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keilemlucent · 4 years ago

Text

lavender latte: vi

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4 || chapter 5 || chapter 7 ||

masterlist

word count: 6.8k

finally. god.

warnings: none really! reader’s foot booted, but that’s about it.

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well. here we are. thank u to everyone for reading this sweet, sweet story. we’re not through it yet, but i’m happy to offer a meal with this chapter. enjoy lovies. beta’ed by the lovely love @keiqos.

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You had several problems after returning to your apartment from the hospital. One of your coworkers was nice enough to drive you and your things back, but quickly the niceties stopped and your vague hell began.

Exclusively being on crutches sucked. Navigating your apartment and trying to live somewhat normally was a massive pain. Even just showering was a task that sapped most of your energy. Standing one-legged and balancing made your body ache with a deep soreness, especially the first few days you returned.

This was not even to mention the unpleasant dreams you were having.

‘Unpleasant’ & ‘dreams’ were a nice way of putting it.

You could recall that during your first night in the hospital, one of your doctors told you of the possibility of experiencing a few post-traumatic symptoms. Considering how out of it you were at the time, it was unsurprising how you brushed it off.

The reality was much harder to ignore.

...

Cars revving.

Shouting.

Shattering—

Your eyes flashed open, chest heaving and brow covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

Fuck that.

It was the same dream, an obvious recreation of the stimuli of the event. Though it was scattered in your memory, the dreams made it horribly vivid and vibrant despite lacking detail. The sounds and smells of that day clung to you as you shook your head, forcing yourself into wakefulness.

Your comforter was thrown from your body, and you shivered as cold air rushed over you. As jarred as you were, you still swung your legs off the bed, readjusting your boot and your aching leg, half-heartedly glaring at your crutches.

Your apartment wasn’t terribly set up to get around with your limited mobility, but your difficulty functioning didn’t help your overall mental state. Everything was just harder with the boot on, and you did your best to work with it.

Being locked up in your apartment added to the hellishness of it. You were so used to the stimuli and social environment of the teashop, it felt like a cold water shock when you were confined to your home entirely alone except for your cats.

You could, of course, try and venture out into the world. But, it was still winter and the ice-covered sidewalks didn’t seem like the best place to try and crutch around.

Within the first day or two, you resigned yourself to your three-week fate of being holed up.

You had a laundry list of things you could do. Shows and movies to watch, places in your house to clean, your cats to pet, but—

You still had far too much time on your hands.

A lot of your newfound time in the first few days was spent on your back, leg propped up, and draped in ice bags, musing over Hawks.

Hawks.

Holy fuck.

You couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t stop it. Just thinking about him made every part of you swirl and thrum like you were listening to some sort of contently-chorded song and you were more than happy to play it on repeat until your ears bled. Maybe that feeling towards Hawks had always been there (it had), but now you accepted it and stopped holding yourself back as much.

You never thought the idea of someone squeezing your shoulder would send you into literal fits of giggles and butterflies, but boy, did it. Not to mention all of the careful touches and gentle words you two had shared in the aftermath of the attack, though the memories were hazy. What you did remember and cherish was the warmth of him, quirk activated or not. Each time you recalled it, your gut fluttered and your hands twitched.

Your ceiling was the most interesting place to look in your apartment. The plain texture was the perfect canvas to allow your memories of the sweet interactions the two of you had shared to play like comforting reruns. The commercial breaks of these daydreams were the texts exchanged between you and Hawks.

Keigo couldn’t stop thinking about you either.

It wasn’t as distracting as it once was, as he had been more liberal with letting himself text you. The high number of messages between the two of you was maybe ridiculous, but he was a fast texter and you seemed to have plenty of jokes and banter for him to share in.

As good as the texting was, it was also nice to check-in on you and your recovery. You seemed more annoyed than anything else, but Keigo wasn’t so much of an idiot as to think you weren’t in any pain or struggling at all. Though you didn’t explicitly tell him or show him, he was familiar with the pains of healing and could infer some things about your state.

Keigo tried to brighten your day as he could. ‘Hawks’ still had plenty of hero work to do, especially with the information extracted from the recently detained syndicate members. Despite this, he took as much time as he could to stop and send you little snippets and messages which hopefully would help you smile a little.

It did, of course. Just talking to Hawks did.

You had moments of awareness a few times a day where you had to remind yourself that, yes, (Y/N), you were just casual friends and deeply enamored with the number two hero and that sentiment was at least partially returned.

You had a lot of time to wonder to what extent the feelings were returned. They obviously weren’t entirely one-sided, right?

It was completely possible that they were, but you did your best to shake off the thought.

It was more likely that notorious bachelor and flirt, pro hero Hawks, just wanted a fuck with some feelings. To fuck with some feelings, right?

Though, he did say that he cares about you.

But, you definitely can care about someone you only want to fuck.

You wished you had some sort of definitive answer. The murkiness of it all just made the sweetness of the past and the texts of the present seem a bit sour.

Confessing to Hawks was daunting and terrifying. Not to mention, it felt a bit juvenile, all of it. People weren’t supposed to get melty crushes like this past high school, right? Especially not ones this deep on someone who couldn’t possibly feel the same as you, right?

During one of these moments of uncomfortable clarity, your phone beeped as you rested on the couch. Despite not even seeing the message, you knew it would be Hawks.

You grabbed your phone, clicking open the newest message.

[birdboy]: hey hey angel

[birdboy]: look at this fucker i found

The image attached was a photo of Hawks standing next to one of his own billboards, advertising some sort of sports drink. The photo had obviously been taken with a timer, the angle of the photo tilted as Hawks and the billboard were quite small in the frame. It added to the charm of the photo, the way Hawks was holding a feather blade to the throat of his own advert. You could even tell through the pixels he was wearing a wide smile as he did so, wings spread behind him

You snorted.

You and Hawks are just friends, you reminded yourself.

[you]: looks like a punk bitch 2 me dude

[you]: kinda uncanny resemblance tho

[birdboy]: i agree

[birdboy]: he’s hot tho

You rolled your eyes, still smiling as you readjusted on the couch. You weren’t disagreeing, not at all.

[you]: not wrong

[you]: still, punk bitch

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: feelings = hurt

[birdboy]: please tell me the photo is funny

[birdboy]: it took like five tries

[you]: very funny, im gonna save it and sell when im short on cash

[birdboy]: my publicist will blacklist u

[you]: i’d like to see them try

[birdboy]: is that a challenge angel????

[you]: a promise

There was a break in the messages, though Hawks appeared to be typing.

[birdboy]: unrelated but

[birdboy]: how are you doing?

You paused, taking stock of your disheveled, sleepy self. You were only a few days out of the hospital and you definitely could’ve been worse off.

[you]: im okay!!!

[you]: sore and tired honestly

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: i'm glad to hear its not worse at least

[birdboy]: ill send u lots more embarrassing photos

[birdboy]: a million angel

[you]: my hero <3

It all was surreal and mentally impossible to avoid.

You really, really liked Hawks and had for a long while.

...

Keigo spent most of the rest of the day busy with patrols and work for the Commission, much to his chagrin. He hardly got a chance to text you. It reminded him of his reality as a pro, his fast-paced nature and how he truly couldn’t slow down, not at that point anyway. He had a brand and habitual way of being that was standard. Even for you, he wasn’t sure if he could slow down, even if he wanted to or needed to.

The idea scared him, pieces of his reality.

But, at the same time, Keigo hadn’t ever felt like this before. The weird, but incredibly alluring and comfortable heat in his chest made him feel like he’d do anything for you. Fuck, he’d fly to the stars and move them if he could, if that’s what it took.

Maybe he even wanted to.

Keigo couldn’t become a different person, for anyone, that’s not how things worked. But if getting closer to you meant... adjusting, he could do that. Easily. He was adaptable as all hell and he’d be glad to use it for something that made him feel good instead of hollow.

Keigo busily flew the day away. As the afternoon turned to night, the sky going pink and purple with dusk, he settled on top of a taller office building. It looked down on a street market, its smells and sounds wafting up to him on his perch.

It gave him an idea.

A good one.

You were inspecting your fridge with a grimace. Balancing on your crutches and being counter-weighed by the boot on your foot made your angry stance a whole lot less intimidating, but it was the sentiment that counted.

Several days post-hospital had done a number on your food supply. The fridge was empty except for a few nearly expired items and condiments. The dry shelves weren’t looking much better.

The shrill sound of your ringtone from the couch made your jump, nearly falling. You teetered back over to it, eye-widening at the caller ID.

[birdboy] calling...

Hawks had never called you before.

You quickly picked up the call, “...Hello?”

“Hey, angel!” Hawks was chipper on the other line. “What’re you up to?”

“Currently?” You hummed, turning forlornly to your kitchen. “Thinking about how I either need to order groceries or order dinner before committing to my couch for the rest of the night. Why? You don’t usually call.”

“I don’t,” Hawks’s smile was apparent in his voice, even through the receiver. “But, I had an idea.”

“Shoot.”

“I might just be near a super good takeout spot. How hard would it be for me to convince you to let me drop some food by your place? My treat.”

You didn’t reply for a second.

Stunned.

“Are you sure?”

“More than, dove. I’m off the rest of the night, anyways.”

Oh.

That gave you an idea—

An idea that would surely push the envelope of your feelings.

Let it.

“Okay, I’m in. One condition.” You bit your lip, willing your stomach to seize fluttering.

“You name it. This place is really good and—”

“I have been going a little stir crazy, and,” You cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, “how hard would it be to convince you to come over and stay awhile?”

Hawks was silent.

Your stomach dropped.

“Wait, I-I mean—” You stuttered, trying to gather yourself, but this time Hawks cut you off.

“Like, to hang out?” Hawks sounded shocked on the other line.

“Yes.”

You kept your breathing even and prayed it didn’t read over the call.

“God, dove. I’d love to. I can be over in like ten—”

“Wait,” You fisted the fabric of your sweats. “Can I have a little more time? For myself and my apartment.”

Hawks chuckled on the other end of the line, “Sure, angel. Thirty sound better?”

You let out a sigh of relief, falling on to the back of your couch, “Sounds perfect.”

Keigo decided to tease a bit, his heart pounding in his chest almost painfully. He knew from day one that you were bold, but this was a treat. He had to spare back, just a little.

“Though, dove, I’m sure you look more than perfect yourself. You always do.” He didn’t wait for your response, either out of fear of what you’d say or being a bit smug, he wasn’t sure.

Keigo hung up the call, burying his face in his gloves to try and stifle the blush on his cheeks, though it hardly helped.

It didn’t have to.

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Thirty minutes later and you were mostly sorted.

You managed to throw yourself into the shower, tossing on something half-way decent, but still comfortable. Had to keep it casual.

Crutching around your apartment, you picked up what clutter you could, mind spinning. Hawks coming over to your fucking apartment filled you with elated, and yet terrifying, anxiety. A few times while cleaning, you legitimately paused to muffle quiet screams in your hand at the prospect.

You felt like you were going to burst.

Keigo did too, notably.

He took the time to fly all the way back to his apartment, take the world’s fastest shower, and throw on some clothes other than his costume. Going back to get food, his hands shook as he handed the bills to the starry-eyed vendor who he’d just written an autograph for.

You’d sent a quick text just before he’d left with a description of your balcony, so neither of you would have to figure out how to let him in through the roof.

As he flew to your place, Keigo felt like he was going to implode.

He didn’t ‘hang out’ with people. Nope, far too busy for anything like that. He was a compulsory workaholic, it was part of his mental brand of being (or, mental ‘branding’, maybe). The closest he got to casual time with folks was the preamble before a hookup or the time he had spent at the tea shop with you. Actually going to spend time with someone, casually, and it was you? It was all new and terrifying.

But, above all? Exciting.

The whole situation opened many doors, all of which Keigo pictured and picked apart as he neared your apartment. There were so many potential situations to appraise and plan for, he felt overwhelmed by it all.

The opportunity to spend some... time with you outside of the tea shop was a necessity, right? Keigo’s original idea had been to drop off some food and banter for a while, but the idea of spending one of his precious nights off with you was so much better than he could’ve expected.

Not to mention the warm bit of validation sparked by the fact that you asked him to come over, you wanted him around —

It felt nice.

So nice.

You paused, hearing telltale scuffing of someone on your balcony.

Oh my god.

He’s here.

Hawks is here.

You gulped, shaking your head.

Don’t you dare chicken out now. Commit, dammit. You’re just... hanging out. With your friend.

Yeah.

A knock on the glass pulled you to the door of your balcony, hobbling to slide it open on your crutches.

Hawks was happy to push the door the rest of the way open, stepping inside with a bag of takeout slung on his arm.

Your mouth parched, seeing him once again in civilian clothing. Was it... normal to get turned on by the fact that he looked normal?

As Hawks stepped into your humble apartment, wings tucked tightly to his back, you drank him in, hair ruffled with his clear visor placed on top of his head to push back the windswept front pieces. He wore a white sweater and black trousers complete with heavy black boots that were quickly untied and left by the door.

“You’re staring, you know,” Hawks interrupted your thoughts as you straightened up on your crutches.

Recover.

“Can’t prove that,” You tutted, crutching away from the door. “Also, welcome. Watch out for my cats, they might try to get a mouthful of your feathers.”

“Duly noted,” Hawks clicked his tongue, standing up and following you as you meander to the kitchen.

Keigo had to admit that your apartment was relatively... cute. He was used to his own, seldom-used digs. He had a big, uncomfortably nice penthouse with too many disused rooms and too much open space. Fixtures and furniture that were too expensive, probably, but it had been far easier to hire some big-name interior designer and not bother with dealing with it himself. Keigo had trouble keeping many ‘personal’ possessions, anyways. His training with the Commission made him almost revile the thought of keeping unnecessary, material objects, sans a few.

Your home was the exact opposite.

Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to have a personal touch that it made your cozy little apartment feel so full of them.

Little photos and artworks on walls or in frames caught Keigo’s eyes as he followed you to the kitchen. He took note of several blankets on the couch, catching sight of the plushie he’d given you at the hospital. Even the lighting of the apartment was personal, diffuse. With how easily overstimulated you became, it made sense that you’d keep your apartment so ambiently dim.

“So, first off, thank you for coming by and delivering dinner. I am eternally grateful,” You bowed dramatically, leaning to flail out a crutch at the motion. “Second, as payment, I’ll make you a drink. Maybe not with my quirk, but I have some of my old tea blends here.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Keigo shrugged, setting the takeout down on the counter while his ever-present grin nearly hurt his face from how relentless it was. “And tea? Show me what you’ve got. Or, should I trust you to pick one out for me?”

You hummed, clicking your tongue before moving across the kitchen to a different set of cabinets, “I think I’ve actually got a good one for you. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Lay on the details, angel,” Keigo hummed, leaning against the lip of the counter.

You did have the perfect blend in mind. It wasn’t too old, hardly stale. It would pair as well as a nice tea could with fried takeout, judging by the smells wafting from the bag on the counter.

“It’s one I made for a brunch we catered a few months back. It’s just a white tea raspberry blend, but it’s not delicate. It should stand up to any sort of food you’ve brought. Thank you, by the way.”

Setting your crutches down, you started to push yourself up onto the counter without thinking much of it, booted-foot going limp off the edge.

“Of course, anytime— woah, angel,” His voice choked as you wavered on the edge of the counter, off-balance.

There was a short flap of wings and rush of air as you tried to rebalance, cursing the deadweight of your leg.

If Hawks hadn’t been directly behind you, you probably would’ve eaten shit.

You turned yourself as far as you could, cheeks going hot.

Hawks’ face was just inches away from yours. That was even to mention the hands hovering around your waist, chest brushing up against your back.

“S-sorry,” Did he just fucking stutter? “You looked like you were about to eat shit there.”

The words hardly reach you, you were too busy actively telling yourself not to stare at his pretty, plump lips because that is not something friends do. Not the can of worms you needed to open, right?

“I-,” You turned away from him, stretching up to the tea tin that had been out of your reach. “To think you’ve saved me from falling while reaching for loose leaf tea, twice.”

“All in a day's work,” His hands twitched around your sides but hardly shifted until you began to descend from the countertop. In fact, Hawks hardly moved away at all until you were situated back on your crutches.

You pretended not to notice the flush on his cheeks.

Maybe, it was a bit too close. Definitely too close, and bad circumstances, but god, you wanted more and more of him.

You swallowed your desires down, cracking a smile.

Be normal.

Be cool!

You shook the tin, leaves and dried fruit rattling inside, “So, cream or sugar?”

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The two of you ended up on the couch, picking through the several boxes of takeout that Hawks had brought. Most of dinner was spent bantering back and forth about one of Hawks’ newest modeling contracts and if it was ‘ethical’ for him to wear his own feathers for the sake of ‘fashion’?

“So, off-topic from insulting my employment ethics, ” Hawks spoke while munching on a piece of chicken. “You surviving?”

“Barely,” You laughed, setting down your utensils with a huff. “I forget how isolation makes you go a little crazy. I’m running out of dumb shit to watch and even dumber shit to send you.”

Hawks snorted, setting down his own box, having had his fill, “I know you are more than adept at combing the internet for more good shit to send me.”

“I mean, maybe, but you keep sending me juicy photos of you being a dumbass. They’re hard to show up, you know?” You side-eyed him at the birdish tilt of his head.

“You don’t need to show me up, angel,” Hawks reminded you, some feathers packing up what was left of the food. “Though, it’s fun. You’re fun.”

You internally winced at the sentiment but forced the smile on your face not to waver.

It was a needed reminder.

This close to Hawks, you could fucking smell him. Maybe it was a little creepy, but you remembered it so well, after the villain attack. The scent of some sort of spicy cologne and old sweat, but it was hardly unpleasant. No, it was intoxicating. It made you feel almost fuzzy, as it wafted around like some reminder that Hawks and you were so close.

You thanked the stars that the apartment lacked the stimuli to make your quirk activate on its own.

Your couch wasn’t very large, and it seemed even smaller with how Hawks had laid his wings over it. They were propped up over the back, outstretched just the smallest bit to relieve some pressure. All the same, the massive feathers made you feel minuscule.

Even the way he was sitting was intoxicating and a bit gut-wrenching. It was casual, the way he leaned back against the far cushions, legs somewhat spread with an ankle over the opposite knee. The pose oozed a weird, untouchable confidence that you hadn’t seen in Hawks in months, maybe ever. At least, not directed at you.

Despite the warm nature of his words, he seemed guarded.

It made your throat dry.

Keigo was quite on edge. He hadn’t meant to get so close in the kitchen, really, he hadn’t. But, seeing you dangling off the edge of the counter like that, even if it was harmless and mundane, made his entire body and mind react before he could think.

But, you weren’t in any danger. Even if you had been, Keigo would’ve been there to catch you.

He’d put himself out of it, overthinking the whole thing. You were fine. Safe.

The other part of his mind spun with how he wanted to be so much closer.

Feeling the warmth of your body, the lines of your waist, the thrum of your heart and breath so fucking close—

It was a lot.

But, he was well-trained and not going to choke.

He’d shoved himself to the opposite side of the couch to you, keeping his boundaries up, strong as steel and hard as carbon.

Of course, Keigo knew the feelings were mutual. That didn’t mean that none of this was terrifying in the same way that it was exhilarating.

As much as he wanted to be closer (so much closer), Keigo remained careful. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was ruin something before it had even truly happened.

You sat back against the couch, repositioning your injured leg on the coffee table, “So, thoughts.”

“On?”

You didn’t look at Keigo as you replied, rather glared at your TV, “What to watch?”

“Oh,” You could hear the smile in his voice. “We’re watching something?”

“You tell me. I imagine you don’t get lots of time to do this sort of thing, do you?”

Hawks didn’t reply for a moment, sitting deeper into the couch, “Not really.”

“Then indulge, tailfeathers,” You tossed the remote in his lap. “Anything, go for it. Go nuts.”

Hawks nearly put on watching a reality cooking show, before you said that that was off-limits, per an odd conversation from way back when where he had admitted to be hot for Gordon Ramsey. He had been a little too vague as to whether or not he would pop a boner from Gordon’s filmed degradations. And truthfully, if anything was gonna give Hawks a hard-on tonight, you were determined for it not to be competitive cooking TV. Maybe, just maybe, you’d rather it be you.

...

Eventually, he settled on some psychological thriller you’d never heard of.

Keigo hadn’t either.

He was glad that you couldn’t hear his heart in the same way he heard your’s pounding.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you crutch around, turning the already dim lights lower.

Calm the down, Hawks.

Calm the fuck down.

He’d never even done this before. Keigo wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, even if it was as simple as watching a film.

It would’ve been simpler if the tension in the air was thick and foggy, clouding over his consciousness as he tried to focus on anything other than your nearness and how much he wanted to drag you into his lap.

…

His feathers fluttered as you plopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over your lap and offering one to him.

He took it, settling it over his lap as the movie went on.

You weren’t an idiot. You could feel the blood rushing in your hot ears as you fisted the blanket over your legs.

Your mind spoke a lot louder than you wanted it to:

Just fucking do it.

Do what exactly?

The paramount thought that was causing anxiety to twirl in your gut.

Maybe, you could just tell him how you felt.

Maybe just hold his hand.

Maybe get fucking rejected because he’s out of your league and out of bounds.

Maybe even kiss him—

You were torturing yourself, the movie just background noise to your internal dilemma.

You’d asked him to your apartment and Hawks had bought you fucking dinner. That wasn’t a lot, sure, maybe, but there were also the months of lead-up.

There were all of the cold mornings and cheeky grins you gave each other in the waking coffee shop. There were the fuzzy jokes, the lingering glances, and the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever he graced you with mere eye contact.

It felt like you were already in too deep to not be honest about how you felt towards him. Fuck, you’d been in too deep for months. Every time you made him a damn drink, you wanted to just drink him in. You were all fluttering hearts and sweet smiles for him in a way that you couldn’t suppress, only squash in moments of such intense anxiety like this—

“Hey, dove?” It was Hawks, shocking you from your turmoil with a soft voice. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m good.” Your reply was curt and clipped.

Make a decision now.

Pull the bandage off, (Y/N).

It’ll just be worse, the longer you wait.

Maybe Hawks did just want to fuck with some cute feelings, the seemingly longing looks be damned. Yeah, you liked him way more than for just a fuck, that was obvious and unavoidable. Besides, it’d be better to know than to not know, right?

“You sure? If the movie’s too much, we can turn it off,” Hawks sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the couch.

...

You committed, taking a deep breath and turning to Hawks.

“It’s not that,” You looked at the couch between the two of you, tracing the seam of the cushion. “The movie’s fine.”

“Then, you’re not feeling great for another reason?” Keigo asked, feeling each of your breaths and heartbeats like bass drums in his ears. He hides the shaking of his hands by crossing them over his chest. “You can talk to me, (Y/N).”

“Can I?” You asked, shaking your head and laughing at yourself. “Hawks, I need to do something really fucking stupid.”

Holy fuck.

Are they—

“What’s that?”

His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be.

“Fuck, Hawks,” You finally forced yourself to look at him, taking in his guarded posture and pained expression.

Your heart sank.

“I just need to be honest with you.”

Hawks’s brow soured, lips twitching, “Go for it, dove.”

You laughed, maybe trying to soothe yourself, “It’s probably is just, so fucking stupid, all things considered.”

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your lip between sentences and willing yourself to just get it out—

“Hawks, I like you. A lot.”

He still didn’t say anything and you could feel shards of your heart drive into your lungs.

You forced yourself to look up at him, smiling with the slight release of tension in your sternum, however painful.

“I know, we’re just friends, right? I’m just the barista and you’re my special, pro hero regular. I know I’m overstepping right now, but it feels unfair for me to not be honest with you.”

Keigo already knew this, right? He knew how you felt, fuck, he’d felt how you felt. He just wasn’t prepared for the exploding and thrumming in his chest when you told him with your sweet lips and kind words.

Why did it feel so different when you were smiling at him like you were in pain and telling him so fucking honestly with your words?

It was the thing about you that he admired the most, that candor in your tone and the grin in your cheeks as you spoke so.

But, your smile was falling, leaving watery-looking eyes.

“Hawks, I like you. Way too much for friends, and I needed to say something.”

Keigo’s mouth was dry.

For the first time in so fucking long, he was genuinely speechless.

He couldn’t recall a time in his life anyone had spoken so earnestly to him, just you. Just you, you, you— casually, over and over again, you talked to him like he was something real and something to be cared for. It was subtle, but it was one of the many things that made him want you closer.

Yet, despite all his bundled up desires, he was lost for words.

“I’m sorry—”

He stopped you, “(Y/N), please don’t apologize.”

“But—”

“(Y/N).”

Hawks’ voice was sharp. It made the expression on your face rapidly fall.

He looked at you with rapt attention, arms uncrossing from his chest.

He turned to you on the couch, feathers fluffed up and twitching.

Your nose stung as Hawks, all pretty golds and ambers, shook out an exhale and balled up the blanket in his lap.

“Hawks—”

“Why would you need to be sorry?”

Hawks looked at you with wide eyes, brow creased. His shoulders were... shaking?

Your head spun, leg aching, “... What do you mean?”

Hawks finally met your gaze, giving you the sweetest, saddest smile you’d ever seen, “Dove, you’re acting like there’s no way I could feel the same way.”

Every cell in your body stuttered.

“You’ve done it since we’ve met.”

Hawks scooted closer on the cushions of the couch.

“You’ve always acted like there’s just no way I could like you, give a shit about you—”

He moved a bit closer.

You couldn’t make yourself move.

“You want to know the truth?”

You creaked out a nod.

Keigo couldn’t help the way he went to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the apples of your cheeks. You lean into his touch, just like at the hospital, despite the blend of absolute fear and confusion in your expression.

“How could I not care about you, dove?” And it finally came out. “I care about so much— dove, I don’t know what to fucking say.”

That made you speechless, lips parting just the slightest bit as Hawks continued, losing composure with his morphing expressions.

He wet his lips, swallowing, “Dove, I’ve never—any of this. I-I don’t know what o-or how to say any of what I want to right now.”

You speak before thinking.

“Show me, if you don’t know how to say it.”

The idea seemed so novel as Keigo ran a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it from between your teeth. He met your gaze with the gooiest, sweetest look you’d ever seen in your life, “You want me to?”

“Please.”

It was all the two of you had wanted for a while now, right?

“If I kiss you, I’m not ever gonna be able to make this go away, am I?” Keigo was speaking to himself, just above his breath. But, you were more than close enough to hear him.

“Hey, Hawks? I don’t know if we can make ‘this’ try to go away.” You grabbed one of the hands cupping your face, pulling it away, only to shakily press in your lips to the bones on the back of it. “I don’t want to anymore.”

“Y-you gotta stop being so sweet, (Y/N)—”

Neither of you could wait a moment longer.

Your arms wrapped around Keigo’s shoulder. In the same motions, he pulled you closer by your waist, dragging you finally closer to him.

He held your jaw like you were the most precious thing in the world. Because, truthfully, you were to him. The sentiment was shared Deeply.

Your lips pressed together and the long-held tensions in your chests mutually shattered, dissolving in the honeyed touch of each other’s genuine attention.

You angled your head perfectly, Keigo’s hand guiding you as his mouth worked against yours. It wasn’t a particularly steamy sort of affair, but by god, it wasn’t in any way chaste. Not with the tight grip and thumbing on your ribs. Not with the way your hands tangled in the soft (holy fuck, soft) hair at the base of Keigo’s skull.

You both tasted each other's sweetness, craving more of it after denying yourselves of it for so long. It was white-hot, exploding behind your eyes, even as your quirk remained dormant. Keigo was honey and cream and smoked spices all dancing across your palette.

To Keigo? You were sweet, cool water over a hot burn. You were the heat of a hearth rolling over him on the coldest of days. He swears that in the first moments he finally got to be close to you, and over and over again— he finally understood how your quirk worked.

There was no way that finally feeling you, feeling you as he felt you, could be described with just five senses.

You pulled away first, gasping for breath and arching your back into him. You lingered as close as you could, pressing your forehead to Keigo’s while your breaths mingled. You didn’t dare stray far.

“Was that enough to show you?” Keigo asked, breathless. He kept a wide hand against your back, urging you with a bit of soft pressure to put your weight into it. You complied, settling in his hold as Keigo stroked at your hot cheeks.

You nodded, beaming up at him with that sunny smile of yours. It never failed to make heat burn through Keigo and god, did it feel good to finally let it unabashed.

“I take it, you like me too, huh,” You smiled, looking a bit embarrassed.

“Very much, very much,” Keigo repeated, pressing a kiss to your nose (he’d always wanted to do that). “So much, (Y/N). I apologize for not saying anything sooner. This is just...”

“New to you, right?” You finished his sentence, thumbing along the back of his neck in a way that made Keigo just melt. “It’s been a while for me too, if it makes you feel better.”

“It does, dove. Thank you.” Keigo let out a deep breath, shaking his head against yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

“It’s alright, same goes for me,” As much as you needed to adjust due to the angle of your recovering leg, you couldn’t make yourself do it. You were so wonderfully close to Hawks, you never wanted to move.

“If we’re being honest, then I need to be honest with you,” Hawks met your eyes, his expression going a little dimmer.

You braced for the worst.

He picked up your shift easily, finally able to express how quickly he caught your mood after so long of being attuned to it.

“Oh wait, no, (Y/N), nothing terrible, I promise,” Hawks rubbed at your sides. “It’s about the miel.”

“The... miel?” You cocked your head to the side, confused, recalling the drink somewhat hazily. “The drink I made you on the day of... the attack?”

Hawks gave you a tense smile, “That one, yeah. Remember how you said it was just based on your ambient feelings?”

“Uh-huh.” You let confusion lace your tone until it slowly started to dawn on you.

“You made the drink, ambiently, around me—”

Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, “Oh my god, Hawks, did my feelings for you get in the drink?”

Hawks graced you with a sweet, sympathetic smile, fingers tucking at the hair around your ear, “They did, dove. I’ve kind of known for a few days, it just hasn’t been the time or setting to say something. I apologize.”

“N-no, it’s okay, I totally understand,” You sighed into his grip. “I really thought it might be something worse.”

“Consider your worries assuaged,” Hawks hummed, eyes drifting to your boot. He deadpanned suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your leg hurt right now?”

Fairly bad, considering. You were half on your knees, the booted leg twisted awkwardly while still raised to the coffee table. This wasn’t even to mention the arch of your back so you could be all that closer to Hawks.

The pain of the position was easy to forget; you were still shaking from kissing Hawks just once.

“Uh, maybe like a seven, once I can feel anything other than how good you felt just now,” you hummed, grinning up at Hawks as his face went bright red.

The infinite pleasure you received, making him blush so sweetly.

He shook it off, squeezing your sides, “Cute. Very cute. Mutually returned sentiment, but let’s adjust.”

You nodded but didn’t have much time to react as a bundle of Hawks’s feathers lifted you every which way, albeit incredibly gently. All said and done, he was fully upright against the back of the couch. With the support of a feather or two, Hawks’s arms tugged you into his lap. Your legs stretched to the side, the booted one immediately propped up by a feather-supplied pillow.

You both settled yourselves, blushing and leaning on each other now that you finally were allowing yourself to.

Keigo fully wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. One of his wings even shifted to drape over one his shoulder, sheltering the two of you in a canopy of a crimson. Keigo let his hands wander over your hips, not seeking anything more than blessed attention and heat. You gave it all to him, tucking your face into his collarbone, drowning in the scent that made you feel at home.

Keigo pressed his lips to your crown and legitimately shuddering.

He spoke to himself, so faintly and quietly, you hardly caught it, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

There was melancholy in his voice, but you were quick to strip it away.

You brushed your lips along his jaw, savoring the way he held you tighter, “I have too. Can we do this more?”

“Anytime, dove. Anytime.”

“Right now sound good?”

You withdrew to beam up at him as you were so good at doing, only to be smothered by craving-satiating kisses anywhere Keigo could get to. The sweet, high laughter that he dripped onto you made your heart burst all over again.

And you finally, finally fell into the other sweetly, warmly, and properly.

||||||||||||||||||

taglist: @thepandapopo @hawksexual @sinclairsamess @darcia22 @inhalingsoysauce @yee-fxcking-haw

#salem writes #lavender latte #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #hawks x you #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo x you #takami keigo x y/n #mha reader insert #hawks reader insert #hawks #takami keigo #hawks mha #hawks bnha #im soft for this one yall #so soft

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shegairowmyamo · 4 years ago

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Yandere Turbo x Reader headcanons

ok so im done waiting to try and get a second tumblr account so i'm just gonna post it heer and bicehouse i know that there are gonna be those who are STARVING for content like this and i'm one of those so i decided to make it myself. I'm dipping my toes in the diper end of the pool now but you know, baby steps. Besides, I'm thinking of doing more things like this but this has all been for fun but i will warn you that i'm not used to writing a lot of lovey dovey stuff. I hope you enjoy it.

If you're sly enough maybe you can get this guy rapt around your finger but believe me or not, Turbo is smart but his jealousy can get the best of him. If the backstory that Felix told Calhoun told us anything is that Turbo will do anything to get rid of computision, so who isn't to say that he would go at the same lengths for you too.

He doesn't trust you with ALLOT of the residents of the arcade, some of the onley few is Felix and “maybe” the Twins™ and perhaps even Tapper for whatever reason.

If he ever sees you talking to another person he will 1. Assume that the one who is talking to you was the one to start the conversation: and hopefully 2. Try and restrain his obvious jealousy and rage with a strained smile and and not going all out yelling at the purson: 3. “Calmly” walk up to the heathen who dares come close to his prize possession. Now this is fun and all to imagine but what if the heathen was hitting on you… In which this bitches jealousy will go true the roof and all logic goes out the window he will go in, engines roaring his car to life (idk how cars work but this sounds cool) as he sweeps in.

Oh you could smell the burning hot jealousy from a mile away, and now that i think about it… It smells like burnt rubber… Basically what i'm getting at here is that Turbo would totally run this jackass over. He will receive a death glare everytime Turbo sees the ass hat. Menttoly declaring him as a threat and putting him on his bucket list of games to unplug.

The aftermath of all this would either be just him having an arm around your waist for the rest of the night and when someone comes too close for his liking He will pull you closer to him “for protection” as he puts it. Or you would have to go into one of your games and calm him down because Turbo is having a full blown attack of some kind. He's repeating words and sometimes sentences, he's holding you close while his vision is blurry from the amount of rage he feels. Being mad at that no good loser for daring getting close to you yada yada. He demands and expects to be cuddled and kissed while being told how great he is and how you're never leaving him.

This (gremlin) man would unplugged any game for you even if its just “because that character was mean to me :(“ and he will be like (idk how to write a character with a lisp) “don't worry babe you don't need to worry about that asshole for mutch long” cue evil laughter. But as silly as that sounded we both know his intention, and they are far from silly.

Turbo sometimes has a hard time hiding the 8-bit hearts that pop out of into the air surrounding him and in his eyes, especially the time he realized he was “in love” with you. And then it turned into an obsession and became overly possessive over you. He will do like that thing where he will just ask for a hug out of nower to get your attention and out of your line of sight he will stare down the person you were talking to. It is creapy as fuck but also cinda hot.. I mean like yah having someone wanting to be with you 24/7 can sound kinda exhausting but the image of him being so protective over someone just makes me swoon you know what i mean.

The first person you're going to see when you exit your game is obviously Turbo, he will be just casually leaning on a wall asking what took you so long in a playful manner. And then he will casually just ask you if you want to go to Tappers or some other game to hangout in while ignoring any protest or excuses that you tell him. But don't be fooled by his careless demeanor because he will store those little protests in a jar of grudges.

If i had to guess this man's love languages it would be words of affirmation and his close second being receiving gifts. So inflating his ego might not be such a bad thing on your part. But on everybody else's “whistle”. If anything it would help you survive this guy from anything getting out of hand if you were to refuse him too many times. One day right after closing time he will insist that you must be so tired and that you should hang out in his game for the night but after you both get there and Turbo make sure that there are no witnesses he will knock your lights out. And even if there were witnesses it would probably be just one or both of the twins. But they both have noticed the change in Turbo and his increased aggressive behavior and they didn't wanna get involved so they both agreed to keep quiet. Man it seems that everyone in Turbo Time is a selfish git.

The absence of you in your game forste Litwick to unplug it for good which makes your home just a memory of the retro past. Turbo with a sinisterly joyful smile on his face watches as your expresion turns even more sorrowful and helpless when he tells you the news. The twins have this sinking feeling ever since the day they saw you get kidnapped and after your game got unplugged it got even worse but it made them more determined to beat Turbo in the races they have as their own revenge. But a part of them feared that all that anger was gonna get taken out on you and it was confirmed one specific day when Turbo went to mod knows where and came back a few hours later with blood on his knuckles. After that they backed down with the whole winning thing a little just for your sake.

One day tho one of the twins were looking for something when he heard heavy breathing coming from one of the places in Turbo Time that he usually didn't go to, whoever was there heard him and abruptly stopped. It encuregd him to wallck kloser to the noise and when he did, oh boi. The piercing eyes of a tied up purson (aka you) stared at him in disbelief and fear. Thinking at first that they were Turbo but when you realized that it was one of the twins your eyes soon changed to desporation. Releasing now what the twin had stumbled upon he quickly retreated, the desporet cry and anguished scream for his help still haunt him especially those eyes. What did Turbo do to you…

Turbo at this point only sees you as an object, his prize possession but he would never harm you at least not physically. He wants to keep his winners cup spotless, that includes any dents or bruises. And the bloody knuckles are just from him punching the wall right beside your head to scare you and to get his point across if it wasn't obvious from the start.

#wir headcanon #turbo x reader #yandere turbo #yandere #yandere x reader #wir turbo #my writing #yandere wir turbo #yandere turbo x reader #wir

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years ago

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Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

#survey

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paepsi · 6 years ago

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EXO as dumb shit I’ve done, EXPLAINED:

Suho:

See this picture here? This is me before the moving team. I was so fucking proud of myself for strapping the base of the chair to my roof (it wouldn’t fit through the trunk of me smol hatchback). I thought it was funny that it kinda looked like a kip-pah and asked my friend to take a pic for me here (see my lil peace sign next to my face? im v happy of my jew car). Little did I know that after driving to my new apartment with the whole moving team from IKEA unloading shit from the truck, I would be stuck in the fucking car. I didn't have a knife or scissors to cut the strings and I didn't want to make my dumb assery to be noticed; so instead of asking for help... I climbed out the front window and almost fell flat on my ass. When I stood up and turned around, the whole moving team was just standing there looking at me. The assholes knew I was stuck and let me suffer.

Kris & Kai:

so these moments both happened in the same night. I went to a house warming party for my friend and I didn't know what to bring as a gift, so I just bought two big bags of Hawaiian bread. Now throughout the night, the more I drink, the more impulsive I get.

I started putting the bread on people's shoulders, slowly piling them up until they noticed. Everyone was pretty wasted so there was no surprise when I had a stack of 4 1/2 buns (I ate half) on my friends shoulder. Anyways- fast forward into the night, I'm craving sweets, so I walk into my friends kitchen and find a jar of cookies. At the time I thought it was a brilliant idea to just put the Hawaiian bread in there so the kitchen looked full; a fair exchange, if you will. At least that's what I thought... I found pictures from the party and it turns out I just ended up putting in a half eaten bun sjzjsj

Fast forward into the morning of the next day, I’m hungover and I wake up wearing mismatching socks (one is mine, the other I have no idea).

I needed to get home because I had work later that day, so I hop into my car and start driving home. The whole time there was this annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had such a bad headache that I pulled over to see what the fuck was wrong. I got out of my car, checked the wheels, checked the under the hood, then hopped back inside. I was so frustrated that I banged my head on the steering wheel and just rested my eyes for a sec. When I opened them to look straight ahead at my dashboard, the brake light was glowing bright red. I cried.

Chanyeol:

One summer evening, I was hanging with my sister and her friends around a campfire. We were roasting marshmallows, drinking, having a good time etc. Eventually later into the night we started getting bored and one of my sister’s friends suggested playing hot potato with the coals from the fire. We’re all game like FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS. Then we start tossing it around and realize that it’s way too fucking hot, so instead of tossing it’s just everyone spiking the coal to the next person. FYI, I have terrible hand eye coordination and I wasn’t wearing my glasses that night. Every single time the coal was spiked my way it would miss my hand and fly straight into my hair. The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror, skipped breakfast and headed straight to the salon. still looked cute or w/e so I ain’t mad

Kyungsoo:

Ahhhh, this one is actually pretty personal and happened not too long ago! My mom finally left this dirt bag she’d been married to for the past 16 years. When I say dirt bag, I mean a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. My mom was so tired during her session with the mediator for when they were deciding who was getting what; she took 30-45 minutes to talk alone with them and he took 3 fucking hours putting on this sick sob story. The mediator was so done with him too that they just let him do whatever he wanted. That meant he had the “right” to pick and choose what belonged to him in our apartment. The fucker took EVERYTHING. He took the furniture, the bedroom sets, all the electronics, the spices- HE DOESN’T EVEN COOK. However, a week before then, I bought a huge bottle of vanilla. I needed it to make edible cookie dough, which I was doing everyday out of stress. The day before he finally moved out, I came home from work to see everything wrapped/packed up. I started to get worked up and went to the kitchen to make my cookie dough. When I opened the cabinet to get my vanilla and saw it completely empty, I lost it. I literally screamed and started tearing up all the boxes, finding more shit that belonged to me and stopped when I finally found my vanilla. I went back to the kitchen, happily made my cookie dough and kicked back on "his” couch with my dirty shoes on. Later that night, the asshole came home and screamed at me. I shut him up tho when I told him I’d suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep if he dared to touch me or any of my things ever again. He didn’t stay in the apartment that night lol

Baekhyun:

I think this one might be my favorite story. It all started when a package from my mom in the mail never showed up even though the UPS tracking said it had already arrived on my doorstep. I assumed in meant the package was stolen and got really bummed about it since it had some essential items in there. My roommates felt bad and decided to cheer me up by throwing a house party (woohoo! cue the alcohol!). It started at like 3pm and went on all the way until 4 am the next day. Somewhere within that time frame while it was still light outside, slightly tipsy, I found a ladder on the side of the house and had a strong urge to follow it up to the top; and who am I to deny every desire that comes across my pea sized brain. I was half-way up to the roof when one of my roommates spotted me (let’s call him Big Ned; there were two guys named Ned in our house so we just called them Big Ned and Little Ned; Big Ned is like 6′3″ and Little Ned is like 5′4″). Big Ned started yelling at me to get down and I told him I couldn’t because it was my destiny to reach the top. He decided that there was no use arguing with me and ended up following me to the roof (even though he’s afraid of heights; bless his BFG heart). He’s kinda hard to miss, so when he started making his way up to the roof with me, it grabbed a lot of attention. Some joined us. Meanwhile, I decided to walk around and look into my neighbors yards. I saw a mess of papers in one of the alleys between our houses and joked “lmao that’d be funny if that was my package”. We laughed for a bit then looked a little closer until we realized oh fuck that’s my package. My body moved on it’s own and just kinda scrambled across the roof trying to figure out the fastest and least painful way to get off the roof. Thank the stars for Big Ben holding me back by the collar of my shirt and preventing me from jumping down onto the neighbors fence. Little Ben ended up running over and jumping the fence to get it for me. We still don’t know how it got there.

Tao:

In middle school, I had to go on this field trip to some ranch out in the countryside of Texas. I remember we were all huddled into a barn with a big stage in the back. The teachers grabbed a mic and got on stage to talk about who knows what. Idk I wasn’t paying attention, talking to my friend, in my own world. When the mics go off, everyone starts chattering. At that moment in time, I was extremely preoccupied with my shoelaces when I got a tap on my shoulder from my homeroom teacher. I think she was mad at me for not listening and told me to head up to the stage along with a few other students making their way over. Being in front of others makes me nervous, but when the teachers put a bib around my neck before I got on stage, I was too confused to think of anything else. When another teacher started handing out baby bottles filled with Gatorade to each student on stage, I had to stop them to ask what was going on. And what do ya know, I’m in a baby bottle drinking contest. Before I had time to ask any more questions, they were already counting down to start. Now listen, I’m not the type of person to back down from a challenge so ofc you know I’m gonna suck the soul out of this bich. The reason I can say this confidently is because up until I was 11 years old, I always drank out of baby bottles when I got home from school. I just really liked the feeling?? For me, nothing beat chilling on the couch, watching Teen Titans and drinking fresh cold orange juice from a baby bottle on a hot summer day. Idk but I guess it came in handy since I finished a 24oz bottle under 35 seconds. The rest of the kids weren’t even close to half way through. There’s a picture of me at the back of my school year book holding up the baby bottle like a trophy.

Sehun:

Remember my sisters friends from the campfire? Well I spent a good long summer hanging with her friend group and ended up getting kinda close to this one of the guys (let’s call him Jake). I have a really broad range of music taste and I guess he digged that so we talked a lot about music together. By the end of the summer, Jake threw a party at his house and invited me over. Ngl I wanted some dick so ofc I’m gonna go all out and break out my hot leather Madonna outfit. I head out with my sis and the house is packed by the time we get there. The whole time we’re pretty much just hanging out, drinking and dancing the night away. Some time passed 1 am (I think), I’m sorta outside making out with Jake on the side of his house. It’s getting really hot and heavy. When we finally broke apart for air, he told me he though he was in love with me. I’m screaming internally, panicking and I don’t know what to do. I could tell from way before that he really liked me, but I didn’t think it was to that extent. It doesn’t help exactly that I don’t feel the same way for him. Don’t get me wrong! He was really hot and sweet, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. So what did I tell him? Nothing. My dumb ass was in such a panic that all I could think of was that I needed to run. I did. I ran back into the house, out the front porch, spotted his skateboard and took off. I didn’t really know where I was or where I was going but somehow I ended up at the train station and eventually found my way back home.

Xiumin:

On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out to a really nice, 5 star restaurant in the city we lived. They're buying me all the drinks I want cause heck I'm finally legal! Now, I think y'all can see a pattern of what happens when I drink. So when Big Ned got a glass of scotch and I had just finished off my last sip of wine, I wanted some too. I asked him to share, using "it's my birthday" to get my way. Ever the gentleman, Big Ben pours half his glass into my wine glass and keeps his raised for a cheers. The whole group joins in and with a shout of Mozeltov, I slam the wine glass down on the table and toss it back. It wasn't until I finished the last drop and tried to set my glass back on the table that I realized I snapped the stem in half. No one spoke, except for Little Ned, softly, "did you... did that really just happen?" Yeah. Yeah it did. Thankfully the restaurant agreed to keep the broken glass off the bill as long as I left the restaurant immediately.

Chen:

On a Saturday night, I met up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in months. We bought some snacks and drinks then drove to a marina near my apartment (new place in California). The whole night we spent catching up and throwing rocks in the water. I was still a little tipsy when it was time to go home and my friend ended up driving me back. On the way back, I opened a bag and snacked on some pizza flavored goldfish. I was about a fourth of the way through the bag when I decided I didn’t like it anymore and started tossing them out the window. We pull up to a stop light and my friend is trying to make me stop by rolling up the window, but I stick my leg out before he could close it. Next he tries to compromise and said if I wasn’t going to eat the goldfish, I should just put the bag down and remove my leg from the window. My tipsy ass told him no, I was handing out free food. I turned to look at the car next to me, asked (yelled) if they wanted any goldfish and held out the bag to them. I guess the dude thought it was funny and was just like “yeah sure why not, lifes too short to not eat goldfish from a stranger at a stoplight” alksdjflskdj

Lay:

When I was about 6 years old, I lived out in the suburbs of Fulshear, Texas. The community is really tiny and everyone knew each other. One time, I was playing hide and seek with my siblings, and decided to hide under my moms bed. While I was waiting for my brother to come find me, I fell asleep. A couple hours later I wake up and it’s dark out. The house is empty. I’m calling out to see if anyone is home, checking all the rooms. I thought maybe everyone decided to tag me “it” since I passed out. After a while of not finding anyone, the phone rings and I pick up. It’s my mom sounding out of breath calling to see if anyone found me and took me back to my house. Turns out I had actually been knocked out for 6 hours. Not being able to find me during hide and seek for 2 hrs, my siblings went to get my mom who also started looking for me. After another hour and no luck, she called our neighbors across the street to see if I went over to play with their kids. Ofc they said no and said they would call some other people in the neighborhood to find out if they'd seen me. A few hours later, the whole neighborhood was out looking for me. Meanwhile I'm at home chilling on the couch watching Teletubbies and eating goldfish (the original babey).

Luhan:

My dad took me and my siblings to the beach almost every summer in elementary school. We would always stay at this Holiday Inn right across the street from the sands. At night, we would go “hunting” for crabs with a flashlight and a fishnet. But on some nights when my dad was too tired to go out, my siblings and I would hang in the kids room at the hotel. We were fooling around and just being kids. Then we found a big case filled with tubes of paint. I was excited to do some finger painting but before I could reach for a tube, my brother stopped me to say he had an idea. He dared us lay down our sheets of paper and paint them by jumping on the tubes. Being the youngest of four, I thought this was a brilliant idea and immediately got to work. Set my paper down and lined up the colors I wanted to use. I jumped.... Only a spec of paint made it onto the paper... The rest beautifully decorated the off-white walls of the kids room. We all just froze because oh my stars we’re gonna be in so much trouble. Turning to each other, we made a very strong pinky promise to not tell a soul what happened. The next day when we returned to the kids room, the case was gone, faded splotches of green and purple remained on the walls, and a big paper taped above reading “NO PAINTING ALLOWED”.

Fun fact: my eldest sister used to write about my adventures for her creative essay homework’s in middle school.

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danfanciesphil · 6 years ago

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Hey Ellen 💕 I’m a new fic writer and i need some tips, whenever i write a fic i write dan and phil and when i read it back i can barely recognise them sjsjhdbdbdbbd or either they are too similar to each other (i can write i promise) sooo have u got any advice. Also how in the heck do I write smut

Hey friend!

To begin with, I suggest checking my writing tips tag! there are some lengthy posts there with hints and tips for how to characterise DnP, how to create a compelling story, how to plot etc etc.

BUT ladies and gentlemen I realise I have never made a post about smut writing, and I am so pumped. Get ready gang, for here are Ellen’s smut writing tricks lmao:

(nsfw.......... obviously)

1. TENSION

This is my most important tip. It’s a personal thing for sure, but I absolutely think that no matter how good the smut is, it’s nothing without the build-up. Tension can come in a variety of formats, but to get really good smut, I think the best kinds are: prolonged waiting (e.g. they’re at a fancy party and are salivating over each other in tuxes, but can’t fuck until they get home), jealousy, excessive teasing/flirting, or doing it in secret. These added elements, usually put in prior to the actual smut scene, give the reader context, make them wait, anticipate, and be extra satisfied with the final result.

2. DON’T BE VULGAR

Just try and avoid excessive use of the words ‘cock’, ‘ass’, ‘cum’ etc. This is not to say it can’t be dirty, but there are less jarring ways to phrase certain actions. Using a vulgar phrase can pull a reader out of the scene momentarily, which for smut is the opposite of what you want! Smut scenes are meant to be an immersive experience - their purpose is literally just to arouse/thrill the reader. So by all means have Dan riling around on the floor with his balls tied and a gag in his mouth, but maybe refrain from saying it so bluntly.

3. STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEIR HANDS

One of the most irritating things about m/m or w/w smut scenes in fanfiction, is trying to work out, as a reader, what position they’re in now, and if they’re on the bed yet, or if their clothes are off, or if that vibrator is still stuck in Phil’s- A rule that I live by in every day writing is TRUST YOUR READER. It’s my all time favourite rule. Stop over-describing everything. Your reader is intelligent. They have (most likely) read smut scenes before. You do not need to say where everything is every sentence. Not sure how they’re getting from pressed up against the wall to the sex swing on the other side of the dungeon?? Just skip it! You are the omniscient puppet master, you don’t need to justify how it happens, you just need to write about it. I’ll try to give you an example:

Bad: Dan kisses Phil hard and slimily, pushing him with lots of force up against the hood of his green, metallic car. “I’m going to bite you now,” Dan growls sexily, his voice rough and grating. Then he grins, revealing a long line of yellowed fangs. He strips Phil of his red Buffy the Vampire Slayer t-shirt and folds it up, then lays it on the floor next to Phil’s converses, which he put there earlier. Then he opens Phil’s Calvin Klein jeans, revealing his blue boxer shorts. He pulls them off one by one, folds them up too, then slips his right claw under Phil’s left thigh and pushes it upwards. He leans in, eyes blinking two sets of lids, and with his left hand, runs a long nail over Phil’s milky skin. “Let’s move to my paddling pool,” Dan says, then takes Phil by his left hand and helps him off the hood. Phil waddles after him, boxers caught around his ankles as they make their way over to the pool. “So sunny today,” Phil comments - the walk is a lot longer than expected. Dan nods. “Yeah it’s been balmy. Nearly there now.”

Good: Dan kisses Phil hard, pushing him up against the hood of his car. “I’m going to bite you now,” Dan growls, then grins, revealing a long line of yellowed fangs. He strips Phil of his t-shirt, then his jeans, breathing heavily. His claw slips under Phil’s thigh and pushes it upwards. Dan leans in, eyes blinking two sets of lids, and runs a long nail over Phil’s skin.Phil sucks in a breath, delirious from Dan’s venom in his blood. They’re in a paddling pool now, and Dan is thrashing about in the shallow water above him. Phil can’t wait to feel those fangs pierce his wet skin.

Basically, I just took lots of unnecessary description out, which leaves a much clearer plot. You see how I just jumped them from the car to the pool? Nothing is lost by the reader not knowing exactly how they got there. It’s still gonna work, just trust the reader!

4. WATCH PORN

Might seem obvious, but it helps! Also, read lots of smut from other phanfic writers. It doesn’t hurt to get ideas! Just don’t actually steal. And when watching porn, try and find some stuff that you personally find hot, but also stuff that you could totally see happening in the scenario you’re writing. Look at how a twenty-something man might actually give an effective blowjob. What positions could a thirty-something man realistically get into? What kinds of activities might a couple that have been together for ten years do in bed? Would your versions of Dan and Phil be comfortable around each other, and if so, would they be open to kinkier activities such as role-play, BDSM etc? Just do some research, get some ideas!

5. ACT IT OUT

I’m blushing but yeah. Several of my followers have informed me that they use blowjob techniques from Birthday Sex IRL. While this is not something I can do (i am a girl and have a girlfriend), I heartily encourage you to see if certain things are possible sexually before attempting to describe them. For a certain scene in L’Histoire Française, I specifically remember leaning against my door and having my girlfriend kneel in front of me (while clothed you pervs) to see if Phil’s arms would be able to reach certain areas on Dan’s body. Feel free to laugh at this ridiculous image.

6. CHARACTERISE

A pet peeve of mine is when I’m reading a smut scene, and Dan and Phil just say something out of the blue that is just so ridiculous I can’t read on. A specific example of this is overuse of the word ‘daddy’. If you explain the usage, and you can prove to me with your writing and build up that this might be said on occasion, go for it. (Shout out to my fic Daddy Kink) But even if they were calling each other daddy, it wouldn’t be every fucking three seconds. Likewise with other weird pet names (bear, darling, love, baby, etc.) In moderation I suppose you can get away with it. But your best bet is to actually just lie down, close your eyes and imagine your scene. Imagine Dan with his awkward humour defense mechanisms and hang-ups about his body. What might he actually say if he was about to sit on Phil’s face? Would he really say “oh, daddy, yes, i’m a naughty boy!!”, or would he say something more like: “please, for the love of god, tell me if you suffocate. im not explaining to your grieving mother that you died with your face buried in my ass.”

7. IF IT TURNS YOU ON, IT WILL PROBABLY TURN THEM ON

This is pretty self explanatory. Think of what you’d like to read in a smut scene. Think of things that you haven’t read anywhere else, that you think a lot of people would be excited to read. Wrote a long scene about quadruple tentacle penetration that you’re unsure whether to post? If it turns you on when you read it back, if it’s well-written, convincing, and you followed the other tips above, in all likelihood there are gonna be some freaks out there on your wavelength that will fucking love it.

That’s it! Thanks for asking, I hope this helps. Love to all you aspiring smut artists, good luck and keep porning.

#i had such fun writing this omg #i made myself laugh a lot #smut tips #writing tips #phanfiction #anon #ellen answers

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radiohorizon · 8 years ago

Text

38 years later

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: i dunno 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: lmao no 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: i think 163: Hell: yes 162: God: i believe in something 161: Horoscopes: im not sure 160: Soul mates: yes 159: Ghosts: yes 158: Gay Marriage: duh 157: War: i dont really know 156: Orbs: yes 155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: high 152: Phone or Online: depends 151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care 150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care 142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: depends 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA  135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: dont care 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they? 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time 127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!! 123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother 121: George Bush: gross 120: Gay Marriage: Gaaaaayyyyyy 119: The presidential election: grosser 118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice 117: MySpace: never had one so idk 116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb 115: Parents: i love them more than anything 114: Back stabbers: fuck you 113: Ebay: sketchy 112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central 111: Work: dont have ajob but am trying to get one 110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright 109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high 108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there 107: College: start it in 5 months :( 106: Sports: love em but suck at em 105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot 104: The future: scares the fuck out of me

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago 102: Last time you ate: few hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym 100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend 99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good 98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago 97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago 94: Went to a wedding: last summer 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: last spring 91: Broke the law: never i think? 90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs 87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories 85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever 84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy, 83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: pisces 80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea 76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU 74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully 73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep 72: Today: school, test, painted, studied 71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends 70: Next Weekend: Stevenson university visit 69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver) 68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex 66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents 65: Last time I cried: last night 64: My friends are: the only reason im alive 63: My computer is: a Windows something 62: My School: sucks 61: My Car: doesnt exist 60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice 59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay and hunger games trilogy 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown 57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo 56: Favorite web site: tumblr  55: Your dream vacation: a lake house 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy but my favorite place 51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson or Noel Fisher 50: Where would you like to be: childhood 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: ye 47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta 41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan 40: Last person I got mad at: my dad 39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties 36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee  35: President: OBAMA 34: State visited: Florida 33: Cellphone provider: dunno 32: Athlete: Misty Copeland 31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher 30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence 29: Singer: Amy Lee 28: Band: Evanescence 27: Clothing store: KOHLS 26: Grocery store: giant 25: TV show: shameless 24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: monkey 21: Theme park: disney 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer 18: Sport to play: soccer 17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people? 16: Book: WAYYY too many 15: Day of the week: wednesday 14: Beach: bethany beach 13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit 12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese 11: Food: cheeseburger 10: Restaurant: green turtle 9: Radio station: 106.5 8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno 7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy 6: Flower: rose 5: Color: purple 4: Talk show host: my girl ellen 3: Comedian: john Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger  2: Dog breed: golden retriever  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

#asks #asks answers #💜👑

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protectjuminhan · 8 years ago

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Omg please post more stories with you and your fiancé! Since I'm chubby and have my own problems, these stories are really giving me some hope that I will find that special guy when I never thought I could...

Okay! I love all of these, dont get me wrong, but some of these are sad ones. BUT FEAR NOT! I have a story that made me realize he didnt care about my chubbiness, and that he actually kinda liked it. You WILL find the guy of your dreams, dont you worry! He may not come in on a white horse but he is out there, trust me! THIS IS A TWO PART STORY

Part one:

April 29th, 2014 -

It was my birthday, i turned 19, we had been together for about a year and a few months. He now was on a break type thing from school, and had no games coming up. THIS MEANT A DATE AWAY FROM HOME! I was expecting him to take me to a park, or too go to a restaurant. Nope. He pulls out this jar, and i didnt understand what it was for at first. He hands it to me, and asks me to open it. What i found inside was literally that it had been stuffed with 20$ bills. TO THE RIM.

“What is this?” I asked, a little taken aback by the amount of cash i have never seen all in one place before. “Its a Wish Granters Jar.” He smiled, and proceeded to tell me what they were. His family has a tradition for birthdays and for loved ones, that we kinda have too, but its lets elaborate. To explain it simply, you every time you have a wish, or a thought of doing something for someone, you write it down and stick it in another jar. When you complete it, or are looking for something to do, you pull one out and do it. BUT, every time you complete a paper wish, you put 20$ in the original jar. Most people will throw change or bills in a jar to save for vacations, but its not as special.

I laughed a little, “What am i supposed to do with this?” He could tell that i didnt quite get what it was for at the time “Its your present from me! You can do whatever you want with it. Shopping, pay bills, go to disney world, the options are endless!” “You… are giving me a jar of money for my birthday?! I cant accept this! there is at least a thousand dollars in here Matthew.” I tried to give it back, but he was stone faced, Looking back at me with very direct eyes “You are going to take it. Ive been saving up slowly for you all year and i want to treat you out. I dont care if you give it all to a homeless person, im just NOT going to accept it back.” his words were firm, and i knew that he was only trying to get me to not feel guilty about taking all of it.

“Okay, what do you..” “Its your birthday, thats the point. I thought we could go somewhere where you normally wouldn’t be able to afford to shop there. Like the mall, or somewhere fancy?” I could see on his face that he was slightly irritated. i didnt blame him, i was basicly attempting to refuse something he pours heart and time into conjuring up for me and just really didnt want to me to feel bad about it. This was nearly like a Engagement ring, or a profound act of love in his family. My teen stupid ass just didnt understand this. Its was okay, all things get learned with time.

“Okay!” I tried to lighten the mood but just picking something, and going with it. “Do you know how much is in here? So i know what kind of budget i have to work with?” He shook his head, calming down a bit.

(Im going to cut in here to ask Matthew about why he was mad because its better from him, im my opinion. “Can i ask you about the wish granting jars?” “oh, those jars i made for you every year for your birthday?”“Yeah, i wanted to know why they were special. You got a bit salty the first time.”“I was more mad at myself for not clearly stating what it was, and my pride for just making you accept it without knowing as a gift was clouding my mind. I was just like ‘Accept it, accept it, Please just take it come on now. dont be like this, dont be to shy to do this, this isent even the beginning’ Because i knew once you learned how much was in there, you would have flipped the fuck out.” *he points to the 3 he has going at the moment on the shelf* “They are a gift of love. Completing the wishes in them is so satisfying. its like a thought of “Would i pay to be this happy again?” if yes, put the money in. If not, then why are you doing this. So you slip the money in every time you make them happy, so you can make thing happy more when you present it to them every year.” “Thats really thoughtful!”“I know right? And my salty ass had to be mad because i didnt want to tell you it was a sign of familial love.”“Familial love?”“Yeah, it was something you only do for people you want to join your family, or are already apart of it. So, it would have been akward for me to tell you on your 19th birthday that i was giving you a gift that basicly says “MARRY ME NOW” in big ass letters. It was a common gift to give to your future wife.” “Awwww….. Wow…. So the babies jars are also under the Familial love clause. i get it hahaha thats actually really awkward for back then so im kinda glad you didnt.” )

“No, because its more tempting to spend if you know, so i never counted. Where do you want to go?” He took my hand and started walking to the car. “Hmm i think the mall, we could afford a new tv and some game systems with this!” “Dont spend the money on me.” “Fine, i will buy all of this just for my room!” I had my separate room in our house until i was 20. Mainly because no matter how much i love him, i needed a place to recharge. hes very outgoing and im introverted and in order for me to keep up i gotta go read in a quiet place or just play video games with my headphones on. The rule was that i could go in his room whenever (we slept together a lot, but it provided me with a bed if i didnt want to, or was to sick) but he had to ask or knock for permission to enter mine.

It wasent a thing where i wanted to be away from his, i just got overwhelmed really easy back then and it provided me with a comfy area to just sprawl out and.. well recharge. “I could always use a awesome set up in there, i would never leave!” I laughed, and got a scrunched face in return. “Maybe not, i want to be able to see you and thats a sure fire way to never have contact with you again.” We reached the mall in a little under 20 min, and spent the whole day moving around each store, him handsomely carting anything i wasent fully already attached too. (my stuff from hot topic never touched his hands i love that store.)

Part two will be in an ask coming in the next few minutes!

#AdminBella #Bellatalks #sillymatthew #relationship #i love him so much

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ideocosmonaut · 6 years ago

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surveyzzz

When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Gosh it had to have been sometime early this year driving home from an after party So, you have brown eyes? Nope What was the last thing you ate? Chocolate pretzels Can you say you’re happy? No but I manage

What’s bothering you right now? Mostly anxiety and loneliness

Who was the last person to text you? A friend What are you drinking right now? Nothing What all did you do today? I got groceries and went to a little thing called Weekend of the Witches. And I worked on some art. Why did you last laugh really hard? I dont remember How is your hair? Freshly cut Could things possibly get any better? I hope so How are you feeling at the moment? A bit tired Do you have feelings for someone? Yes What was for dinner tonight? Chips and onion dip lol Would you be able to name everyone you kissed? Yeah that’s easy Are you in a good mood? Im okay Where is the last person you kissed? Im not sure What color shirt are you wearing? N/a Do you think you could ever make it as a rap singer? Nope How important are looks to you? Important if I’m actively looking for someone. It’s what causes me to interact. But if I get to know someone first, say through work or friends, and then fall for them, then it doesnt matter what they look like. Did you have a fling this summer but it didn’t really go anywhere? Nope Do you get jealous? A bit Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? I kissed my mom on the forehead when she died, if that counts. What is something you currently want? Love and warmth. Security. Affection. What was the last thing you bought? Groceries What was the weather like today? Rainy Do you like sushi? Love it Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? No What about a lip piercing? No Nose piercing? No Do you like your hair? It’s alright Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend? No Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? I dunno man Ever made out in a pool? No The shirt you’re wearing, does anyone else have it? N/a What was the last movie you watched? Scott Pilgrim vs The World

What do you usually get on a sub? Whatever comes on a cuban, I’m not sure. Some kind of meat, cheese, pickles, mayo and mustard.

Do your lips taste like anything right now? Maybe onions...

Are you an annoyed big sibling or annoying little sibling? (Or neither…) A distant big sibling

Do you have a pair of those ‘nerd’ glasses? Yes

Have you ever watched the Glee Project? No

When does school start for you? Never

Who is always there for you? My friends usually

What ticks you off? Bullying and blaming without evidence

Where is the last place you were other then where you are right now? A place called Southern Trash

Why do you act the way you do? Cuz they dont think it be like it is, but it do

How do you feel about the last person you kissed? Well I love my mom

When are you the happiest? While traveling and experiencing cities and countries for the first time

Who do you get along with the best? My friends

What color is your remote control for the main TV you watch? Black

Where is your heart currently at? My left side

Why do you usually laugh — something funny happened or someone got hurt? Something funny happened wtf

How are you feeling today? Meh

When is your birthday? Sept 17

What do you spend most of your money on: Food, clothes, etc. ? Aside from bills, food

Is there anything around your neck right now? Nope

Do you ever feel like you’re alone in this world? Kind of in a way

Don’t you just adore Simple Plan? No

Lol, Lawl, Rotfl, Lmao, or Lmfao? (Which you use most) Lol

Do you ever watch info-mercials for fun? Sometimes

Where do you usually shop at? Publix

When do/did you turn 21? 2006

Are friendship bracelets cool? (Even if they’re not for a friendship) Maybe. Nostalgia is big

Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Yeah

Do you really care about namebrands? Unfortunately. I have to avoid a lot of big names in favor of other specific names because of my size

Describe your favorite pair of jeans to me please. Tapered

Do you think it means more if someone takes the time to type: I love you; rather then ILY? Sure

To wash in the shower, do you use a loofa? No

What brand is your shampoo? I forget. It’s some tea tree shit

Have you ever ridden on a horse? Yes

How many questions make a survey too long? Like 1000

Do you know what ‘savvy’ means? Kind of

Ever get a craving for a salad? I do. Sometimes

Who’s your favorite celebrity? Bill Murray probably

Which is better: Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Myspace or Skype? They’re all terrible wastes of time imo. But I enjoy making my friends laugh with memes on FB

Does it bug you when people do things to try and bug you?

Yes

Do you like going to Borders?

What?

Is your local Borders shutting down? Mine is. Huh?

Little dogs: Cute or annoying? Depends

Is there a dream catcher in your room? No

Do storms scare or fascinate you? I like them

Are you polite? Usually, unless someone isnt

Ever been so tired a part of your body hurt? Yes

Did you ever pretend you were someone else as a favor for a friend? Not as a favor... Do you think men prefer curvy women or skinny women? I think they like a lot of different things Do you own a water gun? Somewhere What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Junk food

Do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music? I just move baby

Do you eat pork and beans? I have What is the last thing you referred to as legit? Who knows Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No I dont understand why thats a thing

Do you have anything hanging from the ceiling of your room? Nope Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My dad’s dad lost a finger in the Navy. My mom’s dad was in Knights of Columbus and left me his sword. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? I’ve met nicer dentists, oddly Are any walls of your room blank? Yes What color are your favorite shoes? Black If someone was willing to tell the person you like that you liked them, would you let them? I already have Do you know the zodiac signs of your friends? Not since they added the new one Do you drink any hot beverages? What? Tea sometimes Name two things you put whipped cream on? Frappes and Strawberry shortcake Who is the last person who saw you with bare feet? My friends Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If its mine Do you know how to ride a bike? Do you own one? Yes and no What was the last pill you took for? Pain Any friends you only know online? Kind of Do you ever talk to your next door neighbor? Nope

Did anything shock you today? Like all the shelves in Publix. Zapped me a bunch of times. Are you wearing a hoodie right now? No Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? I like loose but it doesnt look good on me Are your favorite pants jeans? Pants are the devil Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? I dont really paint. Id like to Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? Yes If you had a sister, would you prefer her older or younger? Why? I do What is something you wanted to say today, but didn’t? Nothing I guess

What’s the last thing you panicked about? Im not sure. I think nicotine used to raise my blood pressure sky high and cause me to have a panic attack so I had to quit smoking. What do you have planned out as a career? Nothing. I only plan to die so far Are you planning any special outings with family or friends? Kind of

Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy” etc.) Gorgeous

What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it? Sam Adams Oktoberfest. It’s alright Who is that last person who harassed and annoyed you? Some internet pleb Who is the last person who made you feel hurt? Some friends... What was the last thing you were worried about? Dying alone probably. It’s always there What time of day feels the most magical to you? 3 am What is the last physical ailment you took medication for? Headache Do you get motion sickness? I used to Who is the cutest baby you know? Dante. RIP Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? Probably Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? Maybe Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? I dunno What kind of pet do you wish you had? A living plushie that doesnt need to eat or pee. And also doesnt feel the need to murder... When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents? Years ago Do you still live at home or with a guardian of some sort? If so, when do you plan on moving out, if ever? If you have moved out, how did your relationship to your parents change after that? No, I saw them a lot less but I still love them

When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? Years ago. Yeah but I’m an idiot and a hypochondriac What’s the longest you’ve gone without talking to other people? How did this affect you? Couple days. Happens sometimes on weekends What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I try not to judge anyone really. I do playfully but not realistically. Everyone has their reasons, whether they be right or wrong and usually people just judge them instead of trying to learn about why they are that way and maybe help them. Like prisoners. People are people. Most are misunderstood or ignorant. What is something seemingly small and inconsequential that will cause you to avoid a person? If I do something to upset them

How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? It happened a lot in my childhood. I’d rather just not get angry but it happens. One second of anger usually costs me a weeks worth of apologies. It’s a tad expensive. Who in your life do you get along with best? How about the least? How often do you have to interact with these people? My best friend. My boss. Usually a lot Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? Yeah. Got reprimanded. Shock and awe. Was a long, long time ago.

When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? What about the last time you did something right just because it was right? Morally? Or just like running a red light? I do little things all the time. I’m not perfect. Morally, umm hmm... I’m not sure. Probably not since I was a teenager. I hold doors for people all the time. I donate sometimes. I tend to stay in the middle mostly. Zen. Ying and yang.

When you do good things, do you do them because you want some sort of reward or recognition or do you do them just for the sake of being good? I just enjoy being nice. I do all the little things I can think of. When you fill out social media bios and such, how do you typically describe yourself? Is describing yourself something you have a difficult time doing? Yeah actually. I usually just end up deflecting with dumb comedic phrases What is one unusual belief you have? Has anyone ever made fun of you for your beliefs? I dont have any unusual beliefs. Ive always said I’d take up scientology for the perks though lol Have you taken anyone’s virginity? No Who has the power to break you? Feels like everyone but I know its just me How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? A few What’s one thing about you people wouldn’t expect? Idk. I’m kind of a robosexual Have you ever been in therapy? Are you now? Do you think you always will be, or do you think there will come a time when you don’t need it anymore? No but I should be What is the most dangerous thing you do on a regular basis? Probably eat junk food. I used to self-harm but it wasnt really dangerous. I suppose my thoughts can be considered dangerous then Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe? No

Is anyone in your family blind? No What’s your favorite gaming system? PC

Is your more photogenic side your left or right? Idk they’re both kinda fug Do you believe in evolution? Yes What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Any job that puts you directly into harms way, followed by jobs that involve removing people from harms way. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life? From a distance What was your favorite stuffed animal as a kid? What was it named? A T-Rex my dad got me from a business trip. He didnt have a name Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? Nope Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? No Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? My aunt I guess Where’s the farthest you’ve been from home? Maine

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spilling-thoughts-blog1 · 7 years ago

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a collection of my honest (yet irrelevant) thoughts. | wednesday 8/30/2017 |

current adventure: college.

I feel stupid sitting on a bench on campus writing a post to (possibly) nobody; but after 3 classes (with another one today) spanning these first three days of college, I feel like I need to write it out. crying can only relieve so much in all honesty. so emo, my apologies.

classes started Monday, 8/28/30 and from the moment I woke up on Sunday, I've felt so empty and drained despite only taking two hour-and-twenty-minute long classes. Monday was okay. Class let out 30 minutes early, and since it was my only class of the day I walked a few blocks down to Girlfriend’s campus. Her school is insanely nice, just my style. Very industrial, modern, and taken care of. A drastic difference to my school.

Its dirty and old (not a cute-worn though, it just looks like it hasnt been taken care of) and the kids are crusty bums. Granted, Girlfriend’s school has weirdos, lots of them, but theres a sense of safety because you know they won't try to shank you if you bump them! I don't have that luxury here. Her school is a private art school, mine is just the local community college. gotta save those dollars.

Anyways. On Monday I sat on a bench (at Girlfriend’s school,) similar to this one, but I had the grass next to me instead of the dirt and sticks here and a young guy was cutting the lawn and it was quiet (aside from the lawnmower) and pretty and I felt like I was at home. The guy was nice, he felt bad asking me to move for a second so he could cut the grass next to me. If I was at my school I bet they would have just mowed right over my folders. Girlfriend got out of class after about an hour of me sitting on her campus and I got to see her for a few minutes, really the only other time I’ve seen her aside from the 20 minute car ride to school (which is two days a week keep in mind.)

We used to hang out everyday. Senior year was the best because I got to see her during practically every period (1st, 2nd, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th actually... that is a lot lol) and then we would hang out after school. Perk of your girlfriend not driving- you have an excuse to see her more often; she has to run errands, she needs a ride home, she needs a ride to, etc etc.

The smell of funnel cake keeps distracting me. I don't think theres any funnel cake, it just smells fried and sweet because the cafeteria is behind me and I'm getting hungry for the first time this week.

Not seeing her is one of the shittiest parts of college so far. I really miss her. Her classes are super long, each one at least 2 hours long I believe, and even though our schools are less than a 10 minute walk from each other, I can't see her because when she gets out of class, I'm just going into class. I also hate not seeing any familiar faces. Yeah, you have to make friends blah blah blah, but its a shock going from my nice high school with students I’d gone to school with since middle school; some even elementary school to this. sounds privileged, in know... I don't know why it keeps surprising me as well seeing full on adults walking into classes. Good for them though.

My next class starts in 40 minutes (at 11:00 and its 10:17) but I’ll probably head up in a few. It’s a 2 hour and 50 minute class and I didn't bring any of the 6 books we have to read because I already had my two English books and I didn't want to lug 8 novels around in my backpack, especially since we haven't needed any of our books on the first day. But then again, its a 3 hour class and I doubt we’ll get out that early.

Ew it smells like kerosene... not my favorite smell by far. They're setting up lame tables and tents and “Week of Welcome” activities. Will I participate? no. Am I the cause of my misery and tears thus far? Mostly.

I read up on all of my professors I could find on “rate my professor” and this next one seems super fun. He has like, 4.4/5 review and apparently he's hot. everyone said his class is easy too which is a bonus. The reviews weren't too wrong about my Comp 2 professor, they didn't speak too highly of her. Right now I'm not a fan. She comes to class 5 minutes before it begins and seems very disorganized. I really don't like that. My Psych teacher is an absolute loon, but I feel like thats to be expected from a community college psychology professor. No offense if thats what you want to be, or if your favorite professor (or family member) is one. Just my honest thoughts.

The sun came out, thats nice. Eases my anxiety a little bit when its nice out.

Jesus Christ (pardon my language if it offends you) Chris brown just started blaring out of the welcome week speakers. they're trying to make this shitty cheap ass campus a party. no thank you. “now everybody put your hands in the air. yeah yeah yeah.” its lit. sense the sarcasm.

Hopefully this class will be better and when I get home (1:50 can't come soon enough) the feeling of empty darkness inside of me that has lingered for the past 3 days will subside a little bit. I won't get my hopes up. I should start a tear jar, a warning to seniors.

WHEN I SAY I WANT TO SEE FAMILIAR FACES I DONT MEAN THE CRUSTY MEAN FUCKBOYS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH. I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS; OH WAIT, THEYRE ALL OVER ACHIEVERS AND NICE KIDS AND ARE AWAY AT SCHOOLS LIVING FUN LIVES AND BEING HAPPY, OR AT PRIVATE SCHOOLS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET BUSY DOING AMAZING ART. now its glamorous. good thing Fergie spells G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S because I don't think half of these kids can.

its been a while, its almost 5:30 now. my 3 hour class was boring as hell. he is not hot, nor young and he was 5 minutes late to class. you can hear him suck back his snot every few minutes and choke on it a little. but his class will be easy so thats great. I'm just questioning whether I need it or not.

I haven't cried yet today, we’ll see how I feel later though. I miss Girlfriend. She’ll be home soon but I’ll bet you she’ll have to eat dinner as soon as she gets home, and then she’ll start her homework. nobody disrupts her art, not even me so I'll get to talk to her before bed for a few before I pass out at 10:00. It sucks because I was supposed to see Her Friday after my morning class ends, because she doesn't have class but then my new manager asked if I could come in. so instead of finally spending a day with her I'll be getting trained. my old manager is starting at the new store which is why I'm coming with him, but he has to get trained first, so really, its like starting a new job completely. I don't know why I decided it would be a good idea to switch jobs the first week of school. granted, there was no way in hell I would have stayed at my old job. I just should have waited until this first God awful week was over. but thats just my luck.

Im always so tired now. I say always like its been a few weeks of school when really its been 4 days. mom asked if I wanted to go on a walk with the family, and of course I said no. “it’ll be good for your mental health” ahh I see, she can see me slowly slipping downhill again and wants to prevent it. well, I don't think a walk is going to make me feel much better about the fact that my school is dirty and the hallway I was in for my last class smelled horrible, which obviously worsened my mood, and the added fact that I'm starting a new job this week and don't know what I should wear. oh, and the other fact that I don't get to see my girlfriend anymore already and its only been 4 days.

I had a bad feeling when She had her orientation and made her schedule. I new going to different schools would be horrible, but I didn't realize it would be like this. she's actually having fun and enjoying herself and making a few friends, and then theres me and I'm miserable and still have yet to speak to anyone really and she can't text in class when I'm out of class and I can't text in class when she's out. so thats great. I'm just waiting for the day she says someones flirting with her and she doesn't hate it. perks of dating a poly. I can't say no and deny her, especially when I'm not doing anything for her, or even seeing her, when someone else sees her almost every day. here come the watery eyes. plus, those kids are so much like her, they share her biggest passion. She always says she could never date someone who does what she does because it would be too much competition, but I feel like she's going to meet a photographer or videographer and it’ll be different enough to not impede on her talent, but it'll be similar enough that it’s great conversation and bonding. I'm just a jealous girlfriend, and college for us is looking to be the way I thought it would.

so, a summery for my future self who doesn't want to listen to this pity party:

Wednesday august 30, 2017. college sucks, I cry everyday, I hate my cheap dirty school and lame ass professors, I hardly see Girlfriend already, her experience is going great and I’m stressed af about starting a new job. countdown to the end of the semester- 74 days, 15 weeks, roughly 3.75 months, aka, too long to keep doing this shit.

#college #thoughts on college #school #sad #thoughts #journal #august #back to school #first year #freshman #college freshman #lonely #I hate school #I hate college #college Is the worst #irrelevant thoughts

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aqlyrics-blog · 8 years ago

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I’m On 3.0

New Post has been published on http://purelyrics.net/lyrics/trae-tha-truth-im-3-0/

I’m On 3.0

–Intro: Trae tha Truth– They say three times the charm, huh? I got ya

–Verse 1: Trae tha Truth– Yeah, all gas, fast, livin’ like somethin’ was speedin’ Ashy to classy, now I bless ’em like someone who sneezin’ I’m only here to give ’em pressure, bitch, picture me squeezin’ Against the world like I was Pac, wasn’t nobody believin’ Nothin’ deceivin’, know the truth, what the fuck you was needin’? Gather this evenin’ for the one, reputation was steamin’ Vision me gleamin’ from the mud, ain’t no point in you cleanin’ I’m motivation for the ones who nobody was feedin’ Automatic still give ‘e the same kick Started the sideline, now I’m starrin’ in game 6 Spit and make ’em replay it like they’re stuck on the same disk Work, I give ’em new, never stretchin’ the same brick Never the same chick, yeah I’m still on that same shit Cop me a new spot, tryna see where the plane fits Picture me with a crown, next to that where my name sits Galaxy in the ceilin’ just to show ’em what fame gets

–Verse 2: T.I.– In the heart of the jungle walkin’ through the fire You beat the charge if you show up with an alibi Runnin’ wild in the city, no direction All we know is get that dough, run up the checks and I’m self-made, wasn’t made for the military Get paid, dodge jail and the cemetery You better reach for the stars, take your best shot You let them haters kill your dream, your ass be assed out, forreal

–Verse 3: Dave East– Fill a Backwood with three nicks V6, cut the coke, remix Squeeze clips if ever we hear that he snitched I’m allergic to broke niggas in the precinct Found out my man was hatin’ and we ain’t speak since Barney’s, Nord’s can’t add up the paper we spent Tryna get drunk, I’m tokin’, I got a P bent I touched a million, ain’t sleep since, on defense

–Verse 4: Tee Grizzley– Freedom got me feelin’ like I flown up Out of prison, I ain’t think that I was blowin’ up Bunch of young rich niggas home, Rollies up Run up on us, watch how quick I’ll lift the toaster up Money got me feelin’ like you can’t control us Servin’, watchin’ out for the patrollers We used to play the game, play on your controllers Seen niggas get killed, heart froze up Picked up them choppas, got to go and duck Shootin’ everything up, it ain’t no ho in us Shit ain’t even last, free bro and them In Chicago I’m home, that’s on 4 and them Now I’m thinkin’ right ’cause I see I can make it Started, fam strugglin’, I couldn’t take it You got it out the mud, I got it out the pavement I used to miss payments, got the title, dare you try to take it

–Verse 5: Royce da 5’9″– Triple OG Never without vision or livin’ goal-free Never writ it though I’ve been out gettin’ this since ’03 Every little red cent and every dividend Has been counted and acquired Been legit, legal and been with the code I’m colder than December in the winter cold Look, I’ve been out givin’ canned goods and clothes To the children on 34th, real nigga, ugh

–Verse 6: Curren$y– I could put you on like socks Put you on like my watch Put you on the block, you can get that off Put you on the right lot, you can get that car Put you on like a fitted Put you on in my city Got the stars in the ceilin’, that’s the Wraith Got the top in the trunk, that’s a don I could give it to a nigga either way ’cause I’m on, L

–Chorus: D.R.A.M., Gary Clark, Jr., & Mark Morrison– I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, yeah

–Verse 7: Snoop Dogg– Wakin’ up, feelin’ good, rollin’ through the neighborhood Do or die, every day, I lead ’em in a different way I don’t take no mess, get it off of my chest I’ma be dressed to impress, no stress, fresh Off the east side, Trae called me up and said “Unc I’ma need you on the b-side” So I came through, ah, mic checked, one-two, uh Gettin’ real funky, kinda smell like manure Eight cars, eight stars Return of the mack with these hot eight bars Flip through it, dip through it This is the shit that’ll make you get to it Break down, give it up, pour it up Now drink it up, roll it up Light it up, how you feel, y’all? See you in high definition with a mothafuckin’ real Dogg

–Verse 8: Fabolous– And every day I’m on And if I wasn’t, then why would I say I’m on? Get an Em and get low, that’s the Dre I’m on Get a B in blue, that’s the Jay I’m on They on sidelines watchin’ what play I’m on I call a audible, that’s what a baller do They keep askin’ me, is there more to do? Well ain’t water wet? Well then it’s more to get To my shorty’s set, and his shorty’s set This game ain’t over, it’s more quarters left I gotta rep my city, do it for the set I gotta talk my shit until I’m short of breath ‘Cause the world is full of niggas tryna off your on switch Tryna find a place that your coffin gon’ fit Me and my niggas on some confidente shit And we ain’t really feelin’ that off and on shit, I’m on

–Verse 9: Rick Ross– Maybach Music Chasin’ paper, starin’ out the casket Was a stunna ’til they froze all the assets Killers at your neck ’til you cut a check You talkin’ ’bout the money, nigga, where it’s at? Cars for my dogs, do it for the cause Right back here tomorrow, nigga, inshallah Prayin’ on my knees, do it for the keep Do it for the team, or I’ma let it be

–Verse 10: Chamillionaire– Chamilitary mane They thought I was done, but really I ain’t even stress it Just look at all the dough I got invested Two years and two billion dollar exits And now your relevance ain’t lookin’ that impressive (it ain’t) So glad we ain’t gotta chase relevance And I would like to thank the dead presidents For not livin’ forever-ever, forever-ever For all of them that passed, I’ve been gettin’ paid ever since Be okay, still paid, still stackin’ it We gon’ stay, courtside, that’s accurate We gon’ take the White House and get back in it They tried to turn us in to the villains like Colin Kaepernick But it’s okay, Gotham City needs savin’ You’ll fight back but I’ma shock ’em like Raiden I don’t fold, I don’t quit and don’t cave in Your worst nightmare, Freddy Krueger, Wes Craven

–Chorus: D.R.A.M., Gary Clark, Jr., & Mark Morrison– I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, yeah

–Verse 11: G-Eazy– And I don’t think he really needs any coachin’ The weather’s gettin’ hot, Eazy Season approachin’ Came up and everybody sees the devotion I put the work in, I cause a commotion Whenever I’m in public, modern-day Elvis Hoes at my shows wanted selfies Made it here and ain’t nobody helped us Now I’m on a path to be great So they say, that’s what everybody tells us

–Verse 12: Styles P– Raised knee-deep in the dope game If I had two guns up then they was both aimed Saturday mornin’, I’m watchin’ Soul Train Eatin’ leftover food, lo-mein Now I’m plant-based, couple juice bars I’m on now, I don’t care if the stamp straight Told Trae I’m the truth like his name is Can show you what pain is, I’ll tell you what game is, ghost

–Chorus: D.R.A.M., Gary Clark, Jr., & Mark Morrison– I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on

–Verse 13: E-40– Ayy Trae, let the councilor speak E-40! The best that ever did it and got away with it Let the councilor speak Not a septic tank, but I’m with the shit On my coast, I’m the topic and the subject Where I’m from it’s hella squeeze and heathens’ guns bust I wish that TD Jakes would come and pray for us They pimpin’, they flockin’, they like to steal and rob Backdoor their loved ones, inside job That’s why I stay with a stapler, a baby tomahawk Life or death situations in case I gotta pop I made a promise to the lord that I’ma keep it funky Never switched, never sell my soul for money I always been for right, maybe that’s what’s wrong Now I’m on like the most requested song Since a teen, I was doin’ my thing, magazine On the 1300 block, we had a machine I had a quarter mil’ at the age of 19 In the kitchin’ cookin’ birdies with no wings The best rappers come from the gravel, the slums Empty rack with spaghetti sauce jars rockin’ up crumbs It ain’t easy bein’ on for 30 years to see the glitter and glamour But not the blood, sweat and tears I’m an old ass youngsta, bruh, I’m a vet Sick Wid It Records, sellin’ cassettes before the internet I never made a mixtape in my life But one day I’ma do it for my fans, the people that saved my life I’m on

–Chorus: D.R.A.M., Gary Clark, Jr., & Mark Morrison– I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, I’m on I’m on, yeah

0 notes

leighasnotebook · 8 years ago

Text

Title - Hey Future Leigha ;P

So.. I'm broke as fuck. I can't even seem to get a job. A job at a place I dont even like but need. I barely even made it home from internship at the humane society in Indy. I am on BELOW empty. I tried to sell a galaxy s4 at disc replay to get me by and they wouldnt even take it because apparently theres something wrong with it. So that was dissappointing as fuck too. I've been forced to borrow money from my mom who I STILL live with. So apparently I dont even have the abilty to be independent right now. Sure Im in school but I cant even afford to put gas in my tank to get there and I still owe 1000 dollars or more to my school. I dont even know where Ill work after I get my certificate. Thats right.. CERTIFICATE.. not a actual degree. Still. I stupidly decided to get a credit card a few years ago and now I'm maxed out and cant afford to pay it off. I at least have gotten on a payment plan that will make the interest 0% and make my monthly payment lower. My phones fucked because I broke the goddamn screen on it. So no one can even call me unless its on the house phone and I'm not home all the time AND its a cordless that apparently has fucked batteries in it because it just shuts off after like 10 - 15 minutes. I shouldve never even gotten a stupid "smart" phone. All its done is make me feel guilty about the extra money my MOM is spending for it on the bill. And it is way more fragile than a flip phone. Sure the extra shit on it was fun but I dont even need it. I dont care if Im "stuck" in the old times. At least it was reliable. I have grown up in my life with a nice place to live and nice things but that just isnt me. I know when I live on my own I wont live in a nice place and I wont have nice things. Its as if Ive been blindfolded to my actual lifestyle to the point where I agreed to getting nice things. Things Id never be able to afford by myself. After my car got totaled I got a 12k settlement which I had my dad take care of because he wanted to take it to use to get me a new car. Well he decided to get me a fucking expensive newer car.. the accident happened oct. 1st 2013.. I ended up driving a rape van (huge burgendy van with bars on the windows) to and from Ivy Tech and work for about half a year or more before my dad decided to take out a loan for a Toyota Camry 2013! Why on earth would you opt to get me a expensive car like that when I cant even afford gas or live on my own!? Now Im fucked because I cant pay the car payment.. my dads paying it which makes him think for some reason that its his vehicle. No on the contrary it was his decision to spring for a newer car of which I am entitled to 12k of. so yeah now I have a investment in something I cant even use because the insurance is insanely high and I cant afford it. Sigh Im just so fed up with all of this bullshit. If I could sell everything I have right now and just start new, that would be ideal. Sell the fucking Toyota, use the money to pay off my credit card bill, pay off school and maybe have enough to secure a place for me and my dog to live. Because I am not a goddamn straight woman who has a boyfriend to pay for half of everything. I feel like alot of girls live with their boyfriends and get off easy. Well thats not an option for me is all Im saying. I can barely even find a lesbian whos responsible and even has enough income to hold up their half of living expenses.. I cant say shit about that right now since Im in the same boat but still. Even when I do (which I usually do) have all my resources I still cant find a responsible GF. Either way Id still be dependant on whoever I was living with to keep my place. Even if they were a roommate. Which I guess would be the same financially if it were a significant other providing half. anyway.. Ive been trying goddamn hard to get a job. I signed up for Rover.com to watch dogs or walk dogs for people but IDK if my background check came back clean. which it should because I spent extra money so that it would be. Beyond all.. I am seriously just fed the fuck up with trying to manage all of the bullshit that I have to. It feels like I need 3 of me to accomplish all the shit in front of me. I am overwhelmed I guess is what that means. I feel so useless in the world. The only thing keeping me from spiraling into a severe depression is the fact that Im going to school for something that I love doing. Knowing that in a month and a half Ill be graduating is whats keeping my head up. Other than that.. its my friends and animals that hold up the rest. Some days I for real just want to get drunk and say.. FUCK IT ALLLLL. which is kind of what im doing right now.. but guess what? my box of cheap ass wine is almost gone so this will be a short lived release until im fucked again.. and cant even go to a party I was invited to go to on sunday. Im writing very unhinged right now. I need a goddamn stupid dumb job. And Ive been trying to get one for months. Now its even harder without a cellphone. "hey yeah just call my house phone and let me know about that job" just doesnt jive well with me because ITS A FUCKING HOUSE PHONE.. better than nothing but its real fucked trying to get a job when you cant answer your phone bc you dont have one of your own. gaaaahahahahaha fuckckkckck Im just so fucking stressed. I feel like I cant accomplish anything with the materials I have right now. Even if I had some money.. Got a full tank of gas and paid off my monthly bills I still wouldnt just magically have a job. Even if I got my phone screen replaced. Goddamn and Ive tried going into places but apparently Im a dumbass and come at the wrong times. Sigh.. just. fucking. schedule. me. for. a. interview. its not that hard. Theyre like "oh yeah were hiring" but other than saying that sentence they are so fucking unhelpful. "oh did you apply online?" uhh duh yeah I did you fuck. Why in the fuck would I not fill out an application and expect an interview. Fuckin assholes.. like I get it.. youre busy. but hey you wanna know what would ease that? If I was working right now and could take some of the work load off. Everytime someone would call about a job I would be so informative and supportive because I know what its like. Plus if I ever feel like Im overworked- which is alot of the time at those quick turnover jobs- I WANT the person inquiring about a job to get the job. Why? because I need them to take some of my workload off. Thats how it happens at pizza hut at least. you start with a bunch of people and then they dwindle down to where everyone is being over worked and more workers are needed as to not kill everyone who still works there. sigh.. I dont even want to work at pizza hut again but at this point I will take any fucking job I can get. I am being nickeled and dimed.. just like that fucking book I had to read in school. Given, all of it was brought upon my by my own past hand. I cant do anything about the past and its legit my past self just going crazy on a credit card that has me so fucked right now. After I get these cards paid off I will NEVER EVER EVER have another credit card again. I cannot be trusted with it. Great that I know that now that Im in debt out my ass. Yeah yeah and I have this theory that I learn things in life by trial error.. and guess what.. IVE FUCKING LEARNED.. and now that I have im still super fucked. Usually my trial error didnt cause me this much detrimental pain and suffering. usually it was like touching a hot stove and it was over with. but no.. this has been a very slow stinging burn that wont let up. I know.. I know that I will have to kill myself working my ass off and not having any shred of a life to get out of this hole. but the thought of it just really really makes me sad. Not saying It makes me not want to get a job. because NO WAY I need a job ASAP like yesterday. like if someone walked up and would pay me 20 dollars to eat a worm I would. Because it would spare me the shame in asking my mom YET AGAIN for gas money. God I am so tired of asking anyone for ANYTHING. Its the last thing I want to do in fact. Theres only so much you can ask of someone before they decide they wanna say nope.. youre on your own. and you know? Im surprised my mom hasnt told me no yet. Shes really really helpful. I think she understands me but also just wants me to get a job already so I wont keep borrowing from her. Which is understandable completely.. and thats exactly what I want too. At least i dont just sit around getting drunk and stoned all day in my pajamas. Im actually trying here. Theres nothing more that I want to just have a steady income. I dont care what kind of shit I have to drudge through to get to that point. I am so able bodied and ready to sweat and work and give myself away to a corporation for money. But guess where Im going to get the gas money to get to that job? FUCK IF I KNOW lol. goddamnit. I have really done it this time. How did I let it get this bad? How did I let myself fall so far? I dont even have anything else to sell to disc replay and the only other things I have to sell are all my paintball equiptment.. and I dont even really know how I would go about doing that. Craigslist? idk. I am flailing..... my wings are clipped and i cant fly. I have maybe a few dollars in change right now. Man how I used to just throw it in a jar willy nilly when I had a job. Not touching it at all for months and months. and now its all I have. FUCK. my rope is covered in kerosine and its been on fire for months. Someone in this world needs to cut me a fucking break and give me a job. Just 1 fucking person to say "you got the job, heres your uniform, come in monday at 8". I have been able to keep my hope through the worst of situations in my life. I feel it wearing reaaally thin right now. I almost had to walk miles just to get home today. you know its bad when you cant even afford to drive home. When youre just waiting for your car to give out and its screaming "i need gas!!!" You actually make it home and you get out of the car and hug it and praise it. Thank you. Thank you so much for holding out on me. I will get you gas as soon as I can I promise. Its like if you were traveling by horse and didnt have any water or grains for it to sustain itself but it powers through for you. I feel like a huge bum slacker bitch. Like I shouldve worked harder. done this done that. And maybe I wouldnt have ended up in this tight situation. The only thing in this world that is mine is my body and my animals and the relationships I have with my friends. I'm going to call Pizza hut right now. Ive been trying to fucking get this interview scheduled and they keep being little bitches over the phone. Not this time. I wont let it happen. "oh were in a lunch rush" dude. no. Fuck off. lol. Not this time. BRB. ya okay same old shit.. OH the hiring manager isnt here. Okay I understand but why dont you ACTUALLY give them my name and number and HAVE them call me. I know I know I will call the HIRING MANAGER on monday. See? its just a let down. I will call monday and demand an interview. I am more than qualified for your dumb job. anyway.. I know my friends and family will always be around to help me out. But I am a very stubborn person and have always wanted to do things my way and on my own. asking for help is something that I hold as a last resort. In the situation im in I am at my last resort time. It takes money to make money. money for the gas- to go to work- to get the money- for the gas- to get to work. Thats a 2 week process in itself. once I get past that threshold Ill be more self-sustaining. GGaaah! Please.. UNIVERSE! Im begging you!! Give me a job! Please please please please please! I need to get back ontop of it all. Hold out hope... hold out hope... crunching gears inside me trying to keep that train moving. GO. keep the rusty gears going. Keep swimming like Dory says. I feel like im trying to keep swimming but im in a puddle barely sustaining life itself. Gasps of water into my drying gills every couple seconds. All the while "hold out hope, just keep swimming" goes through my head like a mantra. I go from being super hopeful and positive to super hopeless and negative. Sometimes I'm just on this mid-line pergatory where I dont know how to feel or how I should feel. I know that a lot of people deal with hardships like me. Usually just pushing all their feelings down day to day thinking.. eh ill figure it out. Somethings got to give in for me. things will be different and get better soon. This isnt the end of the world. Im not dieing.. yet. But there are times where no matter what your troubles.. you cannot just push it down anymore. You have to sit there and stare into the eyes of a skull and think.. things are going bad. This isnt how it should be. I shouldnt feel like this. Something is wrong in this equation because its not equaling out right. So here I sit. In my familiar place where Ive faced a lot of things in life. In the garage. (wow a disc replay commercial just came on the radio.. how ironic... fuck u guyz lol). Ive dealt with sooo much in this garage. Most of my epiphanies have happened in here. Most of my hardships. At least in my adult life. And when I wasnt in Terre Haute. Always staring at stuff in here. Listening to the radio. Smoking cigarettes. Drinking. Thinking. [insert link to In The Garage by Weezer here] I cant even explain the range of feelings Ive felt in this garage. Love, lust, loss, depression, happiness, worry, anxiety, calmness, anger, thoughtfulness, perceptiveness, desire, turmoil, empathy, regret, sickness, healthiness, Ive felt hot and cold, bad and good, and at the end of the day when I sit here. It feels so familiar. It could be anywhere. but in this little box on the planet is where all these things have opened up like a bud. So many conversations with friends, on the phone, in person. Oh so very telling and depending on if there was snow, dead leaves, flowers, or sun outside the dynamic would change ever so slightly. And as friends have come and gone, people have died or were born, this has been a constant place for me for the last eight years. After I caught a big fish, built a snow fort, or made a drunken dancing video to missy elliot this place stayed the same and was always here. I feel like im confessing a love affair between me and my garage right now.. but I wanted to express my gratitude to these four walls which I believe have absorbed a lot of the things I am talking about right now. I remember when I first started to dwell in this garage. I was still drinking and smoking on the down-low. Didnt want my mom to know. I would listen to the radio and write just like Im doing now except it was often in a notebook. Its the only way for me gain solace in my life sometimes. Love often drove me to worry as I listened to deftones, linkin park, or staind or anything that came on x-103. Id just scribble on page after page I would stop caring if it was legible... That shear fact that id stop caring in general was all I wanted. I wanted to release all my cares into a song or a feeling or a writing. What do I want? who do i need? who AM I ? Sometimes I never know. I dont know things alot. as much as Id like to believe I have every little thing under control.. I never have it all. this isnt to say that its a negative thing. Sometimes you simply cannot wrangle every little thing into a place you think it belongs. often things are flying like kites with brittle strings. they break off and float out of bounds yet still connected just not within reach. Its definitely angering at times. you think.. why cant i keep my shit in check? but if you think about it. maybe it was never "your shit". I really think its better to not stress over things that blow away. Youre in a spot you let shit fly and it ends up gaining its own separate current without you. You cant always be strong enough to keep everything where you want it. It doesnt work that way, you cant control everything. HELL sometimes you cant control anything. and I know how that feels. shit. right now I could still be walking on the side of the road away from my broken down car. holding up my thumb trying to get home. you cant hold everything down with a thumb tac or a bad attitude. things will happen and ya you probably could have avoided some things but I think things happen for a reason. Maybe to teach you that you in fact are not in control. That things are or arent just black and white. Reppercutions.. actions that lead to situations that you have to handle. Its all apart of one thing. you... its you. hah. I mean you make choices.. and theres always a second and third happening. In my case.. it makes me feel like im unintelligent when I make a choice and it causes something bad. Ex. If I were to have to walk home today.. my mind would have been full of .. "well thats because I didnt have enough gas" Well why didnt I? because I didnt have the money. Why didnt I? because I dont have a job. Why dont I have a job? because Im an irresponsible entitled person. I act like the world will bend to my whim when it doesnt work that way. When weve all got the same probability of things going our way. Why should I think I'm any different? why? because of all those times I made it home when my gas tank was below E? what about those times when I didnt get so lucky? that time my car stopped on a highway and I was late to work and I got fired? Its just this numbers game in my head. Will it be okay or not. I never know but my brain urges me to believe yes. youll be okay. and when im not i think well.. It was about a 50/50 that this would happen and I knew that deep down.. so I cant really be too mad right? lets just walk a few miles and get what i deserve. meanwhile I think about everything I could have done that wouldve lead to a different outcome. ya hmm. maybe if i had a job.. id have gas in my tank.. and this wouldnt have happened. maybe..hmm just maybe..? You know when you drive down a highway and you see a person walking it? You can gaurantee that that person is thinking... how could I have avoided this? That person is me that person is you. Walking on the grass on the side of the road.. looking at all the trash people discard from their car windows. Really slows your mind down when youre walking where you normally drive through. You see people zoom by who will get to their destinations on time. Who had the money and intellect to just buy some gas. We all have our days when were in the gutter. When I have mine, it forces me to slow down.. to really look at my life. Why did this happen.... why am I stuck and fucked like this again. Even though I magically made it home today on my below E tank I still see this as a wake-up call. It brings me back to the times when I didnt make it home. I felt like a lost dog. and ya I know.. poor me.. first world problems. Oh man Leigha had to walk 5 miles to get home because she ran out of gas in the automobile that she has available for her to drive 24-7 usually. And dangg. she even had a full meal before this walk.. poor her. I know I know. Its totally crap. Its not like I almost died or was starving and in a desert left to die. In reality, on this planet I am lucky. I am a lucky person. But to say that we still dont have our problems would be to say that anyone with a roof over their head was flawless. It makes me realize that yeah, first world problems are nothing to those in third world countries. But I shouldnt feel invalidated if I have room to improve my life. Everyone in this world has room to improve their lives. I am not solitary in this one bit. in fact I feel like I am unaware of tons and tons of stuff in life. Theres so many times when I just simply dont know something. Makes me feel like I dont know anything about anything sometimes haha. its like "oh you didnt know about this?!?!" uhhh no I didnt. Should I have? Woops? am I squandering my priveledge to learn about things I should know about? When it comes down to it. I am never done learning. I am never done growing as a person. I am so ignorant to so many things simply because I have never been exposed to them. I cant walk the earth acting like I have a grasp on everything when I dont. I dont know what anyone else goes through day to day around the world.. I cant compare my life to anyone elses if I've only lived my own separate life. I can relate to people of course but I do not think that anyone can fully understand how something feels unless it happens to them. sure ill say "oh yeah Ive felt that before" or "I felt like that when... etc etc" but I dont know how it feels through someone elses eyes, in someone elses shoes. What Im trying to say is that I have had some really really hard times. Personally I feel that they are HARD TIMES. For me and maybe me only. Maybe others would look at these "hard times" and laugh and say "HAHAH you think thats hard?". But that being said this is how I feel and it cannot be undermined by anyone. Beyond all these technicalities that I decided had to be stated, right now I feel as though I have entered the abyss. I feel like Im in a place that is neither here nor there. I am a real nowhere man who has no real nowhere plans. I used to want to get a tattoo that was the symbol for "nobody". It was a onyx or something I dont remember the spelling. For a long time I thought I was nobody. I thought I would just bend to the whim of anything or anyone. And at the time, I thought that was just me. Me was nobody since I felt like everybody but nobody at the same time. Then I thought.. hmm I dont think I should get this tattoo because what if someday I become somebody. And im glad that I didnt get that tattoo because I AM somebody. I guess there are sometimes that my past self is right about how my future self will feel. I feel like everyone is usually thinking about the future. How they will be, where they will live, what they'll be doing and who theyll be doing IT with (bow-chicka). And do you know what I think? I think that everyones present self is the best link to that future self. OBVIOUSLY. but think about it like this. You .. RIGHT NOW.. can have a serious effect on your future self. Not just with succeeding and blah blah blah boring shit like that. Listen. About 6 or 7 years ago I made a video of myself talking to my future self. I completely forgot about that video. I came across that video one day and HEY it was ME! I didnt remember it AT ALL. and as I watched it it really really felt like my past self was talking to me. it was SURREAL AS FUCK. and on point! Ever since that day I have been making videos to my future self. Even stating in the video that I know Im going to just be drunkenly watching this video. Which usually is also on point! hah. But I strongly suggest that more people do the same thing. maybe just check in with your future self every now and then and say hey. what the fuck is up?! I hope you arent broke as shit and running out of gas. haha. its actually pretty comical the stuff youll begin to find your past self saying to you. I think documenting your life is a really good thing. You can learn so much just by sifting through your past experiences that youve written down or video taped. Right now for instance I feel like I need some guidance. So I think I will revisit some of my past selfs videos and make another one. You talk about how youre doing and how youve fucked up and tell your future self about all of it. Then in a year or two guess whos giving you pointers? YOU! haha its really actually hilarious. who'd of thought that it would be what you said to yourself 2 years ago that would set your world straight. I think I should go revisit my videos now. I need some guidance. :D In other news. not doing so well right now. This writing has definitely helped. Leigha Horvath- Signing off. ;*

0 notes

radiohorizon · 8 years ago

Note

All of them. Please? For me?

Youre killin meeeeeee🙄

200 things you can put in my ask200: My crush’s name is: Lacey😛😍 199: I was born in: 1999 198: I am really: short, tired, sarcastic, idk?? 197: My cellphone company is: verizon 196: My eye color is: blue/grey 195: My shoe size is: 3 in kids, 5 in womens 194: My ring size is: i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers 193: My height is: 5'1 192: I am allergic to: sulfa drugs and grass 191: My 1st car was: dont have one 190: My 1st job was: waitress at a local restaurant  189: Last book you read: King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun 188: My bed is: my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it 187: My pet: 2 cats, 1 dog 186: My best friend: Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea 185: My favorite shampoo is: Suave Ocean 184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: idrc about them?? 182: In my pockets: dont have pockeys rn 181: On my calendar: nothings 180: Marriage is: in my future 179: Spongebob can: idrc cause idc 178: My mom: is my favorite person 177: The last three songs I bought were?Wasted youth by fletcherIn too deep by the sweeplingsIs there somewhere by halsey176: Last YouTube video watched:"50 things about me" by Nina Jablonska 175: How many cousins do you have?A shit ton 174: Do you have any siblings?1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met 173: Are your parents divorced?No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love 172: Are you taller than your mom?We're the same height actually 171: Do you play an instrument?Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: i dunno 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: lmao no 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: i think 163: Hell: yes 162: God: i believe in something 161: Horoscopes: im not sure 160: Soul mates: yes 159: Ghosts: yes 158: Gay Marriage: duh 157: War: i dont really know 156: Orbs: yes 155: Magic: yes[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: high 152: Phone or Online: depends 151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care 150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care 142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: depends 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA  135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: dont care 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they? 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time 127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!! 123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother 121: George Bush: gross 120: Gay Marriage: yay 119: The presidential election: grosser 118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice 117: MySpace: never had one so idk 116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb 115: Parents: i love them more than anything 114: Back stabbers: fuck you 113: Ebay: sketchy 112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central 111: Work: dont have ajob 110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright 109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high 108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there 107: College: start it in 5 months :( 106: Sports: love em but suck at em 105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot 104: The future: scares the fuck out of me[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago 102: Last time you ate: few hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym 100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend 99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good 98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago 97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago 94: Went to a wedding: last summer 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: last spring 91: Broke the law: never i think? 90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs 87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories 85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever 84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy, 83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: pisces 80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea 76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU 74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully 73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep 72: Today: school, test, painted, studied 71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends 70: Next Weekend: towson university visit 69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver) 68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex 66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents 65: Last time I cried: last night 64: My friends are: the only reason im alive 63: My computer is: a Windows something 62: My School: sucks 61: My Car: doesnt exist 60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice 59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown 57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo 56: Favorite web site: tumblr  55: Your dream vacation: a lake house 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy but my favorite place 51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson 50: Where would you like to be: childhood 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: ye 47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta 41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan 40: Last person I got mad at: my dad 39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties 36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee  35: President: OBAMA 34: State visited: Florida 33: Cellphone provider: dunno 32: Athlete: Misty Copeland 31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher 30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence 29: Singer: Amy Lee 28: Band: Evanescence 27: Clothing store: KOHLS 26: Grocery store: giant 25: TV show: shameless 24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: monkey 21: Theme park: disney 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer 18: Sport to play: soccer 17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people? 16: Book: WAYYY too many 15: Day of the week: wednesday 14: Beach: bethany beach 13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit 12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese 11: Food: cheeseburger 10: Restaurant: green turtle 9: Radio station: 106.5 8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno 7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy 6: Flower: rose 5: Color: purplr 4: Talk show host: my girl ellen 3: Comedian: jon Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger  2: Dog breed: golden retriever  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

#asks #💜👑#only cause she's cute

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