#so i'm not all that emotionally invested in them yet

[blackcoldcrackedheart]

Part 1 here Part 2 here

@teabroomsandbooks @exhaustedpirate @bornunderabluemoonbaby @azaharinflames @adian-ua

Buck couldn't blame Amir for looking so agitated. He had heard similar claims from people during calls and always felt his own internal alarms go off...

But this was different.

He had proof.

"Mr. Buckley," Amir sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before crossing his arms, already on the defense. He had pulled Buck into the charge nurse's office since the other staffers were intrigued and invested in hearing how Buck was involved. "I'm not saying I don't believe you, but answer me this. You donated your sperm via the appropriate channels so that Mr. and Mrs. Johnson could have a child, correct?"

Buck nodded, his attention half taken away as he scrolled through his phone for the proof that he did in fact donate his sperm.

"Y-yeah."

"So in that case, I would hope that you and the Johnsons created and went through the proper legal channels when in came to defining your role in all this, is that also correct?"

Buck froze, he looked up and realized what Amir was asking.

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, he refused to cry but he could feel his eyes burn already in frustration. A part of him wanted to lie, but he knew how easy that would be for others to unravel.

"I-We-we did." He admitted gruffly, holding his phone tightly as Amir gave him a empathetic look.

"So is it safe to assume that you gave up your paternal right to their child and that you hold no responsibility to their child? Be it financially, emotionally, medically, and most importantly, legally?" Amir asked, his voice not as biting. He looked understanding.

Buck nodded, arms dropping to his side as he felt his adrenaline finally seep out of his muscles. He just felt tired. "I-I know I'm not anything to Daniel, not really. But-can't I see him? You and the other nurses mentioned that Daniel's family might not even make it to pick him up before CPS is called? Can't I- I don't know, can't i request to be made his emergency placement foster parent?" Buck begged, looking desperately at Amir for hope.

The older man looked flummoxed at that, Buck figured it didn't hurt to ask.

"Listen," Amir patted Buck's shoulder, "I can tell you care a lot about this child, and I want to believe you're a good person, but I don't want to give you false hope that-"

A knock and the door opening got their attention, "Amir?"

A tall woman with honey blond hair and dark rimmed glasses looked at them both. She wasn't wearing scrubs, Buck noticed, but did have a hospital ID.

"Hey Anita." Amir looked over at Buck, his expression grim as he introduced Anita Hernandez to Buck, the supervising social worker for the pediatric floor. "This is Evan Buckley." he cleared his throat, "He's the boyfriend of the first responder that rescued Daniel Johnson. He also happens to be the biological parent for Daniel." Amir noted dryly.

Buck watched Anita look taken back by all that as she went in to shake Buck's hand. "I'm going to guess you have the appropriate documents or some sort of proof to show you're his father?"

Buck gritted his teeth momentarily, "That's the thing, I'm not the dad I'm the-"

"The donor," Amir finished, looking between them with a unreadable expression. "Mr. Buckley has signed away his parental rights to Daniel but was wondering if he could be considered as an emergency placement."

Anita frowned at that, "No." she answered without hesitation, her expression barely softened as she told Buck, "I'm sure you understand that the Johnsons' do have family that have been contacted in regards to Daniel."

"Doesn't sound like that they are here yet." Buck retorted, trying to keep his patience and hope at a manageable level. He didn't miss the side eye from Anita, "Look, I know that I don't have any legal grounds here or anything, but I'm a firefighter, I know Connor and Kameron, I lived with Connor even. I just want to make sure Daniel doesn't go to some random person if his family doesn't come in time to get him. I have my own place, I've done background checks with my job and I even went through the classes to become certified as a backup since my friend and her wife were foster parents. I have all the documents to prove that too"

Anita looked unmoved by that despite saying, "Mr. Buckley, as touched as I am by all this," she put her hand over her heart to further emphasize her words, "We do need to follow protocol here, Daniel's family has been contacted and we trust that a family member will be here to retrieve him."

"But-"

"In the case they don't make it here in time, then please know that we are well versed in what steps we need to take in order to make sure Daniel is safe and taken care of by a vetted foster parent."

Buck rubbed his faced tiredly, shaking his head in frustration as he tried to clarify, "Look, I'm not trying to take Daniel away or anything, I just want to make sure he's safe. I know Connor and Kameron wouldn't want their kid to be placed in foster care."

Anita nodded, "I'm sure no parent wants their child to be placed in foster care, Mr. Buckley. And as for now that's not the case."

Before Buck could say something else, Amir jumped in. "Is there a chance that Mr. Buckley can be considered as a placement in the case no family shows?" he asked, Buck couldn't help but notice Anita's glare towards Amir darken.

"I'm not making any promises, and considering there's no documentation proving Mr. Buckley's relationship to the parents, I doubt a placement can occur without taking hours."

Buck didn't want to give up, he didn't want to. He didn't want to lose Daniel like this.

"Can you at least tell me if his family shows?"

Anita rolled her eyes, "That's out of my hands." she glanced at her watch, "I need to meet with my supervisees." She looked over at Amir, "We'll talk soon."

Amir nodded and held the door open for her and Buck.

Buck felt dejected and more helpless as he tried to figure out what and if there was anything he could do. He knew he had to be careful here, Anita and Amir were right about one thing: he knew he had no claims on Daniel, not legally.

He wasn't the dad, just the donor.

But Daniel needed him as much as Buck needed him right now.

-

Buck was sure he had a heart.

Buck was sure he was capable of breathing.

He was so sure.

Before he saw Tommy, and now?

Now he could barely gasp for air. He was too afraid to even touch Tommy now.

He knew that Tommy was his ex. But he still wanted to touch him. Buck needed to know that Tommy was still there, still warm and strong.

His hand hovered over Tommy's chest, thankful that Tommy was at least breathing on his own now. The top of his head was bandaged up, he had a cast on his leg and he looked like he had something wrapped around his hips since there was bulk around his middle. Tommy was covered in bruises as well as stiches and bandages on his arms, neck, and face (those were just the places Buck could see). He bent over Tommy, gingerly touching his curls. Despite his brain screaming "Don't do it!", Buck gently brushed his lips against Tommy's forehead. He wanted to say something; how much Tommy meant to him, how much he missed Tommy, how grateful he was to Tommy was saving Daniel. He wanted to beg too, beg Tommy to come back to him, to wake up, to open his eyes again.

But all the words felt too much and felt too overwhelming to say. He gulped down a sob but knew it was useless.

He brushed away the tears that ended up falling on Tommy's face and hand.

A part of him knew this would be time in where he would call Maddie, Eddie, or Bobby. But he couldn't. A part of Buck felt like he couldn't call them, not now at least. It wasn't like they could anything anyway. They couldn't give Buck wanted he wanted the most.

He just wanted Tommy.

Awake and healthy and safe Tommy.

Buck pulled a chair as close as he could to Tommy's bed, careful to not lean or pull on a wire or cord, but close enough that he could keep brushing his fingers through Tommy's hair.

He wasn't sure how long it was just them in that small room, with the only sound was the murmur of the people outside the room and the beeping of the heart monitor.

it was just the two of them in their bubble...

"Mr. Buckley?"

Buck jolted in his seat, the voice was soft and low but the person attached to the voice somehow came into the room without Buck noticing.

Buck looked up to see short woman with a mass of bronze curls, she looked nervous but resolute as Buck peered at her hospital badge. Claudia Perez, pediatric social worker.

Buck stood up, "Uh, yes?"

"Want to take a walk?"

-

"Listen," Claudia starts as she leads Buck down to the pediatric floor, her voice carefully steady but her eyes were filled with the type of nervous energy that made Buck pay close attention to what she was saying, "I know you don't have any legal rights to Daniel, but right now he's inconsolable- he's afraid and he misses his parents, I'm worried we're just traumatizing him more if we don't bring him to his parents or Tommy."

"He's really asking for Tommy?" Buck asked, his voice cracking as he stopped in his tracks.

Claudia stopped to turn to him, giving him a sad look. "It makes sense, Tommy did save him, twice from what I heard. He trauma bonded to that man. I think at this point it's either we send him to his parents; which we can't. Or we bring him to his "Tummy". But since I can't do either, I can at least bring you to him." she stopped right at a door with a colorful green board that read D. Johnson, Buck could already hear Daniel's cry. "And I think he needs you as much as you need him right now. Am i right?"

Buck felt his words catch in his throat, he could only nod as Claudia opened the door and led them into the room.

Daniel.

Daniel looked just like Buck.

How Daniel looked in that picture.

It felt too surreal for Buck.

Buck felt numb all over, not even registering that Daniel was still crying as Claudia ushered out two sitters out of the room.

Claudia tried to comfort the young toddler, but Daniel only screamed harder, his cries drowning out Claudia trying to introduce Buck to him.

Buck wasn't so sure what he was doing, but he felt himself going on autopilot as he pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his camera roll till he found the picture that still made his heart flutter.

"Hey Daniel," he showed the toddler the picture of him and Tommy- the time in where they went to the zoo just for fun and bought matching elephant and hippo ear headbands. The picture was of the two of them wearing the headbands and their laughter barely contained as they leaned into each other for the picture. "Who is that?" he asked,

He caught the moment in where Daniel recognized Tommy.

The young boy reached out for the phone, "Tummy!" he cried, a sliver of a frenzied laugh/cry from Daniel made Buck nearly sob again. "That's Tummy."

"Yeah," Buck wiped away his own tears, "That's Tommy." he scrolled to the next picture- the picture of Tommy wearing both headbands as Buck made a face as he sat behind Tommy to wrap an arm around Tommy's neck. "He's my friend, he and I are both firefighters." he told the young boy. "Do you want to see more pictures of Tommy?"

Daniel nodded.

His next move made Buck's heart lurch, the young boy stretched out his arms, signaling for Buck to pick him up.

Buck looked at Claudia, wanting to make sure it was okay.

The woman gave him small smile and a thumbs up.

"C'mon buddy." Buck cooed as he picked up Daniel and sat him on his lap, "I've got a bunch of Tommy stories to share."

It wasn't a great idea, but it was an idea that in the end made Buck and Daniel feel better.

They were back in Tommy's room, Claudia had managed to sneak them back down again. She warned Buck that she had to stay with them in the case they were found out but it was worth it, Daniel had stopped crying since coming into the hospital.

He didn't cry when he saw he saw Tommy finally.

("We can't let him see his parents, can we?" Buck asked, already knowing the answer.

Claudia's expression and answer were both grim, "Tommy would be way less traumatic for Daniel.")

"Tummy hurt?" Daniel asked, his chubby finger pointing at Tommy as Buck carried him, rubbing his back in comfort as Daniel looked close to tears again.

"Yeah, buddy." Buck replied honestly, "But he's going to get better, he just needs to sleep." he sat down in his previous spot, with Daniel in his lap. "He's going to be okay, I promise."

Daniel touched the back of Tommy's hand. "Hi Tummy."

Buck would probably never stop tearing up now. "He's your hero, huh?"

Daniel nodded.

"Mine too." Buck confessed, he pulled out his phone again. "You know when he wakes up, I bet he'll show you how to fly a helicopter or a plane. He likes flying." Buck explained, he showed the toddler the picture of Tommy and his helicopter, Tommy in the pilot's seat, Tommy and Buck standing in front of the helicopter. "Would you want to-"

It seems as though sleep had finally caught up with Daniel.

He remembered the time Bobby had compared having kids to having one's heart walk outside their body.

Seeing Daniel cuddle into his arms and sleep against his chest was definitely like that.

Daniel was even grasping the front of Buck's shirt as though he was afraid of Buck leaving him.

"Looks like you and Tommy were just the people he needed." Claudia said in awe as she watched Buck pull Daniel closer, careful to not wake the young boy.

"Y-yeah, i guess so."

Daniel had managed to sleep for at least two hours, with Buck nodding off for an hour himself.

By the time they both woke up, Claudia had managed to snag them both a tray of food and cartoons of apple juice.

A small part of Buck knew what this was.

This wasn't real.

Daniel wasn't his kid, not really.

And Tommy wasn't his boyfriend.

But it was too easy for Buck to see himself having all this.

He had nearly tricked himself into thinking he had it till he showed a picture of Connor and Kameron to Daniel, causing the young boy to softly exclaim "Daddy!" as he pointed to Connor.

"Yeah, that's-that's daddy." Buck agreed, a bit uneasy and guilt stricken as the image and idea of him, Daniel, and Tommy being (possibly) an actual family fizzled.

It wasn't improbable.

It was just unattainable.

But at one point he had imagined him and Tommy having kids. Doing the whole house, picket fence, and 2.5 kids.

He was sure Tommy wanted the same.

Tommy wanted a family.

Buck wanted a family...

"And who's that?" Buck asked, feigning enthusiasm, as he pointed to Kameron.

"Mommy." Daniel replied happily and touching the screen.

"You're such a smart kid." Buck cooed, hugging Daniel carefully (the kid was still healing as well). "And who's that?" Buck asked, pointing to a picture of Tommy.

"Tummy!"

"Right! And who's this?" Buck pointed to a picture of himself

"Buck!"

(Just Buck.)

Buck forced himself to smile, he gave Daniel a high five, "You're right again, you're so smart."

Daniel smiled brightly, it was too eerily similar to Buck's smile.

A knock at the door had Claudia and Buck on alert, before they could do anything the door opened.

"Bobby?" Buck was taken back as Bobby and Amir came into the room. "What are you doing here?" he asked, getting up as he carried Daniel in his arms.

Bobby looked as though was assessing the situation, his eyes falling on Tommy before shifting back to Buck and Daniel. Buck knew that Bobby was more taken back by the kid.

"Amir called me."

"How did-"

Bobby looked momentarily uncomfortable, "We had a case together. When you said you were firefighter, Amir called me to ask if i knew you." he pointed to Daniel, "Who's kid is that?"

Amir cut in before Buck could reply, his voice gruff as he looked at Claudia and Buck and asked, "The better question, why is the kid here?"

Next part

[just-a-ghost00]

General messages for the collective

Group 1

2 of pentacles, 2 of swords, King of cups, ace of cups, page of swords, queen of cups, back of the deck 7 of pentacles

You lack clarity and balance concerning a person that you love. This is a romantic interest that holds a lot of importance to you, considering they are represented by a King. This person may have played hot and cold with you, either voluntarily or because of their life circumstances. Their actions and words got you confused and you may have thought that this person wasn't truthful or reliable. Soon, you will gain clarity on this person's point of view and experience. You will be able to understand their stance better and there may be a renewal in your connection. Because clarity has been made about feelings and expectations for the connection. Either you or they communicated clearly how you felt about the situation which will enable both of you to heal and regain balance in the connection. That could either mean that you will receive an apology from this person and explanations about their behavior which will allow you to move on from them or the conversation could bring you closer and help you move on to a new step together. With the Queen of cups also being present in the reading, I get the feeling that this person considers you an equal and values your input. It is at least very obvious that they care about you and do not wish to cause you harm. With this set of cards, I don't sense any ill will coming from this person. This isn't to say that their actions haven't had a bad effect on you but this person's first intention was never to bring you down or make fun of you. The ace of cups is at the center of the deck. So the heart of the matter is compassion, love, understanding. This card can symbolize a new start in a connection, the will to open up to another and share feelings. It's the blossoming of interest and the expression of a genuine care. The 7 of pentacles at the back of the deck suggests patience and caution, taking the time to assess the situation and leave up to fate a part of the outcome. The 7 of pentacles indicates that has person has done what was necessary to set their goals into motion and have reached a stage where there is nothing more that they can do to ensure a positive outcome. The ball is no longer in their court.

Possible confirmation signs : repeating 2s, water signs, letters P, C & S

Group 2

7 of pentacles, 8 of swords, King of cups, 9 of cups, 9 of wands, page of cups, back of the deck 8 of wands

You may have felt drawn to group 1 as well. If that is the case, I suggest that you check that group too. Because the third card is exactly the same and the 7 of pentacles was group 1's back of the deck. So your energy and group 1's seem to be linked. I have the energy here of people that feel like they gave a situation their everything and are running out of options to make it progress. Yet, they haven't given up on the idea of succeeding, because this situation matters a lot to them. This is something that they are deeply emotionally invested in. It is a dream of theirs, whether that dream is in the form of a project or a person, maybe even both. This person is determined to fight for that dream no matter what but they're at a loss at what to do. They feel like they tried everything, used all the tricks up their sleeve and thought about it over and over again. Yet, they can't seem to find a solution that allows them to get the desired result. They feel like they're in a dead end and they have no emergency exit or detour route that they can take to get where they want. They feel stuck and exhausted, discouraged but still adamant on trying their best until their last breath. I get a feeling of urgency, like "if I don't act soon enough I'm gonna lose my dream", "I will lose the opportunity and I don't want to miss it". I get a "now or never" kind of vibe from this spread. It's like they wish they could jump straight away to their goal because right now they feel like they're in a maze and if they keep walking in it they're gonna miss the exit and will never see the end of it. It's like a lion in a cage, running in circles trying to find ways to be free and find their home. I saw the card that was hidden behind the 8 of wands and it was the 9 of pentacles. And it gave me the feeling of someone trying to save money to travel. The 8 of wands calls for quick action and swift communication. It's also an encouragement to move. So if there's a particular goal you have in mind and you feel like you're not making any progress, you are encouraged to make a significant move towards that goal. There's a need to take a risk and get out of one's comfort zone once and for all.

Possible confirmation signs : repeating 8s and 9s, fire and water signs

Group 3

10 of wands, 10 of pentacles, 2 of swords, 2 of pentacles, King of cups, King of pentacles, back of the deck 3 of swords rx

These messages seem to be more career oriented but that doesn't have to be the case necessarily. I pick on the energy of someone feeling burdened with their responsibilities and overworked. Yet, they are sucessful in their career and projects. That doesn't seem to satisfy them. There may be a feeling of boredom or lacking visibility on the future. I also pick up on the energy of someone that is in a period of doubt concerning their life in general, but also concerning two people or two instances. There is an energy of pondering, decision making, reevaluating one's priorities and goals. There's also an underlying fear of being disappointed, hurt, abused. These energies are weighing on the mind and creating an extra pressure. There's a need to take time to process information and analize what is going on. I looked for a clarifier for the 3 of swords rx and got the page of pentacles. Studying, investigating may be the key to an important step on your journey. This page of pentacles could also represent a younger person, possible an earth sign, that could help you on your journey. I am also picking up on reading, research. Organization is also important. Anticipation, task managing, being open to new ideas and unconventional ways of proceeding. All of these elements could be useful resources in your situation. I'm also picking up on the energy of two people that are circling around each other and testing each other. Neither of them are willing to make a step and risk being vulnerable. Both are testing and trying to assess the intentions of the other. If one has a very practical approach to the situation, the other has a very strategical approach. And I feel like this has been going on for a while. This in a way feels similar to the energies of group 1 and 2. So there may be a lot of people that are going through a similar experience of going back and forth with something or someone. There's a need hear to clearly assess one's intentions to be able to decide on the appropriate course of action.

Possible confirmation signs : repeating 2s, 10s and 14s, letters K and P, Scorpio, Taurus, fixed signs

[buddiebeginz]

Saw this ridiculous thread on twitter that really deserves to be taken apart so lets go:

First of all while it's obvious that Buck is attracted to T*mmy (and at this point likes him a lot considering they're now dating) in 7x04 the the main person who's attention he was trying to get was Eddie's. I did an entire breakdown of that ep btw for anyone who is still confused about what was really happening there.

------

1.

Buck goes to see Maddie after the basketball incidient and this is how the conversation goes

Maddie: You didn't mean to hurt him did you?

Buck: I don't know. I was pissed you know. Seeing him and T*mmy being such good friends after only two weeks. I felt left out and I guess I was trying to get his attention.

I know that you B/T shippers desperately want to see 7x04 as Buck sent the entire episode being super smitten over T*mmy but that is just not the story that show is telling. The entire conversation that Maddie and Buck are having in this scene prior to T*mmy even being mentioned is about Eddie. Buck and Maddie are talking about Eddie's injury and how Buck thinks Eddie won't want to talk to him after what he did. The focus is on Eddie. Also it doesn't make any logical sense for Buck to be so upset and emotionally invested over some guy he barely knows. He's upset because he thinks Eddie his best friend can so easily replace him in his life.

------

2.

You're defending T*mmy because you say he left the date not wanting to pressure Buck...yet he almost outed him in front of Eddie (someone T*mmy knows is important to Buck). By the time they were on their first date T*mmy already knew how new all of this was for Buck and how nervous he was, I mean the man was talking about how he was an ally ffs while he was on a date with a guy. And while Buck's comment about finding some hot chicks was embarrassing and I get T*mmy not liking it he should have had a little more understanding given where Buck is in his journey. Instead he made it worse by making that crass closet comment.

It's also just plain rude to go on a date with someone and then ditch them in the middle without making sure they have a way home and without any real explanation (I'm not talking about more extreme circumstances like your date just being an ahole btw). Sure T*mmy told Buck he didn't think he was ready but that was really all he said. Buck was likely left feeling like he was being punished for having a moment where he acted out of fear. T*mmy could have shared an Uber with Buck and talked to him on the way home and they could have seen if they wanted things to continue. But it was like at the first sign of Buck needing more support he bailed.

------

3.

My personal feeling on the first kiss is that T*mmy really should have given something of an indication of his intentions before he kissed Buck.

Speaking as someone who is bi if I was into another woman and they were giving off the kind of vibes Buck was I wouldn't just jump in there and kiss them. I know they try to make everything more sexy for tv and it's the oldest trope in the book to have the hot guy grab the main's face and lay one on them but given all of the signals Buck was sending out T*mmy really should have gotten more confirmation beforehand.

I'm not accusing T*mmy of anything and clearly Buck liked the kiss and it was also clear in that loft scene he was attracted to T*mmy. Still the vibes he was giving off were also really nervous an unsure and he talked about Eddie 90% of the time literally moments before the kiss. Why jump in an kiss someone who seems that nervous and probably is into someone else? I don't know it's just issues I have with that scene.

----

4.

When it comes to a lot of the discourse I see around between Buddie shippers and B/T shippers I feel like a major difference is in how we perceive the show. I feel like a lot of B/T shippers mostly just take the show at face value. If something is written a certain way and presented that way to you on the screen you take that as exactly what the story is saying but you're missing the more subtle messages in the writing.

Like the whole scene with Buck, T*mmy, and Eddie in the karaoke bar had a lot going on beyond just what the dialogue was saying and it was likely missed by those who weren't paying attention.

Yeah T*mmy was on call and yeah that could be a reason why he didn't dress up. Although as many have pointed out there's plenty of things he could have worn that would have made it easy for him to quickly change and get to work and still put an ounce of effort into something that was clearly important to Buck.

But the not dressing up wasn't even the biggest issue it was that when Buck seemed hurt by the fact that T*mmy didn't care enough to dress up T*mmy was just like it's not that big of deal get over it (in the demeanor with which he responded). Obviously it was just a silly bachelor party one Chim didn't even show up to and no one else even dressed up for it (besides Eddie) but for me it's another red flag showing that T*mmy doesn't listen to Buck and doesn't have his back like a (potential) partner should.

Also you can defend T*mmy all you want but very deliberate choices were made with this Buddie and T*mmy scene. They chose to have Eddie arrive first and call a lot of attention to what he was wearing. Right before they had T*mmy come in and have that whole convo about his lack of costume to Buck.

Multiple times in the episode they pointed out that Buddie were wearing a couples costume and that Eddie is the one who picked it out. Not only were they matching in the bachelor party outfits but if you look at their outfits in the later scenes while looking for Chim they're coordinated like spouses there too.

They chose to have Eddie be the one to stay with Buck when everyone else left. They chose to have Buddie partying alone when they could have easily had T*mmy there. Especially when you consider this is a much shorter season every scene and every ep means even more than it would in a normal season. If they were trying to build B/T and get the audience to warm to them showing them partying even showing B/T partying with Eddie would have been a great time to do that instead they only focused on Buddie.

-------

5.

I'm happy for B/T shippers that you got your kissing scene at the end but here's what I saw. In a very overstuffed episode they chose to have a ton of Buddie stuff including having Buck and Eddie show up together multiple times while everyone was out looking for Chimney. Meanwhile B/T got one small scene (which included Eddie) in the beginning and one kiss at the end away from everyone else (that immediately cut to Eddie and Chris). The kiss didn't even feel like it's main purpose was to further develop the B/T relationship, it felt like it happened more to serve Buck's bi storyline so he could come out to everyone.

Also others have pointed this out but just because B/T have physical chemistry doesn't mean they have romantic chemistry. They seem like very different people. Too different in my opinion. In what little scenes of conversation they've actually had I just see two people who won't be compatible long term.

Juxtapose that with Eddie and Buck and just how much alike they are while at the same time being so uniquely themselves. How they're able to call each other out when they need to like when Eddie pointed out how it was maybe not the greatest idea for Buck to come out at his sister's wedding.

You can dislike Buddie and ship B/T all you want but you can't deny how all Buck and Eddie have to do is stand near each other and they exude chemistry and compatibility. People who don't even watch the show assume they're together and there's not even one scene of them kissing. Yet the main reason people ship B/T is because they're two hot guys who've kissed twice. There is no other real point of substance there. Now tell me again which fandom is guilty of fetishization here?

----

6.

You can call us the delusional ones all you want but EVERYTHING is screaming in your face that T*mmy isn't going to last forever. I don't even care if he comes back for season 8. T*mmy and B/T have a giant ticking clock over them and sooner or later their time will be up. There is no way Tim, the writers, ABC, Ryan, Oliver, etc would pass on the phenomenon that Buddie will be once it goes canon. The show already gets a ton of attention just from talking about the possibility of them going canon. Every single article where they even mention Buddie gets attention.

It's hilarious to me that you say the actors and showrunners are what rooting for B/T? In all the the interviews they talk about Buddie now. Tim literally was saying he cares about Buddie too in his response to a fan the other day. He literally said he included Buddie scene specifically for our fandom. Oliver is always posting and liking stuff related to his scenes with Ryan and Buddie. When Ryan gets to do interviews he gushes about Buddie and Oliver. Meanwhile B/T which is supposed to be the canon ship in this important queer storyline they're doing barely gets mentioned. Let me know when that same energy is being given to your ship.

[sagistrology]

id love to see your interpretation on pluto conjunct ascendant, or virgo venus! i find these placements fascinating.

pluto conjunct ascendant 

♇ a conjunction implies a tight orb (8° or less), creating a direct impact on the ascendant while furthering the qualities of the respective sign. here, it affects one's identity, how one responds to their environment, the 'self', and their physical appearance - in connection to pluto.

♇ this aspect is incisive, intense, and amplifies whichever sign pluto's in - sometimes leading to an obsession with what they identify with, as well as providing a breeding ground for 'negative' traits if not handled carefully.

♇ for a lack of better word, these 'shadow' / unhealed aspects may include repressed trauma, destructive tendencies, secretiveness, the desire to dominate, control, manipulate etc. (doesn't exclude these same tactics being used or inflicted on them).

♇ there's a need to learn how to alchemize their pain in order to allow transformation to be beneficial rather than destructive. this aspect tends to dominate the majority of other placements, esp. since the ascendant is what we relate to, and portray. intense and challenging, yet highly rewarding.

♇ strong sense of purpose – craving to be consumed by meaning. ambitious, meticulous in their approaches, deeply analytical, seeing through other’s behaviours. (benefit from exercising).

♇ fully immersed or disinterested. this applies to humans, causes, ambitions, you name it. once committed to either, they become enduring and sacrificial. being driven by something that gets them involved mentally and emotionally is essential.

♇ knowing how to cater to people’s egos because they had to read their desires in order to be tolerated at some point lol, think of the seven deadly sins; greed, wrath, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, and pride. seeing behind these facades - and those aspects in themselves, has them in tune with human desires and the most vile manifestations of it.

♇ depending on how pluto’s aspected there’s even more nuance to it, which can’t be generalised. (e.g. pluto in 12h conjunct ascendant)

♇ ‘darkened’ appearance, more so in their essence rather than features alone, naturally demanding attention upon entering a space, observant, psychologically-inclined, often drawn to heavier subjects and taboo conversations.

♇ deeply connected to the cyclical nature of death and rebirth – knowing how to ‘play’ a character, as well as being aware of its impact. tend to go through changes in their appearance, often rapidly (mesmerizing eyes).

♇ magnetic but intimidating to most, attracting jealousy that’s often hidden because few dare to confront them (eyes are on them - even in times of isolation).

♇ secret admiration, being studied carefully, sometimes obsessively - desired by many and known by few.

♇ immensely projected upon, tending to attract people that want to benefit off their innate influence, the energy of relevancy and ‘power’ – also, being assigned a higher tolerance for pain and harshness, however, almost demonized once defending themselves.

♇ if you want to buy them something get it engraved with a personal message or specific reference, i'm thinking lighters, rings, knives, lockets etc. (sth. resilient they will treasure).

*these observations are general and don't cover all aspects. let me know if you have specific questions.

virgo venus

♍︎ by being opposite of pisces (where venus is exalted), venus in virgo is considered in its fall, which can present as less rewarding or harmonious. it becomes a beautiful placement once understood.

♍︎ venus (also) deals with money and its accumulation. in virgo, wealth is accumulated through consistency and endurance - mostly benefiting from savings and investments. however, there's a tendency for their efforts to go uncompensated. verbal praise and validation ≠ financial compensation.

♍︎ very modest in their expectations and often too shy to ask for a raise = ending up receiving less than adequate compensation for their efforts and expertise, which often exceed the requirements but become the norm. (you don’t owe a company free labour)

♍︎ sometimes, it can be hard for them to distinguish between 'helping' and overextending themselves beyond their emotional, physical, and mental capacities - with venus, this can be emphasized as one partner (virgo) being on the 'giving', and their partner on the 'receiving' end.

♍︎ they may develop an expectation of having to earn compassion and attention (conditional love). 'overcoming' the fixation on providing and learning to receive can be very healing.

♍︎ experimental yet sophisticated (also with clothing), detail-oriented. extremely critical, scrutinizing their discipline and behaviour. value high quality products.

♍︎ appear effortlessly beautiful, which isn't to devalue this aspect, but rather emphasize the time, effort, and dedication that goes into maintaining a certain appearance and health. e.g. through exercise, meditation, nutrition, supplements, consumption habits etc. no detail is 'coincidental', even if it looks like it, it was most likely calculated.

♍︎ crave mental and physical stimulation in romantic relationships, sensual (earth) and analytical (mercury); love to please and see the effects of having 'done well'. write beautiful letters.

♍︎ obsessed with cleanliness. tend to serve when committed, often aren't used to being considered. seeking stability and healthy / productive routines.

♍︎ would probably cry if they received a thoughtful gift that shows you've taken the time to analyse and do something for them unprovoked. truly one of the sweetest things you can do. they tend to be strict on themselves, try to show them they are more than deserving of your love.

*these observations are general and do not cover all details or aspects venus is associated with. for more precise interpretations consider your personal placements.

thank you for your request!

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

We are heading into a bit of a quieter period for QL corner, with two shows ending now and another next week. At least we still have a true banger airing to sustain us through the drought. Smells Like Green Spirit is also now airing in Japan but has not yet been picked up for international distribution (pray for it to get to us soon). These shows are available for weekly streaming on Gaga unless otherwise noted.

Happy of the End

CWs: Blood and gore, child abandonment, child molestation, childhood sexual slavery, death, family rejection, heavy scarring, human trafficking, rape, sexual coercion and exploitation, suicidal ideation, suicide mention

This week was relatively lighter compared to last week's very rough episodes, but still so laced with sadness even in its happy moments. Haoren mourned his mother, and finally admitted to himself, and to Chihiro, that she was never protecting him. The show dug deeper into how this bond between them is giving them both a reason to shake off their apathy about survival, though that is definitely touch and go for both of them. The way Haoren experienced a few moments of happiness and immediately jumped to the conclusion that he would like to die now because he'll never top this feeling was telling, as was Chihiro casually laying down in the street and not moving until Haoren dragged him away. They don't have any real hope for a better life, but they each seem more invested in the other's survival than their own, and that is giving them something to cling to. It was nice to see them have some moments of trust and connection between them, and for Haoren to finally feel safe enough to strip himself bare, physically and emotionally. I'm bracing for a rough final week, with Haoren's former enslaver coming after Chihiro in a bid to destroy the source of Haoren's new happiness. I don't really know what to hope for in terms of an ending for these characters; I just hope the show can leave us with the sense that their relationship mattered and gave them something they can each hold onto.

Love is Like a Poison

This episode had me screaming with laughter and delight. Haruto can read his Ryo-kun like a book, and Shiba can't seem to figure out which way is up. I don't even want to describe all the hilarious gags and sexy tension and extremely unsubtle metaphors in this episode; I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Go watch!

Chaser Game W 2

Of all the great JQL we've gotten in the last year, why this one got picked up for a second season I could not tell you. I was less than impressed with season 1, and I don't have high hopes this next go round will be any better. Especially after watching the first ep of this new season, in which they unceremoniously undid the ending of the last in a laughably silly way only to introduce a new, more annoying conflict. They could have made something of a story about Fuyu trying to work out a way to manage her family life to be with Itsuki, but they'd rather hand wave that away via gay penguins in favor of a new love triangle. Whatever, show. Here we go again, I guess! I’ll be watching this one mostly to support the ratings.

Tagging @bengiyo to do our last anime update for the next little while, as Twilight Out of Focus has officially ended its run and there is no new animated ql on the horizon.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Episode 4! Let the unhingedness commence!

Aaaand this is why getting wasted before ropeplay is not the best idea.

Safety first, kiddos.

This house looks familiar - have we been in this interior for another series?

Love that the translators are familiar with American slang.

Fadel is just completely right, all the time. No wonder the poor dude is so tired and angry.

Poor Bison. He wants this to be real so badly.

The funny thing is, he's not actually in love yet. He just really really wants to be.

I do look forward to when all these idiots are insanely in love with each other, and acting accordingly.

Haha, one time and Style is totally hooked.

It's cute you can see he did get some of his personality from his dad.

Lol, Fadel, how's that whole "I'll fuck him once to get this over with" working out for you?

The costumer designers nailing it once again!

Lol, Style just lying back in the "take me!" pose. He wants another railing so badly.

Yeah, knew Fadel was just fucking with him. He's not ready to crack yet.

Fadel, change your gloves!!! This show and food safety, good grief.

I do like that Bison is more suspicious here. He's not stupid! Just wants love.

Oh no, is Babe getting beat up at school? Ooh, are we going to get Bison fucking up some bullies?

It feels like Bison has some first hand experience with this kind of thing at school. :(

Oh Style, you are already getting emotionally invested here.

Noooo, not the homophobic bullying. These poor babies.

The teacher? I'm not surprised, but damn. Oh please fuck this dude up.

I love them as a united front.

Before this show ends, I really need all four of them working together to take someone down.

Also still laughing about the janitor and PE teacher thing, cuz it does fit the outfits.

Ha, they brought it up again!

Beating up a pedophile with a toilet plunger, A+, no notes.

Yessss, love that Kant realizes this guy would be a repeat offender, and that beating him up isn't enough.

Oh Style... coming to the support group again is such a shitty thing to do. In character, but shitty. The man is 100% wounded pride at the moment.

Omg, dying.

There is a very different version of this show where Fadel literally has to murder this man to be left alone.

I love how First is playing Kant, where every once in a while there is just a slight hint of fear as he remembers what Bison is.

Gah, the cuteness! It doesn't matter which characters, when First & Khao get flirty, I get all giggly.

Heart-giving via burger pin, that's a new one.

Y'know I'm so used to thinking of First and Khaotung as GMMTV's top actors, but Joong is fucking blowing me away in this role. I think this is such proof of how many actors are often limited by the material they are given, and when they get the right script and director, they just soar. Joong is feasting on this material.

I do feel for Fadel, both for the loss of control, and the realization that "loudmouth dumbass" is his type.

One, this scene is amazing,

and two, I have to laugh that this is the least sexy place to be getting it on - which is of course probably why Fadel picked it, and yet he broke anyway.

Aww, I love sweet sibling moments.

Gah, having Style talk about the car just makes me think about how much Fadel's heart is going to break.

How is it that we have two men who murder people on a regular basis, and I want the two non-murdering ones to be the ones who eat all the crow later. Jojo you devious bastard.

Truth

Ha, Style's argument - "you can still jerk off, just do it with me in the room!"

Oh, is Kant finally going to tell Style?

Oooh, twist - were Fadel and Bison's parents targeted so they could be acquired, or was the murder the main plan, and the boys were a secondary prize? I mean, it was definitely Mother who was behind it, right? This guy is just a patsy?

Poor Style, as much of an annoying jerk as he is, this is a hard recontextualization of everything that he's done up to this point.

Kant, you are being such a dick to your friend! First for not telling him, and now for pressuring him to keep dating an assassin. Of course he wouldn't be able to quit Fadel anyway, but you don't know that!

And again, First nailing the uncertainty when Kant doesn't have anyone looking at him.

Oh, I am not going to survive flirty Fadel.

Well, Fadel did say he prefers being the pursuer... he's gonna get his chance.

Everything is so heightened by having two killers in the mix, Kant's ex better be careful.

Lol, Bison being all "I will get my romantic love, or you will suffer".

Rating - still unhinged, still super fun

[gayofthefae]

Watching van scene reactions and confirming a single conclusion:

Everyone is rooting for Will. They're just not predicting him. I have yet to see a reaction in which they realized Will was about to confess or were listening to him confess and were sad about the idea. Always excited. As one is for a romantic trope. As one is for a love confession.

If you are fully confident that someone will not end up with who they love, then you are sad when they express their feelings because it is heartbreaking. But consistently, people are excited. Because, though they don't analyze it and only think about what they're watching as they're watching I do they wouldn't be able to answer you, as they are watching it, they're anticipating Will's confession, giddy at the painting.

No one is reacting to Will's love as a romantic tragedy. They're reacting to it as a romantic trope. Some are even, much like Finn himself, calling out to Mike to notice. Even if only on instinct, why would you want Mike to know if you didn't at least want him to reciprocate? If part of you didn't expect based on the trajectory of tropes that him finding out will lead to a happy ending for Will. What's the difference of him knowing if it isn't actionable? The answer is it is.

They're excited at Will's confession because they're excited about the idea of Mike knowing because they think hope that when he finds out, he'll do something about it.

And as an addendum, as I've speculated before: seldom do they comment on Mike during El's scenes, only ever lore and her independence, as is intended by the focus of her plotline, and in the case of Mike himself, the most I have heard is "ohhh, he wants to feel needed". They likely believe that Mike has feelings for El right now but that also doesn't bar them from believing that Mike and Will could end up together. That's how having an entire season left of a TV show works.

They are honestly not even rooting for a couple. At all. They are rooting for characters. If Mike says he wants to feel needed, they want him to feel needed. If Will says he wants Mike, they want him to have Mike. As I've said before, the general audience only want Mike and El together because MIKE told them it's what he wants. To quote a reaction to another show I recently watched "I'm rooting for [his] happiness, I just need to know what [he] wants so I know what to root for". That's it. It only becomes more than that if you became deeply, rigidly invested prior to this plotline. Otherwise, you'll trust what the characters tell you will make them happy and root for it. That trust in someone's word is how they set up the subversion, and that is how they'll break it back down.

Most people aren't pissed about love triangles unless they're pissed on behalf of either a character themself or the destruction of a character's arc to get there. Otherwise, if the characters say they're happy and are believable, then they're happy.

Edit: I have seen a bit more apprehension about Steve's confession, actually. Because Byler isn't a love triangle and emotionally they know it even if logically they don't yet.

[marimeeko]

Yo why the fuck is Katsuki and his relationship with Izuku getting done so dirty in this epilogue? Like he led the super suit project. He likely started it bc he couldn't dream of doing herowork without Izuku. All Might credited him when giving the suit to Izuku. He held out his hand. Izuku, I'm guessing, took his hand. Fine, good, wonderful.

But suddenly, Katsuki fucking asks him to start an agency with him so they can work together, literally their fucking DREAM SINCE THEY WERE KIDS? AND IZUKU SAYS NO?? What was this entire exercise for? What was showing us how deeply they MEAN to each other, how dependent on each other they are, just for izuku to casually shoot katsuki down with a smile, even FOR?

Please what the fuck. What the fuck am I looking at.

As far as we know yet, we dont know if the two get a conversation specifically regarding katsukis devotion to the suit project, we don't get Izuku getting to realize and appreciate what Katsuki has been doing for the last 8 years, how devoted the man is?

And yeah I know katsuki ain't doing it for clout or recognition or a pat on the back, but that doesn't t mean he doesn't deserve some form of emotional payoff for the whole thing(as well as the audience who was rooting for him!)

Ooof I know I know, I'm angry over a manga(I wasn't mad before) but this part has driven me up a wall bc...

Idk, katsuki just deserves better. He feels like n afterthought in this epilogue.

I know I know, I need to wait out the full release and see everything for myself but DAMN

I feel like he's getting done a little dirty in this.

Technically no izuku doesn't owe him for the gift HOWEVER this is a story with thematic elements and THEMATICALLY, izuku and Katsuki have been so intertwined and woven together, and played as so desperate to keep each other in their lives, to compete, to fight alongside each other, and then the PAYOFF is a SHRUG and a rejection to just that?? Thematically, this is UNSATISFYING AS FUCK.

Like, what is their entire arc if it just ends in a casual rejection?? What the fuck were we building up to and getting so emotionally invested in for their relationship? Please it's so anticlimactic. This was a story about THEM. There was no Izuku without Kacchan, there was no Kacchan without Izuku.

Katsuki Bakugou deserves better.

And 0 percent of this is about the shipping. It's simply what Horikoshi wrote when he wrote them as a duo. When he framed their relationship as the CORE, the heart and SOUL of the story. When he made "win to save, save to win" a running theme, when he made Izuku someone who would kill for Katsuki, and Katsuki someone who would die(and live) for Izuku.

Maybe as more info drops and actual releases happen, this post will age badly. Part of me really hopes it does and there's some sort of misunderstanding or something, bc I did NOT want the thread of BKDK(be it platonic, romantic or other) to end this...unfortunately.

Again. I don't give a shit about the shipping in this moment, in this rant/vent. It's not about that rn. It's literally just the setup not matching the payoff.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Can Ray be Redeemed? Is Sand the Solution?

I know Ray has upset a lot of people in Episode 8. I do find it really fascinating how quickly the tide has turned on him, especially when you compare his actions to those of our villains of the first arc: Boston and Top. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I still choose to believe that Ray does care. He's hugely misguided but not heartless.

Let me firstly preface that none of what I'm about to say excuses Ray's behaviour but is an attempt to unpack why I still hold hope.

A child lost with no anchor

Ray is emotionally immature (which as cliché as it sounds, is a direct product of his upbringing - or lack thereof). He largely operates on basic needs, as a child would: 'I want. I need'. It's all based on serving the self. He seems wildly incapable of thinking very far beyond that. Like a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. He's pretty helpless on his own in a lot of respects. Most people grow out of this. Through knocks and hardship, we learn the world doesn't revolve around us and how to equip ourselves with healthy and appropriate means to navigate through life. Ray however, still seems to be stuck in his infantile box.

I often joke that Ray is a bit feral, but there is some truth to that. Ray's been left to his own devices for the majority of his life. So it's no surprise he's developed this 'me against the world' attitude which is volatile and defensive, but ultimately keeps him caged in said box.

These traits are abundantly apparent in his relationship with Mew. Ray is the vehicle for Mew's self-destruction, but all he sees is the exhilaration of having a 'partner in crime', someone to be in 'cahoots with'. Like a pair of naughty school kids getting into mischief, rather than an adult partnership. Ray is all about immediate gratification over long term fulfilment because (as children do), they don't possess the wisdom and experience to think ahead. Ray seems unable to grasp repercussions or consequences in his decision making. It's always act first, think second.

To put it simply, Ray hasn't been taught boundaries and how to respect them. He just gets criticised for crossing them which doesn’t help him learn. No one has had the patience to teach him why and how. To guide, to steer, to direct, to mentor. To educate rather than scold. Prevention rather than cure. As a result, everyone around Ray serves to clean up his messes rather than equip him with the ability to not create them in the first place. He falls into patterns of behaviour that no one has seriously attempted to break which has only amplified with adulthood. The longer those habits prevail, the harder they are to change.

Does Ray harbour ill-will or bad intent?

Is Ray the worst? In my opinion, no. (Not yet anyway - I might eat my words later, who knows). I've said this somewhere before but intent makes all the difference when judging someone's actions. Choosing to actively cause harm whilst being fully conscious of the impact versus triggering damage to occur as a symptom of your behaviour is vastly different. This is where Ray and Boston differ. Boston acts without remorse, he purposely and calculatingly makes choices that will cause the maximum degree of suffering. Whereas Ray's a loose cannon. He leaves a trail of destruction where he goes, due to a lack of control and means to channel how he feels in a constructive manner. Boston's victims are targets, whereas Ray's victims are collateral.

I don't think Ray means to purposely hurt or harm the people he cares about. Because in doing so, he'll push them away - which is precisely what he doesn't want. (Though saying that, Ray doesn't seem to give as much of a damn if it's people he isn't invested in, such as Top). Ray's world consists of what Ray needs. It's not that he doesn't care about a single person besides himself, he's just so wrapped up in his own needs to even gauge the bigger picture.

When others do point out to Ray that he's hurt them, he does tend to look guilty and taken aback, as if he's thinking, 'But I didn't know. No one told me. I had no idea my actions would cause you to be upset'. Painful levels of ignorance. But I also see a huge amount of internalised frustration. 'But why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me? How was I to know?'

Ray is capable of showing remorse, of displaying guilt. He's not cold-blooded. Anyone who can demonstrate compassion is capable of redemption. Ray is seen to be genuinely appreciative and grateful when people are good to him. He's fiercely protective over people he cares about. Ray was also willing to jump in when Sand gets a call from his mum being in trouble.

One thing I do have to stress is the difference in Ray's demeanour when he's severely drunk/high versus when he's sober. His addiction tends to amplify his most primal desires, his most 'childlike' traits. The uglier sides of Ray presented in their worst light, set to maximum. The raging tantrums, the absurd and unpredictable demands, an explosive and dangerous impulsiveness. People often refer to addiction as a form of sickness, which is worth noting when the person under scrutiny is effectively not well.

Learning by Example

Now let's talk about the huge importance of Sand in this equation.

Let me be clear - it's not Sand's responsibility to teach Ray how to grow up or behave more like a functioning adult. It's neither his duty to be a stand-in parent or caretaker. The unfortunate truth is that Ray doesn't have anyone in his life who plays that role. Who is the voice of reason. To keep him on the straight and narrow. In order to actually incite change, Ray needs to be receptive to whoever is trying to help him. We've seen he doesn't respond particularly well to the majority of people in his life. He's defensive with his father, his friends, deflective and pandering with Mew. The only person he's seen to show any signs of actually listening to and registering is Sand.

Whilst it's not fair on Sand, he might be the only person who has any real chance of encouraging healthy and positive growth in Ray. Because Sand loves Ray, he genuinely wants to see improvement for Ray's own good. I don't think it's a coincidence that we tend to see Ray's more endearing side when he's with Sand. His childlike qualities take on a sweeter, more harmless, playful tone.

He needs someone with an almost parental level of unconditional love to not give up on him, where others have thrown in the towel. Ray's character is essentially a personified cry for help. His mother was unable to cope. His father seems chronically exasperated and far too busy to actually be present. His friends have always seen him as bothersome and too much of a handful.

I personally don't want to write Ray off as a lost cause. Ironically, Sand may be the saviour he didn't ask for, but the one he really needs. Someone who can save him from himself.

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Can I just say how much I appreciate the diversity of ace identities in ISAT and all the detail about it?

(spoilers ahoy)

I love how at first Sif sees the porn scroll as "people doing fun things" but later admits it doesn't interest them at all. Their first response is to say what they know they're "supposed" to think it is, what everyone else is probably going to think it is. But then they learn that it's really ok to admit that they're not into it.

At first Sif is like "why does Beau like me?" but after a while they start to find him cute because they understand the emotion behind his feelings, and while they're not sure if they can actually take it as far as a sexual relationship, they're interested in figuring it out, because for them, that doesn't gross them out, it's just not a drive. This is so relatable to me and I love seeing it bc it's not the typical ace in fiction where like, this character is ace so we mustn't put them in a ship because we should assume it'd gross them out. Sif can be ace but not entirely horrified by sex, and Sif may be romantic (I don't know if even Sif knows whether they are romantic or not)-- I suspect they are demiromantic because it's the intimacy and familiarity of Beau's emotions that makes them start to feel things about the moment by the tree, to the point where they miss it when he doesn't try.

Mirabelle going through the dating service papers is the most wonderful scene because this is what it was like to be ace when I was in my early twenties. Most people didn't know it was a thing, and friends/family were very helpfully concerned that you should find a partner in order to not be alone, because the theory was that it was a basic human need for everyone. I did exactly what Mirabelle did, and had the same kind of reaction: "I have to pick one of these people to try dating because I have to figure out how to be sexually interested in someone so that I can do the whole partnership thing that everyone says you need to do in order to have a fulfilling adult life." Looking at pictures of people trying to figure out how to be attracted to them, or what you like, when the answer is really that you're just Not. And you're kind of torn because some part of you knows that this isn't going to work, but the other part of you legit believes that it's like staying hydrated, you have to do it for your own good even if you're not thirsty.

Mirabelle's being into fictional romance and shipping, just not into doing it herself, is also such a good detail. I'm not aro so I can't speak to that myself, but still, it's a thing. She's emotionally invested in the dynamics between people, she loves watching the details of how they play out, and that's completely separate from ever wanting to do it herself. I've seen it in others and I definitely get that from the perspective of an ace person reading smut-- you can very much enjoy a dynamic without wanting to BE in the dynamic yourself.

Sif coming to understand how attraction works from the outside: "Wait, you can't choose who you get a crush on? That explains so much!" The line made me wince because it's so self-deprecating-- they're probably thinking they're not good enough for Beau-- but I also very much appreciate the realism of how... nobody explains to you how attraction works because they assume you know what it's like, and you probably don't ask because it's embarrassing if they assume that you're an immature late bloomer with no experience of the world, rather than someone who will never have a libido no matter what they've seen. It's so easy to feel infantilized or to infantilize yourself if you're not comfortable with your ace identity. Both Mirabelle and Sif are young enough that they struggle a bit with whether this is really their identity or whether they've just not figured it out yet. In reality, at their age, this probably IS who they are. But they're also a bit hesitant to rule it out because it's really hard to know that you are NOT something, and (given that Mirabelle hadn't really considered the possibility that she's aroace) the culture doesn't seem to have a lot of representation or support for the idea. It's obvious to the player, well, if this is how they feel, then they're ace! But neither one of them can quite settle on that for sure. Because, unlike being attracted to someone where you can go "well that sure did happen", being not attracted to someone is a nonproof. So Mirabelle keeps trying, and Sif doesn't know that their reaction will seem valid to others (as evidenced by the change in how they describe the scroll). Odile, who is aro and who seems to be not entirely ace but isn't exactly the thirstiest plant in the garden, has a different position. She seems to pretty much know where she's at, which makes sense for her age, but we can't really tell if she's always been okay with it or if it's been an issue. We don't know if Ka Bu is a more uptight culture, or how long society has been normalizing non-hetero identities, but we do know she had no female role models, so if any of this heteronormative business was an issue, I imagine it contributed a lot to her feeling of outsiderness. I'd love to know more about how Odile's sexuality impacted her life but she's obviously not about to infodump it on a bunch of 20 year olds, so it remains a mystery. Nonetheless it's pretty great that there's an older aro character, illustrating that people have always been this way, it's just easier for young people to discover it now because they feel more allowed to not be heterosexual. [eta: @butterflyknifepoisoning reminded me that I've misremembered this and Odile isn't actually aro, she's had hatecrushes before and explained them to Mirabelle. Which I kind of sort of remember now! Not sure why I thought she was aro, my memory is crap sometimes. It's still a far cry from yamato nadeshiko, but yeah. Point taken]

...In the end, I find it extremely refreshing that there's a whole RPG party here and only ONE of them experiences sexual attraction, and it's a flamboyant gay-seeming dude with a poorly-kept-secret crush on an enby they/he. ISAT is so cool, it's the best aroace representation I have seen in fiction so far ever.

[lloydfrontera]

we've known for a while that novel lloyd and webcomic lloyd are two different characters but this really shows the kind of character the adaptation team has turned lloyd into.

like. i cannot begin to emphasize how not true this is for novel!lloyd. at all. he's constantly lying about his feelings both to others and to himself, a big part of his emotional conflict with javier is about javier wanting lloyd to show him how he truly feels and lloyd lying straight to his face about it, being dishonest about his emotions and feelings is a core part of his character and him finally letting himself be open and honest is meant to be the payoff of his emotional arc.

the way he feels and the things he shows and says are not the same.

heck not even his feelings and his thoughts are the same!

It was truly a strange thing. He was giving away a tremendous gift without anything in return. Yet, his heart was light and filled with relief. And even though he said it was a wasted opportunity or whatever, truthfully speaking, he didn't feel that way. Tsk. It's not because that hooligan Frontera made me weak, or because I feel guilty. I'm doing this because I'm tired of its whining. It is beyond annoying to hear Frontera whining, insisting, and begging for me to take responsibility and help out. Lloyd thought this was an opportunity for him to get rid of one less burden of his. It was the cost of getting rid of this pesky burden. This was an investment. So, he concluded that he wasn't being a fool. He was doing this for Arcos and Marbella Frontera. Lloyd reiterated these thoughts in his head and pulled himself together.

like. he will lie to himself about his reasons for doing kind things and justify them as actually selfish and self-interested when we know that's not true.

he betrays his feelings with his actions, him being a good person and being unable to hide it or change it despite his best efforts is also an integral part of his characterization but it's not something he willingly shows or something he's even willing to admit to himself much less to other people.

which. is exactly the opposite of what this scene was about? i think? like. the conflict here was,, someone trying to prove that lloyd's actions aren't actually selfless and that he has a hidden agenda and lloyd proving that notion wrong by rejecting. but,, that's exactly the opposite of what lloyd wants to project about himself?

like. this is a man that when told directly to his face that he's a good person who when left to his own devices will help others for no gain to himself by a higher being whose literal job is to judge souls' goodness he will just go "nuh uh" and insist everything he does is for his personal gain and not the greater good or anything like that.

he would not be emotionally honest enough to have this kind of realization and much less to share it with some fucking guy trying to kill him.

i just. i want to know so bad what the adaptation team wanted to prove with this interaction. like. what was the purpose of it. what did they want to tell us about lloyd by having him say this.

personally i find it so diametrically opposed to lloyd's characterization in the novel that i just. i don't understand how they could've come up with this scene if they understood his character in the novel like. at all.

but. is that anything new lmao

[missjomarch]

Hello my lovelies! I hope you had a fun and safe New Years Eve! I wanted to make a little post just showing my appreciation for the last year on Tumblr! I will admit that I am not the best at re-blogging posts that I love. Usually I'm reading between classes, assignments, or right before bed and don't often take the time to share my thoughts on some of the incredible literature on this site. With that being said, I wanted to make this post highlighting some of my favorite works, authors, and stories of 2024. As with all things of this nature, I am very sure some things got left out. This is in no way a comprehensive list of all the works I have enjoyed this year, but just a few I wanted to highlight. If I am in your likes or following, trust that I love and appreciate your presence. So without further ado...Here is Jay's 2024 Tumblr Favorites!

First and foremost is my favorite (only) big sis, of course. If you have not stumbled upon @ladylooch 's blog yet, you are missing a vital part of life. Her AUs are a literal rabbit hole. I started reading about Nico Hischier and I am now emotionally invested in the lives of two original character's and their love story. I love everything B publishes, but this year she gave us a beautiful new story of love and loss, and exploring that world with her has been the highlight of my year. Head over to her blog and jump into an AU, literally any of them. You won't regret it.

@puck-luck...guys. Andy is INSANE!!!! Everything she puts out is delicious, but I specifically fell in love with her 'New Beginnings' series this year and cannot recommend it enough. I don't even like Trevor Zegras like that y'all, but Andy is a literary genius so I fell in love. I have to save her writing for when I am home & in bed because I WILLLLL have a physical reaction. I kiss your brain, Andy girl. Mwah mwah mwah.

@star2fishmeg and @wineauntie , MEG AND IVY! My (sub) Luke Hughes loves and the leaders of the sub! Luke agenda. GOD!! I love you. Your writing, of course. But I also love that you share my most unhinged sentiments about Mr. Baby Hughes. Check out their blogs, friends. The vibes are good and the writing is even better.

This next one...you guysssss...@tkwrites. TK's 'Snap Shot' series had me HOOKED all year. I love Sarah and Quinn. The emotional turmoil and angst mixed with the heartfelt romance is a complex masterpiece. PLEASE go check it out if you're a Quinn Hughes enjoyer, or an enjoyer of good fiction. Also sub! Quinn agenda!!!!

@theemporium!!! I eat up everything my girl Cece writes, but Luke and Cherry specifically had me by the throat this year. Go read 'The Mortifying Ordeal of Being a 20 Year Old Virgin' NOWWW! RIGHT NOW!!

@mikkomacko...you GENIUSSS. Mob Boss Nico Hischier. Need I say more? I don't think so. If I could have a real Tumblr wrapped, part 4 & 5 of that series would be my most reread fics for 2024 I promise you. The dynamic of Nico and reader, bestie Timo, baby Alex (RIP, give him back Vegas). It is all perfect girly pop. Everyone go read.

I started reading for Will Smith this year because @yankstrash and I cannot be normal about Boston College hockey. @peachhcs Will Smith AU gave me everything I needed and MORE. I can't decide if I want to be Samy or be WITH Samy. They are just sooo *heart eyes*. Also Sub! Will agenda. (Damn, can y'all see a pattern?) Em, I love you and your work. Keep it up lovely.

Alrighty, that about sums it up. I know there is a million more authors and fics I missed, but these have been in the forefront of my mind for a long while. I hope you have all had the best holidays, and here is to another great year of escaping reality with y'all in 2025!! MWAH!

[kinlochs]

anyways here's wonderwall (2024 farewell post of cool people,)

SINCE i must return to despair at work tonight at an unreasonable time of the night once again (#airport problems) i figured id make a little appreciation most for super cool people on here! some of you haven't written with me yet but you have sick vibes and i love ur content so i will admire from afar....... im just obnoxiously happy that the da rp scene came back with a vengeance on here. it's so fun to write. it's my favorite. and it's full of great people!!!!!!

@sorrowsick bane of my existence. eternally damned to torture one another. SUPER creative and can bang out awesome plots and ocs like literally no one else!!!!

@miidnighters we've been hanging out for a while and i still can't get over how well put together your ocs are! you're so passionate about them and it makes me so soft inside!!!

@weishaupts i LOVE athera she is the loml. iconic. JUST like you. i can't believe we've managed to follow each other around on all of these different dragon age blogs this entire time,

@ofthewildes / @hallamshivanas / @7thtalon don't know how mel hasn't thrown me off of a mountain yet for our shenanigans. i cannot stress how beautiful and vivid your writing is alongside the dedication you have to your muses! it's so easy to see how much you care for them and im always smashing that like button for all of ur posts

@geracht / @gwuein high key i had never given much consideration to rowan, maric or loghain before you began talking about them, and now i'm emotionally invested and im going to kill you. not to mention how you write anders! you know him inside and out and it's amazing!

@grtivas i don't believe we've written together yet but i saw u from across the dash and i really liked ur vibe..... also im high key reading all of the crow threads like a novella. AND cackling at your follies with origins

@dcvium NIMUE.......im holding her face between my hands and squishing it!!!!! she deserves happiness. cassian is still nervous about her whole Thing but im SURE theyll work it out eventually

@cuerrvox merrill is so close to my heart it simply makes me happy to see your blog pop up on my dash whether it's ic or ooc content!!!!!

@prophetries giving me all of the religious angst im craving/clashing ideologies/slowest slow burn in existence...........im in love with evelyn

@archonoclasm WONDERFUL portrayal of dorian every time i catch wind of one of your threads i feel like dorian just started yelling at me from my screen???

@inevestigator i ALSO have to give kudos to you! you bring neve to life and i always thought she was a difficult character to nail on the head when it comes to portrayal because of how subtle her nuances are!

@tideveil alys my beloved.......... im such a sucker for multi warden scenarios. im glad that they have each other throughout it all. it's heartbreaking to see them lean on one another through such a difficult timeline

@wayan9an once again i am reading every lore drop like a book. you put so much work into your muses it's so inspiring. the attention to detail is crazy.

these are but a small small small sample of everyone i appreciate on the dash and if i didn't mention you outright PLEASE know that i am so grateful for you and your company. hopefully in the new year we'll have twice the fun!!!!!!

[tirfpikachu]

for me the term tirf is actually a means to an ends -- if i hadn't seen the term tirf i 10000000% would've NEVER orbited radblr. and radblr genuinely saved my mental health unlike anything else.

i legit thought it was pure evil, like incels or white supremacists. but the term tirf turned a gear in my head and made me go... huh...? is there more to radical feminism than i thought? the term, the label, is a hook to show nuanced tras, tras who are on the fence about many things, that we have the complex feminist conversations in here that they have always been craving. for me being a tirf means being a mediator between radfems and the trans community. it means making accessibility for dysphoric folks WITHIN REASON without stepping on female & homosexual rights. it means acknowledging the oppression that some transfems may face, and calling out the ableism (against dysphoric folks) & gncphobia rampant within radblr, while also openly calling out how fucked up the tra movement has been to female/ofab ppl and homosexuals. it also means often using terminology that tras understand and combining them with radfem terminology so that ppl understand what radfems ACTUALLY mean, and not the version they see in tra text posts misrepresenting radblr.

as a physically & mentally disabled detrans woman, my tirf activism is also my disability activism. it also involves my strong alliance with gnc folks as a soft butch woman - including with gnc people who are dysphoric, or even just personally enjoy trans/nonbinary labels as a gnc subculture. i still want to call out their much too common sexism, misogyny, homophobia (especially lesbophobia) and other bullshit. i want to be a haven for freshly peaked trans allies orbiting radblr.

if you are a radfem, you do not need to become a tirf. that is not my goal at all with this. we need all kinds of radfems, including strictly female-focused radfems who i really do highly respect. with my own personal brand of tirf activism, i am merely appealing to people who are already orbiting both tra and radfem spaces. people who are already emotionally invested in both trans activism and female activism. slowly peaking misogyny-affected ppl, especially homosexuals, who are still wary of radblr. i'm also appealing to trans-identified people, those affected by misogyny & gncphobia who can benefit from having a corner of radfeminism to speak on their unique experiences and can strengthen the radfem movement. i also reach out to ppl who don't identify as radfems but are disillusioned with mainstream feminism & mainstream lgbt activism. a lot of us have been harmed by tras. we desperately want to stop the tra movement from harming more female & homosexual people and work hard to limit more painful detransitions... yet some of us also need trans accommodations and support due to their dysphoria to participate, and topics may often include trans issues and trans experiences.

this does not need to be something you are involved in; i know it can get frustrating. but for those of you who are curious, who are new to radblr, who are maybe dysphoric or trans-identified or just want to both support trans people and do real feminism, my inbox, DMs & discord server are open and we're waiting with open arms for you.

[loveafterdeath-if]

Echo.. I don't know what to say. Spoilers ahead, be warned.

The way you portrait the love between MC and E is absolutely beautiful. You immediately get the sense of their deep connection and wish it would last forever. For them to get kids (or a dog) and grow old together and see their kids raise their grandkids and... You get the picture. 🥲

Also, a character with flaws! High maintenance and an adorable, loving husband anyways. And the wrinkles tick, omg, the wrinkles. 😭 As I met with the doc and the MC straighted down imaginary wrinkles I cried all over! 😭

At first, as I read the prologue I thought if it wouldn't be more impactful, when we didn't know of the accident immediately.. But lord, you got me so invested in E that it hurt baaaad and was a shock anyways! Really, really good writing! ❤️

And the other characters, how everybody wants to help MC and even the neighbors come around. The scene with Juliet and the neighbor mother was so touching, how she held MC and protected her. 😭 Even the f* cat that was lovingly named "Nemesis" after hours of MC persuading E... Even the cat that hated our guts starts to be an emotional support throughout it all!

It is a rollercoster of emotions, one time I can't breathe anymore because I cry so hard and the next moment the RO's lift my spirits so much that I sqeal and giggle. 🤭

And the NSFW scene with E... Kyaaaa!!! You delivered. 🥲 What more can I say? Also, I love how you mention male E's "average" size. Finally some diversity in erotica if! So thank you! 🙏

Will we learn more of MCs backstory and the relationship between E and MC? Even if I try to move forward with MC I'm also curious to what all had happened.

Please, please, please continue your story! It was really a treat to read and you got me so emotionally invested that I need more on a visceral level! ❤️

I'll share your story, because I think everyone should read it. It needs more attention, fr.

Much love and I wish you all the best,

Lisa

I love receiving these kinds of asks, reading and re-reading and re-re-reading them just to inflate my ego a bit more.

Firstly, thank you so much for your kind words! Now...

MC's backstory will definitely come to light. I've dropped hints about their past, and MC is not done suffering yet.

However, I don't plan to make y'all cry in every chapter. Crying is good, but it can get boring if I throw too much at MC all at once, in my opinion.

And yes, you'll learn more about the relationship between E and MC. Definitely. Just probably not right away.

[havendance]

Bat affiliated characters ranked by how interesting I think a genderswap AU of them would be

Tim Drake - I admit that I am biased as a Tim fan, but also if Tim where a girl then I think she would pretend to be a boy as Robin and her identity issues would be like ten times worse and it compells me

Dick Grayson - I maintain that in response to all those 'eldest daughter dick grayson' ideas, there should be an au where Bruce actually has an eldest daughter. (something I partially explored in my Helena-Dick roleswap) But also, what if the first robin were a girl!

Jean-Paul Valley - If Jean-Paul Valley were a girl I gaurentee you I would find her way more interesting (and probably actually read her comics instead of letting them languish on the to read list)

Bruce Wayne - The question of 'what if Batman were a woman?' is also something I have explored in various Helena AUs, but there's still lots of interesting ground to explore there.

Stephanie Brown - So much of Steph's character is connected to her being a teenage girl and created as this foil/love interest to Tim so I think on his own, Stevie Brown is one of those things where I think a lot does get lost, but I think that in an AU where we're also swapping Tim to be a girl there's a lot of juicy potential because of the foil thing.

Julia Pennyworth - Okay, I originally had below Alfred and then I started thinking about it. Alfred abandoning one son in favor of the other. Jules and Bruce as these sort of brothers. Buried tension... It compels me.

James Gordon - You know what? Yes. Jenny Gordon as the woman commissioner who has had to fight for every inch in Gotham and the fact that she's working with Batman just means that everyone's questioning her competence even more and there's endless rumors that they're having an affair.

Damian Wayne - The more I turn this idea over in my head the more it grows on me. The potential's there. I would need to chew on it some more. I might rank this higher if it weren't for the fact that the couple genderswapped Damian AUs I've read just weren't doing it for me.

Alfred Pennyworth - I usually do not care much about Alfred, but think of the mommy issues that Bruce would have if he were raised by his emotionally-absent brittish housekeeper.

Duke Thomas - I'd give one a shot, but I just haven't read enough of Duke yet to really get an idea on how compelling I would find this.

Cullen Row - The Row siblings have their moments, but I'm just not super invested in them. That being said, Cullen being a girl probably would make me more interested in her.

Harper Row - See above.

Barbara Gordon - The fact that Oracle is a woman is part of what makes her so awesome, but I think there could be potential for, uh, Barry Gordon (not all of these random names I come up with will be hits I am afraid) as Jim's son in terms of the Gordon family soap opera drama.

Cassandra Cain - This just makes her more boring I am afraid. He does get ranked about all the Rucka women though because of the kick-ass factor. I'd give reading about boy!cass a shot which is more than you can say about a lot of the people we're about to get into.

Jason Todd - Sorry to the Jason fans out there because I can see the potential there, but also even making her a girl is not enough to make me care about Jason more than I usually do.

Selina Kyle - There might be something there but I fear I have to admit that I don't care enough about Selina to put her higher on this list. I simply do not spend time thinking about her though I am curious enough to want to read her comics eventually.

Helena Bertinelli - The bottom of this list is all Rucka women because genderswapping them makes me actively not interested despite the fact that I usually like them. Helena being a guy would just be so boring.

Kate Kane - I guess Kate could be a gay man but then we loose the messy lesbian drama :/

Renee Montoya - ditto

Sasha Bordeaux - (This is my list and I get to include her if I want) The whole point of Sasha Bordeaux is that she is like, the ur-Rucka Women. We can't take that away from her. What's left then? (I guess other than swapping her with Tim which was a thing that I did do once.)