#so i finally blocked them because im scared theyre watching me or that i'll accidentally interact with them
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just blocked someone who i regret ever meeting.
(dont reblog, dont interact, dont ask)
#everything that happened before what happened between us feels like a different lifetime#blocking them would have been unthinkable to me a couple years ago#they were the most important person in my life for a while and my main driving motivation to create art and them leaving destroyed me#i had a crush on them for a while too. i realized it the same day i realized we were growing apart and i panicked#and ended up making everything worse by doing so#i cried over it god knows how many times and lost sleep#i was a shell of a person. still am.#when we reconnected in my senior year they introduced me to the fucker who gave me my most recent trauma#but they werent the same person i knew and i finally let go#i dont know how they or their friend really feel about me now but i know how i feel about them#I fucking despise them both.#I recently deleted discord and tried to convince myself it was to clear up my phone storage#but i know its really because the experiences i had with them took a deeper toll on me than it should have#seeing the conversations makes me feel sick and my heart drop#the last time i got a notification from that app my brain felt fuzzy and i felt a chill overtake me as my heart started beating faster#same for tumblr message notifications#i have nightmares about the incident and i recognize that thats not a normal reaction to a friendship breakoff#im scared of talking to people. let alone trusting anyone. i cant socialize anymore because of how fucked up everything made me#and i cant even lay down in my bed at night to fall asleep without thoughts of it forcing their way into my head#so i finally blocked them because im scared theyre watching me or that i'll accidentally interact with them#5 years of emotions were in that decision#vent#dont reblog#dont interact#dont ask
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