#so if anything she's looking after the xen scientists more

[wolfietheangel]

deathwing? more like death wish!

[the-1-foxy]

The idea of Breen just being a nebulous authority figure to the black mesa science team is a little boring to me, as well as the idea that he's completely self serving. I mean he is, but I think a lot of it is from being a total coward, and also being incapable of taking responsibility (in the sense of admitting he did something wrong).

Surrendering to the Combine was necessary at the time or humanity would all be dead, there was no other option. He didn't even make that decision alone, it looks like he took it to the UN from one of the newspaper articles. After becoming Earths admin, even if he was willing to sacrifice himself, he doesn't believe humanity is capable of fighting the Combine, so it's better to not do anything to void his deal with them.

I think if he had a choice in the matter he wouldn't actually agree with the Combine, but he doesn't, so he just convinces himself everything is fine. His own situation is worse under the combine than it was before (I don't believe the Combine wastes time or resources making Breens life any better that what's necessary to keep him in line honestly. The computers in his own office are literally rusty for example) but he has to convince himself it's for the best because there's no alternative. I could keep going honestly, with all the reasons I think Breen was probably loosing his god damn mind as administrator, and isn't just the same person he used to be at black mesa anymore, but you can probably imagine.

Speaking of Black Mesa, there's a few things I think you can extrapolate about what he was like back then. firstly he pretty obviously was friends with Eli. He calls Eli an old friend, and talks as if he knew Azian personally, despite Azian not actually working at Black mesa as far as we know, just living there. So I think he probably was a friendly guy, enough for Eli to like him, and Eli is lovely, lol.

Another thing is, well there's only 1 mention of "The Administrator" in half life 1 that I remember honestly, and that was 2 scientists explaining to Gordon that they "assured the Administrator that nothing would go wrong". Which means Breen had to be convinced to do the resonance cascade causing experiment, which is really interesting but I've never seen anyone bring it up. I wouldn't say that means he was super cautious still (He sent a lot of people into Xen who all died, and going back to hl2 he picks up the gravity gun and fires it without even knowing what it does.) but it at least implies he had some sense in what he was doing, like he understood how the machine might go critical and had to be assured it was safe before he allowed it.

Lastly, and this might be a bit random but I really want to talk about this. He calls almost everyone by there first names in his office scene. Judith, Eli, Alyx, the only exception is Freeman. At one point Judith is trying to get his attention and he does not respond, he doesn't even acknowledge her, until she calls him Wallace. It's not until she reveals her betrayal of him that he switches to calling her Dr Mossman, and he fumbles over his words when he does so. Unless I'm missing something I can't think of a way to interpret this other than him unironically wanting to have a friendly relationship with Mossman, even if it's as surface level as being on a first name bases. If it wasn't for that I could have chalked it up to him being disrespectful by avoiding the other scientists titles, but no, he literally does the same for himself. In a really weird way it genuinely seems like he wants to believe they're his friends, or at least that Mossman is his friend.

cough. Anyway, that's just me rambling about how I interpret his character, without going more into pure headcannon, and I love angst and betrayal and whatnot so I'm biased </3

No wait you see I have something better then "Breen was a distant boss" NOOOOOOOO what if this man was the friendliest guy. What if he did his best to get along with everyone and was good at that, people genuinely liked him. Ohhhh that adds depth to his being scratched out of the picture, it was a betrayal on all fronts. Oooooo

[refuge-au]

>Open the Captain's File

Xisuma: Break the News

The model in the center of the entrance hall spun slowly, the mechanical, to scale, planets orbiting the massive sun at a rate thousands of times faster than their real counterparts did. The fake sun glowed softly, it’s light dimming briefly as Jupiter crossed between it and the man viewing it. Jupiter’s moons and the metallic arms that held them above the ground created a spiderweb pattern of shadows on the ground that slowly swept across the body of the visitor as it moved.

Xisuma stood several feet away from the center of the solar system model, his eyes tracing the path of Earth as it came out from behind the sun in an almost melancholy way. His brown hair was tied back in a short ponytail, his beard freshly trimmed- although you couldn’t see it at all thanks to the respirator he was wearing. He had even gone to the trouble of putting on one of his more casual dress uniforms.

The effort hadn’t gone unnoticed by the museum staff, drawing a couple of confused looks and some whispers, but he did his best to ignore him. What he had to say wouldn’t go over well, so he might as well look nice. Get some compliments.

The door opened, and the employee greeted the group of people that walked in cheerfully. X turned around, taking a deep breath, and smiled. Show time.

An older woman, just a bit shorter than him, her hair almost completely white, was pushing the wheelchair of a man that someone might have mistaken for him, if his hair weren't as white as hers and his face covered in scars. The woman checked in at the front desk quickly, showing a pass, and then turned and saw him, her eyes crinkling in a smile.

She walked over to Xisuma, the man in the wheelchair saying something and rolling over to the other side of the model.

“Hey, mom.” He said, trying to ignore the way his bottom lip trembled when she pulled him into a hug, her respirator digging into his shoulder.

“You’re all dressed up.” She said, stepping back and putting a hand to his cheek in the way that she always had when they were little. “You look nice, honey.”

“Thank you.” He said, bringing his hand up to cover hers. “You look nice too.”

She chuckled, patting the side of his face and then putting her hand down. “Oh, stop. I didn’t realize that this was going to be a formal dress event, or I would’ve thrown on something besides my work clothes.”

“It’s not a formal dress event, I just felt like cleaning up a bit.” Xisuma shrugged, hoping that the tension in his shoulders didn’t betray the news that he was bringing. “Haven’t had the opportunity to wear this in a bit, got a discount on museum admission, you know.”

She smiled at him again, but her eyes seemed… sad. “…Xisuma, we’re very proud of you. You know that, right?”

“I know.” He replied. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, just looking at him, as if she was searching for an answer to an unspoken question in his eyes. Whatever she found there didn’t seem to change her emotions, her soft smile and that strange sadness remaining as she pulled her purse to the front of her, opening it.

“You should go talk to your brother, dear. I need to go change my filter before I forget.”

“You didn’t change it before you came here? Mom…”

She waved one hand in the air as she continued to move things around in her purse with the other. “The alert came just as we got inside. A few minutes on a bad filter isn’t going to kill me.”

“…Alright. We’ll wait for you.” Xisuma said, and his mother waved him off as he headed over to the other side of the model where his twin brother was sitting, staring up at the planets in silence.

He reached his side, and stopped. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like forever.

Finally his brother spoke. “Xisuma.”

“Xenelis.” He replied, looking down to find his twin’s steely grey eyes staring up at him.

“Where are they sending you this time?” Xenelis’ voice was quiet, raspy- although he didn’t know if it was from the medical grade respirator attached to his mouth and nose or from his vocal cords being underused.

Xisuma started. “What? What do you mean?”

“You didn’t visit us at home or at the hospital, you called us out. You’re dressed up, but you didn’t tell us that this was a formal event. You’re stiffer than usual, which is saying something, and you look like you’re homesick even though you’re a fifteen minute commute away from your apartment.” Xenelis said, his voice carefully void of all emotion. “Where are they sending you?”

Xisuma looked away, breaking eyes contact and staring up at the solar system spinning above him. “Off planet.”

“Out of galaxy?”

“Yes.”

“How far?”

Xisuma didn’t respond for a moment too long, and that was all the answer that his brother needed. His sigh, heavy and full of disappointment and bitterness, hit Xisuma like a bullet to the heart.

“Of course.” Xenelis said. “Well, congratulations. You did it. You left us behind, just like you always wanted too. Good job, bro.”

“Damnit, Xen, you know that’s not-“ Xisuma rounded on his brother, hands automatically going to his hips.

“It’s not? It’s not? It sure as hell looks like it is. You’ve been leaving our whole lives, Iz- it’s just nonstop leaving and leaving and leaving- and now you finally don’t have to come back!” Xenelis snapped. “Good for you! Living your dream!”

“This mission is for the sake of the entire planet! I can’t just refuse to go on a mission that might make or break the human race-“

“Of course you can! You’re not the only high ranking officer out there! They could’ve found someone else, anyone else!”

“They came to me, specifically, asked me to pick out a crew, told me that we would save the world- how am I supposed to turn that offer down? You would’ve taken it in an instant-“

“Not if you were in my position I fucking wouldn’t’ve-!”

“Boys?” Their mom called from the other side of the model.

“Coming, mom.” They chorused automatically, shooting each other a glare. Xisuma walked around one side of the model and Xenelis rolled around the other, meeting in the middle.

Their mother smiled at both of them, apparently unaware of the argument that had been rapidly escalating until she entered the conversation. “There you are. Shall we go look at the new exhibits? I heard they had one about the Titanic.”

“Sure, mom.” Xisuma said, falling into step behind her as she led the way into the museum.

The visit was… cordial. Their mother chatted with both of them about equally, talking about this and that, whatever came to her mind. She was probably trying to fill the heavy silence that fell between the twins, Xenelis refusing to speak to Xisuma, and vice versa.

When they reached the end of their museum tour, pausing in the aquarium section before they left, Xisuma bit the bullet.

“Mom,” he said, folding his hands behind his back. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“Go ahead, dear.” She said absently, watching as a massive manta ray swam overhead.

Bathed in the blue light from the massive aquarium tank, she and Xenelis looked almost peaceful. Gods only knew how made Xen really was, however, and Xisuma knew that it was only a trick of the light. Or maybe it was a trick of the mind, him trying to convince himself that him leaving wouldn’t hurt them as much as he knew it would.

“…I’m leaving.” He said, turning to watch as the manta continued on its way. “They’re sending me on a mission to deep space.”

Her eyes closed momentary, steeling herself as she turned to him. “Deep space?”

“Past Centauri.” He said quietly. “They’re building a team of scientists and researchers to start colonizing a new planet.”

“Why so far away?” She asked, her voice trembling slightly.

“Mars can’t sustain a population like Earth’s, and after the Venus colonies failed… the galaxy isn’t suitable for life anymore. You know it’s true, mom. You’ve watched it happen. Think of how different things are now from when you were a kid.” His tone was soft, but he knew that there was a hint of pleading in there somewhere. She must understand. She wouldn’t be mad at him too, right?

“I know, I know, but… but of all people, why you?” Her voice broke, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

Xisuma’s heart sank as he stepped forward, hugging her. “They couldn’t find anyone better to do it. Mom-“

“When will you come home?” She asked, her voice thick with tears.

“I don’t know.” Maybe never. “I… don’t know.”

She cried for a while, and her sons remained in silence, one other knowing what to say, and the other not wanting to say anything.

When she finally stopped, she only had positive things to say. She was proud of him, she was sure he was going to do great, they would be able to communicate, even if it wasn’t face to face… but that sorrow in her eyes that he had noticed before was much more prevalent.

Had she expected this?

Was he really as predictable as Xen said he was?

They said their goodbyes just outside the museum. His mother hugged him tightly, told him she would see him soon.

Xenelis’ eyes crinkled in what he knew was some form of a mocking smile or sneer. “I hope you have fun, Iz.”

“I’m not leaving right away. I’ll see you again.”

“That’s what you always say.” Xen retorted sharply, turning and rolling away towards the ramp down to the street, where their mother was already waiting.

Xisuma stood at the door to the museum and watched them get into a car and fade out of sight, his heart heavy in his chest.

Computer: New Command unlocked!

Computer: Input the command Profile: [Name] to open the file associated with that person. Please note: some files or portions of files may not be available due to clearance levels.

Computer: Input Command: Show Available Files:

> Open the Pilot’s File.

> Open the Doctor’s File.

> Continue.

[lakesandquarries]

Baby Shoes - Chapter 4

Bubby has been a doctor at Black Mesa for 20 years, living there for 50. He’s been bouncing around from project to project, working on whatever needs most help. He doesn’t have any opinions on his work or his coworkers or anything like that, preferring to keep to himself.

Then he meets Black Mesa’s newest project.

AKA: Bubby is Benrey’s dad au.

title from “Baby Shoes” by Bad Books.

AO3 Link

The sound of the door opening jolts Bubby back into awareness - and Benrey too. They have another full body flinch, smacking their head against the concrete wall in their scramble.

Dr. Zeki’s heels click on the floor. “Dr. Bubby,” she says, tilting her head to the side. “This is certainly a strange place to find you.”

Benrey’s halfway off his lap already. He moves them gently so he can stand up to his full height, and their hands cling to his pant leg. “I wanted to try something new.”

“You’re attached,” Zeki says. “I should have known better than to let you on this project. It’s not sentient, Bubby. It’s not a fun little pet. Don’t you ever wonder what happened to Dr. Tipton? I’m sure you remember him.”

He, unfortunately, does. Dr. Tipton had been assigned to Bubby long ago, and he’d been an utter nightmare. No sense of boundaries, plus terrible hygiene.

“I recall him, yes.”

“This little subject you’re so fond of nearly killed him. It bit him and injected some kind of venom. We had to develop an entire new antivenom, in less than two hours, just for Dr. Tipton. He’s got permanent nerve damage and lost a few fingers, but he’s alive. I can only hope I’ll be able to say the same for you.”

Bubby glances down at Benrey. They’re clinging even tighter now, claws making small holes in Bubby’s pants.

“I think I’ll be fine.”

“Well, in that case.” Her gaze shifts down to Benrey. “You were so interested in its living situation, weren’t you? I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if we have it stay with you, then.”

“I don’t, actually.” He folds his arms, leveling his gaze right at Zeki, eyes meeting hers. “You know what, I think that’s a fantastic idea.” 

Zeki smirks at him, unbearably smug. “We’ll have to move you to the Biological Research wing, of course. You can’t be in a regular dorm with it. I’m sure your old room is still available, tube and all.”

Bubby bites the inside of his lip. He’s hated a lot of scientists in his years at Black Mesa, but he’s never had the repeated urge to strangle someone until Dr. Zeki. “That won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can find an empty room that can suit my, and the subject’s, needs.”

There’s a buzz from Zeki’s pocket. “Well, you have until I get out of my last meeting. Good luck, Dr. Bubby.” She gives him a final cold glare, turning on her heel and making sure to slam the door behind her.

“Bitch,” Bubby mutters. He hopes Dekkard broke her stuff while he was wrapping it in tinfoil.

There’s a high pitched noise from Benrey, and when Bubby looks down he sees dark bubbles like shadows. He’s careful not to touch them this time, not wanting a repeat of earlier. He crouches back down, eye level with Benrey again.

“Sorry about that,” he says quietly, reaching an arm out and gently placing it on Benrey’s shoulder. “I think I may have fallen asleep as well.”

“I don’t like her,” Benrey mumbles. “She’s scary.”

“I’m not especially fond of her either,” Bubby says. “But, I think this can actually work in our favor.”

“Huh?”

“She tried to scare me with that story, and she thinks she’s punishing me by inviting me to live here with you.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Benrey mumbles, hunching their shoulders. “I just - he kept touching me -”

“I’ve had my fair share of encounters with Dr. Tipton. Whatever you did, I’m sure he had it coming.”

“So you - you actually wanna -” Benrey’s eyes are wide and shiny. 

“If you’re alright with it, yes.”

Benrey nods, frantically, leaning their head against Bubby’s shoulder. They can’t quite reach to hug him, so Bubby moves closer, wrapping his arms around them. “I can’t stay for much longer, though. I need to go find us a good room. But I promise I’ll be back, alright?”

Benrey nods, bright yellow bubbles falling from their mouth. Bubby takes a moment to enjoy the wave of joy that comes with them before he forces himself to get up. “I’ll come back as soon as I can,” he says. 

Benrey’s whole being seems brighter, somehow. Less grey. Their hands tap against the ground. “Bye,” they say, as Bubby shuts the door gently behind him.

He checks Zeki’s office first. Dekkard is nowhere to be seen, but he’s clearly left his mark. Everything - the table, the computer, each individual pencil - has been painstakingly wrapped in tinfoil.

Bubby grins at the sight, taking a moment to knock a few paper weights off the desk.

He checks Dekkard’s desk next. No sign of him there, either, but his slinky is on the desk, so he can’t be too far. 

Sure enough, he’s in the next spot Bubby checks - the break room. He’s standing in front of the vending machine, looking for all the world like a professor stumped by a difficult math question.

“Dekkard!”

He turns and waves. “Oh, hey Bubby. Hey, should I get doritos, or -”

“Nevermind that! I have an important project. I need you to come with me.”

Dekkard raises an eyebrow, turning back to the machine. “Doritos it is.”

Bubby sighs. “Please. Look, this is very time sensitive, I only have until Zeki is done with her last meeting and I’ve already wasted ten minutes looking for you.”

Dekkard reaches into the machine for his bag of chips. “I mean, I’m supposed to be on lunch, but if this is to fuck with her, then I’ll help. Let’s go.”

“I saw your work in her office,” Bubby says as they walk back to Dekkard’s desk. “And I will admit, you did an excellent job.”

Dekkard beams. “Maybe I’m not so underqualified after all.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” 

Dekkard slips into his chair. Bubby’s too anxious to sit, instead pacing back and forth as he waits for the computer to boot up. “So, what am I helping you with?”

“Zeki made a proposal. I’m sure she intended it as a threat, but. I need a free room here in Biological Research. Something livable. No tubes or cages or any of that shit.”

Dekkard’s hands pause on the keyboard. He glances back at Bubby, who’s staring over his shoulder, leaning forward to watch. “Are you…moving in here?”

“Yes. Myself and one of the subjects, so make sure it’s big enough for two people.”

Dekkard spins in his chair. “One of the subjects?”

“Yes. Do you have a problem with that?” He folds his arms, standing up straight.

“I mean - pretty much every single subject here could kill you, so -”

“I used to be a subject here, if you’ll recall.” 

“Yeah, but - you’re not like them. You’re like, a person.” Dekkard sighs. “Is it the alien?”

“Their name is Benrey.”

“You named it?”

“We are wasting time,” Bubby snarls, stepping forward to grab the mouse from Dekkard’s hand. He holds it up, stretching the wire as far as it can go. 

“Hang on! Look, I’m willing to help, I just -”

“I don’t have time to argue with you! Either help me, or I will do this myself.” 

“Look, Bubby -”

“Dr. Bubby.”

“Dr. Bubby.” Dekkard groans, tipping his head back. “You’re the only tolerable person here, I don’t wanna help you get killed by an alien.”

“Well, luckily for you that’s not what you’re doing. Now are you going to help or not?”

“You’re really set on this, huh?”

It’s a lucky thing Bubby’s control over his pyrokinesis has grown, or Dekkard’s hair would be on fire. “Yes, I’m sure. I - they have them chained up. Like some kind of wild animal. They’re a child, Dekkard. Zeki made the mistake of offering this, and I’m not going to give her the chance to back down.”

Dekkard’s shoulders slump as he spins back to the computer. “I’m not gonna pretend like I understand, but fine. I’ll help.” Bubby takes a step away from the computer to give him a bit of space, not wanting to hover as Dekkard logs into the horribly designed official Black Mesa website. It takes him a minute to pull up a map, but once he does, he waves Bubby back over. “Okay, so. There’s a few empty areas, it looks like. I’m gonna toss these ones immediately -” and here he points to the screen at a cluster of small rooms - “because those are next to whatever the hell it is that screams all night. XEN - uh, Benrey?” He glances up at Bubby who nods approvingly. “Right. Benrey’s over here right now, and I think there’s actually an unused room pretty close? Big one, too.” 

“Just find me something and show me it. I don’t need your entire thought process.”

“Hey, I’m the one helping you.” Dekkard’s quiet after that, though, focusing more on the screen as Bubby paces back and forth, glancing at his pager every few minutes. “Okay, come here, I’ve got a list.”

This is the time-consuming part. Dekkard shows Bubby each of the rooms, laying out the size and shape and what they’re near, and then they spend a few moments debating the pros and cons. Bubby knows they’re on a timer, but his attention is elsewhere, and he does forget to check the time. 

His pager beeps.

“Oh, motherfucker,” he mutters. Zeki’s meeting must have ended, because she’s sent him a message.

Meet me in my office.

“We need to decide right now.”

“Shit, that her?”

“No, it was the president. Yes, it was her!”

Dekkard sighs, scooting his chair closer. “Okay, I know it’s a weird shape, but I think this one’s best. There’s a bathroom nearby and a sink in the room, which is good. Better than the dorms, even. And you can hang up a curtain or something over here and make it like a separate room.”

He’s gesturing at a vaguely L-shaped room close to the offices and break room. Bubby has seen it before. It’s been unused for ages, gathering dust, and will probably be a pain to clean. But Dekkard does have a point, and he’s out of time.

“Fine. Sure. Yes. What’s the room number?”

“B-22.”

“B-22,” Bubby repeats. “B like Bubby. Excellent. Alright, I’m off to go ruin Zeki’s day.”

Dekkard shoots him a grin and a finger gun. “Good working with you.”

“Also, don’t get the doritos. They’re stale.”

Dekkard looks at the bag on his desk. “God damnit. Asshole.”

[purplecatghostposts]

Jumbled AU Character Information Time!

What’s the Jumbled AU? Another Roleswap except it’s less swap between two characters and more... Jumbled! Created for fun of course!

I ended up tweaking it all up a bit and I’m pretty happy with it now!

Meet The Crew:

FORZEN-

“No, I’m right there with you. Black Mesa is the worst.”

- Takes Gordon’s role as Team Leader

- Graduated from MIT and was recently hired by Black Mesa. He’s been there less than a year and he’s already regretting it.

- Gets stuck in a HEV Suit and would very much like out of it, thank you very much.

- Originally wanted time be a streamer but his mother talked him into going into Science like everyone else in the family did. Forzen and his family have a rocky relationship and this is one of the reasons why.

- Hates his job and is miserable but he does it anyways because he’s good at it and it makes him money.

- A lot smarter than he looks or acts.

- Very protective over his team and is quite the shot. Prides himself a little on his good aim.

- Carries around a ‘Lucky Bayblade’ wherever he goes. Insists it’s kept him safe as a kid and as long as he has it, he will make it through alright.

- Is a single father as his partner left as soon as the kid was born. Forzen is determined to be a good father because of this. His kid’s full name is Scythe Kronos (Yes, that’s all their first name) but Forzen also calls them Scye for short. Forzen will do anything to make it back to his kid. He doesn’t want them to end up orphaned.

- Loses his right eye in the betrayal. Without his depth perception, his aim is worse than ever and he struggles to protect his team.

- Gets a robotic eye from the Cybernetics Department later that gives him better aim than before.

TOMMY-

“Get- get out of my way or I’ll make you.”

- Takes the place of Benrey as inhuman antagonist.

- Is a Shapeshifting alien who takes the shape of a human to blend in for his mission. Has a lot of power but never got to properly learn how to use it as he was separated from his father when he was young.

- Sunkist is his alien pet who takes the shape of a golden retriever to do the same. She fights alongside him.

- Initially takes on Earthly Interests such as Beyblades, soda, and certain TV shows as a way to blend in but actually starts to like them.

- Takes on a job at Black Mesa as a security guard so that he can search for his dad. Doesn’t actually find him until the Resonance Cascade.

- Tampers with the experiment and causes the Resonance Cascade in order to lower Black Mesa’s defenses so he and his dad can make their escape.

- Makes a deal with the military that if he sells Forzen out, they’ll leave everyone else alone. However, the military double crosses Tommy once they realize that his dad is a valuable experiment to Black Mesa. Tommy is not happy about this.

- Eventually comes to the conclusion that his dad will never be safe as long as Black Mesa is around. Goes to Xen with the others, keeps his cover the entire time, and once they reach Xen’s power source, Tommy takes it for himself and tries to destroy Black Mesa and everyone in it.

- It’s all for family. Step aside or you’ll just get hurt.

GORDON-

“There’s absolutely no way that’s up to code... You guys seeing this?”

- Takes the place of Tommy as Main Support.

- Has worked for Black Mesa for a while now but isn’t entirely fond of it. He’s aware it’s morally gray at best (And that’s sugar coating it) but he can’t quit because he’s bound by contract to stay there for a certain amount of years. At least it pays well, right?

- Lost his arm in a lab accident a few years ago. Luckily, cybernetics fitted him with a robotic prosthetic. The one who made him the arm also outfitted him with a gun-arm he can put on. Gordon didn’t understand why he would need it but after the Resonance Cascade happened, he’s glad he has it.

- One hell of a shot, especially when he’s freaking out a bit (“Gordon going ham!” @ himself).

- Has been a bit obsessed with safety regulations since he lost his arm (But honestly who wouldn’t be?) and is constantly baffled by Black Mesa’s OSHA Violations.

- Has a son back home, Joshua, who he would very much like to make it back to. Forzen and Gordon swap telling stories about their kids sometimes.

- Helps Forzen out after he’s lost his eye and tells him that he can get help from Cybernetics given Gordon knows a guy from the department.

- Is pretty good friends with Tommy and while he does try to stop him from destroying Black Mesa- he hates the place too but there’s a lot of scientists there who are bound by contract just like he is- Tommy spares him from his attacks.

- Seems to be fairly good friends with the mysterious being who keeps popping up, Bubby. Apparently Gordon has helped hide him away more than a few times when he gets stuck so he owes him.

DARNOLD-

“Uh oh... That might be one of my evil clones...”

- Takes the role of Dr. Coomer as the enhanced scientist with clones.

- Has biological enhancements such as built in rocket boots and extendo arms but they were all given to him when Darnold tested his own potions. He mostly uses these to get the group out of trouble.

- In the same situation as Gordon when it comes to being bound by contract. Neither are very thrilled about it but at least Darnold has been in Black Mesa long enough that he can influence change.

- Head of the Mixology Department but took interest in Xen for a while and oversaw the experiment that caused the Resonance Cascade.

- Signed onto the cloning experiment and now has a lot of clones that help around Black Mesa. Darnold is pretty friendly with them and tries to help some escape when the Resonance Cascade. Unfortunately a lot of them die, which gets to Darnold.

- A few clones drank his Evil Powerade and went rogue a while ago. Fortunately, they’re version of ‘Evil�� is essentially a cartoon mad scientist/supervillain. Unfortunately, they’re still a bit of a nuisance and the gang has to look out for tripwire traps and a few of their minions.

- Carries around a lot of potions to help. Has a strength potion that is particularly helpful in a pinch. Also has a special Forbidden Potion that he uses in the final battle.

- One of the few people that treated G-Man like a person rather than an experiment and thus, has his favor.

- Introduces Tommy to Earthly things and customs. Doesn’t piece it together that he’s an alien until later.

- Tried to help in the betrayal but Tommy held him back, saying it was for the best. Runs as soon as he realizes he’s in danger and hides away from the rest of the team. Actively avoids Forzen and Gordon for a while out of stress but eventually has to step in when one of his Evil Clones captures them.

G-MAN-

“Oh believe me, I am just as... Eager to get out of Black Mesa as the rest of you.”

- Takes the role of Bubby as Black Mesa’s favorite experiment

- If Bubby is like Shadow the Hedgehog, then G-Man is like Mewtwo.

- Is an alien that has been alive much longer than Black Mesa itself. A powerful one at that.

- Black Mesa started hunting him down as soon as they learned of his existence. G-Man had just created Tommy not too long ago and was weak when they came. Managed to protect Tommy but was captured as a result and imprisioned in Black Mesa.

- Nicknamed Project Goodman as Black Mesa wished to one day use his powers for their own benefit. The nickname ‘G-Man’ came later and stuck.

- Has a lot of powers relating to the mind (I.E. Levitation, telekinesis, telepathy, etc.) but Black Mesa keeps power dampeners on him so he can’t escape, no matter how much he may try. G-Man and Tommy search for a way to get these off of him, but little do they know that Black Mesa has other ways of ensuring he can’t go rogue...

- Started acting polite and professional a while back and keeps up the facade as it keeps him out of trouble and gets him more freedom. He now works as a scientist to ‘Help’ Black Mesa but is just biding his time until he can make his escape.

- Absolutely despises being in his tube and tends to get aggressive when in small spaces because of this.

- Has very few scientists he actually likes. Darnold is on this short list as he is kind to him.

- Finally reunited with his son after so long and wants nothing more than to escape together.

- They were so close...

BENREY-

“Oh yo, what happened to your eye, dude? Psh, no worries, I got a cybernetic eye for ya that’s gonna look sick as fuck!”

- Takes the role of Darnold as the guy who has a solution to a certain missing body part.

- Is one of the best in the Cybernetics Department and was the one who made Gordon his arm and gun-arm when he lost it in the accident.

- Became weird friends with Gordon after he helped him out. Benrey may or may not send cryptic messages and cat photos at 4AM to Gordon, who is very concerned for his health.

- The Cybernetics Department was originally supposed to be laid off due to budget cuts and the Mixology Department was going to expand and take over the lab but Benrey refused to leave his lab like everyone else and hacked the doors so nobody could get in. They would’ve dealt with it but soon after, the Resonance Cascade happened and Black Mesa has bigger worries than a rogue cybernetics scientist so Benrey just kinda. Stayed. He’s the only remaining member of the Cybernetics Team.

- A good mechanic and a master hacker. He ends up hacking into the security cameras and the VOX to watch the team as they go. He speaks via the VOX- and never tells them who he is- but as soon as they reach his lab, Benrey greets them like old friends.

- While he does like to mess with the team a little, he’s pretty helpful for the most part. He opens up a few locked doors and gives a few heads up every once in a while.

- “ROCKET. LAUNCH. GOOD.” Yeah that was Benrey. Gordon actually hits himself once he realizes it’s Benrey because everything suddenly makes sense.

- Gives Forzen a cybernetic eye that actually gives him better aim than before. Said eye also “May or may not have other sick features.”

- Benrey refuses to elaborate on this.

COOMER-

“OH HO HO HO, BAD MOVE! TIME FOR ME TO GO IN FOR THE KILL!”

- Takes the role of Forzen as minor antagonist.

- Joined the military because of his Ex-Wife’s pressuring to do so. They’re both still in the military but they don’t talk anymore.

- Volunteered to test out a new serum that would genetically enhance him to be an one man army due to his love for Science. He didn’t expect for it to work like it did.

- The serum gave him superhuman abilities such as strength, high leaping power, endurance, regeneration, and other such. However, there was a side effect to the serum as it also gave him a bit of a bloodlust. “I crave violence” is very literal now.

- Very powerful but unfortunately a bit of a loose cannon. They only send him in if they’re getting desperate since he causes a lot of collateral damage.

- Can calm down and have regular conversations but it takes a lot of effort. The serum screwed with his head a lot.

- Is sent to take down the Science Team. 90% of the time, they have to run from him and shake him off their trail other than fight him as he’s a lot stronger than the rest of them.

- Kidnaps Gordon rather than Sunkist at one point and holds him hostage. The Science Team has to work together to take him back.

- Saved Bubby’s life once and now whenever Coomer gets into real danger, Bubby teleports him away. Bubby is one of the few people who can calm Coomer down for long periods of time and Coomer is very fond of Bubby.

BUBBY-

“Who I am is none of your goddamn business.”

- Takes the role of G-Man as a powerful being who keeps showing up.

- Originally was created by Black Mesa and worked for them but in an experiment gone horribly wrong, Bubby abruptly disappeared with no trace.

- The accident gave Bubby dimensional powers over Time and Space but unfortunately, Bubby struggles to figure them out and they’re rather unstable at first.

- Because of their instability, Bubby sometimes randomly will teleport and get stuck in places he doesn’t want to be in. This happens far too frequently in Black Mesa but luckily, Gordon knows him and starts hiding him from Black Mesa whenever he gets stuck.

- This also happened once when Bubby ended up in the middle of an active battlefield and nearly got killed had Coomer not saw him get teleported in and rescued him.

- Bubby has taken a certain fondness for both of them and watches over them from the shadows as his own way of saying ‘Thank You’.

- Black Mesa is vaguely aware that Bubby is still out there but he’s become a bit of a cryptid to them. There’s some security footage of him teleporting in but all security footage gets really staticy and stops working after he appears in it.

- Bubby absolutely despises Black Mesa.

- If he wants something changed, he will change it, by force if necessary.

- Starts watching the team closely after the Resonance Cascade. At first thinks that some of them are aligned with Black Mesa and actively tries to stop them until he figures out that they’ve all fallen victim to it as well and becomes somewhat of an ally.

Anddd that’s the team!

That took a LONG time to type out but hopefully it’s interesting! I’m having a lot of thoughts about this AU currently so if you’re curious at all, send me an ask and I can talk about it more!

[goatbi]

Sweet Voice Songs

It was, in the end, Benrey’s fault. 

Now, no one told him this, but G-Man had come after them all because of him. He was an anomaly, but... well, Benrey was a sentimental fool who looked at his friends and couldn’t let them go. 

Not even when it hurt them. 

Which, kinda sucked. Bubby going back in his tube, that is. It wasn’t good for Bubby, it wasn’t good for Coomer, and it wasn’t good for any of them to see the damage that G-Man had done to him. Still, Tommy had destroyed his father as completely as that man could be destroyed. 

It would be selfish of him to leave now. It had been selfish if he left before, and it had been selfish when he had broken down in front of them and desperately wanted to stay. 

He wasn’t going to pretend that it wasn’t. 

Benrey had accepted a long time ago that he was a selfish sentimental bastard. It hurt, a lot, actually, realizing that maybe it was more than that. 

Tommy had been the first to say that, when they had met so long ago and Tommy had laughed off the idea that Benrey was scary. A lot of the other guards and scientists had been scared of him, who knows why, but Tommy just attached himself. 

It didn’t take long for Benrey to know Tommy wasn’t human. It also hadn’t taken long to see the other few inhumans littered around. Coomer had started human and then... wasn’t anymore, and the shift was obvious. Bubby, on the other hand, was artificial. Black Mesa was fucked up, and it was a lot more obvious when he realized that it was run by Tommy’s father. 

G-Man was a bitch. Benrey would say that one hundred percent, he hated G-Man with everything in his soul, and just got closer to Tommy, partially out of spite against G-Man. Tommy was his friend. 

Benrey really hated that it ended up like this. 

Tommy passed out against Gordon’s side, pushing the other into him slightly. Benrey was the one leaning back, making sure Gordon and Tommy didn’t fall over onto the floor. Coomer had finally succumbed to exhaustion, leaning against Bubby’s tube. Benrey was the only one awake. 

He liked it that way, half the time. It was easier to be awake and deal with his emotions that force that half sleep he could accomplish. He would still have to think and worry about it all, but through a haze of stifled emotions. 

Benrey sighed, tilting his head back and singing softly, letting the color fill the room, surround them. He didn’t think too hard on it, just let the emotion fill the notes of nothing, pouring into rainbows that floated around, shining light on the room. He was tired. 

Maybe sleeping would be alright. 

--------------------------------------------

Coomer said that Bubby was going to be okay in the long run. There would be some complications dealing with regrowing over 70% of his skin, but he would be okay. Benrey forced that to slide of his back. He wasn’t the one who hurt him, he wasn’t the one who took him to Xen, pushed until he snapped. 

He pretended like it worked. 

Sometimes Benrey wondered if he was really worth all this. They could have just let him leave, let him disappear. Not even G-Man could have killed him in any way that mattered in the long run, but then he thought about it. He thought about Tommy curled up in his lap, crying over the thought of losing any of them, clinging onto them all like his life depended on it, Bubby with his face pressed against his chest, Gordon making a promise he had no way of being able to keep, and yet... 

He kept it. 

Gordon was continuing to keep this promise, that one day he was going to have to break, but. 

The Sweet Voice Gordon now had said differently. 

Maybe Gordon could keep that promise? Maybe it would be alright.

----------------------------

Bubby woke up once when it was just him, and Benrey let relief slam into him like a bus, turning his head, unnoticed by Bubby, to sing a few notes out, get his heart back under his control, and talked with him until Bubby slipped back off to sleep. He talked to Coomer too, when Coomer came in seconds after Bubby was out. 

Coomer seemed to be alright, watching his husband float peacefully, and Benrey left him, let him stare up and hope, and Benrey didn’t say anything about the blue to green he had sung out at him moments before, that he would continue to sing out to all of them, hoping it would help, infusing the very bones of this home with healing, making it safe. 

He would keep it safe. No matter what. 

-----------------------------

Gordon would visit Joshua sometimes, but never brought him home. To be fair, home was Tommy’s apartment in the void right now, so he couldn’t, not really, but Benrey knew it hurt him a bit. He loved his son, completely and wholeheartedly, and being without him for so long meant going without waking up to him having scrambled out of bed and bouncing on his own. 

So, Benrey was going to make it happen. He needed to see Gordon smile like that again. He needed to see Gordon happy despite everything, he... 

Fuck it. He was in love, and he hated seeing Gordon so down. 

It made sense, Benrey couldn’t deny that. Gordon had been through hell, but that... Well, even with all that, he deserved to smile. 

Harmony just smiled knowingly at him, watching the color float around her home as he sat on the couch, leaking pink to blue from behind his hand as he tried to pretend he had control of it. “You really do love him.” 

“I would... appreciate you not telling him?” He muttered, and Harmony laughed, patting his shoulder as she stood. 

“Let me go get Joshua ready. Maybe you can get this under control by the time he’s packed for a weekend?” 

He didn’t. 

---------------------------

The weekend was nice. Benrey had never seen Gordon smile so much as when he was interacting with Joshua. He had waited until Bubby had all his skin again to bring him, so that they could leave the door open, and the two of them could sign at each other, while Bubby was awake that is. 

Harmony was probably going to get a lot of weird stories when they returned. Benrey could only half follow the conversations they had, the only one that didn’t actually know sign. It ended up with him teaching Gordon sweet voice, and everyone else teaching him bits and pieces of sign. 

Benrey didn’t... remember the last time he smiled so truthfully this much. 

Gordon and Joshua were a nice family. Benrey wondered, briefly, if he would fit, but threw that thought away. He didn’t want to push this on Gordon too. 

Tommy kept shooting him looks about it, but until Tommy accepted they weren’t going to be upset at him for crying about having to kill his dad, Benrey didn’t think he got an opinion on it. 

----------------------------

Tommy came to him a few days later. He ended up falling asleep on Benrey’s lap, which, honestly, was happening a lot more often with more than just him, and it made him... content. He had his family, he was not going to let go of them, not if he could help it. 

Gordon came in looking for them about an hour later, and Benrey had to wake up Tommy. He really didn’t want to, since Tommy seemed so calm, clinging onto his leg, but Benrey knew that he needed to eat too. So, up they got. 

They ate dinner in Bubby’s tube room, Bubby shakily signing at them to just throw chips into his tube, it was fine, let him eat the god damn Doritos you heathens-

Coomer didn’t let them throw any Doritos into the tube. 

---------------------------

Benrey curled up on the couch with Gordon, watching their sweet voice float around the room, as Gordon stared up from his lap, smiling softly. Benrey looked down at him quietly, one hand petting through the mess of his hair. Gordon hummed at him, smiling. 

He ignored the pink to blue pouring out of their mouths, and pretended that he wasn’t feeling something he had told himself long ago that he would never be able to feel. 

If they waited a bit longer... it would be better. 

[bees-aus]

HLVRAI ROLESWAP AU

[ Main tag: #SWAP AU ]

Roleswap AU is just like it sounds- an AU where everyone's roles are switched! However, what causes this AU to stand out from the rest is that roles may be swapped... but species and personality, in most cases, are not! In this AU, Gordon + Benrey are swapped, G-Man and Tommy are swapped, Coomer and Bubby are swapped, Forzen and Darnold, and Joshua and Josh (who works at Gamestop) are swapped!

Gordon Freeman

[ he/him ] [ Reference image ]

Gordon is a college dropout who had a dream of becoming a scientist, but really couldn’t handle it. In some cruel twist of irony, he ends up with a job at Black Mesa… as a security guard. It had great benefits and you didn’t really seem to do anything, so… why not? Sure, he’s a little bitter, but it’s steady, easy, has decent wages, and he at least gets to hang out around scientists. And at least he’s forced to keep up a workout regimen, which is probably the biggest thing he has going for his mental health. Also streams games in his free time. He’d been working there for quite a while when he suddenly got shifted to a different division- something about a big project needing heavier guarding. That’s when he met Benrey- who he thought was fishy as hell. And maybe he was excited to actually be able to do something once in this damn job. Of course, shit immediately goes wrong. Despite everything going to shit- Gordon is sure that his bosses will pull through and fix everything, so he does his best to try and do his job and make sure Benrey doesnt go anywhere he’s not supposed to. Benrey proceeds to completely ignore him, and use his inhuman powers to completely thwart every attempt Gordon makes to make the man listen. Ends up unwillingly becoming the final boss because of Tommy’s thwarting, and hes to be killed by science team, and then manually saved by Gman, Benrey and Tommy.

Benrey

[ they/them + he/him ] [ Reference image ]

Just like canon, Benrey is very much not human and a pain in Gordon’s ass. He’s the head test subject for all of the Xen projects, since his inhuman status prevents him from being killed or injured by most radiation and xen lifeforms that would kill humans. Doesn’t really care about his job, but Tommy roped him into it and he owes him one. Plus, the pay is decent to get things for his son, Joshua- who definitely takes after his dad. When the game starts, he starts playing it for funsies. However, it becomes a lot less fun when he realizes the game is becoming all too real. He hadn't worried about his arm getting cut off- not until it didn't grow back, due to it being a scripted event. Not only that, but Tommy lets him know that when the game ends... they all might die. So he helps bounce ideas off Tommy of how to stop it- with some consequences. They end up causing Gordon to be roped into being the final boss, and has to save him with Tommy and G-Man's help.

Joshua

[ he/him + ??? ] [ reference image ] 

Just like Benrey, Joshua isn’t human- and appears even moreso, since the kid has no interest in trying to appear human. Which Benrey at least tries, for his coworkers sake. About 6-8 mentally, his physical age isn’t really disclosed. He’s currently in his “molting phase”, as Benrey calls it; causing him to shed everywhere and try and itch himself on everything. As well as chewing. And hissing. And clawing the furniture. Despite that, they’re surprisingly well behaved when prompted, and listen to Benrey… decently well. Has an interest in Gordon, though that interest seems to half be trying to chew on all of Gordon’s clothes. Mainly watches Westerns at home or hangs out with Tommy or G-Man while Benrey is working. Has a strange love for cowboys. Calls Benrey “Bany” or “beedee”, Gordon “Hoofs”, Tommy “Eggs”, Gman “Chicken”, Coomer “Murphy”, and Bubby “Packy” as their main nicknames. Can’t read, but is a master Heavenly Sword player, amongst other games. Loves Minecraft in particular.

Tommy Coolatta

[ any pronouns ] [ reference image pending ]

Tommy is the son and successor to one of the more influential interdimensional buisnessmen, G-Man. When his father decided he was done, Tommy stepped up to the plate and took over the business willingly for several reasons- including simple pursuit of knowledge. He met Benrey long even before he took over the business, which is why he trusted him to help him with his project and appointed him to Xen experimentation- with pay, of course. He became self-aware when the "game" started, and though he tried not to interfere much, he got scared when he realized that when the game ended... they might all go with it. So, he decided to confide in Benrey- as they'd been friends for a long time; before Tommy had even taken over his fathers' position. Together they came up with a plan to try and delete the final boss- and it was this that caused Gordon to glitch and take over the role.

G-Man

[ he/him + xe/xem ]

After his son decided he was ready to take over the family business, G-Man decided to retire. He'd never really had time to simply... not do anything before. So he decided to indulge and start learning about more specifics instead of being involved with everything in a broad sense. One of his personal projects was creating a pet for himself- the "perfect" cat, a black oriental shorthair named La Croix. Though he claims she's perfect, she's... well, completley evil. But don't tell him that. Anyway, one day Tommy called him up and asked him for a favor- a client wanted Black Mesa to develop portaling technology to Xen, and he didn't really have to time to teach the humans. So, begrudgingly as a favor to his son, he posed as a scientist hired by Black Mesa to help fund and lead the research team. Much to his chagrin, that also involves working with Benrey, who he never really cared for. When all hell breaks lose, he's forced to accompany the rest of the team through the game for Tommy's sake- and because he actually decently likes the Coomer and Bubby fellows.

Dr. Coomer

[ he/him ]

Coomer is on of Black Mesa's experiments on creating the perfect security and scientist hybrid- if they could just have one person in both roles, it would be so much easier! Unfortunately, their testing didn't go so well. He's the most successful of his batch- and successful he is! He's got the brains of a scientist and the brawns of... well, certainly a lot more than your average security guard. Plus the psychokinesis. Really, he's the perfect package... if only they could properly replicate him. They decided to place him in the Xen department due to his multi functional abilities, and the fact that he got along rather well with the lead scientist there- G-man. Also, he's the only one who can really keep Bubby in check.

Bubby

[ they/them + he/him ]

Another one of Black Mesa's experiments- this time, in cybernetics. He was originally purposed to be withstanding of Xen atmosphere and basically work as a living space probe, but the idea was quickly scrapped. Still, they had a perfectly good brain, so... they simply stuck him in the scientist department instead. Though he's rather small and frail, he's by no means any less dangerous. A good portion of his body is advanced tech; a whole arsenal of tools store and hidden away in his body. Like a living swiss army knife of doom. Some of these features include giant, insectoid blade legs, a mini flamethrower, lasers, science tools... you get the gist.

Darnold

[ he/him ]

Darnold was Gordon's roomate back in college. Though he wanted to graduate in mixology- when Gordon dropped out, he got a new roommate, and things started to go south from there. Long story short, he decided to join the military for help with college and getting his degree. Unfortunately, Darnold is not a brave man. He did not want to be on this mission. He doesn't know why he ever even thought of this. This was a horrible idea. Oh fuck, oh no- But it's a bit too late now, once he's separated from the rest of his squad in an alien infested laboratory. When he finally meets the rest of science team, he quickly surrenders and dips out- but unfortunately, gets taken hostage by an evil cat named La Croix. Once G-Man manages to calm his pet, he books it, escaping the facility, quitting the military. Fortunately for him, Black Mesa's hush money (that Tommy provided, of course) was more than enough to let him get any degree he wants.

Forzen

[ he/him ]

When Darnold and Gordon both dropped out of college... Forzen was the one who decided to pick up the open dorm, and also the empty spot in Darnold's mixology class. Turns out, he was pretty damn good at that. Good enough that he decided that's what he wanted to do instead of join the military- fuck those guys. He went on to get a full, successful degree, and get hired as the official Black Mesa Mixologist. Though he's still a huge, buff, brute-looking man- he passionately works making his elixirs (all of which are lovingly named after beyblades, of course). He's pretty annoyed when a bunch of weirdos come knocking on his department, but he obliges because he has the perfect elixir to test on whatever the one-armed dude is- though they all quickly leave after a pretty heated discussion about TF2.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 45-48

Chapter 45

Nor is floating in a super sci-fi space carriage over the last remaining “wealthy” city on Xen Ptera, which is apparently so garbage only a few people have roofs over their heads. She thinks about how much she loves her people and how she’s doing this for them, except she purposefully floats just out of reach of their poor-people hands and throws food and “med kits” at them so they’ll follow. 

Darai is very confused by this, because Shinsay desperately need Nor to seem complex and intelligent. She compares her people to an [incidental space animal] she got from her father as a child.

“I fed it,” she explained. “Give a pet food, Darai, and it will do anything to stay by your side. Starve it or beat it, and it will begin to fear your very existence, only coming out of hiding in the moments when you have something to give and it to take.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

[...]

“The people of Xen Ptera are my responsibility now. But more than that, they are my soldiers, and I wish for them to follow me always. No matter how dark the path I choose to walk upon.”

Yes, this makes so much sense. First you let your people starve and get radiation poisoning, but then you throw scraps at their feet and obviously peasants are food-motivated like kittens and will absolutely do as you say. 

Except this doesn’t make any fucking sense for many, many reasons. 

1) Darai complains about the fact that these rations are used for scientists and soldiers. Which he’s right about. If Nor has an army and scientists, those people tend to be far more useful in, say, a war, than a bunch of mutated and starving peasants. 

2) I dunno if Shinsay have read any history ever, but when large masses of people get hungry, they don’t just sit there, they turn on the few people in power who still have food and resources. These peasants would turn on Nor the moment someone else provided better food. I’m just saying that Nor’s neck accessory wouldn’t be a spiked collar but a guillotine.

3) Don’t you have that Zenith stuff? The stuff that can make people into brainwashed robots with a single drop? Release that shit into the atmosphere and save your food and “med kits” for the few actually crucial people who need it.

3.5) If you’re only going to use it on enemies to convert them, why bother with your people in the first place? Despite what Nor is claiming, her “love” for her people is token at best and her priority lies in revenge, not recovery.

4) Also it’s so transparent that they only wrote this to make Nor look smart, because they purposefully made Darai into an idiot who doesn’t understand basic concepts when he previously was written as an older, intelligent advisor.

Nor arrives at the old palace ruins and it’s all very sad and angsty, complete with special Backstory Flowers that used to Bloom but Don’t Anymore because the Environment got Too Tragic, and flashbacks to that time her hand and also her dad were crushed under rubble. We find out that the crowd gathered here are just “thousands” of people, and Nor refers to them as her “army.” Okay. 

Nor gets stage fright when the crowd is silent and doesn’t instantly love her because she has the confidence of a highschooler asking someone out to prom, and decides to snap her golden hand off to prove to her people that she’s “their equal,” which works for some reason even though the narration acknowledges it as a lie. 

Obviously starving people seeing this LITERALLY GOLDEN woman who just shat out a bunch of free food from her floating carriage will definitely 100% swallow her little speech about how they have to take revenge. Even the mothers holding up their starving infants! We all know people who are starving want revenge before a sandwich. The blood of my enemies? I call it vengeance ketchup.

She shows Zenith to the crowd which they totally understand what it is right away from afar and how it works and what it has to do with literally anything.

“Remember, Xen Pterrans, and never forget, that even the stars can bleed!”

The royal entourage pack up and Nor says she wants a crown forged for herself because “every queen needs one” and: 

“I want to wear it while we feast on the galaxy’s bones.”

Cool. 

Chapter 46

We’re in Lira’s POV while she’s doing what she does best: moping off on her own. I guess she’s not very special in that regard. She’s thinking about how she loves to fly because the sky has no limits and the ground is confusing. Aight.

The gang seems to have gotten off without any punishment for crashing into a village and are now staying at the very center of power of Adhira, this mountain palace called Rhymore. It’s very pretty and yadda yadda, I skipped 90% of the description because literally whomst careth. 

One important detail to keep in mind is that we find out varillium, the glass-like substance that the Marauder is made of is, like M. Night Shyamalan’s movie starring Bruce Willis, unbreakable. You know, which is why they need those metal shields around the damn thing. Thanks guys, this makes total sense.

Lira looks into an “eyeglass” and sees literally all of Adhira like a tiny map. Either Shinsay are confused about what a telescope does, or they’re flat-earthers. And yeah, she literally sees cities, waterfalls, rainforests, deserts ... This is after we’ve established she’s in a mountainous area.

All the descriptions read like screensavers and are just as relevant to the story so I’ll just skip them. 

Lira is ambushed by her twin brother Lon, who is the owner of that sarcastic soul we’ve heard so much about. 

He was at least a head taller than her now, his pale blue arms rippling with muscle, spreading up into a thick neck and strong shoulders.

This description bothers me and I don’t know why. 

The conversation quickly turns all mopey and Lon says Lira has abandoned her people and himself, to which she replies she was only protecting him from WHAT SHE’S BECOME (wake me up inside). We then get a random infodump about how the Adhiran queen is super great and loving and a perfect leader. Not perfect enough to abdicate the throne but I don’t think Shinsay thought that far. Monarchy good if monarchs good, obviously.

Lon is all “ur still my sister until the mountain falls uwu” and Lira is like “omg stop guilt-tripping meee” and we’re informed there’s gonna be a “peace festival” soon that celebrates the end of the war against Xen Ptera. How convenient that their ship would randomly malfunction right before this event. :)

Lira says she wants to tell him only the good stuff of what’s happened while she was away and says that she’s been using Moon Chew, which is Bad for Reasons, and she knows Lon uses it too but keeps it a secret from the queen aka their aunt. Lon asks about what “led” Lira to using it and I’m just baffled by the fact that we still don’t know what the fuck Moon Chew is or what it does, and why, if it’s something so terrible that one must be “led” to using it, they’re talking about it like it’s some unhealthy fast food their aunt frowns upon and not, say, a drug? 

Anyway, Lira tells him of their adventures and it sounds way more interesting than anything we’ve read so far. Then we get this:

Lon always knew that Lira harbored a darkness in her soul. A little tug, a tiny whisper at the back of her mind, that led her to go above and beyond the pranks that Lon had always pulled while they were growing up here. 

She’d fallen, not for a lover, but for the skies. For adventure. 

She’d found a ship full of girls with their own affinity for darkness to mirror her own.

So I recently found out that there’s supposedly an “asexual” alien in the crew of the Marauder, and that member is apparently Lira. I think this idea is reinforced by the “fallen but not for a lover” line.

Framing her wanting to explore the world on her own and go her own way, comparing it to falling in love but not with another person but with a concept, as a darkness in her soul? 

Not a good look.

Anyway, Lon decides after all this time that apparently Lira was always meant to fly and tells her that her aunt wants to see her.

This is plot?

Chapter 47

We’re in Valen’s POV. He wakes up and is in pain but not enough to avoid noticing that he’s in a fluffy bed and outside there is [insert generic description of pretty place here] and it’s so pretty he could never paint it, because he’s a painter and he can’t relate anything in his life to anything but painting.

The Adhiran queen is there and she’s very pretty. She asks him about the last thing he remembers, which is Nor, and it sends him into a ... flashback? Basically he starts freaking out that this isn’t real and they sedate him again and the last thing he sees is

[...] Androma Racella leaning forward from the shadows across the room, half of her face aglow as sunlight spilled across her skin like paint.

You know, because he’s a painter!

Chapter 48

We’re back with Lira, who starts the second chapter like she started the previous one, complaining about how being planetside is the worst. Yep, we get it. It’s the worst. Cuz she’s a pilot. 

Painters be painting. Pilots be piloting. If your characters don’t constantly refer back to their one defining characteristic, how will be able to tell them apart? 

Anywho, Lira finally gets to the queen.

Alara was beautiful in every sense of the word, inside and out. She had a lithe frame, perfectly proportioned, and no scales on her skin.

PERFECTLY PROPORTIONED

What in the everloving fuck does that even mean? :’) Probably just means she’s skinny.

And of course she has no scales, only evil people and/or “morally grey” people can have imperfections. How do we know someone is good unless they have flawless skin?

Lira had always admired Alara’s beauty, but it paled in comparison to the woman’s intelligence.

Shinsay, slapping us all with a big purple dildo: THIS IS FEMINISM. 

“She’s absolutely good and perfect and INTELLIGENT because women don’t have to be pretty to be smart and we totes value things other than beauty, but let us constantly describe how absolutely fucking DICK-OUT-HOT this Generic Good Queen is, in case you ever doubted it.”

👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

And, yeah, Nor is also described as hot, but like, evil hot. Sexualized and sexual and dangerous and GASP OMG SHE HAS A GOLD HAND. GGQ straight up glows, that’s how good she is.

Generic Good Queen addresses Lira as “Lirana” which, yeah, ok, and we get this:

“I’ve just had a rather unfortunate conversation with Valen Cortas, the poor, tortured soul, so spare me whatever dramatic greeting you must have prepared.”

You know what? Maybe Generic Good Queen ain’t so bad after all. 

YOU TELL HER, GGQ. 

[confusedunit]

A Faint Divergence - Day 7

12 Days of Ficmas - Day 7 Gen, as always. Semi-angst? Drama Characters: Benrey, Mr. Coolatta.

Xen was a nice place, if Benrey was honest. Certainly one of the nicer places he'd spent his time. Plenty of places to go, flora to see, fauna to encounter. No fighting for his life, no hiding from assaulters, no threat of hostility due to his form and abilities.

Border worlds, he'd discovered, were fucking awesome.

No one asked questions, or at least no one asked questions he didn't want to answer. They just wanted people to be safe, while they visited. Because being a border world, most creatures didn't come by to stay. They came by to stop at the last planet they'd get a chance to for a long while, gather supplies, see the sights, and move on.

That had been Benrey's intention at first, when he'd arrived. But he quickly realized that he didn't really...want to leave. He felt safe there, safe for the first time in a very long time. He could talk to people, there. The vortigaunts would reply to him, even if he didn't understand them at first. But they, like most beings in the universe, understood the meanings of colors, so he had predominantly used his Sweet Voice to communicate.

Eventually, they had taught him how to focus, to be able to hear the unspoken words used by many of the native creatures of Xen. Other creatures that came to visit referred to it as a 'hivemind', but that wasn't quite correct. Benrey felt it was closer to turning on and off a radio, able to tune into the conversations if you wanted to, but easy enough to avoid if you didn't.

And he'd stayed. He'd found a place to call home, finally, and he latched onto it and clung. His abilities recovered, the longer he stayed, the more he attuned himself to the unique energy that Xen produced. The planet welcomed him as one of their own. And in return, he appointed himself a protector.

-

He felt the distressed wail of the Broodmother, too far away to hear it. But it pushed him to stand, floating through the air to check the area. She was distraught, unable to find some of her children. They would not respond to her cries. Something was wrong.

He sent back a few comforting tones, as he looked around. He would find them, he reassured her, or he would find the cause, and take care of it. He flew over a mountain, body transforming to be more humanoid in appearance, clothes that of a sleek spaceship crew. He landed quietly, glancing around the area. His eyebrows raised.

Someone had set up camp there. Some sort of tents had been put up, reaching the top and sides of the cavern entrance. There were also tables outside the tent, with various pieces of equipment scattered across. And...some sort of computer device? It looked really primitive, but hey, maybe he couldn't judge. He didn't even own any tech, anymore.

His eyes narrowed, however, when he saw what looked like some kind of orange and black robot wandering over to the table, one of the Broodmother's children in it's hands. He growled quietly, reaching up to close the space helmet, as he moved closer. The unit opened a small cage, putting the crab within and closing the door.

He lunged across the remaining space, crashing into the unit with a loud crash, knocking it to the ground. He snarled, digging his claws into the less protected pieces of the outer metal plating, and tearing pieces away.

He stared down at his hands, as blood dripped off of them, before looking at the creature below him. It wasn't a robot. It was a creature inside a metal suit. The creature was panicking, shouting words in a language that he didn't quite understand. He was about to climb off, try to communicate in another way, when the door to the tent flew open, and another orange and black suit crashed out, holding a weapon.

He snapped, launching himself at the second creature. They were now a threat. They could not be allowed to stay.

He took out the two creatures within minutes, and he slowly sunk to the ground. A protozoan floated over from around a rock, cooing a tone at him. He held out his claws to the creature, allowing it to investigate the blood as he was lost in thought. Why were creatures, capable of communication, coming to Xen and taking the Broodmother's children?

He blinked slowly as he felt the protozoan bump against his head, and he looked at his claws to see that they were clean. "...thanks." He stood up again, moving into the tent this time. There wasn't anything inside that told him why the creatures were there, at least not that he could tell. All he found that he cared about were a few more cages with the crabs in them. He was able to rescue three of them with his healing beam, but it was too late for two of the others. He let the three out of their cages, directing them to go wait outside, while he gathered the other two. The Broodmother would want them back regardless.

He returned outside, watching the crabs leap and play with the protozoan. It raised his spirits a bit, to see that they hadn't been fully hardened by this experience. They were resilient little things. He let out the last crab, watching them frolic together for a few moments. "hey, uh. you hurry on home. tell her i'll be there soon, just got some...stuff to clean up." The crabs chittered, before heading off together, protozoan slowly drifting after them.

It took a while for him to clean up the area, bodies of the creatures thrown haphazardly in the tent, blood cleaned from the rocks. He didn't know if they were poisonous. Or, toxic? He never could remember which one was which. Regardless, he didn't know what they were, and he wasn't willing to take chances.

He'd also warped the laptop, and one of the mini crystal power stations they'd built, away to his home. Might as well take their shit since they wouldn't need it anymore. Which just left his final task. He gathered the two crabs into his arms again, floating up and away to the Broodmother.

She cried out in sadness when he arrived, but thanked him through the tones for returning her children to her. He promised he would continue to protect. It was his job, after all.

-

The creatures were called 'humans', he discovered through research on the laptop he'd stolen. And while their entertainment was fantastic, even if he didn't understand how he could get their planet's internet from so far away, they would not fuck off and leave the planet alone.

First it had been the Broodmother's children that they had wanted to 'study', apparently they were 'scientists', which meant they needed to 'learn about the natural and unnatural world'. Even though Xen was natural, thank you? Hello? Why were humans so dumb?

Then some of the plants had started to go missing in the tented areas. The ecosystem could manage without them, but who knew what they'd do on a different world? They sure were being stupidly careless.

Then, a few nests of the red beetles had gone missing, reported to him by a vort who had been taking care of them like stray pets. When Benrey had gone to investigate, he'd found out exactly what happened to that set of humans, and he didn't feel a single bit of pity for them. Saved him from having to take care of them again. He collected the remaining beetles, and returned them to their home.

They sped up, after that. A pack of the three legged singing dogs had vanished into thin air. A few of the large fish had gone missing from the pond near the flower tree, one wounded to the point of needing immediate medical help.

And then a vort had gone missing. And enough was enough.

Benrey flew to each research station he had found, and destroyed everything he could find. He broke every object, tore apart every piece of armor, took out every single human. He tossed everything over the edge of a cliff like the garbage it was, everything except a dark helmet he had found in the wreckage he'd left behind. He put it on, calming a bit at the pressure around his head.

That calm was quickly shattered as something warped right next to him, grabbed him by the neck, and slammed him back against the cave wall hard enough for the ground to rumble. He choked and sputtered, claws digging into the arm of the creature that held him there, looking up.

The creature looked like a human man, but only just. He was in the shape of a human, certainly, but his strength and posture, let alone his brightly glowing eyes, were a blatant sign that that was not the case.

The eyes of the not-man flashed several colors, and it took Benrey a moment to translate. But when he did, his eyes opened wide. 'What are you doing here.'

Benrey struggled a bit more, before he gestured to his neck. He tried to sing out a note, but nothing came through.

The not-man raised an eyebrow, before releasing his grip slightly.

Benrey's sweet voice poured forth with a series of coughs, jumbled nonsense until he caught his breath again. Then, he sang. 'protecting.'

The not-man grit his teeth, eyes flashing. 'You're killing my charges.'

He growled back. 'and they're killing mine.'

The not-man shook him again. 'The only attacks they've reported have been you. Why.'

'because i protect them. that's what i do.' He flashed his teeth. 'you keep them away from here, and i won't have to kill them anymore.'

A sound of annoyance escaped the not-man. 'You do not know what trouble you cause. I'm trying to protect more than you can ever know. Dozens of scientists, you've killed.'

His sweet voice rang shrill for a moment, as he slipped in control of his anger. 'look, man. i don't care about your shit. i care about this shit. so, figure something out.' He struggled a bit in his grip. 'keep your bullshit 'Black Mesa' humans off of our xen. it's not yours.'

The not-man's eyes burned brighter as he stared at him, before they faded to a light blue smolder. He dropped Benrey to the ground, adjusting his tie. His eyes flashed again. 'Fine. They will not return again.'

'deals' a deal. you keep them from coming here, old benrey won't kill them here. promise.' He pressed a clawed hand over his chest.

The not-man stared at him.

'it's b-e-n-r-e-y. benrey. with two e's.'

The not-man watched him for a moment longer, before he warped away again.

-

The next time Benrey ran into the not-man, he knew his name. Mr. Coolatta was not at all happy to see him wandering around the pocket of Black Mesa, especially not after their last encounter. He held up his hands, before the man could lash out. "hey! uh, don't? don't please?"

Mr. Coolatta snarled, as the world went blue. "What, the hell, are you. Doing. Here."

"uhh, followed someone. needed to protect him."

"Who."

Benrey struggled for a moment, before he sang out a series of colors.

Mr. Coolatta raised an eyebrow. "You've, been..."

"lookin' out for him, yeah. since. no one else was gonna do it. felt bad for him." He rolled his shoulders. "thought humans were supposed to be pack animals and shit."

He anger still simmered below the surface of Mr. Coolatta, it was easy enough to tell. Benrey was used to people being pissed at him, he could read the room.

"tell you what. i know you're not here right now."

He startled. "How-"

He shrugged. "well, you didn't pin me against a wall or throw me to the floor, so i just kinda guessed? but, i'm willing to offer a deal."

"Oh, another one. How, fun."

"look, man. i'm here, you're not. i'll keep an eye out for tommy, make sure he's doing okay, for you. we're like, best buds."

"Good."

Benrey smirked. "accepted the terms before i even told you. that's a good convo. speedrun that shit."

Mr. Coolatta startled. "Wait-"

"easy, man. all you owe me is a favor. sometime in the future. when i need to cash out." He smirked, giving a lazy salute. "anyway, you mind putting me back? tommy and i have lunch plans, sooo..."

Mr. Coolatta glared at him, before he warped away, world fading out of blue.

Benrey yawned, stretching his arms. He didn't mind running a con on the guy. Mr. Coolatta already hated him. And hey.

If he could get a free favor out of doing protection he already was doing, then well, that's just good business.

[lakesandquarries]

Baby Shoes - Chapter 1

Bubby has been a doctor at Black Mesa for 20 years, living there for 50. He's been bouncing around from project to project, working on whatever needs most help. He doesn't have any opinions on his work or his coworkers or anything like that, preferring to keep to himself.

Then he meets Black Mesa's newest project.

AKA: Bubby is Benrey's dad au.

SOME NOTES, PLEASE READ: this fic contains graphic violence and child abuse and temporary character death of a minor. To skip that scene stop reading after  “I had no idea about any loose subjects.” I’ll write a summary underneath.

other notes: title from “Baby Shoes” by Bad Books. I’m posting this as a birthday present to myself and i hope you enjoy!

AO3 Link

He’s never been down this hall before, not in 20 years of working at Black Mesa or the 30 years living here before that. The biological research labs were always off limits, the risk of him running into a prototype too high for anyone’s comfort.

But the prototypes are all gone now, finally. Bubby doesn’t understand why they kept them around for so long, but apparently they were all killed, or died, or whatever. He hadn’t paid much attention to what the scientist was telling him, more focused on the idea of an entire new wing being available to him.

It’s - well. It’s Black Mesa. Regardless of the department, everything looks about the same. Grey walls, grey ceilings, grey floors. Generic looking people in lab coats with various stains and tears walking around. They seem a little more frazzled here than in the robotics department, where he’s currently stationed, but it’s not surprising that living specimens might be a bit more stressful to deal with.

No one questions him as he wanders through the halls, quickly getting lost in the maze of identical corridors. There’s all sorts of containers with all sorts of creatures, and the sight is not a pleasant one. A few are even kept in tubes much too similar to his own for his comfort, and he hurries away from them quickly.

There’s so much. One cage contains a creature that looks like a mix between a raccoon and a giant orange cat. A glass box holds small creatures resembling butterflies with scorpion-like tails ready to strike. In another corner is a tank with some kind of glowing fish. 

Perhaps it’s a good thing he’s never been assigned to this area.

He passes a small cage that looks completely empty, the bars in the back distended, and it’s not until he sees a dark shape scuttle down the hall that he realizes something has escaped.

Bubby’s not sure why he follows after it, rather than finding someone and letting them know. Perhaps it’s his memory of his own escape attempts, or some kind of reckless bravery. Regardless, he chases after it, speeding down the hall. There’s a closet at the end, the door slightly ajar. He makes his way over and swings the door open without a second thought.. “Hello?” he calls, flipping on the light. It’s full of cleaning supplies, shelves on the verge of collapse, and a shape hiding behind the mop bucket.

The shape doesn’t seem to be able to settle on what it is, a dark mass that keeps shifting as Bubby crouches down. It solidifies as he watches it, deciding on a vaguely humanoid shape, with pale desaturated skin and black hair covering its face. It’s dressed in a hospital gown, covered in dark oily stains. When it brushes its hair back it reveals large yellow eyes and some kind of dark smudge covering the upper half of its face.

“I’m not going back, you can’t make me,” it says, baring its teeth, tiny fists balled up, and Bubby blinks.

“I - I’m not here to take you back,” he says. “I don’t even work here. To be perfectly honest, I’m not even supposed to be in this area.”

The creature tilts its head, curling in on itself. Its teeth are still barred, but it’s hard to feel threatened. 

“I wouldn’t even know where to take you.” He thinks back to his own tube, the few times in his childhood that he’d been allowed to leave, and shudders. “You - I take it you’re one of the, er, experiments here?”

The creature - the child? - nods. Bubby crouches down, pulling back the sleeve of his lab coat, revealing the marking on the inside of his wrist. There’s text reading 88U and a barcode in black ink. The child’s eyes go wide as they look up at Bubby. “You - you’re not -” They reach out and gently touch Bubby’s wrist before pulling their hand away again. “Not a doctor? You - you’re like me?” Holding out their wrist, the code 'XEN-3' with a similar barcode was stamped on their flesh. The raised text and fresh ink confirming the branding was still new. Bubby's chest clenches at the sight.

“A bit, yes. I’m not required to stay in my tube anymore, though.”

“They let you out?”

Bubby nods. “I’m an employee here now. Have my own dorm room and everything.” He’s also technically still Black Mesa property, but it's good to give the child a bit of hope. “My name is Bubby. And yours is...?”

The child hunches their shoulders, looking to the side. “I - I don’t have one.”

“Well, that won’t do. Would - may I give you a name?”

They look up at him again, humming a sharp, high note, and some strange peach and blue bubbles fall out of their mouth. Bubby reaches forward, touching one with his finger, and it dissolves into a cloud of mist. A feeling of - gratitude? Yes, gratitude, and excitement, and joy washes over him.

“Sorry!” the child squeaks, covering their mouth with their hands. “I - I didn’t mean to -”

“Is that...is this how you express yourself?” Bubby asks, watching the other bubbles fade. The child nods.

“They called it the, uh, Black Mesa Sweet Voice.”

“Interesting name.”

“I didn’t - I didn’t mean to do it, I’m sorry, I -”

Bubby reaches a slow, tentative hand forward. When the child doesn’t recoil, he places it on their head, patting gently. “It’s quite alright. Nothing wrong with it. Now, we were talking about a name?”

The child raises their head to butt against Bubby’s hand, so he continues to pat them as he thinks. Xen, obviously, is not a name. There was a scientist named Ben though, wasn’t there? Benjamin something or other. It’s not a bad name, but it’s a bit plain for the child in front of him. Benny could work - but it feels a bit too close to Bubby’s own name, following the same basic formula. He needs another letter to differentiate it.

“Benrey,” he says out loud.

The child makes a trilling noise. “Benrey?”

“As a name. Do you like it?”

“Benrey,” they repeat. “Beeenreeey. Benrey.” Their face splits into a smile, revealing far too many sharp teeth. “Benrey!”

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

“That’s me,” Benrey says, tapping their hand on the ground. “I’m Benrey!”

“It’s nice to meet you, Benrey,” Bubby says, smiling back at them. They launch themself forward, barreling into Bubby’s chest in some approximation of a hug. 

“Thank you,” they mumble, and he can only assume there’s more of the Sweet Voice because that same wave of delighted gratitude washes over him.

It’s at that moment that someone steps up from behind, shoes clicking on the ground. Benrey pulls away before Bubby can blink, shifting back into nothing but a mass of shadow. They slip back into their previous hiding spot. Bubby turns to see an older woman, brown hair pulled into a tight bun and a myriad of red stains covering her lab coat.

“You,” she says sharply.

“Me?” Bubby asks, touching a finger to his chest.

“Yes, you. We’ve been looking all over for you! There’s a highly dangerous subject on the loose, we can’t risk it injuring you. What are you doing in here?”

Are they talking about Benrey? The tiny little child? “I’m just exploring,” Bubby says, standing up and brushing his lab coat off. “I had no idea about any loose subjects.”

The woman squints at him, and then her head darts to the side. She pulls out a gun from her holster. “Get out of the way,” she says, shoving him to the side and completely knocking him over, and shoots before Bubby can react. The gun shot is loud, but the pained noise that Benrey makes feels even louder. He scrambles to get up, biting back on a scream, but the woman has already grabbed Benrey by the back of the neck. They’ve taken that humanoid shape again, only now there’s a gunshot wound in the middle of their chest. Benrey blinks at him, once, and then their eyes fall shut and their head droops forward. 

“I - Did you just kill them?!” His hands tense, holding back the urge to reach forward and strangle this woman. “They - it looked like a child.”

The woman huffs. “It’s only temporary. It always comes back, it’ll be fine.”

“Why - why not just use tranquilizers? This seems...unnecessary.” It’s cruel, is what it is. Bubby can’t stop staring at Benrey’s limp form.

“Tranqs don’t work. Gun’s easier.” She sighs, stepping past Bubby and holding the door open for him. “You should head back to Robotics.”

“I - I suppose.” Is this what shock feels like? His head is spinning and his legs feel unsteady. 

“Don’t wander around here like that again. This could’ve gone a lot worse.” She finally holsters her gun, keeping an eye on Bubby as she does so. The wound in Benrey’s chest is seeping blood, thick and dark. 

“Yes. Okay.” He squeezes past her, reaching out to give Benrey one last pat on the head, and leaves.

SCENE SUMMARY:  female scientist shoots benrey to incapacitate/kill him, stating tranquilizers don't work and it's easier and that benrey will be fine.(spoiler he is). bubby heads back to robotics department.

[lakesandquarries]

Baby Shoes - Chapter 2

Bubby has been a doctor at Black Mesa for 20 years, living there for 50. He’s been bouncing around from project to project, working on whatever needs most help. He doesn’t have any opinions on his work or his coworkers or anything like that, preferring to keep to himself.

Then he meets Black Mesa’s newest project.

AKA: Bubby is Benrey’s dad au.

title from “Baby Shoes” by Bad Books.

AO3 Link

He stays away from the Biological Research department for three whole days before curiosity gets the best of him. Work is the only thing that’s a suitable distraction, and his current work is frustratingly easy. He’s supposed to be moved around departments, placed on whatever project is most difficult, but currently he’s just helping design a new line of robotic limbs. It’s almost an insult, frankly.

He tests the springs on the arm one last time, determines that there’s nothing more he can do today, and leaves.

The trip to Biological Research is a short one, but once he’s there he’s reminded of how confusing it is. The scientists seem less frazzled today, at least. He winds up in a hall filled with desks, some kind of office space perhaps? Most of them are empty or occupied by very stressed looking scientists, but he spots one young man with blond hair sitting at a desk playing with a slinky, and makes his way over.

“Excuse me,” Bubby says, clearing his throat. The young man straightens up, accidentally launching his slinky across the room.

“Oh, shit,” he mumbles as it narrowly avoids hitting someone.

“You might wanna pick that up before someone trips on it. Or, don’t, it’ll be good entertainment.”

The man snorts as he stands up, grabbing his slinky and dusting it off. “Maybe. Not worth risking my job if the wrong person slips.” He holds his hand out to Bubby. “Dr. Dekkard.”

Bubby shakes it warily. “Dr. Bubby.” Dekkard’s eyes widen, and his grip tightens.

“Oh, shit! You’re the -”

“Ultimate Lifeform, yes.” He smiles at Dekkard, showing off his slightly sharper than average teeth.

“Damn, what - what are you doing here? I was told you were working in the Robotics Department.” He releases Bubby’s hand, shoving his own into the pocket of his lab coat, the other still fiddling with the slinky.

“I am. I get curious.”

“I dunno, most of the sh - uh, stuff here is pretty boring.”

“You can swear, Dr. Dekkard. We’re all adults here.” Probably. Dekkard has the look of someone too young to be working at Black Mesa, still innocent and excited about the possibilities of science. The spark in his eyes will be gone soon enough. “I had...an encounter here, the other day. There was a subject that escaped, apparently?”

Dekkard nods. “Yeah, XEN-3. Don’t know much about it - some kinda shapeshifting alien? It’s supposed to be really dangerous, though. Bit a scientist a while back and nearly killed the guy.” He shrugs, taking his hand out of his pocket so he can move the slinky between both hands. “I only started here a month ago, I don’t know much about it. It keeps trying to escape though, the guys in charge are pretty pissed.”

Bubby purses his lips, thinking. “Maybe they need a new perspective. A better perspective. Who’s in charge?”

“Dr. Zeki. She’s - I think she’s free right now? I can show you where her office is.”

“Yes, please do.” Bubby straightens his lab coat. Dekkard drops the slinky on his desk before leading Bubby down one of the many identical corridors. They stop after reaching a door with a plaque attached to it.

Dr. Amelia Zeki, Head of Biological Research.

Dekkard knocks on the door. “Dr. Zeki? I’ve got someone who wants to see you.”

There’s a sigh on the other side. “Send them in.”

“Alright, well. Good luck. Uh, nice meeting you. I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe,” Bubby says. He hopes he doesn’t. He hopes Dekkard quits within the next 20 minutes and finds somewhere else to work that isn’t this shit hole.

He opens the door to Zeki’s office.

Behind the desk, looking over a stack of papers, is the same woman he saw the other day. The one who shot Benrey in front of him. This is the same person in charge of their well being?

“Well?” Zeki asks, looking up at him. “I assume there’s a reason you’re here, but I’m busy. I don’t have time to wait for you to say something.”

“I had a few questions. About the - the subject I encountered the other day.”

“XEN-3?” She puts the papers down. “Did it bite you or something? If so, you’re gonna need antibiotics immediately, it -”

“It didn’t hurt me,” Bubby says sharply. “I only encountered it briefly, but it seemed perfectly docile.”

“You’d better hope you don’t encounter it again, then, because I doubt you’ll get that lucky twice.”

“That’s what I came here to ask about, actually. I’m - well, the current project I’m working on is far below my usual standard. I’m hoping to find something more...challenging.”

Zeki raises an eyebrow. “And you want to deal with the violent shapeshifting alien?”

“It’s certainly a challenge, isn’t it?”

She looks back at her papers, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “We have it pretty heavily restrained at the moment, and it would be nice to have someone who can interact with it without getting attacked.” She pushes her chair back from the table and stands up. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Fine. You can come see it.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

How does anyone find their way around this place? The hall Zeki takes Bubby down is identical to every other god damn hallway in this shitty department. She leads him into a room with a large glass partition, separating the subject from the scientists. One-way glass, he assumes. Bubby steps forward to get a better look, and his blood goes cold.

There’s no cage like he’d seen a few days ago. This is an entirely new enclosure, a different room than before.

It’s worse. They replaced the cage with heavy chains and shackles. The presumably cold metal clamped around Benrey's wrists, ankles, waist, with even their tiny neck being held by the restraints They’re flopped over, the chains the only thing keeping them upright, and their eyes are open but vacant.

“Are - are they alive? ”

Zeki nods. “Thing won’t stay dead. No matter what we throw at it, it just heals itself. Total reset.”

“I -” he wants to strangle her. He thinks back to just a few days ago, Benrey clinging to his shirt, impossibly grateful for the simple gift of a name.

“It’s not sentient,” Zeki says. “It just imitates what it sees. It’s not like you , Dr. Bubby.”

But it is. It’s exactly like him. He remembers days spent floating listlessly in his tube, wishing for something, anything to happen. Even some kind of experiment, because at least then he wouldn’t be alone. Days spent slamming against the glass in a feeble attempt to break it.

He swallows down the words he wants to say. “If they’re a shapeshifter, how are chains supposed to keep it in place?” Bubby asks, stepping away from the glass and forcing himself to look away.

“It’s not impossible, but it’s harder. We keep the cuffs tight so it can’t expand without hurting itself, and getting smaller seems to be more difficult somehow. It’s only a temporary solution, though. We’ve been hoping to study the shapeshifting better, but it’s tricky.”

“I understand you also have an...escaping problem.”

She clenches her jaw, muscles in her neck twitching. “Only a few times.”

“Over how long?”

“Five. Five times in three months.”

“Hm.” Bubby steps forward, touching a hand to the glass, then walks a slow circle around the room. “There might be a better way to prevent it from escaping.”

Zeki sighs, rubbing her temples. “Fine. Let’s hear your idea.”

“You could always try to improve its living situation. Give it some incentive to stay.”

She shakes her head. “Its first cage was fine . It’s just being difficult.”

“I know you said it’s not sentient, but -”

“It’s just mimicking us. It doesn’t understand what it says, or what it does, or any of that. It’s from Xen. All it wants to do is kill and eat, and sometimes that means a little bit of acting.”

“It must’ve chosen this form for a reason. Humans are, to put it plainly, shittily designed when it comes to killing and eating. So why not try treating it like a human?”

Zeki eyes him again, studying him as intensely as he’s seen her stare at Benrey. “You’ve got some kind of attachment to it.”

“I find it interesting. It’s more of a challenge than robotic arms. ”

Another long moment as Zeki stares at him. “You know what? Sure. Fine. I’ll clear it with the head of Robotics, see if we can borrow you over here. I’ll give it a try. But Mr. Bubby, I do hope you remember your place here.”

“That’s Doctor Bubby,” he snaps, straightening up to his full height. He’s nearly a full head taller than her, yet can’t shake the feeling of being looked down on.

“Like I said. I hope you remember your place.”

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 29-32

I realize leaving y’all hanging for a whole year like that in the snark, where our beloved heroes Andi and Dex had just been shot in their empty little heads, was very cruel of me. You guys must’ve been just DYING to know what happened.

Quick recap: Andi & Co are space pirates. They are captured by Andi’s ex Dex and the father of Andi’s childhood friend, whom she “murdered” by landing a ship bad. He asks her to get his son, who is in a dank dark prison. Andi does the thing with the help of Dex and her ragtag bunch of generic archetypes. 

We good?

Let’s go.

Chapter 29

We interrupt the 100% totally real threat of Andi and Dex being shot to death to have another boring-ass moment with Nor. She walks around in an underground lab feeling sorry for herself and thinking about how tragic her backstory is. We’re introduced to a two-headed scientist who could’ve been interesting in the hands of actually talented authors, but who doesn’t appear in the book after this point so she’s wasted. For some reason she’s also referred to as one person when the heads are clearly different individuals? Irl when there are two heads sharing one body the heads are different people with different names. You know, because the person is stored in the brain? Idk why Shinsay did this.

“Slowly, you dolt!” the right head screeched to the left. 

The left head huffed in annoyance. “I’m merely trying to give our queen a glimpse of her new toy.” 

“It’s a wonder I’ve been able to put up with you all these years,” the right head retorted. 

“You haven’t a choice, my dear,” the left said back.

I think this is supposed to be funny, but all I can think if is how everyone’s dialogue sounds exactly the same. 

We find out that this is where Nor’s people are developing the titular Zenith (except it’s not named yet, spoilers), and Nor wants to know if they’ve made any progress.

The two-headed scientist, Aclisia, says that the weapon is ready and that they only need a test subject. Did they develop this mind-altering thing without any previous test subjects? I mean I guess it makes sense that they’d need somebody unaffected by previous versions to test out the final product, but like ... Did the previous subjects die? That doesn’t bode well. 

Anyway, the test subject they have is one of the guards on Lunamere, where Andi and Dex were in the previous chapters. Nor is displeased that the guard “let them go,” and I want you to remember this line:

“You had one of the Unified System’s most wanted fugitives in my prison. And instead of keeping her there, where she could have been persuaded to join the right side of the galaxy...you lost her. [...]”

File that away for future reference, my pretties. 

Anyway, we end the chapter without even finding out what the drug does, because Shinsay love breaking their own pace and suspense because they have to rely on cliffhangers to keep people reading. 

Chapter 30

Oh Christ oh God it’s our girl Klaren again. It’s year twenty-four and despite five years passing this woman is still all about how she’s destined to die and everything in her life is crap, which, idk, mood I guess?

Xen Ptera is losing the war and Klaren is sick because of all the poison air or whatever. The king wants her to hide because enemy troops are closing in, and Klaren takes another moment to think about how she wasn’t supposed to fall in love and yadda yadda. 

Who’s ready for another Smaasism?

She wished she could go back. She wished she could change that passionate night they had shared, the careless days after and the tonic she’d forgotten to take...

tOnIC

You’d think in advanced space times they’d have more reliable birth control. 

Also ... wouldn’t the king expect an heir anyway? Like, we’ve seen that even the title of “general” is inherited in this shitfest of a universe, so wouldn’t he eventually catch on and insist on having a kid? Or if she claimed she couldn’t produce one, surely there would be tech to get around that? Idk. For all the future-sight this bitch had, she sure didn’t have any common sense. 

Klaren tells the king to take Nor and fuck off, and Darai says something about how she’s the strongest Yielded and how she must fulfill her duty. 

Which apparently includes going into the battlefield, which is conveniently right outside the palace, and mind-control General Cortas into wanting to fuck her so bad he forgot she was his enemy. 

Her husband was wrong. 

Hope was not dead. 

Hope, in the form of the queen’s sacrifice, had only just flickered to life.

This is framed as tragic and beautiful but she is about to mind-rape a man for years soooo get ready for some extremely uncomfortable shit.

Chapter 31

We’re back in Andi’s POV, except it’s still a fucking flashback. This time it’s to when Andi was still Kalee’s Spectre and lived with Valen and the other dingdongs. And then we get actually good writing?

During meals, when Andi and the other Spectres stood guard, she’d watch him curiously. Valen usually sat in the farthest seat from his father, hunched forward as if he were battling some deep, silent pain. Sometimes she’d catch him staring at her with his strange, unblinking hazel eyes, his paint-stained fingers gripping his golden fork like a weapon he didn’t want to use.

Like I’m into this. It’s showing and not telling, mysterious and intriguing without being on the nose, and for once Andi doesn’t have all the cards and knows what Valen is inside and out, so his character doesn’t become obvious. Like, he’s battling some pain, but he’s also reluctant to use a weapon? That could mean anything! In a good way!

This good chunk is also immediately ruined by the following descriptions, which point out that indeed, all the other kids talk about Valen and how WEEEEYOOORDDD he is, and how he’s constantly covered in paint, because that’s what artists look like, I guess. Catch me bodyslamming a freshly painted park bench to prove I know color theory.

We’re also told that Valen never got a personal Spectre for spooooooky reasons. He just doesn’t feel like a proper part of the family, ya know? I wonder that it all could meeeeaaaaaan. 

This is all told to us just so we can revisit the part where Valen tries to stop Andi and Kalee from going on a joyride. Kalee insults him for a bit, and then Valen drops some more foreshadowy dialogue about how he hopes this birthday is everything Kalee wants it to be. 

Subtle. 

Chapter 32

OH MY GOD WE’RE IN LIRA’S POV NOW. YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SHINSAY, WE KNOW YOU WOULDN’T MURDER YOUR PRECIOUS CELAENA AND RHYSAND RIPOFFS IN CHAPTER 29 WHEN THERE’S A BILLION MORE CHAPTERS LEFT.

Lira has been literally counting seconds since they left Andi. 

Yeah.

She recaps everything that happened three chapters ago, saying they executed their secret plan with the “ultimate amount of finesse” before noting that despite obeying Andi’s direct orders to run, she feels like a traitor. 

Your captain is in chains, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. You should be by her side. Instead, you’re running. 

All you ever do is run.

I have literally no idea how this is even a little bit relevant considering that they’re waiting for Andi and Dex to return and aren’t moving anywhere. By the way, Andi and Dex are thirty minutes late. Which freaks Lira out because THAT WASN’T IN THE PLAN. 

Her scales start freaking out and she’s about to overheat. Holy shit, how are you still alive? 

Honestly, this is a pretty accurate depiction of someone with an anxiety disorder, but I think we’re supposed to think Lira is emotional or analytical or loyal or whatever. I doubt Shinsay have the finesse required to write something like this on purpose, so this just reads as incompetence. 

Apparently Andi said that if they’re late, the girls are supposed to flee and save themselves, and Lira is starting to get antsy. 

Ok so ... just moments ago you were worried about how you’re always running away. So why is your first instinct when your beloved captain is THIRTY MINUTES LATE to book it? Like. Calm the fuck down. Thirty fucking minutes, in space? Can you chill??? 

Lira whines more about how this is the second time this week that she’s second-in-command and she hates it. Hey why not give that responsibility to Breck, who’s always calming everyone down? Would that make too much sense? 

Lira goes to her room to mope and angst about how she likes being alone. It’s riveting. She thinks about how this crew is her SOUL and how much she LOVES them. Which we can see by her sitting alone in her room thinking about how much she loves them, obviously.

She continues to angst about how her dad died of Space Plague, and her mom became a drunk because ... Idk, that’s what moms do in books like these. But lo, she and her brother got taken in by their Cool Aunt, who then wanted them to Do Things when they grew up, and Lira doesn’t want to Do Things, she wants to fly around and Crime. 

So she left her home planet because her Cool Aunt wanted her to Do Too Much Stuff, and the weight of her expectations crushed Lira, who must soar the skies like the beautiful bald blue bird she is. 

The other girls interrupt this godawful exposition dump by inviting Lira to play some Not!Pokémon. And we get this exchange, which I included in my review, and yes, it’s real:

“Hope is a raging asshole,” Gilly said. 

“Explain to me, Gilly,” Breck said with a sigh, “how exactly can an asshole rage?”

Lira choked on a sudden, unexpected laugh. “I swear, the two of you. You were both born with my brother’s sarcastic soul.”

This bloated and repetitive nonsense that apparently passes for character development is interrupted by Alfie, who’s gotten out of the waste bay. We’re reminded that this ship doesn’t have any mechanics, because of course, and Alfie makes a reference about how the ship’s AI’s voice is turning him on. 

It appears Lira has gotten a message from Soy to come and get Andi and Dex.

*sigh*