#so i'm having to speedrun the process of accepting my impending physical disability
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love my left forearm trying to go numb while i'm trying to write :))) (edit: left shoulder now too)
#like i can feel the shooting pain that's making it go numb and pulsing#and yeah. literally any part of my body can go numb and just. Not Work anymore until i can get treatment (in march)#and let's say something goes permanently numb before then#which means whatever damage i have by then will be permanent and you can't fix it#and there's a slight very real possibility that i could wake up one morning and not be able to feel my legs#and just be permanently paralyzed#it's a very VERY tiny chance but the fact that the nurse on the phone had even mentioned that#as a reason to go to the ER and get emergency treatment makes me VERY scared#so i'm doing my hobbies as much as i can possibly can now in case i suddenly can't anymore#and yes my speech is getting steadily worse too#and FOUR extra strength tylenol tablets won't even fix my chiari headaches now#even if i do have to eventually go to the ER bc of this i bet they'll make an excuse as to why i can't get an immediate scan#reminder that i can't even get any scans done until march 3rd and treatment may not be able to be started until APRIL#yeah something's gonna give before then and i'll have an Emergency#i just know it#so i'm having to speedrun the process of accepting my impending physical disability#and i'm gonna be real with yall: i'm scared.#mostly bc i've been able bodied for the first 29 years of my life and now it's a slow descent into physical disability#and i'm just. Lost rn
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