#so jesper just genuinely thinks that its her fucking fault and that its an issue of her willpower
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absolutely in my grief tonight about how jesper views his addiction and how much he fucking hates himself for it
#because atm in the grishaverse where it takes place. it seems like addiction is only used in reference to drugs#not things like gambling#so jesper just genuinely thinks that its her fucking fault and that its an issue of her willpower#and failure to stop. and that its a reflection of who she is and god she fucking HATES herself for it!!!#shes come home from gambling halls at like 5 in the morning locked the door and just#sat on the floor. staring at what she lost for the day and hating herself#rlly just wrote the lines#“She'll nurse her own wounds and hope that it hurts enough that it keeps her away from the tables for at least a bit.”#and i just. :''''')
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