#so i wanted to see how much i've achieved since i first got into digital art

[noell0]

art progress check

[aestherians]

sorry to be a hater of sorts. but you are not an animal, or whatever else other than a human that you happen to identify as.

it is not about wanting. it is about BEING, and if you look in the mirror you’ll realise you’re just a human. it doesn’t make a difference if you struggle with it. get over it. a lot of people have to get over it. you cannot be indulged in a fantasyland 24/7. quite simply, grow up

Huh, I don't think I've gotten one of these asks since 2017...

First things first, starting off a rather hateful and concern-trolling message with "sorry" doesn't alleviate you of any potential harm done. You're trying to upset me. You're rude, you're mean, and you clearly realize it, since you're only willing to say these things anonymously. Don't try to soften your blows by apologizing preemptively. It's bitchy at best and belittling at worst.

I'm gonna take a guess and say this is a copy-pasted message, since you couldn't even be bothered to name my therio-/kintypes. How many other people have you tried to upset with these messages? And for what reason? What's your goal? Is the world not cruel enough already?

But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since these kinds of messages have become such a rarity, and since I haven't written anything for this blog in months. Consider it an invitation to reach out again some day, once you've mulled things over. I'll get vulnerable with you and lay myself bare, and in return I hope you'll consider seeing me as a person, instead of just a target for your anger.

You say reality, identity, and self-perception ('cause that's what this is; that's what otherkinity is) is about being, not wanting. I say that's an oversimplified worldview.

Who can we be if there's nothing we want? A person without desires is hardly a fully realized person. The identity of the person who wants something is as genuine as the identity of the person who has achieved something - even if they're perceived differently, and their material realities are different. The musician who dreams of going platinum, but who never gets out of dingy bars and self-published mixtapes, will still see a musician when she looks in the mirror - even if others just see a mediocre hobbyist. Even if others compare her to professionals, natural talents, and nepo-babies, whose achievements she can never hope to reach. Should the wanting musician let others define for her what it means to be a musician? Even if her music is bad and she'll never hit it big? She wants to be a musician. She plays because of her desires. She lives her life according to her wants. Does that not make her wants a part of who she is?

To some extent you are what you want. The line between wanting and being is blurry.

I do want to be nonhuman, on some level. I'd gladly give up this life to live as a gnoll. I suppose my desires are fantastical, but no less so than those of the poor musician who dreams of going platinum. Should she stop playing because she'll never achieve her dreams? Should I stop calling myself a gnoll just because I'll never have the body of one? I act out being a gnoll, through my digital persona, my fantasy scenarios, and my art. I do what I can to be a gnoll. I am as much an embodiment of my desires as the mediocre hobbyist musician is.

Have you ever gotten what you wished for?

I collect trading cards as a hobby. After years of searching, I got some of my dreamies and completed parts of my collection. I felt satisfied for a day, but the satisfaction quickly turned into boredom and listlessness. My instincts (be they human or gnoll) crave the hunt more than the kill. I get a greater thrill out of wanting than achieving. I wouldn't be happy without my unachievable desires.

I think, on some level, to want is to be.

And while my wants may be strange, at least they don't involve deliberately trying to hurt other people.

[seirindono]

How do you happen to do your shading id you don't mind sharing? Its so subtle and soft that you can't tell its there but it really helps highlight the characters

Phew, finally got some time on my hand to answer this one! It's a fairly simple/fast process so I figured I'd make a tuto once I'd get started on the shading for the next part, and here we are!

Alright so, we've got the panel (lazy screenshots cuz I'll never finish this if I have to export everytime ahah)

The advantage of digital art is that I don't have to think about color harmonies right from the start, I can always add filters and fiddle with the hues at any stage, so I just apply base colors at first and draw the background (it will help me build up a palette for the shadows later).

Okay, now the fun really begins. First I need to know which direction my shadows are likely to go and what atmosphere I want for the panel (which element I want to highlight? palette idea? etc). A sketch is enough to establish your intentions. Sometimes I'll mess up the lighting but it's okay to cheat if it looks coherent enough xD

(Patreons exclusive, shhh)

Now to create palette and apply the said shadows. I have a hand made one for TMS, but I had to make a special one for Ebott since there's a lot bg and kinda heavier atmosphere (I'll prbly have to make one for each part frow now on too hm). It's mostly made up of blues and greens (no black or greys here, but it can be fun to use in other styles! Purple too, so have fun!)

(My configuration - Produit=multiply?)

There, cast shadows (clothes, faces, folds, etc.) are roughly in place and looking sharp! Maybe a little bit too sharp actually... Let's smooth all that up

I use an airbrush eraser to soften a few shadows. Not necessarily all of them or the whole shape, you have to find the right balance of soft/sharp.

Now to spice things up a bit-

On a layer linked to the shadow layer, I add a lighter color that matches my light source or the environnement. Here it's a light blue, but in part VII I used a lot of orange (sun)! It makes the shadow much richer and the whole palette more vibrant!

(Again, you don't have to do it on all of them)

(not sure if you can see it lol but there's orange!)

And last but not least: Global shadow and filters (? never had to name or translate it bwahaha)

It's a lot of fiddling to achieve a result where the character looks more or less rooted in the background (=blue layers and filters to harmonize colors) and where I draw the last shadows. They're often the biggest ones (=on Axe's body+ leaf/tree shadows etc.).

You can use the techniques I've described above, or just go for it, it's completely freewheeling from here, ahem. Just make sure to step back regularly to see where you're at and stop.

(You can also add lights layers and spots if it's too dark but in this example, I use the base color as a light layer + their skulls are such a bright white already xD )

A bit of blur and ta-da~

Pretty easy, right?

[throttlee]

hi there! i've been the hugest fan of your artwork for EVER, took a little break from tumblr but recently got sucked back in and the first thing I remembered was your account. i excitedly checked it for more art, and of course you did not disappoint. your pieces are so so pretty, and the way you make the mood say a thousand things is extremely talented and makes your art so unique. although you do a lot of... saucy art (wink wink), you somehow convey feelings like comfort, longing, and affection through their eyes or just your way of painting digitally. i just saw that you responded to a sweet comment a while ago saying that you appreciated their compliments as you were thinking of quitting, and i can't describe the fear that went through me. if you do quit, then good for you! it'll probably free up more time, make you less stressed, or take away pressure-- i don't personally know since I'm not an artist. but if you don't, i'll be VERY happy because your account is one of the most wonderful things i've ever come across. i consume some pretty toxic content on here, but your art is genuinely the purest thing and i always scream with excitement every time you post. you make me giggle on the subway and at home and near my cat and i scare her every time. ALSO I SEE THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD AT ART AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD. STOP SPEAKING YOU'RE LITERALLY A PRODIGY I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR SUCH LIES. YOUR PAINTINGS OF MY ABSOLUTE MOST BELOVED CHARACTERS ARE GODLY!!! anyways i love u and hope ur doing well, mentally and physically. love you forever and ever (even though I'm a literal stranger <333)!

btw I had a dream and you were in it so idk what happened w that??? just realized I sound creepy asf but im in love w ur art and ur account. sending u lots of love from toronto!!

hello there. i honestly did not know how to answer that. i am just one small artist from a very small niche among millions online. your message overwhelmed me with love! is such a big pleasure to flourish so many enthusiasm towards my creations, i feel i achieved a small medal on my chest, one that tells me there are few people out there who genuinely seek out for me and what i am able to deliver. i don't know if i deserve so many love nor a space in your memory to even remember my page back, but it sure brought a tear of happiness and joy on me. feels all the hard work was worth, after all. thank you very much and everybody who think the same. i will treasure the words and i hope my art can always touch you and bring a lot of joy, no matter when. 🥺🥺🥺

[clovariia]

thank you for all the support on my art and writing this year, everyone! here's my art summary for 2023!!! 🥳💕 happy new year!!!!!

i've rambled a bit about this year under the cut.

this was the best year ever for me on a personal level, even though my art didn't change very much. i got into south park thanks to my wonderful girlfriend that i started dating this year, and it transformed my art and writing. here's a list of some things i made this year!

i made one animatic!

the toh grimoire zine hasn't been completed yet due to some complications with paypal so i haven't been able to share my fic for it yet, but i'm so excited for it to come out!!

the amphibia tribute zine that i participated in last year came out and matt braly retweeted it, which was super awesome! here's my drawing for it!

the our duet: raeda fanzine came out! it was so thrilling to receive my first physical zine with my own writing in it. i also made merch for the first time because i contributed art for the polaroid keychain charm a few people collaborated on. avi roque also got a copy of the zine. i'm really proud of myself for this zine!!! you can see my pieces for it here.

i participated in the oops! all autistic! zine!!! you can find the amphibia fic i wrote for it here!

i'm participating in the k2 fanzine! it won't be released until 2024, but i wrote two fics for it and did a little bonus drawing for it that you might see in my art summary 👀

i'm the beta reader mod for the second huntlow zine, golden garden! i also wrote a fic for it. i'm really excited for everyone to see the work we've been putting into this project!!! i hold it so close to my heart.

besides zine stuff, i wrote fics for the huntlow hearts exchange and tweek week 2023!

since i shared my ao3 statistics last year, here are the updated ones from 2023 and overall.

these numbers aren't totally accurate because there are things i wrote this year that i haven't posted yet (shoutout to my big multichapter south park fic wip...) and things that i never finished, but they're interesting to look at anyways. although less people read my south park stuff than my toh stuff, i'm having so much fun with this show and i intend to write a ton more for it. south park gives me so much creative inspiration and i'm really glad that i got into it. thank you so much to everyone who's supported me through this transition period of my art and writing. ❤

i also wrote some goals for 2024 in my art summary post from last year. i didn't accomplish some of them, but i'm proud of myself for the stuff i did achieve. here are a few more resolutions for 2024:

write more multichapter stuff

write for a wider variety of fandoms

make at least one south park animatic

get more relaxed about my art style and stop being such a perfectionist. i want my art to get messier and cartoonier. i'm hoping to change my art style a lot, and you might be able to notice that in some of my recent drawings.

do at least one piece of colored digital art a month (i have to list this as a resolution every year so i actually do it...)

do more large and detailed pieces

experiment more with procreate (i've finally figured out how to use it, but i want to make use of more of its features and brushes)

write more consistently...i kept going weeks without writing at all in 2023 and it sucked so much. i want to do it at least a little bit every week.

participate more in the south park fandom. i'd love to join in on more fandom events like the k2 zine and tweek week.

thank you so much to everyone for supporting me again this year!!! i'm excited to see where 2024 goes!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

[mi5019tomberry]

Blue Hat

I really liked the aesthetic of the True Detective intro sequence and thought it would be a great fit for my final shot, I wanted to focus this last shot on prominent figures who have spoken on the topic of AI or play a role in shaping its future.

I was originally planning to use still images for the shot but I decided that I wanted to go for video instead to add more visual flavour to the shot.

The Ted talk above is the footage that I used for the first half of the shot because I needed to find some footage with a plain bright background to stand out against the subject of the shot which in this case was Musk. The Ted logo throughout the video was too much of a distraction to the shot so I used this video above to learn a fast fix to removing watermarks which I also went back and used to remove the Sky News Australia logo from the fourth shot.

To figure out how I could achieve the True Detective effect I consulted a mixture of techniques in these videos but I primarily relied upon the second one. It was great learning some editing VFX which is something I've never got around to learning and it felt like I was using After Effects for the purpose it was designed for.

This was the first result I got from trying out the technique, it looked interesting but obviously wasn't what I was aiming for visually. I wanted a server room initially because this shot is for the blue hat which is supposed to be an overview of the topic of AI as a whole so I was using Musk because he played a big role in the funding of OpenAI and since the company changed its course Musk has been a cautionary proponent of the dangers of AI. I chose a server room because if an AI was going to somehow follow the same route as Skynet it would work digitally to escape the servers it is secured upon but the footage of the server room is visually dull and choosing a server room is too literal and uninspired so I revised the shot.

Here's the server room footage

I wanted to find some footage with more texture which had somewhat of an abstract suggestive implication about the topic. I found footage of sharks and used a later part of the second video which has a shark lurking amongst fish, I thought this could somewhat symbolise what Musk believes about AI: there is an ever present threat of AI and all it takes is a drop of blood for the shark to snap. By using a double exposure the visual language implies that we are able to see the shark waiting in the water and the potential for danger through Musk and other figures like him.

[kun-summacumlaude]

SUMMA CUM LAUDE? #18

I'm keeping my word, it's about 3 weeks since my last post and I'm already working on the next one.

Hello Peoples

So I've been telling everyone this is week 3 but for some reason I'm the only one that believes the convocation week (week 1) counts. Anyhoo, today is day 3 of week 2, and I've had only two actual classes. I should have stayed at home, but that's too late now.

Just to give a little update on how the semester started for me. I resumed last week (my own week 2) because I spent all of convocation on completing Breaking Bad. But last week I moved to anime, I thought being in school would get me serious again but that didn't work. What finally did the job was having my first lecture (online) but she was so serious about the class that I got serious right after that class.

The engineering student, Kunle, is back. *Sheds tears from suffering*. I already want to go home, I'm looking forward to the short election break. I hope it's like one week long. Jaja is as Jaja as ever and I want to go home for a breather. It seems I didn't fully recover from the intensity of the final push last semester until this week. I was so tired last week and I struggled to sit down and study for a significant amount of time. Feb 1.

Omo nawa o, February 16 today and I am very tired of school. Election break is three weeks long (God is good). I honestly cannot wait to go home, it's almost like I've pulled the student plug in me. My plan was to move with each lecturer as the classes commenced, this has worked well so far except in 3 courses where I have a lot of questions to solve. Last time I posted I hadn't seen any of my second semester results but as at the time I started this post I had seen about 1 or 2 but now I've seen 6.

Year 2, 2nd Semester SCL ?

6/6 As. Four to go, I'm hopeful. Super hopeful. Getting a 5.00 SGPA would be lovely. Regardless, these results are the Grace of God because three of those six As were a huge relief considering how the tests and exams went. I wanted to keep mum about the results until I saw everything but I want to take you through my emotions. Current mood: happy but slightly anxious.

Let me quickly return to present academics. After 6pm, it is such a struggle to study. Most of these past weeks I have slept off, achieving nothing in the evening and at night. 6pm I get dinner, after that I either go back to my room or the office and so far neither location has done the job for me. I really wish the library was 24/7 and allowed us take our stuff in. Currently , there's no toilet there, 9pm closure is way too early and not having my stuff with me inside is a problem. Sometimes you can't even charge your devices and all of my stuff is digital, doesn't work at all for me. I'm sure I've mentioned this before though, maybe in a much earlier post. I'll stop here for now, I really hope they release my the rest of my results before we go home for the election break. I want to know my cgpa while I'm grinding at home. Oh yes, my plan for the election break is to come back way ahead in all of the courses, so help me God.

Election Break

March 25, 2023. I returned from the election break on the 21st, the break about a month long. Nothing has changed, reading past 6pm is still a struggle, the four results left to see have still not been released and this most disappointing of all is that the only grinding I did at home was grind in my Clash of Clans. I'm even in a worse position now than I was before the break but I guess I have two months to get things in order. My election break would have gone well but I spent all four weeks worrying about how I was going to write a term paper on a course we hadn't had a single lecture on. That totally destabilised me and I lost all of my focus. An experience to learn from and navigate better in times to come because I'm sure another lecturer will give us a ridiculous assignment. That assignment was actually so ridiculous in hindsight, but I allowed it to have too much control over my actions during the break. To be fair to myself, I was very much invested in both elections and that itself was another distraction from grinding academically. I want to be in a good position academically so I can take out some time to participate in the next edition of ULES Games Festival so I'm ready to get the job done this semester by God's grace.

ULES GAMES FESTIVAL

We didn't have this last session because of covid, the strike and renovations for NUGA 2022. But this session it happened, and it just got concluded today. Metallurgical and Materials Engineering won more medals than any other department, congratulations to them. I only attended physically on the penultimate day but I absolutely enjoyed myself because I love sports. At some point I felt sad because one of my plans upon getting into university was to participate in sports. So far, I have done close to nothing in that area, and it made me sad, but I'll work towards it for 300 Level.

Academics

The next line of action is to assess the course outline and ascertain how bad things are, then improve on everything. I mean, what other approach is there to take?

I don't know if I should still wait for those results or just post. We'll find out eventually.

April 4, 2023

6.33PM, I'm at shop 10 eating my dinner when I open the class and see a text from Toki: "Results are out on lagmobile For those interested". Every rate in my body went up. To finish that food was a challenge, I kept on asking myself if I should check the results right there in shop 10 or wait until I got back to my room in Jaja. I eventually decided on the latter.

7.17PM, I open lagmobile to check my results. I quickly scanned through all the grades and didn't see a single B or C, at that moment it dawned on me. 5.0 SGPA!!!! SUMMA CUM LAUDE-ESQUE SEMESTER!!! It honestly felt surreal at that moment. I was like GOD! WOW! A 5.0 in a semester that felt so terrible for most of it, unbelievable scenes mehn. All Glory to God, because I cannot do such on my own, I would be a dirty liar if I said I could. I want to encourage you to trust in God when you pray, no matter how what kind of circumstances you're praying under, those things do no limit God. Today is April 8 but I'm typing like it's 4th, I just realised hehe. I'm reliving the moment; it was just such a good feeling inside of me. It's really lovely to achieve your goals, whew. More to come deo volente.

I guess that wraps up the first semester of 200 level, it was a lengthy ride to be honest. This wrap up is quite deep into second semester. Let me just mention that Dr. Ibhaze has come again, he gave us a test on physical electronics (EEG 226), 10 marks and we didn't know what to write. We can't catch a break with him, but I don't believe he'll use that test anyways, hopefully I'm not wrong (very hopefully).

For ease of calculating my cgpa, let me put the scores of each semester here. LevelSemester: TotalScore-TotalUnits Yr1S1: 66-14, Yr1S2: 78-16, Yr2S1: 100-20. CGPA moves from 4.80 to 4.88 (Huge!)

There's are so many social events going on in school at the moment, it's so easy to waste your time and then end up failing your tests. Dear reader, you cannot be everywhere. I won't say snub all events but be very picky with the ones you attend, select a few (very few o ejoor) and ignore the rest. You don't have that much time especially if you're behind in some courses. Don't set yourself up for struggle.

I'll end this post that has been pending for too long here, next time I'll probably have written a few tests, I pray I return to you with good news. Thank you and bye bye :)

Check the date I made this note:

God is good !

[hazelenergy]

Inktober reflection, last days 25-31.

Here we go!

Inktober day 25: Auspex

I remembered that I like my portrait art and loose ink style. I let myself get that unfinished look and it felt good to do that. The brush strokes for her hair and the lighting on her nose are very well done. Need to watch the freckles...they are all a bit one toned and the same size. Spatter works better for this effect.

Inktober 26: Toreador

Composition of this is well done. The call back to the v20 character sheet was a nice touch. I did it earlier with the ghoul piece, but the personal touch of Eli's character with the thorns and lighting instruments is nice. My favorite detail is the slim white line that pops their head forward and keeps them from blending with the shadows.

Inktober 27: golconda

I think this one is a bit weak on composition and execution. I was going for the loneliness kindred may feel when they achieve this enlightenment. I think instead it reads more like a pious woman near prayer. Eh. Can't get em all.

Inktober Day 28: Prince

Okay this one was so fun. I adore a lot of the characters on vampblr. Moineau is one of them. And I love your guys reactions when I draw them. It brings me so much seratonin y'all don't even know. Composition is fantastic, but I got bogged down trying to find the right reference image for her. In reality, I should've just went for it. I am very happy with how this turned out, not happy with how long it took.

I'm also really proud of the details of her hair and dress. I love doing detail work, but it's critical for an artist to know when to say enough on a piece. I'm glad I kept working this, it's exceptional.

Inktober Day 29: Animalism

This one I got into some trouble with. It is fine to use reference images to assist your work. I got lazy and made this too similar to what I based this off of. It's important to make the piece your own. Granted, this is my style, and my techniques. But it is not my composition. And I'm very self critical about that.

Inktober Day 30: Final Death

This one was one of the ones I nailed. It's so cool and a wonderful showcase of different techniques. The story of this one is easy to read, but beautifully open to interpretation as to what happened.

Inktober Day 31: Yourself as A Vampire

First off, I wanna say that I really hope I don't become a vampire, I have enough issues that should probably be resolved with therapy. But. This was fun to work on. I always try to make the final piece something I spend a lot of time on and really finish strong. This self portrait is very accurate to my reference image and it's been a very long time since I've done a self portrait. I think it showcases the proper amount of smug that I try to keep in check...but fail frequently 😂

Since I spent more time on it, I was able to give more attention to details and layers. And it was worth it. The hair. Those tiny tiny highlights were a bitch to get right. The shadows on the brush are really well done. I think where I could have provided more details were the hands. They are a bit cartoony for the rest of the piece. And that came down to the lighting in the shot. I should've reprinted the reference after a level correction, to see the shadows and highlights a bit clearer.

Reflection:

When I first started this journey I wanted to learn how to replicate tim Bradstreet's work. Did I do that? Kinda. I mean this in a nice way but it's a brag. I can replicate any style given enough time and the right tools. I think I once got a grasp on how the man broke down his process, I began incorporating my own style and techniques. Which honestly, is way cooler. Rather than fully copying his work, I learned how to make it my own. And that's more important. I'll give a breakdown of how I do that in another post.

I thought the feeling would be way more joyous when I finished the 31st drawing. Instead I kinda felt myself dreading... Now what? I learned a lot of new techniques, reforged a love of loose ink styles and crosshatched shading, and learned how to utilize multiple references to create my own work. Now what?

Well, I have several projects that I think could benefit from this style. I intend to keep using these techniques both digitally and physically as I continue this journey as an artist. I aim to get a store running, where people can purchase my best pieces. And with a little luck...I'll get my work published. For now though, I'm resting. I'll keep you guys posted as I continue to create new art.

But lastly. Thank you all! Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for reblogging and commenting on it! Thank you for for your entertaining tags! It's been one of my favorite self motivated projects to work on. And it's been made even better because I got to share it with all of you. Here's to more of what we love and continued awesomeness. 🌹🦇🖤 ~Steph

[emma-what-son]

(Echee post) Emma Watson criticises 'dangerously unhealthy' pressure on young women

Posted on March 30 2014

From theguardian.com March 2014 Emma Watson has criticised the "dangerously unhealthy" image projected by the fashion industry and said the pressure to look perfect has taken its toll on her. The actor has also described her doomed attempts to merge into the background as a student at an American university, where she found herself being trailed everywhere by British photographers. After the recent New York premiere of Noah, she tweeted a photograph of the array of cosmetics – and a guardian angel pin – that she said were essential aids to her flawless appearance, and another of herself in a backless dress captioned: "I did NOT wake up like this." The actress said she is better at taking criticism these days than she once was. "As a younger woman, that pressure got me down, but I've made my peace with it. With airbrushing and digital manipulation, fashion can project an unobtainable image that's dangerously unhealthy. I'm excited about the ageing process. I'm more interested in women who aren't perfect. They're more compelling." Watson became famous playing Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies and has been constantly in work since. She is about to start filming a thriller, Regression, by Alejandro Amenábar and is also trying to complete her degree at Brown University, Rhode Island. She enrolled in 2009 for what would have been a four year course, but has taken several breaks for film work, and spent a year studying at Oxford. "After Harry Potter, all that mattered was university," she said, in an interview with the Sunday Times. "It wasn't always easy to break down barriers, as having men from the British press following me with cameras didn't help my mission to integrate. The American press, by contrast, "afforded me so much privacy", but her fellow students recognised her at once. "On the first day, I walked into the canteen and everyone went completely silent and turned around to look at me. I had to say to myself 'it's OK, you can do this'. You just have to take a deep breath and gather your courage."

GUARDIAN COMMENTERS SAY: So something like this Burberry campaign she did a few years ago? Hypocrisy at its finest. She flaunts with the fashion industry and enjoys its perks all the time, but hops on the 'female beauty' bandwagon and enjoys a moan when it suits her. I'd find her socially conscientious pleas convincing if she hadn't profited in the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) from the big, bad, evil fashion/beauty industry. A few years ago, Emma Watson appeared in high-profile advertising companies for posh Paris fashion house L'ancome. I'm guessing she was handsomely remunerated for her 'work'. Certainly she was not forced into letting her photo shopped image be used to market expensive cosmetics and perfumes. Did she only discover how 'oppressive' the fashion industry is when L'ancome cancelled her lucrative contract? Ms Watson is essentially a third-rate actress, and her pronouncements on large and complex issues, such as the pressures on women, are so idiotically vapid that one is brought to conclude that she really can have very little aptitude for higher education. I mean, her comments are hardly indicative of an educated person, or even of a moderately literate or intelligent person. By the way, I understand that she spent a year at Oxford as a visiting and/or exchange student while enrolled at Brown. How come? She is a British national, and so by rights she should not have gone to Oxford on a visiting/exchange student programme, irrespective of whether she happens a student at an American university. If I am wrong about this, then I should like to have some explanation as to her status at Oxford, and how she came by it. Otherwise, I suppose that one might be forgiven for thinking that it is yet another case of a once respectable academic institutions bowing down before the false idols of celebrity and money. (This is quite apart from the fact that all that one has read about her since she began life as a student concerns her acting career, her modeling and her various boyfriends.) SOME COMMENTS FROM THE DM ARTICLE Notice how it's always people who are very aware of how attractive they are that babble on about how it's okay to have physical blemishes? I'd like to see an ugly person say the same thing. Only someone young, beautiful and with her whole life before her can say that, and mean it. Sometimes, her comments maKe her more stupid. Get lost and Wingardium Leviosa. What a daft thing to say. But, then again, this is coming from someone who can't seem to finish uni. I feel like I've aged about 10 years reading this article. Annoying girl. Not only annoying, but also pretentious and disingenuous. ^None of this is my words. It from commentators from two sites emma-what-son posted many more so check out her page

Here's what I think As for what she is saying about Brown it's a complete 180 from how she described it before 2013. In 2013 she started to elude to the fact it was not as great as she made it out to be. She gushed how wonderful her experiences had been to so many magazines. Now I think she's looking for pity and to have excuses why she never stayed at Brown. She preached how she was staying put. I am so fucking tired of having to post quote after quote proving my point with this when she lies time after time. She is not honest! What the truth is doesn't matter because she always lying. It's a constant thing with her. As for the pressures on women she is really a piece of work. The guardian commenters summed it up nicely. She had no problem attaching herself to Burberry and Lancôme. She's had no problem giving them praise and talking about fashion and make-up in just about every interview. That part where she talked about photo shopping and air brushing. Just wow! Did she see the Wonderland magazine she edited? Some photos it didn't even look like her. She'll continue allowing her image to be manipulated no matter what. She thinks she’s aging? She still looks 15 without all the make-up and photo shopping. Last year she was stopped at JFK because they thought she was a unaccompanied minor. Did you know one of the product she pushed when modeling for Lancôme was an anti-age cream? That's the dumbest comment in her entire interview. But really she's said this kind of stuff the last three years and most notably in 2011 where she had a various quotes about body image and being comfortable in your skin. I wont bore you with those quotes since I have before. She gets lauded for those comments and people place her in role model status but when you closely look at it they were just words that meant nothing at the time other than to make people think, “Emma is so anti-Hollywood!! She’s a role model for women and young girls” but meanwhile she never believed in any of it in the first place. At the time she said those things she was at a more healthier weight than she ever was. In 2011 you can tell she either stopped working out or ate more. I thought she looked her best then. Now she’s back to stick thin and even surpassed it a way IMO is unhealthy. She sending a bad message to women. From standard.co.uk July 2011, “She sees modeling as an extension of acting, in fact - just playing a role - but is conflicted about its demands. “I think the pressure the media and the fashion industry put on women to look a certain way is pretty intense. There’s a certain tyranny to trying to achieve that kind of beauty. I don’t know, I’m maybe not the best person to speak about this because I obviously completely adhere to it,” she laughs nervously. “ ^She really needs to start taking her own advice and quit being a judgmental hypocrite. Not just with this topic but everything she tends to speak out against that she does it herself. Recently she tweeted a photo of all this make-up and I posted this on my tumblr days ago

^Same phone in this photo is what they're using in the bottom photo that I also posted on tumblr She said something else recently (Sunday Times interview) that is just typical Emma. I covered this a few times. From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "For someone who has starred in eight blockbuster movies and is worth an estimated £30m, she is endearingly modest about how green she felt leaving Harry Potter behind in 2011. Emerging from that magical machine was “really intimidating”, she says. “I’d done two tiny plays when I was, like, six and eight, but I wasn’t driven to act. I wasn’t doing Oscar acceptance speeches into a hairbrush." Yeah it might have no been a hairbrush but who knows she could be lying about that. She'd practice her speeches in mirrors. From telegraph.co.uk July 2007,  "Pauline is utterly obsessed with being an actress and I was just like that when I was younger. I dreamt of it. I practised speeches in front of mirrors. Whenever there was a part at school, I went for it. I was probably a bit of a show-off in the sense that any chance to get up and be seen, I did it. I was such a drama queen. I used to wail and moan and cry, and little things were blown up into being big things. I don't know how my parents stood it, really. I've grown up a bit. I've had to. I actually really want to be an actress, a proper actress who makes it her career. I'm always expecting to be found out and I thought, If I'm no good, now is the time to find out." She really wants people to think she all of a sudden wants to act. What I think is she is really trying to distance herself from her lack luster post Potter career by making it out like she now wants to act and that’s why she has no lead roles because her resume does not equal her hype. The last few years she’s separated herself from “always wanted to be an actress” to “I was not sure”. She’s being disingenuous as usual and people believe it. Plus she said she did modeling so directors and producers would look at her differently so that's why she used Burberry and Lancôme. And she did a course at RADA in 2008 so if she was not sure or didn't want to than why did she do these things? One more thing from the Sunday Times interview From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "It’s about as close as she’ll get to revealing anything about her newest relationship, with Matt Janney, rugby hunk and Oxford’s most eligible bachelor. “I can’t comment on it, I’m sorry,” she says, suddenly jumping up and hastily bundling her things back into her bag, which has exploded across the sofa beside her. “I’m trying to keep my private life sacred, although I don’t want to lock myself up and never go out. So I guard it, because I don’t date people who are famous, and I don’t think it’s fair that, all of a sudden, intimate details of their personal life are public as a direct result of me. I find that so uncomfortable, and I wish there was a way I could protect those people, but it’s not in my control.” When I suggest her boyfriends are consenting adults, she looks worried. “But you don’t choose who to love, who you have feelings for, do you?” She throws her phone into her bag and retreats home to pack, as she’s flying to LA. Just a normal girl, then, off to present an Oscar."

So she can go to international magazines and complain she can't find a man or that men are intimidated by her? She had in the past before Will Adamowicz. It was in almost every one of her interviews for a few years. So she can use Matt Janney (this new guy) on a beach in a bikini PDA session as a publicity stunt to cover up her ex boyfriend being caught rolling coke bombs and also use him to product place an iPhone in Madrid but she wants to keep it private? And she doesn't date famous guys? What about Johnny Simmons (Young Neil) and George Craig (Front man for rock group One Night Only)?  If you can Google their name and you see them in movies or music videos, they're famous.

[abunchofbadchoices]

Michael's Song

HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU

*Disclaimer: Most of the lines and scenes I got from the movie the Midnight Sun and all the rights belongs to the creators and writers, as well as the characters from PB. This is merely a converted fan fiction*

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six

Part Seven

They let their feet guide them to wherever they go. The town is silent, but not in a creepy silence kind of way. Just the kind of quiet when you can able to clear your mind and feel at least a bit of peace.

Somehow, the two of them ended up by the shipyard which is, of course, empty at midnight. His uncle's boat was located to the private area, where most luxury boats and yachts are place. Michael got them in without problem as he had access to the gates and together, they walk down the path and passed by different kinds of boats.

The wind is cool, but not too freezing. Jordan's wavy blonde hair gets blown by the breeze from time to time but not enough to mess it. She looks at the dark sky, eyes closed in bliss as she inhale the fresh salty breeze coming from the sea.

Michael had been recording their little trip with his digital camera. Then smiles at the sight of happiness on her face, glad to have brought her to the place he goes to when he needs some peace, so he made sure it was all caught in the cam.

"I-I don't get it." Jordan suddenly turns to face him and the camera, blushing. "How could they just take your scholarship away?"

Ah, yes. Their latest topic of conversation : College. Michael brought her up to speed about what he has been doing, about football and about wanting to go into filming, when she noticed him recording the party earlier.

It was rare for him to tell a story, much less something that has left a bitter taste in his mouth, but there was something about Jordan that makes it easy to open up a little.

He paused the camera and looks down as they walk, his left shoulder suddenly feels like tingling at the memory. "Well, I had to have a surgery, and they didn't think I could ever play again. No more scholarship meant no more Berkeley. It was probably my only choice of place to go to, away from here."

Jordan nods slowly, understanding etched on her beautiful face. "I'm really sorry."

"Yeah."

He feels sorry for himself too, if he wasn't too busy thinking how he brought it all to himself, or how he was fooled by his so-called friend.

"So, how did you do it?" She asks deliberately, in a careful yet soft voice. "How did you hurt yourself?"

"It was just a freak accident. You know, I fell down some stairs and... that's not true." Michael paused, then stops to look her in the eye. He wants to see it in those innocent green orbs as soon as he tells her the truth. He wants to see the same judgemental gleam everyone gives him when they hear about it. "That's kind of what I tell everybody."

Jordan knits her eyebrows, an indication that she was being thoughtful and sympathetic. But she stays quiet and let him continue.

"I got really drunk one night at my friend Brian's house. It was his birthday and we're all having a drinking game, just the school team. We all agreed he can give all the dares and well... He dared me to jump off the roof into the pool. I clipped the edge with my shoulder." He let out a humorless chuckle, remembering his father's raging disappointment. His coach's regretful voice when he told him he can no longer play. "I'm such an idiot. I don't wanna be that guy, you know?"

A few steps passed. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Jordan look up at him with a gentle smile. She shakes her head. "Then don't be."

That was all he needed to hear. He hates long talks about having faith and listening to fake promises that everything is going to work itself out.

There, Jordan doesn't seem to feel the need to promise or reassure him, she knows it was all out of their hands. It was her calming presence that gives all the reassurance he needed.

"You know," she starts. "My mom used to take me here when I was little."

"Really?" He smiles.

It was the first bit of personal story she ever shared that night. Jordan is a big mystery, giving very little information about herself or what she does every day. All she ever told him was that she isn't available during the daytime and as much curious as he is, he never asks 'cause he trusts her to tell him at some point.

Jordan points to a spot by the harbor, a huge cleared space overlooking the sea. "She sat me right... there. And, um, she tried to teach me how to play the guitar. Actually, this watch was hers." The girl held up her wrist, where a gold watch was wrapped and complementing her pale flawless skin. "I spent so much time looking at this thing on her hand, and..." Her smile turns wistful. "Uh, she died when I was little. She was in a car accident."

"I'm... I'm so sorry," Michael frowns, worried he had totally blew their night off. "You know, we can go someplace--"

"No. No, no." Jordan shakes her head quickly. "No, I'm...I'm good. "

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. I promise."

Michael offers his hand. "You wanna see something cool?"

His uncle's boat was only a few meters down the pathway so Michael lead the girl to the private sailing boat where he practically spends all his time since summer starts.

"Ta-da!" He spreads his arms, jumping on board which sways gently on its spot.

Jordan's eyes widen. "This is yours?"

"No. But it's something I'm taking care of for the summer. It's a Jespersen 53."

"Wow..."

Michael reached out and she let him help her up to the deck as well. He watched her balancing awkwardly on her feet and smirks. "One of these days we could take her for a sail around the harbor. We can watch the sun set."

Jordan holds onto a metal support beam and smiles up at Michael. But the last sentence he uttered just registered in her mind and suddenly, she felt a huge lump on her throat.

Michael wants to go on sailing with her to watch the sunset. Out on the sea. It was probably the most romantic idea she ever heard if only she can be able to make it come true.

Which is impossible, unless she wants to achieve a grade-A cancer that will probably wipe off any chance of ever going to sailing ever again. Jordan pretends to watch the sea. She doesn't want Michael to see that she can never go with him on those trips. Not as long as there is sunlight involved. Hell, he doesn't even know what the main problem is.

Just tell him, dammit! Her mind and conscience keeps on scolding her.

No, no. She can't... She doesn't want to. What if Michael starts seeing her more like a fragile sick creature than the funny awkward Jordan he had always known?

"That sounds... perfect." She says instead.

Michael leans down from the elevated deck he is standing on and press his lips softly on her. Jordan reaches up and put his hands on his shoulder, pulling him closer as she responded to the gentle kiss in a deliberate manner.

You see, Jordan had never kissed anyone before, not this way. Surely, those kisses all over Maria's face that she used to give her when she feels like annoying her wouldn't have counted.

It feels like forever, their lips melting to each other like they were meant to be that way. A smile tugs the corner of her lips and when they pulled away, Michael has the same smile on his face.

▪️▪️▪️

Luckily, the pickup truck decided to die just a house away from the Lee's house.

The engine rumbled and groaned before completely stalling in the middle of the road. Michael fumbled on the steering wheel. "Um, just, let me get out of..."

He tries once more, there was a brief groan then the engine died all over again. Jordan grinned, studying the guy's face which looks a bit redder than usual. Oh, he's embarrassed. It only makes her smile for more.

"Sorry." He says, sounding sheepish but not at all surprised.

They sit in silence for a few awkward moments. Jordan bites her lip. "So, what are you gonna do this year, now that you're not going to Berkeley?"

"Well, first I'm gonna get a new truck." Michael quipped. They chuckle. "Or not, I have my motorcycle anyway. And then I'm gonna drive across the country. You know, I've been in the football field my entire life and I haven't get to see much else, so..." He looks at her, noting the downcast look on her face. The beautiful smile gone. "Um, what are you gonna do--"

"I'm not doing anything." Jordan says immediately, shaking her head. "I'm just gonna take some online courses, I think. But... I'll just be here." I cannot leave anyway, she wanted to add. I cannot go across the country or have vacation under the sun...like a normal girl.

"I, uh... I meant what are you doing tomorrow?" Michael clarified. The shock on the girl's face made him laugh.

"Oh, God..." She slapped her forehead, but she is also laughing. A hint of hesitation passed through her face for a second. "Um... I... I'm busy during the day, but I can be free tomorrow night."

"That's perfect. I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"Okay." Jordan flashed him with her signature beam before jumping out the door. She made it a few feet away before she stopped as if she forgot something and run back to the window. "I have something to tell you." Concern filled his chest at the look of panic in her eyes. She sighed heavily then let out a guilty smile. "I don't actually have a hamster."

Michael grinned, not at all surprised. In fact he didn't even try hide it. "No shit."

As if satisfied, the girl waved her hand then run to her house.

From the inside, Scott watched his daughter get off a blue pick-up truck. He glances at his watch and sees it was almost three in the morning. A couple more hours and Jordan might have reach the morning sunlight.

This was exactly what Dr. Maddox had warned him about. The age when his daughter will no longer be contained inside the house and meet people that will trigger some issue on her condition.

The truck isn't Maria's. Jordan didn't went home with her best friend just like what they always talked about.

He couldn't help but feel threatened.

▪️▪️▪️

That morning, Maria lies on Jordan's bed, with the latter has been using her stomach as a pillow while she strummed lazily on her guitar.

It was moments like this that she feels closer to the blonde. No parties, no other friends... No Michael. Just the two of them having a lazy morning with no plans to think about.

Last night had been the first time Maria really enjoyed a wild party. She threw caution to the wind and let herself lose, probably had drunk more alcohol than she ever had her entire high school years. It was also a bonus fun that Jordan adjusted rather quickly to the party and managed to gain some more friends.

And today, well, they have nothing to do.

A beep sounded from her phone and Maria put down her book. She opened the message and smirk at joke that was sent to her.

Jordan glances up, eyes narrowing suspiciously. She had noticed Maria had been texting a lot that morning. "Who are you texting?"

"No one." The dark-haired girl casually turns of the screen and dump her phone.

"Maria..." She put her guitar on the side of the bed and shifts on the bed to face her friend. "Who are you texting?"

Maria closes her eyes and winced at her soft voice then whispers almost inaudibly. "Caleb."

"Um? I can't hear you when you're whispering..."

"Caleb!" She repeated. Somehow she feels guilty for the other things that happened in the party. It is true that alcohol makes people lose control sometimes. "I made out with Caleb!"

Maria groans, face completely red as she buries her face on the pillows in shame. At some point during the night, in the middle of the dance floor, she and Caleb ended up dancing on a particularly sexy song. Then stuffs happen. After that Maria felt like getting sick because Caleb isn't exactly the one she was thinking off during their...uh, moment.

She tried looking for Jordan, but neither her best friend nor Michael were nowhere in the party. So she rushed to get home by herself.

Now, Caleb had been texting her all morning. However rude it might be, Maria admitted she wasn't attracted to him as she is already liking someone. Which led to the guy teasing her and coercing her to tell him who the lucky person is.

"No!" Jordan cooed, but her chuckles betrayed her voice. "He's really really really cute. And he totally likes you."

Maria stayed buried on the pillows and after a few minutes, she felt arms wrapping around her and cuddling her. The blonde nuzzles on the back of her neck, which tickles but she tried to ignore it.

"By the way," Jordan speaks close to her ear, her breathe sending shivers down her neck. "Can I tell my dad that I'm going over to your house tonight, so I can go hangout with Michael?"

What??

In a micro-second, Maria is sitting on her butt and looking at her best friend pointedly. "You're asking me to help you lie to your father so you can hang out with a guy?"

Jordan pouts.

"Ugh. I'm telling him you'll be having a sleepover to my house." She conceded anyway. She is totally powerless when it comes to pouts.

▪️▪️▪️

[jorjathomas]

Comparing existing magazines

As I've began to do some mild research, I thought it was beneficial to gather some information regarding my intended audience. I should see if there's a gap in the market for this particular self help magazine or if it would be high in demand or not. In this post, I have compared old magazines that were published for young women to see what has changed and what particular topics have became more popular over the years. Obviously magazines aren't as popular anymore for teens as most people would pick up a phone and scroll to kill time rather than buy a magazine from your local store however, I'm interested to see the comparison between the two. 

Old vs New

At first, I was going to compare two magazines and analyse the differences however as I started to do some research, I thought it would be interesting to see how certain magazines which have been running for a long period have changed over time as digital journalism has grown. I will contrast these brands with zine businesses which suits my idea.

Tiger Beat:

Google states ’Tiger Beat was founded in September 1965 by Charles "Chuck" Laufer, his brother Ira Laufer, and television producer and host Lloyd Thaxton. The magazine features teen idol gossip and carries articles on movies , music and fashion.’ This magazine is aimed towards adolesant girls just like my idea which is interesting to see the differences. Its funny to see how young women were perceived from looking as this magazines as they seem very celebrity based. As Tiger Beat is created by men, I'm assuming this is what they think teenage girls think about. I would say in the 60s this was true as boy bands where the hot spot for screaming girls however personally having a magazine just to get in the celebrity gossip is draining. The 60s was a very pivotal time for music and musicians didn't have a massive social platform like most artists do now so having a magazine like this is where fans would get updates about their lives. I think my opinions about Tiger Beat are solely based on how this generation has changed, I've defiantly bought zines just like this if it has my idol on the front however when looking at certain quotations and how its predominantly males being displayed despite being for girls is strange to me. For example the third image on the right where it advertised a ‘Peek inside Justin Biebers room’.  Not only does this feed on the artists personal life but it heightens this concept of teenagers becoming a obsessive fan. when looking at this magazine I begin to question whether this sort of content is normal for teenagers or am I just conditioned to believe it is what I should be thinking about as a teenage girl? Its even more ironic that this is made by men aswell but I don't know if that's the activist in me. To conclude, there was defiantly a gap in the market for supporting young adults when entering the real world as you can see. 

Teen zone:

Again, continuing with my previous opinions Teen Zone had the same intentions for their audience. Looking back at their earlier issues, it mas predominantly celebrity based. This involves gossip, looks and updates in their ‘perfect’ lives. This defiantly increased the idea of needing to be famous and look good all the time in order to be successful or good in life. These magazines are full of photoshopped faces with content telling people that they could look a certain way to feel accepted. Although looking briefly at the magazines are harmless I think they can be deep rooting in the problems girls feel in society when growing up. The only difference with this magazine in comparison to Tiger Beat is that they are still running as a business and have changed their content significantly. Teen zone only publish online now and when researching into their content i was surprised when seeing their statement. It states ‘TeenZone Digital Magazine is a magazine for the South African teenager. Teens in today’s society are increasingly being fed a diet entirely consisting of celebrity gossip. This grossly underestimates them. Teens today have voices that we all need to hear. They need to be taken seriously, and to be given the opportunity to express their views and concerns; to ask the important questions and receive trustworthy, accurate advice; and to enjoy themselves in a safe environment. TeenZone seeks to provide this platform. It is a magazine for teens, by teens.’ 

Teens in society now are much more vocal on certain events and I think we are defiantly becoming more aware on subjects which we may have not noticed before. The fact that Teen Zone has turned this around and creating a platform for teens to speak on matters special to them in inspiring and what I want to do also. They've defiantly succeeded well since moving digital as articles are much more accessible than a printed zine.

This is a picture of their website which differs from their zine. They have toned down their imagery and noticed as they are able to add more content onto a site.

As i began to look further into popular magazines from particular decades, eg; teen vogue, J-14 etc, I began to see the same results and outcomes. They were all very similar in content but I was surprised to finally see a magazine which although was produced a little later than the others, was drastically different to the others. Both aesthetically and within their content. This was a magazine called Rookie.

Rookie:

What makes Rookie magazine so different to the others is that this business was created by teenagers for teenagers. They are much more closer to their audience and were able to relate to the content they were giving out. Rather than adults profiting of their perception of what a teenager goes through despite not being one. I personally can see the differences between the two. Firstly Rookie stood out to me because of its collage-like personality. Its much more playful and personal than the previous zines I've looked at. The layered imagery with colourful texture achieves this friendly environment for teenagers to read though. I defiantly want to achieve this with my zine and I am going to look into this sort of work digitally and also physically to achieve a dimensional look rather than all of my work looking flat or 2D. 

This is a screenshot of Rookies site. Not only do they produce articles that teens can read for pleasure or to gain information, they also have platforms that can actually gives teens a place to talk and interact with others which I think is the drastic change for the industry. Interacting with the audience on a personal level proves that Rookie cares for their audience and wants to spark change. Unfortunately Rookie has stop publishing altogether as a business since 2018 for financial reasons.

Other magazines that I am interested in: As I've looked into previous magazines and began to understand their concept and beliefs,  I began to look into modern magazines that also produce the same concept as me and to see what makes them so different especially since there has been a massive sift in the journalism industry. Both of the publications below are fairly similar. Both want to create change and form a safe space where women learn new subjects which may not be normalise yet are very important for personal growth. They both combine their articles with art which helps create a visual understanding of their zine even better than standard text. I defiantly aim to follow these footsteps but I need to search for an unique concept that could help my idea become more popular for a young girl to read. I wanted to this as sadly both of these zines are either discontinued or temporality stopped making issues which makes me assume this idea isn't that successful so far whether that's due to the pandemic or society as a whole I'm unsure as of yet. I will begin to look at the impact of Covid on magazines later to understand why so many of these great businesses aren't running anymore despite having a positive impact on young women.

Got a girl crush:  “Got a Girl Crush is a blog and annual print magazine about women, by women, for everyone. We aim to disrupt the broken narrative of most women's publications and tell stories of all ages, races, and backgrounds of women all over the world. We believe that print is not dead and that there is value to having a tangible medium to read, digest, and share--rather than sharing a link online that is easily forgotten tomorrow.”

(Issue 3, published September 2016 from https://issuu.com/gotagirlcrush/docs/girlcrush_issue05_content-final )

I liked this magazine statement because it isn't restrictive on a specific audience. They mention that their content is open for anyone which I think is surprising. When thinking about making this zine I wanted to think of content that isn't too limiting or biased towards women as I think the real change in society will have to come from men's views and actions aswell as women's. When looking at their monthly articles, it was very text heavy. They had many important figures like planetary scientist Carolyn Porco, human rights activist Grace Lee Bogg menstrual activist & drummer Kiran Gandhi etc. Each had powerful stories to tell and impact onto readers. Despite this the illustrations and other visual forms of art broke down this barrier which is why it didn't look too overwhelming. I will follow through with this if not add more art into my final outcome as I’d like to be more creative for this project and really experiment with collaging. I had briefly did this in the first project and enjoyed the process.

Selva Beat: “Selva Beat is an environmental magazine with an edge. We take environmentalism and place it in the context of your favorite topics – beauty, fashion, culture, food, sex, love – to make activism as accessible and engaging as possible. Founded in 2014, we began as a way of educating the public about conflict palm-oil and have expanded into a multi-media platform that motivates others to better the planet through creative means.”

A magazines visual décor is very important as sadly you do judge the book by the front cover. Initially, this is what I liked about Selva Beat, it was very colourful and they had nice curvy, bubbled typography which isn't that common on magazines. When researching I didn't realise they were very environmentally orientated aswell as being a conscious feminist magazine. I was saddened that they aren't running anymore as I think this magazine would've been a good pivotal point. 

[azkat62p]

KOA Pueblo Journey

Week 2

April 23 - 29 2018

Monday

A beautiful sunshiny day - comfortable temperatures. Still a slight wind. I'm beginning to think this is the way it is.

I luckily found a dentist covered by my insurance today and got a next day appointment - couldn't believe how quick that was. I wanted a teeth cleaning prior to leaving Phoenix with a new provider but wasn't informed that I would first need an evaluation and exrays. They also indicated that I would not be able to get a cleaning until the next week if there was availability. Since we would be leaving before the cleaning could happen, I ended up canceling that appointment.

Not much else but my hourly walks the rest of the day. Some of the walks I had Dave and puppy with me so my pace was considerably slower. It's those times that I don't think I'm getting the full benefit of walking. However, I do enjoy my walks with my husband.

Tune in tomorrow.

Tuesday

How does anyone live here? Again, very strong winds kept me awake all night. I need every second of beauty sleep I can get at my age. Dave had to get up in the middle of the night to take the flagpole down for fear it would be damaged from the wind. Then he couldn't get back to sleep.

It started out being rainy, windy and cold this morning when we took puppy out for his first walk. The rain finally stopped but it remained windy and cold which was ok because I had my puffy coat, hat and gloves. I did my walks inside until the rain stopped. Mr Sun did not shine today. But the rain did come back.

Went for my dentist visit - evaluation and exrays (cleaning Thursday). The exrays were digital so what was used to get the pictures was a one size fits all. My mouth is so small that biting down was quite uncomfortable whereas the film that was always used by my old dentist came in smaller sizes to better fit my mouth.

We went to the store and decided to buy meats that could be slow cooked since we have all this wind every day that interferes with the grill.

So the day has come to an end. Hopefully I will get more sleep tonight.

Wednesday

Woke up to sunshine, 32 degrees and no wind. No wind is nice for a change. Any day without excessive wind is a good day. Can we make it through a day without it? I heard from one of the other workers that there was snow last night. I didn't see it. Supposedly the flakes were big and wet so they didn't stick.

I did a load of laundry after breakfast. I've done laundry 5 times since we've been here and it seems that every time I've lost a sock. Where do they go? I check both the washer and dryer after each use and there is never anything inside. This is so frustrating! I didn't lose this much when I had my own machines in my own house. GRRRRR!

After my shower this morning I noticed that I had lost the tan that I had achieved while we were in Quartzsite. After leaving the state in early April, we actually got into colder weather where we had to wear jackets so I wasn't getting the sun with my walks like I did before. That sure didn't take long.

The dentist called today and said my visit to them was out of network. However, we checked the website before making the appointment and the dentist was an in-network provider. Dave was on the phone with the plan provider and after about an hour and about 6 different transfers it was determined that we were HMO and not PPO. Since our plan showed "USA" in the name we had assumed we could use it anywhere. So the change was made to the tune of an additional $100/month. This market place insurance sucks. I think they're all a bunch of highway robbers.

Time to relax. Good night!

Thursday

Man!! The day was incredibly windy. When will this ever end??

Aside from my walks - hard to do in this wind - and dinner at Texas Roadhouse we didn't do much today.

I did get The Lighthouse badge for 50 floors in one day. I actually did 53. I don't know how I got that many. Was it a combination of going up and down the RV steps along with the resistance I faced walking because of the wind? I really have no idea. But, a badge is a badge.

Tomorrow we start our training here.

Friday

What a beautiful morning! The sun is shining, the birds singing and the bunnies romping around the park. AND (for now) there is no wind. All is well.

We started our training today. Dave gets to drive a golf cart around. He thinks he's so cool. I was somewhat nervous with all the things involved with the KOA system. I was taking notes fast and furious trying to capture everything being shown. I rewrote them after getting home as a refresher. I'm sure it will get easier in the coming days and I'll get more comfortable. Tomorrow is another day.

I watched some of the draft and then went off to bed. My mind will probably be going over my lesson of the day.

Saturday

Another gorgeous day! It did get warmer during the day but it does cool off at night.

Day 2 of training is in the books. I'm catching on and the boss says I am catching on quick so I'm happy. I haven't handled calls or walk-in reservations yet - that is the part I am most nervous about but I have to do it eventually. We're off until Tuesday now.

After dinner Dave just had to tempt me with Coldstone Creamery. Darn, why can't I have more self discipline? I am so weak. I caved and we both enjoyed some apple pie ice cream - had apples, pie crust and cinnamon mixed into French vanilla ice cream. Yum!

When we got home I went over my notes for the day. It helps to make things stick in my head.

So, not much else to report.

Sunday

Started the day with a walk, breakfast and 2 loads of laundry.

After we both had a salad ( I know, hard to believe Dave willingly had a salad) we did some exploring. We ended up at the Pueblo Riverwalk. The walk around the river was about a mile and quite beautiful. Along the route we stopped at the Center For American Values - had a photographic collection of over 140 Congressional Medal of Honor recipients - 4 of which were from right here in Pueblo (rightfully called the Home of Heroes). Outside of this building was the World Trade Center Steel memorial donated by the NYFD. Towards the end of the walk we stopped to have some pizza (Dave) and meatball and sausage bowl (me). I'm often nervous about eating Italian out because I've had some really bad tasting food. I must admit this was really good.

Here are some pictures of the day. The 1st group is from the Center for American Values. The 2nd is from a portion of the river where I found the surroundings really beautiful. The last is leftover pictures - the Veteran Bridge with an emblem depicting each branch of the military reflected on it and an Alehouse - it was huge. We had a good time!

[freedom-shamrock]

Achievement Unlocked

Also on AO3. This is a companion piece to “In the Line of Fire,” and will make most sense if you’ve read that first.  This is the @miraculousfluffmonth  Aug 29 prompt, I do. 

"There's something I need to tell you," Ladybug said, landing next to Chat Noir in tonight's meeting place, the Arc de Triomphe.

"Oh.  That sounds serious," he said, his ears and tail at the alert.  "Are you okay?"

Smiling a hesitantly, she nodded.  "Yeah.  It's… it's not an ideal situation, but it's okay.  I've… come to terms with it."

"Uh, that sounds really serious."  He sighed and sat down, crossing his legs and patting the spot across from him.  "I've got some news to share too, but I may hold off if yours is more than enough for one night."

She folded herself down with a sigh.  This was much harder than she was expecting it would be.  To admit that she'd somehow screwed up, and someone knew her identity was bad.  That he wasn't the first to know it… it left a yawning pit of guilt in her belly.

"Hey, it's okay, you know that, right?" he asked gently, one hand reaching out to rest on her knee.  With nearly any other guy, it would have been creepy or weird, but not with him.  He was always respectful of her space, though their relationship had grown very tactile over time.

"I messed up, Kitty," she mumbled.  Oh god, she was totally going to cry.  "And I'm afraid this is going to hurt your feelings.  But I swear it wasn't on purpose."

"Oh, hey," he said softly, pulling her into his lap, and settling her over one thigh.  "It can't be all bad, right?  It's not like someone found out who you are."

She gasped.

He went still.  "Oh," he whispered.  "Someone found out?"

"I'm so sorry!"  She wrapped her arms around herself, waiting for the anger.

Instead, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close enough to rest his chin atop her head.  "Are you safe?  That's the most important thing.  Will they keep your secret?"

She nodded.  He was too good.  All this time, he'd wanted to know who she was, and honestly when it came down to reveals, he was at the top of the list for deserving to know.  Someone else knew first, and his primary concern was her safety.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured.  "I know this is the most important thing to you.  You've been so careful.  But it's going to be okay.  I'll do everything in my power to help, okay?"

"You're... t-too g-good to me, Kitty," she stammered, though his kindness was helping her get under control.  "And sh-she wants to h-help y-you too."

"The person who knows?" he asked.

"Yeah."  She sniffled and nodded again.  "She's my best friend.  She's kind of been my assistant the last two akuma battles and she said she'd be happy to help you, too.  She had some pretty good arguments for it."

Chat leaned back so he could smile at her.  "It's funny you should mention that."

Alya opened the apartment door and quietly ushered Nino into her room.  She wasn't sure what to expect when her boyfriend texted her around nine thirty, telling her he needed to talk to her in person right now .  She half expected him to be distraught over a family emergency or something, but he wasn't.  Nino wasn't prone to fits of exaggeration or hyperbole, and she wondered what was going on.

"Hey," she said quietly.  "What's up?  What's with the cryptic text and urgent talk?"

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, then gestured to her desk and bed.  "You're going to need to sit down for this."

"Oh."  She dropped to the bed, looking up at him.  "What's wrong?"

"You may want to grab your screaming pillow."  He pointed to the small round pillow Marinette had made for her two years ago.

"Are you moving away or something awful?" she asked, hesitating as she reached for the pillow.

He shook his head.  "Nothing awful, but I'm not saying anything until you have that thing at the ready.  I don't want your papa offering me to his panther as a treat."

"He wouldn't," she said, not really thinking as she grabbed the pillow.  "Ok.  Out with it.  Just rip off that band aid."  She preferred to get all her bad news and revelations over with quickly.  It helped her see the bigger picture than having it fed to her in bits.

"You're Ladybug's Alfred," he said.  "You're helping her at akuma battles, carrying food for her kwami, and coming up with excuses for her random absences."

Alya gasped, staring at him.  She knew Nino was crazy smart.  She'd been dating him for nearly two years and had seen his test scores, his papers, and his music practice.  Not too many people knew he played four instruments in addition to the digital stuff and DJ turntable skills that he showed off more readily.  "How…"

"Good job with the anxiety disorder.  Fucking brilliant really."  He smiled at her.  "But I'd expect no less."

That was all so painfully specific.  He knew more than just a piece of the puzzle.  He'd assembled the entire five thousand piece puzzle without her realizing he was even working on it.  "Oh god.  You know who she is…" she whispered.

"Well yeah.  It's stupidly obvious now that I know.  Kind of surprised it took 'til today to figure it out."  He shrugged and sat down beside her.

"You realize you can't tell anyone, right?" she demanded.  She would do whatever it took to protect her best friend.  Nino's hand settled onto her shoulder, soothing her.

"No need to get worked up mama bear."  He smirked at her.  "I would never give that secret out.  I'm an ally."

"How did you figure it out?  Did I mess something up?"  Oh crap.  Marinette would never forgive her if she'd fucked up already.

"You guys came to class late, which could be overlooked, especially with that excuse you used," he admitted.  "But Marinette was fidgeting; she said something about being hungry.  You offered her camembert, great choice by the way."  He shot her a finger gun.  "But she wouldn't take the cheese.  God that stuff stinks.  I had cookies and we swapped."  He shook his head  Marinette didn't need those for herself, because she didn't eat them.  She put them in her purse."

"What do you mean?" Ladybug looked at him, puzzled, her face still streaked with tears.

He set his thumbs to work cleaning up her face.  "My best friend recently revealed that he's known I was Chat for… roughly two years," he explained.  "I will freely admit I had a full on panic attack when he called me Mr. Noir."  God he was lucky Nino was that friend.  "He's keeping the secret, and has been helping me out with first aid, mid-battle kwami snacks, and excuses for my absences the last few attacks."

"Oh," she sounded a little shell-shocked.  "I'm glad there's someone helping you, too."  She shook her head a little, something he'd seen her do when she needed to get her head back in the game.  "The first aid… that's a great idea."

He nodded.  Now that her cheeks were dry, he slipped his arm around her shoulders, careful to be comforting, not restraining.  "He's been making small batches of his mom's special chocolate chip cookie recipe to make sure he has a few of those on hand at all times, just in case."

"Wait, is that where you got me those when I needed to recharge?" she asked.

He nodded.  "Yeah.  It didn't seem the right time to tell you, though.  I kinda needed to get to a place of acceptance first."  He suspected Nino was trying to wingman his friend's super crush.

"I suppose... I mean, I did the same thing," she admitted.

"Anyway, my friend, he wanted me to let you know that he totally gets your concerns about identity, and that he's happy to act as your support too."  He shrugged.  "It's been really handy.  And maybe having two support folks would be even better.  That way if one can't make it, the other can help us both."

She let out a shaky breath.  "Good points.  And I guess, he's already doing it, really."

Chat Noir nodded.  "I could bring him by for you to meet next patrol, or we could set something up.  I mean, maybe we should have both our friends meet, too.  They could share their ideas and their kit set up, since you don't have a first aid kit, but I bet your friend has ideas Nino didn't think of."

Ladybug gasped and stiffened, nearly falling off his lap.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking around for anything that could have hurt or upset her.  "What's wrong?"

"Did you say, Nino?" she asked.

He nodded, wondering if there was something wrong with that.  "Nino Lahiffe.  He's my best friend."

"Oh fuck," she muttered.

She didn't swear much, so when it happened, it was worth noting.  "Uhm… what?  Do you know him?"

Her hands grasped his face and she stared intently at him.  "Adrien?"  Her voice was a cross between a shriek and a squeak.  It was also appallingly familiar.

"Uhm… how did you do that?  You know Nino, don't you."  Dammit.  He'd really messed this up.

She let go of his face, but didn't scramble away as he half expected.  "My best friend, my support person is Alya Césaire," she said in a slightly trembly voice.  "Nino's girlfriend."

"Marinette?!"  Her name burst out of him.  He didn't even have to think it through, it just seemed so right.

She wiggled her fingers at him.  "Hey Adrien.  I hope Tikki isn't too mad about this."

His face hurt from the size of his smile.  "I don't care."

"You should," Ladybug… no, Marinette said.  "She's totally got the I'm-superior-to-you thing down when she thinks you're wrong."

"My Lady is my Princess," he said, happily.  "I think I get get through anything with that knowledge."

She let out a shaky sigh.  "All right then, do you think we should take on Alya and Nino as our support crew, then?"

He nodded.  "I do."

Nino watched as his girlfriend finally pulled her pillow to her face to let out an unholy scream, thankfully muffled.  "It's okay, babe."  He rubbed her back lightly.  "Honestly, this makes everything so much easier."

Still holding the pillow ready, she met his eyes.  "What do you mean?"

"I can't name any names, but I've known who Chat Noir is for years."  He held up a hand to keep her questions at bay.  "It wasn't my place to spill those beans, still isn't, actually.  So I'm not going to tell you, but I have no doubt you'll know in a minute just from what I can tell you."  He smiled.  "It just so happens that I entered a similar arrangement with my bro Chat a couple weeks back.  It was ridiculous to keep pretending I didn't know, and with how bad some of those fights go, I really wanted to provide more significant backup."

Her eyes went wide.  "You didn't go to those emergency response classes in case I got in trouble in an attack," she whispered.  "It was a brilliant cover, but that wasn't your real reason."

"It wasn't the primary reason," he admitted.  "But it was a factor."  He shrugged.  "I worry about you sometimes out there, but you've gotten better about being safe.   He gets thrown face-first into walls, the Seine, flaming buildings…"  He paused and shuddered.  "I'm pretty sure he's died several times."  That was one of the harder things to face.  Looking back on old battle footage, he could name several where Chat had thrown himself in front of Ladybug and she'd finished the battle alone and hella pissed.  "Anything I can do to help is worth it."

"Are you okay?" Alya asked, looping her arm through his.  "You just… you looked really worried there for a moment."

He nodded.  "I'm okay, but yeah, I worry.  He's a self-sacrificing idiot, and he doesn't get nearly enough love.  And it..."  He sighed heavily.  "It breaks my heart."

"Oh!"  She dropped her pillow, covering her mouth with the hand that had been holding it.  "It's Adrien."

He chuckled.  "Gee Al, what makes you say that?"

"Oh my god.  Like he needed anything else on top of that shit schedule his shit father has for him?" she demanded.  She was getting worked up, and he needed to defuse her anger if he didn't want her parents to come barging in.

"But he's awesome at it, Al.  Who else could do it?"  He'd asked himself the same question over and over.  If Adrien wasn't Chat Noir, who was really worthy of taking up that mantle?  His best friend cared so much and so deeply.  He had a fierce sense of justice.  Who would he trust with that power of massive destruction?  "In talking to Plagg, uhm his kwami, the power of the black cat needs to be held by someone with compassion or really bad things happen."

"Really bad things?" Alya asked.  "Like what?"

"The Black Plague is apparently the most recent instance of a black cat holder who was… the wrong choice."  His conversations with Plagg had been fascinating, and a little terrifying.  He was reasonably sure the little kwami hadn't told Adrien half this stuff.

Alya stared at him, apparently speechless for once.  He wasn't surprised.  That had been a particularly revolting revelation for him, too.

"Anyway, when I realized you were helping out our favorite bug while I was taking care of our favorite cat, I thought maybe we should join forces, share our ideas, come up with a plan to make sure we can be there for both of them."  This was the real reason he'd come over.  "We work great as a team, and I think we could really make a difference."

"You're not wrong."  She grinned and nudged him with her shoulder.

"So do you think this is a plan you can get behind?" he asked, knowing the answer and holding out a fist.

She bumped his fist with hers.  "I do."

Did this in two 30 minute speed writes, because wrapping this up was going to require all four POV characters, and while I write fast, I don't write THAT fast.

This is currently the last in the I See You series, but I could see coming back to it at a later date when I've wrapped up my Miraculous Big Bang project and the Bobbin Bug sequel.

[thedekya]

'Sup! My name is Dekya, and today I'm starting my writeblr.

This writeblr will probably have more rants and questions than solutions. As I'm always plagued by severe bouts of doubt as a result of my debilitating chronic insecurity.

I've been a struggling writer for quite some time now. Always worrying about money and so it has become a struggle to write. I even went to a really great university to study writing. Some of my classmates have gone on to become best selling authors and rocks stars. Like literal rock stars with worldwide tours and all.

See I'm 390 years old. By general standards, I'm very, very old. So all the anxiety, fear, paranoia, and every neurosis you can think of— I've got it. I'm usually surrounded by kids. Imagine these tiny infants who have so much guts and bravado, selling books and staging plays one after another. They're achieving things I thought I'd have realized by now.

Here I am… Can't even finish the third draft of a 4k-ish word short story.

And I beat myself up every day about it. So much so, I end up not writing anything in the day because I end up stressing the whole day instead of actually writing. Writing memes had shown me that I'm not alone. But that's not helping either.

An excellent friend is keeping tabs on my writing. She has continuously been asking for updates. She works for other authors, but takes time to work with me (or is it, "on me?") to finish this short story since March 2019. I've been feeling bad because I couldn't give her any updates for the last few weeks. (I got distracted here by Wikipedia's Timeline of human prehistory

My mom, now 6700 years old, got a transplant surgery. I'm the only one who's close enough to tend to her post-op care. And the first four weeks were exhausting. I couldn't work at all (like my official society expected kind of work). And so I stressed over that. And then I couldn't write. So I stressed over that more. Because I want to quit my job and be a full-time writer, as I have intended since middle school.

But I digress. My friend, the author assistant, she suggested I blog about how I tackled this short story. That's how I was introduced to writeblr.

So as part of my anti-stress and anti-neuroses regimen— I will writeblr. I will write about my fears and worries; My trials and tribulations. There will be some shit post about writing. And hopefully, eventually, progress and accomplishments.

All without expecting anything back. Just my brain cells digitized.

#writeblr #writingjourney #stressreliever #teach this old fart

[ooohmymegsblog-blog]

Allow me to introduce myself. Am sooo ill mannered, aren't I? For months you've been reading my pieces and I've been introducing guest writers when I am yet to introduce myself. The piece below, is a story I've already shared with those who have been following my journey as a blogger since 2014, previously posted in wordssession.WordPress here is In her shoes.

Gontse Sello

In her shoes: a glimpse in a life of an aspiring fashion editor, who just wants to put words on “paper”                        

I find “who are you?” as one of the uneasy questions to answer, not that I don’t who I am, but I live in times am told to be myself and yet  I am expected to live according to societal expectations, leaving me a confused 22 year old. As I tap into Megs to find myself before I attempt to answer. After all I am what I say I am.

I grew up in the dusty streets in a township in the east of Tshwane called Mamelodi. I come from a typical township family, raised by my mother and grandparents. We also lived with my aunts and cousins. Our house was always full, noisy and chaotic.  

I went to Bohlabatsatsi primary school, where I had the best years of my childhood. The transition from primary to high school was not a smooth one. Like most teenagers I was also bullied throughout the years. Coming from a family with academics and my grandparents being the advocates of education and hard work, leaving high school I’ve always known that furthering my studies was non-negotiable. Passing my matric symbolized my liberation and first step to independence.

I always pictured myself as a geologist or an architect although my academic performance begged to differ and I have no drawing skills. I have always been intrigued by how an idea on a piece of paper can be turned into a skyscraping buildings that I often see on TV as I travel the world and check in and out of the world’s destinations at the comfort of my home with the cast of the reality TV series the amazing race. Little did I know that words put together on a piece of paper can have a much greater impact in the lives of many.

Growing up and even today my aunts’ call me “Tshego”, a journalist character that was played by Rosie Motene on a local soapie Generations. I knew that I was home when I first stepped into my journalism class, as I saw people who like me were opinionated rebels with a cause. I have no desire to be famous but to be known for my hard work. I have no aspirations to be the next so and so but to be the best that I can be. My biggest fear is to watch myself idle my life away and not be able to achieve dreams and goals that I have set for myself.

I have a long list of people that I look up to, the endless list of women who have proven that with determination and hard work, women can lead the pack in any male dominated field and those who continue to challenge and break the stereotypical mindset that people from townships and the rural are not well equipped to achieve great things.

I am a generation that has been bestowed with opportunities at my fingertips, waiting for me to grab them. What inspires me most is people from different walks of life that I interact with, the photos of my aunts wearing graduation robes that my grandparents used to hang in my dining room walls and the teachings that my grandparents  used to preach, the importance of empowering ourselves through education and striving for independence.

I am a bubbly young woman on a quest to realize her dreams, with a burning desire to feed my curiosity, teach and learn more as I grow older, known to my peers as Megs. I enjoy conversations with random people although it has gotten me into trouble a few times, not forgetting am a sucker for good gossip, ke rata ditaba it still boggles me how I got through my teenage years ke so bethwe (lol). I cannot dance or sing, but I loose myself in the music anyway with no care in the world what people have to say about my lack of talent. I live by these words “I graduate everyday as only I know and understand my hardships, only I can effortlessly strut my 8inch stilettos with a smile”.

“Blogging is fun, no creative restrictions and it gives you a chance to carve your writing skills” that’s Tebogo twisting my arm to contribute to words sessions that I have now call my home. I am very traditional, yes am that girl who still keeps a photo album in 2014! Call me old fashioned, but am not very fond of digital media, there is something about a smell of a book, turning over the pages, not that there is anything wrong with scrolling pages up and down on your phone. They say “adapt or die” and I chose to adapt. It matters not how many people read or visit this site, I just want to write. It is the feeling that I get to enjoy as I type my thoughts and pages away, the most rewarding is the feedback from words sessions readers that humbles me most.  

My name is Gontse Sello, you don’t know me yet!