#so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

forcebookish · 4 months ago

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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.

#rum.txt #i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr #i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do #so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for #(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol #i also use it for recipes sigh #but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes #i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning #i also have to start actually getting up in the morning #i think that's the main thing #ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed #it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late #and not like. almost 3 am like now #one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF #and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF #because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF #(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there #and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF #so i don't know where all the STUFF would go #and every job i apply to sucks #and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio #so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about #every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now #AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up #but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue

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