#so i have to keep slugging through this thick mist of misery i've existed in for the majority of my life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

travellingseal · 2 months ago

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the amount of things i should be over already is astounding, and i keep gathering more. it's like i enjoy being a fucking beast of burden. burdened by memories i wish i could cut out of my head with a knife. things i have no control over. things i cannot change anymore, or that i know i wouldn't be able to change. i should be over it all, i should stop wasting my time thinking about them, and yet

#rho.odt #anyway sorry for being a huge bummer all the fucking time #it's just that i haven't had many good things happen in my life #and what's already been pretty damn awful just keeps getting worse #and all this shit i carry in my head keeps bleeding through #and where i used to at least have a cheerful exterior #now there is only a mask of pain. which isn't a mask anymore #and i genuinely don't believe that i should continue. anything. everything.#i genuinely don't believe things would get better. not for me.#i'm tired of being sad and i'm tired of worrying people and i'm tired of being myself and existing #and i hate that i am a man of my word and everyone knows it #and made me promise i won't do anything drastic #so i have to keep slugging through this thick mist of misery i've existed in for the majority of my life #tbd. i like to believe that none of this matters to anyone.#i like to believe there's just a void and nobody is in there with me.#the only comfort i have

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