#so i just adore mazes and endless fucked up spaces like the labyrinth or the back rooms and helen's corridors

[captainkirkk]

If youre curious about how far they traveled in the Labyrinth, Long Island to Alcatraz is about the same distance, give or take as Brisbane to Perth

Tbf they mention that time/distance doesn't work normally in the labyrinth. They probably walked further than they realised, but it also seems like linear distance is a nebulous concept inside the labyrinth

[gangtheway]

42 45 50 gogogo

42. do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa?

i do both simultaneously. but given that im sitting all day at work, i flop on couches like no other. then slep.

45. favorite pajamas?

some kinda sweatpant/pj pant with pockets (not flannel unless its actually cold out) and a tshirt from somewhere that was giving out free tshirts at some point in my life.

shirt n socks optional depending on temperature

50. what’s your dreamhouse? 

i am constantly flip flopping between extravagant mansion with hidden passages and secret rooms/ small house within walking distance to a supermarket where i can just lock myself in, emerging only for supplies on an annual basis.

but see a big house is harder to clean and also im gonna be living alone and at that point the only upside is the acoustics of a big house for dramatic speeches to a dog.

definitely needs a slot for mail and packages. maybe a smart fridge so i stop eating spoiled food. roomba for cleaning up. A/C and heater is a must. black-out curtains bc fuckt he sun.

aaaa i want a library even though i havent read an actual book in YEARS. mostly so i can hide doors behind bookshelves. Oh. I could put a whole fucking maze behind bookshelves just for funsies since this is a dream house. I will build a hidden labyrinth for brooding and also maybe so when i die no one can find my body until a couple of intrepid teens happen upon it years later and go on an adventure.

oh you know what lets put a big ol tv in here somewhere for games. and like 50 really good computers incase i break one. homeless people can come into the computer room and use them. there’s free laptops and phones for them too. they came with the house shhh. there’s a 3d printer.

one room has the entire library of alexandria in it. i saved it by making a time paradox and now its in my house that can be filleld with literally anything. i cant read any of them though bc im dumb. so there’s like a scientist chilling in my house too i guess.

one room opens to space. just as an option. yes there is an endless vacuum behind this door and yes it will kill me instantly but its fuckign SPACE. i can shoot shit through a vacuum tube to go into space too. i shoot all my embarrassing poetry adn art into space and the aliens make a religion about them. im the 7th grade god now.

oh yeah theres a room filled with money. actually its a corridor full of doors that lead into the bank accounts of the rich. like the physical versions of them. i use this corridor to become robin hood and finally find fulfillment in life. i steal all the crown jewels and send them to their countries of origin. OH and also doors into museums. im gonna do crimes of culture. save the cultures. give them their art back. and leave a calling card with just a crude drawing of a dick at the museum. i become known as the cock crusader but SURPRISE i didnt have a cock this whole time its the perfect crime.

theres another room thats a straight up time machine. i go into the past and un-birth hitler. i seduce his mom/dad/grandpappy and then also matchmake them to randos. i proceed to appear at various points in history as a mythical creature. i m the mothman i predict the tragedies now.

i have a room of spiders. i throw my enemies in there. i dont really have any enemies yet. i hope one day i will so i dont waste the spider room.

theres probably a pool somewhere too. it’s filled with the cure for all disease but it doesnt work unless you have less than 1 million dollars of material wealth. i dont make the rules. the pool does.

at least one room is noneuclidean. i dont know how it works either so take it up with god

theres a room with real pokemon. no mr mimes though bc he freak me out. tbh its mostly pikachus bc im basic af with my faves and pikachu herds sound adorable and i will die.

another room is like. a room where you go and talk to people who died. not like a dedicated ouija room. thats in the bomb shelter. no like you sit at a table and their soul just floats on over and theres a hologram and everything.

i have a ton of robots. theyre all vaguely sexy. they make me uncomfortable but i am irresponsible with my power

one room has a megaphone. when you speak into it it doesnt make any noise but instead it beams your voice into the mind of who youre thinking of. i use it to brighten the days of my friends and destroy the psyches of my enemies. still dont have any enemies yet. would it be overkill to do this in addition to the spiders?

there is an attic filled with mannequins. this is my nightmare room. i never go there and i pretend it doesnt exist. when someone wanders in there, their heads follow their movement wordlessly. they dont do anything but its really unnerving and no one likes it.

there is a completely soundproof room that i go into and make whatever noises i want. no one can hear me here. i practice doing accents where no one can hear how bad and ashamed i am. even with no one else listening, i get self-conscious. this room is now the Screaming Room for makign stress noises in.

one room is filled with conversation starter cards and a mirror. i go here and study often. the cards ask me about my childhood traumas and i burn them. the room is now a room for pep-talks. i get self-conscious halfway through the peptalk and walk out, dejected. why is talking so hard.

one room opens into a ranch. it’s where we put all the shelter pets. there are therapy areas for them so they learn love and be loved again. they run in large open areas and are happy and fuzzy and clean and full. it’s staffed by people who know how toactually take care of animals. i go there sometimes to get swarmed by big ol dogs and big ol cats and so many fuzzy babies. then i go to the allergy removal room bc i didnt think that through.

there’s a never-ending food room. i dont know where it comes from or how fully-prepared food just appears like that. world hunger is ended and im still a lazy shit and forget to eat more than a single tortilla. the food doesnt make you sick or unhealthy its just good food that tastes good and feels good and is good. there is maybe an onion corner and i dont acknowledge its existence aside from the occassional glance.

theres a dumb bitch dungeon for the people i have a one-sided hatred for who ruin life for the entire planet. it shoots off into space. they get dissected and analyzed by aliens. the aliens decide to never come to earth bc jfc is this really what yall do. a small price to pay. maybe other aliens might come and be chill. i have a room for the aliens just in case.

theres other houses for people i care about and a few more for those i dont yet know that i care about. no rent. just a place to live and be happy. its filled with friends and happiness and i really want this eldritch abomination of a house now.

im v sleepy OH YEAH AND A RLY BIG CRAFT ROOM