#so i got some chores done. and now i'm trying to not overdo it

[camellia-thea]

i am being Productive (has animated something for the first time in. years.)

[meditating-dog-lover]

Diet and exercise

I'm back to 16-8 fasting and I find it to be very sustainable and doable.

I want to see how I'm feeling during my luteal phase because fasting is not ideal at this time.

I still want to follow a low glycemic anti-inflammatory diet, which I've done a great job sticking to.

I've also done a great job sticking to 16-8 and I find it to be very sustainable and I don't get hungry nor binge while following this method. I don't count how many calories I consume, but I would say it's around 2000 give or take.

I used to eat 1300-1500 calories in college and used to brisk walk a lot. Unfortunately I became very hungry and didn't find this sustainable, but I did lose a lot of weight as a result. So sticking to a 16-8 fasting window with regular brisk walking would be far more sustainable and more realistic. Plus not eating a lot of sugar and eating anti-inflammatory like I did in college is something I want to continue. And personally I hate counting calories.

I do want to combine my fasting with some exercise now. I want to do regular brisk walking now that the weather is nice. I've been brisk walking for half an hour on most days. Plus I love walking in general so it doesn't feel like an unpleasant chore.

Now I find better results when I combine IF with walking vs not moving at all. So I will definitely brisk walk to get my ~150 minutes of cardio a week. These 2 are very effective together, but they take time. For me it's been 7 months or so.

I got very thin in November 2018 and I remember doing a lot of walking and low sugar low calorie eating. The walking and anti-inflammatory/low sugar was great. I just don't think it's realistic for me to eat that little even though I do want to go down in size. Mind you I've been dieting and brisk walking for 2 years since then. It wasn't a quick process.

I don't really have a workout routine and I don't have much tone in general. Plus I would like to slim more without having to eat 1300-1500 calories because that's low imo. I've tried eating that much and I still get hungry. So in general brisk walking and 16-8 will help a lot.

So what I'm thinking is adding strength workouts that break a sweat, can burn calories and can potentially boost my TDEE. Something Rachael Attard style. But I don't want to overdo it. I want to focus on 16-8, anti-inflammatory and low sugar, and walking for now. Those are important. But something that can boost my TDEE and build some muscle and cause me to sweat can help. Pilates in general can make a big difference. I want to avoid HIIT and weight lifting because I don't like them. HIIT makes me tired and overeat and weight lifting is just boring IMO lol. Plus it doesn't make you sweat and burn like pilates does. Move with Nicole is a good channel I found. I've been following Rachael Attard, but doing the same workouts can get repetitive and her newer ones aren't that challenging.

I want to follow this in a way that is realistic and won't make me tired, hungry, nor irritable. I want to enjoy every step of this. I've lost a lot of weight since December 2023, but to lose even more I'll continue with the fasting, the low glycemic anti-inflammaory diet, add in brisk walking, and maybe some sweaty pilates to boost my tone and TDEE. I don't want to overwhelm myself either. But I'll try my best.

[firespirited]

My back rehab walks are in a oval shaped radius 1km (sideways from home) as I live on the side of a steep hill. Walking along the main road just above my building and the two below and above is not flat, but also not nearly as steep as any ventures up and down. The bins are spaced about 200m along each main road so I've been using them as incremental destinations long before I found out some of the neighbouring housing estates and hotels threw stuff out in them.

After 7 months of gradual strength building I can now do 1h30 or 2.5km - it takes all the energy for the day so 'chore days' have shorter walks.

I stick to these 'loops', walk before 7am and add a little more if I feel OK. June was the month I started adding some hill for the lower back now that my hips are a teensy bit stronger.

But Tuesday, I got the fanciful urge to visit the thrift store where my carer drops off 'rubbish' finds and restored non custom dolls. It wouldn't be open but that wasn't the point. It would be new!

Google maps said 20 mins on foot, I added another 10 to account for the steep hill and figured I could attempt this hour long adventure, screencapped the map, took supplies and Talia the dog (she's better behaved about roads).

I set out at day break and 50 minutes in, it hits that I'm not going to make it, turning back now will at least give me the chance to maybe get back without calling a taxi.

I'm on a quiet road with a few lorries and tractors, the vines are beautiful, there are rare orchids growing by the roadside. I'm scared though because if my body is actually communicating... It Is Bad bad.

The next hour is like one of those slapstick comedies where bits fall off the car except it's my body reacting to overdoing it in increasingly stupid ways.

I expected excessive sweating, tremors and hives, I wasn't surprised as my knee and ankles began to *really* hurt, then i must have jostled something in the shoulders or maybe stress caused it? But the neck pain is blinding and then cherry on top: endo cramps mean I'm dragging one leg from hip/sciatica. Thankfully Talia is unfazed by stops and starts and knows not to pull. I have the cord lead tied around my wrist because I've lost grip in my hands.

I got home and rested in full dark for the day but I'd done 4km (!!!) and quite a bit of hill so I knew today and maybe the next few would be payback time.

The 48h delay will have you thinking that your energy hangover won't be too bad. Yesterday I went about my day as usual and it wasn't until a few hours in that I could feel the small twinges that mean the energy debt *will* have to be paid.

So I have a light/sound sensitive migraine, fever, joint inflammation and very tight cramped shoulders. It could pass tonight, it could be a week or two. It is what it is.

Just 7 months ago I couldn't walk 200m. I can't complain even though it hurts, physical pain doesn't hold a candle to the agony of end of life exhaustion. Mine is currently lower and it feels incredible but also like it might not last.

—————

I finally have an appointment for a neck x-ray Thursday the 13th, I hope they find something but not too ugly you know? Lower back building has been excruciatingly slow with lots of set backs and I miss crafting so much. It's a long car drive away in the heat but worth it for answers.

Yesterday's find was a Beurer multifunction hair iron, curler and crimper - I found the manual online and it's 125C to 160C which won't do for safely handling nylon and saran, a hair dryer and books so I cleaned it all and put it in the donation bag.

Maybe some day I'll be able to visit the thrift store when it's actually open 😁 my next challenge is to try the bus. I've had serious neck pain from small car trips as your core braces for shocks but that's the next big thing to try, something that could radically expand that 1km bubble.

There is also a project I've wanted to do for a very long time: parcels. If laposte weren't a disaster i'd have done it so long ago. I think it's time to try again though. It'll take a while to find everything and put it together but yeah.

I'm writing this in defiance of the dread that comes with these headaches and pain, goals might not be realistic but there's still a chance. We'll see tomorrow and the day after that.

[imnoexpertblog]

I'M BACK, (maybe insert something here a little less aggressive than BITCHES) ... Nah

8/13/18

Ahhhh... It’s been a while, huh?

I had an Engagement/Housewarming party to prep for and host a couple weekends ago AND my best friend ever (ABBIE) visited from (the middle of no where) North Carolina! She was only here for a week so I took off a couple days of work to see her as much as possible. I figured it was the least I could do because she flew here just for my party. That sweet thing. (Honestly she’s kind of harsh and not sweet at all but she is sweet to me LOL).

You know what I love about my blog? I write it because I like it. I write it when I want to. It’s not something I have to get done, that I have a deadline for, etc. Dishes? Need to be done at some point every single day in my house. Laundry? Weekly chore that NEEDS to be done. My blog? Definitely something I do to relax and soothe me. Something that makes me feel good. Its not something I am obligated to do. Much like my modeling! But when I need a break, I need a break.

I took a little break because I was wearing myself thin a little bit. Not with writing, but with everything. I took a break from modeling when we bought our house because, well, I had to. I wasn’t getting enough sleep during the day because of the buying process; going to the bank when it was open, meeting with my lender when he was available, house hunting during the day, being awake for inspections, etc. Modeling was something that needed to be put on the back burner for about 5 or 6 weeks. Baby (my fiancé) is the one who pushed me to get back into it in July. Things started to slow down and I had time again! I have an issue though. I do this thing where I get very ambitious and excited to get back at something or start something new to the point that I overdo it. I booked about 8 shoots in the matter of 2 weeks and a lot of them were out of the area. I overdid it for sure and burnt myself out all over again. That wasn’t all that did it though; Abbie was about to visit, the house needed to be in order, having Nugget (my soon to be step-son) every other week, weddings and birthday parties to attend, we had our engagement photos done, etc. Honestly, adulthood was getting in the way. I am glad I booked so many shoots though because I am putting out my best content right now.

The engagement pictures are GORGEOUS. I am in LOVE. If you've read my two posts about how I began modeling, how I continue to do so now, and my advice for how to get into it, (A Model Was Discovered and Modeling a Year Later) you will recall my first real photoshoot. I posed as the bride in a wedding styled shoot for a photographer named Linsey Goodson here in Green Bay. She started it all for me and I've always been a huge fan of her work. It was such a treat for her to capture the love Baby and I have for one another in pictures. If you'd like to see more of her amazing work, go to https://linseygoodsonphoto.com/ to check it out! The wedding styled shoot we collaborated on is on her website, too. You can find her on social media platforms. I know I put a bunch in this post but if you want to see more, follow me on Instagram! @sabrinadwieland 

Any who, I have a lot of requested blog-topics to cover right now. I picked 3 just to start off with this week. I’m just gonna let you in on what they are, right up front: Religion in my personal life, my love for the show FRIENDS, and being friends with the opposite sex.

Starting off pretty heavy with the religion thing, aren’t we? A follower of mine on Instagram asked me to touch on this and I found it to be an interesting inquiry. I feel like the new age of religion is that there isn’t much of it. Or am I just not paying attention? Or are people just private about it? I’d be surprised if you told me people are just private about ANYthing in this day in age. I just had a different follower of mine tell me that she feels like she knows me just because of what I post and how often I post. I thought that was pretty cool to hear actually; that people pay attention and find my content enjoyable. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I’m not religious at all. It’s most-likely from the fact that I wasn’t raised religiously. Now, some of my family members are genuinely bothered with me “not believing.” It’s irionic because these family member who are bothered are some of the ones who raised me on a daily basis. It’s as if they forgot they never took me to church or taught me anything about the Bible. My mother and I would recite the “I lay me down to sleep…” prayer before bed but that was about it. And that didn’t last very long anyway. I wouldn’t say it’s that I “don’t believe.” I just don’t see much proof of the actual … THING I am supposed to believe in. An all-powerful man somewhere in the sky that controls everything. It’s hard for me to grasp, but it’s not for me to say it doesn’t exist. I’ve always been a bit more scientific in my beliefs. I do, however, think that we all need something to believe for our own sanity. Whether that something is real or not. It’s nice to think that Baby, Nugget, and I can go to an afterlife of some sort and be together forever. It’s nice to think that everything happens for a reason and someone or something is taking care of us, and has plans for our souls. I wish I could know if this all was real. I just don’t know if it is and I can’t count on it. I can’t say I haven’t prayed to something in times of need or hoped that there was someone/something greater than all of us taking care of me. Like I said, I have a hard time believing that it’s a real thing. Crazy things have happened in my life, miracles have taken place; horrible things have also happened, too. I’m kind of stuck in the middle with religion. I don’t know what I believe, and I’m okay with that uncertainty. I live my life with reason and logic while also trying to hold faith in SOMEthing. Even if I don’t really know what that thing is.

FRIENDS. Holy cow if you even know what my name is, you also already know I’m the biggest FRIENDS fan in the universe. I know every word of the script, I swear. It’s almost sickening and I am super okay with it. LOL. People think it’s a little odd that someone as young as me (22) is so obsessed with a show that aired from 1994 to 2004. It’s actually been in my life since I was born because my mother watched it from the beginning. I obviously didn’t understand any of it until I was older, but I’ve been watching since as long as I can remember. My mother and I have had quite the history and we struggled with our relationship when I lived with her (and that is putting it mildly). But Friends was one thing that brought us together, rather than caused issues. I’ve noticed watching/listening to the show soothes me. This sounds really weird, but because of the positive connotation it has, it seriously de-stresses me and calms me down. I have this show playing on some electronic of mine at a point during almost every day of my life. It’s on when I’m cleaning, when I’m getting ready for the day or a photoshoot, when I used to do homework in college, when I cook, when I need something to fall asleep to, when I actually just want to watch it, etc. I know the show so well that I don’t even need to physically watch it, I just want to listen to it so I listen to it at work and even when I shower. I kick some serious ass at Friends trivia because I’ve watched the series (10 seasons. 236 episodes) over 50 times. I’ve done estimates and if I watch a certain amount of episodes every day on average (which I do), I have easily seen it all way more than that, even. I’ve owned season on VHS and DVD. I literally only have Netflix for the ease of FRIENDS watching. The day it leaves Netflix, I will be heartbroken and a huge mess. It’s like a security blanket for me. I laugh at it harder the more I watch it. I feel like I know the characters personally. I own a bunch of FRIENDS merchandise. I know an unhealthy amount about the show. I just have a really deep and strong connection to the show and it may be weird to some people but I love it.  I recommend the shit out of it. I’m not even sorry for swearing, that was just passion.

Being friends with the opposite sex. From my perspective. I just talked to Baby about this so it’s coinditental that I write about it today. The wedding he and I attended on Saturday was actually for a long-time female friend of his. He was talking about how he was thinking of all the times they had and memories they shared. I found myself feeling… I don’t know the word exactly… I couldn’t relate. I have had two very close male friends and it was a constant struggle because they both wanted to be more than that when I was friends with them. Other standard male friends of mine that I never got very close to always eventually hit on me, asked me out, or flirted with me in some way. That isn’t me being conceited or anything, it’s just how it always went. I have one male friend that has never tried anything with me and I’ve never even met him. We lives a little bit out of my area and we met through friends on Facebook. He’s a great guy and I trust him a lot. I still can’t relate to Baby with the friendship because I haven’t even met my closest guy-friend. We don’t talk much anymore, either unfortunately. My best friend from work is a man, but he is also gay. We tell each other everything and we have a lot of fun together. Obviously there is no room for any possibility of something happening. I know straight men and straight women can be just friends, I just have yet to experience it myself successfully. I have no problem with Baby having close female friends; I trust him completely. I think I might not be close to any straight men because of my previous experience with those relationships. I’ve only seen the dangerous side of being friends because of who my friends were, and not the innocent side. I do believe you can be just friends, but I know there is possibility for something more to occur and I just try to steer clear of that in my own life.

How was your weekend? I had s’mom things going on. Baby is 27 and has a 3 year old brother (yep, that’s right!) and Nugget (who is 4) looooves playing with him. They get along really well. He came over and I watched those two boys for a few hours on Friday. Baby made us all dinner and then retreated to our den to play his new Madden 19 I got for him as our one year anniversary present. He loves it and I’m glad he does. The little ones and I played outside for the evening. Saturday was booked tight, as well. Baby helped his parents demo their new home while Nugget and I went to my sister’s 6th birthday party. Yep, I have a really young sibling, too. She and Nugget also are very close so they had a blast bowling. The future husband and I had a wedding to attend Saturday evening so Nugget spent the night at his soon-to-be grandparents’ house! He and my sister (we’ll call her Kin) had a blast. Then, the dreaded Sunday hit. Pick-ups and drop-offs with Nugget are not consistent each week (which I struggle with because I’m very much a fan of schedules and planning far ahead of time), getting back into the third shift groove isn’t easy, and it’s usually the day that Baby and I need to do our weekly grocery shopping. It’s my toughest day because I need to find a 4-hour block that I can sleep during to prep for my first third-shift of the week. That means that it needs to be later in the day, but not directly before I go to work (because I also need to sleep as soon as I get home Monday morning). It also needs to be quiet in the house, of course. I think my body knows it’s Sunday when it rolls around because Sundays are also the days I get migraines the most. I was having a pretty hard time today, but Baby is very attentive and spoils the heck out of me in the ways I need on Sundays. He often times makes me breakfast when we get up, does the dishes, makes sure I get that long nap in, he tucks me in beforehand, makes sure it’s quiet the whole time I am sleeping, gets me up on time, has dinner ready for when I wake up, gets me meds when I need them for my head, gets me water, etc. Sundays are my least favorite but he really makes them entirely tolerable for me. I can’t thank him enough. He pays such close attention to me and I am incredibly grateful.

That felt GREAT to write. Wow. I missed this. I don’t know what I’m writing next, but stay tuned for more posts SOON! (P.S. I would super appreciate if you shared this to your Facebook page and on Tumblr or both!)