#so id be so so sad if it didn't fit after all this time HAHA

[leitmotif]

MIKU JACKET IS ON THE WAY

[therapyevents]

so part of this hit a relatable chord.

the cozzy lives is big, but actually i have more availabile spending money now than i did before with my ex and so i kinda relate to the guy. ot because i know the situation,i dont, but i can project myself there and contemplate it in a sympathetic way ig?

so with ex, he was always late paying bills, paying back, paying anything tbh. he's a leech but he doesn't have the awareness to know he is. he just gets shit free bc people give him things bc he cant afford it, but he cant afford it cos he's shit with money lmao

like he would spend, no exaggeration, £100 a WEEK at this burger van near a place he worked once. 400 ish a month. he earnt more than me, i was on about 900pcm and he got about 1.3 or 1.4 at the time. rent was 900ish split in half. somehow, i always had to cover the rent fully, wait for him to pay me which he'd do in like 2 or 3 payments bc he cant afford it. but he can buy 100 per week of burgers smh

when it came to takeout or nice ingredients, i was VERY strict. because it was ultimately my money being spent since he hadn't paid rent and always owed me back. i was always no brands, no unnecessary shit, buy loads of spices and cheap pasta noodles rice etc and make the cheap things elevated with spices and flavour and cooking methods. i didn't want to waste anything on more than 10p noodles bc i knew it wasn't in budget

and therefore HATED takeout because it was a ln expensive chore. tbh i still see it as an expensive chore

takeout is lazy and stressful. it costs loads for substandard food, it smells extreme. it drops crumbs or grease. you STILL have to wash up cos you use a bowl maybe or glasses or cutlery, so it doesn't save that effort. and then you have to perform fridge tetris to fit the containers in for leftovers.... like the thing men don't understand about takeout is it's the same thing as normal dinner for them, cos they just eat it. it's also the same thing as normal dinnef for me, bc i still prepare for it, lay it out, wash up and tidy after. all it does itls cost 500% more than a normal dinner. i then have the guilt of calorie overload, and my stomach hates grease (ive cut out all greasy things, dont use oil if i can avoid it, etc) so the next day im ALWAYS ILL. and my mood is low too, cos i eat veggies and healthy things normally, so i have energy, but takeout is often not healthy so i wake up with no energy. which. like. bad for depression yknow.

so yeh takeout stresses me out massively

HOWEVER

if my othrr half is getting it anyway, with their money, their time, i would appreciate a small thing? like i want less than £5, a kids burger, some nachos, a thing of chips (one thing, not all of those lmao). BC it's just so hard to smell takeout and not have it lol. like i cook for us always. if youre getting takeout, i dont want takeout, but if you're getting it then that's you providing, and so id like something small and token so i can participate without the burden. like you just spent £30 on pizza, sides, and delivery, can i have some £3.50 curly fries to nibble on the side of my healthier dinner.

i never want to initiate or agree to takeout cos it's WORK and it's throwing away money, but if you're decided on getting it can i have a snack at least.

which reads back really selfish haha

idk i just do 99% the cooking and chores, if im being overruled on takeout and have to tidy it away anyway and deal with the bad smell... i want a small payment of 3.50 chips. ig that reads better maybe

so yeh ig it comes down to, looping back tothe post i linked, the feelings. she's more comfy spending more money, he's not. he wants to spend less. but since she spent loads on takeout, she might as well get something small for him. but they dont split the food bill so 🤷 i jus know it would make me sad if the person i loved got takeout and didn't think of me, which happens and it's upsetting even if i dont want anything lmao, i like to be asked and thought of. like. "i got you some chips,if you dont have them I'll eat them, but they're therd anyway". 99p init. or 1.29. idk. cozzy lives. and i feel leftout always bc im always leftout so i react harder to being leftout and the IDEA of being leftout

[monstertidbits]

What do you think about the torden siblings and their parents?

haha nonnie did you know i think abt them all the time...

the sibs' relationships with their parents make me so sad and angry. it's obvious that laios is still incredibly hurt by their actions towards both him and falin- esp falin. she was the person who understood him best, the one who never left his side (even when he wanted her to, lol), and at the end, the only one who still believed in him and supported his dreams. they were the ones who took her away from him. i already guessed they sent her to the magic academy in order to get rid of her instead of "helping her" and then it got confirmed in the world guide like damn i knew they were trash but now i know they are trash! id bet they didn't even let laios know abt this before she had already left and he had nothing to do about it. but my own hcs aside; laios talks abt how his father never... truly communicated with him. at this point in life, he barely knows the man who raised him, and he feels such deep resentment bc of that. it's actually surprising bc we know laios- he's openly kind, trusting, supportive and apppreciative of the people around him, a man who can't lie and is very honest and direct in his intentions. he's really nothing like the father he describes, a cold man who keeps to himself to the point his own son can't comprehend him, and he doesn't want to be.

also do you sometimes think abt how laios' love for monsters and his wish to travel far away were deepened by how bad his home life was? it was a place he didn't belong because the people around him didn't want to understand and accept him, not even his own parents. they suffocated him, they let him know he will amount to nothing, and they couldn't even begin to accept the person he loved most- his own little sister. there was nothing for him there after she left. and falin... god... her eating all alone in her own home every single day, every single meal... she was lonely and neglected long before she left the village, and there's no way she didn't feel the animosity at her own home. i think she's the kind of child to suck it up and try to make things right and "behave" in order to have her happy little family again, but laios leaving destroyed the little of that life she still had... she was just a child who knew nothing of the world but her own parents feared her. their mother being described as "mentally frail" in the world guide too... like cmon... i'm sure she did NOT take her child being able to see and speak to ghosts very well. and it's easier to get rid of this weird, creepy little girl instead of confronting the other villagers and protecting their daughter and son. i guess being the village chief was more important than being a good parent...

i also think her being unable to make any friends at the academy must be connected to all this as well... both of them didn't manage to fit in school and had to endure such loneliness bc of that and their separation. at least falin met marcille, but laios never had that sort of friend in his life...

despite saying all this, i do understand that they are people living in a small, conservative village. they may think they did their best at the time, but at the end they haven't seen their children in years because of that... i hope they at least regret it, somewhat. i think laios not being able to forgive them for that is partially related to him not being able to forgive himself for leaving falin in the first place... and if he's so hard on his 12 years old self, how could he possibly find it in himself to forgive the grown adults who failed her?