#so it's entirely understandable why a person wouldn't know for sure if they're aro yet

[uncanny-tranny]

any advice on knowing if you're aro? i've been kind of questioning for a while but pushing it back because i'm kind of a hopeless romantic and like all i want is like a sweet romantic thing in my own life, but i feel like i never really like anyone like that? like sure there are people are really attractive or like there are people i want to be around all the time, but i just like don't know whether like it's platonic or romantic? because really, whats the difference? like i tried looking it up and apparently its 'thinking about them a lot and feeling attracted to the way they look and wanting to be with them often' when romantic but can that not also be friendship? like you can think your friends are attractive and still just be friends. and you can think about and want to be with your friends. or you can date someone and like, just like them for their personality not how they look right? like take this one person i know, i want to be around them more and i think their super cool and interesting and their pretty and all that but i feel like somethings missing, like somethings not there that would make it romantic. i mean i know i'm ace already so maybe its that. i kind of just want to be someones person, and them to be mine yknow? like i don't know why it has to be strictly romantic or platonic and not just be its own thing. so yeah any advice would be great, sorry this is so long.

My best advice is to try it out, to try out an aro label, or get a feel for the community, and see how you relate with yourself and others in the context of an aro identity.

Because, yes, there are "romantic aromantics," and it's certainly common to desire romantic actions (e.g., holding hands, kissing, whatever) without feeling the drive to be attracted to people like that. That's part of the reason why queer-platonic relationships/partnerships started becoming a more recognized relationship dynamic - people wanted to have the things people consider "romantic" without the feelings of "I want to be with this person romantically."

Aro identities are just as complex as allo ones. We all have our own outlooks about how comfortable we are with what is considered "romantic." For me, I'm entirely neutral on romance, I don't care for things that are considered "romantic," and I don't have the drive to pursue romance as an option. That doesn't mean I'm a more valid aro, by the way. It just means I'm different from some aros, and that's fine.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself can be to relax and to try to find what feels good in your identity. Platonic doesn't mean that you aren't devoted to somebody, that you don't value them. Platonic relationships are (in my opinion) some of the most beautiful forms of human interaction, and they can vary wildly between others. If you want to explore being aro, explore it! If you want to identify as aro, identify as it! It's fine if you aren't yet certain about how you feel, a huge chunk of queer people went through the phase of uncertainty within their identity and role it plays in their life. It is okay to be aro, it is okay to not. So, no matter what you do, the outcome will be similar.