#so it felt like “WAIT! ROUGE! here's something relating to your huge interest in the decadent movement so you'll like this book more” haha
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Rouge Reads: Accelerando by Charles Stross, published 2005
I saw this work recommended a few times in science fiction spaces and the ebook is free online so why not? Though, I encourage anybody to check out the author's work and consider purchasing it!
First off, (to my understanding) Accelerando is a series of connected short stories that was then compiled into a hard science fiction novel.
This is the book I wanted to read first with my new e-reader and I managed to finish reading it within the span of 3-4 days! I really enjoyed various aspects of the worldbuilding and how it integrated concepts such as technological singularity (which is a defining one for the book) and matrioshka brains! Following the book's timeline and watching how the world changes was a delight to me!
However, I admit that it's not for me, as much as I wanted it to be. Personally, I have rather mixed feelings about the character writing and wouldn't recommend it for that aspect. While I always intended to read it for the concepts in mind, I was put off by the characters. Additionally, the prose may be hard for some to parse through with various terminology. Having read similar books, I was fine with the prose but I know that the jargon-heavy text may be rather alienating. (Which does coincide with the theme of singularity)
I'm glad finished the book! I understand why others liked it alongside why it's acclaimed but I didn't like it as much as I expected to. Though, it did give me a lot to think about after reading regardless!
If you want to check it out:
Accelerando - Charles Stross's Website
Storygraph page for user submitted content warnings
#my ramblings#rouge reads#i enjoyed accelerando but i didn't necessarily love it if it makes sense? the concepts are stellar and there's much to think about#however by the end i sort of felt rather unsatisfied? i feel like i set my expectations a little too high honestly#i don't have too manystrong feelings. it's good but i was trying so hard to like it more because the premise was so cool#okay funny thing because i don't want to get too negative#the final portion of book mentioned fin de siècle and all you need to know about me is that the decadent movement is my favorite thing ever#so it felt like “WAIT! ROUGE! here's something relating to your huge interest in the decadent movement so you'll like this book more” haha#also a few mentions of james bond were fun for my bond obsessed brain lol
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Yes! Pretty Cure 5 GoGo Episodes 38-48 + Movie
Bloom, flowers of life.
And we reach the end of another season! Wow, it has been a while since I could say this for precure. But we're finally here again.
The GoGo ending was a pretty interesting one, I quite enjoyed it, but before talking about it I wanna comment on the movie of the season because I wanna end this post on a positive note and if I leave this to the end I won't achieve that.
Y!PC5GG: Happy Birthday in the Land of Sweets♪
So, this movie was a choice. I feel like if you're someone who likes Nozomi and Coco you will probably like this movie, but if, like me, you're someone who sees this relationship as problematic then you will probably not care or hate this movie. To be honest, I think that even if you do like this pairing you may not like this movie as much, because even though this movie is very Nozomi focused and a huge part of that focus is on her relationship with Coco, the everything around it isn't much interesting so in the end, it's nothing really special.
I personally didn't enjoy this movie, but it wasn't even because of the Nozomi and Coco stuff. To begin I don't like that they introduced another character that is used to instigate jealousy in both Nozomi and Milk, thankfully they don't do much with that. I don't like how the other cures are useless here, like yeah, Aqua & Rouge and Mint & Lemonade fought against the minions but they didn't really impact the outcome of the movie, and they just forget Milk has powers up until the end where she's beaten down by the villain. And I also don't like how in the call to action scene they start to cheer for Dream only and not for the Precure and I don't know this kinda sounds disrespectful, it makes it look like the only important cure here is Dream and the other ones are just backup dancers, though Shining Dream is a pretty beautiful form, I can't deny that. But the thing I hate the most about this movie is one specific scene, while Coco is being controlled by Mushiban, and he corners Dream against a pillar or a wall and he gets close to her in a very predatory way and he says "Make me feel satisfied" and the way they frame the scene looks like it's something sexual and it's just very gross, and it gets grosser when you think it's a much older man behind Coco saying those words. I get that by the context of the movie he was just talking about turning Nozomi into chocolate and eating her like a snack, but the movie frames it like Coco is going to kiss Nozomi by force and it's not cool to see. I'll probably never watch this movie again.
While I'm still here in this gloomy mood let's talk about what I didn't enjoy in the actual season?
So my fears came true, we had almost like a boss rush in this final quarter which made those defeats a little less impactful, in fact, the first episode of this section we had the defeat of that pair of villains and I can't remember much about it. Mucardia's end was also kinda lame, first because we had a fake-out death and second because he was just killed away by the Director in the blandest way possible and it was pretty lame.
And speaking of lame endings, poor Anacondy. They really went to the "I'm in love with this man route" for her and in the end, she was just used and discarded by the man she loved like if she was the wrapping paper of candy, it was pretty sad. It was impactful, and it made me hate the Director more than I already did, but I wish she could have gone in a glorious way rather than by the hands of a crap man. And since we're talking about him, gosh I hate this dude. He's like those guys that get obsessed with a girl and just can't accept when they say no and instead of looking at themselves to try to find out why they don't want anything to him he just keeps forcing himself like if this is gonna change something. The Director is the concept of thrash man impersonated in a cartoon character. It was very cathartic seeing the cures whoop his ass with that giant rose.
The last thing I didn't like was the resolution for the mystery of Syrup's past. Like, seeing how this was a big thing throughout the whole season you would think his past would be more than just "he was born in the Cure Rose Garden, he was raised by Flora, and he was attacked while he was doing a delivery from Flora to the Director and that's probably what made him lose his memory". I don't know, for the amount of build-up this had I expected them to do something bigger with this. And it feels like that was the plan at some point because in the middle of the season we see Syrup meeting the Director and recognizing him from somewhere, it seemed like there was more to uncover there, but no, we just got some lame past stuff.
Before moving to the positives, I wanna quickly mention the Christmas episode that wasn't anything exceptional, but that there was some cool stuff in it, like Syrup being a fan of Santa since, when you think about it, Santa IS a delivery boy. To be honest, I was just glad they didn't have any sort of world-threatening invasion in this episode, it was very refreshing. XD
In any case, as it's usual for any precure season we get episodes for each cure's closing arc as an integral part of the final quarter. Being completely honest, I feel like Kurumi and Karen got the short-end of the stick here because while they had good episodes it didn't really give me the impression that they were concluding anything for them, different from Urara, Rin, and Komachi who got episodes where the conflicts had conclusions that tied-in more with their future aspirations and the path they've been walking through this season and also the previous one.
I think the reason why Kurumi and Karen's endings didn't feel as conclusive is that other things in their episodes stole my attention more than their conflicts. For example, in Kurumi's case, we see her feeling pressured because of her mission, which is very in tune with her whole thing as a caretaker, but this episode also shared space with working her relationship with Nozomi and that's what I was more focused in rather than Kurumi's personal thing that felt like it was more in the background. In Karen's case, the conflict was she doubting that she had what it takes to follow a career in medicine, but the show was putting more importance in King Montblanc being sick and again Karen's plot was kinda in the background. This is not to say that their endings were bad, it just seems a bit forgettable when you put that in comparison with the other episodes for the other girls.
For example, Urara's final episode was about her doing an audition to get in the same musical her mom performed before she passed, we also have a MOTW plot that works in a way to directly affect her negatively in this audition by making a Little Mermaid plot where Shibiretta steals her singing voice. This is a combination that works with Urara both in her precure life and in her civilian life. It concludes her arc and it feels rewarding to see her finally pass that audition. Kurumi and Karen didn't really have that. Actually, Rin and Komachi didn't have a conclusion that was so well rounded as Urara, but it was more centered on them, they were still in the center and able to shine in their episodes, though I wish Komachi had done more in her episode, it didn't really feel like she had much agency in that episode.
The Nozomi episode is a bit unfair to put in this comparison because while it is an episode that dwelled with her efforts in studying in order to fulfill her dream of becoming a teacher, this episode was more to show the difference of power between them and the Director while Nozomi's conclusion comes around in the end during the final fight and the aftermath of the battle.
And about this finale, this was very enjoyable. I like that we had the final conflict happening through 3~4 episodes but it didn't feel like they were stretching a plotline or maybe dragging the finale for more than it needed to. It was pretty solid, it was well built, and despite the problems, I mentioned it was pretty good. I think my favorite moment of this ending was when Syrup was giving his speech to the petrified cures, and we could see that the things he was talking about was pretty much related to his growth and his development through the whole season and it was pretty moving, I also think it was hella cute when he mentioned that letter the cures sent was the first letter he ever received in his life and that he was really happy about it, and my heart just melted and all I wanted was to hug him and say "you're a good boy, my son T-T" to him.
I also liked that whole seed of life and how seeds have infinite potential discourse at the end, yeah it was a bit of a stretch after all depending on the case seeds are pretty predictable, but it was a good message for the end, it hit the points it had to hit so I count it as a win. I also like how in the end Flora turned into a seed in hopes to bloom into a new life in the future, it was a pretty optimistic and happy way to end the show and it was a good way to wrap-up this pretty good season.
And that's it for Yes! Precure 5! I gotta be honest, I didn't think I'd enjoy this season as much as I did because I wasn't the biggest fan of its predecessor and I didn't have high hopes for the sequel, but I found myself enjoying the show more and more as I would go, even with its flaws and the elements I don't like. It was truly a joy to find a new love for this season, a new love for this world, and a new love for these characters. While the original season is at the bottom of my list of favorites during this series of rewatches, this sequel sits more close to the top, and that makes me very happy. So, what are your thoughts on GoGo? Let me know in the comments down below. Next, we're finally getting to Fresh which is one of my favorite seasons and I'M VERY EXCITED!!! I can't wait to watch this season again. But that's for another day, for now, stay healthy, stay safe, never stop resisting, thank you so much for reading, and until the next time. See-ya~
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You Never Did Get My Name Ch4
Title: You Never Did Get My Name, Chapter 4
Description: Stealing hearts may be the perfect untraceable crime, but who is the thief?
[Read on AO3]
Chapter 4:
There she was, seated comfortably in one of the wicker chairs outside the café. A black v-neck shirt with red stripes on the short sleeves, jeans rolled up below the knee, and red sneakers made up her outfit. A red hoodie was slung over the back of her seat, matching the fiery red hair that drew Julia in like a beacon. It was tied up in a messy bun, in the same style it had been when they accidentally met on the train.
She herself was clad in a black v-neck short-sleeved blouse with lace around the neckline, tucked into a red skirt flowing just past her knees. Modest, but not overly so. A thin faux leather jacket over her arms and simple black flats completed the look.
It was curious that her first interaction with the law-breaker had been when she was in plainclothes, and not dressed in her signature red hat and coat. It made her easier to identify on the street, while everyone else was oblivious to the fact that they were passing by just a few feet away from the super thief. As oblivious as Julia had been the day they'd met.
She was reading, seemingly distracted from the world around her, but Julia knew better than to underestimate Carmen Sandiego. She appeared so normal, sitting in the middle of the city among people, instead of engaging in her usual habit of breaking and entering. What did she do in her spare time, Julia suddenly wondered. While Interpol and A.C.M.E. were busy following leads and searching for clues, was Miss Sandiego casually exploring the cities she was about to rob from? Was it really so easy for her to blend in if she wished, appearing as nothing more than a common citizen?
She'd called what she did "work". Of course everyone had their own lives outside of their jobs. She must have had friends, possibly family, that she visited. What made Carmen Sandiego different from everyone else? Because her job involved illegal activity? Was it illegal to steal something someone else had already stolen? And what of all the items she had supposedly stolen, turning up in their rightful places again, with no body of law enforcement able to take the credit for their return? It was baffling, really. What was her goal? If she was truly on the side of justice, why did she operate as a rogue, instead of working with the authorities?
Julia didn't have any answers as to the motives of Miss Sandiego. Perhaps this unlikely encounter would yield some much needed results on the case. Then again, she probably couldn't expect her to give up information so easily. She had, after all, eluded capture in several countries for the better part of nearly two years.
There were no reports of any kind of meetings or interviews with Carmen Sandiego, because no one had ever been able to apprehend her. And yet, here was Julia, about to join her for coffee, as if they were long time comrades getting together after years apart. What made her so special that she had been awarded this opportunity?
Wonderful chatting with you, Jules. She recalled from their first conversation. Had it really been "wonderful"? Had it been so wonderful as to be worth taking a risk just to see her again? Why Julia, of all people? Carmen Sandiego had eased into the conversation so effortlessly, immediately bestowing her with a nickname as if they were old friends who had run into each other and were just catching up. Julia had felt it was easy, too, to talk with this stranger who was willing to listen and was intrigued by her knowledge and love of history. She hadn't realized who she was speaking to until too late, wrapped up in the charm and insight of her adversary.
Well, it was her last chance to turn around, even though she was sure she'd already been spotted by the lady in red. She hadn't looked up from her book, but anyone cunning enough to avoid being caught for as long as she had was surely smart enough to keep a close eye on her surroundings for any possible threats. Today, Julia was not a threat, but someone in Carmen's position surely couldn't take any chances.
And yet, wasn't leaving her a method of contact and asking her out taking a huge chance?
Even more baffling, still.
She strode to the chair opposite the Scarlet Outlaw, settling down as she asked, "This seat taken?" without waiting for an answer. A reversal of their previous interaction.
"Appears to be now," she set down her novel, which Julia observed to be Oliver Twist, reaching across the table and offering her hand, "I'm Carmen."
Pretend we just met. Julia recalled from their conversation the day prior.
"Julia," she accepted the handshake.
"Very nice to meet you, Julia. What brings you to this part of Poitiers?"
"I was passing through and thought I'd stop by my favorite café. What about you?"
"Taking some time to appreciate the city after finishing up some business. I've been placed on an involuntary vacation," Carmen held up her arm, currently supported in a sling, to indicate why. "I have orders to lay low and heal up. Not quite my style, but, I can't exactly do my job in this condition."
"What is your job?"
"I thought we agreed not to talk about work," Carmen smirked.
"Right. Sorry," Julia shouldn't have expected her to let her guard down so easy. Maybe she was determined to have to have a carefree conversation, like they really were average people meeting for the first time.
"You mentioned this is your favorite café. You like it here?"
"Of course! There are all sorts of books to read and so many fascinating people to see. Sort of like a library, but far more interesting and far less stuffy. I never know what I'll learn or who I'll run into," she spared a knowing glance across the table. "Do you live in France?" It was an innocent enough question, one not directly related to work, that could provide some much desired details about Le Femme Rouge.
"I don't really stay in one place enough to consider living there, but I have enjoyed my time in France quite nicely. I wouldn't mind settling down here someday, if given the chance."
That might be hard considering you're a fugitive in this country, Julia thought. But with how cunning and evasive she had been so far, she probably had the tools necessary to devise a whole new name and identity for herself. Just how easily could she recreate her life into something ordinary, slipping away as if she'd never existed?
"Where were you born, then?" she tried to focus less on analyzing her situation and the women before her, and more on attempting to carry on a pleasant conversation.
"Argentina."
"Do you miss it?"
"I don't remember it. I was only there as a baby."
"What about where you grew up?"
"The Canary Islands. Well, one of the islands. It was pretty remote."
"Did you like it there?"
Carmen paused for a moment, thinking before she replied, "Yes. I did. I don't think my upbringing was what one would call typical, but I never felt like I wasn't living the best life I could be. I was taken care of, I had private tutors, and I learned a lot of skills that are still useful to me."
"That sounds exciting! What did your parents do? Were they researchers? Scientists?"
"To be honest, I don't know. My birth parents didn't raise me."
"Oh, I see."
Who raised you? Julia wanted to ask, but it felt rude to pry any further.
Carmen drummed her fingers on the table as quiet settled between them. "Why don't I get us some coffee?" she offered, when it had stretched on a little too long. It occurred to her that she wasn't much of a conversationalist, and she didn't really have practice with getting to know others, aside from Player, and even that had been entirely over the phone. Phone silence wasn't nearly as awkward as in-person silence, she was finding out. And very different from preparing for mission silence or after mission silence, when everyone was either focused on escape or coming down off adrenaline. If there was talking it was mostly between Zack and Ivy anyway.
"Please, let me," Julia was already out of her seat, hovering next to the table as she waited for affirmation.
"Okay," Carmen agreed. "Thank you, Jules," she realized, belatedly, she would have had trouble carrying two drinks with one arm out of commission, which Julia had no doubt already considered as a factor, hence her offer.
Julia hesitated in the doorway, looking over her shoulder as she asked, "You won't go anywhere, right?"
"I won't go anywhere. I promise."
She hadn't asked for a promise, but it felt more genuine with the extra commitment tacked on the end. Julia was so used to only catching glimpses of Carmen Sandiego as she fled. For a brief moment she grew worried this engagement might turn out the same way. Hopefully she was one to keep her promises.
* * *
Settling down was a foreign concept to Carmen. So why did she tell Julia she wouldn't mind doing so in Paris someday? What compelled her to say such a thing? She was so young, and V.I.L.E. was still very much a threat, so she couldn't see her life slowing down enough to allow it at any point in the near future. But what about when it did? What about when V.I.L.E. gave up or died off? Was she serious about Paris, or just trying to make small talk? Why not Argentina, where she was born? Pondering about it did not yield any explanation.
More importantly, Julia had actually shown up. Carmen half-expected she'd be having coffee alone, but here they were. Just as they'd discussed the day before. And now she was blowing it with boring details about her life. What did she even have to talk about with Miss Argent, when her previous life and her current work had to be kept as closely guarded secrets? What made her think this was a good idea? What made her suddenly wish for some semblance of normalcy to the point where she was willing to meet up with her enemy on neutral ground just so she'd have someone to talk to? What was all this?
She didn't have time to figure anything out before Julia returned.
After setting a cup of coffee in front of Carmen, she settled back in her seat. "Have you read much of Dickens' work?" she gestured to the book the woman across from her had previously been absorbed in, or had at least been pretending to be. Perhaps it was a random selection from what the establishment had to offer.
"I'm well versed in the classics, although I've never read the French translation."
"Dickens was an English author, although he was very fond of Paris. He spoke highly of it upon his return to his home in London. He was intrigued by the differences in city life and the cultural divergence from his native city, so much so that he called its citizens, 'the first people in the universe.'"
"You really know your authors, don't you," the woman in red complimented as she took a sip of coffee.
"Sorry, I ramble sometimes," Julia fiddled with her hair nervously as she looked anywhere but into those intense grey eyes.
"No, no. I don't mind. Please, continue."
She perked up at the encouragement, so used to being shut down by most people whenever she started to spout random factoids. The world was such an extraordinary place, who wouldn't want to learn and know more about it? Julia wanted to share her knowledge, but there were so few who were willing to receive it. Her current company being willing was quite refreshing, and rekindled her enthusiasm.
"You know, Jules Verne considered Dickens to be his favorite author, and he was born in Nantes, France. So it seems he had some famous fans in the country he so admired. Verne is almost the single most translated author in the world, second only to Agatha Christie. Dickens is the 25th, but that's still very notable."
"I'm guessing you read a lot." Carmen placed her good elbow on the table and settled her chin into the palm of her hand, watching her companion with interest.
"Admittedly I do. When I was in school I was never very good at making friends. I preferred to spend time with my books."
"No wonder you're so smart," she grinned fondly.
"I'm not sure about that. Most people think it was sad or unhealthy, to be so reclusive in my spare time."
"I spent a lot of time studying when I was younger, too. If you were happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?"
"I suppose that is the best way to look at it," Julia returned the smile, "You're pretty smart yourself."
Carmen chuckled, wincing as the action shook her body in just the wrong way.
It did not escape Julia's notice. "Are you okay?"
"Ribs are still a little tender," Carmen smiled back wanly.
"What was the extent of your injuries?"
Carmen took a breath and let it out slowly, relaxing her body while considering how much information to devolve. She sipped her coffee as she thought, before finally answering, "Broken leg, a few broken and even more bruised ribs, and this," she raised her obviously still healing arm.
"Is that why you haven't made an appearance for the press in weeks?"
"That, and my adversaries have been unusually quiet."
"Adversaries? Do you mean Interpol?"
"I would not put Interpol or any local law enforcement on my list of enemies."
"So what's your angle?"
"Angle?"
"I think Interpol would disagree about being enemies. What makes you feel otherwise? What's your goal with… whatever it is you do?"
"I want to protect and preserve history. And if stealing from other thieves makes me a criminal, I guess I'm guilty as charged."
So, Julia's hunch was correct. Carmen Sandiego was a thief who only stole from other thieves. Not only that, but she wasn't even stealing for personal gain. She returned everything she got her hands on. Julia had seen it firsthand when she'd left the Magna Carta for her to find.
"What do you gain by stealing from other thieves?"
"It's personal."
"Why don't you work with the law? You're on our side, are you not?"
"If I work with them, they'll want to send in their own force to help me complete jobs, and they have no idea who they're dealing with. Someone will get hurt. The people responsible for all these thefts do not go easy on their enemies. You-" Carmen hesitated, not wanting to hit a nerve, but needing to drive her point home, "-You know what happened to Chase. They went easy on him. If they wanted, he could have been dead in a matter of minutes after they found out where he lived. They aren't afraid to steal people's lives. That's why it can only be me. I can't let anyone else take that risk."
"That sounds like a dangerous way to live."
"It's the only way I know."
They both fell silent, each ruminating on their own thoughts.
Julia, absorbing the information she'd just been given, and contemplating whether she should share it with her superiors. It wasn't as if Carmen had asked her to keep the information a secret. They weren't exactly meeting in a private place. Someone sitting nearby or passing might catch snippets of their conversation, and neither of them could control what a stranger did with the information they were sharing.
Carmen, brooding whether or not she'd said too much. Julia's presence was so inviting and calming, she almost believed she could trust her with anything. She didn't feel threatened, in fact, she felt completely at ease in the presence of someone who had pursued her for months. Sure, she'd told Player she wasn't worried because she could definitely outmatch the agent, but it was more than that. She forgot where she was, who exactly she was with, and got completely lost in the moment. Completely lost in those dark eyes.
"Tell me more about yourself," she broke the silence, trying to prompt Julia into talking again.
"How much do you already know about me?"
She was momentarily taken aback. Of course it was easy to conclude Carmen and her colleagues had information on Interpol and its agents. How else would she manage to outsmart them, without being aware of their movements? Suddenly all the files Player must have had on his computer detailing the lives and sometimes private information of hundreds of members of law enforcement and government agents all around the world seemed intrusive. Now that she was face-to-face with someone she actually had extensive knowledge on, it didn't feel right to be poking around in other's lives. It was necessary to continue her work, and up until recently knowing such information was strictly part of the business. She squirmed a bit in her seat, not wanting to outright lie but knowing she had to be guarded in the answer she gave.
"I know your partner is Chase Devineaux," she began, slowly. "I know that several months ago you started working with Interpol, until suddenly you weren't, and neither was Chase. I know you were born in Poitiers and before leaving Interpol you'd never traveled outside of France. I know-"
"Then ask me something you don't know," Julia held up her hand, having heard enough. She decided it was better to be blissfully unaware of whatever archive of information Carmen Sandiego may have held. She probably had her whole life mapped out, down to her favorite color in Kindergarten. Any information she had was probably just a lot of facts and details, that could paint a lovely picture of a person, but wouldn't really let you get to know them.
"Why did you join the force?" Carmen offered a more apt response.
"I wanted to help people. That was the best way I could."
"Why do you think Chase joined the force?"
"I think he wanted to help others too, but perhaps not for the right reasons. He wants to do good in the world, but he also wants to be seen as a hero. The quest for recognition blinds him sometimes. That might explain his obsession with you. Your deeds have become known throughout the globe. Catching you would bring him international fame. There have been all sorts of high-class thefts over the years, but no one had ever been bold enough to show themselves before you. Anyone can catch a common thief. But you're not very common, are you?"
"And yet, you caught me."
"I wouldn't say that," Julia chuckled. This was probably the longest conversation anyone had had with the Crimson Phantom, but she had no intention of telling anyone or trying to turn in the thief of thieves. She wasn't their enemy, after all, so what reason did Julia have for wanting to take her down? She didn't possess the same quest for vengeance that Chase did.
"Why do you make yourself known before a heist? You could have stolen items much easier if you didn't draw so much attention to yourself."
"I want certain people to know who they're dealing with."
"Who are those people?"
"If I told you, it would put you in danger."
"Aren't you afraid they'll find you, though?"
"I wasn't afraid when they were just sending their lackeys. But after facing off with some bigger trouble from my past-"
Carmen stared down at her cast, contemplating how much she'd underestimated her opponents, and reflecting on how lucky she was to even be alive. She'd come so close to losing everything in that basement. She recalled the feeling of betrayal as her breath was squeezed from her chest, praying she'd lose consciousness before one of her cracking bones punctured a lung or her heart, so she wouldn't have to feel the pain of a slow death. Hearing the sirens outside, knowing they were getting closer but sounding so far away in her head. Thinking of so many ways this scenario could have gone differently. Wishing she could have experienced more in life.
"Are you alright?"
Julia's voice cutting through her thoughts jolted Carmen back to reality. She was here, at the café, not trapped in a basement fighting for her life. She was alive, Chase Devineaux was alive, she'd escaped, and thanks to Shadowsan, she could keep V.I.L.E. on its toes for at least another year.
"I have to be more careful," she looked up, determination painting her features, "They're not afraid to send their heavy hitters after me."
Carmen sighed, the fight draining out of her. She was tired. Healing from her injuries had certainly taken its toll, and it became clear she wasn't fully recovered yet. The conversation had drifted too close to work for comfort and their cups were empty. It seemed like the right time to make her departure.
"I should go. It was good to see, Jules," she stood, walking past the agent on her way.
"Will you answer one last question?" Julia stopped her in her tracks.
The thief paused, briefly, before turning back around and nodding.
"Are you responsible for kidnapping Chase Devineaux?"
"No. He was used as bait to lure me. Apparently he's so good at being a distraction when I'm working that some of my enemies mistook him for one of my allies."
"That's how you got hurt, isn't it? Trying to rescue him," Julia gestured to the broken arm.
"It's not his fault and he didn't deserve what they did to him. I don't care if they keep coming after me. But if your friend doesn't lay low, he might get caught in the crossfire again. And I can't guarantee I'll be able to protect him. I'll always do what I can to make sure innocent civilians don't get hurt, even at the risk of losing my target. It gets more difficult when one of those civilians is dead set on running towards the danger."
"I don't think he'll stop until you're behind bars."
"Sure is stubborn, isn't he?"
"Yes. Quite stubborn."
When it seemed clear that was the end of the conversation, Carmen turned to leave again.
"Will I see you again?" Julia was on her feet, reaching out as if she didn't want Carmen to go so soon.
"You will definitely see me again. If you're asking if we can meet up again, then-" she hmmm-ed thoughtfully, "-yes. I like you, Jules. I don't get to make a lot of friends outside of work. It can be hard to meet people when you have to make up excuses about where you're always running off to and what your job is. But you already know. You had to put a lot of trust in me to come here today. So, when and where?"
"Come to my apartment for dinner," the agent almost couldn't believe what she'd said, but there it was. "This week, if you're not busy."
"I think I've got an opening. Let me know the details. You have my number," she winked, before walking away.
Julia practically fell back into her seat, still not quite believing she'd just met and had coffee with the Carmen Sandiego. No tricks, no traps, no threats. Just two people participating in a normal activity. She glanced to the unoccupied seat across from herself, noticing the red hoodie still tucked neatly over the back of the chair.
"You forgot your-" but when she turned back around to where she'd seen Carmen Sandiego seconds before, she was gone. "-jacket," she finished, to no one in particular. How does she do that? Julia thought. There one minute, the next, gone without a trace. Even in broad daylight, without her signature attire, she was still as crafty as ever.
Well, they'd be seeing each other again soon, so the agent decided to hang onto it. As she walked back to her apartment, she ruminated on the entire conversation they'd just had, playing it back over in her mind. It was surprising how easy it was to sit and have a conversation with one she had pursued for months without coming any closer to apprehending her. She'd had the opportunity, but she didn't take it. It turned out her hunch about Carmen's motives had been right, so the meeting hadn't been a total loss. And the reassurance that she wasn't responsible for Agent Devineaux's kidnapping made Julia more at ease. But she still didn't feel any closer to finding out who in the world Carmen Sandiego really was.
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#Carmen Sandiego#Julia Argent#Carmen X Julia#Carmelia#Fanfiction#You Never Did Get My Name#MINE#Carmen#Carulia#JuleThief#Carjules
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Charm School Test #4: There’s more to (lipsyncing for your) life than this - Critiques
Our girls aren't lipsyncing for their lives, but they are lipsyncing for their grades... Let's see what the deans thought!
Kushboo
My concept is classy hooker - based on Gaga's song ' Government Hooker'. I wanted to recreate the shades-and-glumness look albeit the drag version. The mug is therefore rouged and sensuous , and she wears shades to hide her tears and lack of sleep. Her clothes are also posh looking but underneath her blue chiffon dress she wears the same old pant she wore every episode previously because she's as poor as a doormouse. Witness her waiting by the roadside for trade in classic hooker pose.when she's done earning dough, she performs at the local drag club with best friend Kandy Ho.
Analyse: HIEEEE, Kushboo! These pants look familiar ;) I'm not mad that you've recycled a part of your audition look, especially since they are so cool and they fit the look. I think you had one of the more interesting videos out of the bunch and there were some of those Alaska mannerisms that you were able to work into the performance. I did have a problem with the 30 seconds of dead time at the beginning of the video. I would just edit that out entirely. I thought the dildo was funny (because that's the type of humor I have), but I think you held onto it a little too long and it became kind of awkward, not in a like a dirty-awkward way, but like "why does she still have that?" way. Just be mindful of how you incorporate props, and that getting rid of them is just as important as how/when you pick them up. All in all, I really enjoyed this video! Good job, and I can't wait for your next video!
Dotte: Greetings Kushboo! Such a classic song choice! I love the multi-referential description you have going on! I have a few things I noticed during your video that I’d like to bring up. Something you can stand to improve on is utilizing your body language more. There were a lot of moments where you just had your arms to your side/were swaying side to side. A simple hand on the hip can help deliver the sass and attitude you want to deliver when doing such an iconic song. Be careful when you’re bringing objects into and out of the frame. It breaks the illusion we see you obviously place the phone onto the table in front of you. Lastly, I think that this specific lipsync could benefit by pretending that you’re addressing a huge crowd. Focusing on making eye contact with just one person sort of goes against what the “intention” of the song is. So interacting with imaginary people who aren’t directly behind the camera would only make sense. Thanks for having us! Can’t wait to see your acting skills!
Marcella: Hello Kushboo! Now there were a few small issues with this sync, and I’m going to address them first (I’ll ignore that you didn’t trim the beginning). Firstly, you know the lighting isn’t brilliant. It’s very important to get yourself lit so you’re not just a blur of midtones, especially when doing a green-screen. That said, we can see you just fine. The other point I want to make is expression – Alaska is very blasé sure, but there were one or two moments that just begged for a huge reaction or change in expression. You went for it on the ‘Hieeee’ though, and a few other parts, I’d have just liked a couple more for variety and to match the contours of the song (‘Tell me. I look. G o r g e o u s’ needed some real intensity). Now let’s get to the good: points for trying green screen, it’s a good trick to have up your sleeve and it wasn’t executed badly. It didn’t add a great deal to the song, but it was definitely better than just having your room in the background. You knew the words, only dropping one or two lyrics, but that’s not unforgivable. What I really enjoyed was your use and timing of props and reveals. They were all perfectly relevant, perfectly executed (the wig reveal I did not see coming and you did it so swiftly and jadedly) and lasted just the right amount of time. Ultimately, these are what made this such an enjoyable video to watch, they gave you a story and a context, and in that regard you’ve completely succeeded. Let’s talk about the look: Makeup reads nicely from a distance, still needs work up close, but it’s mostly just in need of refinement that will come with practise. Be careful of glossy lips if you’re overdrawing, the shine will highlight your real lips underneath. The look was nothing to write home about, but it didn’t bother me either. Something more showy might have been cute, but I appreciate that this dress doesn’t take anything away from us focusing on your face and your mouth. Overall, I think this was a really strong effort, you listened well to the advice we gave and it paid off :]
Luna
I choose to do Cabaret from Cabaret cause Sally speaks to me. The show encompasses her raw human emotions of rejection and trying to fit in and be loved. I relate to her life so portraying her gave me a type of feeling of not being alone. The make up is 20's inspired with my own twist on Sally. Cabaret is very much about lingerie and sexy dancers so I chose to go with a black white and red theme. I am wearing an undergarment skirt as a top, ballet slippers and a pencil skirt, I accessorized it with a boa, chocker and feathers.Here is what it reveals into! I made the top fringe by fringe. If you have any questions go ahead and keep it to yourself, cliff. If I wanted you to know something, I would tell you.
Analyse: Willkommen, Luna! Just looking at the pictures, I'm like "yes, bitch! It's a look." There are a couple things to fix up on it; I would love a heel, and when you have that real harsh line on the hips (either from control top tights or shaper shorts or something like that), it draws attention to that and ruins the illusion a bit. For me, your theatre background really comes through here, but my BIG issue with your submission is your connection in the video. You're doing all this emoting and acting, but directing it away from the camera, and when you're doing a video like this for an online format, your audience lives behind that camera lens. It's a problem that I had (and sometimes still have) as well, because as people who have that theatre background, we can play to a house full of people all day long, but something about the physical disconnect of directing that performance towards a camera can just be very off-putting for some people. Make sure in future videos that you keep that in mind, because honestly, it's just a thing you have to consciously fight against until you begin to move past it. Also (and this is just a technical note), your video is WAY too loud to the extent that you both *lose* audio quality and I had to turn my volume almost all the way down to get it to a tolerable point. Just be careful of that when you're editing! All in all, you gave us a cute concept and a fun lipsync. I Can't wait to see what you give us going forward!
Dotte: As soon as your video started, I was soooooo ready! That was a really smart idea having that intro because it helped set the tone for all of it. You have really great emotion oh my gosh you can really channel some energy! The outfit is super kyute and really helps sell the fantasy you’re giving us! I wish you played with that boa a little bit more before your threw it away. It would have just been neat in my opinion and sometimes, playing with those big costume pieces can help entertain an audience. The filters at the end....I’m not sure what their purpose was. Same thing for whatever it was you pulled out of your bra but maybe I just wasn’t paying attention properly. I’m not too keen on makeup but i will say the beauty mark was a nice touch. Either way this was enjoyable to watch. Tchüss!
Marcella: Luna, this was another good entry from you! Firstly, I loved the scene setting with the record, and I love a good filter if it’s appropriate, which it certainly was. It was a smart choice to vary the filter too, though I don’t know if you picked the best point to switch to colour (earlier might have been better, before the melancholy part). The outfit worked for me (ballet slippers aside). The way you moved was engaging and suited the song, the song itself was a good choice, I can tell you enjoyed every second of performing. I do have a couple of issues though – firstly, lighting/location could have been considered better, your face was a bit washed out. Similarly, I feel your make-up was a step backwards, I needed some of the contrast you usually bring – I couldn’t see your eyes or your mouth very clearly. My biggest issue is unfortunately the lipsyncing itself. I applaud the variety of expressions you brought, and the nuance you performed them with, but the words were frequently completely off. It’s not that the overlay was off, and it’s not that you didn’t know the words… I felt like either you know the song so well that you weren’t listening properly, or the audio you were recording to was too quiet to hear. It’s so important to not only know the words, but to lipsync them how the singer sings them. Breathe when they do, and enunciate as they do. At times, your mouth made shapes didn’t match the vowels. This is really key to think about in the future, but otherwise I enjoyed it and appreciated the amount of thought you put into your performance.
Marina
For this challenge, my inspiration was my love for creating little stories and meanings behind things. My lipsync song is pretty nihilistic and sarcastic, but I tried to create a concept out of it regardless. My character in this is a vampire who has a desire to be mortal again. She feeds off of excess blood because it makes her feel more human.It sounds pretty dark but she has a good sense of humor about it, hence the writing on her face. I hope you enjoy my concept and submission for this week's challenge!
Analyse: Hello, Marina! I think this is a really pretty eye makeup, and I like the sfx blood going on. It definitely helps to sell what is otherwise a pretty plain look as a conceptualized character. If you're going to have writing or something that you want to show off, make sure it's fully visible in at least one picture, because the writing is cut off, and I'm not sure what it all says. What I'd like to see from you going forward is to really up the game and give us over-the-top draggy. No more natural hair unless you can REALLY justify it in the concept. The lipsync was fun and cute, and I think if you just fully let go and had fun with it, that energy would read more on camera. Final note, make sure when we ask for a head-to-toe picture, we get head to toe, and not cut off at the ankle. Good luck going into acting week and then the FINAL EXAM!
Dotte: Marina, heya! So let’s see...the biggest distraction for me ist the writing on the face because I can’t really tell what it’s supposed to be. If it’s blood, then it’s too neat. If its a tattoo, it’s too messy. And the asymmetry of it kinda takes away from the rest of your face. I would edit it down to one word and maybe just put it on your forehead or even incorporate it into your makeup. Your head is moving alot during the performance so we can’t read alot of words like that. I can give you a few examples one on one if you want. The outfit is very plain and can stand to use a belt or a necklace or spiderwebs to help it say vampire more. Right now, its very little black dress. We told you about syncing the performance to the music previously and this time around, its even more off. It’s definitely better video quality though. I’m not sure how I feel about the song choice but that might be more of a personal choice. It’s like this, if you went a bit more over the top with the dark vampire look then it would read more as a strong juxtaposition. Mkay that it for now. Let’s talk more and see what you bring for acting week!
Marcella: Hi Marina! I’m glad you were able to get this to us, but it was VERY late tsk tsk. Let’s get to the lipsync. Technically speaking, I think this was a step up from your homework - you clearly planned out your performance and thought about what you were going to do for each element. Lighting was ok, we could see you reasonably well. The overlay is unfortunately about a third of a second out of sync, which is very distracting. It’s always worth spending that extra moment getting it perfect, as it’ll ruin a sync if it’s off. I can’t tell if the background was just what was there, or if you specifically picked out that part of your house for the video, so I can’t really critique that either way. Your outfit worked ok, but I couldn’t properly see the details in the make-up from the distance. And although I know some of your make-up corresponded to the lyrics, which shows attention to detail and a level of consideration, I can’t help but feel your make-up is not necessarily improving. You can be as draggy or as fish as you wanna be, but right now you’re not really reading ‘drag’ to me as much as real girl putting on a performance. I don’t mean this rudely, I just don’t feel like you’re embracing the experience as much as you could. I think your expressions were varied and the energy was right, and in that sense you did what the challenge asked for. But the elements you missed, as well as the severe lateness, have really let the good parts of your submission down, I’m afraid (also, I’ll ignore that you didn’t trim the end off the video.)
Ophelia
For my music video lipsync, I want to take the song 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan, most commonly associated nowadays with its use in ASPCA commercials (for reference if you haven't seen one!:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gspElv1yvc) so I wanted take that idea and turn it into a parody for donating money to busted, broke-down drag queens! I used text overlay that parodies the voiceover that Sarah McLachlan does in said commercials and did my makeup in a kind of facepaint/white face dogface with spots on my eye, forehead and chin area to really drive the parody comparison home! I really hope this doesn't ruin your day!
Analyse: Hey, Ophelia! I think you really let your creativity lead you through this challenge, which is always a great thing to have, but one of the important skills to develop is to come in with an editing eye and say "ok, is this the best way to get the desired effect that I want." Again, you've given us a very simple makeup and you're not showing us that you can push yourself. I really don't mean this to come across as harsh, and if it does, I'm sorry, but this dog makeup reads very elementary school birthday party face paint. I think this is a situation where you could've asked "is this the best way to get what I want out of this look," and I think you may have gotten the "parody" idea across better if you had *been* the busted drag queen the video was about (like, smeared lipstick, wonky lash, all that jazz). There's also a disconnect here between the costuming and what you're trying to get across, and I think the makeup further muddles the concept. I like the direction it was headed, but I think that some of the ideas and execution kind of caused you to get in your own way with this video. I look forward to seeing where your creativity leads you in the next couple of weeks!
Dotte: Hey there you female dog you! I think one of my biggest Nina Bonina peeves were when she did a face but didn’t pay attention to the rest of the body. If you had something that was long sleeve and hid your skin, it would create a different type of experience for the viewer. I was honestly entertained for a smooth ten seconds but....you know people usually change the channel when they see these commercials right? I’m not really used to hearing more than the lines “In the arms of an angel” and then its usually cut off by then. Entertainment-wise, it kinda got old quick. I don’t really have much to say about performance because you were on the ground for most of it. Which was kind of strange to see because I thought we mentioned how monotonous your homework was when it came to movement. Feel free to run concepts by us because we’re here for ya, kitty girl! Onto the acting!
Marcella: Ophelia, this video looks… familiar? :p Well, regardless, I think there are some strong elements to this. Emotionally, you had this DOWN. Perfectly empty to start with, just the right amount of soul. Never too much or too little. B&W filter made sense, especially when the text kicked in. This was a nice touch, the juxtaposition both added unexpected but welcome humour and reinforced the other decisions you made. I liked that it was a little ‘why the f does she have a dog face?’ until then. Speaking of the dog face… I see why you went that way, but I can’t say I liked it a whole lot. I wish it was more of a drag dog, this was like, kid’s party literal facepaint dog. I’ve noticed that your paint is very heavy, I think you need to go a bit easier on the clown white especially, as it comes off as a mask. We know Covergirl don’t cover boy, but I think if you can learn to paint with a lightness of touch, it’ll benefit your aesthetic. Which I realise you’re still trying to pinpoint, but I think going easier on the makeup will help you do that. The outfit was ok, similarly to Kush’s, it didn’t add or detract from your performance. I liked the gloves to match the dog concept. You gotta wear some tights girl though, if you’re not gonna shave your legs. There’s no quicker way to ruin the female illusion than hairy legs. Also, I do feel like this video was a little bit plain. It’s the risk of picking a slow song, but it wasn’t quite as engaging as I’d have hoped. Overall, I think your make-up let you down, but the performance was decent.
#tdr#tumblrs drag race#charm school#tdrcs4#drag#drag queen#baby queen#kushboo#luna#marina lumiere#ophelia waters
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24hrs w/ Character + Advice
What just happened? One minute I was admiring this beautiful brunette little girl, the next, she’s in my arms, dead. The blood that was pouring out of the wounds from the fish hooks pierced on her soft, delicate skin started to spread all over her cute, neon blue, two-pieced swimsuit and onto my vest. I was beginning to get caught up in the moment until I heard the little girl’s family calling for her name as they finally noticed her absence.
“Amelia! Where are you? We told you to wait for us! Amelia, honey, come here!”
I took that as my cue to jet out of here as fast as possible, but I couldn’t just leave the beautiful little girl’s body out on the pier to bleed. Nor did I have the heart to dump her body in the lake. So I took her with me, of course. I run towards my Ford Escort that my parents gifted me when I turned 16, in hopes that I wouldn’t run away. It didn’t work, but now at least I had a car to run away with. I open the car doors, and sloppily plop the child’s body on the passenger seat and got out of there as quick as thought.
As important as it is to keep your eyes on the road, it is kind of challenging when there’s something so beautiful propped up in my passenger seat in all her glory. My eyes couldn’t help but drift off to her, the sun’s rays managed to bring life back into her lifeless complexion. Unfortunately, these moments of blissful distractions had caused me to take the wrong exit off the highway. Now, I was driving in an unfamiliar area, along a street called Military Trail. Filled with suburban, red bricked townhouses rendered it unexciting, yet the perfect environment to try to blend in as a typical white middle-aged man with a beer belly and hair covering every inch of my body. I did not know what to do but keep driving, so I did. Eventually, I stumbled upon what seemed to be a high school, “St. John Paul II”. The rust coloured bricks mixed in with the depressing faces of the students making their way into the school reminded me of my high school days that were almost 2 decades ago. It is to no surprise that I was definitely the token “freak” in my year. I was extremely scrawny, wore clothes you’d find your 70 year old grandpa sporting, and I couldn’t be seen without my huge Powerbook laptop. To make matters worse, some football asshole once saw me looking at images of what he thought were “little” girl and decided to start a rumour. However, he was completely wrong. They weren’t little, majority of them were around 8-9, even 10 years old! I was 16 at the time, so a 8 year difference is hardly anything. Well, to me at least.
Just reminiscing about high school made me cringe, I really felt for these kids. But even that couldn’t compare to the stress of having to figure out what to do with a dead body right next to me. Looking around, there was very little that caught my eye and could potentially help me out. Then, I see a small Asian girl, walking away from the school, crying on the phone. Being the person I am, I roll the windows down, and tried to listen in on what she was so frantically weeping about.
“Mom, please. I’m being serious, I CAN’T BREATHE. Like at all, I don’t know what to do. Ate and Kuya aren’t answering my calls, but I can’t go to school.” the girl had managed to say while gasping for air on every other word, her face drenched in tears.
“I feel so light-headed, I can’t breathe. I don’t know what to do” The girl started to hyperventilate and reach for her neck to exemplify her struggle to breathe while continuing to walk away from the school. For some reason, I felt inclined to follow her, I don’t know whether that had something to do with my predative instincts or me being a genuinely caring person. Or maybe, it had to do with the fact she reminded me of this girl I had a crush on when I was in high school. She was perhaps the only girl I had ever shown interest in that was my age. It was so unlike me, but her raven hair contrasting with her ivory skin had always left me enchanted. Now this girl, this weeping girl may not have been a carbon copy but she looks like she could have been her in another life, or even a distant relative.
After carefully trailing her for 10 minutes, she finally got off the phone and decided to suddenly look back. I was startled but desperate to not have my cover blown leading me to duck down which probably made things even more obvious, if they weren’t already before. I had been so fixated on this weeping girl that I had forgotten what had been on my passengers seat this entire time. I move the now freezing body to the back and cover it using my old crocheted afghan blanket. Maybe the blanket could warm her poor little body up, but fairly speaking, I’ couldn’t care less about her anymore. This weeping girl, she had completely taken my mind hostage. It became something more than the black hair and the pale skin, whatever it was, it has made me willing to go to any extreme measures just to have her. I sit back up, hoping that I didn’t lose her, only to see her get in a silver Infiniti that drives off immediately. With no hesitation, I go to follow and see that we are now at a hospital, “Rouge Valley Centenary”. A man bearing much resemblance to her gets out of the car and opens the door in which she came out. With no hesitation I got out of my car and followed them both into the ER, not exactly sure what I was getting myself into nor did I care.
Instantly as I walked through the automatic doors, I was greeted with the coughs coming from all over the room. It was easy to spot her, she was like a beautiful budding rose in a field of wilting dandelions. The wilting dandelions being all these sick, old, fat people in this damn room, of course.
“Rikki Tuazon? You still got the same address, telephone number?” the nurse at the kiosk asks her. I lean in, secretly hoping
“Yes.” she says, with now calmed down truly showing how pure and innocent she really is.
Before I knew it, the same nurse was now calling me up.
“Sir, do you have a health card? Hello?”
Oddly enough, I did have it with me when I never usually do. This must’ve been fate! This must’ve been a sign that I need to meet this girl. After the nurse finishes ringing my card up, he redirects me to sit down for a pre-examination. I lie and say I’ve been having difficulty breathing and chest pains, maybe this way I could be closer to the girl.
“Your breathing is as sound as a whistle, but for any remaining concerns, just seat yourself in the waiting room.”
I nod and to no delay make myself to the waiting room, and see that luck continues to be on my side. The only seats available happen to be next to an aged woman who had at least 2 masks covering her mouth, and what looked to be something oozing out of her arm. Or, beside her, someone so helpless and vulnerable. I don’t think anyone would blame me for choosing to sit beside that beauty over the disgusting beast. I sit next to her and try to get a peek at what she was doing on her phone.
“Hey, I’m at the ER :( my brother took me. I’m really scared, this is like the 3rd time this year, ugh.” she typed to someone clearly very important to her, as their contact name had 3 hearts. Whatever, I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to let that try to discourage. I already made it this far.
Hours and hours have passed, and I haven’t been able to speak to her. What makes it worse is that her parents have now arrived so now it was even harder to try to talk to her without the chances of her mother giving me a dirty look. Also, after lying about having difficulty breathing I ironically started to develop it. I would cough and cough and started to notice that the girl would look at me in annoyance so I would just keep doing it because at least that meant she was paying attention to me. After countless minutes of doing this and receiving stares not just from her but practically the entire room, I mustered up the courage to try to make my first move.
“Sorry, I must be a bother. Do you happen to know where I can get a mask like the one everyone else got?” I ask trying to hide the fact that I’ve been following her since early this morning.
“They’re hanging by the front, near the hand sanitizer I think.” She was so shy, I could hear the nervousness in her voice, but it only attracted me even more.
“Thank you, little lady.” I get up and quickly retrieve the mask so no one could steal my seat. I return only to find that her and her mother have switched seats, making her farther away from me. Was it something I said? Oh well, this just means I no longer have to limit myself to a side profile, I can now help myself to every angle, every detail of her face.
It must’ve been around 9:30 in the evening, and so many people have started to leave because of the ridiculous waiting time. I was just beginning to wish that her parents would just leave for even just a minute, and all of a sudden, her parents tell her they are going to get coffee at the Tim Hortons in the hospital. I take the opportunity and sit right next to her. She decides to welcome my company, by shifting slightly away from me. That’s fine by me, I like a challenge.
“Hello, it seems I forgot to thank you earlier.”
“What are you talking about?” It saddens me that she had seemed to forgotten about our little moment.
“For telling me about the mask, it’s been a great deal of help.”
“Really? because you aren’t even wearing it even though it’s hospital courtesy to wear a mask if you have a cough.” she tells me, without even looking at me once the entire time, which kind of hurt.
“Oh, I’m fine now, just been having trouble breathing.” I was hoping this would make me appear more relatable to her, and spark up some more conversation. But no. No response, not even a nod or a smile. So I try again.
“How about you? What are you in for? You look perfect to me.”
She turns away from me completely before answering, “shortness of breath” as quietly as possible almost like she didn’t want me to hear. So I comply but moving in even closer, leaning in towards her.
“What was that? Shortness of breath? What a coincidence! I don’t think you could tell me any tips to cope with it, it looks like you’re handling it beautifully.” I thought this would flatter her, but instead she looks to the ground and starts fidgeting.
“No, sorry..” she said, with her lip quivering. Is she nervous? Why is she nervous? I’m not doing anything to hurt her, I’m just being friendly. I’m not being rude, in fact, she’s the one being rude, declining any sort of conversation. Maybe she doesn’t know how to express her feelings to me, that’s okay, I’ll give her some time. She’ll want me soon enough.
My daydreams about her and I were soon interrupted by her sweet, soothing voice.
“Sir? Look, I watch a lot of Dr. Phil and have seen the movie, Lolita, twice I think I know what’s going on. Usually, I’d tell you to fuck off and call one of the 4 police officers standing by that door to escort you out, but as you can see I’m not at my best right now. Also, my sister is a psychology student and has helped me understand what exactly is going in your brain right now, despite it being disgusting and horrible. That being said, I think you should do both of us a favor and move away from me and any other young girl in this vicinity, especially since we are in a room full of people and my parents should be back soon. I’m just trying to spare you the trouble, so please leave me alone.” Her once innocent, soothing voice was not as innocent or soothing anymore. It was replaced by boldness and fiery, and yet I liked it even more.
“Young lady, what are you talking about? Is there anything wrong with trying to make some casual conversation in such a dim and boring situation?” I laugh while looking her right in the eyes, wanting to charm her so badly.
“Yes there is, if I’m half your age. Don’t think I’m not aware of what white men your age have been doing, it’s all over the media. Also, if you’re really that bored, there are magazines to your right.” she says with a serious face. It was hard to believe that this was the same little girl weeping, looking at the ground now putting up a brave act. It had me intrigued, if that was her plan, it was certainly working.
“Please. You’re not only being a danger to me right now, but to yourself. There are ways to cope with... well whatever you’re feeling exactly. You don’t have to constantly feel or think this way. Have you ever thought about getting help? You need it.”
She left me speechless. Not because I was entranced by her but because she was right. What am I doing? I have a little girl’s dead body in my car and then I followed a girl into the ER but yet I still cannot understand why any of that makes me a “danger” to society. I’m not a bad person, I’m not. It’s not like I wanted to do those things, I just felt like I needed to. But I know, that doesn’t erase the fact that she is right. I do need help.
I was about to apologize to the girl, but had noticed that she must have left while I was getting caught up in my own little world. Then, I heard the nurse finally call my name after being in here practically the whole day.
“Hubert, is there a Hubert here?” I nonchalantly get up from my seat, but instead of walking towards her, I walk past her and out the door. I don’t belong here. This was a place for sick people and that’s not me. I am perfectly fine, remember?
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