic is so cool and good. AND I DONT EVEN RAIN WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I came in through PAFL but I’ve been curious about rw for a while now, and this has made me want to check it out even more. Also, take your time on the swap au!! Stay healthy(physically AND mentally. They both matter) and don’t burn yourself out! Always remember that you are priority #1, and that your needs should always come first. Alright that’s it bye :D

AWAWA!!!! wawawwaaa!!!! explodes and diessssss ..n"!!! thanke you!!! thank you:3!!!!! your kind words are always so!!! nice and cool!!! and a pleasure to receive!!! <3333 rain world my good friend rain world... its a game for sure!!! ive been engaging less w the fandom lately, but, i still rlly like the game:3 ive been into it for. checks steam achivements. like two years now (i got into pafl not long after i think) !! rain world has these thangs tho - slugcats! :) the link leads to my rw pafl au... i have. SO Many pafl aus. you dont even Know. i havent even posted half of them. you dont know about my wandersong pafl au. you dont know about my buddy sim pafl crossover. you dont know about my pathologic pafl au (yet) (>:3). and thats because i never draw anything for them ❤️might write smth tho... ..

mm . youre rlly cool. thank you again!!! for your support!!! as a thank you, heres what ive got so far for the next chapter of swap! its not much, and mostly just first draft, but! just for you ❤️the '*' signal words/sentences im gonna italise

It’s another day. Just like always.

Half-asleep, Yura glances at the door, halfway through his breakfast. His mother’s standing there. She’s already fully dressed, while her son is still in last night’s clothes. He hasn’t had much energy as of late. It’s not like he ever has any energy, even more as of late, with the trip to the zone coming up... Not to mention everything that’s happened with Dmitry.

Yura grunts at the thought of that… *monster.

Why didn’t he stick around? Maybe he’d have been able to convince Sergei to let him stay, or at the very least, not report him. Maybe he could have helped Dima escape. Maybe he could have seen the police coming and warned him. Maybe if he had used his brain, he’d have told Sanya to let Dima stay at his place and avoided all of this. But, no amount of *maybes is going to change the fact that he’s gone. Dead, maybe, for all they know.

The door clicks shut. He’s alone now. Anya is either at school (Is there school today? What day is it?) or, more likely, at Olya’s right now. She probably won’t be back for some time. Yura will be all by himself until then, getting swallowed up by unnecessary feelings.

… Whatever. He only knew him for a week. He shouldn’t care. His eyes shouldn’t sting at the memory of the guy. It doesn’t matter that Yura wasted so much time and money helping him out. Feeding him, giving him a place to stay, hanging out with him even though he was *such a pain in the ass.. But none of that matters now. Never will matter, because he’s gone. The only thing that matters is that he- *it, Yura corrects himself - killed a few people in Sergei’s flat.

… Well, not really people. Not ones that matter, anyway. Three or so cops. Blew up their heads, Sanya said, that it looked like that’s what happened. Yura got the feeling she didn’t tell him more than she had to during their phone call. It was clear that she wasn’t pleased with how things turned out. Maybe she was hoping Sergei could help Dima. Let him live with them. Find some place for him to stay, at least.

Yura can’t find the strength to not blame her for this. The rational side of him argued that she was the *least to blame, actually, she didn’t know this would happen. Most likely, she didn’t even know that Dima’s a mutant. Still. Though the final nail in his (hopefully only metaphorical) coffin was decided by Sergei, *she took Dima to him. She should have known.. but, how could she have? There was no way for her to know.

A frustrated groan escapes the teen. There’s really no need to be thinking that much about him. About *it.

He groans again, frustrated by his inability to call Dmitry what he is. It’s not like he didn’t know the truth all along, either. Again, he internally reprimands himself for getting attached. Sanya isn’t to blame here- no, she’s not the one responsible for all of this. Maybe for getting him reported so quickly, but that was always going to happen, one way or another. Better soon than later, the teen thinks. Before he let that not entirely uncomfortable feeling grow more than it already has.

Before he can ponder this any further, his phone buzzes. With one hand, he rubs his eyes, with the other he picks up his phone.

*We need to talk, a message from none other than Mr Kazarin himself. The tone of the message makes him sound like he wants to break up, Yura thinks to himself. Funny. Maybe it is one. Yura runs a hand through his hair, staring at the message. His stalker times are over before they even started, his only hope at making it in this godforsaken world, all because of that.. *thing. Nothing he can say could fix this.

Luckily, before he can ruin Sergei’s view of him any further, another message. An invitation, if one can call it that, to meet up at an unimportant location. It’s not like he has much choice in this - so, he sends back an *ok, gets dressed in his unitidy clothes and heads out.

—

something something sergei angst

“You know what this is about.” Sergei proclaims. Yura doesn’t need to reply for him to know he’s right, but he still does, accompanied by a dry chuckle. “‘Course I do. It’s about Dimochka.”

“*Don’t call it that.”

The air is thick with tension. Despite this, Yura nonchalantly holds a cigarette out to him. Like nothing’s happened- like this is just a regular training session. With a sigh, he takes the cigarette, and with one quick motion, he takes out his lighter. Yura is fiddling with his own.

#<333 thank you

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milhazel · 2 years ago

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TW ED basically diary entry of v intrusive thoughts these may or may not apply to you and if they do I’m truly sorry you also have felt this way before plz take the time to focus on yourself and your mental well being <3

unfortunately my brain has finally become overly saturated with thinspo pics I need real life painful and traumatic encounters w skinny women to finally have the motivation to get where I want to be… I need a real life ed friend who doesn’t know I’m also struggling so I can go undercover n shiii. The thing is I get these everyday but the hate that festers inside me towards them because their standard is so excruciatingly hard to achieve that my ed flips a switch and goes hinge mode on me then I hate myself the next day fall into imposter fasting mode (only eating when no one is around to feel like I didn’t eat or make sure they don’t see me eating out of pure embarrassment) or genuinely fasting for a good max of 12-14 hours only to feel that same hatred again and binge.

like you know what I mean the pictures just don’t help me not binge anymore I always resort to feeling angry towards ppl who look like that and saying fuck them im eating yknow, like there’s a little voice in there fighting for me but it’s not the kind of voice you pity it’s the kind that’s desperate to keep you alive but you just don’t want it to it’s so frustrating I cant turn it off anymore without having someone say something mean to me or seeing other ppl in my life lose weight, I know we’re all supposed to be pro recovery but the only thing recovery has brought me is more pain and more grieving over my ed where I use it to characterize how I was as a person wishing I was that version of myself again with that same mentality, it’s freeing to know that I was once like that so in reality there’s hope that I go back down that direction, all I need is that silly little trigger that’ll eventually kill that voice and keep me from caring about being fed so often I DONT NEED TO SURVIVE LITERALLY CAPITALISM IS MAKING ME THINK SO HARD AN WHEN I EAT AND WHAT TO EAT NEXT WHY CANT I REALIZE THAT THE FOOD ISNT GOING ANYWHERE AND THAT I WONT DIE IF I DONT EAT EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY

I basically live w my bf at this point and never have my groceries at his place so I never rly ate around him all the time, but now I recently started bringing my food in preparation for being there for days at a time and it’s almost surprising to him when I eat, as if he has this notion that I shouldn’t be eating with all of this fake worrisome looks when I say I’m not hungry then not doing anything about it. Idk if I’m going crazy if I’m delusional or I’m just overthinking and being naive but I stg he looks at me w disgust and wishes he had someone more attractive, I feel like his friends make comments with all their single asses going out and fucking college whores every other day while they claim that they “like” this one girl they met and like spending time with her, sometimes the people he surrounds himself with disgust me and he doesn’t see a problem, either that or he’s just part of the problem :) irdk what to think anymore and Ik I’ve said this on here before while using this as my private diary but I rly mean it this time I don’t know what to think or how to feel I feel like I’m constantly being tricked and made fun of and judged and have expectations over my head that I simply just cannot reach with the mindset that’s growing in me right now and NOBODY sees this literally NOBODY then I get blamed for my lack of communication when it’s so clear as fucking day that there is no way all of what I endure is going unnoticed I just need to fast and turn my brain off for a while, reclaim the life I’m going for without naive respect for everyone around me to the point where I literally leave myself behind. I told you I suffered from bulimic thoughts and actions over the past summer and cried in your arms told you that I was lacking confidence and always feeling like a convenient option what more can I do to communicate this to you

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ftm-radio · 2 years ago

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okay, I'm diverting from the default ask/answer format for this one because there are mentions of sensitive topics. I generally prefer to avoid these topics (though i dont have that posted anywhere, so no worries, anon) but I do want to answer anyway to try and help out.

I'd rather err on the side of caution for anybody who does not wanna read any of this, so I'm putting the ask and my response under a cut.

⚠️cw: brief mentions of sex & horniness, along with concerns about fetishization

Anonymous:

So…I don’t really know how to phrase this but I’m hoping you can help and this isn’t creepy. I’m a straight cis woman and have never had dysphoria beyond what I assumed was normal puberty woes (hated my chest getting bigger, hated getting a period, hated dresses). Recently something came up during sex that put the thought in my head of having a penis and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I bought a binder and almost screamed with joy at how I looked but chalked it up to looking skinnier without my breasts in the way. (I’ve always had body image issues and I thought it was about weight but now I’m…not sure?)Today, “just to see”, I stuffed my pants with socks and I swear I almost passed out with how amazing it looked and felt. But with each of these explorations has come a really strong, idk how to better phrase it, horniness, like more than I’ve ever felt before when dressing up my female sexiness. So now I’m really confused about whether it’s like I’m just feeling confident and sexy and that’s why vs maybe I’m fetishizing? I don’t know any trans guys so idk if this is normal or if I’m being gross. I’m sorry if this is offensive and weird and you can ignore me if so but i just feel so bad and confused and idk what to do or who to talk to.

okay so right off the bat I wanna assure you that no, this is not creepy, offensive, or weird! you aren't doing any harm by exploring your gender and/or how you present yourself. it's totally fine to try new things and experiment and question! (it can be fun & i feel like more people should do that, tbh.) and I'm not an expert on what is/isn't fetishization, but what you're describing does not sound like fetishization to me. so I hope that helps you feel better and eases some of the anxiety!

Now, there's a lot more to discuss, so I'm gonna get right into it. This will be wordy. Buckle up.

Let's start with dysphoria and euphoria.

You mention hating when your chest got bigger, and I definitely understand that. I didn't actively start disliking my chest until after I realized I could potentially be rid of it, but for as long as I can recall I've been emotionally distant and uninterested in that part of me to such an extent that as a teen I would occasionally, uh... daydream about getting breast cancer and needing to have my breasts removed and then thinking, 'yeah,,, I'd be fine with that.' hahaha #justgirlythings amirite?

You also mention possible body image issues around weight. I'm a fat trans guy, and before I realized I was trans I also thought all my problems with my body all revolved around the fact that I was fat, that that was why I was uncomfortable and why I felt like my body didn't fit. I didn't know anything about dysphoria or trans people until I was an adult, so all I knew growing up was that being fat was "bad" and that's what I got bullied and snickered at for, so *of course* that was why I felt shitty about myself!!! Yeah, not quite. My brain just didn't know what the problem was so I directed all the blame at the thing I did know about.

But nowadays, I'm just not as bothered by my weight/body shape. I felt like my only chance at being happy as a girl (or a.. woman, I guess. ew.) was to be thinner and fit society's beauty standards as much as possible, but now I know that I can be happy just being a guy. any guy. fat, thin, buff, somewhere in between—I'd be content anywhere in that spectrum as long as I'm a guy. It wasn't my size/shape that was the problem, it was my gender, and gender dysphoria. And maybe that's how it is for you, too. it's something to consider, at least.

Okay, moving along! so dysphoria is the crappy part, the discomfort and distress. Let's get to its fun (and much cooler) cousin you may not have heard much about: gender euphoria!

See, what you experienced when you tried a binder & packing for the first time sound quite a bit like gender euphoria to me. In my experience, the first few times you feel euphoria are the most intense and vivid because its a big shock to your system after however many years you've gone feeling not-quite-right. And then after a while you kind of get used to it and it's not quite so overwhelming. It's like first you have these crazy fireworks going off, but then it simmers down to a cozy little candle. Still glowing, still warm, but it's more familiar, more like home.

You also mention feeling a different kind of excitement (horny) and I'm.. not sure I can help you much with figuring that out. 😅 I'm decidedly quite asexual, so I don't have a whole lot of experience with uhhhh sexy feelings and whatnot. I do think you could definitely be feeling way more confident in yourself and your appearance, and that might be what's leading to these feelings, but that's as far as I can guess.

I can at least attest to the fact that binding and presenting more masc made me more confident in my appearance and feel better about myself just like, in general, so for someone who is more inclined to ~sexy feelings~ than I am, I think it would make sense for you to feel hotter? idk, I don't really go here.

now, regarding your worries about fetishizing. I already said before that I don't think that's what's going on (and i still stand by that) but I just want to explain that a little more. Your excitement seems to be focused more on yourself and what you're doing than, say, trans men or trans people in general, so I don't think that's a fetish. If you were specifically lusting after trans guys because of their transness, that would be fetishization, I think. In my opinion, it sounds like you're just feeling yourself out and learning what makes you feel good, and that's perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with that. :)

As for not knowing what to do about all this, I would say that reaching out to somebody (me, in this case) is a great first step. If you're trying to figure yourself out and what you want, then research can help, especially if you don't know a lot about trans people and the lgbt+ community in general. Obviously you found my blog, but there are plenty of others you might find helpful! I specifically recommend @ transgenderteensurvivalguide as they have a lot of info and resources that have helped me out (despite not being a teen, lol).

Another option for you (in addition to research) is to dig down deep and do some journaling!!! yeah. sorry. it's kind of my go-to. write about what you're feeling and ask yourself questions. (If you want a sort-of guide thing for this, I answered another ask recently-ish on my blog where I had a bunch of example questions that i myself have used when journaling.)

If you want to jump right in and try more than binding or packing, you could also try experimenting with what pronouns you use! whether it's in-person with safe people you trust, or with an anonymous account online that your friends/family won't find, that could help you get a sense of what's up!

Okay, i think that's all I've got right now. This wound up pretty long, as per usual, and responding to this took a bit longer than I meant to, but I hope you're still hanging around and this can help you out, anon. I also hope anybody else who reads this can benefit in some small way.

I think one of the most important things for you to do is to go easy on yourself. Gender is way more complicated than our cis-iety (cis society, I 100% stole this word from someone) teaches us. it's okay to be confused and not know quite where you're at, and it's okay if you don't have an answer right away. you have time to figure this out. hell, you can take as long as you want. there's no rush! nobody is standing at the golden Gates of Validation with a stopwatch to see if you're fast enough to get in.

if you have more questions, my inbox is open, and I wish you the best, wherever you end up.

💜

#ftm radio #listener call in #ask #anon #questioning #trans #transgender #ftm #gender questioning #gender identity #gender

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miraculous-sunflower · 4 years ago

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don’t steal adrien’s phone - a fanfiction by miraculous_carnation

hi yall! this amazing piece of art isnt unfortunately done by me- it’s by the ultra charming miraculous_carnation on ao3, so be sure to check her out! i’ve gotten her permission to post this here, so dont worry! enjoy the show!

Lila Rossi posed for the camera, putting on a flirty face, Adrien sitting next to her. They were at the Palace of Versailles, the place for their photoshoot. Lila hugged Adrien in a way that made him uncomfortable, running her hands across his back. The photographer, noticing Adrien’s discomfort, asked them to take a 5 minutes break.

Lila walked to where Adrien was sitting. “So, Adrien! The photos are going to look awesome, right? I mean, we look so in love!”

Adrien’s eyes opened wide when he heard her voice. “Um, Lila? I know I’ve said this a lot, but can you please stop touching me? It makes me uncomfortable, and I already have a girlfriend,” Adrien tried to explain.

Lila narrowed her eyes at his last statement. Ugh, that Maritrash. What did Adrien see in her?

“Oh of course, Adrien! I’d never want to do something that would make you feel uncomfortable,” she whispered, leaning towards his mouth. Adrien grew stiff. Luckily, the photographer called for them just in time. Lila rolled her eyes, but then put on a fake smile.

“Oh well, anyways, we better go back, Adrien! We have to finish the shoot!”

Adrien hated photoshoots with Lila. They were the worst. Luckily, it was only for another 30 minutes, because after that, he had an interview with Nadja Chamack on Face to Face.

Lila hid behind a bush, watching Adrien get up and head toward the photoshoot. Perfect. She ran over to the table and picked up his phone.

“Well, Adrien, let’s see who you really love,” she smirked.

“Welcome back to, Face to Face! This is your host, Nadja Chamack, live in Paris!” Nadja Chamack enthusiastically said while the audience clapped. “Today, we have a very important guest. He’s a model, born here in Paris, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the son of world famous designer Gabriel Agreste, Adrien Agreste!”

2 seconds later, Adrien walked onto the stage, wearing a suit, created specially by his father, strutting in the way his father taught him when he was little. ‘Flash a flirty smile to the audience, then greet Nadja Chamack professionally’, his father’s words repeated in his mind. His father cared about his appearance and reputation, after all…

“Hello there, Nadja! How are you doing today?” Adrien politely asked. He wished he could be somewhere else,particularly running around as CHat Noir, maybe playing a game of tag with Ladybug…

“Oh, well I’m doing wonderful!” Nadja responded, snapping Adrien out of his daze. “Anyways, I’ve got a bunch of questions for you! First one, are you dating Lila Rossi, a fellow model from your father’s company? Are the rumors true?”

Adrien sighed. There were so many rumors about that going around, many of them created by Lila. She already convinced the class that they were dating, when he actually was dating Marinette.

“Sorry, Nadja, but that is incorrect. I am not dating Lila Rossi, but I am dating Marinette Dupain-Cheng, of who you may know.”

Nadja smiled at the name of her friend’s daughter. “Yes, I know Marinette, I commissioned her to create a dress for Manon for my sister’s wedding, and it came out beautiful! Everyone in the audience, go check out Marinette’s website!”

Lila Rossi was watching the Face to Face interview, fuming. She didn’t know he had an interview! How dare Adrien say that! She’d ruin his relationship with Marinette! She tapped into his phone, already knowing his password, courtesy of his father. Gabriel Agreste gave her access to all of his son’s social media accounts for safety reasons. She logged onto his Instagram account and made a new post, adding the photo of Lila kissing him on the cheek.

“So grateful for my girlfriend @lilarossi! Love you!”

She smirked. No way he was getting out of this one.

Nadja Chamack was confused. Apparently, a new post from Adrien on Instagram was posted just now, but how was it possible? Adrien was talking to her the whole time!

She coughed. “Adrien, it seems that there has been a new post on your Instagram,” Adrien looked shocked, “can we have the post on the screen?”

Adrien’s eyes grew wide as he saw the post. “Nadja, I didn’t post that! I couldn’t-”

“I know you didn’t, Adrien. You’ve been talking to me the whole time right now!”, Adrien let out a sigh of relief, “Is it possible your social media team did it?”

Adrien shook his head. “No, they don’t put out posts like that. They only put out posts that promote the brand!”

“So if it wasn’t your social media team, who was it?” Nadja said in confusion. There were several murmurs in the audience as well.

Adrien narrowed his eyes. “Well, I have a hunch. What is the post about?”

Nadja caught on with his thinking. “Oh, so you believe Lila Rossi posted this? How would she have gotten your phone?”

Adrien thought about what happened before the interview. “Well, you see, before coming here, I had a photoshoot with Lila. She probably took my phone then.”

Gabriel Agreste was watching from the safety of his home. Lila Rossi had not thought about this beforehand! She was going to ruin his plan and his brand! How dare she!

Nathalie walked in. “Sir, would you like me to delete the post and disable Adrien’s social media accounts?”

“Yes, Nathalie. Have Adrien’s social media team clean up the mess.” Gabriel sighed. The only good thing that came out of this was that he figured out his son was dating Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It was a good choice, as Marinette was exceptional.

Lila’s eyes grew wide at the revelation. She posted about herself on Adrien’s account when he was in an interview! It made her the prime suspect! Hopefully Mr. Agreste’s social media team could take the blame.

She dialed Mr. Agreste’s number. “Hello, is Mr. Agreste there?”

She was greeted with the monotone voice of Nathalie. “Excuse me, Miss Rossi, but Mr. Agreste has decided to terminate your contract on behalf of Gabriel. You will never model in his brand again. Goodbye.”

Lila gasped. How dare that dumb assistant! She was Lila Rossi! How dare Gabriel Agreste do that to her! She would ruin him!

“On top of recent events, Lila Rossi has lied about many things. She even got Marinette expelled once!” Adrien explained to Nadja, excited that he found a way to expose Lila.

Marinette was watching all of this from the comfort from her room, her mouth wide open. Well, she wasn’t super surprised, Lila would do something like this, but Adrien called her his girlfriend! Sure, they were dating, but she didn’t think he would announce it publicly!

Girl, are you watching Face to Face? Can you believe Lila lied?

Hold up, you’re dating Adrien? Why didn’t you tell me?

Girl, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I thought we were BFFs!

Marinette snorted at the latter. BFFs? Yeah, right. Alya literally announced to the class two weeks ago that their friendship was over and that her new best friend would be Lila. Go figure!

“Wow. As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, startling revelations about the newest Gabriel model has come through! Hold on, we have a new post from the official Gabriel Twitter account! Can we please have this on the screen?” Nadja exclaimed.

Adrien read the post, not surprised. Of course his father would try to save face. It wasn’t new. He was just happy he wouldn’t have to model with Lila anymore.

The audience and Nadja gasped when they read the post. “Wow! It looks like the Gabriel brand has officially terminated Lila Rossi’s contract!” Nadja had to act surprised because this was predictable from the fashion designer. Typical Gabriel.

“Well, folks! There was a lot of drama today, but that concludes today’s interview! I hope you come again for another episode of, Face to Face!” Nadja concluded.

Bonus Scene:

“Well, Adrien, you made a good choice with Marinette. She could take over the designing area of the company while you take over the business side. When will you marry her?”

“FATHER!”

“Well, kid, he’s not wrong. Pigtails makes pretty good bread. And oh how good it tastes with camembert! Oh my sweet gooiness!”

“Shut up, Plagg.”

#fuck off lila #yessir plagg #go nadja hehe #miraculous_carnation #lila salt #lila exposed #alya salt #kind of #ao3 #ao3 shoutout #gabriel is trying yall #but hes still fucked #lila is a dummy #more of a dummy than me #and im a real dummy yall

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kendrixtermina · 2 years ago

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Absolute Terror Field: Something to keep in mind about Type 5

So recently I got the feedback that my posts here apparently read as "vaguely flat and distanced", and that sort of... 'shocked me' would imply that it was unexpected, which it was not, at least in the sense that I could explain it as 'ah, it must be due to my type'. But at the same time, I can't say that it was "on purpose" in the sense that I was intending to sound that way or that this was what I thought I was sounding like, and that got me thinking & reflecting.

The thing is...

It’s like there’s this 10 foot lead wall.

And I don’t normally realize it’s there, after all, some stuff makes it through.

Stuff gets to me, and I’m putting stuff out, same as everyone else in theory - so why would I assume that there is a wall? Why wouldn't I just think that this is the normal amount of permeable? Sure, sometimes I go in a youtube comment section & ppl report like crying a lot more at something, but, ppl are different, were all individuals, there could be so many different reasons for that. I've certainly cried before, sometimes quite against my will.

So I live here, & I have this idea of myself that does not include the wall cause after all I am here on this side of it, seeing myself from in here.

Until, once in a while, it happens that someone says something like:

“I can’t hear you, there are 10 feet of lead in the way!”

Or I said something & someone gets offended or makes a face cause, other people don’t have lead walls.

And every time anew, I’m like - Bam. Oh right. The 10 foot lead wall. I had fogotten.

I kinda hate it when that happens. I understand why, I see that its just what it is, i dont blame the other person or get my panties in a twist about it, I might even be grateful to get the pointer cause I don't want it to be outside of my understanding or control, I don't go reading things into it, I realize that it's ultimately a completely neutral even and that whatever response I can't help having is only my business and a Me Problem, but completely separate from all that, without tying any demands or implications to it, it remains just as true that it does not feel good. Whatever the exact opposite is of when ppl cry effusiely about how something makes them feel so seen & validated, that's what it feels like. "Like I don't exist", or "Like they're talking about a completely different person", I might say, though that would be something of a self-indulgently dramatic way to put it.

And, it was to be expected. I have a theoretical explanation for why that is. It simply is what it is. No reason to get worked up about it, it means nothing, its just a random unusual quirk, like being left handed or gay or having red hair. Something mildly annoying to deal with every day. Imagine how perplexing this was when I didn’t have an explanation for it. Ppl were just randomly saying obviously untrue stuff, to be cruel perhaps, or who knows why.

There are some things related to me having this trait/type that I would consider part of my 'self' - like the curiosity, the attraction to dark shit - if that's not it, what else is there? But the wall is not. It's just there. External. It would be as stupid as basing your identity on your skin color, nationality or whatever, any other arbitrary trait that tons of other ppl have. I didn't choose it. I'm not "doing" it. That's not me, "me" is on the other side of it.

But it occurs to me that to some it’s probably one of my most noticeable characteristics on the same order as “height”, “ethnicity” or “apparent gender”.

- “Ah look, it’s sondanso, the lead wall person.”. “There they are, off behind their lead wall again, they must not like us.” or worse yet, “It’s that asshole whose whole being is nothing but a slab of lead.” Like it's lead all the way down.

Or maybe someone likes lead. Say you’re some stuck-up smartass & you think a girlfriend who talks only about computers nets you some nifty prestige points. You sure won’t have to waste time using google while you got Miss Lead Slab around. And then you start to feel like you kinda bought the cat in a bag there - “Who’s this weirdass crass blunt impractical oversensitive freaky emo doomer dweeb person? I didn’t sign up for none of that!”

And I'm like, “Uh... me? WTF are you so surprised about, I never hid who I am or pretended to be anything else - i acted true to myself even when it made me unpopular precisely so this wouldn't happen. If you don’t like me, then why did you waste my time? It said ‘Angry emo dweeb’ right in the description!” (like that was literally my blog description at the time) - and that’s all true... if you’re not considering the lead wall.

Consciously, I don’t much pretend or adapt, I wouldn’t know how if I wanted and I wouldn’t want to if I knew how, I’m the same in public, in private or in the shower, open unfiltered & transparent - if you don’t consider the lead wall. Obvsly I don’t control what flavor of automatic fear response I’m going to have - and everyone is going to be nervous on a fucking date in the early stages of a relationship, like, duh. Not even like, super freaked out - just a normal, mundane amount of nervous, but when I get nervous, I apparently get frozen up. It appears. It has been reported to me. I would tend to be more focussed on whatever it is I am trying to say. The computers for example, or in this case the typology stuff. Isn't that the important part? or so i would assume.

And then as time passed I probably got to be more relaxed & at ease around him, more like I’m on my own (which is most of the time) or with the family members I actually like, who very much could tell you, ‘yeah, soandso is kinda tactless, sorta pessimistic, a tad touchy and a military grade kook, but she’s also funny & interesting & really one for broadening horizons’ - something where both the strenghts and the struggles are seen and the critiques are fair. It’s not wholly impossible. That gives me some hope at least...

Indeed you see this mentioned a few times in the literature - the palmer books, or LaHue’s recent video on how all the types may shift in a family-like environment. That Type 5 individuals are sometimes experienced as being markedly different at home, like family settings or long marriages (usually in terms of being more assertive & blunt or more excitable).

There's probably a reverse of that bias that 6s, 9s and 3s have how they notice more how they're different in different situations & may have trouble spotting the throughline. I see the cumulative sum, and had to study this stuff to even percieve the situationals.

Mr. Smartass, tho? He probably liked me better when I talked only about computers. Its Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer all over again, deviation from the norm is only tolerated when it's exploitable. And who can I blame but myself? Since I was the one nonstop talking about computers.

I wonder if this could be considered an equivalent to that thing the 7s sometimes have that their friends keep expecting them to bring the party & the sunshine even if they don't feel up to it. But that's not really it - cause, it's not like the computers stuff was some put on pretense that is in any way secondary to my person - it's the important shit, it's what I care about, what my heart is all tied up in - that's why I'm talking about it.

It kinda reinforces that idea that no one really wants to hear your thoughts, wants or feelings, at least if you let it. They say they wanna hear but the real answer sends em running for the hills. If they even hear you, cause again - oops, the wall. Oh right! And I do realize that the onus is in part on me to communicate it. But sometimes I make my intention quite clear, in such ways as I can - verbally, usually - and it still isn't enough. Doesn't count. Does nothing. What im saying gets rendered pointless by things I can't control much. They only see the lead wall. For my formative years, I didn't even know why. I thought that either they're all judgemental, or im just some x-man mutant that just intrinsically repulses people - good thing that's cleared up.

And when the usual outcomes are 'they won't notice you' or 'they'll run for the hills', the more it appears as if the endeavor of talking to humans is altogether for the birds.

I'm trying to not let it convince me, or to put that feeling aside and save it for the angsty fanfictions, cause obsly that doesnt always hold true. There are counterexamples.

Of course not everyone has a spouse or trusted family members/ roommates. A lot of ppl’s families are garbage or just don’t click with them. (as is true for ppl of all types)

So I imagine that with a lot of less fortunate individuals, essentially, no one’s ever seen em - not as they are on their own, most of the time. And they might have very good reasons to want it that way. I certainly don’t want just anyone to have acess to my consciousness - my father can keep thinking I’m a grey rock for all I care, for example, I’m not masochistic enough to go throwing pearls before the swine here. I don't want him to have any access to my consciousness & I've impressed it strictly on my remaining relatives to not tell him anything of my life unecessarily.

I prolly do need the darn wall cause I can sometimes barely handle what does make it through. That’s likely to be why and how it got to be there, some kinda survival defense mechanism thingy. I've no shortage of things to agonize about even like this, and I have things I enjoy also.

I don't exactly want it gone. If anything, lowkey freak out sometimes when ppl notice too much stuff about me and go ask questions - only in a real-time, face to face setting, though. Guess I used to think that written communication puts me on a more level playing field, and, I'd still say that it does, but... I guess even in cyberspace I can only be what I am, temperamental quirks included.

But if there was to be a takeaway here other than satisfying passing curiosity/voyeurism and leaving a record... hm. This is where I stumble a bit because it might be too much like making a request than merely discussing myself as an 'example human' exchangeable and immaterial aside from its relevance to the topic. It may be too much like complaining.

I find myself wanting to stop. Pause. Interrupt this. Go take a walk. "get perspective on it" as I would call it, but in this case it would be just putting some distance. I'm kinda looking a little bit on my hands instead of the screen now, or all the way away. Even live describing this is, uh, me being a little bit nervous I guess. That's probably the isolation defense.

But i wont stop. imma cold shower this today, because that is something I need to get better at doing, and because I basically know what I want to say, so I will. I can allow myself once.

Basically - I would like to have it known, like, just in case anyone didn't already, that the tip is not the whole iceberg. That there's more than just that wall.

Like, at least assume that I'm there.

I am here. I can see you. I can hear all that you're saying, so don't be cruel. (...and I'm not side-eying anyone in particular here but meaning humans in general. )

And I don't even mean that in a "we are more than just our types" kinda way, like of course we are, but you think what's over here is completely unaffected by type? That there's nothing more interesting here to describe, even if its just interesting in like a fucked up absurd way? Even the type is not just the wall. its its whole little hell realm and a very specific temperament and a whole range of complexities, like all the others. The stuff behind the wall also has characteristics.

This is kinda why I which I have this whole thing about which are the semi-good descriptions, the Naranjo one, the palmer one, the oceanmoonshine blog one or even that video interview thing I recently uploaded cause those are, to me, that really go into, like, the contents, and not just "look for a really disagreeable person with a bigass lead wall.". Like, that is true, (certainly more true than any fake positive, obnoxiously euphemistic takes) but there's more.

Maybe let's not just look at our hypothetical example person as just a collection of deficiencies and inadequacies and all the many things they can't do and suck absolute ass at, but let's take a look at what drives them and what they spend their days with, what they care about, what kinds of obscure sorrows they carry with them. I mean, I'm definitely interested in that when it comes to others. At least the hot ones.

I already kind if view myself as a list of limits and deficiencies - unless you've found yourself one of those really immature dismissive-ass hell specimens that appointed themselves as the world's bubble burster in chief (and which type isn't obnoxious if super immature?), chances are, the type 5 person in your lives probably doesn't need to be taken down a peg. They're not showing off, they're not to blame for society's obsession with academic performance, there's a good chance they hate the public education system as much as you do, and they just don't know how else to exist, any more than you do.

And I know I brought this upon myself. "Stop just overemphasizing the annoying nerd trope!" I'll say, and go emphasizing the doomerism or unrealism instead, but, the content focus, when correctly described, really is one of the most noticeable characteristics. If you wanna teach ppl to spot this in the wild you would definitely tell them to look for this. I do mostly bring up... content, when I go out and talk to people. I mean what else am I doing here? I find myself worrying stuff like, "i havent read anything interesting lately, i might have no topics..." when ppl ask me to hang out. If I didn't snap to that so automatically, I'd tell myself to "...consider 6" or something. Except then i probably wouldnt use that wording.

The content focus is fucking conspicuous. and its not superficial, like, that is the stuff i care about.

But there should be more bullet points on that list. From the average articles out there, you wouldn't expect this flavor of ppl to put out the kinda art that they typically do, which means they'd at least be failing you as analysis tools. Like there are some commonalities, if you look at the art output (which probably most reflects a person's "contents", or, represents an imprint of their consciousness) and the descriptions out there don't capture where those come from.

....

Now for the obvious disclaimers - this is my experience; a w6 person probably pictures their inner self less ‘emo dweeb’ and more... 6-like, just, humble, practical reasonable person, and social-havers or 3-fixers probably do want to project some degree of an appealing persona (and have The Wall(TM) scrambling that desire in its own snowflakey way) etc. and in the end we’re all individuals even if we share some quirks of our basic temperament.

#enneagram #5w4 #5w6

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ethernetchord · 4 years ago

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lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years ago

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Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly?

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know.

#answered ask #BTS #vmin #jimin #Vmin vlive

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years ago

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Am I the only one who doesn’t get why some (tw) are shitting on Haru and Rin separately just for the fact that they reciprocate each others feelings? Because it’s not the feelings they wanted them to reciprocate? Just curious because I'm new and recently entered the fandom. And since when miscommunication in between means that they don't deserve to be happy at the end? Because you're an idiot when it comes to love, doesn't mean you're a bad person. I came from chinese bl and it's weird to me.

Hehe welcome to the madness, perfect time to join! Yeah, tbh that's the thing in the fandom that always bugged me the most. The fact that some act like if you don't reciprocate someone's feelings, it makes you a bad person. I always found it incredibly cringy when ppl in real life for example make ppl feel guilty for not feeling the same way and make you feel like shit bc of it. I don't get why you have to apologize for that or feel bad, if you never ever gave him any hope or anything in the first place.

Nowdays it's thankfully a rare sight already in this fandom, bc most already grown and see perfectly what's truly healthy and unhealthy, it's just tbh only the same 3 accounts ppl keep sending me that are still on that, who also think that Haru is literally possessed in the last movie so I don't see the point of like arguing with ppl like this. It's just they're always getting extremely angry when Haru wants Rin as if it's his fault that he feels this way and always go about it like he is inconsiderate of Makoto's feelings. Implying that they're mad that he doesn't feel that way about Makoto, while Makoto does. I'm same as @tododeku-or-bust for example said here (idk what fandom brought this on, but just in general) also do not get what's appealing about this kind of relationships in the first place.

If they shipped it in terms of like it's mutual I'd get it, but they go on about how Rin or Haru are bad friends bc they're not in love with their best friends... like ?????? I didn't know you owe it to your friends to have romantic feelings for them.

In real life if you found out that your bestie feels that way for you while you don't reciprocate, it's a burden, that'll make you feel uncomfortable and at times guilty when you shouldn't technically feel that way. So putting on someone a burden of "I was pining for you all along", when you know they don't feel the same is giving me this feeling of cringe. So I personally do not get what's enjoyable at seeing it like that in Free. But to each their own kink lmao.

It's like... is Haru at fault for the fact that he was Ikuya's first love too? I do not get it really. Like he doesn't have to take responsibility for everyone who falls for him and he doesn't owe anyone to reciprocate their feelings. Even to Rin. Like if he didn't feel the same way for Rin, it wouldn't be his fault either. But since he does feel the same way for him, it's like... good, great, happy for them.

Like once again if someone believes that Makoto and Sousuke are unrequitedly in love with Rin and Haru, that's not rinharu fault. Haru literally never ever lead Makoto on EVER. He never ever did anything that would make Makoto believe that they're more than friends. He was always honest about everything. Like when Makoto thought that he went out to see him, but Haru just wanted to see the sunrise, he told him just that. He never encoraged anything, he refused to live with him and never wanted. I do not get why it's supposed to be his fault that he doesn't like his friend in that way. If Makoto has some unrequited feelings for him and decided to hang up on this, it's his own life choice in my opinion.

It's like saying that Onodera and Takano for example don't deserve to be together just because they unintentionally hurt each other and got separated for 10 years bc of misunderstanding. This argument is like typical Yokozawa life position aka "but I was there when he left you heartbroken for several years, that means you MUST pick me". As I've said before, that's just not how it fucking works. And just bc they couldn't explain things to each other normally, doesn't mean that they don't deserve be happy now. Being idiots is not a crime.

Or if you came from chinese bl, lets go "Guardian" for example. Zhu Hong also was on about how "why you love Shen Wei, not me, I always did everything for you and I was always there, I even wore heels bc you once said you liked those etc". Like he never asked her to do this, he never gave her any hope, he was beyond rude and open about the fact that he's not interested, he never did anything to make her think she had a chance since the beginning. Just bc she decided to dedicate her life to false hope that maybe one day something might change is not his fault. It was her choice. Why Yunlan should feel like shit bc of that I do not get personally.

I'm just buffled bc like Haru for example is the most caring about other ppl's pain person, but they call him selfish and rude bc of the way he is with Makoto at times, not even realising that it IS in fact what means being kind sometimes.. to not give someone a chance when you know you don't feel it. I was always saying this like since forever, being kind doesn't mean for example giving everyone second chances, loving everyone, wanting to be friends with anyone etc. In some situations it's not being kind, it's being stupid or even not being a good person. Once again... offering someone friendship after he openly dissed your friend and you see that he's not in any position to talk back is not kind. Or if someone cheats on you constantly, but you always forgive them it's also not you being kind. It's you being stupid. Sometimes you have to be harsh. It's for the greater good.

And like I saw several times stuff like someone under scenes where Rin has his eyes for Haru only, commenting like "oh great, look at Rin being inconsiderate of Sousuke's feelings again. Can't believe you guys find this romantic." I mean, if in their opinion Sousuke is in pain from being Rin's friend, he can end it, it's his choice. It's not Rin's fault that he thinks of him as just his friend. So thinking that Rin is an asshole bc each time he simply hangs out with Sousuke he's a selfish bitch is fucking insane. I'd feel extremely bad if my best friend was seeing it this way for example. It's like hella ugly.

This annoys me also bc of the fact that Rin, the person who at the age of 12 single-handedly saved his family from falling apart after his father's death, who's an amazing friend to Sousuke and did everything to make his happy after he found out about his trauma and always checks on him first and cries about his shoulder, who in the late evenings taught Rei to swim, when everyone else gave up already xD, who was looking after Nitori during his training, who pretends to walk the same road, just because he's scared to let Gou return alone in the evenings, the most amazing son and brother, is suddenly an asshole just because Haru is in love with him, but not with Makoto. I mean, thats just... huh? Like I dont mind you ship what you want to ship, it's like to each their own crayons for real. But like dissing them and call them selfish just bc they only see their friends as friends and don't want anything more is weird to me.

As for the fact that bc of the misunderstanding they don't deserve to be happy, that's just idiotic. I mean, lets punish Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan too just bc Lan Zhan couldn't voice his real feelings back then and bc WWX misunderstood him. Lets ship WWX with Wen Ning instead. Nezumi is cancelled, he doesn't deserve to be with Shion. He left him. Takano should stay with Yokozawa, Onodera is trash. Wu Xie is trash for wanting to be with Zhang Qiling too. It doesn't matter why he leaves, it only matters that he always does. I can't believe he doesn't see that Pangzi is there with him all along xD. What an ungrateful trash of a human being I can't even.

And anyways btw both Rin and Haru are not ideal human beings in any way (otherwise I wouldn't love them this much tbh xD). But their flaws are definitely not what for example mh shippers usually blame them for. You can argue about their other imperfections easily. Like being stupidly stubborn for example. I won't point fingers here, Haru lolz. Or literally anything else.

My point is you can find what to trash them for logically, if you wanna. Do it smartly tho. Otherwise you make your ship look bad.

And I once again say what wise person said about his relationships and about the fact that not being able with someone he loves hurt him and 'why is he doing this to himself' he answered: "it's not on him. my happiness and my pain is for me to handle". Everyone decides for themselves. This is why for example Haru was so broken about voicing this to Rin and didn't have any intentions to tell him that in the first place. Bc it's not right, if you're not sure that it's requited. Technically he has no right to blame Rin for making him fall in love with him and then leaving in the first place. It's not Rin's fault really, that he made him feel what he feels for him, it's ultimately Haru's problem. That's why he feels has no right to blame him in the first place. I mean, he doesn't know that Rin feels the same, that means saying to him "you break my heart each time you leave" and making him feel bad about it is technically wrong. That's why Haru to himself said "no, please, don't say such things to him". Everyone for himself decides who deserves your 5, 7, 800 or 10000 years of your pain. It's your decision. It's your life. If Haru feels like Rin is worth it, then you have no say in that matter really. The only reason we call Rin an idiot or Haru an idiot is because we know they feel the same, so we can. But blame someone else for not feeling what you're feeling is not right.

So like even if you feel like Makoto and Sousuke have feelings for their friends, blaming Haru and Rin for having feelings for each other and not for them is beyond weird. And there's nothing wrong with putting someone you love first, every bro/sis gets it. You can say bros before hoes all you want, but like Lan Zhan might just drop his bro for his hoe, if he was given a choice. Would it make him a bad person? The fact that Wu Xie chose to save Xiaoge before Pangzi makes his a bad person? My point is it's not all that easy.

I just feel like many ppl in this fandom are very weird about many things. Either because they do not get what it's like to go through some things or maybe they just do not get that no matter how cheesy this sounds love is not that simple. I mean, for example not all selfish is bad, sometimes like in Haru's case for example not being selfish is also bad. Bc if he finally asks for what he wants, he will make both himself AND Rin happy.

To be angry at Rin bc of the aftermath of his father's death and s1 I never had it in me, after knowing everything and how adults handled it. If some of Sousuke's fans bc of Yakusoku and the fact that Rin found his salvation in Haru bc he helped him to move forward after getting his family out of this hell alone and that Haru was the safe haven that made him happy in this moment of his life, want to trash Rin for the fact that he "neglected" Sousuke, its like your opinion. I personally do not get it. Rin doesn't owe Sousuke anything. It's not his fault again that Haru's existence helped him to feel better.

Just like not everyone will get why Haru in 1x12 was so happy about the fact that he could help Rin. To be that special somebody for someone who can "save" you in moments of your life like this, especially if you love them is an incredible feeling. And no, your bestie isn't always the person for this job, no. I don't see why people do not get that I guess, that's all. But we all have our own opinion on everything, so...

We same as you do not get it since forever, but its like it is what it is in this fandom. I personally just have another life position on stuff, so I'm very far from that point of view they have.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free!#nanase haruka #rin matsuoka

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mitts2002 · 4 years ago

Text

Aight’ Bet

Hi this is my first time posting on here so I hope whoever is reading this enjoys!! This is a noritoshi kamo x reader where the nori and (Y/N) need a little push from their wonderful Gojo sensei to finally confess~

"Dont you think (Y/N) and noritoshi would make the cutest couple!?" Gojo screamed over the phone to Utahime who sighed in response.

"I can't help but disagree Gojo, Noritoshi doesn't seem ready for a relationship plus is the only reason you rang me really to discuss our students non existent love lives?" Utahime retorted knowing that the couple would in fact be adorable yet refusing to accept that Gojo could actually be right about something.

"No Utahime! I bet if them two were able to spend a few hours together the tension would build up so high that one of them would burst and BAM a couple would be born" the blue eyed male replied, the volume of his voice increasing with each word trying to convince her that they were the highschool sweethearts the jujustu world needed.

“How could you even say that!? I get that its cute whenever they glance at each other and shy away with cute little blushing cheeks but i bet it would take more than a few hours for a whole relationship to-” “OH you bet“ Gojo interrupted an obvious smirk on his face knowing Utahime wouldn’t back down from his advances.

“you know what i meant idiot i wasn’t actually trying to make a bet with you especially after what happened last time” the black haired woman scoffed after hearing a chuckle through the phone.

“Aight’ bet! tomorrow ill bring my second years to kyoto for some training and then lets see if something happens between our precious students“ Gojo proposed excitedly as if he were a child in a sweet shop.

“you know what fine! and im only agreeing cause i know nothings gonna happen tomorrow between them i mean noritoshi is too stiff and (Y/N) always backs out last minute” utahime exclaimed not wanting to prove Gojo right. “GREAT! if i win then you will have to be my slave for 2 whole days and if you win ill be your-” “wait i never agreed to that!” “see ya tomorrow then!” Gojo had quickly rushed his farewells before hanging up relieved he avoided Utahime’s lecture.

"Alright class!" Gojo sensei yelled excitingly as he burst through the doors. This overgrown man child always had something new, it could never be a regular class where his students actually learn then were let out for a break. No Gojo Satorou had to be the most extra male on this earth and for the first time ever it worked in his second year student (Y/N)'s favour.

"What it is now?" Maki groaned with an annoyed expression on her face. No one could blame her though after all the blindfolded man put his beloved students through. "Don't be so sour maki! Be like me a sweet little mochi~ Oh and before I forget I wanted to let you all know that we will meeting with our lovely sister school for some training. Isnt that great!?" Gojo sensei had announced clapping his hands and smiling brightly.

'I wonder if training is all this is' (Y/N) thought to herself realising how sus this situation was before speaking out "wait Gojo sensei weren't we meant to learn a super secret technique today? You said that you were gonna show it us yesterday and that nothing could stop you" (Y/N) questioned as Inumaki gave a little "shake" for support.

"Well my dear (Y/N) something VERY important has come up and we must go to kyoto immediately. You have no right to deny and we will be leaving in 30 minutes so go grab whatever you kids need" Gojo sensei had practically sung before skipping out the door. What an odd man everyone collectively thought before getting up to grab whatever they needed.

30 minutes has passed and in that time panda had gathered his and maki's weapons while you and toge stocked up on cough medicine and basic medical equipment. The journey was short since Gojo had practically teleported you all there and all that was left was to approach the students.

A few figures from the distance were slowly coming into view and (Y/N) could vaguely make out that only utahime, miwa, mai, momo and noritoshi had attended this last minute joint training.

Despite the others reaching and gathering around your small group of second years giving their greetings the only thing your eyes could focus on was noritoshi’s thick black hair as it gently swayed in the breeze. Honestly it was as if the man was in a L'Oréal advert or something.

"(Y/N) stop staring we all know you both have this weird thing going on but we're here to train not flirt dumbass" Maki had whispered into your ear but little did she know that you were in fact here to flirt and not train due to a certain bet between two teachers.

“alright kids listen up! me and the wonderful Utahime sensei have set up this last minute training as its always good to train with new people and techniques. Everyone will be working in pairs“ Gojo announced before Utahime continued.

“The teams we decided on today will be Maki and Miwa, Momo and Imumaki, Panda and Mai then (Y/N) and Noritoshi. Eveyones free to do whatever they want in their sparring matches just don’t severely injure each other, me and Gojo will be watching over the matches and determine the winners“ Utahime informed all the students before they scurried off to in different spaced out areas.

"So Noritoshi how are you? Its been a while since we've last seen eachother" (Y/N) said trying not to let her nervousness show.

"I'm alright just studying and training to be honest. Although I recently started to practice cursive and can even write my own name now" he responded with pride and a small nice.

You laughed causing Noritoshi to cock his head to the side in confusion. "Is there something wrong with cursive?" His deep voice asked with clear offense.

"No no it's just that's so freaking cute and you look so happy about it too" (Y/N) teased with more laughter and ruffled his hair

"Oi don't touch my hair do you know how long it takes to do these wrap bang things?"

"Well how would I know I've never done them nori"

"Well one day I could teach you if you'd like" Noritoshi offered looking to the side trying to hide his red cheeks.

"Aww I'd love that I'm awful at doing hair to be honest so learning some new styles would be great but first we gotta get this dumb sparring match over and done with" (Y/N) moaned as she got into position.

_______________________________

An hour had flew by and the students were taking a break from their matches happily chatting away while the teachers spoke in private about their progress. “come on look at the way they look at eachother OH (Y/N) touched his shoulder SHES FLIRTIN-” “GOJO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR SO DAMN LOUD” “sorry but loooook they in love” Gojo cried out with fake tears in his cerulean eyes

“Alright lets just observe look theyre going to the vending machine to get some drinks like FRIENDS DO“ Utahime emphasised on the friends worried she might lose and become this awful mans slave for 2 days.

_______________________________

“Nori im gonna go get a drink from the vending machine do you want one?” “Actually ill just come with you if you dont mind” “OH sure thats fine does anyone else want anything!?” (Y/N) yelled to the whole group receiving a choir of get me this please or get me that and the single tuna mayo.

The walk to the vending machine was quiet but a comfortable silence had fallen upon the pair. It was always like this when you were around Noritoshi Kamo. Peaceful. She didnt feel the need to go the extra mile to entertain him or ensure he wasn’t bored in your presence as your playful banter and sarcastic remarks towards one another was enough for the both of you.

“(Y/N) is it me or have Gojo and Utahime sensei been staring at us more than the others?“ Noritoshi questioned unable to shake off the feeling of being watched. “Um i’m not too sure i havent been really paying attention to anything other than yo-“ Embarrasment washed over (Y/N) as the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Is that so?“ Nori smirked slightly as you swore you could drop dead right here in this moment. “No i just meant that” “Meant what?“ Noritoshi interrupted leaning closer as you fumbled through your words

“OH LOOK the vending machine is right there better get those drinks“ You quickly said and scrambled away before Noritoshi could get any closer.

“SEE Nori was too intimidating and (Y/N) ran off despite clearly wanting him! its never gonna happen today“ Utahime whispered to Gojo benhind the bushes as he shook his head. “Trust me i have faith in my wonderful (Y/N) I AINT RAISED NO BITCH“ He exclaimed in response while Utahime facepalmed.

The two young adults had collected all the drinks they needed and were ready to walk back to the group. ‘come on (Y/N) you’ve liked this man forever now and everyone knows he must like you back ITS NOW OR NEVER HOE’ (Y/N) screamed words of encouragement to herself before grabbing Noritoshi’s sleeve.

“Is everything alright (Y/N)?” “I have something ive been meaning to tell you Nori, I um like you a lot and i’d like to take you out if you dont mind” (Y/N) had practically yelled at the poor boy because of her stupid nerves and adrenaline.

The silence was broken by an angelic laughter coming from none other than Noritoshi Kamo. “Well i would’ve liked to be the one to take you out but i guess sometimes its alright for traditions and stereotypes to be broken by the younger generation” Nori responded as he walked closer to (Y/N) wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a sweet kiss. The kiss was messy and clearly new to the both but filled with much love and passion that was finally being expressed by the pair.

As their lips eventually pulled away never wanting this to end, heavy breaths filled the air and cheeks flushed but all that was interrupted by a white haired male clapping in the background screaming “YES I WIN” while the other teacher crouched to the ground tears in her eyes.

#kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jujustu kaisen #jjk noritoshi

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