#so it���s like a parasite trying to keep its host alive by biting off another piece of its body to spit back in its mouth while still saving

[pbandcas]

Mistletoe and Holly boughs

Done for @bend-me-shape-me ‘s SPNAdventCalendar prompts! Warnings: referenced drug addiction, very very small hurt/comfort, other than that this is pretty much just fluff (surprising, I know) Pairing: Endverse Destiel Read on AO3 Master Post Day Eight: “There is no need for Mistletoe”  I don’t know why this one was so hard for me to write. :/ Still not 100% happy with it but, eh.

Mistletoe and Holly boughs

“You guys decorating for Christmas?” Dean froze and glanced over at where Chuck was mindlessly tapping away on the table. The prophet raised an eyebrow in question as he gestured with his left hand to the tiny tree beside his couch. “Just cause it’s the end of times doesn’t mean we can’t be festive.”

Dean scoffed and took another long drink from his beer. “Yeah, I don’t think so.” At Chuck’s disbelieving look the hunter sighed and set the bottle down with more force than he really should have. “Look, it’s not-- we’re not like that.”

“I think Cas would appreciate it.”

“Cas can’t tell up from down these days.” Dean bit back, voice raising slightly in anger. It was an old argument really. Chuck had started noticing Cas changing, hell they all had, but when they brought it up to Dean, well what was he supposed to say? It was Cas’s choice. “You know as well as I do that if it doesn’t have to do with his drugs or his stupid orgies, he doesn’t give a fuck.” He let the resentment that’d been building bleed through his words.

Why shouldn’t he. Why shouldn’t he feel hurt. Why shouldn’t he be angry. Chuck's voice was quiet when he spoke again, “Have you tried talking to him?”

“Talking to him?” He scoffed, “There is no talking to him. He doesn’t fucking care anymore.”

“You know that’s not true.” There was a frown on his face and worry in his eyes, “Dean, he loves you. We all can see it. He’s just--” Chuck trailed off with a shrug, unsure of what exactly to say. Dean looked away, gaze falling on the tiny tree, on the stupid tiny angel on top. His eyes swept over the string of battery operated lights, taking in each small ornament bulb.

He knew Chuck was waiting for something, but Dean didn’t for the life of him know what it was. A nudge to his foot made him look back over at Chuck’s frowning face. “Doesn’t have to be a tree?” He snorted at that. No, they wouldn’t have a tree. Too much effort for nothing. He could probably get away with putting up a wreath. It’d be something at least and if Cas didn’t notice it, then it wouldn’t matter that much.

As if he was reading Dean’s mind, Chuck pointed to one of the evergreen wreaths on his counter. “Take one of those, that’s minimally festive enough for you right?” It was a jest, and Dean knew it but it still stung. He mumbled out an affirmative as he downed the rest of his beer. “What about some mistletoe? To get the sparks goin’ again, ya know. ” It was accompanied by a slight eyebrow waggle but the effect was lost as he felt ice settle in his stomach.

“No.”

Chuck jerked his head back in shock at his leader’s blunt reply. “No? Why not?”

“Just… No.” His jaw clenched as he pushed himself up from the table. He grabbed the top wreath, the needles dug into his palm but he paid it no mind. “I’m going to go hang this up before he gets back.” He left without another word or look back at Chuck.

Mistletoe. Like he needed another reason for Cas to skirt around him. It was a stupid tradition they didn’t need to keep alive. A stupid tradition that had no place in the world they lived in now. Yet the pang in his chest didn’t seem to lessen any as he tried to justify it. It didn’t stop the longing that it could be, if only he’d let it.

The tiny sprig of green and red berries above their door stopped Dean dead in his tracks. Tightening his grip on the evergreen he walked up the steps and just stared. Holly? He knew damn well Cas knew the difference between the two plants. Moreover, why would Cas bother with it at all?

The creek of the opening door grabbed Dean’s attention. He met Cas’s hesitant gaze for a minute before flicking up to bough above his head again. “What the hell is that, Cas?” He could see Cas biting the inside of his cheek as he fiddled with the chipped wood frame.

“I thought it would be obvious.”

“You do realize that’s holly, not mistletoe, correct?” Dean asked slowly, taking another few steps forward to set the wreath down to lean against the siding. Cas shrugged slightly as he looked up at the holly with a frown. He was struggling with something, as if he wasn’t sure about the right way to word what he wanted to say. Dean wondered slightly at the fact that Cas seemed more lucid than he has been in weeks.

“I thought it was more appropriate. Mistletoe is… I don’t know why humans decided that was the one to use.” The look on his face morphed from speculating to distaste. “Mistletoe is a parasite. It sucks the life from its host plant.” He dropped his gaze to the ground and suddenly Dean understood. He swallowed thickly and stepped up so they were toe to toe. Staring down at him, he urged Cas to continue with one hand coming up to wrap around his wrist. Bloodshot blue eyes wavered as they tried to keep Dean’s gaze.

This was important. He knew it almost instinctively, whatever Cas had to say here, would change them. “I’ve been mistletoe to you for far too long, Dean. I’ve been sucking the life from you and choking you and killing you and I--” He broke off to take a shuddering breath, “I’m trying to stop. I’m not an ivy to be cut, or a plant that can be pulled away but fuck, Dean, I want to stop. You need to know that. This,” He gestured to the holly again, “This is me trying.”

Then they were staring at each other in silence and slowly a smile pulled at the corner of Dean’s mouth. “I never liked the mistletoe tradition anyway.” He murmured, lifting his hand to brush at the hair just long enough now to curl around Cas’s ears. This was important, so, so very important. To him. To Cas. To them. To what they once were.

What they could be again.

“Can I still kiss you?”

Cas’s soft smile was all the answer Dean really needed, but his eyes crinkled slightly at the reply breathed against his lips, “Of course.”